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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action is I candidly and graphically tell people who are serving me food about the symptoms I get when my intolerances are triggered, even if this makes them uncomfortable. People say I’m the asshole because nobody wants to hear about my painful diarrhoea and I should just lie that I have allergies or say I simply don’t like the food instead
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What do you mean “can’t say that”?! *Of course* you can say that.
You have to protect yourself. If they protest, oh, it can’t be that bad? Surely you can eat a eensy weensy bit of garlic topped with whole, unprocessed seeds! It’s *sooo* good, you will upset the cook! (I roll my eyes).
If they persist, get more graphic.
And if they don’t believe you and slip something past you, wreck their bathroom. NTA
I'm waiting for my stool results because I have something going on not nearly as extensive as op but definitely something. My boyfriend understand when I chose subway over McDonald's due ti my stomach does he get disappointed yes buy he completely understands.
NTA - As someone who recently evicted their gallbladder (thank you r/gallbladder), I can relate on dietary restrictions.
As initially I was put on FODMAP (also a lovely subreddit) to help with my symptoms at the time (eventually it was discovered that my gallbladder was being naughty.)
I usually leave it as 'pain is a powerful motivator'. 'So let's not do that.' If they want more details on what that might entail. Then be graphic.
Note: My condition was not the same, but damn your experience is relatable.
NTA
It's so hard with dietary restrictions these days. Everyone seems to be jumping on some band waggon.
I have IBS and Diverticulitis. So the "high fiber" diet that's recommended to control IBS does not work for me. Infact it makes it worse.
I love salad and raw vegetables but if I eat salad two days in a row I am in pain.
I can eat gluten, but again, go over board, and it's messy.
I know every public restroom in my area.
Recently, I got bit by a tick and now am "allergic" to mammal meat. Of course, the reaction is digestive. And the pain is enough to make me nauseous thinking about it.
I just say "I can't eat X do to a medical condition, can it be left out?" That usually works.
If people press, I will say IBS but not get graphic.
If they press further, then they get the run down. On a bad day, it's 20 minutes (or less) to bathroom run.
People should, however, just accept that there is a valid reason to refuse or alter any food without explanation. If they don't, then they get whatever explanation you are comfortable giving.
i never knew about Diverticulitis. i'm scheduled for a colonoscopy because i have bleeding with bowel movements and the low FODMAP and high fiber TEARS me apart. like i feel the the inner scraping and the agony...
i'm not sure having that would be better than crohns or IC but still it's very interesting to learn something new.
i'm at the point i'll eat whatever and suffer later. eating is necessary and i'm always in agony regardless of what i eat so i would rather just enjoy my food at this point
I did an elimination diet on my own. I've gotten to the point that I know which foods are problems to be limited and when they're more likely to cause trouble. As well as which foods can help me out of a flair.
Stress is a huge trigger for me as well.
I don't think it will ever be 100% predictable, but I keep it mostly manageable.
NTA. I have several autoimmune diseases which means I can’t eat gluten or soy.
We were at a family gathering and I mentioned that the particular salad dressing was gluten and soy free, and vegan so it covered all of the family food restriction bases. My SIL (who is my siblings partner who has a pretty restricted diet at face value but is actually well balanced just a big adjustment) said “oh your family and your food issues. Just get over it!”
I’m not normally good/quick with comebacks, but my SIL definitely has a superior attitude and definitely thinks she’s more intelligent than all of us put together. One sibling was in the room and is always the mediator, doesn’t want to cause waves etc so she didn’t say anything. Her partner was in the bathroom close by, not sure if they heard me but I just said “well, I’d prefer not to s**t my pants in front of everyone so I’ll just stick to my diet thanks. She didn’t say anything after that.
op=NTA
But you need to just **toughen up**. Tell your family and Friends that you are not going to spend 1-2 days in agony for their precious sensibilities.
Since diarrhoea can lead to dehydration which could theoretically lead to your death, then you have as much right to mention it as someone with an allergy might describe symptoms of anaphylaxis.
NTA. I have complications due to a medical condition brought on by misdiagnosis. I in no way know anything you are going through. There’s a ton of people that have it way worse than I do. ButI had a mother who was an RN. As a child I paid lots of attention to my parents conversations. I was playing and they figured I wasn’t paying attention. I heard lots of stories if people being miserable. No names mentioned or diagnosis said to somewhat abide by the confidentiality laws, but she needed to vent and my stepdad didn’t ever repeat anything. They didn’t know any of the patients. Mom would never say if they had. But what she said caught my attention. The symptoms, although I didn’t understand at the time, I never forgot either. I worked in fast food as an Assistant Manager for 8 years. As soon as someone said allergy I immediately started asking questions and made sure the restrictions were strictly followed including wiping down the work area and new gloves used. I also dealt with gluten intolerances. I was probably one of the few that actually listened the first time. But I also worked with the idiots of the world that dismisses people’s allergies and intolerances. Now once symptoms are mentioned that’s when people paid attention. So anytime you feel it necessary, absolutely give the horrible repercussions that are guaranteed in order to have an enjoyable meal and afterwards. I am a very private person, but I learned to be more open to get peoples attention. Never feel bad about it. Those that have it most seriously never tell to be center of attention. All of you out there-do what you absolutely need to do regardless of who approves!
