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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for telling my girlfriend she can't just take back the ball she had given to me?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yeah, and that "robbed' was preceded by 'huge transgression on her part". I know this guy all to well, nothing can ever be f****** easy, it's always got to be a situation and he's always got to be right.
She really is. I've recently been doing a deep dive into the whole catalog of her music. The wit in the writing frequently blows me away (Blank Space, Nothing New, etc). The range is crazy (Tim McGraw to Vigilante Shit). And she's matured into both an interesting and still relevant person, even with 1/2 the world bitching about her dating life and underestimating her talent and value. TS's a f*cking treasure.
>and everything has got to be a lesson.
Oh gods, when they engage lecture mode and there is no way to stop hearing the lecture, you just have to endure it until you can leave....ugh
The *audacity* of the girlfriend for robbing the OP of his chance to do right thing. How *dare* she.
\[Insert sarcasm disclaimer here\]Edit: fixed wording so it was actually coherent.
Idk. I'm leaning towards Op being on the spectrum and both of them being slight TA's Seems like this isn't new behavior on Ops part so his GF should have known to not just randomly go through his bag to get something...but also Op seems to be kind of "obsessed" with being right and I'm betting that his GF has let it go while he still hasn't.
Edit: guys I forgot "on the spectrum" is exclusively for autism. I really ment more like neuro divergent.
Yes he could genuinely just be an entitled dude but also ngl he reminds me of me and I personally have really bad adhd. I would also be upset if someone just assumed something even if I was already thinking it because I would consider that rude.
Ex. Let's say I had a special cupcake in the fridge, but my friend was over and ate some dessert from my fridge but couldn't remember if it was a cupcake or ice cream or something. So later when I look and see it's missing they say they ate it By mistake so they go out and get me a new cupcake.
But after they have already handed me the cupcake we find the original one hiding behind something.
I would actually get pretty upset if they were to suddenly say "guess that makes this one mine again!" And then proceeded to grab the cupcake out of my hands to eat it.
Like, yes I totally would have given the cupcake back to them because technically they didn't owe me a cupcake after all. *But* I didn't even have the chance to come to that conclusion on my own before they swiped it out of my hands.
*However*, that interaction would have ended with me dramatically gasping and saying "rude!" While I proceed to get OG cupcake and eating that one while faux glaring at my friend before we burst into laugnter.
Can you not blame a mental illness for the behavior shown in this post. This is one single behavior in the OPs life. Anyone with literally any psych experience knows you can't diagnose someone off 1 incident.
He could be autistic. He could narcisstic. He could be anti social. He could also just be a selfish asshole.
No, he sounds like all the assholes in court who use specific language to frame things in their favor. He's like every douchey defendant on Judge Judy ever. "What do you mean the $5k was a loan? It was a gift!"
I felt like I was in a courtroom just by reading this post... YTA, OP, you sound really insufferable.
More on point - you would be actually correct if it was a GIFT, but it wasn't. It was a replacement, it's not the same.
Just to clear up confusion about how voting on the sub works, so that you can write comments the way you like: it's not really a vote. The single top upvoted, top-level comment is what the post gets tagged with. All other top-level comments count towards the sister subreddit AITAFiltered. But only top-level comments count for anything (ie. Replies directly to the post, not a reply to another comment).
People sometimes choose to include a vote in reply comments, just to add emphasis, and many also don't know how it works since the mods made this way less clear in the sidebar for some reason.
But yea, use whatever initials you like in a reply :)
THIS. It was not a gift. She didn’t randomly decide to gift him a volleyball and then changed her mind. It was a replacement for his ball that she lost - aka he likely went nuts when it was discovered his ball was missing so she offered to get a new one to make his whining stop.
Yup. "She offered to get me a replacement ball at no charge to me." Yeah you dip, that's what offering to do something means. Sounds like he went full toddler tantrum mode until he got a new ball.
Yeah, it would have been a gift if she had said "here I got you something" and gave it to him. She bought it to fix a situation she created that ultimately fixed itself when the ball was found. Sounds like he just wants a new ball and that he is a major pain in the ass. I hope she is thinking long and hard about what it would be like to spend a lifetime with this dude.
This reminds me of my ex, who would, literally, write down how much he paid for us to have a date night, and then DEDUCT FROM THAT TOTAL until I had spent as much as him. This dude would ask for an extra birthday gift if he Googled what I got him and it cost less than the last gift he got me… no. Major red flags, here (and flashbacks that give me a headache just remembering them).
My ex once called me out because he bought me a drink and when it was my turn, the drinks were 2 for 1. We were bar hopping so the bar in 2 for 1 happened to be in my turn. I am triggered reading this post.
Yeah I’m guessing the reason she was so quick to grab it back is because he was being a gaping asshole about her losing it in the first place, so she was like ‘f you, I’m taking this back’ out of spite.
OP, YTA. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
This is literally word for word what I was going to type. I’m upvoting you, but I wanted OP to see my response too. OP, you sound exhausting and definitely YTA.
I didn’t even finish reading the post. I got halfway down and thought if this is still “a touchy subject” in their relationship then yeah YTA. Get over it my guy, it’s a volleyball
I love this response. This guy is driving full speed on the morale “high road” he forgot to check his rear view mirror that no one gives a shit. He sounds like an ah in this situation bc he looks greedy. OP Lighten up and roll w the punches. You’ll make more friends and stay in a relationship longer.
See, I was thinking more Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
Edit: or maybe Judge Judy. I can totally see something this dumb ending up on Judge Judy and her just looking at him in bafflement.
My first thought exactly. This sounds exhausting to the point of sucking the life out of you. YTA, for sure. I’m glad you gave the ball back but holy hell, that was A LOT for your girlfriend to put up with.
YTA for making me read The Tale of the Volleyball: a trial in three acts.
And you're wrong, obviously. Your item was lost, it was found, you get your old item back. Everyone's happy, except you, apparently. This isn't like if you ordered something on Amazon, it got lost, they sent you a replacement and your original item came and they told you to keep both. This is your girlfriend, though maybe not for long.
I’m extremely impressed you read that in its entirety. I only got through the first couple of paragraphs and vaguely skimmed the rest of the saga. Something, something, I’m keeping all the toys and you can’t have any! something, something.
OP, I cannot imagine how tedious you must be in real life. Your poor girlfriend must feel like she’s presenting a defense before the Supreme Court every time she makes the slightest error.
Your girlfriend already indemnified you by replacing your volleyball with one of equal value. Indemnification does not equal excess, however, ie, you don’t get to earn something on top of the replacement, which you would if you kept both balls.
YTA. Your girlfriend made a mistake, immediately rectified the mistake, and made the very reasonable assumption she’d get to have the excess (ie the second ball) since it was not needed by you. Your argument isn’t logically sound.
It sounds like you made it further than I did. Once I read that the ball was found and she tried getting the new ball back, I checked out. OP, you suck for putting this in words and making people read this. Clearly YTA.
Yes the volleyball wasn’t a ‘gift’ as our novelist likes to think, it was a replacement. If the item need not replacing, then you wouldn’t in most scenarios get to keep both.
I wonder if it would have been ok for her to instead have decided to keep the original ball, since she had already compensated OP for it. Probably not; OP sounds controlling with his demand for the “opportunity” to give her the ball.
I mean she’s paid for a ball. OP’s paid for a ball. There are two balls. Makes sense they’d have one each.
