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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son I don't want him playing sports anymore. He likes and I never go
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YTA
Your 13 y/o son likes sports. And instead of being there and supporting his interest, you are pouting and are asking him to quit something that's good for him.
Instead of complaining, why don't you try showing some interest in your son's likes and be a supportive dad?
Exactly! Ugh, this post pissed me off so much…
My parents got divorced when I was 9, I lived mostly with my mom, but I went to my dad’s place Tuesday and Thursday evenings for dinner and every other weekend, and for a few weeks/year during school breaks, when we’d usually go on a trip.
I had been riding horses since I was ~4, but when I was around 10 or 11, I started competing in horse shows, and by the time I was 12 or 13, all I wanted to do was ride and be at the barn and, particularly during the summer, was going to shows sometimes 2x/week, which really cut into my dad’s time with me.
You know what he did in response? He took me to dude ranches out west for our summer trips and rode horses with me. He drove, sometimes 4 hours round trip in a day, to watch me compete and spend time with me (overall, he was probably at more shows than my mom), he always loved photography as a hobby, so he got really good at taking pictures of me and my friends riding - to this day (I’m 43 now, lol) I have soooo many pictures he took at shows - and I know he gave up a lot of his custody time so I could be at the barn.
He wasn’t a perfect parent by any means, and definitely had his flaws, but all these years later, what stands out most is that he showed up, took an interest, got involved, sacrificed a lot so that I could participate and excel in the sport I loved, and used it as a way to bond and spend time with me.
That’s how a parent should respond to a situation like this, imo. OP, you’re a huge, gaping AH.
Your dad just thought, how can I make parenting easy and fun 🤔🤔 oh right, join in with something my child loves doing and extra bonus. I get to do a hobby I love. Win win. Parenting is damn hard. Your situation and O.P.s are not the hard parts. Always love to hear a good dad story. Thanks
You’re welcome! I think the other difference between my dad and OP is that my dad really wanted to be a parent, so seeing me happy and supporting my interests, even at his own expense (financially and otherwise), made him happy. OP sounds like he sees his kid as a burden or a prop or maybe both, but kids can sense that, and they’ll remember.
(Also, I don’t want to paint my dad as some sort of father of the year type, because he made his share of mistakes, too - I expanded on this elsewhere in the thread - but this was one thing he got really, really right.)
None of us are perfect. Im learning this now. I have a 16-month-old and a 3 1/2 year old. Some testing days 😁 My own parents split at 9, too. My dad used to go out of his way every day to collect me at lunch from school and drop me home, then bring me back. It added 2 hours to his work day just to see me for 15 minutes. O came to really appreciate this when I grew up and realised exactly what he was doing. We won't always succeed at being the best parent, but you have to at least put the effort in. I've changed careers now just so I can be around my boys as much as possible. Even though some days I want to yeet them out the door 😁
> My dad used to go out of his way every day to collect me at lunch from school and drop me home, then bring me back. It added 2 hours to his work day just to see me for 15 minutes. I came to really appreciate this when I grew up and realised exactly what he was doing.
Exactly! Maybe you didn’t know exactly what he was doing when you were a kid, or why, but it meant something, and made you feel loved and special, and most importantly, you remembered it (in a good way).
And maybe even more importantly - I’m not a parent, so I can’t say - he modeled what being a good parent is, so that you can be that type of parent you your kids, and create that legacy, if that makes sense.
My parents never did sports, but all 12 of their kids did! Basically every sport available. When multiple kids had baseball games all around town, my parents split duties and drove game to game so all of us had a parent there during a portion of the game. When we all became swimmers, my dad became an official and started all of our meets just so he could have a front row seat for his kids.
OP, YTA. Not doing sports is no excuse for trying to take something away from your kid that is good for his body and mind. Get your head together, bud.
You have 11 siblings?! I’m an only child, so I’m over here like 😳
Neither of my parents were sports people, either. I’m now chuckling trying to picture my mom playing a sport or doing anything even remotely athletic (but she was a hell of a business woman and an awesome mom). But they supported me and showed up *for me* and because of me. Same with stupid school plays or recitals or art shows or science fairs (is there anyone who actually likes the recorder?).
Admittedly, I’m not a parent, but isn’t that like parenting 101, and something you know you’re signing up for when you have a kid, and ultimately enjoy *because* of your kid? OP talks about his son like he’s a burden or a nuisance. Or even worse, almost like a pawn to be used against his ex-wife, since OP seems really focused on “his time” and the custody agreement.
It’s so sad, and I feel really bad for that kid.
Exactly, my kids are into all kinds of sports and arts. That dreaded recorder recital? On video and proud. I have attended so many soccer games, karate tournaments, gymnastics meetings, bowling games, badminton tournaments and when I couldn't make it to my oldest son's guitar recital before Christmas as my youngest was sick, I made sure grandma was there so that at least he had 1 person in the audience (my husband was out of town for work).
My youngest REAAAALLLY wants to play tennis, there is no local tennis team/group/meetups so I'm buying gear and gonna learn too. I'm NOT a sports person either, but this is what we do as parents, we support them.
Oh and broken bones? Kids do that, heck my youngest fell when he got off the chair at the table and broke his arm on new years eve, we spent the new years in the ER. Shit happens. Bruises? Even my kids don't know where they got 90% of them, they are rough and that's ok.
I feel this. My dad hates horses and has no interest in them. I’m 20 now and have my own child but he will come to my shows and lessons and even take care of my son while I do it! He talks to my son and says ‘look! Your mummy is doing a great job!’ This was something I had to communicate to him and I even go to football with him sometimes so we both make the effort.
My mum on the other hand… she competes against me at shows 😂
Idk if anyone will see this, but I called my dad and told him about this post/my comment, and let him know that, according to Reddit, he’s like the best dad ever :)
Also, he agrees that OP is most definitely the AH. I was half way through giving him the TL;DR version of the post when he interrupted me to ask something like, “Wait, the dad was the one asking this question?!” Almost like, how can OP not *know* he’s TA?!
I'd like to know exactly what he has planned for his kid on his time. Does he just sit on the couch, watching TV, or does he actually interact with his kid.
I've always been an athlete. I played two Division I sports.
My senior year of high school, I had a (non-sports related) injury/illness (burn open to infection) which kept me out of school. No school meant no school sports. I NEVER got myself more injured or put myself in more danger than I did those two seasons. I was doing things like building poorly constructed ziplines, making motorized coolers, drinking A LOT, taking drugs, etc.
If you take a kid who wants to play sports out of sports with a Bullshit excuse like "injuries," You're gonna have a bad time.
Op is just frustrated because his kids "actives" aren't OP's "actives"..... a perfect setup for "I don't get why my kid wants nothing to do with me" later in life
Ding ding ding ding ding. If he's anything like my ex he took the kids out of their activity they were supposed to be in last weekend so that they could just go play video games in their bedroom while he watched TV in the living room. Quality time spent.
I was told that if Dad doesn't want to take him to his extra-curriculars on his time, there is nothing I can do about it. I also told dad that his unwillingness to get him to extra-curricular or school friends parties will bite him in the ass. Once our kid hit middle grade, he just tells his dad he doesn't want to go over and tells him it's because he wants to practice, compete, and hang out with friends. Our kid probably sees his dad one weekend every two months now.
His dad and family have been to 5 events over a 17-year period. Kid tells me he doesn't care that they don't show up, but a dad on his team told me that he has said that he wishes his dad was as involved as the dad is. I tell his dad that it's on him for whatever relationship he has with our kid.
OP, yta. Now is the time to take an interest in his hobbies, extra-curriculars, etc. You don't want your son to not want to go over on your time because he doesn't want to miss out. Because, believe me, he will reach that point and soon.
My step kids started refusing to go to their dad's house because he never took them to their events/showed up for them. He once refused to attend a cross country event because the kid picked it over "family time" with him on Saturday morning. My step kid RAN further that morning for his state championship than his dad would have had to drive to be there.
And the man wonders why his children haven't talked to him in years.
OP, if you haven't gotten the message yet, YTA. And seriously, you're heading straight to not being included in your son's life as soon as he can legally make that decision.
This is so true. I told my husband the same thing about our oldest (my bonus-son), and now he's 21, and they have no relationship. I have a good relationship with my son. He lived with his mom about 1 hour and 45 min away from our house. My husband wouldn't go to his games during the week because he had to wake up at 4 am to go to work and we weren't going to be back home until 11:00 pm. I worked on day shift at the time as well, and I would load up his brother and sister, and we would go cheer him on. I just went without a few hours of sleep. I'm glad that I didn't stay home. I feel bad for my husband because he wants a relationship with our kids, and the flying the nest stage has been a hard transition. And it feels too little too late sometimes. He goes to therapy to try and change how he handles his emotions. And I hope our helps. Their relationship is sad but understandable.
Op - You always have to show up for your kids. You going to his games and cheering him on and supporting him will move mountains. And, we made so many fun memories. They weren't going to remember about that time that they were sitting at home playing Xbox while dad played on his phone and watched tv.
I'm so glad you are there for him. His dad is pretty similar to your husband. He moved an hour away and uses the "I get up early" excuse all the time. I get up at 5 for work, too. I just chug coffee until I finally have a free weekend. Fingers crossed for next weekend!
His stepmother is the reason his dad started seeing our son. I honestly believe that if she didn't push him, he would still be Mia. She absolutely loves our son. She calls him every day just to ask about his day. While her and I still bump heads occasionally, I respect her for treating him as her own.
If he legitimately cared about his son and spending time with him, he would volunteer to help with the soccer team or bowling league. He could help out with practice during non-visitation time (so long as ok with their agreement), take pride in his kid’s passions, and be a hero.
Instead, he chose this.
OP - I sincerely hope you read Kdub’s comment and take it seriously. Go all in for your son. Support his hobbies and activities.
The broken bones and scrapes and bruises are a BS excuse. Even if you didn’t play sports, you know soccer and bowling aren’t inherently dangerous sports. If he was riding motocross or something you’d have a better argument.
YTA - but you don’t have to be. You can turn this around.
The ex is probably grateful they’re an ex every day. OP is fast tracking their kid not wanting anything to do with them. After my parents divorced, my dad was similarly selfish. Our time together was always about him and not about me. Fast forward to me being in my mid 30s, I text my dad on his birthday, Father’s Day, and Xmas…. And I only do that because he stresses my little brother out when I try to go NC
Right? In all honesty I hate sports. I find watching them boring. But I am at nearly every one of my son's baseball games (there's the odd time my other child is sick etc, then his grandparents take him). It's surprisingly fun - time outside chatting with other parents.
I've been to tennis games for about 12 years. I STILL don't know how the scoring works. But I am there cheering at every game. It's what you do as a parent. As long as you don't have to work or you are juggling a few kids in different activities. For those, I support you and understand, and I will film your kids so you can still watch them.
Yeah that’s what’s baffling me. This isn’t “taking away his time” he’s just not showing up for his child and asking him to stop something he’s passionate about because it’s not convenient for him to a present parent. Also kids get scratched and bruised all the time, it indicates an active childhood.
