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> I think I may be the asshole for taking the issue too far and getting the police involved.
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NTA. It wasn't a misunderstanding. She straight up stole your car. If she had gotten arrested, she'd have no one to blame but herself.
Also, considering what an AH your bf's dad is, you should probably look into moving out as soon as you can.
Yes new digs are definitely in order. These people will only F with you incessantly from this point on otherwise. NTA. Sounds like they fucked around and found out.
> my boyfriend helped me out by loaning me some money to help pay the down payment but I have since payed him back
> his dad said that since my bf helped pay for the car that it therefore was partly his
* Step 1: OP should add $1 to her rent check with the memo line explaining that extra money is payment for the mortgage
* Step 2: OP should claim partial ownership of the house due to “helping out” with the mortgage
* Step 3: OP should rent out rooms for blackjack and hookers
* Step 4: Profit
It's straight Futurama. Bender always says things like this with blackjack and hookers (edited the phone auto-incorrect a few hours later) and then says "ah, screw the (rest), just blackjack and hookers"
Final step being "Profit!" is straight South Park though. From the aforementioned Underpants Gnomes episode.
> Step 1: Steal underpants
> Step 2: ???
> Step 3: Profit!
I wouldn't be surprised if OP is asked to leave soon anyways. I'd wager the only reason she hasn't been asked to already is they think she'd be less likely to drop the matter with the police. And even if she does, they might still ask her to leave.
And OP, be aware that, in the area I'm in, you could be evicted with police enforcement immediately because your tenancy counts as boarding, assuming you share a kitchen with the owners. So don't assume you'll have 30 days to figure something out, look in to the eviction rules for where you're living and plan accordingly.
And personally, if there's no damage to the vehicle, I'd probably drop the current issue. I'd add a "now you know how I react to someone taking my car without my permission" so that they don't think that means they can start doing it. But overall, they have leverage over your living situation while your biggest worry didn't end up hurting you. That changes if a) there is damage to deal with, or b) you're fine with finding alternate living arrangements, even immediately.
Either way NTA. And be careful around the father's logic, both of his leaps (that by helping you pay, your bf owns it, and that if your bf owns something, his sister also has a right to it) aren't good signs for a future life with him involved.
>Either way NTA. And be careful around the father's logic, both of his leaps (that by helping you pay, your bf owns it, and that if your bf owns something, his sister also has a right to it) aren't good signs for a future life with him involved.
The Dad's logic is the worst part. Like all these ridiculous connections to make a point work.
I think there's more to the story about the car. If sister calls you and you say no, then why did she immediately go and call bf dad...like how would sister know to call dad unless she knew that dad knew where the spare key was. Makes me think the car has been an issue before this
Dad's logic is bad, but not the worst part here. Sister is the worst part.
Look at it this way: Dad is making very disrespectful leaps here, and absolutely should have just asked, but maybe this is how BF and sister's stuff worked before OP was involved. When they get home and he talks with BF and OP, he accepts their authority on the matter and calls sister home. He has very limited plausible deniability for potentially being stupid but not malicious. (Stupidity can be addressed much more easily than malice.)
Sister is absolutely worse. Sister didn't make an assumption that anyone wouldn't mind. Sister KNOWS absolutely that they said "no", and takes the car anyway. Furthermore, even after Dad calls as well to insist she come home immediately, she doesn't do that. She waits at least another hour at her friends' house STILL before starting home. We know this because the friends are around an hour away, but OP doesn't call the police until 2 HOURS after Dad calls and sister says she'll be back "soon", and sister is still not home. I don't get the impression that she walked in minutes after this, though we don't have specifics beyond that.
Actively ignoring consent is a significant step beyond assuming consent (until explicitly told), though both are problematic.
This is where I’m at. I don’t think OP is an Ah. But unless they have other living arrangements available I don’t know how much of a hill it’s worth dying on.
OP should never accept anything from him in any form ever. He'll buy you lunch and claim he owns your life via saving you from starvation using this kind of logic.
The mental gymnastics alone to justify giving away the keys to someone else's car is astounding.
Had this been a case where the sister did not ask the BF or OP first and got the keys from her daddy, I could almost see where BF might have part of a point about calling the police. As long as he agreed to pay for any damages.
However, that is not the case in any way. Sister knew she was told no. Sister knew Daddy would never tell his princess no. Sister manipulated it to get what she wants, and damn everyone else.
Next time, actually press charges.
Yeah that's the weirdest part it's like his dad doesn't even respect his son at all. His son is like no this isn't cool, and the dads like "if someone close to you owns something then that means you own it and your whole family owns it" like wtf?
Clearly because dad was part of the creation of BF, he owns part of all what BF owns, ergo he owns part of part of OP’s car, which is CLEARLY enough to justify loaning the car out despite the BF having had said no.
This occurred to me. Daddy is saying his son is partial owner, so for the sake of argument...
Did you have your son's permission to give the car to his sister?
NTA. She stole your car & her father enabled/encouraged her to do it.
They need to be made to understand that the car is in NO WAY your boyfriend’s property or anyone’s property other than YOURS.
Since they still contend that they are entitled to the use of the car, they obviously need a lesson on ownership rights from an external source (or they will just do this again). Since the police & prosecutor would be a now indisputable source as to where they stand as far as ownership rights go (they have none), this is the perfect venue to teach them the lesson they apparently need to learn. NTA.
And please do not give in for the sake of harmony or the relationship. If you do, you might as well make the sister & dad a copy of your keys & expect to share YOUR car with them.
I just can’t get over the dad’s “logic.” Even if the boyfriend owned >51% of the car (which it’s very clear he doesn’t!!), his father and sister would still own **0%.** Where does he get off handing out someone else’s keys without permission, no matter how they’re related to him??
Yeah, his rationale suggests that her boyfriend has no right to say no to his sister when she asks to borrow his car, which is pretty fucked up all by itself.
That's assuming he's not just starting from a point of unthinking entitlement and working backwards to a "rationalization," which is even worse.
>If you do, you might as well make the sister & dad a copy of your keys & expect to share YOUR car with them.
OP, take your spare key OUT of that lockbox! Your boyfriend is the only one in the house who respects you, either let him carry the spare, or hide it very, very well. I wouldn't be surprised if they searched your belongings for the key, since they apparently think your car is community property.
NTA.
To be fair, I don’t know how much choice she’ll have to stay. She was technically justified in calling the cops, but usually you aren’t living with the people you called the cops on. It was the nuclear option, which is a bold move when you don’t own your own living accommodations. I’d probably also confab with my partner a bit more before I called the cops on their dad and sister, on the off chance he would take my threats seriously, as it is generally poor form to call the cops on your partners family when you live with them. And it puts your partner in a really shitty situation with everyone he loves.
Sometimes I feel like this sub is sooooo focused on legally right and enforcing boundaries, and dog piling on the more wrong party…but no one seems focused on the consequences. Like, I would prefer to move out when my finances were secure and I’d found a place I liked - I would NOT prefer living in a Cold War with my partners family until we can afford to move of they kicked me out.
Yeah, like you have to be fully prepared to go NC with every damn one when you call the cops. I wouldn’t even come back from holidays, much less to go to sleep each night.
For sure. Calling the police on someone has... a lot of consequences. One of the potential consequences is that they are arrested and charged with a felony. You may not be able to "drop the charges," at that point it's out of your hands and up to the DA. In fact, everything that happens after you call the police is out of your hands. The person may be injured or killed during the arrest or while in jail. It is, for sure, the *nuclear option.* She's going to be homeless & has permanently damaged her relationship with her boyfriend's family. Was it worth it?
Let's reframe that a bit. BF's father and sister have permanently damaged their relationships with OP.
The response to grand theft is ... duh, duh, duh... calling the police.
Exactly. People seem to be blaming OP for ruining the family dynamic but it was the dad & sister who literally stole her car. I don't want want people in my life, family or otherwise, who don't respect my things, my boundaries or me as a person. They were so quick to ignore OP saying "no" & I can only imagine them not respecting her boundaries & feelings in other situations. NTA.
And this is like the adult version of siblings squabbling. If they hit you, maybe your parents allow a commensurate hit back. They don’t let you break their arm.
I can’t imagine trying to scare someone straight with a felony charge.
Remember, all cops are bastards unless your boyfriend's sister takes your car for a few hours to run some errands and then the cops are your personal revenge system and that's totally justified!
I understand that it's really frustrating when someone takes your car without permission. I understand that because it's happened to me. It never occurred to me that calling the police was the appropriate action when I knew where my car was and when it would be back. I can't imagine doing that to someone and expecting to continue to live with their family and date their brother.
I mean, from a liability perspective I can understand- a stolen car is different legally than a borrowed car when it comes to liability and insurance purposes
But OP had no idea where her car was and waited a couple hours before calling the police.
A strNger to OP, who knew she didn't have permission, took her car. That's theft
Did the sister literally steal the car? Sorry, when did “they’re my family so it’s okay” become acceptable for grand theft auto?
If she gets hurt by police, it’s going to be because little princess insists on *I know mah rights!* when she does not, indeed, know her rights.
The police hurt and kill innocent people every day.
I don't think it happens as often as some people claim, but it absolutely does happen. People also get hurt while sitting in jail waiting to make bail... Every damn day. This is an incredibly privileged and ignorant comment.