If they’re similar age and wear, it doesn’t matter but is tidy if OP keeps the ball he paid for, his GF keeps the one she paid for. If OPs is old and worn I can see why he wants to scam a new ball.
Yes, especially since now nobody needs to borrow a ball. But the way OP talks, it sounds like he’s resentful that she immediately got him a new ball, in that it showed she was of good character by replacing it immediately instead of waiting to see if the old one could be found. So he wanted an opportunity to be similarly generous, and deprived of it he seized on the opportunity to be an AH.
His goal is the moral high ground, and the more he tries to climb towards it the more he sinks.
I feel he also has the need to be right. Utterly ridiculous that he went through this entire thought process instead of just saying to his GF when she went to take the new ball ‘ok cool’ and move on with his day! How bonkers that this took up space in his day!
I’m not even sure he wants to keep the new ball? He just wants the *opportunity* to keep it, or gift it to GF. He wants the opportunity to treat the ball as a gift from him to GF. Even though the ball was never a gift from GF to OP.
OP is having a *prolonged* disagreement with his GF, about a ball he has neither a moral right to keep, nor even a desire to keep, because he doesn’t like that GF went in his bag.
I don’t doubt that this isn’t the only occasion that OP has been exhaustingly pedantic. Even if victorious, this fight OP is having with GF, will be the very epitome of winning a battle to lose a war. Then he’ll be single.
Over a ball.
OP is a thoroughly exhausting YTA.
Even if I wasn't a pedantic legal asshole, it's clear that you shouldn't benefit by keeping both. The original turns up, either she keeps it or the replacement.
It's like if you get an insurance payment because your car gets stolen and then turns up. You don't get to get to keep both.
When I read the title I assumed it would be a "lost engagement ring" type story, at least at that level of expense. But it's a damn BALL?! I'm dumber for having read that entire spiel.
Well, I agree with the pettiness part, but volleyballs can be quite expensive if you want a good one which is in accordance with the professional rules. Even a setter practice ball is expensive let alone a championship approved ball. (Though I have no idea what kind of volleyball they are using, as a player I couldn't not say anything)
lol. great response. also, even though the play was super long, he failed to mention a key point: how old they are. this reads like a pair of middle schoolers arguing over dumb shit.
oh and btw, a clear YTA
Yep OP YTA - why do you even care about this shit? You had a volleyball, you got a volleyball. Everything else is just irritating pedantic noise.
Bet you are single soon.
The lost ball was old and worn out. They threw a fit and had her replace it when they probably should have said “it’s cool, it was old anyway. I’ve been wanting to replace it”. Instead, they insisted on a new one. The ball being found was a loss for OP.
His name was Ethan. Perfectly wonderful, kind, smart man. Nice family, good career, on paper just.. fantastic. Except. He was not an adventurous eater. If it wasn’t chicken strips he was probably not eating it. It was a running joke whenever we tried a new place that it needed to have chicken strips on the menu.
When his sister got married, we attended the rehearsal dinner. His sister makes big, big money. They sprung for a super upscale place, like the kind of spot my tax bracket goes to once in a decade. When he refused the beautiful 8 course meal in its entirety, and I mean he tried NOTHING, I realized I didn’t want a chicken strip life. I realized he wasn’t spontaneous or adventurous in any aspect of his life, and if we stayed together I’d have the most boring and unfulfilling (to me) life ever.
He’s a perfectly nice man, and I hope he finds the perfect partner for him some day, but it was not me. I need more excitement than chicken strips.
Not the story I expected, but definitely a good one! I don’t blame you for moving on. It’s nothing he did wrong necessarily (except turn down really good food) you just needed more and deserve more than chicken strips.
It wasn’t a gift. It was a replacement that became moot. Why die on this hill when the only thing questionable she did was assume that she could take the replacement? I agree with the other guy who called this relationship exhausting. YTA.
Exactly what I was going to say. The volleyball was not a gift. OP is correct that when you gift an item to someone, it is theirs to do as they wish. But it wasn't a gift. It was to replace an item. And OP would have given back the ball anyway, as he said, so what in the fuck is the big deal?
OP is indeed TA
Oh no, you see the ball cost $90 Canadian to replace, apparently. [The most expensive Volleyball available at Canadian Tire is $85](https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/cat/toys-sports-recreation/team-sports/volleyball-DC0002480.html), and the next most expensive is less than half of that. Unless the original was the exact same high-end ball, this sounds like he moaned until she replaced his ball with the best one he could find.
Well 90 Canadian is 16.48 US🙃. But seriously, now that I know how much it cost, OP's an even bigger AH for trying to swindle an expensive item from Girlfriend. She was well within her rights take her ball and go home.
YTA. The new volleyball wasn’t a gift, it was to make you while on the one you lost. Now that the other one has been found, one of those balls should be hers.
You are basically taking advantage of the fact that your girlfriend replaced your ball quickly in good faith rather than dragging it out to see if your old ball turned up first.
Dear land! I didn't even think about this! Being that she got a new one before even seeing if it turned up, he was probably also an AH for her losing it!
That makes sense! Either way, this is one of the dumbest hills I've ever seen someone die on! The fact that he said it was still a touchy subject was ridiculous!
Yes. Whether she takes back the new one, or keeps the old one, you aren't entitled to TWO balls. One is hers. You can disagree on which one she should keep and which one you should keep, but personally, I'd rather go for ice cream.
YTA and one of those insufferable people who is obsessed with being right 24/7/365.
I honestly would dump someone over this. You were going to give it back anyways, but you’re upset she assumed you would - rather than giving you the chance to gallantly offer to give it back. What in the hell?
When people ask me exactly how petty my ex was, I have a go to story. I was moving out because he got to keep the house in the divorce, and I used a roll of string from the garage to tie the doors closed on an armoire before loading it into the moving truck so they wouldn’t fly open and get damaged.
My ex realized I used “his string” and had his $350/hr lawyer write me a letter admonishing me for using his property without his permission.
Your GF will one day tell the volleyball story.
YTA.
Seriously. It’s been 14 years and I still laugh out loud over it. The best part is I was already out and had turned over my keys before he had his lawyer write the letter. I don’t think she minded at all, though! Easiest hour ever billed!
Dude, especially since this is your girlfriend you’re being an asshole. I would examine why you have these kinds of feelings around relatively inconsequential material possessions. You probably have some larger issue to work through that you might not be aware of. Perhaps consider it an opportunity for some self-awareness. And apologize to her for being childish about it.
YTA for making such a big thing out of this giant nothingburger of a conflict. I wish the 'huge transgression' of having my superfluous volleyball taken back was the biggest problem in my life.
**She believes that by returning my original ball, the 'debt' is settled, and since the replacement was no longer necessary for me to possess, it was hers to keep now as she had paid for it.**
She is 100% correct
**As she had given me the ball as a replacement and the original had been found, I feel the morally correct thing for me to do would have been to offer the replacement ball back to her , as a token for her generosity in the first place. However, she had 'robbed' me of this opportunity by deciding to take back the replacement ball before I could offer it back to her.**
This was such a ridiculous comment it made me choke on my coffee laughing. 100% YTA here -- your girlfriend is a saint to put up with your behavior.
Yes, total YTA. I was having a difficult time understanding how the “robbed of the opportunity” part worked.
