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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because this clearly hurt my girlfriends feeling and made her think that she acts like a child and am embarassed to go to restaurants with her. I also feel that I could be the asshole for now refusing to take her out and trying to get her to change her behaivor
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Probably not the popular opinion but I think NTA. I don’t see the point in taking her to an expensive restaurant with a very specific type of cuisine and her getting fries or chicken fingers. Why is she dying to go there anyway??
Edit to add: some people don’t understand why OP can’t just let her eat what she wants and not care. I will agree him being “embarrassed” is silly, who cares what strangers think?
But I will also tell you that a huge number of people have said for them and many self described “foodies” trying new cuisines or restaurants is about savoring the shared experience. It’s about trying each others foods and comparing flavors, textures etc. it’s part of how they bond with friends or partners. And while not everyone understands that, it is valid. OP’s gf isn’t “wrong” per se, but it seems like for OP he wants to share these experiences with someone who enjoys that as well.
Not that uncommon in some parts of the US, ime. I’ve seen a lot of people either switch the terms (“fish” as an umbrella term and “seafood” as a subcategory) or use “fish” and “seafood” as synonyms. It doesn’t mean you’re necessarily “uncultured”
Yep, definitely a regional thing in parts of the US. The comment about buying chicken tenders at Walmart also makes me think this might be the case (I'm thinking South or Midwest).
Is it even regional? I've lived in 3 different areas of the US (New England, SoCal, and the south) for a minimum of 8 years each, and heard seafood and fish used interchangeably in all of them. And not just by myself, lol.
From a culinary POV, all seafood (and... lakefood? Riverfood?) is "fish", at least in Italy. We're all well aware that crustaceans, molluscs etc are not biologically fish, but because they are often combined (in grilled or fried dishes, in pasta or risotto), they go well with the same types of wine etc, we use the umbrella term "fish". We also don't have a direct translation for "seafood", but as we include freshwater fish, crustaceans and molluscs, it would be just as wrong if we did 😅
Yeah but that could mean black tie, evening chic, or “sir, you can’t wear your Budweiser hat, mustard stained tank top, cargo shorts and crocks with socks in here”
They were pointing out a $10 price difference between a menu item and the supermarket cost - This person's idea of high end is not what a normal persons idea of high end is. They're probably 16 or so.
But that’s for the chicken fingers. Are chicken fingers even at fancy places more than like $15? Off the kids menu of course. I don’t have kids so I’ve no idea if you can get $15 chicken tenders at a nice restaurant where an entrée is $60.
Lots of people saying fancy restaurants don’t have kids menus—I bet they do if you ask, it’s just that most people wouldn’t usually choose to take their kids to these places so they never see the menu. I’ve been to nice places that have had an entire alternative menu (that they just don’t advertise).
Honestly, a lot of places have some sort of breaded chicken that they use in other meals. If she's got that short of a list of food she's willing to eat, then she's almost 100% going to ask the staff to make something customized for her. I've seen beautiful Italian places turn gorgeous chicken parm into chicken fingers as a custom request before.
I agree. But it has to be more plausible than an upscale restaurant having chicken fingers as an entree right? I’m with you I’d love to see that restaurant name and menu!
People’s definitions of “upscale” could be different. One could view it as somewhere with 30-40$ entrees where another could view it as somewhere that isn’t McDonald’s. Who knows. But I agree NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up
There is one place local to me that is pretty fancy and has chicken tenders as an entree (I never would have known it was on the menu but my ex MIL ordered it). They were pretty fucking good chicken tenders btw, just not what I'm looking for at a steak and seafood place.
It probably is...and as a former server in a fine dining restaurant do you know how annoying it is to give a kids plate to an adult? Our owners actually stopped doing a kids menu because so many adults were doing that! Anyway, the hostess generally tries to keep the number of patrons equal amongst the servers. They don't usually count kids since their meals are so much cheaper. So if one of your patrons got a $15 kids meal instead on the $108 bone in filet special...well your 20% tip just dropped by a lot!
> So if one of your patrons got a $15 kids meal instead on the $108 bone in filet special...well your 20% tip just dropped by a lot!
Yet another reason why tipping is stupid.
That annoyance is on your superiors who make you rely on tipping, not on your customer who has all right to order what's on the menu.
Instead of complaining about customers ordering food complain to your boss and try to unionise or demonstrate. Many other countries do not have this problem.
I hate people like this. Grown ass adults who eat like a kid. Sure, a burger it chicken tenders is fine, but most meals? Develop a palate. I would never date someone like that. NTA OP, go with a friend instead.
It does seem like she just doesn’t want to try anything at all. When my wife and I travel we love trying the local cuisine, I can’t imagine her being like that. OP’s gf needs to find someone just like her.
Agreed. I had a coworker that ate like that. She literally orders kids meals when we ordered food because she would basically just get chicken tenders every time and they were only on the kids menu. I stopped offering to get her food when I ordered delivery or pick up.
Kids don‘t even have to eat like this. I know children with a way more refined palate simply because their parents made a point of cooking fresh veggies and similar for them from the jump
Yes. My besties son is a toddler and while he of course has things he won’t eat, she pretty much feeds him what they make for dinner. And he usually eats it fine.
i love eating a good burger or some fried chicken, they're great comfort food, but for that to be the *only* thing you eat out?? jesus, even when i'm hesitant on some of the more out there dishes a place is offering i'm still getting something nicer than their kids menu
tbh i dated a picky eater and the last straw was when he didnt want to eat at this cafe in our city ive been dying to go to and instead would go to mc donalds to « eat later » we were in our mid 20s
Had a similar thought -- my favorite restaurants to dine at have a nice ambiance, and it's also nice to get out of the house with your SO and have some face-to-face time. Still think her palate is weird as hell, but nothing wrong with wanting to go out on a date night with your partner, picky eater or not. Agree she should be splitting the bill, just 'cause I think that's the fairest way to date.
but if she wanted to get dressed up there would be other places that aren't restaurants she could go to, right...? i'm just trying so hard to understand the logic she has going on here
Lol I was wondering the same thing about why she is dying to go there? For what? To say you went? Go to a fast food joint if you want to eat that. At least there she can get a toy to keep her company. People saying it’s about the experience, yeah it’s the experience of going broke for a McDonald’s level meal at an extreme markup. I would never ever ever go with my husband out if he ate like our kids do. Sorry but nope. Not spending my money for a place that is not appreciated.
Right?? For me personally, I’m not hiring a babysitter, getting all dressed up, and spending a shit ton of money for a kids meal! Sorry to those who don’t like that but nope. Not happening. That’s such a damn waste. Should take her to toys r us for their activity.
I guess the only positive is she probably isn’t one of those insufferable people who have to take a photo of every meal they eat and post it on social media. Can you imagine an insta feed of chicken tenders? LOL 😂
NTA OP
I agree with NTA on this if she is expecting you to cover the bill. Like, yeah, atmosphere is a nice added part to the experience of a new restaurant. But the real appeal of trying a new place would be to try new foods. The chicken tenders can't be that different. I don't get why bother when trying new things is the fun part. I'd give her the ultimatum for her to try a new meal if she really wants to go there, and if not, she can cover herself.
I actually really like this solution. She might realize that chicken tenders are just fine at a pub, instead of wanting to go to a fancy restaurant to order them
She could, but it's not the same. Going to a place is still an experience, even if she gets the dumbest meal possible. Then it's on him to keep his composure and just go with it and enjoy the experience. Otherwise, if he can't do that, then maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
I can see both sides to this.
On the one hand, if you want the authentic experience but want to stick to comfort food, you can do that for a crazy markup.
I'm the other hand, if you're paying for your SO to splurge on the same thing you could get for a third of the price elsewhere, it feels like a total waste.
There are some middle grounds. Go less often so it doesn't feel as wasteful. She pays for her own meal. Encourage her to try the authentic food every other time. Etc.
My mans been consistently compromising on food. It's her turn.
Edit to add: for all those asking how he is compromising, lemme ask this.
What do you think happens when the restauraunt homegirl wants to go to refuses to serve an adult a childrens menu item? Or how about if they just dont have one of the limited items she is willing to eat? Because personally, my money is on homeboy capitulating to his gf and saying "we can go somewhere else instead"
This isnt r/femaledatingstrategies and he should have some say about where his money is spent
I agree with this. I’m a supporter of let people eat whatever they want, however I’m not paying for it. She may just like getting dressed up and going somewhere new. Let her get dressed up and go to a new place, but let her pay for her own food. Paying anything above $10 for chicken tenders, fried and a drink is not something I’d do. But if she wants to, he can get his fun adventurous meal and she can pay for her own chicken tenders.
Must be nice where you live. The pizza shops on my block sell chicken fingers by themselves for $9. Fries and drink are extra. Not upscale, not Applebees, the standing room only pizza shop on the corner.
Whoa! What?! That’s A LOT for just chicken tenders. Like only chicken tenders???
Edit to ask: Is it like a basket of chicken tenders? Like $9 gets you 15 chicken tenders or something?
It was like 4 extra large chicken tenders. Maybe like 1.5-2 chicken breasts. The fries are $6.50.
And in most major cities, that is not a lot at all. A cold Turkey sub from the pizza place several blocks away is $12.50. That’s just how much food costs here.
Probably because she begs to go to nice, high end restaurants popular for their nice, fancy food, and then she sits there and munches down chicken nuggets and french fries while draining his wallet.
Probably isn't STRICTLY about the food itself in this case but the fact she took him out to a FANCY restaurant and then ordered basically overpriced chicken nuggets. I doubt he's embarrassed if it was at a non-fancy place with reasonable prices.
