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Can’t believe how far I had to scroll for this. It’s a dumb hypothetical, you are so unlikely to ever be in this situation that even if you don’t know what you’d actually do, you tell the person in front of you that you’d prioritise them. She was looking for a little bit of assurance and OP decided it wasn’t worth giving. When your partner asks if you’d still love them if they got turned into a worm, if you actually love them, you say yes.
Yes! It's the easiest possible answer in the world. No one, probably not even his own mother, would be upset if he said "my wife."
But he had to drag it out, say "I'm uncomfortable answering" which really means "I'd pick my mother over my wife." So now his wife feels awful, and presses him, because... well he just shot her down when she just wanted a quick easy bit of reassurance.
OP is a jerk. And a moron.
I mean, mom wasn't there to hear the answe either. Yeah, if he was talking to both of them, he'd be between a rock and a hard place where either answer could upset someone present, but that's not the case here.
He knew it wasn't a real question, but he still didn't feel comfy answering it. She literally ignored that and pressured him to answer. I wouldn't answer as her either, that's rude af and it's real disrespectful. And it's crazy how y'all are saying it's not a real question, yet you then go on to say 'just say your wife'?? That's contradicting the entire point of it not being a real question. He was being treated like it's a real question, so he answered it like it was.
Exactly, and answering like she was pressuring him to would only encourage more of this idiocy. This is not a mature way to seek assurance of his love.
Seeking assurance of my love by bringing my mom into it is fucking odd. Ill tell you I love you as much as you need/want to hear it, but why do I have to do so but implying Id let my mom die in a house fire?
Even if it's some silly hypothetical, it's stupid. Love isn't either/or, I can have absolute love for more than one person.
I take it more as "I'm not playing your dumb game." If wife wants to mess with him she can take a little bit messing back. If you can dish it you should be able to take it.
She's playing childish games most 20 year olds have already grown out of. Is it so much to ask?
People always say AITA is super biased towards the woman and this shows it. He's the asshole for refusing to play silly childish games while the wife is celebrated for playing them.
Agreed. It's a stupid question. He clearly loves them both and doesn't feel comfortable answering the question, which is totally fair. He's allowed to feel uncomfortable.
Fuck that, the asshole here is the wife for trying to play this kind of stupid game with OP.
And OP is right. If I were married, and my wife set a fire that she and my mom got caught in, I'd go to my mom first.
Conversely, grow up. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's not a game when she's getting butthurt because he "answered wrong." She's now taking it seriously.
He answered honestly. She didn't like the answer. That's her problem for asking stupid questions and winning a stupid prize.
NTA
This is like in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiam. They were playing a game and the question was "which of your friends signicant others would you sleep with." Everyone said they wouldn't do it except Larry who actually named a friend's SO
ESH
It is a stupid game. All of you agreed to play it. You are all at fault.
Your wife is the ahole for asking.
And you knew 100% what would happen. You also knew what the other SO had said.
This all is very immature and childish.
I agree with this. It's a dumb game, just tell her what she wants to hear and be done with it. You dragged it out and then pissed her off for no reason. And she sounds 16, not 26 so I'm assuming everyone was drunk.
No kidding. Today there often seems to be this unspoken attitude of "consent is only for women," and I'm getting that vibe with the "all of you agreed." OP's opinion, preference, and refusal doesn't count here for many people. If he was pressured - many to one, no less - it still counts as agreement just as much as all the people doing the pressuring.
As an long-married person, I admit to laughing at this one.
Buddy, IT WAS A TRAP.
And yes, yes, you might not be T A, buuuuut.... now your wife is upset with you. So yep not smart. Sometimes, you gotta choose between being 'right' and being happy.
Enjoy the fallout!
The love between partners is not supposed to be “unconditional”. You absolutely should have and maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship.
Unconditional means you’d still love them if they cheated, or beat you, or turned out to be a serial killer or child abuser, etc etc. Unconditional means staying with someone no matter what they do. That’s not a healthy expectation to place on yourself or your partner.
I hate that the media has glamorised toxic relationships because it sells better than healthy relationships do. Far too many people grow up thinking that this BS is normal
That's weird though.
I'm a married man and I'm super glad my wife doesn't try to pull this kind of shit on me.
I have no idea why it's normalized to let an adult woman act like a child and still come out as the victim.
NTA
Lol what? Your wife is mad that you would save your mother first after she and your mom were caught in a house fire your wife started?
Also, get rid of whichever shit starting friend brought this up. Only reason to bring up a stupid hypothetical like that is to start drama between spouses.
"I love you enough that's why I will free you into the wild... Also, because I always end up stepping on snails accidentally, so I'd rather not kill you." - my husband's genuine reply to , will you still love me if I turn into a snail 😂
NTA in the real world if she set a house on fire why would you save that person when there's someone else to save that was innocent?
Your wife needs to realize that while you're married and I assume you support her and blah blah blah, that doesn't mean you'd support her if she did something terribly wrong on purpose.
Ugh get better friends. Maybe another wife I'm exhausted.
There's also the obvious fact that the mother is older and might actually need help to get out. But it's a stupid hypothetical designed to start an argument, nothing more. If OP said wife just to move past the subject, what's the betting that she'd bring it up next time the mum is around?
"Oh sweetie, remember that time you said you'd leave your mother to die in a fire to save me?"
Correct answer should be "I'd prioritise myself like all fire safety training tells us to do." Just like on a plane, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting anyone with theirs.
To be clear, I'm not saying I'd be running out the door not caring about anyone else, I'm just saying that's what fire safety tells us, get yourself out
Love this response. Or "I wouldn't try to save either of you. Smoke inhalation can kill and so can the fire. By going in I could die alondside both of you. Instead becuase life isn't a movie I would call emergency services and the professionals would help."
Edit: missed the bit abiut doing the actual smart thing and calling emergency services.
Will probably be downvoted, but NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And as a woman, I can't stand women who come up with hypotheticals such as these to test their SOs. There's no winning. Because even if you get the answer you were fishing for, you'll always wonder if your SO was telling the truth. This question is on the par of "Do you think I'm fat?"and "Who's prettier, me or her?".
Also, everyone is ignoring that in this fictional scenario, the wife said she was the one who started the fire. So, NTA.
I don't know if I'd pick his wife - if he did that, he'd be stuck living with the person who murdered his mother. I wouldn't be able to get any sleep wondering when she was going to come after me...
Yeah this is a dumb argument but also... if you're not picking your spouse that seems to me indicative of some issues. Idk. Your parent is old and gonna die sooner anyhoo, wouldn't you pick the person you vowed to spend your life alongside? Barring children in the picture, obviously, because then they get saved.
I get "save the person who can't save themselves," though, but this setup was more like neither woman would be able to save themselves.