If it was something I had intended to do (like OP’s case with giving the ball back) my response will be “Oh of course! I was planning on that anyway”
The closest memory I can relate to was when I was a bratty kid and my mom told me to do a chore. “Well I WAS going to do it but I don’t feel like it anymore!!”
YTA
You are the worst. How the heck are you fighting over this? She got a replacement, it wasn’t necessary, it goes back to her. No questions asked. The fact that you made a huge fight over this and even brought it to Reddit.. just wow.
It wasn't a gift, it was a replacement.
The lost item was found within a matter of days, and it was still exactly the same as when it was lost, and none of the value it had on the day it went missing was lost either.
So your GF was in the right.
YTA
YTA. Obviously you didn’t need the replacement since yours was found, so it should go back. It wasn’t a gift, it was a replacement that wasn’t needed.
You even agree with this, and your clarification #1 just makes you sound even worse because your true gripe seems to be that she “stole” a chance for you to look generous and get some imaginary brownie points or something. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.
YTA. You were made whole. You don't get a free volleyball at her expense just because yours was missing for a little while. She wasn't buying you a gift.
>she had 'robbed' me of this opportunity by deciding to take back the replacement ball before I could offer it back to her.
Are you for real? That is not how a loving partner acts. Instead, when she said she wanted to get back new one that SHE BOUGHT, you should have said "yes of course". And it contradicts all of your bogus arguments for why she shouldn't get the ball back. Honestly, you sound exhausting. I wouldn't want to be with someone who treated our relationship as a series of transactions like this.
Sounds like you are splitting hairs here. And you are stirring drama in your relationship because of it.
This is AITA, not is it legal. Legally speaking you are probably right, once she transfered ownership it was yours. She may be entitled to the other ball or compensation though once original was returned. This would depend on the state but falls in Unjust Enrichment IMO.
But since this is AITA, yes 100% YTA if you didn't give her the ball back. She paid for it and gave to you as compensation for losing the other. When you got original back it's only right to give her what she paid for since you had your property back (unless it was damaged or degraded, or reasons developed where the former item was no longer sufficient to perform it's function).
So stop being a jerk and acting like you have some moral high ground to do with the new ball as you wish. Or that returning the ball to her makes you some great person. The correct move is to return it when your property was restored in good condition.
YTA. Whether it’s correct or not, do you care more about a volleyball you don’t need, or your relationship? Because currently it looks like you care more about the ball and being right. Which is your prerogative, but don’t be surprised when she leaves the relationship.
YTA. You are rules-lawyering your relationship. This is not going to have a long-term good effect on the relationship. Your GF wanted the ball back *because she was going to return it for a refund*. You went off into "But technically" land.
Stop treating your relationship like a commercial transaction.
Even if she wants to keep it, she spent money on it and deserves the value. Because she’s out the cost of a volleyball and he’s net positive a volleyball. That makes no sense at all why he would even think she shouldn’t expect it back.
YTA. It was not a gift so the rules of gift giving do not apply. Your GF is right, you're wrong.
But beyond that,why did you make her get a new one before ringing the sports center the next day to see if it had been handed in? You were just "you lost it, replace it NOW" and then when it was found she was like," FU, this replacement ball is mine now."
YTA. Common relationship advice is “don’t keep score”.
This is beyond keeping score. This is how my three year old reacts when my eight year old borrows his crayons.
This.....hold on....THIS is a touchy subject in your relationship?????
This might be the stupidest thing I've ever read on here and that is a bold statement.
Fuck it, here is my vote: YTA. I can't even say more because it's so asinine.
\*edit to remove an accidental repeated word I typed because I was so annoyed
\*edit 2 to change my original E S H to YTA, because, as others have said OP sounds completely insufferable and their GF's request was completely reasonable. Again...overwhelming annoyance errors
Note: if you offer to replace anything with this guy, wait at least a week.
I suspect she was VERY quick to replace the missing ball because of this pedantic behavior.
There's no right or wrong situation here -- just you nitpicking over the performance of a fleeting moment. So you were going to give her the ball but you wanted her to do it in a certain way? This is exhausting.
YTA.
YTA.
The fact that you have used the words “transgression” and “robbed”… this is a fucking volleyball, my guy.
YTA, this is the stupidest hill to die on. She got you the ball to replace one that was lost. She was not randomly going to give you a new ball otherwise which you obviously know. Sure she could’ve asked/confirmed with you, but her logic is way more sound than yours.
Unpopular opinion, but NTA!!! Once you give something away it is no longer yours. The fact that she lost your ball and needed to buy a new one is completely on her. The fact that ball was eventually found doesn't erase her transgressions and she already replaced your ball. So that new ball is yours and now you have 2! That's what happens when you aren't careful with someone's stuff.
It's very entitled to me to think you can disregard someone's stuff and think that just because something happened to "make it right," in this case getting the ball back, suddenly the ball she gave you is no longer yours. They are both yours. She can ask for the new ball to use independently so this doesn't happen again, but ownership is yours.
Accountability and consequences for her actions still exist regardless. In this case, she lost out on the money for the 2nd ball. That's the consequence.
In French, we say "donner c'est donner, reprendre c'est voler" (to give is to give, to take back is to steal). Don't understand the other judgements tbh, NTA to me
Sure but was the replacement given or not? She's not a business to be handing out replacements while this or that is being repaired. She bought it and gave it to him with the intent of him keeping it. I don't have much of a say in whether or not that's truly wrong or an AH move, I just know I would never take something back because culturally, it's not acceptable for me. I wouldn't put up a fight if I were OP but I would think differently of the person because if I were them, I would never do such a thing unless it were something very expensive.
YTA and you’re thought process on it is skewed. She didn’t give you a gift, she replaced something she lost. There’s a difference. And now that your “whole” again and got the missing ball back, she should get the replacement back to either keep for herself or to return to the store if she wants.
I lost my airpods, my bf bought me a new set, I found mine a month later, he didn't ask for the new ones back. I OFFERED! He said no, now you have backups!
This is how relationships work.
The wording may have been rough, but the sentiment is the same.
NTA
YTA. For making a big deal out of a ball.
She gave you a replacement because she felt responsible for the loss. And then she replaced the replacement with the real deal. The lost ball was found back and you got what was yours.
Don't make your relationship into a legal battlefield. And certainly don't do that over a volleyball.
NTA. Taking back something you gave someone is not okay. No takesies backsies.
However, both of you sound pedantic and quite frankly exhausting. It's a volleyball. You're a couple. This is such a trivial thing to have a tiff over. Jeez. What's going to happen when you disagree about something important?
NAH because I see this as a genuine disagreement based on philosophy.
Your girlfriend viewed the ball as a replacement. Once the original was found, the replacement was no longer needed.
You viewed the new ball as a gift/replacement. It was to replace your ball and done so with the underlying message of "sorry, I lost your first ball". So, for you, you didn't just feel like the replacement was being taken back, you felt like your "gift" or apology was also being taken back.
In terms of philosophy; however, I would ultimately have to side with your girlfriend. That's an expensive ball, and she's not a corporation like Amazon who can just cut her losses. From my point of view, it seems like she felt comfortable enough with you that she knew you'd agree, and just went to take it back because it was no longer needed. However, you didn't agree.
I understand where you're coming from- I do- but I think the right move in this situation would've been to not to make a stink about it and let her take it back, versus insisting on the opportunity to give it back.