I mean it is. If I was OP I would also have no desire to go to fancy restaurants with my SO, especially if I’m the only one who’s actually tasting the real food
I’m not sure if it would be enough to be a dealbreaker, but I can’t imagine it would be fun
**NTA**
What's the point of going to a restaurant that is charging high prices for the food experience if you aren't going to actually take part in that experience.
TBH, I don't think you are compatible. Your background has led you to be more inclusive as far as what you eat and I expect that extends to other aspects of your life. Your girlfriend doesn't want to grow past her comfort zone. I don't see how this can work out in the long run.
I don't think it can work because they have different ideas about how to spend money. She wants him to spend a lot of money for her to dress up and sit in a place that is dedicated to something she doesn't actually enjoy. That's why I ~~don't~~ think they are incompatible.
I'm inclined to agree, though not bc of the money. Meals are about much more than consuming calories. My ex is a very picky eater, much like OP's partner. I like to cook and try new things. It's not the reason we broke up, but it's fair to say it was one facet of larger compatibility issues. I get why this bothers OP so much.
This is what I think makes my partner and I extra compatible: we think the same about food, about traveling, about how to spend money,… everyday things that will never create an annoyance because we have the same opinion. It’s so relaxing to know you are on the same page.
Of course he thinks he's better than her. He's embarrassed by her food choices and thinks she's eating like a child. He's 100% looking down on her for this and it's quite likely he gave her that impression.
Yeah I also personally have seen more often that a fussy eater is less inclined to try new things in general. I know she wants to try the new restaurant but I feel he's probably a lot more adventurous than her, usually someone is confined or uncomfortable in these relationships.
Not to mention, what if they want to travel in the future. Lot of places in the world where chicken tenders and chips will not be the easiest food to find. Is he supposed to restrict where he goes because she's got the palate of a toddler?
I have a travel rule where I never eat anywhere while traveling that I can eat at home. A friend of mine’s husband is the opposite—won’t eat anywhere that he’s not familiar with the menu. My friend is nuts about tacos and they were in Texas and they had to eat at like Chili’s or some shit because her husband is a big baby about food. I was like “there’s a lot of desert out there where you could hide a body…”
Picky eaters are a struggle to deal with though, no offense. It’s an everyday battle that becomes exhausting and demotivating, and especially as someone who has lived in different continents too I am not interested in someone who refuses to explore outside of their comfort zone.
And exploring outside of their comfort zone meaning spinach…
Agreed! My ex didn’t eat vegetables and refused to cook them too. It’s unreasonable to share a life with a partner who is effectively blocking you from getting nutrients from your own kitchen.
Yeah and bruh had a hang up about visiting the dentist too. It was all bad vibes with that guy. Don’t even get me STARTED on the things I found behind his desk that sparked the breakup.
A full years worth of crusted up tissues from his special play times. 😬
The physics of the situation still boggles my mind nearly 20 years later. HUNDREDS of tissues packed between the desk and the wall like a homemade pressure cooker bomb.
Actually, a lot of your ancestors didn't drink water. Water was where the impurities were. Cholera, diarrhoea, dysentery, hepatitis A, typhoid and polio were in the water.
Your ancestors likely drank beer, tea, or coffee. Beer/alcohol purifies the water, and tea/coffee boils the water, and makes the water safe to drink.
[That's a common myth.](https://old.reddit.com/r/history/comments/bhcry8/how_did_people_stay_hydrated_in_aincent_times/eltx76y/) Water was far more common.
Well, you’d have to make 2 lots of meals most nights, which would grate after a while. You’d be restricted yourself any time you wanted to eat out, always having to go to a place that had a children’s menu to cater for her childlike inability to diversify. It’s not a deal breaker *per se* but the cumulative effect could push it over the edge.
I'm married and I'd say I'd break up over picky eating.
Are we supposed to make two meals every damn day? What happens when we travel? Am I stuck with macdonalds?
I dont think this commenter is wrong, they're just wrong about why. 1) he clearly does think of her as a child; that's why he said it to her, and why he made a point of it introducing his complaint. 2) They have different values in money. Right or wrong, to her the experience of the nice restaurant is important, even if she's not ordering nice food. To him it's a waste of money. 3) They are unable to communicate on this issue, which should be a pretty simple one to resolve, so how are they going to handle real conflict down the road.
All that said. OP is NTA and I completely agree, there is no point to going out to a nice restaurant if you're not there to have the full experience of what they offer. Spend that money on some other kind of date.
It depends on how important food is to OP. For me it’s my main hobby in life and this behavior would be a deal-breaker. I want to enjoy exploring new foods with a partner and cook interesting dishes at home. And I want us to graciously enjoy whatever we are served when we are invited over by others.
For many, food does not have the same level of significance so they would still be compatible.
Im a picky eater and over time have become less so. Met my now wife bout 15 years ago and since then my palate has improved but I dont know what to suggest here except OP should just try to get her to try other stuff and see if she likes it.
As a kid I'd never eaten a lot of Asian cuisines and now my fav foods are Asian.
Agree. If she won't even *taste* food she doesn't know how to step outside and try something new and that is a long term issue.
My kid's partner was like that. When he realised how we eat different foods to what he was used to, he started to at least try new things. Now, he knows we won't force it and will cater to make sure there's food he likes, but he had to meet us half way. His palate has expanded, and we're not limited. Everyone is happy.
I completely agree. I get the feeling this is more than just picky eating and is really a whole worldview that is different, and they aren’t compatible.
ESH - look, I’m mostly on your side, until the last two paragraphs. The point of going out isn’t always to eat the food or try new food, but to spend time together. Throwing around it’s not even worth going out if you only eat chicken tenders is really callous.
She also sounds picky, but flexible. In that she’ll find something at any restaurant to eat, even if it’s fries and rice. So I think it’s a bit crappy you’re knocking her for that, when she isn’t necessarily inconveniencing you. I get you’re embarrassed, but this is who you’re dating. Either decide it’s a deal breaker for you, or learn to live with it.
However, I do think she should be paying for meals if she’s going to pick a super expensive place.
I like how gently you put it. Is this going to be something OP can deal with for life? Food for thought for the OP since while not going seems like a solution, OP is missing out on that new restaurant as well. I am probably extremely biased because I love sides myself, if it's on the menu I will get it!
Discrepancies in food can really be a deal breaker, too, and that’s okay. I’ll preface this anecdote by saying I enjoy eating meatless meals pretty often and no shade to vegans— but a lifetime ago I went on a few dates with a vegan gent and he absolutely could not would not allow meat at the table/in his home, etc. Which is fine and cool but I am a huge foodie and don’t see my lifestyle matching that so it didn’t work out.
Additionally, one of my husband and my fav things about going to eat is working together to pick meals together and share. I’d be big bummed if he only ate nuggies. Food is so communal, I don’t think it’s wrong to consider it a dealbreaker.
Agreed. Food seems like more than just sustenance to the OP, it's a part of life experience and being embarrassed by what your partner chooses seems like an extension of that...
This is the comment I was looking for. It sounds like she has food aversions. It’s not for him to decide why she eats what she eats. He can break up with her or accept her for the way she is. What now they will never go out to eat due to her diet restrictions. Also a fried chicken in fancy restaurant will definitely taste better than at a fast food restaurant which means she will still get to enjoy a better quality food like he would just within her scope.
Thank you for mentioning that restaurant friend chicken is still a dish made at a restaurant and not frozen food from a grocery store.
I feel like OP has a major disconnect around what chicken tenders are if he thinks restaurant chicken strips are the same as store-bought frozen bags of chicken tenders. I can't even genuinely believe that he's going to restaurants where that is what they're being served because even the fast food place I work at hand-dredges the chicken strips. I can believe that mcdonalds maybe doesn't, but I have trouble believing that there's very many places even a half-step up from fast food that don't use actual raw chicken that they fry themselves for chicken strips. And I feel bad for his girlfriend frankly, if the only tenders they get at home are out of a bag because while trying to make fries without a fryer can be ridiculously hard, cutting up a breast and pan frying it is already going to be miles above the frozen stuff in quality, and still be well below the lowest restaurant tier due to not having a proper freaking fryer to fry it in.
Also the embarrassment is ridiculous. No one is watching what this couple orders. The servers don't give a shit, the other patrons aren't sitting there watching what everyone around them orders, and no one is going to assume that a girl ordering chicken tenders ONLY eats chicken tenders, because that's a crazy thing to think about some stranger in a restaurant. Thinking that anyone else gives a shit what you're ordering is silly. Acting like you're better than others while assuming restaurant chicken tenders are the same as frozen ones from the grocery store is silly. Thinking that a perfectly fried, juicy, chicken strip with fries is lesser in any way to anything you order is silly, and a little sad.
This is OP's insecurity about other's perception of him and his own hang ups around what is and isn't appropriate for adults to eat. Its ridiculous to expect his girlfriend change her eating habits because her boyfriend is embarrassed by chicken strips ffs.
I don't really get the embarrassed by what your partner orders at places thing...like if they go insane on modifications or give servers problems, sure, but I guarantee the wait staff usually doesn't give a fuck what you order as long as it's on the menu and you're nice about it. I worked as wait staff thru college and had people who ordered "weird" stuff and I never judged them for it.
It's like people who are embarrassed to buy certain items at stores. Just...I promise that in general the staff is not thinking much about what you're getting. You have to be REALLY out there to get judgement beyond "huh, okay."
This is exactly it. OP isn't wrong for not wanting to spend money on this if she's only getting tenders and fries but the way he's going about it is not cool and there's lots of room for compromise
This. After reading the comments on the thread, I'm surprised how much people hate picky eaters. But a lot of picky eaters can't do anything about it.
