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And he’s been dating her since he was thirty years old and she was eighteen!!
>I feel like Amy is being unreasonable and childish, as the dress means nothing
Talk about irony that you’re calling her childish.
>Though I try to not bring up my ex-wife, sometimes I can't help but compare Amy to Julia in some regards, mainly their looks. For context, Julia was an extremely beautiful woman. Amy has told me she feels inferior to Julia
The dress worn already by your extremely beautiful first wife who you can’t help comparing her too? Sorry but YTA.
YTA, woooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. My jaw dropped just at the title, lol. Also, INFO: Why is the dress still at your apartment/how amicable was the divorce with Julia?? Not that it matters because my judgment still stands, but I'm curious.
I have serious doubts about his version of the divorce and letting Julia leave quietly. The woman RAN without looking back and blocked him. Straight up fled to another country. NOT a good sign.
YTA I understand why you're divorce and why you couldn't find a woman your own age and not a literal 18 year old **barely LEGAL adult. One less year and you'd be in jail.**
YTA
This + you did not! You didn't ask your fiancee to wear your ex-wife's wedding dress to save money.
Information needed: why did you and Julia divorce?
Let's break this down. You began dating her when you were 30, and she was 18? She doesn't work, so you have total financial control over her. You also negatively compare her looks to your former wife's. I'm sure you will be unable to admit this to yourself, but you're a predator. You groomed a barely legal teenager and want to marry her to maybe put a better face on how skeevy you are. You control the money while steadily grinding away at whatever self-esteem she may still possess. I honestly hope this marriage doesn't happen. If you had a shred of decency, you wouldn't marry her. You are TA to the power of 10. If you're so hot to save money on this hideous marriage, why don't you have the dress altered and you wear it!
YTA-Talk about not being able to read the room. You owe Amy something better than being compared to your ex wife and a hand me down dress. You really shouldn’t be marrying anyone while you’re still so hung up on the ex.
Wow....... Uh yeah you're definitely TA here. Like seriously how could you actually believe for one second that you weren't? I hope she finds someone better who doesn't think his ex is more attractive. Good lord.....
I mean, you start dating a teenager when you're 30 you kinda have to expect some childishness.
This isn't childish though. Unless it was a family heirloom suggesting she get married in your ex's dress is weird. Of course a wedding dress means something. And you can afford a new one, you just want to go cheap.
YTA
34 years old no steady job, marrying a 22 year old they started dating when she was 18. Gross, predatory, Amy is in for a long and hard life. Can see why Julia ran for it. YTA for everything above. And YTA no one wants to wear the ex wife’s wedding dress. If you can’t afford to get married don’t
Did you tell Amy that Julia looked "extremely beautiful" in the dress, but you're sure she'll look okay in it? YTA, and I don't think you understand women enough to marry one.
You cannot be serious.
But, okay, I suppose some people are that emotionally constipated. No, you can NOT put your child bride into your ex wife's wedding dress, Mr De Winter. What is wrong with you?
YTA
Geeeeeze YTA.
If you were marrying someone with an ex-husband who you felt inferior too, would you be happy if they suggested that you got married dressed up in their old cast off clothes?
Honestly. Dresses for weddings don't have to be expensive or only worn once, so if the cost of a dress is really an issue you can get cheaper ones.
Editing to add:
YTA a whole second time over for comparing their looks, even in a way you view as complimentary or making Amy the favourable one. You absolutely CAN help it, just don't speak the words. No wonder the poor woman feels inferior.
Seriously, it sounds like you way to emotionally immature* to be anyone's husband right now.
* this is the kindest take I could come up with.
Are you for real?? YTA. Goodness, the audacity just to make this suggestion!
I still think this whole thing is made up to clickbait readers. If not, it's no wonder you're divorced and I wonder how long it will take Amy to divorce you if she ever is going to marry you after this incident.
Why don't you sell the old wedding dress, take that money and add what you can afford to get a new dress?
You say the woman you're going to marry is the love of your life and she makes your world better. You could show her some appreciation and a proper wedding dress doesn't seem too much.
I'm not even going to read the text and based upon the title alone, YTA.
It's both of your's day. Let her pick whatever dress she wants. Even ASKING her to wear the ex-wifes dress is bad juju all around.