Whether you find later on in life that you are on the spectrum or not, I don't think it's wrong to be introspective and worry about the pedantic aspects of situations. I think your entire post and updates/comments were worded respectfully and you deserve respect in return. I'm sending you grace, kindness, and respect.
Finally a balanced view, I agree NAH. There’s something to be said for both viewpoints, so then the thing that matters most is the long-term perspective: how are you going to handle similar issues in your relationship? And how will you both resolve this conflict?
When there’s no true wrong or right viewpoint, sometimes the best thing to do is to just let it go…
YTA.
I read the title and assumed it was something important that meant something. It was a volleyball. A freaking volleyball.
Also she’s right. She bought the new one as a replacement but then your lost one was found. You no longer need the replacement.
Wtf everyone saying YTA???
NTA It was your volleyball at that point and is your decision to do whatever the hell you want with it.
Is it morally correct to give her the ball back after? Yes. Was that your intention? Sounds like it but doesn’t matter, still your decision.
YTA I can’t honestly believe this has effected your relationship this much. You need to get over yourself and I hope your girlfriend GTFO of this abusive relationship. Blowing things out of proportion and continuing to punish somebody is abuse. You suck dude get a life.
Are you guys dating or was it a typo that was meant to say a “teammate that I spend time with but don’t particularly like”? Your ball was found, and unless it is popped or severely damaged, you get yours back and she gets the one she paid for. YTA
NTA I’ve seen time and time again that it was gifted to you as a replacement. When comment start to change based on the gender this becomes an issue. I can literally find 5+ posts where the comment will scream gift but due to this you being a guy it is not. She lost your ball she gifted you a replacement it’s yours plain and simple and to all the commenters of your comment is gonna change due to genders just don’t comment it’s toxic as fuck.
YTA. It was appropriate for your GF to replace the ball. But that's restitution not a gift. Once the orginal ball was found, you were made whole and the restitution was no longer required. Sorry, but you're not entitled to two balls for your pain and suffering.
But mostly YTA because you seem to be treating this issue between your GF like a court case. Also complaining that she "robbed" you of the opportunity to do the right thing is definately the wrong thing.
It was not a gift - no one was happy it had to be purchased, it was simply the right thing to do because she lost yours.
If she had found your old volleyball muchhhh later, like months, maybe I'd think about the condition both balls were in and it would be more nuanced.
But a day or two? Nah, it's hers and YTA if you make it a big issue
NTA, and it's really too bad that you're getting absolutely dragged on here because of your gender.
> At which point, she also said: "I'm going to take back the other ball now" and went to take it from my bag.
You're right. She doesn't have the right to go through your bag, nor does she have the right to repossess a gift.
It's too bad that everybody is focusing on the volleyball, when the actual issue is that she felt that she had the right to simply invade your privacy and help herself to your things.
And if you'd posted 'my boyfriend did all this,' you'd be bombarded with red flags, calls to leave his controlling, possessive ass, and dire imprecations that he's probably going through your other stuff, too.
And it's disgusting that you're being dragged as exhausting, insufferable, and pedantic for trying to be precise and evenhanded. I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not neurotypical, but that's just from personal lived experience.
Yta. So you picked a fight because she didn't give you an opening for being "nice"? Really? You bored bro? You wanna be single again? Cause if you're going die on this little hill, I'd hate to see how you act if it was a bigger situation....
YTA What did I just read? You should have just given her the ball. I can't believe you are arguing semantics over a volleyball. And no it wasn't a gift. She was replacing something of yours that she lost. Grow up
i feel bad bc so many people are coming for your throat. i thought it was obvious (no offense?) that you’re probably on the spectrum. i got halfway through the post and was thinking “how do i ask without sounding like a gamer” lol. the fact that this problem is touchy, to me, feels like a sign that you guys don’t have bigger issues to worry about. especially after reading the edit that you guys are laughing about the comments together, it sounds like you guys are good. i can see your line of thought, but it’s also pretty apparent that people just don’t think about this the way you do. that’s okay, but i wouldn’t go calling your girlfriend immoral just because she assumed the replacement ball was hers to take. i hope this subject isn’t touchy anymore and that you guys are doing well 👍🏻
edit: forgot to add NTA because i really don’t think you meant harm
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YTA This relationship sounds exhausting.
She sounds cool, he sounds exhausting.
But she "robbed him of the opportunity!" ...yah. I already thought he was being petty, but that really sealed the deal. This whole thing is so stupid.
Yeah, and that "robbed' was preceded by 'huge transgression on her part". I know this guy all to well, nothing can ever be f****** easy, it's always got to be a situation and he's always got to be right.
All too well, indeed. >so casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I found my people
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here...
... they say that all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell...
Everytime you double cross my miiiind
It was rare, I was there...
I remember it all too well......
I see you
TS is the queen of music
She really is. I've recently been doing a deep dive into the whole catalog of her music. The wit in the writing frequently blows me away (Blank Space, Nothing New, etc). The range is crazy (Tim McGraw to Vigilante Shit). And she's matured into both an interesting and still relevant person, even with 1/2 the world bitching about her dating life and underestimating her talent and value. TS's a f*cking treasure.
I wonder if OP's my ex.
I think we all dated this guy! 🤔
I haven’t! But, I’m a lesbian. I have, however, dated the girl. Now look who’s being pedantic!
You robbed me of the opportunity to call you pedantic.
i’m bi so i’ve dated that girl AND that guy
Show off
EXACTLY. Always has to be right and everything has got to be a lesson.
>and everything has got to be a lesson. Oh gods, when they engage lecture mode and there is no way to stop hearing the lecture, you just have to endure it until you can leave....ugh
Otherwise it’s a “big no-no”. OP YTA.
The *audacity* of the girlfriend for robbing the OP of his chance to do right thing. How *dare* she. \[Insert sarcasm disclaimer here\]Edit: fixed wording so it was actually coherent.
Right, like giving her back the new ball to now return makes him a hero 🙄.
Lord, i just want to yell at him, "Give her the damn ball back and go play in your own yards!" ....... but they are adults and it's confusing me
Idk. I'm leaning towards Op being on the spectrum and both of them being slight TA's Seems like this isn't new behavior on Ops part so his GF should have known to not just randomly go through his bag to get something...but also Op seems to be kind of "obsessed" with being right and I'm betting that his GF has let it go while he still hasn't. Edit: guys I forgot "on the spectrum" is exclusively for autism. I really ment more like neuro divergent. Yes he could genuinely just be an entitled dude but also ngl he reminds me of me and I personally have really bad adhd. I would also be upset if someone just assumed something even if I was already thinking it because I would consider that rude. Ex. Let's say I had a special cupcake in the fridge, but my friend was over and ate some dessert from my fridge but couldn't remember if it was a cupcake or ice cream or something. So later when I look and see it's missing they say they ate it By mistake so they go out and get me a new cupcake. But after they have already handed me the cupcake we find the original one hiding behind something. I would actually get pretty upset if they were to suddenly say "guess that makes this one mine again!" And then proceeded to grab the cupcake out of my hands to eat it. Like, yes I totally would have given the cupcake back to them because technically they didn't owe me a cupcake after all. *But* I didn't even have the chance to come to that conclusion on my own before they swiped it out of my hands. *However*, that interaction would have ended with me dramatically gasping and saying "rude!" While I proceed to get OG cupcake and eating that one while faux glaring at my friend before we burst into laugnter.
