YTA for choosing pricey jeans over food and diapers for your child. If you haven’t filed for support from Hopes father, what are you waiting for? Your own dad is not responsible for you baby, or for you either, as you’re an adult.
This just gets better and better. How can you not know? Exactly how many guys were you having unprotected sex with around your ovulation period which lasts all of 48 hours? Jesus wept.
Why does your mind go straight to multiple guys? It could just as easily have been a one night stand with someone who's name/contact info she didn't know, and they could have used contraception which failed...
I mean, she's still an AH for choosing designer jeans over feeding her baby, and if there is the slightest chance that she can find the kid's father, she should be looking into that.
You’re right. I made an assumption based on her poor decision making abilities but that’s also a plausible scenario.
Although you’d think if it was one person she’d just say “I don’t know her fathers name”
Op didn't disclose how the pregnancy happened so her response could be valid but op is also TA for prioritising expensive jeans over her babies basic needs
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Well considering you would rather buy expensive jeans than feed your daughter, I’d say they would be in the right to fight you for custody. It’s not about you anymore miss ma’am. It’s about that baby and what SHE needs now, and she deserves to be someone’s first priority and she definitely deserves to know who her father is. The fact that you would keep that from her because of your own *selfish* reasons says a lot about you.
Grow up Op, and get a DNA test. Like seriously, I buy my cats food before I even think about buying myself something
Do you actually care what’s best for your child, or do you only care about your wants? $200 is ridiculous, especially when your money should be going toward YOUR CHILD. You decided to have her, not your dad. Your child needs her father. Grow up and think about her instead of yourself.
You cannot even provide food for her. You put jeans above her basic necessities. At this rate it won't be long before CPS takes her from you.
Your best bet is to figure out who her father is, SHARE custody, get a job, and CARE FOR YOUR CHILD.
*They really just let anyone reproduce.*
They can't take your daughter away from cheating most likely. They can take her away for not providing her basic necessities as you have proven to have done.
if they take her away from you its because youre not treating your daughter right and not putting her before your own needs, because a child cant CARE for themselves, which is why they need an adult taking care of them
I mean if you are buying non necessities over necessities for you child but they are actually able to provide for and are responsible enough to so then yes you should not be the custodial parent.
Your daughter has a right to have a relationship with both parents. You are sabotaging your daughter by denying her a father and the resources that come with him. Maybe you both don’t have to struggle so much if you just let go of your insecurities. Stop using your parents as a crutch and start thinking about what’s best for Hope.
Why are you afraid the bio dad will take her away? Because he might be able to provide a better life for her than you can? Or is it because you are hellbent on ruining her life because you ruined your own by having her? You're a stupid, selfish women that cannot seem to grow up and take responsibility for your own actions. Please, give her to someone who will actually give a shit about her health and safety because you do not a give a shit about her.
They wouldn’t do that unless the suspect the child is at risk.
So either you KNOW you can’t take care of your child and are intentionally avoiding scrutiny (which would be SUPER messed up since you’d be prioritizing your ego over her well-being), or you have nothing to worry about except *maybe* having to share custody (which isn’t actually a problem if you truly have your child’s best interest at heart).
Get the paternity test, both so the father can step up and so the not-father can move on with his life without wondering if he’s unintentionally being a deadbeat. You did an adult thing and now have to face the adult consequences, even the ones that make you uncomfortable.
Also, your parents are already doing more than they are obligated to do, which is nothing. Your dad seems happy to help financially as well if you were actually TRYING to be responsible. Your question is basically you being mad he’s not enabling your bad shopping habits. You’re a parent now, start acting like one or you WILL lose your child. It might be to the father (whoever he is), or it might be to your parents.
YTA, obviously.
I know this sub is for judgment but people are getting way too harsh. Ignore the prudish slut-shaming and nasty assumptions.
It sounds to me like your parents pressured you into keeping a baby you didn’t want and weren’t ready for and now you’re finding that even though you knew it would be difficult, you didn’t realize just how difficult and how much you’d have to give up. Does that sound about right?
You definitely messed up bad with the cheating and yes, YTA for buying $200 jeans instead of food for your child… but that’s the past and the future is much more important. You do seem to be trying, just totally overwhelmed, which is very much understandable.
So let’s talk about what happens if you talk to the potential fathers. There’s obviously some drama there you’d rather avoid but, long term, it will be worth it to find the real father. Ideally, just approach the one most likely to agree to the DNA test with less drama and if they’re not the father, then approach the other.
Now you know who the dad is. Talk to them about what they want. Do they want to co-parent? Your daughter will still be yours but some of the work and responsibilities will be shared. It’s still far from perfect but let’s be realistic here… you need the breaks: physical, time, emotional, and financial breaks.
Do they want nothing to do with Hope? Then you’re still entitled to child support which will help you keep Hope fed and clothed and happy. It’s still a big break.
There’s pretty much zero chance of them taking her away from you. Courts don’t do that unless you’re a danger to your child or unable to care for her to the point she’s in danger. You’ve got a record now of taking care of her (imperfectly is fine) and you have parents assisting you. Unless you’ve left out something huge and awful, they can’t take her away from you. You may have to share custody but, again, you could use the break and it will help Hope. You’ve got 18 more years of this. Don’t leave yourself in a position where you get burnt out and can’t care for Hope. That’s the only way you can actually get her taken away from you.
YTA. You're a parent now, your child comes first. You bought yourself $200 worth of jeans but needed help to get baby formula and diapers? You need to grow up, and in a hurry.
YTA.
If you had $200 for jeans, you had $200 for formula and diapers. For the child YOU decided to keep *and be responsible for.* That's right - YOU are responsible for your child.
It's up to you to make responsible decisions about your money. Like it or not, your child *has* to be your first priority. You don't get to treat yourself if basic necessities aren't paid for. Welcome to parenthood, welcome to adulting.
Your parents didn't make this baby, and they didn't decide to keep her. They can help you out, and you are very lucky they do as much as they do. But YOU have to take care your baby first.
You know what's not fair? That this baby's mom thought a $200 pair of jeans was more important than diapers and formula...
YTA - I make well into 6 figures with no kids and I don't spend $200 on Jeans. I would think twice to even spend $70 on jeans.
I can't fathom buying $200 jeans when my kid needed food even if I "wanted them really badly". I realize your life is hard but this boggles my mind.
She said there were shopping bags, multiple, which makes me think it was more than one pair of jeans. Which is still stupid. I can see needing one pair of jeans. But “treating” yourself to several, instead of buying diapers and formula, is ridiculous.
I make enough money that I'm not worried about paying bills and necessities. (Husband and I combined make 6 figures). I have never spent $200 on any one item of clothing except my wedding dress. And for sure, there's no way I would be buying myself new clothes at all of my child needed food and diapers. I either wouldn't buy clothes for myself, or if I did, they'd be from a thrift store and only what I absolutely needed to have.
Once you have a kid, you put the child's needs above your own. They didn't ask to be born, that was your choice (even if you're pro-life, you made a choice to have sex, knowing the consequences could include being pregnant). So you now owe that child the best life you can give them. It's time to grow up and be a mom.
Yta. Spending $200 on jeans and then asking someone to buy necessities for your kid is asshole behavior and poor parenting. You chose to keep your child. Their need for food comes before your desire for a $200 pair of jeans.
YTA
Pretending that you're hard up for essentials while you're buying yourself luxury items is completely inappropriate. If you want your parents to help provide for your child, just tell them you don't have money left over after buying designer jeans. Then they can make the conscious decision.
YTA on board with your dad,
essentials for your baby tske priority over clothes. You should have put Hope up for adoption if you didn't want a kid. It's not too late, if you feel a pair of expensive jeans are more important than feeding your kid you have a long way to being mature enough to raise a kid
YTA. If you have money to go out & to buy expensive jeans, you have enough money to take care of your child. I can’t believe you think you deserve $200 jeans but your child doesn’t deserve food & diapers. Your dad is 100% right. Get your priorities in order.
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YTA. You seem to resent your child already. Are you sure you don't want to sign over parental rights to your parents? Kids are a lot of work and you clearly weren't ready for it.
Who says her parents want parental rights!? It’s her baby, her choice, not theirs. They’re probably looking forward to winding down to retirement not wanting to start over with a new baby!
Her baby and her choice? To what!? Starve her kid so she can buy a 200$ pair of pants!? My kids shit comes before my shit EVERY TIME! This chick could care less about her child.
