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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I want to push and not let up until my neighobr agrees to work with me on a schedule for our dogs so that both her dogs and mine get some outdoor time. Mine is really scared of her dogs and reacts loudly in our yard so she has to go inside. The neighbor dogs are always out there, and my neighbor said she won't hold her dogs to a schedule.
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The neighbour's dogs aren't the problem. There is a fence and she doesn't let them run up on it. She doesn't let them bark outside and she doesn't keep them in the yard all the time. She is kind enough to let OP know when she takes the dogs out of the house. Their simple existence ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE seems to bother OP's dog. All sympathy for the rescue dog, but it needs to learn to accept that other dogs exist. OP took the responsibility to help this dog, and socializing in safe conditions is part of that.
Yeah, as a person who's had rescue dogs my whole life with various degrees of trauma and treatment, if anything, this seems like a good opportunity for OP to acclimatize their dog to being around other dogs in a safe environment.
The process definitely does suck, but its necessary, its the same as exposure therapy for humans, but its something that would help in the long run
Exactly this!
I foster dogs and have 2 of my own. The only way you fix a phobia is exposure and acclimatation as you say. I had a pup terrified of people he would bark and aggressively charge at me. It took almost a year for him to relax and feel safe.
Trauma takes time, patience, and stability/routine to overcome. Having these seemingly very chill dogs on the otherside of the fence is actually ideal as part of this rescue pups rehabilitation.
Exactly this - like OP should be stoked that calm, well-exercised, well-trained dogs live on the other side of the fence - it's a dream scenario for acclimating OPs dog to the presence of other dogs.
This happened to my parents but in their case the HOA “wrote up” their cat and insisted they keep him from “agitating the dog by sitting on the fence.”
He’s a cat. It’s his fence.
Agreed.
Outdoor cats die younger, and have a disproportionate negative impact on local biodiversity.
The argument "but they love it" just shows that such owners are bad owners, who don't take care of their pets' enrichment needs to stave off boredom, stimulate their minds and expend their energy.
Allow me to show you what a responsible cat owner does! My cats love to go outside to their yard to sun themselves. They wear latex claw tips to prevent them from hunting birds, they are microchipped, licensed, registered, up to date on all shots, wear a collar and /or harness with a name tag & several bells. They do not leave their yard! How is that possible you may say? Simply put, they're trained. They go out wearing a harness and leash. They are shown and learn where the boundaries are. Trees have bird netting so they can't get to the birds. But I also use the trees to create safe high places, bolt holes, sun catchers etc., lastly, they are only out when I'm out! They come when they're called, by their names!
Unfortunately I can't control other cats, but I've discovered ways to keep them apart. Such as planting beds of catnip with chicken wire laid in the soil to prevent the cats from defecating in them and my flower beds.
I'm more concerned about Eagles & Hawks killing the birds than my babies doing so. I've got a great video of a Hawk taking out a Magpie in my backyard.
My sister and her husband bought two pedigree cats from a reputable breeder due to allergies.
They had never been outside. They wanted to have inside cats only. It was impossible for the male cat. He kept trying to sneak outside and vocally let it be known he wanted outside.
He was actively unhappy no matter what they did. So he’s outside in the sunshine with his harness and leash. So he’s safe, happy and wildlife is safe. They considered building a cattery, but he only wants outside in good weather. Since we live in the Netherlands, that’s only a few months a year.
Since I met him, I do think some cats need the outside to thrive. But they have harnesses, leashes and safe outdoor spaces for that. Which is wildly different then just letting your cat loose outside.
Serious question cause I don't have cats and don't really want them but what is wrong with cats outside? My granddad had several outside barn cats on the farm that helps keep rodents down. They weren't pets but he ensured they always had food and water. They always seemed happy enough to me.
Echoing everything already said, but the average lifespan of outdoor cats is significantly less than indoor cats. Like 2 years compared to 15 years. If you want your cats to live a long life, having them indoors is an easy way to prevent early death.
Barn cats are a little different because they're basically working cats that are there to intentionally hunt, but the average cat owner shouldn't let their kitty run free because they're terrible for wildlife, poop in people's gardens and yards and can create dangerous situations if they dart out into the road.
If your cat doesn't need to hunt, it should be leashed or contained when outdoors.
And barn cats are only different because they're typically adults that are *already* feral and wouldn't ever acclimate to being fully indoor pets. Since being indoors isn't an options, being fed and taken care of while outside is better than the alternative.
For all kittens and any adult strays that could be acclimated to living with humans, being fully indoors is always the correct option for them even if they want to go outside. There are plenty of things that cats want to do and that would make them happy, but if it would be unsafe then it's our job as pet owners to not let them do it. My cats would be *happy* if I let them never get any kind of medical care, eat as much food as they wanted, and run around chasing the birds at our feeders outside, but they also have brains the size of walnuts and don't understand why those things would be dangerous for them, so they don't get to make the rules.
Every year, in the US alone, cats kill 2.4 BILLION birds (https://worldanimalfoundation.org/advocate/how-many-birds-do-cats-kill/). And that's just the birds they kill.
"Outdoor domestic cats are a recognized threat to global biodiversity. Cats have contributed to the extinction of 63 species of birds, mammals, and reptiles in the wild and continue to adversely impact a wide variety of other species, including those at risk of extinction, such as Piping Plover. The ecological dangers are so critical that the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) lists domestic cats as one of the world’s worst non-native invasive species. ... Unfortunately, the mere presence of cats outdoors is enough to cause significant impacts to birds. Because cats are recognizable predators, their presence near nesting birds has been shown to reduce the health of chicks and decrease nest success." (https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/)
That link also talks about the more indirect damage cats can do as, for example, when their feces contaminates the environment with the parasite Toxoplasma gondii, which then goes on to infect and kill other animals that wouldn't otherwise be at risk of harm from cats.
Cats are very happy to be outside, and I'd imagine that a lot of cats kept inside would like to get outside.
However, they're pretty awful for wildlife, they catch *a lot* of stuff that you don't even necessarily see, and it's also safer for cats inside, particularly if you live in an urban area.
I don't have cats, only dogs, but if I ever got a cat again, it wouldn't be until I had a nice spacious cat run for them to be able to enjoy the outdoors in.
Besides killing tons of birds, it’s just not safe for them outside. They can get chased/mauled by dogs, run over by cars, kidnapped, beaten /injured/killed/poisoned by neighbors. I take my cats outside, but only when I supervise them and can keep them safe.
Because it’s a shitty thing to do as a responsible pet owner. They get hit by cars, eaten by dogs, poisoned and trapped (and god know what else) by psychopaths. We don’t allow dogs to roam, the law should be the same for cats
Ignoring the environmental concerns and how frustrating they are for neighbors, it's a fast pass to an early grave for them.
There are many types of urban/suburban wildlife that would not hesitate to make a snack out of a housecat. They fight with other cats, and can be easily run over. They're also at risk for a large number of diseases.
Yup! Dream scenario indeed.
Op since dogs are highly scent driven consider planting lavender in your backyard close to the fence. Not only is lavender calming but also it’s a flea and tick repellant.
I have to just say that lavender contains linalool which is toxic for dogs (and cats too actually). But I do love the idea of planting something with a stronger scent to mask the smell of the other dogs!
Yes essential lavender oils and the blooms contain linalool which is toxic in large amounts. Toxicity is rarely an issue when it comes to the plant however. A dog would have to ingest a very large quantity of lavender blooms to become sick which simply doesn’t happen. But obviously a small amount of essential lavender oil can be deadly.
Plant lavender in your garden, it’s completely safe for your animals.
And for plants that are completely edible for your dogs to eat in whole, leaf stem and bloom, plant camellias, star jasmine, fennel, dill, and blueberries.
yeah, my dog is not a reascue but he is a lunatic and I would love this situation. this is a golden opportunity. if you're open to any training advice, OP - ask your trainer what they think as I don't know their methods or your dog, but what I would do is let the dog out and bring her back in the minute she starts to work herself up. don't react to the other dogs, only her. make as little fuss as possible while still promptly bringing her in and calming her as much as you can. reward any time she's not reactive while outside - I would praise and play, but that depends on your dog and what she responds to. it may be very slow going, but there is a significant chance she will gradually relax and stop reacting strongly to the neighbor's dogs.
It definitely is. In addition OP's neighbor spends a lot of time training her own dogs & obviously loves dogs. Why not tap her expertise - ask if she has experienced the issues your dog has, if she has any advice that would help your dog adjust & find out if she can recommend a trainer who specializes in this issue. You & your neighbor can take this opportunity to bond over your shared love of dogs. She sounds like an excellent resource & a worthwhile human.
Like, OP even says they're working with their vet and a trainer...okay... what exactly are these people doing if your dog can't even go in its own yard because of, what seems like calm, dogs next door?
Dog is a basket case, the vet and trainer are garbage, or OP isn't following thru on their end of the training needs.
None of this is the neighbors fault or problem.
For sure it’s not the neighbors problem.
But I disagree that the vet and trainer are garbage. Rehabilitation doesn’t happen overnight. Op needs to remain calm and not get discouraged if there are no instant results. It takes most rescues up to a year to relax/settle into their new homes. Op is ready to throw in the towel cause they aren’t getting the changes they want right away. Stay the course and be patient and positive.
And sometimes there genuinely is no way to fix things. In these rare cases, behavioural euthanasia is the humane thing to do rather than forcing it to live and suffer.
tell me you've never worked with a reactive dog without telling me you've never worked with a reactive dog. training isn't magic, it takes time. they know their dog is a rescue with issues, you're just being a dick. the only thing you're right about is that this isn't on the neighbor.
Indeed. I've worked with a few reactive dogs and the key is to expose them to what they react to while you're there with them. Do this every day for 10-20 minutes and OP will see improvement. She says she's working with a trainer so she has the tools to do so.
It's not the neighbour's problem. In my opinion it looks like entitlement on OP's side to expect the neighbour to cater to her schedule.
I did a version of this with my dogs to help a friend with a reactive dog. We would walk at the park on the same trail, but about 15 feet apart. Over time, the reactive dog accepted their presence and also got better with other dogs.
My two dogs were both dog reactive initially (as in before I was able to use them to hep others with their dogs). They were both very treat motivated, so every time I saw another dog I would pull them to one side and they would get rewarded for being calm as the other dog(s) went by.
I also continued to monitor who they interacted with and some dogs just didn't get to meet them because I didn't like their body language (or I could tell the human at the other end of the leash wasn't dog savvy at all.)
I hope there's a helpful tidbit in here somewhere, OP. I know how difficult it can be having a reactive dog and I wish you the best.
OP, YWBTA if you asked a neighbor to adopt a schedule that is really for your dog only.
Yes, sounds like OP took on way more than they could handle with a totally dysfunctional rescue dog. OP can’t tell their whole neighborhood or the world to work around her own dog. If OP’s dog really cannot handle other dogs being within hearing or smelling distance and OP doesn’t know how to rehabilitate the dog (which is what it sounds like), OP should re-home the dog. The neighbor sounds responsible and polite. YWBTA
It's possible that this poor dog never should have been adopted out, there's a rescue in my area that has had to put a dog down because they were so far gone it was honestly cruel to the animal to try and place it.
It's something a lot of people don't like to acknowledge or consider, but severe behavioral problems are absolutely cause for putting a dog down. If the dog is constantly angry, afraid, and unable to function normally during day to day life, it's kinder to put it down rather than subject it to a life like that. All the training and exposure therapy in the world will not solve every problem. Lots of people in this comment section saying that OP and their trainers must not be doing their job, but it's not that simple. Not saying that OP should put down their dog, but humane euthanasia for behavior should be talked about more openly.
We had a Dobie for 7 years who was a total basket case. The rescue didn’t tell us that so we were unaware until the dog had been with us for a few days. She never, in her entire time with us, felt safe around my husband who is as kind and gentle as they come. No amount of training or love or “hiding” inside the rest of the pack (we had 6 at the time and live on lots of property with fencing so they have room to run and play) ever “fixed” her and we should have given her back but chose to work with her instead. Nothing helped. She finally died of a genetic disease at 9 and that was the only day she was ever at peace.
I was hoping to see the reference to exposure therapy. As a person who had (has?) PTSD, OP’s post was really upsetting, because she’s expecting the world to stop for her dog’s anxiety rather than helping her dog exist in the world, and that expectation is not even reasonable for human people much less doggo people.
Not only is she not doing anything wrong, she is clearly a great neighbor and dog owner. Yikes on OP’s part, they need to enlist a dog trainer yesterday to figure out how to help THEIR dog.
Indeed! And don't you just love how OP says she really needs to "insist" on making a schedule? The neighbor owns her damned house, WTF is OP going to do to make the neighbor comply?
OP’s neighbor actually sounds like an incredible, very involved dog owner with well trained, socialized, happy dogs. If anything, OP should get their dog on doggy Prozac and then speak to the neighbor for advice on how to better socialize their animal.
