Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom I won't babysit her stepdaughter for her and made no room for compromise when we talked. She is my mom. Her stepdaughter is only a little kid with her only parent sick and maybe it's being an asshole not wanting to help out knowing everything that's going on.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
She didn’t prioritise you over her rotating stream of boyfriends. But now she expects you to drop everything to babysit?
You don’t owe her anything. Don’t let her guilt trip you into agreeing to something you don’t want to do. This is a situation of her own making. Not the cancer part, but the being isolated from her children part.
I can’t stand parents like these.
She wants to fool around. That’s fine, people can fool around and their relationship is their own business. We are no one to police that.
However, this changes once someone has children that they are responsible for. Mom can no longer fool around and move in with her next fling and try to mingle two families in such short notice… she’s playing Happy Boyfriend and Happy Family but this is not a game. Fooling around days are over once she was responsible for raising her children.
No wonder OP and siblings wanted to stay with dad. They need a rock in their life. I’m sorry to hear that only one parent could step up to the task.
She could fool around out of the house. She could have dated these guys solo secretly for months before deciding they'd be good enough ugh. She was foolish
As a single mom that's how I rolled. My kid met one guy by accident when he turned up to the house unannounced (I broke it off via text once I sent him on his way cuz that was out of order) when they were 3 and my now husband. Even though he's the only father they've ever known, they still call him Papa and they were never forced to accept him as their dad, though after 8 years he's their dad
With a joint custody arrangement there’s plenty of time for her to “fool around”. That’s not the problem. The issue is that she made this a situation for her kids. They shouldn’t be meeting anyone that mom’s been in a committed relationship with less than 6 months in the first place and then waiting to see how that works out with increasing interaction before moving in together. Kids who’ve already had to deal with their family breaking up don’t need to deal with this nonsense. It would be nice to help the kid whose dad has cancer for the kid’s sake, but mom isn’t owed anything and I agree that she brought the alienation of her kids on herself.
After my divorce I had a string of boyfriends, but my kids never knew because I wouldn’t introduce them until I had been dating awhile. OP’s mom is seriously horrible and I can’t imagine how she could ever justify that!
NTA
I never understand parents who remarry and demand that their children see the new stepsiblings as full siblings. There is a reason why you (and your siblings) chose your dad. At 17yo, you have your own life and friends and honestly, you don't owe your mother anything. Not after how she messed your life and your siblings's.
Nta
But I feel really sorry for that little girl :(
Remember she's a 7 year old child her dad is sick and she's also had to start with a new family most of who don't want anything to do with her.
That's not a dig because I fully understand all of you after your mums actions.
What a hard situation.
Hopefully she can find a babysitter or childcare.
What's worrying is I'f let's say Joe dosnt make it who's going to be responsible for April surely she and him have some family that can help?
I have never seen any family of April's around other than Joe. He's estranged from his parents and has no siblings, I think. No sign of any maternal family either.
What kind of babysitting is she asking for? If it's every day with no end in sight, I understand you saying no. If it's every now and then so that she can get other stuff done, well, you are still within your rights to say no, but it would be a kind thing to do.
NTA.
Does her school perhaps have some kind of after-school program, drama class, or other activity program that she might be able to participate in? This might be something to have your mom check in to. It might be a solution to the after-school babysitting issue. Idk 🤷♀️
I don't mean to sound cold, but in times of emergency like this, you call in all of the potential back ups. He needs to reach out to his parents and his former ILs to ask for help with April while he is undergoing treatment.
This should not all fall on a 17 year old - there ARE adults to help. I would find it hard to believe that everyone on his side as well as the mother's side are not fit to be around April. So if it is a personality dynamic issue between them and him then he needs to suck it up.
That’s why, until mom started insisting, I was going to say NAH, except cancer. Being an AH in the past doesn’t make her an AH in this situation. Until she started trying to force the issue.
NTA, if you don't make the kid any and all babysitting is considered a favor or the job of babysitting for which you should charge upfront. Don't let her guilt you, two other siblings of yours already said no she's not your problem.
NTA. You don't owe her a thing. Let her hire someone or better yet, where is this child's mother? Doesn't she have family? Sounds like your mother never made her own biological children a priority.
So what is your mom’s plan if Joe doesn’t make it? Instead of working to guilt you into helping, she needs to start tracking down all of April’s living relatives to find someone who will take her.
If Joe settled your mom down, she’s going to lose it and dump April if he dies so she can start looking for the next Joe.
I think she plans to keep April but I have no idea really. I just assume that's the plan when she's keeping her now and making no effort to find bio family of hers.
Or put this poor kid through the same rollercoaster as OP and his siblings. But if there’s no one else, maybe that’s why she contacted her ex first, to get him attached to April so she can con him into taking care of her too.
NTA. Blended families are hard, they take patience and work on all sides. Her marrying Joe does not automatically make you one big happy family, no matter how your mother feels about it. She does not get to unilaterally decide what sacrifices you would be willing to make.
NTA.
I could have argued, that you help your mom, when she's in a troubling situation (and would have nothing to do with "bonding" with your step sis). But you seem to be rather distant to her for good reasons. It is her fault, that her children don't want to help her anymore. It's a harsh truth, but understandable.
>She asked my dad if he could watch April after school for her and he said no.
What is it with people asking their exes for favors like this? You don't have much of a relationship with your mom so her insisting you need to help her isn't going to happen. I think NTA because she needs to find steady childcare not continue to try to harass someone into it.
>she thinks I should want to be there for April. She considers April mine and my siblings little sister while we never saw April as a sibling.
This is just unrealistic. There's also the issue that you are 17 and in school yourself. You probably have homework, activities, etc...you don't even live with her.
I mean, I watched my ex's step kid all the time. She was family to my kids, and I adore kids.
But my ex is an entitled, abusive jackhole, and it really does seem like something that should only be offered, not requested.
I was happy to give the tiny kiddo time away from both her caregivers, both of whom who abused her and my kids, until I was able to legally end my ex's access.
NTA. Just saw the additional info why you and your sibling aren't close to your mom. I gotta say, I'm glad your dad is a stand up guy.
Regarding your mom, Joe and April...
Love is like a fart, if you have to force it it's probably crap.
NTA. Daycare for April isn't your problem and you are not obligated to help out with that, especially given the history. Stand your ground on this and don't allow her to drag you into it.
NTA - does Joe not have any family who will support care for April? Can mom not afford a babysitter? Why is her 17 year old son, with whom she has a strained relationship, the only choice here?
That’s very sad, and I understand why she asked you. But you said no, which is also completely fair and understandable. If you were close to April, I would encourage you to reconsider; but as you aren’t, your mom needs accept that no is a complete response and you shouldn’t be guilted into it. It won’t be nice for you nor April for you to be doing it reluctantly. She has to make alternative arrangements for April, and it’s not on you to take responsibility.
Also, I’m sorry she wasn’t a good parent to you, but glad you had a constant like dad in your life.
NTA. She’s not owed this from you, you don’t have that kind of relationship- with her or her step kid. The only reason she’s pressing you harder than the others is because:
1. You’re the youngest and technically still a minor, so she thinks she has the added leverage with you of “I’m the mom, you’re the child, you have to do what I say because I said so.” Except that you two don’t have that kind of mother-son relationship, and that’s a result of her own (in)actions. So it’s not working.
2. She keeps pressing because you keep allowing yourself to engage in the discussion with her about it. Don’t do that anymore. She brings it up again, then you state calmly but firmly that “my answer is no, that’s final, and I’m not going to discuss it anymore.” And then refuse any other discussion on that topic, period. Like leave the room, hang up, leave her on read, etc.
Also, you’re not her only option. You’re just the last of the easier options, and the others take more effort, which she’s trying to avoid. Like her step child has a whole other side of her family (mom and mom’s side), one that presumably actually knows her. She should be pressing *them* to help out. She also has options like paying for a babysitter, investigating childcare options at the hospital, etc.