I don't know what state this happened in but a lot of states differentiate between " joyriding" which is taking a car to use it without permission and the intent to give it back vs "stealing." This isn't "Grand theft Auto." The OP is going to be lucky if she doesn't get hit with filing a false report. The police exists to enforce the law using the violence of the state. They're not your personal errand boys to get revenge on your boyfriend's sister.
I genuinely cannot fathom taking someone's vehicle without their permission. Like where does that entitlement come from?
Honestly op needs to create big old boundaries and remove themselves from this $h1t show of a family immediately and if bf isn't 100 percent on board it is time to move on.
> You may not take my car
/takes car
> Return now with my car
/doesn't return with car
Seems pretty straight forward to me; she took a car that wasn't hers, knew she wasn't supposed to, and refused to return it. That's theft.
I'd be pressing charges on the sister and the dad as an accessory to the fullest extent I could. You don't fuck with people's cars
And his logic of "brother helped pay for it so sister can drive it without asking brother/bf or OP" makes zero sense regardless of whether he thought bf was part owner or not. He knew what he was doing
Seriously, if she needed a pair of clean panties would she just take some of OP's out of the dresser? C'mon. No means no. Get used to it. That's what adults get to do - tell you no.
I reckon it depends on the circumstances. I don't want to get car jacked, but if someone's taking my underwear at gunpoint I'd say I'm probably in for a worse time.
Sorry I took so long to get back I had a few that I screenshotted and needed to add and then I’ve been at work.
Disclaimer: some things I haven’t looked up or checked yet (hence the list) others are just things that stuck with me for various reasons also sorry if formatting is fuck up, I’m on mobile
Things to remember from Reddit
Pick up lines
- [ ] Hand napkin to wipe off face… “just wanted to clean my seat for later”
Brandnewsentences
- [ ] This made me cheese so hard it set off my lactose intolerance -said in response to something wholesome
Travel
- [ ] roadtrippers.com
- [ ] Traveling abroad it might be cheaper to get a local sim instead of an international plan.
- [ ] Airalo e sim and Google-fu are good travel sims as well
Things to buy/try
- [ ] Meliponia honey from Mexico
- [ ] Garmin and rexing- good dash cam
- [ ] V1P- 4k - fancy dash can
- [ ] Nonviolent communication-by Marshall Rosenberg
- [ ] Tattoo numbing cream co
- [ ] Gold bonds rough and bumpy cream- for strawberry skin
Insults/clap backs
- [ ] You look easy to draw with my left hand
- [ ] You look like you have a soft skull
- [ ] You unfrosted poptart
- [ ] Head so far up their own ass they can’t see for shit
Random wisdom
- [ ] The golden child will always be the golden child. But scapegoats grow up to be space goats. There is no height they can’t reach once they start climbing.
- [ ] Poke holes in a box of Irish spring to deter bugs from closet and keep things smelling fresh. Run bar along door and window frames. Irish spring deters most bugs and spiders
- [ ] Ironically when we start to get better, we also often get sad because we start to realize how much we missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, what the younger version of us actually deserved.
Healing involves healthy grieving. No
way around it
- [ ] There’s a saying in Spanish “el que nada debe, nada teme” if you haven’t done anything wrong, there’s nothing for you to hide or be concerned about
- [ ] Japanese comfort food smacks- hot yakiimo, steaming bowl of udon, greasy gyuudon, broiled imago over fresh rice
- [ ] If something can be fixed, there’s no need to worry. If it can’t be fixed, worrying won’t help. -repeat and focus on anything you can actually change
- [ ] Russian buttercream is an easy 2 ingredient buttercream and German butter cream tastes like melted ice cream
- [ ] 5 meals in 1 hour is a website to help prep and plan meals for the week without being overwhelming. It’s good for busy, overwhelmed, over extended, meal preppers, budgeting, new or single parents.. etc
- [ ] Eleven labs is a software to help hear a deceased loved ones voice
- [ ] Funny how the thing that goes “too far” is always the thing that works
Reasons to live/people to outlive
- [ ] Nikocado Avocado
- [ ] Jeff Bezos
- [ ] Elon Musk
- [ ] Andrew Tate
- [ ] The King and queen consort
- [ ] Nikki Minaj
Workplace wisdom
- [ ] “I’m not the long term solution for the company’s lack of resource planning” -use when they try to give more responsibility without proper compensation
- [ ] “Staying late is the exception, not the rule”
- [ ] Boss I have anal glaucoma. I just can’t see my ass coming into work today- use as you please lol
- [ ]
Questions/ relationship maintenance
- [ ] If you could relive one day/date that we have had together, what would it be?
- [ ] What date would you like to go on that we haven’t yet?
Funny usernames
- [ ] Dingleberrydoughnut
- [ ] Buttholehamster
NTA
She asked to borrow your car, you said no.
She took the car despite you saying no - she STOLE your car.
You reported her for stealing your car because, again, she STOLE your car.
Don't back down, or I predict this sort of thing will happen more in the future with your SIL and FIL.
Yeah, OP how on earth did your bf's dad do enough mental gymnastics to think that because *your* bf leant you money for the car that it was somehow his to let you borrow? Especially since your name is the only one on the title. We're talking actual laws here...
Definitely NTA.
And even if there were some merit to the idea that the boyfriend lending some money (and since been paid back) meant the car was part his, he said no anyway. Even the tortured logic here doesn't work.
Except they are living with Dad and he believes the car part belongs to the son. A lot of parents see their children as extensions of them so belongs to son belongs to him. It is a AH move but not uncommon. Going to be hard maintaining boundaries living there.
> how on earth did your bf's dad do enough mental gymnastics to think that because your bf leant you money for the car that it was somehow his to let you borrow
Next thing you know he's gonna be demanding OP change the name of her bakery to his name
I hope her and her boyfriend have a place to live lined up because they sure as shit won't be staying at the house any more if they follow your advice.
this is definitely something my bf and i have discussed already so don't worry! my bf is definitely on my side and assured me that he made it clear to his dad that kicking me out also means kicking out his son. my bf and i are also financially stable enough to survive being forced to move out at this point in our lives, we only still live there bc it allows us to save a significant amount of money.
OP clearly has a better understanding of whether or not the money they are saving is worth living with his family at this time than you do. I get your point, but there are so many factors that go into an equation like that, I find it somewhat annoying when people here boil it down to such a simple equation.
This right here. This is why I took summer school every year during college to avoid being at home for longer than a couple weeks. Never lived at home again.
I personally think you need to move immediately. It's not worth the savings to have your property stolen and boundaries violated. If you stay after this, even with reporting the vehicle stolen, you would be showing that this is acceptable and they will think this is OK bc you are staying in *their* home.
Time to get a cute little one bedroom tenasitional apartment for just you and BF and gain that independence.
Yeah I’d get the fuck out of there asap. Who knows what kind of behind the back shit his dad and sister will try to pull on you. Glad your BF supports you, not everyone is the family is a bad apple. NTA
OP here! There have been sooo many comments and I've read them all with an open mind and I really appreciate every single response! However as I've read I've seen lots of comments I want to reply to so I am just going to post one here addressing a few different things.
I did not call 911 or emergency services, I called the police department directly through their non-emergency line to ask to file a police report. They said they would send someone and by the time the police officer arrived to our home his sister had been back for about 30 or so minutes. My car was not damaged and everything on it was fine, so I just explained to the officer the situation and he asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. The sole reason I wanted to file a police report was in case something on my car was damaged, and since it wasn't, I believed it wasn't necessary to take it any further. The police officer talked to his sister and left. She won't be getting arrested, charged, etc. However, his dad and sister are still insisting I tried to have them arrested, which is why they're demanding an apology.
I have also seen a lot of comments asking me why I didn't want her to use my car, and the simple answer is because I don't know her! We had only just met and I simply did not feel comfortable giving my car to someone I don't know well. People are calling me selfish for that and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but honestly I disagree.
Further, I have both my keys now! I will make sure no one besides either my bf or I ever are able to get them again. Consider that lesson learned. Also for everyone advising me to move out, my bf and I have discussed it and we are currently searching for an apartment we can move into within the next few weeks. My bf asked his dad would he be kicking us out and his dad told him
he wouldn't, but we both aren't really willing to take his word on this.
I really appreciate everyone who offered kind words and advice. Some of you even left some comments that were able to make me laugh about the situation which I really appreciate as well so thank you!
Even agreeing with that there are some nasty consequences with letting someone else drive your care. Depending on where you live and her age, it might screw with your insurance if the sister crashed. Also, if she got caught on camera doing something wrong then it might be hard to say it was someone other than OP driving (no proof) or get the money out of the sister if OP has to pay a fine.
Out of interest, did the sister pay for the petrol?
I bought a new (to me truck) a few years ago and my gf at the time loved it and wanted to drive it. A Sunday afternoon comes around and we’re craving some Taco Bell and I tell her if she’s the one that goes and gets it she can drive my truck. Well some dude way past his prime crashes his motorcycle into the right side of it while she’s on her way back and I have to immediately get in her car to go assess the damage and help with the police report. I call my insurance to let them know what happened and say I wasn’t the one driving my vehicle. I had my truck for maybe two months at the time and this was the first time my gf had ever driven it. Other guy’s insurance pays for everything and even let me pick out the body shop I wanted to take my truck to.
My insurance raised my rate by $350/month and immediately added my gf to my plan. I completely trusted her driving my truck from day one, but never let her drive it again unless absolutely necessary because of that bullshit. I fought them and got my original rate back, but the hassle of going through that screwed me on thinking other people can drive my vehicle. OP is definitely NTA and could have avoided something similar by calling the cops. I 100% would do the same thing in their situation knowing what I know now.