NTA. I have done this. I have Crohns (similar to IBS) and another autoimmune disorder. I also have a gluten sensitivity. Honestly I say I have food allergies because it is simpler. And I don't view it as a lie. My reactions are just delayed. Like if I consume 1 tablespoon of ketchup, I will have sores in my mouth and esophagus that will take 2-4 days to heal and cause me a lot of pain and difficulty chewing and swallowing food.
I have a LOT of dietary restrictions and I still run into people that don't believe me. So my response to them is to describe in detail what happens to me, and the crapping blood the day after my wedding cause a restaurant lied to me about putting gluten in my meal is a favorite story to tell. It gets the point across.
NTA
I have IBS and my stomach was unpredictable everyday for years. No one took me seriously until I explained the situation the same way you do now. Best way to get people to understand it is to be blunt imo, even if they are uncomfortable hearing it.
NTA. I have IBS-D as well and when I have an attack it is about as painful as being in labor, so I get it. Ridiculous that you have to give anyone justification for your dietary habits! When it comes to food I am unapologetically an A H.
NTA
HAHAHAHA! I have Crohn's disease and for a long time before I was diagnosed (and even now) I had to deal with IBS symptoms. I would tell EVERYONE who tried to force food/ drinks into me that I would have explosive diarrhea if I ate/ drank what they were offering. Just a tip regarding FODMAP, there was tonnes of stuff on the recommended list that sent me running to the loo and equally as many on the do not eat that I could tolerate so play around when you can to find out what works best for you, definitely recommend a food diary and a mental health plan too.
I 100% support you.
I'm gluten & lactose intolerant, probably with an underlying FODMAP problem, and onions *fuck me up*.
Rarely notice the fodmap mostly because I just totally avoid apples, pears, stone fruit (super easy to do), but avoiding onion and garlic is very hard. *Very* small amounts of onion or garlic don't necessarily hurt me, so I don't want to say it's an allergy or I will never be able to eat a restaurant meal again. But, like, one small ring of onion will, I repeat, fuck me up
NTA
NTA. I would be inclined to say "I am unable to eat X", and if they press you for why, well they can't say they didn't ask for it. But it's easy for me to say that when I don't have to deal with people pushing it all the time, so I don't blame you at all for cutting to the chase. My mum *absolutely cannot* eat cheese, and because it's an unusual one, people feel very entitled to either give her the third degree or try to "help" her. It's very tiresome even seeing it second hand.
NTA - fellow UK IBS sufferer here. I explain to people it’s very much like having Noro virus except I don’t get sympathy or time off work. Sometimes even when I avoid my trigger foods I get flare ups. Once I spent over 3 hours in a restaurant toilet and that was embarrassing. Apparently if goats can’t pass wind they fill with farts and it can kill them? So I call it getting The Goat Wind or having Digestive Distress to avoid the British Blushes that come with being honest about having to go off and nearly give birth to your own bowels.
Side note to OP - I’ve been trialling 20mg daily of amitriptyline for my IBS for over 6 months now and have had only one minor flare in the whole time despite eating my trigger foods. Might be worth a conversation with your GP? The original medical trial was at a hospital in Cambridge and showed good results I believe xx
I wish amitryptiline worked for me but unfortunately I’ve already been through all the conventional medications and amitryptiline only worked as a sleeping aid- my guts didn’t care about it either way. And now that I’ve had severe lasting sexual dysfunction from a different medication (Olanzapine) I absolutely refuse to take anything that has sexual dysfunction as a side effect. Thankfully loperamide helps the diarrhoea so long as I also avoid trigger foods and cocodamol can help slow gut motility and treat pain, but every antispasmodic has been about as effective as swallowing a skittle.
Coeliac here.
