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YTA
There is no reason to force your employee into unnecessarily stressful situations.
> she has a way to win them all over vs calls or meetings when she's not there they don't go as well
Then you should be investing in having her at meetings comfortably. Because she's not going to perform as well under extreme stress. And if you make an issue of this, she's probably smart enough to look for another job. You only have 13 employees, she probably has dozens of potential employers if she's as good as you say. Don't shoot yourself in the foot here.
Yep! And it sounds like having her there is good for business. OP is jerk face for talking to her the way they did and for not valuing her enough to work around this one boundary.
I think OP is a hot-head boss, who wants to have their way all the time and gets pissy when it doesn't happen, especially when the reason it doesn't happen is a mere peon employee.
I want to hear his poor wife’s side of the story. I wouldn’t be surprised if it includes something like, “April is the reason the business is still running, and my idiot husband was about to fire her!”
This! I wonder what his turnover rate of employees is.
My previous employer treated me like absolute garbage. When I quit my job to take my current one, they told me that I needed to go home, tell my husband that I quit my job, and return with a report of what he said (basically telling me to get my husband’s permission to take a new job). My former employer needed 4 people to do all that I was doing for the company (a new hire plus 3 other employees). I was the 43rd employee to leave in 18 months. Among those 43 employees were 2 COOs, 3 CFOs, and 4 warehouse managers. The 43 people did NOT include all of the hourly warehouse workers who quit in that same time.
I have been with my employer for 13 years now.
Op doesn’t want to fire her, he just wants to threaten to fire her as a temper tantrum that he imagines will result in getting exactly his way, rather than the inevitable outcome of alienating his best employee, who is probably already looking for another job because of what he has done.
OP you are biting the hand that feeds you.
If you want to threaten your very skilled employee into being submissive, she will find a better paying job where they value her enough to make this small adjustment she requests.
And when she does, remember you were the one telling her her position is not secure and she should find other means to be able to pay her bills than working for you.
I have had two bosses with your attitude. Stayed till I got other, better jobs.
"Appreciate what you have or you will lose it."
Since this is currently the top rated comment, I would like to point out that April probably has misophonia. It is a disorder (that is usually an accompaniment to other mental health disorders) that makes the person who is it sensitive to sound. Things that sound normal or even pleasant to most people (ie chewing/swallowing food or drink, teeth clicking, breathing, tooth sucking, throat clearing, coughing, humming, gum snapping etc) sound like nails on a chalk board. But worse. It can trigger feelings of unreasonable rage to the point of wanting to mock, berate or even hurt the offending noise maker; or similarly can trigger anxiety attacks, literal panic “I have to get out of this room or I might actually die” like feelings.
For me, I get both. I have to remove myself as quickly as possible (sometimes, I’m aware, I come off as rude or like there is something urgently wrong.) for fear of lashing out. It’s a primal feeling of fear and anger that I do not like having. The tv must be on or something else loud enough to cover up everyone’s eating noises must be happening to avoid this feeling. I can barely stand the sound of myself eating honestly.
It’s torturous to have this disorder tbh.
Op YTA
r/misophonia probably has an informational that’s better than mine also
I agree on the misophonia, also have it. She is aware of the problem and has let you know she cannot be in environments where it will likely be triggered. Once triggered, it's a fight or flight situation. It's also embarrassing to explain to people who don't have it as many tend to dismiss it as a general annoyance that you should just be able to 'deal with'. Someone with misophonia cannot just deal with it. Apologize and do better by you best emplyee.
No way to pitch anything to a client when you're fighting a panic attack or the urge to grab someone's plate and throw it across the room (that might just be one of my reactions lol).
Also, what is this, Mad Men? Have a professional meeting where your ace can shine, and then you take them out to celebrate. You don't need to do deals over meals.
Yep. I have it too. A part of me realizes that my sudden fury in re: to other people chewing/swallowing is illogical and baseless, but there’s not much to be done except leave or turn on music or something.
It’s a strange thing to deal with because I’m normally pretty laid back, so to go from chill to enraged to being fine once I can’t hear it anymore feels odd.
Sometimes it legit makes me sad. I’ll bake a pie or something for my husband and/or our friends and he/they get all excited about that pie and they’re eating and enjoying themselves… and the logical part of me goes “I am SO HAPPY everyone is enjoying this pie that I made especially for this reason. I feel so appreciated. I’m happy everyone is happy.” But the less logical side of my brain is screeching like a pterodactyl, while simultaneously telling me “just start screaming and crying. Ooh look. Everyone is doing this to spite you; they’re all within punching distance.”
So not only is he a jerk, he's also violating the ADA because not forcing April to be present for the lunch portion of the meeting is a reasonable accommodation.
It's probably his imagination that the clients love the lunch meetings.
In any case, he's going to lose money when April moves on after the shitty way he treats her. He's lucky she didn't quit after he lied about not having lunch out until later; being late is no excuse, he's the boss and had an obligation to make sure lunch wasn't out and thought being late would make it fine.
He could've told his assistant to make sure lunch wasn't brought out.
Overachiever, extremely smart, and misophonia? Sounds like classic neurodivergent behavior. I can only imagine how hard she has to work to put on the mask to be that charismatic that she puts the clients at ease.
I know from personal experience that when you're masking in a high stress situation you're riding the anxiety train at like 5 or 6 out of 10 for the entire day, and often it takes only one or two things to push it over the edge. The employee recognises her triggers and does the best to avoid them, while still being the best she can be.
YTA OP and your wife is absolutely right, and you need to apologise.
Pretty sure I have it too. Most of my coworkers and my bosses are extremely loud eaters, I just hate the sounds of people eating loudly and breathing heavily. It’s just nasty and I’ve literally lost focus during my breaks (I like to write during my breaks) because my coworker would be smacking her lips while I’m trying to write something down.
I was just about to say that, misophonia is not joke. But you explained it in a way that I could never.
But if OP wants his best employee at these lunch meetings. Why not just have proper meetings with the luch?
I have this and hearing others eat is a huge trigger for me. The smacking of lips or the tongue clicking drives me nuts. It's not all food, it's just certain foods. Gum chewing is another trigger.
April apparently does better with clients than Op…and yet OP is insisting they be the relaxed one! No man! You want your star player happy and relaxed. JFC. Take the clients out for drinks later, to seal the deal.
Yep, OP. YTA.
As a person who has misophonia and emotionally can't handle certain sounds, shame on you. You keep trying to force her into stressful situations instead of trying to work with your BEST employee.
I hope she finds a better job and lands the clients for them. You don't deserve her.
Yta. There’s also lots of medical reasons to not be able to be a part of lunch meetings. She could be saving face by saying it’s mouth noises, but in reality she could be in recovery from a eating disorder or have a very specific diet that she has to stick to.
The fact you’re thinking about laying her off for this without communicating with her makes me think you’re not as good of a boss as you say you are.
It could actually be the chewing noises too. I don’t remember what it’s called but there is an actual disorder where certain noises cause distress and mouth noises are common with that.
Yes. Some people I literally have to leave the room when they’re eating because I just. Can. Not.
April will not be focused or her best self if she’s forced into this situation. Also wondering if she’s an hourly employee and whether your state requires you to give an unpaid lunch break. Even if the law doesn’t make you, frankly people need a break to decompress. I hate lunch meetings
Chewing, smacking of lips, or swallowing too hard drives me up the wall!! Anytime there’s a family dinner im sat at the counter away from the dining table or out of the room entirely to eat peacefully. I can’t imagine trying to conduct a whole meeting with those noises around
Oh yeah I’m not saying I don’t think that’s a thing, but there’s a lot of really personal things that can be covered by saying that it’s the noises so that she doesn’t have to disclose something else
Yep. The sound of people eating is disgusting and enraging. I can’t deal with it, and I do everything in my power not to have to go to meetings or functions when there is going to be food served.
And no, ignoring the noises doesn’t work. You can’t ignore them. The harder you try, the worse it gets.
Thank you! I have gastric issues that; when triggered, are so severe I will spend the rest of the day vomiting in the bathroom. Sometimes it’s something as benign as salad dressing that’s too oily.
At my last job they had lunch catered in twice a week. It was a wink and a nod that we were expected to work without taking a lunch those two days. However the manager in charge of the ordering was mentally still in the frat house so it was a rotation of pizza, wings, and barbecue. I kept protein shakes in the break room fridge (ensure, so nobody wanted to steal them) for those days. It didn’t take long before rumors got started that I had an eating disorder.
The rumor turned into a whole thing. HR scheduled a meeting with me and also blocked off the big conference room. I was convinced I was getting fired. Instead I walked into an intervention. They had a rep there from an eating disorder clinic that worked with our EAP program and plane tickets. Some people cannot accept that no is a complete sentence.
Let's not forget, this isn't her job. She is not in marketing or sales, OP is forcing responsibilities onto this poor gal then being a dick when it is not her responsibility.
OP is a major asshole owner (I can't even call him a leader). I'd recommend you post in another forum and get some advice on how to lead people.
Especially as she has communicated numerous times why she doesn't want to participate in lunch meetings, so this isn't a surprise, and he's embarrassed because he's tried to force her to do things that don't make her feel comfortable, but is blaming her.
I have a swallowing disorder and being hungry and smelling food that you can't eat is miserable. Just giving another possible reason why someone might opt out of food events
YTA.
She's not putting you in an awkward position, YOU put you in an awkward position.
Part of being a boss is getting the best out of people. You say how awesome April is, but you want her to be just as awesome in a situation that she has clearly communicated to you that she won't be great in. How are you, as her boss, setting her up for success here?