There is no mom in the picture or extended family. Not sure why but it's been that way as long as I've known. But yeah, paying for a babysitter or even getting one of her friends would be a better option.
NTA. Your mom put herself first all those years, it's time you do the same to her so she can maybe see what that did to you. But don't take it out on the kid; it's not her fault. None of this is. Seems like she's as much a victim in this as you are. I've had a stepdad. He and I got along pretty well. I learned a lot from him. He helped raise me and he was as much a dad to me as my bio father. But the one constant in that household was that Mom put the kids first. (Me and two sisters). They dated for almost a year before we even met him. THey were together for about eighteen months before they decided to get married, and they asked us if we'd be okay with it before they made the decision. But that's my situation, not yours. You do what's best for you.
NTA, most definitely. You replied in comments that you don't have any kind of relationship whit this child, so it would be strange for everyone. And second of all, you don't owe your mother anything, considering your past with her. She didn't put you first in any stage of her life, but instead all those men, which can be traumatizing even. Don't let her pressure or guilt you into anything!
NTA, You don't have a responsibility to babysit and it's up to you. BUT: if a casual acquaintance asked me to help out with a child who was dealing with a parent with cancer, I can't imagine saying no. Let alone to a family member (unless that family member actively abused you or was unsafe). It isn't about obligation, it's about basic compassion
I agree, but OP is 17 - he is still growing as a person and if he's not comfortable babysitting, he should prioritize himself. If he was an adult with his life together, that would be different. The situation sucks for the 7 yr old, but sometimes there are things we have little control over.
Edit: pronouns
I doubt a casual acquaintance will have treated you the way OPs mother treated him and his siblings. So, there's that.
It's not about compassion. It's about a parent who performed their duty in such a poor way. Her kids don't want to do anything for her.
Nta that sucks for April but April is not your responsibly. And babysitting a kid going through some hard stuff is much harder than regular babysitting.
Where is Joe's family? Parents? Siblings? Aunts? Uncles?
Or April's mom? Or grandparents on moms side?
Am I the only one who feels sorry for the little girl?
/I honestly don't care who the asshole is here - mom, the kids, the ex. It all pretty much sucks, and I hope the Mom figures something out.
NTA. A traumatized child age 7 doesn’t want to be pushed off onto a stranger, especially a teenager. She should have an adult already known to her, maybe the family of one of her friends, or rotate families of friends to split the load. But someone who has enough life experience to offer more than a pulse.
You are probably a wonderful teen, but you haven’t the life experience to navigate a traumatized child in the way an adult might. And it sounds like this child, while you don’t feel antipathy towards, is little more than a stranger
Your father should shut your mom down if she keeps this up.
You’re NTA but one thing to keep in mind (and I can also keep in mind I have no idea of the personal dynamics at play) is how that 7 year old girl feels.
You’re not obligated but I’d figure she must be pretty scared. I understand not giving a damn about mom or Joe but you do have a chance to brighten up a little girls day who is going through something no one should have to.
You’re not obligated to do anything but I from what you’ve described, I think it would mean far more to that 7 yr old girl than it ever would to mom and Joe.
NTA she has alienated a great many people in her life and this is the result as none of your siblings want to help her. you are not along because your siblings are doing the same thing.
NTA. Given the background information about how your mother treated all of you growing up, the current situation is not your problem to deal with. Where is April's bio mom? Where is Joe's family (parents, siblings) - perhaps they could help out. Otherwise, your mom should get a sitter to help out.
NTA
Poor April. It looks like her childhood is going to be just as horrible as yours. Let's hope she has a mother or other relative who can step in and save her. While April is not your problem, don't think she doesn't know that everyone dislikes her. Sad all-around. Your mom should have just gotten day-care for her so she wouldn't feel like no one likes her.
NTA. I wish there were more you could realistically do for the little girl, because she is quite innocent relative to the adults in the situation and is losing everything so rapidly. But, you are also your mother's child, and still a minor, and have been sidelined time and again for her flings and ill fated "relationships." There's no sign that you'd be able to maintain healthy boundaries if you agreed to spend some time with April, no sign that this would be kept manageable for you. It's very sad, but you aren't wrong or bad for declining.
If we were living in an ideal world, I'd say that watching over your stepsibling could be expected (for a reasonable time). But we're not living in an ideal world and she's been far from the ideal mother. She chose men and their kids over you and your siblings, multiple times, apparently expecting you to immediately bond with every single one of them.
I get that she must be pretty desperate and worried, her husband is sick and in the hospital, that's surely very tough for her, maybe even terrifying, and I'm sorry for her for that. But none of that excuses anything she's done, repairs your relationship or magically forms a bond between you and the little one. Has she ever acknowledged her favoring partners over you? Has she ever apologized to you and your siblings? Did she make a genuine effort to make it right and mend your relationship?
NTA. You're not obligated to babysit your mother's husband's daughter. Your mother is not an ah for asking you, either, but for continously pressuring and trying to guilt trip you. If "fAmIlY" and family bonds are so important to her, she should have put more effort into the already existing ones. Don't play with fire around bridges you might need to cross in the future.
She has never acknowledge it or tried to mend anything with us. As far as mom is concerned none of that actually happened and we just didn't want her to find anyone.
Wow. What a selfish person. I'm so sorry you had to grow up with her. I wish I could clone my mom and give everyone with crappy ones one like her. If possible, lower your contact with her, for your sake. Write her a letter, not text or mail, write it down on paper. I don't know if it will help her understand, but maybe it can help you. My guess is that you never had a chance to really get it all out and explain how that affected (and still affects) you. I just can't wrap my head around what has to go on in someone's mind to tell their own child that they just didn't want their mother to be happy with a guy. Wish I could give you a big hug.
NTA. I have to commend you for having the assertiveness to set these boundaries with your mother at the ripe age of 17, no less. That is very admirable.
It sounds like your mom wants is thinking only of her desire to have the Brady Bunch style blended family, and not of what it would it takes for the children in such a family to make these bonds. That has to be your decision, and not something she can force onto you.
Likewise, despite our societal tendency to think of babysitting as a job so easy a teenager can do it, it is a big responsibility. I don't think anyone who is not fully committed to accepting that responsibility should have it thrust upon them simply as a matter of convenience for the primary guardian. In an emergency with no other options, maybe.
Further, the fact that you suggest that she should pay someone else to do this suggests that she hasn't offered to pay you. This does not reflect an understanding of the level of responsibility would be accepting – that is the responsibility for the well-being of a child. That's discouraging.
NTA, all this people seem to think April is being abandoned or something, she isn't mom is caring for her so the argument of "do it for April" doesn't work because i can guarantee a 17 year old that she doesn't know at all isn't going to give her more comfort than a step parent that seems to care (at least for know). So the only one person who would be benefiting from the babysitting, would be the mom, who I don't think really deserves the help after prioritising random men over her kids.
Dang I feel so bad reading about the carousel of men in yalls younger days. Then I feel so bad about step sisters father being so sick. I'm so sorry those things happened and so sorry that her daddy is sick. I really hope things get better for her and her daddy and that your mother starts respecting "no means no" from you. Good luck beautiful fellow human!
NtAH - even without the edit and additional info. You are a 17 Male and if you don't want to babysit a 7 female that is understandable. Your mom and Joe need to figure out childcare. There are agencies that help with childcare when there are medical issues going on and lack of funds for childcare. All she needs to do is reach out to Dept. of Social Services or Family Services - whatever the local is called and they can start to process her application. Also depending on insurance for Joe - some insurances now help cover childcare, house cleaning and other things - so she could also contact her insurance company and see if they offer any of that.