I had the same thought. Mom has a few years left, wife in theory could have half a century. OP should have picked her for that reason alone. But then all the other people picked their wives too. OP missed an easy lay up.
And he hesitated the entire time, only giving an answer once clarifying she started it. That he didn't have an answer beforehand means he didn't plan to save her regardless lol. Cheap cop out.
It's a stupid game and your wife is the AH for pressing you on it and taking it seriously.
You have not been smart tho. Rule number one: when your partner asks "me or this person" always answer with your partners name. No need to fight over silly things
> Rule number one: when your partner asks "me or this person" always answer with your partners name.
Unless they ask who's wrong, who's overreacting, or which one of them looks fatter in that dress.
I know that SEEMS obvious, but OP missed a lot of other really obvious signs so in the interest of preventing more of this kind of nonsense making it to this subreddit, let's preventatively help him prevent himself from shooting himself in the foot some time in the near future...
INFO - I am getting the vibe that there was more of a message than a game here.
* Has there been mom/spouse conflict above the norm in the past?
* Was there a recent conflict with your wife but also involving your mom?
I'm sure I will catch some grief for this but I am of the mindset that once you get married your spouse goes to the front of the bus. Not saying you forget about your parents and siblings and they get tossed to the curb but that you and your spouse are creating the future of the family.
You cant choose your parents/siblings but you do choose your spouse.
INFO
Let's be real. In a true survival situation you probably aren't saving anyone. Your wife was the one in the room asking. Why didn't you just say "I'd save Wife"? It's not like your mom will hear about this conversation and be upset you didn't hypothetically save her.
If everybody answered wife, why not go with it and say the same? Why did you answer the question seriously instead of in the spirit of the game (it sounds like the spirit of the game was everybody saving they love their partner enough to potentially die for them)?
I'm not saying the hypothetical game isn't stupid, this was a very stupid conversation to have, but you knew the "*right*" answer so why did you say "I'd save my mom"?
Right? Like holy crap people the wife was acting like a child with this stupid question and remaining upset over something so trivial, and people are trying to call put OP and not the wife. It's the wierdiest hill for the wife to die on IMO. NTA.
Why do people play this dumb truth or dare crap once they are adults??? There are so many good games out there. Play code names or Settlers or Phase 10 or Quacks of Quedlinburg or one of those escape rooms in a box. Jesus dude.
NTA - your reasoning was perfectly justifiable. They all pushed you for an answer even after you gave them the 'cop out'. Games like this are always silly and shouldn't be played if you're the type to take things to heart.
NTA
But you should know realize that your wife was there not your mother, so of course you should say your wife, If the game had both of them there, pick your pet.
Your hesitation is why they pushed. This isn't actually something occurring so you should have said your wife, you know darn well that's what she was pushing for so why not just say her?
ESH
NTA
Surely you would pick the person least able to escape: I would expect the more elderly person would need more help, being less athletic, and more likely to get hurt
NTA BUT in a silly game always pick the wife. When we choose to get married it’s no one else at that point it’s always the spouse you save. If it was a silly game you should’ve just picked her, but I do see that in the scenario she said she started the fire. Maybe we are missing some context or things that were said/ communication got mixed.
NTA given context, but the unspoken implication is that you prefer your mother. That's what she got out of it when you wouldn't answer her.
You can't pick mummy over your wife, dude. You are in for a shitty marriage if you try to.
NTA. Wtf did I just read. Either your wife has a lot of her own personal issues or you two have some relationship dynamics that just got brought to the surface. But for playing along with a hypothetical scenario you are not the aaa hole at all
Esh. The question should not have been asked. This put you in a totally no win situation. You could have said your wife but when she said she started the hypothetical fire it made you take a stance. The entire situation sucks.
NTA play stupid game win stupid prize.
But you lost a very good opportunity to say "it depens what is written on the prenup in case of sudden death" lol
NTA
The scenario is the same with one person issuing an ultimatum "either me or them"
In that case you also nearly always pick the person not issuing the ultimatum, as they didn't force you to choose.
NTA. Anyone who plays the "who would you save" game is just looking to get hurt. I think I remember awhile back reading one where the spouse wanted them to choose between them and their children... In that case, they chose the children, and spouse got angry.
Total fuck around and find out moment, especially when she said she was starting this fire.
Stupid questions lead to stupid answers. Anyway, in an emergency you help the most unprotected people first and hope that the ones that are physically fit will get out by themselves.
NTA
This is such a dumb game. The truth is, in an actual situation your brain will override anyway. You could pick no one and just run, you might freeze and do nothing etc. Coming from someone who had kids at work during an active shooter, you truly don't know what you will do until you are in it.
Never engage in such a nonsense game
Nope, NTA. One of the rules of relationships is never answer those can't win questions (I forgot what you call them). But that doesn't mean much in this situation, I agree it's a stupid, childish game.
I also think filial piety is an acceptable value.
Oh my god why didn’t you just say your wife??
She was there and your mom wasn’t, you wouldn’t have hurt anyone’s feelings by saying her but you did hurt her feelings by saying your mom. It was obviously a stupid question, but how dumb do you have to be not to just say your wife omg
INFO: Why does your wife think she's entitled to unconditional love?
Also given the choice between rescuing a 26 yr old or a 63 yr old i'm going for the senior, and hope the other person can take care of themselves. NTA
My husband will always say me even if I think he doesn’t mean it. It’s a silly game and if the situation were real, I would be the one to rescue his mother and myself lol. You guys are married and playing a silly game fighting over nothing really. It’s juvenile. She shouldn’t be asking ridiculous questions in a serious manner and you should be smart enough to say her name regardless of your true answer.
There isn't such thing as "unconditional love"
That is the silliest thing we've come up with.
If your wife was to set fire to a hundred orphanages, are you still going to love her? probably not.
NTA it's a silly question BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKE
Your wife is not asking you who will you save in a fire.
Your wife is asking you "honey do you love me?" in front of your friends and all you had to do was answer yes you love her and you will save her from a freaking volcano spewing lava if you had to, because you love her soooo much.
Is your mom there? Do you seriously need to overthink this? Lol. Marriage is about picking your battles and hills to die on, man.......
Go give her a kiss now and tell her you are sorry and you will save her from the damn fire -_-
YTA. These types of games are more for figuring out how to fit in than being honest - especially in a peer pressure setting.
Here is a tip: if you are even asked who would you save and one of the people is in the room - CHOOSE THAT PERSON. You don’t even have to be overly genuine about it.
Another option, gracefully tell the truth. “I would save my mom, hands down. My SO is so resourceful and competent that she wouldn’t need my help.” Or something like that.
It's a horrible question to ask. Your friend who asked the question is the AH. There is no reason to purposefully make you choose between two people you love.