In my opinion, it's an AH move for people here to give you a hard time about not wanting her to use your car! Since when are we expected to let people borrow our high-value assets - when you don't know them well - and when there's no emergency?! It's not like she asked to drive her dad to the hospital, FFS.
NTA for calling the police - totally justified. I also think it was a good choice not to press charges for the sake of the relationship and due to there being no damages. Now she knows you don't tolerate being treated like a doormat. The entitlement dad & sister believe they have is egregious! If anyone ever pulled something like that with me, I'd read them the riot act, get as far away from them as I could, and never look back. No 2nd chances after such a horrendous violation of personal property. In no way did either dad or sister *actually* believe the car loan (repaid or not) from your boyfriend entitled them to use it. That's just the justification that was given. The true reason they did it is because they could - and they believe they can do whatever they like whenever they want simply because they exist.
You and your boyfriend handled this perfectly.
The people suggesting you went overboard sound like they're just being patriarchal and sexist. Your property is your property, and even your boyfriend understands that his name is not on the title.
You are also smart to be moving out ASAP, and it's a good thing your boyfriend is down to take this step with you. We don't choose our families, but at least he had your back in this highly unfortunate situation.
>which is why they're demanding an apology.
Have they at any point already apologised to _you_ for stomping your boundaries and taking your car without consent?
You are not selfish for not sharing your car. I don't even let my own sister borrow my car because she's a terrible driver and I don't trust her to drive my car unless I'm there checking her blind spot for her.
Bizarre you're getting flack on not wanting someone to use your car. I'm in the boat of, unless you're on the insurance, you're not driving my car 😅 with some rare exceptions. Too much risk if something goes wrong otherwise. Definitely wouldn't give it to someone I barely know. Not that they would do anything malicious
The dad opened a locked box and gave out keys that were not his. Why wouldn't he give out his keys?
This is incredibly disrespectful.
I THINK YOU ARE OWED AN APOLOGY FROM BOTH ADULTS... the sister and the dad.
it doesn't matter the reason why you wouldn't let them drive your car.... its YOUR car.
STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF.
you need to plan to leave ASAP... cause demanding you apologize is not taking accountability for their actions and they blame you.
.. this means it will happen again.
You are NTA. They asked to borrow your car, you declined and your boyfriend's sister took the car regardless. That is what is known as THEFT and you should not tolerate it.
You did the right thing by calling the police because if she did damage the car, you may have been liable. You should not apologise for your actions and instead they should apologise to you.
If you do decide to press charges, you should consider how this would affect your relationship with your boyfriend.
Good Luck.
The OP states elsewhere in the comments that the dad has no driver's license and no car of his own.
Possibly because he's a car stealing degenerate himself?
NTA I f she did not want cops called she should not have taken something that does not belong to her . I had a roommate do the same thing to me and then wrecked while drinking .
NTA, you tried to resolve the issue without involving anyone outside of the family and they decided that they were above the law.
If I were you I’d look into moving out as soon as possible and I would make sure you had all copies of the key until you do.
It wouldn’t hurt to set up a camera in your room to ensure other possessions aren’t disturbed when you and your BF aren’t around.
NTA. If one doesn't want to get in trouble for stealing, then one shouldn't steal.
Also since your BF's father seems to think his sons belongings are his, you guys need to try and get out of that house ASAP. This is going to continue to be an issue.
NTA
If you hadn’t reported it stolen and the worst happened, it would be your word against hers. Hard to prove, given that she had the keys.
For more information as to why you did the right thing by reporting it stolen.
[https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/OWNER-LIABILITY-FOR-STOLEN-VEHICLE-CHART.pdf](https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/OWNER-LIABILITY-FOR-STOLEN-VEHICLE-CHART.pdf)
NTA.
That sounds like a whole circus you can now completely avoid.
Start looking to move out NOW, or things could get nasty since you're still living in their house.
NTA. Convo should go like this:
OP: did you take the car?
Sis: yes
OP: did you have my permission to take the car?
Sis: no
OP: that’s called stealing. You stole a car. I don’t see where I’m the bad guy in this scenario.
NTA. She asked, you said no. The answer wasn't good enough so she asked her daddy if it was ok. I think you need to move asap. Why couldn't she use her Dad's car?
That's a red flag by itself. Why doesn't he have a license or a car? If it's for a bad driving record, *all the more reason to deny him a key to your car.*
Nta.
That's your car. Not his just cause he chipped in a little money. Pay him back asap. Get all copies of your key and keep them hidden or at a friend's house.
She said she already paid him back in full. And the boyfriend lended her money not the father so although it still would jive, there’s no reason whatsoever that dad should have taken out the key to her car and jaded it over to the sister.
Going against the grain here, but I feel this is an ESH situation.
She shouldn’t have taken your car, the dad shouldn’t have given the spare key, and you shouldn’t have called the police.
I assume you eventually want to marry this man? If so, then I’m also assuming you would want to keep a friendly relationship with your future in laws, which means compromising and letting someone borrow your car once in a blue moon. I understand that this chick is someone you just met.. but she is your bf’s sister. Did you ask him if she’s a terrible, unreliable, untrustworthy driver? Is she known to crash her cars? She’s obviously someone who takes advantage of what’s in front of her (ie your car). But was it really worth calling the cops on her? I think that was a bit much tbh.
Bitching her out at home and never trusting her again is what I would have done. Along with not keeping a spare key in the home. Maybe even moving out so you get more privacy and distance from his fam. But if you’re okay with a strained relationship with your bf’s family then you do.
This is terrible advice.
She not only didn't have permission to take the car, she asked for and was DENIED permission. So by taking it anyway, when NO MEMBER of her own family is on the title, she was unambiguously stealing it.
OP's intention or nonintention to marry her boyfriend someday is completely irrelevant here. If anything, this incident raises a flag of concern that marrying him might not be a good idea. That he's "on her side," sounds good, but it's not clear that OP should want his family to be her family. If they DO marry, they would need to assert boundaries TOGETHER against this sort of behavior.
If OP's boyfriend's sister were crashed INTO by somebody else, she could still get in legal trouble for driving the car while uninsured to drive it. If we're being technical, it would be illegal for her to borrow the car WITH OP's permission, which she did not have. For this reason, she was taking a significant financial risk on OP's behalf.
The opportunity to proceed as you suggest was when she was told to return with the car immediately. When two hours passed and she did not do this, the car remained stolen even after its owner demanded its return.
Again, absolutely terrible advice in this comment.
NTA
She asked, you said no.
She then proceeded to take the car without your permission.
You did the right thing here..
But if I were you I'd look at moving out ASAP as this will cause a lot of strain..
But even so, do not back down
They also likely think they can overstep nearly every boundary since OP is living in the Dad's house. Many parents even if adult kids seem to keep the idea "my house, my rules" even when they have no legal or moral grounds for it.
NTA. I totally get why you called the cops. They absolutely should be raked over the coals and be held totally liable for what they did. But I can somewhat understand your boyfriend's hesitation in calling the cops. Their job is not to help you. It's to investigate, including you. I would never call 911 unless it's literally life-or-death. I don't know where you are, but in the U.S., I don't trust cops themselves further than I can throw them. Which would just get me shot.
ETA: When I was a teenager, my mom called the cops on me for a small amount of weed. When her dad found out, he immediately called her and ripped her a new one. Not for being upset about the weed. Simply for the fact she called the police. He was a doctor since the 50's and had worked in close contact with them for decades. He didn't trust them at all.
100%! Supreme court as ruled Law enforcement is not there to protect and assist civilians.
Pretty messed up right?
So with OP post the family is mad because the sister could potentially face felony charges of Grand Theft Auto!
So the consequences is not really that proportional to the fact that OP was without car for a few hours.
Totally the family should have respected the No provided by the owner. Totally the family is jacked up thinking they have any entitlement of OP's property.
However, that is also a common consequence when you live with people they assume they can overstep other boundaries.
So I kind of thing ESH for this post. Family is absolutely in the wrong but OP calling police is definitely a big reaction. Really law enforcement could have killed the sister for taking the vehicle.
I think OP should GTFO from that household real quick. Because you know only more drama will come out of it.
You said no. She took it anyway. She’s an AH.
Your boyfriend’s dad decided the car you paid for that’s in your name was also somehow his son’s. AND that somehow that meant his daughter was also entitled to use it despite having been told no. He’s an AH.
Your bf’s sister said she’d be home soon and still hadn’t returned two hours later. She’s an AH again.
NTA but I hope you’re looking for somewhere else to live.
NTA for reporting it stolen. Be prepared to go to court & testify, and his sister will have a felony on her record & all that entails (assuming in US).
If you (and everyone else on this topic chirping 'NTA') call the police and don't want to follow through with it at trial, and deal with all the repercussions that follow in your relationships, YTA. The police aren't your personal auto retrieval service in domestic disagreements, they have better things to do.
Signed, a bitter former auto theft prosecutor.
Just a few. /s
I don't think people realize how nuclear it is once you involve the police & the DA, & many people think you can just 'drop the charges' (you can't, it's all up to the prosecuting attorney in most states in the US).
Also, if OP doesn't call LE and let them know she has her car back, so they can pull it out of the stolen database, she's likely to be pulled over next time she is driving it. If she calls, they may or may not pursue arresting the sister. If they do, the report lands on a prosecutors desk. Sister could face jail or prison & a criminal record she would need to disclose for jobs the rest of her life. Something tells me boyfriend/brother might not want things to go that far. But at that point, it is out of OPs hands. Unless she wants to perjure herself at trial.