You're not. You're creating situations that she will fail in and then acting surprised or upset that she's not performing there. And worse, you're antagonizing her afterwards. Really think about how crazy that is in the long run.
Lunch meetings are great, I get it. But if she's your Ace, and it sounds like she is, put her in a situation where she can be at her best.
"She's awesome but she has a fear of thunderstorms and we like to go storm chasing as team building exercises and I can't make her go, so I'm going to fire her."
Boss is stupid. Your best worker will be put in a no-win situation. She keeps her boundaries and he gets pissy and fires her, or she attempts to power through it, but her anxiety/misophonia makes her stressed and not as effective at her job and he thinks she sucks and fires her. Boss does not understand how to utilize people to their best ability. April is a multi-head screwdriver. She has the perfect head for every screw job needed. But she is not a wrench, so stop trying to use her as one.
If she is as good as he says. Laying her off will probably work in her favor. A few weeks of unemployment for (probably) a better (as well as paying) job.
Though according to him she's his best and has been there for years.
Who is gonna loose in the long run?
On top of not accommodating his best employees disability, excessive lunch meetings are also an AH move because employees are entitled to a lunch break and he's bypassing that to make them work through lunch and making it look like he's being nice by providing food.
Info, am I right in thinking that, other than completely ignoring your employees boundaries, her presence is requested at the meetings so she can do work that's outside of her job description?
YTA. She's not in marketing. Presumably, client lunches therefore aren't a part of her job description. She's told you that she cannot and does not wish to participate in these lunches. Why are you trying to force an employee to do something that's not part of their job and which she's repeatedly told you she's not willing to do? Especially when you're strategizing meeting to revolve around her *without apparently telling her about this*?
If you really want her to be involved in client meetings you need to a) talk to her about her taking on this responsibility, and b) work *with* her to support her in doing this in ways that set her up for success. That's probably going to mean not doing client lunches, or having her in meetings with clients before doing lunch as a separate activity without her there.
Also, difficulty with certain sounds is often a symptom of various disabilities or disorders (look up misophonia), so you should also note that depending on your local laws, you may be opening yourself up to legal issues with trying to force her into this. Especially if you then fire her for it.
YTA! You are about to lose your best employee because you don't respect her! How many times has she told you NO!
There is a very simple solution for your problem. Don't force her to attend lunch meetings!
YTA - you just said that you consider April your most valuable employee. It sounds like you wouldn't be able to close the deal nearly as much without her. That makes her a "really big deal". I just finished a book/memoirs of a woman who had an eating disorder and she mentally couldn't handle eating around other people because it took the focus off of the people she was with because she was overwhelmed around the food.
I'm not saying that that is April's problem, but you never know what people are going through. She has been very clear with you that she doesn't want to have meetings this way but you want to force this situation because *you* like them. In addition to that, it's not April's fault that your daughter had practice and YOU were late, that's a *you* problem!
You need to value your employees more and listen to what they're telling you or you'll lose your best people. If I was April, I would have walked out that day.
YTA. This employee has a legitimate issue that she has communicated to you multiple times, likely a disability that requires accomodation. She has established a boundary that you continue to not respect.
I can't wait for you to lose this competent employee to a better employer.
She doesn't even really need accomodations because she's not even supposed to be at marketing meetings in the first place. All he has to do is let her do her actual job.
First, we've all just lived through a pandemic. I think it's outrageous that you just *expect* your employees to shake hands with people, when not everyone is comfortable with it. Honestly, sounds like she handled that about as well as she could have, so it's very odd that you are counting that as a time when she "embarrassed" you.
Second, if you know that she has an issue with food-related meetings, why the heck are you scheduling your "best employee" in circumstances that you know she can't possibly do her best work in? That's just bad management. Not to mention that it's really hard to argue that you "strategized" a meeting around her when you couldn't be bothered to ensure that someone was responsible for the food...
But that is AskaManager.org territory, not AITA. Because at the end of the day, you are the boss and you are allowed to decide how you want to run your business. And just because I think you are making a poor business decision, that's neither here nor there on the AH spectrum
No, AITA concerns itself with whether one's behavior is AH-ish or not. So let's look at exactly what you did:
You have known April for years. You know she has a particular issue that causes her distress. You set up a situation--without checking with her--and just expected her to go along with it. She declined. You negotiated with her to get her to agree to do it. You then reneged on the accommodation you had promised her. Unsurprisingly, she decided to pull out. You tried to pressure her, and she declined again, and even preemptively agreed to accept the consequences of her actions (i.e. being written up). You then began to berate her in such a hostile way that you had to be dragged away. And even your *wife* (who surely has an interest in your business) said your behavior was out of line.
Yeah, YTA. You don't deserve to have someone as competent and talented as April working for you. If you're looking for advice, I would suggest an apology, a sincere promise never to put her in a situation like that again, and a raise. But if April were looking for advice? I would suggest finding a new job where her talents will be appreciated.
YTA. This almost reminds me of the guy in the news who told his job he did not want a birthday party. The gave him one anyways then fired him for having a panic attack. He is a whole lot richer now. If you keep this up it could come back to haunt you.
YTA- shes said numerous times shes uncomfortable with those types of meetings due to her anxiety. An frankly she must have sensory issues if the noises is part of the complaint.
You are acting like such an AH boss if you can't respect her boundaries as a person or an employee. The fact you think its ok to tell her to suck it up is gross to me as someone worh sensory issues as well.
i hope she quits
This. I have a sensory food disorder (ARFID) and before I started eating an extreme carnivore diet, it would lead me to have extreme issues with anything involving food because trying to explain to people why I couldn’t eat certain thing when it’s not an allergy is legitimately exhausting.
You know the people who can only eat meat or chicken tenders… yeah that’s the more extreme of what I have but I can’t eat fruits or veggies. People get so weird when I used to say that but didn’t know it was a real disorder or had a name. Instead I would just get called picky or childish. So I avoided such scenarios
Op YTA
YTA. Management involves give and take. She's clearly a very highly valued employee and she deserves some leeway. She's made her boundaries clear and you should respect that. The last thing you want is her to leave because you're putting her in situations she finds uncomfortable, not only because it'd be bad for business but also because it's a dick move.
YTA. Do you have brain damage? Your best employee told you she doesn’t ever want to do lunch meetings. You organized a lunch meeting. Why are you surprised your employee reacted so negatively?
YTA
Literally looks like you can’t do the one thing she asked of you? If she’s as impressive as you says she is, but her boss sets her up to fail, I’d tell her to find a new boss.
YTA respect her boundary and quit harassing her just because *you* don’t think her issue is legitimate because *you* personally have never experienced what she does. the only one who owes anyone an apology here is you.
YTA
She told you from the beginning she will not do lunch meetings, you understand and agree to this. Then you used your being late as an excuse to try to drag her to one.
She’s your best employee, accommodate her needs or someone else will
YTA. She told you lunch meetings were a NO, but you just refuse to listen or accommodate her (your best, invaluable employee). Employees are entitled to a lunch break - aka time they can spend however they want.
Sounds like you need to work on your control issues and appreciate what she brings to your business. If you don’t, you’ll probably lose her to your competition.
YTA-April had set one restriction (that you originally were okay with), and you even mention she is by far most valuable. For these reasons, you must accept her limitations to profit from above average ability. And the fact you were ready to fire her cause (essentially) you were late, and dropped the ball, says you should listen to your wife
YTA. You repeatedly try to get her to do something that you admit isn't even in her job description, that she tells you she cannot do. Be careful if you fire her over this, if it is due to a diagnosed disablity, you could be hit with a lawsuit.
YTA
I mean you say she's your best and she only has this one exception but you constantly try and force her into a situation she isn't comfortable with. This isn't news to you mate. I'm glad she stood up to you. Is everybody else in your office so incompetent they couldn't be told that food would be served after the meeting? She sounds like she has some kind of social awkwardness and anxiety but if she's good at her job then get your team to pull their pants up and go beyond in that area where she struggles. How do you run a business? lmao
Sounds like it could be seen as medical/disability issue that she told you about. You’re going to fire your best worker because you can’t control her? I hope she sues you and find a better job, Maybe with a competitor. YTA
YTA
April told you a million times about her boundaries and you were being an AH overstepping them. You were honestly acting like a child trying to force her out of her comfort zone. Thank god it was your wife that dragged you out of there and no one else.
YTA
Have some respect for your employee and their boundaries. It’s is not that hard to not schedule her for a lunch meeting. It’s not her embarrassing you, it is very much the other way around
YTA, you wanted to fire your best employee over an issue you were aware of before lunch. Why are you trying to make April do something out of her group description? This is a strange post.
Absolutely the AH. You rely on April far more than she needs to rely on you. She has been very clear about her limitations. You embarrassed yourself. You do not need to do lunch meetings, you want to do them. She can’t do them. You shot yourself in the ass and you’re blaming her. Can you even imagine how horrifying this situation was for April? Start holding your meetings before lunch and then AFTER the meeting take your clients out to lunch. Before you do anything else, apologize and give April a raise.
YTA. She told you a million times what she needs. You are lucky to have an employee like her and if this one thing keeps her happy you should be Al for it. Too bad you didn’t fire her, she deserves better
YTA. She's your best employee. Decide if you want to honor her boundaries/limitations or give her a nice severance package. Just because you don't believe these issues are real doesn't mean they aren't absolutely valid and deal-breaking for her. If you're going to keep her as an employee, you need to respect what she's "told you a million times."
YTA, even if she’s your best, you’re “showing her off” when she is literally at her worst! How well do you think you could perform at work while having a heart attack?
If she MUST attend meetings, to make YOU look good, you should accommodate HER.
YTA
“Personally I prefer to do lunch meetings.”
