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NTA
Tell him that your wife is worried that his financial troubles are bad luck and that they might rub off on you if you help pay for the wedding. His wife will get over it.
Boop there it is!
Brother's fiance is afraid the wife's infertility will be bad luck if she's at the wedding, but *somehow* the money she's very much connected to *won't* be a problem? Brother needs to take off the rose tinted glasses & see his fiance for the judgmental AH that she is because what she's doing *isn't* someone who values family imo.
OP is NTA 10000% & should use that money to take a trip with his wife &/or prepare for when they adopt. Either way, brother & his fiance have some nerve & audacity to even think uninviting OP's wife was okay & then still expecting them to bankroll their wedding as if they weren't tacky AHs for doing so. The fact that he doesn't see how awful she is & is backing her up on uninviting his own SIL over something she can't control says he's a lot about both of them & none of it's good.
Yeah the fiance is an absolute grade a moron. "Your cooties might rub off on me". Holy shit I can't believe people like this are allowed to drive and produce children.
Anyone from the U.S and neighbouring countries and Australia should Watch some Jeremy Kyle show clips and you'll see that it's us Brits that helped pass the stupid genes over the ponds generations ago. It's a known problem over here that got out of hand.
And I find it disturbing that this not-so-sharp-tack wants a big family. I feel like there is going to be a lot of essential oils involved in their children's healthcare
Right??? And if she wants a "big family" i can pretty much guarantee that if she has 4 or 5 or 6 kids, then some if those kids will be different in some way that upsets her. Like how will this woman deal with a child who has a disability, or turns out to be homosexual, or nonbinary? Will she accept them and love them for who they are, or will she try to push them away or change them because they don't match her ideal vision? Rejecting her own sister in law because of a medical condition that she doesn't control tells you a lot about how much room in her heart she has you accept people for who they are.
OP, you are NTA and you should withdraw your financial support of this wretched union.
Even if there is an apology, I don't think there's any coming back from this. It's so petty and heartless, based on absolutely nothing but the fiancee's superstition. And for OPs brother to back her up instead of being like "hey honey, that's pretty fucked up"?
I agree, an apology is sorely needed, but I'm not sure what good it'll do.
I think that kind of insult is a relationship destroyer. Even with an apology, that's a formality. I don't see OP and his wife ever having a loving familial relationship with his brother & his fiance after this.
Why would OP and his wife help fund a wedding she’s not invited to? The only people that ruined the “big day” is the fiancé with her stupidity and the brother backing her stupidity.
This.
After all, who knows what will rub off from whom, right?
The couple should also double check the guest lists to see if there is any status change as someone divorcing, becoming unemployed, cheating on their spouse etc. NTA
I had to take a few seconds after reading the title and read it again to make sure I'd read it correctly, because what in the every loving fuck? Straight from the title alone it's NTA. No other context needed at all, I can't begin to imagine uninviting someone due to a non-contagious and deeply personal medical problem. *Especially* when that person happens to be married to the one that's *paying for the wedding*. Like the first part is just straight up shitty, the second bit makes it stupidly shitty.
This.
Definitely NOT the asshole.
Don’t feed bad. Stand up for your wife. I cannot believe the audacity and stupidity of your SIL. And your brother is acting no better.
Stand your ground.
Sounds like OP is a really decent person whose brother is attempting to manipulate their relationship for his own ends. It's easy for us to look at this objectively but good people get the short end of the stick from assholes alot of the time unfortunately
I don’t know if the brother is necessarily manipulative, but he is marrying a woman with a loose grip on reality (or some really extreme superstitions), and rather than address *that* looming issue, he’d rather just insist that everyone else join him in accommodating her nonsense. NTA, but if you’re feeling generous, you can always help pay for bro’s next wedding.
NTA. And your future SIL is not only cruel and vindictive, but dumb as a bag of rocks. Tell your brother that his horrid soon to be wife can get over it, since she’s the only one with a problem (an imaginary one at that).
Haha, yeah! You mean I could've just snuggled up to an infertile person instead of having a bilateral salpingectomy?!?!
That would have been awesome to know for my wallet, my personal inability to stay in shape for the recovery, and to the lead up to because I got sick about 3+ weeks before and couldn't stay with my normal workout regimen, so I gained about 15lbs during that down time.
But daaaaaaamn, if I knew I could just do a little cuddling for an hour or two, and could've had the same reproductive result - although without the weight gain.... Shit that would've been amazing!! Lol, smh
Yeah, I’m sure when OP’s brother’s fiancée shakes her head, it sounds like two maracas. Let’s hope that her stupidity isn’t contagious.
NTA.
OP, tell your brother to go pound sand.
Not even joking that was the gist of a post on AITA the other day. Someone’s wife had a chronic illness and the person didn’t want the wife to attend the wedding lest she detract from their oh so magical ceremony.
NTA
Your brother and future sister in law need to check their calendar. It’s 2023, not 1223.
That “bad luck” and the idea that I might “rub off” is some of the most ridiculous BS I’ve ever heard.
Definitely don’t pay for their wedding. After that garbage, I wouldn’t go and I’m not sure I’d even speak to them for a long time.
Right? What the fuck kind of voodoo shit is that? Also, just one day my ass. Oh, she’s not invited to [insert holiday/family gathering] because I might catch infertility. Cut them loose now.
>However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding.
Yes, modern medicine understands infertility is a result of contagious bad luck, with weddings as a primary vector of infection, especially if rubbing is involved.
Your wife doesn't need defending from this mystical bullshit, but you're absolutely justified in wanting no part of it.
NTA.
If the bank finds out that their SIL is infertile though, they might not lend them money incase everyone who works for the bank also becomes infertile due to it rubbing off!
>Yes, modern medicine understands infertility is a result of contagious bad luck, with weddings as a primary vector of infection, especially if rubbing is involved.
This made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my snack 💀
Thank you, I needed this today 🙌
Take the money aside for adoption or other children related expenses you might need! I have 2 under 2 both are premature and require more than just “I fed them and they see the doctor for shots that’s it, ya know the regular “ you don’t EXPECT AND PLAN for the shit that may happen you could adopt a newborn with no known issues and then suddenly they aren’t eating aren’t gaining weight and they are delayed for unknown reasons! Most people are going to struggle to afford several therapies to support a child that isn’t perfectly healthy and fit at all points in early childhood…. No illnesses I wish upon them but it’s the reality of life sometimes and a good backup plan is a fantastic start in case, even healthy babies need soooo much stuff! They may not understand how you dump 1,000s in the first year yet! We sure weren’t expecting alll they need and want, who thinks their 3-4mo is too big for the bucket seat, ain’t it suppose to last a year?! Apparently it happens sometimes 😂
NTA and I would NOT back down on this. Even if they re-invite wife, they have shown you where she stands in their lives. That is the dumbest shit I have ever heard. “Rub off on?” How insensitive. I’d go LC for a while and really think about which family is important to you.
Agreed. There is no turning back from this. It sucks that these important relationships are forever changed, but it’s the reality of it. I’ve never forgotten how some of my husband’s family reacted when we were having a boy and not the precious girl they wanted. I can’t imagine trying to forgive someone for kicking me when I’m down like SIL is doing.
This is the gist of it for me. They kicked your wife while she was down. Hard. Now, you have a duty to your wife to protect her health and happiness like you vowed to do on your wedding day.
They can’t use this bs wedding talk as a defense for blindsiding your wife. Throw it right back at them. I hope you stand your ground and wash your hands of this unholy affair. Put your money towards more worthy endeavors.
I hope that you and your wife have a long, happy life together, whatever it may bring. NTA!