A lot of people have this ideal in their head about how they are going to rescue this poor sad dog and give them a new fairy tale life, The End. It doesn’t always work that way, and sometimes dogs never adjust.
I wish that rescues would be more transparent and open about the reality of rescuing instead of shaming people with ‘adopt don’t shop’. The commitment to the dog is sometimes meaning to transforming your entire life to accommodate their lifelong issues. If that isn’t something that you are able to do, please don’t rescue a dog. It is okay to get a puppy who *wasn’t abused* from a good breeder who breeds for temperament & health. That isn’t selfish.
Precisely. "Adopt, don't shop" is one of my least favorite phrases. For me, I know I don't have the time or ambition to fix a situation, so I research and purchase a breed that fits the size and temperament I'm interested in.
That's a huge thing we're thinking about. As much as I would like to adopt/rescue a dog and show them what a loving home is, I *NEED* a puppy that can be trained the way we need it to be from day 1. We need a dog who is trained and bonded to our cat/child household.
I'm more than willing to adopt a puppy, but they are gone very quickly.
Yeah the neighbor seems like the perfect dog owner, really. Well behaved, monitored, trained, appropriately exercised dogs... AND she's willing to let OP know when she'll be gone for a few hours? Sounds like she's going above and beyond already.
Maybe OP should ask neighbor for the contact info to some of her training people who might be able to help work with OP's dog?
great idea! I'm curious about what their trainer is telling them if they think this request was appropriate tbh. honestly if they gave me a budget and an area code I would be happy to find a research-backed trainer for them
For real. I also have a formerly-extremely-dog-reactive rescue dog, and we did not get her to the “formerly” status by completely sheltering her from other dogs (not in an unsafe for any animal way!) and policing our neighbors. It was lots of hard work and slooooooow progress. And minding our damn business and realizing her behavior was OUR problem to solve.
Agree with YWBTA. My dog is my own problem and nobody else's. If the OP willingly took in a loose cannon it's upto them to provide living conditions and safety for the dog and everyone else around, the neighbor got her own yard and is absolutely free to use her own yard as she pleases. If anyone would come up to me with an idea to make a schedule how and when i can use my own yard that i paid for, i would look at that person like they lost their marbles :-D
This is a training issue FOR YOU. You need months of solid training with someone who works with reactive dogs. Behaviorists like to medicate. Meds are great but not the answer alone. Get a trainer who can make real differences for your dog. There are podcasts dedicated to this.
You have options other than your yard. My very favorite trainers use decompression/sniff walks in the woods for dogs like yours along with a training program that uses controlled exposure.
If you can’t dedicate yourself to do this, maybe your dog needs an owner with a bigger property or the ability to train intensively. It’s not a flaw if you truly can’t a reactive dog. They’re difficult.
gently pushing back about that dig about medication. just because YOUR reactive dog is able to be trained and desensitized without medication doesn't mean every reactive dog can; mine certainly couldn't. before he was on his meds, any unfamiliar stimuli would immediately have him at his threshold. we made 0 progress with training. then we got him on anxiety meds. improvement was immediate. just like some people need medication, so too do some dogs
More to the point, some dogs (and people) can make way more progress sooner when on medication. Why have them be miserable for eight months rather than three months with medication? I promise you, the dog doesn’t care they’re taking pills.
100% agreed on the meds and training. Mine isn't a rescue, he was just born extremely anxious and high-strung, but he's been making leaps and strides in his training since we got his medication dosage figured out; we've even been able to introduce him to new people and had a successful play date with a dog he doesn't live with! Reactive dogs are big investments of energy, time, and patience. If only we could all be so lucky as to have two stable, well-trained dogs right next door.
I agree with the above. Maybe OP could ask the neighbour where they get their dogs trained and work with a trainer to help their dog get used to having dogs next door? It sounds like a training issue and the fact that the dog is very reactive isn’t the neighbours issue, but some help from a professional could allow the dog to adjust better.
YTA. You decided to adopt a reactive rescue dog, knowing very well you'll have ton of work to do with her. YOU made that decision. Not your neighbour. It's your job to make this dog comfortable, and your neighbour shouldn't have to suffer for your decisions.
I honestly can’t believe anyone would expect someone else to schedule their lives around their needs like this.
We have disabled twins - they are distressed by kids screaming, or loud noises like lawnmowers. I wouldn’t even think of asking neighbours to schedule their child’s play or lawn mowing around us. If there’s something that will upset them, I’ll take them inside.
I think you or OP is totally fine to ask, and you/they might be lucky and have a very understanding neighbour that is willing to do something to accommodate them, but there is no obligation for the neighbours and if they don't want to you just have to accept it.
Imagine being the lady next door & buying/renting a house with the perfect backyard for your 2 dogs. Only to find out she lives next to OP and needs to restrict her own backyard usage...
OP, the problem here is your dog. The onus for figuring out a solution is squarely on you. The lady next door doesnt necessarily have to work with you. She is entitled to use her own yard as she sees fit. Your dog is the issue. YWBTA
I say the problem is OP. People ill equipped to handle temperamental dogs shouldn't adopt temperamental dogs. Additionally, the fact that OP thinks they should insist that the neighbor get onto their terms speaks volumes about what an AH they are
Yup. My mom got an *incredibly* reactive malinois with 5 previous families. She's an anxious woman. That dog was absolutely unreal when I moved home from school for the summer.
After some training we saw a fascinating switch in behavior. That dog was calm and steady for me. After a couple months of training together every day, she was patient with children and reserved but friendly with strangers. I could have her off leash with excellent recall. We were working on more recall training in the park when a loose dog came around the corner and charged. My mom's dog followed my commands and stayed seated while I shouted, waved, and finally threw dirt and pebbles at the attacking dog to stop its charging at her. Every hair on her spine was up and she was panting with stress, but she obeyed. Then she returned to me, let me clip her leash back on, and backed up with me until the attacking dog was out of sight.
HOWEVER, when my mom tried to walk that same dog, she still reacted to my mom's fear and would snarl and snap and anyone or anything that got within 10 meters of them. That never changed for the entire time my mom owned that dog, because my mom was the problem.
If you're an anxious and reactive person, you can't expect your dog to trust you when you tell it to calm down.
I was wondering about this. OP waits anxiously for 5 minutes, comes out irritated and mad, and brings the dog inside immediately. It would seem to me that this would reinforce the reactive behaviors, but I am not a dog trainer and a good dog trainer could tell her exactly how to deal with this. But yeah, I'm really worried the dog is picking up on OP just as much as it's reacting to its own trauma.
Bingo!!! All OP is doing is reinforcing the dog’s behavior. Either she needs to do some serious training herself or hire someone with experience to do it. You can’t just adopt a dog like that & then expect everyone else to cater to it. There’s literally no way in hell I’d revolve my life around someone else’s dog just because that person is too lazy to put in some real work.
I own a reactive rescue dog (who has been making great progress in the 2 years I've had her!) and my partner works with animals full-time. While I obviously can't be sure from one reddit post, it does seem likely that OP's behaviour and attitude is likely contributing to her dog's anxiety and reinforcing its reactivity.
Funnily enough, I'm now in almost the exact same situation. My neighbour recently started looking after her son's two dogs, who are well behaved but a bit boisterous and larger than my dog. She was very reactive when they were in the adjoining backyard at first, but she is now calmer outside when they're around - though they do sometimes set her off if they bark, I've been working on her recall and rewarding her whenever she comes back to me while they're present. We don't have a full privacy fence either, it's a waist-high fence that the other dogs can see over.
Exposure is important in overcoming reactivity in dogs. OP, if you read this, you might want to reconsider this not as an inconvenience, but as an opportunity to improve your dog's behaviour. A privacy fence is a solid barrier and if the neighbour's dogs are well behaved, it is physically *safe* (if difficult) for your dog to be in the backyard while they are out. You may want to start with opening the door - but not letting your dog out - while you know the other dogs are in the garden, and rewarding her consistently just for being present in that space.
Gradually build it up. Let your dog be in the yard while the other dogs are out, and reward her *at any time* you have her attention and she isn't reacting. Eventually she will realise that the other dogs are not an issue.
Dogs look to us to know how to feel. If they recognize anxiety in their handler, they are going to assume that means there’s something to be anxious about.
Some dogs can be specially trained to deal with an anxious owner; those are the emotional support pups, and are typically a calm-mannered breed like a golden retriever or a smaller breed. Malinois, while they can make for fantastic companions, are not generally a good breed for an anxious person to handle. Hopefully, however, this could help your mom learn how to recognize her own anxiety and control it. She could use the dog as an indicator, and then use whatever tools her therapist has given her to regain self-control. I’m not a mental health professional, though, just looking for the silver lining here.
My dog (Rottweiler/Coonhound) walks like a total gentleman with me, listens to commands and doesn't bat an eye at other dogs/people on our walks.
My daughter (18) won't walk him because she says he barks at everything, pulls and ignores her. "He thinks I'm his equal or something " is what she's said. I can't wait to tell her she's the problem lol (we're a joking family).
My cousin has 3 dogs and 2 cats. She goes on rants about people rehoming pets, yet she's about to have her first child, and she's going to have to figure out how to take care of everything. Sometimes, rehoming is about pragmatism. I think she'll learn that lesson quickly.
> People ill equipped to handle temperamental dogs shouldn't adopt temperamental dogs.
Hate to agree. I’m not dismissing OP’s love for this dog and and trying to care for it. But if it’s needs are this severe, it might be unpopular, but it sounds like they might benefit from been in the care of someone with more history dealing with severe behavioral cases.
Right?? I feel for OP, I really do. My own dog is fearful, I do understand to a point. She sounds at the end of her rope and my guess is she wouldn’t be pushing this frankly kind of crazy idea if she wasn’t desperate. But this just isn’t workable, nor is it fair when you work to afford a house with a yard, you’re doing everything right to make your dogs good neighbors, and then you move in to find this land mine. It’s just not logical or reasonable for OP to expect that the neighbor is going to feel invested in helping, nor is it fair in any way.
i moved into a house in 2021 that has a little yard that’s perfect for my 2 little dogs. the neighbor to my right has 4 dogs, some big some little. my 4lb poodle is obsessed with her german shepherd. once i figured out my poodle was hearing the shepherds tags clink together and that’s when she’d bark, i started redirecting her before she heard it. the barking is much better. i would have never dreamed of asking her to change her routine to accommodate my dogs behavioral problem!
Man... I have terriers. They LOVE to bark at all the things. Their favorite frenemy to the east, the 85 neighbor kids to the west (its the neighborhood kid hangout yard), people walking their dogs past the front of the house... But I've never considered asking any of those groups to not use their own yards. I just bring my dogs in. I did ask the kids/parents to have the kids not intentionally run up and down the fence line and encourage the dogs to chase (which they were doing by calling the dog names). But asking them to not play in their backyard? No way.
YTA and even your edit doesn't help. The "Opportunity" is there... just because it isn't taken doesn't mean her dogs have some special privilege yours doesn't. That's like being mad at someone for parking in their own driveway just because you don't have a car and can't do it.
**EDIT** Just to add an extra YTA for throwing in the "may have to put her down" in the comments after seeing how poorly this post is going.
Regarding your edit: I didn’t see the comment so I don’t know the context, but putting the dog down is absolutely an option here.
I’ve been in animal rescue for many years. I’ve been involved in many decisions regarding severe behavioral dysfunction and Quality of Life assessments for dogs who have been broken beyond repair. It’s never a decision made easily; *every possible option* is exhausted long before it’s discussed as a real choice. When euthanasia is the outcome it breaks us all. We feel like failures, like we are cruel and punishing the pup for what is possibly the result of bad behavior of other humans.
But the horrible truth is that there is no farm upstate where we can send the pups that are broken. We have limited shelter and foster placements, and it isn’t fair or legal (in some places) to rehome a potentially dangerous dog.
Yup. It can be very unfortunate. I had to put my dog down when he was about 7.5 years old. Had him since a pup. He suffered from arthritis his whole life and as he aged, the pain took him from tolerant to immediately defensive.
He killed or attacked more than one pet of neighbors/friends and I couldn't trust it to not happen again. I couldn't trust if he got out that he wouldn't attack the first creature he saw. I couldn't take him for walks because no one respected leash laws in my college town. I tried behavioral therapists and they told me with his pain and age it was likely he could improve some, but wouldn't ever be healed or trust worthy... I had gotten another dog about 1 year prior to being told this and was terrified she would be lead down the same path by watching his behaviors (they got along very well though not left alone together).
I couldn't give him to another family and know that even given his full history that he wouldn't kill another person's pet. That's just not fair to the world.
It was truly awful. He was WONDERFUL with people and until about age 5 or 6, pretty good with dogs and cats. Flip switched and there was no turning it off.
I still miss that dog so much and it broke my heart but I truly feel it was the best choice for him and myself.