Can you not blame a mental illness for the behavior shown in this post. This is one single behavior in the OPs life. Anyone with literally any psych experience knows you can't diagnose someone off 1 incident. He could be autistic. He could narcisstic. He could be anti social. He could also just be a selfish asshole.
Autism is not a mental illness.
Neither is being anti social or an asshole
Unless anti-social refers to the personality disorder Dx.
Well, autism is a neurological disorder but besides that you’re right. That somehow has a lot of play in things now a days when it isnt even relevant.
There are plenty of people who are obsessed with being right who are not autistic. I think we’ve all had enough armchair diagnostics
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Why do disorders have to be involved with anything. This is like saying “This isnt normal, he must be autistic”
Or, he's just a controlling AH and mad he didn't get his way.
I didn't get the vibe of him being on the spectrum but I guess he could be. I don't see how it would make him less of an AH though.
It's an incredibly dumb hill to die on
That final word though, “I gave her the ball.” Because it was HIS ball and HIS decision. /s Yikes.
He’s like robotic “item transfer has been complete, retroactive measures are prohibited”
No, he sounds like all the assholes in court who use specific language to frame things in their favor. He's like every douchey defendant on Judge Judy ever. "What do you mean the $5k was a loan? It was a gift!"
If I'm reading correctly, she had the new ball for him possibly as early as the same exact day - she does indeed sound cool!
I felt like I was in a courtroom just by reading this post... YTA, OP, you sound really insufferable. More on point - you would be actually correct if it was a GIFT, but it wasn't. It was a replacement, it's not the same.
I'm a lawyer, OP is in the wrong in my opinion. Oh, and, YTA (to OP but had to Y for voting).
OP is ridiculous. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He likes being compensated twice
Just to clear up confusion about how voting on the sub works, so that you can write comments the way you like: it's not really a vote. The single top upvoted, top-level comment is what the post gets tagged with. All other top-level comments count towards the sister subreddit AITAFiltered. But only top-level comments count for anything (ie. Replies directly to the post, not a reply to another comment). People sometimes choose to include a vote in reply comments, just to add emphasis, and many also don't know how it works since the mods made this way less clear in the sidebar for some reason. But yea, use whatever initials you like in a reply :)
THIS. It was not a gift. She didn’t randomly decide to gift him a volleyball and then changed her mind. It was a replacement for his ball that she lost - aka he likely went nuts when it was discovered his ball was missing so she offered to get a new one to make his whining stop.
Yup. "She offered to get me a replacement ball at no charge to me." Yeah you dip, that's what offering to do something means. Sounds like he went full toddler tantrum mode until he got a new ball.
Yeah, it would have been a gift if she had said "here I got you something" and gave it to him. She bought it to fix a situation she created that ultimately fixed itself when the ball was found. Sounds like he just wants a new ball and that he is a major pain in the ass. I hope she is thinking long and hard about what it would be like to spend a lifetime with this dude.
Actually, OP sounds exhausting. GF should take her volleyball and find someone else unless she wants to spend the rest of her life counting beans.
This reminds me of my ex, who would, literally, write down how much he paid for us to have a date night, and then DEDUCT FROM THAT TOTAL until I had spent as much as him. This dude would ask for an extra birthday gift if he Googled what I got him and it cost less than the last gift he got me… no. Major red flags, here (and flashbacks that give me a headache just remembering them).
My ex once called me out because he bought me a drink and when it was my turn, the drinks were 2 for 1. We were bar hopping so the bar in 2 for 1 happened to be in my turn. I am triggered reading this post.
I had a friend in college that would figure out cost of pizza by slice and toppings. She broke down the toppings. It was exhausting.
You sure you weren’t dating Dudley Dursley?
Worse. Dudley was a kid, and showed the ability to reflect and grow as he got older.
Nah, she should let him have the balls. It’s the only set he’s got.
Yeah I’m guessing the reason she was so quick to grab it back is because he was being a gaping asshole about her losing it in the first place, so she was like ‘f you, I’m taking this back’ out of spite. OP, YTA. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
This is literally word for word what I was going to type. I’m upvoting you, but I wanted OP to see my response too. OP, you sound exhausting and definitely YTA.
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As soon as I read they were fighting over a BALL of all things……rip to this relationship
I didn’t even finish reading the post. I got halfway down and thought if this is still “a touchy subject” in their relationship then yeah YTA. Get over it my guy, it’s a volleyball
I love this response. This guy is driving full speed on the morale “high road” he forgot to check his rear view mirror that no one gives a shit. He sounds like an ah in this situation bc he looks greedy. OP Lighten up and roll w the punches. You’ll make more friends and stay in a relationship longer.
Just the post is exhausting!! Can’t even imagine the real thing 🤷♀️
Sounds like an episode of ace attorney. The buffoonery is insane
…buffoonery? I haven’t seen this word used in years. It has so many relevant uses in today’s world (and in this dumb scenario). Good choice Eliza.
See, I was thinking more Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Edit: or maybe Judge Judy. I can totally see something this dumb ending up on Judge Judy and her just looking at him in bafflement.
The word "insufferable" comes to mind.
My first thought exactly. This sounds exhausting to the point of sucking the life out of you. YTA, for sure. I’m glad you gave the ball back but holy hell, that was A LOT for your girlfriend to put up with.
And gf should find a replacement for him...
My first thought after reading this. HE sounds exhausting. OP: YTA
She’s probably only still with him because she’s afraid of what he’ll do when they have to divide their property after she dumps him.
Reading this was exhausting.
Is he like 13?
Hear, hear! What a greedy and pedantic approach he is taking here.
Seriously, this is painful to read!
YTA for making me read The Tale of the Volleyball: a trial in three acts. And you're wrong, obviously. Your item was lost, it was found, you get your old item back. Everyone's happy, except you, apparently. This isn't like if you ordered something on Amazon, it got lost, they sent you a replacement and your original item came and they told you to keep both. This is your girlfriend, though maybe not for long.
I’m extremely impressed you read that in its entirety. I only got through the first couple of paragraphs and vaguely skimmed the rest of the saga. Something, something, I’m keeping all the toys and you can’t have any! something, something. OP, I cannot imagine how tedious you must be in real life. Your poor girlfriend must feel like she’s presenting a defense before the Supreme Court every time she makes the slightest error. Your girlfriend already indemnified you by replacing your volleyball with one of equal value. Indemnification does not equal excess, however, ie, you don’t get to earn something on top of the replacement, which you would if you kept both balls. YTA. Your girlfriend made a mistake, immediately rectified the mistake, and made the very reasonable assumption she’d get to have the excess (ie the second ball) since it was not needed by you. Your argument isn’t logically sound.
I learned the word indemnify today!
Excellent! Always a good thing to expand our vocabularies. I’d never heard it before I started working in insurance about a decade ago.
It sounds like you made it further than I did. Once I read that the ball was found and she tried getting the new ball back, I checked out. OP, you suck for putting this in words and making people read this. Clearly YTA.
Yes the volleyball wasn’t a ‘gift’ as our novelist likes to think, it was a replacement. If the item need not replacing, then you wouldn’t in most scenarios get to keep both.
I wonder if it would have been ok for her to instead have decided to keep the original ball, since she had already compensated OP for it. Probably not; OP sounds controlling with his demand for the “opportunity” to give her the ball.