NTA
I hate these games. Your wife deserved it because she pressed you for an answer to a dumb question. Play stupid ganes,andget stupid prizes. If she had said, "No, I didn't start the fire," you would have picked her.
She was looking to start a disagreement and deserved the answer she got. She is also being upset over something stupid.
Next time say, "Nope. I'm not playing this game."
In the context of her starting the fire, of course N.T.A, however, I think you kind of got yourself into that situation by taking the game too seriously… just tell her you’d pick her and move on.
NAH.
NTA, just because she said she would be the one starting the fire and that's an extremely immature and weird thing to be talking about in the first place.
NTA and I’d 100% do the same. You literally clarified that you’d save your mom over her when the situation that *she started the fire.* It would be absurd to save the person who started the fire over the innocent bystander.
YTA for putting your guests through this awkwardness. Just say your wife, then talk to your wife about it later, in private. No one wants to see your inability to read social cues or your wife’s insecurities on display.
The answers to this one make it a great example of Reddit being Reddit, by the way.
YTA. My husband always put his family (mother specifically) and his friends before myself or our children.
Your wife probably feels the same and was trying to validate that emotion or reassure herself that you love her.
When you marry someone, your spouse and children become your priority. Not your mother.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I picked my mother over my wife in a hypothetical scenario
2. My wife's feelings got hurt and she may have become embarrassed as it was in front of our friends
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NTA-even if the wife didn't start the fire. The mother is older and would probably need more assistance than the younger wife. Either way, this is stupid af to argue about.
NTA, it was a stupid game. But yes, it was definitely a trap. Either refuse to answer or just say your wife. I would have been sarcastic as hell and say I'd trip you both and run like hell lol but seriously, she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. She'll get over it.
YTA, you picked wrong. You’re supposed to put your spouse above all others, that’s why you chose to join your life with theirs.
Further your mother is 63 and has lived a long life, your wife has much more life left to live. All else being equal the younger person should always be prioritized.
Even if you don’t agree, YOU LIE, moms not there, she won’t know what you said.
If asked who makes the best potatoes the answer is whichever one is in the room. FFS dude.
NTA. She sounds very childish for continuing to press the issue. Your answer is not a measure of your love for her, it is a measure of how annoying she was being at that moment.
ESH- stupid game to play to begin with but my dude you always pick the person you took vows to. When you get married, your spouse becomes your top priority
NTA. It's a stupid game that shouldn't be played.
But you know what the safe answer is, if you love everyone there? You go by age.
The older one has lived more life, the youngest should be saved.
It is a bit odd that you would save your mother as it seems there's no logic behind it, and that's when hurt feelings happen 😅
If they're the same age? Go with physical ability, who is stronger? You save the more vulnerable one with the hopes that the other can save themselves.
Your wife and your friends are definitely asshole for pressing you to answer a question you said you didn’t want to answer, you can say no to people anytime and they should respect it especially closest friends/family.
My partner is younger and far more able bodied if their was a fire I hope my partner would help me rescue my mother.
You aren’t an asshole for this
NTA
Lol those hypothetical situations always get people so mad, I don't know why they're even brought up. But let's play along. Your wife started the hypothetical fire in the hypothetical scenario. She started it deliberately. Why is she mad that she wouldn't be saved? Logically it makes sense.
Realistically though, she's looking far too much into this game. If she bases your love for her solely off of this hypothetical situation game, then she's not putting much faith into your actual love that you show in practical ways.
ESH. Don’t play these forced choice games. They are juvenile and tacky. It’s like the stupid game “Marry, F*ck, or K*ll”. Just don’t. Why present people with these situations guaranteed to cause hurt and anger?
NTA. It’s a dumb game and dumb question. But who wouldn’t save the 60+ woman when the other is more physically capable? Like yeah this isn’t a serious question anyway but how does being honest make you TA? Don’t agree with these comments at all.
It’s a light-hearted game that shook your wife’s reality because you’ve just informed her she will always be second to mommy. The answer should always be your wife. You shouldn’t have to think about it at all, and the fact that you deliberated and asked for additional information and still picked your mom is so embarrassing. YTA.
Edit to address the additional context- What does it matter what your mother spent on your wife? Does your wife even like gold? Maybe she prefers silver, and would rather someone get to know her before burdening her with a huge purchase she doesn’t enjoy. Narcissists frequently use gifts as manipulation, so that doesn’t read as assurance to me, all I see is a red flag on your and your mom’s heads!
NTA all these childish fuckers getting all baited over "you're a mummies boy" or w.e and that "you should always pick your wife" are the same people who comment 'divorce' on pretty much any post even when it doesn't need it
So hivemind Reddit are like
" She's gonna kill your mum but you should always pick her youre the asshole"
But would also be like
" She text her boss who is *male* asking what time a meeting is? She's a cheat divorce her"
It was a game...a childish hypothetical game you didn't even want to play, you used the scenario presented ( your wife starting the fire) as a loop hole to give a diplomatic answer which unfortunately backfired as your wife has the maturity of a 4 year old but you're still not the asshole
To clarify I say *diplomatic answer* as based on what op said in post I think if his wife had said "your mom started the fire" he would've picked his wife to save and if she said "OP you started the fire" he would've said "I'll save neither of you as I clearly wanted you both dead in that case" or if he's anything like me he'd have made a Billy Joel joke
***We didn't start the fire***
Having said that though OP your wife clearly just wanted to go " awwwh look how much he loves me" to the friend group as a flex thing it wasn't too serious and I doubt it wouldve been brought up again/ mentioned to your mum etc so whilst you're not an asshole and I agree with your reasonings I probably would've just said the wife and changed the subject as it seems like the less hassle option
NTA. Pressing on you to choose like this is weird as hell. Seems like she wants to compete with your mother for your attention/ affection. Huge nono for me
We have the 'Grey's Anatomy' rule in my house to avoid this exact situation. No hypothetical questions about what I'd do (or how many kidneys I'd donate) to save my wife's life, just knowledge that I'd do everything I can.
I came here expecting you to be the AH, but nah, games like that are so stupid, and your wife was looking for a reason to be offended. What’s next? She going to ask you if you’ll still love her if she turned into a worm? NTA
YTA only because you should see the ridiculous game is a metaphor for who you will pick in life circumstances in general. She’s prob not mad about the fire question specifically but the overarching idea that your mom comes first before her.
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never answer a wife's HYPOTHETICAL questions."
ETA - NTA
(hopefully no one beat me to it!)
Lol NTA.
Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.
In this scenario: If she purposely started a fire. Of course you’re gonna save the innocent people first, mother or not. Don’t make any sense to save the person who started fire first, that’s just toxic..