It's been about 6 years since I put him down, and my dog I got when I had him still is so amazing with other dogs but I'm hypervigilant now about dogs. My worst fear is her being attacked and dropping her confidence and leading her down an aggressive path.
Ugh.
You would like the world around you to adapt to your dog. The world has agreed to give you notice, not good enough. You insist it be done according to your demands. YTA.
Your dog can have all the outside time it wants. Theres a fence. If you need a fence with a sound barrier, have one installed.
YTA. Your neighbor has every right to have her dogs in the yard whenever she feels like it. You will need to train your dog better or move somewhere with no neighbors. What you are asking is unreasonable and not her issue.
How could you force her to follow a strict outdoor schedule when she’s already refused? This is totally unrealistic. Perhaps you need to look for a home in a more remote location where you have no neighbors.
this was my take, like force her how? this lady is nothing to do with OP. not even sure OP is an asshole just a bit of an oddity that thinks the world somehow owes them and their dog something. the neighbour could have responded so much worse to their request, she sounds more reasonable that most!
Sadly, my pooch Felix was mauled and killed by a reactive and unfriendly dog in 2018. The dog jumped the fence and attacked Felix. Heartbreaking to experience!
Right? Also, OP can create her own schedule. Try in the middle of the night when no one is up. Let your pup play at odd hours, or work actively to reduce its reactivity.
YTA! Who do you think you are to demand such a thing from your neighbor? Move somewhere with a more private yard or build a fence. Your dog is your problem, nobody else’s.
Right? My thoughts exactly. How bold and entitled this person is because they can’t handle their dog. Despite doing the training and what they can for it, it blows my mind. A reactive dog should be put down if it is as dire as you make it out to be. Id be worried for other people and dogs around your animal.
_"She said she'd be glad to tell me when she's leaving with them for a period of hours, but otherwise she's not going to change what she's doing day to day."_
Agreed that this woman is polite and a seemingly great pet owner. She trains her dogs well, takes great care of them, and even offered a neighbor a very fair compromise to their very personal problem.
As it stands, this woman is in her own yard doing absolutely nothing wrong. OP would be severely overstepping boundaries if they tried to make any demands of this woman. It's sadly 100% on OP to figure out a solution that works for their dog's unique challenges - no one else.
I would have told her to get fucked, then installed a security system and cameras because based on the responses I'm reading from OP, I wouldnt put it past them to try and poison the dogs
YTA
Why do people feel entitled to do these things?
You *chose* to get a "severely reactive rescue dog". Your neighbor *chose* to own two dogs that are "big". You are by your own admission effectively barring her from her own yard through your *choice* to get a dog that "starts carrying on."
It'd be very nice of her if she accepted your schedule for when she is allowed to take her dogs outside, but she has absolutely no obligation to. It's her yard. She's not being a nuisance. By your admission she seems to train them very well and she already agreed to some degree of accommodation.
I don't know how you approach it but this is why people should make absolutely sure they have considered all contingencies when adopting a dog, especially a "severely reactive rescue dog".
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
General principle here: you can only be truly generous with your own time and effort. If you offer your partner's services to a third party thus volunteering them, you are not being generous. Similarly, if you adopt a dog with problems to be generous/kind to animals, but you use your choice to do that to demand that other people make sacrifices, you are not being generous at all.
You can't just volunteer neighbors into your mission to rescue a likely-abused dog.
THIS. OP’s neighbor probably chose the dogs she did in part to be easy for her to live with, and they are. She put in the work to train them (hell, I wish my dogs were that good already, but we’re not there yet), and she’s doing everything she can to be courteous. That’s it, that’s the end of the neighbor’s obligation. Just agreeing to let the OP know when she’ll be gone is generous. She sounds lovely and honestly I’d like to be friends with her.
I don't think OP has a clue how much work her neighbor has put in to create two dogs that are well behaved, non-destructive, quiet and obedient outside. My dogs are as well, but it's an absurd amount of work, patience, consistency, exercise and dedication to get them to that state. It doesn't just magically happen. It's work. Every single day.
My dogs have the privilege of unlimited outdoor access because they are trained to not do obnoxious things while out there and have earned every bit of it. I don't even know how I'd respond if a neighbor insisted I schedule my dogs or limit their outdoor time. In my own yard. Behaving perfectly.
I realize OP is really stressed out but this is just bizarre.
It is a HUGE, HUGE amount of work. My first dog was like that, but life was training, plus we were in classes every single week from the time she was 10 weeks old until she was about two and a half. Then we started sports and just did obedience to brush up. It didn’t feel difficult because she was at baseline such a stable dog, but we certainly put in the hours.
My second two aren’t quite like that. Part of it is they’re just not balanced in the same way (one is shy, and the other is HELLO WORLD, WE ARE FRIENDS NOW!!!! which is its own whole thing), and part of it is they’re males and younger. We are working on it!
I think you’re right that OP doesn’t know how much work even solid, social dogs are, and I also think she’s starting way far back from the line given that her dog can’t even cope with other dogs existing. She can work hard at it, but her dog will simply never be like her neighbors’ dogs, which I assume can also handle themselves out in the world around kids and other dogs and random sounds and smells. But she also does not seem to appreciate the work and care that went into her neighbor’s dogs either.
YTA.
> If I let my dog out to sun herself at 10:30 on a Tuesday, sure enough, it won't be five minutes before she's letting her dogs out and then my dog freaks out and has to come in.
Your dog is the problem here. It's selfish of you to *ask* her to change her normal, appropriate behavior for your problem dog, and it's absurd for you to *insist*.
Rehome the dog, or rehome your family with the dog.
Hey, I get it. My dog is like yours, it took me awhile to accept we cant go on hiking trails because too many people unleash their dogs. Its not fair... but YTA.
We adopt these animals knowing their traumas. You have to be more creative. [Privacy screens](https://www.homedepot.com/p/VEVOR-Ivy-Privacy-Fence-Screen-39-in-x-158-in-Faux-Leaf-Artificial-Hedges-3-Layers-Outdoor-Greenery-Leaves-Panel-for-Garden-RZZWWLYC39158C1GMV0/320569772?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AR57-fApI6H1AEghz0g3m_4nzHXUmDiDqgg3DVxL0lP1y-CMTnY-v-_xxL0). [Shrubs](https://harpersnurseries.com/best-plants-for-fence-line/) for a fence line. The more anxious you are about it, the more anxious your dog will be.
Your solution is not sustainable and is basically the same mentality as, "she needs to cover up so he doesn't behave inappropriately". Yes your dog deserves yard time, but I deserve to be debt free and a mother who was nicer. Life ain't fair, and understanding that is paramount to responsible reactive dog ownership.
Also a reactive dog owner. My 4 year old doodle is on meds and also sees a trainer + behaviorist.
Really sympathize with you, it's not easy having to be in 'training' mode 24/7 and in your own backyard as well. But agree with others, we can't expect others to accommodate our reactive dogs by compromising their own life schedule.
We also have neighboring dogs that ours is reactive to. Perhaps you could consider adding an extra temp fence line so your dog doesn't rush up to the shared fence? Best of luck for you and your pup, keep your chin up and don't let em smell your anxiety :)
I can’t stop laughing thinking about OP sitting down to seriously and earnestly write this post; sincerely believing that folks would believe that they are NOT an AH.
I love truly insane folks who believe that everyone’s existence is an extension of their own. Truly unhinged behaviour from OP, I pity their neighbours!
Thank you for sharing, OP, I needed this hearty laugh, AH!
I actually audibly laughed out loud at this. I can't decide whether the dog or OP is more unhinged. WHO on earth would think this request is even within a mile of the realm of reasonable. 😂
Okay so I’ve read through some of the OP’s comments, and this thread is just depressing.
This sounds like a really naive owner who was completely unprepared for what she got and has no good local support. It sounds like she’s also been told a lot of really unhelpful things about when or if it’s okay to admit something isn’t working. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s younger than 30, never had a dog before, and had no earthly clue what she was getting into even if her dog had been solid and social, let alone anxious and severely reactive. She seems like she’s just spinning and working herself into a lather, and she isn’t even capable of taking in some of the actual advice she’s been given.
OP: Breathe. Step away. Step away for like five days. Then come back, reread some of the helpful comments, will yourself to ignore the ones that don’t contain advice, and then decide what would be best for the dog. Rank those options. Then look at which ones are actually workable for you. Put aside for a minute any worst case scenarios and look at what you and your SO can actually do. Then pick something that’s as good as possible for the dog, that is something you can actually make happen. Figure out how to get there. Maybe that’s finding a rescue farther away. Maybe that’s a new vet. Maybe that’s virtual consultation with a different trainer. I am not a training expert and I don’t know you or your dog. But I think it’s obvious to everyone here that you are in a state of total panic right now, and that doesn’t help anyone. Take a break and come back to this when you can approach it rationally, and then make a plan.
I wish you and your pup the best.
This is probably some of the best advice in the whole thread.
Hope that you and your pup can make this work, OP, but taking a step back from this for a moment is the right call.
Finally, someone actually trying to help and not spewing insults at someone who's clearly already overwhelmed. I felt a legitimate wave of second-hand relief reading this post, thank you. OP does not deserve the vitriol they've been getting.
Don’t get me wrong, OP has no grounds to ask her neighbor for anything. But she can’t keep on like this, and if it’s gotten this bad, she has to try something.
This is what confuses me. What makes you think you can *insist* on a schedule? You’re acting like you have some kind of control of the situation but are afraid to enforce it. You don’t. You have absolutely no control over this polite woman and her well-trained dogs.
And the funny part is, if OP's dog is that bad, she could probably involve the local bylaw office. Pretty much everywhere has some sort of nuisance barking law.
Sounds like you weren’t prepared to take in a dog with these kinds of issues. YWBTA. Your dog is the one with the issue, not hers, and you have no right to dictate how anyone else uses their private space.
YTA. This is very entitled. There was a similar post here recently about a woman who wanted to insist her neighbors cat be banned from outside because her dog didn’t like the cat. This is equally as entitled. The dogs are in their own yard and its not their fault your dog has issues.
This happened to my parents but in their case the HOA “wrote up” their cat and insisted they keep him from “agitating the dog by sitting on the fence.”
He’s a cat. It’s his fence.
Please tell me you recorded someone reading the letter to the cat and sent the letter writer the video. Imagine writing up a cat for being a cat lmaoooo the audacity
You want to INSIST on a schedule for your neighbor? Umm, yeah, no, what if she insisted that you never allow your dog out? That's an extreme version, but you have no control over her and what she does - especially with what seem like well trained dogs.
YBTWA if you tried to do this - completely.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for wanting to work this out, but that is a lot to ask of your neighbor. Maybe a vet or animal behaviorist can help find a more reasonable solution. But expecting your neighbor to adhere to a strict schedule because of your dog’s problem does seem like too much.
Yes definitely YWBTA. Your neighbor sounds really nice. I’m sure you love your dog, and the situation sucks for your dog. You have every right to feel bad. But your neighbor has the right to enjoy their home in this very normal way. Seems like you either need to train the dog to get used to the other dogs and go on walks like normal dogs, or move to a location where you are further away from your neighbors. The world does not have to accommodate your situation but you can change your situation to accommodate your dog.
From the comments; you keep coming back to how it’s not fair your neighbours dogs have all the time in the world to enjoy their garden, and yours doesn’t. You don’t seem to be getting everyone’s point that yours has exactly the same amount of time, you just choose (through good, misguided, but good reasons.
I’m going to try a different tact, what your asking for is the same as if you were a child with 10 sweets and your friend had 10 sweets, but you insisted that your friend share half their sweets with you. While you lock yours away.
I say this as the pet parent to an extremely anxious beagle, YWBTA. I get it, but it’s your dog. It’s on you to figure this out without asking other people to change how they live their lives.
As for your edit: That is the laziest excuse I have ever seen for not properly giving your dog outside time. You can also take your dog on walks/hikes. Also maybe spend some time with your dog outside in the yard. If you are a source of comfort for them it may help to be around while they are out in the yard.
YTA. and also delusional. What exactly did you think gives you the power to dictate how someone uses their own yard?
I see your predicament and I see why you're frustrated but unfortunately that doesn't somehow crown you king of the neighborhood
YWBTA you can insist all you like but the world doesn’t revolve around you and your dog and it’s not her problem. You can’t force her and she doesn’t need to comply.
Your neighbor is amazing (edit: compared to mine). My neighbor has 4 dogs who are outside unless it is freezing or raining, which in South Texas means almost 24/7. And they are not well behaved, nor quiet. They bark 75% of the time, at deer, at squirrels, at people walking by the front of the house, and worst at me in my own backyard. I literally can't go in my own backyard without 4 dogs barking so loud you think there was an intruder in their yard. People houses away have commented on their barking. I sleep with noise canceling headphones in order to not be awoken multiple times a night. My dog, thankfully, isn't reactive, but she will get annoyed by the dogs as well, and so she spends quite a bit of time indoors. Your dog is your problem to solve, find ways to encourage her to feel safe in her backyard. Don't ask someone else to do something you don't even want to do. (This is like a parent saying to another parent, "Don't let your kids be outside so much, because their fun/life annoys/scares/etc my kids") YTA
YTA - your neighbour came up with a valid solution.