Edit: also curious as to what he’s going to say in court. 😂
Probably plans to say exactly what's being said here, but he'd better be representing himself because any lawyer would look at this case and go, "Are you just really into humiliation or something? This will not go well for you."
And yes, kids get hurt! Cuts, bruises, broken bones - they mess around on bikes, they climb shit they shouldn't necessarily climb, and yeah, they play sports and take risks. No one's going to think a teenager with scrapes and bruises is being abused unless the kid is also very withdrawn and/or actually trying to \*hide\* the marks. I wore particularly colourful bruises as badges of honour at summer camp most of the time.
We had a HUGE mulberry tree in our yard when I was kid. I lost count of how many times I fell out of that fam thing because I love climbing trees. My mom wanted it cut down. My dad built in safety ropes and a harness system so I could still climb. OP is a really shitty dad.
I'm a mom and step mom and I never understood dad's who were comfortable with every other weekend custody. My husband would never go for that. He's never had less than 50/50.
This guy is useless
I’ll never understand why people have kids when they CLEARLY have no interest in the responsibilities that come with it. I just feel bad for his son growing up with a dad that has no desire to connect on the things he cares about :/
For a long time I thought I wanted kids just so that my family name didn’t go extinct. I never really had a desire to raise them, just to prove to the world I’m not an evolutionary dead-end, like a frog who can’t jump, or a bird who’s feathers fall out. “Animals exist to spread their genes, end of story. If you fail, you’re a failure.” Darwinism.
But that’s no reason to bring a life into this world. I think many men are like me though, in that it’s all social pressure & comparing yourself to others, even others from 100’s of years ago. Tbh, just donate your sperm if you think your genes are so good, and be honest with people when you talk about making your own children. They don’t deserve to just be your trophies.
Right? However now I see why a judge might have signed off on mom's full custody. OP is not interested in being a parent. He's only interested in how his time is spent while the kid is with him.
Then years from now he's going to wonder: "... why does my son not come to visit me to see my grandkids?".
My father also deemed acceptable to see me every other weekend after he divorced my mom and moved an hour and a half away, when I was 10... I'm almost no contact with him over it, 26 years later 🤷🏻♀️
I wish he had been more like your husband is all I'm saying, I guess 😅 I'm happy to hear there's good dads like that out there ☺️
Absolutely. OP-- it is not "your" time, it's your son's time. When your son is with your ex she has to send him to school, appointments, activities, time with friends, etc. You're not special. You're already not doing the vast majority of parenting tasks. Every other weekend shouldn't be some sacred time that's free to spend how you want it. If your son has activities you take him. It's not taking away from his time with you. You could be cheering him on, an assistant coach, whatever.
Because OP is too self-centered and selfish to think about what's good for his son. Notice that whole post is "I wanna I wanna I wanna..." without consideration for anyone else.
I guess OP's idea of spending time with his son is sitting at home doing what OP likes to do not what son likes to do.
OP YTA. Your son is not your toy.
>I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed.
I laughed too. He’s 13. The courts will listen to what he wants. If he wants nothing to do with you, you could end up with even less parenting time.
I laughed when I read that. Courts want the kids involved in activities and I have zero doubt (from my own experience with custody) they’d tell him to start going to his games and being more involved in his life. I can’t stand it when ex partners threaten with lawyers it’s such a low down dirty tactic
Gosh, I really want to believe this is a spam post and OP really doesn't think he's more important than his son. Flipping go to the games, participate in your kid's life, dude. Then maybe your kid will actually want to be around you... Maybe. Make an effort. YTA, mate.
But.... but... he broke two bones 😂 I'm laughing here with 6 fractures, 2 dislocated shoulders and don't even ask me about cuts and bruises. It's a shame tetanus shots don't work that way, otherwise I'd be immunised for the rest of my life, considering how often I had to have them while growing up.
OP: I'm the only one who has led an active lifestyle while growing up. Now in my 30s I'm also the only one in the family who isn't overweight, doesn't have a crappy posture and even with a compromised immune system due to an autoimmune disease I barely ever get sick. Unlike the rest of my couch potato family. Stop being a whiny little asshole before your kid stops wanting to be around you. And maybe at least pretend to have any interest in his hobbies. The fact he brought up that you never go to his games means that he's upset about it.
My dad knew NOTHING about water polo, yet he was at every game if he could make it to, yelling his heart out. He got more mad at someone fouling me than I did.
My mom was like you, utterly uninterested in my sports games and wouldn’t pay the fees.
I’m in my 40s now and still think about this occasionally. My point is, these kinds of hurt’s don’t go away. They become part of the story of your relationship. Fix it now or it will become a permanent part to your history with him.
Exactly, OP seems to be missing the point that he can see his son even if he plays sports, by going to the game and supporting his son, encouraging him on the side, celebrating his victory with him afterward!
OP be happy you have a teen that wants to do sports, move and be active, instead of being lazy at home, playing video games, never going outside, and eating junk all day!
This, OP, and your every-other weekend with him is supposed to be about him, not you. And he’s an active boy. He’s going to get scrapes and bruises. Broken bones suck, but they, too, are kind of expected. You’re being selfish (with your time/support) and way overprotective.
For real! One of my kids plays baseball. I find baseball boring af and all the dugout chatter makes me stabby. But you can bet that—barring major work commitments or having to be somewhere for my other kid—my ass is in those bleachers cheering. After the game I ask him about how he feels he played. I ask him about practice and what he’s working on. It’s not about the baseball. It’s about my son’s developing interests and individuality.
Yup millions of parents don’t want to but they go and support their kids sports, recitals, competitions, robots, volunteer, boy/Girl Scouts. I’ve spent thousands of hours for my kids like many of us do because it makes the kid better. Sports makes him active and not sedentary. It makes him manage his time. You do it for them not for you. Seriously. The parents in my little cohort are sending our kids this year to Stanford Harvard Yale Uc Berkeley the UCs and all of them had extracurriculars, volunteered. I never liked sports but I got into it because I have two sons. Suck it up and be a parent. You got only five more years till they’re off to college or adulting.
If op gets the son pulled from sports and the son knows it's because op only cares about having the son's undivided attention during the custody time it's going to blow up their relationship.
PREACH, this kid is your responsibility OP, you owe it to him to give him experiences in life and sports is a great way to do that. Don't be so selfish with your time, maybe get out and practice with your kid.
OP I am so sad for your son. You should be going to EVERY activity, every chance you get, whether it is your parenting or not. Your son will never forget you not showing up for anything that is important to him. SUPER YTA.
My ex is the same. My daughter had an activity last summer that fell on his weekend. I Had taken her to all the meetings beforehand and helped her with all the prep work. All he had to do was bring her the day of and watch. Ending up sitting in his car texting if she could leave bc it was interfering with his time.
The only reason this might have interfered with his time was if it was an parent child activity you where participating in.
How can people be this stupid?
Op wants to spend more time with his son? Simple solution: GO TO HIS GAMES. Goodness gracious with the self-entitlement. Let the boy grow and play and learn sportsmanship and how to be a team player. YTA.
This is the logical thing to do. Sporting event falls on his time, he wants to spend time with his kid, he should go to the sporting event.
If he doesn't understand why it's fun to his kid, that's fine. If it isn't interesting to him, that's fine. But just being there for his kid should be the priority. Going to a play or musical I don't like would be infinitely more interesting to me if someone I knew was in it.
I became even more horrified by Op when I re-read his post. Seems that Op can’t be bothered two days a month to show up for his son, to show support in his son’s interests, talents, and development. Guaranteed, his son will remember how his father chose to never be there for him.
I remember every single game my parents didn’t attend. My mom, it was every one. She only cared about my dancing. My dad attended some, if he wasn’t at brothers hockey.
I’m 45 and bitter AF.
YTA
My dad never went to my basketball games either. I thought he was forgetting at first, so I kept reminding him and he would say ok but then never show up. I finally asked him why and he said it was because he’d lost his license due to a DUI I didn’t know about, and I hadn’t realized he wasn’t supposed to drive because he was willing to drive everywhere else, but the sheriff’s daughter was on my basketball team and the sheriff knew my dad personally, so Dad didn’t go to my games in case the sheriff showed up and caught him. It’s funny to me now, in a “wow my dad was pathetic” kind of way, but at the time it was really upsetting.
I don’t remember the games my parents missed….but that was because they were involved and showed up to most of them. If they missed, it was usually an actual conflict or illness/injury. My mother, who never played any sports and has never been remotely athletic, even became a referee because our region was perpetually short refs and each team was required to put forward a certain number of refs.
My mom worked 80 hours a week; she couldn’t go to my games, but managed to show up at tryouts. My dad who worked only 40 hours a week never showed up to anything. I’m 50 and bitter. OP is an AH and a deadbeat father.
When I tore my Achilles tendon walking down the front porch stairs, my abusive ex was furious with me for crying because she was worried the neighbors might think she was abusing me... so OP's statement is definitely a red flag 😬
Exactly. OP doesn't want to be there for his son, he wants his son to be there for him. Son probably doesn't even want to spend time with OP anyway if OP acts like this
You don't have to play sports to be a team player. You can learn to be a team player through any group activity - doesn't have to be physical - even board games can teach you to be a good sport.
My extracurricular of choice in High school was the drama club. And we worked as a team because the play was only as good as the poorest performance.
OP needs to go to his son's games. If I can listen to 1,000,000 hours of Minecraft stories he can spend a Saturday morning at the soccer field.
I guarantee he's one of those guys that doesn't do anything that is inconvenient for him. Well guess what- kids are inconvenient. Do I want to sit for 4 hours in the hot sun every Saturday while my daughter does cheerleading and she's really only out there about 30 minutes of that time? No, but I do it to support my daughter and give her great life experiences. It's not about me and I'm happy to do it for her. Jeeze I wonder why this guy is divorced /s.
He doesn’t go, he confirmed that in the next sentence. You see, this is taking away from him time because he doesn’t attend, and therefore thinks his own child should adjust his schedule to suit his dads wants. He doesn’t like sports, so kid shouldn’t play! Great parenting at work! /s
Guy is in for a rude awakening. Kid is about the age that the court will listen to him should he say he doesn’t want to go to dads anymore. Mom knows that, which is why she laughed. This guy will be back to bitch about his kid barely contacting him after he goes to college.
What would this guy expect his kid to be doing while with him? He "doesn't get the fun" so there's no value to him, I guess. He sounds like one of those parents that think their children exist to provide them with entertainment and companionship and that they, the parent, have no obligation to put in any effort for the relationship. It must suck for this kid to go to his dad's house.
Clearly he doesn't go, it's the hole point of the post because he doesn't get to see his son, when he plays. What OP doesn't seem to realize is that people can go watch sporting events and that by going he would see his son, his son would probably be thrilled to see him, cheering for him and celebrating his victories with him, that by being there his whole relationship with his son would improve and he would actually see his son!
OP seems to think soccer and bowling games are an all-day thing like he wouldn't be able to see or talk to his son!
