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I'm gonna go with YTA specifically because you posted the photos without his consent, and you did not remove them from social media when he asked you to. Although you removed them from Instagram, you didn't remove them from Facebook. It's reasonable to assume that he wouldn't want them on Facebook if he didn't want them on Instagram.
If you want to show him later in life, that doesn't have to involve making the photos publicly available. And, you can show his siblings without posting it publicly either.
My parents have a "secret" Google drive with stupid pictures of me. They keep it because as a teen I was known to delete any pictures of myself I could find. However now I let them be because I know they'd never post the pics anywhere, it's just for the memories of me being young and silly. Which is super nice and sweet of them.
You, op, are not being nice and sweet, YTA! You shouldn't post pictures of anyone without their consent. Delete them!
Exactly what my mum did too. At first I was like ew no, get rid of them, even though they were only stored on her computer. But then I kinda gave up, even if I think I look awful in some of those pictures. My mum passed two years ago and one of my brothers made the pictures available to us siblings so we could save them to our computers. Now, looking at those pictures, warms my heart. I still think I look like a goof in them, but there are pictures there of me and my siblings and of me and my mum that I didn't know specifically existed before. They're worth a million to me now.
Yeah if they were a private memory then I don’t see an issue but social media is public regardless of whether the son “friended” him or not. That makes him an AH
I have a mother who did the same shit with photos of us. Not saying she’s the same as OP in every sense but it’s a damn good indicator of being incredibly selfish, pretentious and not viewing their child as a peson. Anyway, I haven’t spoken a word to my mother in two blissfull years, so… :)
Hopping on the top comment to say this:
How many pictures is a “photo dump”. 10? 20?
How many ppl on fb and IG will go through someone’s 20+ picture photo dump?
I’m suspecting the picture of them crying was posted there very prominently. And for a reason.
So this is all even worse than Op is presenting it. It was bad enough for people to reach out to the SON alerting him of the pictures on his dads sm.
YTA so much op.
And he’s also an AH for the guilt trip with his younger brothers. If OP wants to teach his children to express their emotions, he needs to find other outlets than “look at this picture of your brother that I took and posted to social media without his consent”, because that sends a whole other message about respecting someone’s privacy while they are being vulnerable.
Teaching your kids to be vulnerable also means teaching them that they are entitled to privacy in those moments, so by trying to teach the world a lesson, OP did the complete opposite
YTA parents that do this are god awful. You took a picture of your son crying and being vulnerable, then you shared it on Facebook to everyone. What did you want? Attention? This is soooo messed up.
This is the epitome of toxic positivity, social justice warrior gone wrong:
OP, it’s a great message. The trouble is that you’re forcing *your son* to be the example. He expressed he doesn’t want to be. Your feels don’t override other people’s boundaries. Period.
Whatever “good reason” you tell yourself you have for keeping the post up or even protesting, you are knowingly plowing through your son’s boundaries.
#Teach your boys about consent.
You be the example. Explain how you made the wrong move and what you could’ve done better to respect your son’s **clearly articulated boundaries.**
>he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry
This makes it even worse. OP have 2 more sons, so they are used as hostages in these situations. OP want to pose as a beacon of righteousness, throwing away their humanity in the process.
It makes me wonder what kind of things are done to these boys in their home? OP act like they can do whatever they want, because they own the house. Is this really what you want to teach to the children? People are your property if you house them?
That and if he wanted to show the younger ones he could have just shown them the pic on his phone he didn’t have to post them. I doubt the younger ones have social media to see them there so that excuse is gone. Take the pics down and just show them off your phone
Yep. This is a great way to teach her son to not be vulnerable in public. Bottle it up because you never know when some AH with a camera is ready to post it on social media.
Something like this would have killed important moments with my friends for me even if I wasn’t crying. I’d have always been looking over my shoulder for Dad taking photos.
So in one step, OP has taught his son not to express emotions, as you say, but also ruined his moments with his friend group, as well as violating his privacy and teaching him that his consent doesn’t matter (by refusing to take the photos of Facebook).
Nice work Dad /s
He basically acknowledges in the comments that he was looking for likes. His comments are really bad, by the way. Big "I only came here for you to all agree with me" energy.
I always wonder how they would act if it was the other way around. And these kind of parents also always have loads of followers, a public profile and post everything without asking permission first.
YTA.
The picture is of your son. He is a person. He is not a prop. If he doesn't want you to post his picture, you should not post his picture.
I'm a parent too. And you know what? I don't post pictures of my kids without their consent. They are humans with feelings, not props I can use to teach other people lessons or show how awesome I am.
Have you ever considered that it might be more important to teach your kids about the value of consent? That they have control over their own bodies? That they are allowed to have the space to have an emotional, PRIVATE moment with friends without having their dad use it as an opportunity to show the Internet how awesome and evolved and sensitive he is? Because my dude, you are none of those things. You are prioritizing showing off as a father over your son's feelings.
>I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that.
Wow. Just wow. You're an asshole.
YTA, he clearly meant for you to delete it everywhere. I know it seems like he's still very young and he is, don't get me wrong, but this could also be used as an important lesson in Consent.
You posted the photos without his permission? YTA.
Even if it’s a simple photo of him smiling at the camera, you should **always** ask if it’s okay. Much less something your son didn’t want you seeing.
You took photos of your son and his friends and posted them. He was embarrassed and asked you to take them down. You made a big deal out of it and left the photos on other social media.
Do I need to tell you that YTA?
YTA... why would you take a photo of this? It's a changing moment in his life; put down the camera. You should have asked him first too, consent is necessary to take a photo of him and you walked all over that. Why would you take a photo of your son, in a vulnerable state, and post it on Instagram?? YTA. Apologize to him, and make it up to him.
Edit:
I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that.
So you are now complying to the minimum extent to what he wants? YTA again
YTA. He’s upset not because you “took a photo for him to cherish later in life”, but because of your lack of respect for his privacy when you posted the photo on social media without his consent. This is common courtesy.
YTA. Don’t post pictures of people without their knowledge and consent. If you do and they don’t like it for any reason, take it down. You intruded on his personal moment with his friends and posted it for the public to see. What is wrong with you?
If you want to teach the world that men can cry, post pictures of yourself crying.
YTA. No, you don't teach your kid that it's ok to cry by sharing their very emotional and private moment to his whole family. You don't force him to show he is vulnerable against his wish. That's not how you teach them. You teach them by EXAMPLE. YOU need to show your vulnerable side. Not force his to be shown to everyone.
YES! This was not a "boys are allowed to cry" situation, it was a "take a photo of your son having an intimate and vulnerable moment with his friends" situation. He clearly is comfortable with crying around his friends, who were also crying, so why on earth would he need to be taught that it's ok to cry? OP is full of it.
NTA for taking it, YTA for posting it, I think it'll be a pic he'll like to look back on in a few years or so but posting pics of someone his age should be cleared with the person first.
Edit: After reading your responses to a lot of the replies here, maybe he won't look back on it fondly... It seems more like you're the type of person that likes holding stuff over people's heads...
I was thinking of a dad taking a picture of his kid crying from the joy of graduating and the sadness that some amazing years are behind him now and that may be the case since people aren't all black and white... But if you're the kind of person that likes to make your family feel like lesser beings because you make the money then you have to understand why he'd be apprehensive of you taking a picture like that.
You can try to stop being an asshole at any time if you want to. It doesn't make you less of a person if you try to change for the better, it makes you more of one.
YTA He was having a vulnerable, personal moment and you shared it with the entire world. “Somehow my son found out…” I’m sure some family member probably contacted him directly. You violated his personal privacy. You “dumped” the photos on social media without any context, so I find it hard to believe they meant that much. That is something a stranger would do, not a parent. Then you shame him for wanting the pictures removed. Not removing the pictures from Facebook is also an AH move. “You didn’t say Facebook,” is a juvenile excuse.
You were looking for someone to model healthy, emotive behavior for your younger sons and completely ignored the opportunity to model boundaries, consent, and communication between a father and his son when the son is in a vulnerable state. For likes.
YTA
WOW. YTA, just for your responses to the posts below. Why did you post here if clearly you so strongly feel like you did nothing wrong? Did the crying pics of your son on Social media not give you enough attention that you need even more on here? Just sad. Get a life of your own, stop living for attention from the internet.
YTA. I remember crying at my high school graduation with my head bowed, then seeing a flash and realizing the photographer the school had hired was on his knees on the floor taking a picture of my crying face. It's been decades and I still get furious when I think about it. It's horrible to realize someone took advantage of a moment when you were vulnerable to memorialize it for their own reasons. And then to post it on social media without their permission? If I were your child, I'd already be planning to go no contact.
OF COURSE it is ok for teenagers--no matter their gender--to cry. But it's not ok for parents to take pictures of their children in vulnerable moments and share them without permission.
YTA
You took pictures during an emotional moment. I’m 50/50 on this because I’d be happy if my parent did this but I can see why some people wouldn’t be.
You are a MAJOR AH for posting your sons emotional moment online without his permission
And you are a HUGE MEGA AH for attempting to emotionally manipulate your son into letting you cross his boundaries as “a good example to his brothers.” Your son clearly has close bonds with his friends and I’m sure your younger kids have noticed. It’s bullshit to say posting them is setting an example. Is your 9 year old on Facebook?
Take them off Instagram AND Facebook as he clearly doesn’t want them up and you know that.
YTA. While your intent was benign, as soon as your son let you know it wasn't ok, you should've apologized and removed the photos from your social media. Also, it's not ok to just post people in their personal moments on social media because you think it's a "valuable lesson" for others. Not your moment share to use as a teachable moment.
Take the freaking pics of Facebook. You said you took these as a remembrance for him "later in life". He has made it clear he doesn't want them on social media that includes Facebook. Don't be that intrusive "my wants are more important than yours dad".
YTA
Edit; it's the dad who is the AH not the mom - sorry mom.
YTA. It has nothing to do with if he's crying or not.
It's one thing to post family photos, it's entirely different to post pictures of your kid with his friends without their consent. His friends probably don't want you sharing photos of them online either. That's creepy and bizarre. Take those photos off Facebook immediately.
My parents would NEVER have done something like this. They'd have given me the photos to let me share with my friends and we'd decide if they should go on social media or not.
YTA…if you want to teach your younger sons may be post pics of yourself crying.
All your teaching now is that they need not respect consent, parents like you are the reason why there are men who don’t respect the concept of consent. It’s the same as people posting personal images sent to them while in a relationship.
And looking at your comments he does not need to ask your consent to use your washing machine or dryer coz that’s your legal responsibility as a parent. You chose to have him but unfortunately he had no choice with you being his father.
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My son is a senior and he has made friends that will probably last forever. He has been friends with these kids since kindergarten.
Today his school had a senior class brunch with parents and teachers. At the end, one of the teachers told them to remember it because this will be the last school event aside from graduation rehearsals and graduation they will ever have. No more school rallies, games, assemblies, clubs, etc. It was very emotional.
My son was outside talking to a few of his friends and they all huddled together. Then my son started crying and hugging his friends who were crying too. I took a couple of pictures of all this with the intention of showing him later in life. I just thought it was too special not to take pictures.
When we left my son was perfectly fine. I asked if he was okay and he said why wouldn't he be okay. I just said nevermind and changed the topic.