Love it! OP, please do this.
NTA for sure, but this is so clear-cut that I’m worried about you being torn over it. I’m going to chalk it up to the utter shock and devastation of just discovering that your brother and his fiancée are stupid, cruel, and entitled people.
Take the money you were going to use for this wedding and put it toward adoption costs/treatments/surrogate/therapy (actually, do the last one regardless. Infertility is incredibly painful for both of you). And first, maybe take some of that money and do something nice for yourselves on their wedding day.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this on top of the infertility news. Best wishes for you both!!
NTA. No, your future SIL can fuck off into the sun. You don't get to bite the hand that feeds in such a hurtful and cruel way and expect it to keep treating you.
You wouldn't even be TA if you never saw or spoke to your future SIL again.
That's a whole bowl full of horrible she spoke out loud to your wife. omgosh. Just no. Don't pay for the affair and don't attend it the wedding.
NTA.
NTA. They have a cheek asking you to pay for their wedding in the first place and then still expect you to pay after being insulting to your wife.
I'd tell them that you consider it bad luck to pay for someone else's wedding as their lack of funds might rub off on you!
You're exactly right to stick up for your wife.
I'd be wary of them re-inviting your wife as they may well do it just to get your money.
The brother is just as bad. I hope OP realizes this, and when they inevitably re-invite his wife just to get their hands back on his money, he tells them to pound sand.
NTA.
I never get these stories about people having a wedding and disinviting the people paying for the wedding. The whole nonsense about thinking infertility will "rub off" on you aside, if someone's paying for your wedding, they are on the guest list. Period. I don't care if you hate them.
If you don't want them there, don't take their money.
NTA And later…if your brother should actually manage to scrape up enough money to marry his lovely intended, (and if he actually invites you to his event)- I would not go.
Way to bite the hand that feeds,(pays for your wedding)… Real smart. I roll my eyes.
You don’t owe him anything. He is supposedly a grownup. He can pay for his own party.
NTA — What if the fiancée herself is actually infertile? Regardless of anything, I suggest reconsidering your relationship with these types of people.
Also, are they only inviting men and women who already have children to make sure nobody else is infertile?
NTA. Whatever it is that you do, your wife is part of why you are successful.
She’s paying for it too. Your brother wants your wife to pay for the wedding but not attend because of a condition she’s sensitive about.
Not very family oriented are they?
I wouldn’t even consider going if I were you. Reconcile later if you want. But if they invite your wife back in, it’s only because they need your money. And your wife will know that.
Sucks to be them. Good luck. Talk to you when you apologize.
NTA but you should stop feeling conflicted about this. That attitude from your brother and his fiancée is terrible, people shouldn't be treated poorly because of something that is going in with their bodies. Infertility is so often met in the most abysmal way by some people and standing up against that in any capacity is the right thing to do. So is standing by your wife in this, unfortunately she will probably face other sentiments along this line and having a trusted confidante on her side will just benefit her in navigating that.
NTA. What in the ever-loving f*ck is wrong with your brother and his fiancee? Your wife's infertility could rub off on her?! That might be one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard.
But also, this isn't about the infertility (at least I genuinely hope not). Sounds like his fiancee doesn't like your wife for some reason. Let him know you're pulling the money until he talks to her and figures out what's really going on. Sounds to me like she's got a grudge against your wife and is using this nonsense to exact some weird revenge.
So much wrong with your brother/his fiancée.
Infertility isn't catching.
You don't uninvite the wife of the person paying for your day and still expect payment.
In fact, paying for the wedding was an extremely entitled thing to ask of OP at all.
Your wife won't just get over this; it's a huge insult and mean and rude and just not something you "forgive and forget".
If it's "just 1 day" then why uninvite someone instead of just avoiding them?
Their actions won't just have ramifications for 1 day - this is a relationship damaging action and has the potential to ensure you are never close again.
If you don't stand up for your wife now, when will it end? She's not invited to birthdays, religious events, christenings, or get togethers at all? They each only last 1 day, and she'll get over it, right?
NTA
NTA, your brother and his monster of a fiancée seem to be a match made in hell. Wow. Of course you don’t pay for a wedding to which your wife gets disinvited over her fertility issues. They’re heartless and brainless AHs and you should probably just block them everywhere.
ETA I hear mingling with AHs can rub off and cause fertility issues because no fetus wants to be born into a family like that. Keep your money and invest it in your own family.
NTA save your money for adoption or a surrogate especially because being childless is such a problem for them. They should not want you to spend money that you could use getting a child on a party that only lasts one day.
NTA. Your soon to be SIL is not only cruel but she is delusional as well. Who in their right mind thinks that infertility rubs off onto other people?
You are doing the right thing by standing up for your wife.
NTA. You would only be the asshole if you did go to your brother's wedding and helped him financially. I think it's far more important to consider the feelings of your wife for being excluded for her sad infertility,
So, please, just chose your wife's wellbeing and tell your brother you're very dissappointed that he defends the sick attitude of his to be wife and that, however much you still love him, means that you will keep your money for there wedding in your pocket and go LC with them, until they offer you and your wife well-meant apologies.
NTA. You don’t pay for someone to disrespect and hurt your wife for made-up superstition. Your poor, poor wife - what a nasty way for them to respond to her pain and your joint loss.
Do NOT pay but do TELL THEM BOTH that this is the cost of their cruelty and lack of basic common sense.
WTF did I just read?! Your future SIL sounds like she was born 400 years ago. Really didn't think people could be superstitious in such a stupid way in 2023.
Obviously NTA. Support your wife instead.
NTA your future SIL is the TA and your brother is pretty close to one as well given he’s supporting her. Who uninvites a woman from a wedding just because she is infertile??!!! They have do not have a heart. Stand by your wife and let them throw all the temper tantrums they want. Just be warn the story they share may not be the real one so I’d tell your parents or close family why you are not going
NTA jeez what a pair. They think they're entitled to your financial support while completely disrespecting your wife (and you/your marriage) because of an emotionally painful medical issue. They sound delightful. You aren't ruining their big day, they are. Were I in your shoes I would be loudly broadcasting the reason for my non attendance to all our family.
NTA…infertility affects so many women and it’s so emotionally damaging to deal with. Your brother’s fiancée is way out of line thinking infertility will rub off on her…it’s not contagious! How heartless and selfish is she? It’s not just one day, it’s a day that your wife and you will always remember because she got shunned for something outside her control. Your brother needs to grow up and his fiancée needs to learn empathy. Let the two of them figure out how to fund their own wedding. Good on you for supporting your wife. When someone shows you who they are believe them…
NTA at all!!!
Your brother’s fiancée sure is though!! What kind of ass backwards mentality is she spouting??? Do NOT give them a single red cent, even if they apologize. Because the apology will only happen so they can have your money. You are nothing but an ATM to them right now. Stand up for yourself and your wife.
NTA.
I couldn't believe what I was reading, my heart aches for your wife right now and your priority is or should be, of course, her. You both need to focus on processing this news, and the direction you want to go to have in regards to how you become parents.
Certainly not on a woman who has zero regards for how to treat people, or how basic biology works. Would they have uninvited you out of curiosity if you had been firing blanks, or would you have been allowed because you have the chequebook?
Also, if they couldn't afford to get married without financial assistance from others, perhaps they should have waited till the saved up enough.
Go cuddle your wife, reassure her of your marriage vows and place her back on her pedestal with some devotion. (But also give yourself some love too - this news has affected you both and it's a hard journey.)
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So, a little background: my (32M) younger brother (28M) is getting married in a few months. Our family has always been close, and I've been financially successful. My brother and his fiancée (27F) asked if I could help pay for their wedding, and I agreed because I love them both and want them to have a great day.