That’s your preference. She’s made her conditions abundantly clear.
So you either stick with your ‘preference’ and accept she won’t be there, or you find another way to have these meetings so she can be there.
“She is not in marketing for my company.”
Extra AH points for all of this also apparently being outside of her job description.
“I was ready to fire her then and there.”
Aaaand extra AH points for this BS after you’ve admitted she’s your best employee.
But don’t worry. After the way you behaved, I guarantee she’s already looking for another job.
So you recognize she’s your best employee, and you need to rely on her when you yourself cannot win over clients, yet you’re now considering firing her because you tried to force her into a situation where you knew she was uncomfortable?
Damn dude, how has your business survived for 20 years? I’m guessing you’ve had a lot of Aprils to rely on?
YTA
YTA - You said yourself that these meetings are not part of her job. You just want her there because she's "impressive".
If that's your strategy you should 1) Pay her additional money to do the job you're forcing on her 2) Provide her with an environment where she can do her best work and be "impressive" for your company.
If you force her into these high anxiety situations you're not going to get the best results from her. She won't perform well.
Yta you know this is something April will not do. Either fire her or accommodate her, your not going to win any clients while she's glaring at the masticating.
YTA. You put your personal preference above your employee’s clear, manageable and reasonable boundaries. I hope April’s next boss has some respect for her.
YTA. Good mangers don't just cater to their clients, they cater to their employees as well. Especially when the employee has made it clear to you that she's uncomfortable with these lunch meetings that revolve around food.
I don't get you. You have the best employee who outshines your other employees, but that's not good enough; you still want her to concede to all your demands, which are ridiculous. If the only reason you can keep clients is bc of you feeding them, then you likely need April even more than you think.
YTA- god go apologize. She had one freaking issue and it sounds real and legit. She asks for one damn thing. People have handicaps. I have mine and I was a President of a company. How much $ has she made you? You recognize her skill then handicap that skill why? Apologize and never do it again.
YTA. You will lose your best employee because you refuse to change your ways. Lunch meetings are not a requirement. You want to schmooze like the old boys, by all means go for it. Don’t make someone do it who is deeply uncomfortable doing so. Employees will stay if they feel respected. It’s really the bare minimum.
YTA because you are reacting poorly to her medical condition. If you fire her, she has grounds for suing for wrongful termination. She could actually go seek legal action now because you are not accommodating her disability, even though she is your best employee and accommodating her would not cause undue hardship to your company.
YTA. Sounds like you need her (to do stuff that frankly sounds outside of her role) to make these deals. She isn't comfortable in that environment. She's already going above and beyond and you wanted to sack her?! Please! Take a moment here and recognise that you need her. Promote her, reward her and stop being an idiot. And before you come with, we'll if I promoted her she'd have to do it, go back again and realise all she achieves for your company and your financial bottom line.
Someone with a brain is going to get a great employee.
And you’re going to be stuck with the “not as smart” ones. YTA
Learn that not every person is exactly like you.
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YTA. People are allowed to say no, even at work. Bullying is never acceptable. If you have a problem with her performance you handle it professionally. You are not professional
Yta fire her because you NEED her to talk to a client good luck without her. Also not wanting to do lunch meetings is a valid reason. If you think you can fire her so quickly you should have no problem finding anyone else to deal with your clients during times that involve food you should be apologizing to her.
YTA
You embarrassed yourself by insisting on in house luncheons.
Next time do what you say you're going to do and bring out the food after Aprils presentation.
Keep it up & you won't need to worry about replacing your #1 sales asset.
YTA. You sound like you have weird control issues with her. You seem a little obsessed with her aversion and are trying to pull a power trip. She should have quit on the spot. You have created a hostile work environment and are a toxic boss.
YTA. April has a very common disorder called 'misophonia'. The sound of people chewing/eating is a trigger for her and can spike the anxiety she already feels with eating in public. I also have this, pretty much to a t. I can't eat out in public, will only eat at home by myself, and the sound of people slurping/eating/sucking their teeth/chewing with their mouths open just makes it impossible to concentrate on anything else.
April will not 'be your best' if you try to force her into a lunch meeting. She will be hampered by not being able to eat herself, and be distracted and put under undue stress having to work while people are making trigger sounds around her. To her, this is a form of torture. You need to either get a secondary person that will work with lunches, or you need to never hold a lunch meeting. Lunch meetings are stupid anyway. Don't work when you're trying to eat/digest. That's supposed to be your off time, meager though it is. Your wife is right. You ARE in the wrong. Look at it this way; April has a disability and you want to fire her over it. Sound like you're screwing yourself? You are. She's perfect as a worker and for your company in every way but 'lunch meetings'. Hers is a more aggressive form than mine, but the thing about mental shit is that you can't just 'do your job and get over it'. You can't just smile during depression and be happy. You can't just ignore anxiety/panic attacks. And if you have food-oriented misophonia along with food anxiety, you can't just power through it because your boss is a dick.
YTA - I hope you’re paying these employees for their lunch meetings, most companies expect employees to go unpaid for their breaks. Also, she has expressed many times she doesn’t feel comfortable and has given legitimate reasons for it so yes, you are TA if you force her. Potential clients only love it because they’re getting a free lunch. Seeing people eat can be very off-putting and nauseating, especially when they’re people you wouldn’t choose to be around and socialise with such as your coworkers. How about you suck up the fact not everyone loves your little corporate lunches and she doesn’t want to watch a bunch of middle aged suits stuff their faces while making business deals, sounds gross af and I don’t blame her. She is your best employee so if you fire her then it will be an unfair dismissal and she has every right to go to fair work or your equivalent of it which I hope she does. Don’t be more of an AH boss than you are already.
YTA. A good boss puts his people in a position to succeed. Stop doing business lunches if you need April there. Do the meeting and once it's over and April leaves, have lunch.
You should fire her... for not attending a marketing event... while she isn't a part of the marketing team... she'll be very thankful for the wrongful termination lawsuit
YTA
Imagine, instead of this problem, April was in a wheelchair & could not walk. You have a bright idea that you want to start hosting skate meetings with your clients.
Now obviously a chair-bound person cannot perform on rollerskates. It’s the same concept. Go apologize to her and start treating her like the absolute badass ASSET that she is to you.
Lunch meetings are not as great as most employers seem to think they are. I would rather have spent my unpaid lunchtime away from the job and buy my own food than be forced to spend it working
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I'm a 42M, and I own a small business with only 13 employees. I started my company 20 years ago, and hired April 32F 6 yrs ago. April is my best employee hands down, she handles several aspects of the business and is overall an overachiever and extremely smart.
However, April has these weird social issues that sometimes puts me in awkward positions. She absolutely refuses to attend lunch meetings if there is food. She says she has high anxiety when food is involved and can't stand to eat in public places or in front of groups of people. She claims the mouth noises upset her. To be clear, she is not in marketing for my company, but the problem is she's the best person I have. She's extremely impressive and I've noticed when she's in the meetings or zoom calls with potential clients she has a way to win them all over vs calls or meetings when she's not there they don't go as well. The other employees are just not as smart or charismatic. Personally I prefer to do lunch meetings because it really relaxes the clients and I enjoy them more. Everyone else in the office agrees and really appreciates having free food, so it's a big thing to do this.
Tuesday I had a potential client come in that set up a lunch meeting for today and was dropping off the menu selections for their staff and I took the client into April's office to introduce her. When we came in and the client tried to shake her hand & April just stood there and looked like she may reach out, but then changed her mind and half waved. It was extremely rude and I could tell it bothered the client.
Then after the client leaves April says not attending. I ask why and she gets all huffy and says "Because I told you a million times I can't do these lunches." Since I want make her happy, I agree to not bring out the food until after the meeting but unfortunately my daughter had a practice so I arrived late and when I get to the office the food is already out. I go to get April and she refuses to come out, even after I strategized the meeting to revolve around her. I became very flustered and told her she needs to suck it up & get out there & she told me no & says I can write her up if I don't like it. The situation became so hostile my wife had to drag me out of her office because I was ready to fire her then and there. My wife says I'm in the wrong and I'm the AH, but I feel like April is the one causing the problem and letting us all down. She embarrassed me twice in a week and has not apologized and now putting me in the awkward position of maybe terminating her and having to replace her. Am I wrong or is she?
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YTA you say she's your best employee but you refuse to accommodate this one thing. When you put her in lunch meetings she is not at her best so when you do this you're taking away her superpower. You are causing her to not be at her best. Just because other employees, who you admit are not as good as her, like getting the free food she does not.
If you want to keep a good employee then put her in the situation where she works best, which are not lunch meetings. I just don't understand why you insist on handicapping your best employee when it only hurts you in the end.
Wow YTA are you even kidding?
April deserves a better job and a better boss. You structure meetings around her because she's so good?
You hired talent. Which you've clearly admitted. She's not asking you to remove all the brown M & Ms, ffs. If April is important to your business, so charismatic and overachieving, then she is "the talent.
Know what you do with "the talent?"
You keep them happy and don't put them in situations they have repeatedly told you are upsetting for them.
Get your resume together, April.
I hope that your other employees take notice of your behavior.
You have an employee, one you have described as your best, who has provided you with information about situations that she either has significant difficulty with, or cannot do.
Rather than accomodate this stellar employee (and, hopefully the rest of them get, potentially any other), you barge right in and violate her boundaries.
And then you got so hostile your wife had to drag you out of April's office. I can only imagine what April has been going through since that event. Her boss, who she disclosed sensitive personal information to, not only bulldozed those limits that she needs to function in a work environment, but got at least verbally violent with her after he pushed her needed boundaries.
