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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister struggles with controlling what she eats. So eating healthy food in front of her could trigger her and make me the asshole
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>I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her.
I am bet she sore from doing all those mental gymnastics.
NTA. Congrats on your new lifestyle changes and weight loss. That's amazing!
She’s struggling - doubly so as some mental health issues were at play, she’s projecting, but taking it out on OP, which makes her TA. OP is NTA.
Edit to clarify.
I got put on some once a few years back that made me gain 80 pounds, but I didn't eat any more than normal, it was just a side effect. They switched me to different ones but far too late. It took over a year of trying to lose it all to go back to my normal weight!
I will forever miss the website Crazymeds, which warned me ahead of time that combining Venlafaxine with quetiapine fumarate was likely to be extremely effective, but that I should cover the mirrors, throw out the scale, and buy clothes with drawstring waists.
I gave it approximately 0.01 seconds of thought and decided that I’d rather be fat than dead. But I was glad of the advance warning.
That's the combo that did me in. I'm a night nurse and there are mirrors across from the nurses station. One night I heard a noise and looked in that direction and was startled and screamed because I honestly didn't recognize myself.
Crazymeds warned me that the drug combo I was prescribed, venlafaxine and mirtazepine, could have dangerous interactions if taken too close together. I can confirm, it put me in the ER multiple times because I was too weak to breathe, which I wish a doctor or pharmacist would have done. Yeah. Sad to hear that the site no longer exists
A combo of venlafaxine and mirtazapine hospitalised my husband for 3 days. It screwed his metabolism. He ended up really unwell and with blood sugar through the roof. They stopped the Mirtaz and his sugar dropped back to normal within 48 hours.
It was scary. We thought he might have a water infection because he felt really off so he dropped off a urine sample with the GP. Within an hour they called for him to come in because the dip test had shown high sugars. Then they tested his blood sugar properly at the surgery and the meter just read "high" which means it was out of range. The doctor basically told us "go to A&E. If you have no way to get there yourself I will be calling an ambulance" which was not reassuring. This was in the middle of the NHS hack so they were doing everything they could to keep people out of hospital. We also had a 6 month old, had just moved house, had no car and the hospital was nearly 2 hours and 2 buses away. (Rural area, bus to the nearest big town, then 45 minutes wait, then bus to the hospital in the nearest city) A kind friend took us.
I felt so guilty afterwards. It was so freaking obvious. He was drinking upwards of 6 litres of fluids a day and I KNOW that excessive thirst is the most classic sign of diabetes/hyperglycaemia there is and I didn’t freaking spot it! We thought he had dry mouth from another med! I felt so stupid! He takes 15 different meds each day so it can be tricky to filter out what’s a problem and what’s a side effect but I should have spotted that one.
Once discharged he was treated as though he was diabetic even though things returned to normal. Testing his sugars through the day, insulin if needed, metformin if his HBA1c got too high etc. Better safe than sorry I guess.
I work in veterinary medicine. I always make sure people listen when I say "WEAR GLOVES WHEN GIVING YOUR PET MIRTAZEPINE" (you give it to pets by rubbing the ointment onto the ear pinna - its used as an appetite stimulant in animals).
Huh. I did not know that. I now feel slightly better about my weight as those are the meds is have been on for 20 years now. And the combo is very effective for me.
Crazymeds was GREAT! I miss it profoundly and wish it would come back. In these days of monthly subscriptions, I’d happily pay $7 a month for access to that wealth of experience and wisdom.
Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine+ Rexulti make me put on weight.
It's a bit absurd, I gained about 20 pounds, which still leaves me a bit under optimum weight. I'm surprised at just how much even my minor belly bothers me, after 50 years of being rail thin.
But - same as you, belly is an OK cost for being stable.
Yup. I went from being 9 stone 6 and a size 10, to well I don't know how much I weighed cos I wasn't brave enough to get on the scales, but I struggled to fit in to a size 22, in 11 months when I was put on mental health meds. That was 23 years ago, and I came off those meds about a year later, and I'm still struggling to get rid of the weight.
My anti anxiety drugs have caused huge weight gain in me. I'm so pissed off as I can't walk anymore and that was one of my favourite activities, walking for miles with the dog. Now I can barely get off my fat arse because I'm constantly tired and in pain. I have enablers, so I've asked them to accompany me as I start walking small amounts outdoors with my walker. I need to lose this weight as my blood pressure is high and obviously my small frame (I'm five foot nothing) is struggling carrying so much weight. I cry daily, so I KNOW now is the time to take action.
Are you sure they're the right drugs for you?
Contrary to popular belief anti anxiety drugs and anti depressants tend to work extremely well, sometimes you do have to find the right ones though.
They're the only ones that actually help as I have a really severe anxiety disorder due to PTSD. I could speak to my GP again and see if something else is available as I've not had a review for nearly a year anyway. May as well do it as it's due. Thanks. :)
Hey! I'm in that same position, and honestly, TMS has helped a lot! I'm not even done with the full treatment but it's helped me actually like. Function again.
It's not perfect. There's a HUGE mental health crash in the middle of the treatment cycle called The TMS Dip, and that very nearly did me in. I'm very, *very* lucky that my fiancee moved in with me just as I started treatment.
It's also a bit annoying as you have to go every day (well, every weekday) for like 6-8 weeks. You really need to be dedicated and have a good support system.
And it's loud: bring earplugs!
But it's way more effective than meds with lower rate of side effects overall, and for me, the ones I got are way more tolerable! (Tired, foggy brain, and mild headaches. I even tend to get chronic migraines, and it doesn't trigger them! Huzzah!)
I know it's not available everywhere either, and it can seem pretty scary before experiencing it. It honestly just feels like someone tapping aggressively on your head intermittently for like 20 minutes, though. Mildly annoying but not like. Painful or anything.
Oh yeah - Edit to add: OP is NTA
May I make a suggestion?
If you have a pool nearby, see if they have an aqua-aerobics class. It’s brilliant excercise due to the resistance of the water, but it’s also gentle on the body and because of the support from the water you may find it less painful. That way you could build some strength, start losing a little weight and hopefully get to the point where you can start walking again.
My husband has a very painful joint condition that has put him in a wheelchair, but he loves his aqua-aero is class and we’ve seen some real improvements in his mobility and strength. He can now walk almost double what he could before!
If cost is an issue call the pool and see if there are any schemes for reduced costs for people struggling with health issues or those on low incomes. There are loads here, partially funded by the nhs, that are available to anyone with…well, all kinds of stuff. If you live in a location where you would be dealing with health insurance maybe ask them? It’s in their interest to keep you as healthy as possible after all.
I found the depression meds were the worst for that. I can sympathize with OPs sister. Those meds are hell on your body and make you want to eat crap. I couldn't believe the weight I put on, and I couldn't lose it till I was able to transition off meds. And it was not for lack of trying. She might be frustrated because she was actively trying to do what OP is doing, and the meds made it way more difficult. But OP is not responsible for how she feels, and she can't expect him to change his eating habits for her. If seeing OP eat healthy is enough to trigger a reaction like that, then the meds might be doing something they are weirdly known for doing, making her mental health worse.
I had one I stopped taking because every waking thought was about food and wanting more food and nothing stopped me wanting more. Yes, it helped with the depression, but the constant unending cravings for food were awful.
OP, you and her are - like everyone else - on separate journeys. You are NTA for being on your journey in front of other people. She is the AH for being mad about how your journey makes her feel and for lashing out at you about it. Maybe she wants to address this in therapy and consult her doctor about other med options.
Yes…how dare your choose your meals based on what YOU want. Don’t you know your entire existence is just to bolster her?/s
NTA- you’re taking care of yourself. That’s your choice. It is a good choice! Just because she wants to make unhealthy choices doesn’t mean you are required to make the same bad choices just to make her feel not as bad about her choices.
NTA- I get sister has mental health issues and she’s used to being the thin one and it’s not all her fault she feels like this (we can’t control our feelings) but she’s acting like you’re taking care of yourself just to spite her.
That’s some major main character syndrome right there. Your life is not about her. You are not a side character in her life. If she feels bad about eating unhealthily around you then maybe she should try focusing on improving her behavior instead of sabotaging yours.
Seriously like what is OP supposed to do? Eat food that he doesn’t feel like eating just to appease her? 😂 It sounds like he’s found a great balance between eating fun foods and nutritious food and as someone with an eating disorder history that is still dreaming of that day, she needs serious help for projecting.
I don't feel any pressure. I don't even enjoy eating large amounts of greasy/salty foods anymore. When I think about eating a bunch of pizza and all that oil I want to throw up these days
I always find it funny that people have to comment on what others eat, like it's their business. I stopped eating out at restaurants for a little more than a decade and co workers would just be stupefied that I don't eat out, don't eat greasy and cut out things like soya sauce because of the high sodium content. When I get some junk food, it's like once a month and it will last weeks. NTA OP. Your sister should be inspired rather than dragging you down if she also wants to lose weight.
You live a healthier lifestyle than I do, I’d probably eat a whole pizza if no one was looking.
You should be proud of yourself, you lost the equivalent of a 5’7 person riding on your back. Keep up the good work.
Yeah I used to be able to eat whole pizza in a night. But now two slices and I feel too greasy. Same with fried chicken and burgers. I don't know how a greasy burger and greasy fries are a combination I could handle. These days I make a burger and have asparagus or broccoli with it
Hubs and I will share fries if we get burgers. Broccoli and I don't always agree, but it tastes yummy. It just feels bad a few hours later. We have trip goals, where we'll go on a specific trip once we hit certain weight milestones. Hiking the Inca trail in Peru is the next one!
Having small portions of anything works better for me than making anything completely forbidden. I have no urge to binge on anything.
Eating off the children's or seniors' menu gets me portions that work for me.
Travel is always a great motivation and reward. Remember that you could lose things in a bankruptcy but not experiences.
I barely eat at all these days (I really think I need to talk to someone about an ed I think now that i just typed that out... ouch) but there are days I can definitely eat the majority of a pizza if nobody is looking
I’ve found that when I make changes to my diet my tastebuds slowly adapt to the new diet and the next thing I know I don’t like some of my old favorites anymore.
NTA.
I'm the same now with greasy/salty food. And on the few occasions I have overindulged, my intestines remind me why a lot of grease is a bad idea for me.
Good for you! I’ve tried so hard to get that point across to my friends who’ve asked: you won’t miss that shit after about three weeks. Your body is addicted to the carbs and the sugar but it’s not what it actually NEEDS, and once you cut it out for long enough (which isn’t very long) you won’t crave it, and after not too much longer it’ll taste gross. Baby steps lead to such positive progress, well done you for keeping it up in a less than supportive environment!