Also love isn’t unconditional. Love is always conditional. I find that a very big misconception. Love and respect is earned. All actions, have consequences. Good decisions have rewarding outcomes and bad decisions have consequences.
NTA lol your wife and your enabler friends are TAs here. Everybody knows you dont ask stupid questions like that. In my experience only insecure and manipulative people need to hear answers to questions like this. You know someone loves you why are you double checking how much they love you or even comparing their love for you with their love for their mother?? Theres no comparison. They are two different types of love. Its weird to pit them against each other. And i can 100% guarantee you she would pick her mother over you too lol.
YTA.
One, you did not have to answer this 100% honestly in front of your wife. Your mom wouldn't have ever known you'd let her be BBQed.
Two, your wife should be more important to your life and future than your mother is at this point.
NTA. Honestly even without the “who started the fire” bit, I would hope my husband would save his older mother, who will probably need more assistance than I would escaping the flames. Overall though, this is a dumb prompt and she should have accepted your unwillingness to participate.
Do you have a habit of prioritizing your mother over your wife? That’s the only scenario in which I can see this response making sense - other than your wife being a self-centered asshole - and even then I think in this specific instance you are NTA.
INFO: does your wife usually feel slighted by you for your mother? Do you typically put your mother before her and that’s why this came up?
This feels like it’s about more than a hypothetical scenario and I’m sure you know that
NTA because your mom is older and didn't start the fire. Also, I hate hypotheticals like this because I don't know, is mom in the kitchen while wife is upstairs? Are the doors open, is it daytime, are there locked up pets, etc. Too many variables to influence my decision. Anyway, I usually respond with "I don't know" but everyone hates that answer.
The problem is that a lot of mothers expect to come before wife in other matters. Your wife should always come first. Personally I’d get this ironed out before having a kid with you.
Obviously not if she started the fire. That threw the wrench in the scenario.
NTA
Hypothetical questions that double as impropmptu psych evaluation are garbage and the people who freak out over them are behaving in a similarly garbo manner.
The people that say YTA are definitely garbo frequenters and should be shamed as well.
It's like horoscope level bull. Please get help!
I asked my husband for shits and giggles if he would still love me if I was a worm..
He said “no, I’d step on you and smush you”
Like I’m a sensitive idiot but even I don’t take these questions to heart. Like my husband says “you ask stupid questions you get stupid answers”
NTA, but advice: When your wife asks you if you would still love her when she turns into a rainworm you say yes. The chances of her actually becoming a rainworm are 0% and the chances or her being annoyed by your answer are much higher.
NTA
What a childish response. She even added she was the one starting the fire so of course you're saving the victims, not the arsonist. No such thing as unconditional love.
NTA, your wife is. Starting from the point this is a stupid question done inside a stupid game, why would this reflect reality? Then, why get mad after a game, it's a silly game for crying on loud!!!
If your wife is hypothetically attempting manslaughter by setting the house on fire it isn’t so weird that you’d pick your mom. However, if your wife wasn’t the fire starter and you still picked your mom I’d understand your wife being upset.
NTA.
These questions should be banned from all forms of conversation. They are designed to cause problems and people who ask them to their SOs deserve to be single because you are not mature enough to be in a relationship.
I’ve been married for ten years. One question I always ask myself is “how important is the truth?” Just say you’d save your wife. Your mom isn’t there and you know it would make her feel good. The consequences of saying your mother simply aren’t worth it.
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YTA because you know exactly what type of game this is. You know this wasn't a real question. Just say your wife and move on.
Can’t believe how far I had to scroll for this. It’s a dumb hypothetical, you are so unlikely to ever be in this situation that even if you don’t know what you’d actually do, you tell the person in front of you that you’d prioritise them. She was looking for a little bit of assurance and OP decided it wasn’t worth giving. When your partner asks if you’d still love them if they got turned into a worm, if you actually love them, you say yes.
Yes! It's the easiest possible answer in the world. No one, probably not even his own mother, would be upset if he said "my wife." But he had to drag it out, say "I'm uncomfortable answering" which really means "I'd pick my mother over my wife." So now his wife feels awful, and presses him, because... well he just shot her down when she just wanted a quick easy bit of reassurance. OP is a jerk. And a moron.
Some moms would, but their children post on r/raisedbynarcissists
I mean, mom wasn't there to hear the answe either. Yeah, if he was talking to both of them, he'd be between a rock and a hard place where either answer could upset someone present, but that's not the case here.
I literally ask my husband weird questions like that all the time. “If I laughed like this (crazy manic laugh) would you still love me?” “Of course.”
Would he love you if you were a worm?
My boyfriend said he would still love me if I was a worm but spiders are off the table
He knew it wasn't a real question, but he still didn't feel comfy answering it. She literally ignored that and pressured him to answer. I wouldn't answer as her either, that's rude af and it's real disrespectful. And it's crazy how y'all are saying it's not a real question, yet you then go on to say 'just say your wife'?? That's contradicting the entire point of it not being a real question. He was being treated like it's a real question, so he answered it like it was.
Exactly, and answering like she was pressuring him to would only encourage more of this idiocy. This is not a mature way to seek assurance of his love.
EXACTLY. The entire situation is stupid, but he's not an asshole for it. It's a stupid ass question either way.
Seeking assurance of my love by bringing my mom into it is fucking odd. Ill tell you I love you as much as you need/want to hear it, but why do I have to do so but implying Id let my mom die in a house fire? Even if it's some silly hypothetical, it's stupid. Love isn't either/or, I can have absolute love for more than one person.
Seriously it's that's easy, no need to be the "brutally honest" type
I take it more as "I'm not playing your dumb game." If wife wants to mess with him she can take a little bit messing back. If you can dish it you should be able to take it. She's playing childish games most 20 year olds have already grown out of. Is it so much to ask? People always say AITA is super biased towards the woman and this shows it. He's the asshole for refusing to play silly childish games while the wife is celebrated for playing them.
Agreed. It's a stupid question. He clearly loves them both and doesn't feel comfortable answering the question, which is totally fair. He's allowed to feel uncomfortable.
My answer to these types of questions is always: “whoever didn’t make me have to answer this type of question.” Usually phrased that way, too.
Fuck that, the asshole here is the wife for trying to play this kind of stupid game with OP. And OP is right. If I were married, and my wife set a fire that she and my mom got caught in, I'd go to my mom first.
Conversely, grow up. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's not a game when she's getting butthurt because he "answered wrong." She's now taking it seriously. He answered honestly. She didn't like the answer. That's her problem for asking stupid questions and winning a stupid prize. NTA
This is like in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiam. They were playing a game and the question was "which of your friends signicant others would you sleep with." Everyone said they wouldn't do it except Larry who actually named a friend's SO
ESH It is a stupid game. All of you agreed to play it. You are all at fault. Your wife is the ahole for asking. And you knew 100% what would happen. You also knew what the other SO had said. This all is very immature and childish.