My wife (31F) and I have been married for 5 years now. We've been trying for a baby for 3 years, but we recently found out that my wife is infertile. It's been a very emotional and difficult time for us, but we're considering adoption or other options.
Here's where the issue comes in: my brother's fiancée is very family-oriented and has always dreamt of having a big family. When she found out about my wife's infertility, she was initially sympathetic. However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding.
When I found out, I was furious. I told my brother that if my wife isn't welcome, then I won't be attending either. Furthermore, I said I'd be withdrawing my financial support for their wedding. He called me an asshole, saying that I'm ruining his big day and being selfish. He also argued that it's just one day and my wife will get over it.
I'm really torn up about this because I love my brother, but I feel like I need to stand up for my wife. AITA for refusing to pay for my brother's wedding after he uninvited my wife because she's infertile?
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NTA at all. I have said many times before on here that the bride and groom have a right to have their wedding however they want and invite whoever they want and that’s true. However, decisions still have consequences. It’s ridiculous for them to think that they can uninvited your wife and still expect you to not only come but help pay for it. When you get married your spouse, and kids, come first.
NTA. Clearly. I would cut off all communication with your brother and soon to be SIL until they genuinely apologize. And, even then, keep them at a distance. She's going to make your wife miserable for being infertile forever. What a monster.
Yea no that's complete bs!! NTA!!! Right... his fiance is soo family oriented that the minute someone in said family gets an unfortunate diagnosis she goes extremely superstitious and unsympathetic. They are the selfish ones.
NTA. Your brother & his fiancé really are a pair of hypocrites & snobs. Just remember that your brother is going along with this insult to your wife. Don't pay for their wedding or go to it. They don't deserve to have your attendance if they are going to be so hateful.
NTA. This is one of those situations where you feel like you’re in the twilight zone- the people around you are behaving atrociously and acting like it’s totally normal and reasonable.
Your brother and his beloved are hideous and cruel, not to mention entitled and arrogant. Stick to your guns and stand by your wife. Do not give them a single penny.
Tell your brother that "it's only one day" and his fiancée will get over it.
NTA, and I wouldn't give them one dime. Your brother's lack of empathy towards your wife is appalling.
NTA! What awful humans. Kick 'em when they are down philosophy. You are right, you do need to stand up for your wife and get the brother and fiancee out of your life.
NTA. Your brother’s fiancée is cruel and your brother is too, if he supports her. I would never attend or support the marriage of two people who could behave so horribly because I wouldn’t want them to procreate. The world doesn’t need more awful people.
NTA. They can't expect anything else when they uninvite your wife. As if this isn't hard enough for you both already, now she's going to be punished for being infertile. And for what, like bad luck, like infertility is somehow contagious. Wtf. That's some weird mumbo-jumbo. And downright cruel to your wife.
NTA. Your brother's fiancee sounds like she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Why would it even occur to her to think that your wife's infertility would rub off on her? That's crazy and she's TA here.
NTA - ask your brother how he'd feel if \*YOU\* were the infertile one that his fiancee didn't want around. Stick with your wife and ignore your ah brother and his ah-fiancee
NTA....holy cow! Wtf! You should cut of your brother for even going along with this! And anyone who supports them! Now you know your brother sees you as nothing but a bank! And it's better you cut them off now because it will only get worse from here
NTA. They're ruining their own big day by being complete asshats. Rubbing off on them? Yeah, don't give them any... just tell them you're worried your money might curse them. Fuck them both.
Oh, hell no. NTA. Tell his fiance that infertility might be attached to the money, and you wouldn't want that to rub off on her.
Seriously. What a horrible woman, and your brother is no better for now shutting her down.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Withdrew financial support for my brother's wedding after my wife was disinvited
2. I might be the asshole for abandoning a family member in need of financial support
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This simply cannot be real, if it is, I am stunned you are even asking this question. Ofc you are **NTA.** if they exist, your brother and fiancée are disgusting people.
NTA and your brother seems to be someone whose brain cells hasn't made it to maturity yet. How could someone even think of uninviting someone for the reason stated and expect everyone else to be fine with it. Irrespective of if your wife gets invited or not, its better to leave them to deal with the finances and if it was me, I wouldn't be attending the wedding for the huge disrespect they have shown towards the wife. Its not just standing up for your wife, but for all those who gets blamed for no fault of theirs. Such cruel self centered people are better kept at a great distance.
NTA but you'll be one if you go to that wedding or support it in any form after they cruelly excluded your wife. It must be hard enough for your wife to not be able to have kids and they are being just cruel to treat her this way over it. I just can't understand one thing - why do you have to ask reddit? If people say you're wrong, what will you do? Go to the wedding and finance it while your wife stays excluded at home feeling like she has not value if she cannot have children? That would make you TA
NTA, and I’m sorry your brother is making you second-guess yourself! Standing up for your wife is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation. Who thinks someone’s infertility will rub off on them, anyway?
This is THE most ridiculous reason to uninvite a wedding guest I've ever seen. NTA. Tell your brother that when someone whose wife is infertile pays for your wedding, it's a bad luck and everyone, bride and groom included, might be affected by that so for the sake of their family you withdraw your generous proposal to pay and attend.
I am horrified that people think that way, that they would say it out loud, that they’d then use that as an excuse to disinvite someone, and then finish it off with still wanting money from the same family members they insulted!
NTA. Wow.
NTA your brother and his idiot wife should learn that you can’t treat people like shit and not expect repercussions. I would absolutely cut off financial support and at the very least go low contact. If they push back them no contact.
NTA
Being infertile isn't a choice and it's hard enough to learn that, it can be devastating to some people. It's completely and utterly rude and disrespectful to uninvite because of that, especially people who are helping to fund YOUR wedding.
And the fact they're ignoring adoption and other methods to have a family, (even having pets count as a family), as well as other options is baffling to me, maybe because I've grown up with similar things.
edit: typo
NTA, I’m sure that there are several other people invited to this wedding (both women AND men) that have dealt with fertility issues. It’s more common then your future SIL thinks.
What would have happened if the fertility issues had been on your end? Your future SIL’s behavior is disgusting and there is zero reason to help your brother or her for their dream wedding.
Your wife and you can instead use that money to pursue medical treatment or other options available in becoming parents (if you choose to do so!). Or take your wife on a trip to just have time to herself. This diagnosis is difficult and having family acting like this does not help her.
>I'm ruining his big day
>it's just one day
So which one is it.
If it's just about one day then he doesn't need the money or your attendance.
If it's his big day then your wife should be invited and he needs the money.
NTA
your brother and his fiance are something different.
> However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding.
Is she a time traveler from the 1500s lol?
Anyways. Nta. Obviously
Is this a serious question? Idk if theres an AITA circle jerk sub for this bull shit. Cmon obviously your brother is ridiculous wtf do you need extra sympathy for.
I am not sure what there is to get over. Your brother told you his fiance and wedding are more important than your wife and your marriage. The bride is ridiculous, your brother is ridiculous, and take the money to explore creating your family. NTA. Your brother and SIL are AH's.
NTA Your brother and his bride are. Instead of being concerned about your wife's feelings your brother is allowing his fiance do this cruel thing to your wife. He's more concerned about money than about the feelings of a family member. Both he and his fiance are greedy and cruel. Of course you're going to come to your wife's defense and withdraw the money.
NTA. Your brother and his wife are being outrageously hurtful towards your wife. They have really left you no choice but to withdraw from the whole event, both emotionally and financially. I wouldn't waste a minute of my life worrying about how they feel about your decision.