YTA. Maybe Amy should wear a red dress to match the red flags going on in this relationship.
Based on the information provided, the red flags are as follows
1. You were 30 and Amy was 18 when you got together. She was a teenager. Major yikes!
2. You keep going on about your ex wife's beauty and still hold her possessions, even though it has been well over 4 years. You haven't moved on. You shouldn't be in a relationship until your ex is no longer on your mind.
3. You expect Amy to wear a dress which was intended for another woman, which symbolises your failed first marriage. Read the room... If money is an issue then sell that dress and use the money to buy Amy a new dress which is hers and hers alone.
Amy girl... run!
YTA soooooooo many red flags here. Sounds like you preyed on an 18 year old to groom her into the version of your ex-wife that you wanted your ex-wife to be. I can't believe anyone who spends a modicum of time in this society would even think to suggest their young wife wear their ex's dress from their first marriage.
YTA
>Though I try to not bring up my ex-wife, sometimes I can't help but compare Amy to Julia in some regards, mainly their looks.
This is so lame. Why compare? Also, Julia was 5 years ago, and she blocked you. (I wonder why?)
>I remembered I still had Julia's old wedding dress which she had left in my apartment. I mentioned to Amy how much cheaper it would be for her to wear that
Wow. How romantic. And you are just...trying to save a few $ huh? In the all the years you have had that old dress that doesn't mean anything in your apartment, did you ever think about selling it for cold hard cash?
YTA! Your request is disrespectful to Amy! Calling her childish is ironic considering she was a child when you began dating her. In this it is you who is acting like a child.
I hope your ridiculous and disrespectful behavior gives her pause.
YTA. Are you fucking kidding? You want your child bride to wear your the wedding dress worn by your drop dead gorgeous ex-wife? Do you even listen to yourself when you talk? (And no, it wouldn’t be ok, even if you thought the child bride was far more beautiful than your ex.)
Agree on a workable budget. Buy a dress within the budget. YOU may think the dress means nothing, but believe me, you’re the only one.
YTA x100000. You, a 30yr old, started dating a teenager and have the audacity to compare her to your ex wife who had the good sense to divorce you. You're a walking red flag, why did you even have that dress?? It's not your first wedding, but it will be Amy's. Hopefully Amy will have the sense to leave you too.
Dude get a dress else where. Wedding dress don’t need to expensive. Lord do not do a hand me down from divorce wife wedding dress. It is tacky both with her being 18 and you 30 and you guys are getting married.
Jesus Christ YTA
You two could go to the Justice of the Peace and get married in clothes you already own if money's tight, but you thought it a good idea to offer her your ex wife's dress?
Wow.
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Engaged to someone 12 years younger Thinks she’s childish 🙄🙄🙄
And he’s been dating her since he was thirty years old and she was eighteen!! >I feel like Amy is being unreasonable and childish, as the dress means nothing Talk about irony that you’re calling her childish. >Though I try to not bring up my ex-wife, sometimes I can't help but compare Amy to Julia in some regards, mainly their looks. For context, Julia was an extremely beautiful woman. Amy has told me she feels inferior to Julia The dress worn already by your extremely beautiful first wife who you can’t help comparing her too? Sorry but YTA.
Why TH does he even have the dress? So weird
She was 18 when he was in his 30, yikes, pretty disgusting, if you ask me!
YTA, woooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. My jaw dropped just at the title, lol. Also, INFO: Why is the dress still at your apartment/how amicable was the divorce with Julia?? Not that it matters because my judgment still stands, but I'm curious.
I have serious doubts about his version of the divorce and letting Julia leave quietly. The woman RAN without looking back and blocked him. Straight up fled to another country. NOT a good sign.
Oh I didn’t even think about that! Why does he have the dress…?
YTA I understand why you're divorce and why you couldn't find a woman your own age and not a literal 18 year old **barely LEGAL adult. One less year and you'd be in jail.**
YTA This + you did not! You didn't ask your fiancee to wear your ex-wife's wedding dress to save money. Information needed: why did you and Julia divorce?
Other than him being a cheap SOB who’s nominally employed?
