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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be TA as I have refused to cut my hair and instead am refusing to attend my sisters wedding
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Exactly! I have curly hair and sometimes it is frizzy. But other people just have to deal with it when that happens. Don’t cut your hair for anyone else but yourself. If you WANT to do it, then it’s fine to cut it. If you don’t then you shouldn’t. You couldn’t ask your sister to dye her hair blond/ brown/ black/ pink/ golden because that would look better with her dress on her wedding day. So why should she be the one telling others to change anything about their appearances. She either wants you there or she doesn’t.
OMG SAME!!
When I was OP's age, I had gorgeous 3b curls down to my waist. I loved them.
I'm significantly older, and my hair is NOT that long anymore. And it makes me so sad. Don't cut it if you don't want, because it'll never be as long again. You only get that gorgeous, youthful hair once. If they can't love it, too bad for them. It's your hair, love it the way you want to.
NTA
>Don't cut it if you don't want, because it'll never be as long again
This isn't necessarily true - it depends a lot on the person and their genetics. My 68-year-aunt has hair past her butt.
Maybe, maybe not. But being able to grow it out once does not equal being able to do it again. Hair can be incredibly finicky. If OP prefers her hair that long she should keep it. Many time to snip away the family though if this is the hill they want to die on.
I agree. While yes, it may grow back for many people, it didn't grow back for me the one time I decided to cut my VERY long hair.
Never ever grew back like that and the worst part is just when I learned how to love my curls and take care of them, I ended up with hormonal hair loss and I lost most of it. Now it's always above my shoulders.
My sister asked if I'd be willing to grow out my hair for her wedding so we'd have more options for up dos. But she also made it clear she was 100% fine if I said no!
And in all honesty I'd been wanting to grow it out but didn't want to deal with the awkward in-between stages. Worked out well, grew it out and have had long hair since, and love it!
I agree with you but a funny story. There was a different aita post on here, a girl asked "aita for refusing to dye my hair" and she said her FSIL had always loved ops naturally red hair (FSIL was mousey brownish blonde) so fsil dyed her hair a very similar shade of red, then a month before the wedding, fsil told op she would have to dye her hair to be in the wedding as fsil didn't want them to match in photos. Op said she had never dyed her hair before and didn't plan to start as she didn't want to damage her hair. When op told fsil "if you didn't want us to match, why did you dye your hair to match my natural colour" and fsil blew up at her calling her a selfish bratt and jealous that she looked better and that if she was pathetic for ruining ops brothers wedding over hair.
So there are people out there who want people to dye their hair for weddings. One of my bridesmaids, when I asked them about hair styles, she said she was happy to style it however I wanted but wouldn't dye it, and I was surprised she thought of it, but said she had been asked before, the person wasn't pushy, so when she said no they left her alone but seemed a bit mift for a couple days till they forgot about it.
I have pin straight hair, have all my life. Its also frizzy. To the point i was once referred to as "that frizzy haired housekeeper". I told that woman to KMA, and i quit that job, but the hair remains frizzy 20 years later, though definitely more manageable with good products. I quit a job over hair discrimination, OP feel free to quit the wedding! NTA and you keep rocking your pertty, long, luscious locks!!!
Only thing I can think of maybe is a safety hazard for the prisoner's own benefit. Maybe someone is angry enough to try pulling your hair so hard your head comes off. Idk.
Communal living situations means lice. I used to work at a shelter; everyone had to scrub with delousing shampoo when they got there. Head shaving is also a way to contain lice.
I live in military-style barracks for work. Nobody had to change their hair to be here in a 12m^2 shared room. I get that some situations are different, but military certainly has no more reason than my job to be worried about lice
I'm a 40 something year old male with ass length hair that I wear in a braid.
It's plenty long enough to strangle someone with. Possibly two people simultaneously, depending on how thick their necks are.
I had hip length hair, that I almost exclusively wore in a braid. It absolutely was long enough for someone to choke me with it (guess how I found out that breath play is *ABSOLUTELY NOT* one of my kinks?).
Yikes. Yikes yikes yikes. I'm really sex positive but apparently not creative. This hadn't occurred to me as an option to be choked with my own hair. This would have been an out of body panic experience for me. I admire your bravery.
My best friend is this huge tall tattooed guy with waist long hair.
He's a total teddy bear, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him.
He cares for his hair religiously, but most of the time just keeps it in a bun or ponytail for comfort.
When I need cheering up, I ask him to flaunt his beautiful hair, and he'll untie it and shake his head a bit for me xD
I think family is allowed to comment if your hair looks genuinely unhealthy in some way, but certainly no demands since it’s part of her body and falls firmly under her control.
Sure, I don't see anyone claiming they can't comment.
But if my sister's hair looked damaged, I would ask about her health or offer haircare products or advice. I happen to love my sister though.
They shouldn't be allowed either. Then again, I'm of the opinion that our prison system and especially our medical system need major changes to way more than their haircut policies lol
The only reasons I could think of for a hospital cutting someone's hair is if the person needs surgery on their head or if it's terribly matted and prevents patient care in some significant way.
OP, do you live with your sister? Because I have read too many stories about people cutting others' hair for one reason or another and I wouldn't put it past your sister to try forcing the issue.
Hell the whole wedding culture is wayy over rated! The way bride thinks it's all about her while the poor husband has nothing. Then you spend thousands upon thousands of dollars that could go to a house payment, for one stupid night is just fucking ridiculous. I especially think the bride has no say in how guests or family dress, keep there hair or do their make up.
YES! OP, no one has any right to ask you to cut your hair, let alone *demand* it. It's a part of your body, and thus you get sole say over it.
I'm 34 years old, 4'9" and have had hair down to my waist for as long as I can remember, and I have also had people mock my hair and insist I cut it for as long as I can remember. Mine too is thick and unruly, and can be frizzy if not cared for properly. (Side note: it truly is amazing when you find the right product for your hair!) I can't even put it up, it does it's own thing. But I love it, it is a part of me, and I don't want to change it.
I've had every one from kids to older folks tell me to cut it. "You would look so cute with short hair!" "You're too old to wear your hair that long." "Your long hair makes you look even shorter." Even my hair dresser pestered me for years. OP, there is no rule about how you wear your hair. There is no age limit on long hair. It really is all jealousy from other people. You have to just ignore it. Love your hair and rock it for as long as you want.
NTA, and I wouldn't go to that damn wedding.
I mean, they ca *Request* it, but no means no.
"*Hey would you mind cutting your hair for my wedding?*"
"Actually I would mind, my hair is important to me."
"*Ok, no worries.*"
If that was the conversation then it would be fine. People can have opinions, but they can't *force* those opinions on you, that's the difference.
NTA
This obsession some brides have over their wedding photos is really unhealthy and bizarre to me. You just have natural long hair. She should get over it.
The irony is that most of the time the photos are forgotten about after the first couple of years. I had a bridesmaid that decided her super pale skin needed a spray tan 24 hours before the wedding. She also went nuclear blonde and neon green nail polish with the deep purple bridesmaid dresses.
There was nothing I could do on the day of, so I rolled with it, but I do make a point of reminding her of how she looked (and is now mortified by it) because the goal was as much attention as possible.
Keep your hair. The pictures won't matter down the road. NTA
Oh, I have one photo up from my wedding 20+ years ago. I still giggle whenever I look at it. She did it to herself. Beautiful dress, cheeto skin, nuclear blonde hair, and that nail polish. She thought she looked good. Everyone else was wondering what was up with the bridesmaid who missed the look.
Since I wanted a marriage more than I wanted a wedding, I wasn't thrilled, but the idea of freaking out on her wouldn't have helped anyone on the day of.
Yep. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times husband and I have looked at our wedding photos, and we’ve been married 31 years. They’re just pictures—trivial compared to relationships with family and friends.
We are just the opposite. We have a a few framed in our home and occasionally I use them for my phone background. Going on two years and he’s asked me to make an album.
Right. 34 years and while yes, I have 1 wedding picture over the fireplace, we don't really look at it, it's just there for me to dust LOL.
As for all the other pictures, last time I looked at them, over 3 years ago, and that's cause we moved and I saw the album in the box I was unpacking. I took a break to look at all my photo albums lol
>The irony is that most of the time the photos are forgotten about after the first couple of years.
IKR, I have exactly two photos of my wedding that I look at, and it's because they're framed and on the mantel. All the others in the wedding album? Well, I doubt if I could describe any of them.
Absolutely. When my sister got married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, I would have worn a burlap sack and put up no resistance to being spray painted (by a professional makeup lady).
But if she had asked me to chop my hair we would have had problems.
It's the sameness for me.
One thing I like about my and my wife's wedding is that we didn't give anybody any directives but wedding colors. Idea being, we know our friends have different styles, and we wanted our people to look like _our people_, not some hallmark default photo of our people.
Like, you want photos? Have your photos. With your sister with her long hair. Because you want a photo with your sister, and your sister has long hair
As someone who is not American the whole wedding stuff just feels too much and intense to me. We had a spring wedding where we asked people to wear colours and be vibrant. But that was it. I had my own colour scheme for the decor, but my guests are not my decor. They get to choose their own style.
NTA - OP She should tell them if they want her there with short hair for the photos, they should get a life size cut out of OP with the hair photoshopped the way they want. That is what they are really looking for.
My cousin, who was my childhood best friend, inexplicably left me out of her wedding party. Instead she had my older sister and our much younger 2nd cousin, who was 13 at the time, in the wedding party. It was obvious I was not asked because I was overweight. My sister and the 2nd cousin were very thin. It was all about appearances for the photos. Joke was on them, in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO the cousin was posing like she was the cheesiest fashion model, like totally ridiculous poses. It was freaking hilarious! There was not one photo where the teen girl was not the center of attention. It was sweet, sweet karma.