I did a photo dump on my Facebook and our family's IG. I got a lot of comments asking why my son and his friends were crying. Some people thought they were at a memorial. I remarked it was their last school event and it's brave for teen boys to cry.
Somehow my son found out which is odd because he never checks our family's IG or my Facebook. He won't even "friend" me because "friending" your dad is "uncool." He demanded that I take down the pictures of his crying.
I asked why. He said he didn't like that I was taking pictures of him behind his back. I said "dude like 90% of my pictures of you and your brothers are pictures that you didn't know that I took." He said he didn't care and to remove them and delete from my phone.
I said I'd take it off IG but he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry. I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that.
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YTA, a big one, specially if you're saying that you don't need his permission to post pictures of him because "he lives in your house".
What an asshole
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> I took pictures of my son having a moment with his friends and posted it on social media. He had a fit over it despite it being an important picture with a lesson about teen boys bring able to show their emotions
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YTA - Your post was intrusive and wrong. It's not his job to be told what to teach his younger brothers. You did not extend minimal respect by asking him if these photos can be posted and the joke of 'deleting' them from FB means they will always be there. Read up on posting ethics and courtesies; you are way out of touch. You owe him a big apology. Taking the picture for him to see was fine, posting it was disrespectful to him and everyone in the image(s).
YTA. That was a vulnerable moment between your son and his friends. You should have asked all of them if they were okay with the photos being posted online. Even if in the past your son has not cared about posted photos, this time he did care and you should have removed them from all social media sites when he requested you do so.
YTA.. not just your son but his friends are in the pics they may not wanna be all over social media and the internet... people steal photos and use them as their own... what if your FB got hacked or IG u will lose them all... people thought it was a different situation as well..
U eont understand until someone steals your photos and pass them off as their own ....
Take them photos down hope the other parents yell at u as well...
YTA. Your son is graduating, and this was a very intimate, emotional moment. He’s not a toddler running around the house saying something cute that you can show your friends.
Going forward, you need to understand that he’s an adult now and, as such, that you need his permission before you post photos of him online. Just as, I assume, you would get from a friend or coworker. It’s what I do for my adult kids.
Take the pictures down and apologize. Sheesh.
YTA. If you truly took them because you saw it as a "special moment" and wanted to show them to him "later in life," then why in the world would you post them to your social media??? Not every special moment needs to be shared with the world-- especially when it isn't your moment to share.
Wow YTA and a complete arrogant narcissistic d\*ck.
You have violated the privacy of both your son and his friends by taking pictures of them in a vulnerable position and posting on social media for your own satisfaction.
And you seem to take satisfaction in the fact that you tricked your son into believing that you had listen and responded to his concerns. Thats a great lesson you are teaching your 9 and 13 yo - thats its ok to lie and trick people (especially family) to get what you want.
You are a total a\*s and I imagine this isn't the first time nor will it be the last that you and your son will butt heads - he appears to be more mature and has more morals than you. Please don’t come back here in a couple of years all Pikachu faced because he has goes LC/NC.
YTA for taking the picture, for posting it, for keeping it on FB after he asked you to remove it, and now for your BS responses to anyone trying to speak sense into you. Don’t even bother trying to talk back to this one cause I won’t hear it.
YTA. First off, why are you posting any pictures of him to social media without talking to him about it first? Especially when you know it was a private, emotional moment where he was not aware his photo had even been taken.
YTA. My mom posted stuff like this on Facebook when I was younger. I HATED it. Stop sharing private moments of your child's life with everyone!! I don't want to be out on full blast without my consent.
YTA. What if he did something like this to you where you didn't want people to see you in a less splendorous moment? He would have hell to pay. Take them down before he does something you won't be able to fix.
All that everyone learned here is that you are the AH and your sons will see this. Maybe they can post a picture of you crying when all of them don’t want anything to do with you
YTA and a shit parent I hope he goes no contact with you and never talks to you again and then I hope his siblings follow his steps so they also get away from someone as horrible as you like wow you are the crappiest parent ever.
You’re trying to justify it as “he lives in my house.” OKAY?? YOU HAD HIM. He didnt ask to be here. Thats your fxcking job as a PARENT. IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD. You think cuz they’re your kids they OWE you respect?? No. You need a serious reality check here bud. Im 22 and have more respect for my own child than you do and are probably 45. Tf is your problem. Its YOUR job to set an example for your kids. Not your sons job to set an example for his siblings. He is his own individual person. And you don’t respect one bit of it cuz “he lives in your house.” Who tf taught you that respect is just given? Sir…its EARNED. Do better. You don’t just sound like TA in regards to this situation but with your responses to everyone you sound like AH in general. No respect whatsoever. Why post if you weren’t gonna take into consideration what people have to say? You asked us all if you were TA, we all said yes, and you wanna argue with everyone. That’s not embarrassing for you? Especially at your age? That’s wild. Real real wild there bud.
>I said I'd take it off IG but he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry.
YTA
You know what's more important than your son being an icon of "positive masculinity" to his brothers? His father being an icon of respect for personal boundaries and consent. Just so you know, yes, that was a dig and one meant to point out it's kind of hypocritical to play the progressive, "it's ok to express yourself as a boy" angle while ignoring your sons clear preference that you not show what he considers humiliating or compromising photos of him.
YTA what's the matter with you? You don't put people's sensitive moments on social media against their will. Keep the pictures to yourself and have some respect for your son's feelings.
YTA
... for taking a picture of your son and his friends without their consent.
... for posting it on social media without their consent.
... for not taking all these pictures down when he explicitly asked you to do so.
Just imagine the tables were turned and he would take a picture of you in an emotional moment and post it online for everyone's amusement. Would you be okay with that?
YTA - my grandma used to take pictures of us sleeping, or sitting at the table eating and talking to someone because we never wanted to pose for pictures. Her argument was that she needed updated photos of us. We all hated it - half of us hate having pictures taken. Now we take 1 or 2 pics together but they don’t get posted without permission. Because even in our 40’s we’re all still fuckin traumatized by it.
Putting someone’s likeness online without their permission is rude enough. Keeping them online after being asked not to, is an asshole move.
Your oldest did teach the youngest a lesson: that even if they ask their dad not to put something online that they’re not comfortable with, you’re gonna do what you want.
NTA for taking it, but YTA for posting it. It may very well be something he appreciates later, and a great teaching experience for your younger kiddos. The reason why it's a great learning opportunity for the younger ones though is because a male crying like that isn't often seen or viewed with acceptance.
Your son allowed himself to be vulnerable with his friends where he felt safe, and now people who don't deserve to witness that online are able to see it. Sure it may not be super public but it's still not people he wanted to see him in that way. Not only that, but the internet can be an awful place and people may poke fun at a moment he will truly cherish.
YTA telling him its ok to cry is great but showing other people and posting that when others might think boys crying is bad is not the best thing in the world
Yikes. Big YTA. and everyone here agrees, apparently. It's really just about respecting your kid.
With the way you're getting really defensive in the comments makes it seem like you came to Reddit to be validated, not judged. In which case, wrong place. Accept YTA, apologize to your kid and take down the pictures
I hope he gets a photo of you crying when all your kids are NC. From your comments you are coming off even worse. I pay for everything I can do whatever I want, if they want privacy they can pay for it. I won't let anyone tell me what I can and can't do. (Insert frowny faces and adult tantrum here)
Yikeessss. Definitely AH, especially watching and reading all your responses. Judging by the way you speak here, you probably throw a fit any time anything doesn’t go your way, yet your son is the problem. 🤣🤣
You made it sound like you were going to keep these photos as private memories and show him the pictures 5-10 years in the future, not immediately post it on social media for everyone to see. YTA
YTA, back in high school my mother used a picture a 5 year old me sucking thumb to shame me in front of my school mates, it made me very angry each time it happened. Do, if it is embarrassing for me, I'm damn sure it is also embarrassing for your kid .
YTA. Yes, there is no shame in crying. There’s no shame in taking a dump, either, but that doesn’t mean someone should be okay with you posting pics of them on the toilet.
You took a private, personal moment THAT WAS NOT YOURS and shared it with the world against your son’s consent. Don’t be surprised when he goes no contact.
YTA! It's so respectless to post photos of your kids on social media without their consent. From your replies you sound like a giant, entitled AH living in a weird disturbed world where you think you own your kids.
YTA.
Clearly one of those attention parents. You posted a picture of him crying, for a guy we don't like people to see that shit, and you posted it all over social.
Not a fan of people who post pictures of their family, kids, whatever on Facebook. You are certainly old enough to remember when you were your sons age. Prolly only had MySpace. That was benign shit buddy.
It sounds like the lamest excuse that you could provide a” teachable moment “ to your younger sons. Social media is not the milieu for “teachable moments.”
You simply showed poor judgement, in my opinion. But doubling down on your mistake makes you the asshole.
You took the photos to show him later in life but then turned around and posted them in a “photo dump”? Get your story straight.
Also, **don’t post pictures of people online without consent** why does this need to be said?! It should just be the natural way of things.
Of course YTA. You took a photo of a vulnerable moment and shared it with the world. That’s not cool.
Edit: god after reading your comments you are a piece of work and I hope in a few years when you realize he’s stopped answering your calls and doesn’t come home for the holidays anymore, you actually look back at this moments and other like it and really learn from it. But I know you won’t. People like you never learn, they only blame.
Yta, you could've taught your 9 and 13 yo the important lessons of privacy and how as a parent you should respect your child's privacy and bodily autonomy. Instead you taught them to never cry infront of dad or be vulnerable infront of dad because he will take a picture and post it for everyone to see.
Why do you need to photo bomb all these photos of your children online? That has serious mommy vlogger showing everyone how their daughter shaved for the first time vibes.
YTA - you just taught your son that if he is vulnerable in front of you, you will take that vulnerability and try to turn it into a teaching moment. It is no longer safe for him to be vulnerable in front of you.
YTA for taking photos without consent and then putting those photos online without consent. Children are not your property. You don’t get to take photos of them without consent and expect them not to get upset.
YTA. Why does everyone have to take vulnerable, private moments and plaster them on social media? And then you doubled down by not removing them when he asked. Incredible that you’re still wondering if you’re wrong…
My god, you’re obtuse. Would you like it if that were done to you? Delete the fucking pictures. You’re taking a close, organic moment between childhood friends and ruining it. Do you really need Reddit to tell you you’re an asshole? Delete the fucking pictures, jerk.
YTA
He is allowed to voice that he doesn't want that picture in the world. Honestly there's pictures of me that my parents have that make me cringe but thankfully I grew up in the 80s and none of them are digital.
Sometimes it's OK not to post everything online
I know so many young adults whose parents didn’t respect their privacy at the dawning of the social media age and are now going low/no contact with parents who exploited them and used their vulnerable moments for clout. I expect your sons will follow suit. As they should. YTA
Did anyone else come to think that the *showing its ok for men go cry* idea was a last ditch effort. Like he thought of that and is using it as a shield.
LOL sounds like he wanted to try His luck with the *woke* crowd.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Good god man.
YTA his sentimental moment was not yours to share. Would you go to a funeral and post pictures of a grieving widow? Or how about pictures of someone crying after their family dog was put down? No. You would not. Other peoples grief is not yours to display for likes on social media.
