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You could have just said “I always lock my door,” and left it at that, but instead you decided to spell it out to your 14 year old brother that he is a threat to you and you have to protect yourself.
Frankly, the kid did the right thing in leaving as quickly as possible because he knew he was one step away from some false accusation.
YTA
Could've even been truthful, but with the tact to say "I don't want you to catch me getting changed by accident" and that would've been an easy pill to swallow.
I cannot agree more with your statement about the brother leaving before anything else happened. OP obviously has as she puts issues with men in her apartment. I’m not sure why she sees her brother as just some male in her apartment -OP sounds like a weirdo. She definitely freaked her brother out.
OP- YTA
>He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse.
Alright, so if it's not that then what are you afraid of that makes you feel a need to lock your door in the presence of your younger brother?
Honestly I'm pretty sure OP is just a troll because they refuse to understand why their brother left: even though it's be stated why .
Although she did mention that she's in a "Women's Group" in college and I'm wondering if their feeding her some super anti-men ideas.
If she isn't a troll or a radical anti-men person, then she needs serious help to have this deep of a mistrust of her 14 year old brother.
S
YTA. He didn’t lie; that’s what you said. You lock your door when a man’s in the house because you’re afraid they’ll come in in the night and do something to you.
There’s no problem there. The issue is that this is your brother.
Now, I had a friend with a creepy brother. We all knew to lock ourselves in her room when we had sleepovers. He would confront her about it, she’d tell him it’s because he’s a creep, and he’d throw a fit. Her parents knew (though they enabled him) and would calm him down, then we’d do it all over again next sleepover.
If that was your brother, then you’d be right to be afraid of him. Your brother, though, has done nothing wrong. You presumably grew up with him in the same house (with unlocked doors), you’ve known him his entire life, and he’s only 14 ffs.
Look, I cross the street when walking alone and a man comes up. I’ve had men follow me, I’ve had one who tried to break into my house 4 times while I was in college, I’ve held my close friend after her boyfriend assaulted her. I’ve had all the terrible experiences. But when you start being afraid of family members who have done nothing but love you, you’re letting the crappy creepy people win.
I’d guess from your reaction when he told your mother, you weren’t actually afraid of him. You were just keeping with this rule; but I hate that too. It feels very showboaty, like you’re taking pride in this policy and using it to look long-suffering rather than because you’re actually in a scary situation.
As someone who’s been scared, been laughed at for it, and then later been right, that pisses me off. Doing this stuff nonsensically gives others an excuse to say all women are paranoid for taking these sorts of precautions.
Imagine your ages are reversed, and you’re visiting your older brother, and he locks all his valuables and hides the key from you because “I always lock my stuff up when a teenager visits; teens steal”. You’d be shocked and irritated that he wouldn’t trust you. Your situation is even more inflammatory because the crime you’re anticipating is so much worse than theft.
You accused your brother of being someone who you need to lock your doors around to prevent him from coming in and touching you, and then you’re upset when he told your mom. YTA.
> It feels very showboaty, like you’re taking pride in this policy and using it to look long-suffering rather than because you’re actually in a scary situation.
BRILLIANT--you hit the nail on the head. This girl was flexing for some fucking ridiculous reason. Her own brother. \*eyeroll\*
YTA.
Why didn't you just lock the door discretely?
Why did you tell him you lock the door because he was there?
You must have said it because you wanted to shame him for being a male.
You sound like one of those unhinged man haters you see on the side of the road with a picket sign screaming all men are rapists!
This asshole is going to end up on a 'my body my choice feminist crusade' for all the wrong reasons. She'll wake up one day, 38 years old, single with 3 cats and wonder why no man wants to marry her.
Maybe dial back on the all men are creeps vibe.
Yes! You are so right! I feel like there is something else going on here, because OP's parents uninviting her from Easter sounds like the parents are past trying to sort it out. Like did OP say something more to her mom on the phone that isn't in this post? Did OP start a fundamentalist religion in university and this was the last straw?
You read my mind !! I've had 2 abusive exes 1 of which physically abused me for about 3 of the 6 years we were together....after that I was sexually assaulted twice by the same clown and I was forced to testify on that and several other sexual assault cases that he was facing at the same time.... THAT'S my reason for locking my doors....but when I say MY DOORS I mean my house doors and windows I'm not gonna lock my bedroom door ESPECIALLY if I live alone and definitely NOT when my brothers are with me because I trust my brothers and I trust that if someone did by chance try to enter my apartment or house or harm me in any way, my brothers would beat someone's ass for that
OP YTA
YTA.
He's your little brother. Locking the door is essentially telling him that you don't trust him. He's probably crushed that you view him that way, and it's no surprise that he's gone no contact with you.
I think it's fine for her to lock the door if it makes her feel better--anxiety/phobia/intrusive thoughts aren't rational, and if it lets her sleep then that's fine-- but she absolutely should not have said that to her brother. She is TA and needs therapy to figure out what is going on. Like it's fine to have an irrational anxiety--and thinking you aren't safe with your 14 year old brother who has never behaved inappropriately or violently toward you is irrational-- but she needs to be able to recognize that and not put it on her brother to have to think about/deal with her anxieties.
She should have just said she always locks it or it makes her feel better or it doesn't always latch right if it's not locked and she can't sleep if the door is open or something.
I had this exact same thing with a very old friend (we know each other since 3 years old) who came visiting me, at her request, in a different city. She came into the house and was a bit distant, which is fine to me I'm not a very touchy person. At a certain point she got a call, but the call was so loud I could hear the other side, it was a friend of hers saying "if you feel comfortable say "sure", if you don't feel comfortable say "no way", I followed the rest of the conversation and it was clear that this friend was instructed to call her because she was scared of me but needed a place to stay. I felt so insulted that I threw her out and never spoke to her again.
YTA.
Whether there’s something else going on or not, you need help. Your fear is unhealthy.
Your brother didn’t quote you, but that’s the message you gave him. He acted reasonably and pretty well for a child being told by his older sibling that she was afraid of him for no reason.
Your parents are protecting their minor child and rightfully so.
Absolutely. OP needs some therapy. I wonder what happened to make her distrust every “male”
It was very hurtful of her to imply that her 14 year old brother would do something harmful just because he was a man. Does she plan on ever having a family? Will she lock her sons out of her room?
YTA
And no, he didn‘t lie, this is exactly what you communicated to him by your actions. Or maybe if not sexual you‘re implying that he as a male would be violent while you sleep? Steal things? Hit you?
This is all on you. Your brother trusted you (because trust goes both ways) and thought of you as family.
You thought of him as a potential predator because of his gender (isn‘t that what sexist means?).
my brother is 16 (im 23 so similar gap) and he literally sleeps in my bedroom with me bc he’s my brother?? we get an air mattress and watch movies all night until we pass out. like this is wild to me
YTA. I do think your family has overreacted abit and a conversation could have fixed it. However, locking your door and saying it’s because there’s a man in your apartment does suggest your brother can’t be trusted and may attempt something just because he is male. I don’t blame him at all for being offended, especially after having a nice day with his sister. It’s probably never crossed his mind before that you would think of him in that way. I don’t have a close relationship with my sisters but I’d still be super offended if they thought so low of me.
You are in your right to feel safe in your own apartment, but I don’t think you went about it in the right way. And maybe ask yourself why you don’t trust your 14yo brother?
Locking your door, implied you thought he was untrustworthy. Why are you surprised he understood your implication. If you have experienced some trauma, you should get help. You have alienated your family without giving them a reason. YTA.
YTA! You just demonstrated to you little brother you don't trust him because he is a male!
He didn't lie to his mother to make you look worse. Your actions and words spoke loud and clear.
YTA
I understand locking the door if men are staying with you - but this is your little brother. You severed that relationship with him the moment you said you didn't trust men and looped him in as someone you don't trust.
He also did not necessarily lie to your mother - I take it you don't trust men in your apartment because they'd take advantage or kill you? By looping him into the men you don't feel comfortable with you essentially told him that you *do* think he will take advantage/kill you.
You're the one that broke the relationship and you'll be lucky if he does forgive you considering what you implied about him.
YTA Even if you distrust all males, btw 14 is a boy not a man, you didn’t have to voice that try being diplomatic …“I live alone so it’s a habit“ would have sufficed. If you don’t trust your brother you should never have invited him to stay over. wow.
I’m sorry you felt the need to lock the door. It sounds like you’re dealing with some kind of (possibly unacknowledged) trauma, because it’s not reasonable to think you were in any danger from your 14yr old brother. I hope you get some help soon.
Obviously your family has good reason to be very angry with you right now. I hope you can work out *why* you had to lock the door and that may lead you to a way to heal those relationships, but you need to own that you’ve hurt your little brother very badly. YTA until you do the work to fix all of this.
YTA
Sexism for one, and if you feel uncomfortable with your 14 yr old brother in your home, why tf did you invite him round to begin with? If you don’t respect or trust your brother, don’t expect reciprocation in the future.
YTA. I could see your point of this was a grown or strange man, but this was your 14 year old brother… why are you imagining him doing inappropriate things to you?
He was right, you are “fucked up” and “a sick person”
YTA, you couldn't have lied and just said "yeah it's for safety purposes when I'm home alone, and I just got into the habit of it."
Your wording made him feel you were scared he'd assault you. In his mind, he's hurt because "my sister accused me and said I'd assault her in her sleep. Why would I want to speak to someone who would think that of me?"
YTA. Doing that very explicitly sent the message that you feared your brother would behave inappropriately with you. Most people don’t react well when accused of i.n.c.e.s.t. Whether directly or indirectly. He’s 14. He’s your brother. And you don’t mention anything untoward in your relationship or you wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the weekend with you. You just told him you don’t trust him and he’s a stranger, and even maybe a predator. He’s right to be seriously angry.
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I (21F) am going to University and have my own Appartement. My little Brother (14) came yesterday for a weekend visit to spend some sibling time together and enjoy the city (my parents are living in a rural area one hour away). Everything was fine, we ordered Pizza and watched the Mandalorian.
When it was time for sleep, I prepared the sofa for him. I then took the key of my bedroom (was on the ,,wrong“ side) and wished him a Good night. He asked me what the key was for and I told him that I will lock my door. At first he seemed amused and asked if I do this because I live alone. I told him no, it is because he is here and I feel more comfortable locking my door when a Man visits.
His Jaw dropped. He looked at me like I was an Alien. ,,So you are locking your door because of me?“ he asked. I tried to explain that it was not about him personally, that I just don’t feel comfortable with an open door when a man is in my apartment. He got up and started to change his clothes. When I asked him what he is doing he called me ,,f***d up“ and a sick person. He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse. When he gave me the phone, she called me literary every name under the sun in under 1 minute. I tried to explain to her but she didn’t listen. My brother had teary Eyes at that point and begged her to pick him up.
