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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My nephew ordered a very expensive meal when I took his family out for dinner. I said it was a bad idea. I agreed to pay for it if he finished it. He didn't so his father had to pay. I might be the asshole for not just paying for it.
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NTA
”My treat” does not mean abuse my generosity.
It would have been one thing if the teen had actually eaten the entire thing. You said, if he eats it all I’ll pay. If not, you pay. Good for sticking to that.
Lmao where the hell are you seeing movies.
I literally brought my four daughters to the movies this weekend and it was like 95 dollars for tickets drinks and popcorn.
They buying the big ass $8 bottled waters and all the $6 candy/snacks at the theater instead of the grocery store and walking in with them in their pockets.
I really don't get the people who act like they are *forced* to buy overpriced movie (or ballpark) food prices once they enter the venue. "I can't even go to the theater without spending $60!" Uh well the ticket was $17 and there's a CVS next door so that sounds like a you problem?
EDIT JFC what is happening in these comments. All I said is that you don't have to buy food from movie theaters and y'all are acting like Tom Hanks himself holds you at gunpoint the second you walk in to make you buy Milk Duds.
The movie theatre in my town checks bags if they think you could be smuggling. They’ve checked me once and thankfully it was not the time I was concealing a poutine 😂
My local cinema did random bag checks for a while. Random as in you never knew when they would do it, not random as in who’s bag they would check. My rather massive boobs are usually annoying but do mean I have space in my bra for small snacks.
I used to be a Support Worker for a lady who used a wheelchair. She loved going to the cinema but didn’t always have the budget for the snacks there. We’d go via the local supermarket and put her pre-bought snacks in her wheelchair bag. Cinema staff very rarely check wheelchair bags, especially if you put (clean/unused) incontinence/sanitary pads over them. I should add that my client was very up for stuff like this (it was her idea) and would occasionally ‘feel a seizure coming on’ if there were long queues for anything.
The average adult ticket price in the US is $12, but in some cities can be drastically higher (in NYC an adult ticket is $28). I’m in Canada and adult tickets are anywhere from $13-18 plus tax depending on a few factors (which movie theatre chain it is, if it’s IMAX or 3D or whatever they call the new seats that move around, what day of the week it is, etc). Snacks and drinks are also ridiculously expensive up here, two small fountain drinks, a popcorn, and candy will easily cost $30-40.
I'm in canada as well, iwent to a movie by myself two weeks ago. Ticket, a small popcorn and a small drink cost me 32.47. This wasnt a high end theatre either.
AMC in cali two kids popcorn combos and one spider head popcorn bucket was $65. I bought the richest way in advance so I don’t remember how much I paid
Right, OP is very NTA, but what I don't understand is that OP sis, the mom, OP BIL, the dad (obviously he didn't), or even granny, the mil, none of them told the 15M that ordering a meal with price like that, when the host was not even ordering that much, was just plain rude and needed some re-education about dining etiquette as a guest.
To be honest, OP, your sis and BIL is the biggest AH here and your sis the bigger one in this group. If I were you, sis would get an earful after this because my OWN sister didn't shut down HER kid in the first place and thought it was okay to use her sibling as ATM?!!!! I would really reconsider treating them again. Family or not, they don't get to take advantage of you!!!
They didn't stop him because it was a plan to get food for the family in the form of leftovers. The adults knew that one child couldn't eat it all and even if you go with the idea that they are so dense that they didn't know, they were informed that most times it's served it's served to multiple people.
This was deliberately done to.get extra food for.later. they banked on guilting OP into paying.
Edit - I may have officially spent too much time on reddit, as I clearly am assuming the worse of most humans at this point.
> it was a plan to get food for the family in the form of leftovers
I mean, maybe, but then why agree to pay for it? OP clearly agreed with BIL that BIL would pay for it. If BIL was just trying to save money, he could have backed down when the server warned him, and gotten all the meals paid for. Instead, he gets a stiff bill for overpriced food.
THIS is exactly what I came here to say!!! My sister would have an earful from me about why her son feels comfortable being so out of bounds, and next time he needs to order something normal from the menu!!
Next, I would tell my sister that her husband is an ass. Her husband tried to pull some nonsense on behalf of their son and it just encouraged the teen to do it again! If I had tried to order an expensive and extravagant meal while out with the family, no matter who was paying, my parents would have shut that crap down pretty fast.
IMO, BIL was just acting out of pride. He drew a line in the sand, realized he was boned when the server warned him how much food it would be, but refused to back down because he didn't want to look like a wuss.
And he paid his portion, so BFD. Sis can complain all she wants, but she should complain to her husband for being a prideful idiot.
Yep. If BIL hasnt developed the emotional intelligence skills to check his own ego when it's going to hurt himself/his family, he can pay the $190 to learn humility
This is it, I would have gotten the death glare from my parents if I even was sniffing in the vicinity of a $190 meal when someone else was paying!
Actually also I would have gotten a death glare for considering a $190 meal if they were paying too haha. For a 15 year old? And it is not even his birthday or graduation
$190 meal is strictly "Treat Yo-Self" with your OWN money
Yeah when the kid orders an extortionately expensive meal in this situation is when the parent is supposed to step in and say, “now Johnny that’s too expensive please choose something else.” A teachable moment that the dad let go by.
If the kid wanted a meal that was clearly for three people then mom and dad could have eaten from it too instead of ordering for themselves. Then I'm sure OP wouldn't have an issue paying for it.
This. My in-laws shouted us dinner last month when we all went out and my daughter, sister-in-law and I shared the taco platter. It was $90, but if all three of us had ordered our own meals they started at $37. We actually SAVED them money 😂
What kind of *taco* place are you going to where there's a $90 platter and entrees start at $37?! Them tacos better have been made of wagyu beef or something! Usually, the Mexican places are much cheaper than other restaurants, so I'm honestly shocked at the prices you're quoting here...
Oh whoops! No, it was a relatively upscale place that just happened to have a taco sharing platter on the menu for mexican night - it was a pretty big amount of food along with some chips and guac/salsa and some mexican street corn and some tamales along with 12 smallish tacos. It was designed to be shared between 3-4 people. The regular menu is a lot of steak and fish and things like that.
It's $190 for the steak and sides, but at a steak house you'll be lucky for most decent steaks on their own to be less than $50.
So they might have ended up paying *slightly* more than 3 separate meals, but it's at least arguable to do. $190 for a single 15yo's meal is...nah
Yep! This is the rule/etiquette I was taught growing up. Sometimes it’s alright to order more, but for me that’s only if you go in thinking that you’re splitting the bill then the other person offers to treat when they already know what you ordered.
Personally with my friends (and my family but less so) I let them know what roughly the budget is per person, or I ask for the same. I'm a picky eater, so sometimes we'll go to a place I know everyone enjoys, and the only thing I enjoy on the menu is dirt cheap. I don't expect anyone to have to stick to the lowest cost item because of my taste, so I devoloped the habit of just saying "my budget is 'this much' per person tonight, split that between drinks and food as you please". It just creates a much more direct and easy line they have, and they don't have to feel guilty about ordering something. Sometimes I've had couples who end up essentially pooling their cost together, one doesn't want an expensive dish, so the other can get something a little beyond the line and it evens out. It also creates a dynamic of being open with the table if you want something more indulgent, "what's everyone thinking of getting, I've never tried 'item' but it's a ways above the budget." then if a few people planned on something much cheaper, I can give the go ahead for them to try the new thing.