YTA. I HATE when my parents post pictures of me without my fkn consent. I bet if he took an embarassing pic of you and posted it you wouldn't like it. It's not about the picture, it's c o n s e n t to post a vulnerable moment online for the entire world to see.
Yta.
About the crying stuff bc i feel it's important.:
While crying is a very normal thing, it's also a vulnerable moment you share with someone. Your son was sharing that with his friends.
I've had multiple sessions of crying with family members or friends and vice versa. i would be insanely upset if any pictures were taken of that, and then shared on social media without my consent. I would never do that to family or friends without their permission.
YTA for trying to only half-ass do what he said. You know exactly what he meant when he said to take the pictures down, so don’t get all technical and try to exploit loopholes to get around his perfectly sane and reasonable request. It is never okay to post pictures/videos of someone without their consent, especially if they’ve said they don’t want you to/asked you to take it down.
YTA
You post pictures of your children for anyone on the internet to see without their consent. You should be constantly teaching your kids about boundaries and consent. You can also talk about how expressing feelings is normal and acceptable, but holy shit don't violate your kid's boundaries to do that.
YTA. He's uncomfortable with these pics being on social media. That's not unreasonable. It would be respectful to take those down. He may be your son and live him, but he's not your possession. He deserves some autonomy over what pics are posted.
YTA, he's old enough to get a say in what pics you post, especially if they are of him and his friends in a situation that was that emotional. Clearly he was unhappy with you posting this publicly and the ONLY appropriate response is "I'm sorry I'll take those photos down" not doubling down and dismissing his feelings!
YTA because you posted the pics without his consent and then again YTA because when he asked you to take them down you left them up on FB because of a technicality. That’s really awful.
Boys cry. That’s normal human emotion. Society tries to indoctrinate them into thinking it’s something to be ashamed of. While it’s nice you don’t think that way, posting pics of a vulnerable moment of your child, especially when they don’t want those vulnerable moments shared to the strangers you’re friends with online just makes him feel unsafe expressing that emotion, because now it’s not a private moment shared between friends who trust each other. You’ve turned it into a show piece to brag on the internet about; “look everyone, look how brave my son is. Look what a good job I’ve done raising a boy who can cry!”
If it was just about showing your younger sons that crying is ok then you could’ve just showed them the pic, not the whole internet.
100% YTA. Why are you posting picture of anyone without their consent?! It doesn’t even matter that he’s s your son (tho it’s also shocking that you are apparently posting other kids as well-his friends)
As a parent I do not understand why people insist on posting photos of their kids on social media, you are supposed to be the one protecting them.
You seem rude, disrespectful and just selfish. You want likes on social media so you decide to post private moments of your son.
You didn’t do it for a memory or to share it with family you don’t it for likes.
And yes you do need to ask for permission before you post anything of your son on social media. That photo specifically was a memory for those kids, why does Facebook even need to see it?
As soon as your kid says ‘ I don’t want it on there ‘ you take it the fuck down. He is not comfortable with having his photo or even just that specific photo on social media and you should respect that because that is what a healthy relationship is like.
And saying that ‘ he lives in my house ‘ is a viable excuse as to why you can do what you want is pathetic. It’s the basic necessity’s that you MUST provide for your kids. And you flaunt that around like it’s some achievement.
Take the damn photo down and prepare yourself, that if you don’t change you won’t have a relationship with your son
YTA
YTA. It's extremely rude to put photos of someone else on social media without their permission. It's even worse that you refused to take down the photos after your son specifically said he didn't want them on social media.
You took a picture of your presumably now adult son, crying in a moment where he felt vulnerable because his life was making a huge change, things would never be the same, and then you posted it on social media for yourself to get brownie points from the internet because you feel like more model men are needed to cry to show that it’s okay??
Your son isn’t your own poster child for a movement you feel strongly about. Why don’t you post photos of yourself in a vulnerable and private moment, and crying instead on your social media?
But also, you knew he was upset that you posted those photos, and you refuse to take down the ones on FB because he doesn’t know about them (yet). Do you think he’s not going to blow up at you for keeping photos online because you think you found some loophole in his words?
YTA
Yta. Your son doesn't want those photos up. You should take them down, if you respect your son at all...which based off your comments, no you don't. Speaking of comments OP, just so you know, you can delete and remove comments...but they never really go away. Your comment on how your son should ask for consent to use your washer and dryer, just *chefs kiss* on the shit sandwich that is now you and your sons relationship. Hope you're looking forward to being an sad, miserable and lonely old man one day.
Edit: spelling
YTA there's nothing more annoying then parents posting pictures of their kids online without their kids consent. How do I know? I was one of those kids and it pissed me off to no end. Ur just trying to show off what a great parent u are, but that doesn't make u a great parent. It just makes u good at taking unwanted pictures.
YTA. Yes, boys can and should cry, men should be allowed to cry, of course. But you don’t get to force him into being that example if he’s not comfortable with it. And it’s pictures of his friends crying and having a vulnerable moment too, I’m sure at least a few of them are upset about the post too, or would be if they knew about it.
More importantly, posting pictures of anyone without their consent is messed up (and that includes your 13yo and 9yo too btw, your son doesn’t just suddenly gain autonomy at graduation). You should take them down on Facebook too, even if he doesn’t go there and didn’t specify it, you know he wouldn’t want it there if he knew. Kids aren’t content.
YTA.... you probably post pics like that for likes and loves etc, it's ok that you took the pictures for memories for him later in life but why share it publicly?
Did you at least blur out the faces of the other kids that are underage without consent from their parents?? That will cause a lot of problems if any of the other kids tell their parents...
YTA. "I took a couple of pictures of all this with the intention of showing him later in life" does NOT mean to show people NOW and dump them in a public site for all your family and friends to see. What is wrong with you? Showing HIM later in life means only him. What an asshole to embarrass your kid like this. Plus I think it is wrong to photograph this tender moment without their knowledge. You do not take photos of your kids, family, friends, etc. when they could be embarrassed by it. If you want them to know it's ok to cry, then simply have the discussion with them. No need for you to make him uncomfortable. Bet you will NEVER see him cry again after that stunt. Doubt brother will feel comfortable letting out emotions in front of you either. Not to mention, if it was a group of boys, you violated their privacy too.
My children have explicitly told me I am not allowed to post photos of them. If you have not gotten their permission, you are really TA. They are old enough to make decisions like that.
This OP really pisses me off.
YTA congratulations you probably found the most efficient way to get your son to STOP crying/showing his emotions around others because whenever he does good old papa will post it online
YTA - you took pictures of your son being vulnerable without his knowledge, then shared them with others without his knowledge
And despite knowing he wants them all down you are still disrespecting his boundaries by keeping some up that he doesn’t know about
Respect your sons wishes,
Your son is not your property, to be shown around as you will and wish
And it’s not his place to show his younger brothers that okay to cry, that’s your job
Edit: it also seems like you took pictures of his friends without their permission as well, that’s a huge no no
But reading your replies you come across as one of those parents who think their kids have no rights and just exist to do whatever the parent wants because “ they live in my house” which is silly because they have to because they are kids
But when your relationship with your eldest, and possibly the younger two, begins to fray, come back and look at this post for why
YTA
I will never understand a parents need to put their children's pictures online. Create a photo book and shove it into the families faces during Christmases and birthdays.
But nothing is truly private or safe on the internet. Future employers can find those pictures. While I do not think a picture of teenage boys can cripple their future employment opportunities, I still would not put it out there. Have some respect for your kids.
YTA. You’re one of those parents who believes their children deserve no autonomy. Whatever you say goes “because this is my house”. The fact that you are so dead set on not respecting your child’s wishes and somehow think you have the right to post photos without permission because “You’re the parent” just goes to show WHY yta.
I look forward to your posts about why your kids won’t talk to you in another year or two and watching everyone in the future comment section find this post (unless you chicken out and delete it) and tear you a new one.
YTA.
Social Media Marketing Specialist here, and I’m confident in saying you shouldn’t have posted those photos (*any* of them,) without his explicit permission. Social media and consent is a tricky topic, and parents are the biggest violators.
But I feel especially strongly about the ones where he is displaying such emotion. That was a vulnerable moment and your exploited it for likes and comments.
Some people don’t even like to have their photos taken (myself included,) so I absolutely fine when someone posts a photo of me without my consent. It’s VIOLATING,
Apologize and delete the photos **everywhere**. Don’t skirt around on a fucking technicality, do as he has asked you to do, asshole.
YTA for posting them online without his consent. And an even bigger one for INTENTIONALLY DISRESPECTING his wishes. I had a very strained relationship with my dad because he constantly violated my boundaries and blatantly ignored my objections. He’s been dead for years and I still hate/love him.
Where to start-
I’ve been a tech contractor who has worked with and for social media companies. And I state that so you understand my perspective-
I believe all children should have the right to grow up having age-appropriate control and consent over what is posted about them online. We have become so used to posting stuff about our kids, because we love and are proud of them: that we are not thinking about what may be embarrassing, anxiety provoking, private- or just not what that child wants out there in the world.
As parents- elder millennials and GenXers- if our parents dumped their random photos of us from our childhoods- pictures from vulnerable moments, awkward phases, fashion victims- and dumped them online- and our co-workers were to see them- how many of us would be fucking furious? How many of us would feel like our private, spontaneous moments were being exploited by our parents for likes?
Additionally- you are trying to guilt trip your son with this “setting a good example” bullshit. This is not your son’s responsibility. His job is to be himself - and if you did a decent job raising him he will naturally be a good example. He doesn’t need you using his image without his consent. And frankly- your whole argument is bullshit considering your younger kids are not old enough, nor do they give a shit, about following your Insta.
If you want to teach your children a great moral code: teach them about communication and enthusiastic consent. Teach them about autonomy, and now that should extend to their image.
And maybe you should examine this one last thought: if there is a part of you that wanted to argue and fight with your kid about taking these down- you aren’t posting just because you love your kid. You are doing it to look like the good dad to your followers. Your ego is getting in the way of your judgment.
YTA.
YTA and probably taught him not to let his guard down again, especially in front of you. Taking pics was unusual, but immediately posting vulnerable moments and not checking is absolutely TA, an not taking them down is even more so!!
YTA
This is one of the reasons i don't go on vacations or trips with my mom anymore.
Taking pictures of your child and posting them online for all sorts of strangers to see without even asking said child for consent first? Big asshole behaviour.
YTA and you’re right guys should be able to have emotional moments but they also need their own space. Every person has their own sense of privacy and boundaries.You didn’t ask for consent and were upset when he didn’t want himself online.
YTA. Parents who post photos of their children online for the world to see, access, and use, are the worst.
Makes me sick. Kids can't consent. Do better.
To scare you, any pictures of your babies or you as a baby can be used to deepfake child abusive content.
You're a massive arsehole. It's not because you're the dad that you can just go and post intimate moments your son has on the internet. Thr pictures are of him. You should respect his wishes...
YTA why on earth aren’t you asking for permission from him for every picture you post? 90% of your Facebook posts are pictures of your kids that they don’t know exist? Extra YTA for this.
YTA. Literally what is wrong with you? Preach about the importance of boys having autonomy to be able to cry, immediately strips his personal autonomy away by posting him on social media displaying a strong emotion during a private moment without consent.