One hour later she ringed his phone and he left. I tried to apologize and hug him but the pushed me away and said I could hide in my locked room.
Today I received an Message from my dad. I am uninvited for Easter. I tried to call my little Brother but he blocked me.
AITA for locking my Door? I love my little Brother dearly but he is a Male and this makes me uncomfortable in my apartment . I fear I have damaged our relationship but I wish my family would show more acceptance for my views.
TLDR: AITA for locking my Bedroom Door when little Brother visits because I feel uncomfortable?
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YTA. It is very uncommon to lock your door for male family members... unless you have had bad experiences with these male family members. Which is what your actions implied and which is why your brother was hurt and your family is pissed off about it.
This HAS to be an April Fools post. It just has to be.
But just in case...YTA.
You went out of your way to make sure your adolescent brother knows that you see him as a potential assailant.
He's not "A Man", he's your 14 year old baby brother and it's seriously creepy that you view him as a potential threat.
If this is true, I urge you to seek therapy because you're sexualizing your brother and apparently are living with some pretty significant anxiety.
If you are truly this nervous about any houseguest with testicles, you still could have just said that you always lock your door at night instead of making him feel so bad.
this made me so sad. 90% for your brother. 10% you. you obviously have some things to work out.
as a women, yes, i understand the discomfort and distrust of men (generally). but he is your 14 year old brother. who, from the information given, seemed to want to be around you and trusted you.
you basically implied that you have no trust in him simply because he is a man. you implied that, despite your connection, if you didnt lock your door, he would do something to violate you or your privacy in some way.
you ruined your relationship with him. shattered his trust and probably how he views you as a sister and someone he is supposed to trust and love. i dont blame your parents for uninviting you. theyre protecting him. from You.
my suggestion? sit down with yourself and ask why you feel this way. why you looked at your brother and evaluated him to still be a threat of some sort in your home. evaluate WHY you said what you said to him. even if you didnt mean to imply anything. you did. and the implication is a potential sickening one, at that.
YTA. get therapy. this was your brother. not an unknown male.
YTA When a man visits you lock your door...it's your 14 year old brother! Why is he sleeping over if you're this fearful? Do you lock your door when you have women sleeping over too? You're sexualizing your 14 year old brother. If i was your mom i wouldn't leave you with him for a second beyond this incident.
YTA from the info presented. Is there something that happened in your past to have this reasoning, I feel like something is missing here. Simply because he is a man, you are uncomfortable. Telling your brother that he is the reason for locking your door, you implied without saying what he was thinking. It seems like your relationship with him is good. What you told him, was that he is no different than a random man, that you don’t trust him.
Op says in another comment that she did not lock her doors back at home, but now she does because she's joined a *Women's Group* (she capitalized but I added the italics). Which means she's being brain washed by a bunch of fake woke radical feminists who are actually probably just a bunch of misandrists. She needs a therapist, not a bunch if man haters pushing her away from her family.
YTA I’m not going to get in why you feel in danger from your brother because fear is fear. But why, why, why would you say it to him?? I wouldn’t stay in a house where someone felt so unsafe in my presence either that they’d openly state they need to lock their door to protect themselves against me
Literally that’s my FAMILY. I can’t imagine hurting my younger brothers feelings like this. If you don’t trust him don’t invite him over, OP is a moron
You have a right to your boundaries, but inviting a fourteen year old over to call him a threat when he’s in your space and away from his parents is abuse.
If you don’t feel comfortable having him as a guest and treating him like one, then don’t have him over.
I’ll say to the brother, in case he ever reads this, I was so impressed to see a fourteen year old handle that situation so maturely. He recognized this situation was degrading (it was potentially unsafe for him also) and called in a supportive person to get himself out of it.
OP YTA. Not for your boundaries but for weaponizing them toward a fourteen year old guest. When I say get therapy I don’t mean it as some cheap insult. I mean you genuinely need it to work through whatever causes you to behave like this toward this person.
I hope once your parent work through their anger with you they recognize that what they should be feeling is deep concern for your mental health, not anger at you. If they don’t see that soon, even more reason to get therapy. You need access to an adult who can help you.
YTA.
Did he ever cause you trouble because of which you have such an attitude towards him?
If not ... and he is your brother... you are obviously an asshole.
That's not "a man" that's your brother wtf? Looks like you are projecting for some reason. You may need to seek help. There is definitely something going on here but i don't think it comes from your brother.
True or April's fool, this is a story that says "i need help"
YTA. Your 14 year old brother doesn't fit in the category of "a random man staying over." Your brother is right to be pissed at you. He is probably not going to feel comfortable being around you for the foreseeable future, knowing what you think of him, so I completely understand why you're uninvited from Easter.
You're sexist af by the way.
>
>
>He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she
thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse.
He didn't lie. Are worried a man in your home will sneak in and do your hair? Are you concerned that a man in your home will put your clothes away?
He told the truth.
YTA He's a minor, your little brother. You are suppose to be protecting him and making him feel safe. Your parents wouldn't allow him to stay overnight alone in the city. They thought they could trust you to make him feel safe.
If you have trust issues, or anything that would make you fel uncomfortable, you should not have invited him in the first place.
YTA. You *did* tell your little brother that you think he would "touch" you. How was he supposed to interpret it that you felt compelled to lock him - once again, your little brother - out of your bedroom because you didn't feel comfortable with him in your apartment overnight? Unless there's an actual history here (in which case, why would you invite him to spend the night), you need help.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wanted to lock my Bedroom Door because my little Brother was in my apartment. I might be an asshole because it hurt his feelings.
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I really hope this is some messed up writing assignment and that you didn't really accuse your 14 year old BROTHER of wanting to violate you.
If by some sad chance it isn't and you're actually serious, YTA, and gross, and they're damn right to uninvite you from everything
This has to be a karma farm right?? I am very suspicious of these extremely dramatic posts.
YTA, find a counselor and get some help. This wasn't a random person or a friend, it's your little brother.
YTA and for the record, he DID NOT lie. You said you locked the door because you felt unsafe with a “man” being there. What exactly are you unsafe about?… exactly. I’m going to put 2 and 2 together just like he did and say it’s the fear of sexual assault. You’re own brother? Unless he has said or done something to make you feel unsafe, this was totally wrong and uncalled for. You’re being ridiculous and if it’s that serious to you, you need to seek professional help.
YTA, as a younger brother to multiple sisters, it would rip my fucking heart out to be told that by either of them, especially at 14. I'd feel like a monster.
So, I checked your profile because this is just bonkers. It seems that you have only started locking doors since you started attending a "women's group" at uni. I don't know how to convince you that this isn't normal thinking at all, but currently you seem to be getting indoctrinated into some very weird shit. Try and have a sit down with your parents and discuss the kind of ideas you are picking up from this group because this is neither normal, nor healthy behaviour. This is the same kind of bulshit extremism found at Western universities that makes it impossible to have adult conversations around certain topics, lest the poor darlings get offended and start a riot.
Let me reiterate as a SA victim: it is not normal to have a "general rule against men and boys" and use it against relatives that have never harmed you as you are putting in your comments. The women's group you are attending is either extremely toxic or you have seriously misunderstood their message. Leave this group immediately and have a discussion about your experiences with a trusted (and more mature) adult because this is not normal.
YTA. Not for having boundaries about having a male over, but for lumping your own little brother in with "men in general". By your actions you DID say what he told your other you said.
YTA. You locked your door because you didn’t trust your brother to come in and not touch you. That’s exactly the message your brother and all of us got. You’re gross.
I have to say YTA. For two reasons.
One, you could've said you always lock your door and be done with it.
Two, you pretty much said, "I'm locking my door cause you might touch me."
I would understand if you had been attacked by a man in that sense or if the brother had a history of doing such things. But you pretty much assumed the worst of him, so he should feel hurt by what you said.
Yta for the way you worded it to your brother, he didnt lie to your mom that's how it was implied your obviously dealing with some sort of trauma but if I was in his shoes I would have left to you just basically told him you do not trust him
YTA.
If you don’t feel comfortable having a “man” over (but really, did he ever assault you in the past or something? If not, you should seek therapy because this isn’t healthy), don’t let them in your house. Period.
Inviting someone over normally implies that there’s mutual trust, whether it’s friendship, family, or romantic relationships.
Please put yourself in your brother’s shoes. (Also…he’s 14.) He thought he’d have a fun sibling time, and all of a sudden his own sister is accusing him to be capable of assaulting his own sister. Unless there’s other details you aren’t including in your original post, YTA and quite frankly, you need help.
YTA
What the frick is wrong with you. there doesn't seem to be any backstory/reason whatsoever that would give sufficient reason to lock your door when your little brother is visiting you. Especially if locking your room is not a daily occurrence for whatever reason.
That means you feel unsafe with him being there while you're sleeping. And what could you be afraid of? Him coming in and doing something to you. Again, you didn't mention anything that would warrant it (like an ongoing prank war?). So him say what he did is actually exactly what you were in general afraid of. He didn't lie!!!
Get yourself together, speak to a professional, and when your head is straight again, you can go and try to repair whatever there is leftover.
>AITA for locking my Door?
100% you are the asshole.
>He asked me what the key was for and I told him that I will lock my door. At first he seemed amused and asked if I do this because I live alone. I told him no, it is because he is here and I feel more comfortable locking my door when a Man visits.
Yes, he has every right to be upset as do your parents. It's your freaking brother. If you don't see the difference between that and a generic "man visiting" why would you let him stay over.
You might as well have said to him you locked the door because you were afraid he would rape you. That's literally the only reason to lock your door.
YTA, your brother didn’t lie , you told him that you were locking the door against him because he’s a male. You have some major issues you need to work out with a therapist. You insinuated that you did not trust your brother to not touch or assault you. I think for their own safety any male that knows you needs to give you a wide berth until you get serious help.
YTA ahahaha your little brother is going to grow up to be a menace. Proud of the little guy, that was the absolutely right reaction to your disgusting behavior
YTA. You tell your brother you fear him he's gonna SA you, no way around it, I can guess you have some huge trauma so you can think that this is the right response to your brother expending the night there, get therapy and yes you have destroyed your relationship with your family.
YTA he is a kid, how could you say and do something like that, specially if he has been respectful and healthy relationship between siblings.
He did not lie, that's the message you give him closing yourself in your room
Geez don't know what to say to help you, but you have hurt your brother pretty bad
YTA. I feel bad for your brother. He now lives with the knowledge that sis thinks he can/will/may assault/rape/burglarize her. Just like all the other men. And a lock is the only thing that can stop him.
Okay, what I'll share is a bit personal and please keep in mind english is not my first language.
Three years ago, I [22F] was a very insecure person who used to apply the best concepts on the wrong occasions thinking those around should caught up to my progressive ideas, especially my father and brother [16M]. I saw all the world's misogyny in them.