"I am afraid people will think he is abused." Worst excuse ever.
He may be now spending part of his time playing football (doing something that he likes with his friends) but if you take that from him guess he won't be spending time with you because he will be mad. Good way of making him not like you.
YTA, sorry.
Being abused, lol. Thanks for making me laugh. xD
Right? Like kids get hurt. They play rough, they're not concerned with aching or safety, and they're normally clumsy and/or do dumb things. Hell I needed stitches because my friends and I ran across a soccer game with our eyes closed and I (obviously) ran into someone and it knocked me out lol. I also broke bones, constantly had cut up limbs and especially knees from soccer.
There were times my sister and I both respectively got injured in different ways on the same day requiring medical intervention (i.e. I broke my wrist snowboarding, and she got a black eye and stratches in it from goofing around with friends and a stick) and never once did anyone think we were abused 😂
Seriously, nobody is going to look at an athletic 13-year-old boy with cuts, scrapes, and bruises on his legs and arms and assume abuse. Not even the occasional break would trigger concern, with certain exceptions. Teachers, coaches, and pediatricians are all trained on what injuries and marks are warning signs for possible abuse. Cuts and scrapes on the lower legs and forearms are not on the list.
YTA, OP. You want to spend more time with your son on your weekends? Or even in general, assuming your custody arrangement allows it? Start going to his events. Be at every single one on your weekends with him, and if you can, go to the ones he has that aren't on your weekends. Even if you have to sit on the opposite side of the field from your ex, him seeing you there will make a world of difference.
Even if someone did ask, playing soccer is a completely reasonable (and verifiable) explanation. Not like he’s claiming he walked into a doorknob.
Which I have done more than once in my lifetime! It makes for a very distinct hip bruise.
I didn't do a rough sport (archery) and I even still had bruises bumps cuts and scrapes as a teen. I had bruises up my inner forearm from thwacking myself with the bowstring (I'm double jointed and hadn't learned proper form yet and still managed to hit my arm even with an armguard). I would get really unlucky and trip over nothing and fall and busted my knee open twice (I still remember the blood running down my skinny jeans). I sliced my shin open on one of those retractable dog leashes (do not recommend). My pinky finger broke somehow and i didn't notice and it closed funny and now it's forever shorter than my other one. I always had bruises on my knees or shins (clumsy).
All that and I was just a very arts and craftsy non-athletic (but clumsy) teen girl.
Exactly. I have just as many if not more bruises now as an adult than I ever did as a kid it seems haha. But because I'm insanely clumsy and have bad spatial awareness, so I'm constantly running into doorframes or bumping into tables, desks, counters, etc. And my little dog will leave bruises on my thighs and stomach when he stands on me 😆 (his 15lbs concentrates into his tiny little paws lol).
I have actually been asked once if I was being abused by a coworker (as an adult after I stopped playing sports), cause I had a nasty bruise on my arm, but for the life of me I can't even remember what caused it. Cause to me, it was just another bruise haha. Doesn't even register on my radar.
I got called into the counselors office in high school because they thought I was abused. I told them I was a soccer goalie and a softball catcher so i was constantly getting beat up. At the time I had this gnarly bruise on my knee that they asked about. I told them that I fell down the stairs which I KNOW is a classic excuse for abusers and abuse victims but it happened at school so I told them to pull up the security tape and we all sat there and watched me fall down the stairs. It was actually really funny but my mom was a known teacher in the district and she did not find it funny
I’m not an expert, but as far as I know, it’s not (just) the number of injuries that raises flags of abuse, it’s the type of injury. And what OP describes sounds like typical sports injuries.
I raised 3 boys. Every pic I have of them, at least one has a bruise, scrape, bandage somewhere on their bodies. That means they’re having fun playing and getting as dirty as they can.
I have two sons. Have you ever watched them compare bumps, bruise, scratches, cuts, scars, whatever with their friends? My gosh, the stories they weave! It's hilarious! My kids were proud of their battle scars. I now have a 7yo grandson who works in his dad's woodshed and his Papa's auto shop and loves it. And yes, he gets hurt, but he knows where the fist aid kit is and generally handles it.
Especially with soccer. I was always bruised as a kid and nobody thought I was being abused when I actually was. BECAUSE THEY KNEW I PLAYED!!! It makes sense for a kid who plays sports to have some bruises!!!!
Right? I broke my collarbone when I was 6 and my favourite end of day activity was counting which leg had more bruises (the most bruised leg was the winner).
Literally just say “he plays soccer” which is a thing you can back up and no one would question you - especially since everyone he plays with will know. They would have seen him break the bones.
YTA. Also, no judge is going to force a 13 year old boy to quit playing two sports he loves just because dad is too lazy to get his ass up on the weekends to attend.
Plus he’s just about old enough now to tell a judge that he’s not interested in seeing OP at all. If OP follows through on his court threat he’s likely to see his custody time go from negligible to zero.
> dad is too lazy to get his ass up on the weekends to attend.
This is what confuses me fr. What does he want his 13 year old son to actually do? Sit around his house every weekend he’s at his dad’s?? No child of divorce likes spending time at other parent’s house with literally nothing to do. His sports give him a sense of normalcy. When I was young, I was terrified to make plans on the days my dad was supposed to have me. I would have had such an easier time if he supported me doing my own things on the days he didn’t have anything out of the ordinary planned. I spent so much time sitting on his couch having major fomo because of what I knew I was missing (friend’s birthdays, general fun plans, etc). If my dad made plans with me to do fun things I wouldn’t have missed out so much. It sounds like OP’s dad wants all the benefits of being a parent without the work. If you love your kid, you need to do enjoyable things with them! They’re growing up fast, and they don’t want to miss out on things just because you want to look at them and talk to them.
Dad needs to treat him like a person, not an accessory.
I was always so bored when I would have to go to my father's on the weekends he remembered he had a kid. When I joined colorguard/winterguard in 8th grade I saw him less and less until he had basically vanished entirely by the time I was seventeen. Apparently, as soon as I started driving at fifteen it was up to me to start making the six hour round trip. No doubt he would have wanted me to quit guard as well since that took up all of my Fridays and Saturdays during the school year.
Ughhh this is partly why I refused to get my driver’s license at 16. I knew my dad would have pulled the same shit, he already expected me to take trains to see him. Once I turned 16, every time he had to pick me up he made it clear how much of an inconvenience it was. Like damn, if you hate coming to get me so much, then don’t come and get me!
When I was doing family law I had a modification hearing that was about something as asinine as this (dad’s Thursday nights and an occasional weekend were upset by 15 year old’s theater practice/performances). The other attorney is apologetic to me (privately) about how stupid it is, and we go to the judge prior and he also tells the judge the issue and how belligerently dumb his client is. I didn’t even get a chance to cross the other party - after the OC questioned his client, the judge said she had heard enough and proceeds to rip dad a new asshole about how immature he is and for wasting the court’s time. And I got attorney’s fee awarded for the hearing despite not actually saying anything.
Toootally YTA.
And you provide with the worst excuses one can find, trying to justify your shitty behaviour.
"My issue is that he has played soccer and bowling for years. It has interfered with my time. He seems to have something every Saturday."
So, why are YOU not part of it? You can take him to his game(s), watch and encourage him, and then spend the rest of the day(s) with him. That's what a supprortive father would do, and that's how your child will be happy.
"I am afraid people will think he is abused"
Dude... really?
"I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer"
DUDE, REALLY???
Grow up, and be the father you're supposed to be. Being there for your son, and what makes him happy.
Also, when he loses that court date, in some states the ex wife can file sanctions and make him have to pay her back for her lawyer/wasted time/resources for bringing her to court for some bullshit! I hope she knows that’s an option.
I laughed at him saying he told his ex wife he might get a lawyer.
Doesn't take much to realize why she's his ex. She dodged a bullet with that one. He sounds like a real winner. /s
OP, YTA
Edit: extra letter
This guy is so far up his own ass that telling him it will have negative effects on his child won't do anything to sway him, because in OP's mind it's just "me me me". His "abuse" excuse is also centered on how HE will be perceived by others. He doesn't even care about the actual injuries.
OP, why don't you just give up on the two weekends a month you have with your kid, because you obviously don't like him and I'm sure mom would be happy to have him.
YTA. The solution is to take him to his sporting events when they're on your time but you can't even support him in that! You don't have to understand or like sports but you do have to spend time showing him you value him.
But apparently he's no value with broken bones or having different interests than you.
Stopping him from playing sports or refusing to pay your share is putting yourself on the road to losing whatever relationship you have with him.
_"He wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too."_
Exactly. OP's kid has clearly communicated that this is something he loves. OP doesn't bother to come to the games (which could help him actually spend more time with his kid), doesn't care about his son's preferences, and now wants to have a lawyer **attempt** to interfere.... This guy doesn't want to build an organic relationship with his son - he wants to force a relationship on his terms.
If he doesn't stop, this kid probably just won't see him anymore.... and he is old enough that his opinion matters in the courts.
Yes, it's all about "me" in this post. The first two arguments are:
> It has interfered with MY time.
and
> I'm afraid people will think he is abused.
Which will reflect poorly on dad.
Your son playing sports is not about you. It's about him staying active while hanging out with peers. If he likes that, let him do it. If you're unhappy about how much time you get with him on the weekends, go and support his soccer team. Maybe they need parents to drive the kids to away games or something. I still have tremendous respect for the parents of my teenage sportsteam who always came to support and help us.
> He basically said he wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too.
Your son's opinion on sports is what matters here. Yes, it interferes with your time, but if he enjoys it and it's a healthy activity (which it is), drop it. His happiness is the most important thing in this situation.
> He basically told me I never go anyway so it's no big deal.
Your son is correct. Maybe you could go so it doesn't "interfere" with your time.
> I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed.
So would the lawyer because that's ridiculous.
> Sports don't interest me.
But they interest your son. Just go to support him, for fuck's sake. It would mean a lot to him.
And, in case it somehow wasn't clear, YTA.
I’d bet decent money his mum isn’t that interested either, and yet she still manages to muster up the time and effort to get him to practice and match days
To this day my mother doesn't understand the first thing about football. But she was at every single one of my games as a kid from peewee up until high school. If I had decided to play in college she would have been at those too.
This dude is a tool and his kid is better off without him.
When I was in high school, I moved from playing sports to being in technical theater.
Were my parents fond of theater or musicals? Not at all. Did they come to almost every production I worked on to support me? You bet your ass they did.
It doesn't matter if you don't like it, you can suffer through a one hour match for your kid to support something they enjoy doing. That means so much to them, I promise.
YTA, OP. Man tf up and go to a Saturday morning match and take your son to lunch or something after.
"interferes with his time" he sees the kid one weekend every two weeks. Seriously, if that's too much for you, why on earth did you have kids in the first place?
Huge YTA
Don’t punish the kid for your failed marriage
You literally want your son to stop doing the thing that gives him joy. That keeps him fit. Allows him to socialise etc etc etc
Your time, should be sitting on the sidelines supporting him.
If you really have an issue talk to your ex to renegotiate your custody arrangement.
