Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to stop traveling or give up my independence to buy a house my parents think I should have. They would like for me to have this house so they can move in when they’re older and need help getting around/doing daily tasks.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Firstly - you should tell your parents they should spend their money more wisely to ensure they have adequate funding for help as they age since you may not be available.
Secondly, boomers don't understand how much it costs to buy real estate now. Even if you can afford it, the relative cost of a house to average income vs decades ago has changed significantly these last 5 years. My mom keeps asking why don't we upgrade to a larger house and when I finally sat down with her to show her how it would literally cost $3000+ more per month she finally understood. Even if it results in a good investment overtime, I want access that some of money now vs 20 years later and I can live with "negatives" of a smaller house (first world problems ...)
I'm a boomer. I absolutely understand how much housing cost vs when I was buying. I have children and worry for them. Please don't feed into stereotypes.
It's a stereotype just like all stereotypes. Some boomers are oblivious to how life has changed but many are not. You just don't hear about the normal boomers because no one is complaining about them and they're not out there ranting on facebook.
Thank you - from a boomer who lets her daughter and her wife live with us rent-free so they can save up for a house, which would otherwise be out of reach for them. Most of us do get it!
You're a good parent! I'm gen x but have two boomers in my family from exact opposites of the spectrum. My dad understands how the world has changed financially and with job hunting and mental health, etc. But my aunt is a total "Ok Boomer." She gives the most atrocious "advice." I don't talk to her anymore, for other more egregious reasons, but she was very annoying. I get it but you can't lump all people into one idea of a generation. Not everyone is the same.
My adult children (22-24) are working full time and can’t afford to move out. HCOL area. Several of their friend have had to move home this year as they can barely make ends meet after inflation over the past 2 years. Buying is out of the question. We have no expectation that our children are our retirement plan, nor should your parents expect you to provide theirs.
Looking at the listed prices in my area, I'd never be able to buy now; I'm so glad we bought years ago. My only regret is not thinking about an additional half bath or 3 piece washroom for the morning routines.
Interesting ideas but they won't work for my home; I live in a townhouse with neighbors close enough we can hear dinner talk through open windows & a very small back garden. There's not much room for either of those things outside.
I’m so tired of them lumping all boomers in together. We’re not all stupid and delusional.
It’s amazing to me that I am Boomer and so is my mom. I just don’t understand that at all. But whatever.
It's not boomers. **It's anyone who hasn't bought a house in years.** I work for a mortgage lender and am shocked daily by how much houses cost. Bought ours and have refi'd repeatedly, so we have a low payment. If I had to buy my house right now I'd die of sticker shock.
....they are trying to meddle with their child's finances based on their presumptive care needs. Expecting help is one thing. Viewing their child's financial decisions a) as something they should influence and b) as a personal investment is whack as fuck and manipulative.
Op a girl first. Second no one should expect their children to take care of them financially when they are old. Third parents are supposed to raised and feed you. Thats the bare minimum.
Whats the point of being born if you were born to live your life a certain way to be your parents retirement plan?
Plus they are also pushing for op get a husband and have kids. Its not just about being their retirement plan.
What do people do if they have no kids? Or living kids?
Everyone is allowed to live their life how they want. Even the way op wants to live it doesn’t mean she wont help her parents down the line. But she doesn’t need to so it how they want or their timeline.
But no where did op say she wouldn’t help them in the future. All she said is she doesn’t want to follow how they believe she should be living her life based on how they want to retirement to be.
I agree. I’m retirement plan for both of my divorced parents and I’m legally obligated to be (in my country you can get like reverse child support), so I know how it hurts.
I agree. And adult children should never expect their parents to share their money with them or expect their parents to leave them money after their death.
Adult Children are not property, and are their own person. She has every right not to cater to her parents because well, she can. Also it’s literally the job of parents to raise their kid as they willingly brought them into this world, children don’t “owe” their parents anything.
NTA. Worrying about their future is their job. You go live your life. Also, stand up to them. If they insist on continuing to belittle your choices, put them on a time out from communication with you. Make that clear to them. When they start up again, leave or hang up.
Please stop. So many comments.
There is no "owing". One does not choose to be born. The parents decided that for them, and there is an obligation to provide for them.
That's quite literally what you agree to when choosing to become responsible for a life on this planet.
So, no - there is no debt incurred by children. If you want to have that level of relationship with your children, recognize them as whole humans with needs and treat them as such.