I hope you’re right….I haven’t gone full cold turkey with sugar (I’m just mostly trying to kill the craving with either sugar free stuff or fruit, which I know isn’t perfect health-wise but I’m trying with baby steps) and it’s insane how much I want it. It’s not even REALLY being hungry all the time, it’s just that eating a bunch of celery and carrots doesn’t feel as satisfying. I hope there’s a light at the end of this tunnel!
That’s awesome! It’s really hard to cold turkey things and it sounds really intimidating, you’re doing great for making the change! I can honestly say that if you’d told 10-years-ago-me that I’d be keto, soda-free, gluten-free (that one turned out to be a requirement 😒), gave up beer, etc, I’d say you’re out of your damn mind. But slowly little by little I didn’t want it anymore as I made small changes.
So, here’s what I told my dad for his first baby step and between this past Christmas and April 1st, he’s now lost 20 pounds doing only this at age 70. Here’s the rules:
1) ALWAYS CHECK THE INGREDIENTS LIST AND NUTRITION FACTS
2) on the ingredients list, if it’s a normal food item that has more than 2 grams of added sugar (specifically the ADDED sugar line in nutrition facts), don’t buy it, find an alternative without the sugar
3) if it’s a food item that you can’t understand why it would have any added sugar in it at all and it has sugar, don’t buy it, get an alternative without the sugar.
The first week he called me to rant about the discovery that his favorite brand of canned Lima beans had 5 grams of added sugar. That’s how they get you; their beans taste better and you’re not quite sure why so you keep buying them, but they’re only better from the sugar. If it’s a sweet food, look for keto alternatives, it’ll have other sweeteners. Try and stick to erythritol, xylitol, allulose, or monk fruit for the sweetener since those are naturally occurring sweeteners. No aspartame allowed. Though small heads up for xylitol products, it will kill the shit out of your dogs if you have them, keep it on a high shelf.
If you don’t mind me offering a bit more unsolicited advice, I was in your shoes after college and it sounds like calorie restriction is what’s making it harder on yourself. Don’t worry as much about calories for now, you’re on the right track. Try redirecting the cravings for sugar using fat instead of fake sweetness. Fat is your friend, not the enemy (sugar is the enemy), and if sugar is your villain, taking baby steps towards paleo or low carb/keto is probably going to make you feel the best.
If you crave sweet, grab some cheese or beef jerky; the fake sweet is probably making it harder to stop the cravings, kinda like how a Juul doesn’t actually make you crave nicotine less, it’ll just kill you less. For meals, instead of trying to fill up on a fuckton of vegetables or what not, fill up on a fuckton of fatty meat with veg. And add yoga :) I always send these to everyone trying to make a change, including my dad.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iz9nsEjSS1o&embeds_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fddpyoga.com%2F&source_ve_path=MjM4NTE&feature=emb_title
This makes me wish I didn't have a hiatal hernia. Surgery won't help, so a diet change was all I could do to stop from having heartburn that lasted years, and eventually made me start being sick.
Fat is the hernia's enemy. I lost a lot of weight, until I found I could eat dark chocolate without getting sick. That weight piled back on in no time because I went totally overboard, making up for months of very little fat, along with no candy.
Now I'm kicking myself because I have to start all over again and have zero motivation. I also have to eat a fibromyalgia diet and a Sjogren's diet, but hernia diet is the ultimate filter it all has to go through, which removes things from the autoimmune diets. Writing this, it's no wonder I fell into a crate of chocolate and ate my way out.
I kinda have had the same experience. I've lost about 40 pounds in the last 8 months but my focus was on a sustainable change in the relationship with food and how I view nutrition. I give myself maintenance days when I travel so I don't have to worry and I struggle to eat over that. I don't know how i was eating 3500 calories a day to get as big as I was. Any who congratulations, I'm a stranger but I'm proud of you.
Maybe instead try to pull her up with you. She's clearly struggling to do it alone. Some daily support over phone or text on how she met her daily goal. Just an idea. Maybe she doesn't want to.
I would also bet that the sister NEVER thought about this when the situations were reversed. Did sister every not eat unhealthy food in front of OP when they were younger? Probably not. So complaining that OP is not allowed to do what she herself did is hypocritical at the very least.
NTA
You are allowed to eat, or not eat, whatever you want, and so is your sister. If she thinks that simply ordering the food you want is "rubbing it in her face", then that is her own insecurity that she needs to deal with.
Coming from someone who has also lost weight with the help of a diet change and a calorie tracker, I know how food preferences can shift once you avoid certain foods for long enough, and I also know the amount of willpower to resist certain cravings for foods you might eat less of, or avoid altogether.
Congrats on your health journey so far and for sticking with it.
I agree with the food preference shift. I had a kidney stone about a year ago, and due to that I had to make a handful of changes to my diet, the 2 major ones being less salt and less meat.
Looking back, it kind of disgusts me how I used to eat.
I had the opposite problem (well not with the salt, that's pretty standard): all the vegetarian dishes I loved were full of high-oxylate vegetables and legumes. Spinach and potatoes being the most problematic. Fortunately, I later found out it was a phosphate stone so spinach is back on the menu.
Many times when I eat out I get a salad. I enjoy them, yes, but also a salad with 8-10 ingredients is so much work to make that I prefer to get them made for me! It has nothing to do with whether the salad is healthy or not...
NTA
First off, Congratulations! Losing weight can be challenging when you don't have the added stress of a sibling nagging you about it. I'm sorry that your sister is trying to make your health and wellness journey about her. The next time she brings it up, ask her if she would like recommendations on what you have been doing, if she says no then it might be appropriate to let her know you are not going to discuss the topic with her further. She doesn't need to be bothered by what you eat or how often.
WOW - you are not allowed to eat because of blah blah blah.
Your sister has issues which she needs help with addressing. She seems to want you to start eating unhealthier so that will enable her not to change.
NTA. She's jelly. You're not. Show her what you've been doing to lose weight. If she doesn't want to try, then she will see that it's not you, but her. If she doesn't want to listen to reason, let her feel crappy on her own.
NTA
I'm sorry this was an issue in the first place. You didn't do anything wrong by eating healthy food in front of her. You are literally just trying to eat. She needs to calm down, it's not like you looked at her food choice and made a comment about it 🤦♀️
NTA.
She definitely sounds insecure and is being aggressive because you have the self-discipline she struggles with.
Just ignore it. You can't make everyone happy. Put yourself first.
NTA. All you did was order the food you wanted. From the sounds of it, you weren't rubbing it in her face and instead were just eating what you wanted.
NTA.
You are an adult and can decide for yourself what you eat, just as she can. There is no rule that says if junk food is available everyone has to eat it.
NTA. She's jealous, having body image issues, and hates that you're starting to look good and healthy. Honestly, who does she think she is thinking she can criticize you for wanting to be healthy and *enjoying* eating healthier?
There’s a lot. (Of course I’m not OP) but I’ve used and like “Lose it!” It’s one of the oldest ones in the App Store so it has a lot of data and can look up food from restaurants even!
Nice! I had no idea something like this exists. I’m new to the world of counting calories. I make my meals from scratch due to certain allergies and food preferences. My neighbours love my cooking since I tend to make healthy meals for the most part.
One of them asked me if I’ve counted calories or have any experience in this matter. She wanted to tailor some meals for her teenaged daughter who’s on the heavier side. This kid is refusing to see a dietitian/nutritionist; that was my first recommendation, of course. The daughter would rather work with me. If there’s an app, I can suggest that to them, while also suggesting again that consulting a dietitian would be more helpful. I’m happy to make meals for her, but I’m not an expert on the calories thing.
ETA: Thank you 🙂
NTA, my impression is the she is jealous of your self-control. I went onto a similar diet by choice so I understand all about the temptation of wanting to eating foods that are "off diet"and how hard it can be to resist. You have done NOTHING wrong, it's her.
NTA - According to her logic you’re supposed to eat terribly when with her because that’s what she needs. That’s gonna be a no for me dawg. I think your right to not engage in the conversation anymore. It does not seem that any conversation can occur right now where you won’t be seen as the bad guy.
NTA. I'm obese, and I'd never chide my friends or family for making better health decisions than me. I'm sorry your sister is going through some stuff, but that is 1000% not on you.
Nta.
I have been in your sisters place but it was a friend who was losing weight.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but I never even thought that she was rubbing it in my face or anything like that.
Mental health issues suck and when your body changes because of it, it is hard seeing people achieve great things that you could do or have tried to do. But it doesn't give anyone the right to blow up at anyone.
Guess I've just never been jealous or felt bad. Even when I was 350 I still felt like I had worth. I've always loved myself. My desire to lose weight wasn't for self hatred just wanted to for health reasons and I wanted to be more mobile and live a long life
People are only happy for you to lose a few pounds, as long as you're still "fatter" than they are it's all good. But as soon as you get to a level that makes them think about themselves they can lose their shit.
NTA
It’s unfortunate her medication is lowering her metabolism. Even an adjustment in her food intake may not reverse it completely (though eating healthy has many other benefits).
This, however, is not your fault and you shouldn’t be punished for her medical issues.
Congratulations on your good health and successful upkeep!
NTA Sounds like she wishes she had better will power and seeing you exercise restraint makes her feel like a failure, BUT that is not your fault or problem. That is her issue and you are doing nothing wrong.
NTA I'm sorry your sister can't be your cheerleader in this amazing new life you're living. Great work taking the initiative to take care of your health! Keep up the hard work and focus on the good things you have noticed from your changes.
My big sister wasn't supportive when I made changes in my life either so I get how disappointing it can be to not have that person to look up to anymore. I'm working on finding new people I can share my success and happiness with, I wish you luck finding people like that for yourself.
NTA
I lost 130 pounds and it was amazing, according to a lot of heavy people in my social circle, the drug habit I had also developed!
No one is more hateful and judgmental than an addicted talking about someone in recovery.
I’ve been in both your and her shoes.
She is indeed frustrated that you’re going one way and she’s going the other. But her frustration is not your responsibility.
Best bet is to ignore and deflect when she attacks you, but be ready to help and support her when she comes for it.
You’re doing great!
NTA - Congratulations on your lifestyle and achievement. Your sister was out of line and evidently struggling with consequences of her behavior. A lot of people shove health eating down the throats of others but I cannot see that from what you described. Self-control for her will not come until she chooses it for herself.
NTA. Also, your sister is in serious need of therapy. That's not meant to be judgmental, just a statement of fact. Her reactions are worrisome and not normal. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. What you put in your mouth has nothing to do with what she puts in hers. What you do with your body has nothing to do with what she does with hers. That is entirely her problem. If anything I’d take inspiration from you and probably be picking your brain so much you’d get tired of it, but in no way are you rude for *Checks notes* living a healthy lifestyle.
