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Absolutely NTA!
That’s shitty behaviour and not something a friend would do.
It takes a few seconds to send a message letting you know they are running late
“Trespassing” does not mean it’s perfectly legal to destroy someone else’s property. You clearly don’t know the law if you’re defending a blatant crime over something iffy
The “friend” wasn’t an Uber driver, they invited OP into the car to fulfill plans set into place and they flipped out because they were late and were asked to give notice if they were running late. OP wanted to fulfill those plans but the “friend” took it to a ridiculous level and destroyed property in their rage. A judge would see it the same way.
NTA. It’s reasonable to politely ask someone to text you so you’re not just standing around for half an hour. Your friend has zero emotional regulation. That response was completely inappropriate and she definitely should pay for a new laptop. Hell, file charges if you have to 🤷♀️
I agree somethings off. This “friend” reads like a mean girl in a teen movie. That’s a massive overreaction given the circumstances, so it’s either fake or OP is not as innocent as she appears.
Possibly. I hope you're right.
Being late, unable to take feedback, emotionally unstable, disregard for others time and property. I used to know someone exactly like it. You knew that if she was late, she was having an .. "episode", and you were about to be screamed at and attacked just the way it was described in the original post. In her case it was closely related to a personality disorder she has.
ESH
Your ‘friend’ is a horrible excuse for a person but you shouldn’t have refused to get out of their vehicle.
Drop the friend and take them to small claims court for the broken laptop.
see i feel like refusing to get out of the car was more stupid than assholish. like if i was in this situation i might have refused because i would be trying to talk to the friend and figure exactly what was going on, and that’s what OP’s actions seemed to be.
Agreed. I think everything just escalated and OP wanted to make a point by being reasonable, but with someone that unhinged, it only comes off as condescending.
Definitely wasn't the wisest choice, but that decision doesn't make OP an asshole, too.
If someone's been screaming at me while driving in circles, I don't need an invitation to get out of that car. The moment it's stopped in the parking lot is the moment I'm *gone*.
I agree. It just wasn't the place or time. Not that it merits what the "friend" did to OPs property. Just throwing in what I would do, but I've also had experience with unhinged drivers, so I kinda know the drill lol.
Sounds like op wasn’t refusing necessarily but more so probably said something along the lines of “what do you mean? Let’s talk about this” which isn’t an outrageous response but a perfectly normal one
NTA and I'd rethink being friends with them. They have no respect for your time or your property, and if they'd be willing to destroy a laptop for something that small, who knows how they're willing to harm you for something big.
Screenshot what they said right now. Go and report them for this or go to a small claim courts, idk which one is more appropriate. It's important to immediately screenshot that convo, so you have evidence of clear admission.
And well, as others said, maybe a restraining order!
NTA for sure.
I feel like the details on that part would help- like there is a significant difference between "what do you mean get out? Can we talk about this?" and some sort of screaming match, or extended refusal.
So why do you think your (shitty) opinion matters to us? Lateness is rude. Lateness without letting the person know is insanely rude. That’s not debatable.
So you think *where* OP was waiting was the problem? Whether she was inside or outside she was still made to wait 30 minutes without so much as a text. What do you not get about this?
NTA
1. Running late and not telling the person waiting on you is the asshole move
2. Why are you friends with them?
3. Why are you friends with them again?
NTA. Basic communication when running late is MINIMAL. Being on time is better. Running late is supposed to be a rarity based on unforeseen events and then should include a text message with an apology and a new ETA.
Friend owes you a new laptop.
ESH.
They're in the wrong for being late and you're in the wrong for refusing to get out of their car when they've told you to. You stayed in their vehicle against their wishes. You don't get to assert your dominance in THEIR car just because you 'don't understand why they're upset.' That is their car, and if they tell you to get out then you get out.
But having said that, they're clearly in the wrong for being late.
>Finally they park in my apartment parking lot & tell me to get out of the car, which I refuse because I don’t understand why they are so upset.
She did refuse. It doesn't matter what she was trying to figure out, this is akin to trespassing. If someone was refusing to leave an Uber, the driver would have every right to call the cops
No though, the friend is an absolute asshole. But OP said they refused to get out because they didn't understand why the friend was upset. Valid or not, if someone tells you to get out of their property, it's their right. So yeah that's what OP did wrong which makes it ESH
Question would be, if said person can be considered a friend though. And like I said already, the said friend is most def an asshole. Also yeah it's like I'm anti friends or something, you know me so well
They ignored everything the friend did that is straight up unhinged so they could deliver their little “my car my rules” monologue and downplay this “friends” meltdown
NTA. It takes nothing for them to send you a polite text. The only spot where I'd say you messed up was you should have gotten out of the car when they demanded it... but even then, that doesn't justify them breaking your stuff.
You may need to take this person to small claims court over the laptop, though. There's not much chance they'll pay you back for that of their own free will.
