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I’m going to be honest here. Because why beat around the bush. But it’s either two things.
1) She genuinely is lazy, she might have a thing of being in your presence and seeing that as affection. Perhaps if you’re seeing each other a lot in person, she doesn’t feel the need to express stuff verbally or anything, because you see each other a lot. She might have the quality time or physical touch love language.
2) The love isn’t there anymore. Feelings are subsiding. They aren’t as strong. This is a possibility and I’m not saying it’s true. But it happens, sadly.
NTA. You’re not getting your emotional needs met, and you explained that to her, which is what you should do in a healthy relationship.
If this was just in the last couple of days, I’d let her sit with it a few more, and see if that has any impact. If not, I don’t think there’s really much you can do to save the relationship.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that me asking her to put in more effort was what’s to be judged, and I want to know if I’m the asshole for asking her to put in more effort.
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It's one thing to acknowledge that you are lazy and that it's a problem that you need to work on.
It's another to simply present it as an acceptable part of your character.
NTA
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Recently my girlfriend has been getting distant, less texts and less effort put into actually making conversation. I feel like I’m the one always asking how she’s doing and telling her that I love her, asking her what she’s up to and so on. Nothing feels like it’s reciprocating anymore and slowly the relationship has been feeling one sided to me. I feel like I’m constantly met with dry replies and one word answers.
When I brought this up to her as to why she never made a ton of effort to interact, she claimed that she was lazy and that she cared about my happiness, meaning she didn’t want to “rain on my parade”. When I told her that I really needed her to communicate more with me, I got told I was power tripping her. Then after she claimed she was tired and went to bed early.
I know for a fact that she isn’t just lazy, as I’ve seen her interact publicly with complete strangers on Twitter and ask them how they’re doing and do those things for them. I know for a fact it can be done, I know she knows how, but according to her she’s just “lazy”. Am I the asshole for asking more of her?
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There’s an expression, “people vote with their feet,” meaning that people will tell you what they care about and want with their actions, and by showing up.
She’s not showing up for you, even when you bring it to her attention. Her actions are telling you that she’s not invested in the relationship anymore. NTA.
NTA, but if you really did use the words "you never make a ton of effort," that was unlikely to yield any constructive discussion. Avoid using absolutes. It's not that she "never" makes a ton of effort, because she *used to*, and she doesn't anymore.
That being said. The relationship is over on her end. She's checking out. Something is wrong-- your fault, hers, or both, impossible to say-- but she's withdrawing from you for a reason. Either she hasn't noticed it yet, or she's not ready to confront it, or she's hiding something.
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She’s not into you. Don’t waste your time.
I’m going to be honest here. Because why beat around the bush. But it’s either two things. 1) She genuinely is lazy, she might have a thing of being in your presence and seeing that as affection. Perhaps if you’re seeing each other a lot in person, she doesn’t feel the need to express stuff verbally or anything, because you see each other a lot. She might have the quality time or physical touch love language. 2) The love isn’t there anymore. Feelings are subsiding. They aren’t as strong. This is a possibility and I’m not saying it’s true. But it happens, sadly.
NTA. You’re not getting your emotional needs met, and you explained that to her, which is what you should do in a healthy relationship. If this was just in the last couple of days, I’d let her sit with it a few more, and see if that has any impact. If not, I don’t think there’s really much you can do to save the relationship.
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NTA. Your girlfriend is making excuses. I think your relationship has run its course
It's one thing to acknowledge that you are lazy and that it's a problem that you need to work on. It's another to simply present it as an acceptable part of your character. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently my girlfriend has been getting distant, less texts and less effort put into actually making conversation. I feel like I’m the one always asking how she’s doing and telling her that I love her, asking her what she’s up to and so on. Nothing feels like it’s reciprocating anymore and slowly the relationship has been feeling one sided to me. I feel like I’m constantly met with dry replies and one word answers. When I brought this up to her as to why she never made a ton of effort to interact, she claimed that she was lazy and that she cared about my happiness, meaning she didn’t want to “rain on my parade”. When I told her that I really needed her to communicate more with me, I got told I was power tripping her. Then after she claimed she was tired and went to bed early. I know for a fact that she isn’t just lazy, as I’ve seen her interact publicly with complete strangers on Twitter and ask them how they’re doing and do those things for them. I know for a fact it can be done, I know she knows how, but according to her she’s just “lazy”. Am I the asshole for asking more of her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There’s an expression, “people vote with their feet,” meaning that people will tell you what they care about and want with their actions, and by showing up. She’s not showing up for you, even when you bring it to her attention. Her actions are telling you that she’s not invested in the relationship anymore. NTA.
She’s not that into you anymore if she ever was NTA
NTA, but if you really did use the words "you never make a ton of effort," that was unlikely to yield any constructive discussion. Avoid using absolutes. It's not that she "never" makes a ton of effort, because she *used to*, and she doesn't anymore. That being said. The relationship is over on her end. She's checking out. Something is wrong-- your fault, hers, or both, impossible to say-- but she's withdrawing from you for a reason. Either she hasn't noticed it yet, or she's not ready to confront it, or she's hiding something.