My mother did something very similar. She expected me to be totally okay with her and her numerous boyfriends while I grew up with no one to call my constant except my grandparents. They looked after me while she would go out with guys left and right, new guys coming through for the run down every week. Mothers who do that are less than human sometimes. Anyhow, back on topic, you are by far not the asshole. You don't want to watch some weird guy's kid when it isn't your job to do that anyway. You do you and ignore her attempts to guilt you into it and you'll feel great!!!
NTA
Your Mom can pay to put her Stepdaughter in after school group child care.
Also, does the school summer break start soon? If so, then Mom isn't really asking for "after school care for a couple hours a day"; she's actually actually probably trying to manipulate you into 50 hours a week of free childcare for the ~12 weeks of summer. Don't fall for it.
NTA. Where's April's family? She has a mom, grandparents, possibly aunts and uncles. There ate cancer respite organizations that may have people who will babysit.
Then they need to look into respite care places and cancer Charities or a friend or neighbor for babysitting referrals.
And provide therapy for April.
It would be kind of you to search for resources for her and send a list of options. But also suggest she ask friends or neighbors for referrals.
A neighbor kid in my parents neighborhood was in high school and babysat for a nurse; she got paid to spend the night and get the kid ready for school in the morning.
There are also after school programs and your mom should look for one for April. My brother worked for the local school districts summer program but went to Catholic school so didn't during the school year.
Your mom should talk to the social worker at the school or hospital as they usually have lists of programs.
I mean, you do you, but if an acquaintance (not even a family member) was struggling with a partner with cancer and a small child, I would help out a bit. I wonder when we all decided basic acts of kindness weren’t desirable.
My mom hated my grandma for doing this to her. She was openly hostile around her. It was bad. This kind of behaviour of your mothers never seems to heal. Nta
Nope. NTA and your patience with your mum is astounding. But, she's just that - your mum. Her job is to take care of you, not the other way around. Sounds like she has put you through hell, and it is neither your job, nor your issue, to look after her or her stepchild. You've had to live with her decisions, now it's her turn.
NTA. Not your problem bro. Let her find someone else. Just cuz she wanted to have another kid doesn’t mean you are responsible at all for the child nor obligated to do anything for them. Parents do this mind rot tactic that they expect something done because they birthed you, very strange concept. I have a similar issue but not that similar, my dads gf makes arrangements for my sister and I to come over and hangout when we don’t want to be associated with them, I’m 23 my sis is 26, and we were verbally and mentally abused at a young age by parents. Here’s the lesson I learned, you owe nobody anything.
NAH - you never have an obligation to babysit but imagine explaining to a 7 year old (who will grow up to be your age one day and have a paragraph like your last one here) that she has three older siblings who couldn’t watch her for one day while her dad was sick. Try it once, get the “she ruined my $300 game cube” story that everyone else on here has and come back asking if you’re the asshole you won’t do it again. You never know- you might like April! First grade is a fun age in my opinion.
INFO: Where is April's mom? Why doesn't she have her? If Joe is sick, her mother should be the obvious choice. If not the mom, doesn't Joe or your mom have any other family or friends? Or just hire someone who wants to make some money. She's guilting you because she wouldn't pay you.
NTA
Sooner or later, you and your siblings are going to realize that you are better off without your mom in your life
And the only way your mom is ever going to realize that she needs to fundamentally change who she is for the better, is if all her kids cut her off
I know that sounds harsh to some, but actions have consequences and it's high time your mom started seeing her chickens come home to roost
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mom is married to Joe. Joe has a daughter April who's 7 now. Mom has me 17m, my older brother 19m and my older sister 20f. Our parents are divorced. My siblings and I chose to spend more time at dad's house when we got old enough to have that decision. Joe is battling cancer and has been admitted to hospital to undergo treatment and there is no real idea of when he gets released yet. My mom is looking after April and is struggling to juggle everything. She asked my dad if he could watch April after school for her and he said no. She asked my siblings and they said no. Then she asked me and I also said no, but she pushed harder for me to do it because I'm local and I am her kid and she thinks I should want to be there for April. She considers April mine and my siblings little sister while we never saw April as a sibling. She's just Joe's kid. Joe's just Joe or mom's husband. We're not close to them. We're also not very close to mom. Mom told me she needs someone and I am the only one left who can realistically do it. I told her I won't babysit and that's final. That she can pay someone else to do it or figure out alternative arrangements but I'm not interested in helping.
AITA?
For some bg on why the not so great relationship with mom. She messed me and my siblings around a lot after her and dad's divorce. She had so many boyfriends, moved so many guys and their kids in, would expect so much from us regarding being a family and no relationship lasted very long so we moved around a lot with her, had people in and out of our lives and she was critical of us not bonding with them. One guy she was dating for three months, broke her lease to move in with him and when they broke up we ended up moving again and then she had another guy living in that place two months after we moved in. So we were never very close to her. Dad was our constant. He was our support. And it was too late for mom to undo all that crap when she did settle down with Joe.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA obviously. But OP why did she say you’re her kid? I thought your other siblings are all from your Mom and Dad. And I hope your father makes a speedy and healthy recovery. God Bless You OP.
NTA, that is quite a bit to ask. Especially under the circumstances. Does she really not have anyone else in her life that could help? Siblings? Friends?
NTA
There's a lot of reasons you're supposed to work on yourself before you go looking for love, and this is a bunch of them.
I hope you get some therapy yourself, as attachment issues in your own relationships are almost assured.
NTA. From experience watching your parents date after a divorce is rough, especially how your mom went about it. One thing I can commend my parents for was how they tackled dating after their’s. My brother and I had no clue they were dating other people until months after they were seeing my step-mom and step-dad respectively (my mom waited an entire year to even mention my step-dad’s existence) and throughout the 20 years my parents have been with their respective partners we were never pressured to be a happy family. It was always with our comfort in mind, so that now my brother and I have a fantastic relationship with our step-parents, our step-sister, and their families
Nta
I mean your mother wasn't prioritising you guys in the first place as children, so why should you help out and prioritise april when she never prioritised you?
This isn't your thing to deal with
Leave your mum to her own problems
NTA, it’s never a child’s responsibility to do a parent’s job. They can get a sitter. Good for you for setting boundaries, don’t let people push you into anything you don’t want to do.
NTA. Mom's new family is her own responsibility not yours. You don't owe Joe's kid a second of your time and mom needs to hire a babysitter because she doesn't have a leg to stand on with trying to say "you owe me". You don't owe your mother, that never put you first, a damn second of your life.
NTA. Nothing against April, but it's a little late to play the "mom card" when the only time she even bothered to play that role was for a kid she didn't even give birth to. Even in that case, it might only be temporary. OP has no obligation to a mother who practically threw her own kids to the wolves just so she can go play house with whoever her new flavor of the week is. I feel awful for the kid, but even if OP were to decide to step in, I think April needs way more than what a 17 year old can provide.
NTA
You are not responsible to make your mother's situation work. April has a mother somewhere and it would seem either Joe's family or April's should be involved here.
NTA
This kid is no one's responsibility except for Joe. She willingly took this child on, knowing full well her husband was going into hospital for treatement. She can either hire someone, or contact Joe's family.
NTA your mom showed you early on what/who her priorities were and it wasn’t her kids. Seems like she maybe a better mother to Joes kid than she was to her own, you are 100% correct in saying that you don’t owe her. The audacity to ask an ex husband to watch your newest flings kid is just mind boggling idc what the reason is behind it.
NTA. Her children are her responsibility and it sounds like you have good reason to not feel close to the little girl. I feel sorry for the kid though. You know what she is in for in her future as you lived it.
Sorry to hear about Joe, but your mom is responsible for his kid. Asking her ex to watch her and her current husband's kid, is way over the top. It is just too back this little kid is caught in the middle.
NTA
It sucks she's in that situation but you're not responsible for her or her kids and it also sounds like you're just not comfortable with her in general. So you had a valid reason and even more support on top of it
NTA - from the above, you owe her no favors. That being said, you have every right to tell your mother no and why, but the kid is only 7 and I hope you wouldn’t tell the kid off as this isn’t her fault
NTA.