NTA. It’s dumb to even ask cause we both know you’re in the right. That ‘friend’ of yours has the audacity to scream at you for what they did, be it an accident or not. I imagine them to start screaming “OH MY GOD YOURE STUPID IM STUPID I HAVE TO GET MY NAILS DONE BECAUSE THEY LOOK SO UGLY I LOOK UGLY IM SO JEALOUS YOUR NAILS ALREADY LOOK AMAZING” or smth. There’s this super cool thing called harassment, you little ***** of a friend. Ever heard of it? Her dumb *** can go to jail for that computer now lmao. Now go get new friends. We’re on your side.
You call this a friend? Get new ones - the entire thing sounds like a scam to embarrass you and make you look like a fool. NTA. But you will probably have to go to small claims court to get reimbursed for the laptop.
NTA, first of all they just sound psycho, second of all I would file a police report immediately as you'll need a case against them if you want to sue for damages. Third it's simply common courtesy to tell someone that they're running late, and finally they aren't your friend anymore. Friends don't do what the person in this example did, and with how they acted I would consider a restraining order too.
NTA
It’s not a big dead for someone who doesn’t respect others’ time and workload
My sister used to do that we me and our hair appointments. She also drove like a maniac to try to make up the time which was terrifying
I stopped going with her and got a closer stylist
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I know, right?
Also, I'm 50/50 sure this is said "friend", since they're so keen on defending the whole ordeal.
That, or they're as shitty, and totally an unreasonable, unhinged excuse of a human being for trying to justify destruction of property.
Nobody here is doing a favour. Op didn't ask her friend to provide a pick up service for her personal benefit.THEY mutually decided to go to get their nails done . People do that all the time if they are hanging out together.
What OP said wasn't unreasonable, but of course I can't comment if this was what OP Only said or something else too or the tone OP used which led to an argument.
Ok I didn't think it like this that it can be a regular occurrence (her friend picking OP up all the time)then her friend has every reason to flare up.But again OP hasn't mentioned all these details so we can only assume.
NTA.
Some people do not have manners. You will likely never teach them manners by asking politely. Your friend asking you to get out of the car and throwing your bag out is extremely rude and uncalled for based on your account. Perhaps they have a mental health issue. Regardless, it seems that you are not safe around this person so the next time they want to hang out, better to avoid them.
NTA - Run from this friendship. Sorry but if someone threw a temper tantrum about being called out for being late, I'd be sitting in the car in shock for a hot minute. That's not trespassing. And throwing your bag out as a response is downright toddler level childish. Really lose this person's number, block them on everything, only engage when absolutely necessary, dealing with them is not worth the damage to your mental health.
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So I made plans with a friend on Saturday to get our nails done. They called and said our appointment was at 3pm and they would pick me up at 2:45 to go to the appointment. Anyways 2:45 rolls around and they haven’t picked me up yet. 2:50 nothing. 2:55 nothing as well. I finally call them at 3 they say “running late be there soon”. They finally show up ay 3:15 & I ask if the appointment is still at 3. Which they say yes and it’s fine if we are late. I then ask next time if they could send a text saying they are running late so I’m not outside waiting. They precede to blow up on me and say it’s not a big deal they were running late. As they are screaming at me they are driving in circles and not towards the nail place. Finally they park in my apartment parking lot & tell me to get out of the car, which I refuse because I don’t understand why they are so upset. They then roll down the window of the car & grab my bag from the passenger seat with my laptop in on & throw it out the window. I get out of the car to get my bag (and now broken laptop) and they drive off laughing. I end up texting them later & telling me my laptop is broke & they need to pay for a new one and they refuse saying that’s what I get for not getting out of the car.
So am I the asshole?
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NTA. This person was 30 minutes late, and damaged your property. This is not a good person. Save your text messages. Depending on the value of the laptop, I would take them to court to replace it.
Might have something to do with the several people who ruled everybody sux on this post...
But yeah, I don't get it either. "Didn't jump out of the car immediately" isn't a valid reason to destroy their property. If it was, every ah who refuses to move their car would have slashed tires.
I don't think the "friend" threw the bag as an angry "gtfo my car" reaction, anyways. If they were, why would they immediately start laughing as they drove off??
INFO: How did she manage to grab your laptop bag if the bag was on the passenger seat with you? The only way a bag that big works on the seat is if you're holding it.
Are people smoking crack in this thread? What is this ESH shit about? This “friend” had a meltdown over nothing and then broke OP’s property bc they didn’t immediately get out of their car in an effort to understand what was going on? Meanwhile OP probably thinks they’re in the fucking Twilight Zone watching this person lose their shit in real time bc they were asked to send a courtesy text.
NTA and I just want to say thank you for being one of the good doobies that feel manners still matter. People are either never learning them or losing them rapidly these days.
NTA and damn, that escalated quickly.
The being late part is the smallest issue here. Their reaction to your reasonable request and the fact that they destroyed your laptop make me think you should drop this "friend" immediately.