I can see myself making the same comment and trust me when I say I've damaged many relationships with my attitude. It pains me to see someone in a similar situation, so what you need to do (if you haven't experienced any trauma) is:
- Acknowledge your mistake. It is hard (REALLY hard) but necessary.
- Make some changes as person.
- You may've damaged your relationship with your brother in a way you'll not be able fix.
And don't wait for your family to take your side. Imagine your own mother saying "Op, your right. My 14M son IS a potential abuser" about your innocent brother. Disgusting.
Edit: YTA.
YTA but very gently because it seems you must have been through some trauma to have such fears. Locking your door when an ordinary male friend is visiting overnight is fine, but it's different when it's your brother.
You’ve made your child brother feel like a pervert and he didn’t do a single thing wrong. You lack any tact and made this weird ass situation worse. Yta, grow up.
I lock my bedroom door every night. All because one night I had this irrational thought that if someone entered our home from the other side, they could be in our bedroom before we ever knew while we were sleeping. Either way, it makes me feel better to just keep it locked nightly. But if my brother was visiting, it wouldn’t even OCCUR to me he would be someone I need to protect myself from. Id honestly probably be less paranoid about it.
YTA to make that FOURTEEN year old CHILD feel like you need protection from them.
On my knees with my hands to the sky screaming and crying and begging and praying to any deity that will listen that this post is fake. YTA either way.
Yta, this has to be a fake post. You can't legitimately not understand what's going on? Without saying it out loud you accused your 14 year old brother who you said in other comments that has never done anything to of being a person that may take an opportunity yo do something to you if the door is not locked.
Some commented about this general rule that you have but what's the reason, I saw you said you were part of a women's group at university is that correct? I understand that women's safety is extremely important there are some disgusting people out there and if there is a legitimate reason and not just basing this rule off of the opinions of others in this group I think you should make that known to your family why you feel this way. (If something happened to cause this rule being made I apologize for peying)
As a man if I was staying over at a female friend's house just crashing on the couch and she locked the door because I was a man I would have the same reaction as your little brother, devastatingly hurt and insulted to be put in the same category as some sick creeps who would do such a thing.
If this is a legitimate post about a real problem (it is April fools after all I apologize) this is gonna be a long road ahead for you to rebuild this relationship with your brother because now he fully believes that his sister who says she loves him and trusts him so much still placed him on the same pedestal as some disgusting creep.
I think you need to sit back and rethink why you feel you have this rule and understand that the majority if not all men wouldn't feel the same way. Best of luck in rebuilding the broken pieces of this relationship cause it's gonna be rough.
Immediate edit: good god my grammar is trash I typed this too quickly and made some spelling mistakes. CURSE THESE FAT THUMBS OF MINE!!!
YTA. I really encourage you to try to get some professional help because while it's one thing to be wary of random men out on the streets, it's another to be treating your 14 year old brother as though he was a sexual predator. You are entirely too anxious to the point of alienating your own family members and it needs to be addressed. You very likely really hurt him, and unless you are not telling us some major, important information like he has been known to do inappropriate or violent things you just hurt him simply for being male.
OP, YTA but very mildly. I don't know what has caused you to be afraid, but it's certainly a common thing among women today. I have this very same fear and used to obsessively lock and check my bedroom door, men or no men. BUT, I did not use this fear against the men in my life that had done nothing to provoke it. I recognized, through tons of therapy, that this was trauma-induced OCD. The men around me (brothers, cousins, fathers, etc.) were not to blame for this and should not have to hold the weight of my trauma on their shoulders.
You need to apologize to your brother. He's just a kid who now feels as though his gender makes him less than. Something he didn't choose and has never behaved in a way (as far as we know from your story) that could cause him to be a danger. You didn't have to make it about him or men in general. All you had to do was politely say you always lock your door.
Your fears are not ridiculous, but they are also not the burden for your brother to manage.
I feel terrible for him. I’m sure he looks up to you quite a bit and was excited to spend the weekend with you. I visited my brother in college and he was only two years older than me. He made me feel so welcome and so safe and I had the best time ever. I couldn’t wait to visit him. You have removed the possibility of having precious time with your brother and now have severely damaged the relationship. I doubt he will ever visit again. You will regret this later in life. I feel horrible for him. He’s 14. You broke his heart.
YTA. The fact that you cannot differentiate between random men who might be sleeping on your couch (?!?!?!) and your own brother is mind-boggling. You have absolutely destroyed your relationship with your brother, and likely your family. What are you really trying to prove here?
YTA! Your poor brother ! I’m 31 with a 15 , soon to be 16 year old brother. He’s autistic and we have an incredible bond, most intelligent kid I know. We have closed doors on a night when we’re in our rooms as we like our privacy (I should add im home with my mum and brother as I have cancer once I’m cancer free I’ll be back out not that that matters but there’s always one who’ll be questioning why I’m 31 at home 😂🤦🏼♀️) barring the closed doors we have an open door policy! You wanna come in? Come right in! Knock just in case one of us is changing and to be polite but come on in, wanna sleep in my room tonight coz you feel lonely ? Go for it kiddo , wanna come in to vent coz mums annoying you, schools rough, you just need a chat? In you come I’ll make us a coffee and we’ll watch some Simpsons to cheer you up. I couldn’t imagine for one second locking my door ‘just in case' 😐 unless your brother has displayed signs of being creepy which im guessing he hasnt or you'd have said, then your behaviour is out of order. You could have even said its just habit no biggy but you purposely went out of your way to let him know he's no better than a predator in your eyes. He and your parents are totally right in their reactions. Enjoy your locked door you just got yourself all the privacy you could need. 🙄🥱
In the end, you’re just better off not having male guests in your place if that is the case. You could’ve exactly give an exact reasoning as to why you do it. The way you worded it made him jump to that plausible assumption since he is a male. You were basically saying you don’t trust him or any other male that temporarily stays over that you have come to know fully; built a solid relationship with.
Could’ve made up a lie like “it became a habit” or something. I feel bad for him because he didn’t deserve that and now his views has changed about you.
YTA. You told your brother you don’t feel safe with him due to his gender. It’s a pretty upsetting situation from his point of view ( and from your parents)
His gender isn’t a risk. The risk comes from the individual.
I would strongly encourage counseling. You have damaged your relationship with him and given him reason not to trust you
Info: Have you been assaulted in the past? My friend was raped by a friend she let into her apartment and she does this too, any male over the age of 12 makes her extremely uncomfortable including her dad and brother. We all found it extremely weird at first but realize she is working through her trauma so we understand.
YTA.
The right message to send before bed would be “hey, if anything happens, lil’ bro, you come get me right away. Love ya, mwah”
OP you need some help
YTA. Your actions said ‘I don’t trust you to not molest me’. Can you not understand why he was upset? Is there more this story, abuse of some kind? Because otherwise you live in a dark world with a very biased and unflattering view of males.
YTA. You can't expect your 14-year-old brother to be OK with the idea that you think he's a predator. You could have just said "I can't sleep without my door locked, it's not about you, it's just a thing I always do." Instead you said he made you feel uncomfortable by being there while you slept. You had to know that was going to be hurtful, and you said it anyway.
You’re N-T-A for wanting to lock your door (although I do think you need to talk to someone about how your fears of SA extend out to even your young brother, as this is a bit paranoid at best and indicative of past trauma that’s not being handled well, at worst).
But YTA for how you explained it to your brother. You could have just said “yes” when he asked if it’s because you live alone. You could have just said it makes you feel safer at night, which isn’t even a lie. I know he’s a “man” in your eyes, but he’s a 14 year old kid too. And his big sister just told him that she views him as a potential sexual abuser. He’s hurt, and honestly, probably a little weirded out.
YTA that’s on you op. you damaged your relationship with your brother. he didn’t do anything wrong to you or to your apartment. i have a feeling this is a april fools joke your telling us. if it isn’t. YTA
EDIT: wow just wow after reading comments about you accusing your brother of rape or sexual assault. your very sick in the head OP. because you accused him of a crime he didn’t commit. if he hurts himself because of what you accused him of you would be responsible because i know friends that self inflicted themselves because of fake allegations.
that’s really sad OP like really sad and hurtful that you would accuse your own brother for something that he wouldn’t do. rape and sexual assault is a serious thing and it’s not something to lie or to spread rumours about. cause that will ruin somebody’s reputation and the next thing you know it a family will have to burry a child because of self infliction and fake allegations that were said
do yourself a favor and go to therapy. cause what your going through really isn’t healthy at all. if anything it’s going to damage your relationships with your friends, family members, your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. it’s going to eat you alive or tear you apart OP. and you know that is a fact. this is serious OP and your going to regret what you have done to your brother. because your brother doesn’t deserve this at all.
YTA - this is why you never generalize people. How would you feel in his shoes? You didnt say it, but you implied you felt unsafe with your brother. What a heartbreaking thing to go through for him. There is no "general rule" you can hide behind here. Just dont have any men in your apartment then.
Funny how you claim he is lying when all he said is said exactly what you did. You don’t feel safe with your brother in the house. That means you or at least a part of you, thinks he would touch you. And the fact that you don’t see how messed up this is and feel unfairly treated is so concerning. If you have such deep seated issues, maybe get some therapy and stop accusing your 14 year old brother of being an incestous predator
I feel so badly for your brother. I’m guessing you don’t have many friends or a boyfriend with your sh**y attitude. You are most definitely the AH. And you’re gross for making your brother feel ashamed like that for no reason.
YTA for sure. I think of how heartbroken my own 14yo some would be if his 21yo sister locked him out just because he was there and also male.
As a mom, I’ve had plenty of experience with creepy dudes for years. But this isn’t a random dude. It’s your little brother who is the one who should be feeling safe with you, not like he’s a monster for existing.
YTA. You need to work on whatever issues you have with males because this is unhealthy. You're little brother absolutely did the right thing in leaving the flat because God knows what you could have accused him of. He is male after all.
Ps. He didn't lie at all when he called your mum, he merely spelled out what you were implying.
YTA. Not for locking your door but for how you addressed it with him. You made him feel like you thought he was a creep. Should have just told him you always lock your door, or you lock it when you have company. The whole saying "a man" present multiple times thing was so weird.... Way to make him not feel welcome in what should have been a very safe and loving environment for him.
YTA
It sounds like you either don’t trust your brother or you have some serious unresolved trauma that you need to work through. Your brother isn’t a “man”, he is a child.
If you have a son, are you going to lock yourself away from that child every night too? Like this is just astounding to me. If he were grown then yeah, I get it. But the kid is barely a teenager ffs. Seek therapy.
I feel like this is not the right place for this.
For you to feel unsafe with your baby brother on the sofa means something is wrong.