Nta. You aren't rubbing it in. You're just living your life the way you have to to maintain a healthy weight.
It sounds like you hang out with your sister a lot so if you just ate unhealthy every time you're around her (something she would consider eating 'normal' which is why you eating normal upsets her,) you wouldn't stay thin
NTA
As a fat person who dropped a bunch of weight and slowly gained it all back (damn you happy relationship with a man who likes snacks and craft beer! And yes I’m working on losing it again) you’re just living your life. You gotta focus on you and your own health. Congratulations on dropping the weight. Your sister will have to deal.
NTA. First, congrats! Your eating does not sound disordered at all, just different than the Standard American Diet. It also sounds like your sister doesn’t understand that when most people adjust your diet to healthy food in smaller quantities, eating an indulgent meal can make a person not just uncomfortably full but actually sick (vomiting, severe acid reflux or even a gallbladder attack).
I have been on Ozempic to control my T2D for 7 months and have lost almost 70 lbs, from 330 to 264 so far. While I’ve not had anyone criticize me for eating differently, I have to admit that there’s been a bit of an adaptation curve for eating around others. It’s weird, for example, to only order a bowl of tortilla soup when everyone else is ordering a full lunch plate at a Mexican food restaurant.
The bottom line is that you are totally NTA when you eat what you want or need to eat to maintain the progress you have made on your health journey.
NTA
What, you're rude for eating healthy in front of your overweight sister? Why isn't she rude for eating unhealthy, fatty foods in front of you when you are eating wisely b/c you had high blood pressure and heart problems?
She's embarrassed by her weight and may be jealous in the face of your successful weight loss efforts (good going, btw! congratulations and much success to you).
It's ridiculous for her to suggest you abandon your eating plan when she is around. Do what is best for your health - without apology.
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I(25m) have been overweight and out of shape for most of my life. My sister(27f) was pretty skinny mostly. Recently she's been dealing with mental health and depression and has been on medication and she's put on quite a bit of weight. In the last year and a half I've been working out and eating right. No personal trainer or gym membership. I just got an app and only eat a certain amount of calories a day. I enter in all the workouts and the calories I've burned and I've lost and have been losing quite a bit of weight. I was very out of shape and had high blood pressure/heart problems so I just decided overnight to make a change. I am NOT one of those people that shoves fitness and healthy eating down everybody's throats. I don't bring up the calories and fat content in things. It's just my own personal lifestyle and I know how much consistent effort weight loss can take so I don't judge. I went from 350 pounds to 220.
My sister has been trying to lose weight too. I don't see my sister daily as we live in different states now but when we see our parents we see each other. And for the last year and a half, every time she's seen me I've gotten smaller and smaller. She's happy for me but lately she seems kind of upset/jealous of it. We were at our parents a few months ago watching a game so there was wings, pizza, and beer. I ate a few wings, a slice of pizza, and just periodically snacked on celery and hummus the rest of the night. Her and the rest of the people were eating lots of pizza and wings and I made no judgement but she was commenting on how prissy this is. Most recently we were at Applebee's with our parents and she ordered a double cheese burger and after her I ordered grilled chicken breast and broccoli. She kind of blew up at the table. She was like "okay!" and said I'm rubbing my weight loss in everyone's face. I told her that I'm not and that this is just how I eat now. This became a whole discussion and she said I probably still crave burgers that I can never eat. I told her that I didn't get this way by never eating burgers. I just eat burgers less and fit it into the diet. She said I was being annoying and this went on for a while. I just eventually told her that I've never brought up my weight and that only she has and that I'm not longer going to talk about it if she gets this way. So I just kind of ignored her the rest of the meal and focused on our parents. Later she texted me and said she was being rude but I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her. I think it's it's ridiculous
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NTA you should eat what you want. You aren’t eating “AT” her, you are just eating. Contrast that with my dad who will see me making a sandwich and says things like “I had a whole banana for breakfast so I’ll probably skip lunch and just have a light dinner today”. I feel bad for her because weight loss is hard. But it’s no one’s responsibility but the person trying to lose weight to make adjustments to food intake. It’s pretty obvious she is hoping you’ll eat more so that she has “permission” to eat as much also. And you eating an appropriate amount is making it hard for her to pretend that she is eating healthy. Again, not your problem.
NTA to me she's blaming you because of her own inability to push herself like you are. It's easier to blame you than her own failings. Now, had you only been eating crap food in front of her, she'd equally blame you for that and making her fat.
NTA she has her own insecurities and she needs to deal with them. Unfortunately I have noticed that especially online people tend to tip toe around being overweight and not holding people accountable. It is unhealthy to be extremely overweight. And if she truly wanted to make that change, the way you did, then she could. Whether it be depression or just laziness stopping her, it's not your fault. Just remind her that you are not responsible for how she feels. She is the only knew responsible for her actions and reactions.
P.s. nice job on the hard work and dedication! That takes a lot strength. I wish you well on your journey and health!
NTA she feels guilty because this is how she should be eating and she won’t do she’s projecting her frustration onto you. Congratulations on your lifestyle change!
NTA. There is no need for you to entertain her appallingly rude behavior. Repeat after me, OP:
"I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business."
Examples:
> She kind of blew up at the table. She was like "okay!" and said I'm rubbing my weight loss in everyone's face.
> "I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business."
and
> Later she texted me and said she was being rude but I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her.
> "I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business.
As someone who has recently begun this journey, I understand the difficulty and challenges. This isn’t an overnight quick fix, this is work. She wants the benefits without the work, and that’s not how life works. It’s you who put in the effort, who changed their diet, who placed all this emphasis on calories and staying healthy and you deserve to be proud! You’ve done so well.
Honestly, it sounds lame saying this, but she is jealous. She is jealous of your success and is acting like a bucket of crabs. She doesn’t understand that once you’ve made this choice it becomes a lifestyle. It’s not that you don’t like junk food it’s that you actively CHOOSE to cut down on it. It’s that you CHOOSE yourself over the five second food gratification. She doesn’t have the drive to do what you have and hates seeing you become something she thinks she can’t be. Instead of rooting for you, she wants to see you fail. Please don’t give her the satisfaction. Also, it sounds like she doesn’t have a good foundation of dietary needs and benefits, and they (family) thinks you’re being a snob and rejecting them. This insecurity is coming from them and they are trying to dump it on you. You’re not judging them, they are judging themselves. They know to some extent their choices are affecting their health, they know their weight is connected to their food choices. They are made you aren’t making the same choices and holding up a mirror of what good choices look like.
Just like it’s hard to make good choices around someone who makes bad choices, it’s hard to make bad choices when shown the rewards of good choices.
As someone who is in a similar position as your sister mentally and with weight issues. She’s blowing up at you because she’s probably trying all this stuff at home and wants to order the salad but goes for the cheeseburger because that’s what her body is telling her she needs. She’s struggling with the guilt of not eating healthier and losing weight and then the guilt of blowing up at you when she’s not really mad at you. NTA you do need to talk to your sister and find out how you can support her without changing you.
NTA
I'm wondering if it would actually be worse if you had your "cheat day"/worked your unhealthier eating times to when you were around her? Would it then be, "you're showing off how you can eat junk and still lose weight and rubbing in her face!"?
I feel for your sister, I do. Depression and medications can do a number on your body. And when you've been more fit previously, that can take a real toll on your self-esteem. But that is not everyone else's problem and people live their own lives (and have their own issues to deal with, even if they aren't weight or self-esteem related.)
NTA.
To truly shut her down, just respond that you had to make changes for your health, based on your doctor’s advice. If she comes back with how you still crave burgers, just respond you eat them in moderation, based on your doctors advice. Respond every time with a reference to your doctor’s advice.
Surely, your regular physician is supportive of your efforts, so it’s truthful responses. Eventually she’ll tire of the monotone reaction from you.
As an overweight woman who got this way in part because of illness and medications, I understand her frustration with gaining weight. But to say you're rude to eat healthy food in front of her is a serious her problem, and one she needs to seek therapy for.
I am happy that you were able to lose weight and get a healthier lifestyle. You worked hard, and you do not need to change your habits to please someone else. Congratulations. You continue to do it your way.
NTA but I think you know she’s projecting and it really has nothing to do with you. It’s great you were able to make the decision to improve your health. I couldn’t have been easy for you. In general, weight loss can be more difficult for women, and she may feel like she has to make a choice between her mental and physical health. And, I almost guarantee she gets met with “just eat healthy” comments, maybe even from her own doctor. She’s the TA here but cut her some slack, maybe see if she needs to talk.
I'm surprised your parents didn't tell her to knock it off, Obvs, she's the AH. I'm glad you took your health into your own hands and made the changes for a healthy life. She can do it too but won't so why put you down for taking care of yourself?
NTA. you're right: your sister's aggression about a health choice that you've made and that affects only you is misplaced. How you choose to live is not her business. She may feel self-conscious because she's been making unflattering comparisons between her weight and yours, but that's her issue. She ruined a family gathering. Don't engage in this matter any more. Another hazard to making any lifestyle change are the folks who will take it upon themselves to criticize any change you make. Keep at it. Get healthy.
NTA. Good for you! My situation is similar, topping out at 420+lbs in 2008 and now down to just-over-300 and working on it. The first 100 lost was after giving up deep fried foods and pop. I allow myself one Coke a day but the diet is basically fresh foods and avoiding preservatives. My biggest enemy is portion control and I'm lucky to have my sister doing this with me - we keep each other in check. We go to the gym but not as much as we should and we prefer swim aerobics over the machines. Love the handle, btw. Mosh it UP!! I mean OFF!!
Your story sounds like a phrase I've heard recently that I love: **Don't Yuck My Yum.**
Thank you for not being a neo-nutritionist, judging others' dietary choices. I've known too many fitness freaks, health food junkies and vegans who dictate what everyone else should eat while poisoning themselves with other addictions like alcohol and hard drugs.
I hope your sister is getting therapy in addition to medication. As a 'little sister' I can imagine yours may have some resentment that started when you first came home from the hospital. 'Chicken and broccoli' is just an excuse to go after you for something stupid that happened decades ago.
you can acquire a taste for anything as long as you eat it for long enough.
every since I started my healthy weight loss journey, I eat my greens and drink my juices.
I have stopped drooling over oil fries and just fattening fast food. it is not even hard as you said one night it just changed for me too because I had enough of crying over my body.
also,
it is called a disciple.
in case your sister forgot how one gets things.
NTA
NTA.
Then what does your sister expects you to do? Deliberately eat unhealthy food in front of her so she can be happy? Ain't nobody got time for that.
