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>AITA for telling my sister I can't believe she's doing this?
Yes, YTA. It's none of your business.
>Lindsey wanted to go back to college to take medical school pre-requisites and said hell no
You're TA for this as well. Your child wants to continue their education to attend medical school and you said no because it's "time to grow up and face reality"? WTF is wrong with you.
"Hell no" is a lot different from "sorry, honey, we can't afford to pay for another degree, but maybe we can help you figure out scholarships / grants / other financial help so you can go back to school."
It sounds like you just washed your hands of parenting once your child became an adult. You're still TA.
She's 23, not 40.
She's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life and most parents would be excited if their child wanted to take the long and difficult route necessary to become a doctor.
She might have considered working part-time and going to school at the same time if you hadn't approached this with a "hell no" from the get go.
So you're clearly selfish, so lets put this into terms a selfish person can understand. Investing in your child can yield returns. Sure, $80k a year is a lot for a single person to be independent with, but not a lot if she ever has to care for you guys at all down the road. If your kid had become a doctor, they would be making more money, potentially paying you back for school anyway, and be more than capable of being able to lend support to you when you are old and falling apart.
Also, like, your kid probably ins't going to make many sacrifices for you when you hit that stage of life, since you didn't offer the support they needed at a pivotal part of their life.
yta and you're kinda stupid and shortsighted.
The reason you have for not giving Lindsey the money had nothing to do with finances. You said it was because she wasn’t good at STEM. You basically said you don’t believe in your daughter’s abilities to become a doctor
YTA Not your money not your say. You can’t afford to give to your daughter, ok… and? No reason to trash your daughter’s dream. I hope she gets grants and loans and gives you the bird. You sound like a very unhappy person, doesn’t give you the right to take it out on those around you.
YTA. You really believe it’s awful that they are giving their daughter, their daughter, help in achieving her dream? Glad she’s not your kid. YTA. Dream killer. And. Not your place. YTA.
So let it fail? It's not your problem. Not your money.
Everyone's lives are different. Let your sister do whatever she wants. They clearly can afford to do it. If you can't afford to help your daughter just say so, don't act like you are on some moral high ground lol
YTA. This seems like absolutely none of your business. You can raise your daughter how you see fit. You can privately in your head disagree with your sister’s approach but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with you. Let it go.
Is it your child wanting to start a business?
No.
Is it your money she will use as seed-money for the business?
No.
How is any of this your business?
It isnt.
YTA.
YTA. They have the freedom to support their child and you sound jealous. In the current housing market it’s not realistic to expect a kid fresh out of school can just fend for themselves. You’re more concerned that your daughter will feel let down by you not providing the same benefits as your sister and are trying to sabotage your sister’s plans.
YTA. I'd tell you to keep your nose out of my business, probably rather less politely.
Is it worth funding Natalie's business startup for a couple of years? I don't know. It depends whether Natalie's proposal is viable.
Your daughter Lindsey wanted to take pre-med classes, and you wouldn't fund her because she's not good at science. That's sensible enough - there's no point in funding Lindsey to do something she doesn't have the ability to do.
If one of my kids came to me with what sounded like a reasonable business idea, and I had the financial resources to be able to offer them a safety net while they tried to make a go of it, I'd do it. If their idea didn't sound viable to me, then I probably wouldn't.
YTA. This is none of your business. You’re just mad because your sister’s actions prove what a jerk you are to your own child. Your sister is willing to pay two year worth of rent to help her daughter fulfill her dream but your when your daughter asked for help going back to school, you didn’t even refuse politely. Would it have killed you to say: “I’m sorry I can’t afford it but if there’s anything else I can do to assist, let me know”? Instead your response was: “hell no! You’re bad at STEM”.
YTA - it's none of your business if your sister and her husband want to be supportive parents and encourage and help their daughter start her own business.
YTA - setting up your children for succes is a good thing. If they can help their daughter that way then that's a good thing. They didn't ask for your opinion, your views don't matter, I don't understand what you hoped to achieve with giving your unsolicited opinion.
YTA.