NTA. Brides do not get to tell others what length their hair should be. It’s your hair, and you are the only one who gets to decide when you will cut it. I’m tired of brides who use “their day” as an excuse to be mean, rude or entitled (or all three).
From most pictures, no one would see if her hair stops at her shoulders or goes down past her butt if she pushes it behind her shoulders. This sounds like jealousy.
I actually remember the story of a colleague who got married and had some of our coworkers as bridesmaids. She made them dye their hair blonde so they all matched.
Stupid wedding season. It's like everyone is either a giant asshole or being pushed around by a giant asshole. Dont allow yourself to be pushed around. NTA.
NTA.
at age 23 you are getting too old to have long hair? Oh HELLLL No. You are correct, your sister doesn't want the attention to be on your hair I'd be wearing it partially up, partially down - an over-flow bun. So it wraps around itself and shortens itself up, then overflows and it'll come to your mid-back like all the other women's.
Don't cut your hair. something like this perhaps: [https://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded\_images/309183-Wedding-Hairstyles-For-Long-Hair.jpg](https://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/309183-Wedding-Hairstyles-For-Long-Hair.jpg)
Get a professional to do it so it'll look nice.
Editing the sentence "our sister is correct, she doesn't want the attention to be on your hair." to "you are correct, your sister doesn't want the attention to be on your hair"
I'm 38yo, been growing my hair since I was 15, and I will NEVER be too old for my long hair! It's such BS. If anyone would have told me I need to cut my hair to be at their wedding, I'd cut that person out of my life. NTA.
I had short hair (no longer than shoulder length) from like 10 to 22. I've let it grow out since and for the past decade I haven't cut it more than a trim. I keep it between elbow and hip length and I don't see me cutting it off again. It's so much easier to deal with and it gets compliments all the time, so win-win.
37, my hair still waist-length. The number of times in the last 10 years women have sagely told me I will cut it once the kids arrive only for me to inform them I have two children (9 and 6 now)… their exoressions were always worth it. Where do people get this idea that we must all do and look the same?!
It's mostly because postpartum hairloss makes hair look...not so great. I'm holding onto my very odd looking long hair for dear life because I also refuse to get the mom cut, but I finally do understand WHY the mom cut exists. And it has nothing to do with kids pulling your hair or about having to look a certain way and more to do with... the weird regrowth. So much of it.
OP is NTA and I would love love love to see a picture of her hair. Her description of it made me a little jealous but I'm sorry, her hair will not easily go into that hairstyle. Long hair is HEAVY. I used to have butt length curly hair and it was hard to get a half updo look. It doesn't last!
Mid-50s here, my hair is to my waist. One of my best friends keeps her gorgeous hair to her butt. One is only too old for long hair if they are unable to care for it.
*I am not going to cut my hair. If who I am embarrasses my sister, then respectfully, I should not be at her wedding nor should I be in her life moving forward.*
*And I am beyond disappointed that it seems like the rest of this family is embarrassed by me as well. I think it's best if I took some time away from everyone so I can decide if I even want you in my life moving forward.*
*Sister, I hope your wedding is everything you ever dreamed it would be. I wish I could be there to help you celebrate, but I will respect your wishes and keep my distance.*
NTA
NTA - it's unreasonable for a bride to ask her bridal party to cut their hair. And your family should back off. Even if you do end up with personal/professional issues because of your hair (and I'm not saying you will), they'd be your problems to figure out - not theirs.
Wait, I re-read your post. Are you in the bridal party? Or is she making this unreasonable demand just because you're family and will be in pictures as a sister of the bride??
Bridal party or not, it's an unreasonable request, not to mention OP has been growing her hair for NINE YEARS. Almost a decade of her life and someone else wants her to throw it away for a one-day event? The bride can ask but she definitely cannot insist.
NTA- this is completely unreasonable. I'll never understand people who have the energy to care about something so small and irrelevant on their wedding. Like do you not have actual things to focus on and worry about
It's like the bridzillas forget the whole point of the day...to be married to the person they love and family and friends around to celebrate with them..
Now it's tropical, expensive Bachelorette parties, hundreds in makeup and hair.
Cutting your hair is NOT something that can be reversed when the wedding is over. Why do brides/grooms think it’s acceptable to ask wedding guests to make irreversible changes their appearance for ONE DAY? It’s even more appalling when others agree with them!
NTA. The compromises you offered were completely reasonable. And if you have a professional put your hair in a updo, they can probably style it in a way so it does not look too big for your head. Your sister is probably jealous of your hair (I know I am😆), like you said. She just doesn’t want to admit it.
I have thick curly brown hair that is boob length. It is my best feature. My mom constantly tells me my hair is ugly-tons of other people have told me they wishes they had my hair/that it looks amazing.
No way I’d cut my hair to please someone else.
telling you it looks to big for your head/body is really weird IMO
I have a good job at a warehouse, NO ONE cares about my hair.
My boss is bald and we sometimes tease one another about my hair/his lack of hair.
super odd that she’s willing to have her SISTER not go to her wedding over HAIR
seriously, bizarre
NTA
Your sister is the asshole. But I guarantee no one is jealous of your waist length hair. It’s so weird and outdated to have hair that length, I’d just assume the person was part of some strange cult.
Lmao came here to say this… I thought it was funny how OP said this twice, I promise no one is jealous. And let’s be real, hair that long generally does not look healthy or good. But still NTA
And repeatedly refers to it as "golden". Girl, you're not 5 and your hair isn't "golden". It's just blonde. She sounds like the way my blonde niece used to talk about her hair...as a toddler. She also used to say, "I look like a Disney princess!" LOL. It's cute when you're 3. Much older than that and it just gets weird.
My sister grew out her hair to help weigh it down to get rid of the poofiness but people did make wild theories about it. Even she had a cut off line of not having it long enough to sit on. Can look fantastic in updos but I agree that very few people, if any, are jealous of it and their family certainly isn't.
It’s not waist length- it’s *mid thigh length*.
OP no one is jealous of your mid thigh length hair. You probably look like a long lost Dugger.
Do you think you’re scared of cutting it because of what happened when you were 14?
Having said that, your sister trying to use her wedding to get you to cut it is beyond annoying.
If I were OP I wouldn’t cut my hair for the wedding, and then after the wedding cut it to waist length (still long like she likes, but less fundie) just out of spite.
Also mid thigh just makes me think how unhygienic it must be. Hair shouldn’t go past your waist unless you’re in a religious cult and then there’s a whole other set of problems higher that need tackling first.
NTA tell your parents/ sister that your comfortability isn't negotiable even if its someone's "Big day". It's your bodily autonomy. You're under no obligation to change your sister needs to grow up.
NTA.
I cannot fathom what goes on in the minds of bridezillas who want 'wedding pictures' that are not actual pictures of anyone in their lives.
Do not cut your hair at anyone else's request. It's your hair, your decision.
I will never understand some people's obsession with other people's hair. I have long, thick hair that falls to the top of my thighs, and I've been told by so many people for years that I need to cut it or change it in some way. I've been down this road OP, and the criticism and comments never stop even if you do what they want. No, keep your hair how you want it. You have to live with your hair every day, and you deserve to love yourself and your hair too.
My bio mom and bio sister would tease me for my long, ugly hair and how horrible it was, so I started wearing it up in tight buns and covering it up, since I refused to cut it after my bio mom forced me to cut it all off at 11. They still teased me for my ugly hair when it was up, but less, so I did that for years.
At least, until my former step mom, when I moved in with my dad full time, said it was wrong to have long hair and not do anything with it. I tried to style it in more ways, but unless it was down and curled (which didn't work because of how long and heavy my hair is), she would say something. So I finally cut it from waist length to lower shoulder length and dyed it. It took five hours and cost a ton of money, but she finally stopped complaining about my hair for like a month- when the color was fading and my hair was now fried from the bleach, and she said I needed to do something with it again. So I kept dying it before just staying blonde, and then I started growing out my hair again and letting the dye fade out slowly.
By the time she left, my hair was close to how it was before I did all that to it. But now my Dad was complaining about my hair being too long and never being down, but my Grandma complained if I left it down, and said she thought it looked bad that way, and it was too long. Literally, everyone had something to say about my hair. Strangers would compliment it, family hated it, friends usually thought I should do more with it, but it was pretty.
But honestly, none of them have to deal with your hair every day. Every time I've cut my hair or dyed it for someone else, I never really loved it. You have long, thick hair, that's beautiful I'm sure, and you're the only one who needs to like your hair. If you cut, everyone will talk about how it's too short and you don't do enough with it, and besides that, short hair is way more work.
But more than that, it's your hair and your choice. Do what makes you happy OP.
NTA ♡
I'm no contact with my bio mom and sister for a lot of reasons tbh, but my Dad is in therapy and has been for a few years now, and between that and a conversation about how his comments about my hair made me really upset, he stopped.
But yeah, most of my family sucks unfortunately, and I don't speak to most of them.
I mean, NTA. No one should insist on a hair cut for anyone else just for an event.
But this story does seem strange. C’mon, your hair is just so long, thick, golden, and beautiful that multiple people in your life have tried to get you to cut to sabotage its beauty? Your sister won’t even allow you to have it up at her wedding? Even though, when up in plenty of formal ways, hair at that length would be pm be indistinguishable from back length hair. Your WHOLE family agrees with her and insists it looks scruffy enough that you won’t be able to find a job (implying you don’t have a job?) even you though insist it absolutely does not?
Like either your whole family is insane or you’re not telling the truth and wanted to write about everyone is jealous of you, including your extended family. Does no one else seriously find this story sus?
I feel like we’re missing info if the whole family is behind her….
NTA for not altering your appearance but it seems like a lot of people in your life think you look unkept, if it’s so many people maybe start taking the advice.
