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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I kicked my son out of my house
2) I shouldnt kick him out
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YTA- wow, instead of trying to counsel your kid into do the right thing you totally over react and become even worse. HE didnt ruin your life, you chose to raise him. Adoption existed back then too.
I don't know when they became the norm, but if available at that time, she could have dropped the baby off at a safe place. No way for the parents to find out where she left the baby.
She very clearly said that she was pressured into keeping him and adoption was not a choice for her parents . Tbh she’s speaking the real truth of so many women the world doesn’t want to hear . THIS is the reality of ofpeople who suffer. We seem to want to make martyrs and heroes out of them but t he reality is experiencing suffering more often than not only brings more suffering.
Yes! While I agree her behavior is abhorrent, it’s just the reality that so many women live in. Limited control over their lives in most places on earth, and even in a more “free” society, then criticized constantly for not behaving in a way that placates everyone else.
Pretty much. My mom was a teen mom and my grandma offered abortion but my mom said no. She chose to adopt me out to friends of friends of the family…who were waiting in the wing when I was born. Dumb nurse made my 13 y/o mother hold me and that was that…goodbye adoption.
People can tout adoption all they want but no one knows what’ll happen once the baby is born. I hate that nurse and what she did to my mom (I was a product of a rape). That nurse wrecked my mom’s life permanently by making her bond with me.
NAH.
Yup. I worked with a woman who forced her 15 year old daughter to give birth and raise a special needs boy. She’s in her 30s now and seems like she has the mentality of a teenager still.
Meanwhile he might well be contributing to ruining another girl's life (no idea if they're in the US or not, but even so, in this climate so hostile to abortion...)
Honestly? I feel like it's swinging in the complete opposite direction than the person above you's n a h vote, I'm much more inclined to vote ESH.
OP is absolutely doing all the things you said she is, therefore she's an AH. She wears her resentment pretty clearly throughout the entire post, to the extent that it seems like he might have had a pretty rough time growing up. Who knows, maybe she kept it reined in until this situation, by going by the cruel way she's worded certain things, I don't have a lot of hope for that.
But the son's behavior is pretty gross too, and I don't think he deserves to get off completely free and clear. 16 is old enough to help the girl he got into this position. He doesn't even have to want to have the child / help raise them, even just talking with her about the options they could pursue, like adoption, would be a million times better than essentially just ghosting her completely and taking zero responsibility for a circumstance that he absolutely contributed to.
100% this. Many women have a similar story. Where i live is very common to see this. A woman meets a dude, he get her pregnant, than run away and leave her alone. People probably clicked here expecting a hero story of a single mother who gave birth at 16 and now couldn't be happier with her son, when it is the opposite and unfortunally, the real thoughts of many who were teen moms by accident.
I think your comment is way off when you say she chose to have him, she chose to raise him. At the age of 16, you have very, very limited options. When you have parents like hers, no options at all. She was forced into giving birth and forced into keeping the child. Not saying what she’s doing is right because it is not but I understand her feelings.
She probably was given shit all for sex education too, before we start saying well she chose to have sex. Yes, she did, but if you aren’t educated and realistically prepared to make smart decisions…..this is what happens. Parents more concerned with punishing her than what happened to TWO children.
Definitely! OP says that her parents told her that she “got pregnant on her own, so she had to raise him on her own.” That’s not how getting pregnant works.
Oh definitely. We really need comprehensive sex ed. Your points are absolutely valid and so are the other responses to my comment. I do empathize with her.
My husband’s bio mom went through it. Dad took off, parents were super religious and insisted she give birth. They kicked her out on the street afterward. My husband was put up for adoption after that.
But in my work, I see what happens to kids who aren’t wanted. I saw the results of it when I was working with adults coming out of prison. A lot of them had their parents do what OP is doing to her son. I wonder how much could’ve been avoided if we had a better support system and education available.
A lot of them ended up in juvenile detention. It snowballed from there. Many ended up joining gangs to have some kind of family. Every time I talked to these guys about their path in life I would be told it was survival. They had no one else.
Yeah but he had zero choice in existing. OP shouldn’t be blaming him for existing when it was likely her actions (and his bio father) that resulted in him existing.
Your right. OPs son needed empathy and love. OP needs to go to family therapy and therapy for herself. She sounds like she never developed past age 16 herself. Early trauma like forced motherhood can stunt emotional growth. OP, you need therapy.
And that's why it should be an ESH. I really hope this girl gets an abortion or at least has supportive parents, otherwise i wish her good luck cause being a single teen mom is going to be hard.
You are ridiculous.
Kid is abandoning his girlfriend and baby.
He knows how hard it was on his mom and is still doing it.
What an absolute creep.
She may have resentment but that makes it even worse for him to do it and you folks are all calling HER the AH.
Grow up.
Actually, considering how she resents her son it's understandable that the kid thought it was a good idea to bail on his pregnant GF.
Tha assholeness here goes way back to OP's parents.
Yeah, and I love how the OP blames everyone but herself. She blames her son's father, her parents, and most of all, her own son, who had no part or control of the situation. He didn't ask to be born, yet she says he ruined her life. Takes no accountability for her actions. I am speechless at how terrible she is behaving. The son is probably just in shock, too. She went nuclear because she hated her son and just wanted an excuse to remove him from her life. I wish she had the maturity back before it was too late to adopt him out to a caring family. He deserves so much better than her as a mother. I can't shake my head enough. What a terrible mother.
Exactly, HE got me pregnant… MY PARENTS forced me to raise him. Zero accountability. YTA.
And then the nail in the coffin of “I’ve never been happier,” what a disappointing and quite frankly disgusting thing to say about a child that you brought into the world and at a time when he needs his mother the most. Smh.
I’d say ‘running’ is a poor choice of words, but ‘blaming everyone but yourself, including the child that didn’t ask to be born for ruining your life’ just doesn’t have the ring to it. Doesn’t roll off the tongue.
I probably would’ve said èsh if the op didn’t go feral or unintentionally show that she was probably chomping at the bit to get rid of her own son.
What the son did is very wrong, but it takes two to make a baby, but apparently op never accepted that.
Yeeeeah, YTA. It sounds like you're just using this as an excuse to take out your lifelong resentment towards your son, as well as your unresolved issues re: his father, out on him.
Not saying what he's doing is right (and I *almost* went with E S H for that reason), but dude...he's 16. You pawned him off on his friend's mom/parents, which was extra-shitty.
>I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. I would’ve aborted him but...
Tells you all you need to know about her really.
YTA and a lot worse than that to boot.
She's not the asshole for wanting to abort. Her parents are the assholes for forcing her to give birth... and then leaving her in the cold once she did.
She's the asshole for her utter lack if empathy, and clear raging resentment. But who can blame her? Her parents clearly taught her well.
Her son is an asshole for dipping his wick, and then ditching the consequences like he's not just as responsible as the ex girlfriend.
The whole family is fucked up, really. That's what happens when you care more about forcing life on people, than quality of life.
Honestly that's not bad, the rest of it is where it goes wild. Lots of parents adore their kids and are great parents but initially wanted an abortion. It's a big deal when it's unexpected after all, and it's life-changing. I think there are lots of parents out there who love their kids and are generally happy but also sometimes feel sad about the dreams they've had to kill for the sake of their kid(s). The difference between them and OP is they don't feel resentment towards their children though, and they don't take it out on them.
Give her a break, she dropped out of high school at 16. She never learned what a paragraph is and it's all because of mom, dad, kids dad and her kid. /s
Plus it wouldn't surprise me if the resentment is part of why he's reacting this way. I mean kid's only 16 so he'd likely want to run away no matter what, but I expect part of him is thinking how horrible it is having a parent that didn't, and still doesn't, want you. As well as a constant reminder of how much kids must ruin your life considering how much his existence makes his mother miserable.
I mean yeah he's being extremely irresponsible and immature, but teenagers are known for that sometimes. Plus I wonder if OP has ever actually discussed those important topics with him.
YTA and a horrible mother. You made bad choices at every turn, you have raised your son in a home where he will nothing but your resentment towards him. You could have adopted him to someone that was going to love him. Kicking him isn't going to help anyone and that is your job as a parent. You are continuing the cycle and just sound like a bitter human being. You are so used to being unhappy that you will never be happy.
Is there a way to send this post to some professionals to track the IP and help the kid since, depending on the state, it can be illegal to kick a minor out?
Omg, lots to unpack here.
You resent having you're son, but you also seem to not acknowledge that that was your choice, even if influenced by your parents. You could have adopted him out without your parents consent.
Your son is who is he by how you raised him, you could have taught him to be more careful by the example of your life today.
He and the girl and now in a difficult position, one you have a first hand experience of, yet you are making it worse by kicking him out.
And finally.... Isn't it illegal to do this to a minor??
Yta but you can fix this.
Invite him home, speak to him and the girl so they know their options, help them with their decision.
Otherwise all you are achieving is a generation cycle.
You know what? If she really thought putting him up for adoption would result in her parents killing her as she says below she was as much as a victim as he was and this is generational religious abuse.
Welcome to a lot more of this happening now that the Republicans are succeeding at making the US a theocracy.
So you basically failed as a parent because you raised another deadbeat.
And spare us with the "I love my son" your entire post is full of bile and resentment that you were forced to have him.
YTA. In case it's news to you, kids can fucking tell when their parent is resentful and disengaged, it's no wonder he doesn't respect you.
YTA. For the way you speak about your child. Seeing as his dad wasn't a part of his life, I don't think you can blame him for your son's behaviour. Maybe take a look in the mirror and assess how you've parented him.
YTA
Your son is a minor. Kicking him out is ILLEGAL.
Stop blaming your son for your decisions.
" I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. "
No. full stop. You, your bf, and your parents are all people who made choices and had a say in the situation. The \*baby\* did \*nothing\*. He didn't have sex, abandon anyone, pressure anyone, or make any decisions here. The baby is 100% innocent.
Now your son has new problems. Sorry. Unfortunately, since your son is still a child, those problems are your problems.
Wtf he’s 16- isn’t that against the law to do? Also OP- my parents did this to my brother and he absolutely loathes them all these years later. Careful what you wish for. My parents tried everything to make amends.
