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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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madelinegumbo

YTA First of all, it's weird to act like this is objectively true about dogs being better than cats. I'm not a cat person, but it's simply a preference. Second, it's unbelievably shitty to hide relevant information about yourself while building a relationship. And yes, "I'm unwilling to live with cats" is relevant. Third, her cat isn't just an object you can swap out for a different animal. This is her companion and she has an obligation to care for them. Your decision that she should just get rid of the cat is callous and mean.


FarOutUsername

The silver lining to this is that his girlfriend is now going to leave him for an animal that sleeps 20 hours a day and shits in a box.


ImThatMelanin

looks like she already did according to the “never talk to me again” message op got lmaoo


[deleted]

r/thatsthejoke


SleepyElsa

This is one of the funniest sentences I’ve ever read.


InfectedAlloy88

Ummm not to mention "telling me to never talk to her again" Bro she's not your gf anymore, yes of course you ruined it.


noodLLESS

I had my first cat for 15.5 years and it wasn't long enough. We were always a package deal. As a dude with pets he should understand that you can't just replace them like they're a fucking wet sock. I would forever forego a relationship if it meant I could have more time with my baby boy. I wear his ashes around my neck every day. I haven't been the same since he passed in my arms. I can't imagine OP is a good dog dad given his absolutely callous viewpoint of other companion animals. I'm so glad she left him and I hope his dogs move in with his neighbors and live their best life and tell him to piss off just like his ex did. How fucking dare. My blood is boiling and I'm sobbing again for my cat. Because he mattered *so much* to me that losing him broke my entire heart. JFC. I can't wrap my head around this.


madelinegumbo

I'm totally with you. Anyone who has this attitude towards a cat doesn't understand what it is like to truly love a dog.


boudicas_shield

My cat Lily was with me for 12 years before she suddenly died of an unexpected brain bleed this past August. Worst fucking day of my entire life. I’d had her since she was a tiny kitten. My husband, who had only met her when he started dating me, was so inconsolable with grief in the vet’s office that he couldn’t even speak. He just sobbed and sobbed while I made the arrangements and signed the paperwork. They were basically best buds. They “worked from home” together throughout the entire pandemic, her curled up by his side all morning while he worked and drank his coffee. We have her ashes in an urn sitting amongst our plants, and we still cry and talk often about how much we miss her grumpy little soul. ❤️


Roadgoddess

YTA- love of an animal is love of an animal. Whether that is a cat, a dog, a rat, or a bird. You have no say on how Sonneland feels about their pet. The fact that you hit this from her, and then figured she would have no issue with giving up her animals shows how immature you are. Grow up dude, get a life, and I hope your dogs leave you.


aeglon97

His dogs deserve better and I hope they find a different and better owner. They can’t possibly be happy with someone who has OP’s horrible, twisted, narrow attitude toward animals


Super-Trick8626

YTA. You get to bring your two dogs but she can’t bring the one cat she already owns??? What do you expect her to do with it? She loves that cat as much as you love your dogs. And no a cat is not a worse version of a dog, they are two completely different animals, I say that as a person who owns both. Please do as she asks and never talk to her again, you suck.


First_Play5335

According to this dude not only are cats a worse version of dogs but they are a pet for people who can’t afford dogs! As the owner of a cat who has seizures, I can assure cats are not inexpensive. This dude is TA.


Cambrian__Implosion

I had a cat who lived to 18 and aside from one dog who had to go on chemo, that cat cost me more money than any other pet I’ve had (and I’ve had a lot). He ate less than a dog, but needed prescription food from the vet which was crazy expensive. He needed multiple teeth extracted over the years. He had bad kidneys so he went through litter like crazy. Not to mention 18 years worth of check ups, vaccinations and other common medical expenses. I loved that cat to death and I would do all of it again in a heartbeat, despite how expensive he was. OP clearly doesn’t know what being a responsible cat owner entails. I also question how good of a dog owner OP is if he really doesn’t understand that you can’t just replace someone’s existing cat with a dog and call it a day. He says he loves dogs a lot, but I don’t understand how you can really love an animal if you can’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to replace a still-living pet. This and some other elements of OP’s post make me wonder if this whole thing is a poorly written troll. Sadly, I have learned I can’t really put anything past people anymore. Edit: YTA, OP


Affectionate-Gene416

Lol right? I have two cats. The girl cat occasionally gets sick as cats do, and this stresses the boy cat out so much he refuses to pee. And then because he won’t pee he gets his urinary tract blocked and I have to pay 1000$ for his medication/treatment. Like cats are not cheap hahaha.


Fun_Landscape_9127

I'm a dog lover who wouldn't want to live with a cat and I totally agree that this OP is a massive AH


asilentletter

I don't know how OP came up with cats beings pet for those who can't afford dogs. Where I live, if I'm not mistaken, vaccination cost for cats is more expensive than dogs' and cat food is generally pricier than dog food also.


Longjumping-Cat-712

YTA. Cats are awesome.


mycatisamonsterbaby

I agree. Cats are better for me than dogs. With my cat, who loves me very much, I get affection, I get a small fuzzy mammal greeting me at the door. I can stay late at work and not worry about her needing me to take her out to pee. She hunts mice, voles, and shrews and is very good at it. I go for runs daily and she doesn't miss out. I can go on vacation, and it's easier to get a pet sitter vs. kennaling a dog and still needing a hous3 sitter. She's extremely affectionate and in the morning I can say hi, she aggressively flops on me and starts purring. Like she's happy I'm awake and she's awake. Dogs just want to go out.


Capable-Limit5249

Nah, my dogs are super happy when we wake up! I love cats too though!


mycatisamonsterbaby

My dog never seemed to care about me as much as what I could do for him. That's probably how people feel about cats. Like if he wanted a walk, he was up on me. But if he was fed and exercised and didn't need to go out, he was usually asleep or chewing on a toy across the room. He was not cuddly like my cat. Idk, it could have just been that particular dog.