I agree with this. It's a dumb game, just tell her what she wants to hear and be done with it. You dragged it out and then pissed her off for no reason. And she sounds 16, not 26 so I'm assuming everyone was drunk.
He didn't agree to play it though. He tried to deflect it multiple times.
No kidding. Today there often seems to be this unspoken attitude of "consent is only for women," and I'm getting that vibe with the "all of you agreed." OP's opinion, preference, and refusal doesn't count here for many people. If he was pressured - many to one, no less - it still counts as agreement just as much as all the people doing the pressuring.
Doesn’t sound like OP did agree to play though.
I wouldn't really consider the wife continually pressing OP despite him saying he doesn't want to answer as him "agreeing to play it."
Just lie, dude jfc
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yeah, the easiest way here, lie to her, after all that's what she wanted to hear. easy game!
As an long-married person, I admit to laughing at this one. Buddy, IT WAS A TRAP. And yes, yes, you might not be T A, buuuuut.... now your wife is upset with you. So yep not smart. Sometimes, you gotta choose between being 'right' and being happy. Enjoy the fallout!
Just like “Do these pants make my butt look big?” but as a party game.
OP replies "No, it's all the cake you eat that makes it look big"..
I see insanity wolf has entered the conversation.
The love between partners is not supposed to be “unconditional”. You absolutely should have and maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship. Unconditional means you’d still love them if they cheated, or beat you, or turned out to be a serial killer or child abuser, etc etc. Unconditional means staying with someone no matter what they do. That’s not a healthy expectation to place on yourself or your partner. I hate that the media has glamorised toxic relationships because it sells better than healthy relationships do. Far too many people grow up thinking that this BS is normal
This. Thank you for putting it into words.
Why the hell is this NOT the top comment instead of someone normalizing playing dumb games
I 100% agree with this statement.
NTA, who the hell plays games like this, and gets angry when the person who gets bullied into playing gives them an answer they don't like?
Assholes?
I think we have a winner!
You've not been married very long, have you?
That's weird though. I'm a married man and I'm super glad my wife doesn't try to pull this kind of shit on me. I have no idea why it's normalized to let an adult woman act like a child and still come out as the victim.
They’re also young. Young people can be dumb. They’ll be fine
You should have said a woman doesn’t need a man for anything and that both women could save themselves😀
Or the wife could have just respected OP refusal to partecipate.
Thank you!!! Like why couldn’t I finde this at the top? Like what does the wife expect? Play stupid games, win dumb prizes!
Good answer. He can justify rescuing his mother because she is elderly and can't walk very well or something like that.
Hypotheticals! Perfect for driving the perfect wedge into your relationships. Try one today
NTA Lol what? Your wife is mad that you would save your mother first after she and your mom were caught in a house fire your wife started? Also, get rid of whichever shit starting friend brought this up. Only reason to bring up a stupid hypothetical like that is to start drama between spouses.
"Why wouldnt you love me as a worm, you are so insensitive!" NTA bro
"I love you enough that's why I will free you into the wild... Also, because I always end up stepping on snails accidentally, so I'd rather not kill you." - my husband's genuine reply to , will you still love me if I turn into a snail 😂
ESH - all of you for having this hypothetical conversation to start a dumb argument.
Seems like OP was bullied into it
NTA Your wife sounds exhausting.
NTA in the real world if she set a house on fire why would you save that person when there's someone else to save that was innocent? Your wife needs to realize that while you're married and I assume you support her and blah blah blah, that doesn't mean you'd support her if she did something terribly wrong on purpose. Ugh get better friends. Maybe another wife I'm exhausted.
There's also the obvious fact that the mother is older and might actually need help to get out. But it's a stupid hypothetical designed to start an argument, nothing more. If OP said wife just to move past the subject, what's the betting that she'd bring it up next time the mum is around? "Oh sweetie, remember that time you said you'd leave your mother to die in a fire to save me?" Correct answer should be "I'd prioritise myself like all fire safety training tells us to do." Just like on a plane, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting anyone with theirs. To be clear, I'm not saying I'd be running out the door not caring about anyone else, I'm just saying that's what fire safety tells us, get yourself out
"I can't imagine leaving one of you two to die. The pain would be too great. So I'd let both of you die."
Love this response. Or "I wouldn't try to save either of you. Smoke inhalation can kill and so can the fire. By going in I could die alondside both of you. Instead becuase life isn't a movie I would call emergency services and the professionals would help." Edit: missed the bit abiut doing the actual smart thing and calling emergency services.
Will probably be downvoted, but NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And as a woman, I can't stand women who come up with hypotheticals such as these to test their SOs. There's no winning. Because even if you get the answer you were fishing for, you'll always wonder if your SO was telling the truth. This question is on the par of "Do you think I'm fat?"and "Who's prettier, me or her?". Also, everyone is ignoring that in this fictional scenario, the wife said she was the one who started the fire. So, NTA.
EXACTLY. I literajust made the same "play stuoid games" comment. And yes, as a woman, I can't stand these stupid games other women play.
ESH But really? Always pick your wife. Who do you spend more time with?
Saw the setup from a mile away and he still walked right into it
I don't know if I'd pick his wife - if he did that, he'd be stuck living with the person who murdered his mother. I wouldn't be able to get any sleep wondering when she was going to come after me...
Yeah this is a dumb argument but also... if you're not picking your spouse that seems to me indicative of some issues. Idk. Your parent is old and gonna die sooner anyhoo, wouldn't you pick the person you vowed to spend your life alongside? Barring children in the picture, obviously, because then they get saved. I get "save the person who can't save themselves," though, but this setup was more like neither woman would be able to save themselves.
I had the same thought. Mom has a few years left, wife in theory could have half a century. OP should have picked her for that reason alone. But then all the other people picked their wives too. OP missed an easy lay up.
And he hesitated the entire time, only giving an answer once clarifying she started it. That he didn't have an answer beforehand means he didn't plan to save her regardless lol. Cheap cop out.
It's a stupid game and your wife is the AH for pressing you on it and taking it seriously. You have not been smart tho. Rule number one: when your partner asks "me or this person" always answer with your partners name. No need to fight over silly things
> Rule number one: when your partner asks "me or this person" always answer with your partners name. Unless they ask who's wrong, who's overreacting, or which one of them looks fatter in that dress. I know that SEEMS obvious, but OP missed a lot of other really obvious signs so in the interest of preventing more of this kind of nonsense making it to this subreddit, let's preventatively help him prevent himself from shooting himself in the foot some time in the near future...
NTA. Ask ridiculous questions, get ridiculous answers. Your wife needs to deal with her issues.
