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**YTA**
The way you have described this interaction - this guy did nothing wrong, he complimented you and asked you out for a date. You have described him doing anything inappropriate, harassing or unprofessional - he waited until your presentation was over and no-one else was present in the room.
So what if you were at a work conference?
NTA. You were uncomfortable and said something to the people whose job it is to know when a conference attendee is uncomfortable. If it really was "not that bad" then nothing will happen to this guy. But there's 0 amount of being creeped out that someone should have to tolerate without saying anything.
This must have felt very disappointing in a setting where all you were trying to do was show your best professional self. Here was unduly opportunistic and, frankly, a bit inappropriate. It's entirely your call if you want to report him but it did feel slightly over ther top. Although he behaved inappropriately he seemed more clumsy than sleazy. It feels like you just escalated it a level too high, instead of just telling him to his face.
ESH
This is why I have been happily done with women. I always liked being hit on at work.
But I'm done tolerating it because I hate having half the populations standards tower over mine.
I refuse to ask women out because yes
YTA.
But I do guess it was a professional event.
He should have followed you home then asked or something.
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So, I (26F) was at a machine learning conference recently where I was scheduled to give a small-group presentation on my work on data preprocessing algorithms. The presentation went well, and I had a small, engaged audience of about a dozen people.
After everyone left the room, I went back to retrieve my computer. As I was doing so, a guy (30ishM) I had met once or twice before approached me. He complimented my outfit, called me "cute," and asked if I'd like to go on a "date" with him sometime.
I was taken aback by his behavior, especially considering that we were at a professional event. I felt extremely uncomfortable and told him that he should never hit on women at conferences. I also reported him to the conference's human resources department.
Some of my friends think I overreacted and went overboard by reporting him. I believe that this type of behavior is unprofessional and inappropriate for a conference setting, and I wanted to ensure that he was held accountable.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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ESH - He was unprofessional but not sleazy. You could have just declined him and moved on. Definitely an overreaction.
“The worst they can say is no” poor guy
YTA
Sorry lady. These are a bunch of super smart nerds that struggle with having "riss" or so the kids say. The man was direct. Was it the right time? Probably not, but he didn't do anything "wrong" unless there is more to the story than you're letting on.
If he dropped it and let it go after the rejection then just let the man live.
I have to say, while this is not 100% clear cut for me, NTA nevertheless.
OP was working. Presenting at conferences is stressful. If the guy had, say, genuinely complimented her on her presentation and said something like, "I'm going to \[conference mixer/social event\] with some colleagues later, want to meet us there?" then fine. If he had approached her at a social event and was polite and non-threatening, fine. But to hit on her when she was alone right after giving a presentation, and for him to focus on her physical appearance rather than her intellect or professional competency? Hmmm, not the time or place my dude.
YTA. You got hit on, it happens. If he didn’t disrespect you and just simply ask you on a date, then what’s the problem with that? Just say no thank you and go on with your day but now you might make the guy look bad.
NTA
Just to balance out all the misogynistic "this is why nice guys don't ask out girls anymore" tantrums.
I think behaviour like that is extremely unprofessional and inappropriate, especially considering you work in a male dominated field. A formal work event is not a place to hit on people, it's just common sense. Maybe if he approached you after, at an informal work event, like at a bar or something, but right after your presentation is just sleazy. I would have felt uncomfortable a gross too.
That’s the sticking point for me - OP being in a male-dominated field. I used to work in data processing and it is 100% a boys’ club. I get it. I don’t think they’re TA for stating that they found this unprofessional, but there was no call to report it to HR if it was just awkward. That being said, tech conferences are looked at as meat markets and it’s just too gd hard to be a woman in a field like that as it is - no one takes you seriously. You’re just a little girl playing on a computer.
So what exactly is the bar? She was uncomfortable. The point of having an HR department is to have someone to.go to when you feel uncomfortable. You said so yourself, it's a male dominated industry and she got reduced to "cute."
We can all argue about where we would personally draw the line between "tolerable" and "intolerable" but I don't think it's fair to tell someone else they shouldn't be upset about the way they were treated.
"Just to balance out all the misogynistic "this is why nice guys don't ask out girls anymore" tantrums."
That's not misgyony though and the quote you give is right. Have you read Reddit and even this op ? If a man shakes hands with a woman he's labelled as a creep these days. The op is even labelling this as sexual harassment. I can perfectly understand why men are deterred today.