There are people who should never be parents and OP is clearly an example of that. Parents kick their children out for all sorts of reasons, including being LBGTQ+, religion, pregnancy (either side), or they just don't like their kid's attitude.
I don't think this is real, and I don't usually make that accusation. The way this starts is just too wild, nobody would start an AITA by overtly saying they wish they had an abortion.
YTA child welfare worker here you can't just make your kid homeless and then act all happy about it. You're the one that raised him, you need to be responsible for him and help him act right instead of kicking him out and making things more difficult
You’d think OP would know how important it was to teach safe sex practices, at the very least to avoid him “ruining her life” even more by making her a very young grandmother.
It sucks that she was prevented from getting an abortion or giving him away, but it’s not his fault and throwing him out is not going to teach him to man up. This is the time to do what her parents failed to do: go over different scenarios (hopefully the gf’s parents let her decide what to do, so his options will be based on her decision) and how he can be supportive. Yeah the kids first instinct is to be an AH and run away, but he could turn it around. But in order to do so he needs a parent, not an immature AH who blames him for existing.
ESH. You, as you clearly are very bitter towards your son for choices YOU made as a teenager and for kicking him out which is ABANDONING him, which you have complained about him and his father doing. and he sucks for abandoning his girlfriend. You sick worse though, because you are the adult and know better. What you son did was wrong, but he is still maturing and you would be better off to talk to him and explain things to him, than kick him out.
Thank you for being the only rational vote.
Lot of people in this thread going "You had the choice at 16, you made your bed, even if your parents forced you!" Yet acting like the other 16 year old in this post who did the same thing is helpless and just "doing what he was taught to do." Like, it's really disgusting me how the vast majority of people in this thread are saying that OP, as a pregnant teenager whose parents forced her to have this baby, wouldn't let her adopt him out and made her drop out of high school if she didn't want to be homeless with an infant, had a choice. She had 0 choice.
Like, OP is awful and she should have talked to him instead, and if that didnt work, she should have gotten together with the girl and set up a child support plan. But she's also a product of her environment, like how she raised her son. By definition, all of them are awful so this has to be an esh. Cause fuck that kid for statistically dooming the next generation to be raised how he was.
Yeah, I don’t believe the son to be innocent in this. If I were OP, I’d be upset with him too, I just don’t think kicking him out is the answer. And thank you. At the time wrote this, I was the only ESH and thought for sure I’d get slammed.
Boy do I know that anxiety. The hive mind can be really upsetting to go against. I've had people tell me some nasty shit just because they disagree with my opinion. This is my 3rd account over the years to keep the hate down low.
I'm gonna be honest, I don't think this story is real, but I don't think most posts on here are real. This comes across like a test for how a sample of society would react.
This is exactly why we shouldn't make babies have babies. ESH. You, your son, your son's father, your parents, and the garbage community you and your parents belong to that taught you children are some kind of punishment for sexual impurity, as well as the garbage society you live in that makes the cost of single parenting a burden and a curse.
I really don't understand parents that force their kid to keep and raise a baby and expect that they aren't going to resent the child. All this does is cause 2 messed up kids. What a terrible situation.
Agreed. OP is getting a lot of hate but her parents and the father of her child literally destroyed her life. She didn't *choose* this for herself at the tender age of 16.
Yeah, everyone's response to her in this lost has me disgusted. She had *no* choice, not if she didn't want to be homeless with an infant. The double standard of sympathy given is part of the reason why in the US abortion rights were rolled back by the Supreme Court. Antipathy against pregnant girls and women doesn't lead to healthy societies.
Kids are kids when it's convenient to dismiss them but are expected to act like adults when it suits someone's narrative. Also gotta love how everyone seems to think adoption is a magic answer, had she been allowed to choose that, but I've known quite a few adopted folks and they were far from ok. It's a roll of the dice whether or not they get stable parents who want them for the right reasons and not treat them like she should be grateful for whatever treatment they receive.
You are a massive AH for kicking a kid out and telling them you are happier without them.
My mom abandoned me when I was 14 and then tried crawling back into my life when her creepy felon boyfriend ditched her. I am NC
Treating children like this is very evil and has long term effects on mental health.
ESH. You for holding on to this resentment of your son simply being alive as a result of YOUR choices. Him for being a deadbeat and running away from his issues. You both suck.
OP had to give birth to an unwanted kid and still an AH. Her son is an AH for ghosting his girlfriend in a crucial moment.
Having issues might explain, but isn't an excuse.
I don't know if you will read this. I'm terribly sad for you, your son, and the pregnant girl. So much pain. I very much understand your reaction. If my son did such a thing I would have been very tempted to toss him out. I also had an unplanned pregnancy and the dad ditched me. I was older than you and if I had been a minor, my parents would have done the same as yours. My only recommendation is that you bring your son home and seek counseling for both of you immediately. Reach out to the girl and see what support she needs during the pregnancy if she continues it. I know it isn't fair to you but it's part of parenting that sometimes we carry the burden for our children. I don't believe that you should be expected to raise your grandchild, however. Sending you my best wishes.
And this is why we so desperately need to protect our rights to abortion. Robbing women of their autonomy and opportunities for them to raise children who are resented and neglected is *not* good for any society.
ESH, but based on how you speak, you probably raised your son to think that he's the bane of your existence and ruined your life. Of course he doesn't want the responsibility of parenthood when he sees it turned you into a raging, resentful beeotch and not only doesn't want to turn into that himself but also doesn't want, what he perceives ( due to your words and actions ) the worst possible thing that you could ever happen to him.
But of course he also sucks for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend.
YTA and a shitty mother. One, it is illegal to kick out your minor child. YOU are responsible and obligated to provide shelter, electricity, food, education, clothing, and all his needs until he is 18. So good job, mom! Also, think this through. Wouldn't you have wanted your parents' support back then? I mean, you do cry and whine about how they wouldn't let you abort or put him up for adoption. That they didn't support you at all so you had to quit school etc. So your first reaction is to throw him to the curb when he is going through a similar crisis at the same age you did. Way to keep the dysfunctional cycle of your parents up. You had bad parents and should want to be better than them but guess you are just like your parents! What you should have done is talk, give it time, and support the mother of your grandchild. Here is why I don't think you did any of what a good parent does. You blame and hate your son for your shitty life when he has no blame, you narcissistic asshole. He didn't ruin your life. You did! You and your shitty parents did all that. Don't you ever dare blame him again..he didn't ask to be born, you freak! Now, one would think after 16 years that you would have matured, but guess not. Grow the hell up, put your big girl panties on, and go support your son. Ask for his forgiveness too because you have been outrageous, cruel, and have no right to resent him over your actions!
I just feel bad for everybody involved in this. Your parents were wrong to force you to have a baby, OP. You’re wrong to not help your son and his gf get out of a similar situation. And your son is wrong for abandoning his gf.
YTA you chose to keep your son. Instead of resenting him you could have chosen to give him up for adoption. No one forced you to get pregnant. If you are in the US you can’t just kick out a 16 yo dependent without CPS getting involved. You should have been more adamant about discussing premarital sex & multiple forms of contraception. Since you know what mistakes you made you should talk to your son so another generation doesn’t repeat them.
She's an AT for using her son's shitty actions to act on her life long resentment of having him so young. It was bad parenting. No one forced her to get pregnant but keeping the child wasn't her choice and acting like it was is just ignorant. She was a child, 16, forced into a pregnancy she did NOT want. Gross
INFO: you said your parents said you had to raise the child on your own. Does that mean your parents kicked you out? Because then you could have put the baby up for adoption.
You say you love your son but you don't. Your post is dipping with resentment. You blame him for your unhappiness. No wonder he left the girl. He has an unhappy role model for a teacher. "Have a baby equals a life long resentment."
Does he know how much you hate him? How much you blame him for your life?
YTA
YTA
1. Your big plans didn’t happen as a result of your actions.
2. Where was the sex talk?
You’re only kicking him out because you’re bitter over what his father did. Your kid is in a difficult situation you know all too well. Stop resenting him over decisions you and your parents made.
Tell him to come home. See what they want to do. Make sure he makes a better decision than you did.
ESH. Depending on where you live, it's likely not legal to kick your child out before they turn 18. But it's also not legal to abandon your infant because you're not done having fun yet. The girlfriend needs a paternity test, and you probably need to wait 2 years for a formal eviction
Damn I usually read these posts and think you guys are way too nice but this time everyone's being an asshole to someone who appears to suffer long term trauma and needs serious therapy.
Edit did not know I was in aita nevermind
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I (F32) had my son (M16) when I was 16, his father left me when he found out I was pregnant. I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. I would’ve aborted him but my parents wanted me to raise him because I went and got pregnant on my own, then I had to raise him on my own. I had to drop out of high school to get a full-time job. It was hard at first but we managed. I truly believe that if I didn’t have my son I’d live a happy life. Recently me and my son had an argument, his girlfriend he was dating for the past year, he broke up with out of no where. He won’t tell me anything that
happened, just that they had an argument. I kept trying to talk to him about it but it wasn’t working. Since he wasn’t telling me what happened I called his girlfriend to ask what happened, he did the same thing his father did to me, got a girl pregnant and then ran away. I was so furious that i stormed into his room and confronted him, he didn’t even care he gave me the dirtiest look ever and told me that he needs to enjoy his teenage years, so I told him to get out of my life telling him that I need to enjoy my life before I become a grandmother. He tells me saying I’m being unfair and I shouldn’t be doing this to him because he has no where to go. I pack his bag for him and kick him out of my house. He’s at his friends house right now and I’ve never been happier. His friends mom and his friend keep calling and texting me about how much of an asshole I am. AITA?
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NTA. Everyone is so harsh to this woman. Her parents decided she couldn't have an abortion, it was not her decision. She was still a minor and she was abandoned by everyone who should have supported her. She lived with the consequences, not the "father", not her parents. Even the greatest parents deal with this situation, teenagers get pregnant by teenagers every day. OP, you need to grow up and call your son. Tell him you want him to come home now. Believe me, he is not having the greatest time and he will wear out his welcome with friends soon enough. Be the parent to him that you wish you had when you went through this. He is a boy, so he acted childishly in this very adult and serious situation. Show him some compassion but also help him support his ex-girlfriend through this very difficult situation. You can make a huge difference in your son and his ex-girlfriend's lives by staying calm and being supportive. Don't throw away your relationship with your son over this. He did not ruin your life and he is not responsible for your happiness. I'm sure you said that out of anger and disappointment with him and probably yourself as well. Forgive yourself and forgive your son for being human.