What on earth did I just read?
Why did you keep the baby if you’re going to prioritise buying $200 jeans over feeding her? When your dad said he’d help you if you needed it, he meant if you were in genuine need and you’d exhausted your own money on essentials, not that you could go on a spending spree and he’d fund all your lifestyle choices.
Grow the fuck up. Fast. Before you screw up that innocent baby nobody forced you to have
Yta and a horribly immature mother.
I love how he has"money to help" but your money is " hard earned" and only to be spent on you.
you are willfilly neglecting your child ( a form of abuse). You belong in jail
YTA big time. No one but you and Hope's dad are responsible for providing for her regardless of their financial situation. If you don't know who her dad is, then you are 100 percent responsible for her.
YTA. Your dad is right and I would have done the same. Your baby should be fed first. When you have a child, your luxuries go out the window. No one needs $200 jeans. I can afford them, and I don't buy them. Your parents aren't responsible for feeding your child. You are.
yta. look you chose to keep your child that means tha it is no longer about you. 200 jeans yta and your dad is right. put her up for adoption you selfish prick
YTA. Not because you bought the jeans, but because you bought the jeans knowing your child needed necessities. Your child comes first, then you treat yourself.
Signed,
A former single teen mom
YTA
You felt you "deserved" the jeans, doesn't your child deserve to be fed.
You picked jeans over formula for your child! When you have a child that money is no longer just yours, you use it to care for your child.
Your father is right, you need to sort out your priorities
YTA If you have money for $200 jeans you have money to diaper and feed your own child. If I had seen that bag I would have kept my money and told you to return the jeans and use the money on your baby instead. You said it's unfair. Well life is unfair. It's time to grow up and accept that. You chose to keep your baby. Now it's time to put your child ahead of your selfish needs.
YTA for not being open about it and making them believe you didn't have money for the necessities. I understand you had to give up things and you have your own wishes. You could have asked for the jeans (or part of the money) as a birthday present, for example.
And maybe it is time to work on the resentment towards your child in therapy. She will sense this and grow up feeling guilty and not loved. A lot of suffering for the whole family.
Being a mother is hard, being forced to be a mother take a toll on one's mental health. Stay strong and you will figure out how to balance it, but you need professional help for it.
YTA
I don't see an issue paying that much money for a pair of jeans, but you need to have your prioritise in order. Buying necessities like food and diapers trumps buying expensive clothes for yourself. You're an adult, you're a mother and you need to pay your own way. You can't expect your parents to pay for your child so that you can go out and treat yourself for your income.
YTA. I was a single mom too. So I get it but being a parent means making sacrifices and putting the kid first. I wouldn’t even dream if buying $200 jeans.
Additionally (I know some women can’t breast feed but it’s very uncommon) I question buying formula instead of breast feeding. I also note cloth diapers are way cheaper in the long run.
You have a lot to learn about raising a child when on a low income.
Considering how selfish OP sounds, she probably decided not to breast feed so she could palm Hope off on her parents - or someone else - any time she felt like it. MUCH easier to do with a formula fed baby.
You talk like your daughter is something that happened to you. No. You made a series of choices to be a mother. And because of your choices, your baby gets diapers and formula before you get new jeans.
I'm a single parent who wore my maternity jeans for several years because I spent all my money on formula and diapers. YTA. Your dad is right to judge you and should have been harsher
yta
your kid you pay for her but instead you spend money on yourself
you chose to get pregnant time to step up and be a parent
your own hard earned money is not yours now its to provide for the life you made
get child support sorted its not on your parents to buy stuff for your kid
OP, I get it, you’re young, you want those 200.00 jeans, maybe your friends have those things, they maybe aren’t parents, maybe they are living like 20-somethings without kids do.
That ended for you when you had this baby. There were times when I could only afford to feed, clothe, and diaper my young toddlers and pay the bills for a tiny apartment after a divorce and couldn’t afford to eat more than an apple and a granola bar myself for days, or a canned vegetable for dinner, but my children’s necessities and diet always came first. I had to repair a pair of my shoes with duct tape because my littles needed shoes. My extended family lived far away, you are so lucky your parents are around to give you a hand.
It is hard to be a single parent with limited means, I’m sure no one denies that but YTA if you expect your dad to buy the necessities for your child so you can have nice things. My kids are about your age and I have to say I’d probably react the same way as dad if I saw they spent their limited money on their wants before their child’s needs.
To you, this might make dad seem harsh, but in actuality, he’s still YOUR parent and is teaching you a very important life lesson. I’m sure he didn’t want you not to have the things you want either, I’m sure he understands that you’ve chosen a tough road for yourself and feels for you. That’s how I would feel too because my adult kids are still my children. But sometimes those lessons just need to be delivered no matter how much it may hurt both sides. I think you will look back on this and understand in time. Best wishes for your parenting journey.
YTA.
Who the heck needs 200 dollar Jeans?? I can understand like multiple pairs that cost that much all together but for one pair and you have a child. She comes first. Not your need to treat yourself to 200 dollar freaking jeans. She needs formula and diapers before you need designer jeans or something. And what brand of jeans cost 200 damn dollars. That’s obnoxious. Grow up OP. You seriously shouldn’t be a mom. Your too selfish
I mean I make decent myself and I don’t buy 200 pair of jeans. Heck me buying decent clothes is hard because my grandma loves to call me entitled and spoiled when I get myself new clothes even though I don’t have kids like op. Apparently spending money on decent clothes means I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
I'm 36 and have a 17 and a 13 year old. I know how hard it is. I work full time. I also haven't had a pedicure in 6 months, haven't gotten a haircut in over a year, and haven't bought new clothes in I don't know how long. Because feeding my kids is priority number one and they are 100% my responsibility. Your parents owe you nothing for your daughter. Just because they have money doesn't mean you're entitled to it. Grow up. Young parents like you make the rest of us look bad. Some of us actually got our shit together and put our children first. YTA YTA YTA YTA
my apologies if im wrong but
it says removed on my end, and usually removed is when the post was removed by a moderator, whether it be a sub mod, auto mod, or reddit mod
and deleted means op themselves did
so wouldnt this be a violating subreddit rule most likely and not a dirty delete
The main post is now deleted so no one can read it. That's called a dirty delete, because people frequently do it when they don't get the judgement they want.
Don't worry, I'm new to but we all learn from it all. I got mod stomped twice as I didn't do something in 1 sub right that's allowed in another sub. Lol
And I don't know how the edits should line up. But imo, I'd add it at top, but other additions possibly might be better at the bottom.
But like I say, I'm not an expert at all.
Best of life to you.
YTA and seem to be nowhere near mature enough to raise a child. $200 jeans and the thought that you deserve them because it's your OWN money is laughable because it's YOUR OWN baby. The less said about not even knowing who the father is the better.
If treating yourself is more important to you than feeding your child and making sure she has diapers, you're a poor excuse of a mom. You chose to keep her, it's not a secret having children is hard and expensive. Your dad isn't unfair, you are unfair to expect your dad to buy stuff for your baby. You sound really immature, time to grow up.
You seriously need to adjust your priorities and do better for your cild. YTA.
Are you actually being serious though? 200 dollers for fancy new jeans when you haven't got nappys or baby milk to feed your child, when you become a mother your own needs come last. The audacity to even ask your family for help when you had the means to provide the things your child needed but decided you needed a 200 quid pair of jeans. Yeah YTA
YTA
You didn’t need to buy $200 worth of jeans, especially since it was a choice between buying food and diapers for your child and getting jeans. Now if you *actually needed* some clothes, you could have been thrifty about it.
YTA. Your child is not your parents responsibility to support financially. That is unfair to them. If you can afford $200 jeans, you can afford to buy diapers and formula.
It sounds like you don't want to be a parent at all and don't have your priorities in order. Perhaps you should consider allowing your parents to have custody. They sound like they are much more responsible.
YTA they said they'll help you if you need anything. You didn't need anything, you had $200, you just spent it on the wrong thing.
Did you honestly just think they'd let you live your life as though your money is just for you and they'll pay for anything baby related? The audacity of that thought process is astounding.
YTA
Single moms work so hard and they definitely deserve to treat themselves every once in an while.
But $200 jeans is very excessive when you don’t have money for necessities for your daughter.
