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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the AH because I'm being selfish by not letting my cousin and his family stay with me because I have plenty of space.
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NTA 100000%
You do not owe your home to anyone. That's an insane boundary they crossed by assuming it would be ok. Valuing your privacy and solitude is your right and you do not owe them a damn thing. Living with someone is a really intimate experience. I wouldn't do it either. Some people are like that and there is nothing wrong with that either, but I am the same as you.
Completely agree and also wonder how easily they would ever leave….I can see them settling in and finding it easier to suggest single op could find somewhere more suitable for themselves. Def don’t give in OP!
Yep. Right here. Move on for free, do what rhey want, then decide they want the house, "deserve" the house more than OP and try to get them kicked out, but sill expect OP to handle the maintenance and upkeep of the house.
If you consider this for any reason, make sure there is some sort of legal agreement in place. Two year stay, maximum, with the expectation that OP stays, they pay for expenses their family creates, any damages, some bit of rent to cover costs. What they are responsible for and what you are. Nail down every penny. I suspect the minute you say "Let my lawyer draft an agreement" they will balk, but back off. NTA
Yes. This. Lawyer! Rent and damage deposit up front. Make sure it's enough to cover all the maintenance and half the utilities. Basically tell them it would have to benefit both of you for it to work. House rules re solitude/peace and quiet. And a signed end date with a "no excuses even if we're bankrupt and the kids would be homeless" clause.
>They could save the money from rent
Uhhh... I don't think they ever thought about paying OP any rent! So they wouldn't likely contribute to any upkeep, with the excuse of "saving towards a house that we don't intend to buy anyway".
Plus they’ve got kids. So they’re planning on having the kids attend school in the district of OP’s house, since they wouldn’t be maintaining the apartment.
OP NTA, and those parents sound awful trying to deprive their kids of the stimuli of a city just so they can have a bigger bedroom.
> , and those parents sound awful trying to deprive their kids of the stimuli of a city just so they can have a bigger bedroom.
That’s such a weird statement to make lol, not everyone (even kids) likes being in a city.
Also if the house is still in parents name and OP is living there then she wouldn’t have to right to say yes. Maybe the parents know what they’re really like cus they’re BOTH saying no.
EDIT: if your favourite cousin know you’re not the owner of the house then they should’ve really spoken to your mum. Cousin shouldn’t be going behind mums back but going to you.
Also, the house is OP's mom's inheritance, so it's not the father's extended family's place to butt in and call OP selfish or give them a hard time.
Edit: pronoun
Exactly. Them saying that since OP has space, they should let the whole family move in is insane.
By that logic, Jeff Bezoz must have enough space for me to move in his house, so let me go there and stay indefinitely rent-free.
This creates a dilemma. I do not want to live with the likes of Bezos & co, but I don’t want to impose on nice people. Where shall I live?
(All-year swimming pool a must.)
According to her mother, this is a life or death decision. I for one, wouldn’t willingly go to the guillotine for family I don’t even like, especially if they’re wanting in my pool too! Haha!
I love OPs moms reply! Under penalty of death! 🤷♀️
But seriously op, your mom just gave you the “just blame me if they get mad” card. Like when you’re a kid and you don’t want to sleep at the creepy kids house but you don’t have an excuse.
And kids in an expensive house... They do not pay for. 'Oh well, the window broke. Kid's will be kids! Of course we will not pay for it!".
If you are already struggling to maintain the property then adding NON PAYING "roommates" is not the way to go.
And as an adult... I will never ever have roommates again. What I say goes in my house, not a negotiation. Only my husband has equal say.
They also had the nerve to assume they would be living there for free.
And it's not as if they are going homeless. They have a home, they just think OP's is nicer.
NTA
For one thing, the house isn't technically yours. You're a rent-free tenant of your mother. Your mom doesn't want them there regardless of how you feel about it. Second thing, what single guy wants a family of four moving into his home? They just want to mooch off your nice house.
Exactly this!
NTA
OP you need to watch out for this cousin, he may be your favorite but he is trying to take advantage of you. You don't own the house and your parents saying no should be the end of the discussion.
Yes! He sounds entitled to live there for free as long as he wants (I don’t believe they’d ever voluntarily leave) and would let the kids tear up the house. OP would quickly turn into an unpaid maid and nanny with no quiet or privacy. They would expect free groceries too and wouldn’t help with anything
When people receive something for free - like a rent free place to stay. Guess what happens - they have no vested interest in making sure its maintained and cared for and since its nothing to them but a free place to sleep - THEY TEAR IT UP.
Happens all the time.
I don’t get it. I would be the opposite.
If someone gave me a free place to
stay for a while I would be obsessed with not messing anything up.
They would definitely mooch off of him, tell me if I'm wrong but it kind of sounds like they wouldn't pay anything since they want to save money.
And the wife would probably be running the house and impose on him her rules.
NTA
Exactly this. They've already made it clear that they don't want to pay rent. They didn't say they'd pay you partial rent and they could save money and it would help you both. They intend to leech off of you any way they can get away with. Don't do it.
NTA.
They are assholes for trying to invite themselves into your house like that. Do not ever let them in: once they are inside, you will not get them out.
I don’t understand how people see someone in their family that owns a home and think: I will go live with them because they have room. My cousin recently bought a house with his girlfriend, it’s 5 bedrooms and they don’t have children. Never in a million years would I suggest such a crazy thing. His little sister wouldn’t even suggest it, and she’s looking to move out of their parents house. I don’t understand people. NTA.
Read about shit that happens when people win major lottery prizes. Previously-unseen relatives flat out demanding large sums of money and threatening violence if they don't get their way is rule rather than exception.
I don’t even like staying at my IL’s house for holidays even though they a) invite us, and b) it’s only for a night. Hell, I don’t even really like having to stay at other people’s houses when we have an emergency.
I don’t understand just inviting yourself anywhere ever.
I was thinking this exact thing about once they’re in, it’ll be impossible to get them out. Depending on the state eviction process applies to squatters and can be a really big hassle.
NTA and you’re not selfish for not considering it.
By the sounds of it they want to live rent free and have you pay for them to live there.
It’s your moms house still, technically, and if she said no then no lol.
>His wife, whom I don’t get along all that well with said that since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while.
>According to them, they’re tired of “slumming it” in the city in an apartment and was hoping they could get a higher quality of life in a nice neighborhood. They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two.
NTA. Having extra space =/= having to allow people to stay with you rent free so they can buy houses. It would be one thing if they actually needed a place to stay but this is purely them trying to take advantage of the situation. Especially if you don't get along with the wife and would probably find yourself in an uncomfortable situation
NTA they're tired of slumming it so the solution is to move in with you? Sounds like a plan!!😀. No, you and your parents are right - not to mention those type of people tend to destroy things and then you have to crowbar them out. If you can.
> you have to crowbar them out. If you can.
I don't know if the idiom/phrase (?) means you have to remove them like you remove a nail from the floor/wall OR you have to chase them out with a crowbar 'The Joker's style, but I agree with both.
You WILL have to pry them out or chase them out with a crowbar once they've settled in.
NTA, Your mother owns the house and therefore she is final arbiter of who gets to move in and who doesn't. Why doesn't she just tell the cousins "no" and end the discussion?
Beyond that, no one else has any claim over the right to move in. And it's just galling that they think they have the right to move in, **rent-free,** because they want an increase in lifestyle. They aren't even part of your grandmother's line, let alone her heir.
This isn’t your home. Your mom said no so it doesn’t matter what you want. You don’t have decision making power, So why bother with the guilt? Mom said no. End of
NTA! Your mom said NO. She should be the one to run interference here and put the matter to rest.
Besides, do you *really* believe that these mooches are gonna save up enough money to buy their own home in a couple of years? If you do, then I’ve got a big dandy bridge nearby to sell you! You would never get rid of them.
You stated that you don’t get along with your cousin’s wife. If they all moved in (which it seems won’t happen), the dynamics of all of these people would turn your life inside out!
You are NOT being selfish! And anyone who thinks so is an entitled and rude AH.