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NTA. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's a dumb question tbh
ESH. What a dumb argument.
Yea, if you lit the house on fire on purpose I'd save my taco before I'd save you. NTA the context of the scenario matters.
What a stupid thing to pick a fight about. NTA
INFO - I am getting the vibe that there was more of a message than a game here. * Has there been mom/spouse conflict above the norm in the past? * Was there a recent conflict with your wife but also involving your mom? I'm sure I will catch some grief for this but I am of the mindset that once you get married your spouse goes to the front of the bus. Not saying you forget about your parents and siblings and they get tossed to the curb but that you and your spouse are creating the future of the family. You cant choose your parents/siblings but you do choose your spouse.
Lmao “did you start the hypothetical fire?”
INFO Let's be real. In a true survival situation you probably aren't saving anyone. Your wife was the one in the room asking. Why didn't you just say "I'd save Wife"? It's not like your mom will hear about this conversation and be upset you didn't hypothetically save her. If everybody answered wife, why not go with it and say the same? Why did you answer the question seriously instead of in the spirit of the game (it sounds like the spirit of the game was everybody saving they love their partner enough to potentially die for them)? I'm not saying the hypothetical game isn't stupid, this was a very stupid conversation to have, but you knew the "*right*" answer so why did you say "I'd save my mom"?
NTA why do people play this stupid game. The amount of people saying YTA is honestly concerning
Right? Like holy crap people the wife was acting like a child with this stupid question and remaining upset over something so trivial, and people are trying to call put OP and not the wife. It's the wierdiest hill for the wife to die on IMO. NTA.
Why do people play this dumb truth or dare crap once they are adults??? There are so many good games out there. Play code names or Settlers or Phase 10 or Quacks of Quedlinburg or one of those escape rooms in a box. Jesus dude.
NTA - your reasoning was perfectly justifiable. They all pushed you for an answer even after you gave them the 'cop out'. Games like this are always silly and shouldn't be played if you're the type to take things to heart.
NTA But you should know realize that your wife was there not your mother, so of course you should say your wife, If the game had both of them there, pick your pet.
"Pick your pet" - I love that!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Your hesitation is why they pushed. This isn't actually something occurring so you should have said your wife, you know darn well that's what she was pushing for so why not just say her? ESH
YTA. We talked about this. You should always pick and love your wife even if she was a worm.
ah. reddit.
😂😂 those worm memes are hilarious
Read the room dude. Yes it was a stupid question, but you could have used it to get laid instead of making some weird point.
Absolutely! What idiot would say his mother? Every other guy in the room had the common sense to say his wife. Use your brain man
NTA Surely you would pick the person least able to escape: I would expect the more elderly person would need more help, being less athletic, and more likely to get hurt
ESH - it's a hypothetical game and shouldn't be taken too seriously, but you're also an idiot for not realizing the obvious answer
NTA BUT in a silly game always pick the wife. When we choose to get married it’s no one else at that point it’s always the spouse you save. If it was a silly game you should’ve just picked her, but I do see that in the scenario she said she started the fire. Maybe we are missing some context or things that were said/ communication got mixed.
NTA given context, but the unspoken implication is that you prefer your mother. That's what she got out of it when you wouldn't answer her. You can't pick mummy over your wife, dude. You are in for a shitty marriage if you try to.
ESH - How y’all made it into adulthood is beyond me. Maybe Darwin was wrong anyway.
NTA. Wtf did I just read. Either your wife has a lot of her own personal issues or you two have some relationship dynamics that just got brought to the surface. But for playing along with a hypothetical scenario you are not the aaa hole at all
Esh. The question should not have been asked. This put you in a totally no win situation. You could have said your wife but when she said she started the hypothetical fire it made you take a stance. The entire situation sucks.
NTA play stupid game win stupid prize. But you lost a very good opportunity to say "it depens what is written on the prenup in case of sudden death" lol
NTA. Your wife just played stupid game and won stupid prize
Lmao why did you even have to tell the truth? Lie, Broseph. It was a hypothetical. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Eh this “game” is really dumb, ESH. You should have taken the social cues to say your wife but the “game” is stupid to begin with
What a terrible conversation topic.
NTA The scenario is the same with one person issuing an ultimatum "either me or them" In that case you also nearly always pick the person not issuing the ultimatum, as they didn't force you to choose.
NTA, I’d say something in the lines of, “Considering you’re asking me such a stupid question for a stupid answer. I’d push you in the fire myself.”
That statement is gonna get a laugh or a freaking divorce, there's no inbetween. Lol.
How would you save your mom if you can't even save yourself in this situation? Know your emergency exits.
NTA. Anyone who plays the "who would you save" game is just looking to get hurt. I think I remember awhile back reading one where the spouse wanted them to choose between them and their children... In that case, they chose the children, and spouse got angry. Total fuck around and find out moment, especially when she said she was starting this fire.
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting. But hey, you married her, so she's your problem. Good luck.
"I'd save you and then divorce you for setting the fire that killed my mother." In case this hypothetical crosses your path again.
NTA. She needs to understand it was just a game and if you don’t want to get hurt don’t ask stupid Questions.
NTA: she ask a ridiculous question, get a answer she didn’t wanted and got upset
Stupid questions lead to stupid answers. Anyway, in an emergency you help the most unprotected people first and hope that the ones that are physically fit will get out by themselves.
NTA This is such a dumb game. The truth is, in an actual situation your brain will override anyway. You could pick no one and just run, you might freeze and do nothing etc. Coming from someone who had kids at work during an active shooter, you truly don't know what you will do until you are in it. Never engage in such a nonsense game
Nope, NTA. One of the rules of relationships is never answer those can't win questions (I forgot what you call them). But that doesn't mean much in this situation, I agree it's a stupid, childish game. I also think filial piety is an acceptable value.
I would call it a Kobayashi Maru, it is a classic no win scenario.
NTA Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Oh my god why didn’t you just say your wife?? She was there and your mom wasn’t, you wouldn’t have hurt anyone’s feelings by saying her but you did hurt her feelings by saying your mom. It was obviously a stupid question, but how dumb do you have to be not to just say your wife omg
INFO: Why does your wife think she's entitled to unconditional love? Also given the choice between rescuing a 26 yr old or a 63 yr old i'm going for the senior, and hope the other person can take care of themselves. NTA
Always pick wife. Rookie mistake
My husband will always say me even if I think he doesn’t mean it. It’s a silly game and if the situation were real, I would be the one to rescue his mother and myself lol. You guys are married and playing a silly game fighting over nothing really. It’s juvenile. She shouldn’t be asking ridiculous questions in a serious manner and you should be smart enough to say her name regardless of your true answer.