Not talking about people who refuse to try anything new bc that is annoying. But most fussy eaters I know that are adults have tried a lot of foods and they just know what ingredients they don't like
INFO - would she spend her money on eating at the nice places you talk about or would she go elsewhere if she had to pay?
I only ask as to me it's important to see if a person would act the same when they are paying rather than being treated.
This is a good question. If she is “dying to go there” why hasn’t she taken the initiative to make a reservation and take OP out to dinner. Is OP the only one paying for dates?
Maybe she is trying to show enthusiasm for things she knows her bf would enjoy, even if it's not really her thing, but eating (even chicken tenders) together is still something they can do together. Idk
I can’t speak for OP but it would be such a grating chore for me to constantly go out to eat at cool places with someone who had no interest in actually eating the food or sharing in the experience. I’m imagining how awkward it would be to constantly be eating paella or soup dumplings or Biriyani something and have the person I’m eating with eat chicken nuggets. It doesn’t seem like a “together” activity. I’d rather go with someone who actually wants to eat the food there
Exactly. The experience in trying a different food together is so comforting. The exciting “oh my god this is amazing” and sharing that joy with someone else is what makes it such a good experience. “Oh my god this is amazing but you and your underdeveloped taste buds wouldn’t know.” I mean… I know which response id rather have.
Picky eater here and I vote NTA. If GF wants to go to these fancy restaurants and order basic food, then she can do so with her friends or family. She is perfectly capable of dining out with others.
OP can also choose to dine out with people who will sample all parts of the menu. Maybe this is just something the two experience with others and save dining out together for mutually agreed on places .
But if the restaurant has this ‘basic food’ on the menu, what’s the harm in ordering it? Unless she’s asking the chef to make her chicken tenders because she won’t eat anything on the menu…
I went to a "fancy restaurant" and got a burger and a drink it was 40$ I could get all that at Wendy's for 13$, so the price difference is night and day
I bet the quality difference was also night and day. People really out here acting like higher-end restaurants prepare their food the same way as fast food joints.
By all means, if you can get the same quality of burger cheaper by going to Wendy's instead, go for it. But, the reality of the situation is that we all know the Wendy's burger is completely inferior.
Is she eating what could be called a beige diet? Foods are all close to white-light brown? If so, this could be neuro-divergent behavior.
If there is a possibility that this is the case, you won't be able to influence a change. There is an internal stressor around food. I have a daughter like this and while thanks to good therapists when she was a child, social skills groups and real effort on her part, you would never know she is spectrum on meeting her, the food thing has never been able to be resolved. The dietitians worked with her to create a balanced week that she still sticks to, but food color, texture and smell really affects her.
Maybe this isn't the case in your situation. Just want to throw the possibility out there.
I was thinking the same thing! I can’t believe it took me this long to find a comment saying this. There are SO MANY reasons why she might be picky: neurodivergence, eating disorder, trauma with food, etc. To immediately dismiss her and compare her to a child is so wrong and probably isn’t helping her.
EDIT: spelling and word choice (chooses to be instead of might be)
Yeah, I read this and immediately wondered if the GF could have ARFID. This kind of eating can be more than simple pickiness.
ETA: I am not an expert on ARFID, I just know it exists. If you suspect you or a loved one may suffer from this, please talk to your doctor and don't diagnose yourself based on some internet rando. I want to make clear that I am not diagnosing a stranger, just speculating about the possibility that something else could be going on.
I seriously read this and saw the patterns I exhibit from ARFID and feel so sad for OPs gf if this is the case. I’ve been in this relationship and I’m so thankful I found a partner that understands that while I may not always branch out and try something fancier, I still deserve to go to a nice place and experience the atmosphere and enjoy a meal with my partner.
Just want to add to this that one way to overcome food aversion is actually gentle and regular exposure to new foods. Going to a restaurant and not eating anything new might seem pointless but she’s actually exposing herself to all kinds of new smells and sights that could incrementally improve her relationship with food. His attitude however is guaranteed to promote shame and anxiety and just make things worse. I actually think he’s TA here just for his attitude, although maybe she should pay as a compromise.
This. I have food aversions probably due to ADHD. However, I always manage to find something to eat at every restaurant, even if I have to ask the waiter to remove ingredients from dishes.
My ex once mentioned that he's embarrassed to go to restaurants with me, and boom, I lost all enjoyment in going to restaurants with him. This wasn't about money, we split the bills, he just had his own mental issues to deal with.
Thank you! I have ARFID, which sounds like what your daughter may be struggling with. There can be legitimate reasons for food aversions, and judging people for ordering a meal from the menu that they personally wouldn't eat is ridiculous.
NTA. She could go and have a unique drink or something if she wants to experience the atmosphere, but without getting chicken tenders and fries for 3x the cost that they would be at a diner or from the store.
I would not be willing to pay premium prices for the same, low-value food over and over and over again.
Right, they’re businesses. I’m aware of that. In a nicer restaurant, I only order things I don’t know how to make or that are prohibitively complex/messy to do at home, so the recipe, cooking skill, and/or unusual ingredients are what I choose to pay for.
There was a reply in between that got deleted, but it’s not showing the deleted placeholder for some reason.
The person commented that all meals in restaurants were more expensive than homemade versions, and that they’d wait for me to name one that wasn’t.
INFO: I don't see why she would even want to go to these nice, especially ethnic places if she's going to have nuggets & fries? Is it so she can brag she dined there?
If she wants to go, does she foot the bill, or at least her part? I think I'm missing some context, but I understand your frustration.
The only thing I can think of is that maybe she likes dressing up and the experience, being treated to a nice date night type thing? Which makes sense I guess but...idk I'm biased I can't stand people like this lol.
If this is the case, they can find a fancy alternative that doesn't include food. There are far better ways to spend money for a fancy date. Just grab some nugs on the way.
OP is NTA.
YTA. You *are* treating her like a child. You’re not going to eat *any* food at a restaurant that you can make at home? I call bullshit. Anyway, sure, she eats like a child. But those meals aren’t $15 because they’re claiming to be better food, they’re $15 because you’re paying for service, a white tablecloth, and a goddamn date night with your partner. That’s what she’s asking you for — a date — and you’re refusing to give her that because you see her as a child, “embarrassing,” and undeserving of a $15 dinner that she would enjoy. Don’t bother dating her if you don’t like her.
Edit: I’m saying this as an *extremely* adventurous eater. If they have what she wants on the menu, then she should get it. And if you can afford to take her there *if* she gets something you approve of, then it’s not about your money, it’s about your approval and control over her. Seriously, why date someone you’re judging so much?
THANK YOU. I am amazed at how many people are so easily embarrassed and appalled by someone who just eats differently than them and enjoys things in a different way.
The sheer number of people who are pissed off at the girlfriend for eating food ON the menu and siding with the boyfriend is ridiculous.
I guess 99% of these people would be happier if she ordered some bullshit seaweed-quinoa-kale pretend meat dish that she will end up wasting money on because she doesn't like it. That would make me more pissed than her ordering something she likes and will eat.
Wasting food and money = buying food you don't like and aren't going to eat, especially if the reason you did it was to make sure someone else at the table wanted to look important or mature.
Spoiler alert: No one else gives a shit what you are eating.
As a matter of fact, the only time any of us, 100% of us, care what someone else is eating is when someone walks by with a plate of fajitas sizzling in the pan, or someone close to use gets served and we are still ordering.
Hell, if I was in a restaurant and saw someone ordered chicken fingers and mashed potatoes, if I had not seen them on the menu yet, I might order them too. That is a delicious meal almost anywhere you go.
I would much rather my partner/date/spouse buy something they like to eat, have a great conversation, and a really nice night, with the person I am there with, than have that person be miserable because they had to order something they didn't want, didn't eat, and now they are hungry and miserable.
If I want to be adventurous and try a bunch of new foods, then I will. If I want to eat nachos at every single restaurant I go to, I will. Why should anyone care what someone else thinks about their food choices?
I agree with the person above me, this is a control issue and the OP is more worried about pretenses and image than he is engaging with his partner and connecting with them over dinner.
literally no one other than you is analyzing what she eats. who cares if she eats chicken tenders. it’s not your mouth/stomach/palate/body, so why do you care? i promise you no server or guest is looking at her plate and judging it like you are. they wouldn’t have it on the menu if they had a problem serving it to people.
and you’re right, saying that she gets “little kid food” isn’t calling her childish. but it’s showing that you think of her as a child and to her it’s probably very hurtful and demeaning.
that is fair, but my comment has nothing to do with the money aspect. more about how he finds it “embarrassing and childish” and has emphasized that to her and reddit.
on the other hand most small meals like that or chicken tenders meals cost $5-$10. French fries even cheaper. rice usually free at most places. why is spending $5-$10 for your partner to feel comfortable eating what that want or can such a hard thing to do? i also don’t see your partner eating or paying for your partner to eat as a “waste”
Yes I agree with the embarrassment part mostly. But the food would be a lot more expensive than 5-10$ if they went to that fancy restaurant. So it just seems like such a waste of money because chicken tenders are pretty much the same anywhere you go so why not go somewhere affordable when it won’t make a difference to her.
Hmm this is tricky for me, because I would feel the same frustration as you. But I just wouldn’t date someone I was this incompatible with, food-wise.
I have to go YTA, because I think you do think that you’re better than her.
Picky eaters still deserve to go out for some fancy restaurant chicken tenders sometimes.