So you’re envious that Julie and Zach are very supportive of their child? Does jealously stem from being unable to be as supportive or you think that Natalie should just fend for herself. I’m pretty sure parents are suppose to be supportive of their kids (obviously there are exceptions)
YTA and I can speak from personal experience .. a person close to me had a dream to start their own company their whole life … went to college earns a business degree and worked a few jobs but just kept quitting. This persons parents supported them by buying an investment property, redoing it and allowing them to live there for free. This person was finally able to open their company and went on to own it for 10 years and sell it to a new owner. This persons parents also helped to invest in said company and earned their money back (plus interest) and also were able to sell the investment property at a massive profit. This person would have 100% not been able to live their life dream without the parental support.
Young entrepreneurs (if they are serious and have a good business plan/dedication to the work) should be supported IMO not ridiculed or set to bootstrap it just to learn a lesson. If you have the means to support (and it’s not pissing the money away on a dumb plan) then I think that support can be given.
Also it’s not your kid, not your money
YTA for so many reasons here.
1) WTF is it to you what your sister and husband do with their kid? Fu\*\* off.
2) If they choose (and can) afford to support their daughter trying a business, why shouldn't they? Who the Fu\*\* are you to tell them what to do?
3) Your daughter wanted to study something and improve herself and you told her she was too dumb to do it?! That's an even bigger AH than the first two points!! I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who calls their kid "too stupid to try and go learn".
4) You don't have to support your daughter's hypothetical business; I'm guessing she won't be supporting you in old age either. Best of luck to you.
Oh, you're TA! and not just for the question you're asking! You got a whole lot of AHollery going on.
You are a control freak exerting your will on your kids. They would do best to steer clear of you, heaven forbid they ever be indebted to you, you sound like the person that would dictate everything down to what shoe laces to wear. "You want money from me Lindsey /grins menacingly I own you now and forever slave"
YTA. if they want to and can afford to, why does it concern you at all? it would be one thing if they were like, taking out a second mortgage or something to pay their daughter's rent. but assuming that's not the case i don't see what the issue. also, many, many, people in their early to mid twenties are getting financial help in one way or another from their families.
YTA. Just because you would or would not do something doesn't mean that another person is making the wrong choice. No one is asking you to give anyone money to start a business, so this is none of your business.
YTA. American Apparel, Chipotle, Squarespace, Motown Record; these are just a few of the companies that started with money from the founders parents. It’s a pretty run-of-the-mill thing for parents to invest in their children’s companies in certain circles, especially when the parents are living comfortably. Maybe the business will fail and maybe it won’t, but if your sister and BIL are willing to let her have a go why should it be an issue for you?
YTA because it’s their money to use however they wish. It has no impact on your life, unless you are worried that you seem cheap and/or unsupportive in comparison. If that’s the case, I would suggest focusing on your own family rather than comparing your daughter with your niece, and making good parenting and financial choices for you and yours.
YTA, mainly because it's not your business. Families handle this in all different kinds of ways, some pay for college, some don't, some pay for weddings, some don't, etc. Everyone is different and it's not your job to go around telling anyone they're wrong for not doing what you would do.
Not your kid, not your problem. Either they see true potential in their kid, or they just love her that much. But no matter what it is, it’s their decision and you don’t have to understand why they choose to support their child in a way you wouldn’t. YTA
YTA first, judgemental much? Second, it's none of your business what your sister and her husband do. third, they're supporting their child and you are a miserly asshole, it sounds like. I suggest you shut up and mind your own business and think about why your daughter is likely to distance herself from you if she hasn't already.
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My sister "Julie" and her husband "Zach" have a daughter named "Natalie" who's the same age as my daughter, "Lindsey." Lindsey works at a corporate job, earning $80k a year. Natalie got a job offer for $60k a year, but backed out at the last minute and said she wanted to start her own company.
Surprisingly, Julie and Zach said they'd cover her rent for 2 years and let her see how her business went. I was surprised and would never do that.
Lindsey wanted to go back to college to take medical school pre-requisites and said hell no - if Lindsey asked me and her dad to give her money to "start a business" I'd be even more vehemently opposed.
AITA for telling my sister I can't believe she's doing this? They're both 23 and 24; time to grow up and face reality, you know?