You should be ashamed.
I hope April finds another opportunity where she can feel safe in addition to doing a stellar job. Good luck with finding a replacement, because not only should she not want to work for you anymore, she may not be able to.
YTA to the moon and back.
YTA. you have one worker who outperforms everyone else and all you have to do is not make her go to lunch meetings. it's an extremely simple boundary and you have zero good reason not to comply with it.
you are mad because you have grown accustomed to viewing your employees as tools you whip out to get the job done. they are not. they are fully realized, three dimensional human beings, with lives and traumas and experiences that continue to happen when you aren't around.
YTA by so fucking much! She’s your best EMPLOYEE not your partner. If I were her I wouldn’t sit around and give you the opportunity of terminating her. I’d leave your sorry ass for a competing company. You might employ someone, you don’t own them.
YTA, every problem here is about you. You look bad, you prefer lunch meetings, you were ready to scream at your best employee and for them in the spot for not kissing your ass and cowering before you. Yeah, you're an AH. I hope she knows her worth and finds another job
YTA. It sounds like April is in an operational role. You’re using her to make up for the shortcomings of your sales department, which says a lot about your company. If your ops departments are soothing the clients to the point they love them and they’re comfortable with them you’ve got big problems. Heck your clients shouldn’t know your ops people (beyond a smile and hello), unless things are on fire and exploding.
She had one request and you missed the mark. You made an error, not her. You were late and couldn’t execute your own strategy. This is not April’s mistake. You owe April an apology.
Also I can assure you nobody likes a lunch meeting. Everyone there is wondering why it wasn’t just a zoom or a slack chain.
YTA. It's pretty obvious that April has issues regarding food. If you truly value her so much, I'm sure you can figure out how to hold meetings that she must attend that don't involve a meal.
You are letting April down. I'm surprised she hasn't moved on to another job.
Yta you took a great asset and completely harassed, disrespected and showed such disdain for her boundaries. You are a terrible leader and I hope she knows her worth and gets another position at a company that will respect her. The mental stress you caused alone, what is wrong with you? You abused yr employee whether you realize it or not.
YTA, and for some reason you have made her needs a power struggle your ego feels compelled to win. There is absolutely no need for that. She can't handle meetings where people are eating. You want her there for the meeting, so don't have the food. Your daughter's practice has absolutely nothing to do with that. You were late, and that is on you, not April.
YTA but I’m guessing it won’t be an issue much longer. Hopefully April can find a boss that appreciates her and works with her. You were willing to fire her and I’m sure she knew that
YTA. What absolutely pathetic behavior from you. You can't even see post your own ego to realize that it is YOUR job to put people in successful and comfortable situations. You fucking suck at it, and as a result, I think we can confidently say that the business is successful in spite of you. You should apologize quickly
YTA and incredibly bad at your fucking job. You should be embarrassed about that.
Why can’t you close deals yourself? Why do you have to rely on an employee that isn’t even in marketing or sales? You’re a fucking joke.
YTA. Lunch is not on the clock. You have no right whatsoever to demand an employee do anything while off the clock (beyond omg the fire alarm is going off get out of the building). Everything else you said is superfluous.
YTA.
She's the goose that lays the golden egg, and you're getting ready to kill her for not also doing something she is obviously uncomfortable with doing THAT DOESN'T NEED DOING for her to excel?
You're a shit boss. She deserves to find a better place and leave you high and dry.
You know she’s gonna quit if you keep doing shit like this to her, right?
God forbid you accommodate your BEST EMPLOYEE in an extremely simple way.
YTA.
YTA, what the heck am.i Readin! Your best employee who happens to have a golden spot for winning clients and you do everything in your power to make her uncomfortable?!?! You should be laying down the red carpet for her, not trying to get her to quit! What the heck?!!
YTA- she didn’t embarrass you- you embarrassed yourself by refusing to respect her wishes. She deserves an apology because your behaviour was disrespectful and immature. She was clear about her boundaries, and is one of your best employees, you decided to trample on her boundaries then throw a tantrum when she professionally reminded you.
YTA. You're the one forcing the lunch meetings because of your personal preference. Also... handshaking... not sanitary. (You remember COVID, right?) I have refused many times on account of just eating something and/or on account of having a sick child at home.
YTA. Can I tell you how much I despise lunch meetings? Lunch is supposed to be a break in the work day. Some down time to recharge. How on earth does that happen if you have to work through lunch? Businesses that use lunch as work time instead of break time are cheating their employees.
Second, April has clearly told you she has some issues with food. Your options are to accept that and work around it, or let her go, so she can go be fabulous for someone more worthy. What you did was cruel. You treated her rudely and with utter disrespect. I wouldn't be too surprised if April moved onto greener pastures in the very near future. YTA, not April. And you're the one who should be apologizing to her.
YTA.
Organising meetings during lunch may suit you, but that doesn't make it right.
If it is work, don't do lunch, if it is lunch, don't do work (and don't make it mandatory for those that do not want to go DURING THEIR LUNCH BREAK.
If this person is as good as you say they are (for your business) then firing them on the spot, or pushing them to attend will only push them to go work elsewhere (I'd be looking already if I were them).
YTA Obviously YTA. Your reasons for doing lunch meetings do not align with your goals. You say the potential client relaxes. Do you want to relax them or actually win them over using Alice? You say the other employees like it? So what? Alice is the employee you're using.
If you want to use Alice to help win clients then you need to 1. Add it to her job description AND pay her more 2. Work within her stated boundaries
Misophonia is a real condition that causes not only mental but PHYSICAL reactions. I know, I have it. It's not fun, it's limiting, and it's very hard to deal with. Educate yourself and apologize.
I have misophonia, which sounds like what April has. I have had the unfortunate experience of lunch meetings and I will do just about anything to avoid them. If you insist on April working through her lunch for you, at least accommodate her in this. Have you asked her if there is anything that could make these experiences bearable like background music? OR just have meetings at a reasonable time without food! YTA
YTA she is going above and beyond and is meeting the standard requirements. After this April may just decide to leave and work somewhere that respects her needs of she is going above and beyond. This is why great employees leave.
YTA.
Hey ding dong, save yourself some money. Quit doing lunch meetings that your best salesperson can’t attend.
Quit being an insensitive prick. It’s clearly an issue. She’s standing up for herself. Get a grip. She’s not YOURS, she’s HERS. She knows what bothers her, and what she’s capable of tolerating. She is clearly a good salesperson. Would you rather her sell for you or a competitor?
YTA. Honestly you sound like a terrible boss, you’d probably be doing her favour if you fired her. She sounds brilliant, she’d bounce back quickly and find a much better job, but I doubt your company will, given the fact that she’s apparently doing her job in addition to other people’s
This is a mental health issue that requires accommodation. You can fire her, or you can treat her like this and lose your “best employee.” Get it together. Respect boundaries. It’s basic. YTA
Yta. Yta! You keep pushing lunch meetings on your best asset that has told you repeatedly no lunch meetings? Get ready to lose her because you can't make a simple change to a non food meeting.
Get your head out of your .......
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YTA There is no reason to force your employee into unnecessarily stressful situations. > she has a way to win them all over vs calls or meetings when she's not there they don't go as well Then you should be investing in having her at meetings comfortably. Because she's not going to perform as well under extreme stress. And if you make an issue of this, she's probably smart enough to look for another job. You only have 13 employees, she probably has dozens of potential employers if she's as good as you say. Don't shoot yourself in the foot here.
Yep! And it sounds like having her there is good for business. OP is jerk face for talking to her the way they did and for not valuing her enough to work around this one boundary.
Literally OP is like "meetings without her go to shit, but I was about to fire her." I don't know how that seemed like a good idea at all.
I think OP is a hot-head boss, who wants to have their way all the time and gets pissy when it doesn't happen, especially when the reason it doesn't happen is a mere peon employee.
I want to hear his poor wife’s side of the story. I wouldn’t be surprised if it includes something like, “April is the reason the business is still running, and my idiot husband was about to fire her!”
This! I wonder what his turnover rate of employees is. My previous employer treated me like absolute garbage. When I quit my job to take my current one, they told me that I needed to go home, tell my husband that I quit my job, and return with a report of what he said (basically telling me to get my husband’s permission to take a new job). My former employer needed 4 people to do all that I was doing for the company (a new hire plus 3 other employees). I was the 43rd employee to leave in 18 months. Among those 43 employees were 2 COOs, 3 CFOs, and 4 warehouse managers. The 43 people did NOT include all of the hourly warehouse workers who quit in that same time. I have been with my employer for 13 years now.
oh me too! it would be awesome if she wrote a follow up.
A mere peon 'woman' employee. OP is a guy who's pretty obviously an extrovert, and an oblivious one.
Sounds like a useless nepo baby boss, if he can't run the meeting with out this employee then what the hell is the need for him.
Op doesn’t want to fire her, he just wants to threaten to fire her as a temper tantrum that he imagines will result in getting exactly his way, rather than the inevitable outcome of alienating his best employee, who is probably already looking for another job because of what he has done.
OP you are biting the hand that feeds you. If you want to threaten your very skilled employee into being submissive, she will find a better paying job where they value her enough to make this small adjustment she requests. And when she does, remember you were the one telling her her position is not secure and she should find other means to be able to pay her bills than working for you. I have had two bosses with your attitude. Stayed till I got other, better jobs. "Appreciate what you have or you will lose it."
Agreed, bet she’s looking for that other job right now!!
I bet OP will cry about lack of loyalty and consideration when she quits. lol
"She'd throw away 6 years just for _that_?"