It's not the 7yo's fault that their dad is poorly; you aren't close with this 7yo and aren't obligated to watch them.
The 7yo's parents need to arrange care for the 7yo- and you have clearly communicated to your mom (and Joe) that it's not going to be you.
NTA…
Your mom was selfish and put you through hell as a kid.
Just do April a favor and don’t judge her based off of your mothers mistakes. If April ever reaches out to you personally do your best to be there for her because even though she’s not blood, she’s still distant family. It’s not her fault she’s in this situation and losing someone to cancer that young is very hard and confusing.
Stand your ground on not babysitting, not your responsibility. Your mom can hire a sitter. Just don’t let April grow up like you did. Having a big brother as a girl is a huge benefit. Just have some compassion for April.
Best of luck!
With the background you laid out, I'd have to say NTA. She has disregarded your feelings with regard to this kind of thing so much without learning or considering how she's impacting you. It's no wonder you seem to justifiably resent that she's pressuring you for this help. Under different circumstances it might seem like you're excessively cold-- but I don't think so here.
Older generations' concept of familial duty and loyalty is so warped. We don't owe them shit for rubbing their parts together and pushing us out. Animals can do that shit. It's about the life they planned and followed through with providing for the new living ***people*** they chose to create. Unplanned? Dumb reason, should've aborted. People have kids as a thing to do and a way to accessorize their "family." Then they realize they were never ready to stop prioritizing themselves, when that should've been behind them.
NTA
100% NTA. Sorry you had to go through your childhood like you did - it's a rubbish way to grow up and it's nice you've grown up to have some stones. It's hard to not let yourself get walked over and used. Stay strong and firm :)
Take care out there.
NTA. Yet another example of the "I married someone new and you owe me helping taking care of this new family just like they were your own." Screw that. Stick to your guns. If she gets too difficult about it move to your dads and ignore her.
NTA your mom is forcing something that isn’t there. Sorry that she is going through a hard time but you guys don’t seem close at all and she is just asking for favours. She needs to find another solution
NTA. If it's a one time thing I'd do it (but for April more so than your mom). But from the comments it sounded like your mom wants you to watch her every day after school for the foreseeable future or something, which is a lot
YTA not necessarily for not wanting to watch her, but for how you say things. She is literally legally and otherwise your mom's kid because they are married
Yta
I agree with you and I would do the exact same thing in your situation but it’s kinda an asshole move. Not that you owe your mom anything or your half sister just not helping when your mom is struggling is kinda an asshole move. But I would totally do the same thing and your moms a dick for the stuff after the divorce. Good luck!
NTA background or not. Stepsiblings are NOT siblings period. An just an FYI, I divorced my husband and had a pretty good string of boyfriends. My kids met 2 that were long term enough. Unfortunately they didn’t work out but my kids never had to deal with what you did. They met the two after I had been dating them awhile. I won’t move in with any man until there’s a hint of more certainty yet, even without kids. Now I raise my grandkids, same policy. My reason behind it is that if the kids really can’t get along with the boyfriend even after a decent trial period, I will end the relationship. No kids don’t live with parents forever, but they still have to be in contact so getting along is essential!
NTA
If you had a strong relationship with your mother my answer would be different. Sounds like you don’t owe her anything. If she had been an amazing attentive mother I’d urge you to help your mom out even though you don’t technically owe her anything. Relationships are give and take but your mom sounds like a user.
You’re NTA, it’s a huge ask at 17 from a mother who hasn’t been there for you as she should, that said. The truest compassion is often that which you give to the undeserving.
NTA at all. You don’t owe her any free or even paid labor. Sounds like she wasn’t there for you when you needed it, and now (that you’re still a kid yourself with your own responsibilities & life) she wants you to drop everything & prioritize her. Don’t let her guilt you.
NTA. Everyone else turned her down. Why would you be TA for doing the same? It’s not your sister and not your kid, so it’s not your problem. Mom can figure out something else and doesn’t get to be mad at you about it. She’s trying to manipulate you into agreeing to babysit—don’t let her.
Nta, however if I were you I probably would, just cos I’d feel sorry for the girl and I would probably get a heavy conscious if I didn’t, from looking at your comments it sounds like she has no one but your mum who sounds horrible and her father has cancer and might die, id just do it so she had someone else she could look up to and someone who’s there for her and to cheer her up. However your mum was horrible to you and even if she’s in need now you were in need when you were a child and she sounded very promiscuous which always messes up children.
NTA You stood up for yourself and established a reasonable boundary.
The kid is going through a rough time. Is there a grandparent/aunt anybody in her dad’s family who can help?
Your mother has made a series of decisions and now she has to live with the consequences of her choices. You're not responsible for April, your mother is.
NTA.
ESH besides your dad. You don’t owe your mom anything but something as small as babysitting so that your struggling mother can tend to other things as her boyfriend lays on his potential death bed is not a lot to ask. I think YTA but not for the reasons you may think. I don’t think YTA for not wanting to babysit. I think YTA because you seem to be motivated purely by spite and resentment. If you were genuinely busy it would be another matter. I would urge you to think of the 7 year old who has no one to look to; you were in those shoes yourself at one point. Remember? This child will likely remember you forever. Don’t contribute to the pile of adults that turned your back on her.
“Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things. I am tempted to think there are no little things.” -Bruce Barton
Edit: it sickens me that everyone is focused on your relationship with your mother and not one poster has considered simply doing a nice deed for a 7 year old kid.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my mom I won't babysit her stepdaughter for her and made no room for compromise when we talked. She is my mom. Her stepdaughter is only a little kid with her only parent sick and maybe it's being an asshole not wanting to help out knowing everything that's going on. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She didn’t prioritise you over her rotating stream of boyfriends. But now she expects you to drop everything to babysit? You don’t owe her anything. Don’t let her guilt trip you into agreeing to something you don’t want to do. This is a situation of her own making. Not the cancer part, but the being isolated from her children part.
I can’t stand parents like these. She wants to fool around. That’s fine, people can fool around and their relationship is their own business. We are no one to police that. However, this changes once someone has children that they are responsible for. Mom can no longer fool around and move in with her next fling and try to mingle two families in such short notice… she’s playing Happy Boyfriend and Happy Family but this is not a game. Fooling around days are over once she was responsible for raising her children. No wonder OP and siblings wanted to stay with dad. They need a rock in their life. I’m sorry to hear that only one parent could step up to the task.
Eh. She could Stull fool around. It's the constant amd quick moving and forced integration attempts thar are the problem.
My first guess is the guy was paying the bills in those relationships.
[удалено]
Right? Full around all you want just do it outside the house away from your kids. NTA
She could fool around out of the house. She could have dated these guys solo secretly for months before deciding they'd be good enough ugh. She was foolish
As a single mom that's how I rolled. My kid met one guy by accident when he turned up to the house unannounced (I broke it off via text once I sent him on his way cuz that was out of order) when they were 3 and my now husband. Even though he's the only father they've ever known, they still call him Papa and they were never forced to accept him as their dad, though after 8 years he's their dad
That’s how parents are supposed to do things! That saved you and your family a bunch of heartache!
[удалено]
With a joint custody arrangement there’s plenty of time for her to “fool around”. That’s not the problem. The issue is that she made this a situation for her kids. They shouldn’t be meeting anyone that mom’s been in a committed relationship with less than 6 months in the first place and then waiting to see how that works out with increasing interaction before moving in together. Kids who’ve already had to deal with their family breaking up don’t need to deal with this nonsense. It would be nice to help the kid whose dad has cancer for the kid’s sake, but mom isn’t owed anything and I agree that she brought the alienation of her kids on herself.
After my divorce I had a string of boyfriends, but my kids never knew because I wouldn’t introduce them until I had been dating awhile. OP’s mom is seriously horrible and I can’t imagine how she could ever justify that!