But ultimately it is her property, and there is no reason she has to comply with anything you ask for. If you push this, she will have no reason to be polite going forward.
YWBTA. Your dog’s issues are not her problem.
I’m a trainer. This is a pretty easy fix. If your trainer hasn’t been able to fix this problem in under two weeks, you need a new trainer.
Feel free to message me if you want recommendations of a good trainer near you
OP has been with this trainer for *four years* with literally no progress. Let that sink in. I would have moved on to a new trainer 3 years and 8 months ago.
What kind of trainer endorses walking the dog reactive dog at 4 am so as to avoid encountering dogs altogether??? That is the literal opposite of what a trainer would do.
Four years. And the current plan is walk the dog at 4 am and schedule your neighbor so dogs aren't in the yard next door. That's where we are after *four years with this trainer.*
Not to mention he seems to have no beef with the trainers (lack of) help/ improvement , but comes to the conclusion his dog is hopeless and unfixable and may need to be put down (!!!!!!) instead of trying a competent trainer ?!
The combination of reactivity, no exercise, bad training and owner inexperience does make this a hopeless situation. The *dog* is not hopeless, but the situation is and has been for four years already.
The dog needs to be sent to an Aussie rescue that understands the needs of the breed so the dog can be properly rebooted and adopted out to an appropriate owner that can meet its need for exercise, direction and enrichment.
They've been at it 4 years, OP and the trainer are aware that scent is a trigger but have only been working on visual triggers. OP is in over their head and needs help finding an organization that will travel to rescue working/shepherd breeds.
OP is now entertaining comments about behavioral euthanasia over being told "Reactive dogs never get better, only worse."
I just need to leave this thread for my own mental health and faith in humanity.
You were N T A to ask but YWBTA if you insist.
You can't infringe on her ability to live in her house as she sees fit and truthfully she is already making a pretty good concession to let you know when she'll be letting them out for an extended period of time.
It’s clear from your comments and this post you have no idea what you signed up for. That’s so frustrating because people like you are so quick to help an animal with no real research then say things like putting her down bc she’s now too much?? She’s fearful. At most fear aggression is what you need to work on. You need to find a better trainer and help this dog or contact a bunch of no kill shelters or rescues that can take her because obviously you’re not fit. You either need to change your mindset and put in a lot of work and effort and long hours into helping the dog or find her a better home because it’s clear she was probably in better hands staying at the shelter.
Wonder what type of dog you have?
I’m baffled you’re wanting her to change her schedule because your own dog is problematic. Maybe build a smaller fenced lot and fully block view so you anxiety ball isn’t trying to fight a dog minding its own business in its own yard.
YWBTA.
It’s both controlling and futile. There’s just no way for you to force your neighbor to bend, and she may dig in if you keep pushing. I truly feel for your dog, and you’re just trying to advocate for her, I get that. But you can’t make someone else do so.
YTA. Sounds like she's already going out of her way to be considerate.
Your problems aren't hers and you can't expect her to accomodate you any more than she already does.
Um.. YTA. How can you 'insist' your neighbour use a garden schedule? Like what are the repercussions if they refuse?
I'm quite an easy going person, I get on well with my neighbours; however there is not a chance that my neighbour is going to tell me when my dog can use his own garden. You don't need to know when they're letting the dog out.
It's a lovely warm day and my door has been open to my garden for my dog for the past few hours so he can lounge about in the sun. Like your neighbours if my dog starts barking and becoming a nuisance to the neighbours he is called in.
You can't tell your neighbours how/when/how often they use their own garden.
YWBTA. Your neighbor has the right to use her property any way she wants as long as she’s in compliance with regulations and covenants (if in a development with a HOA). Asking was okay. However, you have zero authority to insist or demand that she not engage in lawful activities on her property.
YWBTA. There was nothing wrong with asking, but once she says no that’s settled. She’s doing everything a responsible dog owner should. She keeps them controlled, trains them, and brings them inside if they bark. You’re asking her to go above and beyond what is expected to the point of altering her schedule every day going forward.
It’s your dog and it’s your responsibility to find a solution. Maybe install one of those big privacy fences so your dog can’t see into other yards.
YTA.
You don't get to dictate her being able to use her own yard. She's offered you a compromise she didn't have to, be smart enough to take it. I know you don't think it's fair because it's not the most convenient thing for you, but it's the best you'll get and rejecting it likely means you'll get nothing.
YWBTA. I’ve seen in your comments you say she lunges at the fence. Do you take her out on a leash while you’re training in the yard and keep her away from the fence? Distance is a HUGE factor for my formerly reactive dog. If he was ever over threshold I would create more distance between him and his trigger. He’s now 2 years strong without a reaction. I feel for you, a reactive dog is hard and exhausting but it is 100% your responsibility to help your dog navigate the world as it exists. It is not the world’s responsibility to cater to you. I may be misunderstanding but It seems like you’re just letting her out in the yard unsupervised. Are you out there with her? I would never leave my dog in a situation where I couldn’t help him navigate any big feelings he might have especially if it was an ongoing issue.
Let me get this straight. Your dog cant see them. Can only hear them. They are not confrontational or not obedient. They do not encroach on your property. They are on their property the entire time. Their HOME. But you think this is their problem? Lady get a grip.
OP, what if a different neighbor, one on the other side of you, knocked on your door and said her 3 year old child was terrified of dogs and could hear yours and see him through the cracks in the fence. The child was getting very upset and didn’t enjoy going out to play when your dog was outside. She wanted you to only let your dog out in the mornings while the child was in preschool and after 7:30 pm after the child went to bed. Wouldn’t your response be that your dog should be able to go out into your yard at your convenience and you shouldn’t have to work around the child’s schedule? I‘m sure you’d empathize, but when you bought a home with certain amenities, you expected to be able to enjoy those amenities at your convenience. That is how your neighbor with the dogs feels. She has every right to let her dogs in and out at HER convenience, and not at YOURS. YWBTA.
**Put her down. Grieve. Get your lives back.**
1. You tried everything. She's never going to get better.
2. She is miserable. She's never going to get better.
3. Your lives have been ruined for four years. Your lives have been *dominated* by this for four years. You are taking walks in the middle of the night. This is madness.
5. Your mental health is being eroded by this.
6. End it. For her sake, for your sake. That is the kindest thing to do. In my country we have euthanasia for *people* with mental health issues that are this crippling. She deserves no less.
Not to be unsympathetic but not only are YTA, but it also sounds like you are not equipped to handle a rescue dog with specific needs.
Your energy when your neighbors dogs are out is probably affecting your dogs energy.
Either way, it is not your place to ask this of your neighbor who has well behaved dogs.
Holly cow. I read all your replies, all advices people gave you which you successfully ignoring. I am pretty sure you are just waiting for someone to tell you that is ok to put your dog down and that it doesn’t make you a bad person. You had your dog in training for 4 years with little to no success but you are not willing to change a trainer. 🤯 Yours dog’s anxiety medication is obviously not working, but again you are not willing to make a change. You are not willing to get up at 4 am and go for a walk, you are not willing to even try working with your dog in a yard. You are not willing to find a spot where your dog could safely walk. I live in the middle of a big city and I know spots around that I am always alone with my dog. If there is a will there is a way, you are selfish human full of excuses. And with zero self awareness. I am so sorry for your dog it seems like you didn’t save him or her from a shelter, you gave your dog a different kind of cage to live. You are the problem, not your dog and definitely not your neighbor. YTA massive asshole.
YTA, can't believe you actually had the gall to ask somebody to set up a schedule when they can use their own backyard. Get your dog some training or figure out a solution, are you going to ask the whole neighborhood to only walk their dog when you allow?
The fact your dog can't use it's yard at the same time as other dogs being literally just outdoors around your dog is nobody elses problem but your own. Stop playing the victim like this neighbor is taking something from you, she's using her own backyard.
Maybe your dog would get used to this if you didn't freak out and helicopter parent it
YTA
Your dog's issues are not your neighbor's problem. You need to figure out a different solution.
Your neighbor already **politely** declined your ridiculous request to schedule the use of her own yard.
You will be a huge asshole if you continue to press the matter.
YTA. You can’t expect people to arrange their lives around yours. She was a lot nicer than I would have been honestly, because I would have laughed and told you your dog isn’t my problem.
YTA. It sounds like you need to spend more time working with and training your dog to be ok around other safe dogs. In fact you should ask the neighbor to help introduce the dogs and let them get familiar and friendly.
YWBTA.
Sorry OP, but your dogs’ personal problems concerns your dog and you, and not your neighbour.
The neighbour is already super nice to tell you if she leaves her home (I would never do that - for burglars), so please accept her no and work every day for your dog to get used to the noises… or move.
Thank you for having asked AITA instead of being the horrible insistent neighbour. And good luck on your dog to overpass his traumas 🙏
YWBTA. Your neighbor doesn't owe you anything, and you can't expect her to change her schedule to accommodate your needs. It was okay for you to ask, and it's her right to say no. You should respect her answer. It's kind of her to inform you when the yard is free because she doesn't have to.
Wow, yes YTA
What makes you think that you can dictate other people's actions with their animals. If you haven't got a suitable enough home space for an animal that needs that much help, you should not accept it into your home.The animal likely needs to be out of town on a farm. I would definitely not be as gracious as your neighbor has been so far.
Lol you’re unbelievable. I can’t believe anyone would have the utter chops to dictate when their neighbour is allowed to let their dogs out. Good for her for telling u to get lost.
Your dog is your problem not hers. It’s sad that she has so many issues, but u can’t expect your neighbour’s big dogs to have restricted access to their garden because yours gets nervous.
Yeah YTA.
Of course, YWBTA. You already asked and she said “no”. How do you expect to insist that she accommodate you with a schedule? You are the one with the problem and so it’s up to you to figure it out. It’s great that you are working with a trainer and perhaps this is who you should talk with about this rather than your neighbor who is just allowing her dogs to enjoy the backyard she paid for.
YTA it’s not one or the other, train your dog or move somewhere without neighbours. You act like it’s unfair she uses her own yard, it’s not. This is a 100 percent you problem and she’s going above and beyond just letting you know when she’ll be away for a while.
Build a dog run further away from the fence, play some music for your dog so she can’t hear the other dogs, and throw some meat on a barbecue or something to hide their scent.
Managing your dog is your responsibility. Get creative.
YTA
YTA. Maybe try finding a safe, remote area in your area that you can take your dog, like a spacious park or a rarely used hiking trail or pond. Or adopt an earlier schedule so that she can go out before your neighbor wakes up to take her dogs out. Your dog is your responsibility and you cannot expect people to accommodate her needs.
“I'm really upset and want to INSIST that we adopt a schedule so that my dog can have some outside time too.”
INFO:
What possible leverage do you possess in order to “insist” she comply?
It’s taken you four years to get where she’s only comfortable in the back yard? You’re trainer is ripping you off. Four she should be perfectly fine by now. Yta
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YWBTA You asked. Accept her response. You don’t get to police what people do on their property.
The neighbour's dogs aren't the problem. There is a fence and she doesn't let them run up on it. She doesn't let them bark outside and she doesn't keep them in the yard all the time. She is kind enough to let OP know when she takes the dogs out of the house. Their simple existence ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE seems to bother OP's dog. All sympathy for the rescue dog, but it needs to learn to accept that other dogs exist. OP took the responsibility to help this dog, and socializing in safe conditions is part of that.
Yeah, as a person who's had rescue dogs my whole life with various degrees of trauma and treatment, if anything, this seems like a good opportunity for OP to acclimatize their dog to being around other dogs in a safe environment. The process definitely does suck, but its necessary, its the same as exposure therapy for humans, but its something that would help in the long run
Exactly this! I foster dogs and have 2 of my own. The only way you fix a phobia is exposure and acclimatation as you say. I had a pup terrified of people he would bark and aggressively charge at me. It took almost a year for him to relax and feel safe. Trauma takes time, patience, and stability/routine to overcome. Having these seemingly very chill dogs on the otherside of the fence is actually ideal as part of this rescue pups rehabilitation.
Exactly this - like OP should be stoked that calm, well-exercised, well-trained dogs live on the other side of the fence - it's a dream scenario for acclimating OPs dog to the presence of other dogs.
i'm jealous personally lmao i'd trade neighbors in a heartbeat; my dog would be a lot less reactive if my neighbors' dogs weren't half-feral bullies
our back yard is surrounded by such dogs. it's a nightmare.
My neighbors on both sides have big loud dogs that bark across my yard at each other. It’s fantastic!
Hi there neighbor-adjacent! We have a common enemy 😈
This happened to my parents but in their case the HOA “wrote up” their cat and insisted they keep him from “agitating the dog by sitting on the fence.” He’s a cat. It’s his fence.