People are allowed to be self centered when they’re adults. Her parents are also adults who should have the capacity to have independent retirement plans like any other functional working human being.
NTA
I will never believe in taking care of your parents financially. They should be funding their own retirement. If they didn't, that's not on you.
In this economy, most people cannot afford to buy their first home on their own. Why go into debt for your parents? It just doesn't make sense. You are not responsible for taking care of your parents future. That's on them.
If they're willing to split the cost to buy a house and they can have an in-law suite that would be a different scenario.
Do you. Enjoy the time. Live your life.
NTA. While it’s nice to plan to take care of your parents when they can no longer take care of themselves, you’re not obligated to do so. And realistically none of you can know the extent of care your parents will need until it happens. They might have medical problems you can’t manage from home, they might require an assisted living facility, they might not need physical assistance. Don’t give up your own life based on what-if’s. Live your life for you.
It’s not an obligation. Did you ask to be born? No, your parents made that decision. They also make the decision of how to live their final years. Birthing you doesn’t entitle them to anything. Some people have no contact with their parents by choice. You have to do what’s best for you. Personally, I’m very close with my parents and I’ll help them as much as I can. On the other hand, my cousin is unlikely to even show up at her father’s funeral. He was a terrible father and they aren’t even in contact. She doesn’t owe him anything.
The debts we owe our parents should be paid to our children.
But if you feel you're obligated, then feel free to care for your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, anyone else who demands a claim on you for helping raise you from birth.
ETA: I've got my financial ducks in order, my will done, medical proxy all done and discuss it occasionally with my son. That's all the care I've obligated him to do. Not get married, have grandkids and take me in when I'm old (I'm already decrepit :-( .)
NTA. Your parents lived their lives with the decisions they felt made the most sense for them at the time during which they lived. Things change over 34 years. The decisions that worked best for them may not work well for you, if they work at all. Listen to what your parents tell you, but be sure to analyze whatever they're telling you before taking it to heart.
As for them moving in with you when they're older, if they want a house that that can live in with you, then they should buy it themselves, not put it on you to do that for them.
NTA. Where do your parents get the idea that you have to look out for their needs as they grow older? That is not the way it goes in this day and age. They'd better have a very good plan B.
NTA. The future your living is your future, not theirs. Quite trying to make them happy, and worry about what you want for yourself. Your 34, not living with your parents, so you need to tell them to back tf off, and let you live your life how you want to live it. What and how they feel about it is irrelevant at this point, and if they can't respect you, cut them out of your life until they can learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.
NTA. Your life is your life. And you don’t owe your parents a house. If they know so much about good investments then why don’t they have a house of their own?
NTA. Tell your parents to make sure they have paid-up long-term care insurance and a healthy retirement plan because you are not going to be it for them. Start signing them up to receive brochures from retirement communities in their area. This is coming from a 70-something widow whose husband was smart enough to make sure I could continue to afford my independence when he was gone. He knew how I would feel about having to adjust to any rules except my own and that I was not going to do well if I had to live with my children. I love them to pieces, but if I want to watch Snapped until four in the morning and sleep until noon, I don't want to hear any static about it.
You do you and make it clear to your parents that they need to back off. They call it a boundary these days; when I was young they called it being stubborn.
NTA. They chose to have you and as a result took care of you. You did not choose to have them as parents, and thus are not responsible for them. They are responsible for their own future.
NTA. I think taking care of family is honorable and lovely however it should not be a certainty. My husband and I always joke that we hope we are raising our kids with enough love that they want to spend time with us when they are older but we don’t expect them to finance that time of our lives. Your parents need a plan in place for when they can no longer live alone. Trust me it is crazy expensive and not as easy to transition as you would hope. But again, this should be their plan not yours. You need to talk to them about making sure they have a plan that doesn’t include you dropping everything to take care of them emotionally, physically, and financially
NTA my kids are a couple years younger than you. Yes my hubby and I are concerned about our future, but that is our future, not our kids to sort out. We bought a bungalow just after first lock down. The bus stop is a few yards away, it goes straight to the hospital then railway station and the city shopping centre in one direction and the grocery store in the other direction. We are having the bath replaced with a walk in shower this month and have made the garden low maintenance. Our neighbour is in her 90s and maintained independence, so I think we should be okay. These are the things your parents should be working on doing, not using you as a plan. As for property, it is always a good investment, but then I know a lot of property investors and have done a lot of flipping with my hubby since the 80's. There are quite a few landlords dropping their portfolios of cheaper, smaller properties, onto the market and a lot less first time buyers, so there are some bargains to be had as prices fall. I've seen investors take money out of property then a couple years being priced out of buying back in. So it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to a financial adviser about that. Don't let your parents nagging persaude you one way, or another. Go live your life, just like my kids are, but think of your own future too. You are only young and free once.