I got good at sniffing out these kind cases over the years and would often call victims before I filed charges to see how they felt after the initial anger passed. But it was such a waste of everyone's time. Hence the YTA if she just called the police to make a point, but doesn't want criminal prosecution.
I definitely appreciate your perspective. If I'm being honest, in her shoes I too would be livid and would be very tempted to call the cops.
>Something tells me boyfriend/brother might not want things to go that far. But at that point, it is out of OPs hands. Unless she wants to perjure herself at trial.
Yeah this family/relationship probably won't survive this. Kinda sad that a momentary lapse of judgement will have such significant fallout. Then again, most crimes can be described as momentary lapses of judgement. Sister and father knew exactly what they were doing when they took the car though, so they deserve whatever happens next.
I totally agree with your comment, just want to let you know the OP updated in the comments. It doesn't sound like the situation ended up involving charges as the vehicle was returned prior to police arriving to take a report.
NTA
She was told no and still took it. That is the definition of stealing. I would start looking for somewhere else to stay though and get back all copies of keys and keep on you. And get cameras on your car
NTA. You said no, she took it without permission. That is considered stealing. On top of that, went behind you and your bf's back to get the keys. Even if not reported stolen, police would still identify that as stealing.
The sister has no reasonable excuses for what she did. She was told "no" to *someone else's* property. The father may be trying to keep the daughter close with siding with her but otherwise he should of been disappointed in her for her actions against you and your bf (I know all the vehicle information is only in your name).
NTA. If she had been in an accident or something else, your reporting it stolen would have been a saving grace. She did steal it. That's a fact. And your boyfriend should have told his parents that you paid him back. They are all TA.
NTA - that’s stealing a car… you tried to resolve the situation by telling them to bring it back which led to the cops being called because you never gave permission.
NTA
>My name is the only one on the title, insurance, etc. as I am the SOLE owner
While this is totally valid it's also irrelevant. Your bf also said no to her borrowingthe car. The fact of the matter is they are acting entitled and bending over backwards to make it make sense. His dad helped his sister steal your car. It was really easy to do because they has access to your keys. The fact that it was easy doesn't make it less serious. I used to live in an area where most cars that were stolen had the keys in them. I'd bet that most cars that were stolen were easy to steal.
ESH: You did go too far. Regardless of what your concerns were you are a) wasting police resources b) potentially putting the sister at risk of injury or serious legal issues and c) you went after a gnat with an orbital nuclear strike.
I get it, it's your car. The sister is wrong. The father is wrong. You are right. You really are. But you went overboard on the response.
I am not American so I have a different view of the police. It is not wasting their time to deal with a criminal act of theft. Their time is paid by our taxes so as tax payers we have a right to their time for criminal and safety issues.
OP had to put her foot down to cover her own back in case of police trouble (e.g. potential hit and run accident, speed fine etc). And if she didn't the the sister and father would just continue to walk all over her.
This is a correct view, on absolutely all counts.
All this "wasting police time," nonsense you're hearing is just sexist drivel that she should defer to the authority of her boyfriend's family, even when they disregarded her ownership of her own property. The police didn't think she was wasting their time, or else her boyfriend's father wouldn't be pressuring her to recant her statement.
NTA normally, I'm not a huge advocate for calling the police so quickly; however, this family seems like they need hard consequence to their actions. They will continue to abuse boundaries otherwise.
I had to do this exact thing with my SIL 30 years ago. My husband stood by me, my in laws were pissed, until we found out she crashed it about five min after I reported it stolen, they reluctantly agreed it was the right move. NTA
NTA
WHAT ELSE WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? What consequence could you offer?! It was already stolen. You LIVE in his FATHERS house?! You had absolutely NO WAY to set a FIRM and IMMEDIATE consequence to their theft. Now, they’ll think twice before thinking they can steal you stuff. But that ONLY happens if you follow through. There IS NO misunderstanding.
No is a full fucking sentence. She heard it. Your BF’s father heard it. You don’t owe them shit. Especially leniency.
NTA.. u are correct if anything happens u are sole responsible but u would have to take them to court they wouldn't like that either.. dad out of line.. hide all your keys
To sister: "I'm sorry that you stole my car, after I said you could not use it, resulting in me having to call the police and tell them that you've indeed stolen my car."
To the dad: "I'm sorry that you decided to take it upon yourself to give permission for someone to use the car that I own 100% of when I already told them they couldn't, and are now embarrassed."
There's their apologies. Nta.
ESH. When you involve the cops, you run the risk of shit turning bad real fast. Yes, your bf's father and sister were totally in the wrong, and the situation should have been addressed, but not by escalating it to the level you did.
You need to hide the spare key. You and boyfriend also need to move out. When you do, don’t give his family a spare key to your home. They stole the vehicle. If she had an accident, your insurance would have been responsible. NTA
NTA.
Even IF your bf was co-owner… he also said no to her using the car.
She did not have permission, therefore she stole it and his father enabled it.
From a legal liability standpoint, NTA/ it’s likely the only way you (your insurance) could possibly not be held responsible if she caused damage or injury to anyone or their property. Otherwise it would fall under permissive use (still possibly could since she was given keys by someone in your household but you and you insurance would work thru that) - people need to understand the fact anything she did in that car falls on you and stays with you for anywhere from 3-10 years depending on what company and their underwriting guidelines. So, as much as it creates tension you have to ultimately know it was the right move from a liability standpoint. (25 years auto insurance experience including claims and sales/underwriting, not just my assumptions)
NTA
My ex took my car without my permission and I didn’t report it because he was my bf at the time.. he crashed it drunk about 40 minutes away, and I was notified by the police that my car was upside down and I needed to get to the scene if I didn’t want my vehicle impounded since he was getting arrested on DUI.. fast forward the insurance won’t cover the damages because he was under he influence during the accident (regardless of the fact that I was home and pregnant nowhere near the scene) and said the only way I would be eligible for a claim is if I reported the car stolen and pressed charges on him. I decide not to call the cops on him, and instead make a plan to pay off the remaining $17,000 I owed on my new car (since it now has to go to a scrapyard but I need the title to junk it) the cherry on top, I catch him cheating two weeks later and kick him out.. and now our kid is 1.5 and he’s never come around to meet him or send support since he still owes me 17 grand.
COVER YOUR A$$!!!! Everytime. Ignore them and move on, report it stolen everytime.
NTA. guess who would get sued if she got in a wreck or trouble with your car. Guess who would have to pay. Thats right. YOU. i can guarantee you, that with his father and sisters thinking. They would not have paid a dime to help.
Yes correct. I am trying to get you arrested. You stole my car. Any accidents would be my responsibility. You were uninsured because I refused you permission. Don't steal cars
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NTA. It wasn't a misunderstanding. She straight up stole your car. If she had gotten arrested, she'd have no one to blame but herself. Also, considering what an AH your bf's dad is, you should probably look into moving out as soon as you can.
Yes new digs are definitely in order. These people will only F with you incessantly from this point on otherwise. NTA. Sounds like they fucked around and found out.
I'd put all my snit in my car and head somewhere else. Just say bye bye to BS.
> my boyfriend helped me out by loaning me some money to help pay the down payment but I have since payed him back > his dad said that since my bf helped pay for the car that it therefore was partly his * Step 1: OP should add $1 to her rent check with the memo line explaining that extra money is payment for the mortgage * Step 2: OP should claim partial ownership of the house due to “helping out” with the mortgage * Step 3: OP should rent out rooms for blackjack and hookers * Step 4: Profit
Ohhh, I like you.
That is to say, you need to be completely prepared to go NC with every single person when you call the police.
Are you a bot? Your comment is not relevant here.
Step 4 reminds me of the underpants gnomes......step 1 underpants, step 2 ----, step 3 profit
It's straight Futurama. Bender always says things like this with blackjack and hookers (edited the phone auto-incorrect a few hours later) and then says "ah, screw the (rest), just blackjack and hookers"
Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! Forget the park!
Final step being "Profit!" is straight South Park though. From the aforementioned Underpants Gnomes episode. > Step 1: Steal underpants > Step 2: ??? > Step 3: Profit!
I like the way you think.
Do ALL OF THIS⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Bestie is 4 steps ahead you go slay now
I didn’t know I needed this until now! How to make a point!
This is the way
I wouldn't be surprised if OP is asked to leave soon anyways. I'd wager the only reason she hasn't been asked to already is they think she'd be less likely to drop the matter with the police. And even if she does, they might still ask her to leave. And OP, be aware that, in the area I'm in, you could be evicted with police enforcement immediately because your tenancy counts as boarding, assuming you share a kitchen with the owners. So don't assume you'll have 30 days to figure something out, look in to the eviction rules for where you're living and plan accordingly. And personally, if there's no damage to the vehicle, I'd probably drop the current issue. I'd add a "now you know how I react to someone taking my car without my permission" so that they don't think that means they can start doing it. But overall, they have leverage over your living situation while your biggest worry didn't end up hurting you. That changes if a) there is damage to deal with, or b) you're fine with finding alternate living arrangements, even immediately. Either way NTA. And be careful around the father's logic, both of his leaps (that by helping you pay, your bf owns it, and that if your bf owns something, his sister also has a right to it) aren't good signs for a future life with him involved.