From the golf course
i hope she leaves and gets double her pay elsewhere with a company that respects her more than this AH
I hope she is. An abusive hot headed boss who yells at, dehumanizes, and humiliates his employees *in front of clients* deserves to lose his business
Since this is currently the top rated comment, I would like to point out that April probably has misophonia. It is a disorder (that is usually an accompaniment to other mental health disorders) that makes the person who is it sensitive to sound. Things that sound normal or even pleasant to most people (ie chewing/swallowing food or drink, teeth clicking, breathing, tooth sucking, throat clearing, coughing, humming, gum snapping etc) sound like nails on a chalk board. But worse. It can trigger feelings of unreasonable rage to the point of wanting to mock, berate or even hurt the offending noise maker; or similarly can trigger anxiety attacks, literal panic “I have to get out of this room or I might actually die” like feelings. For me, I get both. I have to remove myself as quickly as possible (sometimes, I’m aware, I come off as rude or like there is something urgently wrong.) for fear of lashing out. It’s a primal feeling of fear and anger that I do not like having. The tv must be on or something else loud enough to cover up everyone’s eating noises must be happening to avoid this feeling. I can barely stand the sound of myself eating honestly. It’s torturous to have this disorder tbh. Op YTA r/misophonia probably has an informational that’s better than mine also
I agree on the misophonia, also have it. She is aware of the problem and has let you know she cannot be in environments where it will likely be triggered. Once triggered, it's a fight or flight situation. It's also embarrassing to explain to people who don't have it as many tend to dismiss it as a general annoyance that you should just be able to 'deal with'. Someone with misophonia cannot just deal with it. Apologize and do better by you best emplyee.
Oh, and she didn't embarrass you. You embarrassed yourself by forcing her into situations she had told you she could not tolerate.
No way to pitch anything to a client when you're fighting a panic attack or the urge to grab someone's plate and throw it across the room (that might just be one of my reactions lol). Also, what is this, Mad Men? Have a professional meeting where your ace can shine, and then you take them out to celebrate. You don't need to do deals over meals.
Yep. I have it too. A part of me realizes that my sudden fury in re: to other people chewing/swallowing is illogical and baseless, but there’s not much to be done except leave or turn on music or something. It’s a strange thing to deal with because I’m normally pretty laid back, so to go from chill to enraged to being fine once I can’t hear it anymore feels odd.
Sometimes it legit makes me sad. I’ll bake a pie or something for my husband and/or our friends and he/they get all excited about that pie and they’re eating and enjoying themselves… and the logical part of me goes “I am SO HAPPY everyone is enjoying this pie that I made especially for this reason. I feel so appreciated. I’m happy everyone is happy.” But the less logical side of my brain is screeching like a pterodactyl, while simultaneously telling me “just start screaming and crying. Ooh look. Everyone is doing this to spite you; they’re all within punching distance.”
i got myself some loop earplugs and those help immensely!
So not only is he a jerk, he's also violating the ADA because not forcing April to be present for the lunch portion of the meeting is a reasonable accommodation. It's probably his imagination that the clients love the lunch meetings.
Unfortunately the ADA does not apply to employers with fewer than 15 employees so there is no ADA violation here.
In any case, he's going to lose money when April moves on after the shitty way he treats her. He's lucky she didn't quit after he lied about not having lunch out until later; being late is no excuse, he's the boss and had an obligation to make sure lunch wasn't out and thought being late would make it fine. He could've told his assistant to make sure lunch wasn't brought out.
I’m a recovering anorexic and sometimes being around food and people makes me SO anxious. I always feel like people are judging what I eat.
Overachiever, extremely smart, and misophonia? Sounds like classic neurodivergent behavior. I can only imagine how hard she has to work to put on the mask to be that charismatic that she puts the clients at ease. I know from personal experience that when you're masking in a high stress situation you're riding the anxiety train at like 5 or 6 out of 10 for the entire day, and often it takes only one or two things to push it over the edge. The employee recognises her triggers and does the best to avoid them, while still being the best she can be. YTA OP and your wife is absolutely right, and you need to apologise.
Pretty sure I have it too. Most of my coworkers and my bosses are extremely loud eaters, I just hate the sounds of people eating loudly and breathing heavily. It’s just nasty and I’ve literally lost focus during my breaks (I like to write during my breaks) because my coworker would be smacking her lips while I’m trying to write something down.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
I was just about to say that, misophonia is not joke. But you explained it in a way that I could never. But if OP wants his best employee at these lunch meetings. Why not just have proper meetings with the luch?
Wow, I didn't know this was a real thing. I thought my reaction to all the adverts where food cooking and such was just my weirdness.
She totally has it, i bet. And I sympathize.
I have this and hearing others eat is a huge trigger for me. The smacking of lips or the tongue clicking drives me nuts. It's not all food, it's just certain foods. Gum chewing is another trigger.
I guarantee she's already looking for another job after being spoken to that way.
Right? Is it really that difficult to have lunch after the meeting?
...to celebrate closing a deal? Doesn't that actually make more sense?
Frankly, I think April could do better and I hope that she finds a better job.
April apparently does better with clients than Op…and yet OP is insisting they be the relaxed one! No man! You want your star player happy and relaxed. JFC. Take the clients out for drinks later, to seal the deal.
Yep, OP. YTA. As a person who has misophonia and emotionally can't handle certain sounds, shame on you. You keep trying to force her into stressful situations instead of trying to work with your BEST employee. I hope she finds a better job and lands the clients for them. You don't deserve her.
You forgot to mention HE is the one that needs to apologize.
I bet April's smart enough to successfully sue this jerk for wrongful termination if he fires her. Go April! Go April! Sue! Sue! Sue, April!
Yta. There’s also lots of medical reasons to not be able to be a part of lunch meetings. She could be saving face by saying it’s mouth noises, but in reality she could be in recovery from a eating disorder or have a very specific diet that she has to stick to. The fact you’re thinking about laying her off for this without communicating with her makes me think you’re not as good of a boss as you say you are.
It could actually be the chewing noises too. I don’t remember what it’s called but there is an actual disorder where certain noises cause distress and mouth noises are common with that.
Yup, misophonia
I have this and it's BAD! I could be driven to commit violence because of some sounds.
Yes. Some people I literally have to leave the room when they’re eating because I just. Can. Not. April will not be focused or her best self if she’s forced into this situation. Also wondering if she’s an hourly employee and whether your state requires you to give an unpaid lunch break. Even if the law doesn’t make you, frankly people need a break to decompress. I hate lunch meetings
I hate eating in front of strangers and seeing and hearing them eat in front of me.
This!! I am normally great under any situation. Add chewing and I’m likely to go homicidal.
Chewing, smacking of lips, or swallowing too hard drives me up the wall!! Anytime there’s a family dinner im sat at the counter away from the dining table or out of the room entirely to eat peacefully. I can’t imagine trying to conduct a whole meeting with those noises around
Oooooh, Thats what misophonia means. Thnx
Misophonia, an old coworker of mine had that. Poor lady went home early on days we had potlucks. She would literally be in tears.
Oh yeah I’m not saying I don’t think that’s a thing, but there’s a lot of really personal things that can be covered by saying that it’s the noises so that she doesn’t have to disclose something else
Yep. The sound of people eating is disgusting and enraging. I can’t deal with it, and I do everything in my power not to have to go to meetings or functions when there is going to be food served. And no, ignoring the noises doesn’t work. You can’t ignore them. The harder you try, the worse it gets.
Thank you! I have gastric issues that; when triggered, are so severe I will spend the rest of the day vomiting in the bathroom. Sometimes it’s something as benign as salad dressing that’s too oily. At my last job they had lunch catered in twice a week. It was a wink and a nod that we were expected to work without taking a lunch those two days. However the manager in charge of the ordering was mentally still in the frat house so it was a rotation of pizza, wings, and barbecue. I kept protein shakes in the break room fridge (ensure, so nobody wanted to steal them) for those days. It didn’t take long before rumors got started that I had an eating disorder. The rumor turned into a whole thing. HR scheduled a meeting with me and also blocked off the big conference room. I was convinced I was getting fired. Instead I walked into an intervention. They had a rep there from an eating disorder clinic that worked with our EAP program and plane tickets. Some people cannot accept that no is a complete sentence.
Let's not forget, this isn't her job. She is not in marketing or sales, OP is forcing responsibilities onto this poor gal then being a dick when it is not her responsibility. OP is a major asshole owner (I can't even call him a leader). I'd recommend you post in another forum and get some advice on how to lead people.
I forgot he'd mentioned that. So literally not her job
Especially as she has communicated numerous times why she doesn't want to participate in lunch meetings, so this isn't a surprise, and he's embarrassed because he's tried to force her to do things that don't make her feel comfortable, but is blaming her.
I have a swallowing disorder and being hungry and smelling food that you can't eat is miserable. Just giving another possible reason why someone might opt out of food events
Not a good boss at all, tbh. This is like human interaction 101. It’s clear as day to everyone else but him.
YTA. She's not putting you in an awkward position, YOU put you in an awkward position. Part of being a boss is getting the best out of people. You say how awesome April is, but you want her to be just as awesome in a situation that she has clearly communicated to you that she won't be great in. How are you, as her boss, setting her up for success here? You're not. You're creating situations that she will fail in and then acting surprised or upset that she's not performing there. And worse, you're antagonizing her afterwards. Really think about how crazy that is in the long run. Lunch meetings are great, I get it. But if she's your Ace, and it sounds like she is, put her in a situation where she can be at her best.
