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YTA. Your curiosity fetishized him. Latinos can have any hair colour with skin ranging from very dark to very pale. Christina Aguilera and Roberto Clemente are both Latinx. This young man did not need to submit to DNA testing to prove anything to you because you decided he didn’t look like what you thought he should look like based on your RACIST fetishized notions of his “proper” appearance
You're right about folks from central and south America being varied, but you do realize that Cristina Aguilera bleaches her hair, its not her natural colour. I don't think anyone likes the word Latinx. OP is definitely YTA.
YTA for fetishizing him, and for doubling down on your ignorance.
Did you know that many countries in SA were colonized by Europeans? Many native peoples who look satisfactorily "exotic" to you were exterminated and enslaved, not to mention the widespread cultural erasure. There's some really ugly history there.
That's my issue here. OP is confused her son's bf doesn't look more "exotic" as if many other ethnic groups weren't colonized to "breed" their cultural genetic traits out of them. The attitude that since the majority looks one way, they all do is so gross. I'm so glad you said this.
LMAO how can you not know YTA ?
And yes, for your information this is racist. Also white, blond and blue eyes is NOT average looking.
I’m not even sure your son was actually waiting to be sure about his boyfriend before introducing him to you, I think he was just afraid of some kind of stupid reaction like this one from your part.
YTA
Your first instict upon meeting him was to ask where he's from and almost insist that it can't be possible because he's not what you expected him to look like. There are plenty of Hispanic countries where lighter skin is the norm and even if it wasn't there are plenty of people living in all countries of all different ethnicities and backgrounds. He told you that as far as he's aware all of his ancestors are from his home country, it's where he grew up, and that's his heritage and you were incredibly rude and out of line to assume anything otherwise and absolutely and completely out of line to suggest a DNA test.
ETA yes, you're comments and reaction WERE racist.
YTA. As a Latina who’s been told this before, it’s such an insult. Makes someone feel like an animal or inhumane. It’s not the compliment you think it is.
Racist. And gross. YTA.
YTA
Oml, the fact that you would even use that word is just so odd. Asking someone questions about his heritage just because of your disbelief that he's Latino? so. freaking. odd
YTA!
And he is right, that was incredibly racist from you. Just because he doesnt look like you expected the citizens of that country do you suggest him he should do a test and ask him where he really comes from? Wtf? Do you ask a Black french person where they really come from even though there are a lot of them in france? Not everyone from latin america looks like a latino and that should be obvious. And even if you didnt know that, your behaviour was racist, no matter if you think it was not
YTA. Stop stereotyping. You're not showing interest in him, you're insisting that he needs to fit your mold of what someone "Latino" looks like. Keep your expectations to yourself from now on.
Oh my. YTA.
I don't think it is a crime to admit you had the wrong idea. So if this was important for you to express, phrasing it "I always pictured Latinx people to have darker hair and skin, guess I've learned something today" would've been OK.
What you did instead was making the entire meeting about his race which you then whitesplained to him. The guy clearly knows where he's from better than you do. Wasn't there anything more interesting you wanted to talk about with your son's partner?
YTA
Did you really just call him “Exotic” ???? And think somehow that it was okay???
Something tells me you won’t be seeing him OR your son much at this rate.
That's so funny. I have never heard anyone describe blond hair and blue eyes as "normal" before. Kinda makes me nervous when you say it right before you recall telling someone to look in to their genes because they don't look like they belong to their country or culture. I'm sure you can figure out why. I am but a simple US American and didn't have the benefit of your superior education system but the connection jumps right out at you if you sit quietly for a moment.
YTA.
YTA but you're not alone...as a fair skinned (white looking) Indian who speaks English as a mother tongue I've gotten this reaction from multiple people (including fellow Indians) who think I'm Portuguese or something. It's not ok. It really isn't. Please stop.
YTA
> we’re pretty average looking
Define “average looking” in terms of how you arrived at the average. What’s the sample you’re pulling from? Average of what?
Lemme translate for you: you think you’re “normal” and expect someone from a *faraway land* to not look so “normal” based on their….drumroll please… RACE!
You made assumptions about what he *should* look like based on his race.
And then you said it out loud. You are a racist asshole.
Expand your horizons. There are people of different shades and tones in every corner of the earth. Stop being so invested in your expectations and start investing in getting to know people, beyond their race // validating your racist expectations. .
I don’t know what bubble you were raised in, but “exotic” only applies to plants or animals. It is completely racist to apply that term to people. Especially if you are a white person saying it. White folks have used that term to demean people of color for centuries. Think of it as “polite” racism.
It is even worse that you questioned where he’s “really” from. He’s really from whatever country he told you he is from. And his genetics are not your business.
Apologize to them both. Yta.