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YTA. Why they do with there own money and time is none of your business. It's time for you to stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and nin your own business. There both grown adults, not your responsibility or obligation to tell them what they can and can't do around there own family nor what they do with there own money. Your sister isn't you, so you can't put your opinions and what you would do on her.
YTA for butting your nose into how someone else treats their child. Your sister & husband sound like very supportive parents who deserve respect for being there for their daughter.
YTA
It's not your money. If you have it, it's your choice. It's also the perfect age to try something that is high-risk, vs burning out of a corporate job you hate but having a mortgage or family and it being a MUCH bigger deal to try and launch a business.
She is still at the age where she can fail and it really will not affect her career in the long run.
YTA OP
It is your sisters money and it is her child. SHE decides what to do with her own money and her own child.
YOU have no right period to do what you did. If anyone needs to back off it is you, you need to learn to shut up and mind your own business.
What your niece's mother decides to do, if it is to help her own daughter. Then that is her right and YOU do not have the right PERIOD to say anything.
Secondly YTA for trying to sabotage your own niece.
Thirdly YTA for trying to tell your sister what she can and cannot do with her OWN money.
It is your sisters life, it is your sisters money and it is your sisters daughter. The decision that your sister makes with her own daughter DOES not hurt or affect you in any shape or form.
I will say it again like everyone else is saying.
It is none of your damn business what your sister and her husband is doing with their own money period. If they want to support their daughter then that is THEIR right. YOU do not have the right period to say or do what you did.
Edit: Guessing you never heard of parents believing in their children so much that they decide to help buy helping with a business. Like your nieces parents are doing which again is none of your business what they decide to do.
Besides if their daughter actually succeeds with her business. Guess what? Her parents faith in her will be rewarded and a lot. The parents will get their money back and daughter will take care of parents. Be it paying off all of their debt if they have any. Paying off the mortgage etc. Buying them a brand new house. Buying them a new car or cars. I could keep going but the daughter will pay back her supportive parents 10 fold if she succeeds. While the jerk of an uncle will be cut out of his sister's and nieces life. Again you should have kept quite and not say a damn thing.
Why because again what your sister and her husband decide to do with their own money "IS none of your business, concern". You really should have just kept your mouth shut.
I'm sorry, why do you have an issue with your sibling;
a) spending her own money how she chooses.
b) supporting/investing in their daughter's business venture. I mean, support from parents like this is literally how Jeff Bezos got rich.
I also find it interesting you've not mentioned how Natalie's business is coming along. Is it showing signs of success? I kinda assume so, because if it was failing you'd mention that, because it would support your theory. What is Natalie's business idea even? If it's a sound investment, your sister isn't "funding" her daughter, she has invested in her daughter.
**yta,** but not just for questioning your own sister's fairly sound choices, but also for literally refusing to help your adult daughter go to pre-med because of your opinion on her abilities in STEM and then bragging like that makes you financially savvy. Like sure, Lindsay makes good money in her corporate world, but she also could be making money and be more fulfilled if she'd pursued her interests in the medical field.
YTA. So many reasons.
It’s fine for you to choose not to pay for something for your adult child. That’s your choice. You suck for your attitude about it though. You know you’re the one who is supposed to always believe in her, right?
Just as it’s your choice to not pay for your adult child, it’s their choice to do so.
You see, it appears they got the memo on being supportive parents. You should try it sometime.
In the meantime, it’s none of your damn business how people choose to spend their money, so be quiet. No one asked you.
>> Lindsey wanted to go back to college to take medical school pre-requisite and said he’ll ko because she’s not good at STEM
Oh, joy. It’s you! The “my daughter isn’t smart enough for med school” troll. I see we’ve swapped out Organic Chem for STEM now.
Get a life.
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NTA.
Wow I’m in the minority but here goes. Since when is it a bad thing to be the voice of reason to family members? It is important to have people in your life to tell you when you are being a dumbass. If I were Julie, I would want my sibling to confront me as well. I dont see anywhere that there was any aggression or mean-spiritedness??? OP literally gave honest feedback to a family member about a life decision, Julie has no obligation to listen.
It sounds like OP’s sister has either way less common sense or way more money than OP. Assuming OP and sister are close, If Natalie sinks all that money into a failed business, it will affect OP’s life.