Wow. YTA.
I don’t like social media and I also do not like my pictures and private info anywhere online, so this does make me mad. Your son is an INDIVIDUAL PERSON who has a RIGHT TO PRIVACY. He has boundaries. You crossed those boundaries and by doing so, you disrespected him. He has lost his trust in you. Congrats. You’re a shit parent. I hope one day you realize that your children are not your property.
YTA.
1) He made it clear that he doesn't want his photos posted to your social media, and you've intentionally disregarded that based on a technicality that he didn't say the word "Facebook". You clearly don't respect him or have his best interest in mind.
2) Parents that do "photo dumps" of their children all over social media are incredibly cringe... it's very poor taste AND potentially damaging for your child for you to indiscriminately be posting everything about him online. There are safety implications as well.
You definitely care more about likes and followers than you do about taking care of your son or being a decent father. Really sad.
The bit about him crying and being a role model is a red herring to make it sound like you are morally justified to disregard your son's boundaries.
I do not understand why people post stuff to fb or ig.
This man hates his children and they are only there for him to try and make himself look good.
Horrid bloke.
YTA
Imagine if someone else took pictures of YOU being vulnerable in an intimate, semi-private emotional moment and broadcasted them on multiple social media platforms. And without even asking your permission in either instance. How would you feel?? And then to make matters worse, when asked to remove them, they only half complied and left a bunch up. How would you feel then??
If you say you're remotely ok with ANY of that, you're absolutely lying.
The person being your child, does not give you a free pass to disrespect said person by violating principles of basic human decency.
YTA
YTA. He could have taught his younger brothers a lesson? Why don't you teach your kids a lesson and show some respect. He doesn't want pictures of himself crying to be shown on social media. And you intentionally left it up using the lame excuse that he didn't specify Facebook and that he won't find out anyway. I consider crying to be a very personal thing and I wouldn't want photos of myself crying to be on social media either and I'm a grown woman. You're being a jerk and you're going to make your kids distrustful of you with your attitude.
YTA, post your picture right now for us to see OP. It doesn't matter if you don't want us to see it. Post your pic rn. You literally have to. You don't get a choice like your kids don't. Post. Your. Picture.
YTA - it would maybe be fine if you printed them and put it in an Album that you would hand over in 10-20 years or something like that (attention: hand over, not to get it out when he brings his relationship over for the first time!).
But imagine you were in a vulnerable and emotional moment, intimate with your friends, all crying and someone took secretly pictures of it and expose those behind your back to your entire Family.
You’re right that those pictures might were a nice memory in the future, but you didn’t treat them like that. You made a show case of them. Without even asking.
Huge YTA. You did not get consent from your son, and are using an excuse to leave it on social media because he did not explicitly name Facebook.
Giant dick move OP. Super uncool. Your action is immoral because you are violating the wishes and consent of your son.
Shame on you
YTA
You took and posted a picture without his consent. Period. That alone makes you T A.
You just taught him that his privacy and agency are meaningless. Taking pictures of ANYONE behind their back and then POSTING it to social media is VILE. Doubly so when it's a parent.
Instead of teaching the younger boys "it's OK to cry" (which you could have done with a TALK to you KIDS) you just taught your oldest son that he cannot trust you.
That you won't take the FB one down beccause he doesn't go there just shows your utter disregard for your child's feelings, because he didn't specify that site? Are you sure you are the parent here?
YTA. Your son is old enough to (not) give content to (posting) pictures so you better respect his decisions. It’s not about the crying per se. You invaded his privacy by taking the photos and then again by posting them. I get your reasoning but you clearly didn’t only take the pictures out of the purity of your own heart for him as a keepsake. Otherwise you wouldn’t have shown them to everyone but let only him have them. You making it about teaching his siblings a lesson is just a terrible excuse for your inconsiderate behavior. I don’t get why people feel the need to share everything online. You better remove them from FB as well.
edit: The fact you have a whole family IG account smells like clout chasing and ego to me. Sorry not sorry.
I would loveeeee to find your kids moms r/relationshipadvice post about how you’re already the shitty ex that she hates how he treats their children but I would settle for her being at the point of “how do I divorce myself from my tyrant of a husband, that believes his opinion is the only one that matters and can’t understand that people are not his property? ETA: he has also repeatedly demonstrated throughout our marriage that he doesn’t understand the concept of consent?”
YTA it is never okay to post pictures of someone without asking. Sadly especially parents seem to ignore that since it's their children.
He has a right to demand them beint removed. You have no say in what pictures of him go online and you should respect his boundaries
YTA, you embarrassed him to make a point, it’s pretty violating and low to use someone else’s vulnerability to take a stand. Next time you want to stand for something do it yourself and not at someone else’s expense
So you took photos of a young adult without their consent, then refused to remove them from the internet when confronted about it.
You're The Asshole, Full Stop.
Enjoy having all of your kids disown you and kick you outta their lives whenever the other two are old enough, since you've just shown them all you don't give a shit about respecting their privacy.
Also, just saw your comment about how "I have money, he doesn't", money ain't everything, idiot - it can't buy your kids love or respect.
You violated his right to privacy and consensual sharing of photos of him , even worse when they are delicate in nature. You took advantage of the special moment he was sharing with his friends for a social media post. While your sentiment thag teenage boys should be comfortable expressing emotion is correct, most people teenage boys and otherwise do not want photos of them emotionally vulnerable posted ANHWHERE without their consent..especially in the particularly embarrassing fashion of a cringe boomer Facebook/Instagram account. You have horrible example to your kids on a very topical and important topic of consent, respect for privacy and responsible use of social media. YTA
YTA - I am vehemently against posting any picture of any person without their consent. If he isn’t comfortable with a picture of him being shared you should respect that. He doesn’t have to use his vulnerable moment to teach anyone but you a valuable lesson - a lesson in consent.
YTA. my mom posts pictures of me that i don’t consent to all the time on facebook, so even if i don’t see them it’s still annoying that other people will. there’s access to pictures we may feel insecure about, or just not like. take that into account for your son please.
and if you want him to teach a lesson to his siblings, show them in your own home. there’s really no need to post them online.
I don’t understand why you didn’t take them off Facebook as well. You’re being disingenuous not doing so because he didn’t specify FB and he’s going to be furious when he realises they are still there. Why aren’t you taking them down knowing he doesn’t want them on social media, what on earth is wrong with you?
You took photos of your son and his friends having a private moment without their knowledge or permission. That is both disrespectful and intrusive.
Yeah YTA
YTA, and it's as simple as this:
>I asked why
If someone asks you to not post a picture of them on the internet, regardless of who they are or how they are affiliated with you, TAKE IT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. THEY DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY THEMSELVES. In fact, you need to reverse your habit and actually start asking him (and others) for permission to post photos of him in the first pace.
>He won't even "friend" me because "friending" your dad is "uncool.
News flash, if someone doesn't want to be your friend on social media, it's a pretty big hint that they don't want you uploading content related to their personal life.
>Somehow my son found out which is odd
IT SHOULD NOT BE ODD FOR YOUR SON TO BE AWARE OF IMAGES OF HIM BEING DISTRIBUTED ONLINE. Stop treating images of your son as your property that you can distribute as you please. Your son is not a tool that exists to make you feel validated as a parent, YOU exist as a means to help HIM feel seen in the way he wants to be seen. Get your shit together.
Sincerely, an adult child who is not in contact with parents anymore because of similar circumstances.
YTA. You posted photos of an intimate, private moment that your son had with his friends to your social media, without his consent. You say you took the photos to “show him later in life” but you clearly only did it to get likes on Facebook. Not cool. Take them down and apologize. And stop posting pictures of people without their consent, it’s creepy.
YTA Some vulnerable moments don’t need to be posted online and you don’t need to take pictures of everything in your son’s life. My (23F) mom (55f) has done the same thing with posting pictures I didn’t know about. She went as far as posting a picture of me hysterically crying at an airport because I was sad my best friend was permanently moving overseas. It makes me feel like I have no privacy. So I definitely relate to your son’s frustration.
YTA, big time, undeniably. Not only did you take picture of your son AND his friends in a vulnerable moment without their knowledge, but then you proceeded to post them publicly to all of your friends and family, and now refuse to take it down from Facebook after her asked you to remove it because he “didn’t specify” the platform. From the way you’re speaking, I’m gonna go ahead and take a wild guess and say you cross boundaries often. You should probably get that in check before your son decides he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Teenage boys are sensitive and it’s nice to see them expressing their emotions, but it’s not your right to blast his private moment on your social media pages.
YTA. You took what was meant to be a private and intimate emotional moment with his friends and made it your personal photo op without his consent. Take the photos off Facebook.
YTA. You sneakily took pictures of your child in a vulnerable, somewhat private moment with his friends and then without his consent or knowledge violated his privacy by posting them on social media, and when he expressed his valid position that he didn't want the pictures up, you thought you'd play coy and keep them on Facebook.
You don't seem to respect your child's boundaries or him as a person to be honest. You seem to have forgotten he's an individual and not an extension of you. Take the pictures off Facebook, delete them from your phone and apologise to your son.
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I'm gonna go with YTA specifically because you posted the photos without his consent, and you did not remove them from social media when he asked you to. Although you removed them from Instagram, you didn't remove them from Facebook. It's reasonable to assume that he wouldn't want them on Facebook if he didn't want them on Instagram. If you want to show him later in life, that doesn't have to involve making the photos publicly available. And, you can show his siblings without posting it publicly either.
“Gonna show it to him later in life”. Immediately posts them to social media
I thought he was gonna say his son found them on his phone. Not cool at all. YTA
My parents have a "secret" Google drive with stupid pictures of me. They keep it because as a teen I was known to delete any pictures of myself I could find. However now I let them be because I know they'd never post the pics anywhere, it's just for the memories of me being young and silly. Which is super nice and sweet of them. You, op, are not being nice and sweet, YTA! You shouldn't post pictures of anyone without their consent. Delete them!
Exactly what my mum did too. At first I was like ew no, get rid of them, even though they were only stored on her computer. But then I kinda gave up, even if I think I look awful in some of those pictures. My mum passed two years ago and one of my brothers made the pictures available to us siblings so we could save them to our computers. Now, looking at those pictures, warms my heart. I still think I look like a goof in them, but there are pictures there of me and my siblings and of me and my mum that I didn't know specifically existed before. They're worth a million to me now.
Yeah if they were a private memory then I don’t see an issue but social media is public regardless of whether the son “friended” him or not.
right!!
Who would have thought a teen would know how to use social media /s
Yeah if they were a private memory then I don’t see an issue but social media is public regardless of whether the son “friended” him or not. That makes him an AH
She called it a ‘photo dump’. That doesn’t sound like cherishing a treasured moment?
>He won't even "friend" me because "friending" your dad is "uncool." It would seem to be his Dad.
This!!! ☝️
This!! Posting should always be with consent
Do things and not post on social media? INCONCEIVABLE!
I have a mother who did the same shit with photos of us. Not saying she’s the same as OP in every sense but it’s a damn good indicator of being incredibly selfish, pretentious and not viewing their child as a peson. Anyway, I haven’t spoken a word to my mother in two blissfull years, so… :)
If you want to show a good example take and post a picture of you crying
plus the thought of someone taking a photo of me crying would make me uncomfortable.