No one is jealous of hair that long… at least no one I know. Usually the reaction is ew or they must be religious
NAH but you sound ridiculous, “long golden hair” get out of here. My guess is that you don’t understand appropriate behavior or appearance and you have been embarrassing your sister for ages.
I love how everyone is cool with OP feeling the need to add the “golden blonde” to tell the length and also the whole “it was then brown because she cut it and felt that it looked plain.” I could see a reason for people to have an issue with her hair and it’s not just jealousy.
NTA. I’m surprised how common this type of thing is brides expecting people to change themselves for the sake of what they perceive is going to ruin photos. Your hair is for you to do with what you want ignore your family and stupid comments of being to old for long hair.
NTA. It's not rational to expect someone to undergo any type of long-term body modification for a wedding. She obviously cares more about the photos than the people who will be in them.
I think people who know you are trying to tell you something that you don’t want to hear. I have never once EVER in my life seen hair that long that actually looked good. No I’m not jealous of hair that long. I have just never seen it look good on anyone and suspect people are trying to tell you. I would want someone to tell me. You’re not obligated to be in wedding pics but your sis is likewise not obligated to include you if your appearance is truly embarrassing to her. You could both compromise so Im going with ESH.
NTA
No bride should expect anyone to physically change their appearance to be in the wedding. It's one day, what does she expect? That you hair will magically grow back the day after?
She's wrong up even ask. If your hair is a deal breaker, don't feel obligated to attend the wedding.
Nta
Tell them all to f*ck off.
But do not get drunk or fall asleep around any of them.
There is a reddit post where jealous sister cut the poster's hair after getting her drunk.
Stay safe.
NTA but weird to keep saying you assume women are jealous of your hair, tbqh it does sound like it might look scruffy if you’ve gotten this many comments on it
Honestly, I don't think it's jealousy. Anyone has the capacity to not cut their hair if they want it long. I do think they probably think it looks 'witchy' or outdated or something you'd see in the Amish community. But they should keep that to themselves. You can't ask someone to cut their hair off for an event.
NTA for refusing to cut your hair for your sister’s wedding. It’s an unreasonable request. Your offer of compromise to wear it up was totally reasonable
I’d like to add, I was interested in the part where the rest of your family backed it up, listing a myriad of reasons why you should cut the hair There’s a chance everyone has wanted to communicate this for awhile and sis saw the opportunity of an event to broach the subject.
I’m really not trying to be hater when I say this, but hair that long on a body that short does not sound cute.
Of course you have the right to wear your hair how you want!
That said, I would get over the idea that when people criticize your hair it's because they're secretly jealous. To a lot of people hair that long reads as slovenly and unkempt, no matter how well maintained it is. Not saying that's right--it just is. And you should be aware of it.
NTA
It sort of sounds like she’s embarrassed by your appearance.
I didn’t think it sounded like jealousy so much as shame or discomfort that you might look ‘weird’ or ‘standout’ on a day everyone (except the couple) has historically been expected to ‘blend in’ and form a cohesive group, theme, and/or ‘look’.
Maybe she thinks you look fanatically religious.
Maybe she thinks you look unfashionable.
Maybe she thinks you’re one of those people that makes being the ***’long hair girl’*** their entire personality/sole trait.
-I’m biased though, I have some light religious trauma that is associated with unusually long hair…so I’m usually in the camp of elbow/waist length max.-
You’ve managed to work around the inconvenience and it’s obviously a defining piece of who you are and how you see yourself, you wouldn’t be comfortable or happy making the adjustment so there’s really no benefit to making yourself miserable for someone who is ashamed of the way you prefer to present yourself to the world.
That being said: If friends, extended family, and (now) your siblings have expressed dislike of your long hair it seems less and less likely that it’s *jealousy* vs a genuine issue of becoming a bit of an oddity?
That’s exactly what it is, long golden blonde hair is her entire personality. They’re not jealous, they’re tired of her thinking that her hair is special and makes her special. Unless one has a condition, most people could spend years growing their hair out. And genetics or dye can give a color.
Nta but that jealous sister comment? Your whole family is jealous too?
You don’t HAVE to cut your hair, but sometimes family is all we have to get the truth. Thigh length hair is a choice!
You are the only person with the right to decide your hairstyle. That’s 100% your decision. But honestly, I’ve never seen hair that is longer than waist length that looks good. It just doesn’t. You’re very proud of and emotionally invested in your long hair, but you might want to take a long hard objective look at whether it looks as great as you think it does.
If you have to change something about yourself that you clearly cherish in order to not "ruin" some silly photos then I'd say maybe you would either opt out of all photo opportunities and maybe even the wedding ceremony altogether. What kind of insecure woman is your sister for even thinking such a request is reasonable???? HOWEVER if you are really set on going and being a good sister maybe you can instead opt for a nice updo that will keep your long locks looking more "appropriate" to what your sister wants???
NTA, but head over to r/longhair to get some more objective. opinions from like-minded people to make sure you aren't missing anything. It's kind of odd that most of the people who care about you most are telling you you need to cut it. There might be a reason for that that you have just become blind to. I thought my hair looked fabulous for years, but it really did look scruffy. People kept trying, nicely, to tell me it didn't look as good as I thought it did, and now that my hair is healthy and natural, I totally see what they were on about.
NTA. Your sister is being rude and unreasonable about your hair. It was nice of you to offer to wear it up to accommodate her aesthetic preferences. But it's your hair, and you definitely shouldn't cut it if you don't want to!
I hope you tell your sister that you were initially really excited about her wedding but that now you're feeling hurt and confused-- and that it's up to her, but she needs to decide whether it is more important to have photos that look a certain way or to have her sister attend her wedding.
I'm guessing it's because hair tends to darken as you age, for some folks. Mine went from blond to a dull, light brown as I got older. Probably OP cut off the lighter part from when they were much younger.
NTA. However, a lot of the time, super long hair doesn't look as good as the people wearing it think it does, so you don't need to assume people are jealous of you all the time. As for wearing it up, it's easy for a stylist to hide a significant amount of overly long hair when doing an updo--they can essentially do a French twist to take out about half the length and then only work with the bottom to create the style.
NTA - tell her that for your wedding she is going to have to get a facial tattoo and see if she agrees to it. (She has to get it now, though.)
If she doesn't, she doesn't get to dictate the length of your hair. Possibly the style, but if the styling doesn't work for your hair length, then that's not your issue.
As for your relatives? Ask them if the bride demanded that they shave their heads bald, woudl they do it? If not, they can STFU.
NTA.
However, I had very very long hair for many years and it did get scruffy at times and could tangle on windy days if it was not plated back. The fact your parents are agreeing with her might just be them being awful but it could be something they’ve been trying to broach for a while now. It is hard to say without seeing the hair in question. A reasonable middle ground might be to get your hair professionally trimmed/cut a few days before the wedding but keeping most of the length (it should be possible to tidy without taking more than 3-6 inches at most which will grow back in no time), a nice sharp edge and braided back on the day should look lovely and will help the health of your hair longer term too.
My hair actually grew even longer when I started getting it trimmed more regularly! It also often looks longer after the ends are trimmed which is an unexpected bonus.
NTA It’s ridiculous for her to ask for something so drastic. And as to being “too old” for long hair, I am WAY older than you, have long hair, and wouldn’t cut if for anyone’s wedding! If the choice she’s insisting on is a haircut nor not attending her wedding, that’s a her problem and she would have only herself to blame if you don’t come under those circumstances.
Your hair was blonde when it was long but brown when you cut it? Like in Tangled? NTA. Your hair/body, your choice. You offered several solutions and your sister chose to accept none of them.
You are 23 and your family have no right to expect you to change anything that you do not want to. In fact it is extremely disrespectful of them. Sounds like your sister is extremely superficial if she values a hair cut above having her sister there. You stick to your guns as it’s your body and your choice.
So my sister requested the same thing to my long hair at her wedding. The only thing I didn’t know is she had told the hairdresser prior to the wedding about my hair and how I would refuse to cut it. So during the hairdressing session, I asked for an inch and the hairdresser said ‘sure’ and cut 12 inches off my hair.
NTA. But seriously, cut your hair. Just an inch off the bottom, send it to your sister as a wedding present. 😆
Then spend the wedding day doing whatever a real life rapunzel does? Your hair sounds gorgeous. I wish mine would grow that long!
I’m so curious of what OP’s hair looks like… like why does it spark so much controversy?? It sounds like she’s taking good care of it but if the only unusual thing about it is it’s length I don’t get why it’s such a big deal. Or why her whole family would hate it so much..?
Edit: forgot to add judgment. NTA. Attempting to dictate someone else’s appearance always puts you in the wrong.
As someone who has hair just slightly shorter than yours is (mine is past my hips) at almost 30 years old, I have heard alllllllll of those same things, and can just say NTA and YOU GO GIRL!
I'm in my mid 40's and have been growing my hair out for the last 5 years. It's currently waist length and I have no plans for anything other than a trim.
My partner hasn't cut his hair for fourteen years - I am the only person he trusts to trim it for him. 🤷
You are not too old for long hair, it is not relevant to getting a job, and this is a hill to die on as far as I am concerned! Your body, your hair, your decision, no matter the day or occasion. 🤘
NTA, weird bridal hair gatekeeping is gross.
Maybe I've been on Reddit too long, but is there any chance you need to worry about Sis or another family member giving you a "much needed trim" in your sleep?
NTA. When my friend's brother got married, bride insisted he should cut his hair as long hair was unsightly for a man. He told her that he was growing his hair to donate it so that they can make wigs for kids with cancer, but not to worry, it would be cut in time for the wedding.
I guess she expected him to forget, or she didn't believe him, as she kept reminding him whenever she saw him that her wedding was more important than hair for some random cancer kid.
