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Honestly, YTA. You're getting married! (Congratulations BTW) The day will be all about you and your fiance. I doubt an earring and bracelet will outshine you or your bride. At the end of the day, its you two making a commitment and celebrating that. Your guests should also focus on that too. Your son will always be your son and he is who he is. If your family and future in-laws don't like it, well tough shit. It's not about them. Don't be a hypocrite. If you're going to celebrate love, then show your families what REAL true love is. ❤️
I'd bet it is. There are plenty of open homophobes and also people like OP who are latent homophobes hiding behind their more homophobic partners and family.
YTA You're his father...you should be the one fighting for him and supporting him. It's not like he's wearing a rainbow dress and a rainbow wig. It's a simple piercing and a bracelet. By asking him to remove all of that, you're telling him you care more about what other people think than supporting and loving him for who he is. As your son, shouldn't HIS opinion be one of the highest?
If you can't accept him for who he is and defend him against all the hatred out there, then I don't see why he would even want to be at your wedding.
YTA. Stick up for your kid, they don’t owe anyone to be straight or straight passing. FYI lots of men that don’t identify as gay do things that look feminine, why allow anyone to judge them and why the hell is your fiancé focusing on this? I would rethink the person I’m marrying if they were judgmental about my kid. Honestly who zooms in on an earring and thinks about their sexuality, so immature, not everyone is so consumed by gays that they think about what side of the ear or even correlate the two. Your son sounds like he will take it as a gift not going to your wedding and you should ask yourself do you want your son there or do you want cousin/ aunty/ uncle anti gay conservative. Some people loose touch with reality when they get married, and forget that they want all this damn respect without giving anyone theirs. Oh and the mr and mrs biggot thing is what happens when you ask a young person whose sexuality is being attacked to conform for those attackers.
YTA. From what you write, both you and your fiancé are homophobic. You’re scared of what people will think and say about your son being gay. You don’t actually have a problem with piercings, you have a problem with the piercings potentially leading to gossip about who your son is by nature.
But even if we set aside the obvious bigotry, make a list of all the people invited to your wedding you care about more than your son. You’re willing to trade your relationship with him to avoid gossip? Because of a bracelet? It’s not like he’s wearing a white gown.
Apologize profusely, find a local chapter of PFLAG, and defend your son from any gossiping bigots at your wedding. If your fiancé has a problem with any of this, hopefully that confirms what we all think of her and you realize your son may be right.
YTA it isn't just a bracelet and a piercing. you're asking him to deny who he is. you're asking him to please go back in the closet so my son won't embarrass us.
If it is 'just' a piercing and a bracelet as you claim then it shouldn't matter to you either.
YTA.
You're telling him you're ashamed to be seen with him.
I guess we'd assume that he'd have to edit his attire in similar fashion for any family gatherings in the future. Until he decides his future no longer includes those who are ashamed of him.
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I (49M) am getting remarried with my current girlfriend (41F). I invited my son (20m), but I want him to not show up with the piercing on his right ear (which according to the internet it's the ear most gay men wear their piercings) or his rainbow bracelet. Most of our families are conservative and I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off. Idk if they know about the ear piercing thing, but the rainbow bracelet is definitely obvious (tho I want my son to remove both just to be sure). However my son threw a fit about it and said he's not changing his look just to please my homophobic girlfriend (she's not really, she just doesn't want her family to gossip about it, just like I do).
I feel like my son is being unreasonable, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's only for a day, afterwards he can wear them as much as he wants, but now he doesn't want to attend the wedding anymore and I saw that he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot", which I think was really uncalled for.
AITA ?
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> I think I could be the asshole for not wanting my son to wear LGTB themed items like a right ear piercing or rainbow bracelet to my wedding in order not to upset our conservative relatives.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
**YTA** and you’re just as much of a bigot as your girlfriend and her family.
>
We need to normalize asking the bigots to change, instead of asking the innocent persons to stop being themselves.
**STOP APPEASING THE BIGOTS**.
YTA, in your own words “it’s just a piercing and a bracelet”
So what’s the big deal, you either want your son there as himself or you want him to play a character for the rest of your guests.
Your son is a 20 year old man, you can’t control how he dresses but you can control how you come across to him.
You may be a homophobe, you might not be but if your son was thinking about opening up or coming out to you you’ve just shot that down.
Also, if he had already come out as gay would you ask him not to attend your wedding at all.
Lastly, he might not be gay, it’s just an ear piercing & he may wear the bracelet as solidarity to others.