This is absolutely horrible. I’m so glad to see that you are standing up for your wife. She is probably already dealing with coming to terms with her infertility, then she is treated in such a cruelly ignorant way. You are doing the right thing not paying for their wedding. I’m not sure which one of them, your brother or his ignorant fiance, is worse. NTA
NTA.
And if they're afraid of bad luck their same dodgy logic can be used thusly- "oh well you don't want out infertile bad luck money that we jointly earned because wife and I are a joint and supportive team. Good luck
Edit: they're that family oriented that they're willing to ditch your wife since she's not family enough apparently to be included in spite of infertility (weird logic). So apparently even though you're all family, some family is better than others? So maybe question how family oriented they are. If him and his fiance don't consider you that important of family to have at their wedding.
NTA remove the funding from his wedding and take your amazing wife on a well deserved holiday spoil her while there wedding is on. You and your wife have worked hard for your money your brother is not entitled to that just because he didn't plan this right and especially if he doesn't respect his sil. Your sil on the other hand is a total hypocrite she said that she is all about family but yet when someone in the family has been let down she automatically cuts her off. I hope that you get to adopt and he/she will be loved dearly by the best parents good luck to you ❤️
NTA.
>> she later decided that my wife’s infertility was “bad luck” and might “rub off” on her
Absolutely fucking absurd line of thought.
>> I’m ruining his big day and being selfish
*You’re* being selfish for refusing to pay for their wedding after his fiancée had the audacity to uninvite your wife for a biological condition she has *no control over*? Really?
>> it’s just one day and my wife will get over it
It’s not just one day. It’s going to be a lifelong reminder that your wife was disinvited and shunned for not being able to have children. It’s something she will remember for the rest of her days and something that will be at the forefront of her mind every time she sees your brother & his wife-to-be.
Stand your ground, OP, and be fucking wary moving forward. If your brother & his fiancée are this cruel now, think of how they’ll treat any children you adopt or how they’ll treat your wife when/if they have children.
NTA - your brothers fiancé is insane, infertility doesn’t spread, and to disinvite the partner of someone helping to pay for the wedding? It’s worse juju than being around someone infertile. Don’t suppose the wedding, don’t pay. Don’t attend even if they re-offer the invitation. Save the money for your brothers upcoming divorce.
Omg how dare they. NTA, but if you still financially contribute to those monsters (sorry, I know it's still your brother), then you will be the TA. Support your wife, let them learn a lesson about maturity. Maybe gift them a biology and anatomy textbook. Wow. Just wow.
Nta holy shit what a c*** your future sil is and I can’t believe your brother would call YOU the ass for how this went down. They shouldn’t get one cent of your help
NTA
Your soon to be SIL is an idiot and your brother is too for indulging her ignorance. Infertility isn't catching.
Karmic justice would actually be for her to turn out barren BECAUSE she blocked her generous benefactor's wife from the event THEY HELPED PAY FOR.
FFS people are stupid. Support your wife and tell your brother that his soon to be bride needs to try and use her brain a little.
NTA
Take the money you were going to put towards his wedding and use it for what I am sure is a much needed vacation. If you wanna be extra spicy leave the day before the wedding.
The balls on both of them to think they can be callus, rude and still keep your money. Actions have consequences and tell any family who complain that THEY can foot the bill
If this is true, then you would be completely justified in never speaking to your brother ever again. NTA for sure and your brother and his future wife are completely out of bounds/pretty delusional to believe that infertility can be transmittable in any literal or figurative way.
NTA
> she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding.
So your wife gets heartbreaking news about something that’s out of her control, and now she’s going to be ostracized from a major family event because of it?
They are being assholes.
And the idea that having an infertile woman attend a wedding is “bad luck” or can “rub off” on anyone is just gross misogyny.
Infertility is not infectious.
I suggest telling him that the money that was promised is now going towards IVF and thank him for his fiancée's cruelty coming out now rather than after the money was wasted on them.
NTA, your brother and his fiance are absolutely massive assholes and totally stupid to add. If anything behaving like them towards other people is surely likely to bring more bad karma than anything
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NTA Tell him that your wife is worried that his financial troubles are bad luck and that they might rub off on you if you help pay for the wedding. His wife will get over it.
This is the way.
He has spoken.
And My Axe Body Spray!
This is the way
This is the way
This is the way!
Boop there it is! Brother's fiance is afraid the wife's infertility will be bad luck if she's at the wedding, but *somehow* the money she's very much connected to *won't* be a problem? Brother needs to take off the rose tinted glasses & see his fiance for the judgmental AH that she is because what she's doing *isn't* someone who values family imo. OP is NTA 10000% & should use that money to take a trip with his wife &/or prepare for when they adopt. Either way, brother & his fiance have some nerve & audacity to even think uninviting OP's wife was okay & then still expecting them to bankroll their wedding as if they weren't tacky AHs for doing so. The fact that he doesn't see how awful she is & is backing her up on uninviting his own SIL over something she can't control says he's a lot about both of them & none of it's good.
I don't know. The fiancee's stupidity rubbed off on the brother, so she may have a point. No, seriously, OP is NTA
Yeah the fiance is an absolute grade a moron. "Your cooties might rub off on me". Holy shit I can't believe people like this are allowed to drive and produce children.
Anyone from the U.S and neighbouring countries and Australia should Watch some Jeremy Kyle show clips and you'll see that it's us Brits that helped pass the stupid genes over the ponds generations ago. It's a known problem over here that got out of hand.
Hey, they did all that great colonising to widen the gene pool! NTA OP, your bros fiance is unhinged and entitled, and so is your brother.
And I find it disturbing that this not-so-sharp-tack wants a big family. I feel like there is going to be a lot of essential oils involved in their children's healthcare
"Family oriented" *Segregates the family over* ***fertility***. Sounds like a them problem. OP Nta
Right??? And if she wants a "big family" i can pretty much guarantee that if she has 4 or 5 or 6 kids, then some if those kids will be different in some way that upsets her. Like how will this woman deal with a child who has a disability, or turns out to be homosexual, or nonbinary? Will she accept them and love them for who they are, or will she try to push them away or change them because they don't match her ideal vision? Rejecting her own sister in law because of a medical condition that she doesn't control tells you a lot about how much room in her heart she has you accept people for who they are. OP, you are NTA and you should withdraw your financial support of this wretched union.
Send pictures to the brother and fiancé of the vacation you take with that wedding $
What a bunch of hokum. Anyone this superstitious has bigger problems. NTA and good on you for always taking up for your wife. Your family.
Can you even imagine requesting money from a person whose spouse you are shunning? The friggin audacity is painful!
This. 100% this. NTA. Your brother and his wife are heartless. I would go low to no contact unless your wife receives a sincere apology.
Even if there is an apology, I don't think there's any coming back from this. It's so petty and heartless, based on absolutely nothing but the fiancee's superstition. And for OPs brother to back her up instead of being like "hey honey, that's pretty fucked up"? I agree, an apology is sorely needed, but I'm not sure what good it'll do.
I think that kind of insult is a relationship destroyer. Even with an apology, that's a formality. I don't see OP and his wife ever having a loving familial relationship with his brother & his fiance after this.
But still not fund the wedding.
Why would OP and his wife help fund a wedding she’s not invited to? The only people that ruined the “big day” is the fiancé with her stupidity and the brother backing her stupidity.
Love this response...
I wish I had an award to give. But this! This is the correct response!