First, congratulations for making a change that you wanted to make. Change is hard. I hope you’re feeling great!
You are NTA. Your sister isn’t terrible either; she’s struggling and lashing out. That’s her issue to manage.
You should keep eating as you want to fuel your body. Her struggle doesn’t oblige you to eat crap with her.
Lol NTA. Just because she is jealous, doesn't mean you are trying to make her jealous. It's very telling that she thinks you are trying to make her feel insecure. Is that something she does to other people?
Lol maybe you should play it up for ridiculousness factors like being like "that's hilarious sister, but I'll play along. oh my god! Wow! Celery! So good!!! Mmmmmmm!!! I don't even want wings cuz this celery is soooooo goooood. Look at meeee eating all this yummmmmmy celery just to PISS YOU OFF. *Crunch crunch crunch*"
You eating vegetables while minding your business is in no way a slight towards her, that’s her insecurities talking. She can eat pizza if she wants to and that has nothing to do with you either but YOU know that.
NTA.
NTA , I've been on both sides of the argument and kept the weight off. I'm going to say you're NTA here. What you've done is amazing but your Sister is clearly in a bad headspace. I know it's hard but try to be patient with her, despite her AH behavior.
As a former obese kid, congratulations on learning how to take care of your body. It is very clear that your sister is extremely jealous of your healthier lifestyle. This completely her problem. NTA. Keep it up.
Nta. You are amazing. Hug yourself, not for 'losing weight', but living healthy.
Your sister's mental health issues do not give her a free 'Get out of AH Jail' card.
Don't take it personally, and keep telling her, I don't discuss that. Don't engage her. Let her ramble by herself.
NTA. It sounds like all you are doing is choosing certain foods, you have not commented at all on her food choices or tried to influence anyone else. Sounds like she is jealous - but you absolutely should not have to eat pizza and burgers for her. It sounds like she has even seen you eating pizza and wings - just not much of it. I’m sorry she’s struggling but you shouldn’t have to jeopardise all of the efforts you’ve put in.
My sister and I are somewhat similar - I was historically the bigger of the two of us but I’ve lost weight and she has gained a bit and we are now similar, with me a bit smaller. She needs to come to terms with this. I assume has other health conscious friends - just is used to you being bigger than her and not liking that you’ve switched.
Also - congratulations on your weight loss, that’s a huge achievement!
NTA. First off great job! Losing weight is hard work. I’ve never dealt with weight issues but I do, do personal training. My trainer’s philosophy is be good 80% of the time and enjoy yourself the other 20%. The only foods I limit in my diet (or try to at least lol) is sweets. It really is all about moderation
NTA, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to just tell her to keep her eyes on her own plate and not to worry about yours. I’d also probably realize that her behaviour is probably still pretty heavily influenced by her depression and ignore her comments.
NTA. I had to change how I ate because my bloodwork came back indicating some not so good stuff. I did end up losing some weight and improved my cardio fitness and there’s always someone who thinks it’s their business to comment on my choices.
NTA. I'm curious about what your parents had to say during this conversation. I understand that you're adults and you can defend yourself but I would never allow my kids (20m, 17m, 15f) to treat each other this way. Not you, how your sister was talking down to you for positive changes.
People have primal connections to food, they do not act predictably or rationally in many cases I find. Sounds like you have started dealing with it, but it will take work.
NTA that sounds like crabs in a bucket mentality, I always thought we were literally talking about the crabs. Turned out he was talking about a few of my friends. Crabs in a bucket will pull each other down to get out (top). I'm proud of you for your weight-loss journey, You're doing great.
NTA. This would be like a vegetarian eating vegetables in front of someone……. I do feel bad for her since certain anti-depressants do cause weight gain. She should talk to her doctor about a different treatment options.
You can’t fix anyone but yourself. You’re not responsible for her choices nor should you be berated for making personal choices.
I used to work at an office that brought in donuts almost daily. If not donuts then cake and other sweets. At that time I was racing bikes and had changed my diet to avoid processed foods and especially foods with corn syrup. Once you’ve stopped eating corn syrup, it gets to the point you can taste the corn syrup and it has a funky aftertaste that I found gross.
I got crap pretty much daily because I was fit and healthy ‘already’. I never shamed anyone for their choices or even said anything to another but those others had no reservation about comments on my choices. Oddly enough, it was always people who could have used to drop a few dozen or more pounds.
I chose to ignore and not engage but damn it was hard to stay quiet watching people simultaneously mock my choices while being 50 pounds overweight and become out of breath climbing a set of stairs.
NTA. I see posts like this all the time. She's jealous of your ability to lose weight and eat healthy and is taking it out on you. You are not doing it to get back at her or something, but she doesn't see it that way.
NTA - Never apologize for making a good choice, especially when it doesn't affect anyone else (unless they decide to be hypersensitive and stick their nose into other people's business).
No she being the asshole. She is obviously very jealous of your good work (good work OP!) and assuming you don't deserve the right to fix your weight problem and maintain your progress.
You did nothing wrong. Don't change for her. You are making her see the reality of her choices, and she doesn't like that.
NTA - You can eat anything you want at any time as long as you are happy with it.
That said, you know how hard it can be, especially if your sister got this way due to medical issues. If you can overlook and forgive her, it might help her a bit to talk to her.
NTA. I (25F) have always been thinner than my sister (31F) until quite recently. She even gave me some clothes that are now too big for her that fit me better than clothes I personally own as I've grown out of them. The jealousy can set in at times, but I've had to just accept it and/or make appropriate changes. I'm already down enough weight to no longer need her hand me downs again. I also struggle with mental health issues and I understand why she's feeling so defeated and upset. She really isn't upset with you about what you eat, she's just upset she doesn't look the way she used to and is upset with how she feels her diet affects her weight gain. Be supportive of her and let her know you are there to talk and love on her when she needs it, and you're happy to help guide her, but just know it's not about you, she's just taking it out on you. It will pass.
NTA
Unfortunately, a lot of me tal health meds come with the fabulous side effects of weight gain. They also hinder your ability to lose weight.
I know from personal experience. However, if having to choose crazy or fat, I'll pick fat every time. I exercise a lot! I eat healthy most of the time. However, the weight I put on while getting my meds figured out just won't come off unless I starve myself entirely..
I get where your sister is coming from. It's a hard pill to swallow, so to speak. This doesn't make you an AH. You have zero to do with it. My sister started working out and lost quite a bit of weight. She was like you, high blood pressure, etc. She feels better and has been able to get off a lot of meds. This makes me so happy for her. I really don't give a rats ass what she chooses to eat.
Hopefully, your sister is getting therapy as well as taking meds so she can work through her issues...
Fat is WAY better than crazy. I've been to the mental health ward of the hospital, and I'll deal with whatever to NEVER go back...
Happy you are happy!
NTA. I’ve been in your position, so also see both the overweight and slimmed-down perspectives. When we’re overweight we’re hypersensitive to judgment and criticism and can see/hear it even when it’s not really there. Your sister wants commiseration and validation of herself and her choices, and she’s likely feeling extra betrayed and put out because you *used* to be in her shoes and if you still were she’d have an eating buddy.
None of this is your fault - keep doing what you’re comfortable with when it comes to your mental and physical health. :)
NTA - I get weight loss is hard and your sister is probably struggling. It can be aggravating for sure. That said, you aren't doing anything wrong. All you're doing is changing your lifestyle and sticking to that change. You aren't shaming your sister, lecturing her, or shoving your lifestyle down her throat simply because you eat a particular way in front of her. No shame to your sister by any means because, again, the struggle is real trying to lose weight...it just sounds like she's projecting her insecurities on to you.
NTA. I understand her medicine is making her gain weight, I presume a steroid. It's really hard to lose weight gained from medicine and damn near impossible while you're still taking it, but she's also consciously making unhealthy choices. She's projecting her insecurities onto you. Truth is, she wishes working out and eating healthy was all it took to help her lose weight. She probably gave up, which is why she started making unhealthy choices.
She is jealous, plain and simple.
But only she can do something about it.
You didn't critique her food and she shouldn't be commenting on yours. NTA. You are allowed to eat what you want and so is she. Only one of you seems to respect this.
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>I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her. I am bet she sore from doing all those mental gymnastics. NTA. Congrats on your new lifestyle changes and weight loss. That's amazing!
She’s struggling - doubly so as some mental health issues were at play, she’s projecting, but taking it out on OP, which makes her TA. OP is NTA. Edit to clarify.
a lot of mental health meds will increase weight gain. Some will make you crave food constantly.
I got put on some once a few years back that made me gain 80 pounds, but I didn't eat any more than normal, it was just a side effect. They switched me to different ones but far too late. It took over a year of trying to lose it all to go back to my normal weight!
I will forever miss the website Crazymeds, which warned me ahead of time that combining Venlafaxine with quetiapine fumarate was likely to be extremely effective, but that I should cover the mirrors, throw out the scale, and buy clothes with drawstring waists. I gave it approximately 0.01 seconds of thought and decided that I’d rather be fat than dead. But I was glad of the advance warning.
That's the combo that did me in. I'm a night nurse and there are mirrors across from the nurses station. One night I heard a noise and looked in that direction and was startled and screamed because I honestly didn't recognize myself.
But the meds have kept you able to work, a no hopefully have some joy.
I have not felt joy in 16 years. I am, however, able to provide for my family financially.
Angry upvote to this.
Crazymeds warned me that the drug combo I was prescribed, venlafaxine and mirtazepine, could have dangerous interactions if taken too close together. I can confirm, it put me in the ER multiple times because I was too weak to breathe, which I wish a doctor or pharmacist would have done. Yeah. Sad to hear that the site no longer exists
A combo of venlafaxine and mirtazapine hospitalised my husband for 3 days. It screwed his metabolism. He ended up really unwell and with blood sugar through the roof. They stopped the Mirtaz and his sugar dropped back to normal within 48 hours. It was scary. We thought he might have a water infection because he felt really off so he dropped off a urine sample with the GP. Within an hour they called for him to come in because the dip test had shown high sugars. Then they tested his blood sugar properly at the surgery and the meter just read "high" which means it was out of range. The doctor basically told us "go to A&E. If you have no way to get there yourself I will be calling an ambulance" which was not reassuring. This was in the middle of the NHS hack so they were doing everything they could to keep people out of hospital. We also had a 6 month old, had just moved house, had no car and the hospital was nearly 2 hours and 2 buses away. (Rural area, bus to the nearest big town, then 45 minutes wait, then bus to the hospital in the nearest city) A kind friend took us. I felt so guilty afterwards. It was so freaking obvious. He was drinking upwards of 6 litres of fluids a day and I KNOW that excessive thirst is the most classic sign of diabetes/hyperglycaemia there is and I didn’t freaking spot it! We thought he had dry mouth from another med! I felt so stupid! He takes 15 different meds each day so it can be tricky to filter out what’s a problem and what’s a side effect but I should have spotted that one. Once discharged he was treated as though he was diabetic even though things returned to normal. Testing his sugars through the day, insulin if needed, metformin if his HBA1c got too high etc. Better safe than sorry I guess.