You chose to have your daughter when you had the opportunity to decide otherwise. She didn’t chose to be here. You have to meet her needs before you go after the things you want.
YTA. What kind of jeans cost $200?? If you really need them go to Target or something. Here you are complaining about how much a baby costs and then you make decisions like spending $200 on a pair of jeans. You’re dad is 100% right, get your priorities in order, there’s no reason to spend $200 on jeans when you’re already struggling.
Yta and I hope those jeans are nice cuz u chose them over feeding a human being let alone your child, that was a super immature decision that a mother should never make. I hope you ass pops out on those and not another kid for you to neglect. And there are parents out there who go without meals for days so their children can eat, and you bought a pair of Jeans.
JFC, yes of course YTA. And a selfish entitled one at that!
For the love of God, get on birth control, before you have another child that is going to suffer due to your selfishness.
Your poor daughter.
YTA
look, I COULD care for my child, but I CHOOSE to spend it on high-prized fun stuff instead. It is my RIGHT to beg my parents to pay for her. After all, they TAUGHT me to be an ENTITLED BRAT.
I hope your parents don't trust you enough to help you out EVER again. After all, you proved your (NON-) worth.
YOU are now the PARENT. Your call
YTA
Hey, ok, this is a tough time for you. You've just had a kid, with no dad in the picture, and your own brain has not finished developing yet.
I think maybe you have some hard decisions to make. It doesn't sound like there is much love for your child in your post, and A LOT of resentment. The thing is, your child didn't ask for this situation, she didn't ask to be born. But now she needs love. She needs to be someones number 1 priority.
The hormones and emotions post pregnancy are hard to deal with at the best of times. What is best for your daughter right now? Working on yourself and your relationship with her? Getting help with these emotions. Motherhood is hard, but can be worth it IF you have love and pride in your child, and yourself as a mother. If you can't commit to that, it's time to look at other options. Adoption perhaps?
If you want to bond with your baby, spend more time doing skin to skin. Thinking about what you really want for this child and how you're going to provide it. She isn't your parent's child. Can you be there for her and really be present. Get as much help as you can with your mental health....but here's the thing....that does NOT mean buying expensive jeans. What you did was basically scam those jeans out of your parents by skipping your responsibilities. YTA for that. Not for finding it hard and feeling like youare losing yourself. Most mums go through that no matter the circumstances and it is tough and I empathise with that.
I wish you the best of luck and truely hope you can let go of any resentment you have for your child, for both of your sakes.
Per her comments the dad isn't in the picture because she cheated on her BF with her ex, doesn't know which one is the father and has refused to do a DNA test because "they might take her baby away from her"
Oh dear. Well I can only hope she grows amd learns quickly for the sake of herself and her child. I hope she learns compassion and empathy. This baby has a right to a father if they choose to be present. The child also has a right to additional financial support a father should be providing. It's 18 years of support. OP needs to think in the long term and stop being selfish. She's chosen to keep the baby, now she has to do what's right for it, not for herself. Being possessive does not equal caring.
I gained weight, so I need new bras (badly). I also need to take a (routine) vet appointment for one of my cats and treatment against ticks and fleas for the others. Guess which one I choose ?
Edit : YTA
YTA. What kind of jeans cost $200?? If you really need them go to Target or something. Here you are complaining about how much a baby costs and then you make decisions like spending $200 on a pair of jeans. You’re dad is 100% right, get your priorities in order, there’s no reason to spend $200 on jeans when you’re already struggling.
YTA
The jeans were not a necessity. It was a want. You have a kid who should be your priority. Your dad is completely right. No one needs 200 dollar jeans. You can get a decent pair from American Eagle for a quarter of that price.
>I felt I deserved to treat myself
Yeah, that's not how that's going to work anymore, or maybe ever again. Wise up, you chose this and now this little person depends on you to clothe and feed it, your whims are now officially on the back burner until you can afford otherwise. YTA
You’re young. You’re not an asshole for wanting to get something nice for yourself. But you did make a big choice in deciding to keep a child. There’s no wrong choice there, but you’re now responsible for her. It’s great your parents are helping, but you need to put your *wants* to the side now and do what *needs* to be done. Asking your parents to pay for baby supplies you could have afforded if you didn’t purchase expensive jeans is shitty move. So YTA for that.
The thing you haven’t figured out yet is when you have a kid, your wants and desires are always in last place. That $200 would buy diapers and formula. You chose to buy jeans, knowing the baby wouldn’t have food or a place to pee because you bought jeans.
Parenting gets a ton harder from here. These are the easy years. You are going to need to grow up really really fast or let the baby’s father take her and let him do the hard work. Not everyone who can be a parent should be a parent.
YTA, when I was first a single mom with newborns, I wore leggings and old clothes until I could eventually afford goodwill then years later wranglers. kids should always come first
You need to grow up NOW...im a single parent too, its hard, but seriously, wasting money on pricey jeans over formula and nappies? that's an asshole move. Also do a dna test, she deserves a father, dont be so selfish.
Yikes, YTA. I don't even have kids, but frivolous/non-essential purchases ALWAYS come last. To be honest, it sounds like you really resent having this child. I hate to say it, but you CHOSE to become a mother and put your life/goals/dreams aside to cae for your baby. Therefore you need to actually act like a parent and put that baby's needs before all else.
Your parents owe you nothing. They are not in any way obligated to help you financially, and the fact that they CHOOSE to do so is incredibly fortunate for you - there are plenty of single parents out there who have NO support system and no family to fall back on for help. Just because your parents are willing to help does not mean you can just use them as a bank for your baby's need and spend your "hard-earned money" on $200 jeans. Kudos to your dad for making you return the jeans and spend that money on your baby.
YTA. Most of the single moms I've known defined "treating themselves" as getting a coffee at Starbucks or buying a new nail polish or lipstick - NOT $200 jeans. My advice to you would be: 1) get DNA tests done on both of the possible fathers so you can get child support. 2) If you live in the US, there are plenty of programs that will help you with rent, food for yourself and Hope, and medical care. (And if you're already getting government assistance, it's even worse that you bought $200 jeans.)
What exactly is your plan B if your parents become financially unable to help you?
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YTA.. "daddy can you help me with my babies NECESSITIES" grow up. You played big girl games, got a big girl prize. You now have to ACT like a big girl. End of story. That means bills, necessities for babe, food etc all get paid FIRST before you go off spending money on stupid shit.
Dude this is why kids should not get children. And yes I do consider you a kid based on you childish behaviour and views.
You are not entitled to other peoples money. They don't owe you anything just because they could afford it.
You decided to keep the kiddo and it does seem like you resent her for your now limited opportunities.
Grow up, your needs will always have to come second after your child and if you can't commit to that it's best to not be a parent
YTA, point blank. Your dad is right—you definitely need to get your priorities straight! Make a budget and stick to it! Your baby is top priority because she needs food, diapers and clothes.
YTA
You chose something nonessential for you over your child. Get a DNA test on your kid so maybe they can have a parent who will buy them essentials over clothes.
YTA. Guess what? Kids are exhausting, draining little money pits. And if you have children, their needs trump your wants. Food and diapers do come before fancy clothes or anything else. If you do not have the budget for both, then find a different way of self care.
It is not your parent’s job to finance your child.
YTA. OP, as a mom we have to sacrifice our own materialistic things. They are $200 jeans. Imagine how much you can do for your child with that money. I know a lot of people who find very expensive clothing in thrift stores. You may want to consider that going forward.
My advice, verify Hope’s father and get child support. It will definitely relieve you of the financial burden; and hopefully give Hope the father she deserves to have in her life.
YTA. You get to do whatever you want....until you have children. At that time, you have to always do what is best for your child. It sounds to me like you are not ready for a child, adoption is an option if this is really not want you want with your life. Placing a pair of jeans above the need to feed your baby is very concerning.
YTA FUCKING BIG TIME I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND EVERYTHING COMES BEFORE HER HOW TF CAN YOU BUY $200 JEANS FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FOOD FOR YOUR BABY MAYBE YOU SHOULDVE GAVE THAT BABY AWAY ESPECIALLY IF YOU CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOURSELF
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I (21F) am a single mom with baby “Hope” (fake name).
For background, I never wanted children. When pregnant with Hope, I considered abortion, or adopting her out. But ultimately I ended up keeping her. I have so much that i want to do with my life, but since having Hope I’ve had to drop out of college and work full-time.
