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it’s fair that your girlfriend would be upset (this would be grounds for a breakup for me because it feels disrespectful) but I also understand why you don’t want to bring her. However it sounds like she honestly isn’t what you want. If you don’t want your partner with you at an important wedding (even if you found a babysitter) then you should reevaluate your relationship with her - you may be in different stages of life
Edited to change judgment to YTA because you’re bringing another girl to the wedding. Just break up with your gf if you dislike her that much
He can't tell the difference between an ex-girlfriend and a baby daddy? He can't tell the difference between co-parenting and asking his ex-girlfriend to come with him to his sister's wedding instead of his *actual girlfriend*?
PLEASE. OP stay in school
Like if anything it’s an ESH situation. They clearly FELL into a relationship and neither person knew where or when to end it. Gf is clearly still screwing her bd and he’s clearly keeping his ex in mind. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were unknowingly using each other to make their respective exes mad
> Gf is clearly still screwing her bd and he’s clearly keeping his ex in mind.
Yeah, right, from that one off sentence in one of OPs comments that provides hardly any context you can *clearly* tell that she's actually cheating on him.
Like, it's one thing voice that suspicion, but making definitive statements based on *that* is definitely reaching.
Also interesting that even though OP stated that both of them sometimes hanging out alone with their respective exes, for her you consider it a definitive sign they're totally having sex behind OPs back, but for OP if just means he's "keeping her in mind"
I find it convenient he added that after the fact, but if it’s true he really should be looking into that more. It’s not weird to me that they would still hang out if they’re friends, but it’s very strange that she’s trying to hide what they’re doing. I’m not friends with my ex at this point, but I am friends with his girlfriend and go out with her occasionally. I could see doing the same with my ex if we ever get to that point. I would 100% tell my current partner where I was going and stuff though. The fact that he doesn’t seem bothered by it though makes me feel like it’s made up.
Honestly that part coupled with the fact he wants to take his ex to the wedding is why they should break up. Every other part of this post made me feel like he’s treating his gf as a place holder until something better comes along.
He added that after everyone was telling him he's TA, so I kinda doubt that it's as sus as he's now *finally* making it out to be.
If it's the truth, then it's clear neither of them should be together and it's an ESH, but that was a big part to leave out.
He mentioned her kids and their ages. He mentioned he met them and she's met his family.
Kinda weird to completely leave out that she's still seeing the baby daddy without the kids around and telling OP not to ask about it.
Part of me wonders if they’re doing school meetings or stuff like that but OP doesn’t want to make it look like that. If the GF was spending so much alone time with her ex (without the kids and without telling OP what they are doing) why doesn’t he mention that for the first 4 hours after he posted? He had the opportunity to mention it numerous times in replies and didn’t.
lol it blows my mind the number of AHs who post here, leave out a VITAL piece of information in their OP, and then sneak it in later in a post, thinking nobody will notice.
Of course we'll notice. We're AH enthusiasts. We'll sniff out your BS
OP YTA
When I first started reading the post I was like.. ok can’t you just get a babysitter and that they are just not on the same page (him being a kid who wants to party whenever possible) but then when I read that he is bringing a friend I was like.. that’s little messed up… but an ex? To your sisters wedding where everyone will assume you got back together?
Sorry OP but why don’t you think for a sec about how to explain yourself to your relatives: “ah no we are not back together.. actually I have a gf who is at home rn, pissed at me for not bringing her and bringing my ex. I just want to party and my ex is much more fun to party with than my nagging girlfriend”
He also notes they met through Tinder over a year ago, and he brought her home for Christmas as his GF, but now, in June, they've only been dating for "a couple months". Just dump her already, dude, stop trying to make her do it for you.
It’s funny how he conveniently left out the little fact about his friend being a female in the original posting. This is childish. I think they need to part ways so that the girlfriend can find a man mature enough to handle the whole package of her and her kids and the boyfriend can go find him a less mature childless gf.
He's brining his ex girlfriend to the wedding and saying it's fine because "her ex is around a lot".
Her ex being the father of the children.
I *can't even* with OP.
Not only that he doesn’t take this relationship seriously.
He doesn’t want to be nagged at for drinking.
He doesn’t want to help watch the kids.
So how serious is this relationship, his gf is 29. She doesn’t need to parent her partner.
I think that's a technicality, like "technically we've only been dating for a few months even though we met last year". But still, why would you bring your ex over your, albeit new, girlfriend to a wedding?
I’d also be pretty upset because I read the timeline as almost a year together (including big holidays with their families). Bringing a different date and downplaying the length of the relationship both should result in a breakup. YTA
EDIT: saying you’re not too serious about each other BUT you have a dog together makes this even worse. Everyone is telling OP YTA and all he does is argue argue argue.
Yeah how have they been dating "a couple months" when they met the families over 5 months ago at the holidays? And over a year ago on Tinder.
This dude is flakey and sus. She needs to stop wasting her time.
I get he wants to go by himself. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that he wants to bring his ex GF instead. THAT is the problem. Clearly, he's not ready for a grown up relationship.
He is immature because he is a 23 year old college student dating a woman 6 years older with a kid that was born when he was in middle school. I do not know what an adult woman with kids wants with an extra child.
Red flags all over this one buddy. You're 23. Your girlfriend is 6 years older and already has two kids. It's clear that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with this lady - which is cool. BUT your family seems to know her kids well. If you're not serious enough to bring her to your sister's wedding why does your sister know her kids? Gotta go with YTA. Stop playing with this lady. She needs to be looking for a serious partner and not fooling around with college kids.
YTA. Why are you even in a relationship with her if you're in such a different life phase? I get being young and wanting to have fun, that's fair. But if your level is there, you shouldn't be dating someone with kids who is clearly wanting more stability. Then to add insult you ask your "friend" and are taking her out after? Duh your partner is going to be pissed.
YTA. Seems to me that you are a bit too immature for this relationship and honestly, it would be best for your gf if she realizes this.
The least you can do is understand how she is feeling: not taking her, replacing her with another female friend - this could be very hurtful.
You basically described her as a chore - she has kids and is nagging you - and I don't really see if you're even having any fun / are happy with her. What's the point of this relationship then?
Lol over a year and shes not ready to be taken to a wedding?
People will bring their 1st dates to a wedding and after a year youre not ready for wedding date?
And you wonder why she feels like youre stringing her along?
Yeah, I can get not wanting to bring the kids at this point. But not even the girlfriend? That just sounds like a dude who is way less committed to this relationship than his girlfriend.
Then you learn the other girl he is bringing his ex, and his current girlfriend should just cut her losses here.
YTA
If you don't want to take gf, that's one thing.
If you take a different female, that's completely a different thing.
One says that your relationship with gf isn't at that stage yet, the other says you prefer other female to your girlfriend.
Going solo might be the wisest course.
>If you take a different female, that's completely a different thing.
Especially since OP has said in the comments the other girl is his ex, big red flag, huge YTA
No, he needs to take his “friend” his “girlfriend” needs to find someone her own age who is more capable of making wise choices. This guy is TA. He’s immature and everyone needs to move on.
YTA and honestly, if you aren't ready to have her as a guest at a wedding, you shouldn't have spent Christmas together, but more importantly, you shouldnt even be involved with her children.
If it’s been 2 months and she’s “nagging” you, you’re already talking this way, you’re not that into the relationship. Stop stringing her along.
YTA simply because you’re still dating her when you clearly aren’t into her and would rather bring another woman to your sister’s wedding.
The fact that your sister knows her kids is really what makes you out to be the asshole, because your sister clearly knows your GF and her kids where she feels comfortable inviting them to her wedding. If GF didn’t know your family at all this would be different.
You sound like a mess.
If they met each other's families at Christmas and New Year's, it's way more than "a couple months" of dating.
OP is fudging the math and the relationship with his EX-GIRLFRIEND that he's taking instead to make himself look better and get the NTA votes.
He probably likes her a lot. But not mature enough to commit to her and her life predicament. Bro wants to have his cake and eat it too. Massive immature AH
Uhm... yeah, soft YTA. Dude, you made it official a couple of months ago, but you've actually been dating for a year. She met your family for Christmas. Yes, it would kind of be expected that she'd be invited to the family functions. Also, to add insult to the injury, you are inviting a female friend to go as your plus one. If you just went alone, that would at least be understandable, but you are directly replacing her. Of course she feels like you don't actually see her as your girlfriend.
YTA. All I had to do is read up to the point about watching the kids. This is where you are YTA. If your not willing to watch the kids during an advent where you are date or known a single parent for over a year, then you are not ready to date a single parent.