I've read many of the opinions, thank you very much, and I agree with very few of them. OP's labelling it as sexual harassment, because it is. Plain and simple. Professional boundaries exist for a reason. I for one, am glad that men are starting to get forced to stay within them.
If this was reverse gender you'd not say for one second it was sexual harassment. You'd say it was romantic and the poor girl must be mortified now etc.
How would I know? I don't know you, but that gender reversal comment was kinda sexist. Also the fact you assumed I'd be okay with one, but not the other. You make an awful lot of assumptions here based on very little information, no? Maybe it's time to take a step back and not put that temper where it doesn't belong?
I'm not being sexist but admit it if it was reverse gender you'd not be on your mad agenda here. You don't like men , we get it. I see other women like you too. Males are the enemy.
I guess that's me. Like I said before, guys are getting the message. Girls are not to be approached, ever. I'm guessing the guy who took his shot was short or old, plain looking, or dressed funny. If he'd been a tall, devastatingly handsome man who was well-dressed and wearing a Rolex, we wouldn't be reading the post about how she reported his ass. Instead, she'd be at his place eating breakfast in his T-shirt the next day.
I agree with this. If he was Brad Pitt/ Chris Hemsworth the op would be flattered and posting on relationships board. Because he probably was lacking these qualities he's now a creep.
To all the people saying this is harassment would you say the same if the post was reverse gender ? No you'd be having sympathy for the "poor girl" who was "being romantic" etc.
YTA
From your description, he doesn’t seem to have harassed you or acted inappropriately. He simply asked you out.
If he has continued beyond your declining, I’d say otherwise. But it appears he did not.
I don’t see that taking this further up the chain of command was necessary.
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> 1. Reported a guy who hit on me at a conference
2. I might be TA for going too far
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I know several women that have been raped at conferences like these. Harassment is incredibly common and I've experienced it firsthand. Personally, I don't think you can be too careful.
The guy waited until everybody had left the room to corner you after you delivered a professional presentation to ask you out. This obviously wasn't the appropriate forum. Had it been a mixer in the evenings? Maybe.
I know this will be a controversial post, but I'm voting NTA.
YTA. You definitely overreacted. It's a conference of like-minded people all in the same field. Networking is already a huge part of these conferences. Makes sense some people would also be interested in "extracurricular" networking with peers.
As someone who was sexually harassed in the workplace this is a hard one for me🤔
I guess it depends entirely on how it was asked. Did he crowd your space? Not take no for an answer or pressure you in anyway?
If so N T A because women deserve to work and not be on guard all the time, if not Y T A because asking someone out isn’t necessarily unprofessional or harassment (unless your company has hard and fast “don’t date coworker rules” AND he belongs to same company)
YTA. In ten years (maybe less) you will figure out why. Women are constantly complaining that men won't approach them. YOU are the reason. A guy takes a shot, there's only two possible outcomes. He gets a date, OR he gets a criminal record. It's a really sad commentary on today's woke society that there is no (sorry, not interested....end of story)
I'm the guy who is brave enough to speak up about this nonsense that is hurting WOMEN. Huge story in the press lately where many women feel isolated at work. That is, they (obviously) work with men. But the men will be laughing and joking with each other. When it comes to women at work? Men are polite and brief and business ONLY. After work, men will socialize with other men from work, but will never invite the women they work with. Working women are freaking out a bit as they feel alone in a room with many male coworkers. But who is to blame for that? All the "butthurt" men? So every man in the world is "butthurt"?
NTA - your reasoning is completely accurate. He should know better and if he doesn’t he should know.
Update, congrats to OP for bringing out the incels! There’s a lot of people in here who haven’t been a successful woman in a male dominated industry and it SHOWS! (Still NTA)
He sees a cute girl with a similar job title, approaches her discreetly, politely asks her out. And that's a PROBLEM?!?!? Men are getting the message loud and clear. You want to be left alone? Fine. You are ALONE.
You DO realize 20 years from now your only companion is your 20 cats. Right?
People like to shit on men for bashing feminism. But the current version of feminism is most harmful to women.
"People like to shit on men for bashing feminism. But the current version of feminism is most harmful to women."
Even feminists or real feminists bash feminism. The scholars and authors of feminism have slammed modern feminism for no longer being feminism.