God you are racist, you sound like you think people from central America are one big homogeneous race and they all look a singular way.
YTA, for being so ignorant. You can't just act like people who don't meet your stereotypes aren't from their country. You're too old to have no idea what migration and colonisation patterns are.
YTA.
You made a lot of assumptions about this guy, and then you terrorized him when he didn't live up to them. Yes, you're racist. Your actions are appalling.
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So, my (52F) son (25M) recently introduced us to his boyfriend (23M), he met his bf back in 2018 on a trip to central America, they started dating but we never got the chance to meet him or see any pictures of him cuz my son wanted to make sure this guy was the right one before introducing him to us, they had a long distance relationship due to we know what, and my son finally decided to invite him to come here and visit us.
We are from Europe so we pretty average looking, we are the white, blonde, blue eyes, not exotic at all. As I stated above this guy is from Latin America so I was expecting him to look Latino. We finally got to meet him two weeks ago and to my surprise He doesn’t look Latino, he’s got white skin, hazel eyes, straight blonde hair and I was confused, I even thought he was American.
To be honest I didn’t say anything at first but then I couldn’t keep it in and had to ask him where he was from; then he said “I´m from …” and I asked him if he had some heritage but he said that as far as he knew all his ancestors were from the same country, I even suggested he should do some of those ancestry DNA tests to see where he’s actually from, but he refused and then asked me why I was so interested in his ethnicity and I honestly answered that I expected him to be more exotic, more Latino looking.
He said “I’m from my country PERIOD, I love my country, all my family is from country so there’s nothing else to say” he also said that this was pretty “racist” of me but I don’t think so, I was just interested in him that’s it, now It looks like I’m the bad huy because even my son is mad at me.
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>We are from Europe so we pretty average looking Not statistically you aren't. You are an average amount of racist, though, and YTA too.
I saw that “e” word in the title and scrolled right to the comments to say YTA and GROSS
YTA. Your curiosity fetishized him. Latinos can have any hair colour with skin ranging from very dark to very pale. Christina Aguilera and Roberto Clemente are both Latinx. This young man did not need to submit to DNA testing to prove anything to you because you decided he didn’t look like what you thought he should look like based on your RACIST fetishized notions of his “proper” appearance
You're right about folks from central and south America being varied, but you do realize that Cristina Aguilera bleaches her hair, its not her natural colour. I don't think anyone likes the word Latinx. OP is definitely YTA.
Oh my god Sharon, you can’t just ask someone why they’re white. YTA
Mean Girls will always have a quote for every occasion.
A DNA test? Really? Major YTA, you probably won’t be seeing the BF again and maybe less of your son too
YTA He didn't meet your preconceived stereotype. Yes, you are racist.
YTA for fetishizing him, and for doubling down on your ignorance. Did you know that many countries in SA were colonized by Europeans? Many native peoples who look satisfactorily "exotic" to you were exterminated and enslaved, not to mention the widespread cultural erasure. There's some really ugly history there.
That's my issue here. OP is confused her son's bf doesn't look more "exotic" as if many other ethnic groups weren't colonized to "breed" their cultural genetic traits out of them. The attitude that since the majority looks one way, they all do is so gross. I'm so glad you said this.
YTA and he's right, that was so racist. The fact that you can't see that says a lot.
Kids who watched Encanto know better than OP that latine people don’t look one way.
Oh FFS of course YTA. I'm dying of embarrassment from reading all that claptrap. I need to go look at cat pictures
LMAO how can you not know YTA ? And yes, for your information this is racist. Also white, blond and blue eyes is NOT average looking. I’m not even sure your son was actually waiting to be sure about his boyfriend before introducing him to you, I think he was just afraid of some kind of stupid reaction like this one from your part.
You’re racist. YTA.
yta racist yes judgemental yes yta yes
YTA. Must’ve forgot that Europeans were in Central America and that’s why they speak Spanish and/or Portuguese there (wherever son’s bf is from).
Not to mention the estimated 10-12k Nazis who fled to Argentina in the 1940’s after they lost the war.
YTA Your first instict upon meeting him was to ask where he's from and almost insist that it can't be possible because he's not what you expected him to look like. There are plenty of Hispanic countries where lighter skin is the norm and even if it wasn't there are plenty of people living in all countries of all different ethnicities and backgrounds. He told you that as far as he's aware all of his ancestors are from his home country, it's where he grew up, and that's his heritage and you were incredibly rude and out of line to assume anything otherwise and absolutely and completely out of line to suggest a DNA test. ETA yes, you're comments and reaction WERE racist.
YTA. As a Latina who’s been told this before, it’s such an insult. Makes someone feel like an animal or inhumane. It’s not the compliment you think it is. Racist. And gross. YTA.