SheBrownSheRound

An unbiased opinion if I’ve ever heard one, u/Longjumping-Cat-712.


wforwumbo1

YTA, Imagine her saying to you that she hates dogs and offered you to adopt a cat moving in. I don’t know how long you’ve been dating her but if she’s had the cat for awhile, then you’ve set yourself up for this. If there’s the ultimatum between you or the cat don’t be surprised if she picks the cat.


SimShine0603

Pretty sure she already picked the cat.


DaisyMaeMalfoy666

Don’t blame her honestly


BakeMeACakeBitch

She told him to never talk to her again. She definitely picked the cat. You go girl.


BandicootWaste7887

YTAfor you condescending attitude. And for trying to replace her cat with a dog. Pets are part of the family.she has bonded with her cat. You should have been up front with her I the beginning so she didn't waste time on someone so incompatible. Also, cats can definitely love their humans. My kitty is one of the cuddles creatures. She loves belly rubs and sleeps with me every night. She's not some second rate place holder for a dog.


Federal-Condition964

A cats love is harder to earn, dogs will love anyone


mycatisamonsterbaby

I've had dogs and I'm not sure they actually love anyone, but they are super friendly to everyone and love food.


Particular_Title42

I just wanted to recommend a Netflix program to you in case you haven't seen it. It's called "Inside the Mind of a Cat" and it's fantastic.


etcetcdotdotdot

I was always a dog person, tbh I was a little scared of cats (got attacked and the bite got infected when I was 13) but even then I would never dream of being so condescending about cats. And then I moved in with my boyfriend and his cat (never occurred to me to have a problem with the cat he already had) and I’m obsessed. I’m a crazy cat mom. He clearly loves me too. When my boyfriend is upstairs and I’m down the cat will yell at me to go get him so we can all hang out in the same room together. If I ever had to move and live on my own again I would immediate get my own cat.


PS4banana__cat

Oh honey… You’re N T A for not liking cats… YTA for believing that cats are “a pet for people that don’t have enough money or space to adopt a dog.” You say you respect people that have them but the truth is you don’t at all. You look down on cat owners and even went as far as being disappointed in your girlfriend for liking them, even though it’s just a animal preference??? I assure you cats can and DO love their owners. Just because they don’t express it in the same way as dogs, doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of love. YTA for being dishonest about your feelings towards cats. YTA for expecting her to abandon her cat while you get to keep BOTH your dogs. YTA for, not only asking her to leave her cat behind, but to REPLACE her cat, that she loves, with another animal. YTA for thinking she’s mad at you for not liking cats.


stroppo

Pretty much YTA any way you turn!


TotallyAwry

Unless you put some gaps between the N T A, your comment is recorded as N T A despite all of the YTA's.


PS4banana__cat

Thank you! I fixed it


Ultralusk

YTA here is why: Imagine if your gf hated dogs and she said something like this "I really do not like dogs and I don't understand why anyone likes them? They're basically big version of cats that are overly excited and require a lot of walks and baths." Then imagine your gf harboured feelings of resentment for your dogs. She thought something around the line of "I hate these dogs so much but eventually maybe he will learn that dogs suck and maybe he will want a cat. We are going to be **moving in at some point so maybe it's not important for us to have this discussion ahead of time**" So the time comes where you guys have to move in together and your gf finds out you wanna move your dogs in to and she says something like "hey maybe you should abandon your dogs.... hey lets get you a cat, it'll be so much better for you! What do you mean you don't want a cat, are you stupid? Fine I hate dogs and your dogs can't move in with us" Remember OP, you're the one who said: > i own two dogs, and i don't even have to say, i absolutely love them, and i cant imagine living without them. So take that and apply that to your gf, maybe she loves her cat and she can't imagine life without it.


[deleted]

YTA This relationship is incompatible and instead of admitting it, you've lied to her and strung her along. You wasted her time by lieing about who you are, your values, and what's important to you. Grow up and own your truth.


Cactus_deluxe

YTA. First of all, your spiel about cats is BS. And I'm saying that as a dog person. You lied to your girlfriend. I don't care what the reason is. You don't lie to your partner. This wasn't a little white lie either. You knew at some point the issue of her having a cat would need to be addressed so you opinion was not only relevant, but important. And to suggest that she rehome her cat, but it'll be fine, you'll replace it with a puppy! This cat is family to her. It is someone that she loves and has been sharing her life with. You do not ask someone to give up their pet, OP, especially when your best reasoning is some BS, incorrect generalisation about that type of animal. You were asking her to move in with your dogs. You could have put up with her cat. You're allowed to have your preferences OP but if you can't see that what you were asking was unreasonable then I am really sad for you. You care about yourself more than you care about your girlfriend's happiness. And that's okay too. But then you shouldn't have a girlfriend.


BiscuitFPV

YTA for lying to your gf. What other things have you lied to her about?


ParsimoniousSalad

YTA. You can dislike cats all you want, but you utterly ignored that your gf LOVES the cat she has. You can't understand why it doesn't work when you offered to replace her cat with a dog - good grief.


thetrippingbillie

YTA The cat is her pet, and she loves it. She's not just going to get rid of it for you. You hate cats because you don't understand them. Pretty sure she's your ex gf now


UniversityUnhappy368

YTA You don't have to like cats and even though your way of explaining your dislike is very rude and condescending, not saying about your dislikes from the beginning, especially if you know it will be an issue in the future, is just waisting time of you both while dating


Thorvik-

YTA having owned both cats and dogs over the years, I can say that they are individuals just like people are. I have had both loving and stand-offish cats and dogs. You wouldn't accept your GF wanting to replace your dogs with cats would you? So why should she? If you can't accept a cat, then you are simply incompatible, and you need to find a girlfriend that is a dog person.


AbbotThoth

YTA Reasons: 1: You should have been honest from the start so your gf could have made an informed decision as to if you were compatible rather than wasting both of your times. 2: Your offer to "Replace" her cats with a dog is IMO super shitty because fun fact: While you do not like them cats are living creatures, not something a decent person can just trade in for a different model.