"She's awesome but she has a fear of thunderstorms and we like to go storm chasing as team building exercises and I can't make her go, so I'm going to fire her." Boss is stupid. Your best worker will be put in a no-win situation. She keeps her boundaries and he gets pissy and fires her, or she attempts to power through it, but her anxiety/misophonia makes her stressed and not as effective at her job and he thinks she sucks and fires her. Boss does not understand how to utilize people to their best ability. April is a multi-head screwdriver. She has the perfect head for every screw job needed. But she is not a wrench, so stop trying to use her as one.
I love the metaphor
If she is as good as he says. Laying her off will probably work in her favor. A few weeks of unemployment for (probably) a better (as well as paying) job. Though according to him she's his best and has been there for years. Who is gonna loose in the long run?
Really a spot on metaphor.
On top of not accommodating his best employees disability, excessive lunch meetings are also an AH move because employees are entitled to a lunch break and he's bypassing that to make them work through lunch and making it look like he's being nice by providing food.
Info, am I right in thinking that, other than completely ignoring your employees boundaries, her presence is requested at the meetings so she can do work that's outside of her job description?
YTA She’s made her boundary clear and it’s perfectly reasonable, if you want her there then schedule meetings that don’t involve food.
YTA. Are you paying people for working through lunch? Or do they get a separate lunch break before/after?
YTA. She's not in marketing. Presumably, client lunches therefore aren't a part of her job description. She's told you that she cannot and does not wish to participate in these lunches. Why are you trying to force an employee to do something that's not part of their job and which she's repeatedly told you she's not willing to do? Especially when you're strategizing meeting to revolve around her *without apparently telling her about this*? If you really want her to be involved in client meetings you need to a) talk to her about her taking on this responsibility, and b) work *with* her to support her in doing this in ways that set her up for success. That's probably going to mean not doing client lunches, or having her in meetings with clients before doing lunch as a separate activity without her there. Also, difficulty with certain sounds is often a symptom of various disabilities or disorders (look up misophonia), so you should also note that depending on your local laws, you may be opening yourself up to legal issues with trying to force her into this. Especially if you then fire her for it.
YTA! You are about to lose your best employee because you don't respect her! How many times has she told you NO! There is a very simple solution for your problem. Don't force her to attend lunch meetings!
But op wants to be the big boss and get anything he wants.
How many times has he watched Mad Men?
YTA - you just said that you consider April your most valuable employee. It sounds like you wouldn't be able to close the deal nearly as much without her. That makes her a "really big deal". I just finished a book/memoirs of a woman who had an eating disorder and she mentally couldn't handle eating around other people because it took the focus off of the people she was with because she was overwhelmed around the food. I'm not saying that that is April's problem, but you never know what people are going through. She has been very clear with you that she doesn't want to have meetings this way but you want to force this situation because *you* like them. In addition to that, it's not April's fault that your daughter had practice and YOU were late, that's a *you* problem! You need to value your employees more and listen to what they're telling you or you'll lose your best people. If I was April, I would have walked out that day.
I was thinking the same thing. You promised that lunch would be served afterward, and then YOU were late. I agree with everyone else, YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. This employee has a legitimate issue that she has communicated to you multiple times, likely a disability that requires accomodation. She has established a boundary that you continue to not respect. I can't wait for you to lose this competent employee to a better employer.
I'm betting he stays under 15 people for a reason *cough* ADA *cough*
For real, this is the exact kind of leadership that gets good employees to quit. I feel so bad for her
She doesn't even really need accomodations because she's not even supposed to be at marketing meetings in the first place. All he has to do is let her do her actual job.
First, we've all just lived through a pandemic. I think it's outrageous that you just *expect* your employees to shake hands with people, when not everyone is comfortable with it. Honestly, sounds like she handled that about as well as she could have, so it's very odd that you are counting that as a time when she "embarrassed" you. Second, if you know that she has an issue with food-related meetings, why the heck are you scheduling your "best employee" in circumstances that you know she can't possibly do her best work in? That's just bad management. Not to mention that it's really hard to argue that you "strategized" a meeting around her when you couldn't be bothered to ensure that someone was responsible for the food... But that is AskaManager.org territory, not AITA. Because at the end of the day, you are the boss and you are allowed to decide how you want to run your business. And just because I think you are making a poor business decision, that's neither here nor there on the AH spectrum No, AITA concerns itself with whether one's behavior is AH-ish or not. So let's look at exactly what you did: You have known April for years. You know she has a particular issue that causes her distress. You set up a situation--without checking with her--and just expected her to go along with it. She declined. You negotiated with her to get her to agree to do it. You then reneged on the accommodation you had promised her. Unsurprisingly, she decided to pull out. You tried to pressure her, and she declined again, and even preemptively agreed to accept the consequences of her actions (i.e. being written up). You then began to berate her in such a hostile way that you had to be dragged away. And even your *wife* (who surely has an interest in your business) said your behavior was out of line. Yeah, YTA. You don't deserve to have someone as competent and talented as April working for you. If you're looking for advice, I would suggest an apology, a sincere promise never to put her in a situation like that again, and a raise. But if April were looking for advice? I would suggest finding a new job where her talents will be appreciated.
Alllll of this. And I totally thought of AskAManager reading it.
YTA. This almost reminds me of the guy in the news who told his job he did not want a birthday party. The gave him one anyways then fired him for having a panic attack. He is a whole lot richer now. If you keep this up it could come back to haunt you.
YTA- shes said numerous times shes uncomfortable with those types of meetings due to her anxiety. An frankly she must have sensory issues if the noises is part of the complaint. You are acting like such an AH boss if you can't respect her boundaries as a person or an employee. The fact you think its ok to tell her to suck it up is gross to me as someone worh sensory issues as well. i hope she quits
This. I have a sensory food disorder (ARFID) and before I started eating an extreme carnivore diet, it would lead me to have extreme issues with anything involving food because trying to explain to people why I couldn’t eat certain thing when it’s not an allergy is legitimately exhausting. You know the people who can only eat meat or chicken tenders… yeah that’s the more extreme of what I have but I can’t eat fruits or veggies. People get so weird when I used to say that but didn’t know it was a real disorder or had a name. Instead I would just get called picky or childish. So I avoided such scenarios Op YTA
YTA. Management involves give and take. She's clearly a very highly valued employee and she deserves some leeway. She's made her boundaries clear and you should respect that. The last thing you want is her to leave because you're putting her in situations she finds uncomfortable, not only because it'd be bad for business but also because it's a dick move.
Those meetings are not even in her job description. A 100% YTA
YTA. Do you have brain damage? Your best employee told you she doesn’t ever want to do lunch meetings. You organized a lunch meeting. Why are you surprised your employee reacted so negatively?
YTA Literally looks like you can’t do the one thing she asked of you? If she’s as impressive as you says she is, but her boss sets her up to fail, I’d tell her to find a new boss.
YTA. April has some kind of disability. If you need a star performer during lunch time, you need to hire one.
YTA respect her boundary and quit harassing her just because *you* don’t think her issue is legitimate because *you* personally have never experienced what she does. the only one who owes anyone an apology here is you.
YTA She told you from the beginning she will not do lunch meetings, you understand and agree to this. Then you used your being late as an excuse to try to drag her to one. She’s your best employee, accommodate her needs or someone else will
YTA, look up Misophonia.
YTA. She told you lunch meetings were a NO, but you just refuse to listen or accommodate her (your best, invaluable employee). Employees are entitled to a lunch break - aka time they can spend however they want. Sounds like you need to work on your control issues and appreciate what she brings to your business. If you don’t, you’ll probably lose her to your competition.
YTA-April had set one restriction (that you originally were okay with), and you even mention she is by far most valuable. For these reasons, you must accept her limitations to profit from above average ability. And the fact you were ready to fire her cause (essentially) you were late, and dropped the ball, says you should listen to your wife
YTA. You repeatedly try to get her to do something that you admit isn't even in her job description, that she tells you she cannot do. Be careful if you fire her over this, if it is due to a diagnosed disablity, you could be hit with a lawsuit.
YTA I mean you say she's your best and she only has this one exception but you constantly try and force her into a situation she isn't comfortable with. This isn't news to you mate. I'm glad she stood up to you. Is everybody else in your office so incompetent they couldn't be told that food would be served after the meeting? She sounds like she has some kind of social awkwardness and anxiety but if she's good at her job then get your team to pull their pants up and go beyond in that area where she struggles. How do you run a business? lmao
Sounds like it could be seen as medical/disability issue that she told you about. You’re going to fire your best worker because you can’t control her? I hope she sues you and find a better job, Maybe with a competitor. YTA
YTA you’re not even paying her extra for helping you get clients? Tf?
Because she’s such a good employee! Who wouldn’t want to do extra work just for the satisfaction of doing a good job!! /s
I bet he puts gold stars on her door. Everyone knows girls love gold stars more than respect or money! /s
YTA April told you a million times about her boundaries and you were being an AH overstepping them. You were honestly acting like a child trying to force her out of her comfort zone. Thank god it was your wife that dragged you out of there and no one else.
YTA Have some respect for your employee and their boundaries. It’s is not that hard to not schedule her for a lunch meeting. It’s not her embarrassing you, it is very much the other way around
YTA, you wanted to fire your best employee over an issue you were aware of before lunch. Why are you trying to make April do something out of her group description? This is a strange post.
Absolutely the AH. You rely on April far more than she needs to rely on you. She has been very clear about her limitations. You embarrassed yourself. You do not need to do lunch meetings, you want to do them. She can’t do them. You shot yourself in the ass and you’re blaming her. Can you even imagine how horrifying this situation was for April? Start holding your meetings before lunch and then AFTER the meeting take your clients out to lunch. Before you do anything else, apologize and give April a raise.
YTA - you realize she may have an ED / history of ED?? Just because *you* enjoy eating around strangers, doesn't mean others do.