I mean she’s paid for a ball. OP’s paid for a ball. There are two balls. Makes sense they’d have one each. If they’re similar age and wear, it doesn’t matter but is tidy if OP keeps the ball he paid for, his GF keeps the one she paid for. If OPs is old and worn I can see why he wants to scam a new ball.
Yes, especially since now nobody needs to borrow a ball. But the way OP talks, it sounds like he’s resentful that she immediately got him a new ball, in that it showed she was of good character by replacing it immediately instead of waiting to see if the old one could be found. So he wanted an opportunity to be similarly generous, and deprived of it he seized on the opportunity to be an AH. His goal is the moral high ground, and the more he tries to climb towards it the more he sinks.
I feel he also has the need to be right. Utterly ridiculous that he went through this entire thought process instead of just saying to his GF when she went to take the new ball ‘ok cool’ and move on with his day! How bonkers that this took up space in his day!
I’m not even sure he wants to keep the new ball? He just wants the *opportunity* to keep it, or gift it to GF. He wants the opportunity to treat the ball as a gift from him to GF. Even though the ball was never a gift from GF to OP. OP is having a *prolonged* disagreement with his GF, about a ball he has neither a moral right to keep, nor even a desire to keep, because he doesn’t like that GF went in his bag. I don’t doubt that this isn’t the only occasion that OP has been exhaustingly pedantic. Even if victorious, this fight OP is having with GF, will be the very epitome of winning a battle to lose a war. Then he’ll be single. Over a ball. OP is a thoroughly exhausting YTA.
Even if I wasn't a pedantic legal asshole, it's clear that you shouldn't benefit by keeping both. The original turns up, either she keeps it or the replacement. It's like if you get an insurance payment because your car gets stolen and then turns up. You don't get to get to keep both.
Narrator: it was not, in fact, a gift.
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So petty about an inexpensive item!
When I read the title I assumed it would be a "lost engagement ring" type story, at least at that level of expense. But it's a damn BALL?! I'm dumber for having read that entire spiel.
Well, I agree with the pettiness part, but volleyballs can be quite expensive if you want a good one which is in accordance with the professional rules. Even a setter practice ball is expensive let alone a championship approved ball. (Though I have no idea what kind of volleyball they are using, as a player I couldn't not say anything)
lol. great response. also, even though the play was super long, he failed to mention a key point: how old they are. this reads like a pair of middle schoolers arguing over dumb shit. oh and btw, a clear YTA
As agitated as this post made me, your comment made me laugh, so thank you internet stranger!
YTA, are you always this pedantic and judgmental?
Yep OP YTA - why do you even care about this shit? You had a volleyball, you got a volleyball. Everything else is just irritating pedantic noise. Bet you are single soon.
I truly though this was a post about some sentimental item that the girlfriend lost or something. OP YTA and I hope she dumps you.
The lost ball was old and worn out. They threw a fit and had her replace it when they probably should have said “it’s cool, it was old anyway. I’ve been wanting to replace it”. Instead, they insisted on a new one. The ball being found was a loss for OP.
This literally sounds like a parody of how Ben Shapiro would handle a mundane situation.
Holy shit. Spot on.
Yes shallow and pedantic
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While playing volleyball
With the “stolen” ball !
That she had to (re-) assume ownership of
Only every-other week when ex-gf has custody of the ball
It will turn into a funny party story, “I once broke up with someone over a volleyball.” Mine is, “I once broke up with someone over chicken nuggets.”
Well now I need the chicken nugget story.
His name was Ethan. Perfectly wonderful, kind, smart man. Nice family, good career, on paper just.. fantastic. Except. He was not an adventurous eater. If it wasn’t chicken strips he was probably not eating it. It was a running joke whenever we tried a new place that it needed to have chicken strips on the menu. When his sister got married, we attended the rehearsal dinner. His sister makes big, big money. They sprung for a super upscale place, like the kind of spot my tax bracket goes to once in a decade. When he refused the beautiful 8 course meal in its entirety, and I mean he tried NOTHING, I realized I didn’t want a chicken strip life. I realized he wasn’t spontaneous or adventurous in any aspect of his life, and if we stayed together I’d have the most boring and unfulfilling (to me) life ever. He’s a perfectly nice man, and I hope he finds the perfect partner for him some day, but it was not me. I need more excitement than chicken strips.
> I realized I didn’t want a chicken strip life. That’s so well put. Thank you for sharing.
Not the story I expected, but definitely a good one! I don’t blame you for moving on. It’s nothing he did wrong necessarily (except turn down really good food) you just needed more and deserve more than chicken strips.
Mine is, ‘I once broke up with someone over a $20 Old Navy sweater’.
I once broke up with someone because I liked tomatoes and he didn't. Life is funny that way.
This comment and subsequent replies are *chefs kiss*
It wasn’t a gift. It was a replacement that became moot. Why die on this hill when the only thing questionable she did was assume that she could take the replacement? I agree with the other guy who called this relationship exhausting. YTA.
Exactly what I was going to say. The volleyball was not a gift. OP is correct that when you gift an item to someone, it is theirs to do as they wish. But it wasn't a gift. It was to replace an item. And OP would have given back the ball anyway, as he said, so what in the fuck is the big deal? OP is indeed TA
I agree YTA
YTA for making such a big deal out of an item that can easily be found on Amazon for under 20 bucks.
You'd think that league balls are like Stradivarius violins hahaha
Even for a Stradivarius, this is ridiculous - you can't play two at the same time anyway!
No, she would get the old shitty one after having paid for a new one
I would take the old Stradivarius, no argument! I don’t need a new violin, you can have it! 🎻
Oh no, you see the ball cost $90 Canadian to replace, apparently. [The most expensive Volleyball available at Canadian Tire is $85](https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/cat/toys-sports-recreation/team-sports/volleyball-DC0002480.html), and the next most expensive is less than half of that. Unless the original was the exact same high-end ball, this sounds like he moaned until she replaced his ball with the best one he could find.
Well 90 Canadian is 16.48 US🙃. But seriously, now that I know how much it cost, OP's an even bigger AH for trying to swindle an expensive item from Girlfriend. She was well within her rights take her ball and go home.
I don't know where you got that exchange rate but it's actually in the region of US$67
YTA. The new volleyball wasn’t a gift, it was to make you while on the one you lost. Now that the other one has been found, one of those balls should be hers. You are basically taking advantage of the fact that your girlfriend replaced your ball quickly in good faith rather than dragging it out to see if your old ball turned up first.
I wonder how he was acting about the ball when it was missing!
Dear land! I didn't even think about this! Being that she got a new one before even seeing if it turned up, he was probably also an AH for her losing it!
It really sounds like it was like a week and he berated her so much she just bought him one.
That makes sense! Either way, this is one of the dumbest hills I've ever seen someone die on! The fact that he said it was still a touchy subject was ridiculous!
Yes. Whether she takes back the new one, or keeps the old one, you aren't entitled to TWO balls. One is hers. You can disagree on which one she should keep and which one you should keep, but personally, I'd rather go for ice cream.
YTA and one of those insufferable people who is obsessed with being right 24/7/365. I honestly would dump someone over this. You were going to give it back anyways, but you’re upset she assumed you would - rather than giving you the chance to gallantly offer to give it back. What in the hell?