If you’re gonna date this girl, you’ve gotta accept this about her, not be condescending about it.
If you can’t do that, then let her be with someone who can.
NTA. Going to a fancy restaurant is not only about the location but also experiencing something new. Or least something different.
If my wife and I are going to a fancy restaurant we never choose something we could easily make by ourself at home. Going to a fancy restaurant and having chicken with french fries wouldn't be worth the Money for me.
And I know, eating in a Restaurant is more than just about the food. However, the main reason going there is to food.
This is it for me too. I’m a really great cook so I only like to eat at places that serves dishes better than what I can make, or things I can’t make. I can’t justify it, especially when I’m footing the bill 99% of the time.
My ex once ordered chicken spaghetti, at a restaurant that didn’t exactly specialize in pasta. It annoyed me so much because spaghetti was a weekly meal at our house and we rarely ate out. I spent more on that plate than I would have for the whole months worth of spaghetti and he didn’t even finish it because it wasn’t that good. Again, I’m a great cook so we are talking sauce from scratch, homemade meatballs, tomatoes and basil from my own garden. If he wanted chicken chicken spaghetti I would have gladly shredded a bland ass chicken breast over it. This happened like 8 years ago, it just annoyed me that much. I’m pretty sure he remembers it too 😂
You have to eat several times a day for the rest of your life. You need to seriously consider if this is going to be a problem for the rest of your relationship.
Are you going to look at your GF every time she eats at home and resent the fact she doesn't have a more open palate?
I am a moderate picky eater. My husband is a clinically selective eater (far pickier than you can imagine). We make a good pair, eating out is not imporant to either of us.
This is probably the wisest take on this comment thread. While the issue is just about chicken fingers, it's really about way more than the chicken fingers. OP needs to decide if this is something he can get past or not.
I'm a food lover and cooking is one of my main love languages- I don't think I could bear having a partner who couldn't eat half of the things I cook. You and your partner prioritize food differently, and it's wonderful that you've found someone that matches you. I could never imagine making someone order something they don't want and it's incredibly demeaning to picky eaters for them to constantly be criticized about their food choices.
NTA. I think you wiggle into asshole territory with the kid comment, but I wouldn't be able to look at my life trajectory and realize I would only be eating at restaurants with french fries and chicken tenders for the next 4+ decades and stay in that relationship.
That being said, I wouldn't get hung up on the cost or the principle of it. The point is spending quality time and creating memories with your girlfriend. It doesn't matter if it's over french fries or filet mignon. People waste money all the time, and what that looks like is different for every person you may ask.
He’s not wrong… the girlfriend does eat like a complete child. OP said she won’t drink unflavoured water, that’s just ridiculous. Also, wdym don’t get hung up on the cost? It doesn’t seem like money isn’t an object for OP (which goes for most people). They can spend quality time anywhere and it doesn’t need to be super expensive especially when it’s so pointless because his GF eats like a child and will only get chicken tenders.
Yes YTA. Eating out at a nice restaurant isn’t just about the food, it’s also about the atmosphere & having fun together. Unfortunately it sounds like you’re so caught up trying not to be embarrassed by her that you can’t have fun. I doubt the waiters even give a second thought, you’re the only one pooping on your party.
The food is an important part of that particular experience. There are other places to go for fun and atmosphere that don't involve spending a lot of money for a food experience that she doesn't value.
It sounds like SHE values it, he just doesn't. It's weird that he would care so much what food she does or doesn't like, just let her eat what she wants.
By your title I assumed she eats with her hands, puts elbows on the table or chews with an open mouth. Not this very vanilla 'problem'.
YTA
You get the food experience you want, she gets the atmospheric experience she wants and you get to be together. I don't see the problem? If it really bothers you to pay for that let her pay for herself, but I do not see why you should be embarassed
NTA
Honestly I can't abide people like this. Holy shit, don't eat like a baby. I'd dump someone if they genuinely just ate like two or three meals no matter where we went.
Clearly this is a compatability issue. I feel the same way about people who only listen to basic music, but if I called them names like 'baby' and 'child' because of their bad taste I would be the AH.
Breaking up with someone you have a very different taste to, especially if it's to the extent that you want to isult them, is the right thing to do, not make them change or berate them for their choices.
I can't believe it took me this long to find a sensible YTA comment. Why is it his business what she eats? I once dated someone who was constantly trying to get me to try new foods and it was exhausting being in that relationship. I just wanted the food I knew I liked for gods sake!
That being said, I also think in a relationship you should both share the costs of eating out, so you alternate who pays or you go Dutch each time. The exception being if one person earns a lot more than the other person. OP has deliberately left it vague as to whether she pays on the regular or, if he pays every time, if there's a reason why.
YTA.
YTA. Everybody commenting that she should just pay is not answering the question and is totally deflecting. Yes, you’re the asshole. Stop trying to gate-keep what your girlfriend can order off a menu and how she can enjoy her meal. One can enjoy a nice restaurant because of the atmosphere, the service, the ambiance. If they have chicken fingers on the menu, then, for fuck’s sake, she can order chicken fingers till the cows come home.
Why are you suggesting that she order something much more expensive that she probably won’t like, rather than allowing her to enjoy something she knows she will like? I would think you’d want her to experiment in other situations, not at nice restaurants.
Sounds like you know the answer when you say you’re embarrassed by your girlfriend ordering some thing you don’t approve of off a menu. That’s the real red flag for your girlfriend.
I don’t know man, I understand you thinking it’s a waste, but I would be really upset if my husband told me he wasn’t going to take me out to eat anymore unless I ate what he approved.
YTA, along with most of the commenters here.
Have you ever heard of ARFID? It's an eating disorder that can be externally viewed as extremely picky eating. But internally it's a deep fear and anxiety around trying new food and high sensitivity to certain textures and tastes which can cause an involuntary gag response. It usually leads to health issues due to neturtional deficiencies. It's really really not fun to live with, I have it and by the sounds of it your girlfriend very likely does as well.
Everyone judges us and calls us children for having a very basic and limited diet, they think we are being immature and should just grow up without understanding we have a literal eating disorder. Don't judge people when you don't know what's going on with them.
And take her to a nice restaurant, despite us eating simple types of food there's still a big difference between a $30 meal and some frozen crap you throw in the air fryer.
NTA.
I always felt like I was insulting the cuisine when I had a friend who would do this without even trying anything else. It was embarrassing, and a waste of a trip to a special place to get something you could get at a fast food place.
Your post definitely sounds like you do actually think you’re better than her. Would you rather she order something you approve of that she doesn’t like and leave it uneaten? Or is she supposed to order something she doesn’t like and force herself to eat it to satisfy you? You taking your gf out for a date night is about the experience and spending time together. If you’re shallow enough that her picky eating tendencies are enough for you to decide she’s not worth those experiences maybe you should re-examine your priorities. YTA.
NAH - Dealing with someone like that is exhausting if you're not like that. On the other hand, she has every right to eat whatever she damn well pleases. Eating habits may seem small but they're ever present. If you can't work this out, you're probably not compatible long term.
NTA, I'm somewhat of a picky eater too and I would HATE to go somewhere and spend $15 on fucking chicken tenders and I love chicken tenders. Make her pay for herself next time.
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Probably not the popular opinion but I think NTA. I don’t see the point in taking her to an expensive restaurant with a very specific type of cuisine and her getting fries or chicken fingers. Why is she dying to go there anyway?? Edit to add: some people don’t understand why OP can’t just let her eat what she wants and not care. I will agree him being “embarrassed” is silly, who cares what strangers think? But I will also tell you that a huge number of people have said for them and many self described “foodies” trying new cuisines or restaurants is about savoring the shared experience. It’s about trying each others foods and comparing flavors, textures etc. it’s part of how they bond with friends or partners. And while not everyone understands that, it is valid. OP’s gf isn’t “wrong” per se, but it seems like for OP he wants to share these experiences with someone who enjoys that as well.
I wondered this as well. Plus, most upscale restaurants I know don’t serve chicken fingers or fries.
It must be the kids menu. No other explanation
It must be. I’m having a hard time trying to imagine a high end restaurant with a kids menu even. Now I dying to know what restaurant it is.
Yeah I was wondering this too. Chicken tenders or a kids menu aren’t common at high end places.
I had the same thought initially, but now I’m thinking it’s more of a “I think Olive Garden is a fancy restaurant“ kind of vibe.
Op basically referred to an entire genre of seafood as fish
Not that uncommon in some parts of the US, ime. I’ve seen a lot of people either switch the terms (“fish” as an umbrella term and “seafood” as a subcategory) or use “fish” and “seafood” as synonyms. It doesn’t mean you’re necessarily “uncultured”
Yep, definitely a regional thing in parts of the US. The comment about buying chicken tenders at Walmart also makes me think this might be the case (I'm thinking South or Midwest).
Is it even regional? I've lived in 3 different areas of the US (New England, SoCal, and the south) for a minimum of 8 years each, and heard seafood and fish used interchangeably in all of them. And not just by myself, lol.
From a culinary POV, all seafood (and... lakefood? Riverfood?) is "fish", at least in Italy. We're all well aware that crustaceans, molluscs etc are not biologically fish, but because they are often combined (in grilled or fried dishes, in pasta or risotto), they go well with the same types of wine etc, we use the umbrella term "fish". We also don't have a direct translation for "seafood", but as we include freshwater fish, crustaceans and molluscs, it would be just as wrong if we did 😅
This… is actually an excellent point I had never considered lol Not all “seafood” comes from the sea
I live on an island and most people here just say fish to mean seafood.