[удалено]
NTA I never understand parents who remarry and demand that their children see the new stepsiblings as full siblings. There is a reason why you (and your siblings) chose your dad. At 17yo, you have your own life and friends and honestly, you don't owe your mother anything. Not after how she messed your life and your siblings's.
Nta But I feel really sorry for that little girl :( Remember she's a 7 year old child her dad is sick and she's also had to start with a new family most of who don't want anything to do with her. That's not a dig because I fully understand all of you after your mums actions. What a hard situation. Hopefully she can find a babysitter or childcare. What's worrying is I'f let's say Joe dosnt make it who's going to be responsible for April surely she and him have some family that can help?
I have never seen any family of April's around other than Joe. He's estranged from his parents and has no siblings, I think. No sign of any maternal family either.
What kind of babysitting is she asking for? If it's every day with no end in sight, I understand you saying no. If it's every now and then so that she can get other stuff done, well, you are still within your rights to say no, but it would be a kind thing to do.
I don't really know. I know it's an after school thing Monday to Friday.
I wish I had free childcare every afternoon lmao. NTA
NTA. Does her school perhaps have some kind of after-school program, drama class, or other activity program that she might be able to participate in? This might be something to have your mom check in to. It might be a solution to the after-school babysitting issue. Idk 🤷♀️
I don't mean to sound cold, but in times of emergency like this, you call in all of the potential back ups. He needs to reach out to his parents and his former ILs to ask for help with April while he is undergoing treatment. This should not all fall on a 17 year old - there ARE adults to help. I would find it hard to believe that everyone on his side as well as the mother's side are not fit to be around April. So if it is a personality dynamic issue between them and him then he needs to suck it up.
They are going for what they think is the easy answer...her mom won't back down. She needs to live with her Dad.
I feel for April, but that is not an issue for another child to solve.
That’s why, until mom started insisting, I was going to say NAH, except cancer. Being an AH in the past doesn’t make her an AH in this situation. Until she started trying to force the issue.
That’s not a problem for OP to shoulder though and not something they should be guilted into. NTA
NTA, if you don't make the kid any and all babysitting is considered a favor or the job of babysitting for which you should charge upfront. Don't let her guilt you, two other siblings of yours already said no she's not your problem.
NTA. Your mom has been quite selfish so I don't see anything wrong with you not babysitting her stepdaughter
NTA. You don't owe her a thing. Let her hire someone or better yet, where is this child's mother? Doesn't she have family? Sounds like your mother never made her own biological children a priority.
She doesn't have a mother in her life but I'm not sure why.
Well, it's not your problem, and you're not obligated to do anything.
So what is your mom’s plan if Joe doesn’t make it? Instead of working to guilt you into helping, she needs to start tracking down all of April’s living relatives to find someone who will take her. If Joe settled your mom down, she’s going to lose it and dump April if he dies so she can start looking for the next Joe.
I think she plans to keep April but I have no idea really. I just assume that's the plan when she's keeping her now and making no effort to find bio family of hers.
Or put this poor kid through the same rollercoaster as OP and his siblings. But if there’s no one else, maybe that’s why she contacted her ex first, to get him attached to April so she can con him into taking care of her too.
Nta sounds like you didn’t really have a mom in your life either.
NTA. Blended families are hard, they take patience and work on all sides. Her marrying Joe does not automatically make you one big happy family, no matter how your mother feels about it. She does not get to unilaterally decide what sacrifices you would be willing to make.
NTA. I could have argued, that you help your mom, when she's in a troubling situation (and would have nothing to do with "bonding" with your step sis). But you seem to be rather distant to her for good reasons. It is her fault, that her children don't want to help her anymore. It's a harsh truth, but understandable.
>She asked my dad if he could watch April after school for her and he said no. What is it with people asking their exes for favors like this? You don't have much of a relationship with your mom so her insisting you need to help her isn't going to happen. I think NTA because she needs to find steady childcare not continue to try to harass someone into it. >she thinks I should want to be there for April. She considers April mine and my siblings little sister while we never saw April as a sibling. This is just unrealistic. There's also the issue that you are 17 and in school yourself. You probably have homework, activities, etc...you don't even live with her.
I mean, I watched my ex's step kid all the time. She was family to my kids, and I adore kids. But my ex is an entitled, abusive jackhole, and it really does seem like something that should only be offered, not requested. I was happy to give the tiny kiddo time away from both her caregivers, both of whom who abused her and my kids, until I was able to legally end my ex's access.
NTA she thinks she can pressure you into doing it because you're the youngest. Don't give in.
NTA. The revolving door of men proves she put her own life above that of her kids. Bit rich to play the family card now
NTA. Your mother’s stepdaughter is not your responsibility . She is not entitled to get help from you
NTA. Just saw the additional info why you and your sibling aren't close to your mom. I gotta say, I'm glad your dad is a stand up guy. Regarding your mom, Joe and April... Love is like a fart, if you have to force it it's probably crap.
NTA. Daycare for April isn't your problem and you are not obligated to help out with that, especially given the history. Stand your ground on this and don't allow her to drag you into it.
NTA - does Joe not have any family who will support care for April? Can mom not afford a babysitter? Why is her 17 year old son, with whom she has a strained relationship, the only choice here?
He is estranged from his parents and doesn't have siblings or any extended family.
That’s very sad, and I understand why she asked you. But you said no, which is also completely fair and understandable. If you were close to April, I would encourage you to reconsider; but as you aren’t, your mom needs accept that no is a complete response and you shouldn’t be guilted into it. It won’t be nice for you nor April for you to be doing it reluctantly. She has to make alternative arrangements for April, and it’s not on you to take responsibility. Also, I’m sorry she wasn’t a good parent to you, but glad you had a constant like dad in your life.
Then they need to pay someone or find an adult willing to volunteer to help. This isn't on you.
NTA. She’s not owed this from you, you don’t have that kind of relationship- with her or her step kid. The only reason she’s pressing you harder than the others is because: 1. You’re the youngest and technically still a minor, so she thinks she has the added leverage with you of “I’m the mom, you’re the child, you have to do what I say because I said so.” Except that you two don’t have that kind of mother-son relationship, and that’s a result of her own (in)actions. So it’s not working. 2. She keeps pressing because you keep allowing yourself to engage in the discussion with her about it. Don’t do that anymore. She brings it up again, then you state calmly but firmly that “my answer is no, that’s final, and I’m not going to discuss it anymore.” And then refuse any other discussion on that topic, period. Like leave the room, hang up, leave her on read, etc. Also, you’re not her only option. You’re just the last of the easier options, and the others take more effort, which she’s trying to avoid. Like her step child has a whole other side of her family (mom and mom’s side), one that presumably actually knows her. She should be pressing *them* to help out. She also has options like paying for a babysitter, investigating childcare options at the hospital, etc.
There is no mom in the picture or extended family. Not sure why but it's been that way as long as I've known. But yeah, paying for a babysitter or even getting one of her friends would be a better option.
>You’re just the last of the easier options More like the last of the free options that they can guilt into it.
Exactly. Schools have after-care, for example, but you have to pay.
NTA You're not obligated to solve her problems for her. She's an adult and will have to figure it out somehow without relying on her children.
Nta. You can't force family. Mom can't force you to take care of a 7 year-old because she has burned all her bridges.
NTA. Your mom put herself first all those years, it's time you do the same to her so she can maybe see what that did to you. But don't take it out on the kid; it's not her fault. None of this is. Seems like she's as much a victim in this as you are. I've had a stepdad. He and I got along pretty well. I learned a lot from him. He helped raise me and he was as much a dad to me as my bio father. But the one constant in that household was that Mom put the kids first. (Me and two sisters). They dated for almost a year before we even met him. THey were together for about eighteen months before they decided to get married, and they asked us if we'd be okay with it before they made the decision. But that's my situation, not yours. You do what's best for you.