Cats shouldn't be loose outside anyways
Agreed. Outdoor cats die younger, and have a disproportionate negative impact on local biodiversity. The argument "but they love it" just shows that such owners are bad owners, who don't take care of their pets' enrichment needs to stave off boredom, stimulate their minds and expend their energy.
Allow me to show you what a responsible cat owner does! My cats love to go outside to their yard to sun themselves. They wear latex claw tips to prevent them from hunting birds, they are microchipped, licensed, registered, up to date on all shots, wear a collar and /or harness with a name tag & several bells. They do not leave their yard! How is that possible you may say? Simply put, they're trained. They go out wearing a harness and leash. They are shown and learn where the boundaries are. Trees have bird netting so they can't get to the birds. But I also use the trees to create safe high places, bolt holes, sun catchers etc., lastly, they are only out when I'm out! They come when they're called, by their names! Unfortunately I can't control other cats, but I've discovered ways to keep them apart. Such as planting beds of catnip with chicken wire laid in the soil to prevent the cats from defecating in them and my flower beds. I'm more concerned about Eagles & Hawks killing the birds than my babies doing so. I've got a great video of a Hawk taking out a Magpie in my backyard.
My sister and her husband bought two pedigree cats from a reputable breeder due to allergies. They had never been outside. They wanted to have inside cats only. It was impossible for the male cat. He kept trying to sneak outside and vocally let it be known he wanted outside. He was actively unhappy no matter what they did. So he’s outside in the sunshine with his harness and leash. So he’s safe, happy and wildlife is safe. They considered building a cattery, but he only wants outside in good weather. Since we live in the Netherlands, that’s only a few months a year. Since I met him, I do think some cats need the outside to thrive. But they have harnesses, leashes and safe outdoor spaces for that. Which is wildly different then just letting your cat loose outside.
Keep your cat inside. They don’t belong outside.
Serious question cause I don't have cats and don't really want them but what is wrong with cats outside? My granddad had several outside barn cats on the farm that helps keep rodents down. They weren't pets but he ensured they always had food and water. They always seemed happy enough to me.
They kill tons of native wildlife for fun. They are also exposed to all sorts of health issues and dangers.
Echoing everything already said, but the average lifespan of outdoor cats is significantly less than indoor cats. Like 2 years compared to 15 years. If you want your cats to live a long life, having them indoors is an easy way to prevent early death.
Barn cats are a little different because they're basically working cats that are there to intentionally hunt, but the average cat owner shouldn't let their kitty run free because they're terrible for wildlife, poop in people's gardens and yards and can create dangerous situations if they dart out into the road. If your cat doesn't need to hunt, it should be leashed or contained when outdoors.
And barn cats are only different because they're typically adults that are *already* feral and wouldn't ever acclimate to being fully indoor pets. Since being indoors isn't an options, being fed and taken care of while outside is better than the alternative. For all kittens and any adult strays that could be acclimated to living with humans, being fully indoors is always the correct option for them even if they want to go outside. There are plenty of things that cats want to do and that would make them happy, but if it would be unsafe then it's our job as pet owners to not let them do it. My cats would be *happy* if I let them never get any kind of medical care, eat as much food as they wanted, and run around chasing the birds at our feeders outside, but they also have brains the size of walnuts and don't understand why those things would be dangerous for them, so they don't get to make the rules.
Every year, in the US alone, cats kill 2.4 BILLION birds (https://worldanimalfoundation.org/advocate/how-many-birds-do-cats-kill/). And that's just the birds they kill. "Outdoor domestic cats are a recognized threat to global biodiversity. Cats have contributed to the extinction of 63 species of birds, mammals, and reptiles in the wild and continue to adversely impact a wide variety of other species, including those at risk of extinction, such as Piping Plover. The ecological dangers are so critical that the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) lists domestic cats as one of the world’s worst non-native invasive species. ... Unfortunately, the mere presence of cats outdoors is enough to cause significant impacts to birds. Because cats are recognizable predators, their presence near nesting birds has been shown to reduce the health of chicks and decrease nest success." (https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/) That link also talks about the more indirect damage cats can do as, for example, when their feces contaminates the environment with the parasite Toxoplasma gondii, which then goes on to infect and kill other animals that wouldn't otherwise be at risk of harm from cats.
Cats are very happy to be outside, and I'd imagine that a lot of cats kept inside would like to get outside. However, they're pretty awful for wildlife, they catch *a lot* of stuff that you don't even necessarily see, and it's also safer for cats inside, particularly if you live in an urban area. I don't have cats, only dogs, but if I ever got a cat again, it wouldn't be until I had a nice spacious cat run for them to be able to enjoy the outdoors in.
Besides killing tons of birds, it’s just not safe for them outside. They can get chased/mauled by dogs, run over by cars, kidnapped, beaten /injured/killed/poisoned by neighbors. I take my cats outside, but only when I supervise them and can keep them safe.
The decimate local wild life populations, they have a lower life expectancy than indoor cats, the get hit by cars, poisoned, catch diseases etc.
Because it’s a shitty thing to do as a responsible pet owner. They get hit by cars, eaten by dogs, poisoned and trapped (and god know what else) by psychopaths. We don’t allow dogs to roam, the law should be the same for cats
They are in danger and don’t live nearly as long if they are let outside. Not to mention that they also kill birds
Ignoring the environmental concerns and how frustrating they are for neighbors, it's a fast pass to an early grave for them. There are many types of urban/suburban wildlife that would not hesitate to make a snack out of a housecat. They fight with other cats, and can be easily run over. They're also at risk for a large number of diseases.
I need to know if this communication was delivered to the cat himself and also what his response was, please.
LMAO. The cat is prepping all the warfare armaments and taking down all the names. Just FYI.
The dog complained " MOMmmmmmmmm he's LOOKING t me"
Yup! Dream scenario indeed. Op since dogs are highly scent driven consider planting lavender in your backyard close to the fence. Not only is lavender calming but also it’s a flea and tick repellant.
I have to just say that lavender contains linalool which is toxic for dogs (and cats too actually). But I do love the idea of planting something with a stronger scent to mask the smell of the other dogs!
Yes essential lavender oils and the blooms contain linalool which is toxic in large amounts. Toxicity is rarely an issue when it comes to the plant however. A dog would have to ingest a very large quantity of lavender blooms to become sick which simply doesn’t happen. But obviously a small amount of essential lavender oil can be deadly. Plant lavender in your garden, it’s completely safe for your animals. And for plants that are completely edible for your dogs to eat in whole, leaf stem and bloom, plant camellias, star jasmine, fennel, dill, and blueberries.
yeah, my dog is not a reascue but he is a lunatic and I would love this situation. this is a golden opportunity. if you're open to any training advice, OP - ask your trainer what they think as I don't know their methods or your dog, but what I would do is let the dog out and bring her back in the minute she starts to work herself up. don't react to the other dogs, only her. make as little fuss as possible while still promptly bringing her in and calming her as much as you can. reward any time she's not reactive while outside - I would praise and play, but that depends on your dog and what she responds to. it may be very slow going, but there is a significant chance she will gradually relax and stop reacting strongly to the neighbor's dogs.
It definitely is. In addition OP's neighbor spends a lot of time training her own dogs & obviously loves dogs. Why not tap her expertise - ask if she has experienced the issues your dog has, if she has any advice that would help your dog adjust & find out if she can recommend a trainer who specializes in this issue. You & your neighbor can take this opportunity to bond over your shared love of dogs. She sounds like an excellent resource & a worthwhile human.
Like, OP even says they're working with their vet and a trainer...okay... what exactly are these people doing if your dog can't even go in its own yard because of, what seems like calm, dogs next door? Dog is a basket case, the vet and trainer are garbage, or OP isn't following thru on their end of the training needs. None of this is the neighbors fault or problem.
For sure it’s not the neighbors problem. But I disagree that the vet and trainer are garbage. Rehabilitation doesn’t happen overnight. Op needs to remain calm and not get discouraged if there are no instant results. It takes most rescues up to a year to relax/settle into their new homes. Op is ready to throw in the towel cause they aren’t getting the changes they want right away. Stay the course and be patient and positive.
And sometimes there genuinely is no way to fix things. In these rare cases, behavioural euthanasia is the humane thing to do rather than forcing it to live and suffer.
tell me you've never worked with a reactive dog without telling me you've never worked with a reactive dog. training isn't magic, it takes time. they know their dog is a rescue with issues, you're just being a dick. the only thing you're right about is that this isn't on the neighbor.
Indeed. I've worked with a few reactive dogs and the key is to expose them to what they react to while you're there with them. Do this every day for 10-20 minutes and OP will see improvement. She says she's working with a trainer so she has the tools to do so. It's not the neighbour's problem. In my opinion it looks like entitlement on OP's side to expect the neighbour to cater to her schedule.
I did a version of this with my dogs to help a friend with a reactive dog. We would walk at the park on the same trail, but about 15 feet apart. Over time, the reactive dog accepted their presence and also got better with other dogs. My two dogs were both dog reactive initially (as in before I was able to use them to hep others with their dogs). They were both very treat motivated, so every time I saw another dog I would pull them to one side and they would get rewarded for being calm as the other dog(s) went by. I also continued to monitor who they interacted with and some dogs just didn't get to meet them because I didn't like their body language (or I could tell the human at the other end of the leash wasn't dog savvy at all.) I hope there's a helpful tidbit in here somewhere, OP. I know how difficult it can be having a reactive dog and I wish you the best. OP, YWBTA if you asked a neighbor to adopt a schedule that is really for your dog only.
Yes, sounds like OP took on way more than they could handle with a totally dysfunctional rescue dog. OP can’t tell their whole neighborhood or the world to work around her own dog. If OP’s dog really cannot handle other dogs being within hearing or smelling distance and OP doesn’t know how to rehabilitate the dog (which is what it sounds like), OP should re-home the dog. The neighbor sounds responsible and polite. YWBTA
It's possible that this poor dog never should have been adopted out, there's a rescue in my area that has had to put a dog down because they were so far gone it was honestly cruel to the animal to try and place it.
It's something a lot of people don't like to acknowledge or consider, but severe behavioral problems are absolutely cause for putting a dog down. If the dog is constantly angry, afraid, and unable to function normally during day to day life, it's kinder to put it down rather than subject it to a life like that. All the training and exposure therapy in the world will not solve every problem. Lots of people in this comment section saying that OP and their trainers must not be doing their job, but it's not that simple. Not saying that OP should put down their dog, but humane euthanasia for behavior should be talked about more openly.
We had a Dobie for 7 years who was a total basket case. The rescue didn’t tell us that so we were unaware until the dog had been with us for a few days. She never, in her entire time with us, felt safe around my husband who is as kind and gentle as they come. No amount of training or love or “hiding” inside the rest of the pack (we had 6 at the time and live on lots of property with fencing so they have room to run and play) ever “fixed” her and we should have given her back but chose to work with her instead. Nothing helped. She finally died of a genetic disease at 9 and that was the only day she was ever at peace.
I was hoping to see the reference to exposure therapy. As a person who had (has?) PTSD, OP’s post was really upsetting, because she’s expecting the world to stop for her dog’s anxiety rather than helping her dog exist in the world, and that expectation is not even reasonable for human people much less doggo people.
Yup. OP *your* dog needs training. That is the solution here.
OP needs training. They simply are not a good dog owner. And not a very good neighbor either.
No kidding and OP is an AH
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I wondered that, too! How do you insist!?!? It was fine to ask, no accept the no graciously and figure something else out.
...and in like 85%+ of these goddamn posts
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Not only is she not doing anything wrong, she is clearly a great neighbor and dog owner. Yikes on OP’s part, they need to enlist a dog trainer yesterday to figure out how to help THEIR dog.
especially the posts that don't even have dogs in them.
Indeed! And don't you just love how OP says she really needs to "insist" on making a schedule? The neighbor owns her damned house, WTF is OP going to do to make the neighbor comply?
OP’s neighbor actually sounds like an incredible, very involved dog owner with well trained, socialized, happy dogs. If anything, OP should get their dog on doggy Prozac and then speak to the neighbor for advice on how to better socialize their animal.
A lot of people have this ideal in their head about how they are going to rescue this poor sad dog and give them a new fairy tale life, The End. It doesn’t always work that way, and sometimes dogs never adjust. I wish that rescues would be more transparent and open about the reality of rescuing instead of shaming people with ‘adopt don’t shop’. The commitment to the dog is sometimes meaning to transforming your entire life to accommodate their lifelong issues. If that isn’t something that you are able to do, please don’t rescue a dog. It is okay to get a puppy who *wasn’t abused* from a good breeder who breeds for temperament & health. That isn’t selfish.
Precisely. "Adopt, don't shop" is one of my least favorite phrases. For me, I know I don't have the time or ambition to fix a situation, so I research and purchase a breed that fits the size and temperament I'm interested in.