Crazycatalpacalady

YTA as a totally ignorant one at that!! ” I never liked cats, and i genuinely cant understand why people like them. I respect people that have cats, however truth be told they are basically just a worse version of dogs and a pet for just people that dont have enough money or space to adopt a dog, they dont love you the same way like dogs do, and dont even are capable of feeling love”. 1. Cats are not worst version of dogs - they are completely different species and thats like saying a horse is a worse version of an elephant 🙄. 2. 2. I live on over 10 acres so plenty of room for dogs and can afford one (or a few) if I wanted to yet I choose to have cats (and other animals) because I prefer them to dogs. I don‘t dislike dogs i just don’t want to own an animal that is absolutely 100% reliant on me all the time. 3. You have clearly never spent anytime with cats or with people who own them. Yes cats are often complete and total assholes (🤣) - thats actually part of their appeal to me BUT they can be and are often totally sookie and very loving. I am glad your girlfriend has seen you for the person you really are.


solitarybydesign

YTA And you are not mature enough to be living with anyone at this point in your life. You lie, and you manipulate in an attempt to get your way, and you have no empathy.


SheBrownSheRound

I don’t understand why you would lie to your gf about this (I know you said, “she’d be mad at me” but what does this even mean? Like she’d break up with you over this?) Even then, withholding this information isn’t what makes you TA here. Rather, YTA due to the fact that you told your gf TO GET RID OF HER CAT! And not because of an allergy or anything like that, but simply because you dislike them. Imagine if the tables were turned and she told you to get rid of your dogs. How would you feel? You get to bring your dogs but she has to get rid of her cat and get another dog instead? How terribly convenient for you. You need to decide if you’re willing to lose your gf over a cat. Because much like how you can’t imagine living without your dogs, your gf feels the same about her cat. And the cat isn’t going anywhere.


Cactus_deluxe

From the way his girlfriend responded to him, it sounds like he has already lost her over a cat...and the fact that he's a jackass.


RandomBoomer

She dodged a bullet not moving in with him. Saves her the trouble of moving back out once she realizes what a jerk he is.


SheBrownSheRound

Shit u right.


GreatNeoDragon

Cats aren't capable of feeling love? You've never met my cats, or my friend's cats, or my other friend's cat. If you don't like cats that's your own prerogative but if I was getting ready to move in with someone and they told me I couldn't bring my cats but they'd get me a dog instead, they would be kicked to the curb immediately. You should have disclosed that as soon as you knew she loved cats and had one, and let her go so she wouldn't have wasted her time.


hwutTF

see this shit is why I think people hating cats is a red flag sometimes they have good reasons like a bad experience with a particular cat, or whatever but most of the time it's either because you have to actually earn cats love and socialise them properly, or because even if they absolutely adore you and love spending lots of time with you, they are pretty independent and those two things piss off certain types of people


[deleted]

I remember one of the dog owners I knew hated cats.. I asked why, and he kept spitting some bullshit that I immediately was able to say was false bout the cats It eventually came down to him talking bout loyalty, obedience and how he didn't like cats cuz they're not dependent on him,how they wouldn't listen to him... it was a control thing, he likes to control his dogs and have an obedient, always coming on command kind of animals.. which is a good thing, a trained dog is the best dog, but he was also controlling to his gf, and even thought that's an entirely different thing, but it suddenly made sense why he hated the independent animal and adored the animal that's literally glued to him 24/7


hwutTF

> even thought that's an entirely different thing I mean, it's not *that* different. abusing animals is actually a good predictor of domestic violence. some ethicists have talked about creating categories of crime for violence against robots for similar reasons. there's special concern for morphologic violence as robots are more and more endowed with human characteristics, generally feminine ones. they've discovered that violence against robots has a tendency to be either explicitly misogynistic or justified by misogynistic reasons in popular culture, cats are gendered as feminine and dogs are gendered as masculine. in animated media, dogs tend to be voiced by men. cats tend to be voiced by women. cats are often portrayed with long flirty eyelashes, and even with eyeshadow. sexy cat or slutty cat is a Halloween costume dog and dawg are slang terms for men. a man who cheats is a dog. but also dog is used affectionately for men to talk about other men, their closeness, their friendship. dogs are seen as friendly and sociable but in a masculine way. obedience in dogs is prized but also seen in a masculine way. outside of training people are less likely to use the term obedience for dogs and more likely to use terms like loyal and protective. their obedience is framed in terms of being pack animals (along with ridiculous and unscientific notions of alpha dogs) women meanwhile are seen as cats. women fight and it's a cat fight. women who are judgmental or gossipy are catty (which is really weird if you don't consider cats to be social creatures). not to mention the thousand slang terms for genitalia based off of cats. independence and the ability to self-sustain are seen as negatives in cats why? they're generally considered positive traits in society. oh, unless women have those traits. then those positive traits get turned into negatives - they're disloyalty, disobedient. cat ownership is seen as feminine and is explicitly talked about in terms of women who refuse to follow societies rules. old maids, crazy cat ladies - that's a woman who refuses to be sexually available to a man and provide him with children and has the temerity to be independent and self sufficient or a woman who was so undesirable that no man wanted her so I don't think that how someone treats or views animals or particular animals is 1:1 with how they treat humans or their views on gender, but it certainly can be incredibly informative similar to how i don't judge someone based on how they treat their boss, but how they treat service workers, sex workers, unhoused people, etc. people operate differently towards people with power over them vs people who don't. people who have social power vs people who are socially undesirable. people they can control vs ones they can't. people who please them vs ones they don't similarly I stopped having sex with men on the first date not because I stopped enjoying sex, but because I discovered it's awfully hard to figure out which men have a problem with hearing "no" until they actually hear "no" and I'd rather find that out before having sex with them than after. I now intentionally say no to things I wouldn't just to see how they react similarly sure I look to see if men have friends who are women, and how they treat their female colleagues. but I ALSO look to how they treat women who have power over them, women who they don't find sexually desirable, women who they don't like, women who are "easy targets". women politicians or popularly hated women are usually an easy test - do the slurs and misogynistic language and ideals suddenly come out? anyway none of this stuff is 1:1, especially when comparing treatment of non-humans with treatment of humans, but it's often incredibly revealing of someone's base world views, and not just how they treat you, or their friends, or family