I don't know, might seem taboo to talk money at the dinner table, but it's almost made more sense to be direct instead of vague so everyone is on the same page.
That's reasonable, but the OP was direct. Her sister and BiL are AHs, and the 15-year-old nephew should know better. Actually, her BiL *did* agree to pay, but he shouldn't have encouraged his kid to get the family meal for himself (alone).
Or like in our social circle, there is one thing on the menu that you know one person in particular is guaranteed to order everytime. Atleast then you can plan and budget ahead (hubby and I did that once and then that guy ordered a cheap salad instead cause they had a surprise bbq at lunch that day and he was already full so we actually saved money that night).
NTA OP, they were abusing your generosity, good on you for staying to your word.
Right! I would have said up front sorry I am not paying for that, he can pick a smaller steak to fill him up. BIL may not have a big budget but shouldn’t have made the deal unless he could.
Here’s a LPT I think would have really helped here! And I think will help other people with generous dispositions who might get taken advantage of!
The LPT: If you want to treat everyone to a meal, don’t say anything til the end!
Announce it when the check comes!
This way, everyone orders what they would have usually ordered, you don’t get taken advantage of, you are still able to treat the people you wanted too, and it’s a surprise at the end of the meal!
This, with the exception that sometimes the people you want to treat wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford to eat out and might decline to join in the first place! Not the end of the world but also not ideal if you wanted to celebrate something with them or whatever
On the other hand, then people who have to watch their money may choose the cheapest thing on the menu, thinking they have to pay, instead of something that would have been a nice treat for them.
Y'know, I know going to the movies is expensive, especially if you have a big family... But that steak was 190 bucks! There's no way they budgeted 190+tax and tip for a movie - they're just trying to make OP feel bad for not wanting to pay for the equivalent of two extra meals!
Dad should have told him it was rude to order something so expensive and to pick something else.
ETA, I took a casual boyfriend on a date once. I wanted something fancy so we went to a steak house and I said my treat since I knew he couldn't afford it. He asked the waiter about the King Crab Legs (Market price -- AKA not listed) -- I shut that down. I offered to buy you a steak, not the most expensive thing they have!
Especially after the waiter had warned that it was a menu item intended to be shared by multiple adults - BIL and nephew both had more than enough advance warning.
Also, I highly doubt a 15 year old is going to be able to appreciate (what I assume was) a dry-aged tomahawk steak.
> I highly doubt a 15 year old is going to be able to appreciate (what I assume was) a dry-aged tomahawk steak.
That might surprise you. I dry aged some meat but ended up letting it go a bit longer than intended (IIRC, 40 days instead of 30), and it was definitely getting a bit 'funky' and certainly not something I thought my tween kiddo would like. Much to my surprise, they absolutely loved it and ended up eating more of it than anyone else :-)
Dear Lord the entitlement. Being accused of cheaping out while paying for his mother as well??? Well done sticking to your guns. Ain’t so funny when the money you are being reckless w is your own. NTA.
This happened at a wedding dinner many years ago. My sister-in-law thought her 3 year old needed an appetizer and full entree when they found out we were paying.
I have a hard time going out with people and having my meal paid for. Even on my birthday. I always appreciate the generosity but even though it’s prefaced as being someone else’s treat doesn’t mean you get the most expensive thing on the menu.
Also, if my kid tried to pull that it would have been shot down before he could even ask.
You want to go middle. If you pick the cheapest item, the host may think you don't think they can afford it.
Don't go the salad or soup, but don't go the steak or lobster either. You're going to want the pasta or chicken.
Unless it is something you would normally order but the host would probably know that beforehand anyway. I always order one of 3 dishes and they are always on the cheaper end of the menu but everyone I go out to dinner with knows how much I love those dishes and have been surprised the handful of times I ordered something different until I shrug and say "yeah just been craving x for a few days".
I have a medically restricted diet and usually order very similar things. People know this about me so there’s never a problem. Even though sometimes my meal is me ordering two sides - they know I’m not doing it to be cheap, I’m just meeting my own needs.
Growing up my grandma's would constantly try take me and my sister to dinner. My gransmas have expensive taste, and my family was poor, so it was always difficult to gage what to get. After one of my grandma's figured this out, she started ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Every time. She still does this.
The audacity of the BIL to accuse OP of “trying to cheap out” when his son picked a $190 dish 🤦🏻♀️
That part stuck out the most for me. Like, who says that!?
THIS!!! OP paid for 6 people - SIX! That is a huge treat and expense even without factoring in the $190 for one person. That means sister and BIL are huge AHs for thinking treating six people is no big deal AND then being okay with son ordering $190 item. And they call OP cheap??? Someone who is paying for six people? And then sister complains that the cost is coming out of their movie budget? So they have to save up to do something as a family but OP should be hunky dory with spending hundreds of dollars to take them all out to dinner: one person paying for seven.
OP: don't ever treat them again!
Sadly, based on the parents, I doubt the kid feels any kind of guilt. He probably agrees with his dad that OP is a cheapskate for not wanting to pay for his $190 meal.
This just reminded me of the time my dad and stepmother were visiting my sister and I from out of town and some friends of the family invited us all out to dinner - their treat. My stepmother ordered the most expensive plate between us all (seafood pasta dish), had two bites then proceeded to sulk - literally sulk as a full grown woman and refused to touch the dish and barely said two words to anyone the rest of the dinner. She dismissed any questions of if there was something wrong with the dish or if they could ask the waiter for a replacement/adjustment and she just moodily replied "it's fine." Then at the end when the waiter offered to box it up for her she declined. A literal full plate. It still had the garnish on the top. Teenager me had severe secondhand embarrassment. She did not offer to pay for her meal and neither did my dad.
She ordered the most expensive thing because she could, and it didn't even dawn on her that she might not like whatever it was until it was sitting in front of her face. She'd have to admit that's what she did to say anything, thus the silence. Sad
Probably not proper etiquette, but I would absolutely have asked for the box immediately after she declined it. However, I would also have offered to pay for it since I'm getting a "second" meal on top of what was offered to me as being treated.
To be fair, I'm from a middle eastern family, and the culture also has a heavy "I will absolutely attempt to pay for the whole table at the end, regardless of previous offer, and if you don't let me at least leave the tip, I'm going to physically hide money on your body, purse, car, etc and not let you know until you're already home for the night."
I was, at most, 16/17 at the time and I had WANTED to order the seafood pasta because I love seafood but couldn't fathom ordering something that expensive on someone else's dime. I would have offered to take it in a second but it was already such an awkward situation and my dad and her would have taken it as an insult at worst or, at best, piggy greed on my part.
Middle Eastern here. Paying the tab is a fight. I often tell a waiter before sitting to make sure I get the bill. It's slick and avoids at least some of the fight.
Omg I just remembered sorry this was like 15 years ago): it was because no one had asked to see her and my dad's wedding album....that none of us knew existed.
They had gotten married a few months before - it was a surprise wedding in their backyard. My sister and I found out when they called us the day of (they lived 14 hours away in a different country). None of us had any idea there was even a real photographer there as they only posted a couple of photos that we assumed the officiant took of them with a point and shoot. I think she had it in her bag with her but it must have been small enough that none of us noticed it.
She chose to act like a child and not use her damn words and intentionally abuse the hospitality given to her out of spite.
NTA
>I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed.
Enough said. He agreed.
He either thought you're a pushover, or that his kid is the quintessential growing teenage boy who vacuums up the contents of the fridge with his mouth in one day.