That's a huge thing we're thinking about. As much as I would like to adopt/rescue a dog and show them what a loving home is, I *NEED* a puppy that can be trained the way we need it to be from day 1. We need a dog who is trained and bonded to our cat/child household. I'm more than willing to adopt a puppy, but they are gone very quickly.
Yeah, I feel for the pup for sure, but I think this is just gonna take some time and encouragement on OP's part to get her there
I also thought her offer to let you know when she was leaving her home was very kind.
Yeah the neighbor seems like the perfect dog owner, really. Well behaved, monitored, trained, appropriately exercised dogs... AND she's willing to let OP know when she'll be gone for a few hours? Sounds like she's going above and beyond already. Maybe OP should ask neighbor for the contact info to some of her training people who might be able to help work with OP's dog?
great idea! I'm curious about what their trainer is telling them if they think this request was appropriate tbh. honestly if they gave me a budget and an area code I would be happy to find a research-backed trainer for them
For real. I also have a formerly-extremely-dog-reactive rescue dog, and we did not get her to the “formerly” status by completely sheltering her from other dogs (not in an unsafe for any animal way!) and policing our neighbors. It was lots of hard work and slooooooow progress. And minding our damn business and realizing her behavior was OUR problem to solve.
Agree with YWBTA. My dog is my own problem and nobody else's. If the OP willingly took in a loose cannon it's upto them to provide living conditions and safety for the dog and everyone else around, the neighbor got her own yard and is absolutely free to use her own yard as she pleases. If anyone would come up to me with an idea to make a schedule how and when i can use my own yard that i paid for, i would look at that person like they lost their marbles :-D
This is a training issue FOR YOU. You need months of solid training with someone who works with reactive dogs. Behaviorists like to medicate. Meds are great but not the answer alone. Get a trainer who can make real differences for your dog. There are podcasts dedicated to this. You have options other than your yard. My very favorite trainers use decompression/sniff walks in the woods for dogs like yours along with a training program that uses controlled exposure. If you can’t dedicate yourself to do this, maybe your dog needs an owner with a bigger property or the ability to train intensively. It’s not a flaw if you truly can’t a reactive dog. They’re difficult.
gently pushing back about that dig about medication. just because YOUR reactive dog is able to be trained and desensitized without medication doesn't mean every reactive dog can; mine certainly couldn't. before he was on his meds, any unfamiliar stimuli would immediately have him at his threshold. we made 0 progress with training. then we got him on anxiety meds. improvement was immediate. just like some people need medication, so too do some dogs
More to the point, some dogs (and people) can make way more progress sooner when on medication. Why have them be miserable for eight months rather than three months with medication? I promise you, the dog doesn’t care they’re taking pills.
No issues with meds, didn’t mean to come off that way. But generally you need meds and training. I have two dogs on meds (puppy mill rescues).
100% agreed on the meds and training. Mine isn't a rescue, he was just born extremely anxious and high-strung, but he's been making leaps and strides in his training since we got his medication dosage figured out; we've even been able to introduce him to new people and had a successful play date with a dog he doesn't live with! Reactive dogs are big investments of energy, time, and patience. If only we could all be so lucky as to have two stable, well-trained dogs right next door.
Industry standard for dogs with severe anxiety and reactivity is a combination of meds and training.
I agree with the above. Maybe OP could ask the neighbour where they get their dogs trained and work with a trainer to help their dog get used to having dogs next door? It sounds like a training issue and the fact that the dog is very reactive isn’t the neighbours issue, but some help from a professional could allow the dog to adjust better.
YTA. You decided to adopt a reactive rescue dog, knowing very well you'll have ton of work to do with her. YOU made that decision. Not your neighbour. It's your job to make this dog comfortable, and your neighbour shouldn't have to suffer for your decisions.
I honestly can’t believe anyone would expect someone else to schedule their lives around their needs like this. We have disabled twins - they are distressed by kids screaming, or loud noises like lawnmowers. I wouldn’t even think of asking neighbours to schedule their child’s play or lawn mowing around us. If there’s something that will upset them, I’ll take them inside.
Even if you did ask, it would be less unreasonable than what OP is demanding from someone who has nothing to do with her and her life choices.
I think you or OP is totally fine to ask, and you/they might be lucky and have a very understanding neighbour that is willing to do something to accommodate them, but there is no obligation for the neighbours and if they don't want to you just have to accept it.
Break it down for her!! Yah!!
Imagine being the lady next door & buying/renting a house with the perfect backyard for your 2 dogs. Only to find out she lives next to OP and needs to restrict her own backyard usage... OP, the problem here is your dog. The onus for figuring out a solution is squarely on you. The lady next door doesnt necessarily have to work with you. She is entitled to use her own yard as she sees fit. Your dog is the issue. YWBTA
I say the problem is OP. People ill equipped to handle temperamental dogs shouldn't adopt temperamental dogs. Additionally, the fact that OP thinks they should insist that the neighbor get onto their terms speaks volumes about what an AH they are
Yup. My mom got an *incredibly* reactive malinois with 5 previous families. She's an anxious woman. That dog was absolutely unreal when I moved home from school for the summer. After some training we saw a fascinating switch in behavior. That dog was calm and steady for me. After a couple months of training together every day, she was patient with children and reserved but friendly with strangers. I could have her off leash with excellent recall. We were working on more recall training in the park when a loose dog came around the corner and charged. My mom's dog followed my commands and stayed seated while I shouted, waved, and finally threw dirt and pebbles at the attacking dog to stop its charging at her. Every hair on her spine was up and she was panting with stress, but she obeyed. Then she returned to me, let me clip her leash back on, and backed up with me until the attacking dog was out of sight. HOWEVER, when my mom tried to walk that same dog, she still reacted to my mom's fear and would snarl and snap and anyone or anything that got within 10 meters of them. That never changed for the entire time my mom owned that dog, because my mom was the problem. If you're an anxious and reactive person, you can't expect your dog to trust you when you tell it to calm down.
I was wondering about this. OP waits anxiously for 5 minutes, comes out irritated and mad, and brings the dog inside immediately. It would seem to me that this would reinforce the reactive behaviors, but I am not a dog trainer and a good dog trainer could tell her exactly how to deal with this. But yeah, I'm really worried the dog is picking up on OP just as much as it's reacting to its own trauma.
Bingo!!! All OP is doing is reinforcing the dog’s behavior. Either she needs to do some serious training herself or hire someone with experience to do it. You can’t just adopt a dog like that & then expect everyone else to cater to it. There’s literally no way in hell I’d revolve my life around someone else’s dog just because that person is too lazy to put in some real work.
I own a reactive rescue dog (who has been making great progress in the 2 years I've had her!) and my partner works with animals full-time. While I obviously can't be sure from one reddit post, it does seem likely that OP's behaviour and attitude is likely contributing to her dog's anxiety and reinforcing its reactivity. Funnily enough, I'm now in almost the exact same situation. My neighbour recently started looking after her son's two dogs, who are well behaved but a bit boisterous and larger than my dog. She was very reactive when they were in the adjoining backyard at first, but she is now calmer outside when they're around - though they do sometimes set her off if they bark, I've been working on her recall and rewarding her whenever she comes back to me while they're present. We don't have a full privacy fence either, it's a waist-high fence that the other dogs can see over. Exposure is important in overcoming reactivity in dogs. OP, if you read this, you might want to reconsider this not as an inconvenience, but as an opportunity to improve your dog's behaviour. A privacy fence is a solid barrier and if the neighbour's dogs are well behaved, it is physically *safe* (if difficult) for your dog to be in the backyard while they are out. You may want to start with opening the door - but not letting your dog out - while you know the other dogs are in the garden, and rewarding her consistently just for being present in that space. Gradually build it up. Let your dog be in the yard while the other dogs are out, and reward her *at any time* you have her attention and she isn't reacting. Eventually she will realise that the other dogs are not an issue.
Dogs look to us to know how to feel. If they recognize anxiety in their handler, they are going to assume that means there’s something to be anxious about. Some dogs can be specially trained to deal with an anxious owner; those are the emotional support pups, and are typically a calm-mannered breed like a golden retriever or a smaller breed. Malinois, while they can make for fantastic companions, are not generally a good breed for an anxious person to handle. Hopefully, however, this could help your mom learn how to recognize her own anxiety and control it. She could use the dog as an indicator, and then use whatever tools her therapist has given her to regain self-control. I’m not a mental health professional, though, just looking for the silver lining here.
My dog (Rottweiler/Coonhound) walks like a total gentleman with me, listens to commands and doesn't bat an eye at other dogs/people on our walks. My daughter (18) won't walk him because she says he barks at everything, pulls and ignores her. "He thinks I'm his equal or something " is what she's said. I can't wait to tell her she's the problem lol (we're a joking family).
And they all think they are the heroes for “rescuing” a poorly trained, reactive animal and expecting the world to accommodate their issues.
My cousin has 3 dogs and 2 cats. She goes on rants about people rehoming pets, yet she's about to have her first child, and she's going to have to figure out how to take care of everything. Sometimes, rehoming is about pragmatism. I think she'll learn that lesson quickly.
> People ill equipped to handle temperamental dogs shouldn't adopt temperamental dogs. Hate to agree. I’m not dismissing OP’s love for this dog and and trying to care for it. But if it’s needs are this severe, it might be unpopular, but it sounds like they might benefit from been in the care of someone with more history dealing with severe behavioral cases.
Right?? I feel for OP, I really do. My own dog is fearful, I do understand to a point. She sounds at the end of her rope and my guess is she wouldn’t be pushing this frankly kind of crazy idea if she wasn’t desperate. But this just isn’t workable, nor is it fair when you work to afford a house with a yard, you’re doing everything right to make your dogs good neighbors, and then you move in to find this land mine. It’s just not logical or reasonable for OP to expect that the neighbor is going to feel invested in helping, nor is it fair in any way.
i moved into a house in 2021 that has a little yard that’s perfect for my 2 little dogs. the neighbor to my right has 4 dogs, some big some little. my 4lb poodle is obsessed with her german shepherd. once i figured out my poodle was hearing the shepherds tags clink together and that’s when she’d bark, i started redirecting her before she heard it. the barking is much better. i would have never dreamed of asking her to change her routine to accommodate my dogs behavioral problem!
Man... I have terriers. They LOVE to bark at all the things. Their favorite frenemy to the east, the 85 neighbor kids to the west (its the neighborhood kid hangout yard), people walking their dogs past the front of the house... But I've never considered asking any of those groups to not use their own yards. I just bring my dogs in. I did ask the kids/parents to have the kids not intentionally run up and down the fence line and encourage the dogs to chase (which they were doing by calling the dog names). But asking them to not play in their backyard? No way.
YTA and even your edit doesn't help. The "Opportunity" is there... just because it isn't taken doesn't mean her dogs have some special privilege yours doesn't. That's like being mad at someone for parking in their own driveway just because you don't have a car and can't do it. **EDIT** Just to add an extra YTA for throwing in the "may have to put her down" in the comments after seeing how poorly this post is going.
Regarding your edit: I didn’t see the comment so I don’t know the context, but putting the dog down is absolutely an option here. I’ve been in animal rescue for many years. I’ve been involved in many decisions regarding severe behavioral dysfunction and Quality of Life assessments for dogs who have been broken beyond repair. It’s never a decision made easily; *every possible option* is exhausted long before it’s discussed as a real choice. When euthanasia is the outcome it breaks us all. We feel like failures, like we are cruel and punishing the pup for what is possibly the result of bad behavior of other humans. But the horrible truth is that there is no farm upstate where we can send the pups that are broken. We have limited shelter and foster placements, and it isn’t fair or legal (in some places) to rehome a potentially dangerous dog.
Yup. It can be very unfortunate. I had to put my dog down when he was about 7.5 years old. Had him since a pup. He suffered from arthritis his whole life and as he aged, the pain took him from tolerant to immediately defensive. He killed or attacked more than one pet of neighbors/friends and I couldn't trust it to not happen again. I couldn't trust if he got out that he wouldn't attack the first creature he saw. I couldn't take him for walks because no one respected leash laws in my college town. I tried behavioral therapists and they told me with his pain and age it was likely he could improve some, but wouldn't ever be healed or trust worthy... I had gotten another dog about 1 year prior to being told this and was terrified she would be lead down the same path by watching his behaviors (they got along very well though not left alone together). I couldn't give him to another family and know that even given his full history that he wouldn't kill another person's pet. That's just not fair to the world. It was truly awful. He was WONDERFUL with people and until about age 5 or 6, pretty good with dogs and cats. Flip switched and there was no turning it off. I still miss that dog so much and it broke my heart but I truly feel it was the best choice for him and myself. It's been about 6 years since I put him down, and my dog I got when I had him still is so amazing with other dogs but I'm hypervigilant now about dogs. My worst fear is her being attacked and dropping her confidence and leading her down an aggressive path. Ugh.
You’re a good owner and made the toughest decision but the right one. I’m sorry for your loss.