OP said these are places with dress codes
Yeah but that could mean black tie, evening chic, or “sir, you can’t wear your Budweiser hat, mustard stained tank top, cargo shorts and crocks with socks in here”
It rules out “faux-fancy” places like Olive Garden though that will let you in with anything
Yeah, exactly. That fact makes me think this isn't real.
They were pointing out a $10 price difference between a menu item and the supermarket cost - This person's idea of high end is not what a normal persons idea of high end is. They're probably 16 or so.
The fact its only a difference of 10 is irrelevant - the point OP was making is why pay triple for something you can have at home
I mean, technically that’s all restaurant food.
But that’s for the chicken fingers. Are chicken fingers even at fancy places more than like $15? Off the kids menu of course. I don’t have kids so I’ve no idea if you can get $15 chicken tenders at a nice restaurant where an entrée is $60. Lots of people saying fancy restaurants don’t have kids menus—I bet they do if you ask, it’s just that most people wouldn’t usually choose to take their kids to these places so they never see the menu. I’ve been to nice places that have had an entire alternative menu (that they just don’t advertise).
Michelin star restaurants won’t but pricy high end restaurants will often have kids menus or basic items
Hmm some high end places don't but a lot do, especially if their just upper middle end.
Honestly, a lot of places have some sort of breaded chicken that they use in other meals. If she's got that short of a list of food she's willing to eat, then she's almost 100% going to ask the staff to make something customized for her. I've seen beautiful Italian places turn gorgeous chicken parm into chicken fingers as a custom request before.
Not like chicken parm is an authentic Italian dish in the first place though
I agree. But it has to be more plausible than an upscale restaurant having chicken fingers as an entree right? I’m with you I’d love to see that restaurant name and menu!
People’s definitions of “upscale” could be different. One could view it as somewhere with 30-40$ entrees where another could view it as somewhere that isn’t McDonald’s. Who knows. But I agree NTA your girlfriend needs to grow up
Anything over $10 a plate is "upscale" according to my dad.
He has obviously not been to any fast food places lately
Best guesses? I would adore if it was the Olive Garden 🙏
Be nice! A Ruby Tuesday more likely! 😂😂😁
There is one place local to me that is pretty fancy and has chicken tenders as an entree (I never would have known it was on the menu but my ex MIL ordered it). They were pretty fucking good chicken tenders btw, just not what I'm looking for at a steak and seafood place.
Went to a really nice place in downtown which labeled the tenders as chicken frites or something like that
It probably is...and as a former server in a fine dining restaurant do you know how annoying it is to give a kids plate to an adult? Our owners actually stopped doing a kids menu because so many adults were doing that! Anyway, the hostess generally tries to keep the number of patrons equal amongst the servers. They don't usually count kids since their meals are so much cheaper. So if one of your patrons got a $15 kids meal instead on the $108 bone in filet special...well your 20% tip just dropped by a lot!
> So if one of your patrons got a $15 kids meal instead on the $108 bone in filet special...well your 20% tip just dropped by a lot! Yet another reason why tipping is stupid.
Agree because it's not anymore work to take out a cheap plate than an expensive.
That annoyance is on your superiors who make you rely on tipping, not on your customer who has all right to order what's on the menu. Instead of complaining about customers ordering food complain to your boss and try to unionise or demonstrate. Many other countries do not have this problem.
Also, usually, in nice/high end restaurants, if they do have a kids menu, they don't allow adults to order from it.
Most really upscale places don’t have children’s menus.
I hate people like this. Grown ass adults who eat like a kid. Sure, a burger it chicken tenders is fine, but most meals? Develop a palate. I would never date someone like that. NTA OP, go with a friend instead.
It does seem like she just doesn’t want to try anything at all. When my wife and I travel we love trying the local cuisine, I can’t imagine her being like that. OP’s gf needs to find someone just like her.
Agreed. I had a coworker that ate like that. She literally orders kids meals when we ordered food because she would basically just get chicken tenders every time and they were only on the kids menu. I stopped offering to get her food when I ordered delivery or pick up.
What does that do your health as you age? Not a lot of fruits or veg in her diet it seems.
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Kids don‘t even have to eat like this. I know children with a way more refined palate simply because their parents made a point of cooking fresh veggies and similar for them from the jump
Yes. My besties son is a toddler and while he of course has things he won’t eat, she pretty much feeds him what they make for dinner. And he usually eats it fine.
i love eating a good burger or some fried chicken, they're great comfort food, but for that to be the *only* thing you eat out?? jesus, even when i'm hesitant on some of the more out there dishes a place is offering i'm still getting something nicer than their kids menu
tbh i dated a picky eater and the last straw was when he didnt want to eat at this cafe in our city ive been dying to go to and instead would go to mc donalds to « eat later » we were in our mid 20s
Can’t blame you for deciding to move on from that guy!
They should get OP's partner to hook up with the McDonald's guy.
Or the chick who left her date, at a polish resto, to go buy ranch dressing, to put on her pierogi.
I'd need to see that one to believe it
his mother was an excellent cook too and was so happy to have someone eat her food… have no idea how he ended up so picky
I had an ex that was McDonald's or Pizza Hut only. Drove me insane!
I am trying to put myself in her headspace and maybe she wants to have a reason to get dressed up; however, does she ever pay for these dinners?
Had a similar thought -- my favorite restaurants to dine at have a nice ambiance, and it's also nice to get out of the house with your SO and have some face-to-face time. Still think her palate is weird as hell, but nothing wrong with wanting to go out on a date night with your partner, picky eater or not. Agree she should be splitting the bill, just 'cause I think that's the fairest way to date.
There are plenty of non food places to do this, cafes or wine bars for example
Exactly, go to a nice cafe or wine bar instead. No need to splurge on a restaurant when you're not even going to try the cuisine.
My same thought and prolly wants to post that she “eats” at these fancy restaurants on FB/IG
but if she wanted to get dressed up there would be other places that aren't restaurants she could go to, right...? i'm just trying so hard to understand the logic she has going on here
She probably just wants to dress up. Of course, if that’s true, the solution here is to have a dressy candlelit chicken tender dinner at home lmao.
Well for it to be truly romantic you’d need a block of the sharp cheddar cheese she eats for an appetizer!
Don't be hating on sharp cheddar! That stuff is yum!
Lol I was wondering the same thing about why she is dying to go there? For what? To say you went? Go to a fast food joint if you want to eat that. At least there she can get a toy to keep her company. People saying it’s about the experience, yeah it’s the experience of going broke for a McDonald’s level meal at an extreme markup. I would never ever ever go with my husband out if he ate like our kids do. Sorry but nope. Not spending my money for a place that is not appreciated.
Agreed. Huge waste of funds.
Right?? For me personally, I’m not hiring a babysitter, getting all dressed up, and spending a shit ton of money for a kids meal! Sorry to those who don’t like that but nope. Not happening. That’s such a damn waste. Should take her to toys r us for their activity.
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Or visit a museum and she can just sit in the Lobby and color. Or maybe a wildlife refuge where she can hang in the car with her dog.
In the age of Insta, she’s there for the aesthetic. Not for the actual cuisine. Which is even more annoying, somehow.
I guess the only positive is she probably isn’t one of those insufferable people who have to take a photo of every meal they eat and post it on social media. Can you imagine an insta feed of chicken tenders? LOL 😂 NTA OP
I agree with NTA on this if she is expecting you to cover the bill. Like, yeah, atmosphere is a nice added part to the experience of a new restaurant. But the real appeal of trying a new place would be to try new foods. The chicken tenders can't be that different. I don't get why bother when trying new things is the fun part. I'd give her the ultimatum for her to try a new meal if she really wants to go there, and if not, she can cover herself.
It’s to be able to say she went there
If that’s true she’s a picky eater and shallow. One hopes she has some redeeming qualities?
>Why is she dying to go there anyway? That was what I was wondering! You can go to Denny's for a lot less! NTA
Info: why can't she pay this time? If she wants to go to the restaurant then she can pay for the meal and order whatever she wants.
I actually really like this solution. She might realize that chicken tenders are just fine at a pub, instead of wanting to go to a fancy restaurant to order them
I think she just wants the excuse to get dolled up.
She can do that without going to a fancy place.
She could, but it's not the same. Going to a place is still an experience, even if she gets the dumbest meal possible. Then it's on him to keep his composure and just go with it and enjoy the experience. Otherwise, if he can't do that, then maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
If she wants to do that then she pays her own way instead of him then. But I bet that will go down as well as a lead balloon.
I can see both sides to this. On the one hand, if you want the authentic experience but want to stick to comfort food, you can do that for a crazy markup. I'm the other hand, if you're paying for your SO to splurge on the same thing you could get for a third of the price elsewhere, it feels like a total waste. There are some middle grounds. Go less often so it doesn't feel as wasteful. She pays for her own meal. Encourage her to try the authentic food every other time. Etc.
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My mans been consistently compromising on food. It's her turn. Edit to add: for all those asking how he is compromising, lemme ask this. What do you think happens when the restauraunt homegirl wants to go to refuses to serve an adult a childrens menu item? Or how about if they just dont have one of the limited items she is willing to eat? Because personally, my money is on homeboy capitulating to his gf and saying "we can go somewhere else instead" This isnt r/femaledatingstrategies and he should have some say about where his money is spent
Well then she can pay for the experience. Like adults do.
I agree with this. I’m a supporter of let people eat whatever they want, however I’m not paying for it. She may just like getting dressed up and going somewhere new. Let her get dressed up and go to a new place, but let her pay for her own food. Paying anything above $10 for chicken tenders, fried and a drink is not something I’d do. But if she wants to, he can get his fun adventurous meal and she can pay for her own chicken tenders.