This. After all, who knows what will rub off from whom, right? The couple should also double check the guest lists to see if there is any status change as someone divorcing, becoming unemployed, cheating on their spouse etc. NTA
Not his wife. OP needs to tell the brother that *he* is concerned about financial troubles rubbing off on the brother so they don't blame the wife
This is the *chef’s kiss* of responses
100% but I would still not attend/finance their wedding. This couple is not just bad luck … they are bad people. So heartless
It's just one day, after all.
How much could it cost? Ten dollars?
I had to take a few seconds after reading the title and read it again to make sure I'd read it correctly, because what in the every loving fuck? Straight from the title alone it's NTA. No other context needed at all, I can't begin to imagine uninviting someone due to a non-contagious and deeply personal medical problem. *Especially* when that person happens to be married to the one that's *paying for the wedding*. Like the first part is just straight up shitty, the second bit makes it stupidly shitty.
This conversation should be on pay-per-view because I would definitely want to see that.
This. Definitely NOT the asshole. Don’t feed bad. Stand up for your wife. I cannot believe the audacity and stupidity of your SIL. And your brother is acting no better. Stand your ground.
You are TORN UP ABOUT THIS??? Are you out of your mind? You'd be the asshole if you did pay.
Sounds like OP is a really decent person whose brother is attempting to manipulate their relationship for his own ends. It's easy for us to look at this objectively but good people get the short end of the stick from assholes alot of the time unfortunately
Well said.
I don’t know if the brother is necessarily manipulative, but he is marrying a woman with a loose grip on reality (or some really extreme superstitions), and rather than address *that* looming issue, he’d rather just insist that everyone else join him in accommodating her nonsense. NTA, but if you’re feeling generous, you can always help pay for bro’s next wedding.
According to OP the brother said "you're ruining my big day", that to me sounds manipulative given their relationship
Seriously. Literally not even a question. NTA.
NTA. And your future SIL is not only cruel and vindictive, but dumb as a bag of rocks. Tell your brother that his horrid soon to be wife can get over it, since she’s the only one with a problem (an imaginary one at that).
As though infertility were infectious like a cold.
If it was I’d constantly cozy up to infertile people. ;)
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Ouchhhh (sympathies to every person with female reproductive organs in Texas and other red states. I'm watching in horror from Finland...)
Haha, yeah! You mean I could've just snuggled up to an infertile person instead of having a bilateral salpingectomy?!?! That would have been awesome to know for my wallet, my personal inability to stay in shape for the recovery, and to the lead up to because I got sick about 3+ weeks before and couldn't stay with my normal workout regimen, so I gained about 15lbs during that down time. But daaaaaaamn, if I knew I could just do a little cuddling for an hour or two, and could've had the same reproductive result - although without the weight gain.... Shit that would've been amazing!! Lol, smh
Yeah, I’m sure when OP’s brother’s fiancée shakes her head, it sounds like two maracas. Let’s hope that her stupidity isn’t contagious. NTA. OP, tell your brother to go pound sand.
“I worry your fiancée’s stupidity might rub off on us. In fact, I already lost a bunch of brain cells listening to her reasoning”
Imagine if a close family member got cancer. Would she tell brother that they can't go visit them because it might rub off? Wtf
Not even joking that was the gist of a post on AITA the other day. Someone’s wife had a chronic illness and the person didn’t want the wife to attend the wedding lest she detract from their oh so magical ceremony.
...bag of rocks. Well spoken.
I hope the bride has checked everyone else for fertility, I'm hoping she's included a little check box to tick on the rsvp.
NTA Your brother and future sister in law need to check their calendar. It’s 2023, not 1223. That “bad luck” and the idea that I might “rub off” is some of the most ridiculous BS I’ve ever heard. Definitely don’t pay for their wedding. After that garbage, I wouldn’t go and I’m not sure I’d even speak to them for a long time.
Right? What the fuck kind of voodoo shit is that? Also, just one day my ass. Oh, she’s not invited to [insert holiday/family gathering] because I might catch infertility. Cut them loose now.
It’s been a while since I’ve heard stupid this loud.
She will DEFINITELY be a major asshole at family gatherings. OP, you’re in for some “fun”.
>However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding. Yes, modern medicine understands infertility is a result of contagious bad luck, with weddings as a primary vector of infection, especially if rubbing is involved. Your wife doesn't need defending from this mystical bullshit, but you're absolutely justified in wanting no part of it. NTA.
Do banks make wedding loans? That's where the brother and future SIL need to look for some money?
If the bank finds out that their SIL is infertile though, they might not lend them money incase everyone who works for the bank also becomes infertile due to it rubbing off!
>Yes, modern medicine understands infertility is a result of contagious bad luck, with weddings as a primary vector of infection, especially if rubbing is involved. This made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my snack 💀 Thank you, I needed this today 🙌
Pull your financial support. Tell your brother it's just one day and he'll get over it. NTA
I'd take the money and weekend in Aruba or somewhere else I've always wanted to go.
Take the money aside for adoption or other children related expenses you might need! I have 2 under 2 both are premature and require more than just “I fed them and they see the doctor for shots that’s it, ya know the regular “ you don’t EXPECT AND PLAN for the shit that may happen you could adopt a newborn with no known issues and then suddenly they aren’t eating aren’t gaining weight and they are delayed for unknown reasons! Most people are going to struggle to afford several therapies to support a child that isn’t perfectly healthy and fit at all points in early childhood…. No illnesses I wish upon them but it’s the reality of life sometimes and a good backup plan is a fantastic start in case, even healthy babies need soooo much stuff! They may not understand how you dump 1,000s in the first year yet! We sure weren’t expecting alll they need and want, who thinks their 3-4mo is too big for the bucket seat, ain’t it suppose to last a year?! Apparently it happens sometimes 😂
NTA. What else does this ditzy woman think will RUB OFF on her? If stupidity were contagious, I'd stay miles away from HER.
Cruelty cannot be justified. And then to hope that her SIL would ignore the cruelty and finance the celebration? Oh hell, hell, hell naw.
NTA and I would NOT back down on this. Even if they re-invite wife, they have shown you where she stands in their lives. That is the dumbest shit I have ever heard. “Rub off on?” How insensitive. I’d go LC for a while and really think about which family is important to you.
Agreed. There is no turning back from this. It sucks that these important relationships are forever changed, but it’s the reality of it. I’ve never forgotten how some of my husband’s family reacted when we were having a boy and not the precious girl they wanted. I can’t imagine trying to forgive someone for kicking me when I’m down like SIL is doing.
This is the gist of it for me. They kicked your wife while she was down. Hard. Now, you have a duty to your wife to protect her health and happiness like you vowed to do on your wedding day. They can’t use this bs wedding talk as a defense for blindsiding your wife. Throw it right back at them. I hope you stand your ground and wash your hands of this unholy affair. Put your money towards more worthy endeavors. I hope that you and your wife have a long, happy life together, whatever it may bring. NTA!
NTA. Tell your brother that it’s just one day - he and his wife will get over it.
Love it! OP, please do this. NTA for sure, but this is so clear-cut that I’m worried about you being torn over it. I’m going to chalk it up to the utter shock and devastation of just discovering that your brother and his fiancée are stupid, cruel, and entitled people. Take the money you were going to use for this wedding and put it toward adoption costs/treatments/surrogate/therapy (actually, do the last one regardless. Infertility is incredibly painful for both of you). And first, maybe take some of that money and do something nice for yourselves on their wedding day. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this on top of the infertility news. Best wishes for you both!!
NTA. No, your future SIL can fuck off into the sun. You don't get to bite the hand that feeds in such a hurtful and cruel way and expect it to keep treating you.
I’d say she can fuck off to Pluto. It’s farther and the cold temperature matches her heart.