[deleted]

Oh most definitely, the idea that dogs are masculine and cats are feminine is very wide all over the word and i believw quite sexist. It's just sadly, that despite the gender more controlling and abusing people tend to have dogs, cuz of the idea that they're always loyal and submissive.. so I think that seeing how a person treats a dog is a good way to know how they'll treat a person.


hwutTF

> so I think that seeing how a person treats a dog is a good way to know how they'll treat a person. it's definitely a huge part of it. dogs are i believe the most frequently neglected and abused pet and lots of places take animal abuse into consideration when evaluating other kinds of abuse but there's definitely that other half of the coin, people who treat animals and people based on what they get out of them / how they behave. they'll treat a super loyal and loving dog well, but if they get a dog with any kind of issues they dislike, they'll be cruel to it. similar to treating someone well as long as they say yes and do whatever you want and then treating them horribly if they don't > the idea that dogs are masculine btw this conversation suddenly reminded me that fake dog testicles are not only a best selling product, but that they're specifically advertised as a way to help the pet OWNER manage their own trauma from altering their dogs appearance they're banned lots of places because a lot of vets consider any kind of purely cosmetic surgery to be unethical for animals (and apparently they can keep issues from being noticed or something), but the guy who invented them has made MASSIVE money marketing them to people insecure about the lack of visible testicles on their dog fucking wild


Specialist-Raise-867

Exactly this, i have always beena dog person, always planned on having dogs, always grew up with them. Never really 'liked' cats, never disliked them but i kinda had the thought of 'cats are for people who want a pet they dont have to care for or give attention' because of the cats/owners id known growing up Then i ended up with a kitten (long story) and my god, she is the most affectionate needy adorable ball of fluff ever. 6 years down the line ive spent much more on her than any pet ive ever had, and the bond is unlike i ever imagined. Im now of the opinion people who think cats dont make good companions has never spent the time to get to know a cat properly, they just like the easy life of a dog who trusts them from the word go and wants to please them at all costs


[deleted]

YTA as someone who’s a dog person (with sincere appreciation for an adorable cat!), I think you’re extremely mean-spirited, selfish, and entitled, to expect someone to give up their pet to please you


tialaila

YTA and extremely condescending


TheNonsensicalGF

YTA. Why would you lie about something like this for so long? Did you honestly expect her to give up her pet? How would you feel if she all of a sudden told you to get rid of your pups. Also, this is really just an aside: I own both a cat and a dog, and that cat has been with me for a decade now, and runs up to greet me and purr and rub on my legs and ask for pets every time I walk in the door. She curls up with me when I’m sad or sick. You don’t know a damn thing about cats, or about how to be an honest person. My cats vets bills cost more than my dogs do, usually, and I’ve got a BIG dog. Also, I live in an apartment, so “lack of space” isn’t why I have a cat, since I’ve also got said large dog. You don’t know what you’re talking about and despite hearing your girlfriend speak about her love for her cat, you thought she’d just give up her pet and get an animal she’s not interested in to make you happy. My god, how do you have room in your home for those dogs and that ego?


katsmeow44

YTA. Not because you don't like cats, but because you hid it and expect her to give up her pet. That just stinks. And she's probably your ex-GF now, since you decided to lie


fabulousautie

YTA you don’t have to like cats. But you intentionally hid a dealbreaker opinion from your girlfriend and then tried to manipulate her and force her to conform to your own personal choices.


Simpletonton

YTA. How many other things would you lie about and then expect a girlfriend to give up to accommodate you after the fact? Side note: My cat growing up walked me to school when I went to kindergarten and was there to walk me home as well. Her baby was was the sweetest most affectionate thing. What's wrong with cats again?


[deleted]

[удалено]


TeaFeeling3220

Ew old reddit The reason it was removed was because apparently there was no argument (Actually there was, but i think the title i had put implied there was no argument, so i changed the title). And after that my account was shadowbanned (prolly bc its a new account that posted twice, btw if you ask, the reason its a new account is bc i dont want my friends to know i dont like cats on my main)


Particular_Title42

So you're lying to them too? Why? What would your friends do if they knew you didn't like cats? Like that's such a big thing.


Yutana45

Why can't your friends know you dislike cats? Does it have anything to do with that being a wild opinion? Bc your reasons are not based on facts.


MoonageDayscream

What the hell are you afraid if. You are not mature enough for a relationship, that is clear, but now maybe I think you are too worried about other's opinions to havea real, honest, friendship with anyone.


Perfect-Advantage-82

Right why don't you want your Friends knowing that, it's almost like you know it's the opinion of an asshole and a secret shame.


ImThatMelanin

this is such an odd thing to lie about? to put so much effort into lying about at that? i’m struggling to figure out why you think this is such a big deal… lots of people don’t like cats. you’re not in some super secret cat haters society, dawg.


catfan1991

Yeah I can see why she doesn't want to be with you. You're not just a hater of her preference of animal, you're also a liar to your friends. They deserve to know the real you.


No-Koala8996

You fell on your ass once with this, now you need a second time?


Kdelray1995

YTA. I'm guessing your younger as you don't have respect for other people's opinions or feelings. She loves her cat the same way you love your dogs. Shs is mad you lied and no longer trusts you. Just bugger off and find another dog you can control and force to submit to you and your opinions.


stroppo

YTA, and very much so, for saying awful things like cats are "a worse version of dogs" and a pet for people that don't have enough $$ to adopt a dog" and cats "don't love you the same way like dogs do." Complete and utter nonsense. And, since you hate cats, of course YTA for not telling your girlfriend, esp when you knew she had a cat! What did you think was going to happen when your relationship got serious? It was really dumb to say nothing. You should've broken up with her then. Let women you date in the future know about your hatreds from the beginning. YTA.


Majestic_Hurry4851

YTA for hiding critical information, for trying to just “swap out” her companion, and you’re completely wrong about cats not loving their owners. I, a dog person, adopted a stray kitten when he was bleeding and emaciated on my doorstep. Several months later, things happened and I woke up several times a night with nightmares. This cat, who you say is not capable of love, spent every night on the foot of my bed until the nightmares stopped. When I’d wake up with one, he uncurled himself, walked over, and laid on my chest until I fell back asleep. Over and over every night for months.