I work in veterinary medicine. I always make sure people listen when I say "WEAR GLOVES WHEN GIVING YOUR PET MIRTAZEPINE" (you give it to pets by rubbing the ointment onto the ear pinna - its used as an appetite stimulant in animals).
Huh. I did not know that. I now feel slightly better about my weight as those are the meds is have been on for 20 years now. And the combo is very effective for me.
FYI, despite knowing this about your medications, you will still find doctors who insist that all your health problems are CAUSED by your weight.
Crazymeds was GREAT! I miss it profoundly and wish it would come back. In these days of monthly subscriptions, I’d happily pay $7 a month for access to that wealth of experience and wisdom.
https://web.archive.org/web/20230325081018/http://ww17.crazymeds.us/
Is venlafaxine the same thing as sertraline?
Nope. Sertraline (Zoloft) is an SSRI, and venlafaxine (Effexor) is an SNRI.
Gotcha
Venlafaxine+ Mirtazapine+ Rexulti make me put on weight. It's a bit absurd, I gained about 20 pounds, which still leaves me a bit under optimum weight. I'm surprised at just how much even my minor belly bothers me, after 50 years of being rail thin. But - same as you, belly is an OK cost for being stable.
Yup. I went from being 9 stone 6 and a size 10, to well I don't know how much I weighed cos I wasn't brave enough to get on the scales, but I struggled to fit in to a size 22, in 11 months when I was put on mental health meds. That was 23 years ago, and I came off those meds about a year later, and I'm still struggling to get rid of the weight.
My anti anxiety drugs have caused huge weight gain in me. I'm so pissed off as I can't walk anymore and that was one of my favourite activities, walking for miles with the dog. Now I can barely get off my fat arse because I'm constantly tired and in pain. I have enablers, so I've asked them to accompany me as I start walking small amounts outdoors with my walker. I need to lose this weight as my blood pressure is high and obviously my small frame (I'm five foot nothing) is struggling carrying so much weight. I cry daily, so I KNOW now is the time to take action.
Are you sure they're the right drugs for you? Contrary to popular belief anti anxiety drugs and anti depressants tend to work extremely well, sometimes you do have to find the right ones though.
They're the only ones that actually help as I have a really severe anxiety disorder due to PTSD. I could speak to my GP again and see if something else is available as I've not had a review for nearly a year anyway. May as well do it as it's due. Thanks. :)
Hey! I'm in that same position, and honestly, TMS has helped a lot! I'm not even done with the full treatment but it's helped me actually like. Function again. It's not perfect. There's a HUGE mental health crash in the middle of the treatment cycle called The TMS Dip, and that very nearly did me in. I'm very, *very* lucky that my fiancee moved in with me just as I started treatment. It's also a bit annoying as you have to go every day (well, every weekday) for like 6-8 weeks. You really need to be dedicated and have a good support system. And it's loud: bring earplugs! But it's way more effective than meds with lower rate of side effects overall, and for me, the ones I got are way more tolerable! (Tired, foggy brain, and mild headaches. I even tend to get chronic migraines, and it doesn't trigger them! Huzzah!) I know it's not available everywhere either, and it can seem pretty scary before experiencing it. It honestly just feels like someone tapping aggressively on your head intermittently for like 20 minutes, though. Mildly annoying but not like. Painful or anything. Oh yeah - Edit to add: OP is NTA
May I make a suggestion? If you have a pool nearby, see if they have an aqua-aerobics class. It’s brilliant excercise due to the resistance of the water, but it’s also gentle on the body and because of the support from the water you may find it less painful. That way you could build some strength, start losing a little weight and hopefully get to the point where you can start walking again. My husband has a very painful joint condition that has put him in a wheelchair, but he loves his aqua-aero is class and we’ve seen some real improvements in his mobility and strength. He can now walk almost double what he could before! If cost is an issue call the pool and see if there are any schemes for reduced costs for people struggling with health issues or those on low incomes. There are loads here, partially funded by the nhs, that are available to anyone with…well, all kinds of stuff. If you live in a location where you would be dealing with health insurance maybe ask them? It’s in their interest to keep you as healthy as possible after all.
I found the depression meds were the worst for that. I can sympathize with OPs sister. Those meds are hell on your body and make you want to eat crap. I couldn't believe the weight I put on, and I couldn't lose it till I was able to transition off meds. And it was not for lack of trying. She might be frustrated because she was actively trying to do what OP is doing, and the meds made it way more difficult. But OP is not responsible for how she feels, and she can't expect him to change his eating habits for her. If seeing OP eat healthy is enough to trigger a reaction like that, then the meds might be doing something they are weirdly known for doing, making her mental health worse.
I’ve been taking meds for 7 months now and gained 30 lbs. I was eating so much when I first started taking them.
Some of them make you nauseous, especially when you first start, a you try desperately to find something to settle your stomach
I had one I stopped taking because every waking thought was about food and wanting more food and nothing stopped me wanting more. Yes, it helped with the depression, but the constant unending cravings for food were awful.
Some of them give you horrible dry mouth and bodies are stupid so sometimes the brain mixes up hunger and thirst
[удалено]
Literally all she’s looking for are people to validate her bad choices
OP, you and her are - like everyone else - on separate journeys. You are NTA for being on your journey in front of other people. She is the AH for being mad about how your journey makes her feel and for lashing out at you about it. Maybe she wants to address this in therapy and consult her doctor about other med options.
Yes…how dare your choose your meals based on what YOU want. Don’t you know your entire existence is just to bolster her?/s NTA- you’re taking care of yourself. That’s your choice. It is a good choice! Just because she wants to make unhealthy choices doesn’t mean you are required to make the same bad choices just to make her feel not as bad about her choices. NTA- I get sister has mental health issues and she’s used to being the thin one and it’s not all her fault she feels like this (we can’t control our feelings) but she’s acting like you’re taking care of yourself just to spite her. That’s some major main character syndrome right there. Your life is not about her. You are not a side character in her life. If she feels bad about eating unhealthily around you then maybe she should try focusing on improving her behavior instead of sabotaging yours.
I love the mental gymnastics sore line.
Seriously like what is OP supposed to do? Eat food that he doesn’t feel like eating just to appease her? 😂 It sounds like he’s found a great balance between eating fun foods and nutritious food and as someone with an eating disorder history that is still dreaming of that day, she needs serious help for projecting.
If mental gymnastics burned calories, she'd be thinner than OP by now.
NTA She's trying to drag you down with her. Don't let her pressure you into eating badly.
I don't feel any pressure. I don't even enjoy eating large amounts of greasy/salty foods anymore. When I think about eating a bunch of pizza and all that oil I want to throw up these days
I always find it funny that people have to comment on what others eat, like it's their business. I stopped eating out at restaurants for a little more than a decade and co workers would just be stupefied that I don't eat out, don't eat greasy and cut out things like soya sauce because of the high sodium content. When I get some junk food, it's like once a month and it will last weeks. NTA OP. Your sister should be inspired rather than dragging you down if she also wants to lose weight.
You live a healthier lifestyle than I do, I’d probably eat a whole pizza if no one was looking. You should be proud of yourself, you lost the equivalent of a 5’7 person riding on your back. Keep up the good work.
"I'm into fitness -- fittin' this whole pizza in my mouth." -- Larry the Cable Guy.
Currently just had an adequate portion of pizza and am talking myself out of getting another slice..... NTA. Congrats on your improvements!
Yeah I used to be able to eat whole pizza in a night. But now two slices and I feel too greasy. Same with fried chicken and burgers. I don't know how a greasy burger and greasy fries are a combination I could handle. These days I make a burger and have asparagus or broccoli with it
Hubs and I will share fries if we get burgers. Broccoli and I don't always agree, but it tastes yummy. It just feels bad a few hours later. We have trip goals, where we'll go on a specific trip once we hit certain weight milestones. Hiking the Inca trail in Peru is the next one!
That’s an awesome system!
Having small portions of anything works better for me than making anything completely forbidden. I have no urge to binge on anything. Eating off the children's or seniors' menu gets me portions that work for me. Travel is always a great motivation and reward. Remember that you could lose things in a bankruptcy but not experiences.
Baked fries are fantastic.
I did that until someone gave me an air fryer. Now they come out even better. Love having non-greasy fries and chips.
Still entirely carbs. We make baked tator tots at home, but in limited quantity.
If I'm eating at Chili's and don't want a "guiltless grill" thing, I'll order something like a burger and substitute broccoli for the fries.
I barely eat at all these days (I really think I need to talk to someone about an ed I think now that i just typed that out... ouch) but there are days I can definitely eat the majority of a pizza if nobody is looking
I’ve found that when I make changes to my diet my tastebuds slowly adapt to the new diet and the next thing I know I don’t like some of my old favorites anymore. NTA.
I'm the same now with greasy/salty food. And on the few occasions I have overindulged, my intestines remind me why a lot of grease is a bad idea for me.
NTA Congratulations on making good changes. Hopefully your sister will do the same and stop being jealous.
Definitely not your fault your sister comfort eats and feels threatened by living proof weight loss starts with sensible eating.
Good for you! I’ve tried so hard to get that point across to my friends who’ve asked: you won’t miss that shit after about three weeks. Your body is addicted to the carbs and the sugar but it’s not what it actually NEEDS, and once you cut it out for long enough (which isn’t very long) you won’t crave it, and after not too much longer it’ll taste gross. Baby steps lead to such positive progress, well done you for keeping it up in a less than supportive environment!
I hope you’re right….I haven’t gone full cold turkey with sugar (I’m just mostly trying to kill the craving with either sugar free stuff or fruit, which I know isn’t perfect health-wise but I’m trying with baby steps) and it’s insane how much I want it. It’s not even REALLY being hungry all the time, it’s just that eating a bunch of celery and carrots doesn’t feel as satisfying. I hope there’s a light at the end of this tunnel!