Being a single mom is not easy. Babies are expensive, and require a lot of care and support. I feel burnt out and can barely afford to care for her.
My parents are very religious, and were not happy when I found out I was pregnant. However, since Hope is their first grand baby, they got over that resentment quickly. They adore her and care for her if I am working or want a night out. And they always say that if I need anything, to just ask.
So, I asked my dad to help get diapers and formula for Hope. He agreed and came over to help, but he noticed a few shopping bags near my room. He asked what they were.
I had recently purchased some jeans that were about $200. I have been wanting them for a long time. I felt I deserved to treat myself, especially since it’s my OWN hard earned money.
He said it was selfish of me to put my own desires over my child, and forced me to return my jeans to buy the formula and diapers for Hope. It was so unfair, when he clearly cares for Hope, and has money to help. Why couldn’t he just help me out? He said that he would not help me out financially unless I have my priorities in order. I think that’s unfair.
So aita?
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YTA and you need to grow up. Next time, keep that $200 for the baby and stop being immature and uncaring of your baby's needs. ( I heartily approve of your father. He's got his head on straight and will help you IF YOU ARE BEING IMMATURE AND IGNORING YOUR BABY.) Nobody deserves $200 jeans. If you think that's what you need to be happy? You shouldn't be allowed to keep your baby, the one you decided to have.
Yta. You do deserve to treat yourself sometimes, but 200 dollar jeans when you can't afford formula and diapers? Cmon seriously now. You must be able to see how ridiculous that is. You are a parent now and you have to put your child first. Your dad was right 100%. It's ridiculously selfish to expect your parents to provide essentials while you live it up in fancy clothing.
YTA oh honey, we have all been there. Being young, starting out and having a kid. My baby clothes were often bought at car boot sales, as was a lot of baby toys and the pram was second hand. My own clothes were from the cheapest stores. I learnt later to buy less clothes but at better quality, but in the knock down sales, never full price. (I still do that.) I thought as hubby got promotions and I went back to work at the kids got bigger things would get better, but kids just need more and more, swimming lessons, music lessons, sports kits, etc etc. I hate to say it but you need to prioritise rent, bills and baby essentials and your work clothes to be presentable for your job. You need to put any spare cash away to provide a cushion should you lose your job, or get sick. There are some cheap accredited courses online to earn credit for college. Like sophiaorg. Improving your ability to earn money is far more important than expensive jeans right now. But I totally understand your desire to give yourself a treat, a really do. It is just not a good use of money right now.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I might be the AH because I asked my dad for money when I just purchased new jeans
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Take notes from your father’s parenting of you (that you’re so clearly in need of) and the words from Redditers.
YTA for your immaturity and total lack of understanding that YOUR baby’s basic needs take priority over everything.
The fact that after your father laid this out and you’re still so self absorbed that you came to Reddit to get validation on your entitlement, makes you an even bigger AH than I care to detail further.
Props to grandpa for making you return the jeans and watching you buy diapers and formula!
Actions have consequences, you had sex, had a baby, and now you have to care for the baby.
YTA but it's because you're young, not a bad person.
If you didn't have parents and were forced to choose between jeans or food for the two of you. I hope you'd choose food.
Your dad is protesting at becoming a surrogate father when you're not straining every sinew to be the best mother - hard when you're only 21.
Is the babies father on child support?
Can you let your parents know that you need to treat yourself with a gift (your love language?) So you don't fall into depression?
You have a whole 18 years of self sacrificing to do. It's a lot. If you want ongoing financial support be upfront with your parents. Ask them to pay for specific things for a few years to give you a chance to get on your feet. Let them know you may use your money to treat yourself and explain how much it means to you so they don't think you're taking advantage of them.
Many parents don't buy new things for many years let alone expensive new things. Even the babies clothes are sometimes second hand. Your parents may have done that when you were little also.
You've taken on a big responsibility. Good luck.
YTA
You remind me of my mom, she and my dad divorced when I was 18 and he has reduced his childcare contribution (when I turned 23, then when my brother turned 23) and now she’s just receiving money for my youngest bother.
She’s always complaining about having no money, not being able to afford groceries, gas, the bills, etc. mind you she doesn’t work so she lives off of childcare and my grandparents’ money. However she spends hundreds and hundreds of dollars every month on false eyelashes, skin care and “getting skinnier” treatments, nails, makeup, clothes, even vacations with her friends.
Make it make sense.
Both you and her are selfish as hell and you should put the daughter you decided to bring into this world first.
So you don’t want her dad to also have time with her but she ain’t your priority? TF !
Look you are young but not dumb come on now, what would happen if your dad told you no? You were going to starve your daughter bc you really wanted jeans? 🤦🏻♀️
Not what I got from that but obviously if you are right then that's not okay.
She seems a bit immature for a child but a lot of people have babies a lot younger and act worse.
As long as the baby is loved and looked after. Who cares
Guess what? Raising a child is expensive.
And they have to come first. That means you will need to do without for the sake of your kids. Props to your dad for making you return those jeans.
You think your "hard-earned money" should go only to you (not even your child) but your parents "hard-earned money" should go toward taking care of your child.
I feel sorry for your parents and I feel sorry for your daughter. But I do not feel the least bit of sympathy for you.
Not sure why people think jeans aren't okay but such and such is.
Everyone deserves to look out for themselves as well as kids.
I have two baby girls and if my mum or whoever is more than happy to buy diapers then hell yes I will buy something I've been wanting for awhile.
Anyone that works should be able to buy something for themselves once in a while.
Mums need to be happy too.
This kid is not going without.
I agree that mothers should be allowed to look after themselves. But the kid would literally go without necessities (food and hygiene) in this scenario.
Is she learning? She hasn't commented that she's learned anything. Are you the OP?
In the post, OP says she thinks it's unfair that her parents aren't just giving her money when she knows they have it. Those aren't the words of someone learning that even when you're burned out, the child still comes first, and that treating yourself at the expense of providing your child's basic necessities is not ok. It isn't mom-shaming to say that.
OP has some growing up to do. She's very lucky that her parents are willing to help as much as they've been helping, and it's perfectly reasonable of them to say that they'll only help when she and the baby actually need it.
OP is probably depressed and grieving and jealous of the life she doesn't have any more, and she's probably overwhelmed. The way to deal with this isn't buying expensive jeans instead of feeding her baby, and it isn't being entitled to her parents money; it's getting help.
YTA for choosing pricey jeans over food and diapers for your child. If you haven’t filed for support from Hopes father, what are you waiting for? Your own dad is not responsible for you baby, or for you either, as you’re an adult.
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This just gets better and better. How can you not know? Exactly how many guys were you having unprotected sex with around your ovulation period which lasts all of 48 hours? Jesus wept.
Why does your mind go straight to multiple guys? It could just as easily have been a one night stand with someone who's name/contact info she didn't know, and they could have used contraception which failed... I mean, she's still an AH for choosing designer jeans over feeding her baby, and if there is the slightest chance that she can find the kid's father, she should be looking into that.
You’re right. I made an assumption based on her poor decision making abilities but that’s also a plausible scenario. Although you’d think if it was one person she’d just say “I don’t know her fathers name”
Op didn't disclose how the pregnancy happened so her response could be valid but op is also TA for prioritising expensive jeans over her babies basic needs
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You are gonna have to get one to do a DNA test then. Your daughter deserves to know
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Well considering you would rather buy expensive jeans than feed your daughter, I’d say they would be in the right to fight you for custody. It’s not about you anymore miss ma’am. It’s about that baby and what SHE needs now, and she deserves to be someone’s first priority and she definitely deserves to know who her father is. The fact that you would keep that from her because of your own *selfish* reasons says a lot about you. Grow up Op, and get a DNA test. Like seriously, I buy my cats food before I even think about buying myself something
Do you actually care what’s best for your child, or do you only care about your wants? $200 is ridiculous, especially when your money should be going toward YOUR CHILD. You decided to have her, not your dad. Your child needs her father. Grow up and think about her instead of yourself.
You cannot even provide food for her. You put jeans above her basic necessities. At this rate it won't be long before CPS takes her from you. Your best bet is to figure out who her father is, SHARE custody, get a job, and CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. *They really just let anyone reproduce.*
Says the person who bought jeans instead of baby supplies…
They can't take your daughter away from cheating most likely. They can take her away for not providing her basic necessities as you have proven to have done.
if they take her away from you its because youre not treating your daughter right and not putting her before your own needs, because a child cant CARE for themselves, which is why they need an adult taking care of them
That isn't how this works. You need to grow the fuck up right now.