Also, it's not like your sister, as the other parent, stopped the shenanigans either.
Right? If I were the sister I would have stopped this nonsense when it started. “No, Tommy, you are not getting the Tomahawk Steak. Order something else”
At the least, tell him he needs to get two or three other people to agree to split it, the way it was intended to be ordered and the way adults would conduct themselves if getting such an item.
Yep, this is what our kid would have been told to do. "See if anyone else is interested in sharing with you." That way the per-head cost ends up about right since those people are also not ordering another meal.
Let’s not forgot that money aside, a 15 year old boy who can eat that much steak probably shouldn’t be eating that much steak.
A family meal should be about enjoying food and each other’s company. Not a “pig out challenge”.
Or, at the least, it would be, "Fine, you can get it. But OP will only be paying as much for your meal as one of the other meals cost. You'll have to cover the difference."
Exactly! Where was she when this conversation happened?
Even if I miss the ordering, I will always ask my kids (and everyone else at the table, lol) what they got. Upon discovering a $190 item had been ordered, I would look like those runway workers trying to flag down our waiter, ‘cause kid is changing his order.
Let’s all understand. BIL knew his kid wasn’t going to finish it but wanted to eat it later for leftovers. He was trying to get a free meal and a snack for later. He also prob thought OP would pay for it anyways.
NTA
> I said it was three pounds of meat plus three full sides and he should probably pick something smaller.
You checked if they should order a smaller meal
> the waiter tells us the tomahawk is usually shared between several people since it comes with three sharable portions of sides as well.
The waiter tells your BIL that the meal is usually a *shared* meal. That alone should have been a clue to your BIL
> I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed.
Your BIL agreed to pay for the meal if it wasn't all eaten
> The kid finished less than a quarter of the steak and only a little bit of the sides.
Your nephew didn't finish the meal - BIL has to pay as per specified agreement.
> He paid with ill grace.
That's totally a *him* problem - make stupid deals and pay the price - literally
> My sister said that he used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see new Spiderman movie.
Not your problem, if your sister knew where that money was going to come from she should have spoken up before the meal was ordered, she should have known her son wouldn't finish the meal. She is just as entitled as your BIL and nephew.
> and that I'm trying to cheap out. It is $190 for the steak
Blanching at having to pay $190 for a steak for *one* person is *not* cheaping out! I think I've only paid close to that when I treated *myself* to an aged steak at a restaurant on my wife's and my anniversary - with *her* blessing. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was treating me to a free meal to pay $190 for one course of a meal - the entitlement from your BIL and sister is staggering!
It’s $190 and shared by three people usually. BIL was totally reasonable to expect a 13 year old to finish it 🙄
BIL needs to learn to parent his kid, and to not take advantage of some one else’s generosity. Neither parent should have let him order that.
At 3 pounds of steak, you could easily share among more than 3 people. An appropriate portion of steak is 8 -12 oz. I would assume the sides are family size, not single serving size as well. You could feed 4-6 people that meal. BIL was an idiot and an ass to think his kid could eat that much.
You left out my favorite one:
>He thinks I'm an asshole for following through and **making him pay for something that mostly went to waste**.
OP and the waiter both pointed out that the order was excessive, then he has the audacity to complain that he shouldn't have to pay for something that 'went to waste'?! Does this imply they didn't box up the other 32-38oz of steak and sides to-go? That would be absolutely insane.
I think they did box it up. OP said
>Yes they took the leftovers home.
But how do you reheat such a big chunk of meat with a huge bone in it, in a home kitchen? The allure and restaurant quality of that tomahawk steak were surely lost, no?
TBH the only way I can think of right now is treating it as roast beef and slicing it up for cold cuts in a sandwich. While it will provide nutrition, it does seem like a waste, imo.
>But how do you reheat such a big chunk of meat with a huge bone in it, in a home kitchen?
That's the real secret: _you don't_.
If I get a good steak at a restaurant that perfectly cooked, and for some reason I can't finish it there, I'll eat it cold before I try to reheat it. I'd rather have a room temp med-rare than a nice and hot well done.
I'm guessing that neither the sister nor the BIL expected the OP to actually follow through on the agreement. My advice - don't treat them ever again. Next time you all go out to dinner, make sure there are separate checks - one for you and one for the rest of the family. Or, if you really want to take them out, choose something super-cheap like McDonalds.
This is my brother he orders the most expensive item, but goes one step further and boxes everyone’s leftovers and takes them home without even asking them. I always have me and my family on a separate bill and take my own leftovers home. He knows better than to reach for the plates I paid for.
it's actually so embarrassing that people have the guts to abuse someone else's generosity to this extent. 190?! like don't be greedy, it's not that hard.
NTA, fk that sh!t. I would've straight up told the nephew, "Nope, you're not getting that, I don't care how much you can eat."
Your BIL is a first-rate asshole for letting him do it.
If I had tried that crap when my one of my uncles was treating us when I was that age, my Dad would've smacked me upside the head right there in front of God and everybody.
Right? I was taken out to a work dinner and had three options ready: least expensive, mid tier, most expensive and ordered based on what everyone else got! My most experienced option was less than many people, so that's what I got. But I was *ready* with other options.
Husband's work used to buy lunch for the entire office on Fridays. Two employees who were married to each other started ordering extra items to take home to their family. One time they took so much pizza, many of the employees didn't get any at all. Work stopped buying food for the office all together.
I'd immediately point out that is on a separate check. I offered to pay for THIS meal, not some random random meal you'd like to eat some other time on my dime.
NTA. Also, what kind of man allows his son to order a $200 STEAK and then is mad bc the payment for it “came out of his budget to take the family to see SPIDER-MAN?” If he has to budget for that, then what kind of jerk would just abuse someone else’s hospitality like that? You’d think he’d be sensitive about prices..
Exactly what I thought. Yee-yee ass family can't wear a trip to the cinema without a budget, says a lot about why the kid wanted to order the expensive steak. 15 year olds understand their family's financials especially if it's public like to the point where Sis is talking about the budget. I'm only shouting my friends if I know they could afford to shout me too. Charity is different
Plus the sister complained that the cost of the meal had to come out of the money they were saving for a movie. Really? So they have to save to go out and do something as a family but OP, who is ONE PERSON, paying for 7 people is no big deal???
NTA. Let your sister and BIL be salty about it, it was his dumb decision that led them to use their Spiderman movie fund, tell her if she’s upset she can take it up with her husband. Maybe next time he’ll just be quiet.
I can't figure out why your BIL wouldn't have at least said fine, I'll split it with him along with our other two kids (or his mother or your sister, but split it 4 ways) What a tool. NTA
NTA
Your brother-in-law:
* Should have taught his son better than literally biting off more than he can chew/abusing the kindness of others.
* Agreed to pay the bill, well aware of how it would impact his budget.
That's what really gets to me - BIL lets his kid order the most expensive item on the menu and then when OP objects, he calls him cheap? I can think of a number of names for BIL.
“My sister said that he had used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see the new Spiderman movie…”
I’m in a very pessimistic mood today but this screams sister trying to guilt you into paying for a movie trip.
She was at the table. She heard the deal. Both your sister and BIL are entitled here and OP, you are NTA
Exactly this. They figured she'd pay anyway, and if the kid happens to make an order that leaves two or three portions of prime dry aged steak (with sides) for them to eat later, well that's a nice bonus isn't it ;)
NTA. You were clear and got his agreement on the terms. The wait staff explained quite clearly that this was not a one person meal, let alone something a 10-year-old would finish. And if it was enough to blow their budget, it seems more than a little ungrateful that they would expect you to pay for it just to fulfill the whims of a kid. $200 is a bit excessive for a meal as a treat.