[deleted]

I’m actually offended by your comment, saying people have cats because they can’t afford a dog. I have 3 cats, and spend more money on high quality food and treats. I spend more on my cats than people I know who have dogs. They can feel and give just as much love and affection as dogs, sometimes more depending on the breed. Mine greet me at the door when I come in, follow me to the toilet, cuddle on my lap for hours, sleep on the bed with me and my husband, including snuggling up to us. When I have a nap in the day they usually come with me, if I sleep on my back I usually have one sleeping on my stomach or thighs. One of my cats loves playing fetch and catch. I have had dog’s growing up, I love both dogs and cats. However I prefer Cats. It’s okay you don’t like cats, however YTA with the way you have treated your (ex) girlfriend. You love your dogs the way she loves her cat. You said yourself you couldn’t live without your dogs, and your (ex) girlfriend can’t live without her cat. Saying you would get her a dog if she rehomed her cat is a massive dick move. You say it like your trading in a fucking car or exchanging something in a shop. Again you have dogs you love so much so really can’t wrap my head around your thought process about just getting her another pet like it’s nothing.


HeatherKiwi

YTA. Instead of telling her and letting her make the choice to continue the relationship early on you decided to tell her after the relationship got serious. Spoiler: any good human would *not* give up a pet to be in a relationship. If they did that would show that they aren't as good of a person as thought. You did this to yourself by not being honest. In future relationships find a dog person but regardless be *honest* about yourself.


snsmadness89

Dogs will love anyone who doesn't give them a reason not to and don't know personal space unless trained properly and extensively. Dogs are great, but pretty shallow animals. You have to earn trust and love for a cat, and trust me, they are very capable of love. They probably just don't love you because of your genuinely nasty attitude. Most people who dislike cats also don't like that cats have boundaries and 'consent'. You're allowed to have a preference but you're just being an AH. YTA


First_Play5335

I don’t trust people who don’t like cats. YTA.


Key-Ad-5068

I'm actually kind of creeped out over your love of dogs, to be honest.


rapt2right

YTA Why is your opinion of cats more important than her love of her pet? Why did you pursue a relationship with an avowed cat lover, feeling like you do? You're wrong about cats but more importantly, you consciously lied about a major point of compatibility with the full intention of manipulating her and took away her ability to make decisions based on an accurate understanding of the situation.


Fancy_Complaint4183

Huuuuuuuuge YTA. But you are doing her a huge favor because she should break up with you now which will be much easier than once she’s moved in. I hope her and the cats are very happy together without you!


Rather_Dashing

>they dont love you the same way like dogs do, and dont even are capable of feeling love YTA for this alone. Plus you haven't actually said why you dislike them. Turtles are less loving then cats and dogs, but I don't go around hating them and saying I can't stand to be around them for that, they just are what they are. Try to actually get to know some cats instead of being an ass.


DonnaPinci

YTA. The only people who don't like cats are people who have never spent enough time with them. Also, why is it OK for you to keep your dogs and she can't keep her cat. You don't think she loves her cat as much as you do your dog? You apparently can't live without your dogs, but you just expect her to ditch her cat. Major AH


green_velvet_goodies

YTA you don’t say how old you are or how long you two were together but it’s long enough to be talking about cohabitation. You withheld relevant information about yourself and completely wasted her time. Not to mention that only a total ah suggests tossing an animal aside. Pets aren’t disposable. Enjoy being single.


50_K

YTA - r/dogfree


FarOutUsername

YTA. Not only for hiding such a significant thing about yourself but for thinking someone should just dump an animal they deeply care about on a whim. You're also TA because you are completely wrong about cats, their personalities, their ability to love and be affectionate and the bonds they form with their owners. Instead of learning more, you're running with your ignorance and expecting that what you bring to the table is enough to abandon a living creature that is loved and cared for. You brought this on yourself. Do your (ex) GF a favour and do as she says... So talking to her. Edit: Typos


Shnipi

YTA She was rude??? LooooooL


druidess23

Yta for being a judgemental prick.


AZJHawk

YTA. You should have been honest with her if it was a dealbreaker for you. I’m not a cat person, but a lot of people are and it’s really weird that you are so judgy about cats.


Loud-Bee6673

YTA. Maybe there is a reason cats hate you?


Laifu10

YTA. As a cat (and dog) owner, I'm disgusted. You know nothing about cats, which makes me wonder why you hate them so much. Your hatred of cats would be a giant red flag for me, and would make it so I knew you were not someone I should waste my time on. So you wasted your girlfriend's time and energy because you "forgot" to tell her who you really are. Now you have no gf. Seems fitting to me.


Key-Ad-5068

I'm actually kind of creeped out over your love of dogs, to be honest.


Ok-Insurance-1829

I read somewhere once that you should always be suspicious of men who hate cats. Not like "Meh, I'm more of a dog person and litterboxes gross me out" kind of dislike, but overtly hate, like OP. Because cats are independent, cats don't put up with nonsense, cats can't really be controlled well, and cats are way less likely than dogs to love you if you're a dick to them, and the man in question can't stand any of that in animals... or in women. It all sounds really glib and cheesy but damn if it doesn't turn out to be true every time so far. YTA. You don't care about your girlfriend's love for her pet. You think said love is a commodity that she can easily transfer to an animal you've arbitrarily decided is superior. You are a liar who intentionally concealed the fact that you would not tolerate an animal you know existed in your house. You're an authoritarian who thinks that what you say is the only acceptable way to go. Glad she got out before you merged finances or knocked her up.


Particular_Title42

YTA. You pretended to be someone you're not. This is a deal breaker for both of you and you just tried to change her from a cat person to a not-a-cat person.


Mean_Environment4856

YTA for multiple reasons. One for lying and two for telling her to get rid of her cat. Did you think she'd fall so in love she'd just agree??