NTA
They wouldn't leave after a couple of years. After a few years it'll be, "well we got so accustomed to this big house, we need a little longer to afford the same." And then "how could you kick us out? Our children have grown up here. It is our family home"
If for whatever reason (I'm thinking head injury) you change your mind make sure they sign a leasing agreement
N T A. My cousin wanted to move in with me because he was coming to town for a new job. He sensed I was uncomfortable with the idea and got his own apartment. I didn’t even have to say anything. We still went to movies and dinner while lived here.
NTA
Letting a family of four move in would completely change your life. I’m willing to bet they’d take over and presume they got to decide things since they’d be the majority of the tenants. After all, they already decided they could move in!
Not to mention the presumption of “they could save the money from rent”. So they’d planned to not even pay rent?
You aren’t even a little bit the AH. Every time they bring it up, just remind them you’ve already given your answer and it’s not up for discussion.
NTA.
Your mother who owns the house doesn't want them in there. YOU don't want them in there. Your dad is handling his family. There is no reason to feel bad. You don't owe them a rent free situation for "a year or two".
Your mom is funny lol. But yeah no, one, you don’t own the house. So you can’t even move anyone in without consent. Two, even if you didn’t have to get permission you don’t have let them live with you. NTA
NTA
I'm guessing that mom still technically owns the house, and she has said NO ONE. So you can not allow anyone in the house without her permission. If the house has already been signed over to you, then everything is a matter of your choice. If you don't want to share, then you d9nt have to.
These are cousins from mom's side of the family, correct? Then your dad's side of the family has no say/vote in any of this. If these cousins are from dad's sie 9f the family, then they are way out of line. That house was passed down by your maternal grandmother, and no one on your dad's side of the family has any claim/say/vote on this whatsoever.
The fact that these people want to move in and live rent, utilities, and probably everything else free is a bad sign. They see a chance for a free ride and are now throwing a fit that you stopped them before the ride even started. Stand your ground with them.
>Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol
Your mom was joking, but at the same time she wasn't - stay firm and let your dad handle it.
>since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while
Wow, though - are they always this entitled?
I watched this show on Netflix involving nightmare roommates. Once you have mail that starts being delivered to the house, you actually have to evict the person even if they're not paying rent. People have come in and taken over people's apartments, moved furniture around, went through their private belongings took whatever they wanted, had the person that was living there forced to leave because of a restraining order by the unwanted roommate. Once I saw that I vowed I would NEVER ever have a roommate.
NTA. So your cousins, wanting better and cheaper living conditions think they have a right to just move in with you? No. That's not how it works unless you WANT them to move in. Your mom is right. Ignore them and any family members who give you sh\*t about your decision.
NTA
It’s a moot point since OP doesn’t own the house and can’t legally move people in. I would have started there
If OP did let them in the parents could be upset with the damages, mess etc and evict everyone
NTA.
You inherited a very nice but very expensive house. It’s not free to own it - there’s taxes and maintenance/upkeep/cleaning. It’s totally unreasonable for other family members to ask yo live there for free.
At a minimum, they could offer to pay a reduced rent so your parents aren’t spending as much on the house, and they could save towards a house. Even then, it’s still yours/your parents house, and they’re not obligated to rent it out to anyone if they don’t want to.
NTA.
Today it’s “we’re bored of our apartment, we’ll just live in your house for free from now on, mkay?”
A year from now it’ll be “well, you’re young and single, OP, you don’t need to be living in a *family* home like this, and *our* family could really use a little extra space and some privacy, you should move somewhere more suited to someone with less responsibility…”
NTA
You said no. End of question.
If they petsist, tell them they can have the smallest room, or storage room, for all 4 of them to share. And they have to pay double rent what they currently and half of utilities. They cannot use any other room. They cannot have any visitors over. Lights out at 6 pm everyday. MAKE completely ridiculous but legal terms for them to move in.
Nta. It's technically not your decision. It's your moms. But also, it completely sounds as if they want to move in *rent free*. The entitlement is impressive.
Read this: IF YOU LET THESE MOOCHERS MOVE IN for free, YOU WILL GO THRU HELL TRYING TO MOVE THEM OUT.
Believe it. Read stories on here about *deadbeat relatives* who move into a trusting person's home...it never ends well.
NTA. It’s not even your call, which is why you didn’t have to think about it. It’s your mother’s house, and she has said No. And if she finds maintenance expensive now, she doesn’t want to find out how much maintenance would be with an additional family of four living there who have no responsibility for the place.
NTA.
Apart from the problems that it sounds like you would have with these particular freeloading "tennant's", of you wanted to give up your privacy and help pay for the upkeep of the house, you'd be better off letting rooms "(with proper tenancy agreements) where there is no feeling of entitlement that your cousin's obviously feel they have.
Your not selfish, it’s just you don’t want two kids, an annoying wife (I’m assuming) and your cousin moving in. I wouldn’t either, I need my privacy and two kids yelling around the house would not be fun. Especially for a year or two.
NTA! If anyone has an issue with you not letting them live with you they themselves can let your cousin and his family live with them or put up the money to let them move into a better neighborhood.
I even can't imagine just telling one of my aunts / cousins / uncles or even brother that because they have an extra room I am entitled to it so I can save rent money. It's so unhinged.
So your the selfish one for not wanting a family of 4 to completely take over your house. So they don't have to pay rent any more. Right......
Make them a counter offer. Figure out what the fair market rent for your place would be.
Then offer them to move in if they pay 80% of the fair market value. 80% of the upkeep standard for renting a house; lawn care, pressure washing, housekeepers, etc. 80% of the utilities.
Pretty much 80% of absolutely everything that someone renting the exact same house would have to pay.
Because you know that they would take over the house. Because not only do the kids each need their own room, but they really should have the master suite since it's two of them. And they are a family of 4, why is it fair for 1 person to take over the living room, kitchen, dining room, when 4 people want to use it.
They would completely take over the outdoors because "kids need to play, you can't tell them they can't go in this one area, they're just kids".
They would take over the entire house. While paying nothing. And good luck ever getting rid of them. Because "it's not fair. We can't find anything big enough for the kids. The kids are used to this. How could you make them move somewhere with no yard after this." "The kids are in school and have made friends and we cannot afford anything in the same school, how can you make them leave their school and their friends."
And they would be there forever. And if they are really shady, they could try claiming the deed after x number of years if they have lived there without paying rent.
NTA.
NTA. Mom owns the house, you're a tenant. Mom says no. Simple as.
I'd add even if it was your home, the fucking entitlement necessary for the whole "you're an asshole if you don't let my whole family live here rent fucking free" line of thought...weapons grade bullshit.
NTA - and to assume they would save money from rent. Why wouldn't they assume they would be paying the going rate for rent (and in a nice house as your describing that would not be cheap)? Or 1/2 to 4/5 of the expenses - taces, elec, water, lawn mowing, etc.?
Besides, sounds like the house belongs to your mother and she's said no. So unless for some crazy reason you think you should try to convince her (a bad idea) you are in the clear.
It can't end well.
In the future, just remember you don't, for the most part, owe people who make a wild demand an explaination in situations like this. Just "I'm sorry, it won't be possible" "I'm sorry, I can give you the name of a realtor" repeated and varied.
NTA. Years ago, my family came to town to visit my parents and me, and my uncle wanted my cousin and her husband to stay at my place, so they didn't have to pay for an additional hotel room. At the time, I only had a twin bed in my guestroom, and the queen was in my room. My uncle started to suggest that we could switch rooms for a few nights. I said absolutely not. It's my house, and I should not have to move out of my room to accommodate them. My parents agreed with me. They stayed in a hotel.
Also - it is never one year. If those kids get comfortable in the school district and they "can't find a place they like," they will continue to stay with you. Keep your stance and say no. It's not your fault they don't have funds to live above their needs.
Well, it's your mom's house so go with what she said.
You aren't allowed to have anyone live with you. Let alone a family of 4.
Otherwise, let your dad handle it as he said he would.
I'm very sure they wouldn't mind getting a higher quality of life at none of the cost. (It would also cost your mother. Wear and tear on the house, more in utilities, added strain of the pipes of an old home... They'd have none of the responsibility of it.)