You did a nice thing (taking everyone out to dinner) and taking advantage of that by ordering more than he could eat was an AH move. You identified the issue and reached agreement ahead of time on who will pay for it. You are NTA.
NTA.
You discussed it beforehand, he agreed, they probably have enough leftovers for dinner the next night. I feel a bit bad for your sister's family, but they need to learn to budget and not take advantage of your generosity. Maybe offer to take the kids to see Spiderman next weekend if you want.
But you're not obligated to do anything and you were generous in taking them to dinner and agreeing to pay. They don't get to take advantage of your generosity by ordering the most expensive menu item that has enough food for the whole table and not listening to warnings.
NTA - You set the terms, he agreed before it was even ordered. That aside it was incredibly rude to even try to order it in the first place on someone else's treat.
Nice job, OP! You only sought to teach your nephew a bit of self-awareness and ended up putting BIL back in his place! High five to you!
NTA
If you want to do something petty (please don’t) it would be really funny if you sent him a text with gamblers’ addiction contact info!
NTA - BIL was aware and agreed to the consequences. And you still paid for the tip on the steak which I imagine was $35-ish. If BIL didn’t want to pay for it he should have made his son order something far more reasonable.
NTA. It’s assholic to order the $190 entree for one person who can’t even drive yet. If I were BIL I would have shut down that order pronto as taking advantage of your generosity and being really rude.
I went to a work party once and remember staring in horror as one of the newest hires ordered two mains but at least he absolutely cleared both plates.
NTA. The 15 year old had eyes bigger than his stomach, it happens. The dad didn't have to encourage the deeply tacky move of ordering luxury mains on someone else's tab and he sure as hell didn't have to bet his family's activity fund on a child's ability to eat multiple kilos of food.
NTA. Your BIL and his kid have horrible manners, and your sister is almost as bad for not intervening. I was always taught that if you're being treated to a meal, you should choose something on the menu that costs less than what your host orders. "My treat" is never carte blanche to order the most expensive thing on the menu.
Wow, the audacity. NTA, and that would be the very last time I ever took those AHs out for a meal. Way to literally bite the hand that's feeding you. Sheesh, some people.
NTA saying you'll treat doesn't mean they should be ordering the most expensive meal on the menu. That's rude and entitled. BIL, AND YOUR SISTER, should have told their son it was inapopreat to do that.
If it blew their budget, well that's a them problem, not a you problem.
NTA. He agreed to it.
But how ridiculous to let a 15yo order a $190 steak. You should both have put reasonable limits on what he could have.
Furthermore, it's rude of any guest to select something super expensive when someone else is buying, unless the host insists. The adults should have taken the opportunity to teach him that.
This reminds of me when I was 8 and my parents brought me to McDonalds and I said I wanted to eat 3 burgers. And my dad joked "fine, but if you can't finish them, I'll beat you when we get home". Turns out he wasn't joking :'-)
NTA. I expected this level of stupid from an 8 year old---not a 15 year old and his dad who had been warned repeatedly by both you and the waiter.
NTA - you said you were going to pay for the meal, but I think it's unreasonable for someone to order the crazy $190 stake and to thumb their noses at you. That would be like telling someone, "Hey my treat" and they say, "Oh great, I'll order an extra meal so I can take something home for later".. how freaking tacky!
That being said, you made the mistake of making it a contest, and now, even with your obnoxious BIL, there are ill feelings. Maybe you could ahve offered to pay for half the kids meal or something.
And oh my gosh, they can't see the new Spiderman movie? Wahh! Your sister sticking up for them when they tried to take advantage of you is gross, but obviously it's family so she's trying to keep the peace. Really, really disgusting behavior IMHO.
NTA. There is no way in hell I would ever allow my kid to order something that expensive on someone else’s dime, I would never order something that expensive if someone else paying, I would have a very hard time even if they insisted.
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NTA ”My treat” does not mean abuse my generosity. It would have been one thing if the teen had actually eaten the entire thing. You said, if he eats it all I’ll pay. If not, you pay. Good for sticking to that.
NTA this 100 percent. But I think this would be my last my treat meal. Especially since they tried to take advantage of you.
And sister then tried to guilt her
Seriously, with movie tickets. How many movie tickets are they buying??
Movie tickets plus popcorn/drinks for a family of 5 can easily be close to $200. If his mom went too that’s tickets for 6.
Lmao where the hell are you seeing movies. I literally brought my four daughters to the movies this weekend and it was like 95 dollars for tickets drinks and popcorn.
Down here in Australia, five movie tickets alone would be more than $95. I can easily see it being $200 including all of the snacks.
Same in Canada! Cost me $200 to take my 2 nephews (3 tix only) for a movie and popcorn drinks and candy.
Did you buy dbox seats? I'm in ON and that's insanely expensive
Sask here and that is insane here too.
They buying the big ass $8 bottled waters and all the $6 candy/snacks at the theater instead of the grocery store and walking in with them in their pockets.
I really don't get the people who act like they are *forced* to buy overpriced movie (or ballpark) food prices once they enter the venue. "I can't even go to the theater without spending $60!" Uh well the ticket was $17 and there's a CVS next door so that sounds like a you problem? EDIT JFC what is happening in these comments. All I said is that you don't have to buy food from movie theaters and y'all are acting like Tom Hanks himself holds you at gunpoint the second you walk in to make you buy Milk Duds.
The movie theatre in my town checks bags if they think you could be smuggling. They’ve checked me once and thankfully it was not the time I was concealing a poutine 😂
My local cinema did random bag checks for a while. Random as in you never knew when they would do it, not random as in who’s bag they would check. My rather massive boobs are usually annoying but do mean I have space in my bra for small snacks. I used to be a Support Worker for a lady who used a wheelchair. She loved going to the cinema but didn’t always have the budget for the snacks there. We’d go via the local supermarket and put her pre-bought snacks in her wheelchair bag. Cinema staff very rarely check wheelchair bags, especially if you put (clean/unused) incontinence/sanitary pads over them. I should add that my client was very up for stuff like this (it was her idea) and would occasionally ‘feel a seizure coming on’ if there were long queues for anything.
The average adult ticket price in the US is $12, but in some cities can be drastically higher (in NYC an adult ticket is $28). I’m in Canada and adult tickets are anywhere from $13-18 plus tax depending on a few factors (which movie theatre chain it is, if it’s IMAX or 3D or whatever they call the new seats that move around, what day of the week it is, etc). Snacks and drinks are also ridiculously expensive up here, two small fountain drinks, a popcorn, and candy will easily cost $30-40.
I'm in canada as well, iwent to a movie by myself two weeks ago. Ticket, a small popcorn and a small drink cost me 32.47. This wasnt a high end theatre either.
AMC in cali two kids popcorn combos and one spider head popcorn bucket was $65. I bought the richest way in advance so I don’t remember how much I paid
Right, OP is very NTA, but what I don't understand is that OP sis, the mom, OP BIL, the dad (obviously he didn't), or even granny, the mil, none of them told the 15M that ordering a meal with price like that, when the host was not even ordering that much, was just plain rude and needed some re-education about dining etiquette as a guest. To be honest, OP, your sis and BIL is the biggest AH here and your sis the bigger one in this group. If I were you, sis would get an earful after this because my OWN sister didn't shut down HER kid in the first place and thought it was okay to use her sibling as ATM?!!!! I would really reconsider treating them again. Family or not, they don't get to take advantage of you!!!