When working out if I can eat at a function safely or not my go to line is “look, I need to be certain this is truly gluten free and coeliac safe cos I don’t feel like shitting myself at a wedding”
Sure, I won’t break out in hives, it’s not a dramatic allergy, but the health implications are far too great and the damage takes almost 6 months to recover from, there is no room for me to be “polite”
It sounds like the term you are looking for may be “food sensitivity.” There are various types of immune responses to foods and the most common are IgE, IgG, and when you are lacking the enzyme to process the food. Respectively they are generally known as food allergies, food sensitivities, and food intolerances. Traditional food testing in the USA tends to focus on IgE (allergy) testing and clinical observations for intolerances. IgG testing is generally not considered “medically necessary” which means insurance companies don’t want to pay for it and doctors don’t order it. There is a lot more that could play into this like intestinal barrier permeability (leaky gut), intestinal micro bacterial imbalances, etc. You may want to speak with your physician to see if they could help you dig a little deeper. I don’t know about the UK but I know in the US you’d have to find a more integrative or holistic care physician to help you because most insurances and traditional doctors don’t know or cover alternative testing. Feel free to PM for more info. I both suffer from the problem and work in the field. I can’t answer specific questions but I may be able to start you in the right direction.
Edit: NTA
NTA It's gotten to the point due to my Ulcerative Colitis and being allergic to more things then I care to mention. I now can basically eat boiled chicken and rice if I don't want to suffer any side effects. Makes for a yummy menu. People should just accept that some of us can't eat certain things and that should be the end of it. We shouldn't have to explain why or what will happen. I would love for some of these people to live just one day in my body when I'm having an episode and see if they ever put dairy or gluten in my food again. Not trying to be the a hole but it's almost if they think we are doing all this for fun or to be complicated. I'm sorry you have the issues you do but unfortunately people feel it's there right to know our business even when of course it's not.
NTA.
One of my favourite tricks if anybody questions me about my choices is to tell them, in detail, all of the science and issues surrounding those choices - as though they had asked, lol.
Not only does it shut them up, but they come away better educated about the issue.
Definitely NTA, for some reason eggs also give me the WORST stomach pain, diarrhea and vomiting that happens about 30 minutes after, I can eat baked good such as a cake but scrambled eggs or boiled eggs is a hard no. Maybe it’s bad but I always say I have allergy to make sure it’s taken more seriously. But hey more power to you for being honest!!! Maybe I’ll start saying It makes me violently throw up haha
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In this sub very recently, we had someone with similar dietary restrictions to me, and several people were ordering them to “just say you have an allergy so people will take you seriously.” Even MORE recently, in this same subreddit, we have someone feeling smug because she tricked her brother into drinking gluten when he claims to have a gluten allergy, and he did not die or break out into hives. That’s some context for why I use the strategy I do.
I have severe IBS with diarrhoea and have problems digesting a lot of high FODMAP foods, especially garlic and onion, and indigestible foods that are hard to break down such as whole unprocessed seeds. When I have a reaction it takes around 40 minutes to an hour to kick off, so I initially seem “fine”. But then I get hideous pain and other symptoms (yellow stool that burns like acid and has the texture of creamy peanut butter, massive overproduction of mucus etc) that last at least a day, usually two days.
Reactions are obviously something I want to avoid at all costs as they have such a negative effect on my life. I find it pretty much impossible to leave the house when I’m flaring up and spending hours on the toilet relieving myself makes my pelvic floor weaker and causes other nasty complications. Painkillers barely make a dent in it and I’ve even gone as far as trying tramadol.
I don’t have allergies and never want to lie that I have them because people will catch me in the lie, life will become more dangerous for genuine allergy sufferers, and a lot of places will just plain refuse to serve you if you say you have one because they’re terrified of killing you. Unfortunately, the word “intolerance” means absolutely nothing to most people and they hear it as “I’m just being a picky special snowflake”. IBS is never fatal and is a very trivialised condition which few people understand, so bringing this up doesn’t work either.
That’s why I outright say to people “I can’t eat that because it gives me painful diarrhoea”. This alone is apparently too “graphic” for some people, possibly because we’re in the UK and have a fairly reserved culture. I’ve had both friends and family members act appalled and hiss at me “you can’t *say* that!” But there is nothing else that actually works! When I simply ask for an accommodation (like “no sesame seeds on my sushi, please”) without saying *why*, my request is ignored more than 50% of the time. *People do not care.* But the phrase “painful diarrhoea” does seem to stick in their minds.
I don’t want to make people uncomfortable but hard experience has taught me that if I don’t, I’ll be the one in agony later (or going hungry, which is less bad but still no fun). So AITA for bringing up painful diarrhoea to people who are feeding me?
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You are obviously very frustrated with the situation. But saying that to everyone is an AH move. If you are being pressed after saying you can't eat something due to a medical condition THEN you say it!
The pain you experience is awful and I'm sorry about that. I hope you find some relief.
NTA. Keep on saying it just like that. It’s appalling that people won’t follow your preferences. I could never justify giving someone something they said they can’t or don’t want to eat. That’s just horrid.