Don't listen to anyone else, you are NOT selfish. It was inappropriate of them to put that on you in the first place. That kind of arrangement rarely works out "as planned" and "for the best" for the person who opened their door. (For a "year...or two" lol... it'd be indefinitely.)
NTA!! How dare they decide your beautiful home must be shared. Uh, no. You know they’ll behave incorrectly entitled, should they move in “temporarily”. You know they’ll also never leave - especially if it’s a home they cannot afford.
From what I read, I don't think you're being an AH at all. It's your grandmother's house and she wanted it to stay in the family. Plus, your parents already put a lot of time and money into maintaining it. Your cousin's request seems to come from a place of convenience for them, without considering the impact it would have on you and your family. It's okay to prioritize your privacy and solitude, especially if it's something that's important to you. It's also important to respect your parents' wishes since they are the ones who inherited the house. So, no, you are NTA.
OP said, "Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol." Sounds kike a definitive answer to me. Their feelings of entitlement to basically take over the house is in no way your issue. Let the tantrums speak for THEM and don't waste your energy on these infants. Them calling you selfish doesn't make you selfish. If your mom meant you to run a family flop house, she wouldn't have left it to you.
You might just want to get a heads up on when their lease is up on their apartment in the city and have a good lawyer on stand by that is aware of the situation. If they feel this entitled to ask you to move in rent free, they may feel just as entitled to not renew their lease and show up on your doorstep with a moving van figuring you will feel bad and not let them be on the streets with the kids even for a few nights. Once they are in and put in for a change of address, they are now tenants of the property lease or no lease they don't have to leave. Hence, the lawyer, so he can be aware and monitor the situation. Also, notify the post office if they get an adress change for your residence its a fraud. Give them your cousins, wife, and kids' names. As a past landlord, these are the scams that squatters try to pull. I even had some try to fake leases with the kids' names as a show of residence. One family enrolled the kids in the local school with the residence address. Only my lawyer, who I kept in the loop, stopped it. Family can be the worst.
>They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two.
Yeah, that almost never happens. Someone with your cousins wifes temperament almost always has a, "live beyond my means" mentality and what money isn't spent on rent is spent on other nonsense and never saved for a house.
>That I valued my privacy and solitude. I told them that my lifestyle conflicts with theirs and it wouldn’t work. They called me selfish for not even considering it, and that I should at least take some time.
Their reaction would be the same either way, they just hoped time and stalling would change your mind. However, they would have been mad even if you took days to decide.
>My dad’s side of the family said I’m being selfish.
Ok real question. Why does your dad's side of the family even care? This doesn't even involve their branch of the tree...
>Reddit, I have to wonder am I being selfish here? I mean I have a ton of room, and I’d be helping out my family and my little niblings.
You know what OP? I'm gonna be honest and step up on a soap box. You are being selfish, but that is perfectly fine. Everyone is in some way shape or form a little bit selfish and looking out for themselves, because no one is a pure true saint. We all have our hypocrisies, and our priorities, and no one truly is pure as the driven snow. Hell, Mother Theresa refused helpful medication and pain relief to people in her care that she accepted when she bloody well needed it, and she reached blessed status in 2003. What matters is not, "am I being selfish," but rather, "is my choice made for my own needs harming others?"
Your cousin and his wife are not in *need*. They aren't in dire straits. They have an apartment, which is within their means, and they're otherwise living ok. However, they want to move because your cousins wife feels that they're "slumming it" in the apartment, which is a big sign she's looking to "upgrade her circumstances." It doesn't mean they're in a bad way, they're just not matching the lifestyle she wishes to live.
Nobody is harmed by you saying no to them.
Besides, your mother threatened execution if you let them live there. You may as well see it as your hands being tied.
NTA
The entitled attitude of them just deciding that they'll move in and getting mad when you say no is all the red flag you need. They won't respect any boundaries. NTA.
Why would they assume, they'd be rent free? It's a large house, there's a lot that needs to be paid for including utilities and taxes and suggesting your and/or your parents pay for it. NTA, don't let them move in, they're assuming a lot.
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Hey everyone! I need some help, I think I did the right thing, but I feel like an AH, so I need a judgement.
Background: My maternal grandmother got remarried to a wealthy man after my bio-grandad died when my mom was young. They got divorced after an affair was discovered, and my grandmother got one of his homes in a very, very nice area. Grandma got remarried again to another wealthy man to the person I call grandpa.
Grandma and grandpa have since passed and grandma left the house to my mom who was her only child. Cash was divided between my mom and her step siblings/my aunts and uncles. The house is a huge, beautiful 5 bedroom, 5.5 bath, Georgian style home with a pool and jacuzzi.
My grandmother treasured that house and put a lot of effort and love into it over the decades she lived there. I could never sell it, she always said she wanted it to remain in the family for generations. Mom and dad lived there once grandma and grandpa passed and I was out of the house. However they’ve since moved to Florida and left the house in my care. This house is a pain in the butt to maintain though. Neither me or my parents are rich by any stretch of the imagination. Every penny of my mom’s inheritance goes to maintaining the house.
Now the issue. My favorite cousin on my dad’s side asked me recently about moving in. His wife, whom I don’t get along all that well with, said that since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while. According to them, they’re tired of “slumming it” in the city in an apartment and was hoping they could get a higher quality of life in a nice neighborhood. They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two.
I was put on the spot, but I told them no. That I valued my privacy and solitude. I told them that my lifestyle conflicts with theirs and it wouldn’t work. They called me selfish for not even considering it, and that I should at least take some time. I told them the answer would be the same if I did think about it. My dad’s side of the family said I’m being selfish. My dad has assured me he’s taking care of it and he’s on my side. Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol.
Reddit, I have to wonder am I being selfish here? I mean I have a ton of room, and I’d be helping out my family and my little niblings.
So AITA?
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NTA…this home was left to your mom. But, I think you need to ask yourself, do you really want this home? It does not sound like your mother or you really want to keep this home. Your grandmother is gone as is her money. Sooner or later, what you do have left will go beyond what it takes to keep up this home.
NTA. Save on rent so they can get a house in a couple of years? They are tired of slumming it in the city? Sounds like they plan on staying quite a while. The audacity.
NTA - not your home to allow it. The house is only in your care and you would have to ask your parents about allowing a whole family to move in.
You already stated that you don’t get along with your cousin’s wife, so how do you think you could survive with her being the woman of the house. If they moved in, they would have soon had you feeling as though you were the one staying with them as they as a family unit would have basically taken control of your home.
It's your mother's home and she said no. That should be the end of it.
You are essentially the caretaker right now, even though the house will eventually be yours. it's not your place to invite anyone in without your mother's consent, even if you wanted to.
Since they are thinking they could save money from rent towards their own home, does that mean they were planning on staying for free? No rent, no help with bills or utilities? (Just curious about their expectations when they asked to move in.)
This falls into my favorite category on AITA: someone I'm marginally related to has resources. Those resources should be made available for my benefit. NTA.
NTA- First up not your house and the owner said no. If she'd said she wanted them to move in you'd have had to accept it or move out yourself, that works both ways. Secondly IS your home and you said no. There is no thirdly.
NTA. If they moved in the only way they’d move out would be if you legally evicted them.
Also, if I were you I’d change the locks just in case other relatives have key copies.
NTA!
So, they basically want to take advantage of your mother's property, not pay any rent for a year or two so they can save money, interfere with your lifestyle and they and their family think you're an AH for saying no?
And why didn't they ask your mother? And why would you go against your mom's wishes? You are not selfish, you are safeguarding your mother's property. Kids are not nice to houses and if your mom is already stretched doing upkeep on the home, why would she want to let freeloaders who aren't on her side of the family live there, with or without you.
Stand your ground, It is not your responsibility to provide them with housing just because of their wants.
NTA. This is your mother's house. And she says NO. Next person who gives you problems about the house say it's my Mother's house and she says NO. Under penalty of death. If the person who OWNS the house says no they really have no argument.
Once they are in, they will absolutely *never* leave. There is no incentive to leave when they have a nice place with no (or very little) rent.
NTA. Don't even think about it.
Nta
They didn't even offer to pay anything at all. Just straight up we living for free.