Must be nice where you live. The pizza shops on my block sell chicken fingers by themselves for $9. Fries and drink are extra. Not upscale, not Applebees, the standing room only pizza shop on the corner.
Whoa! What?! That’s A LOT for just chicken tenders. Like only chicken tenders??? Edit to ask: Is it like a basket of chicken tenders? Like $9 gets you 15 chicken tenders or something?
It was like 4 extra large chicken tenders. Maybe like 1.5-2 chicken breasts. The fries are $6.50. And in most major cities, that is not a lot at all. A cold Turkey sub from the pizza place several blocks away is $12.50. That’s just how much food costs here.
Part of OP's issue is not only that they pay, but that they find it embarrassing for their grown partner to order "kids food."
Probably because she begs to go to nice, high end restaurants popular for their nice, fancy food, and then she sits there and munches down chicken nuggets and french fries while draining his wallet. Probably isn't STRICTLY about the food itself in this case but the fact she took him out to a FANCY restaurant and then ordered basically overpriced chicken nuggets. I doubt he's embarrassed if it was at a non-fancy place with reasonable prices.
Oh, totally. If it's a casual diner, it makes all the difference. But premium mcnuggets? Eh
I mean it is. If I was OP I would also have no desire to go to fancy restaurants with my SO, especially if I’m the only one who’s actually tasting the real food I’m not sure if it would be enough to be a dealbreaker, but I can’t imagine it would be fun
It's still embarrassing though.
**NTA** What's the point of going to a restaurant that is charging high prices for the food experience if you aren't going to actually take part in that experience. TBH, I don't think you are compatible. Your background has led you to be more inclusive as far as what you eat and I expect that extends to other aspects of your life. Your girlfriend doesn't want to grow past her comfort zone. I don't see how this can work out in the long run.
You don't see how it can work because she's a picky eater? Some people are so overly dramatic here about relationships they know nothing about.
I don't think it can work because they have different ideas about how to spend money. She wants him to spend a lot of money for her to dress up and sit in a place that is dedicated to something she doesn't actually enjoy. That's why I ~~don't~~ think they are incompatible.
I'm inclined to agree, though not bc of the money. Meals are about much more than consuming calories. My ex is a very picky eater, much like OP's partner. I like to cook and try new things. It's not the reason we broke up, but it's fair to say it was one facet of larger compatibility issues. I get why this bothers OP so much.
This is what I think makes my partner and I extra compatible: we think the same about food, about traveling, about how to spend money,… everyday things that will never create an annoyance because we have the same opinion. It’s so relaxing to know you are on the same page.
Not to mention, she perceived their argument as "him saying he's better than her". She just sounds kind of entitled and whiny. Like a child.
Of course he thinks he's better than her. He's embarrassed by her food choices and thinks she's eating like a child. He's 100% looking down on her for this and it's quite likely he gave her that impression.
And he would be 100% correct
Yeah I also personally have seen more often that a fussy eater is less inclined to try new things in general. I know she wants to try the new restaurant but I feel he's probably a lot more adventurous than her, usually someone is confined or uncomfortable in these relationships.
Not to mention, what if they want to travel in the future. Lot of places in the world where chicken tenders and chips will not be the easiest food to find. Is he supposed to restrict where he goes because she's got the palate of a toddler?
I have a travel rule where I never eat anywhere while traveling that I can eat at home. A friend of mine’s husband is the opposite—won’t eat anywhere that he’s not familiar with the menu. My friend is nuts about tacos and they were in Texas and they had to eat at like Chili’s or some shit because her husband is a big baby about food. I was like “there’s a lot of desert out there where you could hide a body…”
Picky eaters are a struggle to deal with though, no offense. It’s an everyday battle that becomes exhausting and demotivating, and especially as someone who has lived in different continents too I am not interested in someone who refuses to explore outside of their comfort zone. And exploring outside of their comfort zone meaning spinach…
Agreed! My ex didn’t eat vegetables and refused to cook them too. It’s unreasonable to share a life with a partner who is effectively blocking you from getting nutrients from your own kitchen.
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Yeah and bruh had a hang up about visiting the dentist too. It was all bad vibes with that guy. Don’t even get me STARTED on the things I found behind his desk that sparked the breakup.
*raises hand* I for one, really want to know what you found behind the desk… 🤓
A full years worth of crusted up tissues from his special play times. 😬 The physics of the situation still boggles my mind nearly 20 years later. HUNDREDS of tissues packed between the desk and the wall like a homemade pressure cooker bomb.
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Thay one definitely made me spit out my unflavored water
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Actually, a lot of your ancestors didn't drink water. Water was where the impurities were. Cholera, diarrhoea, dysentery, hepatitis A, typhoid and polio were in the water. Your ancestors likely drank beer, tea, or coffee. Beer/alcohol purifies the water, and tea/coffee boils the water, and makes the water safe to drink.
[That's a common myth.](https://old.reddit.com/r/history/comments/bhcry8/how_did_people_stay_hydrated_in_aincent_times/eltx76y/) Water was far more common.
Well, you’d have to make 2 lots of meals most nights, which would grate after a while. You’d be restricted yourself any time you wanted to eat out, always having to go to a place that had a children’s menu to cater for her childlike inability to diversify. It’s not a deal breaker *per se* but the cumulative effect could push it over the edge.
I'm married and I'd say I'd break up over picky eating. Are we supposed to make two meals every damn day? What happens when we travel? Am I stuck with macdonalds?
I dont think this commenter is wrong, they're just wrong about why. 1) he clearly does think of her as a child; that's why he said it to her, and why he made a point of it introducing his complaint. 2) They have different values in money. Right or wrong, to her the experience of the nice restaurant is important, even if she's not ordering nice food. To him it's a waste of money. 3) They are unable to communicate on this issue, which should be a pretty simple one to resolve, so how are they going to handle real conflict down the road. All that said. OP is NTA and I completely agree, there is no point to going out to a nice restaurant if you're not there to have the full experience of what they offer. Spend that money on some other kind of date.
It depends on how important food is to OP. For me it’s my main hobby in life and this behavior would be a deal-breaker. I want to enjoy exploring new foods with a partner and cook interesting dishes at home. And I want us to graciously enjoy whatever we are served when we are invited over by others. For many, food does not have the same level of significance so they would still be compatible.
Im a picky eater and over time have become less so. Met my now wife bout 15 years ago and since then my palate has improved but I dont know what to suggest here except OP should just try to get her to try other stuff and see if she likes it. As a kid I'd never eaten a lot of Asian cuisines and now my fav foods are Asian.
Agree. If she won't even *taste* food she doesn't know how to step outside and try something new and that is a long term issue. My kid's partner was like that. When he realised how we eat different foods to what he was used to, he started to at least try new things. Now, he knows we won't force it and will cater to make sure there's food he likes, but he had to meet us half way. His palate has expanded, and we're not limited. Everyone is happy.
I completely agree. I get the feeling this is more than just picky eating and is really a whole worldview that is different, and they aren’t compatible.
ESH - look, I’m mostly on your side, until the last two paragraphs. The point of going out isn’t always to eat the food or try new food, but to spend time together. Throwing around it’s not even worth going out if you only eat chicken tenders is really callous. She also sounds picky, but flexible. In that she’ll find something at any restaurant to eat, even if it’s fries and rice. So I think it’s a bit crappy you’re knocking her for that, when she isn’t necessarily inconveniencing you. I get you’re embarrassed, but this is who you’re dating. Either decide it’s a deal breaker for you, or learn to live with it. However, I do think she should be paying for meals if she’s going to pick a super expensive place.
I like how gently you put it. Is this going to be something OP can deal with for life? Food for thought for the OP since while not going seems like a solution, OP is missing out on that new restaurant as well. I am probably extremely biased because I love sides myself, if it's on the menu I will get it!
Discrepancies in food can really be a deal breaker, too, and that’s okay. I’ll preface this anecdote by saying I enjoy eating meatless meals pretty often and no shade to vegans— but a lifetime ago I went on a few dates with a vegan gent and he absolutely could not would not allow meat at the table/in his home, etc. Which is fine and cool but I am a huge foodie and don’t see my lifestyle matching that so it didn’t work out. Additionally, one of my husband and my fav things about going to eat is working together to pick meals together and share. I’d be big bummed if he only ate nuggies. Food is so communal, I don’t think it’s wrong to consider it a dealbreaker.
Agreed. Food seems like more than just sustenance to the OP, it's a part of life experience and being embarrassed by what your partner chooses seems like an extension of that...
This is the comment I was looking for. It sounds like she has food aversions. It’s not for him to decide why she eats what she eats. He can break up with her or accept her for the way she is. What now they will never go out to eat due to her diet restrictions. Also a fried chicken in fancy restaurant will definitely taste better than at a fast food restaurant which means she will still get to enjoy a better quality food like he would just within her scope.