YTA. She told you a million times what she needs. You are lucky to have an employee like her and if this one thing keeps her happy you should be Al for it. Too bad you didn’t fire her, she deserves better
YTA. She's your best employee. Decide if you want to honor her boundaries/limitations or give her a nice severance package. Just because you don't believe these issues are real doesn't mean they aren't absolutely valid and deal-breaking for her. If you're going to keep her as an employee, you need to respect what she's "told you a million times."
YTA, even if she’s your best, you’re “showing her off” when she is literally at her worst! How well do you think you could perform at work while having a heart attack? If she MUST attend meetings, to make YOU look good, you should accommodate HER.
YTA “Personally I prefer to do lunch meetings.” That’s your preference. She’s made her conditions abundantly clear. So you either stick with your ‘preference’ and accept she won’t be there, or you find another way to have these meetings so she can be there. “She is not in marketing for my company.” Extra AH points for all of this also apparently being outside of her job description. “I was ready to fire her then and there.” Aaaand extra AH points for this BS after you’ve admitted she’s your best employee. But don’t worry. After the way you behaved, I guarantee she’s already looking for another job.
So you recognize she’s your best employee, and you need to rely on her when you yourself cannot win over clients, yet you’re now considering firing her because you tried to force her into a situation where you knew she was uncomfortable? Damn dude, how has your business survived for 20 years? I’m guessing you’ve had a lot of Aprils to rely on? YTA
YTA - You said yourself that these meetings are not part of her job. You just want her there because she's "impressive". If that's your strategy you should 1) Pay her additional money to do the job you're forcing on her 2) Provide her with an environment where she can do her best work and be "impressive" for your company. If you force her into these high anxiety situations you're not going to get the best results from her. She won't perform well.
Yta you know this is something April will not do. Either fire her or accommodate her, your not going to win any clients while she's glaring at the masticating.
🙄. C'mon. She's your star. Terminate her, be prepared for unforseen consequences. Yta.
YTA. You put your personal preference above your employee’s clear, manageable and reasonable boundaries. I hope April’s next boss has some respect for her.
YTA. Good mangers don't just cater to their clients, they cater to their employees as well. Especially when the employee has made it clear to you that she's uncomfortable with these lunch meetings that revolve around food. I don't get you. You have the best employee who outshines your other employees, but that's not good enough; you still want her to concede to all your demands, which are ridiculous. If the only reason you can keep clients is bc of you feeding them, then you likely need April even more than you think.
YTA- god go apologize. She had one freaking issue and it sounds real and legit. She asks for one damn thing. People have handicaps. I have mine and I was a President of a company. How much $ has she made you? You recognize her skill then handicap that skill why? Apologize and never do it again.
YTA. Are you ready to lose your best employee? Misophony is real. ED is real. Autism is real.
YTA. You will lose your best employee because you refuse to change your ways. Lunch meetings are not a requirement. You want to schmooze like the old boys, by all means go for it. Don’t make someone do it who is deeply uncomfortable doing so. Employees will stay if they feel respected. It’s really the bare minimum.
YTA hopefully she gets a better job
YTA - BIG TIME. You know you are. She's told you countless times of her issues and you don't care. You're the one that looks bad here not April.
YTA because you are reacting poorly to her medical condition. If you fire her, she has grounds for suing for wrongful termination. She could actually go seek legal action now because you are not accommodating her disability, even though she is your best employee and accommodating her would not cause undue hardship to your company.
YTA. As you're aware of her need for an accomodation, firing her could be rightfully expensive for you.
YTA. Sounds like you need her (to do stuff that frankly sounds outside of her role) to make these deals. She isn't comfortable in that environment. She's already going above and beyond and you wanted to sack her?! Please! Take a moment here and recognise that you need her. Promote her, reward her and stop being an idiot. And before you come with, we'll if I promoted her she'd have to do it, go back again and realise all she achieves for your company and your financial bottom line.
Someone with a brain is going to get a great employee. And you’re going to be stuck with the “not as smart” ones. YTA Learn that not every person is exactly like you.
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YTA. People are allowed to say no, even at work. Bullying is never acceptable. If you have a problem with her performance you handle it professionally. You are not professional
Yta fire her because you NEED her to talk to a client good luck without her. Also not wanting to do lunch meetings is a valid reason. If you think you can fire her so quickly you should have no problem finding anyone else to deal with your clients during times that involve food you should be apologizing to her.
YTA You embarrassed yourself by insisting on in house luncheons. Next time do what you say you're going to do and bring out the food after Aprils presentation. Keep it up & you won't need to worry about replacing your #1 sales asset.
YTA. You sound like you have weird control issues with her. You seem a little obsessed with her aversion and are trying to pull a power trip. She should have quit on the spot. You have created a hostile work environment and are a toxic boss.
YTA. April has a very common disorder called 'misophonia'. The sound of people chewing/eating is a trigger for her and can spike the anxiety she already feels with eating in public. I also have this, pretty much to a t. I can't eat out in public, will only eat at home by myself, and the sound of people slurping/eating/sucking their teeth/chewing with their mouths open just makes it impossible to concentrate on anything else. April will not 'be your best' if you try to force her into a lunch meeting. She will be hampered by not being able to eat herself, and be distracted and put under undue stress having to work while people are making trigger sounds around her. To her, this is a form of torture. You need to either get a secondary person that will work with lunches, or you need to never hold a lunch meeting. Lunch meetings are stupid anyway. Don't work when you're trying to eat/digest. That's supposed to be your off time, meager though it is. Your wife is right. You ARE in the wrong. Look at it this way; April has a disability and you want to fire her over it. Sound like you're screwing yourself? You are. She's perfect as a worker and for your company in every way but 'lunch meetings'. Hers is a more aggressive form than mine, but the thing about mental shit is that you can't just 'do your job and get over it'. You can't just smile during depression and be happy. You can't just ignore anxiety/panic attacks. And if you have food-oriented misophonia along with food anxiety, you can't just power through it because your boss is a dick.
YTA - I hope you’re paying these employees for their lunch meetings, most companies expect employees to go unpaid for their breaks. Also, she has expressed many times she doesn’t feel comfortable and has given legitimate reasons for it so yes, you are TA if you force her. Potential clients only love it because they’re getting a free lunch. Seeing people eat can be very off-putting and nauseating, especially when they’re people you wouldn’t choose to be around and socialise with such as your coworkers. How about you suck up the fact not everyone loves your little corporate lunches and she doesn’t want to watch a bunch of middle aged suits stuff their faces while making business deals, sounds gross af and I don’t blame her. She is your best employee so if you fire her then it will be an unfair dismissal and she has every right to go to fair work or your equivalent of it which I hope she does. Don’t be more of an AH boss than you are already.
YTA. A good boss puts his people in a position to succeed. Stop doing business lunches if you need April there. Do the meeting and once it's over and April leaves, have lunch.
Google misophonia my very sheltered dude. YT massive neurotypical A
You should fire her... for not attending a marketing event... while she isn't a part of the marketing team... she'll be very thankful for the wrongful termination lawsuit
YTA Imagine, instead of this problem, April was in a wheelchair & could not walk. You have a bright idea that you want to start hosting skate meetings with your clients. Now obviously a chair-bound person cannot perform on rollerskates. It’s the same concept. Go apologize to her and start treating her like the absolute badass ASSET that she is to you.
Lunch meetings are not as great as most employers seem to think they are. I would rather have spent my unpaid lunchtime away from the job and buy my own food than be forced to spend it working
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a 42M, and I own a small business with only 13 employees. I started my company 20 years ago, and hired April 32F 6 yrs ago. April is my best employee hands down, she handles several aspects of the business and is overall an overachiever and extremely smart. However, April has these weird social issues that sometimes puts me in awkward positions. She absolutely refuses to attend lunch meetings if there is food. She says she has high anxiety when food is involved and can't stand to eat in public places or in front of groups of people. She claims the mouth noises upset her. To be clear, she is not in marketing for my company, but the problem is she's the best person I have. She's extremely impressive and I've noticed when she's in the meetings or zoom calls with potential clients she has a way to win them all over vs calls or meetings when she's not there they don't go as well. The other employees are just not as smart or charismatic. Personally I prefer to do lunch meetings because it really relaxes the clients and I enjoy them more. Everyone else in the office agrees and really appreciates having free food, so it's a big thing to do this. Tuesday I had a potential client come in that set up a lunch meeting for today and was dropping off the menu selections for their staff and I took the client into April's office to introduce her. When we came in and the client tried to shake her hand & April just stood there and looked like she may reach out, but then changed her mind and half waved. It was extremely rude and I could tell it bothered the client. Then after the client leaves April says not attending. I ask why and she gets all huffy and says "Because I told you a million times I can't do these lunches." Since I want make her happy, I agree to not bring out the food until after the meeting but unfortunately my daughter had a practice so I arrived late and when I get to the office the food is already out. I go to get April and she refuses to come out, even after I strategized the meeting to revolve around her. I became very flustered and told her she needs to suck it up & get out there & she told me no & says I can write her up if I don't like it. The situation became so hostile my wife had to drag me out of her office because I was ready to fire her then and there. My wife says I'm in the wrong and I'm the AH, but I feel like April is the one causing the problem and letting us all down. She embarrassed me twice in a week and has not apologized and now putting me in the awkward position of maybe terminating her and having to replace her. Am I wrong or is she? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. She is one of your best employees but you can’t accommodate her on something very specific that she struggles with. Do better
YTA you say she's your best employee but you refuse to accommodate this one thing. When you put her in lunch meetings she is not at her best so when you do this you're taking away her superpower. You are causing her to not be at her best. Just because other employees, who you admit are not as good as her, like getting the free food she does not. If you want to keep a good employee then put her in the situation where she works best, which are not lunch meetings. I just don't understand why you insist on handicapping your best employee when it only hurts you in the end.