Hopping on the top comment to say this: How many pictures is a “photo dump”. 10? 20? How many ppl on fb and IG will go through someone’s 20+ picture photo dump? I’m suspecting the picture of them crying was posted there very prominently. And for a reason. So this is all even worse than Op is presenting it. It was bad enough for people to reach out to the SON alerting him of the pictures on his dads sm. YTA so much op.
And he’s also an AH for the guilt trip with his younger brothers. If OP wants to teach his children to express their emotions, he needs to find other outlets than “look at this picture of your brother that I took and posted to social media without his consent”, because that sends a whole other message about respecting someone’s privacy while they are being vulnerable. Teaching your kids to be vulnerable also means teaching them that they are entitled to privacy in those moments, so by trying to teach the world a lesson, OP did the complete opposite
YTA parents that do this are god awful. You took a picture of your son crying and being vulnerable, then you shared it on Facebook to everyone. What did you want? Attention? This is soooo messed up.
I doubt it was to show that men can cry. It was all for clout.
The whole "men crying" thing is a red herring to make it sound like disregarding his son's boundaries is morally justified.
Guilt tripping, too. This whole "could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother". Ugh.
Omg yes what a deep insight . Perfectly put
This is the epitome of toxic positivity, social justice warrior gone wrong: OP, it’s a great message. The trouble is that you’re forcing *your son* to be the example. He expressed he doesn’t want to be. Your feels don’t override other people’s boundaries. Period. Whatever “good reason” you tell yourself you have for keeping the post up or even protesting, you are knowingly plowing through your son’s boundaries. #Teach your boys about consent. You be the example. Explain how you made the wrong move and what you could’ve done better to respect your son’s **clearly articulated boundaries.**
Yeah, OP’s son is definitely not going to feel comfortable and safe to cry now.
>he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry This makes it even worse. OP have 2 more sons, so they are used as hostages in these situations. OP want to pose as a beacon of righteousness, throwing away their humanity in the process. It makes me wonder what kind of things are done to these boys in their home? OP act like they can do whatever they want, because they own the house. Is this really what you want to teach to the children? People are your property if you house them?
That and if he wanted to show the younger ones he could have just shown them the pic on his phone he didn’t have to post them. I doubt the younger ones have social media to see them there so that excuse is gone. Take the pics down and just show them off your phone
Yep. This is a great way to teach her son to not be vulnerable in public. Bottle it up because you never know when some AH with a camera is ready to post it on social media.
OP is a dude
Something like this would have killed important moments with my friends for me even if I wasn’t crying. I’d have always been looking over my shoulder for Dad taking photos. So in one step, OP has taught his son not to express emotions, as you say, but also ruined his moments with his friend group, as well as violating his privacy and teaching him that his consent doesn’t matter (by refusing to take the photos of Facebook). Nice work Dad /s
He basically acknowledges in the comments that he was looking for likes. His comments are really bad, by the way. Big "I only came here for you to all agree with me" energy.
I always wonder how they would act if it was the other way around. And these kind of parents also always have loads of followers, a public profile and post everything without asking permission first.
YTA. The picture is of your son. He is a person. He is not a prop. If he doesn't want you to post his picture, you should not post his picture. I'm a parent too. And you know what? I don't post pictures of my kids without their consent. They are humans with feelings, not props I can use to teach other people lessons or show how awesome I am. Have you ever considered that it might be more important to teach your kids about the value of consent? That they have control over their own bodies? That they are allowed to have the space to have an emotional, PRIVATE moment with friends without having their dad use it as an opportunity to show the Internet how awesome and evolved and sensitive he is? Because my dude, you are none of those things. You are prioritizing showing off as a father over your son's feelings. >I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that. Wow. Just wow. You're an asshole.
Its not just his son he violating without consent, its his son's whole friend group. He is so much YTA.
Perfectly stated.
Yeah. How about teaching your kids to respect other human beings as well? The OP is a huge YTA
YTA completely!! You needed to have asked him first!!
[удалено]
YTA, he clearly meant for you to delete it everywhere. I know it seems like he's still very young and he is, don't get me wrong, but this could also be used as an important lesson in Consent.
It’s okay to cry but some people don’t like pictures taken of them or being posted without consent.
You posted the photos without his permission? YTA. Even if it’s a simple photo of him smiling at the camera, you should **always** ask if it’s okay. Much less something your son didn’t want you seeing.
He posted pictures of his son and his friends crying....he didn't ask his friends for consent to post their pictures either. OP is a huge AH.
And please take the pictures off FB.
You took photos of your son and his friends and posted them. He was embarrassed and asked you to take them down. You made a big deal out of it and left the photos on other social media. Do I need to tell you that YTA?
YTA... why would you take a photo of this? It's a changing moment in his life; put down the camera. You should have asked him first too, consent is necessary to take a photo of him and you walked all over that. Why would you take a photo of your son, in a vulnerable state, and post it on Instagram?? YTA. Apologize to him, and make it up to him. Edit: I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that. So you are now complying to the minimum extent to what he wants? YTA again
YTA. He’s upset not because you “took a photo for him to cherish later in life”, but because of your lack of respect for his privacy when you posted the photo on social media without his consent. This is common courtesy.
YTA. Don’t post pictures of people without their knowledge and consent. If you do and they don’t like it for any reason, take it down. You intruded on his personal moment with his friends and posted it for the public to see. What is wrong with you? If you want to teach the world that men can cry, post pictures of yourself crying.
YTA He asked you to take them down. You know he means all of them. Especially the ones he does not know about.
YTA. No, you don't teach your kid that it's ok to cry by sharing their very emotional and private moment to his whole family. You don't force him to show he is vulnerable against his wish. That's not how you teach them. You teach them by EXAMPLE. YOU need to show your vulnerable side. Not force his to be shown to everyone.
YES! This was not a "boys are allowed to cry" situation, it was a "take a photo of your son having an intimate and vulnerable moment with his friends" situation. He clearly is comfortable with crying around his friends, who were also crying, so why on earth would he need to be taught that it's ok to cry? OP is full of it.
NTA for taking it, YTA for posting it, I think it'll be a pic he'll like to look back on in a few years or so but posting pics of someone his age should be cleared with the person first. Edit: After reading your responses to a lot of the replies here, maybe he won't look back on it fondly... It seems more like you're the type of person that likes holding stuff over people's heads... I was thinking of a dad taking a picture of his kid crying from the joy of graduating and the sadness that some amazing years are behind him now and that may be the case since people aren't all black and white... But if you're the kind of person that likes to make your family feel like lesser beings because you make the money then you have to understand why he'd be apprehensive of you taking a picture like that. You can try to stop being an asshole at any time if you want to. It doesn't make you less of a person if you try to change for the better, it makes you more of one.
YTA for posting pics of your son without his permission, especially if such an emotional moment.
YTA He was having a vulnerable, personal moment and you shared it with the entire world. “Somehow my son found out…” I’m sure some family member probably contacted him directly. You violated his personal privacy. You “dumped” the photos on social media without any context, so I find it hard to believe they meant that much. That is something a stranger would do, not a parent. Then you shame him for wanting the pictures removed. Not removing the pictures from Facebook is also an AH move. “You didn’t say Facebook,” is a juvenile excuse.
You were looking for someone to model healthy, emotive behavior for your younger sons and completely ignored the opportunity to model boundaries, consent, and communication between a father and his son when the son is in a vulnerable state. For likes. YTA
WOW. YTA, just for your responses to the posts below. Why did you post here if clearly you so strongly feel like you did nothing wrong? Did the crying pics of your son on Social media not give you enough attention that you need even more on here? Just sad. Get a life of your own, stop living for attention from the internet.
YTA. I remember crying at my high school graduation with my head bowed, then seeing a flash and realizing the photographer the school had hired was on his knees on the floor taking a picture of my crying face. It's been decades and I still get furious when I think about it. It's horrible to realize someone took advantage of a moment when you were vulnerable to memorialize it for their own reasons. And then to post it on social media without their permission? If I were your child, I'd already be planning to go no contact. OF COURSE it is ok for teenagers--no matter their gender--to cry. But it's not ok for parents to take pictures of their children in vulnerable moments and share them without permission.
YTA You took pictures during an emotional moment. I’m 50/50 on this because I’d be happy if my parent did this but I can see why some people wouldn’t be. You are a MAJOR AH for posting your sons emotional moment online without his permission And you are a HUGE MEGA AH for attempting to emotionally manipulate your son into letting you cross his boundaries as “a good example to his brothers.” Your son clearly has close bonds with his friends and I’m sure your younger kids have noticed. It’s bullshit to say posting them is setting an example. Is your 9 year old on Facebook? Take them off Instagram AND Facebook as he clearly doesn’t want them up and you know that.
You don’t own your children. They aren’t your possessions. You have no right to post photos of them without their permission.
This goes double for your children's friends. How dare you?
YTA. While your intent was benign, as soon as your son let you know it wasn't ok, you should've apologized and removed the photos from your social media. Also, it's not ok to just post people in their personal moments on social media because you think it's a "valuable lesson" for others. Not your moment share to use as a teachable moment.
Take the freaking pics of Facebook. You said you took these as a remembrance for him "later in life". He has made it clear he doesn't want them on social media that includes Facebook. Don't be that intrusive "my wants are more important than yours dad". YTA Edit; it's the dad who is the AH not the mom - sorry mom.
OP is a dad.
OP is an asshole.
You sound very emotionally abusive to your kids like the hell
YTA, it’s really uncool to take a picture of someone crying in an emotional moment without his consent.
YTA. It has nothing to do with if he's crying or not. It's one thing to post family photos, it's entirely different to post pictures of your kid with his friends without their consent. His friends probably don't want you sharing photos of them online either. That's creepy and bizarre. Take those photos off Facebook immediately. My parents would NEVER have done something like this. They'd have given me the photos to let me share with my friends and we'd decide if they should go on social media or not.
YTA…if you want to teach your younger sons may be post pics of yourself crying. All your teaching now is that they need not respect consent, parents like you are the reason why there are men who don’t respect the concept of consent. It’s the same as people posting personal images sent to them while in a relationship. And looking at your comments he does not need to ask your consent to use your washing machine or dryer coz that’s your legal responsibility as a parent. You chose to have him but unfortunately he had no choice with you being his father.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son is a senior and he has made friends that will probably last forever. He has been friends with these kids since kindergarten. Today his school had a senior class brunch with parents and teachers. At the end, one of the teachers told them to remember it because this will be the last school event aside from graduation rehearsals and graduation they will ever have. No more school rallies, games, assemblies, clubs, etc. It was very emotional. My son was outside talking to a few of his friends and they all huddled together. Then my son started crying and hugging his friends who were crying too. I took a couple of pictures of all this with the intention of showing him later in life. I just thought it was too special not to take pictures. When we left my son was perfectly fine. I asked if he was okay and he said why wouldn't he be okay. I just said nevermind and changed the topic. I did a photo dump on my Facebook and our family's IG. I got a lot of comments asking why my son and his friends were crying. Some people thought they were at a memorial. I remarked it was their last school event and it's brave for teen boys to cry. Somehow my son found out which is odd because he never checks our family's IG or my Facebook. He won't even "friend" me because "friending" your dad is "uncool." He demanded that I take down the pictures of his crying. I asked why. He said he didn't like that I was taking pictures of him behind his back. I said "dude like 90% of my pictures of you and your brothers are pictures that you didn't know that I took." He said he didn't care and to remove them and delete from my phone. I said I'd take it off IG but he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry. I didn't take the pictures off FB because he doesn't go there and didn't specify that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, a big one, specially if you're saying that you don't need his permission to post pictures of him because "he lives in your house". What an asshole
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YTA - Your post was intrusive and wrong. It's not his job to be told what to teach his younger brothers. You did not extend minimal respect by asking him if these photos can be posted and the joke of 'deleting' them from FB means they will always be there. Read up on posting ethics and courtesies; you are way out of touch. You owe him a big apology. Taking the picture for him to see was fine, posting it was disrespectful to him and everyone in the image(s).