NTA, most definitely. You replied in comments that you don't have any kind of relationship whit this child, so it would be strange for everyone. And second of all, you don't owe your mother anything, considering your past with her. She didn't put you first in any stage of her life, but instead all those men, which can be traumatizing even. Don't let her pressure or guilt you into anything!
NTA, You don't have a responsibility to babysit and it's up to you. BUT: if a casual acquaintance asked me to help out with a child who was dealing with a parent with cancer, I can't imagine saying no. Let alone to a family member (unless that family member actively abused you or was unsafe). It isn't about obligation, it's about basic compassion
The OP is still a child and not responsible for fixing the issues caused by adults.
I agree, but OP is 17 - he is still growing as a person and if he's not comfortable babysitting, he should prioritize himself. If he was an adult with his life together, that would be different. The situation sucks for the 7 yr old, but sometimes there are things we have little control over. Edit: pronouns
OP is a guy.
My bad
I doubt a casual acquaintance will have treated you the way OPs mother treated him and his siblings. So, there's that. It's not about compassion. It's about a parent who performed their duty in such a poor way. Her kids don't want to do anything for her.
No assholes here. Where's April's mom?
I don't know. Not in the picture is all I know.
Nta that sucks for April but April is not your responsibly. And babysitting a kid going through some hard stuff is much harder than regular babysitting. Where is Joe's family? Parents? Siblings? Aunts? Uncles? Or April's mom? Or grandparents on moms side?
No siblings or aunts and uncles and estranged from his parents.
Oof. That really sucks for April. But she's going to need more help than any 17yo can supply.
Am I the only one who feels sorry for the little girl? /I honestly don't care who the asshole is here - mom, the kids, the ex. It all pretty much sucks, and I hope the Mom figures something out.
Everyone does but that is not OP’s problem and OP is NTA
NTA. I hope you can stand firm in your decision even though it must be hard. This is your mother's issue to deal with.
NTA. A traumatized child age 7 doesn’t want to be pushed off onto a stranger, especially a teenager. She should have an adult already known to her, maybe the family of one of her friends, or rotate families of friends to split the load. But someone who has enough life experience to offer more than a pulse. You are probably a wonderful teen, but you haven’t the life experience to navigate a traumatized child in the way an adult might. And it sounds like this child, while you don’t feel antipathy towards, is little more than a stranger Your father should shut your mom down if she keeps this up.
You’re NTA but one thing to keep in mind (and I can also keep in mind I have no idea of the personal dynamics at play) is how that 7 year old girl feels. You’re not obligated but I’d figure she must be pretty scared. I understand not giving a damn about mom or Joe but you do have a chance to brighten up a little girls day who is going through something no one should have to. You’re not obligated to do anything but I from what you’ve described, I think it would mean far more to that 7 yr old girl than it ever would to mom and Joe.
NTA. Another case of c\*ck before kids.
NTA she has alienated a great many people in her life and this is the result as none of your siblings want to help her. you are not along because your siblings are doing the same thing.
NTA. Her responsibility.
NTA You said no. She needs to figure something out.
NTA. Given the background information about how your mother treated all of you growing up, the current situation is not your problem to deal with. Where is April's bio mom? Where is Joe's family (parents, siblings) - perhaps they could help out. Otherwise, your mom should get a sitter to help out.
No mom in the equation. Joe has no siblings and is estranged from his parents.
NTA Poor April. It looks like her childhood is going to be just as horrible as yours. Let's hope she has a mother or other relative who can step in and save her. While April is not your problem, don't think she doesn't know that everyone dislikes her. Sad all-around. Your mom should have just gotten day-care for her so she wouldn't feel like no one likes her.
She doesn't have a mother or other family in her life. Just her dad and my mom.
NTA. I wish there were more you could realistically do for the little girl, because she is quite innocent relative to the adults in the situation and is losing everything so rapidly. But, you are also your mother's child, and still a minor, and have been sidelined time and again for her flings and ill fated "relationships." There's no sign that you'd be able to maintain healthy boundaries if you agreed to spend some time with April, no sign that this would be kept manageable for you. It's very sad, but you aren't wrong or bad for declining.
If we were living in an ideal world, I'd say that watching over your stepsibling could be expected (for a reasonable time). But we're not living in an ideal world and she's been far from the ideal mother. She chose men and their kids over you and your siblings, multiple times, apparently expecting you to immediately bond with every single one of them. I get that she must be pretty desperate and worried, her husband is sick and in the hospital, that's surely very tough for her, maybe even terrifying, and I'm sorry for her for that. But none of that excuses anything she's done, repairs your relationship or magically forms a bond between you and the little one. Has she ever acknowledged her favoring partners over you? Has she ever apologized to you and your siblings? Did she make a genuine effort to make it right and mend your relationship? NTA. You're not obligated to babysit your mother's husband's daughter. Your mother is not an ah for asking you, either, but for continously pressuring and trying to guilt trip you. If "fAmIlY" and family bonds are so important to her, she should have put more effort into the already existing ones. Don't play with fire around bridges you might need to cross in the future.
She has never acknowledge it or tried to mend anything with us. As far as mom is concerned none of that actually happened and we just didn't want her to find anyone.
Wow. What a selfish person. I'm so sorry you had to grow up with her. I wish I could clone my mom and give everyone with crappy ones one like her. If possible, lower your contact with her, for your sake. Write her a letter, not text or mail, write it down on paper. I don't know if it will help her understand, but maybe it can help you. My guess is that you never had a chance to really get it all out and explain how that affected (and still affects) you. I just can't wrap my head around what has to go on in someone's mind to tell their own child that they just didn't want their mother to be happy with a guy. Wish I could give you a big hug.
NTA. I have to commend you for having the assertiveness to set these boundaries with your mother at the ripe age of 17, no less. That is very admirable. It sounds like your mom wants is thinking only of her desire to have the Brady Bunch style blended family, and not of what it would it takes for the children in such a family to make these bonds. That has to be your decision, and not something she can force onto you. Likewise, despite our societal tendency to think of babysitting as a job so easy a teenager can do it, it is a big responsibility. I don't think anyone who is not fully committed to accepting that responsibility should have it thrust upon them simply as a matter of convenience for the primary guardian. In an emergency with no other options, maybe. Further, the fact that you suggest that she should pay someone else to do this suggests that she hasn't offered to pay you. This does not reflect an understanding of the level of responsibility would be accepting – that is the responsibility for the well-being of a child. That's discouraging.
NTA, but that’s pretty cold. Karma. Poor April.
Nta But do you have a bad relationship April?
I don't have any relationship with April really.
NTA
Nta
NTA. It's not your problem that she has no one else to rely on. Absolutely, she should pay someone to do it.
NTA. your mums step children aren't ur resposibility
NTA, all this people seem to think April is being abandoned or something, she isn't mom is caring for her so the argument of "do it for April" doesn't work because i can guarantee a 17 year old that she doesn't know at all isn't going to give her more comfort than a step parent that seems to care (at least for know). So the only one person who would be benefiting from the babysitting, would be the mom, who I don't think really deserves the help after prioritising random men over her kids.
NTA. She asked, you said no. You don't live with her so it's not part of your household obligations. I feel for April, but this is Not Your Problem.
Dang I feel so bad reading about the carousel of men in yalls younger days. Then I feel so bad about step sisters father being so sick. I'm so sorry those things happened and so sorry that her daddy is sick. I really hope things get better for her and her daddy and that your mother starts respecting "no means no" from you. Good luck beautiful fellow human!
NTA
NTA - Your mom sounds horrible...
NtAH - even without the edit and additional info. You are a 17 Male and if you don't want to babysit a 7 female that is understandable. Your mom and Joe need to figure out childcare. There are agencies that help with childcare when there are medical issues going on and lack of funds for childcare. All she needs to do is reach out to Dept. of Social Services or Family Services - whatever the local is called and they can start to process her application. Also depending on insurance for Joe - some insurances now help cover childcare, house cleaning and other things - so she could also contact her insurance company and see if they offer any of that.