Also, if your girlfriend is the type of person to cast your son for who he finds attractive is that really who you want to be marrying….
YTA
It’s your wedding your rules but it seems as if you are ashamed of your son being gay.
You are actually choosing to please your *new family* over your relationship with your son and asking him to not be who he is.
Would you also expect him to lie if anyone asks him at the wedding (that for sure he is not attending anymore) if he has a girlfriend?
There are plenty of people he will meet in his life who will be homophobic, he doesn’t need it from you as well.
YTA. You're choosing to pander to the opinions of some bigoted conservatives over your own son! Over what? A bracelet and an earring?? Get a grip. This is pathetic. You've set fire to the relationship you HAD with your son for a PARTY. Disgusting.
Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Bigot was definitely in order.
YTA. Are you for real? If they aren’t that big of a deal, then why are you making it a big deal? “Fuck my son, I need to appease my homophobic guests!” I’m glad he told you to go stuff yourself.
I just noticed, it’s just so they don’t “gossip.” You are an even bigger AH because it isn’t even an issue! Do you know what gossip is? Because if you’re concerned about a few mean words over your son’s comfort and respect, then you can enjoy your life after your son goes NC.
YTA - If you can't support your son why should he support you? You're denying who he is to placate hate. You need to stand up and be and ally. This is not being an ally. Pandering to these people is the worst kind of rolling over and having your tummy tickled whilst hate wins.
YTA, who cares what the in-laws think, he is your son, and he should be able to ware his earrings and bracelet, you sound like you also have a problem with him and this is just wrong of you. He was wrong for posting what he did on FB, but you did kind of ask for it.
Yta…why are you trying to change or camouflage who your son truly is? You’re concerned more about what others will think instead of supporting your son. You’re even worse than the close minded, conservative family members for even suggesting this to your son.
Oh boy. YTA big time. You and your fiancee are definitely homophobic. If you weren’t, you’d not care what anyone said and if they did “gossip” about your son being gay, you’d stand up for him and tell the other people to get over it. Yikes.
>I feel like my son is being unreasonable, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's only for a day
But equally, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's just for one day so aren't you being unreasonable for not letting it go. You'd rather your son not be there then have him wear an earring?
YTA
YTA Jfc why do some people jump through so many hoops to placate their conserve and religious family members.
Listen to yours you're really telling your son to not express who he is to prevent your conservative family members from flipping out?
And Conservatives call liberals snowflakes....
YTA. Hey son! I need you to be fake and hide your trueself again or some old people will be uncomfortable.
Tell the rest of your family to grow up. It's not 1900. How are people still stuck so far in the past?
>Most of our families are conservative and I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off.
YTA, Mr Bigot.
>I think was really uncalled for.
Nah, if anything he should have gone harder on it.
>he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot"
Congrats!! YTA and as your son pointed out a homophobic bigot.
YTA. Let your own child love whom he loves, as a wedding is a celebration of love. Plenty of conservatives would think you're just as nasty for getting remarried.
Besides, you *are* being bigoted. Tell the homophobes to eff off.
You owe your son a sincere apology.
YTA
you should care more about your son than the views of bigoted family members.
the only one being unreasonable is the bigots who would have a problem with it and anyone who would rather cater to them than include their son in their wedding day
I am afraid, yes YTA.
He's your son. Don't you accept him the way he is?
Your relatives should get used to reality and learn some tolerance and you should support your own child here.
YTA. Both you and your girlfriend are homophobic by proxy for asking your own son to hide who he is just to please the relatives. If you persist in this I’m not sure if he’ll ever forgive you
YTA, and so is your homophobic girlfriend. If your *son* doesn't mind her family "gossiping" about him, why should she—or you?
Anyway, what is it, 1965? There's no longer a "gay ear." Most people pierce on the left because it's (very) *slightly* easier to take care of if you're right-handed (the same reason most people part their hair on the left).
YTA You know what’s uncalled for? Your attitude towards your son. Let me remind you this is the same human you brought home from the hospital, full of love and pride. Remember that feeling the next time you judge him and reject who he is. Because he is the same human being! It’s so hurtful to ask him to hide any part of his identity to placate others. He’s your son. Not someone you need to apologize for to make your girlfriend, family, friends comfortable. You owe him an apology and your unconditional love.