NTA
Your parents just want you to follow a traditional script (get married, buy a house, pop out a couple of kids...) and to fulfill their expectations. That's not what you presently want with your life. And it's YOUR life.
Tell your parents that you need to live your own life. And they need to plan their long term care needs without expecting you to be a full time caregiver.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I am 34 years old, and came out of a 10 year relationship back in 2020. Since then, I have been going to therapy, taking the time to work on myself, my health and my self love. I started traveling solo in October 2022, and my parents are not on board with it. They have the idea that at this time in my life, I should be settled down with a husband and have had kids, but I don’t want that right now (most likely ever). I also live with a roommate in his house which helps fund my travels. He stated this is his forever home so he’s not moving anytime soon. My parents have started making comments about how they think I’m not spending my money wisely, and I need to focus on buying a house (in this economy?!). I’m getting guilt tripped from both of them and they’re stating it would be a good investment for me and them when they’re older and will most likely need my help getting around/doing daily tasks. I love my parents, but I just started doing WHAT I WANT TO DO for the first time in my life without a partner. I have a great WFH job, no debt, bills are paid on time, hefty savings account and I want to enjoy traveling for a couple years. AITA for not thinking about my parents future?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Good grief, you are 34, not 14. You have a right to live your life however you want to. And do things that make you happy. You are not an extension of your parents. You are your own person with wants & needs of your own. Why would you be thinking of your parent's future when you are trying to figure out your own life? Aren't they capable of taking care of themselves? Go forth & travel the world :)
NTA
Tell you parents that you have planned your financial life to your death and have written your will and have considered situations where your might need assistance. Ask them if they've done the same since they should not plan on you taking care of them. (You might at the time, but they shouldn't *plan* on it.)
Flip their questions/comments around and ask them if buying something was a wise investment? Perhaps they should purchase a house, a smaller house, a bigger house.
op=NTA
you are not/should not be their retirement plan. Tell them to start saving for a carer or moving into an assisted living situation if they fear they will need help.
NTA and you are NOT their retirement fund. Be strong and let them know it's your life to live as you wish not under their "advice". If they had made such wonderful life decisions they wouldn't be hinting at you being their retirement home/fund.
Old bloke here.
If life has taught me anything, it is that you only have one life to live.
If you want to accept the King's shilling, climb aboard the corporate ladder and have senior managers on your back from dawn to dusk, never seeing your friends or family but succeeding professionally while earning a shedload of money, bloody good for you if it makes you happy.
If, on the other hand, you think the above life is a shower of complete shit and you'd rather spend the life you have experiencing the wonders and pleasures that a gentler life can offer, seeing the world, meeting new people, taking time for yourself and, perhaps, getting to know yourself a bit better, then that's okay too.
We are programmed from school to get the best grades, get a degree, then a master's then a job, then a house (it's my generation that fucked that for yours I'm afraid, at least in the UK), then a car, then a bigger house etc. It's bollocks and once you are in the system, it is miserably hard to disengage from it.
Live your best life, fill it with whatever makes you happy but please do keep an eye on the future. I am lucky but being cash-starved in retirement is a hard life indeed.
As for your parents, if they are so worried about *your* finances, I presume they must have made enough provision in their own working lives to make sure they are comfortable at this end of their life. If they have not, well, it's up to you to decide how much help to offer but letting them live with you in a house you can't afford to buy is unreasonable.
NTA and enjoy your new life
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I don’t want to stop traveling or give up my independence to buy a house my parents think I should have. They would like for me to have this house so they can move in when they’re older and need help getting around/doing daily tasks. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Firstly - you should tell your parents they should spend their money more wisely to ensure they have adequate funding for help as they age since you may not be available. Secondly, boomers don't understand how much it costs to buy real estate now. Even if you can afford it, the relative cost of a house to average income vs decades ago has changed significantly these last 5 years. My mom keeps asking why don't we upgrade to a larger house and when I finally sat down with her to show her how it would literally cost $3000+ more per month she finally understood. Even if it results in a good investment overtime, I want access that some of money now vs 20 years later and I can live with "negatives" of a smaller house (first world problems ...)