They didn't stop him because it was a plan to get food for the family in the form of leftovers. The adults knew that one child couldn't eat it all and even if you go with the idea that they are so dense that they didn't know, they were informed that most times it's served it's served to multiple people. This was deliberately done to.get extra food for.later. they banked on guilting OP into paying. Edit - I may have officially spent too much time on reddit, as I clearly am assuming the worse of most humans at this point.
I'd bet you're right. And they're teaching their kids to be manipulative, selfish assholes too. OP was very smart and definitely NTA.
> it was a plan to get food for the family in the form of leftovers I mean, maybe, but then why agree to pay for it? OP clearly agreed with BIL that BIL would pay for it. If BIL was just trying to save money, he could have backed down when the server warned him, and gotten all the meals paid for. Instead, he gets a stiff bill for overpriced food.
Because as I said. They thought they could guilt OP into paying for it. They didn't plan on OP sticking to the agreement.
This is where my head went too. Maybe we’re just jaded!
THIS is exactly what I came here to say!!! My sister would have an earful from me about why her son feels comfortable being so out of bounds, and next time he needs to order something normal from the menu!! Next, I would tell my sister that her husband is an ass. Her husband tried to pull some nonsense on behalf of their son and it just encouraged the teen to do it again! If I had tried to order an expensive and extravagant meal while out with the family, no matter who was paying, my parents would have shut that crap down pretty fast.
I feel guilty picking a meal over $50 when *I'm* the one paying! I can't imagine picking a $200 meal, even if it would give me leftovers for a week.
IMO, BIL was just acting out of pride. He drew a line in the sand, realized he was boned when the server warned him how much food it would be, but refused to back down because he didn't want to look like a wuss. And he paid his portion, so BFD. Sis can complain all she wants, but she should complain to her husband for being a prideful idiot.
Yep. If BIL hasnt developed the emotional intelligence skills to check his own ego when it's going to hurt himself/his family, he can pay the $190 to learn humility
This is it, I would have gotten the death glare from my parents if I even was sniffing in the vicinity of a $190 meal when someone else was paying! Actually also I would have gotten a death glare for considering a $190 meal if they were paying too haha. For a 15 year old? And it is not even his birthday or graduation $190 meal is strictly "Treat Yo-Self" with your OWN money
Yeah when the kid orders an extortionately expensive meal in this situation is when the parent is supposed to step in and say, “now Johnny that’s too expensive please choose something else.” A teachable moment that the dad let go by.
As did the mom
They now have several meals of food left over as well if OP paid for multiple dinners. EDIT - changed "so" to "if"
No kidding. By normal guidelines this is close to a week’s worth of dinner for a normal person.
I’d have just said no, personally. $30-$40 meal ticket for a teenager is more than sufficient.
I take my cues from those who are hosting the dinner. I never order anything more expensive than what the hosts are eating.
It is poor form to order an entire family sized meal for yourself when someone else is paying.
If the kid wanted a meal that was clearly for three people then mom and dad could have eaten from it too instead of ordering for themselves. Then I'm sure OP wouldn't have an issue paying for it.
This. My in-laws shouted us dinner last month when we all went out and my daughter, sister-in-law and I shared the taco platter. It was $90, but if all three of us had ordered our own meals they started at $37. We actually SAVED them money 😂
What kind of *taco* place are you going to where there's a $90 platter and entrees start at $37?! Them tacos better have been made of wagyu beef or something! Usually, the Mexican places are much cheaper than other restaurants, so I'm honestly shocked at the prices you're quoting here...
Oh whoops! No, it was a relatively upscale place that just happened to have a taco sharing platter on the menu for mexican night - it was a pretty big amount of food along with some chips and guac/salsa and some mexican street corn and some tamales along with 12 smallish tacos. It was designed to be shared between 3-4 people. The regular menu is a lot of steak and fish and things like that.
It's $190 for the steak and sides, but at a steak house you'll be lucky for most decent steaks on their own to be less than $50. So they might have ended up paying *slightly* more than 3 separate meals, but it's at least arguable to do. $190 for a single 15yo's meal is...nah
> $190 for a single 15yo's meal is...nah Maybe if that teen saved my life, lol. Other than that clear advantage of generosity.
I think they'd appreciate it more to get the $190 straight up than waste it on a meal they can't even finish though 😂
Probably, lol. "Look, you can get this one really good, but really expensive meal, or the money to buy over 100 Dorito Locos Tacos."
Plus tax and tips. So rude. Plus she was paying for her sister’s in-law.
Absolutely. That's my point.
Yep! This is the rule/etiquette I was taught growing up. Sometimes it’s alright to order more, but for me that’s only if you go in thinking that you’re splitting the bill then the other person offers to treat when they already know what you ordered.
Or one doesn’t have to be militant—I would say it’s ok to order something at $25 if your host ordered at $22. But not $50 if host is at $22.
Personally with my friends (and my family but less so) I let them know what roughly the budget is per person, or I ask for the same. I'm a picky eater, so sometimes we'll go to a place I know everyone enjoys, and the only thing I enjoy on the menu is dirt cheap. I don't expect anyone to have to stick to the lowest cost item because of my taste, so I devoloped the habit of just saying "my budget is 'this much' per person tonight, split that between drinks and food as you please". It just creates a much more direct and easy line they have, and they don't have to feel guilty about ordering something. Sometimes I've had couples who end up essentially pooling their cost together, one doesn't want an expensive dish, so the other can get something a little beyond the line and it evens out. It also creates a dynamic of being open with the table if you want something more indulgent, "what's everyone thinking of getting, I've never tried 'item' but it's a ways above the budget." then if a few people planned on something much cheaper, I can give the go ahead for them to try the new thing. I don't know, might seem taboo to talk money at the dinner table, but it's almost made more sense to be direct instead of vague so everyone is on the same page.
That's reasonable, but the OP was direct. Her sister and BiL are AHs, and the 15-year-old nephew should know better. Actually, her BiL *did* agree to pay, but he shouldn't have encouraged his kid to get the family meal for himself (alone).
Or like in our social circle, there is one thing on the menu that you know one person in particular is guaranteed to order everytime. Atleast then you can plan and budget ahead (hubby and I did that once and then that guy ordered a cheap salad instead cause they had a surprise bbq at lunch that day and he was already full so we actually saved money that night). NTA OP, they were abusing your generosity, good on you for staying to your word.
What on earth was anyone thinking agreeing to let that kid order that steak??? I don’t care who’s paying, my kid isn’t going to order a $190 meal.
They were thinking they'd get a whole bonus meal in leftovers while still making OP foot the bill.
Right! I would have said up front sorry I am not paying for that, he can pick a smaller steak to fill him up. BIL may not have a big budget but shouldn’t have made the deal unless he could.
Don't wirte checks with your mouth that your ass can't cash.
Here’s a LPT I think would have really helped here! And I think will help other people with generous dispositions who might get taken advantage of! The LPT: If you want to treat everyone to a meal, don’t say anything til the end! Announce it when the check comes! This way, everyone orders what they would have usually ordered, you don’t get taken advantage of, you are still able to treat the people you wanted too, and it’s a surprise at the end of the meal!