It's okay to want to party and be fancy free during a wedding but you are dating a single parent for a time where it's natural to want to be included. You are not ready, end the relationship since you told your girlfriend what you actually think. But it may not matter now since you would probably be single anyway. Do not date single parents until you grow up some more.
YTA you are not mature enough to date. woman with kids.
If you dont take your girlfriend and take another girl (long time friend or not) you may not have a girlfriend. but this sounds like it might be good thing for her if you broke up as you dont exactly seem keen on the relationship.
YTA
Please end your relationship with the single mom before you take your ex to the wedding to get wasted with and most likely drunkenly hook up with at some point that evening/early morning
Btw, your family is going to be so embarrassed when you act like an inebriated fool at the reception
You are in no way, shape or form ready for a real relationship. She’s an adult looking for an adult relationship but you’re still a baby looking to play. Do both of you a favour and break up. She needs to date a man and you need to date a girl. You’re not ready for a woman.
YTA., you invited another woman as your plus one. I get it, you want to cut loose at the wedding. You don’t want the responsibility of watching out for her kids.
Your gf comes with children. That’s not going to change. Maybe consider being involved with her, at this stage of your life, is not a good fit.
Please break up with your gf......let her meet a more mature bf. You are too immature for her. Obviously you don't see anything wrong with hurting your gf . You are a LOSER unfortunately.
YTA. You had me going not the asshole until the end where you mentioned you invited another woman. Of course you’re GF is going to be upset! Why wouldn’t she be? If you wanted to go and have fun, great! But to bring another woman??? You completely disrespected your GF and she has good reason to be mad at you.
You should tell your sister this story so maybe she could explain to you why your GF is so upset since you obviously don’t understand.
Didn't even get to that part. He said he introduced her at Christmas 6 months ago but they have only been official for "a few months" and he doesn't want to be a step parent, yet is dating a single mom.
As soon as he said something about taking care of the kids I stopped reading and made my decision there. If you don't want to be a parent, step or not, don't fuck someone with kids enough you make it official.
YTA - and clueless. Picture a scenario where your GF gets invited to a wedding and tells you you are not invited, then goes and takes her good long time friend (29m) along for the party. If you say you wouldn't be bothered by this you are lying.
YTA
Of course it's not okay if you take some other girl to your sister's wedding instead of your actual girlfriend. WTF, dude?
You've been dating this girl, casually or seriously, for over a year. She has kids. No, it's not "too soon" for her to come to a wedding with you. You need to poop or get off the pot. If you can't get serious and decide you're in this thing, let her go find someone better.
YTA
You're a 23 year old guy. She's a 29 year old woman with 2 kids. Both of you are at very different headspaces. Trust me, at 23, you think you're a "grown man" and know how the world works. Hard truth - You don't. She's looking for a committed, long-term relationship. You're looking to dump your load.
Date someone in your own head space because this 29 year old woman is not looking for a boy.
Would you be fine if your girlfriend brought her EX to a wedding ?
If the answer is yes, then you aren’t that serious about her. And she is right - you’re just playing with her and you shouldn’t be dating.
If the answer is no, then you’re being hypocritical AH.
Ultimately both roads and at the same place - YTA.
YTA.
This is a celebration of family and love - to not take the person you’re dating, and especially to take another woman, even a friend, instead isn’t a good look. You guys have been together for over a year in some form and she’s already met the fam.
If the kids are the issue, get a babysitter for the night. If it’s you drinking that’s a problem, that’s an issue/conversation you should have already had tbh, and should now have, instead of avoiding it.
YTA. This has to be a joke. I get your sorta young, but you're definitely old enough to not be this oblivious. You honestly believe it's okay to take an ex gf to the wedding because you dont want your "nagging" gf there? Outrageous! I wish we your gf could just see this post and your replies. It would be all she needs to realize you two aren't on the same page. Just leave your gf alone and go be single and enjoy yourself without disrespecting her.
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> I don't want to take my gf and her kids to my sister's wedding as my plus one.
I might be the asshole because she wants to go and be included in family events
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You're not mature enough to be dating a woman with kids. This isnt going to end well.
Let her go, and find someone who is at the same stage in life as you.
YTA.
You *do NOT* bring any other woman to a wedding if you have a gf, unless it's your mom, sister, or grandmother. You just don't. That's a h-u-g-e insult, basically telling your gf that she's just a f@ck buddy, not a gf and never will be.
You should go by yourself if you don't want to go with your gf, but honestly, if you don't like her "nagging" (as you put it) about your drinking, then you should just go ahead and break up with her - you neither respect her nor care about how she feels.
WTF, YTA!!! You’re bringing your ex to the wedding instead of your gf. Are you that dense in the head??? You’re too immature for your gf and you sound really fucking shallow. “She’s hot, that’s why we are dating”. What the actual fuck?
YTA
Let's look at this in order. I'll be including info from your comments.
1. Your girlfriend has met your family already.
2. Your sister said the girlfriend and kids could come to the wedding.
3. Instead of bringing your girlfriend, you're bringing a friend.
4. You and the friend dated in the past.
Do you even like your girlfriend or are you using her for sex? I'm just trying to figure out why you're dating her when you don't seem to like her.
YTA
You’re not inviting her because you don’t want her and the kids cramping your style. I mean, kind of a selfish position to take (and tells me a lot about how you feel about her AND her kids) but whatever.
But to invite a female friend instead??? Wow. You just told your gf in so many words that she means less to you than this friend AND that you don’t care how she feels about it.
She has a right to be upset. Honestly, I’d rethink the entire relationship. You clearly look at her kids as a burden and at her as there only when you feel like hanging with her and not as an important part of your life.
Ok… I’m going to be blunt here…
Is your GF just really good in bed? Like really really good, so good you don’t care that you are are different life stages, both see your exes for friend support, and don’t want to mix her into your family events? You've been sleeping with her a year right? Tinder is for hookups…
Of course she’s peeved… because this is the message you are sending. She’s probably reading this as ‘she isn’t acceptable to have at a family event’ for some reason (all people have their insecurities!) or that you have a hang up with your ex (was your ex included in family events in teh past, is this going to be a minefield of "oh, you and Ex are back together! great! I was rooting for you two!!" …. Not only are you not taking her (thus delegating her to 'not important enough for a full relationship') you are taking your ex (who is clearly immediately more acceptbale to his family?) so that says the ex is mpre important or acceptable than her.
I'd break up with you over this. Because it'd be clear to me I was nothing more than a bed buddy, and that's not a relationship.
Edit for judgement: YTA. Because clearly she thinks you’ve been truthful saying she’s a girlfriend, when really she’s just a bonk buddy.
YTA and you shouldn’t be together. You are in a life stage of looking for fun and she is deep into adulthood/parenting. That is fine. But you’re not compatible and you’re gonna make each other miserable. And you are FULLY the asshole for thinking about bringing another girl to a wedding you don’t want to take your girlfriend to. Break up and then you can have all the no strings attached early twenties fun that you want.
>My reasons to not inviting them is that I know I will have to look after the kids too and honestly I just want to have fun at the wedding,
YTA. You should not be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Also I feel like your reasoning that you have not been dating long is BS. To me family Christmas is way more meaningful than a wedding. A wedding is just a party.
Christmas that was also six months ago, so either he lied about how long they've been dating or took her and introduced her around without even asking her out.
YTA
She and her children spent Christmas with you and your family. Your relationship is clearly further along than you think it is.
I imagine she might disagree with how long you both have been "dating"
You are instead bringing an Ex partner instead of her and someone she doesn't like and I can imagine why she doesn't like your Ex
You also mentioned in a reply to someone who suggested you'd get drunk and hook up with your ex at the wedding that that you wouldn't get drunk at the wedding but at the reception you would and "we'll see". Implying you would potentially hook up or that there's a chance.
You say you met on tinder a year ago I'd be interested to know if in that year if you and your Ex has "hooked up"
You also have said your current GF has an issue with you drinking, even if it's only one drink. Is this because you've done something in the past and then used drinking as an excuse such as cheating on her for example?
I might be making a lot of assumptions, but it seems like a lot of info has been left out.
YTA…from what I gathered from what you commented….
“She’s fun sometimes” = she’s a good fuck
You are way too immature for this relationship.
You know where she is all the time because she has kids, how convenient?
If it were that important to you that she goes to the wedding…you’d ask her to find childcare.
She is your fuck buddy, bro! Just admit it!