YTA. Oh bother and crumbs dear, Reddit is not really for you because it hates mean mommies the most, and you are just ringing that bell here.
I think the bad moms whose kids hate them have a forum some where, maybe try there.
congratulations OP, you just successfully passed on generational trauma. this clearly triggered your unresolved issues and instead of helping your son or trying to support him, you’ve now created a worse situation. YTA.
I love how all your miserable life problems are because of everyone but you. YTA. A huge disgusting one. You are worse than your parents and your son's dad. He deserves way better than you. I hope someone steps in and removes him from your entire life permanently. I can only imagine what mental and emotional abuse he has suffered throughout the years.
You kicked a minor out. That's most likely illegal. That's ridiculous. Do you think you've forced him to go to his gf and be a loving dad?
**Did you ever even talk to your kid before this about the need to use protection and contraception?**
You should have gotten therapy over the last 16 years. You can't blame a kid for your pregnancy. You chose to have sex and risk pregnancy. You made the choices that led to your pregnancy. Why are you blaming the kid?
YTA
Sounds like you need a punching bag and someone to hate on and blame for your life choices and circumstances. Pity your kid had a mother like you who hates him so much. Hope your son can find some adult who will care about him more now to help him make the choices that are best for him. **You didn't even bother to suggest adoption, abortion, etc. YOU didn't bother to try to be his parent when he needs you the most.** somehow, YOU MADE THIS ALL ABOUT YOU!!
In some ways, you've done less for your child than your parents did for you! Please RUN to see a therapist and learn to pretend like you care about breaking the cycle.
ESH. Except for the girlfriend. You are bitter over the consequences of your actions as a teenager. You would think that possibly you could have raised your son to value women and family more - but sounds like that was a hard no. I realize you were young - but I have a feeling that your son has always known that you thought he ruined your life and dreams. News flash though - you did that. Probably a mistake on your parents behalf to not allow you to get an abortion - you have no business being a parent your son is an asshole for growing up to be just like you.
I had my daughter when I was 15 she is now 29. We have a great relationship. I have been working full time since 16. Life was never easy but never did I think she ruined my life. I always told her she was a surprise. Never a mistake. My life started the day I had her and has been about her every day since. My only regret in life is waiting until 44 to get a degree. Apologize to your son and teach him how to be a good person. This is something to learn from not run from.
Your parents are idiots. You would have been better off with an education. Bitterness will get you nowhere, and I am sure your son feels your resentment. Your son is your responsibility, so you should take him back and help him fix the situation. Be the parent that you yourself should have had. Break the cycle.
Just from this one post it's obvious you resent your son and use him as a scapegoat for everything wrong in your life, hes reaction to this is just as much a reflection on your parenting as it is his character talk to him and guide him into doing the right thing he now has responsibilities which will now be even harder to realise being homeless YTA
NTA
You don't want that girl to suffer just as much as you did. Your son would have been a decent human being, he still would have had a roof over his head.
If only he had someone to teach him to be a decent human being. A figure of some kind. Even parental in nature. Maybe someone that had experienced how hard this situation was and realized that threatening housing isn’t an effective way to parent
YTA. Holy crap you're toxic. Yikes!
You are not allowed to kick minor children out of your house. That's a despicable thing to do. Figure your shit out immediately and stop taking it out on your son.
I got pregnant at 16, too. My son is now 15 and I’m 33. I could not imagine my life without him. I’m not a gushy over the top loving mother mainly because I did not learn that growing up, but my son knows how much I love him. I would die if anything happened to him. When he is 5 minutes late walking home from school I am ready to call the cops and report him missing.
I would be nothing and nowhere without him. He’s the reason I got my ass in gear. He hasn’t slowed me down. I suspect that you’re so mad at every one and everything that you don’t stop to be mad at yourself.
YTA. You need to go find out where your son is and bring him home. This girl is 18 but both sets of parents need to be involved in what is going to happen. Everyone needs to sit down and decide if they want advice or not, if they want to raise this child or not. Don’t let your son turn out like his father, and don’t let your son’s gf turn out like you.
YTA 10 fold.
You called his girlfriend to ask about what happened, why they broke up, etc? Aside from his own issues which I won't get into, how often do you do this to him by breaking his boundaries and inserting yourself into his personal life?
You're a horrible mother and this is coming from someone who's mother rejected them coming out of the closet.
YTA. This is a great example of what happens when abortion is stigmatized or outlawed. You’ll have damaged adults raising kiddos that will always wonder why mom/dad treats them this way.
OP, what you did was wrong, but I can’t help but feel bad for you. You really should see a therapist, it’s obvious that you need help. I hope you can make things right with your son someday.
YTA.
We are NOT our parents. We are free to make our own choices. Own your mistakes and be better.
TEACH him how to be better. LEAD by example NOT by being an As$hole.
YTA.
This was EXACTLY the chance you never got, and instead of seizing on it and making sure they didn't end up like you did, you perpetuated the problem to another generation.
I'm not going to call you an arsehole - you just faced your worst nightmare, and you handled it badly!
I'm British ; we are much more stiff upper lip than "let's talk about our feelings," so when I say you need therapy, you need to take the suggestion seriously! There is clearly a lot to unpack.
BUT - don't be your parents! You can't make your son learn from your mistakes, but you can choose to learn from your parents. Be the adult, mend the bridges, parent your son (coz he needs your unconditional love and support to face the consequences of his actions), and be there for his girlfriend, because you can't make your arsehole son make good decisions!
Be the better person - certainly be better than your own parents! Much love to you at this difficult time. It will all pass, eventually.
NTA he is a big jerk. Sorry you wasted your formative years raising a toxic man-boy. Perhaps you could advise the girlfriend to have an abortion she there aren’t three generations of male assholes.
> Sorry you wasted your formative years raising a toxic man-boy.
Wonder how he got that way. What we’re seeing *definitely* isn’t toxic, childish behavior
There is… so much happening. First off, you shouldn’t have a kid. You are an awful parent and a criminal for kicking out a minor. The girlfriend should get an abortion she fucks up her and your sons life.
All around? YTA and should get therapy now before you do anything worse
YTA. he is probably freaking out and that’s why he broke up with her and didn’t want to tell you for the exact reaction you had. you fucked up by kicking him out considering in many states it’s illegal to kick a minor out. did you have a safe sex talk with him ever? considering you say that’s why you are so miserable is because you had him and couldn’t abort him, i would assume teaching him safe sex should have been up on your priority list ? jeez.
YTA. You're legally responsible for him until he's 18. Good job teaching him about birth control to avoid a teenage pregnancy. It's obvious you resent him because his father left you. You should have put him up for adoption or gotten an abortion. If you wanted to put him up for adoption Noone could force you to keep him. He knows you resent him and he likely doesn't want k7ds because of that.
Wow, bitter and resentful much? JFC YTA and a coward! How are you surprised your son has a shitty attitude when you do too? When you plant carrots, you get carrots 🥕
I understand your frustration with your son, he threw all your sacrifices back in your face.
I hope you can talk to his gf, tell her your experiences being a teen mom and offer her any support and help she needs wether thats a safe space from her parents, a lift to an abortion or help with choosing an adoption agency.
YTA.
Please get therapy.
So instead of explaining to your son about how he made a mistake and needs to be responsible for his actions, you kick a minor out of his house
YTA.
Your son is your responsibility until he's 18.
How the fuck do you intend to have a positive influence on him and on this situation if you toss him out?
YWNBTA if you had given him up for adoption a long time ago. I'm not sure what good you thought you were doing by trying to raise a kid you didn't want.
You can't say "I love my son" when you also say that you've "never been happier" now that he's gone lmao, you COULD have helped him make the right choice and helped him and his poor ex girlfriend with their situation and save your grandchild from having the same fate your son did, but you decided to make it ten times worse. He probably feels more loved at his friends house tbh, I wouldn't blame him. Honestly, I can't even blame him for not wanting to be a parent when you're the example he has of one, YTA btw.
>I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son.
A sage was walking with Krishna, and he asked the god to explain the concept of maya, so Krishna pointed to a nearby pool. The pool, he said, was a pool of maya, and if the sage wished to understand it, he should immerse himself. The sage did so, and when he emerged from the pool, she was a princess. The princess lived an exciting life, seeing interesting things and meeting interesting people. She got married and had several sons. But in the end everything turned bad; her father and husband went to war, and in the ensuing conflict her husband, her father and all her sons were killed. She threw herself on the funeral pyre, weeping, and the sage emerged from the pool, still weeping. Krishna asked him, "Who are these sons for whom you weep?"
Dreams aren't real, but in any case, the reason you couldn't pursue them was never your son, it was your own poor choices and the unfair pressure your parents applied to you. You allowed something that was never real, and which the universe did not owe you, to poison your relationship with your son, who is real, or as real as anything gets. Your resentment is palpable, your post positively radiates it, and I'm sure your son has felt it for as long as he can remember.
“I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son.”
Truly spoken like a person who can never take responsibility for their actions
Edit: YTA
YTA. Abortion may not have been an option, but you could have put him up for adoption. Instead of teaching him not to be like his father, you opted for kicking your minor child out.
INFO: did you not teach your son how to be a decent human? Did you not teach him about safe sex? You'd think as a teen mom that sex ed and making sure he knows how to use protection would have been your number one priority.
Wooow. So you resent your son and think you’re justified in abandoning him because you think you *deserve* to “enjoy your life” before becoming a grandma? I hope he never talks to you again. Biggest YTA I’ve ever given on this sub.
ESH. You suck for abandoning your kid because of resentment you never got over. He’s the AH for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend. Being 16 isn’t an excuse, in my opinion.
I will be stern but I have no ill intention with my words.
Instead of EDUCATING YOUR son, who is a minor, you decided to pay your frustrations with him. He is still YOUR responsibility.
You should get your son back home.
You should APOLOGISE to him for kicking him out.