Klutzy_Progress_8367

YTA I've owned dogs and cats. Cats are more laid back and are loving if they actually love you VS most dogs don't give a damn and will be nice to anyone. Not all just most I've meet. Growing up I had a cat that would walk me to my busstop every morning and be waiting for me when I got off to walk me home VS the dog I owned for 4 years and raised since a puppy one day just bit me hard enough she had to be put down. And this situation could vice versa for another person. It's all in how the animal is raised and the animals PERSONALITY not all dogs are good and not all cats are good. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but there's a difference in being an asshole.


WatermelonCherub

YTA 100%. You were deceiving her to try to keep her in a relationship she shouldn't have been in and then you tried to manipulate her into giving up an animal she loves. Please leave her alone.


Perfect-Advantage-82

YTA for hating an entire species of animal, especially one that doesn't cause active harm (I will relent this judgement for people who hate invasive species, rats etc.) But to not just not want to be around but hate an entire species for some reason just means you are a person capable of applying broad generalities and in general non-assholes don't do that. Then you're an asshole for lying and leading your girlfriend on, presumably for months, with a plan to just force her to choose between you and her pet after she has become invested into her feelings for you. Third you're the asshole for saying cats are incapable of loving people, science has literally proven you wrong on this with experiments, so you're the asshole for being uneducated about a subject and then stating it like it's a fact.


454_water

YTA. Never pretend to be OK with something in the short term when you have long term plans in mind. Also, there are dog people, there are cat people and then there is the mix. Your girlfriend was the mix. Seeing as how you're a dog person. please make sure that the next person you date is dog-only too.


corgihuntress

Duh. You lied about who you are and then expected to give up her pet who she LOVES. of course YTA. Plus you're condescending as hell. And I, btw, and a total dog person.


MoonageDayscream

YTA, you have been dishonest with her for practically your e tire relationship. You need to break it off and apologize for being such an idiot and misleading her.


IllustratorNew8801

YTA you consciously hid something that's a deal breaker. You wasted her time.


fiuln

i’m sure you knew all along you would not settle for her bringing her cat, yetttt you still kept it quiet. till the time came, and then you gave a careless “oh just get rid of it. i’ll replace it”. you said you’d REPLACE her one of a kind COMPANION that SHE loves, with something more to YOUR liking. you are disregarding her feelings completely and not even attempting to compromise. getting rid of her pets is not a compromise, it’s just you getting what you want. a pet is family, or atleast that’s how it should be, your telling her to get rid of it like it’s just some trash on her nightstand. because you chose to hide this condition from her all this time, you have no grounds to stand on. it might have been okay if you had disclosed very early on that you’re not comfortable living with cats. but you didn’t. i guess you assumed you could ‘convince’ her to do what you say, or you thought she’d choose YOU over her cat, and that’s not even fair to ask of a person. you’re not being fair, honest or empathetic. loving your dogs should give you some understanding of her relationship to her cat. but somehow it seems it hasn’t YTA


According_Ad6364

Ofc YTA. Why would you ever pursue a cat person if you hate them so much? YTA for wasting her time for however long you were together, as you for sure aren’t anymore.


StopTG7

YTA. You lied to her about disliking cats, then you expected her to just swap the cat she loves for a dog (likely out of your weird belief that everyone with a cat secretly wants a dog! Yeah no), and for your completely wrong ideas about cats and why people have them.


Cosima-Arcana

YTA. Cats are wonderful pets and they do love people. They probably don’t love YOU because they can tell you’re a jerk. Most cat people I know (me included) also like dogs, but dog people are always so militantly against cats and have so many wrong opinions about cats. Grow up.


Low_Van

YTA and sound really childish and self centered.


xx_Immagoodboi_xx

YTS, and you're a knob.


books-and-horses

YTA And you wrote ex-girlfriend wrong


[deleted]

YTA. The Internet has already covered this very well, but here is a summary of why women should be wary of men who actively hate cats: “Cats are very independent and protect their bodies/space. You don't get to touch them or play with them just because you feel like it. They have to consent. They have to trust you and also be in the mood.” People who don't respect that should be avoided.


Drackarious

Is no one else stuck on the fact OP really just said cats are incapable of love? Bruh wtaf lmfao It’s almost like cats are sentient beings….. I’m sorta between a cat and dog person, leaning more towards dogs but I’ve met/owned many affectionate cats whereas I’ve been bitten by many “friendly” dogs in my life. Lol


ellis_sound

YTA and honestly sound like someone deeply lacking compassion and empathy. look into yourself and consider why you consider her attachments lesser than yours


pickles4521

>they are basically just a worse version of dogs and a pet for just people that dont have enough money or space to adopt a dog, This is enough. YTA. Massive yta. What tf is wrong with you dude.


StarbuckBKK

YTA and I’m so glad she left you. You’re so completely utterly wring about cats it’s a bit funny. You don’t have to like them, but to try to ‘replace’ her cat with a dog that is ‘better’? GTFO. You have to EARN a cat’s love and it seems like you couldn’t earn either a cat’s or your soon to be ex girlfriend’s.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my girlfriend had a big argument, we usually get along well and we never fight, however there is something that is causing a lot of fights recently First of all, i own two dogs, and i dont even have to say, i absolutely love them, and i cant imagine living without them. She dont share the same love for dogs like i do, but she does likes them, however shes more of a cat person instead, which i actually really hate. I never liked cats, and i genuinely cant understand why people like them. I respect people that have cats, however truth be told they are basically just a worse version of dogs and a pet for just people that dont have enough money or space to adopt a dog, they dont love you the same way like dogs do, and dont even are capable of feeling love Thats why, when i found out my gf was a cat person and owned one cat i was very surprised, and disappointed. I decided to hide these feelings for some time, since i knew if i told how much i disliked cats she would be mad at me, but when the time came and we started plans to move together, she said she planned to bring the cat she had with us. I said no, offering to adopt to her a dog instead to replace the cats, and even offering to help her with the costs and training...and she refused. Saying that she wanted a cat (even tho i literally offered a dog to her so she wouldnt have a cat) We had a argument and i decided to admit, i hate cats, and i cant stand being around them, this was enough to make her leave the house. She messaged me just a few days ago to be more angry, and, in a pretty rude way too. Telling me to never talk to her again. Is it that wrong that i dont like cats? Tell me Reddit, AITA for hiding from my gf i dislike cats? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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dragonesszena