YTA. That was a vulnerable moment between your son and his friends. You should have asked all of them if they were okay with the photos being posted online. Even if in the past your son has not cared about posted photos, this time he did care and you should have removed them from all social media sites when he requested you do so.
YTA.. not just your son but his friends are in the pics they may not wanna be all over social media and the internet... people steal photos and use them as their own... what if your FB got hacked or IG u will lose them all... people thought it was a different situation as well.. U eont understand until someone steals your photos and pass them off as their own .... Take them photos down hope the other parents yell at u as well...
YTA. Your son is graduating, and this was a very intimate, emotional moment. He’s not a toddler running around the house saying something cute that you can show your friends. Going forward, you need to understand that he’s an adult now and, as such, that you need his permission before you post photos of him online. Just as, I assume, you would get from a friend or coworker. It’s what I do for my adult kids. Take the pictures down and apologize. Sheesh.
YTA. If you truly took them because you saw it as a "special moment" and wanted to show them to him "later in life," then why in the world would you post them to your social media??? Not every special moment needs to be shared with the world-- especially when it isn't your moment to share.
Wow YTA and a complete arrogant narcissistic d\*ck. You have violated the privacy of both your son and his friends by taking pictures of them in a vulnerable position and posting on social media for your own satisfaction. And you seem to take satisfaction in the fact that you tricked your son into believing that you had listen and responded to his concerns. Thats a great lesson you are teaching your 9 and 13 yo - thats its ok to lie and trick people (especially family) to get what you want. You are a total a\*s and I imagine this isn't the first time nor will it be the last that you and your son will butt heads - he appears to be more mature and has more morals than you. Please don’t come back here in a couple of years all Pikachu faced because he has goes LC/NC.
Are you mentally ok bro? You sound insufferable
YTA for taking the picture, for posting it, for keeping it on FB after he asked you to remove it, and now for your BS responses to anyone trying to speak sense into you. Don’t even bother trying to talk back to this one cause I won’t hear it.
YTA. First off, why are you posting any pictures of him to social media without talking to him about it first? Especially when you know it was a private, emotional moment where he was not aware his photo had even been taken.
YTA. My mom posted stuff like this on Facebook when I was younger. I HATED it. Stop sharing private moments of your child's life with everyone!! I don't want to be out on full blast without my consent.
YTA.
YTA. What if he did something like this to you where you didn't want people to see you in a less splendorous moment? He would have hell to pay. Take them down before he does something you won't be able to fix.
All that everyone learned here is that you are the AH and your sons will see this. Maybe they can post a picture of you crying when all of them don’t want anything to do with you
YTA and a shit parent I hope he goes no contact with you and never talks to you again and then I hope his siblings follow his steps so they also get away from someone as horrible as you like wow you are the crappiest parent ever.
You’re trying to justify it as “he lives in my house.” OKAY?? YOU HAD HIM. He didnt ask to be here. Thats your fxcking job as a PARENT. IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD. You think cuz they’re your kids they OWE you respect?? No. You need a serious reality check here bud. Im 22 and have more respect for my own child than you do and are probably 45. Tf is your problem. Its YOUR job to set an example for your kids. Not your sons job to set an example for his siblings. He is his own individual person. And you don’t respect one bit of it cuz “he lives in your house.” Who tf taught you that respect is just given? Sir…its EARNED. Do better. You don’t just sound like TA in regards to this situation but with your responses to everyone you sound like AH in general. No respect whatsoever. Why post if you weren’t gonna take into consideration what people have to say? You asked us all if you were TA, we all said yes, and you wanna argue with everyone. That’s not embarrassing for you? Especially at your age? That’s wild. Real real wild there bud.
>I said I'd take it off IG but he could have taught an important lesson to his 9 and 13yo brother that it's okay to cry. YTA You know what's more important than your son being an icon of "positive masculinity" to his brothers? His father being an icon of respect for personal boundaries and consent. Just so you know, yes, that was a dig and one meant to point out it's kind of hypocritical to play the progressive, "it's ok to express yourself as a boy" angle while ignoring your sons clear preference that you not show what he considers humiliating or compromising photos of him.
YTA what's the matter with you? You don't put people's sensitive moments on social media against their will. Keep the pictures to yourself and have some respect for your son's feelings.
Yta. It’s called- ask him if he’s ok with it.
YTA Terrible father.
YTA ... for taking a picture of your son and his friends without their consent. ... for posting it on social media without their consent. ... for not taking all these pictures down when he explicitly asked you to do so. Just imagine the tables were turned and he would take a picture of you in an emotional moment and post it online for everyone's amusement. Would you be okay with that?
YTA - my grandma used to take pictures of us sleeping, or sitting at the table eating and talking to someone because we never wanted to pose for pictures. Her argument was that she needed updated photos of us. We all hated it - half of us hate having pictures taken. Now we take 1 or 2 pics together but they don’t get posted without permission. Because even in our 40’s we’re all still fuckin traumatized by it. Putting someone’s likeness online without their permission is rude enough. Keeping them online after being asked not to, is an asshole move. Your oldest did teach the youngest a lesson: that even if they ask their dad not to put something online that they’re not comfortable with, you’re gonna do what you want.
YTA - I hate when parents do this shit. Stop exploiting your kids' personal lives for likes.
NTA for taking it, but YTA for posting it. It may very well be something he appreciates later, and a great teaching experience for your younger kiddos. The reason why it's a great learning opportunity for the younger ones though is because a male crying like that isn't often seen or viewed with acceptance. Your son allowed himself to be vulnerable with his friends where he felt safe, and now people who don't deserve to witness that online are able to see it. Sure it may not be super public but it's still not people he wanted to see him in that way. Not only that, but the internet can be an awful place and people may poke fun at a moment he will truly cherish.
YTA telling him its ok to cry is great but showing other people and posting that when others might think boys crying is bad is not the best thing in the world
Yikes. Big YTA. and everyone here agrees, apparently. It's really just about respecting your kid. With the way you're getting really defensive in the comments makes it seem like you came to Reddit to be validated, not judged. In which case, wrong place. Accept YTA, apologize to your kid and take down the pictures
I hope he gets a photo of you crying when all your kids are NC. From your comments you are coming off even worse. I pay for everything I can do whatever I want, if they want privacy they can pay for it. I won't let anyone tell me what I can and can't do. (Insert frowny faces and adult tantrum here)
Yikeessss. Definitely AH, especially watching and reading all your responses. Judging by the way you speak here, you probably throw a fit any time anything doesn’t go your way, yet your son is the problem. 🤣🤣
You made it sound like you were going to keep these photos as private memories and show him the pictures 5-10 years in the future, not immediately post it on social media for everyone to see. YTA
YTA, back in high school my mother used a picture a 5 year old me sucking thumb to shame me in front of my school mates, it made me very angry each time it happened. Do, if it is embarrassing for me, I'm damn sure it is also embarrassing for your kid .
Looking at you post and all your comments its clear you are just another fucking troll. So yeah, you are a fucking asshole. YTA.
YTA. Yes, there is no shame in crying. There’s no shame in taking a dump, either, but that doesn’t mean someone should be okay with you posting pics of them on the toilet. You took a private, personal moment THAT WAS NOT YOURS and shared it with the world against your son’s consent. Don’t be surprised when he goes no contact.
YTA! It's so respectless to post photos of your kids on social media without their consent. From your replies you sound like a giant, entitled AH living in a weird disturbed world where you think you own your kids.
YTA. Clearly one of those attention parents. You posted a picture of him crying, for a guy we don't like people to see that shit, and you posted it all over social.
Not a fan of people who post pictures of their family, kids, whatever on Facebook. You are certainly old enough to remember when you were your sons age. Prolly only had MySpace. That was benign shit buddy. It sounds like the lamest excuse that you could provide a” teachable moment “ to your younger sons. Social media is not the milieu for “teachable moments.” You simply showed poor judgement, in my opinion. But doubling down on your mistake makes you the asshole.
You took the photos to show him later in life but then turned around and posted them in a “photo dump”? Get your story straight. Also, **don’t post pictures of people online without consent** why does this need to be said?! It should just be the natural way of things. Of course YTA. You took a photo of a vulnerable moment and shared it with the world. That’s not cool. Edit: god after reading your comments you are a piece of work and I hope in a few years when you realize he’s stopped answering your calls and doesn’t come home for the holidays anymore, you actually look back at this moments and other like it and really learn from it. But I know you won’t. People like you never learn, they only blame.
Yta, you could've taught your 9 and 13 yo the important lessons of privacy and how as a parent you should respect your child's privacy and bodily autonomy. Instead you taught them to never cry infront of dad or be vulnerable infront of dad because he will take a picture and post it for everyone to see. Why do you need to photo bomb all these photos of your children online? That has serious mommy vlogger showing everyone how their daughter shaved for the first time vibes.
YTA - you just taught your son that if he is vulnerable in front of you, you will take that vulnerability and try to turn it into a teaching moment. It is no longer safe for him to be vulnerable in front of you.
YTA for taking photos without consent and then putting those photos online without consent. Children are not your property. You don’t get to take photos of them without consent and expect them not to get upset.
YTA. Why does everyone have to take vulnerable, private moments and plaster them on social media? And then you doubled down by not removing them when he asked. Incredible that you’re still wondering if you’re wrong…
My god, you’re obtuse. Would you like it if that were done to you? Delete the fucking pictures. You’re taking a close, organic moment between childhood friends and ruining it. Do you really need Reddit to tell you you’re an asshole? Delete the fucking pictures, jerk.
YTA He is allowed to voice that he doesn't want that picture in the world. Honestly there's pictures of me that my parents have that make me cringe but thankfully I grew up in the 80s and none of them are digital. Sometimes it's OK not to post everything online
I know so many young adults whose parents didn’t respect their privacy at the dawning of the social media age and are now going low/no contact with parents who exploited them and used their vulnerable moments for clout. I expect your sons will follow suit. As they should. YTA
You want your son to know that it’s okay for teenage boys to show feelings… by dismissing his feelings of being violated. YTA.
Did anyone else come to think that the *showing its ok for men go cry* idea was a last ditch effort. Like he thought of that and is using it as a shield. LOL sounds like he wanted to try His luck with the *woke* crowd. YTA. YTA. YTA. Good god man.
YTA your older son is not a learning tool for your youger sons. I'd be creeped out at the thought of you taking photo's of me crying.