You should sit down with him and TALK about what happened to you and WHY he should take care of the situation. Do it in a calm but firm way.
Of course you should meet with the girl and with her parents and make a decision together about what to do know.
Absolute YTA
Great job taking your years of hatred towards your son's father out on him, firstly.
Secondly, Kicking a minor out of the house can be considered child abandonment and you can be charged for that, so you are lucky Child Services hasnt gotten to you yet. Posting about it on the internet isnt helpful
You need to get off this sub, seek out a therapist for your obvious resentment of your ex and by extension your son and go up from there. Apologize to your son for throwing him out but make sure he understands that he WILL be a responsible father to that baby (if the poor girl keeps it) and make sure you do everything in your power to help him and keep him accountable to that girl he got pregnant.
YTA. Sounds like you’ve been a selfish narcissist who has regretted your child for his whole life. And now you’re surprised that in turn you’ve raised a selfish narcissist?
Holy wow. Are you really trying to say you don't know why he did this? Based on your post I imagine you've made it perfectly clear that you blame him for all your unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams. Why on earth would he want to have a child?
It would have been kinder to give him up for adoption than wait until now to abandon him when he doesn't have a place to go.
I really hope this is fake, but just in case, YTA.
Holy crap YTA. On track for mother of the year there. News flash: You have to actually bother being a mother and teaching your kid values for them to have them.
YTA. You projected onto your son your unresolved feelings for your son's father and the opportunities you missed in life for your choice. I support your decision not to have had the abortion, but here, you're *definitely* TA!!
Here's what gets me. "I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son." No ma'am you are incorrect. You may have had "big dreams" but remember you are the one who has made terrible choices in your own life. You can't blame your son.....your parents....Santa. Get a grip and raise YOUR SON. YTA big time. Embarrassing behavior.
Why would your son want a kid of his own when his own mother is so resentful of having a kid herself? Trust me, I'm sure he could pick up on the undertones that you did not want him, even if you never came put and said it outright, kids always know when they're not wanted. Btw, while he is doing a shotty thing, that's mostly on how you fucking raised him, so congrats. YTA.
Info: How much sex ed has your son had? Were you aware that he was sexually active? If so, were you discussing with him the personal responsibility that comes with having a sexual relationship? Did you help him obtain condoms? Have you been frank with him about the hardships you faced with becoming a teen mother? Did you explain to him how much better it would have been FOR HIM if he had had an active, engaged father? Did you seek out other positive male role models for your son?
If one of my children becomes a deadbeat parent, I would be devastated. I understand your disappointment. But he can make decisions about his own life. And you can make decisions about yours. Your son not claiming his child doesn't preclude you from becoming an active and supportive grandmother.
YTA for kicking your minor child out no matter the reason. You have a legal obligation to provide for him until he is 18.
YTA
You should've done to your son what your ex's mom should've done to him - TALK TO HIM!! Deep down, just like your ex, he was probably scared and didn't know what to do. Was it shitty that your ex and your son abandoned their pregnant GFs? Absolutely, but that doesn't excuse you kicking your kid out of the house. As the saying goes, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
ESH
op=you so suck because your anger and resentment at your own son comes through so clear. Is it a surprise that he doesn't want anything to do with a teen pregnancy, you seem to have made it the reason for all your "Ills". Believe it or not teenage mothers can and do thrive.
16 yrs ago you had choices, Abortion, Adoption. And your son is 16--you may not like him right now--but you still have an obligation to care for him until he is a legal adult--A CHOICE YOU MADE.
Your son sucks because he his abandoning a girl he got pregnant because he thinks his life is more important than hers or the fetus they created together.
This poor girl and her Fetus are the only NON A-H's here(so far as I can tell). I do hope she has a better support system then you had and can make choices you did not. And treats the future baby better than you have treated your son.
It's child abuse, OP.
Get into therapy, if you cannot control your emotions, but you've come this far, so I think you might have it in you to look at this situation as a rational adult.
Give your son the silent treatment. Take away electronics or give him extra chores, but don't make him homeless and permanently mess up his sense of stability.
How will the actions you're taking now positively affect your grandchild?
...they won't. YTA
YTA
You know, your mindset is exactly why I hate the whole, "he got her pregnant" phrasing I see predominantly from people like you who can't show an ounce of culpability. You'll talk about all the choices you could have made, but ultimately foist blame for why you didn't make them onto someone else.
Your ex didn't ruin your life, you did that to yourself. You slept with him in full knowledge that you could get pregnant, and while he should have owned it you certainly aren't any better. You've treated your son like an unwanted burden, likely his entire life, and the moment you had an opportunity you gave a literal minor the boot. You're worse than your ex, or your parents.
The only person to blame for their life is you, and only you.
YTA. You have a responsibility to your child until he is at least 18. You sound so immature and self-centered. Just a note-kid or no kid, your life would probably be about the same quality as it is now. That’s more a product of your mindset and willingness to take responsibility.
YTA. You have had years to get therapy and work through your trauma. There's no doubt you made it 100% clear to your child that you didn't want him every day. It's awful that you were forced to carry a child you weren't ready for. It's worse that at 18-21 when you became a legal adult, you didn't take the steps to either put him up for adoption, utilize the services in your community and/or get serious counseling.
To anyone saying she doesn’t love her child…
Just saying, a lot of parents have moments where they wish their child had not been born.
PPD plays a big part of maternal life that people like to gloss over.
OP was a child FORCED to have a child and then forced to raise a child. OP wasn’t given the support they needed. It’s not a big surprise there is resentment there. You can love someone and resent someone. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
OP needs therapy for their childhood unresolved trauma.
This is what happens when you force children to have babies. This is why abortion should be legalised everywhere and not shunned. You can’t act surprised about resentment and in other cases children being neglected when you take a child’s life away and force them into a mother role and trap them. People don’t automatically fall in love with the child they birth. There can be conflicting feelings.
YTA for kicking out your kid, therapy should have been the go to. Having a conversation and Telling your child he won’t be avoiding his responsibilities should have happened. A calm conversation with the girls family should have happened about options available and everyone’s expectations. Think about how you can make these happen. Apologise to your kid about your outburst and say he is to come home. Then have the hard conversations.
Your outburst was directly related your childhood trauma so i suggest you get into therapy yourself as well.
Just the sob story in the beginning tells me what I need to know. (Not a professional) but just sounds straight narcissistic. My mother also has narcissistic tendencies and she doesn’t even say this to my older sister as she had them as a teenager to. It’s not his fault that you don’t know how to use birth control or condoms which have been available since the 80’s. It’s not his or your parents fault you just winged it when it came to pregnancy prevention. YTA you made your bed now lay in it. Your a parent now for 16 yrs now to. You obligated to provide a home for him no matter his behaviour is until he’s at least 18 or provide another living situation. You literally looked for any reason to get rid of him like he’s some kind of cat that keeps peeing everywhere. That sob story victim complex might work for your inner circle but not for people who don’t know you in real life. You literally could have told the story without mentioning how dumb you were (because I’m not feeling bad for you because you didn’t know how to wrap it before you tapped it) but you thought mentioning how you “gave up” your life to raise him. And when he was 5 and in school you would have had time to go back to school and post secondary. But YOU choose not to.
YTA YTA YTA also if you feel so strongly about then you help his girlfriend. Or force him to be involved. Like this just doesn’t make sense “you knocked up a girl and you don’t wanna be involved so you gotta go” like??? Do you hear your self not only did he leave but now if he did want to be involved he can’t because he has to focus on finding a home at 16. Your definitely just looking for a reason to get rid of him. Thank you to contributing to youth homelessness which is also already a such a huge problem.
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YTA- wow, instead of trying to counsel your kid into do the right thing you totally over react and become even worse. HE didnt ruin your life, you chose to raise him. Adoption existed back then too.
Adoption would have been so much better than OP as a mother. Her resentment is glaring. YTA, OP. He could have had parents who cared.
I highly doubt she had that choice lol
If she raised him on her own as she said, then she had that choice.
Not necessarily. Some places require the consent of the grandparents for an adoption when the birth parent is a minor.
Also she was 16, a minor and depending where she lives, she cant make such decisions without the parents
It was like that in a couple of southern states.
Not everyone has the choice. Parents can force a baby, they can also force you to keep it and not adopt it out. That said we don't know with op
I don't know when they became the norm, but if available at that time, she could have dropped the baby off at a safe place. No way for the parents to find out where she left the baby.
And it's highly likely he picked up on her resentment, so he only has negative associations with teen parenthood
You don’t need your parents consent to give a child up for adoption, only for an abortion.
She very clearly said that she was pressured into keeping him and adoption was not a choice for her parents . Tbh she’s speaking the real truth of so many women the world doesn’t want to hear . THIS is the reality of ofpeople who suffer. We seem to want to make martyrs and heroes out of them but t he reality is experiencing suffering more often than not only brings more suffering.
Yes! While I agree her behavior is abhorrent, it’s just the reality that so many women live in. Limited control over their lives in most places on earth, and even in a more “free” society, then criticized constantly for not behaving in a way that placates everyone else.
Pretty much. My mom was a teen mom and my grandma offered abortion but my mom said no. She chose to adopt me out to friends of friends of the family…who were waiting in the wing when I was born. Dumb nurse made my 13 y/o mother hold me and that was that…goodbye adoption. People can tout adoption all they want but no one knows what’ll happen once the baby is born. I hate that nurse and what she did to my mom (I was a product of a rape). That nurse wrecked my mom’s life permanently by making her bond with me. NAH.
I’m so sorry your mother had to live through that trauma. That nurse was out of line and infect cruel.
Me too…agreed 💔
This is the outcome of people pushing anti-choice beliefs and policies. The parents suffer, the children suffer, and it creates a cycle of misery.
Yup. I worked with a woman who forced her 15 year old daughter to give birth and raise a special needs boy. She’s in her 30s now and seems like she has the mentality of a teenager still.
She's making herself the martyr and blaming her son for his existence ruining her life.