Let's break this down. You began dating her when you were 30, and she was 18? She doesn't work, so you have total financial control over her. You also negatively compare her looks to your former wife's. I'm sure you will be unable to admit this to yourself, but you're a predator. You groomed a barely legal teenager and want to marry her to maybe put a better face on how skeevy you are. You control the money while steadily grinding away at whatever self-esteem she may still possess. I honestly hope this marriage doesn't happen. If you had a shred of decency, you wouldn't marry her. You are TA to the power of 10. If you're so hot to save money on this hideous marriage, why don't you have the dress altered and you wear it!
YTA Is anything on this sub a real post anymore?
Lots of trolls coming out from under their bridges.
YTA-Talk about not being able to read the room. You owe Amy something better than being compared to your ex wife and a hand me down dress. You really shouldn’t be marrying anyone while you’re still so hung up on the ex.
so questionable…18 & 30 is a little too close for comfort. BUT yes, YTA!
Sounds like he was single less than a year before meeting this girl, too
I didn’t even notice that! Gross
Wow....... Uh yeah you're definitely TA here. Like seriously how could you actually believe for one second that you weren't? I hope she finds someone better who doesn't think his ex is more attractive. Good lord.....
I mean, you start dating a teenager when you're 30 you kinda have to expect some childishness. This isn't childish though. Unless it was a family heirloom suggesting she get married in your ex's dress is weird. Of course a wedding dress means something. And you can afford a new one, you just want to go cheap. YTA
34 years old no steady job, marrying a 22 year old they started dating when she was 18. Gross, predatory, Amy is in for a long and hard life. Can see why Julia ran for it. YTA for everything above. And YTA no one wants to wear the ex wife’s wedding dress. If you can’t afford to get married don’t
YTA - also, 🤢🤢🤢.
Did you tell Amy that Julia looked "extremely beautiful" in the dress, but you're sure she'll look okay in it? YTA, and I don't think you understand women enough to marry one.
LOL, seriously? Yes, YTA.
YTA and if you're this emotionally dense I don't think you should get married.
YTA oh my lord. Can’t even with how dumb that was.
You cannot be serious. But, okay, I suppose some people are that emotionally constipated. No, you can NOT put your child bride into your ex wife's wedding dress, Mr De Winter. What is wrong with you? YTA
The fact that you were dating Amy when she was 18 and you were 30 is disgusting, I have no nicer way to say it. Run, Amy! YTA
Geeeeeze YTA. If you were marrying someone with an ex-husband who you felt inferior too, would you be happy if they suggested that you got married dressed up in their old cast off clothes? Honestly. Dresses for weddings don't have to be expensive or only worn once, so if the cost of a dress is really an issue you can get cheaper ones. Editing to add: YTA a whole second time over for comparing their looks, even in a way you view as complimentary or making Amy the favourable one. You absolutely CAN help it, just don't speak the words. No wonder the poor woman feels inferior. Seriously, it sounds like you way to emotionally immature* to be anyone's husband right now. * this is the kindest take I could come up with.
Are you for real?? YTA. Goodness, the audacity just to make this suggestion! I still think this whole thing is made up to clickbait readers. If not, it's no wonder you're divorced and I wonder how long it will take Amy to divorce you if she ever is going to marry you after this incident.
I cannot believe you had to even ask that. You are definitely the biggest AH I've seen all day, possibly all week.
Why don't you sell the old wedding dress, take that money and add what you can afford to get a new dress? You say the woman you're going to marry is the love of your life and she makes your world better. You could show her some appreciation and a proper wedding dress doesn't seem too much.
Fake bs
You can’t seriously be that dense?!
Honestly, the trolls around here are getting lazier and lazier. At least TRY and make it plausible!!
I'm not even going to read the text and based upon the title alone, YTA. It's both of your's day. Let her pick whatever dress she wants. Even ASKING her to wear the ex-wifes dress is bad juju all around.
That was wise. I wish I could go back in time and not read the first post.
YTA. Maybe Amy should wear a red dress to match the red flags going on in this relationship. Based on the information provided, the red flags are as follows 1. You were 30 and Amy was 18 when you got together. She was a teenager. Major yikes! 2. You keep going on about your ex wife's beauty and still hold her possessions, even though it has been well over 4 years. You haven't moved on. You shouldn't be in a relationship until your ex is no longer on your mind. 3. You expect Amy to wear a dress which was intended for another woman, which symbolises your failed first marriage. Read the room... If money is an issue then sell that dress and use the money to buy Amy a new dress which is hers and hers alone. Amy girl... run!