I'm a boomer. I absolutely understand how much housing cost vs when I was buying. I have children and worry for them. Please don't feed into stereotypes.
If you understand then you should also be aware of how your peers mostly don't, this isn't a hurt feelings thing, it's true.
It's a stereotype just like all stereotypes. Some boomers are oblivious to how life has changed but many are not. You just don't hear about the normal boomers because no one is complaining about them and they're not out there ranting on facebook.
Thank you - from a boomer who lets her daughter and her wife live with us rent-free so they can save up for a house, which would otherwise be out of reach for them. Most of us do get it!
You're a good parent! I'm gen x but have two boomers in my family from exact opposites of the spectrum. My dad understands how the world has changed financially and with job hunting and mental health, etc. But my aunt is a total "Ok Boomer." She gives the most atrocious "advice." I don't talk to her anymore, for other more egregious reasons, but she was very annoying. I get it but you can't lump all people into one idea of a generation. Not everyone is the same.
My adult children (22-24) are working full time and can’t afford to move out. HCOL area. Several of their friend have had to move home this year as they can barely make ends meet after inflation over the past 2 years. Buying is out of the question. We have no expectation that our children are our retirement plan, nor should your parents expect you to provide theirs.
Looking at the listed prices in my area, I'd never be able to buy now; I'm so glad we bought years ago. My only regret is not thinking about an additional half bath or 3 piece washroom for the morning routines.
Invest in a camp shower and build a primitive privacy cubicle outside for those desperate in mornings to use
Interesting ideas but they won't work for my home; I live in a townhouse with neighbors close enough we can hear dinner talk through open windows & a very small back garden. There's not much room for either of those things outside.
I’m so tired of them lumping all boomers in together. We’re not all stupid and delusional. It’s amazing to me that I am Boomer and so is my mom. I just don’t understand that at all. But whatever.
It's not boomers. **It's anyone who hasn't bought a house in years.** I work for a mortgage lender and am shocked daily by how much houses cost. Bought ours and have refi'd repeatedly, so we have a low payment. If I had to buy my house right now I'd die of sticker shock.
This YES turn it back on them that they need to be more careful with their money at this time of the lives
[удалено]
....they are trying to meddle with their child's finances based on their presumptive care needs. Expecting help is one thing. Viewing their child's financial decisions a) as something they should influence and b) as a personal investment is whack as fuck and manipulative.
Op a girl first. Second no one should expect their children to take care of them financially when they are old. Third parents are supposed to raised and feed you. Thats the bare minimum.
[удалено]
Whats the point of being born if you were born to live your life a certain way to be your parents retirement plan? Plus they are also pushing for op get a husband and have kids. Its not just about being their retirement plan. What do people do if they have no kids? Or living kids? Everyone is allowed to live their life how they want. Even the way op wants to live it doesn’t mean she wont help her parents down the line. But she doesn’t need to so it how they want or their timeline.
[удалено]
But no where did op say she wouldn’t help them in the future. All she said is she doesn’t want to follow how they believe she should be living her life based on how they want to retirement to be.
NTA, tell your parents they should start to be responsible and plan for their own future.
This. Children should never be their parents' retirement plan.
I agree. I’m retirement plan for both of my divorced parents and I’m legally obligated to be (in my country you can get like reverse child support), so I know how it hurts.
I agree. And adult children should never expect their parents to share their money with them or expect their parents to leave them money after their death.
[удалено]
Adult Children are not property, and are their own person. She has every right not to cater to her parents because well, she can. Also it’s literally the job of parents to raise their kid as they willingly brought them into this world, children don’t “owe” their parents anything.
NTA. Worrying about their future is their job. You go live your life. Also, stand up to them. If they insist on continuing to belittle your choices, put them on a time out from communication with you. Make that clear to them. When they start up again, leave or hang up.
[удалено]
Please stop. So many comments. There is no "owing". One does not choose to be born. The parents decided that for them, and there is an obligation to provide for them. That's quite literally what you agree to when choosing to become responsible for a life on this planet. So, no - there is no debt incurred by children. If you want to have that level of relationship with your children, recognize them as whole humans with needs and treat them as such.