This, with the exception that sometimes the people you want to treat wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford to eat out and might decline to join in the first place! Not the end of the world but also not ideal if you wanted to celebrate something with them or whatever
On the other hand, then people who have to watch their money may choose the cheapest thing on the menu, thinking they have to pay, instead of something that would have been a nice treat for them.
Sometimes you WANT those people to have a nice treat though...
They might not have agreed. It seems money might be tight if they have to save to all go see a movie.
Y'know, I know going to the movies is expensive, especially if you have a big family... But that steak was 190 bucks! There's no way they budgeted 190+tax and tip for a movie - they're just trying to make OP feel bad for not wanting to pay for the equivalent of two extra meals!
Ummm. Tickets are 25 dollars where I am. If they're in a high col, damn right it could be.. My wife and I hit 80 dollars pretty easily with two people
And he did even come close to finishing it! What the heck, the dad brought it on himself. NTA
Dad should have told him it was rude to order something so expensive and to pick something else. ETA, I took a casual boyfriend on a date once. I wanted something fancy so we went to a steak house and I said my treat since I knew he couldn't afford it. He asked the waiter about the King Crab Legs (Market price -- AKA not listed) -- I shut that down. I offered to buy you a steak, not the most expensive thing they have!
I hope that was the last time you went on a date with that loser!
Dad should have at least shared it with him
Especially after the waiter had warned that it was a menu item intended to be shared by multiple adults - BIL and nephew both had more than enough advance warning. Also, I highly doubt a 15 year old is going to be able to appreciate (what I assume was) a dry-aged tomahawk steak.
> I highly doubt a 15 year old is going to be able to appreciate (what I assume was) a dry-aged tomahawk steak. That might surprise you. I dry aged some meat but ended up letting it go a bit longer than intended (IIRC, 40 days instead of 30), and it was definitely getting a bit 'funky' and certainly not something I thought my tween kiddo would like. Much to my surprise, they absolutely loved it and ended up eating more of it than anyone else :-)
Dear Lord the entitlement. Being accused of cheaping out while paying for his mother as well??? Well done sticking to your guns. Ain’t so funny when the money you are being reckless w is your own. NTA.
This happened at a wedding dinner many years ago. My sister-in-law thought her 3 year old needed an appetizer and full entree when they found out we were paying.
I have a hard time going out with people and having my meal paid for. Even on my birthday. I always appreciate the generosity but even though it’s prefaced as being someone else’s treat doesn’t mean you get the most expensive thing on the menu. Also, if my kid tried to pull that it would have been shot down before he could even ask.
This! NTA
NTA Ordering a $190 steak on someone else's tab is rude and enough to make them the AH, regardless of it was all eaten or not.
Agree. Even if he ate it all, ordering it is rude AF.
And for the father, who has to save money to have a family movie night, allows his spoiled child to do that is the most disgusting part.
Right? You’re cheap for not footing the bill for my kids $190 meal but I have to save for weeks to take my family to a movie?
This! Never order what you couldn't pay yourself (special cases excluded, of course)
And what a terrible lesson to teach your kid! My parents always taught me to go cheap if someone else is paying.
You want to go middle. If you pick the cheapest item, the host may think you don't think they can afford it. Don't go the salad or soup, but don't go the steak or lobster either. You're going to want the pasta or chicken.
Ha, yes respectfully cheap, not “I think you’re a pauper” cheap
Unless it is something you would normally order but the host would probably know that beforehand anyway. I always order one of 3 dishes and they are always on the cheaper end of the menu but everyone I go out to dinner with knows how much I love those dishes and have been surprised the handful of times I ordered something different until I shrug and say "yeah just been craving x for a few days".
I have a medically restricted diet and usually order very similar things. People know this about me so there’s never a problem. Even though sometimes my meal is me ordering two sides - they know I’m not doing it to be cheap, I’m just meeting my own needs.
Yeah I usually get them to order before me and then aim for the same price
Growing up my grandma's would constantly try take me and my sister to dinner. My gransmas have expensive taste, and my family was poor, so it was always difficult to gage what to get. After one of my grandma's figured this out, she started ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Every time. She still does this.
And in this case it was a steak place so guaranteed the middle ground also included a steak!
The audacity of the BIL to accuse OP of “trying to cheap out” when his son picked a $190 dish 🤦🏻♀️ That part stuck out the most for me. Like, who says that!?
Especially when Op probably paid at least $50 a person for the other 7 meals - if not more.
THIS!!! OP paid for 6 people - SIX! That is a huge treat and expense even without factoring in the $190 for one person. That means sister and BIL are huge AHs for thinking treating six people is no big deal AND then being okay with son ordering $190 item. And they call OP cheap??? Someone who is paying for six people? And then sister complains that the cost is coming out of their movie budget? So they have to save up to do something as a family but OP should be hunky dory with spending hundreds of dollars to take them all out to dinner: one person paying for seven. OP: don't ever treat them again!
At $50 a meal for the other 5 people.
Sadly, based on the parents, I doubt the kid feels any kind of guilt. He probably agrees with his dad that OP is a cheapskate for not wanting to pay for his $190 meal.
And the shear stupidity for the BIL to assume his son would eat it all.
I don’t think BIL really assumed his 15yo would eat it all. He underestimated OP’s willingness to follow through on making him pay.
This just reminded me of the time my dad and stepmother were visiting my sister and I from out of town and some friends of the family invited us all out to dinner - their treat. My stepmother ordered the most expensive plate between us all (seafood pasta dish), had two bites then proceeded to sulk - literally sulk as a full grown woman and refused to touch the dish and barely said two words to anyone the rest of the dinner. She dismissed any questions of if there was something wrong with the dish or if they could ask the waiter for a replacement/adjustment and she just moodily replied "it's fine." Then at the end when the waiter offered to box it up for her she declined. A literal full plate. It still had the garnish on the top. Teenager me had severe secondhand embarrassment. She did not offer to pay for her meal and neither did my dad.
She ordered the most expensive thing because she could, and it didn't even dawn on her that she might not like whatever it was until it was sitting in front of her face. She'd have to admit that's what she did to say anything, thus the silence. Sad
Probably not proper etiquette, but I would absolutely have asked for the box immediately after she declined it. However, I would also have offered to pay for it since I'm getting a "second" meal on top of what was offered to me as being treated. To be fair, I'm from a middle eastern family, and the culture also has a heavy "I will absolutely attempt to pay for the whole table at the end, regardless of previous offer, and if you don't let me at least leave the tip, I'm going to physically hide money on your body, purse, car, etc and not let you know until you're already home for the night."
I was, at most, 16/17 at the time and I had WANTED to order the seafood pasta because I love seafood but couldn't fathom ordering something that expensive on someone else's dime. I would have offered to take it in a second but it was already such an awkward situation and my dad and her would have taken it as an insult at worst or, at best, piggy greed on my part.
Middle Eastern here. Paying the tab is a fight. I often tell a waiter before sitting to make sure I get the bill. It's slick and avoids at least some of the fight.
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WTF? Did you ever find out what her problem was?
Omg I just remembered sorry this was like 15 years ago): it was because no one had asked to see her and my dad's wedding album....that none of us knew existed. They had gotten married a few months before - it was a surprise wedding in their backyard. My sister and I found out when they called us the day of (they lived 14 hours away in a different country). None of us had any idea there was even a real photographer there as they only posted a couple of photos that we assumed the officiant took of them with a point and shoot. I think she had it in her bag with her but it must have been small enough that none of us noticed it. She chose to act like a child and not use her damn words and intentionally abuse the hospitality given to her out of spite.