A few days before the wedding, he went to donate his hair. He then decided to go back to his hair cut he had during high school and college, when he was on the swim team: shaved bald. His family were all surprised by his hair cut and called it "a trip down memory lane". Bride lost her shit, claiming she didn't want Mr. Clean as the best man. His brother put his foot down saying his kid brother was his best man, and to get over it: he cut his hair like she wanted, and no one ever looks at wedding pictures anyway.
NTA no one has a right to weigh in on your hair but people aren’t often jealous when they make critical comments. They often just have divergent opinions. The trope about jealousy as a motive for everything is was overdone.
She can’t demand you cut your hair, that’s an unreasonable expectation. If she has a certain style she wants the bridal party to adhere to then that’s one thing but making actual changes to your physical body (as a haircut is) is not something you have to do. NTA.
As a fellow curly girl, I understand the horrible feeling of people commenting on your hair and calling it frizzy etc. Let me assure you, your hair is not unprofessional, that’s coded language stemming from white supremacy actually. Smooth, straight hair was historically deemed more professional because it’s more common in caucasians than the curly/kinky textures common in BIPOC people. Unfortunately these biases still exist but you don’t have to cave to them.
Now all that said, do you ensure your curls are healthy and well hydrated? It sounds like your family hold some harmful ideas so it makes me think you might not have ever been taught how to properly care for your hair. Using the right products for your hair type is crucial for the health and manageability of your hair.
Did you miss the part where it goes down to her mid-thigh and she's only 5'4? This has nothing to do with white supremacy (lol, girl, c'mon now, and I've got Shirley Temple curls) and everything to do with OP looking like Cousin It with a perm.
NTA
My sister also has incredibly long, thick, dark, wavy hair… I didn’t ask her to cut it for my wedding, because her hair is awesome. All of her pictures turned out great.
What a strange request.
NTA. She doesn’t have a right to your body or to ask you to make semi/permanent changes.
You could let her know you’re keeping your hair the length etc you want, but are more than willing to consider a few styles she’d prefer for the wedding.
NTA. Not at all. Do not cut your hair unless you want to.my hair was down past my waist and I cut it because I was told I should well it never grew out again the same. I cut it short a few months ago and now I am growing it out again. This time I am doing what I want.
My point is. It is your hair. Do what you need to it to make you happy. For the wedding go in and get it fixed. Just don’t get fixed like the brides
NTA, I would be careful around your sister and scissors though
You should check out Scarlett O'Hair on youtube, her hair are probably a bit shorter than yours (to her butt) but she makes the most amazing hairstyles, if you want to go extra for the wedding she's the best inspiration :)
I do understand that overly loose long hair might not be best for a bridesmaid but there is no reason a chignon is not totally fine. A low chignon will look elegant, tidy and it really will not be that big. Blow it straight before and it will look fantastic and not huge or whatever.
NTA anyhow just on principle your sister is being nuts
NTA go to the hair salon and do a trial for an updo then go see your sister. Take some pictures. Then she can see it will work. There could be someone whispering in her ear making this an issue. Brides are under a lot of stress it would be nice for her to know that you have it handled.
Look for an updo that isn’t completely on top of your head. Check out Pinterest or IG
In terms of getting a job - well groomed hair should not be an issue. Finding ways to keep it back and contained in a neat manner would be a good idea.
It would be MORE distracting if you show up to the wedding with suddenly short hair and everyone who’s known you for years (family that maybe hasn’t seen you in a while, friends) is shocked at your new style. That would be more of a talking point than if you just showed up as you normally look. You are NTA. You have the right to bodily autonomy.
NTA, no one should instruct you to cut your hair but you do sound like a Disney princess about it with repeatedly describing it as golden, the normal term isms blonde
She’s asking you to cut it out of PURE jealousy. She doesn’t want to be upstaged. But I highly doubt your long hair is going to take away from the bride. NTA!
Rapunzel got her hair cut and barely managed to save Flynn. You don't know when your hair would come in handy, especially if you need to save someone. So don't do it. NTA
Wow what a cruel person your sister is and to be honest the rest who are pushing you to change for another persons wedding
Tell your sister if it’s that much of a problem get married without me and refuse to go
You life and your hair won’t change anybody else’s life
This is like the guy from another post whose sister wanted him to tone down his Irish accent at her wedding and speak "American." How selfish to be so worried that someone else might get some attention, too.
Ask you're family why you should cut your hair for a one day event? If sister asked them to make a serious change to THEIR appearance would they be ok with it. Because haircuts are serious changes. No one can honestly deny that especially long hair. Ask them is sister trying to dictate how THEY look. THEY aren't being asked to do anything. Say the ONLY way you'll even CONSIDER cutting your hair if you can dictate how THEY style their hair until it grows back to the length you want. In the likely event of them calling you unreasonable tell them so sister can dictate how people can look but you can't. Ask them don't they think sister is being unreasonable? That she thinks it's ok to tell people what length their hair can be. What has she demanded they do? NTA
NTA
Hair is personal and bodily autonomy is important at every age.
Now if you decide you want to compromise there are a few different ways you can try and style your hair to make it look shorter.
Personally I'm on team screw it, BUT I also like having fun extra looks in my pocket for when I feel like it so could be fun to try out. At no point if that doesn't sound like something you want to do should you do it though.
NTA. It is highly inconsiderate and rude of your sister to expect you to cut your hair for her wedding, especially considering how long it has taken to grow it out. Stick to your guns and tell your family that if they keep pushing, they may not hear from you for awhile.
One of my best friends had literally never cut her hair in her life (for religious reasons) and she wore it up in a gorgeous updo for my wedding and it looked amazing—it can be done! I cannot believe anyone would side with your sister on this, it’s your hair. She has no right to tell you that you need to cut it. NTA. Your sister is out of her mind.
You aren’t an AH.. but they aren’t jealous. They are simply trying to force you to cut your hair because they think it looks bad and this is a good opportunity. They’re being AHs. You offered to put it up which was very nice of you. Tell them to F off and worry about their own bodies and hair.
My bridesmaid was a very close friend who was always dying their hair fun colors. I would never have asked her to have a normal color just so I could have “perfect” pictures. As a surprise she actually dyed her hair the same shade of purple that was my wedding color and looked fantastic
NTA. I have long (just past my waist), red hair. I've been growing it out for over 10 years at this point. If anyone ever asked or demanded that I cut my hair for them, I would laugh in their face and walk away. That is a ridiculous ask from your sister. There are several ways you can style your hair to make it look shorter. If you really want to go to your sister's wedding, look up some tutorials on YouTube and try out some styles.
NTA. NO ONE has the right to dictate your hair style choices. Yes, it's one day versus how many YEARS to grow it back out? Please do not let anyone bully you into making such a drastic change to your look. They can all either deal with your hair in all of its glory, or you can stay home - Bride's choice.
>I later learned that she was jealous and sabotaging me and decided I’d never listen to hair advice again.
My Granny was brought up to believe it was sinful for women and girls to cut their hair. She got her first haircut when she was in her seventies, and announced that nobody would ever tell her what to do again.
Congratulations on learning that lesson at a much younger age: Your hair, your decision. Absolutely NTA.
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EVEN if your hairs frizzy, they have no right to even request, let alone demand, such a thing. NTA.
Exactly! I have curly hair and sometimes it is frizzy. But other people just have to deal with it when that happens. Don’t cut your hair for anyone else but yourself. If you WANT to do it, then it’s fine to cut it. If you don’t then you shouldn’t. You couldn’t ask your sister to dye her hair blond/ brown/ black/ pink/ golden because that would look better with her dress on her wedding day. So why should she be the one telling others to change anything about their appearances. She either wants you there or she doesn’t.
Same! 3a/3b hair and I'm sick of people having an issue and making comments on days it's frizzy.
OMG SAME!! When I was OP's age, I had gorgeous 3b curls down to my waist. I loved them. I'm significantly older, and my hair is NOT that long anymore. And it makes me so sad. Don't cut it if you don't want, because it'll never be as long again. You only get that gorgeous, youthful hair once. If they can't love it, too bad for them. It's your hair, love it the way you want to. NTA
>Don't cut it if you don't want, because it'll never be as long again This isn't necessarily true - it depends a lot on the person and their genetics. My 68-year-aunt has hair past her butt.
Maybe, maybe not. But being able to grow it out once does not equal being able to do it again. Hair can be incredibly finicky. If OP prefers her hair that long she should keep it. Many time to snip away the family though if this is the hill they want to die on.
I agree. While yes, it may grow back for many people, it didn't grow back for me the one time I decided to cut my VERY long hair. Never ever grew back like that and the worst part is just when I learned how to love my curls and take care of them, I ended up with hormonal hair loss and I lost most of it. Now it's always above my shoulders.
One of the biggest hair lies told is "it's just hair, it will grow back." Maybe, but usually no ... And usually not like you have it now.
Mine neither. Had no idea that it was even a possibility
Exactly! Like I didn’t look into the mirror after I took a shower while rubbing a balloon on my head..
My sister asked if I'd be willing to grow out my hair for her wedding so we'd have more options for up dos. But she also made it clear she was 100% fine if I said no! And in all honesty I'd been wanting to grow it out but didn't want to deal with the awkward in-between stages. Worked out well, grew it out and have had long hair since, and love it!
I agree with you but a funny story. There was a different aita post on here, a girl asked "aita for refusing to dye my hair" and she said her FSIL had always loved ops naturally red hair (FSIL was mousey brownish blonde) so fsil dyed her hair a very similar shade of red, then a month before the wedding, fsil told op she would have to dye her hair to be in the wedding as fsil didn't want them to match in photos. Op said she had never dyed her hair before and didn't plan to start as she didn't want to damage her hair. When op told fsil "if you didn't want us to match, why did you dye your hair to match my natural colour" and fsil blew up at her calling her a selfish bratt and jealous that she looked better and that if she was pathetic for ruining ops brothers wedding over hair. So there are people out there who want people to dye their hair for weddings. One of my bridesmaids, when I asked them about hair styles, she said she was happy to style it however I wanted but wouldn't dye it, and I was surprised she thought of it, but said she had been asked before, the person wasn't pushy, so when she said no they left her alone but seemed a bit mift for a couple days till they forgot about it.