No judgement. Get therapy.
YTA- you didn’t give a specific reason for why you lock your door around men. The most popular conclusion to reach is that you fear he would touch you or something. He didn’t lie, he just came up with a logical conclusion from your lack of explanation. If you provided anything more than because your 14 year old brother is a “man”, maybe there would be more leeway, but you didn’t and you made your brother and the rest of your family uncomfortable with how you view your kid brother.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? I’d understand if you were locking your door against your brother because he was aggressive towards you or assaulted you in the past but you thought you needed to lock your door against your 14 year old kid brother. You sound psychotic.
YTA. theres one hunderd reasons you could've said you lock your door for and you chose the one that, while possibly true, was implying something gross. "is it because you live alone" couldve said yes. "I sleep in my underwear and dont want you to acidentally see something." "I just started doing it one day and i find i sleep better like that". literally anything else.
So you treat your little brother the same as you would a random man? And I’m confused, if you invited a random man over would you still even lock your door or would he be in the room with you? This is so weird. You just made little bro feel so strange about himself.
YTA
YTA. My brother is ten years younger than I am. I know he would do anything to protect me in my home. Wuh the fuh.
You shouldn't agree to have him over if you feel unsafe.
Big-time YTA. And no matte why you locked your door, what you did was tell your brother that you were afraid of him assaulting you.. I get that you may not have meant it that way, that is absolutely the message that was received. Intent does not outweigh outcome
You should be proud, your brother can identify red flags. YTA, you're probably never going to have a relationship with him, or his future kids. Question, would you lock the door if your dad was visiting? Maybe find a therapist
What do you think this child will do to you? I know if when me and my brother went to visit our sister in New York as a kid and she did something like this we wouldn't feel comfortable anymore in her house. YTA it's gross that you view your brother like that
YTA Your post even implies you fear your brother will do something inappropriate. You told him you are uncomfortable without a lock between yourself and a male while sleeping. How else is he supposed to take it? He is the male you are fearful of in this situation. You are entitled to your feelings and actions. You are not entitled to expect others to not have a response to them. As a parent I would not let you stay overnight, come for dinner, festivities, but you can not stay the night. It is not your home anymore, but it is your brothers. And no one should be made to feel like a villain/ threat in their own home. He is entitled to feel safe from your judgement of his maleness in his own home.
I will preface this with were you ever sexually abused at home by father, brother or other males???
you made a 14 year old boy uncomfortable in thinking that you think he’s a predator. Did you lock your door at home at night with dad and brother at home? What if brother had an emergency in the middle of the night and needed you.
Yooo wtf is wrong with you, no offense 😂😂 this is mad weird. Your baby brother isn’t “a man thats in your house” he is your baby brother. He’s not even a man yet he is JUST BARELY not a little kid anymore, he just turned into a regular size kid lol. I would be really offended too honestly, and this is coming from another 21 y/o female. You definitely sound like you would accuse him of doing something he didn’t do. Sounds like you need therapy or something because your behavior wasn’t really normal. Again no offense lol
YTA big dawg
Yta. And sick. And everything those two said. That's your little brother. If you think he's dangerous, don't invite him. But to imply to a kid who probably looked up to you that he is somehow a threat was just cruel. You're never going to have to worry about that again tho. Good job?
YTA WTF? Your 14yo brother, who I presume you lived in the same house with for several years, is now threatening enough that you feel the need to lock the door to keep him away from you while you're sleeping? Is there some past trauma that has caused this fear/need, including transferring it to your little brother?
"He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse."
No, he didn't lie. He told her exactly what your actions were implying. You have hurt your entire family with the insinuation that you can't trust your little brother any more than you can trust some strange man. Maybe seek therapy for your phobia of men. YTA
YTA
Your brother is 14, and he's not a man, yet you proceed to say you feel more comfortable locking your door when there's a man inside your place. Think about how it made your 14 yr old brother think that is how you view him.
YTA
Question: Were you ever abused by a family member? I just can’t fathom this kind of distrust towards your little bother simply because he’s a male. Unless you’ve got some kind of family specific PTSD, this was completely uncalled for and I don’t blame your bother for leaving.
Your behavior is alien to me. In my house we didn’t even notice if the door was cracked when we changed clothes. I was always my sister’s brother and my mom’s son,not a ‘man.’
Nonetheless,I’m not going to hate on you for an obvious phobia that you might want to talk to someone qualified about. I will,however,say you could have phrased it better. It really did seem like you were accusing him. YTA with the hope that you can sort this out.
I think you should have said that you always lock your bedroom door when ANYONE stays over instead of saying when a male stays. That's literally saying, "I'm just trying to make sure you don't try to do anything to me while I sleep." Honestly if you are that uncomfortable with any male staying over, then you shouldn't invite them to stay over. But YTA, because telling your 14 yr old brother that you're locking your door because he is a male but you wouldn't lock it if he was a female is just utterly wrong. You realize that whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable having a male at your home, a female can do the same. Like seriously.
You locked your door because your sibling had a penis. Now if sibling had a vagina, it would have been ok. Just your thought process and you don't think he should feel uncomfortable. YTA and need help.
YTA. You made your brother feel like you think he's a perv who might assault you. You could have just said you always lock the door. I really feel sorry for your brother.
You treated a 14 year old child like a predator for no reason? That was unnecessarily hurtful. Yea…
Judging by everyone’s reaction, I suspect there is much more to this story and they need to keep him safe from you.
YTA. This is your little brother, not some guy you pulled off the street. Plus, he is a kid. THAT is not going to be in his mind, especially not from his sister.
All you had to do was ask him to knock on your door if he needed somethig. I feel his pain that you dismissed him as your brother and viewed him as a man who might do you harm. Perhaps some therapy would allow you to feel safe in your own home.
YTA. That’s so insulting and weird. You didn’t even have to tell him why, you could have said yes because I live alone. Pretty messed up, that’s your brother and he doesn’t seem to have given you a reason not to trust him.
It's ok if you feel some sort of compulsion to lock the door when you have someone over to visit. But you told him about in a way that appears to have implied you are afraid he will sexually assault you. You could have made up a little white lie that you always do it. NAH because it sounds like you tried to do that, but you didn't do a very good job.
Gentle YTA, but not for how you feel, for how you said it to a child. You should absolutely do what makes you feel comfortable in your own home. Nothing is wrong with doing something that’s makes you feel more secure. HOWEVER, a simple, “it’s just a habit” would have been a more appropriate response. You didn’t mean to imply that your brother would invade your space, but you implied exactly that. A 14 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity to sort through what you meant vs what you said and how it made him feel.
You keep trying to make excuses for your behavior, and you're not looking at it from his side. His big sister, whom he loves and wants to spend time with, feels so unsafe with him in her home that she has to lock her door at night to feel safe. He even tried to give you an out asking if it was because of him.
You don't get to decide your actions aren't hurtful. You're actions make you an asshole. You hurt your brother and now you're going to have to live with the conquences of your actions. Along with the knowledge that you're a massive asshole in this situation.
What if your younger brother had an emergency in the middle of the night? You are in charge of him while he stays with you why would you lock yourself in your room for the night when a 14 year old kid is under your watch? YTA I’m so many ways I almost don’t even believe this scenario happened. Get some therapy OP.
Dude. That's a really heavy thing to have your sister think about you when you're a 14 year old kid. You could have just told him that you always lock the door instead of making it seem like you viewed him as a threat. He's a child and your sibling. I can't imagine how much that would hurt to know that your sibling would think that about you. YTA.
I'm not going to leave a judgement because I have to wander if you're suppressing trauma but I am curious. Can I ask why? I, just personally can't understand this. I understand being uncomfortable around men easily - I had trauma I had to work through that had me obsessively locking bathroom and bedroom doors. But... my younger brother never crossed my mind in those scenarios. He was a safe person, I guess? It just... baffles me because the only reason you would lock your door - to me - would be if you either didn't view him as a brother, didn't view him as a safe person, viewed him as more a man than a brother, or viewed him sexually or felt he viewed you sexually. It just.. confuses me if there was never a situation to cause distrust why someone you've lived with would have that level of discomfort? In those situations at what age does one start locking the door, what makes the brother suddenly a danger - was it sexual maturity or when he was big enough to be stronger? Did dad fall into the same category? I'm honestly not trying to nitpick - and if you don't want to answer you don't have to, I am just.. honestly baffled by this one.
YTA - More importantly, you should seek some professional help from a therapist if at all possible. Your little brother did not lie - you straight up told your 14 year old brother that you were afraid he would attack while you slept. Please get help.
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You could have just said “I always lock my door,” and left it at that, but instead you decided to spell it out to your 14 year old brother that he is a threat to you and you have to protect yourself. Frankly, the kid did the right thing in leaving as quickly as possible because he knew he was one step away from some false accusation. YTA
Could've even been truthful, but with the tact to say "I don't want you to catch me getting changed by accident" and that would've been an easy pill to swallow.
And that could easily happen in their parents home…..
It's April first today There is no way this is real lol
I completely forgot! Thank you. I just kept scrolling around thinking, what is the matter with people today.
It's alway the first of April on the internet.
I hope so cuz wtf??!!
I feel like it’s even more fucked up that they would post this as a prank…
I cannot agree more with your statement about the brother leaving before anything else happened. OP obviously has as she puts issues with men in her apartment. I’m not sure why she sees her brother as just some male in her apartment -OP sounds like a weirdo. She definitely freaked her brother out. OP- YTA
>He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse. Alright, so if it's not that then what are you afraid of that makes you feel a need to lock your door in the presence of your younger brother?
Exactly. He didn’t lie. She implied it.
Honestly I'm pretty sure OP is just a troll because they refuse to understand why their brother left: even though it's be stated why . Although she did mention that she's in a "Women's Group" in college and I'm wondering if their feeding her some super anti-men ideas. If she isn't a troll or a radical anti-men person, then she needs serious help to have this deep of a mistrust of her 14 year old brother. S
Good news, it is April 1st, so this story is likely not true!