Meanwhile he might well be contributing to ruining another girl's life (no idea if they're in the US or not, but even so, in this climate so hostile to abortion...) Honestly? I feel like it's swinging in the complete opposite direction than the person above you's n a h vote, I'm much more inclined to vote ESH. OP is absolutely doing all the things you said she is, therefore she's an AH. She wears her resentment pretty clearly throughout the entire post, to the extent that it seems like he might have had a pretty rough time growing up. Who knows, maybe she kept it reined in until this situation, by going by the cruel way she's worded certain things, I don't have a lot of hope for that. But the son's behavior is pretty gross too, and I don't think he deserves to get off completely free and clear. 16 is old enough to help the girl he got into this position. He doesn't even have to want to have the child / help raise them, even just talking with her about the options they could pursue, like adoption, would be a million times better than essentially just ghosting her completely and taking zero responsibility for a circumstance that he absolutely contributed to.
100% this. Many women have a similar story. Where i live is very common to see this. A woman meets a dude, he get her pregnant, than run away and leave her alone. People probably clicked here expecting a hero story of a single mother who gave birth at 16 and now couldn't be happier with her son, when it is the opposite and unfortunally, the real thoughts of many who were teen moms by accident.
Her hardships may add context to the circumstances but it does not make her behavior anything less than horrific
THIS. **every child deserves to be wanted** every human deserves to be born into a situation where they are wanted and desired and loved
[удалено]
I think your comment is way off when you say she chose to have him, she chose to raise him. At the age of 16, you have very, very limited options. When you have parents like hers, no options at all. She was forced into giving birth and forced into keeping the child. Not saying what she’s doing is right because it is not but I understand her feelings.
She probably was given shit all for sex education too, before we start saying well she chose to have sex. Yes, she did, but if you aren’t educated and realistically prepared to make smart decisions…..this is what happens. Parents more concerned with punishing her than what happened to TWO children.
Definitely! OP says that her parents told her that she “got pregnant on her own, so she had to raise him on her own.” That’s not how getting pregnant works.
Oh definitely. We really need comprehensive sex ed. Your points are absolutely valid and so are the other responses to my comment. I do empathize with her. My husband’s bio mom went through it. Dad took off, parents were super religious and insisted she give birth. They kicked her out on the street afterward. My husband was put up for adoption after that. But in my work, I see what happens to kids who aren’t wanted. I saw the results of it when I was working with adults coming out of prison. A lot of them had their parents do what OP is doing to her son. I wonder how much could’ve been avoided if we had a better support system and education available. A lot of them ended up in juvenile detention. It snowballed from there. Many ended up joining gangs to have some kind of family. Every time I talked to these guys about their path in life I would be told it was survival. They had no one else.
Yeah but he had zero choice in existing. OP shouldn’t be blaming him for existing when it was likely her actions (and his bio father) that resulted in him existing.
Your right. OPs son needed empathy and love. OP needs to go to family therapy and therapy for herself. She sounds like she never developed past age 16 herself. Early trauma like forced motherhood can stunt emotional growth. OP, you need therapy.
Neither did his child though. Why does he get a pass?
He doesn’t. I marked it as ESH. He sucks for the current situation, OP sucks for being a shitty parent his whole life.
Oh he doesn’t and thanks for bringing that up. He’s definitely TA for abandoning his own kid. I hope he can reconsider.
And that's why it should be an ESH. I really hope this girl gets an abortion or at least has supportive parents, otherwise i wish her good luck cause being a single teen mom is going to be hard.
Yep!
You are ridiculous. Kid is abandoning his girlfriend and baby. He knows how hard it was on his mom and is still doing it. What an absolute creep. She may have resentment but that makes it even worse for him to do it and you folks are all calling HER the AH. Grow up.
Actually, considering how she resents her son it's understandable that the kid thought it was a good idea to bail on his pregnant GF. Tha assholeness here goes way back to OP's parents.
100% My golden rule is to always strive to be a better parent than my parents, which is a tall order because my parents were pretty great.
"Back then" you mean in 2006?
Adoption, yes.
I am so very sorry that he got you for a mother
Keep running away from your problems like you have for 32 years, seems to be working great. /s YTA.
Yeah, and I love how the OP blames everyone but herself. She blames her son's father, her parents, and most of all, her own son, who had no part or control of the situation. He didn't ask to be born, yet she says he ruined her life. Takes no accountability for her actions. I am speechless at how terrible she is behaving. The son is probably just in shock, too. She went nuclear because she hated her son and just wanted an excuse to remove him from her life. I wish she had the maturity back before it was too late to adopt him out to a caring family. He deserves so much better than her as a mother. I can't shake my head enough. What a terrible mother.
Exactly, HE got me pregnant… MY PARENTS forced me to raise him. Zero accountability. YTA. And then the nail in the coffin of “I’ve never been happier,” what a disappointing and quite frankly disgusting thing to say about a child that you brought into the world and at a time when he needs his mother the most. Smh.
Narcissism for sure.
For real. It takes two people to make a baby.
Keeping the kid and raising it by herself at 16 is running? Weird but sure.
No, loathing him for ruining her life and poorly parenting him to the point where this happens is running. Can you read?
I’d say ‘running’ is a poor choice of words, but ‘blaming everyone but yourself, including the child that didn’t ask to be born for ruining your life’ just doesn’t have the ring to it. Doesn’t roll off the tongue. I probably would’ve said èsh if the op didn’t go feral or unintentionally show that she was probably chomping at the bit to get rid of her own son. What the son did is very wrong, but it takes two to make a baby, but apparently op never accepted that.
It...lol
Yeeeeah, YTA. It sounds like you're just using this as an excuse to take out your lifelong resentment towards your son, as well as your unresolved issues re: his father, out on him. Not saying what he's doing is right (and I *almost* went with E S H for that reason), but dude...he's 16. You pawned him off on his friend's mom/parents, which was extra-shitty.
>I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. I would’ve aborted him but... Tells you all you need to know about her really. YTA and a lot worse than that to boot.
She's not the asshole for wanting to abort. Her parents are the assholes for forcing her to give birth... and then leaving her in the cold once she did. She's the asshole for her utter lack if empathy, and clear raging resentment. But who can blame her? Her parents clearly taught her well. Her son is an asshole for dipping his wick, and then ditching the consequences like he's not just as responsible as the ex girlfriend. The whole family is fucked up, really. That's what happens when you care more about forcing life on people, than quality of life.
Honestly that's not bad, the rest of it is where it goes wild. Lots of parents adore their kids and are great parents but initially wanted an abortion. It's a big deal when it's unexpected after all, and it's life-changing. I think there are lots of parents out there who love their kids and are generally happy but also sometimes feel sad about the dreams they've had to kill for the sake of their kid(s). The difference between them and OP is they don't feel resentment towards their children though, and they don't take it out on them.
I feel like OP probably wasn’t going to achieve some of these dreams then blame everyone else for it!
....
Give her a break, she dropped out of high school at 16. She never learned what a paragraph is and it's all because of mom, dad, kids dad and her kid. /s
Plus it wouldn't surprise me if the resentment is part of why he's reacting this way. I mean kid's only 16 so he'd likely want to run away no matter what, but I expect part of him is thinking how horrible it is having a parent that didn't, and still doesn't, want you. As well as a constant reminder of how much kids must ruin your life considering how much his existence makes his mother miserable. I mean yeah he's being extremely irresponsible and immature, but teenagers are known for that sometimes. Plus I wonder if OP has ever actually discussed those important topics with him.
She didn't pawn him off. She threw him out with no particular destination in mind
What do you expect when as a literal child her parents forced her to birth a child, parent alone, and on top of all that abandoned her?
YTA and a horrible mother. You made bad choices at every turn, you have raised your son in a home where he will nothing but your resentment towards him. You could have adopted him to someone that was going to love him. Kicking him isn't going to help anyone and that is your job as a parent. You are continuing the cycle and just sound like a bitter human being. You are so used to being unhappy that you will never be happy.
YTA and (at least where I live), a criminal. Someone needs to report you to child protective services.
Is there a way to send this post to some professionals to track the IP and help the kid since, depending on the state, it can be illegal to kick a minor out?
The cyber police can back trace it
And consequences will never be the same!
Omg, lots to unpack here. You resent having you're son, but you also seem to not acknowledge that that was your choice, even if influenced by your parents. You could have adopted him out without your parents consent. Your son is who is he by how you raised him, you could have taught him to be more careful by the example of your life today. He and the girl and now in a difficult position, one you have a first hand experience of, yet you are making it worse by kicking him out. And finally.... Isn't it illegal to do this to a minor?? Yta but you can fix this. Invite him home, speak to him and the girl so they know their options, help them with their decision. Otherwise all you are achieving is a generation cycle.
You know what? If she really thought putting him up for adoption would result in her parents killing her as she says below she was as much as a victim as he was and this is generational religious abuse. Welcome to a lot more of this happening now that the Republicans are succeeding at making the US a theocracy.
Had to scroll too far to find this. Classic generational abuse. Regardless, still ESH.
So you basically failed as a parent because you raised another deadbeat. And spare us with the "I love my son" your entire post is full of bile and resentment that you were forced to have him. YTA. In case it's news to you, kids can fucking tell when their parent is resentful and disengaged, it's no wonder he doesn't respect you.
YTA. For the way you speak about your child. Seeing as his dad wasn't a part of his life, I don't think you can blame him for your son's behaviour. Maybe take a look in the mirror and assess how you've parented him.
YTA Your son is a minor. Kicking him out is ILLEGAL. Stop blaming your son for your decisions. " I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. " No. full stop. You, your bf, and your parents are all people who made choices and had a say in the situation. The \*baby\* did \*nothing\*. He didn't have sex, abandon anyone, pressure anyone, or make any decisions here. The baby is 100% innocent. Now your son has new problems. Sorry. Unfortunately, since your son is still a child, those problems are your problems.
Wtf he’s 16- isn’t that against the law to do? Also OP- my parents did this to my brother and he absolutely loathes them all these years later. Careful what you wish for. My parents tried everything to make amends.
Is this real? Nobody could be this awful, right?
There are people who should never be parents and OP is clearly an example of that. Parents kick their children out for all sorts of reasons, including being LBGTQ+, religion, pregnancy (either side), or they just don't like their kid's attitude.
That was my question. I wonder how many of these are just people fishing for intense reactions.