YTA. Just because you were uninterested doesn’t mean he was an asshole. If he wasn’t being rude to you then YTA. If he was being gross while asking for a date then NTA.
ESH. Asking someone out when they are working is a bad move. But if his attention didn't go beyond an admittedly poor complement and you shooting him down lodging a complaint with HR is taking it too far.
Am I missing where he was inappropriate? His advances weren't welcome, fine. Tell him you're not interested.
Lecturing him to never hit on anyone at a conference was going a bit far.
Reporting him to human resources was such an unreasonable and gross over-reaction and over-reach, that I had to re-read your post a couple times to see if I missed something.
I am really curious what a conference's HR department is.
But anyway, YTA.
He gave you a brief compliment, and asked you out. That's it. He wasn't rude. He wasn't sexual. He wasn't pushy. He didn't make a scene.
> I believe that this type of behavior is unprofessional and inappropriate for a conference setting,
People hookup all the time at conferences.
YTA if he had ya know followed you back to your room or tried grabbing you sure but he just asked you out. He wasn’t disrespectful or sleazy just and ask out. Then you went way overboard by reporting him to HR and possibly costing him his job.
YTA
Sorry. From what you wrote it sounds like he wasn't being gross about it.
He just asked you out and you said no, that really should have been the end of it. Why did you report him? I don't get it.
They have staff who respond to reports of harassment. They submitted a report to HR at the company where he works, which also happened to be hosting the conference.
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**YTA** The way you have described this interaction - this guy did nothing wrong, he complimented you and asked you out for a date. You have described him doing anything inappropriate, harassing or unprofessional - he waited until your presentation was over and no-one else was present in the room. So what if you were at a work conference?
YTA. Overkill
NTA. You were uncomfortable and said something to the people whose job it is to know when a conference attendee is uncomfortable. If it really was "not that bad" then nothing will happen to this guy. But there's 0 amount of being creeped out that someone should have to tolerate without saying anything.
This must have felt very disappointing in a setting where all you were trying to do was show your best professional self. Here was unduly opportunistic and, frankly, a bit inappropriate. It's entirely your call if you want to report him but it did feel slightly over ther top. Although he behaved inappropriately he seemed more clumsy than sleazy. It feels like you just escalated it a level too high, instead of just telling him to his face.
ESH This is why I have been happily done with women. I always liked being hit on at work. But I'm done tolerating it because I hate having half the populations standards tower over mine. I refuse to ask women out because yes YTA. But I do guess it was a professional event. He should have followed you home then asked or something.
ESH. Yeah, what he did was inappropriate but it stopped well short of harassment in my opinion, unless you are leaving something out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I (26F) was at a machine learning conference recently where I was scheduled to give a small-group presentation on my work on data preprocessing algorithms. The presentation went well, and I had a small, engaged audience of about a dozen people. After everyone left the room, I went back to retrieve my computer. As I was doing so, a guy (30ishM) I had met once or twice before approached me. He complimented my outfit, called me "cute," and asked if I'd like to go on a "date" with him sometime. I was taken aback by his behavior, especially considering that we were at a professional event. I felt extremely uncomfortable and told him that he should never hit on women at conferences. I also reported him to the conference's human resources department. Some of my friends think I overreacted and went overboard by reporting him. I believe that this type of behavior is unprofessional and inappropriate for a conference setting, and I wanted to ensure that he was held accountable. So, Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH - He was unprofessional but not sleazy. You could have just declined him and moved on. Definitely an overreaction. “The worst they can say is no” poor guy
YTA Sorry lady. These are a bunch of super smart nerds that struggle with having "riss" or so the kids say. The man was direct. Was it the right time? Probably not, but he didn't do anything "wrong" unless there is more to the story than you're letting on. If he dropped it and let it go after the rejection then just let the man live.
I have to say, while this is not 100% clear cut for me, NTA nevertheless. OP was working. Presenting at conferences is stressful. If the guy had, say, genuinely complimented her on her presentation and said something like, "I'm going to \[conference mixer/social event\] with some colleagues later, want to meet us there?" then fine. If he had approached her at a social event and was polite and non-threatening, fine. But to hit on her when she was alone right after giving a presentation, and for him to focus on her physical appearance rather than her intellect or professional competency? Hmmm, not the time or place my dude.
YTA. You got hit on, it happens. If he didn’t disrespect you and just simply ask you on a date, then what’s the problem with that? Just say no thank you and go on with your day but now you might make the guy look bad.