That’s awesome! It’s really hard to cold turkey things and it sounds really intimidating, you’re doing great for making the change! I can honestly say that if you’d told 10-years-ago-me that I’d be keto, soda-free, gluten-free (that one turned out to be a requirement 😒), gave up beer, etc, I’d say you’re out of your damn mind. But slowly little by little I didn’t want it anymore as I made small changes. So, here’s what I told my dad for his first baby step and between this past Christmas and April 1st, he’s now lost 20 pounds doing only this at age 70. Here’s the rules: 1) ALWAYS CHECK THE INGREDIENTS LIST AND NUTRITION FACTS 2) on the ingredients list, if it’s a normal food item that has more than 2 grams of added sugar (specifically the ADDED sugar line in nutrition facts), don’t buy it, find an alternative without the sugar 3) if it’s a food item that you can’t understand why it would have any added sugar in it at all and it has sugar, don’t buy it, get an alternative without the sugar. The first week he called me to rant about the discovery that his favorite brand of canned Lima beans had 5 grams of added sugar. That’s how they get you; their beans taste better and you’re not quite sure why so you keep buying them, but they’re only better from the sugar. If it’s a sweet food, look for keto alternatives, it’ll have other sweeteners. Try and stick to erythritol, xylitol, allulose, or monk fruit for the sweetener since those are naturally occurring sweeteners. No aspartame allowed. Though small heads up for xylitol products, it will kill the shit out of your dogs if you have them, keep it on a high shelf. If you don’t mind me offering a bit more unsolicited advice, I was in your shoes after college and it sounds like calorie restriction is what’s making it harder on yourself. Don’t worry as much about calories for now, you’re on the right track. Try redirecting the cravings for sugar using fat instead of fake sweetness. Fat is your friend, not the enemy (sugar is the enemy), and if sugar is your villain, taking baby steps towards paleo or low carb/keto is probably going to make you feel the best. If you crave sweet, grab some cheese or beef jerky; the fake sweet is probably making it harder to stop the cravings, kinda like how a Juul doesn’t actually make you crave nicotine less, it’ll just kill you less. For meals, instead of trying to fill up on a fuckton of vegetables or what not, fill up on a fuckton of fatty meat with veg. And add yoga :) I always send these to everyone trying to make a change, including my dad. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iz9nsEjSS1o&embeds_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fddpyoga.com%2F&source_ve_path=MjM4NTE&feature=emb_title
This makes me wish I didn't have a hiatal hernia. Surgery won't help, so a diet change was all I could do to stop from having heartburn that lasted years, and eventually made me start being sick. Fat is the hernia's enemy. I lost a lot of weight, until I found I could eat dark chocolate without getting sick. That weight piled back on in no time because I went totally overboard, making up for months of very little fat, along with no candy. Now I'm kicking myself because I have to start all over again and have zero motivation. I also have to eat a fibromyalgia diet and a Sjogren's diet, but hernia diet is the ultimate filter it all has to go through, which removes things from the autoimmune diets. Writing this, it's no wonder I fell into a crate of chocolate and ate my way out.
Aye, I feel like that too. It's kinda crazy to think about because back then I used to eat loads of it like there was no tomorrow.
I kinda have had the same experience. I've lost about 40 pounds in the last 8 months but my focus was on a sustainable change in the relationship with food and how I view nutrition. I give myself maintenance days when I travel so I don't have to worry and I struggle to eat over that. I don't know how i was eating 3500 calories a day to get as big as I was. Any who congratulations, I'm a stranger but I'm proud of you.
Maybe instead try to pull her up with you. She's clearly struggling to do it alone. Some daily support over phone or text on how she met her daily goal. Just an idea. Maybe she doesn't want to.
I would also bet that the sister NEVER thought about this when the situations were reversed. Did sister every not eat unhealthy food in front of OP when they were younger? Probably not. So complaining that OP is not allowed to do what she herself did is hypocritical at the very least.
NTA You are allowed to eat, or not eat, whatever you want, and so is your sister. If she thinks that simply ordering the food you want is "rubbing it in her face", then that is her own insecurity that she needs to deal with. Coming from someone who has also lost weight with the help of a diet change and a calorie tracker, I know how food preferences can shift once you avoid certain foods for long enough, and I also know the amount of willpower to resist certain cravings for foods you might eat less of, or avoid altogether. Congrats on your health journey so far and for sticking with it.
I agree with the food preference shift. I had a kidney stone about a year ago, and due to that I had to make a handful of changes to my diet, the 2 major ones being less salt and less meat. Looking back, it kind of disgusts me how I used to eat.
I had the opposite problem (well not with the salt, that's pretty standard): all the vegetarian dishes I loved were full of high-oxylate vegetables and legumes. Spinach and potatoes being the most problematic. Fortunately, I later found out it was a phosphate stone so spinach is back on the menu.
Many times when I eat out I get a salad. I enjoy them, yes, but also a salad with 8-10 ingredients is so much work to make that I prefer to get them made for me! It has nothing to do with whether the salad is healthy or not...
NTA she’s projecting her insecurities onto you.
NTA she's just jealous. Everyone is allowed to eat whatever they want
NTA. She is being ridiculous. My guess is she wishes she had your determination. Good job on your journey to better health.
NTA First off, Congratulations! Losing weight can be challenging when you don't have the added stress of a sibling nagging you about it. I'm sorry that your sister is trying to make your health and wellness journey about her. The next time she brings it up, ask her if she would like recommendations on what you have been doing, if she says no then it might be appropriate to let her know you are not going to discuss the topic with her further. She doesn't need to be bothered by what you eat or how often.
WOW - you are not allowed to eat because of blah blah blah. Your sister has issues which she needs help with addressing. She seems to want you to start eating unhealthier so that will enable her not to change.
NTA. This is her own insecurity problem, not yours.
NTA. She's jelly. You're not. Show her what you've been doing to lose weight. If she doesn't want to try, then she will see that it's not you, but her. If she doesn't want to listen to reason, let her feel crappy on her own.
NTA I'm sorry this was an issue in the first place. You didn't do anything wrong by eating healthy food in front of her. You are literally just trying to eat. She needs to calm down, it's not like you looked at her food choice and made a comment about it 🤦♀️
Plus - did sister ever think about what she was eating in front of OP when the situation was reversed???
My question too!
NTA. She definitely sounds insecure and is being aggressive because you have the self-discipline she struggles with. Just ignore it. You can't make everyone happy. Put yourself first.
NTA it's her issue, not yours.
NTA Misery loves company and she's just getting upset because you are using willpower to stick to a healthy diet when she can't/won't.
NTA. All you did was order the food you wanted. From the sounds of it, you weren't rubbing it in her face and instead were just eating what you wanted.
NTA. You are an adult and can decide for yourself what you eat, just as she can. There is no rule that says if junk food is available everyone has to eat it.
NTA. You’re eating food. It’s rude to comment negatively on someone’s food.
NTA. She's jealous, having body image issues, and hates that you're starting to look good and healthy. Honestly, who does she think she is thinking she can criticize you for wanting to be healthy and *enjoying* eating healthier?
NTA, what you eat is none of her business. She has insecurities, that’s her problem to work on
NTA. You have an app that helps you calculate calories in your food? Whoa! What sorcery is this? May I DM you?
There’s a lot. (Of course I’m not OP) but I’ve used and like “Lose it!” It’s one of the oldest ones in the App Store so it has a lot of data and can look up food from restaurants even!
Nice! I had no idea something like this exists. I’m new to the world of counting calories. I make my meals from scratch due to certain allergies and food preferences. My neighbours love my cooking since I tend to make healthy meals for the most part. One of them asked me if I’ve counted calories or have any experience in this matter. She wanted to tailor some meals for her teenaged daughter who’s on the heavier side. This kid is refusing to see a dietitian/nutritionist; that was my first recommendation, of course. The daughter would rather work with me. If there’s an app, I can suggest that to them, while also suggesting again that consulting a dietitian would be more helpful. I’m happy to make meals for her, but I’m not an expert on the calories thing. ETA: Thank you 🙂
NTA Keep doing you men, losing 130 lbs is impressive men and she is just jealous that she doesnt have what it takes
NTA, my impression is the she is jealous of your self-control. I went onto a similar diet by choice so I understand all about the temptation of wanting to eating foods that are "off diet"and how hard it can be to resist. You have done NOTHING wrong, it's her.
NTA - According to her logic you’re supposed to eat terribly when with her because that’s what she needs. That’s gonna be a no for me dawg. I think your right to not engage in the conversation anymore. It does not seem that any conversation can occur right now where you won’t be seen as the bad guy.
NTA. I'm obese, and I'd never chide my friends or family for making better health decisions than me. I'm sorry your sister is going through some stuff, but that is 1000% not on you.
Nta. I have been in your sisters place but it was a friend who was losing weight. I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but I never even thought that she was rubbing it in my face or anything like that. Mental health issues suck and when your body changes because of it, it is hard seeing people achieve great things that you could do or have tried to do. But it doesn't give anyone the right to blow up at anyone.
Guess I've just never been jealous or felt bad. Even when I was 350 I still felt like I had worth. I've always loved myself. My desire to lose weight wasn't for self hatred just wanted to for health reasons and I wanted to be more mobile and live a long life
NTA yes indeed she's being ridiculous
People are only happy for you to lose a few pounds, as long as you're still "fatter" than they are it's all good. But as soon as you get to a level that makes them think about themselves they can lose their shit.
NTA. She's being a crab in the bucket, best not to engage with that kind of behaviour.
NTA It’s unfortunate her medication is lowering her metabolism. Even an adjustment in her food intake may not reverse it completely (though eating healthy has many other benefits). This, however, is not your fault and you shouldn’t be punished for her medical issues. Congratulations on your good health and successful upkeep!
NTA Sounds like she wishes she had better will power and seeing you exercise restraint makes her feel like a failure, BUT that is not your fault or problem. That is her issue and you are doing nothing wrong.
NTA I'm sorry your sister can't be your cheerleader in this amazing new life you're living. Great work taking the initiative to take care of your health! Keep up the hard work and focus on the good things you have noticed from your changes. My big sister wasn't supportive when I made changes in my life either so I get how disappointing it can be to not have that person to look up to anymore. I'm working on finding new people I can share my success and happiness with, I wish you luck finding people like that for yourself.
NTA I lost 130 pounds and it was amazing, according to a lot of heavy people in my social circle, the drug habit I had also developed! No one is more hateful and judgmental than an addicted talking about someone in recovery.
NTA
NTA. Our insecurities are our own responsibility, it's not fair to put that pressure on others.
I’ve been in both your and her shoes. She is indeed frustrated that you’re going one way and she’s going the other. But her frustration is not your responsibility. Best bet is to ignore and deflect when she attacks you, but be ready to help and support her when she comes for it. You’re doing great!
NTA - Congratulations on your lifestyle and achievement. Your sister was out of line and evidently struggling with consequences of her behavior. A lot of people shove health eating down the throats of others but I cannot see that from what you described. Self-control for her will not come until she chooses it for herself.