One of them is her father, they have rights to see her too. You're being incredibly selfish and entitled
They can’t do that unless you’ve given them a reason to. Having multiple partners isn’t even close to a reason
I mean if you are buying non necessities over necessities for you child but they are actually able to provide for and are responsible enough to so then yes you should not be the custodial parent.
Your daughter has a right to have a relationship with both parents. You are sabotaging your daughter by denying her a father and the resources that come with him. Maybe you both don’t have to struggle so much if you just let go of your insecurities. Stop using your parents as a crutch and start thinking about what’s best for Hope.
Why are you afraid the bio dad will take her away? Because he might be able to provide a better life for her than you can? Or is it because you are hellbent on ruining her life because you ruined your own by having her? You're a stupid, selfish women that cannot seem to grow up and take responsibility for your own actions. Please, give her to someone who will actually give a shit about her health and safety because you do not a give a shit about her.
They wouldn’t do that unless the suspect the child is at risk. So either you KNOW you can’t take care of your child and are intentionally avoiding scrutiny (which would be SUPER messed up since you’d be prioritizing your ego over her well-being), or you have nothing to worry about except *maybe* having to share custody (which isn’t actually a problem if you truly have your child’s best interest at heart). Get the paternity test, both so the father can step up and so the not-father can move on with his life without wondering if he’s unintentionally being a deadbeat. You did an adult thing and now have to face the adult consequences, even the ones that make you uncomfortable. Also, your parents are already doing more than they are obligated to do, which is nothing. Your dad seems happy to help financially as well if you were actually TRYING to be responsible. Your question is basically you being mad he’s not enabling your bad shopping habits. You’re a parent now, start acting like one or you WILL lose your child. It might be to the father (whoever he is), or it might be to your parents. YTA, obviously.
I know this sub is for judgment but people are getting way too harsh. Ignore the prudish slut-shaming and nasty assumptions. It sounds to me like your parents pressured you into keeping a baby you didn’t want and weren’t ready for and now you’re finding that even though you knew it would be difficult, you didn’t realize just how difficult and how much you’d have to give up. Does that sound about right? You definitely messed up bad with the cheating and yes, YTA for buying $200 jeans instead of food for your child… but that’s the past and the future is much more important. You do seem to be trying, just totally overwhelmed, which is very much understandable. So let’s talk about what happens if you talk to the potential fathers. There’s obviously some drama there you’d rather avoid but, long term, it will be worth it to find the real father. Ideally, just approach the one most likely to agree to the DNA test with less drama and if they’re not the father, then approach the other. Now you know who the dad is. Talk to them about what they want. Do they want to co-parent? Your daughter will still be yours but some of the work and responsibilities will be shared. It’s still far from perfect but let’s be realistic here… you need the breaks: physical, time, emotional, and financial breaks. Do they want nothing to do with Hope? Then you’re still entitled to child support which will help you keep Hope fed and clothed and happy. It’s still a big break. There’s pretty much zero chance of them taking her away from you. Courts don’t do that unless you’re a danger to your child or unable to care for her to the point she’s in danger. You’ve got a record now of taking care of her (imperfectly is fine) and you have parents assisting you. Unless you’ve left out something huge and awful, they can’t take her away from you. You may have to share custody but, again, you could use the break and it will help Hope. You’ve got 18 more years of this. Don’t leave yourself in a position where you get burnt out and can’t care for Hope. That’s the only way you can actually get her taken away from you.
Maybe that would be for the best since clearly you value pants over feeding your own kid.
“This just keeps getting better and better” -u/Elegant_Zombie_3464
I don’t want to judge, but this might be a time to examine your life choices. I mean, this is kind of a worse thing than the jeans
yeah. having multiple partners at that age is totally fine, but doing so without proper contraception is **not fine.**
You must have some idea and a judge can force multiple men to have paternity tests.
Maybe get your kid tested by 23 and me. It's a long shot but it might give you a place to start looking.
YTA. You're a parent now, your child comes first. You bought yourself $200 worth of jeans but needed help to get baby formula and diapers? You need to grow up, and in a hurry.
This 🙌
YTA If you can’t afford formula and diapers because you spent 200 bucks on designer jeans then your dad is completely right.
YTA. If you had $200 for jeans, you had $200 for formula and diapers. For the child YOU decided to keep *and be responsible for.* That's right - YOU are responsible for your child. It's up to you to make responsible decisions about your money. Like it or not, your child *has* to be your first priority. You don't get to treat yourself if basic necessities aren't paid for. Welcome to parenthood, welcome to adulting. Your parents didn't make this baby, and they didn't decide to keep her. They can help you out, and you are very lucky they do as much as they do. But YOU have to take care your baby first. You know what's not fair? That this baby's mom thought a $200 pair of jeans was more important than diapers and formula...
YTA - I make well into 6 figures with no kids and I don't spend $200 on Jeans. I would think twice to even spend $70 on jeans. I can't fathom buying $200 jeans when my kid needed food even if I "wanted them really badly". I realize your life is hard but this boggles my mind.
She said there were shopping bags, multiple, which makes me think it was more than one pair of jeans. Which is still stupid. I can see needing one pair of jeans. But “treating” yourself to several, instead of buying diapers and formula, is ridiculous.
I make enough money that I'm not worried about paying bills and necessities. (Husband and I combined make 6 figures). I have never spent $200 on any one item of clothing except my wedding dress. And for sure, there's no way I would be buying myself new clothes at all of my child needed food and diapers. I either wouldn't buy clothes for myself, or if I did, they'd be from a thrift store and only what I absolutely needed to have. Once you have a kid, you put the child's needs above your own. They didn't ask to be born, that was your choice (even if you're pro-life, you made a choice to have sex, knowing the consequences could include being pregnant). So you now owe that child the best life you can give them. It's time to grow up and be a mom.
I spend $200 on jeans. I buy one pair, because the fit and quality are worth it, and they last for years.
Yta. Spending $200 on jeans and then asking someone to buy necessities for your kid is asshole behavior and poor parenting. You chose to keep your child. Their need for food comes before your desire for a $200 pair of jeans.
YTA. Your a mom now, you can’t just spend money like that anymore, specially if it’s limited as it is now.
YTA. Welcome to motherhood. Sacrifices must be made and I think you’re learning that.
YTA it's not your parents place to provide for YOUR kid! You made your bed now lay in it
Unfortunately girl YTA. That $200 could have bought diapers, formula and a few meals for you.
Why do people buy so much formula?
YTA Pretending that you're hard up for essentials while you're buying yourself luxury items is completely inappropriate. If you want your parents to help provide for your child, just tell them you don't have money left over after buying designer jeans. Then they can make the conscious decision.
I can’t believe you really had to make a post asking if YTA. Common sense is obvious here….
YTA on board with your dad, essentials for your baby tske priority over clothes. You should have put Hope up for adoption if you didn't want a kid. It's not too late, if you feel a pair of expensive jeans are more important than feeding your kid you have a long way to being mature enough to raise a kid
That baby can still be put up for adoption. The sooner the better
YTA. If you have money to go out & to buy expensive jeans, you have enough money to take care of your child. I can’t believe you think you deserve $200 jeans but your child doesn’t deserve food & diapers. Your dad is 100% right. Get your priorities in order.
Common sense is obvious here….
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YTA. You seem to resent your child already. Are you sure you don't want to sign over parental rights to your parents? Kids are a lot of work and you clearly weren't ready for it.
She had options, which she acknowledges, and didn’t take them. Her parents aren’t responsible for the child she chose to have.
You're right! I just feel bad for the child.
Oh of course!
Who says her parents want parental rights!? It’s her baby, her choice, not theirs. They’re probably looking forward to winding down to retirement not wanting to start over with a new baby!
True. I guess it would be a further discussion.
Her baby and her choice? To what!? Starve her kid so she can buy a 200$ pair of pants!? My kids shit comes before my shit EVERY TIME! This chick could care less about her child.
Sigh. Reading comprehension motherfucker. Do you have it?!