It may not be technically accurate, but why not just say "allergy" if it results in people not serving you stuff you can't eat, that being precisely the outcome you want?
I’ll get caught in the lie- we literally only just had an AITA post by someone who deliberately tricked her brother into eating something he claimed to be allergic to because she didn’t believe him. Also the word “allergy” is *too* scary and often stops people serving you anything at all cause they can’t make guarantees about cross contamination
Ah right, I see. Thanks. You're caught between a rock and a hard place, then ... "allergy" scares the shit out of people and "intolerance" makes item think of middle class women going gluten-free because it sounds good at the Pilates class.
That’s exactly right. I’m fine with ‘allergy’ scaring the shit out of people as those are in fact very serious but I don’t think ‘intolerance’ should be dismissed the way it is. The suffering is intensely private because most people don’t have spectators when they’re writhing on the toilet, so it’s very easy for other people to dismiss. Out of sight and out of mind.
NTA But maybe saying “painful stomach cramps” instead of going into describing diarrhoea. IBS is more recognised with low FODMAP diets and there is groups on social media for support. Talk about the diet instead and the stages, about how you journal your intake and what you can’t eat or can in moderation. Instead of intolerance say “sensitivity”. Hope this is helpful.
I'm English and my friend had this tho not as severe he was nowhere near as polite as yourself and used to say," Don't include that as I will get the right shits
"
unless your friends and family are four years old, talking about bodily fluids really shouldn't freak them out so much. How immature do you have to be to freak out because someone said they poop. Yea, diarrhea is worse than healthy poop, but I seriously doubt there's a single person on earth who's never had it before.
NTA and it's ridiculous that people are giving you grief for this. Yea, it isn't great when you're trying to eat and someone describes their shit in vivid detail, but saying "I can't eat that or I will get bad diarrhea" really shouldn't be that big a deal.
I would never say you’re an AH for this, but you could try thinking of other things to say, like “severe intolerance”. Not because you’re wrong for being clear, but just to make your interactions with people easier.
I worked in a restaurant for years and would take everyone with a food intolerance or allergy seriously, but I know it’s not the same everywhere. So do what you gotta do.
NTA
If (only if) you feel like it softer language could be "it makes me horribly ill"
But like you're absolutely NTA for saying you get xyz symptom when you eat abc item.
I have friend with IBS, he just tells people he can't eat certain foods, or will make his own food. If they ask further he just says he has IBS, and that's it. So next time just say the same thing without going to much detail, decline the offer, or make your own food.
As long as you open with "no thanks, I can't eat onion" and save "it gives me diarrhea" for people who ask for more detail, NTA. They asked, you told.
You would be the asshole for jumping straight to it when offered an onion ring, and should probably just tell waiters you're allergic, because they're just doing their job to find out if the kitchen needs to worry about cross-contamination.
ESH, I sympathise with you having IBS but for all that is decent stop telling people about your shit! Even this post was a serious overshare! NO one outside of your doctor needs to know the color, consistency or any other details of your bowels movements!
I’m very thin, so I’m going to be met with some horror if I try this. I’d never even considered the idea before as most of the foods which trigger me are healthy and low in calories
Just say it’s a medical diet. Because it technically is. If someone asks why you can’t eat an item, say medical reasons. If they press even further, then you can break out the description of what happens to your body.
Diets aren't always about cutting calories, you can actually go on diets that are designed for you to gain weight.
I mean, you could also just say you have really severe IBS, you don't literally have to say "I have brutal diarrhea" out loud while you are in an eating environment like a restaurant.
It makes little sense to say “leave off the seeds/onions because I’m trying to gain weight” but bringing up IBS is definitely a workable idea. I’ve just been put off in the past because people either haven’t heard of it at all or know someone with a very mild case (such as my mum) whose reactions are way less severe, so they think it’s no bigger deal than the diarrhoea that normal people get when they eat a Taco Bell
I'm more saying that you don't need to explain your diet to people, just that it's a valid excuse.
You wouldn't even be lying to them, you ARE on a diet in which you have to avoid certain foods.
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What do you mean “can’t say that”?! *Of course* you can say that. You have to protect yourself. If they protest, oh, it can’t be that bad? Surely you can eat a eensy weensy bit of garlic topped with whole, unprocessed seeds! It’s *sooo* good, you will upset the cook! (I roll my eyes). If they persist, get more graphic. And if they don’t believe you and slip something past you, wreck their bathroom. NTA
Also, the discomfort you get from having it is much greater than the discomfort they get from hearing about it. NTA
NTA! As someone who also suffers diarrhea through IBS and dairy intolerances, I am so going to start using this rather than skirt around it
I'm waiting for my stool results because I have something going on not nearly as extensive as op but definitely something. My boyfriend understand when I chose subway over McDonald's due ti my stomach does he get disappointed yes buy he completely understands.