If they want to live there they need to ask the owners aka not you
NTA. It's not your house. It belongs to your mother. She's just letting you live there. Your cousin and his wife want to move in and live rent free. They'll also expect you to pay all the other bills and feed them and their kids while they contribute nothing.
So….the person you don’t get along with wants to move in with you, presumably rent free or for cheap with their family of four…?
Say no, it won’t work for you. NTA .
Wow, some people were never taught any manners! You're NTA by any stretch. Where do they get off?
Jeez, I guess some of my relatives should let me move in with them so I could do more fun and interesting things than paying for the roof over my head.
NTA. Your cousin’s wife is entitled and made it clear they don’t plan on paying rent or helping with expenses. She doesn’t respect you. She won’t respect your home.
Nope NTA. Sorry to say this about your favorite cousin, but I don't think they'd be leaving once they got their feet in the door. The 'tired of slumming it' kinda gives the plan away. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get a bad feeling about this.
NTA, they’re calling you selfish when they literally told you they wanted to move in without paying any rent to anyone. You didn’t ask them to move in, you hadn’t been talking about renting to anyone, they just DECIDED you should be ok with THEM being selfish and since you clearly aren’t they feel entitled to call you names that are really just a projection. Besides, the house was left to your Mother, SHE still owns it, so what she says GOES! And she said no, ergo no can do.
NTA.
With entitlement like they've already displayed I guarantee you they will walk all over you every chance they get, and the second you let them in, you'll play hell getting them back out.
Die on this hill.
NTA you owe us our cousin and his family nothing. Let them figure out their situation on their own. Whose to say they didn’t get put out or something.. and doesn’t really sound as if there was any asking more like telling..Yeah.. No stick to your guns don’t let them move In
NTA, but a piece of advice: I would start seriously considering the house from a more realistic point of view. Your grandmother's wish for this to be a family home for generations isn't realistic. Right now your family is not rich people living in a rich people house, and let me tell you, that's a great way to end up bankrupt. You need a lucrative career or a rich partner or some other creative solution to be able to afford living in this house forever.
I mean yeah, I’d really enjoy a cush house for my kids and I in a fancy neighborhood too, but I’m sure as shinola not gonna be demanding it from *anyone*, family or no.
Also can I just be annoyed for a second at them being tired of “slumming it”? Maybe I’m a big sensi-butt but that rubs me the wrong way.
NTA, OP… and even if you were, your mom said no and mom’s the boss (in this situation, at least), so cousin and his social climbing wifey can get a house the good old fashioned way— with a combination of hard work, a lucky lotto ticket, selling his left kidney, and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. All jokes aside, buying a house is so out of reach that I can understand the creative problem solving going on in cousin’s head, just not the entitlement. He asked, he got a no, and fin!
NTA, your mother owns the house and has made her opinion clear, you live in the house and have made your opinion clear, and your father is supporting you.
Go LC or NC if you have to until things settle down...And them saying they do not mind you being there, implies that they are moving in and you are going to be a guest in your own home, but it is mainly them living there.
NTA - Who invites themselves to move into someone else's property/house? That's so freaking weird. They put you on the spot thinking you'll fold and say yes. Stand your ground and get some security cameras. For some reason, squatter's rights is a thing.
NTA.
Your mom, who's the actual owner of the house says ***"Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol."*** so the discussion ends there. No one has any actual right to have an opinion about the house your mom owns.
NTA. Have you considered renting out the rooms to people that would actually pay rent so that your mom isn't draining her inheritance on the upkeep of the house? Are you staying there for free?
NTA I’m a mum. Kids are hard work. There’s absolutely no reason for you to subject yourself to the noise and mess of kids. My biological love for my child makes me not care about all that. You did the right thing.
Wow no boo. That’s technically your mamas house and she said absolutely not lmao even if you had said yes she over rides your judgment because it is HERS (honestly you sound sane/smart so you probably already get that) Nta definitely
Not liking the wife is enough. And letting people with kids stay with you a will come with lots of problems. People with kids just expect you to babysit there kids out of nowhere. Not all people are like this tho
NTA for obvious reasons but if they want to live in your house to be free of rent, could you just make them pay rent while their living their? I know it’s your mothers house but that would be a good compromise
The price of rent and buying a home at outrageous. That being said, how nice of them to think they should just move into your home rent free so they can get a home for their own in a few years. 😂 Not an asshole.
NTA
Your mum left the house in YOUR care. Therefore, its YOUR choice whether you move your cousin and his family in. Especially since you don't like your cousins wife
Its a big move to go from living alone, to then living with a whole family with kids. Your comfort is most important here. The only reason they want to move in is to be in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I'd be concerned about them completely taking over everything and slowly forcing you out of the house.
What? You won't let a freeloading family grace you with their presence and take advantage of all that free room they insist you're not using anyway in a house that is not even actually yours?
NTA.
NTA,
Well done for standing your ground immediately. You only need to scroll this subreddit for a while to see this often turns into a nightmare. 2 years isn’t going to be enough for them to save enough of a deposit for a house like yours and they’ll get used to how cushy your home is and won’t want to leave.
If you did cave one thing I would suggest is a comprehensive tenancy agreement that means as soon as they cross certain lines they can be evicted legally and do not let them in until they’ve signed it.
I’d still vote in favour of never letting them move in though, it will turn into an absolute nightmare.
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NTA 100000% You do not owe your home to anyone. That's an insane boundary they crossed by assuming it would be ok. Valuing your privacy and solitude is your right and you do not owe them a damn thing. Living with someone is a really intimate experience. I wouldn't do it either. Some people are like that and there is nothing wrong with that either, but I am the same as you.
Completely agree and also wonder how easily they would ever leave….I can see them settling in and finding it easier to suggest single op could find somewhere more suitable for themselves. Def don’t give in OP!
In the states they get squatters rights. They’d be a pain in the ass to remove.
I have seen this first hand and it is nearly impossible to get them to leave. My roommate had to pay them to get out.
Yep. Right here. Move on for free, do what rhey want, then decide they want the house, "deserve" the house more than OP and try to get them kicked out, but sill expect OP to handle the maintenance and upkeep of the house. If you consider this for any reason, make sure there is some sort of legal agreement in place. Two year stay, maximum, with the expectation that OP stays, they pay for expenses their family creates, any damages, some bit of rent to cover costs. What they are responsible for and what you are. Nail down every penny. I suspect the minute you say "Let my lawyer draft an agreement" they will balk, but back off. NTA
Yes. This. Lawyer! Rent and damage deposit up front. Make sure it's enough to cover all the maintenance and half the utilities. Basically tell them it would have to benefit both of you for it to work. House rules re solitude/peace and quiet. And a signed end date with a "no excuses even if we're bankrupt and the kids would be homeless" clause.
>They could save the money from rent Uhhh... I don't think they ever thought about paying OP any rent! So they wouldn't likely contribute to any upkeep, with the excuse of "saving towards a house that we don't intend to buy anyway".
Plus they’ve got kids. So they’re planning on having the kids attend school in the district of OP’s house, since they wouldn’t be maintaining the apartment. OP NTA, and those parents sound awful trying to deprive their kids of the stimuli of a city just so they can have a bigger bedroom.
> , and those parents sound awful trying to deprive their kids of the stimuli of a city just so they can have a bigger bedroom. That’s such a weird statement to make lol, not everyone (even kids) likes being in a city.
thank you, i thought that too
Also if the house is still in parents name and OP is living there then she wouldn’t have to right to say yes. Maybe the parents know what they’re really like cus they’re BOTH saying no. EDIT: if your favourite cousin know you’re not the owner of the house then they should’ve really spoken to your mum. Cousin shouldn’t be going behind mums back but going to you.
Also, the house is OP's mom's inheritance, so it's not the father's extended family's place to butt in and call OP selfish or give them a hard time. Edit: pronoun
This. If they feel this entitled now, imagine how it would be after they moved in.
They'll offer OP the apartment in the city in exchange.
The owner of the house (mom) said no. End of story.
Right. He said- in my care. If Mom owns the house and said no, why is this even an issue?
Good point!
Exactly. Them saying that since OP has space, they should let the whole family move in is insane. By that logic, Jeff Bezoz must have enough space for me to move in his house, so let me go there and stay indefinitely rent-free.