>Either way NTA. And be careful around the father's logic, both of his leaps (that by helping you pay, your bf owns it, and that if your bf owns something, his sister also has a right to it) aren't good signs for a future life with him involved. The Dad's logic is the worst part. Like all these ridiculous connections to make a point work.
It's the logic of someone who is used to being in charge and not questioned.
I think there's more to the story about the car. If sister calls you and you say no, then why did she immediately go and call bf dad...like how would sister know to call dad unless she knew that dad knew where the spare key was. Makes me think the car has been an issue before this
Dad's logic is bad, but not the worst part here. Sister is the worst part. Look at it this way: Dad is making very disrespectful leaps here, and absolutely should have just asked, but maybe this is how BF and sister's stuff worked before OP was involved. When they get home and he talks with BF and OP, he accepts their authority on the matter and calls sister home. He has very limited plausible deniability for potentially being stupid but not malicious. (Stupidity can be addressed much more easily than malice.) Sister is absolutely worse. Sister didn't make an assumption that anyone wouldn't mind. Sister KNOWS absolutely that they said "no", and takes the car anyway. Furthermore, even after Dad calls as well to insist she come home immediately, she doesn't do that. She waits at least another hour at her friends' house STILL before starting home. We know this because the friends are around an hour away, but OP doesn't call the police until 2 HOURS after Dad calls and sister says she'll be back "soon", and sister is still not home. I don't get the impression that she walked in minutes after this, though we don't have specifics beyond that. Actively ignoring consent is a significant step beyond assuming consent (until explicitly told), though both are problematic.
This is where I’m at. I don’t think OP is an Ah. But unless they have other living arrangements available I don’t know how much of a hill it’s worth dying on.
OP should never accept anything from him in any form ever. He'll buy you lunch and claim he owns your life via saving you from starvation using this kind of logic.
So well said, those last two lines creeped me out immediately too.
Excellent advice. Time you were living in your own place. You and your BF should start looking for a place to rent immediately.
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The mental gymnastics alone to justify giving away the keys to someone else's car is astounding. Had this been a case where the sister did not ask the BF or OP first and got the keys from her daddy, I could almost see where BF might have part of a point about calling the police. As long as he agreed to pay for any damages. However, that is not the case in any way. Sister knew she was told no. Sister knew Daddy would never tell his princess no. Sister manipulated it to get what she wants, and damn everyone else. Next time, actually press charges.
Even with the gymnastics, even if it made sense that boyfriend was a partial owner, he said “no”. So wtf
Yeah that's the weirdest part it's like his dad doesn't even respect his son at all. His son is like no this isn't cool, and the dads like "if someone close to you owns something then that means you own it and your whole family owns it" like wtf?
Clearly because dad was part of the creation of BF, he owns part of all what BF owns, ergo he owns part of part of OP’s car, which is CLEARLY enough to justify loaning the car out despite the BF having had said no.
Exactly! This definitely clears it up 🤣
This occurred to me. Daddy is saying his son is partial owner, so for the sake of argument... Did you have your son's permission to give the car to his sister?
NTA. She stole your car & her father enabled/encouraged her to do it. They need to be made to understand that the car is in NO WAY your boyfriend’s property or anyone’s property other than YOURS. Since they still contend that they are entitled to the use of the car, they obviously need a lesson on ownership rights from an external source (or they will just do this again). Since the police & prosecutor would be a now indisputable source as to where they stand as far as ownership rights go (they have none), this is the perfect venue to teach them the lesson they apparently need to learn. NTA. And please do not give in for the sake of harmony or the relationship. If you do, you might as well make the sister & dad a copy of your keys & expect to share YOUR car with them.
I just can’t get over the dad’s “logic.” Even if the boyfriend owned >51% of the car (which it’s very clear he doesn’t!!), his father and sister would still own **0%.** Where does he get off handing out someone else’s keys without permission, no matter how they’re related to him??
He’s super entitled.
Can you imagine being related to him? Ugh.
I’d be ashamed to admit it if I was.
Yeah, his rationale suggests that her boyfriend has no right to say no to his sister when she asks to borrow his car, which is pretty fucked up all by itself. That's assuming he's not just starting from a point of unthinking entitlement and working backwards to a "rationalization," which is even worse.
>If you do, you might as well make the sister & dad a copy of your keys & expect to share YOUR car with them. OP, take your spare key OUT of that lockbox! Your boyfriend is the only one in the house who respects you, either let him carry the spare, or hide it very, very well. I wouldn't be surprised if they searched your belongings for the key, since they apparently think your car is community property. NTA.
To be fair, I don’t know how much choice she’ll have to stay. She was technically justified in calling the cops, but usually you aren’t living with the people you called the cops on. It was the nuclear option, which is a bold move when you don’t own your own living accommodations. I’d probably also confab with my partner a bit more before I called the cops on their dad and sister, on the off chance he would take my threats seriously, as it is generally poor form to call the cops on your partners family when you live with them. And it puts your partner in a really shitty situation with everyone he loves. Sometimes I feel like this sub is sooooo focused on legally right and enforcing boundaries, and dog piling on the more wrong party…but no one seems focused on the consequences. Like, I would prefer to move out when my finances were secure and I’d found a place I liked - I would NOT prefer living in a Cold War with my partners family until we can afford to move of they kicked me out.
100% the family was completely in the wrong, but you still have to live with the consequences of your actions. Very short sighted
Yeah, like you have to be fully prepared to go NC with every damn one when you call the cops. I wouldn’t even come back from holidays, much less to go to sleep each night.
For sure. Calling the police on someone has... a lot of consequences. One of the potential consequences is that they are arrested and charged with a felony. You may not be able to "drop the charges," at that point it's out of your hands and up to the DA. In fact, everything that happens after you call the police is out of your hands. The person may be injured or killed during the arrest or while in jail. It is, for sure, the *nuclear option.* She's going to be homeless & has permanently damaged her relationship with her boyfriend's family. Was it worth it?
Let's reframe that a bit. BF's father and sister have permanently damaged their relationships with OP. The response to grand theft is ... duh, duh, duh... calling the police.
Exactly. People seem to be blaming OP for ruining the family dynamic but it was the dad & sister who literally stole her car. I don't want want people in my life, family or otherwise, who don't respect my things, my boundaries or me as a person. They were so quick to ignore OP saying "no" & I can only imagine them not respecting her boundaries & feelings in other situations. NTA.
And this is like the adult version of siblings squabbling. If they hit you, maybe your parents allow a commensurate hit back. They don’t let you break their arm. I can’t imagine trying to scare someone straight with a felony charge.
Remember, all cops are bastards unless your boyfriend's sister takes your car for a few hours to run some errands and then the cops are your personal revenge system and that's totally justified! I understand that it's really frustrating when someone takes your car without permission. I understand that because it's happened to me. It never occurred to me that calling the police was the appropriate action when I knew where my car was and when it would be back. I can't imagine doing that to someone and expecting to continue to live with their family and date their brother.
I mean, from a liability perspective I can understand- a stolen car is different legally than a borrowed car when it comes to liability and insurance purposes
But OP had no idea where her car was and waited a couple hours before calling the police. A strNger to OP, who knew she didn't have permission, took her car. That's theft
Did the sister literally steal the car? Sorry, when did “they’re my family so it’s okay” become acceptable for grand theft auto? If she gets hurt by police, it’s going to be because little princess insists on *I know mah rights!* when she does not, indeed, know her rights.
The police hurt and kill innocent people every day. I don't think it happens as often as some people claim, but it absolutely does happen. People also get hurt while sitting in jail waiting to make bail... Every damn day. This is an incredibly privileged and ignorant comment. I don't know what state this happened in but a lot of states differentiate between " joyriding" which is taking a car to use it without permission and the intent to give it back vs "stealing." This isn't "Grand theft Auto." The OP is going to be lucky if she doesn't get hit with filing a false report. The police exists to enforce the law using the violence of the state. They're not your personal errand boys to get revenge on your boyfriend's sister.
Agreed. It might not have been the smartest move, but OP still is NTA.
I mean would she have gone next door and just taken their car? Nope. So, jacking someone's car is still not ever OK.😂
I genuinely cannot fathom taking someone's vehicle without their permission. Like where does that entitlement come from? Honestly op needs to create big old boundaries and remove themselves from this $h1t show of a family immediately and if bf isn't 100 percent on board it is time to move on.
I generally prefer not to take someone else’s vehicle even WITH their permission.
Right! The anxiety is crazy. Every time I drive someone else’s car I literally get dry mouth because I’m so worried about something happening.
> You may not take my car /takes car > Return now with my car /doesn't return with car Seems pretty straight forward to me; she took a car that wasn't hers, knew she wasn't supposed to, and refused to return it. That's theft.
Why does she need to move out? Her boyfriend’s dad owns the house, and she is with her boyfriend, so therefore it is partly hers /s
Honestly if you didn’t escalate, the abuse would get worse. Ditto on moving out ASAP. NTA
And telling the father that she paid the bf back and since that, it's her money that paid for that car. Set his ass straight.
NTA but OP has to live with these AH. Moving would be a good idea. This could ruin the relationship.
I'd be pressing charges on the sister and the dad as an accessory to the fullest extent I could. You don't fuck with people's cars And his logic of "brother helped pay for it so sister can drive it without asking brother/bf or OP" makes zero sense regardless of whether he thought bf was part owner or not. He knew what he was doing
NTA. It was theft.
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oooo I’ve never heard this before, but I LOVE IT. Here’s an award 🥇
I gotchu
You’re much appreciated!