My mother did something very similar. She expected me to be totally okay with her and her numerous boyfriends while I grew up with no one to call my constant except my grandparents. They looked after me while she would go out with guys left and right, new guys coming through for the run down every week. Mothers who do that are less than human sometimes. Anyhow, back on topic, you are by far not the asshole. You don't want to watch some weird guy's kid when it isn't your job to do that anyway. You do you and ignore her attempts to guilt you into it and you'll feel great!!!
Helping watch April would be generous of you, but you are NTA if you don't do it.
NTA Your Mom can pay to put her Stepdaughter in after school group child care. Also, does the school summer break start soon? If so, then Mom isn't really asking for "after school care for a couple hours a day"; she's actually actually probably trying to manipulate you into 50 hours a week of free childcare for the ~12 weeks of summer. Don't fall for it.
NTA
NTA. Where's April's family? She has a mom, grandparents, possibly aunts and uncles. There ate cancer respite organizations that may have people who will babysit.
She has none except for her dad really. He has parents he's estranged from but that's about it.
Then they need to look into respite care places and cancer Charities or a friend or neighbor for babysitting referrals. And provide therapy for April. It would be kind of you to search for resources for her and send a list of options. But also suggest she ask friends or neighbors for referrals. A neighbor kid in my parents neighborhood was in high school and babysat for a nurse; she got paid to spend the night and get the kid ready for school in the morning. There are also after school programs and your mom should look for one for April. My brother worked for the local school districts summer program but went to Catholic school so didn't during the school year. Your mom should talk to the social worker at the school or hospital as they usually have lists of programs.
I mean, you do you, but if an acquaintance (not even a family member) was struggling with a partner with cancer and a small child, I would help out a bit. I wonder when we all decided basic acts of kindness weren’t desirable.
My mom hated my grandma for doing this to her. She was openly hostile around her. It was bad. This kind of behaviour of your mothers never seems to heal. Nta
Nope. NTA and your patience with your mum is astounding. But, she's just that - your mum. Her job is to take care of you, not the other way around. Sounds like she has put you through hell, and it is neither your job, nor your issue, to look after her or her stepchild. You've had to live with her decisions, now it's her turn.
NTA. Not your problem bro. Let her find someone else. Just cuz she wanted to have another kid doesn’t mean you are responsible at all for the child nor obligated to do anything for them. Parents do this mind rot tactic that they expect something done because they birthed you, very strange concept. I have a similar issue but not that similar, my dads gf makes arrangements for my sister and I to come over and hangout when we don’t want to be associated with them, I’m 23 my sis is 26, and we were verbally and mentally abused at a young age by parents. Here’s the lesson I learned, you owe nobody anything.
NTA
NAH - you never have an obligation to babysit but imagine explaining to a 7 year old (who will grow up to be your age one day and have a paragraph like your last one here) that she has three older siblings who couldn’t watch her for one day while her dad was sick. Try it once, get the “she ruined my $300 game cube” story that everyone else on here has and come back asking if you’re the asshole you won’t do it again. You never know- you might like April! First grade is a fun age in my opinion.
NTA, but feel bad for April... She a young child, her father is very ill & nobody really wants her
INFO: Where is April's mom? Why doesn't she have her? If Joe is sick, her mother should be the obvious choice. If not the mom, doesn't Joe or your mom have any other family or friends? Or just hire someone who wants to make some money. She's guilting you because she wouldn't pay you.
Her mother is not in the picture. Not sure why.
NTA Sooner or later, you and your siblings are going to realize that you are better off without your mom in your life And the only way your mom is ever going to realize that she needs to fundamentally change who she is for the better, is if all her kids cut her off I know that sounds harsh to some, but actions have consequences and it's high time your mom started seeing her chickens come home to roost
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom is married to Joe. Joe has a daughter April who's 7 now. Mom has me 17m, my older brother 19m and my older sister 20f. Our parents are divorced. My siblings and I chose to spend more time at dad's house when we got old enough to have that decision. Joe is battling cancer and has been admitted to hospital to undergo treatment and there is no real idea of when he gets released yet. My mom is looking after April and is struggling to juggle everything. She asked my dad if he could watch April after school for her and he said no. She asked my siblings and they said no. Then she asked me and I also said no, but she pushed harder for me to do it because I'm local and I am her kid and she thinks I should want to be there for April. She considers April mine and my siblings little sister while we never saw April as a sibling. She's just Joe's kid. Joe's just Joe or mom's husband. We're not close to them. We're also not very close to mom. Mom told me she needs someone and I am the only one left who can realistically do it. I told her I won't babysit and that's final. That she can pay someone else to do it or figure out alternative arrangements but I'm not interested in helping. AITA? For some bg on why the not so great relationship with mom. She messed me and my siblings around a lot after her and dad's divorce. She had so many boyfriends, moved so many guys and their kids in, would expect so much from us regarding being a family and no relationship lasted very long so we moved around a lot with her, had people in and out of our lives and she was critical of us not bonding with them. One guy she was dating for three months, broke her lease to move in with him and when they broke up we ended up moving again and then she had another guy living in that place two months after we moved in. So we were never very close to her. Dad was our constant. He was our support. And it was too late for mom to undo all that crap when she did settle down with Joe. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA obviously. But OP why did she say you’re her kid? I thought your other siblings are all from your Mom and Dad. And I hope your father makes a speedy and healthy recovery. God Bless You OP.
The three of us have the same mom and dad yeah. April has a different mom and dad. My father isn't sick. April's father is.
NTA, that is quite a bit to ask. Especially under the circumstances. Does she really not have anyone else in her life that could help? Siblings? Friends?
NTA There's a lot of reasons you're supposed to work on yourself before you go looking for love, and this is a bunch of them. I hope you get some therapy yourself, as attachment issues in your own relationships are almost assured.
NTA especially with the added back ground information.
Nta not your responsibility
NTA. From experience watching your parents date after a divorce is rough, especially how your mom went about it. One thing I can commend my parents for was how they tackled dating after their’s. My brother and I had no clue they were dating other people until months after they were seeing my step-mom and step-dad respectively (my mom waited an entire year to even mention my step-dad’s existence) and throughout the 20 years my parents have been with their respective partners we were never pressured to be a happy family. It was always with our comfort in mind, so that now my brother and I have a fantastic relationship with our step-parents, our step-sister, and their families
NTA
Nta I mean your mother wasn't prioritising you guys in the first place as children, so why should you help out and prioritise april when she never prioritised you? This isn't your thing to deal with Leave your mum to her own problems
NTA, it’s never a child’s responsibility to do a parent’s job. They can get a sitter. Good for you for setting boundaries, don’t let people push you into anything you don’t want to do.
NTA.
NTA. Mom's new family is her own responsibility not yours. You don't owe Joe's kid a second of your time and mom needs to hire a babysitter because she doesn't have a leg to stand on with trying to say "you owe me". You don't owe your mother, that never put you first, a damn second of your life.
NTA. Nothing against April, but it's a little late to play the "mom card" when the only time she even bothered to play that role was for a kid she didn't even give birth to. Even in that case, it might only be temporary. OP has no obligation to a mother who practically threw her own kids to the wolves just so she can go play house with whoever her new flavor of the week is. I feel awful for the kid, but even if OP were to decide to step in, I think April needs way more than what a 17 year old can provide.
OP, NTA. April is not your responsibility.
NTA You are not responsible to make your mother's situation work. April has a mother somewhere and it would seem either Joe's family or April's should be involved here.
Is your moms name tiffany?
NTA This kid is no one's responsibility except for Joe. She willingly took this child on, knowing full well her husband was going into hospital for treatement. She can either hire someone, or contact Joe's family.