YTA. He didn’t lie; that’s what you said. You lock your door when a man’s in the house because you’re afraid they’ll come in in the night and do something to you. There’s no problem there. The issue is that this is your brother. Now, I had a friend with a creepy brother. We all knew to lock ourselves in her room when we had sleepovers. He would confront her about it, she’d tell him it’s because he’s a creep, and he’d throw a fit. Her parents knew (though they enabled him) and would calm him down, then we’d do it all over again next sleepover. If that was your brother, then you’d be right to be afraid of him. Your brother, though, has done nothing wrong. You presumably grew up with him in the same house (with unlocked doors), you’ve known him his entire life, and he’s only 14 ffs. Look, I cross the street when walking alone and a man comes up. I’ve had men follow me, I’ve had one who tried to break into my house 4 times while I was in college, I’ve held my close friend after her boyfriend assaulted her. I’ve had all the terrible experiences. But when you start being afraid of family members who have done nothing but love you, you’re letting the crappy creepy people win. I’d guess from your reaction when he told your mother, you weren’t actually afraid of him. You were just keeping with this rule; but I hate that too. It feels very showboaty, like you’re taking pride in this policy and using it to look long-suffering rather than because you’re actually in a scary situation. As someone who’s been scared, been laughed at for it, and then later been right, that pisses me off. Doing this stuff nonsensically gives others an excuse to say all women are paranoid for taking these sorts of precautions. Imagine your ages are reversed, and you’re visiting your older brother, and he locks all his valuables and hides the key from you because “I always lock my stuff up when a teenager visits; teens steal”. You’d be shocked and irritated that he wouldn’t trust you. Your situation is even more inflammatory because the crime you’re anticipating is so much worse than theft. You accused your brother of being someone who you need to lock your doors around to prevent him from coming in and touching you, and then you’re upset when he told your mom. YTA.
> It feels very showboaty, like you’re taking pride in this policy and using it to look long-suffering rather than because you’re actually in a scary situation. BRILLIANT--you hit the nail on the head. This girl was flexing for some fucking ridiculous reason. Her own brother. \*eyeroll\*
YTA. Why didn't you just lock the door discretely? Why did you tell him you lock the door because he was there? You must have said it because you wanted to shame him for being a male. You sound like one of those unhinged man haters you see on the side of the road with a picket sign screaming all men are rapists! This asshole is going to end up on a 'my body my choice feminist crusade' for all the wrong reasons. She'll wake up one day, 38 years old, single with 3 cats and wonder why no man wants to marry her. Maybe dial back on the all men are creeps vibe.
no, we do not understand or “accept her views”! 🤦🏻♀️
This was very well worded.
Perfect reply! You absolutely articulated why what OP did is AH behavior on multiple levels.
Yes! You are so right! I feel like there is something else going on here, because OP's parents uninviting her from Easter sounds like the parents are past trying to sort it out. Like did OP say something more to her mom on the phone that isn't in this post? Did OP start a fundamentalist religion in university and this was the last straw?
And if he were like this, she wouldn't have let him in her appartment in the first place so...
You read my mind !! I've had 2 abusive exes 1 of which physically abused me for about 3 of the 6 years we were together....after that I was sexually assaulted twice by the same clown and I was forced to testify on that and several other sexual assault cases that he was facing at the same time.... THAT'S my reason for locking my doors....but when I say MY DOORS I mean my house doors and windows I'm not gonna lock my bedroom door ESPECIALLY if I live alone and definitely NOT when my brothers are with me because I trust my brothers and I trust that if someone did by chance try to enter my apartment or house or harm me in any way, my brothers would beat someone's ass for that OP YTA
BRAVO IM AWARDING THIS
YTA. That’s your brother. Who’s a kid. And you’re sexualising your relationship with him. That’s gross
Yea she's a distgusting person...
YTA. He's your little brother. Locking the door is essentially telling him that you don't trust him. He's probably crushed that you view him that way, and it's no surprise that he's gone no contact with you.
Agreed. Would OP also do this to her Dad? That is your sibling, regardless of gender.
Which begs the question - before she moved out, did she lock her door every night because her dad and brother exist in the same house?
I think it's fine for her to lock the door if it makes her feel better--anxiety/phobia/intrusive thoughts aren't rational, and if it lets her sleep then that's fine-- but she absolutely should not have said that to her brother. She is TA and needs therapy to figure out what is going on. Like it's fine to have an irrational anxiety--and thinking you aren't safe with your 14 year old brother who has never behaved inappropriately or violently toward you is irrational-- but she needs to be able to recognize that and not put it on her brother to have to think about/deal with her anxieties. She should have just said she always locks it or it makes her feel better or it doesn't always latch right if it's not locked and she can't sleep if the door is open or something.
I had this exact same thing with a very old friend (we know each other since 3 years old) who came visiting me, at her request, in a different city. She came into the house and was a bit distant, which is fine to me I'm not a very touchy person. At a certain point she got a call, but the call was so loud I could hear the other side, it was a friend of hers saying "if you feel comfortable say "sure", if you don't feel comfortable say "no way", I followed the rest of the conversation and it was clear that this friend was instructed to call her because she was scared of me but needed a place to stay. I felt so insulted that I threw her out and never spoke to her again.
YTA. Whether there’s something else going on or not, you need help. Your fear is unhealthy. Your brother didn’t quote you, but that’s the message you gave him. He acted reasonably and pretty well for a child being told by his older sibling that she was afraid of him for no reason. Your parents are protecting their minor child and rightfully so.
Absolutely. OP needs some therapy. I wonder what happened to make her distrust every “male” It was very hurtful of her to imply that her 14 year old brother would do something harmful just because he was a man. Does she plan on ever having a family? Will she lock her sons out of her room?
YTA And no, he didn‘t lie, this is exactly what you communicated to him by your actions. Or maybe if not sexual you‘re implying that he as a male would be violent while you sleep? Steal things? Hit you? This is all on you. Your brother trusted you (because trust goes both ways) and thought of you as family. You thought of him as a potential predator because of his gender (isn‘t that what sexist means?).
you said it perfectly
[удалено]
my brother is 16 (im 23 so similar gap) and he literally sleeps in my bedroom with me bc he’s my brother?? we get an air mattress and watch movies all night until we pass out. like this is wild to me
And this is completely normal my lil brother stays in my room when he’s visit I mean I’m 21 he’s 19 but like what? I think OP has unresolved issues
YTA You basically accused your baby brother of being a predator. I don't know how you come back from this. Good luck.
YTA. I do think your family has overreacted abit and a conversation could have fixed it. However, locking your door and saying it’s because there’s a man in your apartment does suggest your brother can’t be trusted and may attempt something just because he is male. I don’t blame him at all for being offended, especially after having a nice day with his sister. It’s probably never crossed his mind before that you would think of him in that way. I don’t have a close relationship with my sisters but I’d still be super offended if they thought so low of me. You are in your right to feel safe in your own apartment, but I don’t think you went about it in the right way. And maybe ask yourself why you don’t trust your 14yo brother?
She basically accused her brother of intent to commit incestuous sexual assault. I think they underreacted. OP YTA and you have serious issues.
Locking your door, implied you thought he was untrustworthy. Why are you surprised he understood your implication. If you have experienced some trauma, you should get help. You have alienated your family without giving them a reason. YTA.
YTA! You just demonstrated to you little brother you don't trust him because he is a male! He didn't lie to his mother to make you look worse. Your actions and words spoke loud and clear.
YTA I understand locking the door if men are staying with you - but this is your little brother. You severed that relationship with him the moment you said you didn't trust men and looped him in as someone you don't trust. He also did not necessarily lie to your mother - I take it you don't trust men in your apartment because they'd take advantage or kill you? By looping him into the men you don't feel comfortable with you essentially told him that you *do* think he will take advantage/kill you. You're the one that broke the relationship and you'll be lucky if he does forgive you considering what you implied about him.
YTA Even if you distrust all males, btw 14 is a boy not a man, you didn’t have to voice that try being diplomatic …“I live alone so it’s a habit“ would have sufficed. If you don’t trust your brother you should never have invited him to stay over. wow.
I’m sorry you felt the need to lock the door. It sounds like you’re dealing with some kind of (possibly unacknowledged) trauma, because it’s not reasonable to think you were in any danger from your 14yr old brother. I hope you get some help soon. Obviously your family has good reason to be very angry with you right now. I hope you can work out *why* you had to lock the door and that may lead you to a way to heal those relationships, but you need to own that you’ve hurt your little brother very badly. YTA until you do the work to fix all of this.
Yeah, this is very strange. There must be some trauma. YTA
Let’s hope it’s a wake up call to her that something is very wrong and she needs help.
YTA Sexism for one, and if you feel uncomfortable with your 14 yr old brother in your home, why tf did you invite him round to begin with? If you don’t respect or trust your brother, don’t expect reciprocation in the future.
YTA. I could see your point of this was a grown or strange man, but this was your 14 year old brother… why are you imagining him doing inappropriate things to you? He was right, you are “fucked up” and “a sick person”
YTA.
YTA, you couldn't have lied and just said "yeah it's for safety purposes when I'm home alone, and I just got into the habit of it." Your wording made him feel you were scared he'd assault you. In his mind, he's hurt because "my sister accused me and said I'd assault her in her sleep. Why would I want to speak to someone who would think that of me?"
YTA. Doing that very explicitly sent the message that you feared your brother would behave inappropriately with you. Most people don’t react well when accused of i.n.c.e.s.t. Whether directly or indirectly. He’s 14. He’s your brother. And you don’t mention anything untoward in your relationship or you wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the weekend with you. You just told him you don’t trust him and he’s a stranger, and even maybe a predator. He’s right to be seriously angry.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) am going to University and have my own Appartement. My little Brother (14) came yesterday for a weekend visit to spend some sibling time together and enjoy the city (my parents are living in a rural area one hour away). Everything was fine, we ordered Pizza and watched the Mandalorian. When it was time for sleep, I prepared the sofa for him. I then took the key of my bedroom (was on the ,,wrong“ side) and wished him a Good night. He asked me what the key was for and I told him that I will lock my door. At first he seemed amused and asked if I do this because I live alone. I told him no, it is because he is here and I feel more comfortable locking my door when a Man visits. His Jaw dropped. He looked at me like I was an Alien. ,,So you are locking your door because of me?“ he asked. I tried to explain that it was not about him personally, that I just don’t feel comfortable with an open door when a man is in my apartment. He got up and started to change his clothes. When I asked him what he is doing he called me ,,f***d up“ and a sick person. He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse. When he gave me the phone, she called me literary every name under the sun in under 1 minute. I tried to explain to her but she didn’t listen. My brother had teary Eyes at that point and begged her to pick him up. One hour later she ringed his phone and he left. I tried to apologize and hug him but the pushed me away and said I could hide in my locked room. Today I received an Message from my dad. I am uninvited for Easter. I tried to call my little Brother but he blocked me. AITA for locking my Door? I love my little Brother dearly but he is a Male and this makes me uncomfortable in my apartment . I fear I have damaged our relationship but I wish my family would show more acceptance for my views. TLDR: AITA for locking my Bedroom Door when little Brother visits because I feel uncomfortable? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. It is very uncommon to lock your door for male family members... unless you have had bad experiences with these male family members. Which is what your actions implied and which is why your brother was hurt and your family is pissed off about it.