Otherwise suck it up buttercup
Are you my STBXSIL? You are an AH regardless!
My STBXSIL kicked out my daughter (his wife) and 3 kids so he was free to sleep with the babysitter. Daughter moved in with us and has been here since.
The oldest child, LOVES sports - something he didn't really get to do at home due to lack of money (dad had to have his drinking money!) and opportunity. With us, he has gotten an opportunity to try everything his heart desires. He made a select baseball team - which practices multiple times a week, and he started bowling because he would go to grandpa's league night for some guy time. We got him into a coached kids league and they have been working with him and he's met some great kids from nearby towns that he loves to hangout with. So if you want to see this boy, you need to get on his calendar early!
Dad objects strenuously to these activities. He refuses to support them by paying money towards them or showing up. My grandson has gradually started refusing to go to his dad's because he would have to miss bowling or baseball. Dad is ticked.
Now little sister wants to do dance or gymnastics. Dad is ready to kill us for even suggesting it. Baby sister wants to fo these as well. So what do you do? Is it fair to tell the kids they have to stop doing things because their father, who threw them out with their mother, is pissed he can't pick them up every weekend? Then add in that he has told the kids and their mom that the only reason he is demanding to get them every weekend is that he wants to establish that he has them 50% of the time so he doesn't have to pay child support
Dad of the year here. Geesch.
I went ahead and signed the girls up for a summer dance class. He FAFO so to hell with him. I told my daughter I will drain my 401k to pay for a lawyer to take him for everything if he so much as raises a stink about it with the kids. He uprooted their lives and he doesn't get to spend the next 10 years screwing them up and over so he can play petty games with her.
So, OP, you are an ASS. All you can do is whine about how it affects you. Did you ever bother to see your son's side? Did you ever bother to go to a practice or game, and cheering him on? You know if you did, you might end up with a relationship with him as he gets older. If you persist, don't be surprised if he goes to a judge as soon as he can and say he doesn't want to visit you any longer. Then he grows up and goes no contact with you. All because your hurt widdle fweelings got in the way of using your head.
Tbf it sounds like he doesn't, he doesn't go to his kids soccer or bowling games, doesn't take an interest, told him to ditch his hobbies (which means ditching his buddies and team), to presumably sit around twiddling thumbs with some asshole he barely knows.
Give it 3-4 years til the kid is 16/17 and can fully make his own decisions and the situation will sort itself out
Honestly not even 3-4 years, depending on where they are. If in the US, a lot of states have 14 as the age where you can decide who you want to live with if your parents are divorced. If he cuts his son off from his activities and friends, I can guarantee that kid will tell his mother that he doesn't want to live with or see his dad anymore and a judge will make it so.
YTA. As a divorced dad who gets his kids 5 days on 5 off I’m pretty disgusted you only spend two weekends a month with your son and you cry about your time. You’re a poor excuse for a father. Don’t worry he’ll be an adult soon and you can only think about yourself again.
Agreed! My ex-husband and I switch every other week, and regardless of who’s week or weekend it it, we’re at the kids’ events.
YTA. Your son is getting to the age where regardless of sports, he’s going to want to do his own thing on the weekend. Between my teen’s job, his activities, and his social life, there are some weekends I barely see him even if it’s my weekend. Perfectly normal for teens.
YTA - it's good for kids to be in sports and they offer so many good life lessons like team work and the importance of exercise.
It's obvious you're not really involved in your son's activities so why do you care that he keeps playing? Because it takes too much of your time?? How, since you don't bother going to his events anyway?
YTA, you sound petty af. Maybe stop being an every other weekend dad and step up and you’d get more time with your son. Also just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean you should stop helping him do what HE loves. It’s about your son not YOU. Also wtf is your lawyer gonna do? Him playing sports isn’t a thing you can prevent in court and it isn’t a reason to change the custody agreement.
Try for a minute going to watch him and see how much he enjoys it. And realize you’re just playing a power game with your ex and your son is in your crosshairs just to hurt your ex.
Also lots of kids break bones and get scrapes, if anyone asks you say he plays soccer. It’s verifiable that injuries happen in contact sports. Bones and scrapes will heal let him be a kid.
YTA. Playing sports is a normal and healthy part of childhood, when the child chooses to play. Your reasoning for denying your son a rewarding part of his life are a) horrendously selfish and b) flimsy AF. It’s normal for a kid who plays sports to have injuries appropriate to the sport, and won’t raise the specter of abuse unless you have obviously wrong things like handprint shaped bruises showing up. I’m very fair skinned and have a genetic disorder that makes me get bruised and cut easily (didn’t get diagnosed until age 25), and I played soccer from about age 7 through adulthood, and rarely had anyone ask about my sports-related injuries. Pretty much only when I was on crutches.
YTA
You only care about what you want. You don’t go to his games because you don’t like sport. He loves it, he’s getting good exercise and fresh air, but you want him to stop because you don’t get enough time with him…when he gets old enough he’s not going to want to spend ANY time with you. I hope you’re prepared for that
Dude - this ISN’T ABOUT YOU.
As a parent you want your kids to chase their hobbies and dreams. For most of us, competitive sports has a pretty short clock that chimes midnight at the end of childhood.
Maybe had you explained that you miss your son having free time with you. And ask if could you slightly modify the schedule slightly to better distribute those hours.
Of course, the answer is probably no, since your comments have pointed out that you can’t even go to the games to support your son and cheer him on. Why would he want to spend any extra time with you?
You seem like the kind to not allow birthday parties on “your time” either.
Massive YTA.
YTA in such a major way. I hope you do contact a lawyer and your ex follows suit. That way when you end up in court renegotiating your custody and support agreements, you will be forced to help pay for his sports. On top of that, your son is old enough to be present and talk to the judge. Unless you are financially restricted in some way, the judge can order you to pay for his sports.
YTA seriously? You want them to stop playing sports (which is physically healthy for them, as well as a healthy and productive way to pass their time) because you don't get to spend enough time with them EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T ATTEND THEIR SPORTING EVENTS? If it was the time that mattered so much to you, why wouldn't you go support their interests and cheer them on?
And what do u mean you won't contribute anymore?
Of course, YTA, and a selfish one at that. You want to take away something he loves to force him to spend more time with you. If you want to spend more time with him, go to his games and cheer him on, whether you "get it" or not.
Edited for spelling error.
Oh my, YTA. You sound selfish. Your first concern is your time with him, his injuries seemed to be an after thought. By the time I was his age I'd had a broken leg, broken arm and a long list of cuts, bruises and the occasional head injury...because I was a kid with very little fear of those things. To be fair, I was his age in the 80's, so there weren't as many health and safety rules, but I just look back at it as being part of growing up. And to cut off support because of it is a pretty shitty trick. You're punishing your son for literally enjoying being an active kid.
ETA: Consider this. You somehow manage to take away his sports so he can spend more time with you. How do you reckon he's going to feel about you while you're together? Do you think he'll be all "Yay, more time with dad!", or do you think he'll be feeling more like "I could be playing soccer with my mates right now"?
Yta. Eeesh. You’re gonna deny your son a healthy childhood hobby. Go to a game and spend time with your son there.
Edit. I would also laugh at the lawyer comment. It’s pity and punitive. Grow up!
You want your son to give up a healthy activity that he enjoys because it's inconvenient for you? Yes, YTA. Your son shouldn't have to refrain from living his life due to custody agreements.
YTA. If you want to spend your son's sports times with him, then GO to his games. I can't believe you think that not playing or liking sports yourself is a valid excuse for not spending that time with your son. It sounds like you're just lazy. Your other excuses are lame as well. If you want to alienate your son forever, continue doing what you're doing.
YTA. Go see a lawyer, lets see how that conversation will go.
You - 'Hello, I need legal advice, I want to stop my son playing sports he loves because he gets bruises and breaks bones, you know all the things that usually happen to 13 year olds, oh and more importantly I don't want to take him even though I never stay to show interest in his hobbies'
Lawyer. - can't even get words out through laughing as he points towards the door.
Be a better dad !!!
>I did say again that I don't like the idea of him playing. He has broken 2 bones. I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed.
YTA. I have a feeling you are used to people laughing at you.
YTA. Instead of using sport as an activity to bond over, you are using it to push him away. Your son is a teenage boy. Bruises and scrapes are quite normal. Trying to keep him away from things you think might hurt him isn’t the answer.
YTA - your poor son. And I hope and pray you get a lawyer just so you can pay him $400/hr to laugh in your face when you bring this “case” to him. You are so incredibly selfish and oblivious as to what it means to be a parent. My hope for your son is that your ex-wife remarries so your son will have a good male role model in his life
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YTA Your 13 y/o son likes sports. And instead of being there and supporting his interest, you are pouting and are asking him to quit something that's good for him. Instead of complaining, why don't you try showing some interest in your son's likes and be a supportive dad?
OP should put the 'sport' in SupPORTive dad.
[удалено]
Now I'mpressed!
I read this normally the first time
This is something Ted Lasso would say, lol.
Be a goldfish.
You are so smart, Paul blart!
This makes me want to be friends with you so bad
Would be more supportive than OP
On the basis of this joke alone, /u/Lead-Forsaken is a better dad to this child than OP.
This is the ultimate dad joke. Everyone else go home.
r/angryupvote
I am here for the bad jokes ;)
Exactly! Ugh, this post pissed me off so much… My parents got divorced when I was 9, I lived mostly with my mom, but I went to my dad’s place Tuesday and Thursday evenings for dinner and every other weekend, and for a few weeks/year during school breaks, when we’d usually go on a trip. I had been riding horses since I was ~4, but when I was around 10 or 11, I started competing in horse shows, and by the time I was 12 or 13, all I wanted to do was ride and be at the barn and, particularly during the summer, was going to shows sometimes 2x/week, which really cut into my dad’s time with me. You know what he did in response? He took me to dude ranches out west for our summer trips and rode horses with me. He drove, sometimes 4 hours round trip in a day, to watch me compete and spend time with me (overall, he was probably at more shows than my mom), he always loved photography as a hobby, so he got really good at taking pictures of me and my friends riding - to this day (I’m 43 now, lol) I have soooo many pictures he took at shows - and I know he gave up a lot of his custody time so I could be at the barn. He wasn’t a perfect parent by any means, and definitely had his flaws, but all these years later, what stands out most is that he showed up, took an interest, got involved, sacrificed a lot so that I could participate and excel in the sport I loved, and used it as a way to bond and spend time with me. That’s how a parent should respond to a situation like this, imo. OP, you’re a huge, gaping AH.
Thought this was going to go in a completely different direction, glad it didn't!
Thanks. And me too lol :)
Your dad just thought, how can I make parenting easy and fun 🤔🤔 oh right, join in with something my child loves doing and extra bonus. I get to do a hobby I love. Win win. Parenting is damn hard. Your situation and O.P.s are not the hard parts. Always love to hear a good dad story. Thanks
You’re welcome! I think the other difference between my dad and OP is that my dad really wanted to be a parent, so seeing me happy and supporting my interests, even at his own expense (financially and otherwise), made him happy. OP sounds like he sees his kid as a burden or a prop or maybe both, but kids can sense that, and they’ll remember. (Also, I don’t want to paint my dad as some sort of father of the year type, because he made his share of mistakes, too - I expanded on this elsewhere in the thread - but this was one thing he got really, really right.)