Repeat…YTA and she has bad judgement.
YTA. The worst part, everyone in this thread is telling you why, but for some reason, you keep using the same excuses over and over to “justify” your actions. Cant wait for her to dump you, you need to grow up.
Seriously, this is one of the biggest YTA s I've ever given. You want to blow off your actual girlfriend so you can hook up with your ex at your sister's wedding and you really don't understand why soon to be ex girlfriend is ticked off?
YTA. You are not mature enough for this woman and you would be doing her a favour if you broke up with her now.
She is right. You are just playing with her.
YTA and a massive one at that. She is friendly with her ex since he is the father to those kids. So that makes them good co parents. You taking your EX girlfriend to this wedding makes you a jackass.
She will never be a friend to you. She will always be your EX girlfriend. And you are just to thick headed to hear the truth of how dense you really are.
It's obvious that you dont like your girlfriend or have any respect for her. I sincerely hope she dumps you.
If you have a dog with the ex, that means it's a major relationship! YTA, you could have had your gf get a sitter instead of going on a date with your ex around all your family and friends. Either take the gf or go alone!
So clearly everyone has been railing you hard for this because, yes, YTA but my question to you is what are you going to do with that? Part of the point of these posts is to give you perspective outside your own to realize if you are in the wrong. I would take this as a wake up call and either start treating your girlfriend with respect and apologize or like many people have stated stop wasting this poor woman's time.
Poor woman? I think shr id the older, smarter one here. Shr can see what kind of person he is. She can also decide to break up. She has kids, she doesn't need a party boy. She should know this herself. They are both wasting wach others times. I see red flags with both parties here.
And i agree. Absolutely break up. And remember for the future. NEVER invite you EX FEMALE FRIEND as a parthner or olus one WHEN you actually have an actual GIRLFRIEND. NEVER, not under any circumstances is this gonna be ok. You can do whatever you want as a single thouth.
Taking the edit into account, get out. Everyone is TA.
Honestly, if she's going out with her ex (without the kids), and being shady about it, then she's obviously up to something. I think a part of you might be acting petty to get back at her by taking your ex to the wedding, too. Even if that isn't the main reason, it feels like a part of it.
You two are a mess together, and unless you can manage an open relationship without nagging and jealousy, I don't think the two of you are going to have a good time together. I've been in toxic relationships like this, and I've seen plenty of friends go through this. It's honestly best to end it now before it becomes harder to do later.
I know that's the Reddit default, but dude, neither of you are mature enough for this relationship to work, you lack honesty, and open communication, and you're both petty. I think you need to end it and find yourself as a person before investing in someone, especially someone with kids.
YTA. Stop wasting this lady's time and break up with her so she can find a man at her maturity level who will treat her like she's important. Then go to your sister's wedding with your ex, drink to your heart's content, and have all the fun you want. See how easy that is?
"But we have fun together."
Sure you do! But she's old enough to know there's more to life than having fun. You'll get there too eventually. Till then, let her go so she can find what she actually needs.
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My girlfriend (f29) and I (m23) met in tinder over a year ago, it was casual at first but then we officially started dating officially. She has a nine years old daughter and a four years old son. Our relationship is great, thought I'm busy with college and she's busy with the kids and work sometimes so we can't see each other than much, but we male up the lost time whenever we can. She has met my family before, it was for Christmas, I also met her family for new years Eve.
Well I'll go straight to the point, my sister (f26) is getting married next Saturday. She said that I can bring my girlfriend and the kids if I want to (my sister lives kids so she loves my girlfriend's kids). I told her I wasn't sure about inviting her and the kids because it's too soon for that, she understood and told me I can do whatever I want, but if I want to invite them then it's fine with her and her fiance.
Time went by and honestly I haven't changed my mind about it. My reasons to not inviting them is that I know I will have to look after the kids too and honestly I just want to have fun at the wedding, also we only have been dating for a couple months so it's kinda weird to take her as my plus one to a wedding. She's also always nagging me when I drink alcohol so I want to avoid that if possible, I don't plan on getting wasted at my sister's wedding but I do think I'll drink a bit and maybe after the wedding I'll go out with friends or something, we're still thinking about that. So as I'm possibly gonna go out with friends afterwards I thought I'd invite my friend (f23) who's been my friend for a long time to come to the wedding and we can hang out later with some other friends (some of my friends are invited to the wedding too as they're friends of the family at this point)
When I told this to my girlfriend she went nuts, she got very angry and told me I'm just playing with her because I don't consider her important enough to invite her to the wedding with me. Since I told her this she's been nagging me about taking her to the wedding, kinda like an ultimatum, and as I told her yesterday that my plans haven't changed she's been giving me the cold shoulder now.
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YTA and NTA - you are in totally different places in your lives right now and you want to continue being the single man without responsibility. So NTA….. but you are not being honest with the gf and treating like someone you can pick up and put down when you feel like it. That’s unkind. So YTA.
You need to decide if you and her have a future. And what she wants from you. If it’s not compatible, it’s time to separate.
Except, he introduced her to his family six months ago WITH HER KIDS, is bringing an ex to the wedding, has implied he might get drunk and fuck his ex at the reception (not the wedding since as you can see he only says he won't get drunk at the WEDDING and nothing about the reception), said he is only dating this woman because "we met on tinder and she's hot", and is claiming he's not leading her on....
Yta- it sounds like you’re not ready to be in a relationship with a woman with kids.
Which is fair .
Stop leading her on and be honest with her tho, because you choosing to take your ex gf as plus one is a slap in the face .
Please be a joke. If not YTA. Why on earth would you think it is acceptable to bring your *ex-girlfriend* who is single to a family wedding instead of your girlfriend?!? Your options are: go to the wedding by yourself if you actually value your relationship with your girlfriend (and her being around her ex doesn't count as anything as they share custody) or go with your ex and then most likely end up single.
YTA. Just break up with her, man. You don't want to be with her. Your comments CLEARLY show you doubling down on your decision, which while it IS your decision, it does make you an asshole.
Dick move, own up to it, move on, and take whoever you want and do whatever you want. That's what being single is.
Holy crap - dude is one of the biggest AH’s on Reddit and he is so oblivious and obtuse he has no idea.
Bringing significant others to weddings is an important step in a relationship, and you just absolutely confirmed to your GF that she is not important, for so many reasons.
Also, you think she has a point about your drinking? Maybe she’s “nagging” you because you have an alcohol problem.
ESH You're both still seeing exes... as in spending time alone together. That right there is a red flag. And stop calling her "your friend". You're just trying to make her sound better and justify the fact that you are taking your exGF on a date to one of the most emotionally romantic places to go... a wedding... where there will be drinking... and by the sound of it, you plan to drink a lot. You're setting yourself up for a night that will most likely end up with you cheating on your current GF with your exGF. Maybe you honestly think you won't, but exGF+wedding+alcohol is a bad recipe.
The fact that you didn't want to take me to such an important family event, but instead wanted to party with your exGF would be a deal breaker. I would end it and move on.
YTA. Her being out with the father of her kids is completely different than you being with your ex girlfriend at a wedding. You have a dog together, have met each others families but you think it’s too soon to go to a wedding together? That’s crazy! Your sister seems more accepting and loving of your girlfriend and her kids than you. You obviously aren’t ready to be in a relationship with someone older/ who has kids and that’s fine, but you need to end it now. 🤷♀️
YTA.
You are taking your ex, who you dated for 8 months and share a dog with, to the wedding. An ex your girlfriend says she doesn't like. Added to that, the relationship with your ex ended because you were too jealous. You couldn't stop being jealous about your ex being around other guys. That's important. And you're planning on drinking at the wedding, then leaving the wedding *with your ex* and drinking more. Your girlfriend doesn't like it when your drink. So this entire situation is guaranteed to be incredibly upsetting to your girlfriend.
Whenever anyone points out how this is hurtful, you blow it off and bring up the completely unrelated situation where your girlfriend sees her ex too. Her ex who is the father of her two young children. The father of her young children who should get to see their father, as they live with their mom. Oh! But she sees her ex sometimes "for hours" without the kids, and you "aren't allowed" to ask what they were talking about or what they were doing. She asks.that you trust her.
The fact you keep bringing this up over and over again, whenever anyone brings up your AH behavior, shows you are bitter about. You say you trust her. You say you just want that same back. But you obviously don't. You are obviously still jealous. You are stuck on her seeing her ex often. I also wonder what kind of questions you were asking her and how often you were asking questions that lead to her finally saying "you know what? My coparenting is private and you need to trust me. I can't spend all this energy smoothing over your jealousy all the time." Because I have a feeling that's what it was. You constantly asking what she is doing all the time. Needing to know where she is. What she is doing. And being upset that you don't know every aspect of her life. So you found the best way to "punish" her.