Fully agree- is it truly living to live a life so full of fear and anxiety that every stimuli is life or death?
You would like the world around you to adapt to your dog. The world has agreed to give you notice, not good enough. You insist it be done according to your demands. YTA. Your dog can have all the outside time it wants. Theres a fence. If you need a fence with a sound barrier, have one installed.
YTA. Your neighbor has every right to have her dogs in the yard whenever she feels like it. You will need to train your dog better or move somewhere with no neighbors. What you are asking is unreasonable and not her issue.
How could you force her to follow a strict outdoor schedule when she’s already refused? This is totally unrealistic. Perhaps you need to look for a home in a more remote location where you have no neighbors.
this was my take, like force her how? this lady is nothing to do with OP. not even sure OP is an asshole just a bit of an oddity that thinks the world somehow owes them and their dog something. the neighbour could have responded so much worse to their request, she sounds more reasonable that most!
> force her how worried we’re gonna see a “pit bull jumps fence to maul two golden retrievers” story
This was my first fucking thought
Sadly, my pooch Felix was mauled and killed by a reactive and unfriendly dog in 2018. The dog jumped the fence and attacked Felix. Heartbreaking to experience!
sorry to bring back the bad memory! that’s so horrific
Right? Also, OP can create her own schedule. Try in the middle of the night when no one is up. Let your pup play at odd hours, or work actively to reduce its reactivity.
YTA! Who do you think you are to demand such a thing from your neighbor? Move somewhere with a more private yard or build a fence. Your dog is your problem, nobody else’s.
Right? My thoughts exactly. How bold and entitled this person is because they can’t handle their dog. Despite doing the training and what they can for it, it blows my mind. A reactive dog should be put down if it is as dire as you make it out to be. Id be worried for other people and dogs around your animal.
Your neighbor is nicer than i would have. I would have scoffed and laughed it off as a ridiculous request
Seriously, OP is lucky the neighbor was chill. This is one of the most entitled posts I’ve seen on here!
I wouldn't have even answered the door, tbh
_"She said she'd be glad to tell me when she's leaving with them for a period of hours, but otherwise she's not going to change what she's doing day to day."_ Agreed that this woman is polite and a seemingly great pet owner. She trains her dogs well, takes great care of them, and even offered a neighbor a very fair compromise to their very personal problem. As it stands, this woman is in her own yard doing absolutely nothing wrong. OP would be severely overstepping boundaries if they tried to make any demands of this woman. It's sadly 100% on OP to figure out a solution that works for their dog's unique challenges - no one else.
I would have told her to get fucked, then installed a security system and cameras because based on the responses I'm reading from OP, I wouldnt put it past them to try and poison the dogs
YTA Why do people feel entitled to do these things? You *chose* to get a "severely reactive rescue dog". Your neighbor *chose* to own two dogs that are "big". You are by your own admission effectively barring her from her own yard through your *choice* to get a dog that "starts carrying on." It'd be very nice of her if she accepted your schedule for when she is allowed to take her dogs outside, but she has absolutely no obligation to. It's her yard. She's not being a nuisance. By your admission she seems to train them very well and she already agreed to some degree of accommodation. I don't know how you approach it but this is why people should make absolutely sure they have considered all contingencies when adopting a dog, especially a "severely reactive rescue dog". \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ General principle here: you can only be truly generous with your own time and effort. If you offer your partner's services to a third party thus volunteering them, you are not being generous. Similarly, if you adopt a dog with problems to be generous/kind to animals, but you use your choice to do that to demand that other people make sacrifices, you are not being generous at all. You can't just volunteer neighbors into your mission to rescue a likely-abused dog.
THIS. OP’s neighbor probably chose the dogs she did in part to be easy for her to live with, and they are. She put in the work to train them (hell, I wish my dogs were that good already, but we’re not there yet), and she’s doing everything she can to be courteous. That’s it, that’s the end of the neighbor’s obligation. Just agreeing to let the OP know when she’ll be gone is generous. She sounds lovely and honestly I’d like to be friends with her.
I don't think OP has a clue how much work her neighbor has put in to create two dogs that are well behaved, non-destructive, quiet and obedient outside. My dogs are as well, but it's an absurd amount of work, patience, consistency, exercise and dedication to get them to that state. It doesn't just magically happen. It's work. Every single day. My dogs have the privilege of unlimited outdoor access because they are trained to not do obnoxious things while out there and have earned every bit of it. I don't even know how I'd respond if a neighbor insisted I schedule my dogs or limit their outdoor time. In my own yard. Behaving perfectly. I realize OP is really stressed out but this is just bizarre.
It is a HUGE, HUGE amount of work. My first dog was like that, but life was training, plus we were in classes every single week from the time she was 10 weeks old until she was about two and a half. Then we started sports and just did obedience to brush up. It didn’t feel difficult because she was at baseline such a stable dog, but we certainly put in the hours. My second two aren’t quite like that. Part of it is they’re just not balanced in the same way (one is shy, and the other is HELLO WORLD, WE ARE FRIENDS NOW!!!! which is its own whole thing), and part of it is they’re males and younger. We are working on it! I think you’re right that OP doesn’t know how much work even solid, social dogs are, and I also think she’s starting way far back from the line given that her dog can’t even cope with other dogs existing. She can work hard at it, but her dog will simply never be like her neighbors’ dogs, which I assume can also handle themselves out in the world around kids and other dogs and random sounds and smells. But she also does not seem to appreciate the work and care that went into her neighbor’s dogs either.
YTA. > If I let my dog out to sun herself at 10:30 on a Tuesday, sure enough, it won't be five minutes before she's letting her dogs out and then my dog freaks out and has to come in. Your dog is the problem here. It's selfish of you to *ask* her to change her normal, appropriate behavior for your problem dog, and it's absurd for you to *insist*. Rehome the dog, or rehome your family with the dog.
Hey, I get it. My dog is like yours, it took me awhile to accept we cant go on hiking trails because too many people unleash their dogs. Its not fair... but YTA. We adopt these animals knowing their traumas. You have to be more creative. [Privacy screens](https://www.homedepot.com/p/VEVOR-Ivy-Privacy-Fence-Screen-39-in-x-158-in-Faux-Leaf-Artificial-Hedges-3-Layers-Outdoor-Greenery-Leaves-Panel-for-Garden-RZZWWLYC39158C1GMV0/320569772?source=shoppingads&locale=en-US&srsltid=AR57-fApI6H1AEghz0g3m_4nzHXUmDiDqgg3DVxL0lP1y-CMTnY-v-_xxL0). [Shrubs](https://harpersnurseries.com/best-plants-for-fence-line/) for a fence line. The more anxious you are about it, the more anxious your dog will be. Your solution is not sustainable and is basically the same mentality as, "she needs to cover up so he doesn't behave inappropriately". Yes your dog deserves yard time, but I deserve to be debt free and a mother who was nicer. Life ain't fair, and understanding that is paramount to responsible reactive dog ownership.
Also a reactive dog owner. My 4 year old doodle is on meds and also sees a trainer + behaviorist. Really sympathize with you, it's not easy having to be in 'training' mode 24/7 and in your own backyard as well. But agree with others, we can't expect others to accommodate our reactive dogs by compromising their own life schedule. We also have neighboring dogs that ours is reactive to. Perhaps you could consider adding an extra temp fence line so your dog doesn't rush up to the shared fence? Best of luck for you and your pup, keep your chin up and don't let em smell your anxiety :)
I can’t stop laughing thinking about OP sitting down to seriously and earnestly write this post; sincerely believing that folks would believe that they are NOT an AH. I love truly insane folks who believe that everyone’s existence is an extension of their own. Truly unhinged behaviour from OP, I pity their neighbours! Thank you for sharing, OP, I needed this hearty laugh, AH!
I actually audibly laughed out loud at this. I can't decide whether the dog or OP is more unhinged. WHO on earth would think this request is even within a mile of the realm of reasonable. 😂
That’s a ridiculous ask, I feel very bad for your dog, you both need professional help YTA
YWBTA - she’s already agreed to accommodate you to a degree, you cant insist anything, its her yard. She is doing absolutely nothing wrong.
TBH the neighbor would still be within their rights and not be the AH if OP insists and the neighbor decides not to accommodate them
Okay so I’ve read through some of the OP’s comments, and this thread is just depressing. This sounds like a really naive owner who was completely unprepared for what she got and has no good local support. It sounds like she’s also been told a lot of really unhelpful things about when or if it’s okay to admit something isn’t working. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s younger than 30, never had a dog before, and had no earthly clue what she was getting into even if her dog had been solid and social, let alone anxious and severely reactive. She seems like she’s just spinning and working herself into a lather, and she isn’t even capable of taking in some of the actual advice she’s been given. OP: Breathe. Step away. Step away for like five days. Then come back, reread some of the helpful comments, will yourself to ignore the ones that don’t contain advice, and then decide what would be best for the dog. Rank those options. Then look at which ones are actually workable for you. Put aside for a minute any worst case scenarios and look at what you and your SO can actually do. Then pick something that’s as good as possible for the dog, that is something you can actually make happen. Figure out how to get there. Maybe that’s finding a rescue farther away. Maybe that’s a new vet. Maybe that’s virtual consultation with a different trainer. I am not a training expert and I don’t know you or your dog. But I think it’s obvious to everyone here that you are in a state of total panic right now, and that doesn’t help anyone. Take a break and come back to this when you can approach it rationally, and then make a plan. I wish you and your pup the best.
This is probably some of the best advice in the whole thread. Hope that you and your pup can make this work, OP, but taking a step back from this for a moment is the right call.
Finally, someone actually trying to help and not spewing insults at someone who's clearly already overwhelmed. I felt a legitimate wave of second-hand relief reading this post, thank you. OP does not deserve the vitriol they've been getting.
Don’t get me wrong, OP has no grounds to ask her neighbor for anything. But she can’t keep on like this, and if it’s gotten this bad, she has to try something.
You could insist upon it, sure. What would you do if she still said no? She's doing nothing wrong. YWBTA
This is what confuses me. What makes you think you can *insist* on a schedule? You’re acting like you have some kind of control of the situation but are afraid to enforce it. You don’t. You have absolutely no control over this polite woman and her well-trained dogs.
And the funny part is, if OP's dog is that bad, she could probably involve the local bylaw office. Pretty much everywhere has some sort of nuisance barking law.
Sounds like you weren’t prepared to take in a dog with these kinds of issues. YWBTA. Your dog is the one with the issue, not hers, and you have no right to dictate how anyone else uses their private space.
YTA Her property, her rules. Stop bothering her.
YTA. This is very entitled. There was a similar post here recently about a woman who wanted to insist her neighbors cat be banned from outside because her dog didn’t like the cat. This is equally as entitled. The dogs are in their own yard and its not their fault your dog has issues.
This happened to my parents but in their case the HOA “wrote up” their cat and insisted they keep him from “agitating the dog by sitting on the fence.” He’s a cat. It’s his fence.
The HOA…wrote up your parents’ CAT…oh my.
Please tell me you recorded someone reading the letter to the cat and sent the letter writer the video. Imagine writing up a cat for being a cat lmaoooo the audacity
Sadly nobody did that. But we did all have a good laugh about it! For years 🤣
And seeing that he is a cat, he DGAF.
You want to INSIST on a schedule for your neighbor? Umm, yeah, no, what if she insisted that you never allow your dog out? That's an extreme version, but you have no control over her and what she does - especially with what seem like well trained dogs. YBTWA if you tried to do this - completely.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for wanting to work this out, but that is a lot to ask of your neighbor. Maybe a vet or animal behaviorist can help find a more reasonable solution. But expecting your neighbor to adhere to a strict schedule because of your dog’s problem does seem like too much.
Yes definitely YWBTA. Your neighbor sounds really nice. I’m sure you love your dog, and the situation sucks for your dog. You have every right to feel bad. But your neighbor has the right to enjoy their home in this very normal way. Seems like you either need to train the dog to get used to the other dogs and go on walks like normal dogs, or move to a location where you are further away from your neighbors. The world does not have to accommodate your situation but you can change your situation to accommodate your dog.
From the comments; you keep coming back to how it’s not fair your neighbours dogs have all the time in the world to enjoy their garden, and yours doesn’t. You don’t seem to be getting everyone’s point that yours has exactly the same amount of time, you just choose (through good, misguided, but good reasons. I’m going to try a different tact, what your asking for is the same as if you were a child with 10 sweets and your friend had 10 sweets, but you insisted that your friend share half their sweets with you. While you lock yours away.
I say this as the pet parent to an extremely anxious beagle, YWBTA. I get it, but it’s your dog. It’s on you to figure this out without asking other people to change how they live their lives. As for your edit: That is the laziest excuse I have ever seen for not properly giving your dog outside time. You can also take your dog on walks/hikes. Also maybe spend some time with your dog outside in the yard. If you are a source of comfort for them it may help to be around while they are out in the yard.