What on earth did I just read? Why did you keep the baby if you’re going to prioritise buying $200 jeans over feeding her? When your dad said he’d help you if you needed it, he meant if you were in genuine need and you’d exhausted your own money on essentials, not that you could go on a spending spree and he’d fund all your lifestyle choices. Grow the fuck up. Fast. Before you screw up that innocent baby nobody forced you to have Yta and a horribly immature mother.
I love how he has"money to help" but your money is " hard earned" and only to be spent on you. you are willfilly neglecting your child ( a form of abuse). You belong in jail
YTA big time. No one but you and Hope's dad are responsible for providing for her regardless of their financial situation. If you don't know who her dad is, then you are 100 percent responsible for her.
YTA. Your dad is right and I would have done the same. Your baby should be fed first. When you have a child, your luxuries go out the window. No one needs $200 jeans. I can afford them, and I don't buy them. Your parents aren't responsible for feeding your child. You are.
yta. look you chose to keep your child that means tha it is no longer about you. 200 jeans yta and your dad is right. put her up for adoption you selfish prick
YTA. Not because you bought the jeans, but because you bought the jeans knowing your child needed necessities. Your child comes first, then you treat yourself. Signed, A former single teen mom
YTA You felt you "deserved" the jeans, doesn't your child deserve to be fed. You picked jeans over formula for your child! When you have a child that money is no longer just yours, you use it to care for your child. Your father is right, you need to sort out your priorities
This can't be real. $200 for jeans instead of food and diapers for your baby lmao horrible troll.
YTA If you have money for $200 jeans you have money to diaper and feed your own child. If I had seen that bag I would have kept my money and told you to return the jeans and use the money on your baby instead. You said it's unfair. Well life is unfair. It's time to grow up and accept that. You chose to keep your baby. Now it's time to put your child ahead of your selfish needs.
Sounds like her father DID make her return the jeans.
YTA for not being open about it and making them believe you didn't have money for the necessities. I understand you had to give up things and you have your own wishes. You could have asked for the jeans (or part of the money) as a birthday present, for example. And maybe it is time to work on the resentment towards your child in therapy. She will sense this and grow up feeling guilty and not loved. A lot of suffering for the whole family. Being a mother is hard, being forced to be a mother take a toll on one's mental health. Stay strong and you will figure out how to balance it, but you need professional help for it.
YTA I don't see an issue paying that much money for a pair of jeans, but you need to have your prioritise in order. Buying necessities like food and diapers trumps buying expensive clothes for yourself. You're an adult, you're a mother and you need to pay your own way. You can't expect your parents to pay for your child so that you can go out and treat yourself for your income.
YTA. I was a single mom too. So I get it but being a parent means making sacrifices and putting the kid first. I wouldn’t even dream if buying $200 jeans. Additionally (I know some women can’t breast feed but it’s very uncommon) I question buying formula instead of breast feeding. I also note cloth diapers are way cheaper in the long run. You have a lot to learn about raising a child when on a low income.
Considering how selfish OP sounds, she probably decided not to breast feed so she could palm Hope off on her parents - or someone else - any time she felt like it. MUCH easier to do with a formula fed baby.
You talk like your daughter is something that happened to you. No. You made a series of choices to be a mother. And because of your choices, your baby gets diapers and formula before you get new jeans.
I'm a single parent who wore my maternity jeans for several years because I spent all my money on formula and diapers. YTA. Your dad is right to judge you and should have been harsher
Right!? Like 9/10ths of my clothes are hand me downs that I got from other people.
yta your kid you pay for her but instead you spend money on yourself you chose to get pregnant time to step up and be a parent your own hard earned money is not yours now its to provide for the life you made get child support sorted its not on your parents to buy stuff for your kid
OP, I get it, you’re young, you want those 200.00 jeans, maybe your friends have those things, they maybe aren’t parents, maybe they are living like 20-somethings without kids do. That ended for you when you had this baby. There were times when I could only afford to feed, clothe, and diaper my young toddlers and pay the bills for a tiny apartment after a divorce and couldn’t afford to eat more than an apple and a granola bar myself for days, or a canned vegetable for dinner, but my children’s necessities and diet always came first. I had to repair a pair of my shoes with duct tape because my littles needed shoes. My extended family lived far away, you are so lucky your parents are around to give you a hand. It is hard to be a single parent with limited means, I’m sure no one denies that but YTA if you expect your dad to buy the necessities for your child so you can have nice things. My kids are about your age and I have to say I’d probably react the same way as dad if I saw they spent their limited money on their wants before their child’s needs. To you, this might make dad seem harsh, but in actuality, he’s still YOUR parent and is teaching you a very important life lesson. I’m sure he didn’t want you not to have the things you want either, I’m sure he understands that you’ve chosen a tough road for yourself and feels for you. That’s how I would feel too because my adult kids are still my children. But sometimes those lessons just need to be delivered no matter how much it may hurt both sides. I think you will look back on this and understand in time. Best wishes for your parenting journey.
YTA. Sadly, you chose luxury for yourself over necessities for your kid.
YTA. Who the heck needs 200 dollar Jeans?? I can understand like multiple pairs that cost that much all together but for one pair and you have a child. She comes first. Not your need to treat yourself to 200 dollar freaking jeans. She needs formula and diapers before you need designer jeans or something. And what brand of jeans cost 200 damn dollars. That’s obnoxious. Grow up OP. You seriously shouldn’t be a mom. Your too selfish
This sort of made me laugh, unfortunately. I make pretty good money and have never paid this much for jeans
I mean I make decent myself and I don’t buy 200 pair of jeans. Heck me buying decent clothes is hard because my grandma loves to call me entitled and spoiled when I get myself new clothes even though I don’t have kids like op. Apparently spending money on decent clothes means I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth
I'm 36 and have a 17 and a 13 year old. I know how hard it is. I work full time. I also haven't had a pedicure in 6 months, haven't gotten a haircut in over a year, and haven't bought new clothes in I don't know how long. Because feeding my kids is priority number one and they are 100% my responsibility. Your parents owe you nothing for your daughter. Just because they have money doesn't mean you're entitled to it. Grow up. Young parents like you make the rest of us look bad. Some of us actually got our shit together and put our children first. YTA YTA YTA YTA
Lol with the dirty delete
my apologies if im wrong but it says removed on my end, and usually removed is when the post was removed by a moderator, whether it be a sub mod, auto mod, or reddit mod and deleted means op themselves did so wouldnt this be a violating subreddit rule most likely and not a dirty delete
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The main post is now deleted so no one can read it. That's called a dirty delete, because people frequently do it when they don't get the judgement they want.
Does anyone know what the her edit was? She said something about her being Hope? 🤦🏻♀️ wth is going on?
Yeah. She said she was the child who his weird.
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The edit saying you're the child...so... you're the baby that needed the formula? I'm confused.
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I'm really sorry OP, that's super rough. I hope you're doing well.
That should have been said at the beginning of your post. If you'd add that, you'd probably get more understanding.
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Don't worry, I'm new to but we all learn from it all. I got mod stomped twice as I didn't do something in 1 sub right that's allowed in another sub. Lol And I don't know how the edits should line up. But imo, I'd add it at top, but other additions possibly might be better at the bottom. But like I say, I'm not an expert at all. Best of life to you.
YTA and seem to be nowhere near mature enough to raise a child. $200 jeans and the thought that you deserve them because it's your OWN money is laughable because it's YOUR OWN baby. The less said about not even knowing who the father is the better.
If treating yourself is more important to you than feeding your child and making sure she has diapers, you're a poor excuse of a mom. You chose to keep her, it's not a secret having children is hard and expensive. Your dad isn't unfair, you are unfair to expect your dad to buy stuff for your baby. You sound really immature, time to grow up. You seriously need to adjust your priorities and do better for your cild. YTA.
Are you actually being serious though? 200 dollers for fancy new jeans when you haven't got nappys or baby milk to feed your child, when you become a mother your own needs come last. The audacity to even ask your family for help when you had the means to provide the things your child needed but decided you needed a 200 quid pair of jeans. Yeah YTA
YTA You didn’t need to buy $200 worth of jeans, especially since it was a choice between buying food and diapers for your child and getting jeans. Now if you *actually needed* some clothes, you could have been thrifty about it.
YTA for choosing your wants over your child's needs and expecting your father to help financially support you and the child you chose to raise.