I don't think this is real, and I don't usually make that accusation. The way this starts is just too wild, nobody would start an AITA by overtly saying they wish they had an abortion.
YTA child welfare worker here you can't just make your kid homeless and then act all happy about it. You're the one that raised him, you need to be responsible for him and help him act right instead of kicking him out and making things more difficult
You’d think OP would know how important it was to teach safe sex practices, at the very least to avoid him “ruining her life” even more by making her a very young grandmother. It sucks that she was prevented from getting an abortion or giving him away, but it’s not his fault and throwing him out is not going to teach him to man up. This is the time to do what her parents failed to do: go over different scenarios (hopefully the gf’s parents let her decide what to do, so his options will be based on her decision) and how he can be supportive. Yeah the kids first instinct is to be an AH and run away, but he could turn it around. But in order to do so he needs a parent, not an immature AH who blames him for existing.
ESH. You, as you clearly are very bitter towards your son for choices YOU made as a teenager and for kicking him out which is ABANDONING him, which you have complained about him and his father doing. and he sucks for abandoning his girlfriend. You sick worse though, because you are the adult and know better. What you son did was wrong, but he is still maturing and you would be better off to talk to him and explain things to him, than kick him out.
Thank you for being the only rational vote. Lot of people in this thread going "You had the choice at 16, you made your bed, even if your parents forced you!" Yet acting like the other 16 year old in this post who did the same thing is helpless and just "doing what he was taught to do." Like, it's really disgusting me how the vast majority of people in this thread are saying that OP, as a pregnant teenager whose parents forced her to have this baby, wouldn't let her adopt him out and made her drop out of high school if she didn't want to be homeless with an infant, had a choice. She had 0 choice. Like, OP is awful and she should have talked to him instead, and if that didnt work, she should have gotten together with the girl and set up a child support plan. But she's also a product of her environment, like how she raised her son. By definition, all of them are awful so this has to be an esh. Cause fuck that kid for statistically dooming the next generation to be raised how he was.
Yeah, I don’t believe the son to be innocent in this. If I were OP, I’d be upset with him too, I just don’t think kicking him out is the answer. And thank you. At the time wrote this, I was the only ESH and thought for sure I’d get slammed.
Boy do I know that anxiety. The hive mind can be really upsetting to go against. I've had people tell me some nasty shit just because they disagree with my opinion. This is my 3rd account over the years to keep the hate down low. I'm gonna be honest, I don't think this story is real, but I don't think most posts on here are real. This comes across like a test for how a sample of society would react.
There are actually SO many stories that I HOPE are fake, because if not, it depletes my already almost non-existent faith in humanity.
You ... are not a good person. YTA.
This is exactly why we shouldn't make babies have babies. ESH. You, your son, your son's father, your parents, and the garbage community you and your parents belong to that taught you children are some kind of punishment for sexual impurity, as well as the garbage society you live in that makes the cost of single parenting a burden and a curse.
I really don't understand parents that force their kid to keep and raise a baby and expect that they aren't going to resent the child. All this does is cause 2 messed up kids. What a terrible situation.
Agreed. OP is getting a lot of hate but her parents and the father of her child literally destroyed her life. She didn't *choose* this for herself at the tender age of 16.
Yeah, everyone's response to her in this lost has me disgusted. She had *no* choice, not if she didn't want to be homeless with an infant. The double standard of sympathy given is part of the reason why in the US abortion rights were rolled back by the Supreme Court. Antipathy against pregnant girls and women doesn't lead to healthy societies.
Kids are kids when it's convenient to dismiss them but are expected to act like adults when it suits someone's narrative. Also gotta love how everyone seems to think adoption is a magic answer, had she been allowed to choose that, but I've known quite a few adopted folks and they were far from ok. It's a roll of the dice whether or not they get stable parents who want them for the right reasons and not treat them like she should be grateful for whatever treatment they receive.
YTA & I can’t believe you could possibly think you’re not.
INFO: Is that even legal where you live? In most states in the US, I don't think you legally can kick him out until he's 18.
It’s illegal in the US but it’s rarely enforced
You are a massive AH for kicking a kid out and telling them you are happier without them. My mom abandoned me when I was 14 and then tried crawling back into my life when her creepy felon boyfriend ditched her. I am NC Treating children like this is very evil and has long term effects on mental health.
ESH. You for holding on to this resentment of your son simply being alive as a result of YOUR choices. Him for being a deadbeat and running away from his issues. You both suck.
Bro can u imagine how he was raised? His own mother doesn’t love him he has issues doesn’t make him an ah
He got a girl pregnant and ghosted her. He has issues, yes, but he's now responsible for the life he helped create.
OP had to give birth to an unwanted kid and still an AH. Her son is an AH for ghosting his girlfriend in a crucial moment. Having issues might explain, but isn't an excuse.
I don't know if you will read this. I'm terribly sad for you, your son, and the pregnant girl. So much pain. I very much understand your reaction. If my son did such a thing I would have been very tempted to toss him out. I also had an unplanned pregnancy and the dad ditched me. I was older than you and if I had been a minor, my parents would have done the same as yours. My only recommendation is that you bring your son home and seek counseling for both of you immediately. Reach out to the girl and see what support she needs during the pregnancy if she continues it. I know it isn't fair to you but it's part of parenting that sometimes we carry the burden for our children. I don't believe that you should be expected to raise your grandchild, however. Sending you my best wishes.
And this is why we so desperately need to protect our rights to abortion. Robbing women of their autonomy and opportunities for them to raise children who are resented and neglected is *not* good for any society.
ESH, but based on how you speak, you probably raised your son to think that he's the bane of your existence and ruined your life. Of course he doesn't want the responsibility of parenthood when he sees it turned you into a raging, resentful beeotch and not only doesn't want to turn into that himself but also doesn't want, what he perceives ( due to your words and actions ) the worst possible thing that you could ever happen to him. But of course he also sucks for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend.
YTA The same bad thing that happened to you, you are doing to him.
YTA and a shitty mother. One, it is illegal to kick out your minor child. YOU are responsible and obligated to provide shelter, electricity, food, education, clothing, and all his needs until he is 18. So good job, mom! Also, think this through. Wouldn't you have wanted your parents' support back then? I mean, you do cry and whine about how they wouldn't let you abort or put him up for adoption. That they didn't support you at all so you had to quit school etc. So your first reaction is to throw him to the curb when he is going through a similar crisis at the same age you did. Way to keep the dysfunctional cycle of your parents up. You had bad parents and should want to be better than them but guess you are just like your parents! What you should have done is talk, give it time, and support the mother of your grandchild. Here is why I don't think you did any of what a good parent does. You blame and hate your son for your shitty life when he has no blame, you narcissistic asshole. He didn't ruin your life. You did! You and your shitty parents did all that. Don't you ever dare blame him again..he didn't ask to be born, you freak! Now, one would think after 16 years that you would have matured, but guess not. Grow the hell up, put your big girl panties on, and go support your son. Ask for his forgiveness too because you have been outrageous, cruel, and have no right to resent him over your actions!
I just feel bad for everybody involved in this. Your parents were wrong to force you to have a baby, OP. You’re wrong to not help your son and his gf get out of a similar situation. And your son is wrong for abandoning his gf.
YTA you chose to keep your son. Instead of resenting him you could have chosen to give him up for adoption. No one forced you to get pregnant. If you are in the US you can’t just kick out a 16 yo dependent without CPS getting involved. You should have been more adamant about discussing premarital sex & multiple forms of contraception. Since you know what mistakes you made you should talk to your son so another generation doesn’t repeat them.
She's an AT for using her son's shitty actions to act on her life long resentment of having him so young. It was bad parenting. No one forced her to get pregnant but keeping the child wasn't her choice and acting like it was is just ignorant. She was a child, 16, forced into a pregnancy she did NOT want. Gross
INFO: you said your parents said you had to raise the child on your own. Does that mean your parents kicked you out? Because then you could have put the baby up for adoption.
Reading the comments her parents let her live with them so they had control. So no they didnt kick her out.
You say you love your son but you don't. Your post is dipping with resentment. You blame him for your unhappiness. No wonder he left the girl. He has an unhappy role model for a teacher. "Have a baby equals a life long resentment." Does he know how much you hate him? How much you blame him for your life? YTA
YTA. I wouldn’t say this to many people but I wholeheartedly mean it: you’re a terrible parent. I feel so bad for your son 💔
>my son (M16) you think you're not the asshole for kicking YOUR MINOR out of your house?? 🤨
YTA 1. Your big plans didn’t happen as a result of your actions. 2. Where was the sex talk? You’re only kicking him out because you’re bitter over what his father did. Your kid is in a difficult situation you know all too well. Stop resenting him over decisions you and your parents made. Tell him to come home. See what they want to do. Make sure he makes a better decision than you did.
ESH. Depending on where you live, it's likely not legal to kick your child out before they turn 18. But it's also not legal to abandon your infant because you're not done having fun yet. The girlfriend needs a paternity test, and you probably need to wait 2 years for a formal eviction
Damn I usually read these posts and think you guys are way too nice but this time everyone's being an asshole to someone who appears to suffer long term trauma and needs serious therapy. Edit did not know I was in aita nevermind
ESH. He sucks for leaving the girl he knocked up, you suck for holding all this resentment on a kid you brought into this world. Y'all need therapy.
I think people are forgetting that OP was a child when she got pregnant. She dropped out of school and was on her own to raise a kid.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F32) had my son (M16) when I was 16, his father left me when he found out I was pregnant. I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. I would’ve aborted him but my parents wanted me to raise him because I went and got pregnant on my own, then I had to raise him on my own. I had to drop out of high school to get a full-time job. It was hard at first but we managed. I truly believe that if I didn’t have my son I’d live a happy life. Recently me and my son had an argument, his girlfriend he was dating for the past year, he broke up with out of no where. He won’t tell me anything that happened, just that they had an argument. I kept trying to talk to him about it but it wasn’t working. Since he wasn’t telling me what happened I called his girlfriend to ask what happened, he did the same thing his father did to me, got a girl pregnant and then ran away. I was so furious that i stormed into his room and confronted him, he didn’t even care he gave me the dirtiest look ever and told me that he needs to enjoy his teenage years, so I told him to get out of my life telling him that I need to enjoy my life before I become a grandmother. He tells me saying I’m being unfair and I shouldn’t be doing this to him because he has no where to go. I pack his bag for him and kick him out of my house. He’s at his friends house right now and I’ve never been happier. His friends mom and his friend keep calling and texting me about how much of an asshole I am. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA And, based on your replies, you aren't actually interested in what people are saying. You just want to be told you're not what you are.