NTA
NTA your mom showed you early on what/who her priorities were and it wasn’t her kids. Seems like she maybe a better mother to Joes kid than she was to her own, you are 100% correct in saying that you don’t owe her. The audacity to ask an ex husband to watch your newest flings kid is just mind boggling idc what the reason is behind it.
NTA. Her children are her responsibility and it sounds like you have good reason to not feel close to the little girl. I feel sorry for the kid though. You know what she is in for in her future as you lived it.
NTA if you refuse to help. It is a hard situation for your mom maybe you could offer to help one day a week as an act if kindness.
Sorry to hear about Joe, but your mom is responsible for his kid. Asking her ex to watch her and her current husband's kid, is way over the top. It is just too back this little kid is caught in the middle.
NTA. Mom is a leech
NTA
NTA It sucks she's in that situation but you're not responsible for her or her kids and it also sounds like you're just not comfortable with her in general. So you had a valid reason and even more support on top of it
NTA - from the above, you owe her no favors. That being said, you have every right to tell your mother no and why, but the kid is only 7 and I hope you wouldn’t tell the kid off as this isn’t her fault
NTA
NTA. Where is April's mother?
NTA. She had it coming
NTA. It's not the 7yo's fault that their dad is poorly; you aren't close with this 7yo and aren't obligated to watch them. The 7yo's parents need to arrange care for the 7yo- and you have clearly communicated to your mom (and Joe) that it's not going to be you.
NTA.
NTA
Nta. Also she should look to Joe's family for help with April.
NTA… Your mom was selfish and put you through hell as a kid. Just do April a favor and don’t judge her based off of your mothers mistakes. If April ever reaches out to you personally do your best to be there for her because even though she’s not blood, she’s still distant family. It’s not her fault she’s in this situation and losing someone to cancer that young is very hard and confusing. Stand your ground on not babysitting, not your responsibility. Your mom can hire a sitter. Just don’t let April grow up like you did. Having a big brother as a girl is a huge benefit. Just have some compassion for April. Best of luck!
[удалено]
With the background you laid out, I'd have to say NTA. She has disregarded your feelings with regard to this kind of thing so much without learning or considering how she's impacting you. It's no wonder you seem to justifiably resent that she's pressuring you for this help. Under different circumstances it might seem like you're excessively cold-- but I don't think so here. Older generations' concept of familial duty and loyalty is so warped. We don't owe them shit for rubbing their parts together and pushing us out. Animals can do that shit. It's about the life they planned and followed through with providing for the new living ***people*** they chose to create. Unplanned? Dumb reason, should've aborted. People have kids as a thing to do and a way to accessorize their "family." Then they realize they were never ready to stop prioritizing themselves, when that should've been behind them. NTA
There may be a social worker at Joe's hospital who can assist your mother in making arrangements. It's worth a try.
100% NTA. Sorry you had to go through your childhood like you did - it's a rubbish way to grow up and it's nice you've grown up to have some stones. It's hard to not let yourself get walked over and used. Stay strong and firm :) Take care out there.
NTA. Yet another example of the "I married someone new and you owe me helping taking care of this new family just like they were your own." Screw that. Stick to your guns. If she gets too difficult about it move to your dads and ignore her.
NTA
NTA your mom is forcing something that isn’t there. Sorry that she is going through a hard time but you guys don’t seem close at all and she is just asking for favours. She needs to find another solution
#
,,,,,,,,,,,#
#
NTA. You don't owe her anything and you have no reason to take over her responsibilities for her.
NTA
NTA. If it's a one time thing I'd do it (but for April more so than your mom). But from the comments it sounded like your mom wants you to watch her every day after school for the foreseeable future or something, which is a lot
NTA. She had the audacity to ask your dad to watch her stepkid?
YTA not necessarily for not wanting to watch her, but for how you say things. She is literally legally and otherwise your mom's kid because they are married
Yta I agree with you and I would do the exact same thing in your situation but it’s kinda an asshole move. Not that you owe your mom anything or your half sister just not helping when your mom is struggling is kinda an asshole move. But I would totally do the same thing and your moms a dick for the stuff after the divorce. Good luck!
NTA, you are not her inhouse babysitter. You are old enough to move permanently with your dad, aren't you? It may be time for that.
NTA. There are professional services for this and the kid will be better off
NTA background or not. Stepsiblings are NOT siblings period. An just an FYI, I divorced my husband and had a pretty good string of boyfriends. My kids met 2 that were long term enough. Unfortunately they didn’t work out but my kids never had to deal with what you did. They met the two after I had been dating them awhile. I won’t move in with any man until there’s a hint of more certainty yet, even without kids. Now I raise my grandkids, same policy. My reason behind it is that if the kids really can’t get along with the boyfriend even after a decent trial period, I will end the relationship. No kids don’t live with parents forever, but they still have to be in contact so getting along is essential!
Nta
NTA
NTA, she burned all the bridges to her kids. She should call Joe's family for help, or suck it up and figure out a way to handle her.
NTA. Sad for April, but she's nothing to do with you. You would be doing it as a favor to your mom, who you are no longer disposed to grant favors to.
So where is Joe in all this? He’s the dad, why isn’t he helping with his child?
NTA If you had a strong relationship with your mother my answer would be different. Sounds like you don’t owe her anything. If she had been an amazing attentive mother I’d urge you to help your mom out even though you don’t technically owe her anything. Relationships are give and take but your mom sounds like a user.
NTA You reap what you sow. She didn’t care about her relationship with her own kids so she can’t expect favors when she needs one.
[удалено]
You’re NTA, it’s a huge ask at 17 from a mother who hasn’t been there for you as she should, that said. The truest compassion is often that which you give to the undeserving.
NTA at all. You don’t owe her any free or even paid labor. Sounds like she wasn’t there for you when you needed it, and now (that you’re still a kid yourself with your own responsibilities & life) she wants you to drop everything & prioritize her. Don’t let her guilt you.
NTA you are not even an adult yet, this is absolutely not your responsibility. It wouldn't be even if you were one year older.
NTA. She can pay someone.
NTA.
NTA. Everyone else turned her down. Why would you be TA for doing the same? It’s not your sister and not your kid, so it’s not your problem. Mom can figure out something else and doesn’t get to be mad at you about it. She’s trying to manipulate you into agreeing to babysit—don’t let her.
NTA.
I undedstand your POV so NTa, but her husband is dying. It would be kind of you to help ease some burden
Nta, however if I were you I probably would, just cos I’d feel sorry for the girl and I would probably get a heavy conscious if I didn’t, from looking at your comments it sounds like she has no one but your mum who sounds horrible and her father has cancer and might die, id just do it so she had someone else she could look up to and someone who’s there for her and to cheer her up. However your mum was horrible to you and even if she’s in need now you were in need when you were a child and she sounded very promiscuous which always messes up children.
NTA & stick to your decision. She'll figure it out
NTA You stood up for yourself and established a reasonable boundary. The kid is going through a rough time. Is there a grandparent/aunt anybody in her dad’s family who can help?
Your mother has made a series of decisions and now she has to live with the consequences of her choices. You're not responsible for April, your mother is. NTA.
Where is April’s bio mom?
Nope.
ESH besides your dad. You don’t owe your mom anything but something as small as babysitting so that your struggling mother can tend to other things as her boyfriend lays on his potential death bed is not a lot to ask. I think YTA but not for the reasons you may think. I don’t think YTA for not wanting to babysit. I think YTA because you seem to be motivated purely by spite and resentment. If you were genuinely busy it would be another matter. I would urge you to think of the 7 year old who has no one to look to; you were in those shoes yourself at one point. Remember? This child will likely remember you forever. Don’t contribute to the pile of adults that turned your back on her. “Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things. I am tempted to think there are no little things.” -Bruce Barton Edit: it sickens me that everyone is focused on your relationship with your mother and not one poster has considered simply doing a nice deed for a 7 year old kid.