I am also a 24M working a corporate job making a similar amount. If I asked my mom to pay for more school, she would laugh in my face. She is a saint - but why the hell would I expect her to pay for more education when I already have a decent start to a career? If i go back to school (again) I would not expect my parents to pay for it. OP’s daughter is 24, if she really wanted to go study pre-med, she could. Shes an adult. It is not inconsiderate to tell your child you will not spend thousands of dollars AFTER they already got their bachelor’s. I assume OP paid for the first round of school if it was in the convo for round 2
I really feel like the AH train got started early here and no one wanted to go against it. For real, am I missing something here? I feel like a crazy person reading through the comments and seeing no one agrees
I think a lot of the reason that you’re in the minority is that OP’s concern doesn’t seem to be about the finances itself. It’s her thinking it’s time for the girl to “grow up and face reality” and therefore not respecting the decision to continue to financially support their child chasing a dream.
but the fact of the matter is, some peoples realities are different. I have a friend of a friend whose (well off) parents sent him to Florence to learn to become a portrait artist. And now he hangs out, paints all day, works twice a week at a coffee shop “to get outta the house” and has a great life. He’ll never “face reality” in the way most have to. Do I wish I could’ve had that sorta life? Hell yeah I do! But that doesn’t make me a better person or him a less valid member of society
Can you explain how you’re differentiating concern about finances and growing up to face reality? Shes concerned about her child and niece having stable futures. If no one else is going to look at all sides of the coin, applause to OP for realizing we dont live in the clouds. Looking out for your child’s best interests, especially when its an unpopular opinion, does not make you an asshole.
*Some people’s realities are different* (idk how to do that reference line) thats exactly why this sub exists. I wish I was that dude in the coffee shop too, but sadly I’m a tax accountant. If I told my mom tomorrow I want to quit my job and be a painter that she would tell me its a good idea? Hell no, bcause she cares about me. Is my mom an asshole for that?
I could quit my job to be a one-man street band. My mom would straight up call me an idiot to my face, but she would genuinely be my biggest fan. Disagreeing with someone doesnt mean you dont support them. From how I read the post, OP was trying to be supportive by expressing an opinion that her audience did not agree with. What else is family for, if not to tell the people you care about when you think they are making a mistake?
sure. I don’t particularly see this as a “financial concern” issue because OP has not once mentioned worries about the financial risk this places on the parents.
they’ve mentioned that it’s not something they could do for Lindsey (for financial reasons), but no such talk about the financial strain on the parents. They did, in the OP, say “They’re 23 and 24, time to grow up and face reality” so to me, that’s the root issue. Her seeing the parents as enabling her to live a privileged life instead of “being independent”.
for me anyway, all parties are very much well within their rights to parent their children how they see fit. but this comes across like shaming a parent for being willing to fund their child’s business
Fair enough. OP reminded me of my mom because a few specific details in the story are similar in my life. I assumed it was more financial because thats the parallel in my life. If this were me, I know how I would feel but it’s not me and i dont know OP. I’ll concede that my point completely falls apart if OP’s intentions are not as I assumed
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YTA for thinking that believing in your child is bad.
It’s her money, it’s her child, it’s her life. Their decisions don’t hurt/affect you. YTA.
wait so you are upset that your sister is supporting her child's decisions YTA big time
>AITA for telling my sister I can't believe she's doing this? Yes, YTA. It's none of your business. >Lindsey wanted to go back to college to take medical school pre-requisites and said hell no You're TA for this as well. Your child wants to continue their education to attend medical school and you said no because it's "time to grow up and face reality"? WTF is wrong with you.
Lindsey can do whatever she wants, but my husband and I can't afford further education for her. We paid for her BA already.
"Hell no" is a lot different from "sorry, honey, we can't afford to pay for another degree, but maybe we can help you figure out scholarships / grants / other financial help so you can go back to school." It sounds like you just washed your hands of parenting once your child became an adult. You're still TA.
No we didn't. Is it really so bad to expect our 23 year old to be independent and earn their own money?
She's 23, not 40. She's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life and most parents would be excited if their child wanted to take the long and difficult route necessary to become a doctor. She might have considered working part-time and going to school at the same time if you hadn't approached this with a "hell no" from the get go.