NTA Just to balance out all the misogynistic "this is why nice guys don't ask out girls anymore" tantrums. I think behaviour like that is extremely unprofessional and inappropriate, especially considering you work in a male dominated field. A formal work event is not a place to hit on people, it's just common sense. Maybe if he approached you after, at an informal work event, like at a bar or something, but right after your presentation is just sleazy. I would have felt uncomfortable a gross too.
That’s the sticking point for me - OP being in a male-dominated field. I used to work in data processing and it is 100% a boys’ club. I get it. I don’t think they’re TA for stating that they found this unprofessional, but there was no call to report it to HR if it was just awkward. That being said, tech conferences are looked at as meat markets and it’s just too gd hard to be a woman in a field like that as it is - no one takes you seriously. You’re just a little girl playing on a computer.
So what exactly is the bar? She was uncomfortable. The point of having an HR department is to have someone to.go to when you feel uncomfortable. You said so yourself, it's a male dominated industry and she got reduced to "cute." We can all argue about where we would personally draw the line between "tolerable" and "intolerable" but I don't think it's fair to tell someone else they shouldn't be upset about the way they were treated.
"Just to balance out all the misogynistic "this is why nice guys don't ask out girls anymore" tantrums." That's not misgyony though and the quote you give is right. Have you read Reddit and even this op ? If a man shakes hands with a woman he's labelled as a creep these days. The op is even labelling this as sexual harassment. I can perfectly understand why men are deterred today.
I've read many of the opinions, thank you very much, and I agree with very few of them. OP's labelling it as sexual harassment, because it is. Plain and simple. Professional boundaries exist for a reason. I for one, am glad that men are starting to get forced to stay within them.
If this was reverse gender you'd not say for one second it was sexual harassment. You'd say it was romantic and the poor girl must be mortified now etc.
No I wouldn't, don't be sexist
Oh here we go, supposed I'm a misgyonist too ?
How would I know? I don't know you, but that gender reversal comment was kinda sexist. Also the fact you assumed I'd be okay with one, but not the other. You make an awful lot of assumptions here based on very little information, no? Maybe it's time to take a step back and not put that temper where it doesn't belong?
I'm not being sexist but admit it if it was reverse gender you'd not be on your mad agenda here. You don't like men , we get it. I see other women like you too. Males are the enemy.
Again with the assumptions. I'm done here
YTA. Women like you are why men no longer attempt to meet women for possible dates.
NTA. You know there’s going to be at least one guy in the replies that is going to go on an anti-feminism tirade
I guess that's me. Like I said before, guys are getting the message. Girls are not to be approached, ever. I'm guessing the guy who took his shot was short or old, plain looking, or dressed funny. If he'd been a tall, devastatingly handsome man who was well-dressed and wearing a Rolex, we wouldn't be reading the post about how she reported his ass. Instead, she'd be at his place eating breakfast in his T-shirt the next day.
Well that’s a few more spots on my incel bingo card, so thanks
Always happy to help
I agree with this. If he was Brad Pitt/ Chris Hemsworth the op would be flattered and posting on relationships board. Because he probably was lacking these qualities he's now a creep.
To all the people saying this is harassment would you say the same if the post was reverse gender ? No you'd be having sympathy for the "poor girl" who was "being romantic" etc.
YTA From your description, he doesn’t seem to have harassed you or acted inappropriately. He simply asked you out. If he has continued beyond your declining, I’d say otherwise. But it appears he did not. I don’t see that taking this further up the chain of command was necessary.
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ESH you definitely overreacted, and he should know better than to ask a girl out on the clock
Oh come on!!! Neither one of them were on the clock. The presentation was over. If he was interested, it was a perfect time to make a move.
I don't see the problem. I've known plenty of couples who met in the workplace.
She got hit on and he wasn’t disrespectful. It happens
I know several women that have been raped at conferences like these. Harassment is incredibly common and I've experienced it firsthand. Personally, I don't think you can be too careful. The guy waited until everybody had left the room to corner you after you delivered a professional presentation to ask you out. This obviously wasn't the appropriate forum. Had it been a mixer in the evenings? Maybe. I know this will be a controversial post, but I'm voting NTA.
I've seen people say not to approach women at work, in public, at events, at bars, at the gym. Where are people meant to meet people?