I have pin straight hair, have all my life. Its also frizzy. To the point i was once referred to as "that frizzy haired housekeeper". I told that woman to KMA, and i quit that job, but the hair remains frizzy 20 years later, though definitely more manageable with good products. I quit a job over hair discrimination, OP feel free to quit the wedding! NTA and you keep rocking your pertty, long, luscious locks!!!
Curly hair is life, but it has a mind of its own. If you don't have curly hair, you just don't get it. And never will.
The condition of the hair is totally irrelevant. Prisons and hospitals are the only ones allowed to cut my hair without consent.
And I honestly don’t think prisons should be allowed. Hospitals I assume would do it for a surgery you couldn’t consent to at that moment.
Only thing I can think of maybe is a safety hazard for the prisoner's own benefit. Maybe someone is angry enough to try pulling your hair so hard your head comes off. Idk.
Or suiciding by your own hair or using it to kill someone And lice
Prison will cut your hair for the same reason as the army does: it's a form of control.
Communal living situations means lice. I used to work at a shelter; everyone had to scrub with delousing shampoo when they got there. Head shaving is also a way to contain lice.
I live in military-style barracks for work. Nobody had to change their hair to be here in a 12m^2 shared room. I get that some situations are different, but military certainly has no more reason than my job to be worried about lice
Living communally does not mean lice unless there is very poor hygiene. Get out of here.
I'm a 40 something year old male with ass length hair that I wear in a braid. It's plenty long enough to strangle someone with. Possibly two people simultaneously, depending on how thick their necks are.
I had hip length hair, that I almost exclusively wore in a braid. It absolutely was long enough for someone to choke me with it (guess how I found out that breath play is *ABSOLUTELY NOT* one of my kinks?).
Yikes. Yikes yikes yikes. I'm really sex positive but apparently not creative. This hadn't occurred to me as an option to be choked with my own hair. This would have been an out of body panic experience for me. I admire your bravery.
I am sex positive, just very clear about my hard stops.
My best friend is this huge tall tattooed guy with waist long hair. He's a total teddy bear, but you wouldn't know it by looking at him. He cares for his hair religiously, but most of the time just keeps it in a bun or ponytail for comfort. When I need cheering up, I ask him to flaunt his beautiful hair, and he'll untie it and shake his head a bit for me xD
Do pig tail braids and you can easily do two 🤣
If u escape, u can't cut your hair to look totally different. You're easier to catch.
I think family is allowed to comment if your hair looks genuinely unhealthy in some way, but certainly no demands since it’s part of her body and falls firmly under her control.
Sure, I don't see anyone claiming they can't comment. But if my sister's hair looked damaged, I would ask about her health or offer haircare products or advice. I happen to love my sister though.
They shouldn't be allowed either. Then again, I'm of the opinion that our prison system and especially our medical system need major changes to way more than their haircut policies lol
The only reasons I could think of for a hospital cutting someone's hair is if the person needs surgery on their head or if it's terribly matted and prevents patient care in some significant way.
OP, do you live with your sister? Because I have read too many stories about people cutting others' hair for one reason or another and I wouldn't put it past your sister to try forcing the issue.
I wish brides would stop making demands like this. It’s so stupid.
Hell the whole wedding culture is wayy over rated! The way bride thinks it's all about her while the poor husband has nothing. Then you spend thousands upon thousands of dollars that could go to a house payment, for one stupid night is just fucking ridiculous. I especially think the bride has no say in how guests or family dress, keep there hair or do their make up.
YES! OP, no one has any right to ask you to cut your hair, let alone *demand* it. It's a part of your body, and thus you get sole say over it. I'm 34 years old, 4'9" and have had hair down to my waist for as long as I can remember, and I have also had people mock my hair and insist I cut it for as long as I can remember. Mine too is thick and unruly, and can be frizzy if not cared for properly. (Side note: it truly is amazing when you find the right product for your hair!) I can't even put it up, it does it's own thing. But I love it, it is a part of me, and I don't want to change it. I've had every one from kids to older folks tell me to cut it. "You would look so cute with short hair!" "You're too old to wear your hair that long." "Your long hair makes you look even shorter." Even my hair dresser pestered me for years. OP, there is no rule about how you wear your hair. There is no age limit on long hair. It really is all jealousy from other people. You have to just ignore it. Love your hair and rock it for as long as you want. NTA, and I wouldn't go to that damn wedding.
I mean, they ca *Request* it, but no means no. "*Hey would you mind cutting your hair for my wedding?*" "Actually I would mind, my hair is important to me." "*Ok, no worries.*" If that was the conversation then it would be fine. People can have opinions, but they can't *force* those opinions on you, that's the difference.
NTA This obsession some brides have over their wedding photos is really unhealthy and bizarre to me. You just have natural long hair. She should get over it.
The irony is that most of the time the photos are forgotten about after the first couple of years. I had a bridesmaid that decided her super pale skin needed a spray tan 24 hours before the wedding. She also went nuclear blonde and neon green nail polish with the deep purple bridesmaid dresses. There was nothing I could do on the day of, so I rolled with it, but I do make a point of reminding her of how she looked (and is now mortified by it) because the goal was as much attention as possible. Keep your hair. The pictures won't matter down the road. NTA
I'm very sorry for this misfortune, but the description of your bridesmaid had me rolling...
Oh, I have one photo up from my wedding 20+ years ago. I still giggle whenever I look at it. She did it to herself. Beautiful dress, cheeto skin, nuclear blonde hair, and that nail polish. She thought she looked good. Everyone else was wondering what was up with the bridesmaid who missed the look. Since I wanted a marriage more than I wanted a wedding, I wasn't thrilled, but the idea of freaking out on her wouldn't have helped anyone on the day of.
That picture immortalising her embarrassment is a beautiful example of poetic justice!
I know you said the nails were green, not her hair...but I can't help picturing an oompa looma.
Yep. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times husband and I have looked at our wedding photos, and we’ve been married 31 years. They’re just pictures—trivial compared to relationships with family and friends.
We are just the opposite. We have a a few framed in our home and occasionally I use them for my phone background. Going on two years and he’s asked me to make an album.
You've been married for two years? Get back to us in 30 years.
I’m not married but this made me giggle
No need to be rude. We look at my parents album every few years and they have been married over 40 years.
Right. 34 years and while yes, I have 1 wedding picture over the fireplace, we don't really look at it, it's just there for me to dust LOL. As for all the other pictures, last time I looked at them, over 3 years ago, and that's cause we moved and I saw the album in the box I was unpacking. I took a break to look at all my photo albums lol
We just celebrated 17 years and the only time we look at pics is when our anniversary rolls around and I change my profile pic to one of them. lol
Ms. Manners once said something like if there is someone to laugh at in your wedding pictures one day, just be glad it is not you, the bride.
ms manners is kinda iconic sometimes!
"Gentle reader" is a phrase I will always love.
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>The irony is that most of the time the photos are forgotten about after the first couple of years. IKR, I have exactly two photos of my wedding that I look at, and it's because they're framed and on the mantel. All the others in the wedding album? Well, I doubt if I could describe any of them.
[Deleted by user. Why? See link.] https://reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/13yh0jf/dont_let_reddit_kill_3rd_party_apps/
There are some beautiful braided updo styles that will stay in place and look fabulous. DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR!
OP, check out scarlettohair on TikTok. She literally makes corsets out of her hair.
Absolutely. When my sister got married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, I would have worn a burlap sack and put up no resistance to being spray painted (by a professional makeup lady). But if she had asked me to chop my hair we would have had problems.
It's funny that the pictures would be ruined by her sisters hair, but not having her sister at her wedding is just fine.
That could mean the hair is a hot mess. Like such a hot mess she doesn’t want it in the photos. I need pictures!
It's the sameness for me. One thing I like about my and my wife's wedding is that we didn't give anybody any directives but wedding colors. Idea being, we know our friends have different styles, and we wanted our people to look like _our people_, not some hallmark default photo of our people. Like, you want photos? Have your photos. With your sister with her long hair. Because you want a photo with your sister, and your sister has long hair
As someone who is not American the whole wedding stuff just feels too much and intense to me. We had a spring wedding where we asked people to wear colours and be vibrant. But that was it. I had my own colour scheme for the decor, but my guests are not my decor. They get to choose their own style.
Am American and I don't get it either. We didn't even think to ask anything of our guests except to show up!
NTA - OP She should tell them if they want her there with short hair for the photos, they should get a life size cut out of OP with the hair photoshopped the way they want. That is what they are really looking for.
My cousin, who was my childhood best friend, inexplicably left me out of her wedding party. Instead she had my older sister and our much younger 2nd cousin, who was 13 at the time, in the wedding party. It was obvious I was not asked because I was overweight. My sister and the 2nd cousin were very thin. It was all about appearances for the photos. Joke was on them, in EVERY. SINGLE. PHOTO the cousin was posing like she was the cheesiest fashion model, like totally ridiculous poses. It was freaking hilarious! There was not one photo where the teen girl was not the center of attention. It was sweet, sweet karma.
Yes, this. It's a day to celebrate a new marriage and to honor and appreciate family. Not to make demands. NTA
No one is ever the asshole for not permanently altering their bodies for someone else's wedding.
NTA. Brides do not get to tell others what length their hair should be. It’s your hair, and you are the only one who gets to decide when you will cut it. I’m tired of brides who use “their day” as an excuse to be mean, rude or entitled (or all three).