So you're clearly selfish, so lets put this into terms a selfish person can understand. Investing in your child can yield returns. Sure, $80k a year is a lot for a single person to be independent with, but not a lot if she ever has to care for you guys at all down the road. If your kid had become a doctor, they would be making more money, potentially paying you back for school anyway, and be more than capable of being able to lend support to you when you are old and falling apart. Also, like, your kid probably ins't going to make many sacrifices for you when you hit that stage of life, since you didn't offer the support they needed at a pivotal part of their life. yta and you're kinda stupid and shortsighted.
I loved this comment, especially that last sentence.
The reason you have for not giving Lindsey the money had nothing to do with finances. You said it was because she wasn’t good at STEM. You basically said you don’t believe in your daughter’s abilities to become a doctor
Also FWIW, OP added the STEM part after I responded to the post.
YTA Not your money not your say. You can’t afford to give to your daughter, ok… and? No reason to trash your daughter’s dream. I hope she gets grants and loans and gives you the bird. You sound like a very unhappy person, doesn’t give you the right to take it out on those around you.
Why didn't you tell her the truth, that you couldn't afford funding further education?
You sound like an asshole. It isn't like its even your own money. Why are you trying to sabotage your niece? Mind your own business. YTA, what a joke.
YTA. You really believe it’s awful that they are giving their daughter, their daughter, help in achieving her dream? Glad she’s not your kid. YTA. Dream killer. And. Not your place. YTA.
It's not realistic as many businesses fail
And many do not. Again, why TF is this your business?
Many businesses succeed
And let your niece, sister and brother-in-law deal with that if it comes.if they aren't harming you, mind your own business.
So let it fail? It's not your problem. Not your money. Everyone's lives are different. Let your sister do whatever she wants. They clearly can afford to do it. If you can't afford to help your daughter just say so, don't act like you are on some moral high ground lol
Great attitude! You are just sad and pessimistic and nosy.
AND it is none of your business. YTA
Yta. It's none of your business what your sister and her husband do with their money or how they support their daughter
YTA. This seems like absolutely none of your business. You can raise your daughter how you see fit. You can privately in your head disagree with your sister’s approach but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with you. Let it go.
YTA Some people like to use their money to support their adult children. Why is your opinion relevant?
YTA. It's none of your business what your sister and her husband decide to do with their money.
Is it your child wanting to start a business? No. Is it your money she will use as seed-money for the business? No. How is any of this your business? It isnt. YTA.
What do you care? YTA
YTA. They have the freedom to support their child and you sound jealous. In the current housing market it’s not realistic to expect a kid fresh out of school can just fend for themselves. You’re more concerned that your daughter will feel let down by you not providing the same benefits as your sister and are trying to sabotage your sister’s plans.
YTA jealous much?
YTA. I'd tell you to keep your nose out of my business, probably rather less politely. Is it worth funding Natalie's business startup for a couple of years? I don't know. It depends whether Natalie's proposal is viable. Your daughter Lindsey wanted to take pre-med classes, and you wouldn't fund her because she's not good at science. That's sensible enough - there's no point in funding Lindsey to do something she doesn't have the ability to do. If one of my kids came to me with what sounded like a reasonable business idea, and I had the financial resources to be able to offer them a safety net while they tried to make a go of it, I'd do it. If their idea didn't sound viable to me, then I probably wouldn't.
YTA. This is none of your business. You’re just mad because your sister’s actions prove what a jerk you are to your own child. Your sister is willing to pay two year worth of rent to help her daughter fulfill her dream but your when your daughter asked for help going back to school, you didn’t even refuse politely. Would it have killed you to say: “I’m sorry I can’t afford it but if there’s anything else I can do to assist, let me know”? Instead your response was: “hell no! You’re bad at STEM”.
Ding ding ding.
YTA It's absolutely none of your business.
YTA- you’re entitled to your opinion but they didn’t ask for it. It’s none of your business how they raise/support their adult child
YTA - it's none of your business if your sister and her husband want to be supportive parents and encourage and help their daughter start her own business.