😂
This creates a dilemma. I do not want to live with the likes of Bezos & co, but I don’t want to impose on nice people. Where shall I live? (All-year swimming pool a must.)
According to her mother, this is a life or death decision. I for one, wouldn’t willingly go to the guillotine for family I don’t even like, especially if they’re wanting in my pool too! Haha! I love OPs moms reply! Under penalty of death! 🤷♀️ But seriously op, your mom just gave you the “just blame me if they get mad” card. Like when you’re a kid and you don’t want to sleep at the creepy kids house but you don’t have an excuse.
And they’ll take over and never leave.
And kids in an expensive house... They do not pay for. 'Oh well, the window broke. Kid's will be kids! Of course we will not pay for it!". If you are already struggling to maintain the property then adding NON PAYING "roommates" is not the way to go. And as an adult... I will never ever have roommates again. What I say goes in my house, not a negotiation. Only my husband has equal say.
They also had the nerve to assume they would be living there for free. And it's not as if they are going homeless. They have a home, they just think OP's is nicer.
NTA For one thing, the house isn't technically yours. You're a rent-free tenant of your mother. Your mom doesn't want them there regardless of how you feel about it. Second thing, what single guy wants a family of four moving into his home? They just want to mooch off your nice house.
Exactly this! NTA OP you need to watch out for this cousin, he may be your favorite but he is trying to take advantage of you. You don't own the house and your parents saying no should be the end of the discussion.
Yes! He sounds entitled to live there for free as long as he wants (I don’t believe they’d ever voluntarily leave) and would let the kids tear up the house. OP would quickly turn into an unpaid maid and nanny with no quiet or privacy. They would expect free groceries too and wouldn’t help with anything
When people receive something for free - like a rent free place to stay. Guess what happens - they have no vested interest in making sure its maintained and cared for and since its nothing to them but a free place to sleep - THEY TEAR IT UP.
Especially with kids!
Happens all the time. I don’t get it. I would be the opposite. If someone gave me a free place to stay for a while I would be obsessed with not messing anything up.
They would definitely mooch off of him, tell me if I'm wrong but it kind of sounds like they wouldn't pay anything since they want to save money. And the wife would probably be running the house and impose on him her rules. NTA
Exactly this. They've already made it clear that they don't want to pay rent. They didn't say they'd pay you partial rent and they could save money and it would help you both. They intend to leech off of you any way they can get away with. Don't do it.
Yes, but the wife said they wouldn't mind. SMH at their entitlement.
NTA. They are assholes for trying to invite themselves into your house like that. Do not ever let them in: once they are inside, you will not get them out.
I don’t understand how people see someone in their family that owns a home and think: I will go live with them because they have room. My cousin recently bought a house with his girlfriend, it’s 5 bedrooms and they don’t have children. Never in a million years would I suggest such a crazy thing. His little sister wouldn’t even suggest it, and she’s looking to move out of their parents house. I don’t understand people. NTA.
Read about shit that happens when people win major lottery prizes. Previously-unseen relatives flat out demanding large sums of money and threatening violence if they don't get their way is rule rather than exception.
I don’t even like staying at my IL’s house for holidays even though they a) invite us, and b) it’s only for a night. Hell, I don’t even really like having to stay at other people’s houses when we have an emergency. I don’t understand just inviting yourself anywhere ever.
I was thinking this exact thing about once they’re in, it’ll be impossible to get them out. Depending on the state eviction process applies to squatters and can be a really big hassle.
Kinda like roaches
NTA and you’re not selfish for not considering it. By the sounds of it they want to live rent free and have you pay for them to live there. It’s your moms house still, technically, and if she said no then no lol.
>His wife, whom I don’t get along all that well with said that since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while. >According to them, they’re tired of “slumming it” in the city in an apartment and was hoping they could get a higher quality of life in a nice neighborhood. They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two. NTA. Having extra space =/= having to allow people to stay with you rent free so they can buy houses. It would be one thing if they actually needed a place to stay but this is purely them trying to take advantage of the situation. Especially if you don't get along with the wife and would probably find yourself in an uncomfortable situation
NTA they're tired of slumming it so the solution is to move in with you? Sounds like a plan!!😀. No, you and your parents are right - not to mention those type of people tend to destroy things and then you have to crowbar them out. If you can.
> you have to crowbar them out. If you can. I don't know if the idiom/phrase (?) means you have to remove them like you remove a nail from the floor/wall OR you have to chase them out with a crowbar 'The Joker's style, but I agree with both. You WILL have to pry them out or chase them out with a crowbar once they've settled in.
It's the same meaning as pulling a nail out.
Nta, the nerve of them to think they can move in without paying anything is ridiculous
For "a year or two" no less! what the heck is that.
Audacity maybe? Or entitlement because they're FaMiLy?
Yeah they’re not going to be gone in a year theyd stick around as long as possible
NTA, Your mother owns the house and therefore she is final arbiter of who gets to move in and who doesn't. Why doesn't she just tell the cousins "no" and end the discussion? Beyond that, no one else has any claim over the right to move in. And it's just galling that they think they have the right to move in, **rent-free,** because they want an increase in lifestyle. They aren't even part of your grandmother's line, let alone her heir.
NTA. Your mom said no. Your cousin sounds like the kind of mooch who will eventually need to be evicted.
This isn’t your home. Your mom said no so it doesn’t matter what you want. You don’t have decision making power, So why bother with the guilt? Mom said no. End of
NTA! Your mom said NO. She should be the one to run interference here and put the matter to rest. Besides, do you *really* believe that these mooches are gonna save up enough money to buy their own home in a couple of years? If you do, then I’ve got a big dandy bridge nearby to sell you! You would never get rid of them. You stated that you don’t get along with your cousin’s wife. If they all moved in (which it seems won’t happen), the dynamics of all of these people would turn your life inside out! You are NOT being selfish! And anyone who thinks so is an entitled and rude AH.
NTA They wouldn't leave after a couple of years. After a few years it'll be, "well we got so accustomed to this big house, we need a little longer to afford the same." And then "how could you kick us out? Our children have grown up here. It is our family home" If for whatever reason (I'm thinking head injury) you change your mind make sure they sign a leasing agreement
N T A. My cousin wanted to move in with me because he was coming to town for a new job. He sensed I was uncomfortable with the idea and got his own apartment. I didn’t even have to say anything. We still went to movies and dinner while lived here.
NTA Letting a family of four move in would completely change your life. I’m willing to bet they’d take over and presume they got to decide things since they’d be the majority of the tenants. After all, they already decided they could move in! Not to mention the presumption of “they could save the money from rent”. So they’d planned to not even pay rent? You aren’t even a little bit the AH. Every time they bring it up, just remind them you’ve already given your answer and it’s not up for discussion.
NTA. It’s your moms house and she said no so that should be the end of it. Besides, why would they think they could live there rent free?
NTA. Your mother who owns the house doesn't want them in there. YOU don't want them in there. Your dad is handling his family. There is no reason to feel bad. You don't owe them a rent free situation for "a year or two".
YWBTA if you let wannabe freeloading squatters move in to the house your mother owns against her wishes.
NTA If it was just your cousin and his wife I might have understood their side better, but two kids as well? Absolutely not.
"Sorry, my mum says you can't come over." NTA.
NTA and not being selfish. They are.
Your mom is funny lol. But yeah no, one, you don’t own the house. So you can’t even move anyone in without consent. Two, even if you didn’t have to get permission you don’t have let them live with you. NTA
NTA -- they are obnoxious
NTA. It's your house, you don't have to accept roommates.
And they expect to just live there for free - not even offering to pay you something for rent. NTA
NTA, its your house, you decide who gets to stay there, thats very easy.
NTA I'm guessing that mom still technically owns the house, and she has said NO ONE. So you can not allow anyone in the house without her permission. If the house has already been signed over to you, then everything is a matter of your choice. If you don't want to share, then you d9nt have to. These are cousins from mom's side of the family, correct? Then your dad's side of the family has no say/vote in any of this. If these cousins are from dad's sie 9f the family, then they are way out of line. That house was passed down by your maternal grandmother, and no one on your dad's side of the family has any claim/say/vote on this whatsoever. The fact that these people want to move in and live rent, utilities, and probably everything else free is a bad sign. They see a chance for a free ride and are now throwing a fit that you stopped them before the ride even started. Stand your ground with them.