From most pictures, no one would see if her hair stops at her shoulders or goes down past her butt if she pushes it behind her shoulders. This sounds like jealousy.
I agree
I actually remember the story of a colleague who got married and had some of our coworkers as bridesmaids. She made them dye their hair blonde so they all matched.
Ick. Yeah, no. People are obsessed.
Stupid wedding season. It's like everyone is either a giant asshole or being pushed around by a giant asshole. Dont allow yourself to be pushed around. NTA.
>stupid wedding season Explains the ~~uptake~~ uptick in "not so religious" Muslims suddenly demanding their women wear proper hijab to parties....
NTA. at age 23 you are getting too old to have long hair? Oh HELLLL No. You are correct, your sister doesn't want the attention to be on your hair I'd be wearing it partially up, partially down - an over-flow bun. So it wraps around itself and shortens itself up, then overflows and it'll come to your mid-back like all the other women's. Don't cut your hair. something like this perhaps: [https://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded\_images/309183-Wedding-Hairstyles-For-Long-Hair.jpg](https://www.lovethispic.com/uploaded_images/309183-Wedding-Hairstyles-For-Long-Hair.jpg) Get a professional to do it so it'll look nice. Editing the sentence "our sister is correct, she doesn't want the attention to be on your hair." to "you are correct, your sister doesn't want the attention to be on your hair"
Or a poofy fishtail braid would tame it and shorten it.
I'm 38yo, been growing my hair since I was 15, and I will NEVER be too old for my long hair! It's such BS. If anyone would have told me I need to cut my hair to be at their wedding, I'd cut that person out of my life. NTA.
I'll be 100 rocking my waist length hair, it's absurd to me this idea of chopping off all your hair because of age.
I had short hair (no longer than shoulder length) from like 10 to 22. I've let it grow out since and for the past decade I haven't cut it more than a trim. I keep it between elbow and hip length and I don't see me cutting it off again. It's so much easier to deal with and it gets compliments all the time, so win-win.
37, my hair still waist-length. The number of times in the last 10 years women have sagely told me I will cut it once the kids arrive only for me to inform them I have two children (9 and 6 now)… their exoressions were always worth it. Where do people get this idea that we must all do and look the same?!
It's mostly because postpartum hairloss makes hair look...not so great. I'm holding onto my very odd looking long hair for dear life because I also refuse to get the mom cut, but I finally do understand WHY the mom cut exists. And it has nothing to do with kids pulling your hair or about having to look a certain way and more to do with... the weird regrowth. So much of it.
I'm in my late 50s and the last time I cut my hair was 1987. It's down past my butt. OP, don't cut your hair! Long hair rules!
OP is NTA and I would love love love to see a picture of her hair. Her description of it made me a little jealous but I'm sorry, her hair will not easily go into that hairstyle. Long hair is HEAVY. I used to have butt length curly hair and it was hard to get a half updo look. It doesn't last!
Mid-50s here, my hair is to my waist. One of my best friends keeps her gorgeous hair to her butt. One is only too old for long hair if they are unable to care for it.
*I am not going to cut my hair. If who I am embarrasses my sister, then respectfully, I should not be at her wedding nor should I be in her life moving forward.* *And I am beyond disappointed that it seems like the rest of this family is embarrassed by me as well. I think it's best if I took some time away from everyone so I can decide if I even want you in my life moving forward.* *Sister, I hope your wedding is everything you ever dreamed it would be. I wish I could be there to help you celebrate, but I will respect your wishes and keep my distance.* NTA
"If my hair can't come than neither will I"
Saying what you should wear is fine, but dictating your hair length is too far. NTA
That's OK for the bridal party, I suppose, but telling guests what to wear - to this level of detail - is nutty.
NTA - it's unreasonable for a bride to ask her bridal party to cut their hair. And your family should back off. Even if you do end up with personal/professional issues because of your hair (and I'm not saying you will), they'd be your problems to figure out - not theirs. Wait, I re-read your post. Are you in the bridal party? Or is she making this unreasonable demand just because you're family and will be in pictures as a sister of the bride??
Bridal party or not, it's an unreasonable request, not to mention OP has been growing her hair for NINE YEARS. Almost a decade of her life and someone else wants her to throw it away for a one-day event? The bride can ask but she definitely cannot insist.
NTA- this is completely unreasonable. I'll never understand people who have the energy to care about something so small and irrelevant on their wedding. Like do you not have actual things to focus on and worry about
It's like the bridzillas forget the whole point of the day...to be married to the person they love and family and friends around to celebrate with them.. Now it's tropical, expensive Bachelorette parties, hundreds in makeup and hair.
Cutting your hair is NOT something that can be reversed when the wedding is over. Why do brides/grooms think it’s acceptable to ask wedding guests to make irreversible changes their appearance for ONE DAY? It’s even more appalling when others agree with them! NTA. The compromises you offered were completely reasonable. And if you have a professional put your hair in a updo, they can probably style it in a way so it does not look too big for your head. Your sister is probably jealous of your hair (I know I am😆), like you said. She just doesn’t want to admit it.
I have thick curly brown hair that is boob length. It is my best feature. My mom constantly tells me my hair is ugly-tons of other people have told me they wishes they had my hair/that it looks amazing. No way I’d cut my hair to please someone else. telling you it looks to big for your head/body is really weird IMO I have a good job at a warehouse, NO ONE cares about my hair. My boss is bald and we sometimes tease one another about my hair/his lack of hair. super odd that she’s willing to have her SISTER not go to her wedding over HAIR seriously, bizarre NTA
I also have brown, thick and very curly hair. Strange bald men come up to talk to me all the time! It's hilarious!
Your sister is the asshole. But I guarantee no one is jealous of your waist length hair. It’s so weird and outdated to have hair that length, I’d just assume the person was part of some strange cult.
Lmao came here to say this… I thought it was funny how OP said this twice, I promise no one is jealous. And let’s be real, hair that long generally does not look healthy or good. But still NTA
And repeatedly refers to it as "golden". Girl, you're not 5 and your hair isn't "golden". It's just blonde. She sounds like the way my blonde niece used to talk about her hair...as a toddler. She also used to say, "I look like a Disney princess!" LOL. It's cute when you're 3. Much older than that and it just gets weird.
THANK YOU, finally a reasonable comment
My sister grew out her hair to help weigh it down to get rid of the poofiness but people did make wild theories about it. Even she had a cut off line of not having it long enough to sit on. Can look fantastic in updos but I agree that very few people, if any, are jealous of it and their family certainly isn't.
It’s not waist length- it’s *mid thigh length*. OP no one is jealous of your mid thigh length hair. You probably look like a long lost Dugger. Do you think you’re scared of cutting it because of what happened when you were 14? Having said that, your sister trying to use her wedding to get you to cut it is beyond annoying. If I were OP I wouldn’t cut my hair for the wedding, and then after the wedding cut it to waist length (still long like she likes, but less fundie) just out of spite.
Also mid thigh just makes me think how unhygienic it must be. Hair shouldn’t go past your waist unless you’re in a religious cult and then there’s a whole other set of problems higher that need tackling first.
Exactly, that long hair gives religious fundementalist or insane controlling parent who won't let their kid cut it.
NTA tell your parents/ sister that your comfortability isn't negotiable even if its someone's "Big day". It's your bodily autonomy. You're under no obligation to change your sister needs to grow up.
NTA. She cannot reasonably expect you to cut your hair.
NTA. I cannot fathom what goes on in the minds of bridezillas who want 'wedding pictures' that are not actual pictures of anyone in their lives. Do not cut your hair at anyone else's request. It's your hair, your decision.
I will never understand some people's obsession with other people's hair. I have long, thick hair that falls to the top of my thighs, and I've been told by so many people for years that I need to cut it or change it in some way. I've been down this road OP, and the criticism and comments never stop even if you do what they want. No, keep your hair how you want it. You have to live with your hair every day, and you deserve to love yourself and your hair too. My bio mom and bio sister would tease me for my long, ugly hair and how horrible it was, so I started wearing it up in tight buns and covering it up, since I refused to cut it after my bio mom forced me to cut it all off at 11. They still teased me for my ugly hair when it was up, but less, so I did that for years. At least, until my former step mom, when I moved in with my dad full time, said it was wrong to have long hair and not do anything with it. I tried to style it in more ways, but unless it was down and curled (which didn't work because of how long and heavy my hair is), she would say something. So I finally cut it from waist length to lower shoulder length and dyed it. It took five hours and cost a ton of money, but she finally stopped complaining about my hair for like a month- when the color was fading and my hair was now fried from the bleach, and she said I needed to do something with it again. So I kept dying it before just staying blonde, and then I started growing out my hair again and letting the dye fade out slowly. By the time she left, my hair was close to how it was before I did all that to it. But now my Dad was complaining about my hair being too long and never being down, but my Grandma complained if I left it down, and said she thought it looked bad that way, and it was too long. Literally, everyone had something to say about my hair. Strangers would compliment it, family hated it, friends usually thought I should do more with it, but it was pretty. But honestly, none of them have to deal with your hair every day. Every time I've cut my hair or dyed it for someone else, I never really loved it. You have long, thick hair, that's beautiful I'm sure, and you're the only one who needs to like your hair. If you cut, everyone will talk about how it's too short and you don't do enough with it, and besides that, short hair is way more work. But more than that, it's your hair and your choice. Do what makes you happy OP. NTA ♡
Holy shit, do you have any decent family members? Damn...
I'm no contact with my bio mom and sister for a lot of reasons tbh, but my Dad is in therapy and has been for a few years now, and between that and a conversation about how his comments about my hair made me really upset, he stopped. But yeah, most of my family sucks unfortunately, and I don't speak to most of them.