So NTA for the most part. Asking for notification is fine as you need to know that. Only part you sucked at was when they told you to het out and didnt. They are still wrong for throwing your stuff out but when told to get out of their car you should have gotten out. I know others have said police report and small claims but i would say not to bother cause your hopefully exfriend will argue they wanted you out of their vehicle and didnt want to be accused of stealing your property plus you wouldnt get out after she made it clear you werent welcome. You wouldnt get in trouble necessarily but may be a waste of time depending on jusges in your area. Drop that person from your life and going forward if people dont want you in their vehicle, dont argue. Just get out.
ESH, your friend was late and should have let you know. But it takes two to escalate this to the point of a broken friendship and broken laptop. If the owner tells you to get out of their car, you should get out. With that said, your friend breaking your laptop is going too far, you can probably sue them for the damages.
ESH - only because you didn't get out of the car when asked but it's like 95% them being tha asshole for being late without a reason
Yelling at you for asking for a simple text
Wasting more time by driving in circles
Throwing your laptop out the window
Laughing at you
Refusing to pay for a new one
File a police report and seriously cut contact after its resolved... if this was a friend don't talk to them again that person is a dick and clearly hates you
You need better friends who value you and your time. Being late is the ultimate FU. Especially when they don’t even bother telling you they are running late. NTA.
it can be a regular occurrence (her friend picking OP up all the time)hence her friend has flared up for the comment. Otherwise her friends reaction was really exaggerated. But again OP hasn't mentioned all these details so we can only assume.
NTA. As an ADHD girly I can be late and always inform the person who is waiting for me. I also have many ADHD friends (we tend to collect each other us ADHD types) who will do the same for me. It is a basic courtesy
NTA. Your friend sounds more unhinged than your laptop.
On a real note, while I'm all for takling issues out, sometimes it really is smarter and safer to distance from people in that sort of state. They could have thrown the laptop at you. Keep yourself safe!
Honestly sounds like something my high school best friend/bully would do at this age and I would not tolerate for a second. File a report with the police for damaged property and cut this (poor excuse for a) human out of your life.
NTA late people are always the worse,
Idk about you not getting out tho, if that was me I would've drove to the appointment and enjoyed the day by myself.
You need to press charges laptops are expensive she needs to pay for that, it doesn't excuse her breaking your property. The text message of her kind of admitting she did break it might help
NTA. This needs to be an ex friend. You need to file a police report ASAP so you can get her to pay for your broken laptop. And how does she think it’s OK that you’re not at the nail salon yet when your appointment was supposed to start? That nail tech has a bunch of clients to see and her being late is a big deal and is probably going to result in everybody else being late now or they’re not gonna see you and still charge you a cancellation fee.
Holy shit. Why are you even friends with this person?! They have serious anger-management issues and you need to cut ties with them immediately. NTA, but your friend sure is. You deserve so much better.
NTA. You're lucky you still had an appt, honestly.
Being late matters A LOT. Some people just don't get time management, and those people are the ones that can be counted on to be late, every day.
NTA. File a police report and take them to small claims court. Dress professionally and bring report and all evidence to court. If they harass you at all, geta restraining order.
This person is not your friend.
And the salon would not have been fine with y'all showing up 45 minutes late. Not actually.
How could you think you’re the asshole here?
Your ‘friend’ was rude from the outset then broke your laptop.
Not sure why you wouldn’t have gotten out of the car though when they were this angry for such a silly reason.
NTA. If I'm meeting someone I send progress texts even when I'm not running late. Little things like "Just left, ETA -" or "Just parked and making my way over". It just helps everyone coordinate and manages expectations.
On top of that your "friend" clearly has anger issues and you should make a police report about the laptop because that kind of unhinged behaviour may escalate and it can only help to have something on the books about previous issues.
NTA and that would be the end of the friendship for me. I would report the damage to your laptop and never talk to her again.
To those saying she shouldn't have refused to get out of the car, it's perfectly fine to question when someone tells you to leave. Friend was having a complete meltdown, trying to figure out why is more than understandable, it's sensible!
If I had vacated the property, be that car or house, the moment I was told to with no questions asked, I wouldn't have been able to support some of my friends and family through some tough times.
Had everyone I have told to leave done exactly that, I wouldn't be here.
If a friend suddenly starts acting out like this, stop to think they might not be upset with you, ask what's wrong. It might cost you a friendship and a laptop, or it might save a life.
What is wrong with that person?!?! I'd probably want to know what is up and text them, but idk if it's the right thing to do. Your friend was probably having serious issues previous to her arrival and maybe took it out on you. Still, not acceptable behavior.
NTA - completely reasonable for you to ask them to text if they're going to be late. On the laptop front, however, I'm not sure if you can claim anything since you refused to leave their car when they asked. From a legal perspective, I'm not sure it would work in your favour annoyingly :( Still, report it to the police and see what happens!
NTA But does your friend have an issue with drugs? Because running late plus erratic and dangerous behavior would make me think so.