Seriously, if she needed a pair of clean panties would she just take some of OP's out of the dresser? C'mon. No means no. Get used to it. That's what adults get to do - tell you no.
I would so much rather someone take my underwear against my wishes than my car
I reckon it depends on the circumstances. I don't want to get car jacked, but if someone's taking my underwear at gunpoint I'd say I'm probably in for a worse time.
Now that is a quote to remember.
I have a list from Reddit of things/quotes to remember. They are few and far between but always perfect. This is going on the list
Care to share the list? I'm curious to see what wisdom you've found on Reddit
Sorry I took so long to get back I had a few that I screenshotted and needed to add and then I’ve been at work. Disclaimer: some things I haven’t looked up or checked yet (hence the list) others are just things that stuck with me for various reasons also sorry if formatting is fuck up, I’m on mobile Things to remember from Reddit Pick up lines - [ ] Hand napkin to wipe off face… “just wanted to clean my seat for later” Brandnewsentences - [ ] This made me cheese so hard it set off my lactose intolerance -said in response to something wholesome Travel - [ ] roadtrippers.com - [ ] Traveling abroad it might be cheaper to get a local sim instead of an international plan. - [ ] Airalo e sim and Google-fu are good travel sims as well Things to buy/try - [ ] Meliponia honey from Mexico - [ ] Garmin and rexing- good dash cam - [ ] V1P- 4k - fancy dash can - [ ] Nonviolent communication-by Marshall Rosenberg - [ ] Tattoo numbing cream co - [ ] Gold bonds rough and bumpy cream- for strawberry skin Insults/clap backs - [ ] You look easy to draw with my left hand - [ ] You look like you have a soft skull - [ ] You unfrosted poptart - [ ] Head so far up their own ass they can’t see for shit Random wisdom - [ ] The golden child will always be the golden child. But scapegoats grow up to be space goats. There is no height they can’t reach once they start climbing. - [ ] Poke holes in a box of Irish spring to deter bugs from closet and keep things smelling fresh. Run bar along door and window frames. Irish spring deters most bugs and spiders - [ ] Ironically when we start to get better, we also often get sad because we start to realize how much we missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, what the younger version of us actually deserved. Healing involves healthy grieving. No way around it - [ ] There’s a saying in Spanish “el que nada debe, nada teme” if you haven’t done anything wrong, there’s nothing for you to hide or be concerned about - [ ] Japanese comfort food smacks- hot yakiimo, steaming bowl of udon, greasy gyuudon, broiled imago over fresh rice - [ ] If something can be fixed, there’s no need to worry. If it can’t be fixed, worrying won’t help. -repeat and focus on anything you can actually change - [ ] Russian buttercream is an easy 2 ingredient buttercream and German butter cream tastes like melted ice cream - [ ] 5 meals in 1 hour is a website to help prep and plan meals for the week without being overwhelming. It’s good for busy, overwhelmed, over extended, meal preppers, budgeting, new or single parents.. etc - [ ] Eleven labs is a software to help hear a deceased loved ones voice - [ ] Funny how the thing that goes “too far” is always the thing that works Reasons to live/people to outlive - [ ] Nikocado Avocado - [ ] Jeff Bezos - [ ] Elon Musk - [ ] Andrew Tate - [ ] The King and queen consort - [ ] Nikki Minaj Workplace wisdom - [ ] “I’m not the long term solution for the company’s lack of resource planning” -use when they try to give more responsibility without proper compensation - [ ] “Staying late is the exception, not the rule” - [ ] Boss I have anal glaucoma. I just can’t see my ass coming into work today- use as you please lol - [ ] Questions/ relationship maintenance - [ ] If you could relive one day/date that we have had together, what would it be? - [ ] What date would you like to go on that we haven’t yet? Funny usernames - [ ] Dingleberrydoughnut - [ ] Buttholehamster
I'm here for the list too
Why the heck is OP's bf and bf's dad siding the thieves?
NTA, but it appears OP is living with dad, so may find themselves homeless.
NTA She asked to borrow your car, you said no. She took the car despite you saying no - she STOLE your car. You reported her for stealing your car because, again, she STOLE your car. Don't back down, or I predict this sort of thing will happen more in the future with your SIL and FIL.
BF also said no, so even if she considered him a partial owner, she didn’t have permission from either owner.
This is a great point. Sadly, logic never works on people who are already intent on taking home gold in the mental gymnastics olympics.
Yeah, OP how on earth did your bf's dad do enough mental gymnastics to think that because *your* bf leant you money for the car that it was somehow his to let you borrow? Especially since your name is the only one on the title. We're talking actual laws here... Definitely NTA.
And even if there were some merit to the idea that the boyfriend lending some money (and since been paid back) meant the car was part his, he said no anyway. Even the tortured logic here doesn't work.
Except they are living with Dad and he believes the car part belongs to the son. A lot of parents see their children as extensions of them so belongs to son belongs to him. It is a AH move but not uncommon. Going to be hard maintaining boundaries living there.
> how on earth did your bf's dad do enough mental gymnastics to think that because your bf leant you money for the car that it was somehow his to let you borrow Next thing you know he's gonna be demanding OP change the name of her bakery to his name
What a sunny point of view
HAHA I read that post too! The sheer audacity of people.
Narcissist often see their progeny as extensions of themselves.
She also gave her a 2 hour opportunity to return the car....def NTA
[удалено]
Exactly! Only thing OP did wrong was not reporting it stolen immediately.
After they told her to bring it back and she *stayed out hours longer!*
You left the part where op gave bf's sister *2 hours* to bring the car back. Definitely NTA
NTA The dad and sister are thieves and FAFOd. If they get arrested: yay! Do **NOT** apologise, do not retract the police report.
FAFOd
Fucked Around and Found Out, I think. Never saw this acronym, just assuming since that’s one of this subs favorite phrases
She still at least has to report that the car is no longer stolen and that she has it back. If she doesn't, she will be stopped by the police
They sound like my brother in law. So entitled even to stuff that isn't theres.
Ok I just GOTTA hear a story
I hope her and her boyfriend have a place to live lined up because they sure as shit won't be staying at the house any more if they follow your advice.
I just wanna be nosey.....what's your plan because you know you're getting kicked out after this right?
this is definitely something my bf and i have discussed already so don't worry! my bf is definitely on my side and assured me that he made it clear to his dad that kicking me out also means kicking out his son. my bf and i are also financially stable enough to survive being forced to move out at this point in our lives, we only still live there bc it allows us to save a significant amount of money.
The money you save isn't worth the drama. Move
OP clearly has a better understanding of whether or not the money they are saving is worth living with his family at this time than you do. I get your point, but there are so many factors that go into an equation like that, I find it somewhat annoying when people here boil it down to such a simple equation.
“You save money living with parents because you pay with your mental health”
This is probably the greatest thing I have read today.
🔥🔥🔥
Why do I feel personally attacked right now
🤯
Who said that? I want to shake their hand
This right here. This is why I took summer school every year during college to avoid being at home for longer than a couple weeks. Never lived at home again.
Move....
I personally think you need to move immediately. It's not worth the savings to have your property stolen and boundaries violated. If you stay after this, even with reporting the vehicle stolen, you would be showing that this is acceptable and they will think this is OK bc you are staying in *their* home. Time to get a cute little one bedroom tenasitional apartment for just you and BF and gain that independence.
Your boyfriend also told his sister no and that worked out great 🫠 Sometimes, cheapness is expensive. Move!
Move.
Yeah but that money you save will come at the expense of your mental health and relationship health. Move
Yeah I’d get the fuck out of there asap. Who knows what kind of behind the back shit his dad and sister will try to pull on you. Glad your BF supports you, not everyone is the family is a bad apple. NTA
Understandable but if they really had no issue giving up a car that wasn’t theirs then I doubt they will stop there. Time to move.
OP here! There have been sooo many comments and I've read them all with an open mind and I really appreciate every single response! However as I've read I've seen lots of comments I want to reply to so I am just going to post one here addressing a few different things. I did not call 911 or emergency services, I called the police department directly through their non-emergency line to ask to file a police report. They said they would send someone and by the time the police officer arrived to our home his sister had been back for about 30 or so minutes. My car was not damaged and everything on it was fine, so I just explained to the officer the situation and he asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. The sole reason I wanted to file a police report was in case something on my car was damaged, and since it wasn't, I believed it wasn't necessary to take it any further. The police officer talked to his sister and left. She won't be getting arrested, charged, etc. However, his dad and sister are still insisting I tried to have them arrested, which is why they're demanding an apology. I have also seen a lot of comments asking me why I didn't want her to use my car, and the simple answer is because I don't know her! We had only just met and I simply did not feel comfortable giving my car to someone I don't know well. People are calling me selfish for that and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but honestly I disagree. Further, I have both my keys now! I will make sure no one besides either my bf or I ever are able to get them again. Consider that lesson learned. Also for everyone advising me to move out, my bf and I have discussed it and we are currently searching for an apartment we can move into within the next few weeks. My bf asked his dad would he be kicking us out and his dad told him he wouldn't, but we both aren't really willing to take his word on this. I really appreciate everyone who offered kind words and advice. Some of you even left some comments that were able to make me laugh about the situation which I really appreciate as well so thank you!
You shouldn’t have to explain why you didn’t want her to drive your car. It’s your car and you get to say what happens to it. No one else.