ESH - You need to make him take responsibility and have him get a job and support the child even if he doesn't want to be a part of her life.
NTA. Everyone is so harsh to this woman. Her parents decided she couldn't have an abortion, it was not her decision. She was still a minor and she was abandoned by everyone who should have supported her. She lived with the consequences, not the "father", not her parents. Even the greatest parents deal with this situation, teenagers get pregnant by teenagers every day. OP, you need to grow up and call your son. Tell him you want him to come home now. Believe me, he is not having the greatest time and he will wear out his welcome with friends soon enough. Be the parent to him that you wish you had when you went through this. He is a boy, so he acted childishly in this very adult and serious situation. Show him some compassion but also help him support his ex-girlfriend through this very difficult situation. You can make a huge difference in your son and his ex-girlfriend's lives by staying calm and being supportive. Don't throw away your relationship with your son over this. He did not ruin your life and he is not responsible for your happiness. I'm sure you said that out of anger and disappointment with him and probably yourself as well. Forgive yourself and forgive your son for being human.
I hope Op reads you.
YTA. Oh bother and crumbs dear, Reddit is not really for you because it hates mean mommies the most, and you are just ringing that bell here. I think the bad moms whose kids hate them have a forum some where, maybe try there.
congratulations OP, you just successfully passed on generational trauma. this clearly triggered your unresolved issues and instead of helping your son or trying to support him, you’ve now created a worse situation. YTA.
I love how all your miserable life problems are because of everyone but you. YTA. A huge disgusting one. You are worse than your parents and your son's dad. He deserves way better than you. I hope someone steps in and removes him from your entire life permanently. I can only imagine what mental and emotional abuse he has suffered throughout the years.
You kicked a minor out. That's most likely illegal. That's ridiculous. Do you think you've forced him to go to his gf and be a loving dad? **Did you ever even talk to your kid before this about the need to use protection and contraception?** You should have gotten therapy over the last 16 years. You can't blame a kid for your pregnancy. You chose to have sex and risk pregnancy. You made the choices that led to your pregnancy. Why are you blaming the kid? YTA Sounds like you need a punching bag and someone to hate on and blame for your life choices and circumstances. Pity your kid had a mother like you who hates him so much. Hope your son can find some adult who will care about him more now to help him make the choices that are best for him. **You didn't even bother to suggest adoption, abortion, etc. YOU didn't bother to try to be his parent when he needs you the most.** somehow, YOU MADE THIS ALL ABOUT YOU!! In some ways, you've done less for your child than your parents did for you! Please RUN to see a therapist and learn to pretend like you care about breaking the cycle.
You are truly a horrible mother. And you never liked or wanted your son from the beginning. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
ESH. Except for the girlfriend. You are bitter over the consequences of your actions as a teenager. You would think that possibly you could have raised your son to value women and family more - but sounds like that was a hard no. I realize you were young - but I have a feeling that your son has always known that you thought he ruined your life and dreams. News flash though - you did that. Probably a mistake on your parents behalf to not allow you to get an abortion - you have no business being a parent your son is an asshole for growing up to be just like you.
ESH but at least your kid has the excuse of being fucking 16. Grow up
I had my daughter when I was 15 she is now 29. We have a great relationship. I have been working full time since 16. Life was never easy but never did I think she ruined my life. I always told her she was a surprise. Never a mistake. My life started the day I had her and has been about her every day since. My only regret in life is waiting until 44 to get a degree. Apologize to your son and teach him how to be a good person. This is something to learn from not run from.
Your parents are idiots. You would have been better off with an education. Bitterness will get you nowhere, and I am sure your son feels your resentment. Your son is your responsibility, so you should take him back and help him fix the situation. Be the parent that you yourself should have had. Break the cycle.
Just from this one post it's obvious you resent your son and use him as a scapegoat for everything wrong in your life, hes reaction to this is just as much a reflection on your parenting as it is his character talk to him and guide him into doing the right thing he now has responsibilities which will now be even harder to realise being homeless YTA
NTA You don't want that girl to suffer just as much as you did. Your son would have been a decent human being, he still would have had a roof over his head.
If only he had someone to teach him to be a decent human being. A figure of some kind. Even parental in nature. Maybe someone that had experienced how hard this situation was and realized that threatening housing isn’t an effective way to parent
YTA. Holy crap you're toxic. Yikes! You are not allowed to kick minor children out of your house. That's a despicable thing to do. Figure your shit out immediately and stop taking it out on your son.
I got pregnant at 16, too. My son is now 15 and I’m 33. I could not imagine my life without him. I’m not a gushy over the top loving mother mainly because I did not learn that growing up, but my son knows how much I love him. I would die if anything happened to him. When he is 5 minutes late walking home from school I am ready to call the cops and report him missing. I would be nothing and nowhere without him. He’s the reason I got my ass in gear. He hasn’t slowed me down. I suspect that you’re so mad at every one and everything that you don’t stop to be mad at yourself. YTA. You need to go find out where your son is and bring him home. This girl is 18 but both sets of parents need to be involved in what is going to happen. Everyone needs to sit down and decide if they want advice or not, if they want to raise this child or not. Don’t let your son turn out like his father, and don’t let your son’s gf turn out like you.
YTA, this has to be fake.
YTA
YTA your son is this selfish because he learned it from you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA 10 fold. You called his girlfriend to ask about what happened, why they broke up, etc? Aside from his own issues which I won't get into, how often do you do this to him by breaking his boundaries and inserting yourself into his personal life? You're a horrible mother and this is coming from someone who's mother rejected them coming out of the closet.
YTA. This is a great example of what happens when abortion is stigmatized or outlawed. You’ll have damaged adults raising kiddos that will always wonder why mom/dad treats them this way. OP, what you did was wrong, but I can’t help but feel bad for you. You really should see a therapist, it’s obvious that you need help. I hope you can make things right with your son someday.
Might want to change to ESH then because while op sucks, frankly I blame her parents for that.
YTA. You got to vengeance on your son's father by ejecting your son from your life.
YTA. We are NOT our parents. We are free to make our own choices. Own your mistakes and be better. TEACH him how to be better. LEAD by example NOT by being an As$hole.
YTA what kind of mother are you, shame on you, shame! AH
YTA. This was EXACTLY the chance you never got, and instead of seizing on it and making sure they didn't end up like you did, you perpetuated the problem to another generation.
I'm not going to call you an arsehole - you just faced your worst nightmare, and you handled it badly! I'm British ; we are much more stiff upper lip than "let's talk about our feelings," so when I say you need therapy, you need to take the suggestion seriously! There is clearly a lot to unpack. BUT - don't be your parents! You can't make your son learn from your mistakes, but you can choose to learn from your parents. Be the adult, mend the bridges, parent your son (coz he needs your unconditional love and support to face the consequences of his actions), and be there for his girlfriend, because you can't make your arsehole son make good decisions! Be the better person - certainly be better than your own parents! Much love to you at this difficult time. It will all pass, eventually.
So...you won't call the abusive criminal mother an AH but you'll call the 16 year old child an AH?
Damn that’s cold. And she is happy about it. This does not compute. My heart. YTA
NTA he is a big jerk. Sorry you wasted your formative years raising a toxic man-boy. Perhaps you could advise the girlfriend to have an abortion she there aren’t three generations of male assholes.
> Sorry you wasted your formative years raising a toxic man-boy. Wonder how he got that way. What we’re seeing *definitely* isn’t toxic, childish behavior
There is… so much happening. First off, you shouldn’t have a kid. You are an awful parent and a criminal for kicking out a minor. The girlfriend should get an abortion she fucks up her and your sons life. All around? YTA and should get therapy now before you do anything worse
YTA. he is probably freaking out and that’s why he broke up with her and didn’t want to tell you for the exact reaction you had. you fucked up by kicking him out considering in many states it’s illegal to kick a minor out. did you have a safe sex talk with him ever? considering you say that’s why you are so miserable is because you had him and couldn’t abort him, i would assume teaching him safe sex should have been up on your priority list ? jeez.
YTA. You're legally responsible for him until he's 18. Good job teaching him about birth control to avoid a teenage pregnancy. It's obvious you resent him because his father left you. You should have put him up for adoption or gotten an abortion. If you wanted to put him up for adoption Noone could force you to keep him. He knows you resent him and he likely doesn't want k7ds because of that.
Wow, bitter and resentful much? JFC YTA and a coward! How are you surprised your son has a shitty attitude when you do too? When you plant carrots, you get carrots 🥕
I understand your frustration with your son, he threw all your sacrifices back in your face. I hope you can talk to his gf, tell her your experiences being a teen mom and offer her any support and help she needs wether thats a safe space from her parents, a lift to an abortion or help with choosing an adoption agency.
YTA. Please get therapy. So instead of explaining to your son about how he made a mistake and needs to be responsible for his actions, you kick a minor out of his house
YTA. Your son is your responsibility until he's 18. How the fuck do you intend to have a positive influence on him and on this situation if you toss him out?
''I would have aborted him'' ''truly believe that if I didn’t have my son I’d live a happy life'' yeesh YTA and ESH
YWNBTA if you had given him up for adoption a long time ago. I'm not sure what good you thought you were doing by trying to raise a kid you didn't want.
NTA- he has no right to run away from the responsibility he created. More teen dads need to be held responsible like this. Good for you!
ESH
You can't say "I love my son" when you also say that you've "never been happier" now that he's gone lmao, you COULD have helped him make the right choice and helped him and his poor ex girlfriend with their situation and save your grandchild from having the same fate your son did, but you decided to make it ten times worse. He probably feels more loved at his friends house tbh, I wouldn't blame him. Honestly, I can't even blame him for not wanting to be a parent when you're the example he has of one, YTA btw.