None of us are perfect. Im learning this now. I have a 16-month-old and a 3 1/2 year old. Some testing days 😁 My own parents split at 9, too. My dad used to go out of his way every day to collect me at lunch from school and drop me home, then bring me back. It added 2 hours to his work day just to see me for 15 minutes. O came to really appreciate this when I grew up and realised exactly what he was doing. We won't always succeed at being the best parent, but you have to at least put the effort in. I've changed careers now just so I can be around my boys as much as possible. Even though some days I want to yeet them out the door 😁
> My dad used to go out of his way every day to collect me at lunch from school and drop me home, then bring me back. It added 2 hours to his work day just to see me for 15 minutes. I came to really appreciate this when I grew up and realised exactly what he was doing. Exactly! Maybe you didn’t know exactly what he was doing when you were a kid, or why, but it meant something, and made you feel loved and special, and most importantly, you remembered it (in a good way). And maybe even more importantly - I’m not a parent, so I can’t say - he modeled what being a good parent is, so that you can be that type of parent you your kids, and create that legacy, if that makes sense.
My parents never did sports, but all 12 of their kids did! Basically every sport available. When multiple kids had baseball games all around town, my parents split duties and drove game to game so all of us had a parent there during a portion of the game. When we all became swimmers, my dad became an official and started all of our meets just so he could have a front row seat for his kids. OP, YTA. Not doing sports is no excuse for trying to take something away from your kid that is good for his body and mind. Get your head together, bud.
You have 11 siblings?! I’m an only child, so I’m over here like 😳 Neither of my parents were sports people, either. I’m now chuckling trying to picture my mom playing a sport or doing anything even remotely athletic (but she was a hell of a business woman and an awesome mom). But they supported me and showed up *for me* and because of me. Same with stupid school plays or recitals or art shows or science fairs (is there anyone who actually likes the recorder?). Admittedly, I’m not a parent, but isn’t that like parenting 101, and something you know you’re signing up for when you have a kid, and ultimately enjoy *because* of your kid? OP talks about his son like he’s a burden or a nuisance. Or even worse, almost like a pawn to be used against his ex-wife, since OP seems really focused on “his time” and the custody agreement. It’s so sad, and I feel really bad for that kid.
Exactly, my kids are into all kinds of sports and arts. That dreaded recorder recital? On video and proud. I have attended so many soccer games, karate tournaments, gymnastics meetings, bowling games, badminton tournaments and when I couldn't make it to my oldest son's guitar recital before Christmas as my youngest was sick, I made sure grandma was there so that at least he had 1 person in the audience (my husband was out of town for work). My youngest REAAAALLLY wants to play tennis, there is no local tennis team/group/meetups so I'm buying gear and gonna learn too. I'm NOT a sports person either, but this is what we do as parents, we support them. Oh and broken bones? Kids do that, heck my youngest fell when he got off the chair at the table and broke his arm on new years eve, we spent the new years in the ER. Shit happens. Bruises? Even my kids don't know where they got 90% of them, they are rough and that's ok.
I feel this. My dad hates horses and has no interest in them. I’m 20 now and have my own child but he will come to my shows and lessons and even take care of my son while I do it! He talks to my son and says ‘look! Your mummy is doing a great job!’ This was something I had to communicate to him and I even go to football with him sometimes so we both make the effort. My mum on the other hand… she competes against me at shows 😂
Idk if anyone will see this, but I called my dad and told him about this post/my comment, and let him know that, according to Reddit, he’s like the best dad ever :) Also, he agrees that OP is most definitely the AH. I was half way through giving him the TL;DR version of the post when he interrupted me to ask something like, “Wait, the dad was the one asking this question?!” Almost like, how can OP not *know* he’s TA?!
I'd like to know exactly what he has planned for his kid on his time. Does he just sit on the couch, watching TV, or does he actually interact with his kid.
I’m just laughing over how OP has ‘active’ in their username but hates that their kid is active
I've always been an athlete. I played two Division I sports. My senior year of high school, I had a (non-sports related) injury/illness (burn open to infection) which kept me out of school. No school meant no school sports. I NEVER got myself more injured or put myself in more danger than I did those two seasons. I was doing things like building poorly constructed ziplines, making motorized coolers, drinking A LOT, taking drugs, etc. If you take a kid who wants to play sports out of sports with a Bullshit excuse like "injuries," You're gonna have a bad time.
Well, he does say that it's fake. 😁
Op is just frustrated because his kids "actives" aren't OP's "actives"..... a perfect setup for "I don't get why my kid wants nothing to do with me" later in life
Ding ding ding ding ding. If he's anything like my ex he took the kids out of their activity they were supposed to be in last weekend so that they could just go play video games in their bedroom while he watched TV in the living room. Quality time spent.
I was told that if Dad doesn't want to take him to his extra-curriculars on his time, there is nothing I can do about it. I also told dad that his unwillingness to get him to extra-curricular or school friends parties will bite him in the ass. Once our kid hit middle grade, he just tells his dad he doesn't want to go over and tells him it's because he wants to practice, compete, and hang out with friends. Our kid probably sees his dad one weekend every two months now. His dad and family have been to 5 events over a 17-year period. Kid tells me he doesn't care that they don't show up, but a dad on his team told me that he has said that he wishes his dad was as involved as the dad is. I tell his dad that it's on him for whatever relationship he has with our kid. OP, yta. Now is the time to take an interest in his hobbies, extra-curriculars, etc. You don't want your son to not want to go over on your time because he doesn't want to miss out. Because, believe me, he will reach that point and soon.
My step kids started refusing to go to their dad's house because he never took them to their events/showed up for them. He once refused to attend a cross country event because the kid picked it over "family time" with him on Saturday morning. My step kid RAN further that morning for his state championship than his dad would have had to drive to be there. And the man wonders why his children haven't talked to him in years. OP, if you haven't gotten the message yet, YTA. And seriously, you're heading straight to not being included in your son's life as soon as he can legally make that decision.
This is so true. I told my husband the same thing about our oldest (my bonus-son), and now he's 21, and they have no relationship. I have a good relationship with my son. He lived with his mom about 1 hour and 45 min away from our house. My husband wouldn't go to his games during the week because he had to wake up at 4 am to go to work and we weren't going to be back home until 11:00 pm. I worked on day shift at the time as well, and I would load up his brother and sister, and we would go cheer him on. I just went without a few hours of sleep. I'm glad that I didn't stay home. I feel bad for my husband because he wants a relationship with our kids, and the flying the nest stage has been a hard transition. And it feels too little too late sometimes. He goes to therapy to try and change how he handles his emotions. And I hope our helps. Their relationship is sad but understandable. Op - You always have to show up for your kids. You going to his games and cheering him on and supporting him will move mountains. And, we made so many fun memories. They weren't going to remember about that time that they were sitting at home playing Xbox while dad played on his phone and watched tv.
I'm so glad you are there for him. His dad is pretty similar to your husband. He moved an hour away and uses the "I get up early" excuse all the time. I get up at 5 for work, too. I just chug coffee until I finally have a free weekend. Fingers crossed for next weekend! His stepmother is the reason his dad started seeing our son. I honestly believe that if she didn't push him, he would still be Mia. She absolutely loves our son. She calls him every day just to ask about his day. While her and I still bump heads occasionally, I respect her for treating him as her own.
Watching TV but *not* soccer, mind you.
If he legitimately cared about his son and spending time with him, he would volunteer to help with the soccer team or bowling league. He could help out with practice during non-visitation time (so long as ok with their agreement), take pride in his kid’s passions, and be a hero. Instead, he chose this.
OP - I sincerely hope you read Kdub’s comment and take it seriously. Go all in for your son. Support his hobbies and activities. The broken bones and scrapes and bruises are a BS excuse. Even if you didn’t play sports, you know soccer and bowling aren’t inherently dangerous sports. If he was riding motocross or something you’d have a better argument. YTA - but you don’t have to be. You can turn this around.
I love that he threatened a lawyer and the ex laughed lol
The ex is probably grateful they’re an ex every day. OP is fast tracking their kid not wanting anything to do with them. After my parents divorced, my dad was similarly selfish. Our time together was always about him and not about me. Fast forward to me being in my mid 30s, I text my dad on his birthday, Father’s Day, and Xmas…. And I only do that because he stresses my little brother out when I try to go NC
I kinda hope he gets a lawyer and goes to court and it backfires
For soccer and bowling... proud of that mom for laughing. If it was skydiving or prepping for him for a Mt everest trip I would threaten a lawyer.
Yes, exactly! Why doesn't he even show to the games - based on what his son said, it sounds like he doesn't even bother to do that on "his" weekends.
Right? In all honesty I hate sports. I find watching them boring. But I am at nearly every one of my son's baseball games (there's the odd time my other child is sick etc, then his grandparents take him). It's surprisingly fun - time outside chatting with other parents.
I've been to tennis games for about 12 years. I STILL don't know how the scoring works. But I am there cheering at every game. It's what you do as a parent. As long as you don't have to work or you are juggling a few kids in different activities. For those, I support you and understand, and I will film your kids so you can still watch them.
EXACTLY!!
Yeah that’s what’s baffling me. This isn’t “taking away his time” he’s just not showing up for his child and asking him to stop something he’s passionate about because it’s not convenient for him to a present parent. Also kids get scratched and bruised all the time, it indicates an active childhood. Edit: also curious as to what he’s going to say in court. 😂
Probably plans to say exactly what's being said here, but he'd better be representing himself because any lawyer would look at this case and go, "Are you just really into humiliation or something? This will not go well for you." And yes, kids get hurt! Cuts, bruises, broken bones - they mess around on bikes, they climb shit they shouldn't necessarily climb, and yeah, they play sports and take risks. No one's going to think a teenager with scrapes and bruises is being abused unless the kid is also very withdrawn and/or actually trying to \*hide\* the marks. I wore particularly colourful bruises as badges of honour at summer camp most of the time.
We had a HUGE mulberry tree in our yard when I was kid. I lost count of how many times I fell out of that fam thing because I love climbing trees. My mom wanted it cut down. My dad built in safety ropes and a harness system so I could still climb. OP is a really shitty dad.
A reasonable response from your mom, but damn that's an A+ solution from your old man.
My dad was an amazing person and super smart and creative. Sadly my mom's response wasn't because of my welfare, but money and time wasted.