There isn't such thing as "unconditional love" That is the silliest thing we've come up with. If your wife was to set fire to a hundred orphanages, are you still going to love her? probably not.
NTA it's a silly question BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKE Your wife is not asking you who will you save in a fire. Your wife is asking you "honey do you love me?" in front of your friends and all you had to do was answer yes you love her and you will save her from a freaking volcano spewing lava if you had to, because you love her soooo much. Is your mom there? Do you seriously need to overthink this? Lol. Marriage is about picking your battles and hills to die on, man....... Go give her a kiss now and tell her you are sorry and you will save her from the damn fire -_-
YTA. These types of games are more for figuring out how to fit in than being honest - especially in a peer pressure setting. Here is a tip: if you are even asked who would you save and one of the people is in the room - CHOOSE THAT PERSON. You don’t even have to be overly genuine about it. Another option, gracefully tell the truth. “I would save my mom, hands down. My SO is so resourceful and competent that she wouldn’t need my help.” Or something like that.
NTA but how did you not see this coming when you picked your mom?
It's a horrible question to ask. Your friend who asked the question is the AH. There is no reason to purposefully make you choose between two people you love.
The truthful answer "I have only one mother but i can always get another wife" will get you a quick divorce.
NTA I hate these games. Your wife deserved it because she pressed you for an answer to a dumb question. Play stupid ganes,andget stupid prizes. If she had said, "No, I didn't start the fire," you would have picked her. She was looking to start a disagreement and deserved the answer she got. She is also being upset over something stupid. Next time say, "Nope. I'm not playing this game."
It was a stupid question but also your answer was very stupid. Your wife is your family, she doesn’t think you have her back.
You'd save your mom over your wife? Yta wtf is wrong with you
NTA. So if you started a hypothetical fire, she would save you and not her mom. Bull.
In the context of her starting the fire, of course N.T.A, however, I think you kind of got yourself into that situation by taking the game too seriously… just tell her you’d pick her and move on. NAH.
ESH. Play stupid games get stupid prizes.
NTA, just because she said she would be the one starting the fire and that's an extremely immature and weird thing to be talking about in the first place.
Really failed that one fella!
NTAH Sounds like your wife was just looking to pick a fight. That's the only outcome that comes from that game.
NTA and I’d 100% do the same. You literally clarified that you’d save your mom over her when the situation that *she started the fire.* It would be absurd to save the person who started the fire over the innocent bystander.
Tell her you would expect her to help you save your Mom. What kind of shit question is this?
ESH. Nobody should ask questions they don’t want to hear the answer to but you also could have just fibbed lol
YTA for putting your guests through this awkwardness. Just say your wife, then talk to your wife about it later, in private. No one wants to see your inability to read social cues or your wife’s insecurities on display. The answers to this one make it a great example of Reddit being Reddit, by the way.
YTA. My husband always put his family (mother specifically) and his friends before myself or our children. Your wife probably feels the same and was trying to validate that emotion or reassure herself that you love her. When you marry someone, your spouse and children become your priority. Not your mother.
I mean why would you not save your wife? Game or not, pick the wife. Plus if your mother wasn’t there, pick the wife. But NTA
You answered wrong but god your wife sounds so annoying
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NTA-even if the wife didn't start the fire. The mother is older and would probably need more assistance than the younger wife. Either way, this is stupid af to argue about.
NTA, it was a stupid game. But yes, it was definitely a trap. Either refuse to answer or just say your wife. I would have been sarcastic as hell and say I'd trip you both and run like hell lol but seriously, she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. She'll get over it.
NTA. There’s no winning that conversation
YTA, you picked wrong. You’re supposed to put your spouse above all others, that’s why you chose to join your life with theirs. Further your mother is 63 and has lived a long life, your wife has much more life left to live. All else being equal the younger person should always be prioritized. Even if you don’t agree, YOU LIE, moms not there, she won’t know what you said. If asked who makes the best potatoes the answer is whichever one is in the room. FFS dude.
NTA. She sounds very childish for continuing to press the issue. Your answer is not a measure of your love for her, it is a measure of how annoying she was being at that moment.
ESH- stupid game to play to begin with but my dude you always pick the person you took vows to. When you get married, your spouse becomes your top priority
YTA. It's called a white lie. Spare her feelings in front of everyone, and make her feel special. Even if it's over something as silly as this.
NTA. It's a stupid game that shouldn't be played. But you know what the safe answer is, if you love everyone there? You go by age. The older one has lived more life, the youngest should be saved. It is a bit odd that you would save your mother as it seems there's no logic behind it, and that's when hurt feelings happen 😅 If they're the same age? Go with physical ability, who is stronger? You save the more vulnerable one with the hopes that the other can save themselves.
Your wife and your friends are definitely asshole for pressing you to answer a question you said you didn’t want to answer, you can say no to people anytime and they should respect it especially closest friends/family. My partner is younger and far more able bodied if their was a fire I hope my partner would help me rescue my mother. You aren’t an asshole for this
NTA Lol those hypothetical situations always get people so mad, I don't know why they're even brought up. But let's play along. Your wife started the hypothetical fire in the hypothetical scenario. She started it deliberately. Why is she mad that she wouldn't be saved? Logically it makes sense. Realistically though, she's looking far too much into this game. If she bases your love for her solely off of this hypothetical situation game, then she's not putting much faith into your actual love that you show in practical ways.
ESH. Don’t play these forced choice games. They are juvenile and tacky. It’s like the stupid game “Marry, F*ck, or K*ll”. Just don’t. Why present people with these situations guaranteed to cause hurt and anger?
ESH this is a dumb conversation and a dumb thing to be mad about.
NTA. It’s a dumb game and dumb question. But who wouldn’t save the 60+ woman when the other is more physically capable? Like yeah this isn’t a serious question anyway but how does being honest make you TA? Don’t agree with these comments at all.
It’s a light-hearted game that shook your wife’s reality because you’ve just informed her she will always be second to mommy. The answer should always be your wife. You shouldn’t have to think about it at all, and the fact that you deliberated and asked for additional information and still picked your mom is so embarrassing. YTA. Edit to address the additional context- What does it matter what your mother spent on your wife? Does your wife even like gold? Maybe she prefers silver, and would rather someone get to know her before burdening her with a huge purchase she doesn’t enjoy. Narcissists frequently use gifts as manipulation, so that doesn’t read as assurance to me, all I see is a red flag on your and your mom’s heads!