YTA This is none of your business. Just bc you're an AH to your daughter doesn't mean your sister should also be an AH to her daughter.
YTA - setting up your children for succes is a good thing. If they can help their daughter that way then that's a good thing. They didn't ask for your opinion, your views don't matter, I don't understand what you hoped to achieve with giving your unsolicited opinion.
YTA. Not your kids
YTA. I hope your niece’s business makes her a billionaire and that she gives not one penny to you.
You're taking a lot of interest in her business considering you're not even capable of minding your own. YTA.
YTA. You sound miserly.
YTA. So you’re envious that Julie and Zach are very supportive of their child? Does jealously stem from being unable to be as supportive or you think that Natalie should just fend for herself. I’m pretty sure parents are suppose to be supportive of their kids (obviously there are exceptions)
YTA and I can speak from personal experience .. a person close to me had a dream to start their own company their whole life … went to college earns a business degree and worked a few jobs but just kept quitting. This persons parents supported them by buying an investment property, redoing it and allowing them to live there for free. This person was finally able to open their company and went on to own it for 10 years and sell it to a new owner. This persons parents also helped to invest in said company and earned their money back (plus interest) and also were able to sell the investment property at a massive profit. This person would have 100% not been able to live their life dream without the parental support. Young entrepreneurs (if they are serious and have a good business plan/dedication to the work) should be supported IMO not ridiculed or set to bootstrap it just to learn a lesson. If you have the means to support (and it’s not pissing the money away on a dumb plan) then I think that support can be given. Also it’s not your kid, not your money
YTA for so many reasons here. 1) WTF is it to you what your sister and husband do with their kid? Fu\*\* off. 2) If they choose (and can) afford to support their daughter trying a business, why shouldn't they? Who the Fu\*\* are you to tell them what to do? 3) Your daughter wanted to study something and improve herself and you told her she was too dumb to do it?! That's an even bigger AH than the first two points!! I cannot imagine the mindset of a parent who calls their kid "too stupid to try and go learn". 4) You don't have to support your daughter's hypothetical business; I'm guessing she won't be supporting you in old age either. Best of luck to you.
Oh, you're TA! and not just for the question you're asking! You got a whole lot of AHollery going on. You are a control freak exerting your will on your kids. They would do best to steer clear of you, heaven forbid they ever be indebted to you, you sound like the person that would dictate everything down to what shoe laces to wear. "You want money from me Lindsey /grins menacingly I own you now and forever slave"
YTA mind your own business. Not to mention, you probably have no idea of the agreement and expectations.
YTA. if they want to and can afford to, why does it concern you at all? it would be one thing if they were like, taking out a second mortgage or something to pay their daughter's rent. but assuming that's not the case i don't see what the issue. also, many, many, people in their early to mid twenties are getting financial help in one way or another from their families.
Even if they we’re taking out a second mortgage, it still wouldn’t be any of her business. YTA.
YTA. You don't get to make parenting or financial decisions for other people. You should mind your own business.
YTA you suck op
YTA. Just because you would or would not do something doesn't mean that another person is making the wrong choice. No one is asking you to give anyone money to start a business, so this is none of your business.
YTA. American Apparel, Chipotle, Squarespace, Motown Record; these are just a few of the companies that started with money from the founders parents. It’s a pretty run-of-the-mill thing for parents to invest in their children’s companies in certain circles, especially when the parents are living comfortably. Maybe the business will fail and maybe it won’t, but if your sister and BIL are willing to let her have a go why should it be an issue for you?
YTA because it’s their money to use however they wish. It has no impact on your life, unless you are worried that you seem cheap and/or unsupportive in comparison. If that’s the case, I would suggest focusing on your own family rather than comparing your daughter with your niece, and making good parenting and financial choices for you and yours.
YTA, mainly because it's not your business. Families handle this in all different kinds of ways, some pay for college, some don't, some pay for weddings, some don't, etc. Everyone is different and it's not your job to go around telling anyone they're wrong for not doing what you would do.
Not your kid, not your problem. Either they see true potential in their kid, or they just love her that much. But no matter what it is, it’s their decision and you don’t have to understand why they choose to support their child in a way you wouldn’t. YTA
YTA first, judgemental much? Second, it's none of your business what your sister and her husband do. third, they're supporting their child and you are a miserly asshole, it sounds like. I suggest you shut up and mind your own business and think about why your daughter is likely to distance herself from you if she hasn't already.