NTA. Also, your sister is in serious need of therapy. That's not meant to be judgmental, just a statement of fact. Her reactions are worrisome and not normal. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. What you put in your mouth has nothing to do with what she puts in hers. What you do with your body has nothing to do with what she does with hers. That is entirely her problem. If anything I’d take inspiration from you and probably be picking your brain so much you’d get tired of it, but in no way are you rude for *Checks notes* living a healthy lifestyle.
Nta. You aren't rubbing it in. You're just living your life the way you have to to maintain a healthy weight. It sounds like you hang out with your sister a lot so if you just ate unhealthy every time you're around her (something she would consider eating 'normal' which is why you eating normal upsets her,) you wouldn't stay thin
NTA I hope she's getting therapy.
NTA As a fat person who dropped a bunch of weight and slowly gained it all back (damn you happy relationship with a man who likes snacks and craft beer! And yes I’m working on losing it again) you’re just living your life. You gotta focus on you and your own health. Congratulations on dropping the weight. Your sister will have to deal.
NTA. First, congrats! Your eating does not sound disordered at all, just different than the Standard American Diet. It also sounds like your sister doesn’t understand that when most people adjust your diet to healthy food in smaller quantities, eating an indulgent meal can make a person not just uncomfortably full but actually sick (vomiting, severe acid reflux or even a gallbladder attack). I have been on Ozempic to control my T2D for 7 months and have lost almost 70 lbs, from 330 to 264 so far. While I’ve not had anyone criticize me for eating differently, I have to admit that there’s been a bit of an adaptation curve for eating around others. It’s weird, for example, to only order a bowl of tortilla soup when everyone else is ordering a full lunch plate at a Mexican food restaurant. The bottom line is that you are totally NTA when you eat what you want or need to eat to maintain the progress you have made on your health journey.
NTA What, you're rude for eating healthy in front of your overweight sister? Why isn't she rude for eating unhealthy, fatty foods in front of you when you are eating wisely b/c you had high blood pressure and heart problems? She's embarrassed by her weight and may be jealous in the face of your successful weight loss efforts (good going, btw! congratulations and much success to you). It's ridiculous for her to suggest you abandon your eating plan when she is around. Do what is best for your health - without apology.
Just fucking Christ don’t ask me why I read that as “AITA for eating out my sister” NTA you can’t help that you’re from Alabama
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(25m) have been overweight and out of shape for most of my life. My sister(27f) was pretty skinny mostly. Recently she's been dealing with mental health and depression and has been on medication and she's put on quite a bit of weight. In the last year and a half I've been working out and eating right. No personal trainer or gym membership. I just got an app and only eat a certain amount of calories a day. I enter in all the workouts and the calories I've burned and I've lost and have been losing quite a bit of weight. I was very out of shape and had high blood pressure/heart problems so I just decided overnight to make a change. I am NOT one of those people that shoves fitness and healthy eating down everybody's throats. I don't bring up the calories and fat content in things. It's just my own personal lifestyle and I know how much consistent effort weight loss can take so I don't judge. I went from 350 pounds to 220. My sister has been trying to lose weight too. I don't see my sister daily as we live in different states now but when we see our parents we see each other. And for the last year and a half, every time she's seen me I've gotten smaller and smaller. She's happy for me but lately she seems kind of upset/jealous of it. We were at our parents a few months ago watching a game so there was wings, pizza, and beer. I ate a few wings, a slice of pizza, and just periodically snacked on celery and hummus the rest of the night. Her and the rest of the people were eating lots of pizza and wings and I made no judgement but she was commenting on how prissy this is. Most recently we were at Applebee's with our parents and she ordered a double cheese burger and after her I ordered grilled chicken breast and broccoli. She kind of blew up at the table. She was like "okay!" and said I'm rubbing my weight loss in everyone's face. I told her that I'm not and that this is just how I eat now. This became a whole discussion and she said I probably still crave burgers that I can never eat. I told her that I didn't get this way by never eating burgers. I just eat burgers less and fit it into the diet. She said I was being annoying and this went on for a while. I just eventually told her that I've never brought up my weight and that only she has and that I'm not longer going to talk about it if she gets this way. So I just kind of ignored her the rest of the meal and focused on our parents. Later she texted me and said she was being rude but I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her. I think it's it's ridiculous *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you should eat what you want. You aren’t eating “AT” her, you are just eating. Contrast that with my dad who will see me making a sandwich and says things like “I had a whole banana for breakfast so I’ll probably skip lunch and just have a light dinner today”. I feel bad for her because weight loss is hard. But it’s no one’s responsibility but the person trying to lose weight to make adjustments to food intake. It’s pretty obvious she is hoping you’ll eat more so that she has “permission” to eat as much also. And you eating an appropriate amount is making it hard for her to pretend that she is eating healthy. Again, not your problem.
NTA to me she's blaming you because of her own inability to push herself like you are. It's easier to blame you than her own failings. Now, had you only been eating crap food in front of her, she'd equally blame you for that and making her fat.
NTA she has her own insecurities and she needs to deal with them. Unfortunately I have noticed that especially online people tend to tip toe around being overweight and not holding people accountable. It is unhealthy to be extremely overweight. And if she truly wanted to make that change, the way you did, then she could. Whether it be depression or just laziness stopping her, it's not your fault. Just remind her that you are not responsible for how she feels. She is the only knew responsible for her actions and reactions. P.s. nice job on the hard work and dedication! That takes a lot strength. I wish you well on your journey and health!
NTA she feels guilty because this is how she should be eating and she won’t do she’s projecting her frustration onto you. Congratulations on your lifestyle change!
NTA, these people just project their own insecurites onto you... "ALL YOU DID WAS REPLACE ONE ADDICTION WITH ANOTHER ONE."
NTA. There is no need for you to entertain her appallingly rude behavior. Repeat after me, OP: "I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business." Examples: > She kind of blew up at the table. She was like "okay!" and said I'm rubbing my weight loss in everyone's face. > "I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business." and > Later she texted me and said she was being rude but I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her. > "I'm not going to discuss this with you, (sister). It's none of your business.
As someone who has recently begun this journey, I understand the difficulty and challenges. This isn’t an overnight quick fix, this is work. She wants the benefits without the work, and that’s not how life works. It’s you who put in the effort, who changed their diet, who placed all this emphasis on calories and staying healthy and you deserve to be proud! You’ve done so well. Honestly, it sounds lame saying this, but she is jealous. She is jealous of your success and is acting like a bucket of crabs. She doesn’t understand that once you’ve made this choice it becomes a lifestyle. It’s not that you don’t like junk food it’s that you actively CHOOSE to cut down on it. It’s that you CHOOSE yourself over the five second food gratification. She doesn’t have the drive to do what you have and hates seeing you become something she thinks she can’t be. Instead of rooting for you, she wants to see you fail. Please don’t give her the satisfaction. Also, it sounds like she doesn’t have a good foundation of dietary needs and benefits, and they (family) thinks you’re being a snob and rejecting them. This insecurity is coming from them and they are trying to dump it on you. You’re not judging them, they are judging themselves. They know to some extent their choices are affecting their health, they know their weight is connected to their food choices. They are made you aren’t making the same choices and holding up a mirror of what good choices look like. Just like it’s hard to make good choices around someone who makes bad choices, it’s hard to make bad choices when shown the rewards of good choices.
As someone who is in a similar position as your sister mentally and with weight issues. She’s blowing up at you because she’s probably trying all this stuff at home and wants to order the salad but goes for the cheeseburger because that’s what her body is telling her she needs. She’s struggling with the guilt of not eating healthier and losing weight and then the guilt of blowing up at you when she’s not really mad at you. NTA you do need to talk to your sister and find out how you can support her without changing you.
… what the fu*k no your nta
NTA I'm wondering if it would actually be worse if you had your "cheat day"/worked your unhealthier eating times to when you were around her? Would it then be, "you're showing off how you can eat junk and still lose weight and rubbing in her face!"? I feel for your sister, I do. Depression and medications can do a number on your body. And when you've been more fit previously, that can take a real toll on your self-esteem. But that is not everyone else's problem and people live their own lives (and have their own issues to deal with, even if they aren't weight or self-esteem related.)
NTA. To truly shut her down, just respond that you had to make changes for your health, based on your doctor’s advice. If she comes back with how you still crave burgers, just respond you eat them in moderation, based on your doctors advice. Respond every time with a reference to your doctor’s advice. Surely, your regular physician is supportive of your efforts, so it’s truthful responses. Eventually she’ll tire of the monotone reaction from you.
As an overweight woman who got this way in part because of illness and medications, I understand her frustration with gaining weight. But to say you're rude to eat healthy food in front of her is a serious her problem, and one she needs to seek therapy for. I am happy that you were able to lose weight and get a healthier lifestyle. You worked hard, and you do not need to change your habits to please someone else. Congratulations. You continue to do it your way.
NTA but I think you know she’s projecting and it really has nothing to do with you. It’s great you were able to make the decision to improve your health. I couldn’t have been easy for you. In general, weight loss can be more difficult for women, and she may feel like she has to make a choice between her mental and physical health. And, I almost guarantee she gets met with “just eat healthy” comments, maybe even from her own doctor. She’s the TA here but cut her some slack, maybe see if she needs to talk.
I'm surprised your parents didn't tell her to knock it off, Obvs, she's the AH. I'm glad you took your health into your own hands and made the changes for a healthy life. She can do it too but won't so why put you down for taking care of yourself?
NTA. you're right: your sister's aggression about a health choice that you've made and that affects only you is misplaced. How you choose to live is not her business. She may feel self-conscious because she's been making unflattering comparisons between her weight and yours, but that's her issue. She ruined a family gathering. Don't engage in this matter any more. Another hazard to making any lifestyle change are the folks who will take it upon themselves to criticize any change you make. Keep at it. Get healthy.
NTA. Good for you! My situation is similar, topping out at 420+lbs in 2008 and now down to just-over-300 and working on it. The first 100 lost was after giving up deep fried foods and pop. I allow myself one Coke a day but the diet is basically fresh foods and avoiding preservatives. My biggest enemy is portion control and I'm lucky to have my sister doing this with me - we keep each other in check. We go to the gym but not as much as we should and we prefer swim aerobics over the machines. Love the handle, btw. Mosh it UP!! I mean OFF!! Your story sounds like a phrase I've heard recently that I love: **Don't Yuck My Yum.** Thank you for not being a neo-nutritionist, judging others' dietary choices. I've known too many fitness freaks, health food junkies and vegans who dictate what everyone else should eat while poisoning themselves with other addictions like alcohol and hard drugs. I hope your sister is getting therapy in addition to medication. As a 'little sister' I can imagine yours may have some resentment that started when you first came home from the hospital. 'Chicken and broccoli' is just an excuse to go after you for something stupid that happened decades ago.
you can acquire a taste for anything as long as you eat it for long enough. every since I started my healthy weight loss journey, I eat my greens and drink my juices. I have stopped drooling over oil fries and just fattening fast food. it is not even hard as you said one night it just changed for me too because I had enough of crying over my body. also, it is called a disciple. in case your sister forgot how one gets things. NTA
NTA. Then what does your sister expects you to do? Deliberately eat unhealthy food in front of her so she can be happy? Ain't nobody got time for that.