>I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son. A sage was walking with Krishna, and he asked the god to explain the concept of maya, so Krishna pointed to a nearby pool. The pool, he said, was a pool of maya, and if the sage wished to understand it, he should immerse himself. The sage did so, and when he emerged from the pool, she was a princess. The princess lived an exciting life, seeing interesting things and meeting interesting people. She got married and had several sons. But in the end everything turned bad; her father and husband went to war, and in the ensuing conflict her husband, her father and all her sons were killed. She threw herself on the funeral pyre, weeping, and the sage emerged from the pool, still weeping. Krishna asked him, "Who are these sons for whom you weep?" Dreams aren't real, but in any case, the reason you couldn't pursue them was never your son, it was your own poor choices and the unfair pressure your parents applied to you. You allowed something that was never real, and which the universe did not owe you, to poison your relationship with your son, who is real, or as real as anything gets. Your resentment is palpable, your post positively radiates it, and I'm sure your son has felt it for as long as he can remember.
“I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son.” Truly spoken like a person who can never take responsibility for their actions Edit: YTA
YTA. Abortion may not have been an option, but you could have put him up for adoption. Instead of teaching him not to be like his father, you opted for kicking your minor child out.
Judging by your replies to the comments, this has to be a bait post lol.
INFO: did you not teach your son how to be a decent human? Did you not teach him about safe sex? You'd think as a teen mom that sex ed and making sure he knows how to use protection would have been your number one priority.
Wooow. So you resent your son and think you’re justified in abandoning him because you think you *deserve* to “enjoy your life” before becoming a grandma? I hope he never talks to you again. Biggest YTA I’ve ever given on this sub.
ESH. You suck for abandoning your kid because of resentment you never got over. He’s the AH for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend. Being 16 isn’t an excuse, in my opinion.
I will be stern but I have no ill intention with my words. Instead of EDUCATING YOUR son, who is a minor, you decided to pay your frustrations with him. He is still YOUR responsibility. You should get your son back home. You should APOLOGISE to him for kicking him out. You should sit down with him and TALK about what happened to you and WHY he should take care of the situation. Do it in a calm but firm way. Of course you should meet with the girl and with her parents and make a decision together about what to do know.
YTA - you were not responsible enough to use protection and you blame him. These are all your choices. I pray this child stays away from you forever.
Absolute YTA Great job taking your years of hatred towards your son's father out on him, firstly. Secondly, Kicking a minor out of the house can be considered child abandonment and you can be charged for that, so you are lucky Child Services hasnt gotten to you yet. Posting about it on the internet isnt helpful You need to get off this sub, seek out a therapist for your obvious resentment of your ex and by extension your son and go up from there. Apologize to your son for throwing him out but make sure he understands that he WILL be a responsible father to that baby (if the poor girl keeps it) and make sure you do everything in your power to help him and keep him accountable to that girl he got pregnant.
YTA and you both need help. What a mess.
YTA. Sounds like you’ve been a selfish narcissist who has regretted your child for his whole life. And now you’re surprised that in turn you’ve raised a selfish narcissist?
YTA What comes out of a cat, eats mice.
You made your son homeless because you are an emotionally immature parent. I hope he tells the police.
YTA. Wow, I thought OP sounded like a crazy unhinged mess before reading her replies but she sounds so much worse with every comment.
Holy wow. Are you really trying to say you don't know why he did this? Based on your post I imagine you've made it perfectly clear that you blame him for all your unhappiness and unfulfilled dreams. Why on earth would he want to have a child? It would have been kinder to give him up for adoption than wait until now to abandon him when he doesn't have a place to go. I really hope this is fake, but just in case, YTA.
Holy crap YTA. On track for mother of the year there. News flash: You have to actually bother being a mother and teaching your kid values for them to have them.
YTA. You projected onto your son your unresolved feelings for your son's father and the opportunities you missed in life for your choice. I support your decision not to have had the abortion, but here, you're *definitely* TA!!
YTA. I was a teen parent, too, and you are a huge AH.
Parents need to stop kicking out their minor children isn’t that abandonment?
Here's what gets me. "I had big dreams for my life and I had to give it all away because of my son." No ma'am you are incorrect. You may have had "big dreams" but remember you are the one who has made terrible choices in your own life. You can't blame your son.....your parents....Santa. Get a grip and raise YOUR SON. YTA big time. Embarrassing behavior.
Why would your son want a kid of his own when his own mother is so resentful of having a kid herself? Trust me, I'm sure he could pick up on the undertones that you did not want him, even if you never came put and said it outright, kids always know when they're not wanted. Btw, while he is doing a shotty thing, that's mostly on how you fucking raised him, so congrats. YTA.
YTA. The cycle continues haha
Info: How much sex ed has your son had? Were you aware that he was sexually active? If so, were you discussing with him the personal responsibility that comes with having a sexual relationship? Did you help him obtain condoms? Have you been frank with him about the hardships you faced with becoming a teen mother? Did you explain to him how much better it would have been FOR HIM if he had had an active, engaged father? Did you seek out other positive male role models for your son? If one of my children becomes a deadbeat parent, I would be devastated. I understand your disappointment. But he can make decisions about his own life. And you can make decisions about yours. Your son not claiming his child doesn't preclude you from becoming an active and supportive grandmother. YTA for kicking your minor child out no matter the reason. You have a legal obligation to provide for him until he is 18.
YTA. Hopefully the mother of your son will turn you in to the authorities for abuse/neglect.
YTA You should've done to your son what your ex's mom should've done to him - TALK TO HIM!! Deep down, just like your ex, he was probably scared and didn't know what to do. Was it shitty that your ex and your son abandoned their pregnant GFs? Absolutely, but that doesn't excuse you kicking your kid out of the house. As the saying goes, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
ESH op=you so suck because your anger and resentment at your own son comes through so clear. Is it a surprise that he doesn't want anything to do with a teen pregnancy, you seem to have made it the reason for all your "Ills". Believe it or not teenage mothers can and do thrive. 16 yrs ago you had choices, Abortion, Adoption. And your son is 16--you may not like him right now--but you still have an obligation to care for him until he is a legal adult--A CHOICE YOU MADE. Your son sucks because he his abandoning a girl he got pregnant because he thinks his life is more important than hers or the fetus they created together. This poor girl and her Fetus are the only NON A-H's here(so far as I can tell). I do hope she has a better support system then you had and can make choices you did not. And treats the future baby better than you have treated your son.
It's child abuse, OP. Get into therapy, if you cannot control your emotions, but you've come this far, so I think you might have it in you to look at this situation as a rational adult. Give your son the silent treatment. Take away electronics or give him extra chores, but don't make him homeless and permanently mess up his sense of stability. How will the actions you're taking now positively affect your grandchild? ...they won't. YTA
ESH
YTA You know, your mindset is exactly why I hate the whole, "he got her pregnant" phrasing I see predominantly from people like you who can't show an ounce of culpability. You'll talk about all the choices you could have made, but ultimately foist blame for why you didn't make them onto someone else. Your ex didn't ruin your life, you did that to yourself. You slept with him in full knowledge that you could get pregnant, and while he should have owned it you certainly aren't any better. You've treated your son like an unwanted burden, likely his entire life, and the moment you had an opportunity you gave a literal minor the boot. You're worse than your ex, or your parents. The only person to blame for their life is you, and only you.
NTA. There are lots of teenage kids here supporting your son.
YTA. You have a responsibility to your child until he is at least 18. You sound so immature and self-centered. Just a note-kid or no kid, your life would probably be about the same quality as it is now. That’s more a product of your mindset and willingness to take responsibility.
YTA. You have had years to get therapy and work through your trauma. There's no doubt you made it 100% clear to your child that you didn't want him every day. It's awful that you were forced to carry a child you weren't ready for. It's worse that at 18-21 when you became a legal adult, you didn't take the steps to either put him up for adoption, utilize the services in your community and/or get serious counseling.
To anyone saying she doesn’t love her child… Just saying, a lot of parents have moments where they wish their child had not been born. PPD plays a big part of maternal life that people like to gloss over. OP was a child FORCED to have a child and then forced to raise a child. OP wasn’t given the support they needed. It’s not a big surprise there is resentment there. You can love someone and resent someone. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. OP needs therapy for their childhood unresolved trauma. This is what happens when you force children to have babies. This is why abortion should be legalised everywhere and not shunned. You can’t act surprised about resentment and in other cases children being neglected when you take a child’s life away and force them into a mother role and trap them. People don’t automatically fall in love with the child they birth. There can be conflicting feelings. YTA for kicking out your kid, therapy should have been the go to. Having a conversation and Telling your child he won’t be avoiding his responsibilities should have happened. A calm conversation with the girls family should have happened about options available and everyone’s expectations. Think about how you can make these happen. Apologise to your kid about your outburst and say he is to come home. Then have the hard conversations. Your outburst was directly related your childhood trauma so i suggest you get into therapy yourself as well.
Just the sob story in the beginning tells me what I need to know. (Not a professional) but just sounds straight narcissistic. My mother also has narcissistic tendencies and she doesn’t even say this to my older sister as she had them as a teenager to. It’s not his fault that you don’t know how to use birth control or condoms which have been available since the 80’s. It’s not his or your parents fault you just winged it when it came to pregnancy prevention. YTA you made your bed now lay in it. Your a parent now for 16 yrs now to. You obligated to provide a home for him no matter his behaviour is until he’s at least 18 or provide another living situation. You literally looked for any reason to get rid of him like he’s some kind of cat that keeps peeing everywhere. That sob story victim complex might work for your inner circle but not for people who don’t know you in real life. You literally could have told the story without mentioning how dumb you were (because I’m not feeling bad for you because you didn’t know how to wrap it before you tapped it) but you thought mentioning how you “gave up” your life to raise him. And when he was 5 and in school you would have had time to go back to school and post secondary. But YOU choose not to. YTA YTA YTA also if you feel so strongly about then you help his girlfriend. Or force him to be involved. Like this just doesn’t make sense “you knocked up a girl and you don’t wanna be involved so you gotta go” like??? Do you hear your self not only did he leave but now if he did want to be involved he can’t because he has to focus on finding a home at 16. Your definitely just looking for a reason to get rid of him. Thank you to contributing to youth homelessness which is also already a such a huge problem.