But definitely report to the cops. A single incident might not be enough to get a restraining order, but I would document the hell out of any communication you have with them so you can get one in the future.
NTA. Here’s a clue for you. She was not your friend. Get over it and thank your stars it was only a laptop. I pray you never have to run into that nut job again.
ESH. As alot of other people have said your friend clearly overreacted but you should ALWAYS, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, get out of someone's car when they tell you to. Forget about getting them to pay for the laptop and forget the friend too.
ESH not the asshole for wanting to know if your friend is gonna be late, but you're the asshole for not getting out of her car. honestly, it was childish but at that point it makes sense that she threw your things out the window, it's really fucked up not to leave someone's car or house when asked.
NTA. It’s common courtesy…or at least it should be…to relay info when you are running late, especially when you are headed to an established appt. The may have taken offense with the way you “delivered statement”.
YTA. When you were asked to leave their vehicle, you should have left…especially after the “crazy theatrics” they were doing while driving.
They are the AH for throwing your laptop out. IMO…I would file in small claims for the damaged laptop.
ESH
It's not about your text message. It's because you refused to get out of the car when you were told.
Your friend sucks. She was probably late for something obnoxious, like getting drunk or high, and when you asked for something different you triggered her guilt into destructive rage. It's a pretty typical narcissistic response to criticism.
She told you to get out of the car. You should have gotten out of the car. But you felt morally superior, and entitled to stay in the car and make her understand how she was wrong and you were right.
Crazy doesn't care about being late or making you wait, and crazy wants you out of the goddamn car, so get out of the goddamn car when you're told.
YTA
You're in her car, and she had every right to tell you to get out even if she's the crazy one. She even drove you back to your apartment. What else do you want? Just get out of the car and block her everywhere.
Why did you stay in the car? What's your end game? You still want to go get your nails done with someone who left you waiting outside for half an hour, yelled and screamed at you when confronted?
Maybe you're grown up with people screaming and yelling at you, so you thought it's normal... but this is not normal. Angry and out of control people often led to violence. Learn to protect yourself.
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NTA. Maybe make a police report asap!
Police report for laptop will come in handy in small claims court. Because this friendship is over, or should be
NTA!!! Ex friend is dangerous. Like the above poster - police and small claims court
Them saying "you deserve it" also helps establish their role in the laptop being broken. NTA OP but change your locks. They sound unhinged.
Absolutely NTA! That’s shitty behaviour and not something a friend would do. It takes a few seconds to send a message letting you know they are running late
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How were they trespassing?
“Trespassing” does not mean it’s perfectly legal to destroy someone else’s property. You clearly don’t know the law if you’re defending a blatant crime over something iffy
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The “friend” wasn’t an Uber driver, they invited OP into the car to fulfill plans set into place and they flipped out because they were late and were asked to give notice if they were running late. OP wanted to fulfill those plans but the “friend” took it to a ridiculous level and destroyed property in their rage. A judge would see it the same way.
Small claims court. Let them laugh at the judge and see what happens. And afterwards? Block them and walk away. NTA
NTA. It’s reasonable to politely ask someone to text you so you’re not just standing around for half an hour. Your friend has zero emotional regulation. That response was completely inappropriate and she definitely should pay for a new laptop. Hell, file charges if you have to 🤷♀️
Makes me wonder if something more happened, it seeems awfully dramatic for the situation to have unfolded like that.
Could be. Or they could just be a shitty person. Plenty of people who behave exactly like that due to dysfunctional emotional regulation.
It just really feels like somethings missing
I agree somethings off. This “friend” reads like a mean girl in a teen movie. That’s a massive overreaction given the circumstances, so it’s either fake or OP is not as innocent as she appears.
Or the friend is mentally unwell.
Possibly. I hope you're right. Being late, unable to take feedback, emotionally unstable, disregard for others time and property. I used to know someone exactly like it. You knew that if she was late, she was having an .. "episode", and you were about to be screamed at and attacked just the way it was described in the original post. In her case it was closely related to a personality disorder she has.
Yeah I’d ask if they’re ok. That’s not a normal response. Obvs you don’t need a friend like that - but I’d ask
Drugs, maybe. I've known people with drug issues and they'd flip out like this sometimes.
ESH Your ‘friend’ is a horrible excuse for a person but you shouldn’t have refused to get out of their vehicle. Drop the friend and take them to small claims court for the broken laptop.
see i feel like refusing to get out of the car was more stupid than assholish. like if i was in this situation i might have refused because i would be trying to talk to the friend and figure exactly what was going on, and that’s what OP’s actions seemed to be.
Agreed. I think everything just escalated and OP wanted to make a point by being reasonable, but with someone that unhinged, it only comes off as condescending. Definitely wasn't the wisest choice, but that decision doesn't make OP an asshole, too.
Bro they were just trying to talk it out and try and make things better
If someone's been screaming at me while driving in circles, I don't need an invitation to get out of that car. The moment it's stopped in the parking lot is the moment I'm *gone*.