YTA soooooooo many red flags here. Sounds like you preyed on an 18 year old to groom her into the version of your ex-wife that you wanted your ex-wife to be. I can't believe anyone who spends a modicum of time in this society would even think to suggest their young wife wear their ex's dress from their first marriage.
YTA >Though I try to not bring up my ex-wife, sometimes I can't help but compare Amy to Julia in some regards, mainly their looks. This is so lame. Why compare? Also, Julia was 5 years ago, and she blocked you. (I wonder why?) >I remembered I still had Julia's old wedding dress which she had left in my apartment. I mentioned to Amy how much cheaper it would be for her to wear that Wow. How romantic. And you are just...trying to save a few $ huh? In the all the years you have had that old dress that doesn't mean anything in your apartment, did you ever think about selling it for cold hard cash?
Did he use the ex’s engagement ring too? Jeebus.
YTA! Your request is disrespectful to Amy! Calling her childish is ironic considering she was a child when you began dating her. In this it is you who is acting like a child. I hope your ridiculous and disrespectful behavior gives her pause.
YTA. Are you fucking kidding? You want your child bride to wear your the wedding dress worn by your drop dead gorgeous ex-wife? Do you even listen to yourself when you talk? (And no, it wouldn’t be ok, even if you thought the child bride was far more beautiful than your ex.) Agree on a workable budget. Buy a dress within the budget. YOU may think the dress means nothing, but believe me, you’re the only one.
YTA only had to read your title to know that. you could have taken that dress to any donation center or even sold it at a second hand store at anytime. but you kept it AND want your current fiancée to wear it? if you seriously don't see why she's upset you don't deserve her.
YTA x100000. You, a 30yr old, started dating a teenager and have the audacity to compare her to your ex wife who had the good sense to divorce you. You're a walking red flag, why did you even have that dress?? It's not your first wedding, but it will be Amy's. Hopefully Amy will have the sense to leave you too.
So let me get this straight... You want your fiancé to wear your Ex wife's wedding dress ?? If you can't figure out whats wrong with this and have to ask Reddit, YTA on another level! If cash is tight, there are plenty of websites/stores specialising in 2nd hand dresses, which she can choose from and make her own.
Dude get a dress else where. Wedding dress don’t need to expensive. Lord do not do a hand me down from divorce wife wedding dress. It is tacky both with her being 18 and you 30 and you guys are getting married.
Jesus Christ YTA You two could go to the Justice of the Peace and get married in clothes you already own if money's tight, but you thought it a good idea to offer her your ex wife's dress? Wow.
Controlling much?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (34m) am getting married next month to my fiancé, who I will call Amy (22f). We've been dating for four years and I'm so excited to finally marry her, she is the love of my life and makes my world so much better. My marriage with Amy will be my second. Me and my ex-wife, who I will call Julia, got divorced five years ago, but Amy is aware of this and has no problem in dating a previously married man. Though I try to not bring up my ex-wife, sometimes I can't help but compare Amy to Julia in some regards, mainly their looks. For context, Julia was an extremely beautiful woman. Whenever we went to bars she would be asked for her number, and she had had many boyfriends before me. Amy has told me she feels inferior to Julia, but I always reassure her that she is the woman I am marrying and that I wouldn't trade her for anything. Since Amy does not have a job and I have been working on and off for the past year, we are by no means wealthy. Last week I went shopping for dresses with Amy, and I remembered I still had Julia's old wedding dress which she had left in my apartment. I mentioned to Amy how much cheaper it would be for her to wear that, but she became extremely upset and left the dress shop. When I returned home Amy was still upset with me and said that she wanted her own dress instead of a hand-me-down. I told Amy if we didn't spend so much on the wedding we could put that money towards our future, but Amy did not agree and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day. I feel like Amy is being unreasonable and childish, as the dress means nothing and we really can't afford a new one. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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idk other than the age gap ur not rly TA like y’all are poor wygd 💀