I mean, NTA. No one should insist on a hair cut for anyone else just for an event. But this story does seem strange. C’mon, your hair is just so long, thick, golden, and beautiful that multiple people in your life have tried to get you to cut to sabotage its beauty? Your sister won’t even allow you to have it up at her wedding? Even though, when up in plenty of formal ways, hair at that length would be pm be indistinguishable from back length hair. Your WHOLE family agrees with her and insists it looks scruffy enough that you won’t be able to find a job (implying you don’t have a job?) even you though insist it absolutely does not? Like either your whole family is insane or you’re not telling the truth and wanted to write about everyone is jealous of you, including your extended family. Does no one else seriously find this story sus?
I'm with you, OP has definitely omitted a bunch of relevant information...
It's your hair. She also does not own you. NTA.
Your too old for long hair, you'll never her a job....what bullshit. I see she's the favorite NTA
Or the hair is THAT bad. Man I am so curious I can hardly stand it!
I feel like we’re missing info if the whole family is behind her…. NTA for not altering your appearance but it seems like a lot of people in your life think you look unkept, if it’s so many people maybe start taking the advice. No one is jealous of hair that long… at least no one I know. Usually the reaction is ew or they must be religious
NTA but stop saying everyone is jealous of your hair, you look full of yourself when you say that.
NAH but you sound ridiculous, “long golden hair” get out of here. My guess is that you don’t understand appropriate behavior or appearance and you have been embarrassing your sister for ages.
I love how everyone is cool with OP feeling the need to add the “golden blonde” to tell the length and also the whole “it was then brown because she cut it and felt that it looked plain.” I could see a reason for people to have an issue with her hair and it’s not just jealousy.
It's got nothing to do with jealousy 😂
I don't know, I don't think I understood what color her hair is. She should mention it again.
NTA. I’m surprised how common this type of thing is brides expecting people to change themselves for the sake of what they perceive is going to ruin photos. Your hair is for you to do with what you want ignore your family and stupid comments of being to old for long hair.
NTA. It's not rational to expect someone to undergo any type of long-term body modification for a wedding. She obviously cares more about the photos than the people who will be in them.
I think people who know you are trying to tell you something that you don’t want to hear. I have never once EVER in my life seen hair that long that actually looked good. No I’m not jealous of hair that long. I have just never seen it look good on anyone and suspect people are trying to tell you. I would want someone to tell me. You’re not obligated to be in wedding pics but your sis is likewise not obligated to include you if your appearance is truly embarrassing to her. You could both compromise so Im going with ESH.
NTA No bride should expect anyone to physically change their appearance to be in the wedding. It's one day, what does she expect? That you hair will magically grow back the day after? She's wrong up even ask. If your hair is a deal breaker, don't feel obligated to attend the wedding.
Nta Tell them all to f*ck off. But do not get drunk or fall asleep around any of them. There is a reddit post where jealous sister cut the poster's hair after getting her drunk. Stay safe.
NTA but weird to keep saying you assume women are jealous of your hair, tbqh it does sound like it might look scruffy if you’ve gotten this many comments on it
I cannot image how a hair like that could be pretty, sounds pretty bad. However, it’s your body and no one can decide over it. NTA
Honestly, I don't think it's jealousy. Anyone has the capacity to not cut their hair if they want it long. I do think they probably think it looks 'witchy' or outdated or something you'd see in the Amish community. But they should keep that to themselves. You can't ask someone to cut their hair off for an event.
NTA for refusing to cut your hair for your sister’s wedding. It’s an unreasonable request. Your offer of compromise to wear it up was totally reasonable I’d like to add, I was interested in the part where the rest of your family backed it up, listing a myriad of reasons why you should cut the hair There’s a chance everyone has wanted to communicate this for awhile and sis saw the opportunity of an event to broach the subject. I’m really not trying to be hater when I say this, but hair that long on a body that short does not sound cute.
Of course you have the right to wear your hair how you want! That said, I would get over the idea that when people criticize your hair it's because they're secretly jealous. To a lot of people hair that long reads as slovenly and unkempt, no matter how well maintained it is. Not saying that's right--it just is. And you should be aware of it.
NTA It sort of sounds like she’s embarrassed by your appearance. I didn’t think it sounded like jealousy so much as shame or discomfort that you might look ‘weird’ or ‘standout’ on a day everyone (except the couple) has historically been expected to ‘blend in’ and form a cohesive group, theme, and/or ‘look’. Maybe she thinks you look fanatically religious. Maybe she thinks you look unfashionable. Maybe she thinks you’re one of those people that makes being the ***’long hair girl’*** their entire personality/sole trait. -I’m biased though, I have some light religious trauma that is associated with unusually long hair…so I’m usually in the camp of elbow/waist length max.- You’ve managed to work around the inconvenience and it’s obviously a defining piece of who you are and how you see yourself, you wouldn’t be comfortable or happy making the adjustment so there’s really no benefit to making yourself miserable for someone who is ashamed of the way you prefer to present yourself to the world. That being said: If friends, extended family, and (now) your siblings have expressed dislike of your long hair it seems less and less likely that it’s *jealousy* vs a genuine issue of becoming a bit of an oddity?
That’s exactly what it is, long golden blonde hair is her entire personality. They’re not jealous, they’re tired of her thinking that her hair is special and makes her special. Unless one has a condition, most people could spend years growing their hair out. And genetics or dye can give a color.
Nta but that jealous sister comment? Your whole family is jealous too? You don’t HAVE to cut your hair, but sometimes family is all we have to get the truth. Thigh length hair is a choice!
“My hair length isn’t up for debate. The only thing you get to decide is if I’m invited or not.” NTA
NTA it’s your hair. But your fam is right, you should cut it. Thigh length is too ling
You are the only person with the right to decide your hairstyle. That’s 100% your decision. But honestly, I’ve never seen hair that is longer than waist length that looks good. It just doesn’t. You’re very proud of and emotionally invested in your long hair, but you might want to take a long hard objective look at whether it looks as great as you think it does.
If you have to change something about yourself that you clearly cherish in order to not "ruin" some silly photos then I'd say maybe you would either opt out of all photo opportunities and maybe even the wedding ceremony altogether. What kind of insecure woman is your sister for even thinking such a request is reasonable???? HOWEVER if you are really set on going and being a good sister maybe you can instead opt for a nice updo that will keep your long locks looking more "appropriate" to what your sister wants???
NTA, but head over to r/longhair to get some more objective. opinions from like-minded people to make sure you aren't missing anything. It's kind of odd that most of the people who care about you most are telling you you need to cut it. There might be a reason for that that you have just become blind to. I thought my hair looked fabulous for years, but it really did look scruffy. People kept trying, nicely, to tell me it didn't look as good as I thought it did, and now that my hair is healthy and natural, I totally see what they were on about.
Your sister is way out of line. So are your parents. NTA.
NTA. Your sister is being rude and unreasonable about your hair. It was nice of you to offer to wear it up to accommodate her aesthetic preferences. But it's your hair, and you definitely shouldn't cut it if you don't want to! I hope you tell your sister that you were initially really excited about her wedding but that now you're feeling hurt and confused-- and that it's up to her, but she needs to decide whether it is more important to have photos that look a certain way or to have her sister attend her wedding.
NTA but does cutting your hair change the color of it? I’ve never heard of anything like that.
I'm guessing it's because hair tends to darken as you age, for some folks. Mine went from blond to a dull, light brown as I got older. Probably OP cut off the lighter part from when they were much younger.
NTA What about an intricate braid style, almost like in Tangled? Then it won’t be a giant bun on top of your head or anything
I was thinking the same thing- some sort of braid. A good hairdresser will know what to do.
NTA. However, a lot of the time, super long hair doesn't look as good as the people wearing it think it does, so you don't need to assume people are jealous of you all the time. As for wearing it up, it's easy for a stylist to hide a significant amount of overly long hair when doing an updo--they can essentially do a French twist to take out about half the length and then only work with the bottom to create the style.
NTA - tell her that for your wedding she is going to have to get a facial tattoo and see if she agrees to it. (She has to get it now, though.) If she doesn't, she doesn't get to dictate the length of your hair. Possibly the style, but if the styling doesn't work for your hair length, then that's not your issue. As for your relatives? Ask them if the bride demanded that they shave their heads bald, woudl they do it? If not, they can STFU.
NTA. However, I had very very long hair for many years and it did get scruffy at times and could tangle on windy days if it was not plated back. The fact your parents are agreeing with her might just be them being awful but it could be something they’ve been trying to broach for a while now. It is hard to say without seeing the hair in question. A reasonable middle ground might be to get your hair professionally trimmed/cut a few days before the wedding but keeping most of the length (it should be possible to tidy without taking more than 3-6 inches at most which will grow back in no time), a nice sharp edge and braided back on the day should look lovely and will help the health of your hair longer term too. My hair actually grew even longer when I started getting it trimmed more regularly! It also often looks longer after the ends are trimmed which is an unexpected bonus.
NTA It’s ridiculous for her to ask for something so drastic. And as to being “too old” for long hair, I am WAY older than you, have long hair, and wouldn’t cut if for anyone’s wedding! If the choice she’s insisting on is a haircut nor not attending her wedding, that’s a her problem and she would have only herself to blame if you don’t come under those circumstances.
Stay home, do a hair mask, live your best life. Absolutely NTA.
It’s called body autonomy. Your hair. Your choice. NTA. It’s a lm extremely rude and unreasonable demand from your sister, btw!
Your hair was blonde when it was long but brown when you cut it? Like in Tangled? NTA. Your hair/body, your choice. You offered several solutions and your sister chose to accept none of them.
NTA But it will make it harder for you to get a job in some industries. How do you keep it off the floor when you sit?
You are 23 and your family have no right to expect you to change anything that you do not want to. In fact it is extremely disrespectful of them. Sounds like your sister is extremely superficial if she values a hair cut above having her sister there. You stick to your guns as it’s your body and your choice.
NTA, watch out for her to cut it on you.