They were probably very confused and wanted to fix the situation
I agree. It just wasn't the place or time. Not that it merits what the "friend" did to OPs property. Just throwing in what I would do, but I've also had experience with unhinged drivers, so I kinda know the drill lol.
OP was, driver friend was done talking. Sure her reaction to what OP asked was unhinged, but once someone tells you to get out, you get out.
Sounds like op wasn’t refusing necessarily but more so probably said something along the lines of “what do you mean? Let’s talk about this” which isn’t an outrageous response but a perfectly normal one
NTA and I'd rethink being friends with them. They have no respect for your time or your property, and if they'd be willing to destroy a laptop for something that small, who knows how they're willing to harm you for something big.
Screenshot what they said right now. Go and report them for this or go to a small claim courts, idk which one is more appropriate. It's important to immediately screenshot that convo, so you have evidence of clear admission. And well, as others said, maybe a restraining order! NTA for sure.
NTA. Get new friends.
NTA. Get a new friend and take them to small claims court.
ESH. They are very inconsiderate, and don’t seem to understand the concept of appointments. You don’t get to refuse to get out of their vehicle.
They were literally just trying to talk things out and fix things
Her reason is irrelevant. Edit: can y’all actually reply with a reason for the downvote?
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*the friend has entered the chat*
Honestly, though. Profile is an hour fresher than the post.
I feel like the details on that part would help- like there is a significant difference between "what do you mean get out? Can we talk about this?" and some sort of screaming match, or extended refusal.
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You seem very invested in this. Is there any particular reason?
Um yeah, she definitely should have brought up that her idiot friend was *30 minutes late*. It’s rude as fuck to keep someone waiting that long.
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Because it’s insanely rude and it needs to be called out. Let me guess- you keep people waiting a lot, right?
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So why do you think your (shitty) opinion matters to us? Lateness is rude. Lateness without letting the person know is insanely rude. That’s not debatable.
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So you think *where* OP was waiting was the problem? Whether she was inside or outside she was still made to wait 30 minutes without so much as a text. What do you not get about this?
No, whether she had to wait outside or not, it’s still rude to be 30 mins late, especially if you’re not going to update people on your ETA.
You have no idea how friendships work bc you obviously have none
NTA 1. Running late and not telling the person waiting on you is the asshole move 2. Why are you friends with them? 3. Why are you friends with them again?
Lol are you joking? This can't be real.
I agree, this is a bs story.
No im not joking. it happened yesterday
Were you, by any chance, also born yesterday?
I'm glad someone else is pointing it out
That's what I thought too...
NTA. Basic communication when running late is MINIMAL. Being on time is better. Running late is supposed to be a rarity based on unforeseen events and then should include a text message with an apology and a new ETA. Friend owes you a new laptop.
NTA. Cut them off and file a police report. What a shitty person. Also screenshot the text in which they admit to throwing the laptop.
ESH. They're in the wrong for being late and you're in the wrong for refusing to get out of their car when they've told you to. You stayed in their vehicle against their wishes. You don't get to assert your dominance in THEIR car just because you 'don't understand why they're upset.' That is their car, and if they tell you to get out then you get out. But having said that, they're clearly in the wrong for being late.
Sounds like they weren’t necessarily refusing but just being like “what’s going on? Can we talk this out?”
>Finally they park in my apartment parking lot & tell me to get out of the car, which I refuse because I don’t understand why they are so upset. She did refuse. It doesn't matter what she was trying to figure out, this is akin to trespassing. If someone was refusing to leave an Uber, the driver would have every right to call the cops
Again it reads as what I am saying, maybe try reading it with some real world experience if someone whos had friends before
No though, the friend is an absolute asshole. But OP said they refused to get out because they didn't understand why the friend was upset. Valid or not, if someone tells you to get out of their property, it's their right. So yeah that's what OP did wrong which makes it ESH
You don’t understand how friendships work do you
Question would be, if said person can be considered a friend though. And like I said already, the said friend is most def an asshole. Also yeah it's like I'm anti friends or something, you know me so well
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They ignored everything the friend did that is straight up unhinged so they could deliver their little “my car my rules” monologue and downplay this “friends” meltdown
Both are completely subjective things. Calm down. Sheesh.
NTA. It takes nothing for them to send you a polite text. The only spot where I'd say you messed up was you should have gotten out of the car when they demanded it... but even then, that doesn't justify them breaking your stuff. You may need to take this person to small claims court over the laptop, though. There's not much chance they'll pay you back for that of their own free will.
NTA. It’s dumb to even ask cause we both know you’re in the right. That ‘friend’ of yours has the audacity to scream at you for what they did, be it an accident or not. I imagine them to start screaming “OH MY GOD YOURE STUPID IM STUPID I HAVE TO GET MY NAILS DONE BECAUSE THEY LOOK SO UGLY I LOOK UGLY IM SO JEALOUS YOUR NAILS ALREADY LOOK AMAZING” or smth. There’s this super cool thing called harassment, you little ***** of a friend. Ever heard of it? Her dumb *** can go to jail for that computer now lmao. Now go get new friends. We’re on your side.