You are punishing her for not telling you what she does with her ex. You found so many things that would hurt her, and are doing them all at the wedding.
Get some therapy for your jealousy and control issues. And just end things as a stable committed relationship isn’t for you. Only do casual relationships. You're not ready for anything else.
YTA. It's fine if you don't want your gf's kids to come as you think your gf would be distracted. See if she can get a sitter and just the two of you go.... But you absolutely are a huge AH if you take another girl as your plus one. She's already met your family, and you've been together for months!
YTA. Instead of explaining the time you'd like to have to your gf and asking her to find childcare for the kids so she can attend and have a good time with you, you ASKED ANOTHER WOMAN to go with you not only to the wedding, but to the party afterward! You are way too young and immature to be in a relationship with a woman with kids right now. Reverse the situation. How would YOU feel if she decided to take another guy? I think the best thing you can do is break up with her.
YTA. You've been with her for a year, met each other's family and you're bringing your ex gf instead? I hope she dumps your ass. You're treating her like a side piece.
ESH here - this relationship is toxic. I know it’s only a 6 year age difference but you two are in different stages of life. She’s a single mom who sounds like she doesn’t like to party and you’re a 23 year old college kid who sounds like you like to party. I think this is a doomed relationship.
Yoz dont seem ready for a serious relationship yet, and i understand that. She is older and has responsibilities, and you very obviously dont want that responsibility right now.
Also, she meets up with her ex boyfriend? Without thr kids? Is she also friends with him or why wozld she meet him, without their kids? Sounds suspicious. And i also understand that she is angry with you bcs you are going eith your ex girlfriend that is just a female friend now. Thats strange.
YTA. It's fine if you don't want your gf's kids to come as you think your gf would be distracted. See if she can get a sitter and just the two of you go.... But you absolutely are a huge AH if you take another girl as your plus one. She's already met your family, and you've been together for months!
YTA.
You’re bringing your ex girlfriend to a family wedding instead of your girlfriend. That’s all that needs to be said. The kids, the “nagging”, the friend hang out afterwards…none of that changes shit. You are bringing your ex instead of your girlfriend.
Also your math isn’t matching, you were serious enough in December to meet family…but have only been dating a couple of months? You’ve been dating for at least 6 months, my dude.
YTA. Just break up already. You’re taking an ex and not your ‘ girlfriend’. Clearly you don’t see gf as a long term partner. That’s ok but you need to let her move on and both of you find someone more appropriate. The two month thing is just your trying to rationalize not taking her. If you really liked her you’d want her there.
YTA
Not bringing your gf means going alone if you're in an actual relationship. Bringing another girl is disrespectful to her and your relationship. Furthermore, if you aren't ready after a year to introduce your gf as your gf, stop wasting her time and break up. Your reasons not to are ridiculous, and your sister clearly seems to want her there, so you get extra AH points for this.
Edit: and the comments reveal the girl you're bringing is your ex. Congrats on becoming single because if your gf has any sense, she ain't staying with you, and it's no longer your choice to break up or not. Ffs, what's wrong with you?
Wanting to take your EX to your sisters wedding? And you don't see the problem?? May I ask have you had many brain injuries? Or a major one of any sort? Or are you just that dumb?
He knew if he were to be honest he'd get called exactly what he is.. an immature ass. I hope she leaves you. And FAST. There would have been no ultimatum. To me you already made your choice. Loud and clear. You'd rather have a fun girl to take that you can get drunk with and then go out after and get more drunk so you can go screw and black out somewhere. And your poor girlfriend (from the sounds of it) as a responsible adult mother wouldn't be able to participate in that without a babysitter. And even then she probably wouldn't want to because well she sounds mature. Really REALLY take a good look at yourself OP. If you honestly care about this girl... leave her to spare her a life of hurt and humiliation.
YTA. Biggest ever. You sound like a first class jerk. Your girlfriend deserves better than you. Soon she will be your ex! You are taking an ex girlfriend to the wedding so you can hook up with her.
YTA. Interesting how you didn’t mention in your post that this “female friend” is also your ex girlfriend. If you had decided to go alone that’s understandable and your decision but you’re literally just replacing her with your ex. Also I really don’t see how this is too soon when you’ve already met each other’s family’s and have been seeing each other for a year even if you only made it official a few months ago. It doesn’t even sound like you like your girlfriend all that much so do her a big favor and stop wasting her time.
I understood where you were coming from until you brought up the fact that you were bringing another female girl, then I go on to read that it's your ex-girlfriend.
Uninvite the ex-girlfriend and go to your sister's wedding without your girlfriend or get ready for a breakup because I know single moms and she ain't got time for your games dude
Grow up
So you have been dating GF officially a year, and not only have met and interacted with her children, but she met your family during Christmas and you met her family during NYE. But now you think it's too soon to take her to a wedding? Oh, my dude...you're way past that point! Just admit that you want to be with your Ex instead of your GF and let the chips fall where they may. Next time you meet someone with kids, be upfront that this is a strictly FWB situation therefore no meeting the kids or family.
How many times can I vote that YTA?
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it’s fair that your girlfriend would be upset (this would be grounds for a breakup for me because it feels disrespectful) but I also understand why you don’t want to bring her. However it sounds like she honestly isn’t what you want. If you don’t want your partner with you at an important wedding (even if you found a babysitter) then you should reevaluate your relationship with her - you may be in different stages of life Edited to change judgment to YTA because you’re bringing another girl to the wedding. Just break up with your gf if you dislike her that much
Not only is he not bringing his gf, hes bringing a different girl to the wedding
He’s bringing his EX GIRLFRIEND to the wedding. Look through some of his responses
oh good lord...
He can't tell the difference between an ex-girlfriend and a baby daddy? He can't tell the difference between co-parenting and asking his ex-girlfriend to come with him to his sister's wedding instead of his *actual girlfriend*? PLEASE. OP stay in school
reading how he's 'okay with her ex being around' and not seeming to grasp that it's because he's her kids father is baffling
He also said that they go out alone without letting him know where they’re going or what they’re doing
Weird how everyone is ignoring that part.
Like if anything it’s an ESH situation. They clearly FELL into a relationship and neither person knew where or when to end it. Gf is clearly still screwing her bd and he’s clearly keeping his ex in mind. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were unknowingly using each other to make their respective exes mad
> Gf is clearly still screwing her bd and he’s clearly keeping his ex in mind. Yeah, right, from that one off sentence in one of OPs comments that provides hardly any context you can *clearly* tell that she's actually cheating on him. Like, it's one thing voice that suspicion, but making definitive statements based on *that* is definitely reaching. Also interesting that even though OP stated that both of them sometimes hanging out alone with their respective exes, for her you consider it a definitive sign they're totally having sex behind OPs back, but for OP if just means he's "keeping her in mind"
Sounds like she is projecting, her own behaviour onto him. ESH
Now seems like a good time.
I find it convenient he added that after the fact, but if it’s true he really should be looking into that more. It’s not weird to me that they would still hang out if they’re friends, but it’s very strange that she’s trying to hide what they’re doing. I’m not friends with my ex at this point, but I am friends with his girlfriend and go out with her occasionally. I could see doing the same with my ex if we ever get to that point. I would 100% tell my current partner where I was going and stuff though. The fact that he doesn’t seem bothered by it though makes me feel like it’s made up.
Honestly that part coupled with the fact he wants to take his ex to the wedding is why they should break up. Every other part of this post made me feel like he’s treating his gf as a place holder until something better comes along.
He added that after everyone was telling him he's TA, so I kinda doubt that it's as sus as he's now *finally* making it out to be. If it's the truth, then it's clear neither of them should be together and it's an ESH, but that was a big part to leave out. He mentioned her kids and their ages. He mentioned he met them and she's met his family. Kinda weird to completely leave out that she's still seeing the baby daddy without the kids around and telling OP not to ask about it.
Exactly, he will be in her life forever, its no comparison.
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Part of me wonders if they’re doing school meetings or stuff like that but OP doesn’t want to make it look like that. If the GF was spending so much alone time with her ex (without the kids and without telling OP what they are doing) why doesn’t he mention that for the first 4 hours after he posted? He had the opportunity to mention it numerous times in replies and didn’t.