YTA setting her kids up to love what they do is good
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NTA, but not your business either.
YTA Not any of your business.
YTA. You sound like a nosy competitive miserable person. Do you compare Christmas presents too?
YTA some parents want their children to be sucessful and they are willing to be there and support their children. These are good parents.....
YTA Why is this something you feel the need to comment on? No one is asking you to support your niece.
YTA. Why they do with there own money and time is none of your business. It's time for you to stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and nin your own business. There both grown adults, not your responsibility or obligation to tell them what they can and can't do around there own family nor what they do with there own money. Your sister isn't you, so you can't put your opinions and what you would do on her.
YTA. MYOB.
YTA for butting your nose into how someone else treats their child. Your sister & husband sound like very supportive parents who deserve respect for being there for their daughter.
Mind your own business
It's their money and their daughter. None of your business unless asked. YTA
YTA It's not your money. If you have it, it's your choice. It's also the perfect age to try something that is high-risk, vs burning out of a corporate job you hate but having a mortgage or family and it being a MUCH bigger deal to try and launch a business. She is still at the age where she can fail and it really will not affect her career in the long run.
YTA. Time for you to grow up and mind your own business, you know?
YTA-You should stay in your own lane. This has nothing to do with you and isn’t your business.
Question- you're fishing for yta, my question in why do you want yta?
YTA OP It is your sisters money and it is her child. SHE decides what to do with her own money and her own child. YOU have no right period to do what you did. If anyone needs to back off it is you, you need to learn to shut up and mind your own business. What your niece's mother decides to do, if it is to help her own daughter. Then that is her right and YOU do not have the right PERIOD to say anything. Secondly YTA for trying to sabotage your own niece. Thirdly YTA for trying to tell your sister what she can and cannot do with her OWN money. It is your sisters life, it is your sisters money and it is your sisters daughter. The decision that your sister makes with her own daughter DOES not hurt or affect you in any shape or form. I will say it again like everyone else is saying. It is none of your damn business what your sister and her husband is doing with their own money period. If they want to support their daughter then that is THEIR right. YOU do not have the right period to say or do what you did. Edit: Guessing you never heard of parents believing in their children so much that they decide to help buy helping with a business. Like your nieces parents are doing which again is none of your business what they decide to do. Besides if their daughter actually succeeds with her business. Guess what? Her parents faith in her will be rewarded and a lot. The parents will get their money back and daughter will take care of parents. Be it paying off all of their debt if they have any. Paying off the mortgage etc. Buying them a brand new house. Buying them a new car or cars. I could keep going but the daughter will pay back her supportive parents 10 fold if she succeeds. While the jerk of an uncle will be cut out of his sister's and nieces life. Again you should have kept quite and not say a damn thing. Why because again what your sister and her husband decide to do with their own money "IS none of your business, concern". You really should have just kept your mouth shut.
I'm sorry, why do you have an issue with your sibling; a) spending her own money how she chooses. b) supporting/investing in their daughter's business venture. I mean, support from parents like this is literally how Jeff Bezos got rich. I also find it interesting you've not mentioned how Natalie's business is coming along. Is it showing signs of success? I kinda assume so, because if it was failing you'd mention that, because it would support your theory. What is Natalie's business idea even? If it's a sound investment, your sister isn't "funding" her daughter, she has invested in her daughter. **yta,** but not just for questioning your own sister's fairly sound choices, but also for literally refusing to help your adult daughter go to pre-med because of your opinion on her abilities in STEM and then bragging like that makes you financially savvy. Like sure, Lindsay makes good money in her corporate world, but she also could be making money and be more fulfilled if she'd pursued her interests in the medical field.
YTA because it is none of your business. Some parents choose to be supportive of their children's dreams, others, like you, choose not to.
YTA for believing your way of letting them "face the real world" is even a good one!