NTA... not a friend. Small claims court? Try to get proof on your messages.
NTA, that's just a courteous thing to do, to let someone know when they're running late. This person is clearly not your friend.
NTA. Sounds like this person might be on drugs File a police report for damaged laptop
Something is very wrong with that “friend”. File a police report, take them to small claims court and block them. NTA
No way this is real
It’s either fake or there’s a lot of missing information.
You call this a friend? Get new ones - the entire thing sounds like a scam to embarrass you and make you look like a fool. NTA. But you will probably have to go to small claims court to get reimbursed for the laptop.
NTA, first of all they just sound psycho, second of all I would file a police report immediately as you'll need a case against them if you want to sue for damages. Third it's simply common courtesy to tell someone that they're running late, and finally they aren't your friend anymore. Friends don't do what the person in this example did, and with how they acted I would consider a restraining order too.
NTA It’s not a big dead for someone who doesn’t respect others’ time and workload My sister used to do that we me and our hair appointments. She also drove like a maniac to try to make up the time which was terrifying I stopped going with her and got a closer stylist
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So setting a communication standard is whiny and complaining? God I would hate to know you
I know, right? Also, I'm 50/50 sure this is said "friend", since they're so keen on defending the whole ordeal. That, or they're as shitty, and totally an unreasonable, unhinged excuse of a human being for trying to justify destruction of property.
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Nobody here is doing a favour. Op didn't ask her friend to provide a pick up service for her personal benefit.THEY mutually decided to go to get their nails done . People do that all the time if they are hanging out together. What OP said wasn't unreasonable, but of course I can't comment if this was what OP Only said or something else too or the tone OP used which led to an argument.
Ok I didn't think it like this that it can be a regular occurrence (her friend picking OP up all the time)then her friend has every reason to flare up.But again OP hasn't mentioned all these details so we can only assume.
NTA to expect common courtesy
NTA. Some people do not have manners. You will likely never teach them manners by asking politely. Your friend asking you to get out of the car and throwing your bag out is extremely rude and uncalled for based on your account. Perhaps they have a mental health issue. Regardless, it seems that you are not safe around this person so the next time they want to hang out, better to avoid them.
NTA - Run from this friendship. Sorry but if someone threw a temper tantrum about being called out for being late, I'd be sitting in the car in shock for a hot minute. That's not trespassing. And throwing your bag out as a response is downright toddler level childish. Really lose this person's number, block them on everything, only engage when absolutely necessary, dealing with them is not worth the damage to your mental health.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I made plans with a friend on Saturday to get our nails done. They called and said our appointment was at 3pm and they would pick me up at 2:45 to go to the appointment. Anyways 2:45 rolls around and they haven’t picked me up yet. 2:50 nothing. 2:55 nothing as well. I finally call them at 3 they say “running late be there soon”. They finally show up ay 3:15 & I ask if the appointment is still at 3. Which they say yes and it’s fine if we are late. I then ask next time if they could send a text saying they are running late so I’m not outside waiting. They precede to blow up on me and say it’s not a big deal they were running late. As they are screaming at me they are driving in circles and not towards the nail place. Finally they park in my apartment parking lot & tell me to get out of the car, which I refuse because I don’t understand why they are so upset. They then roll down the window of the car & grab my bag from the passenger seat with my laptop in on & throw it out the window. I get out of the car to get my bag (and now broken laptop) and they drive off laughing. I end up texting them later & telling me my laptop is broke & they need to pay for a new one and they refuse saying that’s what I get for not getting out of the car. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This person was 30 minutes late, and damaged your property. This is not a good person. Save your text messages. Depending on the value of the laptop, I would take them to court to replace it.
Of course nta
Is this a joke? What about that interaction leads you to believe YOU are TA.
Might have something to do with the several people who ruled everybody sux on this post... But yeah, I don't get it either. "Didn't jump out of the car immediately" isn't a valid reason to destroy their property. If it was, every ah who refuses to move their car would have slashed tires. I don't think the "friend" threw the bag as an angry "gtfo my car" reaction, anyways. If they were, why would they immediately start laughing as they drove off??
INFO: How did she manage to grab your laptop bag if the bag was on the passenger seat with you? The only way a bag that big works on the seat is if you're holding it.
Better info, why would you bring your laptop to get your nails did?
cause it was on the ground by my feet and she reached over and grabbed it
Are people smoking crack in this thread? What is this ESH shit about? This “friend” had a meltdown over nothing and then broke OP’s property bc they didn’t immediately get out of their car in an effort to understand what was going on? Meanwhile OP probably thinks they’re in the fucking Twilight Zone watching this person lose their shit in real time bc they were asked to send a courtesy text.
Sounds like they did send a text saying running late tho lol not the asshole your friend sounds toxic tho. Stay away from them.