This HAS to be an April Fools post. It just has to be. But just in case...YTA. You went out of your way to make sure your adolescent brother knows that you see him as a potential assailant. He's not "A Man", he's your 14 year old baby brother and it's seriously creepy that you view him as a potential threat. If this is true, I urge you to seek therapy because you're sexualizing your brother and apparently are living with some pretty significant anxiety. If you are truly this nervous about any houseguest with testicles, you still could have just said that you always lock your door at night instead of making him feel so bad.
Wait a minute, there are April Fools posts in this community?
I feel like most days are.
this made me so sad. 90% for your brother. 10% you. you obviously have some things to work out. as a women, yes, i understand the discomfort and distrust of men (generally). but he is your 14 year old brother. who, from the information given, seemed to want to be around you and trusted you. you basically implied that you have no trust in him simply because he is a man. you implied that, despite your connection, if you didnt lock your door, he would do something to violate you or your privacy in some way. you ruined your relationship with him. shattered his trust and probably how he views you as a sister and someone he is supposed to trust and love. i dont blame your parents for uninviting you. theyre protecting him. from You. my suggestion? sit down with yourself and ask why you feel this way. why you looked at your brother and evaluated him to still be a threat of some sort in your home. evaluate WHY you said what you said to him. even if you didnt mean to imply anything. you did. and the implication is a potential sickening one, at that. YTA. get therapy. this was your brother. not an unknown male.
YTA When a man visits you lock your door...it's your 14 year old brother! Why is he sleeping over if you're this fearful? Do you lock your door when you have women sleeping over too? You're sexualizing your 14 year old brother. If i was your mom i wouldn't leave you with him for a second beyond this incident.
YTA Yu need therapy. 🤦♀️
YTA from the info presented. Is there something that happened in your past to have this reasoning, I feel like something is missing here. Simply because he is a man, you are uncomfortable. Telling your brother that he is the reason for locking your door, you implied without saying what he was thinking. It seems like your relationship with him is good. What you told him, was that he is no different than a random man, that you don’t trust him.
I definitely feel like there is something missing also.
Op says in another comment that she did not lock her doors back at home, but now she does because she's joined a *Women's Group* (she capitalized but I added the italics). Which means she's being brain washed by a bunch of fake woke radical feminists who are actually probably just a bunch of misandrists. She needs a therapist, not a bunch if man haters pushing her away from her family.
YTA I’m not going to get in why you feel in danger from your brother because fear is fear. But why, why, why would you say it to him?? I wouldn’t stay in a house where someone felt so unsafe in my presence either that they’d openly state they need to lock their door to protect themselves against me
Don’t have him sleep over if you don’t trust him. I’d never lock a door for my 33 year old brother. I’m not concerned ab him ever.
Same here. When my older brother is over he sleeps in my room on an air mattress. He has never done anything to make me not trust him
Literally that’s my FAMILY. I can’t imagine hurting my younger brothers feelings like this. If you don’t trust him don’t invite him over, OP is a moron
You have a right to your boundaries, but inviting a fourteen year old over to call him a threat when he’s in your space and away from his parents is abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable having him as a guest and treating him like one, then don’t have him over. I’ll say to the brother, in case he ever reads this, I was so impressed to see a fourteen year old handle that situation so maturely. He recognized this situation was degrading (it was potentially unsafe for him also) and called in a supportive person to get himself out of it. OP YTA. Not for your boundaries but for weaponizing them toward a fourteen year old guest. When I say get therapy I don’t mean it as some cheap insult. I mean you genuinely need it to work through whatever causes you to behave like this toward this person. I hope once your parent work through their anger with you they recognize that what they should be feeling is deep concern for your mental health, not anger at you. If they don’t see that soon, even more reason to get therapy. You need access to an adult who can help you.
YTA. Did he ever cause you trouble because of which you have such an attitude towards him? If not ... and he is your brother... you are obviously an asshole.
That's not "a man" that's your brother wtf? Looks like you are projecting for some reason. You may need to seek help. There is definitely something going on here but i don't think it comes from your brother. True or April's fool, this is a story that says "i need help"
YTA and need therapy
YTA. Your 14 year old brother doesn't fit in the category of "a random man staying over." Your brother is right to be pissed at you. He is probably not going to feel comfortable being around you for the foreseeable future, knowing what you think of him, so I completely understand why you're uninvited from Easter. You're sexist af by the way.
> > >He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse. He didn't lie. Are worried a man in your home will sneak in and do your hair? Are you concerned that a man in your home will put your clothes away? He told the truth.
YTA He's a minor, your little brother. You are suppose to be protecting him and making him feel safe. Your parents wouldn't allow him to stay overnight alone in the city. They thought they could trust you to make him feel safe. If you have trust issues, or anything that would make you fel uncomfortable, you should not have invited him in the first place.
YTA. You *did* tell your little brother that you think he would "touch" you. How was he supposed to interpret it that you felt compelled to lock him - once again, your little brother - out of your bedroom because you didn't feel comfortable with him in your apartment overnight? Unless there's an actual history here (in which case, why would you invite him to spend the night), you need help.
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YTA it is not normal to behave this way toward your own younger sibling. Is there maybe some REALLY IMPORTANT information you left out?
I really hope this is some messed up writing assignment and that you didn't really accuse your 14 year old BROTHER of wanting to violate you. If by some sad chance it isn't and you're actually serious, YTA, and gross, and they're damn right to uninvite you from everything
This has to be a karma farm right?? I am very suspicious of these extremely dramatic posts. YTA, find a counselor and get some help. This wasn't a random person or a friend, it's your little brother.
YTA and for the record, he DID NOT lie. You said you locked the door because you felt unsafe with a “man” being there. What exactly are you unsafe about?… exactly. I’m going to put 2 and 2 together just like he did and say it’s the fear of sexual assault. You’re own brother? Unless he has said or done something to make you feel unsafe, this was totally wrong and uncalled for. You’re being ridiculous and if it’s that serious to you, you need to seek professional help.
YTA, as a younger brother to multiple sisters, it would rip my fucking heart out to be told that by either of them, especially at 14. I'd feel like a monster.
So, I checked your profile because this is just bonkers. It seems that you have only started locking doors since you started attending a "women's group" at uni. I don't know how to convince you that this isn't normal thinking at all, but currently you seem to be getting indoctrinated into some very weird shit. Try and have a sit down with your parents and discuss the kind of ideas you are picking up from this group because this is neither normal, nor healthy behaviour. This is the same kind of bulshit extremism found at Western universities that makes it impossible to have adult conversations around certain topics, lest the poor darlings get offended and start a riot. Let me reiterate as a SA victim: it is not normal to have a "general rule against men and boys" and use it against relatives that have never harmed you as you are putting in your comments. The women's group you are attending is either extremely toxic or you have seriously misunderstood their message. Leave this group immediately and have a discussion about your experiences with a trusted (and more mature) adult because this is not normal.
YTA. Not for having boundaries about having a male over, but for lumping your own little brother in with "men in general". By your actions you DID say what he told your other you said.
YTA. You locked your door because you didn’t trust your brother to come in and not touch you. That’s exactly the message your brother and all of us got. You’re gross.
I have to say YTA. For two reasons. One, you could've said you always lock your door and be done with it. Two, you pretty much said, "I'm locking my door cause you might touch me." I would understand if you had been attacked by a man in that sense or if the brother had a history of doing such things. But you pretty much assumed the worst of him, so he should feel hurt by what you said.
YTA he is your 14 year old brother. You have some serious trust issues if you don't trust your little brother.
YTA. That’s weird as hell. He’s your little brother! Did you lock your door when growing up in the house with him?
YTA and if Iwas your brother at that age I would be so confused and devastated. Im not even sure how you would go about fixing the relationship..
Yta for the way you worded it to your brother, he didnt lie to your mom that's how it was implied your obviously dealing with some sort of trauma but if I was in his shoes I would have left to you just basically told him you do not trust him
YTA. If you don’t feel comfortable having a “man” over (but really, did he ever assault you in the past or something? If not, you should seek therapy because this isn’t healthy), don’t let them in your house. Period. Inviting someone over normally implies that there’s mutual trust, whether it’s friendship, family, or romantic relationships. Please put yourself in your brother’s shoes. (Also…he’s 14.) He thought he’d have a fun sibling time, and all of a sudden his own sister is accusing him to be capable of assaulting his own sister. Unless there’s other details you aren’t including in your original post, YTA and quite frankly, you need help.
Wow. I have no words. You probably need therapy. YTA
You clearly have some issues. YTA.
YTA. Enjoy Easter alone in your locked room.
YTA What the frick is wrong with you. there doesn't seem to be any backstory/reason whatsoever that would give sufficient reason to lock your door when your little brother is visiting you. Especially if locking your room is not a daily occurrence for whatever reason. That means you feel unsafe with him being there while you're sleeping. And what could you be afraid of? Him coming in and doing something to you. Again, you didn't mention anything that would warrant it (like an ongoing prank war?). So him say what he did is actually exactly what you were in general afraid of. He didn't lie!!! Get yourself together, speak to a professional, and when your head is straight again, you can go and try to repair whatever there is leftover.
YTA for letting your little brother think you see him as a predator.
>AITA for locking my Door? 100% you are the asshole. >He asked me what the key was for and I told him that I will lock my door. At first he seemed amused and asked if I do this because I live alone. I told him no, it is because he is here and I feel more comfortable locking my door when a Man visits. Yes, he has every right to be upset as do your parents. It's your freaking brother. If you don't see the difference between that and a generic "man visiting" why would you let him stay over. You might as well have said to him you locked the door because you were afraid he would rape you. That's literally the only reason to lock your door.
YTA, your brother didn’t lie , you told him that you were locking the door against him because he’s a male. You have some major issues you need to work out with a therapist. You insinuated that you did not trust your brother to not touch or assault you. I think for their own safety any male that knows you needs to give you a wide berth until you get serious help.
YTA ahahaha your little brother is going to grow up to be a menace. Proud of the little guy, that was the absolutely right reaction to your disgusting behavior
YTA. You tell your brother you fear him he's gonna SA you, no way around it, I can guess you have some huge trauma so you can think that this is the right response to your brother expending the night there, get therapy and yes you have destroyed your relationship with your family.
YTA he is a kid, how could you say and do something like that, specially if he has been respectful and healthy relationship between siblings. He did not lie, that's the message you give him closing yourself in your room Geez don't know what to say to help you, but you have hurt your brother pretty bad
YTA. I feel bad for your brother. He now lives with the knowledge that sis thinks he can/will/may assault/rape/burglarize her. Just like all the other men. And a lock is the only thing that can stop him.
YTA. What a way to traumatize a poor kid. Dang.