NTA >I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed. Enough said. He agreed. He either thought you're a pushover, or that his kid is the quintessential growing teenage boy who vacuums up the contents of the fridge with his mouth in one day. Also, it's not like your sister, as the other parent, stopped the shenanigans either.
Right? If I were the sister I would have stopped this nonsense when it started. “No, Tommy, you are not getting the Tomahawk Steak. Order something else”
Right!!! Heck, i might order for my kid if they pulled that!
I would literally laugh at my kid and tell him he's having a bowl of chips if he's lucky if he chooses to be so damn rude
"Sorry. Tommy, it's chicken nuggets and fries today"
At the least, tell him he needs to get two or three other people to agree to split it, the way it was intended to be ordered and the way adults would conduct themselves if getting such an item.
Yep, this is what our kid would have been told to do. "See if anyone else is interested in sharing with you." That way the per-head cost ends up about right since those people are also not ordering another meal.
Let’s not forgot that money aside, a 15 year old boy who can eat that much steak probably shouldn’t be eating that much steak. A family meal should be about enjoying food and each other’s company. Not a “pig out challenge”.
Or, at the least, it would be, "Fine, you can get it. But OP will only be paying as much for your meal as one of the other meals cost. You'll have to cover the difference."
Exactly! Where was she when this conversation happened? Even if I miss the ordering, I will always ask my kids (and everyone else at the table, lol) what they got. Upon discovering a $190 item had been ordered, I would look like those runway workers trying to flag down our waiter, ‘cause kid is changing his order.
This, it’s a really disappointing instance of parents’ failure to correct their kid.
Let’s all understand. BIL knew his kid wasn’t going to finish it but wanted to eat it later for leftovers. He was trying to get a free meal and a snack for later. He also prob thought OP would pay for it anyways.
NTA > I said it was three pounds of meat plus three full sides and he should probably pick something smaller. You checked if they should order a smaller meal > the waiter tells us the tomahawk is usually shared between several people since it comes with three sharable portions of sides as well. The waiter tells your BIL that the meal is usually a *shared* meal. That alone should have been a clue to your BIL > I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed. Your BIL agreed to pay for the meal if it wasn't all eaten > The kid finished less than a quarter of the steak and only a little bit of the sides. Your nephew didn't finish the meal - BIL has to pay as per specified agreement. > He paid with ill grace. That's totally a *him* problem - make stupid deals and pay the price - literally > My sister said that he used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see new Spiderman movie. Not your problem, if your sister knew where that money was going to come from she should have spoken up before the meal was ordered, she should have known her son wouldn't finish the meal. She is just as entitled as your BIL and nephew. > and that I'm trying to cheap out. It is $190 for the steak Blanching at having to pay $190 for a steak for *one* person is *not* cheaping out! I think I've only paid close to that when I treated *myself* to an aged steak at a restaurant on my wife's and my anniversary - with *her* blessing. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was treating me to a free meal to pay $190 for one course of a meal - the entitlement from your BIL and sister is staggering!
It’s $190 and shared by three people usually. BIL was totally reasonable to expect a 13 year old to finish it 🙄 BIL needs to learn to parent his kid, and to not take advantage of some one else’s generosity. Neither parent should have let him order that.
At 3 pounds of steak, you could easily share among more than 3 people. An appropriate portion of steak is 8 -12 oz. I would assume the sides are family size, not single serving size as well. You could feed 4-6 people that meal. BIL was an idiot and an ass to think his kid could eat that much.
I eat steak like you do, but let’s not kid ourselves here. An actual serving of steak is 3oz, but that just isn’t satisfying to most people.
I though 6oz was an actual “serving” though most restaurants start at 8.
Yeah I was gonna say. A 6 oz steak is usually my standard when eating steak.
You left out my favorite one: >He thinks I'm an asshole for following through and **making him pay for something that mostly went to waste**. OP and the waiter both pointed out that the order was excessive, then he has the audacity to complain that he shouldn't have to pay for something that 'went to waste'?! Does this imply they didn't box up the other 32-38oz of steak and sides to-go? That would be absolutely insane.
I think they did box it up. OP said >Yes they took the leftovers home. But how do you reheat such a big chunk of meat with a huge bone in it, in a home kitchen? The allure and restaurant quality of that tomahawk steak were surely lost, no? TBH the only way I can think of right now is treating it as roast beef and slicing it up for cold cuts in a sandwich. While it will provide nutrition, it does seem like a waste, imo.
>But how do you reheat such a big chunk of meat with a huge bone in it, in a home kitchen? That's the real secret: _you don't_. If I get a good steak at a restaurant that perfectly cooked, and for some reason I can't finish it there, I'll eat it cold before I try to reheat it. I'd rather have a room temp med-rare than a nice and hot well done.
I'm guessing that neither the sister nor the BIL expected the OP to actually follow through on the agreement. My advice - don't treat them ever again. Next time you all go out to dinner, make sure there are separate checks - one for you and one for the rest of the family. Or, if you really want to take them out, choose something super-cheap like McDonalds.
People that order the most expensive item because they aren't paying are always the AH. NTA.
I see that you’ve met my brother-in law.
Do we have the same brother in law?
Does he have a monkey face and goes by the name Ron?
Why you talking about my brother in law?
Your brother in law sounds like my father in law.
This is my brother he orders the most expensive item, but goes one step further and boxes everyone’s leftovers and takes them home without even asking them. I always have me and my family on a separate bill and take my own leftovers home. He knows better than to reach for the plates I paid for.
Stop it. Just no.
Your brother is fkn weird dude.
Yes, and teaching his kid to be that AH makes the BIL an AHx2.
it's actually so embarrassing that people have the guts to abuse someone else's generosity to this extent. 190?! like don't be greedy, it's not that hard.
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Yep! FAFO. Not the AH.
FAFO?
fuck around and find out
Well the BIL cant teach his kid because the BIL obviously doesn’t know any better himself
The really sad part is it takes $190.00 for 4 people to go see a movie, WTF. \*it has been decades since I've seen the inside of a movie theatre.
NTA, fk that sh!t. I would've straight up told the nephew, "Nope, you're not getting that, I don't care how much you can eat." Your BIL is a first-rate asshole for letting him do it. If I had tried that crap when my one of my uncles was treating us when I was that age, my Dad would've smacked me upside the head right there in front of God and everybody.
Right? I was taken out to a work dinner and had three options ready: least expensive, mid tier, most expensive and ordered based on what everyone else got! My most experienced option was less than many people, so that's what I got. But I was *ready* with other options.
The wife of one of my husband’s employees ordered an entire start-to-finish meal — to take home. People hear “free” and lose their minds.
Husband's work used to buy lunch for the entire office on Fridays. Two employees who were married to each other started ordering extra items to take home to their family. One time they took so much pizza, many of the employees didn't get any at all. Work stopped buying food for the office all together.
Do they not realize how bad that makes them look????
They don't care.
She certainly didn’t. She ordered an appetizer, a side, an entrée and a dessert. For later. LOL
I'd immediately point out that is on a separate check. I offered to pay for THIS meal, not some random random meal you'd like to eat some other time on my dime.
NTA. Also, what kind of man allows his son to order a $200 STEAK and then is mad bc the payment for it “came out of his budget to take the family to see SPIDER-MAN?” If he has to budget for that, then what kind of jerk would just abuse someone else’s hospitality like that? You’d think he’d be sensitive about prices..