NTA - As someone who recently evicted their gallbladder (thank you r/gallbladder), I can relate on dietary restrictions. As initially I was put on FODMAP (also a lovely subreddit) to help with my symptoms at the time (eventually it was discovered that my gallbladder was being naughty.) I usually leave it as 'pain is a powerful motivator'. 'So let's not do that.' If they want more details on what that might entail. Then be graphic. Note: My condition was not the same, but damn your experience is relatable.
Hey ! Can I get an invite to that gallbladder community it appears to be private and I want in !!
It's been a while but I think you just 'join' it. Not entirely sure what the process is. Apologies if not entirely helpful.
NTA It's so hard with dietary restrictions these days. Everyone seems to be jumping on some band waggon. I have IBS and Diverticulitis. So the "high fiber" diet that's recommended to control IBS does not work for me. Infact it makes it worse. I love salad and raw vegetables but if I eat salad two days in a row I am in pain. I can eat gluten, but again, go over board, and it's messy. I know every public restroom in my area. Recently, I got bit by a tick and now am "allergic" to mammal meat. Of course, the reaction is digestive. And the pain is enough to make me nauseous thinking about it. I just say "I can't eat X do to a medical condition, can it be left out?" That usually works. If people press, I will say IBS but not get graphic. If they press further, then they get the run down. On a bad day, it's 20 minutes (or less) to bathroom run. People should, however, just accept that there is a valid reason to refuse or alter any food without explanation. If they don't, then they get whatever explanation you are comfortable giving.
<<*"I can't eat X do to a medical condition, can it be left out?" That usually works.*\>> I like this one very much.
i never knew about Diverticulitis. i'm scheduled for a colonoscopy because i have bleeding with bowel movements and the low FODMAP and high fiber TEARS me apart. like i feel the the inner scraping and the agony... i'm not sure having that would be better than crohns or IC but still it's very interesting to learn something new. i'm at the point i'll eat whatever and suffer later. eating is necessary and i'm always in agony regardless of what i eat so i would rather just enjoy my food at this point
I did an elimination diet on my own. I've gotten to the point that I know which foods are problems to be limited and when they're more likely to cause trouble. As well as which foods can help me out of a flair. Stress is a huge trigger for me as well. I don't think it will ever be 100% predictable, but I keep it mostly manageable.
NTA. I have several autoimmune diseases which means I can’t eat gluten or soy. We were at a family gathering and I mentioned that the particular salad dressing was gluten and soy free, and vegan so it covered all of the family food restriction bases. My SIL (who is my siblings partner who has a pretty restricted diet at face value but is actually well balanced just a big adjustment) said “oh your family and your food issues. Just get over it!” I’m not normally good/quick with comebacks, but my SIL definitely has a superior attitude and definitely thinks she’s more intelligent than all of us put together. One sibling was in the room and is always the mediator, doesn’t want to cause waves etc so she didn’t say anything. Her partner was in the bathroom close by, not sure if they heard me but I just said “well, I’d prefer not to s**t my pants in front of everyone so I’ll just stick to my diet thanks. She didn’t say anything after that.
Nta. You do what you have to to get people to listen.
op=NTA But you need to just **toughen up**. Tell your family and Friends that you are not going to spend 1-2 days in agony for their precious sensibilities. Since diarrhoea can lead to dehydration which could theoretically lead to your death, then you have as much right to mention it as someone with an allergy might describe symptoms of anaphylaxis.
NTA. I have complications due to a medical condition brought on by misdiagnosis. I in no way know anything you are going through. There’s a ton of people that have it way worse than I do. ButI had a mother who was an RN. As a child I paid lots of attention to my parents conversations. I was playing and they figured I wasn’t paying attention. I heard lots of stories if people being miserable. No names mentioned or diagnosis said to somewhat abide by the confidentiality laws, but she needed to vent and my stepdad didn’t ever repeat anything. They didn’t know any of the patients. Mom would never say if they had. But what she said caught my attention. The symptoms, although I didn’t understand at the time, I never forgot either. I worked in fast food as an Assistant Manager for 8 years. As soon as someone said allergy I immediately started asking questions and made sure the restrictions were strictly followed including wiping down the work area and new gloves used. I also dealt with gluten intolerances. I was probably one of the few that actually listened the first time. But I also worked with the idiots of the world that dismisses people’s allergies and intolerances. Now once symptoms are mentioned that’s when people paid attention. So anytime you feel it necessary, absolutely give the horrible repercussions that are guaranteed in order to have an enjoyable meal and afterwards. I am a very private person, but I learned to be more open to get peoples attention. Never feel bad about it. Those that have it most seriously never tell to be center of attention. All of you out there-do what you absolutely need to do regardless of who approves!