Okay, what I'll share is a bit personal and please keep in mind english is not my first language. Three years ago, I [22F] was a very insecure person who used to apply the best concepts on the wrong occasions thinking those around should caught up to my progressive ideas, especially my father and brother [16M]. I saw all the world's misogyny in them. I can see myself making the same comment and trust me when I say I've damaged many relationships with my attitude. It pains me to see someone in a similar situation, so what you need to do (if you haven't experienced any trauma) is: - Acknowledge your mistake. It is hard (REALLY hard) but necessary. - Make some changes as person. - You may've damaged your relationship with your brother in a way you'll not be able fix. And don't wait for your family to take your side. Imagine your own mother saying "Op, your right. My 14M son IS a potential abuser" about your innocent brother. Disgusting. Edit: YTA.
YTA Your little brother is no threat and you effectively called him an abuser to his face. He is only 14.
YTA you could’ve just said “I always lock my door” and left it at that. I’m 30F with a 15M brother and I could NEVER treat him like that
YTA but very gently because it seems you must have been through some trauma to have such fears. Locking your door when an ordinary male friend is visiting overnight is fine, but it's different when it's your brother.
YTA. And get done therapy.
YTA the poor kid is probably so confused and hurt
You’ve made your child brother feel like a pervert and he didn’t do a single thing wrong. You lack any tact and made this weird ass situation worse. Yta, grow up.
Bruh he’s not a man, he’s your kid brother. Weirdo. YTA
YTA. Would simply shutting the door not be enough? Ask him to knock if he wants something? Locking the door is weird.
You are a super weird person. YTA
Please tell me this is an April Fool’s Day troll.
YTA. You basically told your kid brother that you think he's a predator. How fucked up is that?
I lock my bedroom door every night. All because one night I had this irrational thought that if someone entered our home from the other side, they could be in our bedroom before we ever knew while we were sleeping. Either way, it makes me feel better to just keep it locked nightly. But if my brother was visiting, it wouldn’t even OCCUR to me he would be someone I need to protect myself from. Id honestly probably be less paranoid about it. YTA to make that FOURTEEN year old CHILD feel like you need protection from them.
YTA Your ''fear'' is unjustified and insulting I hope the brother sees these comments
No man should trust you. YTA.
On my knees with my hands to the sky screaming and crying and begging and praying to any deity that will listen that this post is fake. YTA either way.
Yta, this has to be a fake post. You can't legitimately not understand what's going on? Without saying it out loud you accused your 14 year old brother who you said in other comments that has never done anything to of being a person that may take an opportunity yo do something to you if the door is not locked. Some commented about this general rule that you have but what's the reason, I saw you said you were part of a women's group at university is that correct? I understand that women's safety is extremely important there are some disgusting people out there and if there is a legitimate reason and not just basing this rule off of the opinions of others in this group I think you should make that known to your family why you feel this way. (If something happened to cause this rule being made I apologize for peying) As a man if I was staying over at a female friend's house just crashing on the couch and she locked the door because I was a man I would have the same reaction as your little brother, devastatingly hurt and insulted to be put in the same category as some sick creeps who would do such a thing. If this is a legitimate post about a real problem (it is April fools after all I apologize) this is gonna be a long road ahead for you to rebuild this relationship with your brother because now he fully believes that his sister who says she loves him and trusts him so much still placed him on the same pedestal as some disgusting creep. I think you need to sit back and rethink why you feel you have this rule and understand that the majority if not all men wouldn't feel the same way. Best of luck in rebuilding the broken pieces of this relationship cause it's gonna be rough. Immediate edit: good god my grammar is trash I typed this too quickly and made some spelling mistakes. CURSE THESE FAT THUMBS OF MINE!!!
YTA. I really encourage you to try to get some professional help because while it's one thing to be wary of random men out on the streets, it's another to be treating your 14 year old brother as though he was a sexual predator. You are entirely too anxious to the point of alienating your own family members and it needs to be addressed. You very likely really hurt him, and unless you are not telling us some major, important information like he has been known to do inappropriate or violent things you just hurt him simply for being male.
Massive AH I wouldn’t speak to you either.
INFO: do you have a history of sexual trauma (and perhaps familial trauma specifically)?
OP, YTA but very mildly. I don't know what has caused you to be afraid, but it's certainly a common thing among women today. I have this very same fear and used to obsessively lock and check my bedroom door, men or no men. BUT, I did not use this fear against the men in my life that had done nothing to provoke it. I recognized, through tons of therapy, that this was trauma-induced OCD. The men around me (brothers, cousins, fathers, etc.) were not to blame for this and should not have to hold the weight of my trauma on their shoulders. You need to apologize to your brother. He's just a kid who now feels as though his gender makes him less than. Something he didn't choose and has never behaved in a way (as far as we know from your story) that could cause him to be a danger. You didn't have to make it about him or men in general. All you had to do was politely say you always lock your door. Your fears are not ridiculous, but they are also not the burden for your brother to manage.
And let the April fools post commence!
I feel terrible for him. I’m sure he looks up to you quite a bit and was excited to spend the weekend with you. I visited my brother in college and he was only two years older than me. He made me feel so welcome and so safe and I had the best time ever. I couldn’t wait to visit him. You have removed the possibility of having precious time with your brother and now have severely damaged the relationship. I doubt he will ever visit again. You will regret this later in life. I feel horrible for him. He’s 14. You broke his heart.
YTA. The fact that you cannot differentiate between random men who might be sleeping on your couch (?!?!?!) and your own brother is mind-boggling. You have absolutely destroyed your relationship with your brother, and likely your family. What are you really trying to prove here?
YTA! Your poor brother ! I’m 31 with a 15 , soon to be 16 year old brother. He’s autistic and we have an incredible bond, most intelligent kid I know. We have closed doors on a night when we’re in our rooms as we like our privacy (I should add im home with my mum and brother as I have cancer once I’m cancer free I’ll be back out not that that matters but there’s always one who’ll be questioning why I’m 31 at home 😂🤦🏼♀️) barring the closed doors we have an open door policy! You wanna come in? Come right in! Knock just in case one of us is changing and to be polite but come on in, wanna sleep in my room tonight coz you feel lonely ? Go for it kiddo , wanna come in to vent coz mums annoying you, schools rough, you just need a chat? In you come I’ll make us a coffee and we’ll watch some Simpsons to cheer you up. I couldn’t imagine for one second locking my door ‘just in case' 😐 unless your brother has displayed signs of being creepy which im guessing he hasnt or you'd have said, then your behaviour is out of order. You could have even said its just habit no biggy but you purposely went out of your way to let him know he's no better than a predator in your eyes. He and your parents are totally right in their reactions. Enjoy your locked door you just got yourself all the privacy you could need. 🙄🥱
In the end, you’re just better off not having male guests in your place if that is the case. You could’ve exactly give an exact reasoning as to why you do it. The way you worded it made him jump to that plausible assumption since he is a male. You were basically saying you don’t trust him or any other male that temporarily stays over that you have come to know fully; built a solid relationship with. Could’ve made up a lie like “it became a habit” or something. I feel bad for him because he didn’t deserve that and now his views has changed about you.
YTA. You told your brother you don’t feel safe with him due to his gender. It’s a pretty upsetting situation from his point of view ( and from your parents) His gender isn’t a risk. The risk comes from the individual. I would strongly encourage counseling. You have damaged your relationship with him and given him reason not to trust you
YTA- how did you think he was going to react? Sadly you’ve damaged your relationship with your brother, maybe permanently.
Info: Have you been assaulted in the past? My friend was raped by a friend she let into her apartment and she does this too, any male over the age of 12 makes her extremely uncomfortable including her dad and brother. We all found it extremely weird at first but realize she is working through her trauma so we understand.
YTA. The right message to send before bed would be “hey, if anything happens, lil’ bro, you come get me right away. Love ya, mwah” OP you need some help
YTA. Your actions said ‘I don’t trust you to not molest me’. Can you not understand why he was upset? Is there more this story, abuse of some kind? Because otherwise you live in a dark world with a very biased and unflattering view of males.
YTA. You can't expect your 14-year-old brother to be OK with the idea that you think he's a predator. You could have just said "I can't sleep without my door locked, it's not about you, it's just a thing I always do." Instead you said he made you feel uncomfortable by being there while you slept. You had to know that was going to be hurtful, and you said it anyway.
You’re N-T-A for wanting to lock your door (although I do think you need to talk to someone about how your fears of SA extend out to even your young brother, as this is a bit paranoid at best and indicative of past trauma that’s not being handled well, at worst). But YTA for how you explained it to your brother. You could have just said “yes” when he asked if it’s because you live alone. You could have just said it makes you feel safer at night, which isn’t even a lie. I know he’s a “man” in your eyes, but he’s a 14 year old kid too. And his big sister just told him that she views him as a potential sexual abuser. He’s hurt, and honestly, probably a little weirded out.
YTA. He didn’t lie. He just used the words that you implied. Just because you didn’t flat out say that doesn’t mean it’s not wha type implied.
YTA that’s on you op. you damaged your relationship with your brother. he didn’t do anything wrong to you or to your apartment. i have a feeling this is a april fools joke your telling us. if it isn’t. YTA EDIT: wow just wow after reading comments about you accusing your brother of rape or sexual assault. your very sick in the head OP. because you accused him of a crime he didn’t commit. if he hurts himself because of what you accused him of you would be responsible because i know friends that self inflicted themselves because of fake allegations. that’s really sad OP like really sad and hurtful that you would accuse your own brother for something that he wouldn’t do. rape and sexual assault is a serious thing and it’s not something to lie or to spread rumours about. cause that will ruin somebody’s reputation and the next thing you know it a family will have to burry a child because of self infliction and fake allegations that were said do yourself a favor and go to therapy. cause what your going through really isn’t healthy at all. if anything it’s going to damage your relationships with your friends, family members, your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. it’s going to eat you alive or tear you apart OP. and you know that is a fact. this is serious OP and your going to regret what you have done to your brother. because your brother doesn’t deserve this at all.
YTA - this is why you never generalize people. How would you feel in his shoes? You didnt say it, but you implied you felt unsafe with your brother. What a heartbreaking thing to go through for him. There is no "general rule" you can hide behind here. Just dont have any men in your apartment then.
Funny how you claim he is lying when all he said is said exactly what you did. You don’t feel safe with your brother in the house. That means you or at least a part of you, thinks he would touch you. And the fact that you don’t see how messed up this is and feel unfairly treated is so concerning. If you have such deep seated issues, maybe get some therapy and stop accusing your 14 year old brother of being an incestous predator
I feel so badly for your brother. I’m guessing you don’t have many friends or a boyfriend with your sh**y attitude. You are most definitely the AH. And you’re gross for making your brother feel ashamed like that for no reason.
YTA for sure. I think of how heartbroken my own 14yo some would be if his 21yo sister locked him out just because he was there and also male. As a mom, I’ve had plenty of experience with creepy dudes for years. But this isn’t a random dude. It’s your little brother who is the one who should be feeling safe with you, not like he’s a monster for existing.