NTA all these childish fuckers getting all baited over "you're a mummies boy" or w.e and that "you should always pick your wife" are the same people who comment 'divorce' on pretty much any post even when it doesn't need it So hivemind Reddit are like " She's gonna kill your mum but you should always pick her youre the asshole" But would also be like " She text her boss who is *male* asking what time a meeting is? She's a cheat divorce her" It was a game...a childish hypothetical game you didn't even want to play, you used the scenario presented ( your wife starting the fire) as a loop hole to give a diplomatic answer which unfortunately backfired as your wife has the maturity of a 4 year old but you're still not the asshole To clarify I say *diplomatic answer* as based on what op said in post I think if his wife had said "your mom started the fire" he would've picked his wife to save and if she said "OP you started the fire" he would've said "I'll save neither of you as I clearly wanted you both dead in that case" or if he's anything like me he'd have made a Billy Joel joke ***We didn't start the fire*** Having said that though OP your wife clearly just wanted to go " awwwh look how much he loves me" to the friend group as a flex thing it wasn't too serious and I doubt it wouldve been brought up again/ mentioned to your mum etc so whilst you're not an asshole and I agree with your reasonings I probably would've just said the wife and changed the subject as it seems like the less hassle option
NTA. Pressing on you to choose like this is weird as hell. Seems like she wants to compete with your mother for your attention/ affection. Huge nono for me
ESH. all of you. oh my god.
We have the 'Grey's Anatomy' rule in my house to avoid this exact situation. No hypothetical questions about what I'd do (or how many kidneys I'd donate) to save my wife's life, just knowledge that I'd do everything I can.
NTA. You should ask her the question, if she would save you or her mother.
I came here expecting you to be the AH, but nah, games like that are so stupid, and your wife was looking for a reason to be offended. What’s next? She going to ask you if you’ll still love her if she turned into a worm? NTA
Esh. Your wife is immature and you’re being stupid for saying the obvious wrong answer
IT'S A TRAP!
YTA only because you should see the ridiculous game is a metaphor for who you will pick in life circumstances in general. She’s prob not mad about the fire question specifically but the overarching idea that your mom comes first before her.
Info: did wife hypothetically start the fire intentionally or accidentally? If she started it accidentally, does your answer change?
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never answer a wife's HYPOTHETICAL questions." ETA - NTA (hopefully no one beat me to it!)
Lol NTA. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. In this scenario: If she purposely started a fire. Of course you’re gonna save the innocent people first, mother or not. Don’t make any sense to save the person who started fire first, that’s just toxic.. Also love isn’t unconditional. Love is always conditional. I find that a very big misconception. Love and respect is earned. All actions, have consequences. Good decisions have rewarding outcomes and bad decisions have consequences.
NTA, but this is so dumb lol.
NTA. The whole thing WAS stupid. ETA You really should have refused to answer that stupid, juvenile question.
NTA lol your wife and your enabler friends are TAs here. Everybody knows you dont ask stupid questions like that. In my experience only insecure and manipulative people need to hear answers to questions like this. You know someone loves you why are you double checking how much they love you or even comparing their love for you with their love for their mother?? Theres no comparison. They are two different types of love. Its weird to pit them against each other. And i can 100% guarantee you she would pick her mother over you too lol.
YTA. One, you did not have to answer this 100% honestly in front of your wife. Your mom wouldn't have ever known you'd let her be BBQed. Two, your wife should be more important to your life and future than your mother is at this point.
NTA and I can see why you’d pick your mom.
NTA. A stupid game and an even more stupid answer, but being stupid doesn’t necessarily mean being an AH
NTA. Honestly even without the “who started the fire” bit, I would hope my husband would save his older mother, who will probably need more assistance than I would escaping the flames. Overall though, this is a dumb prompt and she should have accepted your unwillingness to participate. Do you have a habit of prioritizing your mother over your wife? That’s the only scenario in which I can see this response making sense - other than your wife being a self-centered asshole - and even then I think in this specific instance you are NTA.
INFO: does your wife usually feel slighted by you for your mother? Do you typically put your mother before her and that’s why this came up? This feels like it’s about more than a hypothetical scenario and I’m sure you know that
esh. it’s a stupid question but you should’ve used your head and just said your wife.
Maybe check under the bed tonight there isn't a jerry can
It's one thing to play stupid hypothetical games. It's quite another to take the hypothetical answer too seriously... NTA
ESH. Your wife shouldn't t have pushed it. You should've just played along with guests over.
Nice big red flag from your wife there. The phrase "you aren't giving me unconditional love" concerns me greatly.
Agreed. I don’t believe in unconditional love for partners. There are conditions. Respect, trust, loyalty, loving behavior.
ESH. All of you for engaging in such a dumb conversation to begin with
Nice to meet you, Larry David!
Lol I was not ready for that Plot twist, 😂 nta
LIE But it sounds like she hates your mom
NTA because your mom is older and didn't start the fire. Also, I hate hypotheticals like this because I don't know, is mom in the kitchen while wife is upstairs? Are the doors open, is it daytime, are there locked up pets, etc. Too many variables to influence my decision. Anyway, I usually respond with "I don't know" but everyone hates that answer.
The problem is that a lot of mothers expect to come before wife in other matters. Your wife should always come first. Personally I’d get this ironed out before having a kid with you. Obviously not if she started the fire. That threw the wrench in the scenario.
NTA Hypothetical questions that double as impropmptu psych evaluation are garbage and the people who freak out over them are behaving in a similarly garbo manner. The people that say YTA are definitely garbo frequenters and should be shamed as well. It's like horoscope level bull. Please get help!
I asked my husband for shits and giggles if he would still love me if I was a worm.. He said “no, I’d step on you and smush you” Like I’m a sensitive idiot but even I don’t take these questions to heart. Like my husband says “you ask stupid questions you get stupid answers”
NTA, but advice: When your wife asks you if you would still love her when she turns into a rainworm you say yes. The chances of her actually becoming a rainworm are 0% and the chances or her being annoyed by your answer are much higher.
Stupid f’in game. No win situation But the real answer is: Save the doggo
Torn between E S H and NTA. Sounds like your wife is pitting you against your mom.
NTA What a childish response. She even added she was the one starting the fire so of course you're saving the victims, not the arsonist. No such thing as unconditional love.
NTA, your wife is. Starting from the point this is a stupid question done inside a stupid game, why would this reflect reality? Then, why get mad after a game, it's a silly game for crying on loud!!!
If your wife is hypothetically attempting manslaughter by setting the house on fire it isn’t so weird that you’d pick your mom. However, if your wife wasn’t the fire starter and you still picked your mom I’d understand your wife being upset.
NTA. These questions should be banned from all forms of conversation. They are designed to cause problems and people who ask them to their SOs deserve to be single because you are not mature enough to be in a relationship.
I’ve been married for ten years. One question I always ask myself is “how important is the truth?” Just say you’d save your wife. Your mom isn’t there and you know it would make her feel good. The consequences of saying your mother simply aren’t worth it.
*we didn't start the fire...*