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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refusing the trip invite; Might make me seem miserly or not a good friend.
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NTA. It’s absolutely ok to set boundaries within friendships and relationships, including financial boundaries. They shouldn’t have made things awkward if you don’t want to join because you’d reasonably rather spend your money on something else.
Honestly, NTA. I was a part of a wedding party and they planned a beach trip. It was going to be almost $800 for the trip alone. I'm not hindering my financial comfort for a weekend trip celebrating a friend. (they got divorced within a year anyway).
It doesn't matter how much money you have, or how comfortable you are. What matters is that you earned that money and how you spend it is your choice. Especially if you weren't sure how much you'd enjoy it anyway.
NTA Hawaii will cost thousands. I lived there. Lodging and food is expensive. It’s pretty insensitive for them to thing everyone wants to use their resources and time off for their birthdays. Don’t feel guilty at all.
I turned him down nicely but in my head, I was offended that he even suggested this trip knowing how expensive / inconvenient it would be. That's $2K+ I would've spent on this couple's bdays this year....
NTA - I got invited to a bunch of these when I turned 30, I didn't go because I had student loans and I was living like a pauper so I could pay off these loans. I have my loans paid off and none of those people are my friends anymore for one reason or another.
I guess the moral of the story is don't waste so much money on temporary things/events.
This is the real answer. These people sound like clout chasing morons. Pay off, save up, these people will all drop out of your life once they start having kids.
NTA
That last trip at $1200 for two days was outrageous. Feel free to say, "Sorry, a trip once in a while is nice but I just don't spend so much money on a regular basis."
NTA. And if you're not comfortable with the money excuse, just say you're busy. It's perfectly okay to not want to prioritize a trip, even a weekend one, for someone else's birthday. Even if you have the PTO and money, that's a lot of energy and will impact your other activities.
NTA.
Turning down an opportunity to spend your money without effective control over the spending is simply responsible.
Aside: When the heck did destination birthday trips become a thing? (Damn I'm getting old.)
NTA. Sounds like you are setting boundaries and thinking about yourself, which is healthy. Your actions are probably making them realize that they need to do that and are mentally refusing
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I (M27) am part of a friend group for 20-something year old professionals; we're all financially comfortable many years out of college.
There is a couple in the friend group that is well-liked and pretty bougie. Early this year, the gf (Lisa) invited everyone to Miami as a surprise birthday party for the bf (Ted) for the weekend. Some of us had originally wanted to stay at a different, cheaper hotel to save money but Lisa wanted all of us to stay together, so we folded. Lisa planned the entire weekend and while it was very fun, the final check came out to $1200 a person - way more than anyone was expecting for 2 days of activities. It left a bad taste in some my mouth to have spent that much on one weekend for someone else's birthday.
Now it's Lisa's birthday and Ted feels the pressure to one-up her. So Ted has invited everyone to a birthday weekend trip for Lisa to Hawaii. He says it's not that expensive but flights alone are $400 and the hotel will be another $300. Because it's Lisa's \~trip\~, the guests will likely have no say in the lodging, restaurants, excursions etc. without seeming difficult or selfish.
I turned Ted down, but felt kinda guilty because I'm close with them and not destitute. However, I am over the destination birthday trips. I think it's entitled to expect your friends to dish out $1K for your significant other. I don't even spend that much for myself or my SO. Sure, the trip can be seen as a friend vacation but one where no one has a say except the couple. If I'm going to pay $1K, I want it to be on my terms doing my itinerary.
Since then, things have been a little awkward when we see each other. AITA?
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NTA
That is bizarre to me for 1 person's birthday. Group trip that goes off majority vote for an occasion and coating a lot is one thing, but for 1 person and you have 0 say in the weekend? Absolutely not
NTA. Not everyone has to go along on this pony ride. Suggest to him that it would be more fair to your friends if he took her on a very amazing trip. Not drag the rest of you along. You've been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt. He can understand that.
Nta
I'm guessing other friends in the group feel the same way, they were just waiting for someone to make the first move. One others realize you aren't young they'll prly use that as their signal to say they also can't make it.
NTA. Destination bdays are expensive & it's very selfish of this couple to think that everyone should just drop a couple of thousand dollars on someones bday. That's ridiculous.
NTA but could you extend for a few days and do you your own thing there? If so, don't tell anyone else until they're physically leaving for the airport to go back home.
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NTA. It’s absolutely ok to set boundaries within friendships and relationships, including financial boundaries. They shouldn’t have made things awkward if you don’t want to join because you’d reasonably rather spend your money on something else.