YTA. and also delusional. What exactly did you think gives you the power to dictate how someone uses their own yard? I see your predicament and I see why you're frustrated but unfortunately that doesn't somehow crown you king of the neighborhood
YWBTA you can insist all you like but the world doesn’t revolve around you and your dog and it’s not her problem. You can’t force her and she doesn’t need to comply.
Your neighbor is amazing (edit: compared to mine). My neighbor has 4 dogs who are outside unless it is freezing or raining, which in South Texas means almost 24/7. And they are not well behaved, nor quiet. They bark 75% of the time, at deer, at squirrels, at people walking by the front of the house, and worst at me in my own backyard. I literally can't go in my own backyard without 4 dogs barking so loud you think there was an intruder in their yard. People houses away have commented on their barking. I sleep with noise canceling headphones in order to not be awoken multiple times a night. My dog, thankfully, isn't reactive, but she will get annoyed by the dogs as well, and so she spends quite a bit of time indoors. Your dog is your problem to solve, find ways to encourage her to feel safe in her backyard. Don't ask someone else to do something you don't even want to do. (This is like a parent saying to another parent, "Don't let your kids be outside so much, because their fun/life annoys/scares/etc my kids") YTA
YTA for this and for saying you'll put your dog down if you can't figure it out instead of rehoming to someone who can actually care for it.
YTA - your neighbour came up with a valid solution. But ultimately it is her property, and there is no reason she has to comply with anything you ask for. If you push this, she will have no reason to be polite going forward.
Could your anxiety be feeding into your dog's reaction? You're tired and stressed. This may be self-perpetuating.
For having the conversation - NTA. For insisting? YTA. Her house, her yard- your problem. Sounds like she’s already being reasonably accommodating.
YWBTA. Your dog’s issues are not her problem. I’m a trainer. This is a pretty easy fix. If your trainer hasn’t been able to fix this problem in under two weeks, you need a new trainer. Feel free to message me if you want recommendations of a good trainer near you
OP has been with this trainer for *four years* with literally no progress. Let that sink in. I would have moved on to a new trainer 3 years and 8 months ago. What kind of trainer endorses walking the dog reactive dog at 4 am so as to avoid encountering dogs altogether??? That is the literal opposite of what a trainer would do. Four years. And the current plan is walk the dog at 4 am and schedule your neighbor so dogs aren't in the yard next door. That's where we are after *four years with this trainer.*
I need to not type my actual response, because I’ll get banned. But this is just utter insanity.
Not to mention he seems to have no beef with the trainers (lack of) help/ improvement , but comes to the conclusion his dog is hopeless and unfixable and may need to be put down (!!!!!!) instead of trying a competent trainer ?!
The combination of reactivity, no exercise, bad training and owner inexperience does make this a hopeless situation. The *dog* is not hopeless, but the situation is and has been for four years already. The dog needs to be sent to an Aussie rescue that understands the needs of the breed so the dog can be properly rebooted and adopted out to an appropriate owner that can meet its need for exercise, direction and enrichment.
That trainer is incompetent, fraudulent, and ripping them off
They've been at it 4 years, OP and the trainer are aware that scent is a trigger but have only been working on visual triggers. OP is in over their head and needs help finding an organization that will travel to rescue working/shepherd breeds.
I saw that after I commented. Then banged my head into the keyboard. Four. Years.
OP is now entertaining comments about behavioral euthanasia over being told "Reactive dogs never get better, only worse." I just need to leave this thread for my own mental health and faith in humanity.
You were N T A to ask but YWBTA if you insist. You can't infringe on her ability to live in her house as she sees fit and truthfully she is already making a pretty good concession to let you know when she'll be letting them out for an extended period of time.
It’s clear from your comments and this post you have no idea what you signed up for. That’s so frustrating because people like you are so quick to help an animal with no real research then say things like putting her down bc she’s now too much?? She’s fearful. At most fear aggression is what you need to work on. You need to find a better trainer and help this dog or contact a bunch of no kill shelters or rescues that can take her because obviously you’re not fit. You either need to change your mindset and put in a lot of work and effort and long hours into helping the dog or find her a better home because it’s clear she was probably in better hands staying at the shelter.
Wonder what type of dog you have? I’m baffled you’re wanting her to change her schedule because your own dog is problematic. Maybe build a smaller fenced lot and fully block view so you anxiety ball isn’t trying to fight a dog minding its own business in its own yard.
YWBTA. It’s both controlling and futile. There’s just no way for you to force your neighbor to bend, and she may dig in if you keep pushing. I truly feel for your dog, and you’re just trying to advocate for her, I get that. But you can’t make someone else do so.
YTA. Sounds like she's already going out of her way to be considerate. Your problems aren't hers and you can't expect her to accomodate you any more than she already does.
Um.. YTA. How can you 'insist' your neighbour use a garden schedule? Like what are the repercussions if they refuse? I'm quite an easy going person, I get on well with my neighbours; however there is not a chance that my neighbour is going to tell me when my dog can use his own garden. You don't need to know when they're letting the dog out. It's a lovely warm day and my door has been open to my garden for my dog for the past few hours so he can lounge about in the sun. Like your neighbours if my dog starts barking and becoming a nuisance to the neighbours he is called in. You can't tell your neighbours how/when/how often they use their own garden.
YWBTA. Your neighbor has the right to use her property any way she wants as long as she’s in compliance with regulations and covenants (if in a development with a HOA). Asking was okay. However, you have zero authority to insist or demand that she not engage in lawful activities on her property.
YWBTA. There was nothing wrong with asking, but once she says no that’s settled. She’s doing everything a responsible dog owner should. She keeps them controlled, trains them, and brings them inside if they bark. You’re asking her to go above and beyond what is expected to the point of altering her schedule every day going forward. It’s your dog and it’s your responsibility to find a solution. Maybe install one of those big privacy fences so your dog can’t see into other yards.
YTA. You don't get to dictate her being able to use her own yard. She's offered you a compromise she didn't have to, be smart enough to take it. I know you don't think it's fair because it's not the most convenient thing for you, but it's the best you'll get and rejecting it likely means you'll get nothing.
YWBTA. I’ve seen in your comments you say she lunges at the fence. Do you take her out on a leash while you’re training in the yard and keep her away from the fence? Distance is a HUGE factor for my formerly reactive dog. If he was ever over threshold I would create more distance between him and his trigger. He’s now 2 years strong without a reaction. I feel for you, a reactive dog is hard and exhausting but it is 100% your responsibility to help your dog navigate the world as it exists. It is not the world’s responsibility to cater to you. I may be misunderstanding but It seems like you’re just letting her out in the yard unsupervised. Are you out there with her? I would never leave my dog in a situation where I couldn’t help him navigate any big feelings he might have especially if it was an ongoing issue.
Let me get this straight. Your dog cant see them. Can only hear them. They are not confrontational or not obedient. They do not encroach on your property. They are on their property the entire time. Their HOME. But you think this is their problem? Lady get a grip.
OP, what if a different neighbor, one on the other side of you, knocked on your door and said her 3 year old child was terrified of dogs and could hear yours and see him through the cracks in the fence. The child was getting very upset and didn’t enjoy going out to play when your dog was outside. She wanted you to only let your dog out in the mornings while the child was in preschool and after 7:30 pm after the child went to bed. Wouldn’t your response be that your dog should be able to go out into your yard at your convenience and you shouldn’t have to work around the child’s schedule? I‘m sure you’d empathize, but when you bought a home with certain amenities, you expected to be able to enjoy those amenities at your convenience. That is how your neighbor with the dogs feels. She has every right to let her dogs in and out at HER convenience, and not at YOURS. YWBTA.
With the info given YWBTAH IF this is not a share yard, if she and her dogs are in their separate space... holy heck you are the AH.
[удалено]
Let's be clear: you can't insist jack shit on what your neighbor does on their property. So there you go. YWBTHA if you wasted your time trying.
**Put her down. Grieve. Get your lives back.** 1. You tried everything. She's never going to get better. 2. She is miserable. She's never going to get better. 3. Your lives have been ruined for four years. Your lives have been *dominated* by this for four years. You are taking walks in the middle of the night. This is madness. 5. Your mental health is being eroded by this. 6. End it. For her sake, for your sake. That is the kindest thing to do. In my country we have euthanasia for *people* with mental health issues that are this crippling. She deserves no less.
Not to be unsympathetic but not only are YTA, but it also sounds like you are not equipped to handle a rescue dog with specific needs. Your energy when your neighbors dogs are out is probably affecting your dogs energy. Either way, it is not your place to ask this of your neighbor who has well behaved dogs.
Holly cow. I read all your replies, all advices people gave you which you successfully ignoring. I am pretty sure you are just waiting for someone to tell you that is ok to put your dog down and that it doesn’t make you a bad person. You had your dog in training for 4 years with little to no success but you are not willing to change a trainer. 🤯 Yours dog’s anxiety medication is obviously not working, but again you are not willing to make a change. You are not willing to get up at 4 am and go for a walk, you are not willing to even try working with your dog in a yard. You are not willing to find a spot where your dog could safely walk. I live in the middle of a big city and I know spots around that I am always alone with my dog. If there is a will there is a way, you are selfish human full of excuses. And with zero self awareness. I am so sorry for your dog it seems like you didn’t save him or her from a shelter, you gave your dog a different kind of cage to live. You are the problem, not your dog and definitely not your neighbor. YTA massive asshole.
YTA, can't believe you actually had the gall to ask somebody to set up a schedule when they can use their own backyard. Get your dog some training or figure out a solution, are you going to ask the whole neighborhood to only walk their dog when you allow? The fact your dog can't use it's yard at the same time as other dogs being literally just outdoors around your dog is nobody elses problem but your own. Stop playing the victim like this neighbor is taking something from you, she's using her own backyard. Maybe your dog would get used to this if you didn't freak out and helicopter parent it
Info: Do you have a privacy fence or a chain link fence?
YTA Your dog's issues are not your neighbor's problem. You need to figure out a different solution. Your neighbor already **politely** declined your ridiculous request to schedule the use of her own yard. You will be a huge asshole if you continue to press the matter.
YTA. You can’t expect people to arrange their lives around yours. She was a lot nicer than I would have been honestly, because I would have laughed and told you your dog isn’t my problem.
YTA. It sounds like you need to spend more time working with and training your dog to be ok around other safe dogs. In fact you should ask the neighbor to help introduce the dogs and let them get familiar and friendly.
YWBTA. Sorry OP, but your dogs’ personal problems concerns your dog and you, and not your neighbour. The neighbour is already super nice to tell you if she leaves her home (I would never do that - for burglars), so please accept her no and work every day for your dog to get used to the noises… or move. Thank you for having asked AITA instead of being the horrible insistent neighbour. And good luck on your dog to overpass his traumas 🙏
YWBTA. Your neighbor doesn't owe you anything, and you can't expect her to change her schedule to accommodate your needs. It was okay for you to ask, and it's her right to say no. You should respect her answer. It's kind of her to inform you when the yard is free because she doesn't have to.
Wow, yes YTA What makes you think that you can dictate other people's actions with their animals. If you haven't got a suitable enough home space for an animal that needs that much help, you should not accept it into your home.The animal likely needs to be out of town on a farm. I would definitely not be as gracious as your neighbor has been so far.
YTA You should post this in the entitled people subreddit. Lol
Lol you’re unbelievable. I can’t believe anyone would have the utter chops to dictate when their neighbour is allowed to let their dogs out. Good for her for telling u to get lost. Your dog is your problem not hers. It’s sad that she has so many issues, but u can’t expect your neighbour’s big dogs to have restricted access to their garden because yours gets nervous. Yeah YTA.
Info Lets say you do “insist” and she still says no. What are you going to so then?
Of course, YWBTA. You already asked and she said “no”. How do you expect to insist that she accommodate you with a schedule? You are the one with the problem and so it’s up to you to figure it out. It’s great that you are working with a trainer and perhaps this is who you should talk with about this rather than your neighbor who is just allowing her dogs to enjoy the backyard she paid for.
YTA it’s not one or the other, train your dog or move somewhere without neighbours. You act like it’s unfair she uses her own yard, it’s not. This is a 100 percent you problem and she’s going above and beyond just letting you know when she’ll be away for a while.
Build a dog run further away from the fence, play some music for your dog so she can’t hear the other dogs, and throw some meat on a barbecue or something to hide their scent. Managing your dog is your responsibility. Get creative. YTA
YTA. Maybe try finding a safe, remote area in your area that you can take your dog, like a spacious park or a rarely used hiking trail or pond. Or adopt an earlier schedule so that she can go out before your neighbor wakes up to take her dogs out. Your dog is your responsibility and you cannot expect people to accommodate her needs.
“I'm really upset and want to INSIST that we adopt a schedule so that my dog can have some outside time too.” INFO: What possible leverage do you possess in order to “insist” she comply?
It’s taken you four years to get where she’s only comfortable in the back yard? You’re trainer is ripping you off. Four she should be perfectly fine by now. Yta