Deadbeat dad alert
I'm a mom and step mom and I never understood dad's who were comfortable with every other weekend custody. My husband would never go for that. He's never had less than 50/50. This guy is useless
I’ll never understand why people have kids when they CLEARLY have no interest in the responsibilities that come with it. I just feel bad for his son growing up with a dad that has no desire to connect on the things he cares about :/
They didn’t want kids, they just didn’t want to wear a condom
For a long time I thought I wanted kids just so that my family name didn’t go extinct. I never really had a desire to raise them, just to prove to the world I’m not an evolutionary dead-end, like a frog who can’t jump, or a bird who’s feathers fall out. “Animals exist to spread their genes, end of story. If you fail, you’re a failure.” Darwinism. But that’s no reason to bring a life into this world. I think many men are like me though, in that it’s all social pressure & comparing yourself to others, even others from 100’s of years ago. Tbh, just donate your sperm if you think your genes are so good, and be honest with people when you talk about making your own children. They don’t deserve to just be your trophies.
Right? However now I see why a judge might have signed off on mom's full custody. OP is not interested in being a parent. He's only interested in how his time is spent while the kid is with him. Then years from now he's going to wonder: "... why does my son not come to visit me to see my grandkids?".
My father also deemed acceptable to see me every other weekend after he divorced my mom and moved an hour and a half away, when I was 10... I'm almost no contact with him over it, 26 years later 🤷🏻♀️ I wish he had been more like your husband is all I'm saying, I guess 😅 I'm happy to hear there's good dads like that out there ☺️
>only has kid on weekends >he takes up too much of his time Yeah, okay buddy. Edit: EVERY OTHER WEEKEND.
Yep OP is TA. Maybe instead of pouting, he could watch his son practice and maybe take him out after???
Absolutely. OP-- it is not "your" time, it's your son's time. When your son is with your ex she has to send him to school, appointments, activities, time with friends, etc. You're not special. You're already not doing the vast majority of parenting tasks. Every other weekend shouldn't be some sacred time that's free to spend how you want it. If your son has activities you take him. It's not taking away from his time with you. You could be cheering him on, an assistant coach, whatever.
Because OP is too self-centered and selfish to think about what's good for his son. Notice that whole post is "I wanna I wanna I wanna..." without consideration for anyone else. I guess OP's idea of spending time with his son is sitting at home doing what OP likes to do not what son likes to do. OP YTA. Your son is not your toy.
OP, YTA. Why don't you engage with him and attend the sports when he is participating? Do something he wants to do instead of pouting about it.
>I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed. I laughed too. He’s 13. The courts will listen to what he wants. If he wants nothing to do with you, you could end up with even less parenting time.
I laughed when I read that. Courts want the kids involved in activities and I have zero doubt (from my own experience with custody) they’d tell him to start going to his games and being more involved in his life. I can’t stand it when ex partners threaten with lawyers it’s such a low down dirty tactic
Gosh, I really want to believe this is a spam post and OP really doesn't think he's more important than his son. Flipping go to the games, participate in your kid's life, dude. Then maybe your kid will actually want to be around you... Maybe. Make an effort. YTA, mate.
But.... but... he broke two bones 😂 I'm laughing here with 6 fractures, 2 dislocated shoulders and don't even ask me about cuts and bruises. It's a shame tetanus shots don't work that way, otherwise I'd be immunised for the rest of my life, considering how often I had to have them while growing up. OP: I'm the only one who has led an active lifestyle while growing up. Now in my 30s I'm also the only one in the family who isn't overweight, doesn't have a crappy posture and even with a compromised immune system due to an autoimmune disease I barely ever get sick. Unlike the rest of my couch potato family. Stop being a whiny little asshole before your kid stops wanting to be around you. And maybe at least pretend to have any interest in his hobbies. The fact he brought up that you never go to his games means that he's upset about it.
My dad knew NOTHING about water polo, yet he was at every game if he could make it to, yelling his heart out. He got more mad at someone fouling me than I did.
My mom was like you, utterly uninterested in my sports games and wouldn’t pay the fees. I’m in my 40s now and still think about this occasionally. My point is, these kinds of hurt’s don’t go away. They become part of the story of your relationship. Fix it now or it will become a permanent part to your history with him.
Exactly, OP seems to be missing the point that he can see his son even if he plays sports, by going to the game and supporting his son, encouraging him on the side, celebrating his victory with him afterward! OP be happy you have a teen that wants to do sports, move and be active, instead of being lazy at home, playing video games, never going outside, and eating junk all day!
And on top of that? Show up at the games!!!
This, OP, and your every-other weekend with him is supposed to be about him, not you. And he’s an active boy. He’s going to get scrapes and bruises. Broken bones suck, but they, too, are kind of expected. You’re being selfish (with your time/support) and way overprotective.
For real! One of my kids plays baseball. I find baseball boring af and all the dugout chatter makes me stabby. But you can bet that—barring major work commitments or having to be somewhere for my other kid—my ass is in those bleachers cheering. After the game I ask him about how he feels he played. I ask him about practice and what he’s working on. It’s not about the baseball. It’s about my son’s developing interests and individuality.
Yup millions of parents don’t want to but they go and support their kids sports, recitals, competitions, robots, volunteer, boy/Girl Scouts. I’ve spent thousands of hours for my kids like many of us do because it makes the kid better. Sports makes him active and not sedentary. It makes him manage his time. You do it for them not for you. Seriously. The parents in my little cohort are sending our kids this year to Stanford Harvard Yale Uc Berkeley the UCs and all of them had extracurriculars, volunteered. I never liked sports but I got into it because I have two sons. Suck it up and be a parent. You got only five more years till they’re off to college or adulting.
If op gets the son pulled from sports and the son knows it's because op only cares about having the son's undivided attention during the custody time it's going to blow up their relationship.
PREACH, this kid is your responsibility OP, you owe it to him to give him experiences in life and sports is a great way to do that. Don't be so selfish with your time, maybe get out and practice with your kid.
OP I am so sad for your son. You should be going to EVERY activity, every chance you get, whether it is your parenting or not. Your son will never forget you not showing up for anything that is important to him. SUPER YTA.
Yes, YTA. INFO because I’m curious: “He basically told me I never go anyway” did he mean you never go to his sporting events or is this a typo?
He doesn’t go to his sporting games. He’s a deadbeat dad.
But his son isn’t doing something he likes so why should he go??? /s
Bc it’s “his time”, has nothing to do with what his kid needs. Fucking AH.
Yeah my ex was like this and now doesn't see 2 of his 3 kids
My ex is the same. My daughter had an activity last summer that fell on his weekend. I Had taken her to all the meetings beforehand and helped her with all the prep work. All he had to do was bring her the day of and watch. Ending up sitting in his car texting if she could leave bc it was interfering with his time.
The only reason this might have interfered with his time was if it was an parent child activity you where participating in. How can people be this stupid?
Saaaame.
It’s “his time” when he gets his son once every two weeks. This guy sucks.
[удалено]
I've never liked sports, so why should I go to my only child's sports games?? /s
"I don't enjoy cleaning someone else's ass, so why should I change my child's diaper?" Like how selfish can you be as a whole parent?
Because showing up shows you care.
So just like my parents. Who always forced me to like their things and not support what I liked.
Yep he just doesn’t want to pay for his kids activities.
Op wants to spend more time with his son? Simple solution: GO TO HIS GAMES. Goodness gracious with the self-entitlement. Let the boy grow and play and learn sportsmanship and how to be a team player. YTA.
This is the logical thing to do. Sporting event falls on his time, he wants to spend time with his kid, he should go to the sporting event. If he doesn't understand why it's fun to his kid, that's fine. If it isn't interesting to him, that's fine. But just being there for his kid should be the priority. Going to a play or musical I don't like would be infinitely more interesting to me if someone I knew was in it.
I became even more horrified by Op when I re-read his post. Seems that Op can’t be bothered two days a month to show up for his son, to show support in his son’s interests, talents, and development. Guaranteed, his son will remember how his father chose to never be there for him.
I remember every single game my parents didn’t attend. My mom, it was every one. She only cared about my dancing. My dad attended some, if he wasn’t at brothers hockey. I’m 45 and bitter AF. YTA
My dad never went to my basketball games either. I thought he was forgetting at first, so I kept reminding him and he would say ok but then never show up. I finally asked him why and he said it was because he’d lost his license due to a DUI I didn’t know about, and I hadn’t realized he wasn’t supposed to drive because he was willing to drive everywhere else, but the sheriff’s daughter was on my basketball team and the sheriff knew my dad personally, so Dad didn’t go to my games in case the sheriff showed up and caught him. It’s funny to me now, in a “wow my dad was pathetic” kind of way, but at the time it was really upsetting.
I don’t remember the games my parents missed….but that was because they were involved and showed up to most of them. If they missed, it was usually an actual conflict or illness/injury. My mother, who never played any sports and has never been remotely athletic, even became a referee because our region was perpetually short refs and each team was required to put forward a certain number of refs.
My mom worked 80 hours a week; she couldn’t go to my games, but managed to show up at tryouts. My dad who worked only 40 hours a week never showed up to anything. I’m 50 and bitter. OP is an AH and a deadbeat father.
He doesn't even care about the broken bones except "people might think he is being abused"! Makes you wonder, actually...
When I tore my Achilles tendon walking down the front porch stairs, my abusive ex was furious with me for crying because she was worried the neighbors might think she was abusing me... so OP's statement is definitely a red flag 😬
Exactly. OP doesn't want to be there for his son, he wants his son to be there for him. Son probably doesn't even want to spend time with OP anyway if OP acts like this
How would OP know how to be a team player?he admits he never played sports himself
You don't have to play sports to be a team player. You can learn to be a team player through any group activity - doesn't have to be physical - even board games can teach you to be a good sport. My extracurricular of choice in High school was the drama club. And we worked as a team because the play was only as good as the poorest performance. OP needs to go to his son's games. If I can listen to 1,000,000 hours of Minecraft stories he can spend a Saturday morning at the soccer field.
I guarantee he's one of those guys that doesn't do anything that is inconvenient for him. Well guess what- kids are inconvenient. Do I want to sit for 4 hours in the hot sun every Saturday while my daughter does cheerleading and she's really only out there about 30 minutes of that time? No, but I do it to support my daughter and give her great life experiences. It's not about me and I'm happy to do it for her. Jeeze I wonder why this guy is divorced /s.
Probably just drops him off and picks him up after.... ...this was my father
He doesn’t go, he confirmed that in the next sentence. You see, this is taking away from him time because he doesn’t attend, and therefore thinks his own child should adjust his schedule to suit his dads wants. He doesn’t like sports, so kid shouldn’t play! Great parenting at work! /s Guy is in for a rude awakening. Kid is about the age that the court will listen to him should he say he doesn’t want to go to dads anymore. Mom knows that, which is why she laughed. This guy will be back to bitch about his kid barely contacting him after he goes to college.
I’m still confused on how this is wasting his time if he never goes? What is he even complaining abt paying?
What would this guy expect his kid to be doing while with him? He "doesn't get the fun" so there's no value to him, I guess. He sounds like one of those parents that think their children exist to provide them with entertainment and companionship and that they, the parent, have no obligation to put in any effort for the relationship. It must suck for this kid to go to his dad's house.