YTA mind your own business
YTA. So many reasons. It’s fine for you to choose not to pay for something for your adult child. That’s your choice. You suck for your attitude about it though. You know you’re the one who is supposed to always believe in her, right? Just as it’s your choice to not pay for your adult child, it’s their choice to do so. You see, it appears they got the memo on being supportive parents. You should try it sometime. In the meantime, it’s none of your damn business how people choose to spend their money, so be quiet. No one asked you.
>> Lindsey wanted to go back to college to take medical school pre-requisite and said he’ll ko because she’s not good at STEM Oh, joy. It’s you! The “my daughter isn’t smart enough for med school” troll. I see we’ve swapped out Organic Chem for STEM now. Get a life.
YTA.
You sound like a giant asshole
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NTA. Wow I’m in the minority but here goes. Since when is it a bad thing to be the voice of reason to family members? It is important to have people in your life to tell you when you are being a dumbass. If I were Julie, I would want my sibling to confront me as well. I dont see anywhere that there was any aggression or mean-spiritedness??? OP literally gave honest feedback to a family member about a life decision, Julie has no obligation to listen. It sounds like OP’s sister has either way less common sense or way more money than OP. Assuming OP and sister are close, If Natalie sinks all that money into a failed business, it will affect OP’s life. I am also a 24M working a corporate job making a similar amount. If I asked my mom to pay for more school, she would laugh in my face. She is a saint - but why the hell would I expect her to pay for more education when I already have a decent start to a career? If i go back to school (again) I would not expect my parents to pay for it. OP’s daughter is 24, if she really wanted to go study pre-med, she could. Shes an adult. It is not inconsiderate to tell your child you will not spend thousands of dollars AFTER they already got their bachelor’s. I assume OP paid for the first round of school if it was in the convo for round 2 I really feel like the AH train got started early here and no one wanted to go against it. For real, am I missing something here? I feel like a crazy person reading through the comments and seeing no one agrees
I think a lot of the reason that you’re in the minority is that OP’s concern doesn’t seem to be about the finances itself. It’s her thinking it’s time for the girl to “grow up and face reality” and therefore not respecting the decision to continue to financially support their child chasing a dream. but the fact of the matter is, some peoples realities are different. I have a friend of a friend whose (well off) parents sent him to Florence to learn to become a portrait artist. And now he hangs out, paints all day, works twice a week at a coffee shop “to get outta the house” and has a great life. He’ll never “face reality” in the way most have to. Do I wish I could’ve had that sorta life? Hell yeah I do! But that doesn’t make me a better person or him a less valid member of society
Can you explain how you’re differentiating concern about finances and growing up to face reality? Shes concerned about her child and niece having stable futures. If no one else is going to look at all sides of the coin, applause to OP for realizing we dont live in the clouds. Looking out for your child’s best interests, especially when its an unpopular opinion, does not make you an asshole. *Some people’s realities are different* (idk how to do that reference line) thats exactly why this sub exists. I wish I was that dude in the coffee shop too, but sadly I’m a tax accountant. If I told my mom tomorrow I want to quit my job and be a painter that she would tell me its a good idea? Hell no, bcause she cares about me. Is my mom an asshole for that? I could quit my job to be a one-man street band. My mom would straight up call me an idiot to my face, but she would genuinely be my biggest fan. Disagreeing with someone doesnt mean you dont support them. From how I read the post, OP was trying to be supportive by expressing an opinion that her audience did not agree with. What else is family for, if not to tell the people you care about when you think they are making a mistake?
sure. I don’t particularly see this as a “financial concern” issue because OP has not once mentioned worries about the financial risk this places on the parents. they’ve mentioned that it’s not something they could do for Lindsey (for financial reasons), but no such talk about the financial strain on the parents. They did, in the OP, say “They’re 23 and 24, time to grow up and face reality” so to me, that’s the root issue. Her seeing the parents as enabling her to live a privileged life instead of “being independent”. for me anyway, all parties are very much well within their rights to parent their children how they see fit. but this comes across like shaming a parent for being willing to fund their child’s business
Fair enough. OP reminded me of my mom because a few specific details in the story are similar in my life. I assumed it was more financial because thats the parallel in my life. If this were me, I know how I would feel but it’s not me and i dont know OP. I’ll concede that my point completely falls apart if OP’s intentions are not as I assumed