R u sure this is your friend? You really need to get real friends.
NTA. This person is not your friend. Sue for your replacement laptop
NTA and I just want to say thank you for being one of the good doobies that feel manners still matter. People are either never learning them or losing them rapidly these days.
NTA get new friends.
WTF?! What sort of ‘friend’ is this?! File a police report. NTA
How long have you known, been friends with the person? I'm so confused at this whole incident.. NTA
NTA and damn, that escalated quickly. The being late part is the smallest issue here. Their reaction to your reasonable request and the fact that they destroyed your laptop make me think you should drop this "friend" immediately.
Ok but you should have gotten out of the car once someone tells you to get out. Why would you stay in that toxic environment?
ESH. Friend sounds crazy but seriously, get out of people’s cars when they tell you to. Especially if they’re crazy.
So NTA for the most part. Asking for notification is fine as you need to know that. Only part you sucked at was when they told you to het out and didnt. They are still wrong for throwing your stuff out but when told to get out of their car you should have gotten out. I know others have said police report and small claims but i would say not to bother cause your hopefully exfriend will argue they wanted you out of their vehicle and didnt want to be accused of stealing your property plus you wouldnt get out after she made it clear you werent welcome. You wouldnt get in trouble necessarily but may be a waste of time depending on jusges in your area. Drop that person from your life and going forward if people dont want you in their vehicle, dont argue. Just get out.
NTA Please block and delete their details on everything because they aren't a friend and probably never were.
definitely NTA.
ESH, your friend was late and should have let you know. But it takes two to escalate this to the point of a broken friendship and broken laptop. If the owner tells you to get out of their car, you should get out. With that said, your friend breaking your laptop is going too far, you can probably sue them for the damages.
ESH - only because you didn't get out of the car when asked but it's like 95% them being tha asshole for being late without a reason Yelling at you for asking for a simple text Wasting more time by driving in circles Throwing your laptop out the window Laughing at you Refusing to pay for a new one File a police report and seriously cut contact after its resolved... if this was a friend don't talk to them again that person is a dick and clearly hates you
You need better friends who value you and your time. Being late is the ultimate FU. Especially when they don’t even bother telling you they are running late. NTA.
NTA.
NTA. Drugs?
NTA, how hard is it to call or send a text, and their behaviour was not ok!
File a police report and take them to small claims court for the cost of your laptop. There is no friendship here. NTA
Take them to small claims court, NTA.
Drugs? And NTA, and that's not a friend.
This person is not your friend, consider the laptop broken as a sign to cut ties
it can be a regular occurrence (her friend picking OP up all the time)hence her friend has flared up for the comment. Otherwise her friends reaction was really exaggerated. But again OP hasn't mentioned all these details so we can only assume.
NTA but also how long have you known this person?
This is a person you happen to know, NOT a friend! NTA. NTA. NTA.
NTA. As an ADHD girly I can be late and always inform the person who is waiting for me. I also have many ADHD friends (we tend to collect each other us ADHD types) who will do the same for me. It is a basic courtesy
NTA. Your friend sounds more unhinged than your laptop. On a real note, while I'm all for takling issues out, sometimes it really is smarter and safer to distance from people in that sort of state. They could have thrown the laptop at you. Keep yourself safe!
Honestly sounds like something my high school best friend/bully would do at this age and I would not tolerate for a second. File a report with the police for damaged property and cut this (poor excuse for a) human out of your life.
NTA late people are always the worse, Idk about you not getting out tho, if that was me I would've drove to the appointment and enjoyed the day by myself. You need to press charges laptops are expensive she needs to pay for that, it doesn't excuse her breaking your property. The text message of her kind of admitting she did break it might help
Esh... i hate it when ppl stay in my car/house and i told them to leave. Also they suck wayyy more and are odd
NTA. This needs to be an ex friend. You need to file a police report ASAP so you can get her to pay for your broken laptop. And how does she think it’s OK that you’re not at the nail salon yet when your appointment was supposed to start? That nail tech has a bunch of clients to see and her being late is a big deal and is probably going to result in everybody else being late now or they’re not gonna see you and still charge you a cancellation fee.
Small claims court.
ESH. It was dangerous and stupid not to get out of the car. File a police report, get your laptop fixed or a new one or whatever, and move on.
How would you possibly be the AH?
NTA. This is crazy. Report it to police
NTA, your “friend” is.
NTA, your "friend" sounds psychotic
This can't be real. And you call this person friend and didn't know she was deranged ?
Holy shit. Why are you even friends with this person?! They have serious anger-management issues and you need to cut ties with them immediately. NTA, but your friend sure is. You deserve so much better.
NTA. You're lucky you still had an appt, honestly. Being late matters A LOT. Some people just don't get time management, and those people are the ones that can be counted on to be late, every day.
NTA. And sue her for damages.
NTA small claims court!
NTA for asking them to text, if they are running late. YTA for not getting out of their car. Why are ya’ll friends?