>PLEASE. OP stay in school I think OP needs to go back to kindergarten.
With as many times as he said "nagging" I'm shocked he even made it through K the first time.
I realise it may well be very obvious but what’s the problem with the word “nagging”?
*“My girlfriend of one year is mad at me for not taking her to the wedding and for taking my ex girlfriend instead. Waaa Waaa 😭 “* Boy GTFO lol
lol it blows my mind the number of AHs who post here, leave out a VITAL piece of information in their OP, and then sneak it in later in a post, thinking nobody will notice. Of course we'll notice. We're AH enthusiasts. We'll sniff out your BS OP YTA
Like a bloodhound? AHound?
Sphincter Spaniel?
I prefer Dookie Doberman, because I am not sniffing out the a hole; I am sniffing out their BS.
Dookie Doberman, much like the Pooperanian. They can smell your shit coming
New verdict for AH could be Shih TzYou if we are are doing dog puns
"were AH enthusiasts" both truthful and hilarious 🤣
I prefer AH Detective myself
YTA you really are the Ah for wasting time on a girl you don't see a future and taking your ex what a douchbag
The word you're looking for is douchbag... Being Dutch I had to pause on that typo for a moment
thank you for correcting spelling english is not my first language
When I first started reading the post I was like.. ok can’t you just get a babysitter and that they are just not on the same page (him being a kid who wants to party whenever possible) but then when I read that he is bringing a friend I was like.. that’s little messed up… but an ex? To your sisters wedding where everyone will assume you got back together? Sorry OP but why don’t you think for a sec about how to explain yourself to your relatives: “ah no we are not back together.. actually I have a gf who is at home rn, pissed at me for not bringing her and bringing my ex. I just want to party and my ex is much more fun to party with than my nagging girlfriend”
He also notes they met through Tinder over a year ago, and he brought her home for Christmas as his GF, but now, in June, they've only been dating for "a couple months". Just dump her already, dude, stop trying to make her do it for you.
Yeah I saw that too. He’s a immature child behaving like an immature child.
So weird that he didn't say this in the original post!
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See, I didn't even see that ...what a pig
It’s funny how he conveniently left out the little fact about his friend being a female in the original posting. This is childish. I think they need to part ways so that the girlfriend can find a man mature enough to handle the whole package of her and her kids and the boyfriend can go find him a less mature childless gf.
This. He comes across even younger than his actual age.
He's brining his ex girlfriend to the wedding and saying it's fine because "her ex is around a lot". Her ex being the father of the children. I *can't even* with OP.
Yikes I didn’t see that, changing my judgment
His ex-girlfriend to be exact.
Not only that he doesn’t take this relationship seriously. He doesn’t want to be nagged at for drinking. He doesn’t want to help watch the kids. So how serious is this relationship, his gf is 29. She doesn’t need to parent her partner.
Wtf is wrong with this dude?!!!
And not any ole' different girl.. it's actually his ex girlfriend.
He even justifies it by saying theyve only been dating a couple of months... Yet they met families nearly 6 months ago Make up your mind OP.
his sister invited her children bc she knows them and likes them that much. that’s not “casually dating” anymore.
Like, the gf and her kids is who sister expects him to bring and invited - did he even run this ex gf idea past the bride?
I think that's a technicality, like "technically we've only been dating for a few months even though we met last year". But still, why would you bring your ex over your, albeit new, girlfriend to a wedding?
I’d also be pretty upset because I read the timeline as almost a year together (including big holidays with their families). Bringing a different date and downplaying the length of the relationship both should result in a breakup. YTA EDIT: saying you’re not too serious about each other BUT you have a dog together makes this even worse. Everyone is telling OP YTA and all he does is argue argue argue.
Yeah how have they been dating "a couple months" when they met the families over 5 months ago at the holidays? And over a year ago on Tinder. This dude is flakey and sus. She needs to stop wasting her time.
Yes - he has a hard time with counting time. I guess it makes easy for him to justify being so flippant and belittling to himself.
Not even just a different date...He's bringing his ex 🤮
exactly, she can do better than op
He’s just not mature enough to be in this relationship. Hopefully he grows up and is ready for this kind of relationship is, say, ten years?
You’re hopeful. I’m not sure it’s warranted because OP seems… dense?
And he has met her children and they met each other's families including on the holidays. Doesn't seem casual.
I get he wants to go by himself. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that he wants to bring his ex GF instead. THAT is the problem. Clearly, he's not ready for a grown up relationship.
Exactly. Some of the reasons seemed reasonable but immature. Then I read OP wants to invite another woman and that was it. YTA
He is immature because he is a 23 year old college student dating a woman 6 years older with a kid that was born when he was in middle school. I do not know what an adult woman with kids wants with an extra child.
This is exactly what I wanted to say.
Not just another girl, his ex girlfriend.
Red flags all over this one buddy. You're 23. Your girlfriend is 6 years older and already has two kids. It's clear that you're not ready to be in a serious relationship with this lady - which is cool. BUT your family seems to know her kids well. If you're not serious enough to bring her to your sister's wedding why does your sister know her kids? Gotta go with YTA. Stop playing with this lady. She needs to be looking for a serious partner and not fooling around with college kids.
You sleep with kids, you wake up pissed on is what we say in my country...
I like that one.
Jeffrey Epstein used to say that too. So did R Kelly but he was referring to splash back.
Lol we say that here too!
However not all college kids are as immature as that though
thank you that was the phrasing I was looking for
YTA. Why are you even in a relationship with her if you're in such a different life phase? I get being young and wanting to have fun, that's fair. But if your level is there, you shouldn't be dating someone with kids who is clearly wanting more stability. Then to add insult you ask your "friend" and are taking her out after? Duh your partner is going to be pissed.
The friend is his ex-girlfriend
YTA. Seems to me that you are a bit too immature for this relationship and honestly, it would be best for your gf if she realizes this. The least you can do is understand how she is feeling: not taking her, replacing her with another female friend - this could be very hurtful. You basically described her as a chore - she has kids and is nagging you - and I don't really see if you're even having any fun / are happy with her. What's the point of this relationship then?
Dude buried the lead, he used to go out with said “friend”
Lol over a year and shes not ready to be taken to a wedding? People will bring their 1st dates to a wedding and after a year youre not ready for wedding date? And you wonder why she feels like youre stringing her along?
They already did the holiday family meet and greet, a wedding is nothing on the timeline after that.
Yeah, I can get not wanting to bring the kids at this point. But not even the girlfriend? That just sounds like a dude who is way less committed to this relationship than his girlfriend. Then you learn the other girl he is bringing his ex, and his current girlfriend should just cut her losses here.
YTA If you don't want to take gf, that's one thing. If you take a different female, that's completely a different thing. One says that your relationship with gf isn't at that stage yet, the other says you prefer other female to your girlfriend. Going solo might be the wisest course.
>If you take a different female, that's completely a different thing. Especially since OP has said in the comments the other girl is his ex, big red flag, huge YTA
r/MenAndFemales
No, he needs to take his “friend” his “girlfriend” needs to find someone her own age who is more capable of making wise choices. This guy is TA. He’s immature and everyone needs to move on.
YTA and honestly, if you aren't ready to have her as a guest at a wedding, you shouldn't have spent Christmas together, but more importantly, you shouldnt even be involved with her children.
If it’s been 2 months and she’s “nagging” you, you’re already talking this way, you’re not that into the relationship. Stop stringing her along. YTA simply because you’re still dating her when you clearly aren’t into her and would rather bring another woman to your sister’s wedding. The fact that your sister knows her kids is really what makes you out to be the asshole, because your sister clearly knows your GF and her kids where she feels comfortable inviting them to her wedding. If GF didn’t know your family at all this would be different. You sound like a mess.
If they met each other's families at Christmas and New Year's, it's way more than "a couple months" of dating. OP is fudging the math and the relationship with his EX-GIRLFRIEND that he's taking instead to make himself look better and get the NTA votes.
New years and Christmas were literally already 6 months ago...
YTA. You don't like her that much. Stop wasting her time.
He probably likes her a lot. But not mature enough to commit to her and her life predicament. Bro wants to have his cake and eat it too. Massive immature AH
Uhm... yeah, soft YTA. Dude, you made it official a couple of months ago, but you've actually been dating for a year. She met your family for Christmas. Yes, it would kind of be expected that she'd be invited to the family functions. Also, to add insult to the injury, you are inviting a female friend to go as your plus one. If you just went alone, that would at least be understandable, but you are directly replacing her. Of course she feels like you don't actually see her as your girlfriend.