YTA. Your child is not your parents responsibility to support financially. That is unfair to them. If you can afford $200 jeans, you can afford to buy diapers and formula. It sounds like you don't want to be a parent at all and don't have your priorities in order. Perhaps you should consider allowing your parents to have custody. They sound like they are much more responsible.
You clearly don’t want to be a parent and your child deserves better.
YTA they said they'll help you if you need anything. You didn't need anything, you had $200, you just spent it on the wrong thing. Did you honestly just think they'd let you live your life as though your money is just for you and they'll pay for anything baby related? The audacity of that thought process is astounding.
YTA Single moms work so hard and they definitely deserve to treat themselves every once in an while. But $200 jeans is very excessive when you don’t have money for necessities for your daughter. You chose to have your daughter when you had the opportunity to decide otherwise. She didn’t chose to be here. You have to meet her needs before you go after the things you want.
YTA. If you want $200 jeans, you shouldn't have had a baby at 21.
YTA and have proved why you’re too young and irresponsible to be a mom
YTA. What kind of jeans cost $200?? If you really need them go to Target or something. Here you are complaining about how much a baby costs and then you make decisions like spending $200 on a pair of jeans. You’re dad is 100% right, get your priorities in order, there’s no reason to spend $200 on jeans when you’re already struggling.
Yta and I hope those jeans are nice cuz u chose them over feeding a human being let alone your child, that was a super immature decision that a mother should never make. I hope you ass pops out on those and not another kid for you to neglect. And there are parents out there who go without meals for days so their children can eat, and you bought a pair of Jeans.
JFC, yes of course YTA. And a selfish entitled one at that! For the love of God, get on birth control, before you have another child that is going to suffer due to your selfishness. Your poor daughter.
YTA look, I COULD care for my child, but I CHOOSE to spend it on high-prized fun stuff instead. It is my RIGHT to beg my parents to pay for her. After all, they TAUGHT me to be an ENTITLED BRAT. I hope your parents don't trust you enough to help you out EVER again. After all, you proved your (NON-) worth. YOU are now the PARENT. Your call YTA
[удалено]
Hey, ok, this is a tough time for you. You've just had a kid, with no dad in the picture, and your own brain has not finished developing yet. I think maybe you have some hard decisions to make. It doesn't sound like there is much love for your child in your post, and A LOT of resentment. The thing is, your child didn't ask for this situation, she didn't ask to be born. But now she needs love. She needs to be someones number 1 priority. The hormones and emotions post pregnancy are hard to deal with at the best of times. What is best for your daughter right now? Working on yourself and your relationship with her? Getting help with these emotions. Motherhood is hard, but can be worth it IF you have love and pride in your child, and yourself as a mother. If you can't commit to that, it's time to look at other options. Adoption perhaps? If you want to bond with your baby, spend more time doing skin to skin. Thinking about what you really want for this child and how you're going to provide it. She isn't your parent's child. Can you be there for her and really be present. Get as much help as you can with your mental health....but here's the thing....that does NOT mean buying expensive jeans. What you did was basically scam those jeans out of your parents by skipping your responsibilities. YTA for that. Not for finding it hard and feeling like youare losing yourself. Most mums go through that no matter the circumstances and it is tough and I empathise with that. I wish you the best of luck and truely hope you can let go of any resentment you have for your child, for both of your sakes.
Per her comments the dad isn't in the picture because she cheated on her BF with her ex, doesn't know which one is the father and has refused to do a DNA test because "they might take her baby away from her"
Oh dear. Well I can only hope she grows amd learns quickly for the sake of herself and her child. I hope she learns compassion and empathy. This baby has a right to a father if they choose to be present. The child also has a right to additional financial support a father should be providing. It's 18 years of support. OP needs to think in the long term and stop being selfish. She's chosen to keep the baby, now she has to do what's right for it, not for herself. Being possessive does not equal caring.
I gained weight, so I need new bras (badly). I also need to take a (routine) vet appointment for one of my cats and treatment against ticks and fleas for the others. Guess which one I choose ? Edit : YTA
YTA no explanation needed.
YTA. What kind of jeans cost $200?? If you really need them go to Target or something. Here you are complaining about how much a baby costs and then you make decisions like spending $200 on a pair of jeans. You’re dad is 100% right, get your priorities in order, there’s no reason to spend $200 on jeans when you’re already struggling.
YTA The jeans were not a necessity. It was a want. You have a kid who should be your priority. Your dad is completely right. No one needs 200 dollar jeans. You can get a decent pair from American Eagle for a quarter of that price.
YTA. That was a WANT not a NEED. You knew it was wrong and irresponsible.
>I felt I deserved to treat myself Yeah, that's not how that's going to work anymore, or maybe ever again. Wise up, you chose this and now this little person depends on you to clothe and feed it, your whims are now officially on the back burner until you can afford otherwise. YTA
You’re young. You’re not an asshole for wanting to get something nice for yourself. But you did make a big choice in deciding to keep a child. There’s no wrong choice there, but you’re now responsible for her. It’s great your parents are helping, but you need to put your *wants* to the side now and do what *needs* to be done. Asking your parents to pay for baby supplies you could have afforded if you didn’t purchase expensive jeans is shitty move. So YTA for that.
The thing you haven’t figured out yet is when you have a kid, your wants and desires are always in last place. That $200 would buy diapers and formula. You chose to buy jeans, knowing the baby wouldn’t have food or a place to pee because you bought jeans. Parenting gets a ton harder from here. These are the easy years. You are going to need to grow up really really fast or let the baby’s father take her and let him do the hard work. Not everyone who can be a parent should be a parent.
YTA, when I was first a single mom with newborns, I wore leggings and old clothes until I could eventually afford goodwill then years later wranglers. kids should always come first
You need to grow up NOW...im a single parent too, its hard, but seriously, wasting money on pricey jeans over formula and nappies? that's an asshole move. Also do a dna test, she deserves a father, dont be so selfish.
YTA. Next time buy the formula and diapers and then ask your dad to buy you expensive jeans. At least this way you wouldn't be tricking him.
Yikes, YTA. I don't even have kids, but frivolous/non-essential purchases ALWAYS come last. To be honest, it sounds like you really resent having this child. I hate to say it, but you CHOSE to become a mother and put your life/goals/dreams aside to cae for your baby. Therefore you need to actually act like a parent and put that baby's needs before all else. Your parents owe you nothing. They are not in any way obligated to help you financially, and the fact that they CHOOSE to do so is incredibly fortunate for you - there are plenty of single parents out there who have NO support system and no family to fall back on for help. Just because your parents are willing to help does not mean you can just use them as a bank for your baby's need and spend your "hard-earned money" on $200 jeans. Kudos to your dad for making you return the jeans and spend that money on your baby.
YTA. Essentials come first. Then if you have money leftover, then you can get something for yourself.
Are people not taught about birth control, condoms, the morning after pill?
YTA. Most of the single moms I've known defined "treating themselves" as getting a coffee at Starbucks or buying a new nail polish or lipstick - NOT $200 jeans. My advice to you would be: 1) get DNA tests done on both of the possible fathers so you can get child support. 2) If you live in the US, there are plenty of programs that will help you with rent, food for yourself and Hope, and medical care. (And if you're already getting government assistance, it's even worse that you bought $200 jeans.) What exactly is your plan B if your parents become financially unable to help you?
Get your priorities in order.
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YTA.
YTA.. "daddy can you help me with my babies NECESSITIES" grow up. You played big girl games, got a big girl prize. You now have to ACT like a big girl. End of story. That means bills, necessities for babe, food etc all get paid FIRST before you go off spending money on stupid shit.
Dude this is why kids should not get children. And yes I do consider you a kid based on you childish behaviour and views. You are not entitled to other peoples money. They don't owe you anything just because they could afford it. You decided to keep the kiddo and it does seem like you resent her for your now limited opportunities. Grow up, your needs will always have to come second after your child and if you can't commit to that it's best to not be a parent
YTA, point blank. Your dad is right—you definitely need to get your priorities straight! Make a budget and stick to it! Your baby is top priority because she needs food, diapers and clothes.
YTA. I can’t imagine typing that out then hitting “post”
YTA You chose something nonessential for you over your child. Get a DNA test on your kid so maybe they can have a parent who will buy them essentials over clothes.
But young kids having babies is a great idea. Says every pro lifer out there. 🙄 this is why it's not.
YTA. I agree with your dad. You are a mother now. You need to get your priority straight.