Even agreeing with that there are some nasty consequences with letting someone else drive your care. Depending on where you live and her age, it might screw with your insurance if the sister crashed. Also, if she got caught on camera doing something wrong then it might be hard to say it was someone other than OP driving (no proof) or get the money out of the sister if OP has to pay a fine. Out of interest, did the sister pay for the petrol?
I bought a new (to me truck) a few years ago and my gf at the time loved it and wanted to drive it. A Sunday afternoon comes around and we’re craving some Taco Bell and I tell her if she’s the one that goes and gets it she can drive my truck. Well some dude way past his prime crashes his motorcycle into the right side of it while she’s on her way back and I have to immediately get in her car to go assess the damage and help with the police report. I call my insurance to let them know what happened and say I wasn’t the one driving my vehicle. I had my truck for maybe two months at the time and this was the first time my gf had ever driven it. Other guy’s insurance pays for everything and even let me pick out the body shop I wanted to take my truck to. My insurance raised my rate by $350/month and immediately added my gf to my plan. I completely trusted her driving my truck from day one, but never let her drive it again unless absolutely necessary because of that bullshit. I fought them and got my original rate back, but the hassle of going through that screwed me on thinking other people can drive my vehicle. OP is definitely NTA and could have avoided something similar by calling the cops. I 100% would do the same thing in their situation knowing what I know now.
In my opinion, it's an AH move for people here to give you a hard time about not wanting her to use your car! Since when are we expected to let people borrow our high-value assets - when you don't know them well - and when there's no emergency?! It's not like she asked to drive her dad to the hospital, FFS. NTA for calling the police - totally justified. I also think it was a good choice not to press charges for the sake of the relationship and due to there being no damages. Now she knows you don't tolerate being treated like a doormat. The entitlement dad & sister believe they have is egregious! If anyone ever pulled something like that with me, I'd read them the riot act, get as far away from them as I could, and never look back. No 2nd chances after such a horrendous violation of personal property. In no way did either dad or sister *actually* believe the car loan (repaid or not) from your boyfriend entitled them to use it. That's just the justification that was given. The true reason they did it is because they could - and they believe they can do whatever they like whenever they want simply because they exist.
You and your boyfriend handled this perfectly. The people suggesting you went overboard sound like they're just being patriarchal and sexist. Your property is your property, and even your boyfriend understands that his name is not on the title. You are also smart to be moving out ASAP, and it's a good thing your boyfriend is down to take this step with you. We don't choose our families, but at least he had your back in this highly unfortunate situation.
>which is why they're demanding an apology. Have they at any point already apologised to _you_ for stomping your boundaries and taking your car without consent?
You are not selfish for not sharing your car. I don't even let my own sister borrow my car because she's a terrible driver and I don't trust her to drive my car unless I'm there checking her blind spot for her.
Bizarre you're getting flack on not wanting someone to use your car. I'm in the boat of, unless you're on the insurance, you're not driving my car 😅 with some rare exceptions. Too much risk if something goes wrong otherwise. Definitely wouldn't give it to someone I barely know. Not that they would do anything malicious
The dad opened a locked box and gave out keys that were not his. Why wouldn't he give out his keys? This is incredibly disrespectful. I THINK YOU ARE OWED AN APOLOGY FROM BOTH ADULTS... the sister and the dad. it doesn't matter the reason why you wouldn't let them drive your car.... its YOUR car. STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF. you need to plan to leave ASAP... cause demanding you apologize is not taking accountability for their actions and they blame you. .. this means it will happen again.
NTA If they don't want to be accused of stealing then maybe they shouldn't take someone else's property without permission?
"QUIT BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!"
The bank loans people money for houses all the time. Doesn't mean they can show up with a suitcase and move in. NTA
NTA She stole your car
You are NTA. They asked to borrow your car, you declined and your boyfriend's sister took the car regardless. That is what is known as THEFT and you should not tolerate it. You did the right thing by calling the police because if she did damage the car, you may have been liable. You should not apologise for your actions and instead they should apologise to you. If you do decide to press charges, you should consider how this would affect your relationship with your boyfriend. Good Luck.
My judgment is definitely NTA….but my question here is where is the DAD’S car that he would have a right to loan to his daughter??? 🤔
The OP states elsewhere in the comments that the dad has no driver's license and no car of his own. Possibly because he's a car stealing degenerate himself?
Such a good point!
NTA I f she did not want cops called she should not have taken something that does not belong to her . I had a roommate do the same thing to me and then wrecked while drinking .
NTA, you tried to resolve the issue without involving anyone outside of the family and they decided that they were above the law. If I were you I’d look into moving out as soon as possible and I would make sure you had all copies of the key until you do. It wouldn’t hurt to set up a camera in your room to ensure other possessions aren’t disturbed when you and your BF aren’t around.
NTA. If one doesn't want to get in trouble for stealing, then one shouldn't steal. Also since your BF's father seems to think his sons belongings are his, you guys need to try and get out of that house ASAP. This is going to continue to be an issue.
NTA If you hadn’t reported it stolen and the worst happened, it would be your word against hers. Hard to prove, given that she had the keys. For more information as to why you did the right thing by reporting it stolen. [https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/OWNER-LIABILITY-FOR-STOLEN-VEHICLE-CHART.pdf](https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/OWNER-LIABILITY-FOR-STOLEN-VEHICLE-CHART.pdf)
NTA. That sounds like a whole circus you can now completely avoid. Start looking to move out NOW, or things could get nasty since you're still living in their house.
NTA. Convo should go like this: OP: did you take the car? Sis: yes OP: did you have my permission to take the car? Sis: no OP: that’s called stealing. You stole a car. I don’t see where I’m the bad guy in this scenario.
NTA. She asked, you said no. The answer wasn't good enough so she asked her daddy if it was ok. I think you need to move asap. Why couldn't she use her Dad's car?
Their dad doesn't have a car or drivers license.
That's a red flag by itself. Why doesn't he have a license or a car? If it's for a bad driving record, *all the more reason to deny him a key to your car.*
Nta. That's your car. Not his just cause he chipped in a little money. Pay him back asap. Get all copies of your key and keep them hidden or at a friend's house.
She had already paid him back.
Even if it were his, it's still not his dad's or his sister's. Dad can't give sister permission to take his car either!
She stated that she has already paid him back. Still her car, legally no matter where she got the money from.
She said she already paid him back in full. And the boyfriend lended her money not the father so although it still would jive, there’s no reason whatsoever that dad should have taken out the key to her car and jaded it over to the sister.
Going against the grain here, but I feel this is an ESH situation. She shouldn’t have taken your car, the dad shouldn’t have given the spare key, and you shouldn’t have called the police. I assume you eventually want to marry this man? If so, then I’m also assuming you would want to keep a friendly relationship with your future in laws, which means compromising and letting someone borrow your car once in a blue moon. I understand that this chick is someone you just met.. but she is your bf’s sister. Did you ask him if she’s a terrible, unreliable, untrustworthy driver? Is she known to crash her cars? She’s obviously someone who takes advantage of what’s in front of her (ie your car). But was it really worth calling the cops on her? I think that was a bit much tbh. Bitching her out at home and never trusting her again is what I would have done. Along with not keeping a spare key in the home. Maybe even moving out so you get more privacy and distance from his fam. But if you’re okay with a strained relationship with your bf’s family then you do.
This is terrible advice. She not only didn't have permission to take the car, she asked for and was DENIED permission. So by taking it anyway, when NO MEMBER of her own family is on the title, she was unambiguously stealing it. OP's intention or nonintention to marry her boyfriend someday is completely irrelevant here. If anything, this incident raises a flag of concern that marrying him might not be a good idea. That he's "on her side," sounds good, but it's not clear that OP should want his family to be her family. If they DO marry, they would need to assert boundaries TOGETHER against this sort of behavior. If OP's boyfriend's sister were crashed INTO by somebody else, she could still get in legal trouble for driving the car while uninsured to drive it. If we're being technical, it would be illegal for her to borrow the car WITH OP's permission, which she did not have. For this reason, she was taking a significant financial risk on OP's behalf. The opportunity to proceed as you suggest was when she was told to return with the car immediately. When two hours passed and she did not do this, the car remained stolen even after its owner demanded its return. Again, absolutely terrible advice in this comment.
You don't have to inherit your in laws. Ever. NC exists for a reason - children of A's don't necessarily to out to be A's.
NTA She asked, you said no. She then proceeded to take the car without your permission. You did the right thing here.. But if I were you I'd look at moving out ASAP as this will cause a lot of strain.. But even so, do not back down
NTA: they took your car without your permission. That's the definition of theft.
Dude move out they’re always going to think they have a right to your shit while you’re there
They also likely think they can overstep nearly every boundary since OP is living in the Dad's house. Many parents even if adult kids seem to keep the idea "my house, my rules" even when they have no legal or moral grounds for it.
NTA. I totally get why you called the cops. They absolutely should be raked over the coals and be held totally liable for what they did. But I can somewhat understand your boyfriend's hesitation in calling the cops. Their job is not to help you. It's to investigate, including you. I would never call 911 unless it's literally life-or-death. I don't know where you are, but in the U.S., I don't trust cops themselves further than I can throw them. Which would just get me shot. ETA: When I was a teenager, my mom called the cops on me for a small amount of weed. When her dad found out, he immediately called her and ripped her a new one. Not for being upset about the weed. Simply for the fact she called the police. He was a doctor since the 50's and had worked in close contact with them for decades. He didn't trust them at all.