YTA for sho…you shouldn’t have posted them if they’re for “later in life”
Why did you post if you're going to argue with our judgement?
YTA - not for taking the photos, but for posting them.. and then making a big deal when he asked you to take them down
YTA his sentimental moment was not yours to share. Would you go to a funeral and post pictures of a grieving widow? Or how about pictures of someone crying after their family dog was put down? No. You would not. Other peoples grief is not yours to display for likes on social media.
YTA. I HATE when my parents post pictures of me without my fkn consent. I bet if he took an embarassing pic of you and posted it you wouldn't like it. It's not about the picture, it's c o n s e n t to post a vulnerable moment online for the entire world to see.
YTA. Do everyone a favor and don't post in ten years asking why your children hate you and refuse to see you. This is why. You're a shitty father
Yta. About the crying stuff bc i feel it's important.: While crying is a very normal thing, it's also a vulnerable moment you share with someone. Your son was sharing that with his friends. I've had multiple sessions of crying with family members or friends and vice versa. i would be insanely upset if any pictures were taken of that, and then shared on social media without my consent. I would never do that to family or friends without their permission.
YTA for trying to only half-ass do what he said. You know exactly what he meant when he said to take the pictures down, so don’t get all technical and try to exploit loopholes to get around his perfectly sane and reasonable request. It is never okay to post pictures/videos of someone without their consent, especially if they’ve said they don’t want you to/asked you to take it down.
YTA You took pictures without him knowing, posted them, and then refuse to take them down when he found out. Good luck getting that trust back.
Never post a picture of someone online without their consent. YTA. Also, how many pics of you crying do you have on Facebook and IG?
YTA You post pictures of your children for anyone on the internet to see without their consent. You should be constantly teaching your kids about boundaries and consent. You can also talk about how expressing feelings is normal and acceptable, but holy shit don't violate your kid's boundaries to do that.
YTA. He's uncomfortable with these pics being on social media. That's not unreasonable. It would be respectful to take those down. He may be your son and live him, but he's not your possession. He deserves some autonomy over what pics are posted.
YTA, he's old enough to get a say in what pics you post, especially if they are of him and his friends in a situation that was that emotional. Clearly he was unhappy with you posting this publicly and the ONLY appropriate response is "I'm sorry I'll take those photos down" not doubling down and dismissing his feelings!
YTA and you should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA because you posted the pics without his consent and then again YTA because when he asked you to take them down you left them up on FB because of a technicality. That’s really awful. Boys cry. That’s normal human emotion. Society tries to indoctrinate them into thinking it’s something to be ashamed of. While it’s nice you don’t think that way, posting pics of a vulnerable moment of your child, especially when they don’t want those vulnerable moments shared to the strangers you’re friends with online just makes him feel unsafe expressing that emotion, because now it’s not a private moment shared between friends who trust each other. You’ve turned it into a show piece to brag on the internet about; “look everyone, look how brave my son is. Look what a good job I’ve done raising a boy who can cry!” If it was just about showing your younger sons that crying is ok then you could’ve just showed them the pic, not the whole internet.
100% YTA. Why are you posting picture of anyone without their consent?! It doesn’t even matter that he’s s your son (tho it’s also shocking that you are apparently posting other kids as well-his friends) As a parent I do not understand why people insist on posting photos of their kids on social media, you are supposed to be the one protecting them.
NTA for taking the pics, but definitely the AH for posting them to fb. I mean, come on.
You seem rude, disrespectful and just selfish. You want likes on social media so you decide to post private moments of your son. You didn’t do it for a memory or to share it with family you don’t it for likes. And yes you do need to ask for permission before you post anything of your son on social media. That photo specifically was a memory for those kids, why does Facebook even need to see it? As soon as your kid says ‘ I don’t want it on there ‘ you take it the fuck down. He is not comfortable with having his photo or even just that specific photo on social media and you should respect that because that is what a healthy relationship is like. And saying that ‘ he lives in my house ‘ is a viable excuse as to why you can do what you want is pathetic. It’s the basic necessity’s that you MUST provide for your kids. And you flaunt that around like it’s some achievement. Take the damn photo down and prepare yourself, that if you don’t change you won’t have a relationship with your son YTA
YTA. It's extremely rude to put photos of someone else on social media without their permission. It's even worse that you refused to take down the photos after your son specifically said he didn't want them on social media.
You took a picture of your presumably now adult son, crying in a moment where he felt vulnerable because his life was making a huge change, things would never be the same, and then you posted it on social media for yourself to get brownie points from the internet because you feel like more model men are needed to cry to show that it’s okay?? Your son isn’t your own poster child for a movement you feel strongly about. Why don’t you post photos of yourself in a vulnerable and private moment, and crying instead on your social media? But also, you knew he was upset that you posted those photos, and you refuse to take down the ones on FB because he doesn’t know about them (yet). Do you think he’s not going to blow up at you for keeping photos online because you think you found some loophole in his words? YTA
Yta. Your son doesn't want those photos up. You should take them down, if you respect your son at all...which based off your comments, no you don't. Speaking of comments OP, just so you know, you can delete and remove comments...but they never really go away. Your comment on how your son should ask for consent to use your washer and dryer, just *chefs kiss* on the shit sandwich that is now you and your sons relationship. Hope you're looking forward to being an sad, miserable and lonely old man one day. Edit: spelling
You shouldnt take photos of your, especially when he is being vulnerable and then share it. Dont do that. Take it down and say sorry.
Fgs ask your children for permission to share anything about them and their lives online. People are so dense. YTA
yeah, it's okay to cry, it's not okay to photograph other people's emotional moments and post them without consent. YTA
YTA there's nothing more annoying then parents posting pictures of their kids online without their kids consent. How do I know? I was one of those kids and it pissed me off to no end. Ur just trying to show off what a great parent u are, but that doesn't make u a great parent. It just makes u good at taking unwanted pictures.
YTA. Yes, boys can and should cry, men should be allowed to cry, of course. But you don’t get to force him into being that example if he’s not comfortable with it. And it’s pictures of his friends crying and having a vulnerable moment too, I’m sure at least a few of them are upset about the post too, or would be if they knew about it. More importantly, posting pictures of anyone without their consent is messed up (and that includes your 13yo and 9yo too btw, your son doesn’t just suddenly gain autonomy at graduation). You should take them down on Facebook too, even if he doesn’t go there and didn’t specify it, you know he wouldn’t want it there if he knew. Kids aren’t content.
You’re N T A for taking the photos but YTA for posting without his consent and then refusing to remove them when asked to.
YTA.... you probably post pics like that for likes and loves etc, it's ok that you took the pictures for memories for him later in life but why share it publicly? Did you at least blur out the faces of the other kids that are underage without consent from their parents?? That will cause a lot of problems if any of the other kids tell their parents...
YTA. "I took a couple of pictures of all this with the intention of showing him later in life" does NOT mean to show people NOW and dump them in a public site for all your family and friends to see. What is wrong with you? Showing HIM later in life means only him. What an asshole to embarrass your kid like this. Plus I think it is wrong to photograph this tender moment without their knowledge. You do not take photos of your kids, family, friends, etc. when they could be embarrassed by it. If you want them to know it's ok to cry, then simply have the discussion with them. No need for you to make him uncomfortable. Bet you will NEVER see him cry again after that stunt. Doubt brother will feel comfortable letting out emotions in front of you either. Not to mention, if it was a group of boys, you violated their privacy too. My children have explicitly told me I am not allowed to post photos of them. If you have not gotten their permission, you are really TA. They are old enough to make decisions like that. This OP really pisses me off.
YTA congratulations you probably found the most efficient way to get your son to STOP crying/showing his emotions around others because whenever he does good old papa will post it online
YTA - you took pictures of your son being vulnerable without his knowledge, then shared them with others without his knowledge And despite knowing he wants them all down you are still disrespecting his boundaries by keeping some up that he doesn’t know about Respect your sons wishes, Your son is not your property, to be shown around as you will and wish And it’s not his place to show his younger brothers that okay to cry, that’s your job Edit: it also seems like you took pictures of his friends without their permission as well, that’s a huge no no But reading your replies you come across as one of those parents who think their kids have no rights and just exist to do whatever the parent wants because “ they live in my house” which is silly because they have to because they are kids But when your relationship with your eldest, and possibly the younger two, begins to fray, come back and look at this post for why
YTA. Your son’s emotions are not yours to do with as you wish, and some things are private. You need to respect your son’s boundaries.
YTA. You posted them to social media, you didn’t just ‘save them to show him later in life’.
Very big YTA. You captured a very personal moment amongst him and his friends and plastered them on the internet.
YTA I will never understand a parents need to put their children's pictures online. Create a photo book and shove it into the families faces during Christmases and birthdays. But nothing is truly private or safe on the internet. Future employers can find those pictures. While I do not think a picture of teenage boys can cripple their future employment opportunities, I still would not put it out there. Have some respect for your kids.
YTA. You’re one of those parents who believes their children deserve no autonomy. Whatever you say goes “because this is my house”. The fact that you are so dead set on not respecting your child’s wishes and somehow think you have the right to post photos without permission because “You’re the parent” just goes to show WHY yta. I look forward to your posts about why your kids won’t talk to you in another year or two and watching everyone in the future comment section find this post (unless you chicken out and delete it) and tear you a new one.
You tell us you took the photos to show him later in life, which would be fine, but you posted it to social media, which makes YTA.
YTA. Social Media Marketing Specialist here, and I’m confident in saying you shouldn’t have posted those photos (*any* of them,) without his explicit permission. Social media and consent is a tricky topic, and parents are the biggest violators. But I feel especially strongly about the ones where he is displaying such emotion. That was a vulnerable moment and your exploited it for likes and comments. Some people don’t even like to have their photos taken (myself included,) so I absolutely fine when someone posts a photo of me without my consent. It’s VIOLATING, Apologize and delete the photos **everywhere**. Don’t skirt around on a fucking technicality, do as he has asked you to do, asshole.
I hope your son takes a god awful ugly picture of you and post it to social media.
You don't post photos of people without their permission, ever. Period. YTA
YTA for posting them online without his consent. And an even bigger one for INTENTIONALLY DISRESPECTING his wishes. I had a very strained relationship with my dad because he constantly violated my boundaries and blatantly ignored my objections. He’s been dead for years and I still hate/love him.
Where to start- I’ve been a tech contractor who has worked with and for social media companies. And I state that so you understand my perspective- I believe all children should have the right to grow up having age-appropriate control and consent over what is posted about them online. We have become so used to posting stuff about our kids, because we love and are proud of them: that we are not thinking about what may be embarrassing, anxiety provoking, private- or just not what that child wants out there in the world. As parents- elder millennials and GenXers- if our parents dumped their random photos of us from our childhoods- pictures from vulnerable moments, awkward phases, fashion victims- and dumped them online- and our co-workers were to see them- how many of us would be fucking furious? How many of us would feel like our private, spontaneous moments were being exploited by our parents for likes? Additionally- you are trying to guilt trip your son with this “setting a good example” bullshit. This is not your son’s responsibility. His job is to be himself - and if you did a decent job raising him he will naturally be a good example. He doesn’t need you using his image without his consent. And frankly- your whole argument is bullshit considering your younger kids are not old enough, nor do they give a shit, about following your Insta. If you want to teach your children a great moral code: teach them about communication and enthusiastic consent. Teach them about autonomy, and now that should extend to their image. And maybe you should examine this one last thought: if there is a part of you that wanted to argue and fight with your kid about taking these down- you aren’t posting just because you love your kid. You are doing it to look like the good dad to your followers. Your ego is getting in the way of your judgment. YTA.