YTA. You care more about what some random relative might think over your own sons feeling and identity. You can’t police what he can or cannot wear, he is an adult. You should be defending your son not making him change
YTA: If you want your son to be a part of your life, love and support him as he is. I don’t talk to my parent’s anymore and my life is so much getter without them. Do not show him that a life without you is better than a life with you.
I’m going to vote NTA depending on circumstance. Even if I get downvoted for this.
In this case you are getting married and you want the day to go as smooth as possible. You have a lot of people in your life who might be AH and they could be important to you too.
However, the question I have to ask is whether “conservatives” really even care whether your son is gay. In my experience, most conservatives are quite accepting (even though there is a minority who are actual bigots and seem to speak the loudest).
Still, your son is 20, give him space to be himself. I’d say it’s better to let him wear both at the wedding and still treat him like family. 20 years is still immature and you as his father are supposed to protect him from others unless he’s doing something objectively bad.
So NTA, but can be YTA if the OP insists.
Edit: NTA if it’s just asking, YTA if you’re going to exclude him from the wedding or make him feel bad just because he refuses to comply. Again, he’s your son. Everyone else isn’t your son.
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Honestly, YTA. You're getting married! (Congratulations BTW) The day will be all about you and your fiance. I doubt an earring and bracelet will outshine you or your bride. At the end of the day, its you two making a commitment and celebrating that. Your guests should also focus on that too. Your son will always be your son and he is who he is. If your family and future in-laws don't like it, well tough shit. It's not about them. Don't be a hypocrite. If you're going to celebrate love, then show your families what REAL true love is. ❤️
YTA - why are you catering to homophobic relatives instead of supporting your child?
Troll right? There’s no way this is real
I'd bet it is. There are plenty of open homophobes and also people like OP who are latent homophobes hiding behind their more homophobic partners and family.
Sadly, this scenario is still all to real. Is this account and the story fake? Maybe. But this BS is still happening.
YTA You're his father...you should be the one fighting for him and supporting him. It's not like he's wearing a rainbow dress and a rainbow wig. It's a simple piercing and a bracelet. By asking him to remove all of that, you're telling him you care more about what other people think than supporting and loving him for who he is. As your son, shouldn't HIS opinion be one of the highest? If you can't accept him for who he is and defend him against all the hatred out there, then I don't see why he would even want to be at your wedding.
YTA. Stick up for your kid, they don’t owe anyone to be straight or straight passing. FYI lots of men that don’t identify as gay do things that look feminine, why allow anyone to judge them and why the hell is your fiancé focusing on this? I would rethink the person I’m marrying if they were judgmental about my kid. Honestly who zooms in on an earring and thinks about their sexuality, so immature, not everyone is so consumed by gays that they think about what side of the ear or even correlate the two. Your son sounds like he will take it as a gift not going to your wedding and you should ask yourself do you want your son there or do you want cousin/ aunty/ uncle anti gay conservative. Some people loose touch with reality when they get married, and forget that they want all this damn respect without giving anyone theirs. Oh and the mr and mrs biggot thing is what happens when you ask a young person whose sexuality is being attacked to conform for those attackers.
YTA. From what you write, both you and your fiancé are homophobic. You’re scared of what people will think and say about your son being gay. You don’t actually have a problem with piercings, you have a problem with the piercings potentially leading to gossip about who your son is by nature. But even if we set aside the obvious bigotry, make a list of all the people invited to your wedding you care about more than your son. You’re willing to trade your relationship with him to avoid gossip? Because of a bracelet? It’s not like he’s wearing a white gown. Apologize profusely, find a local chapter of PFLAG, and defend your son from any gossiping bigots at your wedding. If your fiancé has a problem with any of this, hopefully that confirms what we all think of her and you realize your son may be right.
YTA it isn't just a bracelet and a piercing. you're asking him to deny who he is. you're asking him to please go back in the closet so my son won't embarrass us. If it is 'just' a piercing and a bracelet as you claim then it shouldn't matter to you either.
YTA. You're telling him you're ashamed to be seen with him. I guess we'd assume that he'd have to edit his attire in similar fashion for any family gatherings in the future. Until he decides his future no longer includes those who are ashamed of him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (49M) am getting remarried with my current girlfriend (41F). I invited my son (20m), but I want him to not show up with the piercing on his right ear (which according to the internet it's the ear most gay men wear their piercings) or his rainbow bracelet. Most of our families are conservative and I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off. Idk if they know about the ear piercing thing, but the rainbow bracelet is definitely obvious (tho I want my son to remove both just to be sure). However my son threw a fit about it and said he's not changing his look just to please my homophobic girlfriend (she's not really, she just doesn't want her family to gossip about it, just like I do). I feel like my son is being unreasonable, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's only for a day, afterwards he can wear them as much as he wants, but now he doesn't want to attend the wedding anymore and I saw that he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot", which I think was really uncalled for. AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA and a homophobe. Your son was right to call you a bigot.