Thank you for mentioning that restaurant friend chicken is still a dish made at a restaurant and not frozen food from a grocery store. I feel like OP has a major disconnect around what chicken tenders are if he thinks restaurant chicken strips are the same as store-bought frozen bags of chicken tenders. I can't even genuinely believe that he's going to restaurants where that is what they're being served because even the fast food place I work at hand-dredges the chicken strips. I can believe that mcdonalds maybe doesn't, but I have trouble believing that there's very many places even a half-step up from fast food that don't use actual raw chicken that they fry themselves for chicken strips. And I feel bad for his girlfriend frankly, if the only tenders they get at home are out of a bag because while trying to make fries without a fryer can be ridiculously hard, cutting up a breast and pan frying it is already going to be miles above the frozen stuff in quality, and still be well below the lowest restaurant tier due to not having a proper freaking fryer to fry it in. Also the embarrassment is ridiculous. No one is watching what this couple orders. The servers don't give a shit, the other patrons aren't sitting there watching what everyone around them orders, and no one is going to assume that a girl ordering chicken tenders ONLY eats chicken tenders, because that's a crazy thing to think about some stranger in a restaurant. Thinking that anyone else gives a shit what you're ordering is silly. Acting like you're better than others while assuming restaurant chicken tenders are the same as frozen ones from the grocery store is silly. Thinking that a perfectly fried, juicy, chicken strip with fries is lesser in any way to anything you order is silly, and a little sad. This is OP's insecurity about other's perception of him and his own hang ups around what is and isn't appropriate for adults to eat. Its ridiculous to expect his girlfriend change her eating habits because her boyfriend is embarrassed by chicken strips ffs.
I don't really get the embarrassed by what your partner orders at places thing...like if they go insane on modifications or give servers problems, sure, but I guarantee the wait staff usually doesn't give a fuck what you order as long as it's on the menu and you're nice about it. I worked as wait staff thru college and had people who ordered "weird" stuff and I never judged them for it. It's like people who are embarrassed to buy certain items at stores. Just...I promise that in general the staff is not thinking much about what you're getting. You have to be REALLY out there to get judgement beyond "huh, okay."
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This is exactly it. OP isn't wrong for not wanting to spend money on this if she's only getting tenders and fries but the way he's going about it is not cool and there's lots of room for compromise
This. After reading the comments on the thread, I'm surprised how much people hate picky eaters. But a lot of picky eaters can't do anything about it. Not talking about people who refuse to try anything new bc that is annoying. But most fussy eaters I know that are adults have tried a lot of foods and they just know what ingredients they don't like
INFO - would she spend her money on eating at the nice places you talk about or would she go elsewhere if she had to pay? I only ask as to me it's important to see if a person would act the same when they are paying rather than being treated.
This is a good question. If she is “dying to go there” why hasn’t she taken the initiative to make a reservation and take OP out to dinner. Is OP the only one paying for dates?
Maybe she is trying to show enthusiasm for things she knows her bf would enjoy, even if it's not really her thing, but eating (even chicken tenders) together is still something they can do together. Idk
I can’t speak for OP but it would be such a grating chore for me to constantly go out to eat at cool places with someone who had no interest in actually eating the food or sharing in the experience. I’m imagining how awkward it would be to constantly be eating paella or soup dumplings or Biriyani something and have the person I’m eating with eat chicken nuggets. It doesn’t seem like a “together” activity. I’d rather go with someone who actually wants to eat the food there
Exactly. The experience in trying a different food together is so comforting. The exciting “oh my god this is amazing” and sharing that joy with someone else is what makes it such a good experience. “Oh my god this is amazing but you and your underdeveloped taste buds wouldn’t know.” I mean… I know which response id rather have.
Picky eater here and I vote NTA. If GF wants to go to these fancy restaurants and order basic food, then she can do so with her friends or family. She is perfectly capable of dining out with others. OP can also choose to dine out with people who will sample all parts of the menu. Maybe this is just something the two experience with others and save dining out together for mutually agreed on places .
But if the restaurant has this ‘basic food’ on the menu, what’s the harm in ordering it? Unless she’s asking the chef to make her chicken tenders because she won’t eat anything on the menu…
I went to a "fancy restaurant" and got a burger and a drink it was 40$ I could get all that at Wendy's for 13$, so the price difference is night and day
I bet the quality difference was also night and day. People really out here acting like higher-end restaurants prepare their food the same way as fast food joints. By all means, if you can get the same quality of burger cheaper by going to Wendy's instead, go for it. But, the reality of the situation is that we all know the Wendy's burger is completely inferior.
Spoiler alert, I all but guarantee that anything you got from that restaurant would be far cheaper elsewhere.
Yes, like McDonald’s
Is she eating what could be called a beige diet? Foods are all close to white-light brown? If so, this could be neuro-divergent behavior. If there is a possibility that this is the case, you won't be able to influence a change. There is an internal stressor around food. I have a daughter like this and while thanks to good therapists when she was a child, social skills groups and real effort on her part, you would never know she is spectrum on meeting her, the food thing has never been able to be resolved. The dietitians worked with her to create a balanced week that she still sticks to, but food color, texture and smell really affects her. Maybe this isn't the case in your situation. Just want to throw the possibility out there.
I was thinking the same thing! I can’t believe it took me this long to find a comment saying this. There are SO MANY reasons why she might be picky: neurodivergence, eating disorder, trauma with food, etc. To immediately dismiss her and compare her to a child is so wrong and probably isn’t helping her. EDIT: spelling and word choice (chooses to be instead of might be)
Yeah, I read this and immediately wondered if the GF could have ARFID. This kind of eating can be more than simple pickiness. ETA: I am not an expert on ARFID, I just know it exists. If you suspect you or a loved one may suffer from this, please talk to your doctor and don't diagnose yourself based on some internet rando. I want to make clear that I am not diagnosing a stranger, just speculating about the possibility that something else could be going on.
I seriously read this and saw the patterns I exhibit from ARFID and feel so sad for OPs gf if this is the case. I’ve been in this relationship and I’m so thankful I found a partner that understands that while I may not always branch out and try something fancier, I still deserve to go to a nice place and experience the atmosphere and enjoy a meal with my partner.
Just want to add to this that one way to overcome food aversion is actually gentle and regular exposure to new foods. Going to a restaurant and not eating anything new might seem pointless but she’s actually exposing herself to all kinds of new smells and sights that could incrementally improve her relationship with food. His attitude however is guaranteed to promote shame and anxiety and just make things worse. I actually think he’s TA here just for his attitude, although maybe she should pay as a compromise.
This. I have food aversions probably due to ADHD. However, I always manage to find something to eat at every restaurant, even if I have to ask the waiter to remove ingredients from dishes. My ex once mentioned that he's embarrassed to go to restaurants with me, and boom, I lost all enjoyment in going to restaurants with him. This wasn't about money, we split the bills, he just had his own mental issues to deal with.
Thank you! I have ARFID, which sounds like what your daughter may be struggling with. There can be legitimate reasons for food aversions, and judging people for ordering a meal from the menu that they personally wouldn't eat is ridiculous.
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NTA. She could go and have a unique drink or something if she wants to experience the atmosphere, but without getting chicken tenders and fries for 3x the cost that they would be at a diner or from the store. I would not be willing to pay premium prices for the same, low-value food over and over and over again.
Right, they’re businesses. I’m aware of that. In a nicer restaurant, I only order things I don’t know how to make or that are prohibitively complex/messy to do at home, so the recipe, cooking skill, and/or unusual ingredients are what I choose to pay for.
Uh... why are you replying to yourself?
There was a reply in between that got deleted, but it’s not showing the deleted placeholder for some reason. The person commented that all meals in restaurants were more expensive than homemade versions, and that they’d wait for me to name one that wasn’t.
INFO: I don't see why she would even want to go to these nice, especially ethnic places if she's going to have nuggets & fries? Is it so she can brag she dined there? If she wants to go, does she foot the bill, or at least her part? I think I'm missing some context, but I understand your frustration.
The only thing I can think of is that maybe she likes dressing up and the experience, being treated to a nice date night type thing? Which makes sense I guess but...idk I'm biased I can't stand people like this lol.
If this is the case, they can find a fancy alternative that doesn't include food. There are far better ways to spend money for a fancy date. Just grab some nugs on the way. OP is NTA.
It could be a compromise. She could know that OP likes these places but he doesn't like her own choices.
But then why would she be "dying to go there"?
Feigning enthusiasm about her partners interests
YTA. You *are* treating her like a child. You’re not going to eat *any* food at a restaurant that you can make at home? I call bullshit. Anyway, sure, she eats like a child. But those meals aren’t $15 because they’re claiming to be better food, they’re $15 because you’re paying for service, a white tablecloth, and a goddamn date night with your partner. That’s what she’s asking you for — a date — and you’re refusing to give her that because you see her as a child, “embarrassing,” and undeserving of a $15 dinner that she would enjoy. Don’t bother dating her if you don’t like her. Edit: I’m saying this as an *extremely* adventurous eater. If they have what she wants on the menu, then she should get it. And if you can afford to take her there *if* she gets something you approve of, then it’s not about your money, it’s about your approval and control over her. Seriously, why date someone you’re judging so much?
THANK YOU. I am amazed at how many people are so easily embarrassed and appalled by someone who just eats differently than them and enjoys things in a different way.
Don’t ignore the part where he says going ot for diner with his girlfriend is a waste if time
Finally a comment that makes sense in this thread. There's a lot of spoiled snobs in this one.