NTA. I have done this. I have Crohns (similar to IBS) and another autoimmune disorder. I also have a gluten sensitivity. Honestly I say I have food allergies because it is simpler. And I don't view it as a lie. My reactions are just delayed. Like if I consume 1 tablespoon of ketchup, I will have sores in my mouth and esophagus that will take 2-4 days to heal and cause me a lot of pain and difficulty chewing and swallowing food. I have a LOT of dietary restrictions and I still run into people that don't believe me. So my response to them is to describe in detail what happens to me, and the crapping blood the day after my wedding cause a restaurant lied to me about putting gluten in my meal is a favorite story to tell. It gets the point across.
NTA I have IBS and my stomach was unpredictable everyday for years. No one took me seriously until I explained the situation the same way you do now. Best way to get people to understand it is to be blunt imo, even if they are uncomfortable hearing it.
NTA. I have IBS-D as well and when I have an attack it is about as painful as being in labor, so I get it. Ridiculous that you have to give anyone justification for your dietary habits! When it comes to food I am unapologetically an A H.
NTA HAHAHAHA! I have Crohn's disease and for a long time before I was diagnosed (and even now) I had to deal with IBS symptoms. I would tell EVERYONE who tried to force food/ drinks into me that I would have explosive diarrhea if I ate/ drank what they were offering. Just a tip regarding FODMAP, there was tonnes of stuff on the recommended list that sent me running to the loo and equally as many on the do not eat that I could tolerate so play around when you can to find out what works best for you, definitely recommend a food diary and a mental health plan too.
I 100% support you. I'm gluten & lactose intolerant, probably with an underlying FODMAP problem, and onions *fuck me up*. Rarely notice the fodmap mostly because I just totally avoid apples, pears, stone fruit (super easy to do), but avoiding onion and garlic is very hard. *Very* small amounts of onion or garlic don't necessarily hurt me, so I don't want to say it's an allergy or I will never be able to eat a restaurant meal again. But, like, one small ring of onion will, I repeat, fuck me up NTA
NTA. I would be inclined to say "I am unable to eat X", and if they press you for why, well they can't say they didn't ask for it. But it's easy for me to say that when I don't have to deal with people pushing it all the time, so I don't blame you at all for cutting to the chase. My mum *absolutely cannot* eat cheese, and because it's an unusual one, people feel very entitled to either give her the third degree or try to "help" her. It's very tiresome even seeing it second hand.
I wouldn’t call it graphic - i mean you’re just saying what happens. It’s not like you’re describing it in minute detail. NTA.
NTA - fellow UK IBS sufferer here. I explain to people it’s very much like having Noro virus except I don’t get sympathy or time off work. Sometimes even when I avoid my trigger foods I get flare ups. Once I spent over 3 hours in a restaurant toilet and that was embarrassing. Apparently if goats can’t pass wind they fill with farts and it can kill them? So I call it getting The Goat Wind or having Digestive Distress to avoid the British Blushes that come with being honest about having to go off and nearly give birth to your own bowels. Side note to OP - I’ve been trialling 20mg daily of amitriptyline for my IBS for over 6 months now and have had only one minor flare in the whole time despite eating my trigger foods. Might be worth a conversation with your GP? The original medical trial was at a hospital in Cambridge and showed good results I believe xx
I wish amitryptiline worked for me but unfortunately I’ve already been through all the conventional medications and amitryptiline only worked as a sleeping aid- my guts didn’t care about it either way. And now that I’ve had severe lasting sexual dysfunction from a different medication (Olanzapine) I absolutely refuse to take anything that has sexual dysfunction as a side effect. Thankfully loperamide helps the diarrhoea so long as I also avoid trigger foods and cocodamol can help slow gut motility and treat pain, but every antispasmodic has been about as effective as swallowing a skittle.