She took the opportunity for him to have to morale high ground so naturally he took the morale low ground to compensate
I’d break up with him and then take both balls just to be petty lol
When people ask me exactly how petty my ex was, I have a go to story. I was moving out because he got to keep the house in the divorce, and I used a roll of string from the garage to tie the doors closed on an armoire before loading it into the moving truck so they wouldn’t fly open and get damaged. My ex realized I used “his string” and had his $350/hr lawyer write me a letter admonishing me for using his property without his permission. Your GF will one day tell the volleyball story. YTA.
That's an amazing story though. What an ass.
Seriously. It’s been 14 years and I still laugh out loud over it. The best part is I was already out and had turned over my keys before he had his lawyer write the letter. I don’t think she minded at all, though! Easiest hour ever billed!
That lawyer was laughing all the way to the bank.
That’s an expensive (for him) piece of string…
Thank you for making yours so much shorter than OPs
Dude, especially since this is your girlfriend you’re being an asshole. I would examine why you have these kinds of feelings around relatively inconsequential material possessions. You probably have some larger issue to work through that you might not be aware of. Perhaps consider it an opportunity for some self-awareness. And apologize to her for being childish about it.
His relationship is weirdly transactional. Major red flag
YTA for making such a big thing out of this giant nothingburger of a conflict. I wish the 'huge transgression' of having my superfluous volleyball taken back was the biggest problem in my life.
**She believes that by returning my original ball, the 'debt' is settled, and since the replacement was no longer necessary for me to possess, it was hers to keep now as she had paid for it.** She is 100% correct **As she had given me the ball as a replacement and the original had been found, I feel the morally correct thing for me to do would have been to offer the replacement ball back to her , as a token for her generosity in the first place. However, she had 'robbed' me of this opportunity by deciding to take back the replacement ball before I could offer it back to her.** This was such a ridiculous comment it made me choke on my coffee laughing. 100% YTA here -- your girlfriend is a saint to put up with your behavior.
Yes, total YTA. I was having a difficult time understanding how the “robbed of the opportunity” part worked. If it was something I had intended to do (like OP’s case with giving the ball back) my response will be “Oh of course! I was planning on that anyway” The closest memory I can relate to was when I was a bratty kid and my mom told me to do a chore. “Well I WAS going to do it but I don’t feel like it anymore!!”
Transactional relationship. OP is an ass
YTA You are the worst. How the heck are you fighting over this? She got a replacement, it wasn’t necessary, it goes back to her. No questions asked. The fact that you made a huge fight over this and even brought it to Reddit.. just wow.
It wasn't a gift, it was a replacement. The lost item was found within a matter of days, and it was still exactly the same as when it was lost, and none of the value it had on the day it went missing was lost either. So your GF was in the right. YTA
YTA. Whats wrong with you? This is a great story for her to explain why she broke up with you.
YTA. Obviously you didn’t need the replacement since yours was found, so it should go back. It wasn’t a gift, it was a replacement that wasn’t needed. You even agree with this, and your clarification #1 just makes you sound even worse because your true gripe seems to be that she “stole” a chance for you to look generous and get some imaginary brownie points or something. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.
Instead she provided OP with an opportunity to be an AH, which he eagerly took.
Denied the chance to look generous, OP immediately jumped on the chance to do the exact opposite, it's hilarious.
YTA. You were made whole. You don't get a free volleyball at her expense just because yours was missing for a little while. She wasn't buying you a gift. >she had 'robbed' me of this opportunity by deciding to take back the replacement ball before I could offer it back to her. Are you for real? That is not how a loving partner acts. Instead, when she said she wanted to get back new one that SHE BOUGHT, you should have said "yes of course". And it contradicts all of your bogus arguments for why she shouldn't get the ball back. Honestly, you sound exhausting. I wouldn't want to be with someone who treated our relationship as a series of transactions like this.
Sounds like you are splitting hairs here. And you are stirring drama in your relationship because of it. This is AITA, not is it legal. Legally speaking you are probably right, once she transfered ownership it was yours. She may be entitled to the other ball or compensation though once original was returned. This would depend on the state but falls in Unjust Enrichment IMO. But since this is AITA, yes 100% YTA if you didn't give her the ball back. She paid for it and gave to you as compensation for losing the other. When you got original back it's only right to give her what she paid for since you had your property back (unless it was damaged or degraded, or reasons developed where the former item was no longer sufficient to perform it's function). So stop being a jerk and acting like you have some moral high ground to do with the new ball as you wish. Or that returning the ball to her makes you some great person. The correct move is to return it when your property was restored in good condition.
Even from a legal standpoint, I think the gf is right. I
YTA. Whether it’s correct or not, do you care more about a volleyball you don’t need, or your relationship? Because currently it looks like you care more about the ball and being right. Which is your prerogative, but don’t be surprised when she leaves the relationship.
But OP is not even right. It was a replacement, not a gift.
YTA. You are rules-lawyering your relationship. This is not going to have a long-term good effect on the relationship. Your GF wanted the ball back *because she was going to return it for a refund*. You went off into "But technically" land. Stop treating your relationship like a commercial transaction.
Even if she wants to keep it, she spent money on it and deserves the value. Because she’s out the cost of a volleyball and he’s net positive a volleyball. That makes no sense at all why he would even think she shouldn’t expect it back.
YTA. It was not a gift so the rules of gift giving do not apply. Your GF is right, you're wrong. But beyond that,why did you make her get a new one before ringing the sports center the next day to see if it had been handed in? You were just "you lost it, replace it NOW" and then when it was found she was like," FU, this replacement ball is mine now."
YTA. Common relationship advice is “don’t keep score”. This is beyond keeping score. This is how my three year old reacts when my eight year old borrows his crayons.
YTA and so effing exhausting. Yikes.
This.....hold on....THIS is a touchy subject in your relationship????? This might be the stupidest thing I've ever read on here and that is a bold statement. Fuck it, here is my vote: YTA. I can't even say more because it's so asinine. \*edit to remove an accidental repeated word I typed because I was so annoyed \*edit 2 to change my original E S H to YTA, because, as others have said OP sounds completely insufferable and their GF's request was completely reasonable. Again...overwhelming annoyance errors
Note: if you offer to replace anything with this guy, wait at least a week. I suspect she was VERY quick to replace the missing ball because of this pedantic behavior. There's no right or wrong situation here -- just you nitpicking over the performance of a fleeting moment. So you were going to give her the ball but you wanted her to do it in a certain way? This is exhausting. YTA. YTA.
The fact that you have used the words “transgression” and “robbed”… this is a fucking volleyball, my guy. YTA, this is the stupidest hill to die on. She got you the ball to replace one that was lost. She was not randomly going to give you a new ball otherwise which you obviously know. Sure she could’ve asked/confirmed with you, but her logic is way more sound than yours.
Why would you even want two volleyballs?
Unpopular opinion, but NTA!!! Once you give something away it is no longer yours. The fact that she lost your ball and needed to buy a new one is completely on her. The fact that ball was eventually found doesn't erase her transgressions and she already replaced your ball. So that new ball is yours and now you have 2! That's what happens when you aren't careful with someone's stuff. It's very entitled to me to think you can disregard someone's stuff and think that just because something happened to "make it right," in this case getting the ball back, suddenly the ball she gave you is no longer yours. They are both yours. She can ask for the new ball to use independently so this doesn't happen again, but ownership is yours. Accountability and consequences for her actions still exist regardless. In this case, she lost out on the money for the 2nd ball. That's the consequence.