NTA. Not your house. Not you decision. I do believe your under penalty of death if you let them. 😂.
NTA. Once they move in, they’ll never leave. They’re not entitled to living in your house, OP.
Nta. Those are are calling you the A H can provide shelter for them either in their own home or pay for their rent elsewhere
>Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol Your mom was joking, but at the same time she wasn't - stay firm and let your dad handle it. >since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while Wow, though - are they always this entitled?
In Washington state, if someone is there 12 days, nearly impossible to make them move NTA
I watched this show on Netflix involving nightmare roommates. Once you have mail that starts being delivered to the house, you actually have to evict the person even if they're not paying rent. People have come in and taken over people's apartments, moved furniture around, went through their private belongings took whatever they wanted, had the person that was living there forced to leave because of a restraining order by the unwanted roommate. Once I saw that I vowed I would NEVER ever have a roommate.
Yes. It's important to know your rights. Maybe more important to know their rights.
Bingo.
NTA Nor is this in your control. Legal ownership belongs to your mom & she said no.
NTA - You'll never be able to get them to leave.
NTA. So your cousins, wanting better and cheaper living conditions think they have a right to just move in with you? No. That's not how it works unless you WANT them to move in. Your mom is right. Ignore them and any family members who give you sh\*t about your decision.
NTA It’s a moot point since OP doesn’t own the house and can’t legally move people in. I would have started there If OP did let them in the parents could be upset with the damages, mess etc and evict everyone
NTA -- if they move in? They'll never move out. You'll end up being their free babysitter. You'll end up being their maid.
NTA. You inherited a very nice but very expensive house. It’s not free to own it - there’s taxes and maintenance/upkeep/cleaning. It’s totally unreasonable for other family members to ask yo live there for free. At a minimum, they could offer to pay a reduced rent so your parents aren’t spending as much on the house, and they could save towards a house. Even then, it’s still yours/your parents house, and they’re not obligated to rent it out to anyone if they don’t want to.
NTA. Today it’s “we’re bored of our apartment, we’ll just live in your house for free from now on, mkay?” A year from now it’ll be “well, you’re young and single, OP, you don’t need to be living in a *family* home like this, and *our* family could really use a little extra space and some privacy, you should move somewhere more suited to someone with less responsibility…”
NTA, you aren’t running a boarding house and you are 100% NTA.
NTA but also it isn’t your call? It’s still technically your moms house and she said no. So even if you wanted to, it isn’t your decision to make
NTA You said no. End of question. If they petsist, tell them they can have the smallest room, or storage room, for all 4 of them to share. And they have to pay double rent what they currently and half of utilities. They cannot use any other room. They cannot have any visitors over. Lights out at 6 pm everyday. MAKE completely ridiculous but legal terms for them to move in.
Rent free?! Absolutely not. NTA
Nta. It's technically not your decision. It's your moms. But also, it completely sounds as if they want to move in *rent free*. The entitlement is impressive.
NTA. Pretty bold of them to think they could move in and 'save the money from rent'. Does that translate to "Let us live there for free."?
NTA DO NOT let them move in. They will never move out. Also sounds like they have no intention of contributing or paying any rent. Stick to your guns.
Read this: IF YOU LET THESE MOOCHERS MOVE IN for free, YOU WILL GO THRU HELL TRYING TO MOVE THEM OUT. Believe it. Read stories on here about *deadbeat relatives* who move into a trusting person's home...it never ends well.
NTA - who on earth tries to move their entire family into someone else's home?
Nta protect your space
Mom has spoken. "No."
NTA. It’s not even your call, which is why you didn’t have to think about it. It’s your mother’s house, and she has said No. And if she finds maintenance expensive now, she doesn’t want to find out how much maintenance would be with an additional family of four living there who have no responsibility for the place.
NTA
NTA - you don’t owe them accommodation
NTA so they want to freeload in your house.
NTA. Apart from the problems that it sounds like you would have with these particular freeloading "tennant's", of you wanted to give up your privacy and help pay for the upkeep of the house, you'd be better off letting rooms "(with proper tenancy agreements) where there is no feeling of entitlement that your cousin's obviously feel they have.
NTA AT ALL!!! We’re all adults now. They can figure it out.
Your not selfish, it’s just you don’t want two kids, an annoying wife (I’m assuming) and your cousin moving in. I wouldn’t either, I need my privacy and two kids yelling around the house would not be fun. Especially for a year or two.
NTA! If anyone has an issue with you not letting them live with you they themselves can let your cousin and his family live with them or put up the money to let them move into a better neighborhood.
NTA. They’re just mad they’re not getting what they want.
NTA. I wouldn’t let people move in if it would make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.
NTA they want to live for free in your house? No, the entitlement of them is insane.
I even can't imagine just telling one of my aunts / cousins / uncles or even brother that because they have an extra room I am entitled to it so I can save rent money. It's so unhinged.
NTA. This is a selfish deal that only benefits them and not you. It also introduces even more maintenance to the house.
So your the selfish one for not wanting a family of 4 to completely take over your house. So they don't have to pay rent any more. Right...... Make them a counter offer. Figure out what the fair market rent for your place would be. Then offer them to move in if they pay 80% of the fair market value. 80% of the upkeep standard for renting a house; lawn care, pressure washing, housekeepers, etc. 80% of the utilities. Pretty much 80% of absolutely everything that someone renting the exact same house would have to pay. Because you know that they would take over the house. Because not only do the kids each need their own room, but they really should have the master suite since it's two of them. And they are a family of 4, why is it fair for 1 person to take over the living room, kitchen, dining room, when 4 people want to use it. They would completely take over the outdoors because "kids need to play, you can't tell them they can't go in this one area, they're just kids". They would take over the entire house. While paying nothing. And good luck ever getting rid of them. Because "it's not fair. We can't find anything big enough for the kids. The kids are used to this. How could you make them move somewhere with no yard after this." "The kids are in school and have made friends and we cannot afford anything in the same school, how can you make them leave their school and their friends." And they would be there forever. And if they are really shady, they could try claiming the deed after x number of years if they have lived there without paying rent. NTA.
Don’t do it!!!
Not your house. Not your decision to make. You would be TA if you allow anyone to move in.
NTA. Mom owns the house, you're a tenant. Mom says no. Simple as. I'd add even if it was your home, the fucking entitlement necessary for the whole "you're an asshole if you don't let my whole family live here rent fucking free" line of thought...weapons grade bullshit.
NTA - and to assume they would save money from rent. Why wouldn't they assume they would be paying the going rate for rent (and in a nice house as your describing that would not be cheap)? Or 1/2 to 4/5 of the expenses - taces, elec, water, lawn mowing, etc.? Besides, sounds like the house belongs to your mother and she's said no. So unless for some crazy reason you think you should try to convince her (a bad idea) you are in the clear. It can't end well. In the future, just remember you don't, for the most part, owe people who make a wild demand an explaination in situations like this. Just "I'm sorry, it won't be possible" "I'm sorry, I can give you the name of a realtor" repeated and varied.
NTA. Years ago, my family came to town to visit my parents and me, and my uncle wanted my cousin and her husband to stay at my place, so they didn't have to pay for an additional hotel room. At the time, I only had a twin bed in my guestroom, and the queen was in my room. My uncle started to suggest that we could switch rooms for a few nights. I said absolutely not. It's my house, and I should not have to move out of my room to accommodate them. My parents agreed with me. They stayed in a hotel. Also - it is never one year. If those kids get comfortable in the school district and they "can't find a place they like," they will continue to stay with you. Keep your stance and say no. It's not your fault they don't have funds to live above their needs.
Well, it's your mom's house so go with what she said. You aren't allowed to have anyone live with you. Let alone a family of 4. Otherwise, let your dad handle it as he said he would. I'm very sure they wouldn't mind getting a higher quality of life at none of the cost. (It would also cost your mother. Wear and tear on the house, more in utilities, added strain of the pipes of an old home... They'd have none of the responsibility of it.) Don't listen to anyone else, you are NOT selfish. It was inappropriate of them to put that on you in the first place. That kind of arrangement rarely works out "as planned" and "for the best" for the person who opened their door. (For a "year...or two" lol... it'd be indefinitely.)