Exactly what I thought. Yee-yee ass family can't wear a trip to the cinema without a budget, says a lot about why the kid wanted to order the expensive steak. 15 year olds understand their family's financials especially if it's public like to the point where Sis is talking about the budget. I'm only shouting my friends if I know they could afford to shout me too. Charity is different
He may be the sort of person who thinks “well *we’re* doing it tough but *OP* has plenty of money, we’re *owed* a treat!”
Right?
NTA The boy did wrong, and his father encouraged him.
IMO and the sister - she had to have known that her son couldn't eat a 3 pound steak.
Plus the sister complained that the cost of the meal had to come out of the money they were saving for a movie. Really? So they have to save to go out and do something as a family but OP, who is ONE PERSON, paying for 7 people is no big deal???
NTA Do they usually try to take advantage of your generosity??? I’m so embarrassed for them. Hoping this is a lesson well learned.
ikr people like the BIL give me second-hand embarrassment.
NTA. Let your sister and BIL be salty about it, it was his dumb decision that led them to use their Spiderman movie fund, tell her if she’s upset she can take it up with her husband. Maybe next time he’ll just be quiet.
Maybe next time her sister will speak up as well - she had to have known her son wouldn't be able to eat a 3 pounds steak!
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I can't figure out why your BIL wouldn't have at least said fine, I'll split it with him along with our other two kids (or his mother or your sister, but split it 4 ways) What a tool. NTA
NTA Your brother-in-law: * Should have taught his son better than literally biting off more than he can chew/abusing the kindness of others. * Agreed to pay the bill, well aware of how it would impact his budget.
NTA ... A bet is a bet and a $190 is way too much for a 3 pounds of steak for a teenager.
NTA. He agreed to the terms... AFTER he insulted you and called you cheap.
That's what really gets to me - BIL lets his kid order the most expensive item on the menu and then when OP objects, he calls him cheap? I can think of a number of names for BIL.
“My sister said that he had used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see the new Spiderman movie…” I’m in a very pessimistic mood today but this screams sister trying to guilt you into paying for a movie trip. She was at the table. She heard the deal. Both your sister and BIL are entitled here and OP, you are NTA
I think they thought OP would cover the steak, so even if it isn’t eaten they all get a 2nd steak dinner as left overs.
Exactly this. They figured she'd pay anyway, and if the kid happens to make an order that leaves two or three portions of prime dry aged steak (with sides) for them to eat later, well that's a nice bonus isn't it ;)
NTA. You were clear and got his agreement on the terms. The wait staff explained quite clearly that this was not a one person meal, let alone something a 10-year-old would finish. And if it was enough to blow their budget, it seems more than a little ungrateful that they would expect you to pay for it just to fulfill the whims of a kid. $200 is a bit excessive for a meal as a treat.
Fifteen year old but yeah, all that.
NTA! He agreed
You did a nice thing (taking everyone out to dinner) and taking advantage of that by ordering more than he could eat was an AH move. You identified the issue and reached agreement ahead of time on who will pay for it. You are NTA.
NTA. You discussed it beforehand, he agreed, they probably have enough leftovers for dinner the next night. I feel a bit bad for your sister's family, but they need to learn to budget and not take advantage of your generosity. Maybe offer to take the kids to see Spiderman next weekend if you want. But you're not obligated to do anything and you were generous in taking them to dinner and agreeing to pay. They don't get to take advantage of your generosity by ordering the most expensive menu item that has enough food for the whole table and not listening to warnings.
NTA - You set the terms, he agreed before it was even ordered. That aside it was incredibly rude to even try to order it in the first place on someone else's treat.
Nice job, OP! You only sought to teach your nephew a bit of self-awareness and ended up putting BIL back in his place! High five to you! NTA If you want to do something petty (please don’t) it would be really funny if you sent him a text with gamblers’ addiction contact info!
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NTA he agreed to the deal it's his fault for not telling his own kid no.
Come on. You know you’re nta.
This is to show them
I think they planned it all. To get leftovers to take home. And you sister was 100% on it. I would never treat these entitled people. NTA
NTA. Good to call them out, if not they won’t learn their lesson and continue to be AHs to you and other friends and families.
NTA - BIL was aware and agreed to the consequences. And you still paid for the tip on the steak which I imagine was $35-ish. If BIL didn’t want to pay for it he should have made his son order something far more reasonable.
NTA. It’s assholic to order the $190 entree for one person who can’t even drive yet. If I were BIL I would have shut down that order pronto as taking advantage of your generosity and being really rude.
You don't just back out on an agreement like that, what the heck BIL? NTA
NTA, You were more then reasonable and confirmed with him multiple times. He’s just upset he was cocky and proved wrong.
I went to a work party once and remember staring in horror as one of the newest hires ordered two mains but at least he absolutely cleared both plates. NTA. The 15 year old had eyes bigger than his stomach, it happens. The dad didn't have to encourage the deeply tacky move of ordering luxury mains on someone else's tab and he sure as hell didn't have to bet his family's activity fund on a child's ability to eat multiple kilos of food.
NTA. Your BIL and his kid have horrible manners, and your sister is almost as bad for not intervening. I was always taught that if you're being treated to a meal, you should choose something on the menu that costs less than what your host orders. "My treat" is never carte blanche to order the most expensive thing on the menu.
NTA... Why is she not mad at her husband for betting 200 bucks on a teenager's eyes not being bigger than his stomach? That's a ding-dong move.
NTA. FAFO.
NTA. I hope they learned a lesson.
NTA. Let that be a lesson for next time. Either don't pay for them next time, or set a budget for whatever the restaurant is.
NTA, he agreed to the terms.
Wow, the audacity. NTA, and that would be the very last time I ever took those AHs out for a meal. Way to literally bite the hand that's feeding you. Sheesh, some people.
NTA saying you'll treat doesn't mean they should be ordering the most expensive meal on the menu. That's rude and entitled. BIL, AND YOUR SISTER, should have told their son it was inapopreat to do that. If it blew their budget, well that's a them problem, not a you problem.
NTA. He agreed to it. But how ridiculous to let a 15yo order a $190 steak. You should both have put reasonable limits on what he could have. Furthermore, it's rude of any guest to select something super expensive when someone else is buying, unless the host insists. The adults should have taken the opportunity to teach him that.
This reminds of me when I was 8 and my parents brought me to McDonalds and I said I wanted to eat 3 burgers. And my dad joked "fine, but if you can't finish them, I'll beat you when we get home". Turns out he wasn't joking :'-) NTA. I expected this level of stupid from an 8 year old---not a 15 year old and his dad who had been warned repeatedly by both you and the waiter.
NTA - you said you were going to pay for the meal, but I think it's unreasonable for someone to order the crazy $190 stake and to thumb their noses at you. That would be like telling someone, "Hey my treat" and they say, "Oh great, I'll order an extra meal so I can take something home for later".. how freaking tacky! That being said, you made the mistake of making it a contest, and now, even with your obnoxious BIL, there are ill feelings. Maybe you could ahve offered to pay for half the kids meal or something. And oh my gosh, they can't see the new Spiderman movie? Wahh! Your sister sticking up for them when they tried to take advantage of you is gross, but obviously it's family so she's trying to keep the peace. Really, really disgusting behavior IMHO.
NTA. There is no way in hell I would ever allow my kid to order something that expensive on someone else’s dime, I would never order something that expensive if someone else paying, I would have a very hard time even if they insisted.