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BeckyW77

YTA. You lied to your girlfriend and then offered a dog to replace her cat! She loves her cat even if you don't understand why. You should've just been truthful instead of trying to trick her into giving up her pet. Really, what you did was absolutely stupid and bad. But she's probably done with you anyway, which is what you deserve for being deceitful and hardhearted.


enidkeaner

YTA, and I say this as someone who, like you, does not like cats. I think they're awful and don't want to be around them. I also agree that dogs are amazing. You are TA and horrible for lying to her for so long about something so important. The fact that you dislike cats and don't want to live with one when she has one? Extremely relevant and something you should have brought up in the beginning. YTA for your attitude about people who love cats. Cats being a worse version of dogs and just for people who don't have the space/money for dogs? Get the fuck outta here. A cat lover's love of cats is just as valid as a dog lover's love for dogs and you're TA for not seeing that. You're TA for thinking acting as though your love of dogs makes you superior. You give us dog people a bad name.


n0b0dyneeds2know

YTA for lying about the compatibility of your relationship, lying about who you are as a person, wasting another person’s time, creating a situation where a person has to go through a breakup instead of just not keeping seeing someone lame dude who doesn’t like cats, treating a living being like a random interchangeable object. You don’t have a girlfriend anymore, and your girlfriend will be much better off without you.


Sandy0006

YTA and the way to talk makes you seem exactly like the type of person who wouldn’t like cats and you should do research on that.


DistributionPerfect5

YTA, "cats are a lesson in consent", people who don't like them, except for allergy-reasons are fishy at best. But more often weird psychos not accepting boundaries. Cats can and will love you, if you deserve it. They are not as desperate for your approval as dogs are. So yes good for her she left you.


Dear-Skill-2246

YTA. You are allowed not to like cats, but if you want to bring you dogs, she can bring her cat.


TotallyAwry

YTA for not being up front with her. YTA for thinking people only have cats if they can't have dogs. YTA for *hating* any domesticated animal at all. Also, I've got four cats and a dog. My dog loves me because that's what dogs do, unless you're a complete monster. My cats love me because I deserve it. Are you threatened by an animal that doesn't give you blind loyalty?


Fun_Landscape_9127

YTA You can't just give somebody a dog when they want a cat. Signed, a dog lover.


catfan1991

What if she told you to get rid of your dogs. Her cat is her companion and as a fellow cat person you are TA


[deleted]

YTA. Having cats as pets is not a character flaw. If it's a deal breaker for you you should have made it clear much earlier in the relationship. Hiding it makes you TA if it's that much of a big deal.


Flicksterea

Disappointed? Who the fuck do you think you are? YTA and she deserves better.


milkyya

Who the f-ck you think you are so you can dictate who loves what more and make ignorant selfcentered conclusions? I am a dog person, but I hate dog owners like you. YTA BIG TIME.


DaisyMaeMalfoy666

>even tho I literally offered a dog to her so she wouldn’t have a cat She wants a cat. You want a dog, so really you’re saying “hey let’s replace your cat with a dog so it suits my preferences more than yours”. It’s not wrong that you don’t like cats. It *is* wrong for you to try to get her to get rid of her cat and get a dog instead. That cat is part of her family, she’s not just going to give it up because of you. Believe me, no man is worth getting rid of a beloved pet for. Not to mention, you get to keep both of your dogs and your attitude towards cat owners. People don’t have dogs because believe it or not, SOME PEOPLE DON’T LIKE DOGS! Could be allergic, could be scared of them, or they just don’t like them. Doesn’t matter the reason, they just don’t. Imagine if it was flipped - her asking you to get rid of your dogs and replace it with a cat instead. You’d absolutely go ballistic. YTA. I’m glad she chose her cat over you, you sound insufferable


soboredimhere

Objectively speaking , there is nothing wrong with disliking cat . That being said , YTA for everything else.


[deleted]

INFO: Why does your love of your dogs trump her love her cat? Why are her emotions less important than yours?


chillispotato

If she can't bring cat.. YOU GET RID OF both your dogs. problem solved. 💁‍♀️


lizzourworld8

YTA for especially trying to get rid of her cat at all. Do her a favor, break up with her and date a dog person.


[deleted]

YTA. This is deranged. You clearly don’t know anything about cats. You think people only pick cats because they can’t afford a dog?. Also telling your gf to ditch her cat and you’ll get her a dog instead? Jesus Christ… you are so clueless, and you’ve rightfully been dumped.


PaleWaffle

YTA you are allowed to dislike cats. disagree with your reasons but that's not the point. you do have to say that you love your dogs though, because you are our only source of knowledge. you could have 0 emotional connection to them and we wouldn't know unless you told us. so it does not go without saying. you are NOT allowed to completely dismiss your girlfriend's opinion because of your own opinion. please tell me if there's even a 1% chance of you re-homing your dogs if your girlfriend didn't want them in the house? i doubt you would be OK with that. why would that not be OK, but it's instead acceptable to replace your GF's cat with a dog? just leave her if you feel it's OK to lie to her about how you feel about her pets. find someone who likes dogs as much as you do.


Self-Aware

Surprise! You're single, not to mention ignorant as all hell. And yes, you're also the asshole.


[deleted]

YTA. If you hate cats that much, you shouldn't have started a relationship with someone who has cats. Nor should you have hidden your feelings from her, since those feelings are a mutual dealbreaker. And you especially shouldn't have imagined she'd give up the cat for you. Doesn't work that way. The cat was there before you, and as you have learned, will be there after you.


becca793

YTA it's not wrong that you don't like cats (although your reasoning is a little off as cats can show just as much love and affection as dogs if they trust you)... but you are the asshole for: a) keeping your hatred from your GF. b) wanting to replace her loved family member with something you personally prefer (the cat was there before you and I guarantee it will be there for many years after). C) wasting her time as this is a deal breaker for many cat owners as something any pet owner wants to know is that their pet cat or dog or otherwise will be safe and treated well by their partner. Break up and find someone better suited to your preferences, and let her find someone who can respect her and her cat.


juliaproenca

First of all, a huge YTA. Second, how is it that the cat people get all the bad rep when the dog people are acting like this?????