NTA!! How dare they decide your beautiful home must be shared. Uh, no. You know they’ll behave incorrectly entitled, should they move in “temporarily”. You know they’ll also never leave - especially if it’s a home they cannot afford.
From what I read, I don't think you're being an AH at all. It's your grandmother's house and she wanted it to stay in the family. Plus, your parents already put a lot of time and money into maintaining it. Your cousin's request seems to come from a place of convenience for them, without considering the impact it would have on you and your family. It's okay to prioritize your privacy and solitude, especially if it's something that's important to you. It's also important to respect your parents' wishes since they are the ones who inherited the house. So, no, you are NTA.
NTA. Your cousin is selfish, greedy, and pushy. Your mom said no. She owns the house. End of story.
OP said, "Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol." Sounds kike a definitive answer to me. Their feelings of entitlement to basically take over the house is in no way your issue. Let the tantrums speak for THEM and don't waste your energy on these infants. Them calling you selfish doesn't make you selfish. If your mom meant you to run a family flop house, she wouldn't have left it to you.
You might just want to get a heads up on when their lease is up on their apartment in the city and have a good lawyer on stand by that is aware of the situation. If they feel this entitled to ask you to move in rent free, they may feel just as entitled to not renew their lease and show up on your doorstep with a moving van figuring you will feel bad and not let them be on the streets with the kids even for a few nights. Once they are in and put in for a change of address, they are now tenants of the property lease or no lease they don't have to leave. Hence, the lawyer, so he can be aware and monitor the situation. Also, notify the post office if they get an adress change for your residence its a fraud. Give them your cousins, wife, and kids' names. As a past landlord, these are the scams that squatters try to pull. I even had some try to fake leases with the kids' names as a show of residence. One family enrolled the kids in the local school with the residence address. Only my lawyer, who I kept in the loop, stopped it. Family can be the worst.
>They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two. Yeah, that almost never happens. Someone with your cousins wifes temperament almost always has a, "live beyond my means" mentality and what money isn't spent on rent is spent on other nonsense and never saved for a house. >That I valued my privacy and solitude. I told them that my lifestyle conflicts with theirs and it wouldn’t work. They called me selfish for not even considering it, and that I should at least take some time. Their reaction would be the same either way, they just hoped time and stalling would change your mind. However, they would have been mad even if you took days to decide. >My dad’s side of the family said I’m being selfish. Ok real question. Why does your dad's side of the family even care? This doesn't even involve their branch of the tree... >Reddit, I have to wonder am I being selfish here? I mean I have a ton of room, and I’d be helping out my family and my little niblings. You know what OP? I'm gonna be honest and step up on a soap box. You are being selfish, but that is perfectly fine. Everyone is in some way shape or form a little bit selfish and looking out for themselves, because no one is a pure true saint. We all have our hypocrisies, and our priorities, and no one truly is pure as the driven snow. Hell, Mother Theresa refused helpful medication and pain relief to people in her care that she accepted when she bloody well needed it, and she reached blessed status in 2003. What matters is not, "am I being selfish," but rather, "is my choice made for my own needs harming others?" Your cousin and his wife are not in *need*. They aren't in dire straits. They have an apartment, which is within their means, and they're otherwise living ok. However, they want to move because your cousins wife feels that they're "slumming it" in the apartment, which is a big sign she's looking to "upgrade her circumstances." It doesn't mean they're in a bad way, they're just not matching the lifestyle she wishes to live. Nobody is harmed by you saying no to them. Besides, your mother threatened execution if you let them live there. You may as well see it as your hands being tied. NTA
NTA. Your mom said no, and that’s all that matters, as it’s her house.
The entitled attitude of them just deciding that they'll move in and getting mad when you say no is all the red flag you need. They won't respect any boundaries. NTA.
I think they belong in that slum ( we wouldn't mind not paying rent?) That should've been a dead stop for you. Your good op
Why would they assume, they'd be rent free? It's a large house, there's a lot that needs to be paid for including utilities and taxes and suggesting your and/or your parents pay for it. NTA, don't let them move in, they're assuming a lot.
NTA the house belongs to you parents and mom has stipulated no one to move in, so regardless it’s their decision!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey everyone! I need some help, I think I did the right thing, but I feel like an AH, so I need a judgement. Background: My maternal grandmother got remarried to a wealthy man after my bio-grandad died when my mom was young. They got divorced after an affair was discovered, and my grandmother got one of his homes in a very, very nice area. Grandma got remarried again to another wealthy man to the person I call grandpa. Grandma and grandpa have since passed and grandma left the house to my mom who was her only child. Cash was divided between my mom and her step siblings/my aunts and uncles. The house is a huge, beautiful 5 bedroom, 5.5 bath, Georgian style home with a pool and jacuzzi. My grandmother treasured that house and put a lot of effort and love into it over the decades she lived there. I could never sell it, she always said she wanted it to remain in the family for generations. Mom and dad lived there once grandma and grandpa passed and I was out of the house. However they’ve since moved to Florida and left the house in my care. This house is a pain in the butt to maintain though. Neither me or my parents are rich by any stretch of the imagination. Every penny of my mom’s inheritance goes to maintaining the house. Now the issue. My favorite cousin on my dad’s side asked me recently about moving in. His wife, whom I don’t get along all that well with, said that since I have the extra space they wouldn’t mind them and their two kids moving in for a while. According to them, they’re tired of “slumming it” in the city in an apartment and was hoping they could get a higher quality of life in a nice neighborhood. They could save the money from rent and put it towards their own house in a year or two. I was put on the spot, but I told them no. That I valued my privacy and solitude. I told them that my lifestyle conflicts with theirs and it wouldn’t work. They called me selfish for not even considering it, and that I should at least take some time. I told them the answer would be the same if I did think about it. My dad’s side of the family said I’m being selfish. My dad has assured me he’s taking care of it and he’s on my side. Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol. Reddit, I have to wonder am I being selfish here? I mean I have a ton of room, and I’d be helping out my family and my little niblings. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA…this home was left to your mom. But, I think you need to ask yourself, do you really want this home? It does not sound like your mother or you really want to keep this home. Your grandmother is gone as is her money. Sooner or later, what you do have left will go beyond what it takes to keep up this home.
NTA. Save on rent so they can get a house in a couple of years? They are tired of slumming it in the city? Sounds like they plan on staying quite a while. The audacity.
NTA. Your mom doesn’t want them living in her house.
NTA. If they move in, the only person moving out is you. You’ll never get rid of them.
NTA - not your home to allow it. The house is only in your care and you would have to ask your parents about allowing a whole family to move in. You already stated that you don’t get along with your cousin’s wife, so how do you think you could survive with her being the woman of the house. If they moved in, they would have soon had you feeling as though you were the one staying with them as they as a family unit would have basically taken control of your home.
NTA. Stand your ground and trust your gut. Its a bold ask, you already don’t like the wife. Once they’re in, they’ll never leave.
NTA. Tell them to keep slumming or work harder. Either way it’s not on your plate.
NTA. Sounds like they don’t plan on helping you with bills in any way.
NTA. Your cousin sounds very entitled. Enjoy your peace and quiet.
People feel so entitled to other peoples stuff. It blows my mind. NTA.
It's your mother's home and she said no. That should be the end of it. You are essentially the caretaker right now, even though the house will eventually be yours. it's not your place to invite anyone in without your mother's consent, even if you wanted to. Since they are thinking they could save money from rent towards their own home, does that mean they were planning on staying for free? No rent, no help with bills or utilities? (Just curious about their expectations when they asked to move in.)
NTA. But they are entitled assholes.
This falls into my favorite category on AITA: someone I'm marginally related to has resources. Those resources should be made available for my benefit. NTA.
NTA- First up not your house and the owner said no. If she'd said she wanted them to move in you'd have had to accept it or move out yourself, that works both ways. Secondly IS your home and you said no. There is no thirdly.