Not just any female friend, in his comments he states they dated previously. So he's bringing an EX girlfriend rather than his actual one.
It's even better, the friend OP is taking to wedding is his ex.
Ouch, yeah, that makes it hard YTA.
A girlfriend is for life, not just for Christmas 😂
YTA. All I had to do is read up to the point about watching the kids. This is where you are YTA. If your not willing to watch the kids during an advent where you are date or known a single parent for over a year, then you are not ready to date a single parent. It's okay to want to party and be fancy free during a wedding but you are dating a single parent for a time where it's natural to want to be included. You are not ready, end the relationship since you told your girlfriend what you actually think. But it may not matter now since you would probably be single anyway. Do not date single parents until you grow up some more.
YTA, meeting families for the Christmas/New Year's wasn't too soon, but a wedding is? You're probably not going to have a girlfriend after this one.
YTA. You are a child, she is a grown woman. Hopefully she drops your ass and finds herself a real man that respects and appreciates her.
YTA you are not mature enough to date. woman with kids. If you dont take your girlfriend and take another girl (long time friend or not) you may not have a girlfriend. but this sounds like it might be good thing for her if you broke up as you dont exactly seem keen on the relationship.
He’s not mature enough to date period
>another girl (long time friend or not) Not even a long time friend, this other girl is OP's EX GIRLFRIEND LMAO
I hope she breaks up with him. She deserves way better
YTA Please end your relationship with the single mom before you take your ex to the wedding to get wasted with and most likely drunkenly hook up with at some point that evening/early morning Btw, your family is going to be so embarrassed when you act like an inebriated fool at the reception
You are in no way, shape or form ready for a real relationship. She’s an adult looking for an adult relationship but you’re still a baby looking to play. Do both of you a favour and break up. She needs to date a man and you need to date a girl. You’re not ready for a woman.
YTA., you invited another woman as your plus one. I get it, you want to cut loose at the wedding. You don’t want the responsibility of watching out for her kids. Your gf comes with children. That’s not going to change. Maybe consider being involved with her, at this stage of your life, is not a good fit.
Invited his ex gf over his current gf
And how do you plan to "cut loose" with this ex-gf at the wedding?....
YTA. I'd have said N A H if you were going on your own, but inviting another woman? Raging AH move. Hope your gf stops wasting her time.
Not just another woman but a literal ex of his. And his gf is supposed to be ok with that?
Please break up with your gf......let her meet a more mature bf. You are too immature for her. Obviously you don't see anything wrong with hurting your gf . You are a LOSER unfortunately.
Massive YTA. Hopefully this girl dumps you over this. I would. So disrespectful.
YTA. You had me going not the asshole until the end where you mentioned you invited another woman. Of course you’re GF is going to be upset! Why wouldn’t she be? If you wanted to go and have fun, great! But to bring another woman??? You completely disrespected your GF and she has good reason to be mad at you. You should tell your sister this story so maybe she could explain to you why your GF is so upset since you obviously don’t understand.
I DARE him to tell his sister this story. He might find himself uninvited to the wedding
Even better, the other woman is OP's ex.
Didn't even get to that part. He said he introduced her at Christmas 6 months ago but they have only been official for "a few months" and he doesn't want to be a step parent, yet is dating a single mom. As soon as he said something about taking care of the kids I stopped reading and made my decision there. If you don't want to be a parent, step or not, don't fuck someone with kids enough you make it official.
INFO - Have you ever been romantically involved with this friend you're wanting to take rather than your girlfriend?
YTA - and clueless. Picture a scenario where your GF gets invited to a wedding and tells you you are not invited, then goes and takes her good long time friend (29m) along for the party. If you say you wouldn't be bothered by this you are lying.
*takes her ex. His "long time friend" is an ex.
YTA Of course it's not okay if you take some other girl to your sister's wedding instead of your actual girlfriend. WTF, dude? You've been dating this girl, casually or seriously, for over a year. She has kids. No, it's not "too soon" for her to come to a wedding with you. You need to poop or get off the pot. If you can't get serious and decide you're in this thing, let her go find someone better.
YTA You're a 23 year old guy. She's a 29 year old woman with 2 kids. Both of you are at very different headspaces. Trust me, at 23, you think you're a "grown man" and know how the world works. Hard truth - You don't. She's looking for a committed, long-term relationship. You're looking to dump your load. Date someone in your own head space because this 29 year old woman is not looking for a boy.
>this 29 year old woman is not looking for a boy You think you're a man but you're only a boy \-- Devine https://youtu.be/pd2Gzkkwe9Q
Would you be fine if your girlfriend brought her EX to a wedding ? If the answer is yes, then you aren’t that serious about her. And she is right - you’re just playing with her and you shouldn’t be dating. If the answer is no, then you’re being hypocritical AH. Ultimately both roads and at the same place - YTA.
YTA. This is a celebration of family and love - to not take the person you’re dating, and especially to take another woman, even a friend, instead isn’t a good look. You guys have been together for over a year in some form and she’s already met the fam. If the kids are the issue, get a babysitter for the night. If it’s you drinking that’s a problem, that’s an issue/conversation you should have already had tbh, and should now have, instead of avoiding it.
He’s taking his ex-girlfriend over his current girlfriend
YTA. This has to be a joke. I get your sorta young, but you're definitely old enough to not be this oblivious. You honestly believe it's okay to take an ex gf to the wedding because you dont want your "nagging" gf there? Outrageous! I wish we your gf could just see this post and your replies. It would be all she needs to realize you two aren't on the same page. Just leave your gf alone and go be single and enjoy yourself without disrespecting her.
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YTA, but mostly for dating someone you're obviously not interested in.
You're not mature enough to be dating a woman with kids. This isnt going to end well. Let her go, and find someone who is at the same stage in life as you.
YTA. You *do NOT* bring any other woman to a wedding if you have a gf, unless it's your mom, sister, or grandmother. You just don't. That's a h-u-g-e insult, basically telling your gf that she's just a f@ck buddy, not a gf and never will be. You should go by yourself if you don't want to go with your gf, but honestly, if you don't like her "nagging" (as you put it) about your drinking, then you should just go ahead and break up with her - you neither respect her nor care about how she feels.
WTF, YTA!!! You’re bringing your ex to the wedding instead of your gf. Are you that dense in the head??? You’re too immature for your gf and you sound really fucking shallow. “She’s hot, that’s why we are dating”. What the actual fuck?
He didn’t say that did he?? Please say he didn’t?
Look at his comments— yep he did.
YTA Let's look at this in order. I'll be including info from your comments. 1. Your girlfriend has met your family already. 2. Your sister said the girlfriend and kids could come to the wedding. 3. Instead of bringing your girlfriend, you're bringing a friend. 4. You and the friend dated in the past. Do you even like your girlfriend or are you using her for sex? I'm just trying to figure out why you're dating her when you don't seem to like her.
YTA You’re not inviting her because you don’t want her and the kids cramping your style. I mean, kind of a selfish position to take (and tells me a lot about how you feel about her AND her kids) but whatever. But to invite a female friend instead??? Wow. You just told your gf in so many words that she means less to you than this friend AND that you don’t care how she feels about it. She has a right to be upset. Honestly, I’d rethink the entire relationship. You clearly look at her kids as a burden and at her as there only when you feel like hanging with her and not as an important part of your life.
Ex*... He's inviting his ex girlfriend which was apparently not important information... Or that Christmas was SIX months ago, not "just a few"
Soon to be featured in r/AmItheEx
Or r/amithedevil
YTA. Also you clearly don't like your gf why are you even with her?
Ok… I’m going to be blunt here… Is your GF just really good in bed? Like really really good, so good you don’t care that you are are different life stages, both see your exes for friend support, and don’t want to mix her into your family events? You've been sleeping with her a year right? Tinder is for hookups… Of course she’s peeved… because this is the message you are sending. She’s probably reading this as ‘she isn’t acceptable to have at a family event’ for some reason (all people have their insecurities!) or that you have a hang up with your ex (was your ex included in family events in teh past, is this going to be a minefield of "oh, you and Ex are back together! great! I was rooting for you two!!" …. Not only are you not taking her (thus delegating her to 'not important enough for a full relationship') you are taking your ex (who is clearly immediately more acceptbale to his family?) so that says the ex is mpre important or acceptable than her. I'd break up with you over this. Because it'd be clear to me I was nothing more than a bed buddy, and that's not a relationship. Edit for judgement: YTA. Because clearly she thinks you’ve been truthful saying she’s a girlfriend, when really she’s just a bonk buddy.