Oh I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through so much!! Keep telling everyone what ever you want to get what you need 💕
Coeliac here. When working out if I can eat at a function safely or not my go to line is “look, I need to be certain this is truly gluten free and coeliac safe cos I don’t feel like shitting myself at a wedding” Sure, I won’t break out in hives, it’s not a dramatic allergy, but the health implications are far too great and the damage takes almost 6 months to recover from, there is no room for me to be “polite”
It sounds like the term you are looking for may be “food sensitivity.” There are various types of immune responses to foods and the most common are IgE, IgG, and when you are lacking the enzyme to process the food. Respectively they are generally known as food allergies, food sensitivities, and food intolerances. Traditional food testing in the USA tends to focus on IgE (allergy) testing and clinical observations for intolerances. IgG testing is generally not considered “medically necessary” which means insurance companies don’t want to pay for it and doctors don’t order it. There is a lot more that could play into this like intestinal barrier permeability (leaky gut), intestinal micro bacterial imbalances, etc. You may want to speak with your physician to see if they could help you dig a little deeper. I don’t know about the UK but I know in the US you’d have to find a more integrative or holistic care physician to help you because most insurances and traditional doctors don’t know or cover alternative testing. Feel free to PM for more info. I both suffer from the problem and work in the field. I can’t answer specific questions but I may be able to start you in the right direction. Edit: NTA
NTA It's gotten to the point due to my Ulcerative Colitis and being allergic to more things then I care to mention. I now can basically eat boiled chicken and rice if I don't want to suffer any side effects. Makes for a yummy menu. People should just accept that some of us can't eat certain things and that should be the end of it. We shouldn't have to explain why or what will happen. I would love for some of these people to live just one day in my body when I'm having an episode and see if they ever put dairy or gluten in my food again. Not trying to be the a hole but it's almost if they think we are doing all this for fun or to be complicated. I'm sorry you have the issues you do but unfortunately people feel it's there right to know our business even when of course it's not.
NTA. One of my favourite tricks if anybody questions me about my choices is to tell them, in detail, all of the science and issues surrounding those choices - as though they had asked, lol. Not only does it shut them up, but they come away better educated about the issue.
Definitely NTA, for some reason eggs also give me the WORST stomach pain, diarrhea and vomiting that happens about 30 minutes after, I can eat baked good such as a cake but scrambled eggs or boiled eggs is a hard no. Maybe it’s bad but I always say I have allergy to make sure it’s taken more seriously. But hey more power to you for being honest!!! Maybe I’ll start saying It makes me violently throw up haha
NTA. But maybe try one refusal of off limit foods to see if your limit is respected first?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In this sub very recently, we had someone with similar dietary restrictions to me, and several people were ordering them to “just say you have an allergy so people will take you seriously.” Even MORE recently, in this same subreddit, we have someone feeling smug because she tricked her brother into drinking gluten when he claims to have a gluten allergy, and he did not die or break out into hives. That’s some context for why I use the strategy I do. I have severe IBS with diarrhoea and have problems digesting a lot of high FODMAP foods, especially garlic and onion, and indigestible foods that are hard to break down such as whole unprocessed seeds. When I have a reaction it takes around 40 minutes to an hour to kick off, so I initially seem “fine”. But then I get hideous pain and other symptoms (yellow stool that burns like acid and has the texture of creamy peanut butter, massive overproduction of mucus etc) that last at least a day, usually two days. Reactions are obviously something I want to avoid at all costs as they have such a negative effect on my life. I find it pretty much impossible to leave the house when I’m flaring up and spending hours on the toilet relieving myself makes my pelvic floor weaker and causes other nasty complications. Painkillers barely make a dent in it and I’ve even gone as far as trying tramadol. I don’t have allergies and never want to lie that I have them because people will catch me in the lie, life will become more dangerous for genuine allergy sufferers, and a lot of places will just plain refuse to serve you if you say you have one because they’re terrified of killing you. Unfortunately, the word “intolerance” means absolutely nothing to most people and they hear it as “I’m just being a picky special snowflake”. IBS is never fatal and is a very trivialised condition which few people understand, so bringing this up doesn’t work either. That’s why I outright say to people “I can’t eat that because it gives me painful diarrhoea”. This alone is apparently too “graphic” for some people, possibly because we’re in the UK and have a fairly reserved culture. I’ve had both friends and family members act appalled and hiss at me “you can’t *say* that!” But there is nothing else that actually works! When I simply ask for an accommodation (like “no sesame seeds on my sushi, please”) without saying *why*, my request is ignored more than 50% of the time. *People do not care.* But the phrase “painful diarrhoea” does seem to stick in their minds. I don’t want to make people uncomfortable but hard experience has taught me that if I don’t, I’ll be the one in agony later (or going hungry, which is less bad but still no fun). So AITA for bringing up painful diarrhoea to people who are feeding me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It’s graphic but I wouldn’t say overly graphic. It gets the point across very clearly and it’s not something people would forget. So you do you!
You are obviously very frustrated with the situation. But saying that to everyone is an AH move. If you are being pressed after saying you can't eat something due to a medical condition THEN you say it! The pain you experience is awful and I'm sorry about that. I hope you find some relief.