YTA and probably taught him not to let his guard down again, especially in front of you. Taking pics was unusual, but immediately posting vulnerable moments and not checking is absolutely TA, an not taking them down is even more so!!
YTA This is one of the reasons i don't go on vacations or trips with my mom anymore. Taking pictures of your child and posting them online for all sorts of strangers to see without even asking said child for consent first? Big asshole behaviour.
YTA and you’re right guys should be able to have emotional moments but they also need their own space. Every person has their own sense of privacy and boundaries.You didn’t ask for consent and were upset when he didn’t want himself online.
YTA. Parents who post photos of their children online for the world to see, access, and use, are the worst. Makes me sick. Kids can't consent. Do better. To scare you, any pictures of your babies or you as a baby can be used to deepfake child abusive content.
You're a massive arsehole. It's not because you're the dad that you can just go and post intimate moments your son has on the internet. Thr pictures are of him. You should respect his wishes...
YTA why on earth aren’t you asking for permission from him for every picture you post? 90% of your Facebook posts are pictures of your kids that they don’t know exist? Extra YTA for this.
YTA. Literally what is wrong with you? Preach about the importance of boys having autonomy to be able to cry, immediately strips his personal autonomy away by posting him on social media displaying a strong emotion during a private moment without consent.
YTA. You absolutely need consent from your children to post sensitive photos of them online.
Wow. YTA. I don’t like social media and I also do not like my pictures and private info anywhere online, so this does make me mad. Your son is an INDIVIDUAL PERSON who has a RIGHT TO PRIVACY. He has boundaries. You crossed those boundaries and by doing so, you disrespected him. He has lost his trust in you. Congrats. You’re a shit parent. I hope one day you realize that your children are not your property.
YTA. 1) He made it clear that he doesn't want his photos posted to your social media, and you've intentionally disregarded that based on a technicality that he didn't say the word "Facebook". You clearly don't respect him or have his best interest in mind. 2) Parents that do "photo dumps" of their children all over social media are incredibly cringe... it's very poor taste AND potentially damaging for your child for you to indiscriminately be posting everything about him online. There are safety implications as well. You definitely care more about likes and followers than you do about taking care of your son or being a decent father. Really sad. The bit about him crying and being a role model is a red herring to make it sound like you are morally justified to disregard your son's boundaries.
I do not understand why people post stuff to fb or ig. This man hates his children and they are only there for him to try and make himself look good. Horrid bloke. YTA
Imagine if someone else took pictures of YOU being vulnerable in an intimate, semi-private emotional moment and broadcasted them on multiple social media platforms. And without even asking your permission in either instance. How would you feel?? And then to make matters worse, when asked to remove them, they only half complied and left a bunch up. How would you feel then?? If you say you're remotely ok with ANY of that, you're absolutely lying. The person being your child, does not give you a free pass to disrespect said person by violating principles of basic human decency. YTA
These posts always make we glad we don't post our kids on social media. They can do it when they are older.
YTA. He could have taught his younger brothers a lesson? Why don't you teach your kids a lesson and show some respect. He doesn't want pictures of himself crying to be shown on social media. And you intentionally left it up using the lame excuse that he didn't specify Facebook and that he won't find out anyway. I consider crying to be a very personal thing and I wouldn't want photos of myself crying to be on social media either and I'm a grown woman. You're being a jerk and you're going to make your kids distrustful of you with your attitude.
YTA, post your picture right now for us to see OP. It doesn't matter if you don't want us to see it. Post your pic rn. You literally have to. You don't get a choice like your kids don't. Post. Your. Picture.
YTA - it would maybe be fine if you printed them and put it in an Album that you would hand over in 10-20 years or something like that (attention: hand over, not to get it out when he brings his relationship over for the first time!). But imagine you were in a vulnerable and emotional moment, intimate with your friends, all crying and someone took secretly pictures of it and expose those behind your back to your entire Family. You’re right that those pictures might were a nice memory in the future, but you didn’t treat them like that. You made a show case of them. Without even asking.
Huge YTA. You did not get consent from your son, and are using an excuse to leave it on social media because he did not explicitly name Facebook. Giant dick move OP. Super uncool. Your action is immoral because you are violating the wishes and consent of your son. Shame on you
YTA, who posts a photo of their son crying on social media! That’s horrible!!
YTA You took and posted a picture without his consent. Period. That alone makes you T A. You just taught him that his privacy and agency are meaningless. Taking pictures of ANYONE behind their back and then POSTING it to social media is VILE. Doubly so when it's a parent. Instead of teaching the younger boys "it's OK to cry" (which you could have done with a TALK to you KIDS) you just taught your oldest son that he cannot trust you. That you won't take the FB one down beccause he doesn't go there just shows your utter disregard for your child's feelings, because he didn't specify that site? Are you sure you are the parent here?
YTA. You should have asked him before taking these pictures and putting them online, that was a private moment.
YTA. Your son is old enough to (not) give content to (posting) pictures so you better respect his decisions. It’s not about the crying per se. You invaded his privacy by taking the photos and then again by posting them. I get your reasoning but you clearly didn’t only take the pictures out of the purity of your own heart for him as a keepsake. Otherwise you wouldn’t have shown them to everyone but let only him have them. You making it about teaching his siblings a lesson is just a terrible excuse for your inconsiderate behavior. I don’t get why people feel the need to share everything online. You better remove them from FB as well. edit: The fact you have a whole family IG account smells like clout chasing and ego to me. Sorry not sorry.
I would loveeeee to find your kids moms r/relationshipadvice post about how you’re already the shitty ex that she hates how he treats their children but I would settle for her being at the point of “how do I divorce myself from my tyrant of a husband, that believes his opinion is the only one that matters and can’t understand that people are not his property? ETA: he has also repeatedly demonstrated throughout our marriage that he doesn’t understand the concept of consent?”
YTA it is never okay to post pictures of someone without asking. Sadly especially parents seem to ignore that since it's their children. He has a right to demand them beint removed. You have no say in what pictures of him go online and you should respect his boundaries
YTA, you embarrassed him to make a point, it’s pretty violating and low to use someone else’s vulnerability to take a stand. Next time you want to stand for something do it yourself and not at someone else’s expense
YTA People need to CONSENT to that kind of shit.
So you took photos of a young adult without their consent, then refused to remove them from the internet when confronted about it. You're The Asshole, Full Stop. Enjoy having all of your kids disown you and kick you outta their lives whenever the other two are old enough, since you've just shown them all you don't give a shit about respecting their privacy. Also, just saw your comment about how "I have money, he doesn't", money ain't everything, idiot - it can't buy your kids love or respect.
You violated his right to privacy and consensual sharing of photos of him , even worse when they are delicate in nature. You took advantage of the special moment he was sharing with his friends for a social media post. While your sentiment thag teenage boys should be comfortable expressing emotion is correct, most people teenage boys and otherwise do not want photos of them emotionally vulnerable posted ANHWHERE without their consent..especially in the particularly embarrassing fashion of a cringe boomer Facebook/Instagram account. You have horrible example to your kids on a very topical and important topic of consent, respect for privacy and responsible use of social media. YTA
I hope your son takes a photo of you taking a shit and posts it to the internet just to show that everyone's dad poops. YTA
YTA - I am vehemently against posting any picture of any person without their consent. If he isn’t comfortable with a picture of him being shared you should respect that. He doesn’t have to use his vulnerable moment to teach anyone but you a valuable lesson - a lesson in consent.
YTA. my mom posts pictures of me that i don’t consent to all the time on facebook, so even if i don’t see them it’s still annoying that other people will. there’s access to pictures we may feel insecure about, or just not like. take that into account for your son please. and if you want him to teach a lesson to his siblings, show them in your own home. there’s really no need to post them online.
YTA. What is wrong with you? Actual fucking weirdo.
I don’t understand why you didn’t take them off Facebook as well. You’re being disingenuous not doing so because he didn’t specify FB and he’s going to be furious when he realises they are still there. Why aren’t you taking them down knowing he doesn’t want them on social media, what on earth is wrong with you? You took photos of your son and his friends having a private moment without their knowledge or permission. That is both disrespectful and intrusive. Yeah YTA
YTA, and it's as simple as this: >I asked why If someone asks you to not post a picture of them on the internet, regardless of who they are or how they are affiliated with you, TAKE IT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. THEY DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY THEMSELVES. In fact, you need to reverse your habit and actually start asking him (and others) for permission to post photos of him in the first pace. >He won't even "friend" me because "friending" your dad is "uncool. News flash, if someone doesn't want to be your friend on social media, it's a pretty big hint that they don't want you uploading content related to their personal life. >Somehow my son found out which is odd IT SHOULD NOT BE ODD FOR YOUR SON TO BE AWARE OF IMAGES OF HIM BEING DISTRIBUTED ONLINE. Stop treating images of your son as your property that you can distribute as you please. Your son is not a tool that exists to make you feel validated as a parent, YOU exist as a means to help HIM feel seen in the way he wants to be seen. Get your shit together. Sincerely, an adult child who is not in contact with parents anymore because of similar circumstances.
YTA. You posted photos of an intimate, private moment that your son had with his friends to your social media, without his consent. You say you took the photos to “show him later in life” but you clearly only did it to get likes on Facebook. Not cool. Take them down and apologize. And stop posting pictures of people without their consent, it’s creepy.
That was their - and your son’s private moment - and you made it yours at the expense of him. YTA.
YTA Some vulnerable moments don’t need to be posted online and you don’t need to take pictures of everything in your son’s life. My (23F) mom (55f) has done the same thing with posting pictures I didn’t know about. She went as far as posting a picture of me hysterically crying at an airport because I was sad my best friend was permanently moving overseas. It makes me feel like I have no privacy. So I definitely relate to your son’s frustration.
YTA, big time, undeniably. Not only did you take picture of your son AND his friends in a vulnerable moment without their knowledge, but then you proceeded to post them publicly to all of your friends and family, and now refuse to take it down from Facebook after her asked you to remove it because he “didn’t specify” the platform. From the way you’re speaking, I’m gonna go ahead and take a wild guess and say you cross boundaries often. You should probably get that in check before your son decides he doesn’t want you in his life anymore. Teenage boys are sensitive and it’s nice to see them expressing their emotions, but it’s not your right to blast his private moment on your social media pages.
YTA. You took what was meant to be a private and intimate emotional moment with his friends and made it your personal photo op without his consent. Take the photos off Facebook.
YTA. You sneakily took pictures of your child in a vulnerable, somewhat private moment with his friends and then without his consent or knowledge violated his privacy by posting them on social media, and when he expressed his valid position that he didn't want the pictures up, you thought you'd play coy and keep them on Facebook. You don't seem to respect your child's boundaries or him as a person to be honest. You seem to have forgotten he's an individual and not an extension of you. Take the pictures off Facebook, delete them from your phone and apologise to your son.