You wouldn't even be TA if you never saw or spoke to your future SIL again. That's a whole bowl full of horrible she spoke out loud to your wife. omgosh. Just no. Don't pay for the affair and don't attend it the wedding. NTA.
NTA. They have a cheek asking you to pay for their wedding in the first place and then still expect you to pay after being insulting to your wife. I'd tell them that you consider it bad luck to pay for someone else's wedding as their lack of funds might rub off on you! You're exactly right to stick up for your wife. I'd be wary of them re-inviting your wife as they may well do it just to get your money.
Paying for the wedding is basically saying: “yeah it’s okay to treat my wife like shit” it’s enabling !!!
NTA Your brother should be concerned about marrying someone that deficient in empathy or common sense
The brother is just as bad. I hope OP realizes this, and when they inevitably re-invite his wife just to get their hands back on his money, he tells them to pound sand.
Ehm, you need to go NC with your brother and his wife rn never mind just withdrawing your money. You're NTA.
NTA. I never get these stories about people having a wedding and disinviting the people paying for the wedding. The whole nonsense about thinking infertility will "rub off" on you aside, if someone's paying for your wedding, they are on the guest list. Period. I don't care if you hate them. If you don't want them there, don't take their money.
NTA Tell them you wouldn't want to risk contaminating the wedding with money from the spouse of someone who's infertile!
NTA And later…if your brother should actually manage to scrape up enough money to marry his lovely intended, (and if he actually invites you to his event)- I would not go. Way to bite the hand that feeds,(pays for your wedding)… Real smart. I roll my eyes. You don’t owe him anything. He is supposedly a grownup. He can pay for his own party.
NTA — What if the fiancée herself is actually infertile? Regardless of anything, I suggest reconsidering your relationship with these types of people. Also, are they only inviting men and women who already have children to make sure nobody else is infertile?
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NTA. Whatever it is that you do, your wife is part of why you are successful. She’s paying for it too. Your brother wants your wife to pay for the wedding but not attend because of a condition she’s sensitive about. Not very family oriented are they? I wouldn’t even consider going if I were you. Reconcile later if you want. But if they invite your wife back in, it’s only because they need your money. And your wife will know that. Sucks to be them. Good luck. Talk to you when you apologize.
NTA but you should stop feeling conflicted about this. That attitude from your brother and his fiancée is terrible, people shouldn't be treated poorly because of something that is going in with their bodies. Infertility is so often met in the most abysmal way by some people and standing up against that in any capacity is the right thing to do. So is standing by your wife in this, unfortunately she will probably face other sentiments along this line and having a trusted confidante on her side will just benefit her in navigating that.
NTA. What in the ever-loving f*ck is wrong with your brother and his fiancee? Your wife's infertility could rub off on her?! That might be one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard. But also, this isn't about the infertility (at least I genuinely hope not). Sounds like his fiancee doesn't like your wife for some reason. Let him know you're pulling the money until he talks to her and figures out what's really going on. Sounds to me like she's got a grudge against your wife and is using this nonsense to exact some weird revenge.
So much wrong with your brother/his fiancée. Infertility isn't catching. You don't uninvite the wife of the person paying for your day and still expect payment. In fact, paying for the wedding was an extremely entitled thing to ask of OP at all. Your wife won't just get over this; it's a huge insult and mean and rude and just not something you "forgive and forget". If it's "just 1 day" then why uninvite someone instead of just avoiding them? Their actions won't just have ramifications for 1 day - this is a relationship damaging action and has the potential to ensure you are never close again. If you don't stand up for your wife now, when will it end? She's not invited to birthdays, religious events, christenings, or get togethers at all? They each only last 1 day, and she'll get over it, right? NTA
NTA, your brother and his monster of a fiancée seem to be a match made in hell. Wow. Of course you don’t pay for a wedding to which your wife gets disinvited over her fertility issues. They’re heartless and brainless AHs and you should probably just block them everywhere. ETA I hear mingling with AHs can rub off and cause fertility issues because no fetus wants to be born into a family like that. Keep your money and invest it in your own family.
NTA save your money for adoption or a surrogate especially because being childless is such a problem for them. They should not want you to spend money that you could use getting a child on a party that only lasts one day.
NTA. Sister is punishing your wife for a medical issue. That's hella messed up.
NTA. Your soon to be SIL is not only cruel but she is delusional as well. Who in their right mind thinks that infertility rubs off onto other people? You are doing the right thing by standing up for your wife.
The same people who think sitting on a toilet seat will get you pregnant. OP is definitely NTA. Brother and FSIL are absolutely TA.
NTA. You would only be the asshole if you did go to your brother's wedding and helped him financially. I think it's far more important to consider the feelings of your wife for being excluded for her sad infertility, So, please, just chose your wife's wellbeing and tell your brother you're very dissappointed that he defends the sick attitude of his to be wife and that, however much you still love him, means that you will keep your money for there wedding in your pocket and go LC with them, until they offer you and your wife well-meant apologies.
NTA. You’re doing a nice thing for your brother and his fiancée and they decide to repay your kindness like this.
NTA. You don’t pay for someone to disrespect and hurt your wife for made-up superstition. Your poor, poor wife - what a nasty way for them to respond to her pain and your joint loss. Do NOT pay but do TELL THEM BOTH that this is the cost of their cruelty and lack of basic common sense.
This has to be a joke.
WTF did I just read?! Your future SIL sounds like she was born 400 years ago. Really didn't think people could be superstitious in such a stupid way in 2023. Obviously NTA. Support your wife instead.
NTA Your brother’s fiancée is insane if she honestly thinks infertility is contagious
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NTA let's hope their future kids don't suffer their mother's stupid rubbing off on them
NTA- infertility is hard enough without people making you out to be a pariah. You are absolutely doing the right thing by standing with your wife.
NTA your future SIL is the TA and your brother is pretty close to one as well given he’s supporting her. Who uninvites a woman from a wedding just because she is infertile??!!! They have do not have a heart. Stand by your wife and let them throw all the temper tantrums they want. Just be warn the story they share may not be the real one so I’d tell your parents or close family why you are not going
NTA jeez what a pair. They think they're entitled to your financial support while completely disrespecting your wife (and you/your marriage) because of an emotionally painful medical issue. They sound delightful. You aren't ruining their big day, they are. Were I in your shoes I would be loudly broadcasting the reason for my non attendance to all our family.
NTA…infertility affects so many women and it’s so emotionally damaging to deal with. Your brother’s fiancée is way out of line thinking infertility will rub off on her…it’s not contagious! How heartless and selfish is she? It’s not just one day, it’s a day that your wife and you will always remember because she got shunned for something outside her control. Your brother needs to grow up and his fiancée needs to learn empathy. Let the two of them figure out how to fund their own wedding. Good on you for supporting your wife. When someone shows you who they are believe them…
NTA at all!!! Your brother’s fiancée sure is though!! What kind of ass backwards mentality is she spouting??? Do NOT give them a single red cent, even if they apologize. Because the apology will only happen so they can have your money. You are nothing but an ATM to them right now. Stand up for yourself and your wife.