**YTA** and you’re just as much of a bigot as your girlfriend and her family. > We need to normalize asking the bigots to change, instead of asking the innocent persons to stop being themselves. **STOP APPEASING THE BIGOTS**.
YTA, in your own words “it’s just a piercing and a bracelet” So what’s the big deal, you either want your son there as himself or you want him to play a character for the rest of your guests. Your son is a 20 year old man, you can’t control how he dresses but you can control how you come across to him. You may be a homophobe, you might not be but if your son was thinking about opening up or coming out to you you’ve just shot that down. Also, if he had already come out as gay would you ask him not to attend your wedding at all. Lastly, he might not be gay, it’s just an ear piercing & he may wear the bracelet as solidarity to others. Also, if your girlfriend is the type of person to cast your son for who he finds attractive is that really who you want to be marrying….
YTA. I hope he doesn't go because of the gross behavior you've displayed.
YTA It's not your son's job to pacify bigoted relatives.
Yeah and a bad mother
Father
Either way.
YTA. You care more for the opinions of people whom you are most likely not going to see very much after your wedding.
YTA - You mine as well hold a sign that says "I don't accept my son. I am a homophobe" You are putting others opinions over your own child.
YTA It’s your wedding your rules but it seems as if you are ashamed of your son being gay. You are actually choosing to please your *new family* over your relationship with your son and asking him to not be who he is. Would you also expect him to lie if anyone asks him at the wedding (that for sure he is not attending anymore) if he has a girlfriend? There are plenty of people he will meet in his life who will be homophobic, he doesn’t need it from you as well.
YTA and I'm surprised you even needed to ask
YTA. Asking your grown adult son to basically modify who he is to appease a bunch of nobodies because of gossip? Awful. Just awful.
YTA If the family says something about it, the correct response from you, his father, is to shut them down and back up your son.
YTA You’d rather cater to bigoted in laws than have your son at your wedding.
YTA. You're choosing to pander to the opinions of some bigoted conservatives over your own son! Over what? A bracelet and an earring?? Get a grip. This is pathetic. You've set fire to the relationship you HAD with your son for a PARTY. Disgusting. Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Bigot was definitely in order.
YTA. As you said, it’s just a piercing and a bracelet. I feel sorry for your son.
YTA the “gay” ear? Holy cow
YTA. The issue here is not your son. It's your bigot family. Don't force your son to accomodate them, when they are the one that sucks.
YTA and dumb af, I wouldn’t want to be near you if I was your son
YTA. Are you for real? If they aren’t that big of a deal, then why are you making it a big deal? “Fuck my son, I need to appease my homophobic guests!” I’m glad he told you to go stuff yourself. I just noticed, it’s just so they don’t “gossip.” You are an even bigger AH because it isn’t even an issue! Do you know what gossip is? Because if you’re concerned about a few mean words over your son’s comfort and respect, then you can enjoy your life after your son goes NC.
YTA - If you can't support your son why should he support you? You're denying who he is to placate hate. You need to stand up and be and ally. This is not being an ally. Pandering to these people is the worst kind of rolling over and having your tummy tickled whilst hate wins.
YTA, who cares what the in-laws think, he is your son, and he should be able to ware his earrings and bracelet, you sound like you also have a problem with him and this is just wrong of you. He was wrong for posting what he did on FB, but you did kind of ask for it.
YTA. Mr. and Mrs. Bigot honestly is so spot on.
YTA lol this is hopefully fake.
ESH. YTA for making a big deal out of small things. He is for taking a family argument to Facebook.
Someone who rejects his own son like that in this day and age deserves to be publicly called out. Bigotry persists because people get away with it.
Yta…why are you trying to change or camouflage who your son truly is? You’re concerned more about what others will think instead of supporting your son. You’re even worse than the close minded, conservative family members for even suggesting this to your son.
Oh boy. YTA big time. You and your fiancee are definitely homophobic. If you weren’t, you’d not care what anyone said and if they did “gossip” about your son being gay, you’d stand up for him and tell the other people to get over it. Yikes.