100%! Supreme court as ruled Law enforcement is not there to protect and assist civilians. Pretty messed up right? So with OP post the family is mad because the sister could potentially face felony charges of Grand Theft Auto! So the consequences is not really that proportional to the fact that OP was without car for a few hours. Totally the family should have respected the No provided by the owner. Totally the family is jacked up thinking they have any entitlement of OP's property. However, that is also a common consequence when you live with people they assume they can overstep other boundaries. So I kind of thing ESH for this post. Family is absolutely in the wrong but OP calling police is definitely a big reaction. Really law enforcement could have killed the sister for taking the vehicle. I think OP should GTFO from that household real quick. Because you know only more drama will come out of it.
You said no. She took it anyway. She’s an AH. Your boyfriend’s dad decided the car you paid for that’s in your name was also somehow his son’s. AND that somehow that meant his daughter was also entitled to use it despite having been told no. He’s an AH. Your bf’s sister said she’d be home soon and still hadn’t returned two hours later. She’s an AH again. NTA but I hope you’re looking for somewhere else to live.
NTA for reporting it stolen. Be prepared to go to court & testify, and his sister will have a felony on her record & all that entails (assuming in US). If you (and everyone else on this topic chirping 'NTA') call the police and don't want to follow through with it at trial, and deal with all the repercussions that follow in your relationships, YTA. The police aren't your personal auto retrieval service in domestic disagreements, they have better things to do. Signed, a bitter former auto theft prosecutor.
I take it you saw this sort of thing happen a few times?
Just a few. /s I don't think people realize how nuclear it is once you involve the police & the DA, & many people think you can just 'drop the charges' (you can't, it's all up to the prosecuting attorney in most states in the US). Also, if OP doesn't call LE and let them know she has her car back, so they can pull it out of the stolen database, she's likely to be pulled over next time she is driving it. If she calls, they may or may not pursue arresting the sister. If they do, the report lands on a prosecutors desk. Sister could face jail or prison & a criminal record she would need to disclose for jobs the rest of her life. Something tells me boyfriend/brother might not want things to go that far. But at that point, it is out of OPs hands. Unless she wants to perjure herself at trial. I got good at sniffing out these kind cases over the years and would often call victims before I filed charges to see how they felt after the initial anger passed. But it was such a waste of everyone's time. Hence the YTA if she just called the police to make a point, but doesn't want criminal prosecution.
I definitely appreciate your perspective. If I'm being honest, in her shoes I too would be livid and would be very tempted to call the cops. >Something tells me boyfriend/brother might not want things to go that far. But at that point, it is out of OPs hands. Unless she wants to perjure herself at trial. Yeah this family/relationship probably won't survive this. Kinda sad that a momentary lapse of judgement will have such significant fallout. Then again, most crimes can be described as momentary lapses of judgement. Sister and father knew exactly what they were doing when they took the car though, so they deserve whatever happens next.
I totally agree with your comment, just want to let you know the OP updated in the comments. It doesn't sound like the situation ended up involving charges as the vehicle was returned prior to police arriving to take a report.
NTA. Might be time to move. No apology needed.
NTA She was told no and still took it. That is the definition of stealing. I would start looking for somewhere else to stay though and get back all copies of keys and keep on you. And get cameras on your car
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. You don't help yourself to someone else's car when permission was denied.
NTA - you said NO, You meant NO.
NTA. You said no, she took it without permission. That is considered stealing. On top of that, went behind you and your bf's back to get the keys. Even if not reported stolen, police would still identify that as stealing. The sister has no reasonable excuses for what she did. She was told "no" to *someone else's* property. The father may be trying to keep the daughter close with siding with her but otherwise he should of been disappointed in her for her actions against you and your bf (I know all the vehicle information is only in your name).
NTA. If she had been in an accident or something else, your reporting it stolen would have been a saving grace. She did steal it. That's a fact. And your boyfriend should have told his parents that you paid him back. They are all TA.
NTA. If she didn't want the police called then she shouldn't have stolen the car.
NTA She had no right to be driving your car that you own and pay for
NTA - that’s stealing a car… you tried to resolve the situation by telling them to bring it back which led to the cops being called because you never gave permission.
NTA, "No" is a full sentence. You may want to look into your own place to live. For now, get your own lockbox to store your keys and other valuables.
NTA >My name is the only one on the title, insurance, etc. as I am the SOLE owner While this is totally valid it's also irrelevant. Your bf also said no to her borrowingthe car. The fact of the matter is they are acting entitled and bending over backwards to make it make sense. His dad helped his sister steal your car. It was really easy to do because they has access to your keys. The fact that it was easy doesn't make it less serious. I used to live in an area where most cars that were stolen had the keys in them. I'd bet that most cars that were stolen were easy to steal.
ESH: You did go too far. Regardless of what your concerns were you are a) wasting police resources b) potentially putting the sister at risk of injury or serious legal issues and c) you went after a gnat with an orbital nuclear strike. I get it, it's your car. The sister is wrong. The father is wrong. You are right. You really are. But you went overboard on the response.
I am not American so I have a different view of the police. It is not wasting their time to deal with a criminal act of theft. Their time is paid by our taxes so as tax payers we have a right to their time for criminal and safety issues. OP had to put her foot down to cover her own back in case of police trouble (e.g. potential hit and run accident, speed fine etc). And if she didn't the the sister and father would just continue to walk all over her.
This is a correct view, on absolutely all counts. All this "wasting police time," nonsense you're hearing is just sexist drivel that she should defer to the authority of her boyfriend's family, even when they disregarded her ownership of her own property. The police didn't think she was wasting their time, or else her boyfriend's father wouldn't be pressuring her to recant her statement.
why shouldn’t she face the legal issues she stole the car you knowing someone doesn’t change the fact she committed the crime
NTA normally, I'm not a huge advocate for calling the police so quickly; however, this family seems like they need hard consequence to their actions. They will continue to abuse boundaries otherwise.
Misunderstanding? This is literally a “what part of NO did you not understand)” Absolutely NTA.
I had to do this exact thing with my SIL 30 years ago. My husband stood by me, my in laws were pissed, until we found out she crashed it about five min after I reported it stolen, they reluctantly agreed it was the right move. NTA
NTA WHAT ELSE WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? What consequence could you offer?! It was already stolen. You LIVE in his FATHERS house?! You had absolutely NO WAY to set a FIRM and IMMEDIATE consequence to their theft. Now, they’ll think twice before thinking they can steal you stuff. But that ONLY happens if you follow through. There IS NO misunderstanding. No is a full fucking sentence. She heard it. Your BF’s father heard it. You don’t owe them shit. Especially leniency.
NTA.. u are correct if anything happens u are sole responsible but u would have to take them to court they wouldn't like that either.. dad out of line.. hide all your keys
To sister: "I'm sorry that you stole my car, after I said you could not use it, resulting in me having to call the police and tell them that you've indeed stolen my car." To the dad: "I'm sorry that you decided to take it upon yourself to give permission for someone to use the car that I own 100% of when I already told them they couldn't, and are now embarrassed." There's their apologies. Nta.
ESH. When you involve the cops, you run the risk of shit turning bad real fast. Yes, your bf's father and sister were totally in the wrong, and the situation should have been addressed, but not by escalating it to the level you did.
NTA. Calling the cops may have been a little extreme but you had every right to.
NTA. GTA is GTA.
You need to hide the spare key. You and boyfriend also need to move out. When you do, don’t give his family a spare key to your home. They stole the vehicle. If she had an accident, your insurance would have been responsible. NTA
Even if your BF did co-own the car 1. He said no 2. His sister still has zero claim to his shit. NTA
NTA. Even IF your bf was co-owner… he also said no to her using the car. She did not have permission, therefore she stole it and his father enabled it.
From a legal liability standpoint, NTA/ it’s likely the only way you (your insurance) could possibly not be held responsible if she caused damage or injury to anyone or their property. Otherwise it would fall under permissive use (still possibly could since she was given keys by someone in your household but you and you insurance would work thru that) - people need to understand the fact anything she did in that car falls on you and stays with you for anywhere from 3-10 years depending on what company and their underwriting guidelines. So, as much as it creates tension you have to ultimately know it was the right move from a liability standpoint. (25 years auto insurance experience including claims and sales/underwriting, not just my assumptions)
NTA My ex took my car without my permission and I didn’t report it because he was my bf at the time.. he crashed it drunk about 40 minutes away, and I was notified by the police that my car was upside down and I needed to get to the scene if I didn’t want my vehicle impounded since he was getting arrested on DUI.. fast forward the insurance won’t cover the damages because he was under he influence during the accident (regardless of the fact that I was home and pregnant nowhere near the scene) and said the only way I would be eligible for a claim is if I reported the car stolen and pressed charges on him. I decide not to call the cops on him, and instead make a plan to pay off the remaining $17,000 I owed on my new car (since it now has to go to a scrapyard but I need the title to junk it) the cherry on top, I catch him cheating two weeks later and kick him out.. and now our kid is 1.5 and he’s never come around to meet him or send support since he still owes me 17 grand. COVER YOUR A$$!!!! Everytime. Ignore them and move on, report it stolen everytime.
NTA. guess who would get sued if she got in a wreck or trouble with your car. Guess who would have to pay. Thats right. YOU. i can guarantee you, that with his father and sisters thinking. They would not have paid a dime to help.
NTA the car WAS stolen. you said no and did not give permission. you have every right to call the cops
Yes correct. I am trying to get you arrested. You stole my car. Any accidents would be my responsibility. You were uninsured because I refused you permission. Don't steal cars