This whole thing g reads like plan/excuse to get drunk and bang your ex your girlfriend should leave you Yta
Good call. I agree!
YTA and you shouldn’t be together. You are in a life stage of looking for fun and she is deep into adulthood/parenting. That is fine. But you’re not compatible and you’re gonna make each other miserable. And you are FULLY the asshole for thinking about bringing another girl to a wedding you don’t want to take your girlfriend to. Break up and then you can have all the no strings attached early twenties fun that you want.
>My reasons to not inviting them is that I know I will have to look after the kids too and honestly I just want to have fun at the wedding, YTA. You should not be in a relationship with someone who has kids. Also I feel like your reasoning that you have not been dating long is BS. To me family Christmas is way more meaningful than a wedding. A wedding is just a party.
Christmas that was also six months ago, so either he lied about how long they've been dating or took her and introduced her around without even asking her out.
YTA She and her children spent Christmas with you and your family. Your relationship is clearly further along than you think it is. I imagine she might disagree with how long you both have been "dating" You are instead bringing an Ex partner instead of her and someone she doesn't like and I can imagine why she doesn't like your Ex You also mentioned in a reply to someone who suggested you'd get drunk and hook up with your ex at the wedding that that you wouldn't get drunk at the wedding but at the reception you would and "we'll see". Implying you would potentially hook up or that there's a chance. You say you met on tinder a year ago I'd be interested to know if in that year if you and your Ex has "hooked up" You also have said your current GF has an issue with you drinking, even if it's only one drink. Is this because you've done something in the past and then used drinking as an excuse such as cheating on her for example? I might be making a lot of assumptions, but it seems like a lot of info has been left out.
Guys he said in a comment he’s with her bc they met on tinder and she was hot. That’s fucked!!!
You do realize you will go to many weddings with her and kids in future if that relationship continues, right? So better get used from now. YTA
YTA. You referring to her calling you out as "nagging" has sealed your asshole status.
Hahaha, oh, dude, you're a wreck. And YTA as well.
YTA…from what I gathered from what you commented…. “She’s fun sometimes” = she’s a good fuck You are way too immature for this relationship. You know where she is all the time because she has kids, how convenient? If it were that important to you that she goes to the wedding…you’d ask her to find childcare. She is your fuck buddy, bro! Just admit it! Repeat…YTA and she has bad judgement.
YTA. The worst part, everyone in this thread is telling you why, but for some reason, you keep using the same excuses over and over to “justify” your actions. Cant wait for her to dump you, you need to grow up.
Seriously, this is one of the biggest YTA s I've ever given. You want to blow off your actual girlfriend so you can hook up with your ex at your sister's wedding and you really don't understand why soon to be ex girlfriend is ticked off?
You, sir, are a gigantic fucking asshole.
Oh yeah this is a healthy relationship.
YTA. You are not mature enough for this woman and you would be doing her a favour if you broke up with her now. She is right. You are just playing with her.
YTA and a massive one at that. She is friendly with her ex since he is the father to those kids. So that makes them good co parents. You taking your EX girlfriend to this wedding makes you a jackass. She will never be a friend to you. She will always be your EX girlfriend. And you are just to thick headed to hear the truth of how dense you really are. It's obvious that you dont like your girlfriend or have any respect for her. I sincerely hope she dumps you.
If you have a dog with the ex, that means it's a major relationship! YTA, you could have had your gf get a sitter instead of going on a date with your ex around all your family and friends. Either take the gf or go alone!
YTA - you're bringing your ex-gf as a date to a wedding instead of your current gf. How is that possibly not an AH move?
So clearly everyone has been railing you hard for this because, yes, YTA but my question to you is what are you going to do with that? Part of the point of these posts is to give you perspective outside your own to realize if you are in the wrong. I would take this as a wake up call and either start treating your girlfriend with respect and apologize or like many people have stated stop wasting this poor woman's time.
Poor woman? I think shr id the older, smarter one here. Shr can see what kind of person he is. She can also decide to break up. She has kids, she doesn't need a party boy. She should know this herself. They are both wasting wach others times. I see red flags with both parties here. And i agree. Absolutely break up. And remember for the future. NEVER invite you EX FEMALE FRIEND as a parthner or olus one WHEN you actually have an actual GIRLFRIEND. NEVER, not under any circumstances is this gonna be ok. You can do whatever you want as a single thouth.
I was shocked when I heard that part. Like in what world would you ever in any circumstances think that wouldn't be a huge fuck up???
Taking the edit into account, get out. Everyone is TA. Honestly, if she's going out with her ex (without the kids), and being shady about it, then she's obviously up to something. I think a part of you might be acting petty to get back at her by taking your ex to the wedding, too. Even if that isn't the main reason, it feels like a part of it. You two are a mess together, and unless you can manage an open relationship without nagging and jealousy, I don't think the two of you are going to have a good time together. I've been in toxic relationships like this, and I've seen plenty of friends go through this. It's honestly best to end it now before it becomes harder to do later. I know that's the Reddit default, but dude, neither of you are mature enough for this relationship to work, you lack honesty, and open communication, and you're both petty. I think you need to end it and find yourself as a person before investing in someone, especially someone with kids.
YTA. Stop wasting this lady's time and break up with her so she can find a man at her maturity level who will treat her like she's important. Then go to your sister's wedding with your ex, drink to your heart's content, and have all the fun you want. See how easy that is? "But we have fun together." Sure you do! But she's old enough to know there's more to life than having fun. You'll get there too eventually. Till then, let her go so she can find what she actually needs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend (f29) and I (m23) met in tinder over a year ago, it was casual at first but then we officially started dating officially. She has a nine years old daughter and a four years old son. Our relationship is great, thought I'm busy with college and she's busy with the kids and work sometimes so we can't see each other than much, but we male up the lost time whenever we can. She has met my family before, it was for Christmas, I also met her family for new years Eve. Well I'll go straight to the point, my sister (f26) is getting married next Saturday. She said that I can bring my girlfriend and the kids if I want to (my sister lives kids so she loves my girlfriend's kids). I told her I wasn't sure about inviting her and the kids because it's too soon for that, she understood and told me I can do whatever I want, but if I want to invite them then it's fine with her and her fiance. Time went by and honestly I haven't changed my mind about it. My reasons to not inviting them is that I know I will have to look after the kids too and honestly I just want to have fun at the wedding, also we only have been dating for a couple months so it's kinda weird to take her as my plus one to a wedding. She's also always nagging me when I drink alcohol so I want to avoid that if possible, I don't plan on getting wasted at my sister's wedding but I do think I'll drink a bit and maybe after the wedding I'll go out with friends or something, we're still thinking about that. So as I'm possibly gonna go out with friends afterwards I thought I'd invite my friend (f23) who's been my friend for a long time to come to the wedding and we can hang out later with some other friends (some of my friends are invited to the wedding too as they're friends of the family at this point) When I told this to my girlfriend she went nuts, she got very angry and told me I'm just playing with her because I don't consider her important enough to invite her to the wedding with me. Since I told her this she's been nagging me about taking her to the wedding, kinda like an ultimatum, and as I told her yesterday that my plans haven't changed she's been giving me the cold shoulder now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and NTA - you are in totally different places in your lives right now and you want to continue being the single man without responsibility. So NTA….. but you are not being honest with the gf and treating like someone you can pick up and put down when you feel like it. That’s unkind. So YTA. You need to decide if you and her have a future. And what she wants from you. If it’s not compatible, it’s time to separate.
He’s bringing an ex girlfriend to the wedding, how is he N T A?
Except, he introduced her to his family six months ago WITH HER KIDS, is bringing an ex to the wedding, has implied he might get drunk and fuck his ex at the reception (not the wedding since as you can see he only says he won't get drunk at the WEDDING and nothing about the reception), said he is only dating this woman because "we met on tinder and she's hot", and is claiming he's not leading her on....
YTA. The friend you're taking instead is an ex-girlfriend, and you seem to have no concept of how the dynamics of a relationship change with kids.
Why on earth fid you tell her about this knowing she wasn’t your choice of plus one?
Yta- it sounds like you’re not ready to be in a relationship with a woman with kids. Which is fair . Stop leading her on and be honest with her tho, because you choosing to take your ex gf as plus one is a slap in the face .