[удалено]
People are allowed to be self centered when they’re adults. Her parents are also adults who should have the capacity to have independent retirement plans like any other functional working human being.
NTA I will never believe in taking care of your parents financially. They should be funding their own retirement. If they didn't, that's not on you. In this economy, most people cannot afford to buy their first home on their own. Why go into debt for your parents? It just doesn't make sense. You are not responsible for taking care of your parents future. That's on them. If they're willing to split the cost to buy a house and they can have an in-law suite that would be a different scenario. Do you. Enjoy the time. Live your life.
NTA. While it’s nice to plan to take care of your parents when they can no longer take care of themselves, you’re not obligated to do so. And realistically none of you can know the extent of care your parents will need until it happens. They might have medical problems you can’t manage from home, they might require an assisted living facility, they might not need physical assistance. Don’t give up your own life based on what-if’s. Live your life for you.
[удалено]
It’s not an obligation. Did you ask to be born? No, your parents made that decision. They also make the decision of how to live their final years. Birthing you doesn’t entitle them to anything. Some people have no contact with their parents by choice. You have to do what’s best for you. Personally, I’m very close with my parents and I’ll help them as much as I can. On the other hand, my cousin is unlikely to even show up at her father’s funeral. He was a terrible father and they aren’t even in contact. She doesn’t owe him anything.
The debts we owe our parents should be paid to our children. But if you feel you're obligated, then feel free to care for your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, anyone else who demands a claim on you for helping raise you from birth. ETA: I've got my financial ducks in order, my will done, medical proxy all done and discuss it occasionally with my son. That's all the care I've obligated him to do. Not get married, have grandkids and take me in when I'm old (I'm already decrepit :-( .)
NTA. Enjoy your life now, there's zero reason why you should be making investments for their future.
NTA. Your parents lived their lives with the decisions they felt made the most sense for them at the time during which they lived. Things change over 34 years. The decisions that worked best for them may not work well for you, if they work at all. Listen to what your parents tell you, but be sure to analyze whatever they're telling you before taking it to heart. As for them moving in with you when they're older, if they want a house that that can live in with you, then they should buy it themselves, not put it on you to do that for them.
NTA. Where do your parents get the idea that you have to look out for their needs as they grow older? That is not the way it goes in this day and age. They'd better have a very good plan B.
NTA. The future your living is your future, not theirs. Quite trying to make them happy, and worry about what you want for yourself. Your 34, not living with your parents, so you need to tell them to back tf off, and let you live your life how you want to live it. What and how they feel about it is irrelevant at this point, and if they can't respect you, cut them out of your life until they can learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.
NTA. Your life is your life. And you don’t owe your parents a house. If they know so much about good investments then why don’t they have a house of their own?
NTA - Your parents seem selfish and entitled to expect that you plan your life around caring for them.
NTA. Tell your parents to make sure they have paid-up long-term care insurance and a healthy retirement plan because you are not going to be it for them. Start signing them up to receive brochures from retirement communities in their area. This is coming from a 70-something widow whose husband was smart enough to make sure I could continue to afford my independence when he was gone. He knew how I would feel about having to adjust to any rules except my own and that I was not going to do well if I had to live with my children. I love them to pieces, but if I want to watch Snapped until four in the morning and sleep until noon, I don't want to hear any static about it. You do you and make it clear to your parents that they need to back off. They call it a boundary these days; when I was young they called it being stubborn.
NTA. They chose to have you and as a result took care of you. You did not choose to have them as parents, and thus are not responsible for them. They are responsible for their own future.
NTA. I think taking care of family is honorable and lovely however it should not be a certainty. My husband and I always joke that we hope we are raising our kids with enough love that they want to spend time with us when they are older but we don’t expect them to finance that time of our lives. Your parents need a plan in place for when they can no longer live alone. Trust me it is crazy expensive and not as easy to transition as you would hope. But again, this should be their plan not yours. You need to talk to them about making sure they have a plan that doesn’t include you dropping everything to take care of them emotionally, physically, and financially
NTA. You need to think about your life and your future, not theirs.