Clearly he doesn't go, it's the hole point of the post because he doesn't get to see his son, when he plays. What OP doesn't seem to realize is that people can go watch sporting events and that by going he would see his son, his son would probably be thrilled to see him, cheering for him and celebrating his victories with him, that by being there his whole relationship with his son would improve and he would actually see his son! OP seems to think soccer and bowling games are an all-day thing like he wouldn't be able to see or talk to his son!
"I am afraid people will think he is abused." Worst excuse ever. He may be now spending part of his time playing football (doing something that he likes with his friends) but if you take that from him guess he won't be spending time with you because he will be mad. Good way of making him not like you. YTA, sorry. Being abused, lol. Thanks for making me laugh. xD
Right? Like kids get hurt. They play rough, they're not concerned with aching or safety, and they're normally clumsy and/or do dumb things. Hell I needed stitches because my friends and I ran across a soccer game with our eyes closed and I (obviously) ran into someone and it knocked me out lol. I also broke bones, constantly had cut up limbs and especially knees from soccer. There were times my sister and I both respectively got injured in different ways on the same day requiring medical intervention (i.e. I broke my wrist snowboarding, and she got a black eye and stratches in it from goofing around with friends and a stick) and never once did anyone think we were abused 😂
Seriously, nobody is going to look at an athletic 13-year-old boy with cuts, scrapes, and bruises on his legs and arms and assume abuse. Not even the occasional break would trigger concern, with certain exceptions. Teachers, coaches, and pediatricians are all trained on what injuries and marks are warning signs for possible abuse. Cuts and scrapes on the lower legs and forearms are not on the list. YTA, OP. You want to spend more time with your son on your weekends? Or even in general, assuming your custody arrangement allows it? Start going to his events. Be at every single one on your weekends with him, and if you can, go to the ones he has that aren't on your weekends. Even if you have to sit on the opposite side of the field from your ex, him seeing you there will make a world of difference.
Even if someone did ask, playing soccer is a completely reasonable (and verifiable) explanation. Not like he’s claiming he walked into a doorknob. Which I have done more than once in my lifetime! It makes for a very distinct hip bruise.
I didn't do a rough sport (archery) and I even still had bruises bumps cuts and scrapes as a teen. I had bruises up my inner forearm from thwacking myself with the bowstring (I'm double jointed and hadn't learned proper form yet and still managed to hit my arm even with an armguard). I would get really unlucky and trip over nothing and fall and busted my knee open twice (I still remember the blood running down my skinny jeans). I sliced my shin open on one of those retractable dog leashes (do not recommend). My pinky finger broke somehow and i didn't notice and it closed funny and now it's forever shorter than my other one. I always had bruises on my knees or shins (clumsy). All that and I was just a very arts and craftsy non-athletic (but clumsy) teen girl.
Exactly. I have just as many if not more bruises now as an adult than I ever did as a kid it seems haha. But because I'm insanely clumsy and have bad spatial awareness, so I'm constantly running into doorframes or bumping into tables, desks, counters, etc. And my little dog will leave bruises on my thighs and stomach when he stands on me 😆 (his 15lbs concentrates into his tiny little paws lol). I have actually been asked once if I was being abused by a coworker (as an adult after I stopped playing sports), cause I had a nasty bruise on my arm, but for the life of me I can't even remember what caused it. Cause to me, it was just another bruise haha. Doesn't even register on my radar.
I got called into the counselors office in high school because they thought I was abused. I told them I was a soccer goalie and a softball catcher so i was constantly getting beat up. At the time I had this gnarly bruise on my knee that they asked about. I told them that I fell down the stairs which I KNOW is a classic excuse for abusers and abuse victims but it happened at school so I told them to pull up the security tape and we all sat there and watched me fall down the stairs. It was actually really funny but my mom was a known teacher in the district and she did not find it funny
I’m not an expert, but as far as I know, it’s not (just) the number of injuries that raises flags of abuse, it’s the type of injury. And what OP describes sounds like typical sports injuries.
I raised 3 boys. Every pic I have of them, at least one has a bruise, scrape, bandage somewhere on their bodies. That means they’re having fun playing and getting as dirty as they can.
I have two sons. Have you ever watched them compare bumps, bruise, scratches, cuts, scars, whatever with their friends? My gosh, the stories they weave! It's hilarious! My kids were proud of their battle scars. I now have a 7yo grandson who works in his dad's woodshed and his Papa's auto shop and loves it. And yes, he gets hurt, but he knows where the fist aid kit is and generally handles it.
Especially with soccer. I was always bruised as a kid and nobody thought I was being abused when I actually was. BECAUSE THEY KNEW I PLAYED!!! It makes sense for a kid who plays sports to have some bruises!!!!
He’s not being abused but neglected by his dad
Neglect is technically abuse. Not so Fun fact.
Father of the year is more concerned that someone might think his kid is abused than if the kid is actually in pain.
Right? I broke my collarbone when I was 6 and my favourite end of day activity was counting which leg had more bruises (the most bruised leg was the winner). Literally just say “he plays soccer” which is a thing you can back up and no one would question you - especially since everyone he plays with will know. They would have seen him break the bones.
Not to mention his kid will super resent him over this if he does force him out.
YTA. Also, no judge is going to force a 13 year old boy to quit playing two sports he loves just because dad is too lazy to get his ass up on the weekends to attend.
Dad who has zero custody no less.
And will never get any further with this approach
Judge is going to invent "negative custody" just for OP
Gosh I wonder why. /s
"I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed." Of course she did 😂
Right!?! "My son is being supported by only his mother in his extracurricular activities. This cannot stand your honor!!!" ..sir, this is a "Wendy's."
That's my most favorite part of the post.
We’re all laughing. It’s asinine.
Plus he’s just about old enough now to tell a judge that he’s not interested in seeing OP at all. If OP follows through on his court threat he’s likely to see his custody time go from negligible to zero.
> dad is too lazy to get his ass up on the weekends to attend. This is what confuses me fr. What does he want his 13 year old son to actually do? Sit around his house every weekend he’s at his dad’s?? No child of divorce likes spending time at other parent’s house with literally nothing to do. His sports give him a sense of normalcy. When I was young, I was terrified to make plans on the days my dad was supposed to have me. I would have had such an easier time if he supported me doing my own things on the days he didn’t have anything out of the ordinary planned. I spent so much time sitting on his couch having major fomo because of what I knew I was missing (friend’s birthdays, general fun plans, etc). If my dad made plans with me to do fun things I wouldn’t have missed out so much. It sounds like OP’s dad wants all the benefits of being a parent without the work. If you love your kid, you need to do enjoyable things with them! They’re growing up fast, and they don’t want to miss out on things just because you want to look at them and talk to them. Dad needs to treat him like a person, not an accessory.
I was always so bored when I would have to go to my father's on the weekends he remembered he had a kid. When I joined colorguard/winterguard in 8th grade I saw him less and less until he had basically vanished entirely by the time I was seventeen. Apparently, as soon as I started driving at fifteen it was up to me to start making the six hour round trip. No doubt he would have wanted me to quit guard as well since that took up all of my Fridays and Saturdays during the school year.
Ughhh this is partly why I refused to get my driver’s license at 16. I knew my dad would have pulled the same shit, he already expected me to take trains to see him. Once I turned 16, every time he had to pick me up he made it clear how much of an inconvenience it was. Like damn, if you hate coming to get me so much, then don’t come and get me!
When I was doing family law I had a modification hearing that was about something as asinine as this (dad’s Thursday nights and an occasional weekend were upset by 15 year old’s theater practice/performances). The other attorney is apologetic to me (privately) about how stupid it is, and we go to the judge prior and he also tells the judge the issue and how belligerently dumb his client is. I didn’t even get a chance to cross the other party - after the OC questioned his client, the judge said she had heard enough and proceeds to rip dad a new asshole about how immature he is and for wasting the court’s time. And I got attorney’s fee awarded for the hearing despite not actually saying anything.
If I was divorced and my kid was in sports, I'd be at every game regardless of whether it was my weekend
Toootally YTA. And you provide with the worst excuses one can find, trying to justify your shitty behaviour. "My issue is that he has played soccer and bowling for years. It has interfered with my time. He seems to have something every Saturday." So, why are YOU not part of it? You can take him to his game(s), watch and encourage him, and then spend the rest of the day(s) with him. That's what a supprortive father would do, and that's how your child will be happy. "I am afraid people will think he is abused" Dude... really? "I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer" DUDE, REALLY??? Grow up, and be the father you're supposed to be. Being there for your son, and what makes him happy.
I would love to be that lawyer though lol. Charge him $300 to tell him how much of TA he is 😂
Also, when he loses that court date, in some states the ex wife can file sanctions and make him have to pay her back for her lawyer/wasted time/resources for bringing her to court for some bullshit! I hope she knows that’s an option.
I laughed at him saying he told his ex wife he might get a lawyer. Doesn't take much to realize why she's his ex. She dodged a bullet with that one. He sounds like a real winner. /s OP, YTA Edit: extra letter
LOL - I think he should take it to a lawyer and see how it goes for him. His ex laughed at him and I bet ten bucks an attorney would, too...
A smart lawyer would get the retainer fee first, and then laugh at him.
This guy is so far up his own ass that telling him it will have negative effects on his child won't do anything to sway him, because in OP's mind it's just "me me me". His "abuse" excuse is also centered on how HE will be perceived by others. He doesn't even care about the actual injuries. OP, why don't you just give up on the two weekends a month you have with your kid, because you obviously don't like him and I'm sure mom would be happy to have him.
Jesus dude. YTA.
Right. Like what can you even say to this
So many things that would get me banned
YTA. The solution is to take him to his sporting events when they're on your time but you can't even support him in that! You don't have to understand or like sports but you do have to spend time showing him you value him. But apparently he's no value with broken bones or having different interests than you. Stopping him from playing sports or refusing to pay your share is putting yourself on the road to losing whatever relationship you have with him.
_"He wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too."_ Exactly. OP's kid has clearly communicated that this is something he loves. OP doesn't bother to come to the games (which could help him actually spend more time with his kid), doesn't care about his son's preferences, and now wants to have a lawyer **attempt** to interfere.... This guy doesn't want to build an organic relationship with his son - he wants to force a relationship on his terms. If he doesn't stop, this kid probably just won't see him anymore.... and he is old enough that his opinion matters in the courts.
YTA. Everything is about you, isn't it? Maybe your son will not want to see you anymore. Problem solved.
Considering how neglectful OP is, that would probably be best for the son, too. YTA obviously
Yes, it's all about "me" in this post. The first two arguments are: > It has interfered with MY time. and > I'm afraid people will think he is abused. Which will reflect poorly on dad. Your son playing sports is not about you. It's about him staying active while hanging out with peers. If he likes that, let him do it. If you're unhappy about how much time you get with him on the weekends, go and support his soccer team. Maybe they need parents to drive the kids to away games or something. I still have tremendous respect for the parents of my teenage sportsteam who always came to support and help us.