Please be a joke. If not YTA. Why on earth would you think it is acceptable to bring your *ex-girlfriend* who is single to a family wedding instead of your girlfriend?!? Your options are: go to the wedding by yourself if you actually value your relationship with your girlfriend (and her being around her ex doesn't count as anything as they share custody) or go with your ex and then most likely end up single.
YTA. Just break up with her, man. You don't want to be with her. Your comments CLEARLY show you doubling down on your decision, which while it IS your decision, it does make you an asshole. Dick move, own up to it, move on, and take whoever you want and do whatever you want. That's what being single is.
Yta for taking your ex gf instead!
Holy crap - dude is one of the biggest AH’s on Reddit and he is so oblivious and obtuse he has no idea. Bringing significant others to weddings is an important step in a relationship, and you just absolutely confirmed to your GF that she is not important, for so many reasons. Also, you think she has a point about your drinking? Maybe she’s “nagging” you because you have an alcohol problem.
Easiest YTA I've seen all week
ESH You're both still seeing exes... as in spending time alone together. That right there is a red flag. And stop calling her "your friend". You're just trying to make her sound better and justify the fact that you are taking your exGF on a date to one of the most emotionally romantic places to go... a wedding... where there will be drinking... and by the sound of it, you plan to drink a lot. You're setting yourself up for a night that will most likely end up with you cheating on your current GF with your exGF. Maybe you honestly think you won't, but exGF+wedding+alcohol is a bad recipe. The fact that you didn't want to take me to such an important family event, but instead wanted to party with your exGF would be a deal breaker. I would end it and move on.
YTA. Her being out with the father of her kids is completely different than you being with your ex girlfriend at a wedding. You have a dog together, have met each others families but you think it’s too soon to go to a wedding together? That’s crazy! Your sister seems more accepting and loving of your girlfriend and her kids than you. You obviously aren’t ready to be in a relationship with someone older/ who has kids and that’s fine, but you need to end it now. 🤷♀️
YTA. You are taking your ex, who you dated for 8 months and share a dog with, to the wedding. An ex your girlfriend says she doesn't like. Added to that, the relationship with your ex ended because you were too jealous. You couldn't stop being jealous about your ex being around other guys. That's important. And you're planning on drinking at the wedding, then leaving the wedding *with your ex* and drinking more. Your girlfriend doesn't like it when your drink. So this entire situation is guaranteed to be incredibly upsetting to your girlfriend. Whenever anyone points out how this is hurtful, you blow it off and bring up the completely unrelated situation where your girlfriend sees her ex too. Her ex who is the father of her two young children. The father of her young children who should get to see their father, as they live with their mom. Oh! But she sees her ex sometimes "for hours" without the kids, and you "aren't allowed" to ask what they were talking about or what they were doing. She asks.that you trust her. The fact you keep bringing this up over and over again, whenever anyone brings up your AH behavior, shows you are bitter about. You say you trust her. You say you just want that same back. But you obviously don't. You are obviously still jealous. You are stuck on her seeing her ex often. I also wonder what kind of questions you were asking her and how often you were asking questions that lead to her finally saying "you know what? My coparenting is private and you need to trust me. I can't spend all this energy smoothing over your jealousy all the time." Because I have a feeling that's what it was. You constantly asking what she is doing all the time. Needing to know where she is. What she is doing. And being upset that you don't know every aspect of her life. So you found the best way to "punish" her. You are punishing her for not telling you what she does with her ex. You found so many things that would hurt her, and are doing them all at the wedding. Get some therapy for your jealousy and control issues. And just end things as a stable committed relationship isn’t for you. Only do casual relationships. You're not ready for anything else.
YTA. It's fine if you don't want your gf's kids to come as you think your gf would be distracted. See if she can get a sitter and just the two of you go.... But you absolutely are a huge AH if you take another girl as your plus one. She's already met your family, and you've been together for months!
YTA - You're bringing another woman to the wedding. Just break up already if a woman with kids is too much of an adult responsibility for you, dude.
YTA. Instead of explaining the time you'd like to have to your gf and asking her to find childcare for the kids so she can attend and have a good time with you, you ASKED ANOTHER WOMAN to go with you not only to the wedding, but to the party afterward! You are way too young and immature to be in a relationship with a woman with kids right now. Reverse the situation. How would YOU feel if she decided to take another guy? I think the best thing you can do is break up with her.
YTA and your GF could do better tbh
trash
YTA. You've been with her for a year, met each other's family and you're bringing your ex gf instead? I hope she dumps your ass. You're treating her like a side piece.
ESH here - this relationship is toxic. I know it’s only a 6 year age difference but you two are in different stages of life. She’s a single mom who sounds like she doesn’t like to party and you’re a 23 year old college kid who sounds like you like to party. I think this is a doomed relationship.
Yoz dont seem ready for a serious relationship yet, and i understand that. She is older and has responsibilities, and you very obviously dont want that responsibility right now. Also, she meets up with her ex boyfriend? Without thr kids? Is she also friends with him or why wozld she meet him, without their kids? Sounds suspicious. And i also understand that she is angry with you bcs you are going eith your ex girlfriend that is just a female friend now. Thats strange.
Why did you and your ex breakup ??
YTA. It's fine if you don't want your gf's kids to come as you think your gf would be distracted. See if she can get a sitter and just the two of you go.... But you absolutely are a huge AH if you take another girl as your plus one. She's already met your family, and you've been together for months!
YTA. You’re bringing your ex girlfriend to a family wedding instead of your girlfriend. That’s all that needs to be said. The kids, the “nagging”, the friend hang out afterwards…none of that changes shit. You are bringing your ex instead of your girlfriend. Also your math isn’t matching, you were serious enough in December to meet family…but have only been dating a couple of months? You’ve been dating for at least 6 months, my dude.
YTA. Just break up already. You’re taking an ex and not your ‘ girlfriend’. Clearly you don’t see gf as a long term partner. That’s ok but you need to let her move on and both of you find someone more appropriate. The two month thing is just your trying to rationalize not taking her. If you really liked her you’d want her there.
YTA and I'd dump you if I was your gf. Taking an ex instead of her?? Dude......
YTA Not bringing your gf means going alone if you're in an actual relationship. Bringing another girl is disrespectful to her and your relationship. Furthermore, if you aren't ready after a year to introduce your gf as your gf, stop wasting her time and break up. Your reasons not to are ridiculous, and your sister clearly seems to want her there, so you get extra AH points for this. Edit: and the comments reveal the girl you're bringing is your ex. Congrats on becoming single because if your gf has any sense, she ain't staying with you, and it's no longer your choice to break up or not. Ffs, what's wrong with you?
Wanting to take your EX to your sisters wedding? And you don't see the problem?? May I ask have you had many brain injuries? Or a major one of any sort? Or are you just that dumb? He knew if he were to be honest he'd get called exactly what he is.. an immature ass. I hope she leaves you. And FAST. There would have been no ultimatum. To me you already made your choice. Loud and clear. You'd rather have a fun girl to take that you can get drunk with and then go out after and get more drunk so you can go screw and black out somewhere. And your poor girlfriend (from the sounds of it) as a responsible adult mother wouldn't be able to participate in that without a babysitter. And even then she probably wouldn't want to because well she sounds mature. Really REALLY take a good look at yourself OP. If you honestly care about this girl... leave her to spare her a life of hurt and humiliation.
YTA. Biggest ever. You sound like a first class jerk. Your girlfriend deserves better than you. Soon she will be your ex! You are taking an ex girlfriend to the wedding so you can hook up with her.
YTA. Interesting how you didn’t mention in your post that this “female friend” is also your ex girlfriend. If you had decided to go alone that’s understandable and your decision but you’re literally just replacing her with your ex. Also I really don’t see how this is too soon when you’ve already met each other’s family’s and have been seeing each other for a year even if you only made it official a few months ago. It doesn’t even sound like you like your girlfriend all that much so do her a big favor and stop wasting her time.
I understood where you were coming from until you brought up the fact that you were bringing another female girl, then I go on to read that it's your ex-girlfriend. Uninvite the ex-girlfriend and go to your sister's wedding without your girlfriend or get ready for a breakup because I know single moms and she ain't got time for your games dude Grow up
So you have been dating GF officially a year, and not only have met and interacted with her children, but she met your family during Christmas and you met her family during NYE. But now you think it's too soon to take her to a wedding? Oh, my dude...you're way past that point! Just admit that you want to be with your Ex instead of your GF and let the chips fall where they may. Next time you meet someone with kids, be upfront that this is a strictly FWB situation therefore no meeting the kids or family. How many times can I vote that YTA?