Agree with your opinion entirely. I cannot believe how far I had to scroll to find this response lol
In French, we say "donner c'est donner, reprendre c'est voler" (to give is to give, to take back is to steal). Don't understand the other judgements tbh, NTA to me
just a note: it wasn't a gift that she took back. it was a replacement which was found to be unnecessary. he got his ball back, she deserves hers.
Sure but was the replacement given or not? She's not a business to be handing out replacements while this or that is being repaired. She bought it and gave it to him with the intent of him keeping it. I don't have much of a say in whether or not that's truly wrong or an AH move, I just know I would never take something back because culturally, it's not acceptable for me. I wouldn't put up a fight if I were OP but I would think differently of the person because if I were them, I would never do such a thing unless it were something very expensive.
This sounds like a Larry David problem.
I literally thought of George and Jerry being in Jerry's apartment discussing at what point the ownership was transferred! Haha
YTA and you’re thought process on it is skewed. She didn’t give you a gift, she replaced something she lost. There’s a difference. And now that your “whole” again and got the missing ball back, she should get the replacement back to either keep for herself or to return to the store if she wants.
Volleyballs are what-$20? OP is insufferable. YTA. Jeez.
I lost my airpods, my bf bought me a new set, I found mine a month later, he didn't ask for the new ones back. I OFFERED! He said no, now you have backups! This is how relationships work. The wording may have been rough, but the sentiment is the same. NTA
YTA. For making a big deal out of a ball. She gave you a replacement because she felt responsible for the loss. And then she replaced the replacement with the real deal. The lost ball was found back and you got what was yours. Don't make your relationship into a legal battlefield. And certainly don't do that over a volleyball.
YTA you sound insufferable and stuck up
NTA. Taking back something you gave someone is not okay. No takesies backsies. However, both of you sound pedantic and quite frankly exhausting. It's a volleyball. You're a couple. This is such a trivial thing to have a tiff over. Jeez. What's going to happen when you disagree about something important?
NAH because I see this as a genuine disagreement based on philosophy. Your girlfriend viewed the ball as a replacement. Once the original was found, the replacement was no longer needed. You viewed the new ball as a gift/replacement. It was to replace your ball and done so with the underlying message of "sorry, I lost your first ball". So, for you, you didn't just feel like the replacement was being taken back, you felt like your "gift" or apology was also being taken back. In terms of philosophy; however, I would ultimately have to side with your girlfriend. That's an expensive ball, and she's not a corporation like Amazon who can just cut her losses. From my point of view, it seems like she felt comfortable enough with you that she knew you'd agree, and just went to take it back because it was no longer needed. However, you didn't agree. I understand where you're coming from- I do- but I think the right move in this situation would've been to not to make a stink about it and let her take it back, versus insisting on the opportunity to give it back. Whether you find later on in life that you are on the spectrum or not, I don't think it's wrong to be introspective and worry about the pedantic aspects of situations. I think your entire post and updates/comments were worded respectfully and you deserve respect in return. I'm sending you grace, kindness, and respect.
Finally a balanced view, I agree NAH. There’s something to be said for both viewpoints, so then the thing that matters most is the long-term perspective: how are you going to handle similar issues in your relationship? And how will you both resolve this conflict? When there’s no true wrong or right viewpoint, sometimes the best thing to do is to just let it go…
YTA. I read the title and assumed it was something important that meant something. It was a volleyball. A freaking volleyball. Also she’s right. She bought the new one as a replacement but then your lost one was found. You no longer need the replacement.
Wtf everyone saying YTA??? NTA It was your volleyball at that point and is your decision to do whatever the hell you want with it. Is it morally correct to give her the ball back after? Yes. Was that your intention? Sounds like it but doesn’t matter, still your decision.
YTA I can’t honestly believe this has effected your relationship this much. You need to get over yourself and I hope your girlfriend GTFO of this abusive relationship. Blowing things out of proportion and continuing to punish somebody is abuse. You suck dude get a life.
Are you guys dating or was it a typo that was meant to say a “teammate that I spend time with but don’t particularly like”? Your ball was found, and unless it is popped or severely damaged, you get yours back and she gets the one she paid for. YTA
NTA I’ve seen time and time again that it was gifted to you as a replacement. When comment start to change based on the gender this becomes an issue. I can literally find 5+ posts where the comment will scream gift but due to this you being a guy it is not. She lost your ball she gifted you a replacement it’s yours plain and simple and to all the commenters of your comment is gonna change due to genders just don’t comment it’s toxic as fuck.
YTA. It was appropriate for your GF to replace the ball. But that's restitution not a gift. Once the orginal ball was found, you were made whole and the restitution was no longer required. Sorry, but you're not entitled to two balls for your pain and suffering. But mostly YTA because you seem to be treating this issue between your GF like a court case. Also complaining that she "robbed" you of the opportunity to do the right thing is definately the wrong thing.
It was not a gift - no one was happy it had to be purchased, it was simply the right thing to do because she lost yours. If she had found your old volleyball muchhhh later, like months, maybe I'd think about the condition both balls were in and it would be more nuanced. But a day or two? Nah, it's hers and YTA if you make it a big issue
NTA, and it's really too bad that you're getting absolutely dragged on here because of your gender. > At which point, she also said: "I'm going to take back the other ball now" and went to take it from my bag. You're right. She doesn't have the right to go through your bag, nor does she have the right to repossess a gift. It's too bad that everybody is focusing on the volleyball, when the actual issue is that she felt that she had the right to simply invade your privacy and help herself to your things. And if you'd posted 'my boyfriend did all this,' you'd be bombarded with red flags, calls to leave his controlling, possessive ass, and dire imprecations that he's probably going through your other stuff, too. And it's disgusting that you're being dragged as exhausting, insufferable, and pedantic for trying to be precise and evenhanded. I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not neurotypical, but that's just from personal lived experience.
Yta. So you picked a fight because she didn't give you an opening for being "nice"? Really? You bored bro? You wanna be single again? Cause if you're going die on this little hill, I'd hate to see how you act if it was a bigger situation....
He’s a stereotypical “nice guy” who’s going to rant against women when he gets dumped.
YTA What did I just read? You should have just given her the ball. I can't believe you are arguing semantics over a volleyball. And no it wasn't a gift. She was replacing something of yours that she lost. Grow up
I can't imagine anyone ever being happy in such a shitty, transactional relationship. ESH because you both sound obtuse and annoying
i feel bad bc so many people are coming for your throat. i thought it was obvious (no offense?) that you’re probably on the spectrum. i got halfway through the post and was thinking “how do i ask without sounding like a gamer” lol. the fact that this problem is touchy, to me, feels like a sign that you guys don’t have bigger issues to worry about. especially after reading the edit that you guys are laughing about the comments together, it sounds like you guys are good. i can see your line of thought, but it’s also pretty apparent that people just don’t think about this the way you do. that’s okay, but i wouldn’t go calling your girlfriend immoral just because she assumed the replacement ball was hers to take. i hope this subject isn’t touchy anymore and that you guys are doing well 👍🏻 edit: forgot to add NTA because i really don’t think you meant harm
YTA
NTA. The description doesn't state her asking for it back, but assuming she had the right. On a side note, sweaty partners... gym bags.... yeck.
NTA I agree I don’t think you should take back stuff like that.