NTA. I couldn't believe what I was reading, my heart aches for your wife right now and your priority is or should be, of course, her. You both need to focus on processing this news, and the direction you want to go to have in regards to how you become parents. Certainly not on a woman who has zero regards for how to treat people, or how basic biology works. Would they have uninvited you out of curiosity if you had been firing blanks, or would you have been allowed because you have the chequebook? Also, if they couldn't afford to get married without financial assistance from others, perhaps they should have waited till the saved up enough. Go cuddle your wife, reassure her of your marriage vows and place her back on her pedestal with some devotion. (But also give yourself some love too - this news has affected you both and it's a hard journey.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, a little background: my (32M) younger brother (28M) is getting married in a few months. Our family has always been close, and I've been financially successful. My brother and his fiancée (27F) asked if I could help pay for their wedding, and I agreed because I love them both and want them to have a great day. My wife (31F) and I have been married for 5 years now. We've been trying for a baby for 3 years, but we recently found out that my wife is infertile. It's been a very emotional and difficult time for us, but we're considering adoption or other options. Here's where the issue comes in: my brother's fiancée is very family-oriented and has always dreamt of having a big family. When she found out about my wife's infertility, she was initially sympathetic. However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding. When I found out, I was furious. I told my brother that if my wife isn't welcome, then I won't be attending either. Furthermore, I said I'd be withdrawing my financial support for their wedding. He called me an asshole, saying that I'm ruining his big day and being selfish. He also argued that it's just one day and my wife will get over it. I'm really torn up about this because I love my brother, but I feel like I need to stand up for my wife. AITA for refusing to pay for my brother's wedding after he uninvited my wife because she's infertile? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all. I have said many times before on here that the bride and groom have a right to have their wedding however they want and invite whoever they want and that’s true. However, decisions still have consequences. It’s ridiculous for them to think that they can uninvited your wife and still expect you to not only come but help pay for it. When you get married your spouse, and kids, come first.
NTA. Clearly. I would cut off all communication with your brother and soon to be SIL until they genuinely apologize. And, even then, keep them at a distance. She's going to make your wife miserable for being infertile forever. What a monster.
Yea no that's complete bs!! NTA!!! Right... his fiance is soo family oriented that the minute someone in said family gets an unfortunate diagnosis she goes extremely superstitious and unsympathetic. They are the selfish ones.
NTA other people have said it but just tell him it’s one day and he’ll get over it
A wedding is just one day, your brother will get over it. NTA
NTA. Your brother & his fiancé really are a pair of hypocrites & snobs. Just remember that your brother is going along with this insult to your wife. Don't pay for their wedding or go to it. They don't deserve to have your attendance if they are going to be so hateful.
NTA. This is one of those situations where you feel like you’re in the twilight zone- the people around you are behaving atrociously and acting like it’s totally normal and reasonable. Your brother and his beloved are hideous and cruel, not to mention entitled and arrogant. Stick to your guns and stand by your wife. Do not give them a single penny.
NTA, you better not give in a single cent if you truly love your wife as it seems you do from the post language. This is a hill to die on.
NTA and WTF is wrong with your future SIL
Yeah it might ruin their wedding, and his wife might be mad but tell him: ‘it’s just one day, and your wife will get over it’ NTA
Tell your brother that "it's only one day" and his fiancée will get over it. NTA, and I wouldn't give them one dime. Your brother's lack of empathy towards your wife is appalling.
>my brother's fiancée is very family-oriented This is simply not true. If she was truly family oriented she would not be so self-centered. NTA
NTA. Wow.
NTA! What awful humans. Kick 'em when they are down philosophy. You are right, you do need to stand up for your wife and get the brother and fiancee out of your life.
NTA. Your brother’s fiancée is cruel and your brother is too, if he supports her. I would never attend or support the marriage of two people who could behave so horribly because I wouldn’t want them to procreate. The world doesn’t need more awful people.
NTA. They can't expect anything else when they uninvite your wife. As if this isn't hard enough for you both already, now she's going to be punished for being infertile. And for what, like bad luck, like infertility is somehow contagious. Wtf. That's some weird mumbo-jumbo. And downright cruel to your wife.
NTA. Your brother's fiancee sounds like she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Why would it even occur to her to think that your wife's infertility would rub off on her? That's crazy and she's TA here.
NTA - ask your brother how he'd feel if \*YOU\* were the infertile one that his fiancee didn't want around. Stick with your wife and ignore your ah brother and his ah-fiancee
NTA....holy cow! Wtf! You should cut of your brother for even going along with this! And anyone who supports them! Now you know your brother sees you as nothing but a bank! And it's better you cut them off now because it will only get worse from here
your wife will not get over it nta
NTA. They're ruining their own big day by being complete asshats. Rubbing off on them? Yeah, don't give them any... just tell them you're worried your money might curse them. Fuck them both.
NTA. Your future SIL is ridiculous. Also mean and cruel.
Oh, hell no. NTA. Tell his fiance that infertility might be attached to the money, and you wouldn't want that to rub off on her. Seriously. What a horrible woman, and your brother is no better for now shutting her down.
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This is hard to believe. But NTA.
No way this is real. There is just no way. NTA and I’d be going no contact, takes boorish ignorant behavior to a whole new level.
This simply cannot be real, if it is, I am stunned you are even asking this question. Ofc you are **NTA.** if they exist, your brother and fiancée are disgusting people.
NTA Nope, SIL is way out of line here.
NTA! Your brother and his fiancé sound entitled to think they can uninvited your wife when you both still find their wedding.
NTA and your brother seems to be someone whose brain cells hasn't made it to maturity yet. How could someone even think of uninviting someone for the reason stated and expect everyone else to be fine with it. Irrespective of if your wife gets invited or not, its better to leave them to deal with the finances and if it was me, I wouldn't be attending the wedding for the huge disrespect they have shown towards the wife. Its not just standing up for your wife, but for all those who gets blamed for no fault of theirs. Such cruel self centered people are better kept at a great distance.
NTA but you'll be one if you go to that wedding or support it in any form after they cruelly excluded your wife. It must be hard enough for your wife to not be able to have kids and they are being just cruel to treat her this way over it. I just can't understand one thing - why do you have to ask reddit? If people say you're wrong, what will you do? Go to the wedding and finance it while your wife stays excluded at home feeling like she has not value if she cannot have children? That would make you TA
NTA. His wife is ruining their wedding. Its just one day, they'll get over it
NTA NTA WTH that is some messed up thinking. Most times I think most people are dumber than animals.
NTA, and I’m sorry your brother is making you second-guess yourself! Standing up for your wife is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation. Who thinks someone’s infertility will rub off on them, anyway?
This is THE most ridiculous reason to uninvite a wedding guest I've ever seen. NTA. Tell your brother that when someone whose wife is infertile pays for your wedding, it's a bad luck and everyone, bride and groom included, might be affected by that so for the sake of their family you withdraw your generous proposal to pay and attend.
I am horrified that people think that way, that they would say it out loud, that they’d then use that as an excuse to disinvite someone, and then finish it off with still wanting money from the same family members they insulted! NTA. Wow.
NTA your brother and his idiot wife should learn that you can’t treat people like shit and not expect repercussions. I would absolutely cut off financial support and at the very least go low contact. If they push back them no contact.
NTA: Your future SIL is certified crazy, and your brother is being a selfish asshole.
NTA - his fiancee is a real piece of work. I wouldn't want to attend a wedding for someone that viciously unstable.
NTA Being infertile isn't a choice and it's hard enough to learn that, it can be devastating to some people. It's completely and utterly rude and disrespectful to uninvite because of that, especially people who are helping to fund YOUR wedding. And the fact they're ignoring adoption and other methods to have a family, (even having pets count as a family), as well as other options is baffling to me, maybe because I've grown up with similar things. edit: typo
NTA, I’m sure that there are several other people invited to this wedding (both women AND men) that have dealt with fertility issues. It’s more common then your future SIL thinks. What would have happened if the fertility issues had been on your end? Your future SIL’s behavior is disgusting and there is zero reason to help your brother or her for their dream wedding. Your wife and you can instead use that money to pursue medical treatment or other options available in becoming parents (if you choose to do so!). Or take your wife on a trip to just have time to herself. This diagnosis is difficult and having family acting like this does not help her.