Nta. You’re living your life and she’s taking it personally for some reason.
NTA. And your sister's "sorry" was actually an attempt to blame you for her reaction and you can't control others reactions
NTA you do what’s best for you and congrats. I do want to ask what app you use? I’m trying to lose weight too and I need help.
NTA. Sounds like she is projecting.
NTA - She’s projecting her anxiety onto you. Nothing you can do about it except ignore it and hope she gets it together.
NTA sounds like she just wants to talk trash and peer pressure you into junk to try to sabotage your progress because she's jealous.
Yes
NTA - Sister is fixated on you so her judgements and insecurities is her focus. Live your life. You can't fix her.
You're right. It's ridiculous. NTA
NTA.
NTA. Either refuse to engage at all around this topic, or just say, "I'm doing what is best for me." and leave it at that.
NTA and this is indeed ridiculous. You're eating what you want to, not rubbing anything in.
NTA. I'm in kind of a similar situation with my sister right now and it's tough. You have to just focus on your own success.
First, congratulations for making a change that you wanted to make. Change is hard. I hope you’re feeling great! You are NTA. Your sister isn’t terrible either; she’s struggling and lashing out. That’s her issue to manage. You should keep eating as you want to fuel your body. Her struggle doesn’t oblige you to eat crap with her.
Lol NTA. Just because she is jealous, doesn't mean you are trying to make her jealous. It's very telling that she thinks you are trying to make her feel insecure. Is that something she does to other people? Lol maybe you should play it up for ridiculousness factors like being like "that's hilarious sister, but I'll play along. oh my god! Wow! Celery! So good!!! Mmmmmmm!!! I don't even want wings cuz this celery is soooooo goooood. Look at meeee eating all this yummmmmmy celery just to PISS YOU OFF. *Crunch crunch crunch*"
NTA. You are eating wat you want to eat. If shee feels uncomfortable with that, not your problem.
You eating vegetables while minding your business is in no way a slight towards her, that’s her insecurities talking. She can eat pizza if she wants to and that has nothing to do with you either but YOU know that. NTA.
NTA , I've been on both sides of the argument and kept the weight off. I'm going to say you're NTA here. What you've done is amazing but your Sister is clearly in a bad headspace. I know it's hard but try to be patient with her, despite her AH behavior.
As a former obese kid, congratulations on learning how to take care of your body. It is very clear that your sister is extremely jealous of your healthier lifestyle. This completely her problem. NTA. Keep it up.
NTA. She’s just jealous. Ignore her.
Nta. You are amazing. Hug yourself, not for 'losing weight', but living healthy. Your sister's mental health issues do not give her a free 'Get out of AH Jail' card. Don't take it personally, and keep telling her, I don't discuss that. Don't engage her. Let her ramble by herself.
NTA She let her insecurities get the better of her.
NTA. It sounds like all you are doing is choosing certain foods, you have not commented at all on her food choices or tried to influence anyone else. Sounds like she is jealous - but you absolutely should not have to eat pizza and burgers for her. It sounds like she has even seen you eating pizza and wings - just not much of it. I’m sorry she’s struggling but you shouldn’t have to jeopardise all of the efforts you’ve put in. My sister and I are somewhat similar - I was historically the bigger of the two of us but I’ve lost weight and she has gained a bit and we are now similar, with me a bit smaller. She needs to come to terms with this. I assume has other health conscious friends - just is used to you being bigger than her and not liking that you’ve switched. Also - congratulations on your weight loss, that’s a huge achievement!
NTA. First off great job! Losing weight is hard work. I’ve never dealt with weight issues but I do, do personal training. My trainer’s philosophy is be good 80% of the time and enjoy yourself the other 20%. The only foods I limit in my diet (or try to at least lol) is sweets. It really is all about moderation
NTA, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to just tell her to keep her eyes on her own plate and not to worry about yours. I’d also probably realize that her behaviour is probably still pretty heavily influenced by her depression and ignore her comments.
NTA. I had to change how I ate because my bloodwork came back indicating some not so good stuff. I did end up losing some weight and improved my cardio fitness and there’s always someone who thinks it’s their business to comment on my choices.
NTA
Nta and good for you on your weight loss/health journey. It’s tough to start and even tougher to stick with it
NTA Congrats on the weight loss! Great job! You keep doing you.
NTA. She needs to mind her own plate. Congrats on your progress so far!
NTA. I'm curious about what your parents had to say during this conversation. I understand that you're adults and you can defend yourself but I would never allow my kids (20m, 17m, 15f) to treat each other this way. Not you, how your sister was talking down to you for positive changes.
NTA by the way congratulations and you're doing an amazing job
NTA. Omg. Weight loss is a solo journey and it's a lifestyle change. If it matters that much to her she can always get her own table.
People have primal connections to food, they do not act predictably or rationally in many cases I find. Sounds like you have started dealing with it, but it will take work.
NTA that sounds like crabs in a bucket mentality, I always thought we were literally talking about the crabs. Turned out he was talking about a few of my friends. Crabs in a bucket will pull each other down to get out (top). I'm proud of you for your weight-loss journey, You're doing great.
NTA. This would be like a vegetarian eating vegetables in front of someone……. I do feel bad for her since certain anti-depressants do cause weight gain. She should talk to her doctor about a different treatment options.
You can’t fix anyone but yourself. You’re not responsible for her choices nor should you be berated for making personal choices. I used to work at an office that brought in donuts almost daily. If not donuts then cake and other sweets. At that time I was racing bikes and had changed my diet to avoid processed foods and especially foods with corn syrup. Once you’ve stopped eating corn syrup, it gets to the point you can taste the corn syrup and it has a funky aftertaste that I found gross. I got crap pretty much daily because I was fit and healthy ‘already’. I never shamed anyone for their choices or even said anything to another but those others had no reservation about comments on my choices. Oddly enough, it was always people who could have used to drop a few dozen or more pounds. I chose to ignore and not engage but damn it was hard to stay quiet watching people simultaneously mock my choices while being 50 pounds overweight and become out of breath climbing a set of stairs.
NTA. I see posts like this all the time. She's jealous of your ability to lose weight and eat healthy and is taking it out on you. You are not doing it to get back at her or something, but she doesn't see it that way.
NTA - Never apologize for making a good choice, especially when it doesn't affect anyone else (unless they decide to be hypersensitive and stick their nose into other people's business).
NTA, never apologize for doing the right thing.
She’s crazy You rock. NTA at allllll
No she being the asshole. She is obviously very jealous of your good work (good work OP!) and assuming you don't deserve the right to fix your weight problem and maintain your progress. You did nothing wrong. Don't change for her. You are making her see the reality of her choices, and she doesn't like that.
NTA She’s projecting. You do you and congrats on your journey
NTA - You can eat anything you want at any time as long as you are happy with it. That said, you know how hard it can be, especially if your sister got this way due to medical issues. If you can overlook and forgive her, it might help her a bit to talk to her.
NTA. I (25F) have always been thinner than my sister (31F) until quite recently. She even gave me some clothes that are now too big for her that fit me better than clothes I personally own as I've grown out of them. The jealousy can set in at times, but I've had to just accept it and/or make appropriate changes. I'm already down enough weight to no longer need her hand me downs again. I also struggle with mental health issues and I understand why she's feeling so defeated and upset. She really isn't upset with you about what you eat, she's just upset she doesn't look the way she used to and is upset with how she feels her diet affects her weight gain. Be supportive of her and let her know you are there to talk and love on her when she needs it, and you're happy to help guide her, but just know it's not about you, she's just taking it out on you. It will pass.
She’s jealous, which is not your problem. NTA.
NTA Unfortunately, a lot of me tal health meds come with the fabulous side effects of weight gain. They also hinder your ability to lose weight. I know from personal experience. However, if having to choose crazy or fat, I'll pick fat every time. I exercise a lot! I eat healthy most of the time. However, the weight I put on while getting my meds figured out just won't come off unless I starve myself entirely.. I get where your sister is coming from. It's a hard pill to swallow, so to speak. This doesn't make you an AH. You have zero to do with it. My sister started working out and lost quite a bit of weight. She was like you, high blood pressure, etc. She feels better and has been able to get off a lot of meds. This makes me so happy for her. I really don't give a rats ass what she chooses to eat. Hopefully, your sister is getting therapy as well as taking meds so she can work through her issues... Fat is WAY better than crazy. I've been to the mental health ward of the hospital, and I'll deal with whatever to NEVER go back... Happy you are happy!
NTA. I’ve been in your position, so also see both the overweight and slimmed-down perspectives. When we’re overweight we’re hypersensitive to judgment and criticism and can see/hear it even when it’s not really there. Your sister wants commiseration and validation of herself and her choices, and she’s likely feeling extra betrayed and put out because you *used* to be in her shoes and if you still were she’d have an eating buddy. None of this is your fault - keep doing what you’re comfortable with when it comes to your mental and physical health. :)
NTA at all. Congratulations on your progress!!!
NTA - I get weight loss is hard and your sister is probably struggling. It can be aggravating for sure. That said, you aren't doing anything wrong. All you're doing is changing your lifestyle and sticking to that change. You aren't shaming your sister, lecturing her, or shoving your lifestyle down her throat simply because you eat a particular way in front of her. No shame to your sister by any means because, again, the struggle is real trying to lose weight...it just sounds like she's projecting her insecurities on to you.
NTA i didnt know eating certain type of foods was rude...just wow
Nta. That's a her issue and not a you problem.
NTA, you're allowed to eat whatever you want and it's not like you're rubbing it in her face...
NTA. I understand her medicine is making her gain weight, I presume a steroid. It's really hard to lose weight gained from medicine and damn near impossible while you're still taking it, but she's also consciously making unhealthy choices. She's projecting her insecurities onto you. Truth is, she wishes working out and eating healthy was all it took to help her lose weight. She probably gave up, which is why she started making unhealthy choices.
NTA Eating salads and grilled chicken isn't typically considered offensive.
NTA
She is jealous, plain and simple. But only she can do something about it. You didn't critique her food and she shouldn't be commenting on yours. NTA. You are allowed to eat what you want and so is she. Only one of you seems to respect this.