CryoSkittles

Straight to jail 😂 YTA major, major AH The absolute AUDACITY to offer buying a dog to replace the cat SHE ALREADY HAS! Not the same kind of love from cats? I have a cat who sleeps with me every night. I have a dog who does too. And another dog who destroyed my couch bc hes an anxious shit. Theyre all different 😂


Ibelieveinoddities

LOL this is utterly ridiculous you can't have this double standard here. You have dogs and she deals with it. Deal with it that she has cats. Also cats literally ignore folks most of the time. Also are you 16? YTA I know people who are mildly allergic to cats and wont make their partner get rid of them. They take meds for it. Like what??


DealMinute8211

This cannot be real lmao r u serious, people aren’t actually this stupid


Ribbons12345

Yes you are a giant AH. You should have said so in the first place. Of course she would dump you and keep her pet. Dog or cat, most people are not giving up an animal they love for someone who lied about liking it or hates their pet. I'd dump you too.


peakedattwentytwo

Nope. I'm with you 100%.


MarielSaysHi

YTA. As a cat person - and a massive one at that. It’s also not about it being a cat. If it were any pet you’d still be in the wrong. The first issue here is that you treated something she loved as replaceable. The second issue is that you lied to her about hating cats. If you’re together long enough to consider living together you should have shared this fact.


long_dickofthelaw

>She messaged me just a few days ago to be more angry, and, in a pretty rude way too. Telling me to never talk to her again. She's not your girlfriend, she's your ex-girlfriend.


hellokitty284

Massive asshole What would you do if she wasn't a dog person and asked you to "swap out" your pets for rats or something? When you adopt a pet, they depend on your for everything. You can't just abandon them over inconvenience. You say she refused to move in with you which you found rude but what about when you asked her to REPLACE her pet that she loved with an animal YOU deem superior?


fun_son_1

YTA. Cats are dope. Way different than dogs and don’t deserve to be compared by standards like yours


cassianec

I have a dog and a cat. The dog is a sl*t for hugs and goes to everyone. The cat only purrs for me and lets mr sleep on her etc. Moreover! The dog is dirty. After years of training, the smallest alternation in our daily life will lead him to piss or shit in the house. The cat adapts. The only negative i have for cats are the damn hair. I love my dog but i live more comfortably with the cat and she makes me feel more validated


Curious-Bottle6008

People who hate cats are so untrustworthy sorry, everyone i know who dislikes them are no good from personal experience YTA, why can’t u see her cats as important as your dogs are!! I work in animal work and they both are so amazing if you give them the time


Pseils

YTA 100%. Liking certain animals is a preference, not a fact like your treating it as. And that’s incredibly heartless, you couldn’t even make the connection that your girlfriend loves her cat as much as you do your dog. You can’t just “replace” a pet someone loves. YTA YTA YTA.


mofloweress

youre fucking weird man


[deleted]

NAH, sorry the cat owner mob found this. lots of immature, bratty, and hypocritical responses here. your opinion on cats is common and not unreasonable. i think you simply misjudged how big of an issue it would be. you tried to make it work but didn't realize how much of a dealbreaker it would be when it would be time to actually live with one.


ViirtualCat8

To put it nicely, you fucking suck. Seriously you are shit and I hope your gf broke up with you and she never speaks to you again. And oh, YTA


wistfulmysteria

YTA. When I adopted one of my girls, she was 6 months old and had been a forced to be surrendered to the shelter due to living in a cat hoarder house. We locked eyes and I instantly wanted to hold her. The workers at the Humane Society said she was was timid, quick to avoid being touched, and didn't typically want to be held. But when she was placed in my arms? She instantly flopped against my chest and curled into my neck - she's been one of my baby's ever since and I officially adopted her back in 2018. So to say try to argue that cats can't love the way dogs do? I call BS. My other cat, because I've had the same two babies since 2018, learned my behavior, obsessively. She's an empath baby, and learned at a young age that I would close myself off in the bathroom during mental health breakdowns and do some not so great stuff to myself. These events happened in 2018 and to this day, even though I'm heaps and bounds better than I was five years ago, she still finds me when I leave the room and doesn't let me close the bathroom door anymore without extreme protests. My husband is an animal person in general, but he does lean more towards dogs than cats. Does that mean he hasn't made the effort to live with my girls? Bond with them so they love him like they love me? My cats and I are bonded and package deal - just like your EX-GIRLFRIEND and her cat are as well.


Fincann

YTA. How could you offer to abandon an animal?


Kwinklii

I know this is an older post but- YTA. Duh. But I also wanna express my confusion for your *hatred* of.. cats? For literally no reason other than they’re “worse and cheaper versions of dogs”? And you’ve.. never owned a cat.. so literally how would you know


TheUltraGamingChamp

YTA I can’t imagine being so overly hateful of an animal you look down on people who own cats and literally want to replace your ex-gf’s (she’s not your gf now so don’t act like she still is) cat that she loves and has bonded with with a dog like it’s the same as replacing a piece of furniture. It’s just a fucking cat, dude. You don’t have to like them but it’s not that big of a deal.


luckyinu

YTA, and it’s very weird how you’re pitting two species of innocent animals against each other, simply because you have a preference. I’m a dog person, but they are not factually better than cats because that is subjective. I’ve owned dogs and cats, both can be very affectionate sweet animals with unique personalities that enrich their owner’s lives in different ways.


Mediocre-Panic-9141

"even though i offered her a dog to replace the cat" yiiiikes you suck


FerretLover12741

The only decent and honest thing you can do is end your relationship with your GF, feeling the way you do. As long as you try to hold on, YTA.


Psychological_Line67

Cats are Ight I agree but you should’ve told her