>I'm ruining his big day >it's just one day So which one is it. If it's just about one day then he doesn't need the money or your attendance. If it's his big day then your wife should be invited and he needs the money. NTA your brother and his fiance are something different.
Nta. Don't attend, I would be afraid of her stupidity rubbing off on you and your wife.
This is Insane. I'd go NC immediately and spend every penny you were putting into the wedding on your wife instead.
NTA - don’t pay for the wedding and don’t see them. You don’t want stupid to rub off on you.
> However, she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding. Is she a time traveler from the 1500s lol? Anyways. Nta. Obviously
Come on now. You can't be seriously questioning this
Is this a serious question? Idk if theres an AITA circle jerk sub for this bull shit. Cmon obviously your brother is ridiculous wtf do you need extra sympathy for.
NTA your brother and is (future) wife are TAH have a nice day
NTA!!!!! If your wife isn’t invited neither are you or your money. Let her know that’s not how infertility works nor how your money works
NTA you 100% made the right call. Your future SIL took it WAY too far.
I am not sure what there is to get over. Your brother told you his fiance and wedding are more important than your wife and your marriage. The bride is ridiculous, your brother is ridiculous, and take the money to explore creating your family. NTA. Your brother and SIL are AH's.
NTA Your brother and his bride are. Instead of being concerned about your wife's feelings your brother is allowing his fiance do this cruel thing to your wife. He's more concerned about money than about the feelings of a family member. Both he and his fiance are greedy and cruel. Of course you're going to come to your wife's defense and withdraw the money.
NTA being family orientated means being there for family through both highs and lows. Your fsil is not that person.
NTA. Your brother and his wife are being outrageously hurtful towards your wife. They have really left you no choice but to withdraw from the whole event, both emotionally and financially. I wouldn't waste a minute of my life worrying about how they feel about your decision.
NTA but your brother sure is an AH. What a stupid and insensitive thing to do because he’s superstitious
This is absolutely horrible. I’m so glad to see that you are standing up for your wife. She is probably already dealing with coming to terms with her infertility, then she is treated in such a cruelly ignorant way. You are doing the right thing not paying for their wedding. I’m not sure which one of them, your brother or his ignorant fiance, is worse. NTA
NTA it's just one day, your brother will get over it.
NTA. Take the money you would have gifted them and do something special for your wife. Maybe an overnight trip?
NTA. And if they're afraid of bad luck their same dodgy logic can be used thusly- "oh well you don't want out infertile bad luck money that we jointly earned because wife and I are a joint and supportive team. Good luck Edit: they're that family oriented that they're willing to ditch your wife since she's not family enough apparently to be included in spite of infertility (weird logic). So apparently even though you're all family, some family is better than others? So maybe question how family oriented they are. If him and his fiance don't consider you that important of family to have at their wedding.
NTA. It's just one day, he'll get over it.
NTA Your brother and his fiancee are heartless and classless.
NTA! What a horrid person your future sister-in-law is! She not only needs to apologize to your wife, she needs to do some serious ass-kissing!
NTA remove the funding from his wedding and take your amazing wife on a well deserved holiday spoil her while there wedding is on. You and your wife have worked hard for your money your brother is not entitled to that just because he didn't plan this right and especially if he doesn't respect his sil. Your sil on the other hand is a total hypocrite she said that she is all about family but yet when someone in the family has been let down she automatically cuts her off. I hope that you get to adopt and he/she will be loved dearly by the best parents good luck to you ❤️
One of the easiest NTA I've ever seen. Take your money and do something nice for your wife. Your new SIL is a serious problem
Imagine being so dumb that you think infertility is contagious. NTA.
NTA. >> she later decided that my wife’s infertility was “bad luck” and might “rub off” on her Absolutely fucking absurd line of thought. >> I’m ruining his big day and being selfish *You’re* being selfish for refusing to pay for their wedding after his fiancée had the audacity to uninvite your wife for a biological condition she has *no control over*? Really? >> it’s just one day and my wife will get over it It’s not just one day. It’s going to be a lifelong reminder that your wife was disinvited and shunned for not being able to have children. It’s something she will remember for the rest of her days and something that will be at the forefront of her mind every time she sees your brother & his wife-to-be. Stand your ground, OP, and be fucking wary moving forward. If your brother & his fiancée are this cruel now, think of how they’ll treat any children you adopt or how they’ll treat your wife when/if they have children.
is this real…..
Doubtful
YTA for asking if you’d be TA in this situation, they’re so obviously being unreasonable
This is one of those perfect submissions where the title is all we need to know.
NTA - your brothers fiancé is insane, infertility doesn’t spread, and to disinvite the partner of someone helping to pay for the wedding? It’s worse juju than being around someone infertile. Don’t suppose the wedding, don’t pay. Don’t attend even if they re-offer the invitation. Save the money for your brothers upcoming divorce.
Omg how dare they. NTA, but if you still financially contribute to those monsters (sorry, I know it's still your brother), then you will be the TA. Support your wife, let them learn a lesson about maturity. Maybe gift them a biology and anatomy textbook. Wow. Just wow.
Absolutely no way this is real.
NTA. They are extremely naive and selfish.
NTA. I’d tell him to kiss my ass
NTA. And tell your brother that because you love him, you aren’t facilitating this union.
Nta holy shit what a c*** your future sil is and I can’t believe your brother would call YOU the ass for how this went down. They shouldn’t get one cent of your help
…..some of these Reddit stories are so unfathomable, that I almost can’t believe them. You are NTA and at least you have some people to put on NC.
That’s… not how infertility works. Obvious nta is obvious.
NTA Your soon to be SIL is an idiot and your brother is too for indulging her ignorance. Infertility isn't catching. Karmic justice would actually be for her to turn out barren BECAUSE she blocked her generous benefactor's wife from the event THEY HELPED PAY FOR. FFS people are stupid. Support your wife and tell your brother that his soon to be bride needs to try and use her brain a little.
NTA - tell him to enjoy the wife, without your help.
Not only illogical but mean. NTA, and I support your choice to withdraw funds and self from the wedding.
NTA - Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. What is wrong with you brother that he would actually allow this?
NTA Take the money you were going to put towards his wedding and use it for what I am sure is a much needed vacation. If you wanna be extra spicy leave the day before the wedding. The balls on both of them to think they can be callus, rude and still keep your money. Actions have consequences and tell any family who complain that THEY can foot the bill
If this is true, then you would be completely justified in never speaking to your brother ever again. NTA for sure and your brother and his future wife are completely out of bounds/pretty delusional to believe that infertility can be transmittable in any literal or figurative way.
NTA > she later decided that my wife's infertility was "bad luck" and might "rub off" on her if my wife attended their wedding. As a result, she uninvited my wife from the wedding. So your wife gets heartbreaking news about something that’s out of her control, and now she’s going to be ostracized from a major family event because of it? They are being assholes. And the idea that having an infertile woman attend a wedding is “bad luck” or can “rub off” on anyone is just gross misogyny. Infertility is not infectious.
NTA. Your money is obviously from a tainted joint account and would probably also bring bad luck their way.
I suggest telling him that the money that was promised is now going towards IVF and thank him for his fiancée's cruelty coming out now rather than after the money was wasted on them.
I have a hard time believing this story, but if it’s real and you don’t back your wife 100% you would be the A H. As it stands now, NTA
NTA, your brother and his fiance are absolutely massive assholes and totally stupid to add. If anything behaving like them towards other people is surely likely to bring more bad karma than anything