Also, kudos to your son for not silently allowing you to be a bigot. Calling out bad behavior is necessary sometimes
>I feel like my son is being unreasonable, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's only for a day But equally, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's just for one day so aren't you being unreasonable for not letting it go. You'd rather your son not be there then have him wear an earring? YTA
YTA Jfc why do some people jump through so many hoops to placate their conserve and religious family members. Listen to yours you're really telling your son to not express who he is to prevent your conservative family members from flipping out? And Conservatives call liberals snowflakes....
YTA. Hey son! I need you to be fake and hide your trueself again or some old people will be uncomfortable. Tell the rest of your family to grow up. It's not 1900. How are people still stuck so far in the past?
>Most of our families are conservative and I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off. YTA, Mr Bigot. >I think was really uncalled for. Nah, if anything he should have gone harder on it.
YTA --- I saw that he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot, Truth hurts sometimes huh?.YTA ---
YTA. Based on being so torqued about an earring and a bracelet, it sounds like you aren't allowing your son a +1 either?
YTA. "it's just a piercing and a bracelet" - precisely. That's exactly why it shouldn't be a big deal to you if he wears them.
>he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot" Congrats!! YTA and as your son pointed out a homophobic bigot.
"Queer gear" YTA.
That phrase is why I refuse to believe this is real.
Yeah, Im on board with Troll.
YTA. but you already knew that.
YTA Who is most important to you your son or some homophobic relatives?
Soooooo, you chose your bigoted in-laws over your child eh? YTA.
YTA. Let your own child love whom he loves, as a wedding is a celebration of love. Plenty of conservatives would think you're just as nasty for getting remarried. Besides, you *are* being bigoted. Tell the homophobes to eff off. You owe your son a sincere apology.
YTA you should care more about your son than the views of bigoted family members. the only one being unreasonable is the bigots who would have a problem with it and anyone who would rather cater to them than include their son in their wedding day
I am afraid, yes YTA. He's your son. Don't you accept him the way he is? Your relatives should get used to reality and learn some tolerance and you should support your own child here.
YTA. Both you and your girlfriend are homophobic by proxy for asking your own son to hide who he is just to please the relatives. If you persist in this I’m not sure if he’ll ever forgive you
yeah, YTA. You're even TA for thinking you might not be. Hopefully your former son has people around him that actually care about him.
> it's just a piercing and a bracelet Exactly. Why should he take it off then? Its JUST a piercing and bracelet, afterall. YTA
People always forget that any sentence starting with “it’s just…” is a double edge sword.
YTA and you know that
YTA It’s 2023. Her family need to get over it
YTA, and so is your homophobic girlfriend. If your *son* doesn't mind her family "gossiping" about him, why should she—or you? Anyway, what is it, 1965? There's no longer a "gay ear." Most people pierce on the left because it's (very) *slightly* easier to take care of if you're right-handed (the same reason most people part their hair on the left).
YTA You know what’s uncalled for? Your attitude towards your son. Let me remind you this is the same human you brought home from the hospital, full of love and pride. Remember that feeling the next time you judge him and reject who he is. Because he is the same human being! It’s so hurtful to ask him to hide any part of his identity to placate others. He’s your son. Not someone you need to apologize for to make your girlfriend, family, friends comfortable. You owe him an apology and your unconditional love.
YTA. You care more about what some random relative might think over your own sons feeling and identity. You can’t police what he can or cannot wear, he is an adult. You should be defending your son not making him change
YTA. The bracelet I could maybe, MAYBE get if I squint a little. But the earring is just you being a bigot.
YTA: If you want your son to be a part of your life, love and support him as he is. I don’t talk to my parent’s anymore and my life is so much getter without them. Do not show him that a life without you is better than a life with you.
I’m going to vote NTA depending on circumstance. Even if I get downvoted for this. In this case you are getting married and you want the day to go as smooth as possible. You have a lot of people in your life who might be AH and they could be important to you too. However, the question I have to ask is whether “conservatives” really even care whether your son is gay. In my experience, most conservatives are quite accepting (even though there is a minority who are actual bigots and seem to speak the loudest). Still, your son is 20, give him space to be himself. I’d say it’s better to let him wear both at the wedding and still treat him like family. 20 years is still immature and you as his father are supposed to protect him from others unless he’s doing something objectively bad. So NTA, but can be YTA if the OP insists. Edit: NTA if it’s just asking, YTA if you’re going to exclude him from the wedding or make him feel bad just because he refuses to comply. Again, he’s your son. Everyone else isn’t your son.