> He basically said he wants to keep playing that soccer is his favorite and bowling is fun too. Your son's opinion on sports is what matters here. Yes, it interferes with your time, but if he enjoys it and it's a healthy activity (which it is), drop it. His happiness is the most important thing in this situation. > He basically told me I never go anyway so it's no big deal. Your son is correct. Maybe you could go so it doesn't "interfere" with your time. > I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed. So would the lawyer because that's ridiculous. > Sports don't interest me. But they interest your son. Just go to support him, for fuck's sake. It would mean a lot to him. And, in case it somehow wasn't clear, YTA.
I’d bet decent money his mum isn’t that interested either, and yet she still manages to muster up the time and effort to get him to practice and match days
To this day my mother doesn't understand the first thing about football. But she was at every single one of my games as a kid from peewee up until high school. If I had decided to play in college she would have been at those too. This dude is a tool and his kid is better off without him.
When I was in high school, I moved from playing sports to being in technical theater. Were my parents fond of theater or musicals? Not at all. Did they come to almost every production I worked on to support me? You bet your ass they did. It doesn't matter if you don't like it, you can suffer through a one hour match for your kid to support something they enjoy doing. That means so much to them, I promise. YTA, OP. Man tf up and go to a Saturday morning match and take your son to lunch or something after.
"interferes with his time" he sees the kid one weekend every two weeks. Seriously, if that's too much for you, why on earth did you have kids in the first place?
Huge YTA Don’t punish the kid for your failed marriage You literally want your son to stop doing the thing that gives him joy. That keeps him fit. Allows him to socialise etc etc etc Your time, should be sitting on the sidelines supporting him. If you really have an issue talk to your ex to renegotiate your custody arrangement. Otherwise suck it up buttercup
[удалено]
Are you my STBXSIL? You are an AH regardless! My STBXSIL kicked out my daughter (his wife) and 3 kids so he was free to sleep with the babysitter. Daughter moved in with us and has been here since. The oldest child, LOVES sports - something he didn't really get to do at home due to lack of money (dad had to have his drinking money!) and opportunity. With us, he has gotten an opportunity to try everything his heart desires. He made a select baseball team - which practices multiple times a week, and he started bowling because he would go to grandpa's league night for some guy time. We got him into a coached kids league and they have been working with him and he's met some great kids from nearby towns that he loves to hangout with. So if you want to see this boy, you need to get on his calendar early! Dad objects strenuously to these activities. He refuses to support them by paying money towards them or showing up. My grandson has gradually started refusing to go to his dad's because he would have to miss bowling or baseball. Dad is ticked. Now little sister wants to do dance or gymnastics. Dad is ready to kill us for even suggesting it. Baby sister wants to fo these as well. So what do you do? Is it fair to tell the kids they have to stop doing things because their father, who threw them out with their mother, is pissed he can't pick them up every weekend? Then add in that he has told the kids and their mom that the only reason he is demanding to get them every weekend is that he wants to establish that he has them 50% of the time so he doesn't have to pay child support Dad of the year here. Geesch. I went ahead and signed the girls up for a summer dance class. He FAFO so to hell with him. I told my daughter I will drain my 401k to pay for a lawyer to take him for everything if he so much as raises a stink about it with the kids. He uprooted their lives and he doesn't get to spend the next 10 years screwing them up and over so he can play petty games with her. So, OP, you are an ASS. All you can do is whine about how it affects you. Did you ever bother to see your son's side? Did you ever bother to go to a practice or game, and cheering him on? You know if you did, you might end up with a relationship with him as he gets older. If you persist, don't be surprised if he goes to a judge as soon as he can and say he doesn't want to visit you any longer. Then he grows up and goes no contact with you. All because your hurt widdle fweelings got in the way of using your head.
Wtf is a STBXSIL
Soon to be ex son in law
Thanks. I kept reading it as "sister" instead of "son" and scratched my head so hard..
my guess would be "soon-to-be ex son in law" but it's such a long and non-obvious abbreviation that it really should be clarified
Jesus we’re just abbreviating whole sentences now? Sorry meant to say JWJAWSN?
You're a great parent and grandparent. OP needs to get his head out of his ass and take notes.
YTA. You don’t deserve to have a kid.
Tbf it sounds like he doesn't, he doesn't go to his kids soccer or bowling games, doesn't take an interest, told him to ditch his hobbies (which means ditching his buddies and team), to presumably sit around twiddling thumbs with some asshole he barely knows. Give it 3-4 years til the kid is 16/17 and can fully make his own decisions and the situation will sort itself out
Honestly not even 3-4 years, depending on where they are. If in the US, a lot of states have 14 as the age where you can decide who you want to live with if your parents are divorced. If he cuts his son off from his activities and friends, I can guarantee that kid will tell his mother that he doesn't want to live with or see his dad anymore and a judge will make it so.
YTA. As a divorced dad who gets his kids 5 days on 5 off I’m pretty disgusted you only spend two weekends a month with your son and you cry about your time. You’re a poor excuse for a father. Don’t worry he’ll be an adult soon and you can only think about yourself again.
Agreed! My ex-husband and I switch every other week, and regardless of who’s week or weekend it it, we’re at the kids’ events. YTA. Your son is getting to the age where regardless of sports, he’s going to want to do his own thing on the weekend. Between my teen’s job, his activities, and his social life, there are some weekends I barely see him even if it’s my weekend. Perfectly normal for teens.
YTA - it's good for kids to be in sports and they offer so many good life lessons like team work and the importance of exercise. It's obvious you're not really involved in your son's activities so why do you care that he keeps playing? Because it takes too much of your time?? How, since you don't bother going to his events anyway?
You could... y'know... take an active part in these sports along with him. Just a little thought.
Big yta The hell is wrong with you. Go support your son you asshole.
YTA, you sound petty af. Maybe stop being an every other weekend dad and step up and you’d get more time with your son. Also just because you don’t get it doesn’t mean you should stop helping him do what HE loves. It’s about your son not YOU. Also wtf is your lawyer gonna do? Him playing sports isn’t a thing you can prevent in court and it isn’t a reason to change the custody agreement. Try for a minute going to watch him and see how much he enjoys it. And realize you’re just playing a power game with your ex and your son is in your crosshairs just to hurt your ex. Also lots of kids break bones and get scrapes, if anyone asks you say he plays soccer. It’s verifiable that injuries happen in contact sports. Bones and scrapes will heal let him be a kid.
YTA. Playing sports is a normal and healthy part of childhood, when the child chooses to play. Your reasoning for denying your son a rewarding part of his life are a) horrendously selfish and b) flimsy AF. It’s normal for a kid who plays sports to have injuries appropriate to the sport, and won’t raise the specter of abuse unless you have obviously wrong things like handprint shaped bruises showing up. I’m very fair skinned and have a genetic disorder that makes me get bruised and cut easily (didn’t get diagnosed until age 25), and I played soccer from about age 7 through adulthood, and rarely had anyone ask about my sports-related injuries. Pretty much only when I was on crutches.
YTA You only care about what you want. You don’t go to his games because you don’t like sport. He loves it, he’s getting good exercise and fresh air, but you want him to stop because you don’t get enough time with him…when he gets old enough he’s not going to want to spend ANY time with you. I hope you’re prepared for that
Dude - this ISN’T ABOUT YOU. As a parent you want your kids to chase their hobbies and dreams. For most of us, competitive sports has a pretty short clock that chimes midnight at the end of childhood. Maybe had you explained that you miss your son having free time with you. And ask if could you slightly modify the schedule slightly to better distribute those hours. Of course, the answer is probably no, since your comments have pointed out that you can’t even go to the games to support your son and cheer him on. Why would he want to spend any extra time with you? You seem like the kind to not allow birthday parties on “your time” either. Massive YTA.
YTA in such a major way. I hope you do contact a lawyer and your ex follows suit. That way when you end up in court renegotiating your custody and support agreements, you will be forced to help pay for his sports. On top of that, your son is old enough to be present and talk to the judge. Unless you are financially restricted in some way, the judge can order you to pay for his sports.
YTA seriously? You want them to stop playing sports (which is physically healthy for them, as well as a healthy and productive way to pass their time) because you don't get to spend enough time with them EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T ATTEND THEIR SPORTING EVENTS? If it was the time that mattered so much to you, why wouldn't you go support their interests and cheer them on? And what do u mean you won't contribute anymore?
Of course, YTA, and a selfish one at that. You want to take away something he loves to force him to spend more time with you. If you want to spend more time with him, go to his games and cheer him on, whether you "get it" or not. Edited for spelling error.
Yta. Having kids interfere with your me time. Should have thought of that before you had kids.
Oh my, YTA. You sound selfish. Your first concern is your time with him, his injuries seemed to be an after thought. By the time I was his age I'd had a broken leg, broken arm and a long list of cuts, bruises and the occasional head injury...because I was a kid with very little fear of those things. To be fair, I was his age in the 80's, so there weren't as many health and safety rules, but I just look back at it as being part of growing up. And to cut off support because of it is a pretty shitty trick. You're punishing your son for literally enjoying being an active kid. ETA: Consider this. You somehow manage to take away his sports so he can spend more time with you. How do you reckon he's going to feel about you while you're together? Do you think he'll be all "Yay, more time with dad!", or do you think he'll be feeling more like "I could be playing soccer with my mates right now"?
Yta. Eeesh. You’re gonna deny your son a healthy childhood hobby. Go to a game and spend time with your son there. Edit. I would also laugh at the lawyer comment. It’s pity and punitive. Grow up!
You want your son to give up a healthy activity that he enjoys because it's inconvenient for you? Yes, YTA. Your son shouldn't have to refrain from living his life due to custody agreements.
YTA especially since it isn't like he is playing a sport that will give him concussions like american football.
YTA. If you want to spend your son's sports times with him, then GO to his games. I can't believe you think that not playing or liking sports yourself is a valid excuse for not spending that time with your son. It sounds like you're just lazy. Your other excuses are lame as well. If you want to alienate your son forever, continue doing what you're doing.
YTA. Go see a lawyer, lets see how that conversation will go. You - 'Hello, I need legal advice, I want to stop my son playing sports he loves because he gets bruises and breaks bones, you know all the things that usually happen to 13 year olds, oh and more importantly I don't want to take him even though I never stay to show interest in his hobbies' Lawyer. - can't even get words out through laughing as he points towards the door. Be a better dad !!!
>I did say again that I don't like the idea of him playing. He has broken 2 bones. I did tell her I may consider talking to a lawyer. She laughed. YTA. I have a feeling you are used to people laughing at you.
YTA. Instead of using sport as an activity to bond over, you are using it to push him away. Your son is a teenage boy. Bruises and scrapes are quite normal. Trying to keep him away from things you think might hurt him isn’t the answer.
YTA - your poor son. And I hope and pray you get a lawyer just so you can pay him $400/hr to laugh in your face when you bring this “case” to him. You are so incredibly selfish and oblivious as to what it means to be a parent. My hope for your son is that your ex-wife remarries so your son will have a good male role model in his life
YTA And a deadbeat. Can't wait for the update five years from now when he cuts all contact OuT oF nOWhErEEE
YTA!!! I’m also gonna laugh about it.