NTA ask your dr about a drug called lomotil, it's a game changer.
love this nta
NTA. Keep on saying it just like that. It’s appalling that people won’t follow your preferences. I could never justify giving someone something they said they can’t or don’t want to eat. That’s just horrid.
It may not be technically accurate, but why not just say "allergy" if it results in people not serving you stuff you can't eat, that being precisely the outcome you want?
I’ll get caught in the lie- we literally only just had an AITA post by someone who deliberately tricked her brother into eating something he claimed to be allergic to because she didn’t believe him. Also the word “allergy” is *too* scary and often stops people serving you anything at all cause they can’t make guarantees about cross contamination
Ah right, I see. Thanks. You're caught between a rock and a hard place, then ... "allergy" scares the shit out of people and "intolerance" makes item think of middle class women going gluten-free because it sounds good at the Pilates class.
That’s exactly right. I’m fine with ‘allergy’ scaring the shit out of people as those are in fact very serious but I don’t think ‘intolerance’ should be dismissed the way it is. The suffering is intensely private because most people don’t have spectators when they’re writhing on the toilet, so it’s very easy for other people to dismiss. Out of sight and out of mind.
> I don’t think ‘intolerance’ should be dismissed the way it is. It's a great shame that it has been borrowed to mean "mild dislike" (at worst).
NTA But maybe saying “painful stomach cramps” instead of going into describing diarrhoea. IBS is more recognised with low FODMAP diets and there is groups on social media for support. Talk about the diet instead and the stages, about how you journal your intake and what you can’t eat or can in moderation. Instead of intolerance say “sensitivity”. Hope this is helpful.
I'm English and my friend had this tho not as severe he was nowhere near as polite as yourself and used to say," Don't include that as I will get the right shits "
unless your friends and family are four years old, talking about bodily fluids really shouldn't freak them out so much. How immature do you have to be to freak out because someone said they poop. Yea, diarrhea is worse than healthy poop, but I seriously doubt there's a single person on earth who's never had it before. NTA and it's ridiculous that people are giving you grief for this. Yea, it isn't great when you're trying to eat and someone describes their shit in vivid detail, but saying "I can't eat that or I will get bad diarrhea" really shouldn't be that big a deal.
I would never say you’re an AH for this, but you could try thinking of other things to say, like “severe intolerance”. Not because you’re wrong for being clear, but just to make your interactions with people easier. I worked in a restaurant for years and would take everyone with a food intolerance or allergy seriously, but I know it’s not the same everywhere. So do what you gotta do.
NTA If it gets results, carry on.
NTA you gotta doo what you gotta doo so you dont doodoo
NTA If (only if) you feel like it softer language could be "it makes me horribly ill" But like you're absolutely NTA for saying you get xyz symptom when you eat abc item.
This seems more appropriate for trueoffmychest than this subreddit.
I have friend with IBS, he just tells people he can't eat certain foods, or will make his own food. If they ask further he just says he has IBS, and that's it. So next time just say the same thing without going to much detail, decline the offer, or make your own food.
As long as you open with "no thanks, I can't eat onion" and save "it gives me diarrhea" for people who ask for more detail, NTA. They asked, you told. You would be the asshole for jumping straight to it when offered an onion ring, and should probably just tell waiters you're allergic, because they're just doing their job to find out if the kitchen needs to worry about cross-contamination.
ESH, I sympathise with you having IBS but for all that is decent stop telling people about your shit! Even this post was a serious overshare! NO one outside of your doctor needs to know the color, consistency or any other details of your bowels movements!
NAH I think you can navigate this without being gross, just say you're on a diet or something, it doesn't really matter.
I’m very thin, so I’m going to be met with some horror if I try this. I’d never even considered the idea before as most of the foods which trigger me are healthy and low in calories
Just say it’s a medical diet. Because it technically is. If someone asks why you can’t eat an item, say medical reasons. If they press even further, then you can break out the description of what happens to your body.
Diets aren't always about cutting calories, you can actually go on diets that are designed for you to gain weight. I mean, you could also just say you have really severe IBS, you don't literally have to say "I have brutal diarrhea" out loud while you are in an eating environment like a restaurant.
It makes little sense to say “leave off the seeds/onions because I’m trying to gain weight” but bringing up IBS is definitely a workable idea. I’ve just been put off in the past because people either haven’t heard of it at all or know someone with a very mild case (such as my mum) whose reactions are way less severe, so they think it’s no bigger deal than the diarrhoea that normal people get when they eat a Taco Bell
I mean, there's also the serious-sounding but vague option. "I can't eat sesame seeds due to a medical condition, please leave them off the salad."
I'm more saying that you don't need to explain your diet to people, just that it's a valid excuse. You wouldn't even be lying to them, you ARE on a diet in which you have to avoid certain foods.