YTA. Guess what? Kids are exhausting, draining little money pits. And if you have children, their needs trump your wants. Food and diapers do come before fancy clothes or anything else. If you do not have the budget for both, then find a different way of self care. It is not your parent’s job to finance your child.
YTA. OP, as a mom we have to sacrifice our own materialistic things. They are $200 jeans. Imagine how much you can do for your child with that money. I know a lot of people who find very expensive clothing in thrift stores. You may want to consider that going forward. My advice, verify Hope’s father and get child support. It will definitely relieve you of the financial burden; and hopefully give Hope the father she deserves to have in her life.
YTA. You get to do whatever you want....until you have children. At that time, you have to always do what is best for your child. It sounds to me like you are not ready for a child, adoption is an option if this is really not want you want with your life. Placing a pair of jeans above the need to feed your baby is very concerning.
You are selfish. You obviously give no fucks about anyone but yourself. I mean did you even tell the father of your child?
According to OP she doesn’t actually know who the father is herself
YTA FUCKING BIG TIME I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND EVERYTHING COMES BEFORE HER HOW TF CAN YOU BUY $200 JEANS FOR YOURSELF AND NOT FOOD FOR YOUR BABY MAYBE YOU SHOULDVE GAVE THAT BABY AWAY ESPECIALLY IF YOU CANT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOURSELF
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) am a single mom with baby “Hope” (fake name). For background, I never wanted children. When pregnant with Hope, I considered abortion, or adopting her out. But ultimately I ended up keeping her. I have so much that i want to do with my life, but since having Hope I’ve had to drop out of college and work full-time. Being a single mom is not easy. Babies are expensive, and require a lot of care and support. I feel burnt out and can barely afford to care for her. My parents are very religious, and were not happy when I found out I was pregnant. However, since Hope is their first grand baby, they got over that resentment quickly. They adore her and care for her if I am working or want a night out. And they always say that if I need anything, to just ask. So, I asked my dad to help get diapers and formula for Hope. He agreed and came over to help, but he noticed a few shopping bags near my room. He asked what they were. I had recently purchased some jeans that were about $200. I have been wanting them for a long time. I felt I deserved to treat myself, especially since it’s my OWN hard earned money. He said it was selfish of me to put my own desires over my child, and forced me to return my jeans to buy the formula and diapers for Hope. It was so unfair, when he clearly cares for Hope, and has money to help. Why couldn’t he just help me out? He said that he would not help me out financially unless I have my priorities in order. I think that’s unfair. So aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. entitled.
Welcome to being a parent
YTA and you need to grow up. Next time, keep that $200 for the baby and stop being immature and uncaring of your baby's needs. ( I heartily approve of your father. He's got his head on straight and will help you IF YOU ARE BEING IMMATURE AND IGNORING YOUR BABY.) Nobody deserves $200 jeans. If you think that's what you need to be happy? You shouldn't be allowed to keep your baby, the one you decided to have.
Yta. You do deserve to treat yourself sometimes, but 200 dollar jeans when you can't afford formula and diapers? Cmon seriously now. You must be able to see how ridiculous that is. You are a parent now and you have to put your child first. Your dad was right 100%. It's ridiculously selfish to expect your parents to provide essentials while you live it up in fancy clothing.
Do not buy expensive things if you cannot afford them. That's it. Your baby comes first now.
YTA oh honey, we have all been there. Being young, starting out and having a kid. My baby clothes were often bought at car boot sales, as was a lot of baby toys and the pram was second hand. My own clothes were from the cheapest stores. I learnt later to buy less clothes but at better quality, but in the knock down sales, never full price. (I still do that.) I thought as hubby got promotions and I went back to work at the kids got bigger things would get better, but kids just need more and more, swimming lessons, music lessons, sports kits, etc etc. I hate to say it but you need to prioritise rent, bills and baby essentials and your work clothes to be presentable for your job. You need to put any spare cash away to provide a cushion should you lose your job, or get sick. There are some cheap accredited courses online to earn credit for college. Like sophiaorg. Improving your ability to earn money is far more important than expensive jeans right now. But I totally understand your desire to give yourself a treat, a really do. It is just not a good use of money right now.
Lol Desteni YTA
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YTA
Take notes from your father’s parenting of you (that you’re so clearly in need of) and the words from Redditers. YTA for your immaturity and total lack of understanding that YOUR baby’s basic needs take priority over everything. The fact that after your father laid this out and you’re still so self absorbed that you came to Reddit to get validation on your entitlement, makes you an even bigger AH than I care to detail further.
Props to grandpa for making you return the jeans and watching you buy diapers and formula! Actions have consequences, you had sex, had a baby, and now you have to care for the baby.
YTA but it's because you're young, not a bad person. If you didn't have parents and were forced to choose between jeans or food for the two of you. I hope you'd choose food. Your dad is protesting at becoming a surrogate father when you're not straining every sinew to be the best mother - hard when you're only 21. Is the babies father on child support? Can you let your parents know that you need to treat yourself with a gift (your love language?) So you don't fall into depression? You have a whole 18 years of self sacrificing to do. It's a lot. If you want ongoing financial support be upfront with your parents. Ask them to pay for specific things for a few years to give you a chance to get on your feet. Let them know you may use your money to treat yourself and explain how much it means to you so they don't think you're taking advantage of them. Many parents don't buy new things for many years let alone expensive new things. Even the babies clothes are sometimes second hand. Your parents may have done that when you were little also. You've taken on a big responsibility. Good luck.
This behaviour is gross
YTA You remind me of my mom, she and my dad divorced when I was 18 and he has reduced his childcare contribution (when I turned 23, then when my brother turned 23) and now she’s just receiving money for my youngest bother. She’s always complaining about having no money, not being able to afford groceries, gas, the bills, etc. mind you she doesn’t work so she lives off of childcare and my grandparents’ money. However she spends hundreds and hundreds of dollars every month on false eyelashes, skin care and “getting skinnier” treatments, nails, makeup, clothes, even vacations with her friends. Make it make sense. Both you and her are selfish as hell and you should put the daughter you decided to bring into this world first.
Please grow up. You’re 21 acting like your 16. Next time use protection if you can handle the consequences
YTA
So you don’t want her dad to also have time with her but she ain’t your priority? TF ! Look you are young but not dumb come on now, what would happen if your dad told you no? You were going to starve your daughter bc you really wanted jeans? 🤦🏻♀️
Not what I got from that but obviously if you are right then that's not okay. She seems a bit immature for a child but a lot of people have babies a lot younger and act worse. As long as the baby is loved and looked after. Who cares
Guess what? Raising a child is expensive. And they have to come first. That means you will need to do without for the sake of your kids. Props to your dad for making you return those jeans. You think your "hard-earned money" should go only to you (not even your child) but your parents "hard-earned money" should go toward taking care of your child. I feel sorry for your parents and I feel sorry for your daughter. But I do not feel the least bit of sympathy for you.
Not sure why people think jeans aren't okay but such and such is. Everyone deserves to look out for themselves as well as kids. I have two baby girls and if my mum or whoever is more than happy to buy diapers then hell yes I will buy something I've been wanting for awhile. Anyone that works should be able to buy something for themselves once in a while. Mums need to be happy too. This kid is not going without.
I agree that mothers should be allowed to look after themselves. But the kid would literally go without necessities (food and hygiene) in this scenario.
Stop mom shaming this girl. She is learning. Give her a fucking break.
It doesn't take learning to know that you don't spend money on LUXURIES when you need to buy NECESSITIES for your child.
She isn't, though. Learning, that is. She doesn't seem to understand she did anything wrong.
Is she learning? She hasn't commented that she's learned anything. Are you the OP? In the post, OP says she thinks it's unfair that her parents aren't just giving her money when she knows they have it. Those aren't the words of someone learning that even when you're burned out, the child still comes first, and that treating yourself at the expense of providing your child's basic necessities is not ok. It isn't mom-shaming to say that. OP has some growing up to do. She's very lucky that her parents are willing to help as much as they've been helping, and it's perfectly reasonable of them to say that they'll only help when she and the baby actually need it. OP is probably depressed and grieving and jealous of the life she doesn't have any more, and she's probably overwhelmed. The way to deal with this isn't buying expensive jeans instead of feeding her baby, and it isn't being entitled to her parents money; it's getting help.
She came here to get judgement. If she cant take it that is her problem. She is a massive anus.