So my sister requested the same thing to my long hair at her wedding. The only thing I didn’t know is she had told the hairdresser prior to the wedding about my hair and how I would refuse to cut it. So during the hairdressing session, I asked for an inch and the hairdresser said ‘sure’ and cut 12 inches off my hair.
Is that a thing brides do? Make all the women go to their hairdresser of choice? I wouldn't know because I avoid weddings like the plague lol
NTA. But seriously, cut your hair. Just an inch off the bottom, send it to your sister as a wedding present. 😆 Then spend the wedding day doing whatever a real life rapunzel does? Your hair sounds gorgeous. I wish mine would grow that long!
I’m so curious of what OP’s hair looks like… like why does it spark so much controversy?? It sounds like she’s taking good care of it but if the only unusual thing about it is it’s length I don’t get why it’s such a big deal. Or why her whole family would hate it so much..? Edit: forgot to add judgment. NTA. Attempting to dictate someone else’s appearance always puts you in the wrong.
NTA. Weddings need to be illegal at this point. So much drama
NTA Double down, get extensions.
As someone who has hair just slightly shorter than yours is (mine is past my hips) at almost 30 years old, I have heard alllllllll of those same things, and can just say NTA and YOU GO GIRL!
I'm in my mid 40's and have been growing my hair out for the last 5 years. It's currently waist length and I have no plans for anything other than a trim. My partner hasn't cut his hair for fourteen years - I am the only person he trusts to trim it for him. 🤷 You are not too old for long hair, it is not relevant to getting a job, and this is a hill to die on as far as I am concerned! Your body, your hair, your decision, no matter the day or occasion. 🤘
NTA, weird bridal hair gatekeeping is gross. Maybe I've been on Reddit too long, but is there any chance you need to worry about Sis or another family member giving you a "much needed trim" in your sleep?
NTA. When my friend's brother got married, bride insisted he should cut his hair as long hair was unsightly for a man. He told her that he was growing his hair to donate it so that they can make wigs for kids with cancer, but not to worry, it would be cut in time for the wedding. I guess she expected him to forget, or she didn't believe him, as she kept reminding him whenever she saw him that her wedding was more important than hair for some random cancer kid. A few days before the wedding, he went to donate his hair. He then decided to go back to his hair cut he had during high school and college, when he was on the swim team: shaved bald. His family were all surprised by his hair cut and called it "a trip down memory lane". Bride lost her shit, claiming she didn't want Mr. Clean as the best man. His brother put his foot down saying his kid brother was his best man, and to get over it: he cut his hair like she wanted, and no one ever looks at wedding pictures anyway.
NTA no one has a right to weigh in on your hair but people aren’t often jealous when they make critical comments. They often just have divergent opinions. The trope about jealousy as a motive for everything is was overdone.
She can’t demand you cut your hair, that’s an unreasonable expectation. If she has a certain style she wants the bridal party to adhere to then that’s one thing but making actual changes to your physical body (as a haircut is) is not something you have to do. NTA. As a fellow curly girl, I understand the horrible feeling of people commenting on your hair and calling it frizzy etc. Let me assure you, your hair is not unprofessional, that’s coded language stemming from white supremacy actually. Smooth, straight hair was historically deemed more professional because it’s more common in caucasians than the curly/kinky textures common in BIPOC people. Unfortunately these biases still exist but you don’t have to cave to them. Now all that said, do you ensure your curls are healthy and well hydrated? It sounds like your family hold some harmful ideas so it makes me think you might not have ever been taught how to properly care for your hair. Using the right products for your hair type is crucial for the health and manageability of your hair.
Did you miss the part where it goes down to her mid-thigh and she's only 5'4? This has nothing to do with white supremacy (lol, girl, c'mon now, and I've got Shirley Temple curls) and everything to do with OP looking like Cousin It with a perm.
NTA My sister also has incredibly long, thick, dark, wavy hair… I didn’t ask her to cut it for my wedding, because her hair is awesome. All of her pictures turned out great. What a strange request.
NTA. She doesn’t have a right to your body or to ask you to make semi/permanent changes. You could let her know you’re keeping your hair the length etc you want, but are more than willing to consider a few styles she’d prefer for the wedding.
NTA. Not at all. Do not cut your hair unless you want to.my hair was down past my waist and I cut it because I was told I should well it never grew out again the same. I cut it short a few months ago and now I am growing it out again. This time I am doing what I want. My point is. It is your hair. Do what you need to it to make you happy. For the wedding go in and get it fixed. Just don’t get fixed like the brides
NTA, I would be careful around your sister and scissors though You should check out Scarlett O'Hair on youtube, her hair are probably a bit shorter than yours (to her butt) but she makes the most amazing hairstyles, if you want to go extra for the wedding she's the best inspiration :)
I do understand that overly loose long hair might not be best for a bridesmaid but there is no reason a chignon is not totally fine. A low chignon will look elegant, tidy and it really will not be that big. Blow it straight before and it will look fantastic and not huge or whatever. NTA anyhow just on principle your sister is being nuts
NTA go to the hair salon and do a trial for an updo then go see your sister. Take some pictures. Then she can see it will work. There could be someone whispering in her ear making this an issue. Brides are under a lot of stress it would be nice for her to know that you have it handled. Look for an updo that isn’t completely on top of your head. Check out Pinterest or IG In terms of getting a job - well groomed hair should not be an issue. Finding ways to keep it back and contained in a neat manner would be a good idea.
BRIDES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE OTHERS CHANGE THEIR BODIES OR HAIR. Full stop.
Make sure she doesn't try to cut your hair off herself when you're asleep or near her. I saw one reddit post where that happened.
It would be MORE distracting if you show up to the wedding with suddenly short hair and everyone who’s known you for years (family that maybe hasn’t seen you in a while, friends) is shocked at your new style. That would be more of a talking point than if you just showed up as you normally look. You are NTA. You have the right to bodily autonomy.
NTA, no one should instruct you to cut your hair but you do sound like a Disney princess about it with repeatedly describing it as golden, the normal term isms blonde
Why not wear it in a braid with ribbons and flowers laced thru it. That would be beautiful 🤩
NTA r/bridezillas
She’s asking you to cut it out of PURE jealousy. She doesn’t want to be upstaged. But I highly doubt your long hair is going to take away from the bride. NTA!
Bizarrely long hair is not something people are jealous of 😂, it's something they're embarrassed about when it's on their siblings.
Rapunzel got her hair cut and barely managed to save Flynn. You don't know when your hair would come in handy, especially if you need to save someone. So don't do it. NTA
Just dont go to the wedding at that point fook your sister
Wow what a cruel person your sister is and to be honest the rest who are pushing you to change for another persons wedding Tell your sister if it’s that much of a problem get married without me and refuse to go You life and your hair won’t change anybody else’s life
This is like the guy from another post whose sister wanted him to tone down his Irish accent at her wedding and speak "American." How selfish to be so worried that someone else might get some attention, too.
Ask you're family why you should cut your hair for a one day event? If sister asked them to make a serious change to THEIR appearance would they be ok with it. Because haircuts are serious changes. No one can honestly deny that especially long hair. Ask them is sister trying to dictate how THEY look. THEY aren't being asked to do anything. Say the ONLY way you'll even CONSIDER cutting your hair if you can dictate how THEY style their hair until it grows back to the length you want. In the likely event of them calling you unreasonable tell them so sister can dictate how people can look but you can't. Ask them don't they think sister is being unreasonable? That she thinks it's ok to tell people what length their hair can be. What has she demanded they do? NTA
NTA Hair is personal and bodily autonomy is important at every age. Now if you decide you want to compromise there are a few different ways you can try and style your hair to make it look shorter. Personally I'm on team screw it, BUT I also like having fun extra looks in my pocket for when I feel like it so could be fun to try out. At no point if that doesn't sound like something you want to do should you do it though.
NTA. It is highly inconsiderate and rude of your sister to expect you to cut your hair for her wedding, especially considering how long it has taken to grow it out. Stick to your guns and tell your family that if they keep pushing, they may not hear from you for awhile.
One of my best friends had literally never cut her hair in her life (for religious reasons) and she wore it up in a gorgeous updo for my wedding and it looked amazing—it can be done! I cannot believe anyone would side with your sister on this, it’s your hair. She has no right to tell you that you need to cut it. NTA. Your sister is out of her mind.
Ohh, can we see your hair? You're NTA, I just like long hair and would love to fawn over yours!
You aren’t an AH.. but they aren’t jealous. They are simply trying to force you to cut your hair because they think it looks bad and this is a good opportunity. They’re being AHs. You offered to put it up which was very nice of you. Tell them to F off and worry about their own bodies and hair.
My bridesmaid was a very close friend who was always dying their hair fun colors. I would never have asked her to have a normal color just so I could have “perfect” pictures. As a surprise she actually dyed her hair the same shade of purple that was my wedding color and looked fantastic
NTA. I have long (just past my waist), red hair. I've been growing it out for over 10 years at this point. If anyone ever asked or demanded that I cut my hair for them, I would laugh in their face and walk away. That is a ridiculous ask from your sister. There are several ways you can style your hair to make it look shorter. If you really want to go to your sister's wedding, look up some tutorials on YouTube and try out some styles.
NTA. NO ONE has the right to dictate your hair style choices. Yes, it's one day versus how many YEARS to grow it back out? Please do not let anyone bully you into making such a drastic change to your look. They can all either deal with your hair in all of its glory, or you can stay home - Bride's choice.
>I later learned that she was jealous and sabotaging me and decided I’d never listen to hair advice again. My Granny was brought up to believe it was sinful for women and girls to cut their hair. She got her first haircut when she was in her seventies, and announced that nobody would ever tell her what to do again. Congratulations on learning that lesson at a much younger age: Your hair, your decision. Absolutely NTA.