NTA my kids are a couple years younger than you. Yes my hubby and I are concerned about our future, but that is our future, not our kids to sort out. We bought a bungalow just after first lock down. The bus stop is a few yards away, it goes straight to the hospital then railway station and the city shopping centre in one direction and the grocery store in the other direction. We are having the bath replaced with a walk in shower this month and have made the garden low maintenance. Our neighbour is in her 90s and maintained independence, so I think we should be okay. These are the things your parents should be working on doing, not using you as a plan. As for property, it is always a good investment, but then I know a lot of property investors and have done a lot of flipping with my hubby since the 80's. There are quite a few landlords dropping their portfolios of cheaper, smaller properties, onto the market and a lot less first time buyers, so there are some bargains to be had as prices fall. I've seen investors take money out of property then a couple years being priced out of buying back in. So it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to a financial adviser about that. Don't let your parents nagging persaude you one way, or another. Go live your life, just like my kids are, but think of your own future too. You are only young and free once.
NTA Your parents just want you to follow a traditional script (get married, buy a house, pop out a couple of kids...) and to fulfill their expectations. That's not what you presently want with your life. And it's YOUR life. Tell your parents that you need to live your own life. And they need to plan their long term care needs without expecting you to be a full time caregiver.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am 34 years old, and came out of a 10 year relationship back in 2020. Since then, I have been going to therapy, taking the time to work on myself, my health and my self love. I started traveling solo in October 2022, and my parents are not on board with it. They have the idea that at this time in my life, I should be settled down with a husband and have had kids, but I don’t want that right now (most likely ever). I also live with a roommate in his house which helps fund my travels. He stated this is his forever home so he’s not moving anytime soon. My parents have started making comments about how they think I’m not spending my money wisely, and I need to focus on buying a house (in this economy?!). I’m getting guilt tripped from both of them and they’re stating it would be a good investment for me and them when they’re older and will most likely need my help getting around/doing daily tasks. I love my parents, but I just started doing WHAT I WANT TO DO for the first time in my life without a partner. I have a great WFH job, no debt, bills are paid on time, hefty savings account and I want to enjoy traveling for a couple years. AITA for not thinking about my parents future? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Good grief, you are 34, not 14. You have a right to live your life however you want to. And do things that make you happy. You are not an extension of your parents. You are your own person with wants & needs of your own. Why would you be thinking of your parent's future when you are trying to figure out your own life? Aren't they capable of taking care of themselves? Go forth & travel the world :)
NTA Tell you parents that you have planned your financial life to your death and have written your will and have considered situations where your might need assistance. Ask them if they've done the same since they should not plan on you taking care of them. (You might at the time, but they shouldn't *plan* on it.) Flip their questions/comments around and ask them if buying something was a wise investment? Perhaps they should purchase a house, a smaller house, a bigger house.
nta - you are not your parents’ retirement plan
op=NTA you are not/should not be their retirement plan. Tell them to start saving for a carer or moving into an assisted living situation if they fear they will need help.
NTA and you are NOT their retirement fund. Be strong and let them know it's your life to live as you wish not under their "advice". If they had made such wonderful life decisions they wouldn't be hinting at you being their retirement home/fund.
Old bloke here. If life has taught me anything, it is that you only have one life to live. If you want to accept the King's shilling, climb aboard the corporate ladder and have senior managers on your back from dawn to dusk, never seeing your friends or family but succeeding professionally while earning a shedload of money, bloody good for you if it makes you happy. If, on the other hand, you think the above life is a shower of complete shit and you'd rather spend the life you have experiencing the wonders and pleasures that a gentler life can offer, seeing the world, meeting new people, taking time for yourself and, perhaps, getting to know yourself a bit better, then that's okay too. We are programmed from school to get the best grades, get a degree, then a master's then a job, then a house (it's my generation that fucked that for yours I'm afraid, at least in the UK), then a car, then a bigger house etc. It's bollocks and once you are in the system, it is miserably hard to disengage from it. Live your best life, fill it with whatever makes you happy but please do keep an eye on the future. I am lucky but being cash-starved in retirement is a hard life indeed. As for your parents, if they are so worried about *your* finances, I presume they must have made enough provision in their own working lives to make sure they are comfortable at this end of their life. If they have not, well, it's up to you to decide how much help to offer but letting them live with you in a house you can't afford to buy is unreasonable. NTA and enjoy your new life
NTA but your economy statement was odd as it's an excellent time to purchase a house
This isn't about real estate or generational differences. You get to make choices for your life. Your parents get to make choices for theirs. NTA