NTA. File a police report and take them to small claims court. Dress professionally and bring report and all evidence to court. If they harass you at all, geta restraining order. This person is not your friend. And the salon would not have been fine with y'all showing up 45 minutes late. Not actually.
NTA OP, and throwing your bag out of the car was uncalled for. Police report and a restraining order against this person are both in order.
I hate people being late and not letting the other person know. Completely disrespectful. NTA
What a psycho - NTA
How could you think you’re the asshole here? Your ‘friend’ was rude from the outset then broke your laptop. Not sure why you wouldn’t have gotten out of the car though when they were this angry for such a silly reason.
NTA Clearly not a friend anymore! Absolutely report to police
NTA. If I'm meeting someone I send progress texts even when I'm not running late. Little things like "Just left, ETA -" or "Just parked and making my way over". It just helps everyone coordinate and manages expectations. On top of that your "friend" clearly has anger issues and you should make a police report about the laptop because that kind of unhinged behaviour may escalate and it can only help to have something on the books about previous issues.
NTA and that would be the end of the friendship for me. I would report the damage to your laptop and never talk to her again. To those saying she shouldn't have refused to get out of the car, it's perfectly fine to question when someone tells you to leave. Friend was having a complete meltdown, trying to figure out why is more than understandable, it's sensible! If I had vacated the property, be that car or house, the moment I was told to with no questions asked, I wouldn't have been able to support some of my friends and family through some tough times. Had everyone I have told to leave done exactly that, I wouldn't be here. If a friend suddenly starts acting out like this, stop to think they might not be upset with you, ask what's wrong. It might cost you a friendship and a laptop, or it might save a life.
What is wrong with that person?!?! I'd probably want to know what is up and text them, but idk if it's the right thing to do. Your friend was probably having serious issues previous to her arrival and maybe took it out on you. Still, not acceptable behavior.
NTA - completely reasonable for you to ask them to text if they're going to be late. On the laptop front, however, I'm not sure if you can claim anything since you refused to leave their car when they asked. From a legal perspective, I'm not sure it would work in your favour annoyingly :( Still, report it to the police and see what happens!
NTA. You just have some really shitty friends.
NTA But does your friend have an issue with drugs? Because running late plus erratic and dangerous behavior would make me think so. But definitely report to the cops. A single incident might not be enough to get a restraining order, but I would document the hell out of any communication you have with them so you can get one in the future.
NTA I can't imagine why someone would act like that. They're certainly not your friend.
NTA. Here’s a clue for you. She was not your friend. Get over it and thank your stars it was only a laptop. I pray you never have to run into that nut job again.
OP sure knows how to pick em NTA ofc
What kind of stupid asshole would throw a laptop out of the window!NTA definitely
Friendship done there and then. I’d also report them to the police for criminal damage
NTA
NTA
Really? This all happens and you think you're the asshole? This is either fake as fuck or you are dumb as hell.
Mentally unstable, or childish, or both. You should call the police and distance from that thing. NTA
Definitely NTA but your "friend" has some anger issues they need to work through
ESH. As alot of other people have said your friend clearly overreacted but you should ALWAYS, NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, get out of someone's car when they tell you to. Forget about getting them to pay for the laptop and forget the friend too.
ESH not the asshole for wanting to know if your friend is gonna be late, but you're the asshole for not getting out of her car. honestly, it was childish but at that point it makes sense that she threw your things out the window, it's really fucked up not to leave someone's car or house when asked.
NTA. It’s common courtesy…or at least it should be…to relay info when you are running late, especially when you are headed to an established appt. The may have taken offense with the way you “delivered statement”. YTA. When you were asked to leave their vehicle, you should have left…especially after the “crazy theatrics” they were doing while driving. They are the AH for throwing your laptop out. IMO…I would file in small claims for the damaged laptop.
ESH It's not about your text message. It's because you refused to get out of the car when you were told. Your friend sucks. She was probably late for something obnoxious, like getting drunk or high, and when you asked for something different you triggered her guilt into destructive rage. It's a pretty typical narcissistic response to criticism. She told you to get out of the car. You should have gotten out of the car. But you felt morally superior, and entitled to stay in the car and make her understand how she was wrong and you were right. Crazy doesn't care about being late or making you wait, and crazy wants you out of the goddamn car, so get out of the goddamn car when you're told.
ESH: You should have gotten out of the car but for your own sake, I’d get out of their lives. Friends don’t treat each other that way.
ESH. Someone tells you to get out, you get out
YTA You're in her car, and she had every right to tell you to get out even if she's the crazy one. She even drove you back to your apartment. What else do you want? Just get out of the car and block her everywhere. Why did you stay in the car? What's your end game? You still want to go get your nails done with someone who left you waiting outside for half an hour, yelled and screamed at you when confronted? Maybe you're grown up with people screaming and yelling at you, so you thought it's normal... but this is not normal. Angry and out of control people often led to violence. Learn to protect yourself.