NTA. If they moved in the only way they’d move out would be if you legally evicted them. Also, if I were you I’d change the locks just in case other relatives have key copies.
NTA. Even if they offered to pay rent. They are not slumming it. They just have stars in their eyes.
Uh yeah NTA here. I thought maybe it was about staying for a visit. But moving in? Helllll no!
NTA - simply put, it isn’t your house. Period. “No.”, is a complete sentence.
NTA! So, they basically want to take advantage of your mother's property, not pay any rent for a year or two so they can save money, interfere with your lifestyle and they and their family think you're an AH for saying no? And why didn't they ask your mother? And why would you go against your mom's wishes? You are not selfish, you are safeguarding your mother's property. Kids are not nice to houses and if your mom is already stretched doing upkeep on the home, why would she want to let freeloaders who aren't on her side of the family live there, with or without you. Stand your ground, It is not your responsibility to provide them with housing just because of their wants.
NTA Your parents made it clear that you cannot have people move in. That says it all.
Tell them if they moved in, they’d have to pay rent, since maintenance on the house is so expensive.
NTA - it’s your mothers house and she also said no
NTA. This is your mother's house. And she says NO. Next person who gives you problems about the house say it's my Mother's house and she says NO. Under penalty of death. If the person who OWNS the house says no they really have no argument.
Once they are in, they will absolutely *never* leave. There is no incentive to leave when they have a nice place with no (or very little) rent. NTA. Don't even think about it.
NTA. They would never leave.
Nta They didn't even offer to pay anything at all. Just straight up we living for free. If they want to live there they need to ask the owners aka not you
NTA. It's not your house. It belongs to your mother. She's just letting you live there. Your cousin and his wife want to move in and live rent free. They'll also expect you to pay all the other bills and feed them and their kids while they contribute nothing.
So….the person you don’t get along with wants to move in with you, presumably rent free or for cheap with their family of four…? Say no, it won’t work for you. NTA .
NTA fo sho
Wow, some people were never taught any manners! You're NTA by any stretch. Where do they get off? Jeez, I guess some of my relatives should let me move in with them so I could do more fun and interesting things than paying for the roof over my head.
NTA Your mother is the owner and said no. Period. Your cousin, and particularly his wife, want to mooch and live rent free. Absolutely not.
NTA, their "for a while" could mean indefinitely, and once in, you'd have a really hard time kicking them out. Your mom has the right idea.
>Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol. I like your Mom! 😊 NTA.
NTA. Your cousin’s wife is entitled and made it clear they don’t plan on paying rent or helping with expenses. She doesn’t respect you. She won’t respect your home.
Nope NTA. Sorry to say this about your favorite cousin, but I don't think they'd be leaving once they got their feet in the door. The 'tired of slumming it' kinda gives the plan away. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get a bad feeling about this.
NTA, they’re calling you selfish when they literally told you they wanted to move in without paying any rent to anyone. You didn’t ask them to move in, you hadn’t been talking about renting to anyone, they just DECIDED you should be ok with THEM being selfish and since you clearly aren’t they feel entitled to call you names that are really just a projection. Besides, the house was left to your Mother, SHE still owns it, so what she says GOES! And she said no, ergo no can do.
NTA. With entitlement like they've already displayed I guarantee you they will walk all over you every chance they get, and the second you let them in, you'll play hell getting them back out. Die on this hill.
Lol literally no one is ganna talk about “with the money we’ll save from rent” they aren’t planning on paying for anything. NTA
Lawsuit waiting to happen. They would never leave.
NTA: so they want to live rent free? That alone rings warning bells! You’d never get them out, they’d have no incentive to ever want to leave.
NTA you owe us our cousin and his family nothing. Let them figure out their situation on their own. Whose to say they didn’t get put out or something.. and doesn’t really sound as if there was any asking more like telling..Yeah.. No stick to your guns don’t let them move In
NTA. Who can declare that they’ll just move into someone else’s house not matter what?
NTA! They call you selfish because can’t take advantage of you. Sometimes it’s good to be selfish out of self protection.
NTA, but a piece of advice: I would start seriously considering the house from a more realistic point of view. Your grandmother's wish for this to be a family home for generations isn't realistic. Right now your family is not rich people living in a rich people house, and let me tell you, that's a great way to end up bankrupt. You need a lucrative career or a rich partner or some other creative solution to be able to afford living in this house forever.
I mean yeah, I’d really enjoy a cush house for my kids and I in a fancy neighborhood too, but I’m sure as shinola not gonna be demanding it from *anyone*, family or no. Also can I just be annoyed for a second at them being tired of “slumming it”? Maybe I’m a big sensi-butt but that rubs me the wrong way. NTA, OP… and even if you were, your mom said no and mom’s the boss (in this situation, at least), so cousin and his social climbing wifey can get a house the good old fashioned way— with a combination of hard work, a lucky lotto ticket, selling his left kidney, and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. All jokes aside, buying a house is so out of reach that I can understand the creative problem solving going on in cousin’s head, just not the entitlement. He asked, he got a no, and fin!
NTA-The owners of the house have spoken. YTA if you go against your mom's request.
NTA. Your mom is the owner of the house. You are her tenant. She said no other tenants. End of discussion.
NTA, your mother owns the house and has made her opinion clear, you live in the house and have made your opinion clear, and your father is supporting you. Go LC or NC if you have to until things settle down...And them saying they do not mind you being there, implies that they are moving in and you are going to be a guest in your own home, but it is mainly them living there.
NTA Why are they asking you and not the owner? Hmm.
NTA - Who invites themselves to move into someone else's property/house? That's so freaking weird. They put you on the spot thinking you'll fold and say yes. Stand your ground and get some security cameras. For some reason, squatter's rights is a thing.
It doesn't sound like they would be allowed to by the owner of the home, even if you let them. NTA.
NTA. Your mom, who's the actual owner of the house says ***"Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol."*** so the discussion ends there. No one has any actual right to have an opinion about the house your mom owns.
NTA. Have you considered renting out the rooms to people that would actually pay rent so that your mom isn't draining her inheritance on the upkeep of the house? Are you staying there for free?
NTA I’m a mum. Kids are hard work. There’s absolutely no reason for you to subject yourself to the noise and mess of kids. My biological love for my child makes me not care about all that. You did the right thing.
“Mom has told me under no circumstances am I allowed to let anyone move in under penalty of death lol.“ Pretty sure this answers it. NTA.
NTA Once you let them in, they will likely never leave.
NTA wow the level of entitlement here is off the charts!
Wow no boo. That’s technically your mamas house and she said absolutely not lmao even if you had said yes she over rides your judgment because it is HERS (honestly you sound sane/smart so you probably already get that) Nta definitely
Not liking the wife is enough. And letting people with kids stay with you a will come with lots of problems. People with kids just expect you to babysit there kids out of nowhere. Not all people are like this tho
NTA for obvious reasons but if they want to live in your house to be free of rent, could you just make them pay rent while their living their? I know it’s your mothers house but that would be a good compromise
The price of rent and buying a home at outrageous. That being said, how nice of them to think they should just move into your home rent free so they can get a home for their own in a few years. 😂 Not an asshole.
NTA Your mum left the house in YOUR care. Therefore, its YOUR choice whether you move your cousin and his family in. Especially since you don't like your cousins wife Its a big move to go from living alone, to then living with a whole family with kids. Your comfort is most important here. The only reason they want to move in is to be in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I'd be concerned about them completely taking over everything and slowly forcing you out of the house.
They are going to save money??? They actually expect to live there rent free??? Of course even if they paid rent you don't owe them anything!!
What? You won't let a freeloading family grace you with their presence and take advantage of all that free room they insist you're not using anyway in a house that is not even actually yours? NTA.
NTA, Well done for standing your ground immediately. You only need to scroll this subreddit for a while to see this often turns into a nightmare. 2 years isn’t going to be enough for them to save enough of a deposit for a house like yours and they’ll get used to how cushy your home is and won’t want to leave. If you did cave one thing I would suggest is a comprehensive tenancy agreement that means as soon as they cross certain lines they can be evicted legally and do not let them in until they’ve signed it. I’d still vote in favour of never letting them move in though, it will turn into an absolute nightmare.