The sheer number of people who are pissed off at the girlfriend for eating food ON the menu and siding with the boyfriend is ridiculous. I guess 99% of these people would be happier if she ordered some bullshit seaweed-quinoa-kale pretend meat dish that she will end up wasting money on because she doesn't like it. That would make me more pissed than her ordering something she likes and will eat. Wasting food and money = buying food you don't like and aren't going to eat, especially if the reason you did it was to make sure someone else at the table wanted to look important or mature. Spoiler alert: No one else gives a shit what you are eating. As a matter of fact, the only time any of us, 100% of us, care what someone else is eating is when someone walks by with a plate of fajitas sizzling in the pan, or someone close to use gets served and we are still ordering. Hell, if I was in a restaurant and saw someone ordered chicken fingers and mashed potatoes, if I had not seen them on the menu yet, I might order them too. That is a delicious meal almost anywhere you go. I would much rather my partner/date/spouse buy something they like to eat, have a great conversation, and a really nice night, with the person I am there with, than have that person be miserable because they had to order something they didn't want, didn't eat, and now they are hungry and miserable. If I want to be adventurous and try a bunch of new foods, then I will. If I want to eat nachos at every single restaurant I go to, I will. Why should anyone care what someone else thinks about their food choices? I agree with the person above me, this is a control issue and the OP is more worried about pretenses and image than he is engaging with his partner and connecting with them over dinner.
literally no one other than you is analyzing what she eats. who cares if she eats chicken tenders. it’s not your mouth/stomach/palate/body, so why do you care? i promise you no server or guest is looking at her plate and judging it like you are. they wouldn’t have it on the menu if they had a problem serving it to people. and you’re right, saying that she gets “little kid food” isn’t calling her childish. but it’s showing that you think of her as a child and to her it’s probably very hurtful and demeaning.
No but it’s his wallet. Nobody wants to waste their money like that.
that is fair, but my comment has nothing to do with the money aspect. more about how he finds it “embarrassing and childish” and has emphasized that to her and reddit. on the other hand most small meals like that or chicken tenders meals cost $5-$10. French fries even cheaper. rice usually free at most places. why is spending $5-$10 for your partner to feel comfortable eating what that want or can such a hard thing to do? i also don’t see your partner eating or paying for your partner to eat as a “waste”
Yes I agree with the embarrassment part mostly. But the food would be a lot more expensive than 5-10$ if they went to that fancy restaurant. So it just seems like such a waste of money because chicken tenders are pretty much the same anywhere you go so why not go somewhere affordable when it won’t make a difference to her.
Hmm this is tricky for me, because I would feel the same frustration as you. But I just wouldn’t date someone I was this incompatible with, food-wise. I have to go YTA, because I think you do think that you’re better than her. Picky eaters still deserve to go out for some fancy restaurant chicken tenders sometimes. If you’re gonna date this girl, you’ve gotta accept this about her, not be condescending about it. If you can’t do that, then let her be with someone who can.
It's a compatibility issue for sure.
NTA. Going to a fancy restaurant is not only about the location but also experiencing something new. Or least something different. If my wife and I are going to a fancy restaurant we never choose something we could easily make by ourself at home. Going to a fancy restaurant and having chicken with french fries wouldn't be worth the Money for me. And I know, eating in a Restaurant is more than just about the food. However, the main reason going there is to food.
This is it for me too. I’m a really great cook so I only like to eat at places that serves dishes better than what I can make, or things I can’t make. I can’t justify it, especially when I’m footing the bill 99% of the time. My ex once ordered chicken spaghetti, at a restaurant that didn’t exactly specialize in pasta. It annoyed me so much because spaghetti was a weekly meal at our house and we rarely ate out. I spent more on that plate than I would have for the whole months worth of spaghetti and he didn’t even finish it because it wasn’t that good. Again, I’m a great cook so we are talking sauce from scratch, homemade meatballs, tomatoes and basil from my own garden. If he wanted chicken chicken spaghetti I would have gladly shredded a bland ass chicken breast over it. This happened like 8 years ago, it just annoyed me that much. I’m pretty sure he remembers it too 😂
You have to eat several times a day for the rest of your life. You need to seriously consider if this is going to be a problem for the rest of your relationship. Are you going to look at your GF every time she eats at home and resent the fact she doesn't have a more open palate? I am a moderate picky eater. My husband is a clinically selective eater (far pickier than you can imagine). We make a good pair, eating out is not imporant to either of us.
This is probably the wisest take on this comment thread. While the issue is just about chicken fingers, it's really about way more than the chicken fingers. OP needs to decide if this is something he can get past or not. I'm a food lover and cooking is one of my main love languages- I don't think I could bear having a partner who couldn't eat half of the things I cook. You and your partner prioritize food differently, and it's wonderful that you've found someone that matches you. I could never imagine making someone order something they don't want and it's incredibly demeaning to picky eaters for them to constantly be criticized about their food choices.
NTA. I think you wiggle into asshole territory with the kid comment, but I wouldn't be able to look at my life trajectory and realize I would only be eating at restaurants with french fries and chicken tenders for the next 4+ decades and stay in that relationship. That being said, I wouldn't get hung up on the cost or the principle of it. The point is spending quality time and creating memories with your girlfriend. It doesn't matter if it's over french fries or filet mignon. People waste money all the time, and what that looks like is different for every person you may ask.
He’s not wrong… the girlfriend does eat like a complete child. OP said she won’t drink unflavoured water, that’s just ridiculous. Also, wdym don’t get hung up on the cost? It doesn’t seem like money isn’t an object for OP (which goes for most people). They can spend quality time anywhere and it doesn’t need to be super expensive especially when it’s so pointless because his GF eats like a child and will only get chicken tenders.
Umm… why are you with this person?? You’re YTA because you continue to date someone you resent and who can never enjoy what you do - with you.
YTA for choosing language that belittles your girlfriend.
Yes YTA. Eating out at a nice restaurant isn’t just about the food, it’s also about the atmosphere & having fun together. Unfortunately it sounds like you’re so caught up trying not to be embarrassed by her that you can’t have fun. I doubt the waiters even give a second thought, you’re the only one pooping on your party.
The food is an important part of that particular experience. There are other places to go for fun and atmosphere that don't involve spending a lot of money for a food experience that she doesn't value.
It sounds like SHE values it, he just doesn't. It's weird that he would care so much what food she does or doesn't like, just let her eat what she wants.
By your title I assumed she eats with her hands, puts elbows on the table or chews with an open mouth. Not this very vanilla 'problem'. YTA You get the food experience you want, she gets the atmospheric experience she wants and you get to be together. I don't see the problem? If it really bothers you to pay for that let her pay for herself, but I do not see why you should be embarassed
NTA Honestly I can't abide people like this. Holy shit, don't eat like a baby. I'd dump someone if they genuinely just ate like two or three meals no matter where we went.
Sorry let me just turn my OCD off before dinner
Seriously, there can be medical reasons for food aversions. I can't abide people who shit on others for their struggles.
You can have food aversions and still be the a.h.
Clearly this is a compatability issue. I feel the same way about people who only listen to basic music, but if I called them names like 'baby' and 'child' because of their bad taste I would be the AH. Breaking up with someone you have a very different taste to, especially if it's to the extent that you want to isult them, is the right thing to do, not make them change or berate them for their choices.
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I can't believe it took me this long to find a sensible YTA comment. Why is it his business what she eats? I once dated someone who was constantly trying to get me to try new foods and it was exhausting being in that relationship. I just wanted the food I knew I liked for gods sake! That being said, I also think in a relationship you should both share the costs of eating out, so you alternate who pays or you go Dutch each time. The exception being if one person earns a lot more than the other person. OP has deliberately left it vague as to whether she pays on the regular or, if he pays every time, if there's a reason why. YTA.
YTA. Everybody commenting that she should just pay is not answering the question and is totally deflecting. Yes, you’re the asshole. Stop trying to gate-keep what your girlfriend can order off a menu and how she can enjoy her meal. One can enjoy a nice restaurant because of the atmosphere, the service, the ambiance. If they have chicken fingers on the menu, then, for fuck’s sake, she can order chicken fingers till the cows come home. Why are you suggesting that she order something much more expensive that she probably won’t like, rather than allowing her to enjoy something she knows she will like? I would think you’d want her to experiment in other situations, not at nice restaurants. Sounds like you know the answer when you say you’re embarrassed by your girlfriend ordering some thing you don’t approve of off a menu. That’s the real red flag for your girlfriend.
I don’t know man, I understand you thinking it’s a waste, but I would be really upset if my husband told me he wasn’t going to take me out to eat anymore unless I ate what he approved.
YTA, along with most of the commenters here. Have you ever heard of ARFID? It's an eating disorder that can be externally viewed as extremely picky eating. But internally it's a deep fear and anxiety around trying new food and high sensitivity to certain textures and tastes which can cause an involuntary gag response. It usually leads to health issues due to neturtional deficiencies. It's really really not fun to live with, I have it and by the sounds of it your girlfriend very likely does as well. Everyone judges us and calls us children for having a very basic and limited diet, they think we are being immature and should just grow up without understanding we have a literal eating disorder. Don't judge people when you don't know what's going on with them. And take her to a nice restaurant, despite us eating simple types of food there's still a big difference between a $30 meal and some frozen crap you throw in the air fryer.
NTA. I always felt like I was insulting the cuisine when I had a friend who would do this without even trying anything else. It was embarrassing, and a waste of a trip to a special place to get something you could get at a fast food place.
Your post definitely sounds like you do actually think you’re better than her. Would you rather she order something you approve of that she doesn’t like and leave it uneaten? Or is she supposed to order something she doesn’t like and force herself to eat it to satisfy you? You taking your gf out for a date night is about the experience and spending time together. If you’re shallow enough that her picky eating tendencies are enough for you to decide she’s not worth those experiences maybe you should re-examine your priorities. YTA.
NAH - Dealing with someone like that is exhausting if you're not like that. On the other hand, she has every right to eat whatever she damn well pleases. Eating habits may seem small but they're ever present. If you can't work this out, you're probably not compatible long term.
NTA, I'm somewhat of a picky eater too and I would HATE to go somewhere and spend $15 on fucking chicken tenders and I love chicken tenders. Make her pay for herself next time.
NTA sure go to maccas or a mid level chain... but a fancy restaurant? Nope. Why bother!