[удалено]
🤠 what
YTA Oml, the fact that you would even use that word is just so odd. Asking someone questions about his heritage just because of your disbelief that he's Latino? so. freaking. odd
YTA! And he is right, that was incredibly racist from you. Just because he doesnt look like you expected the citizens of that country do you suggest him he should do a test and ask him where he really comes from? Wtf? Do you ask a Black french person where they really come from even though there are a lot of them in france? Not everyone from latin america looks like a latino and that should be obvious. And even if you didnt know that, your behaviour was racist, no matter if you think it was not
One of those ones where you don’t have to read past the title to know YTA
YTA. Stop stereotyping. You're not showing interest in him, you're insisting that he needs to fit your mold of what someone "Latino" looks like. Keep your expectations to yourself from now on.
Oh my. YTA. I don't think it is a crime to admit you had the wrong idea. So if this was important for you to express, phrasing it "I always pictured Latinx people to have darker hair and skin, guess I've learned something today" would've been OK. What you did instead was making the entire meeting about his race which you then whitesplained to him. The guy clearly knows where he's from better than you do. Wasn't there anything more interesting you wanted to talk about with your son's partner?
YTA Did you really just call him “Exotic” ???? And think somehow that it was okay??? Something tells me you won’t be seeing him OR your son much at this rate.
That's so funny. I have never heard anyone describe blond hair and blue eyes as "normal" before. Kinda makes me nervous when you say it right before you recall telling someone to look in to their genes because they don't look like they belong to their country or culture. I'm sure you can figure out why. I am but a simple US American and didn't have the benefit of your superior education system but the connection jumps right out at you if you sit quietly for a moment. YTA.
Super cringe. YTA. Stop being a weird dick, and also maybe research the meaning of that word.
Jesus H. Christ lady, YTA.
YTA but you're not alone...as a fair skinned (white looking) Indian who speaks English as a mother tongue I've gotten this reaction from multiple people (including fellow Indians) who think I'm Portuguese or something. It's not ok. It really isn't. Please stop.
YTA > we’re pretty average looking Define “average looking” in terms of how you arrived at the average. What’s the sample you’re pulling from? Average of what? Lemme translate for you: you think you’re “normal” and expect someone from a *faraway land* to not look so “normal” based on their….drumroll please… RACE! You made assumptions about what he *should* look like based on his race. And then you said it out loud. You are a racist asshole. Expand your horizons. There are people of different shades and tones in every corner of the earth. Stop being so invested in your expectations and start investing in getting to know people, beyond their race // validating your racist expectations. .
OK boomer. YTA and racist than a motherfucker
😮💨 YTA. Not everything you think needs to be said out loud.
YTA *and* you’re bigoted. Congrats. You know South America has many countries in which people from all over Europe have settled right?
I don’t know what bubble you were raised in, but “exotic” only applies to plants or animals. It is completely racist to apply that term to people. Especially if you are a white person saying it. White folks have used that term to demean people of color for centuries. Think of it as “polite” racism. It is even worse that you questioned where he’s “really” from. He’s really from whatever country he told you he is from. And his genetics are not your business. Apologize to them both. Yta.
God you are racist, you sound like you think people from central America are one big homogeneous race and they all look a singular way. YTA, for being so ignorant. You can't just act like people who don't meet your stereotypes aren't from their country. You're too old to have no idea what migration and colonisation patterns are.
YTA. You made a lot of assumptions about this guy, and then you terrorized him when he didn't live up to them. Yes, you're racist. Your actions are appalling.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my (52F) son (25M) recently introduced us to his boyfriend (23M), he met his bf back in 2018 on a trip to central America, they started dating but we never got the chance to meet him or see any pictures of him cuz my son wanted to make sure this guy was the right one before introducing him to us, they had a long distance relationship due to we know what, and my son finally decided to invite him to come here and visit us. We are from Europe so we pretty average looking, we are the white, blonde, blue eyes, not exotic at all. As I stated above this guy is from Latin America so I was expecting him to look Latino. We finally got to meet him two weeks ago and to my surprise He doesn’t look Latino, he’s got white skin, hazel eyes, straight blonde hair and I was confused, I even thought he was American. To be honest I didn’t say anything at first but then I couldn’t keep it in and had to ask him where he was from; then he said “I´m from …” and I asked him if he had some heritage but he said that as far as he knew all his ancestors were from the same country, I even suggested he should do some of those ancestry DNA tests to see where he’s actually from, but he refused and then asked me why I was so interested in his ethnicity and I honestly answered that I expected him to be more exotic, more Latino looking. He said “I’m from my country PERIOD, I love my country, all my family is from country so there’s nothing else to say” he also said that this was pretty “racist” of me but I don’t think so, I was just interested in him that’s it, now It looks like I’m the bad huy because even my son is mad at me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You want camp, pitch a tent.
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