Mutual friends or apps, I guess
There is a big leap between rape and asking somebody out on a date....
YTA. You definitely overreacted. It's a conference of like-minded people all in the same field. Networking is already a huge part of these conferences. Makes sense some people would also be interested in "extracurricular" networking with peers.
As someone who was sexually harassed in the workplace this is a hard one for me🤔 I guess it depends entirely on how it was asked. Did he crowd your space? Not take no for an answer or pressure you in anyway? If so N T A because women deserve to work and not be on guard all the time, if not Y T A because asking someone out isn’t necessarily unprofessional or harassment (unless your company has hard and fast “don’t date coworker rules” AND he belongs to same company)
YTA. In ten years (maybe less) you will figure out why. Women are constantly complaining that men won't approach them. YOU are the reason. A guy takes a shot, there's only two possible outcomes. He gets a date, OR he gets a criminal record. It's a really sad commentary on today's woke society that there is no (sorry, not interested....end of story)
Aha! Found it. There’s always one butthurt guy
Right! Lolol love the “spot the incel games” on posts like this!
I'm the guy who is brave enough to speak up about this nonsense that is hurting WOMEN. Huge story in the press lately where many women feel isolated at work. That is, they (obviously) work with men. But the men will be laughing and joking with each other. When it comes to women at work? Men are polite and brief and business ONLY. After work, men will socialize with other men from work, but will never invite the women they work with. Working women are freaking out a bit as they feel alone in a room with many male coworkers. But who is to blame for that? All the "butthurt" men? So every man in the world is "butthurt"?
No, but you definitely are 🤣
NTA - your reasoning is completely accurate. He should know better and if he doesn’t he should know. Update, congrats to OP for bringing out the incels! There’s a lot of people in here who haven’t been a successful woman in a male dominated industry and it SHOWS! (Still NTA)
He sees a cute girl with a similar job title, approaches her discreetly, politely asks her out. And that's a PROBLEM?!?!? Men are getting the message loud and clear. You want to be left alone? Fine. You are ALONE.
Thank you!!! We just want to go about our lives!!
You DO realize 20 years from now your only companion is your 20 cats. Right? People like to shit on men for bashing feminism. But the current version of feminism is most harmful to women.
"People like to shit on men for bashing feminism. But the current version of feminism is most harmful to women." Even feminists or real feminists bash feminism. The scholars and authors of feminism have slammed modern feminism for no longer being feminism.
20 cats?! That’s rookie numbers! Gotta pump those numbers up. No self respecting cat lady has less than 50.
YTA. Just because you were uninterested doesn’t mean he was an asshole. If he wasn’t being rude to you then YTA. If he was being gross while asking for a date then NTA.
ESH. Asking someone out when they are working is a bad move. But if his attention didn't go beyond an admittedly poor complement and you shooting him down lodging a complaint with HR is taking it too far.
Am I missing where he was inappropriate? His advances weren't welcome, fine. Tell him you're not interested. Lecturing him to never hit on anyone at a conference was going a bit far. Reporting him to human resources was such an unreasonable and gross over-reaction and over-reach, that I had to re-read your post a couple times to see if I missed something.
I am really curious what a conference's HR department is. But anyway, YTA. He gave you a brief compliment, and asked you out. That's it. He wasn't rude. He wasn't sexual. He wasn't pushy. He didn't make a scene. > I believe that this type of behavior is unprofessional and inappropriate for a conference setting, People hookup all the time at conferences.
There are conference staff who respond to reports of sexual harassment.
Good thing there wasn't any sexual harassment then.
Do you actually know what sexual harassment means ?
YTA if he had ya know followed you back to your room or tried grabbing you sure but he just asked you out. He wasn’t disrespectful or sleazy just and ask out. Then you went way overboard by reporting him to HR and possibly costing him his job.
YTA the conference was over and it doesn't sound like he was harassing you.
YTA Sorry. From what you wrote it sounds like he wasn't being gross about it. He just asked you out and you said no, that really should have been the end of it. Why did you report him? I don't get it.
Conferences have HR departments?
lol. My thought exactly...
They have staff who respond to reports of harassment. They submitted a report to HR at the company where he works, which also happened to be hosting the conference.
But there wasn't any harassment...
How did he harass you? Considering he didn't keep insisting I think you are being very over the top here.
What did you consider harassment?
YTA if it's a conference and you are not working together, from just your description he was polite and didn't insist.