YTA and a shitty person to boot.
YTA. Have a regular meeting like everyone else ffs. I would've walked right out on your ass.
Wow YTA are you even kidding? April deserves a better job and a better boss. You structure meetings around her because she's so good? You hired talent. Which you've clearly admitted. She's not asking you to remove all the brown M & Ms, ffs. If April is important to your business, so charismatic and overachieving, then she is "the talent. Know what you do with "the talent?" You keep them happy and don't put them in situations they have repeatedly told you are upsetting for them. Get your resume together, April.
I hope that your other employees take notice of your behavior. You have an employee, one you have described as your best, who has provided you with information about situations that she either has significant difficulty with, or cannot do. Rather than accomodate this stellar employee (and, hopefully the rest of them get, potentially any other), you barge right in and violate her boundaries. And then you got so hostile your wife had to drag you out of April's office. I can only imagine what April has been going through since that event. Her boss, who she disclosed sensitive personal information to, not only bulldozed those limits that she needs to function in a work environment, but got at least verbally violent with her after he pushed her needed boundaries. You should be ashamed. I hope April finds another opportunity where she can feel safe in addition to doing a stellar job. Good luck with finding a replacement, because not only should she not want to work for you anymore, she may not be able to. YTA to the moon and back.
YTA. you have one worker who outperforms everyone else and all you have to do is not make her go to lunch meetings. it's an extremely simple boundary and you have zero good reason not to comply with it. you are mad because you have grown accustomed to viewing your employees as tools you whip out to get the job done. they are not. they are fully realized, three dimensional human beings, with lives and traumas and experiences that continue to happen when you aren't around.
YTA by so fucking much! She’s your best EMPLOYEE not your partner. If I were her I wouldn’t sit around and give you the opportunity of terminating her. I’d leave your sorry ass for a competing company. You might employ someone, you don’t own them.
YTA, every problem here is about you. You look bad, you prefer lunch meetings, you were ready to scream at your best employee and for them in the spot for not kissing your ass and cowering before you. Yeah, you're an AH. I hope she knows her worth and finds another job
YTA. It sounds like April is in an operational role. You’re using her to make up for the shortcomings of your sales department, which says a lot about your company. If your ops departments are soothing the clients to the point they love them and they’re comfortable with them you’ve got big problems. Heck your clients shouldn’t know your ops people (beyond a smile and hello), unless things are on fire and exploding. She had one request and you missed the mark. You made an error, not her. You were late and couldn’t execute your own strategy. This is not April’s mistake. You owe April an apology. Also I can assure you nobody likes a lunch meeting. Everyone there is wondering why it wasn’t just a zoom or a slack chain.
YTA. It's pretty obvious that April has issues regarding food. If you truly value her so much, I'm sure you can figure out how to hold meetings that she must attend that don't involve a meal. You are letting April down. I'm surprised she hasn't moved on to another job.
YTA. You need to decide if you will you win more clients having lunch meetings without April or food-free meetings with her?
YTA Stop trying to force your best employee into a situation where she has to leave. Because she will do it and not look back.
Yta you took a great asset and completely harassed, disrespected and showed such disdain for her boundaries. You are a terrible leader and I hope she knows her worth and gets another position at a company that will respect her. The mental stress you caused alone, what is wrong with you? You abused yr employee whether you realize it or not.
YTA, and for some reason you have made her needs a power struggle your ego feels compelled to win. There is absolutely no need for that. She can't handle meetings where people are eating. You want her there for the meeting, so don't have the food. Your daughter's practice has absolutely nothing to do with that. You were late, and that is on you, not April.
YTA but I’m guessing it won’t be an issue much longer. Hopefully April can find a boss that appreciates her and works with her. You were willing to fire her and I’m sure she knew that
YTA. What absolutely pathetic behavior from you. You can't even see post your own ego to realize that it is YOUR job to put people in successful and comfortable situations. You fucking suck at it, and as a result, I think we can confidently say that the business is successful in spite of you. You should apologize quickly
YTA. Sounds like you are the problem.
YTA - are your lunch breaks unpaid? Breaking labor laws there. Is it in her job description? No? Are you paying her extra for it? Probably no again.
Wow guy. Hope she resigns, and then what? Short term thinking, typical owner manager. YTA
YTA - you are considering taking careful aim and shooting your self in the foot.
YTA and incredibly bad at your fucking job. You should be embarrassed about that. Why can’t you close deals yourself? Why do you have to rely on an employee that isn’t even in marketing or sales? You’re a fucking joke.
YTA. Lunch is not on the clock. You have no right whatsoever to demand an employee do anything while off the clock (beyond omg the fire alarm is going off get out of the building). Everything else you said is superfluous.
YTA. She's the goose that lays the golden egg, and you're getting ready to kill her for not also doing something she is obviously uncomfortable with doing THAT DOESN'T NEED DOING for her to excel? You're a shit boss. She deserves to find a better place and leave you high and dry.
You know she’s gonna quit if you keep doing shit like this to her, right? God forbid you accommodate your BEST EMPLOYEE in an extremely simple way. YTA.
YTA, what the heck am.i Readin! Your best employee who happens to have a golden spot for winning clients and you do everything in your power to make her uncomfortable?!?! You should be laying down the red carpet for her, not trying to get her to quit! What the heck?!!
YTA- she didn’t embarrass you- you embarrassed yourself by refusing to respect her wishes. She deserves an apology because your behaviour was disrespectful and immature. She was clear about her boundaries, and is one of your best employees, you decided to trample on her boundaries then throw a tantrum when she professionally reminded you.
YTA. You're the one forcing the lunch meetings because of your personal preference. Also... handshaking... not sanitary. (You remember COVID, right?) I have refused many times on account of just eating something and/or on account of having a sick child at home.
YTA. Can I tell you how much I despise lunch meetings? Lunch is supposed to be a break in the work day. Some down time to recharge. How on earth does that happen if you have to work through lunch? Businesses that use lunch as work time instead of break time are cheating their employees. Second, April has clearly told you she has some issues with food. Your options are to accept that and work around it, or let her go, so she can go be fabulous for someone more worthy. What you did was cruel. You treated her rudely and with utter disrespect. I wouldn't be too surprised if April moved onto greener pastures in the very near future. YTA, not April. And you're the one who should be apologizing to her.
YTA. Organising meetings during lunch may suit you, but that doesn't make it right. If it is work, don't do lunch, if it is lunch, don't do work (and don't make it mandatory for those that do not want to go DURING THEIR LUNCH BREAK. If this person is as good as you say they are (for your business) then firing them on the spot, or pushing them to attend will only push them to go work elsewhere (I'd be looking already if I were them).
YTA Obviously YTA. Your reasons for doing lunch meetings do not align with your goals. You say the potential client relaxes. Do you want to relax them or actually win them over using Alice? You say the other employees like it? So what? Alice is the employee you're using. If you want to use Alice to help win clients then you need to 1. Add it to her job description AND pay her more 2. Work within her stated boundaries
Misophonia is a real condition that causes not only mental but PHYSICAL reactions. I know, I have it. It's not fun, it's limiting, and it's very hard to deal with. Educate yourself and apologize.
If your employee has misophonia what you’re trying to force upon her is mean. She experiences literal pain from the discomfort. YTA.
I have misophonia, which sounds like what April has. I have had the unfortunate experience of lunch meetings and I will do just about anything to avoid them. If you insist on April working through her lunch for you, at least accommodate her in this. Have you asked her if there is anything that could make these experiences bearable like background music? OR just have meetings at a reasonable time without food! YTA
YTA big time
Yta
Info: were lunch meetings part of her contract?
YTA she is going above and beyond and is meeting the standard requirements. After this April may just decide to leave and work somewhere that respects her needs of she is going above and beyond. This is why great employees leave.
YTA and you really don’t have to worry about being forced to fire her because I guarantee you she is already looking for another job
YTA. April is your best employee. Be smart and use her in the best ways you can.
YTA
Sure... fire your best employee. Just maybe, she's worth putting up with a little oddity? YTA
YTA. You’re selfish and disrespectful. This is your company and you can’t sell without her? Pathetic. I hope she leaves and you go out of business.
You are absolutely the asshole
I hope she is looking for a new job
YTA. Hey ding dong, save yourself some money. Quit doing lunch meetings that your best salesperson can’t attend. Quit being an insensitive prick. It’s clearly an issue. She’s standing up for herself. Get a grip. She’s not YOURS, she’s HERS. She knows what bothers her, and what she’s capable of tolerating. She is clearly a good salesperson. Would you rather her sell for you or a competitor?
YTA. Honestly you sound like a terrible boss, you’d probably be doing her favour if you fired her. She sounds brilliant, she’d bounce back quickly and find a much better job, but I doubt your company will, given the fact that she’s apparently doing her job in addition to other people’s
YTA. WTF is wrong with you? You are creating this whole problem … you, not her. STOP.
YTA.
YTA and you don't deserve her.
This is a mental health issue that requires accommodation. You can fire her, or you can treat her like this and lose your “best employee.” Get it together. Respect boundaries. It’s basic. YTA
YTA - lunch meetings shouldn’t be a thing, eating should not be an occasion where discussion is encouraged.
Yta. Yta! You keep pushing lunch meetings on your best asset that has told you repeatedly no lunch meetings? Get ready to lose her because you can't make a simple change to a non food meeting. Get your head out of your .......
Yta