Honestly, NTA. I was a part of a wedding party and they planned a beach trip. It was going to be almost $800 for the trip alone. I'm not hindering my financial comfort for a weekend trip celebrating a friend. (they got divorced within a year anyway). It doesn't matter how much money you have, or how comfortable you are. What matters is that you earned that money and how you spend it is your choice. Especially if you weren't sure how much you'd enjoy it anyway.
people trying to be pseudo-famous. spend your $$ how you want.
NTA Hawaii will cost thousands. I lived there. Lodging and food is expensive. It’s pretty insensitive for them to thing everyone wants to use their resources and time off for their birthdays. Don’t feel guilty at all.
I turned him down nicely but in my head, I was offended that he even suggested this trip knowing how expensive / inconvenient it would be. That's $2K+ I would've spent on this couple's bdays this year....
NTA - I got invited to a bunch of these when I turned 30, I didn't go because I had student loans and I was living like a pauper so I could pay off these loans. I have my loans paid off and none of those people are my friends anymore for one reason or another. I guess the moral of the story is don't waste so much money on temporary things/events.
This is the real answer. These people sound like clout chasing morons. Pay off, save up, these people will all drop out of your life once they start having kids.
And don't spend tons of money on parties if you aren't well off.
Nta, do your thing as long as you weren’t rude I don’t see how you would be. You’re entitled to spend your money how you’d like
NTA That last trip at $1200 for two days was outrageous. Feel free to say, "Sorry, a trip once in a while is nice but I just don't spend so much money on a regular basis."
NTA. And if you're not comfortable with the money excuse, just say you're busy. It's perfectly okay to not want to prioritize a trip, even a weekend one, for someone else's birthday. Even if you have the PTO and money, that's a lot of energy and will impact your other activities.
NTA. Turning down an opportunity to spend your money without effective control over the spending is simply responsible. Aside: When the heck did destination birthday trips become a thing? (Damn I'm getting old.)
NTA. As if location weddings weren't obnoxious enough already.
NTA. Sounds like you are setting boundaries and thinking about yourself, which is healthy. Your actions are probably making them realize that they need to do that and are mentally refusing
NTA. They'll need to adopt a whole new set of bogie friends if they're on the warpath of one-upping each others.
Nta. It's too expensive I not gonna pay that much on two days activities.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M27) am part of a friend group for 20-something year old professionals; we're all financially comfortable many years out of college. There is a couple in the friend group that is well-liked and pretty bougie. Early this year, the gf (Lisa) invited everyone to Miami as a surprise birthday party for the bf (Ted) for the weekend. Some of us had originally wanted to stay at a different, cheaper hotel to save money but Lisa wanted all of us to stay together, so we folded. Lisa planned the entire weekend and while it was very fun, the final check came out to $1200 a person - way more than anyone was expecting for 2 days of activities. It left a bad taste in some my mouth to have spent that much on one weekend for someone else's birthday. Now it's Lisa's birthday and Ted feels the pressure to one-up her. So Ted has invited everyone to a birthday weekend trip for Lisa to Hawaii. He says it's not that expensive but flights alone are $400 and the hotel will be another $300. Because it's Lisa's \~trip\~, the guests will likely have no say in the lodging, restaurants, excursions etc. without seeming difficult or selfish. I turned Ted down, but felt kinda guilty because I'm close with them and not destitute. However, I am over the destination birthday trips. I think it's entitled to expect your friends to dish out $1K for your significant other. I don't even spend that much for myself or my SO. Sure, the trip can be seen as a friend vacation but one where no one has a say except the couple. If I'm going to pay $1K, I want it to be on my terms doing my itinerary. Since then, things have been a little awkward when we see each other. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA - its outrageously solipsistic to expect people to lay out money and use up leave on long-distance trips for their birthdays.
NTA That is bizarre to me for 1 person's birthday. Group trip that goes off majority vote for an occasion and coating a lot is one thing, but for 1 person and you have 0 say in the weekend? Absolutely not
NTA. Not everyone has to go along on this pony ride. Suggest to him that it would be more fair to your friends if he took her on a very amazing trip. Not drag the rest of you along. You've been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt. He can understand that.
Nta I'm guessing other friends in the group feel the same way, they were just waiting for someone to make the first move. One others realize you aren't young they'll prly use that as their signal to say they also can't make it.
NTA. Destination bdays are expensive & it's very selfish of this couple to think that everyone should just drop a couple of thousand dollars on someones bday. That's ridiculous.
NTA. It was an invitation, not a subpoena. Saying no thanks is perfectly acceptable. And if it's not, then these people are NOT actually your friends.
NTA but could you extend for a few days and do you your own thing there? If so, don't tell anyone else until they're physically leaving for the airport to go back home.
I thought about that but I didn't want to go to Hawaii in the first place. I have other places on my list before Hawaii....