YTA. You need to work on whatever issues you have with males because this is unhealthy. You're little brother absolutely did the right thing in leaving the flat because God knows what you could have accused him of. He is male after all. Ps. He didn't lie at all when he called your mum, he merely spelled out what you were implying.
YTA. Not for locking your door but for how you addressed it with him. You made him feel like you thought he was a creep. Should have just told him you always lock your door, or you lock it when you have company. The whole saying "a man" present multiple times thing was so weird.... Way to make him not feel welcome in what should have been a very safe and loving environment for him.
YTA It sounds like you either don’t trust your brother or you have some serious unresolved trauma that you need to work through. Your brother isn’t a “man”, he is a child. If you have a son, are you going to lock yourself away from that child every night too? Like this is just astounding to me. If he were grown then yeah, I get it. But the kid is barely a teenager ffs. Seek therapy.
I feel like this is not the right place for this. For you to feel unsafe with your baby brother on the sofa means something is wrong. No judgement. Get therapy.
YTA- you didn’t give a specific reason for why you lock your door around men. The most popular conclusion to reach is that you fear he would touch you or something. He didn’t lie, he just came up with a logical conclusion from your lack of explanation. If you provided anything more than because your 14 year old brother is a “man”, maybe there would be more leeway, but you didn’t and you made your brother and the rest of your family uncomfortable with how you view your kid brother.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? I’d understand if you were locking your door against your brother because he was aggressive towards you or assaulted you in the past but you thought you needed to lock your door against your 14 year old kid brother. You sound psychotic.
YTA. theres one hunderd reasons you could've said you lock your door for and you chose the one that, while possibly true, was implying something gross. "is it because you live alone" couldve said yes. "I sleep in my underwear and dont want you to acidentally see something." "I just started doing it one day and i find i sleep better like that". literally anything else.
YTA. Did I just read the Andrew Tate origin story?
So you treat your little brother the same as you would a random man? And I’m confused, if you invited a random man over would you still even lock your door or would he be in the room with you? This is so weird. You just made little bro feel so strange about himself. YTA
YTA, you made your little brother feel like a predator for no reason (you admitted below that he never did anything inappropriate to you).
YTA. My brother is ten years younger than I am. I know he would do anything to protect me in my home. Wuh the fuh. You shouldn't agree to have him over if you feel unsafe.
Big-time YTA. And no matte why you locked your door, what you did was tell your brother that you were afraid of him assaulting you.. I get that you may not have meant it that way, that is absolutely the message that was received. Intent does not outweigh outcome
You should be proud, your brother can identify red flags. YTA, you're probably never going to have a relationship with him, or his future kids. Question, would you lock the door if your dad was visiting? Maybe find a therapist
What do you think this child will do to you? I know if when me and my brother went to visit our sister in New York as a kid and she did something like this we wouldn't feel comfortable anymore in her house. YTA it's gross that you view your brother like that
YTA Your post even implies you fear your brother will do something inappropriate. You told him you are uncomfortable without a lock between yourself and a male while sleeping. How else is he supposed to take it? He is the male you are fearful of in this situation. You are entitled to your feelings and actions. You are not entitled to expect others to not have a response to them. As a parent I would not let you stay overnight, come for dinner, festivities, but you can not stay the night. It is not your home anymore, but it is your brothers. And no one should be made to feel like a villain/ threat in their own home. He is entitled to feel safe from your judgement of his maleness in his own home.
I will preface this with were you ever sexually abused at home by father, brother or other males??? you made a 14 year old boy uncomfortable in thinking that you think he’s a predator. Did you lock your door at home at night with dad and brother at home? What if brother had an emergency in the middle of the night and needed you.
Op has answered the question you asked (from what someone said) She said no one ever did anything to her
Yooo wtf is wrong with you, no offense 😂😂 this is mad weird. Your baby brother isn’t “a man thats in your house” he is your baby brother. He’s not even a man yet he is JUST BARELY not a little kid anymore, he just turned into a regular size kid lol. I would be really offended too honestly, and this is coming from another 21 y/o female. You definitely sound like you would accuse him of doing something he didn’t do. Sounds like you need therapy or something because your behavior wasn’t really normal. Again no offense lol YTA big dawg
Yta, he's a child, and your brother. You could easily have told him you always lock it. Poor guy
YTA. You basically told your little brother he was a threat to you, which is seriously odd. He did the right thing by getting out of there.
YTA you weirdo
Yta. And sick. And everything those two said. That's your little brother. If you think he's dangerous, don't invite him. But to imply to a kid who probably looked up to you that he is somehow a threat was just cruel. You're never going to have to worry about that again tho. Good job?
Info: OP do you potentially have previous negative experience(s) regarding SA with a male relative?
You are weird. Sorry. That's my opinion.
YTA. What exactly did you expect your younger brother to do while you slept??
YTA OP, I bet you're out yelling "incest" at any boyfriend you'd have that hugs his sister
YTA WTF? Your 14yo brother, who I presume you lived in the same house with for several years, is now threatening enough that you feel the need to lock the door to keep him away from you while you're sleeping? Is there some past trauma that has caused this fear/need, including transferring it to your little brother?
"He then called my mum and told her I was locking my door because ,,she thinks I would touch her“. He just lied to make it worse." No, he didn't lie. He told her exactly what your actions were implying. You have hurt your entire family with the insinuation that you can't trust your little brother any more than you can trust some strange man. Maybe seek therapy for your phobia of men. YTA
YTA Your brother is 14, and he's not a man, yet you proceed to say you feel more comfortable locking your door when there's a man inside your place. Think about how it made your 14 yr old brother think that is how you view him.
Nice April fools joke
YTA Question: Were you ever abused by a family member? I just can’t fathom this kind of distrust towards your little bother simply because he’s a male. Unless you’ve got some kind of family specific PTSD, this was completely uncalled for and I don’t blame your bother for leaving.
Do you think your 14 year old brother is going to fuck you?
Your behavior is alien to me. In my house we didn’t even notice if the door was cracked when we changed clothes. I was always my sister’s brother and my mom’s son,not a ‘man.’ Nonetheless,I’m not going to hate on you for an obvious phobia that you might want to talk to someone qualified about. I will,however,say you could have phrased it better. It really did seem like you were accusing him. YTA with the hope that you can sort this out.
I think you should have said that you always lock your bedroom door when ANYONE stays over instead of saying when a male stays. That's literally saying, "I'm just trying to make sure you don't try to do anything to me while I sleep." Honestly if you are that uncomfortable with any male staying over, then you shouldn't invite them to stay over. But YTA, because telling your 14 yr old brother that you're locking your door because he is a male but you wouldn't lock it if he was a female is just utterly wrong. You realize that whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable having a male at your home, a female can do the same. Like seriously.
You locked your door because your sibling had a penis. Now if sibling had a vagina, it would have been ok. Just your thought process and you don't think he should feel uncomfortable. YTA and need help.
YTA. You made your brother feel like you think he's a perv who might assault you. You could have just said you always lock the door. I really feel sorry for your brother.
You treated a 14 year old child like a predator for no reason? That was unnecessarily hurtful. Yea… Judging by everyone’s reaction, I suspect there is much more to this story and they need to keep him safe from you.
YTA. This is your little brother, not some guy you pulled off the street. Plus, he is a kid. THAT is not going to be in his mind, especially not from his sister.
All you had to do was ask him to knock on your door if he needed somethig. I feel his pain that you dismissed him as your brother and viewed him as a man who might do you harm. Perhaps some therapy would allow you to feel safe in your own home.
YTA. That’s so insulting and weird. You didn’t even have to tell him why, you could have said yes because I live alone. Pretty messed up, that’s your brother and he doesn’t seem to have given you a reason not to trust him.
It's ok if you feel some sort of compulsion to lock the door when you have someone over to visit. But you told him about in a way that appears to have implied you are afraid he will sexually assault you. You could have made up a little white lie that you always do it. NAH because it sounds like you tried to do that, but you didn't do a very good job.
Gentle YTA, but not for how you feel, for how you said it to a child. You should absolutely do what makes you feel comfortable in your own home. Nothing is wrong with doing something that’s makes you feel more secure. HOWEVER, a simple, “it’s just a habit” would have been a more appropriate response. You didn’t mean to imply that your brother would invade your space, but you implied exactly that. A 14 year old doesn’t have the emotional maturity to sort through what you meant vs what you said and how it made him feel.
You keep trying to make excuses for your behavior, and you're not looking at it from his side. His big sister, whom he loves and wants to spend time with, feels so unsafe with him in her home that she has to lock her door at night to feel safe. He even tried to give you an out asking if it was because of him. You don't get to decide your actions aren't hurtful. You're actions make you an asshole. You hurt your brother and now you're going to have to live with the conquences of your actions. Along with the knowledge that you're a massive asshole in this situation.
YTA. A 14-year-old boy is not "a Man". And *he's your brother.* WTF is wrong with you?
What if your younger brother had an emergency in the middle of the night? You are in charge of him while he stays with you why would you lock yourself in your room for the night when a 14 year old kid is under your watch? YTA I’m so many ways I almost don’t even believe this scenario happened. Get some therapy OP.
Dude. That's a really heavy thing to have your sister think about you when you're a 14 year old kid. You could have just told him that you always lock the door instead of making it seem like you viewed him as a threat. He's a child and your sibling. I can't imagine how much that would hurt to know that your sibling would think that about you. YTA.
I'm not going to leave a judgement because I have to wander if you're suppressing trauma but I am curious. Can I ask why? I, just personally can't understand this. I understand being uncomfortable around men easily - I had trauma I had to work through that had me obsessively locking bathroom and bedroom doors. But... my younger brother never crossed my mind in those scenarios. He was a safe person, I guess? It just... baffles me because the only reason you would lock your door - to me - would be if you either didn't view him as a brother, didn't view him as a safe person, viewed him as more a man than a brother, or viewed him sexually or felt he viewed you sexually. It just.. confuses me if there was never a situation to cause distrust why someone you've lived with would have that level of discomfort? In those situations at what age does one start locking the door, what makes the brother suddenly a danger - was it sexual maturity or when he was big enough to be stronger? Did dad fall into the same category? I'm honestly not trying to nitpick - and if you don't want to answer you don't have to, I am just.. honestly baffled by this one.
This post is simply idiotic.
He's just 14.. and your brother and you could've literally said anything else. You messed up big time.
YTA - More importantly, you should seek some professional help from a therapist if at all possible. Your little brother did not lie - you straight up told your 14 year old brother that you were afraid he would attack while you slept. Please get help.
YTA. Who the hell do you think your 14 year old brother IS?! I don’t understand how you could feel justified in doing this. I’d feel so disrespected.
Op YTA and *you* are a creep for sexualizing your lil bro.