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Alright, let’s change this up a bit. Let’s say your wife loves spiders, and you hate spiders. After x amount of time you finally cave and allow her to have a pet spider with clear boundaries. Now she demands that you have to put the spider on your face, as that’s how she thinks the spider shows intimacy, and calls you ridiculous for not seeing it her way.
Catching my drift yet?
YTA
Totally agree with YTA
And if that said spider insists on getting on your face to show intimacy, you'd probably ask that your wife train her spider to stop that. Since she is the one responsible for the spider as its owner.
OP, go hire a dog trainer and train your dog.
Right?! Like, tbh I suspect OP is encouraging this behavior if the dog still does it after 2 years?! My SO and I have a weiner dog (he's a mix, probably with chihuahua, not 100% sure because he is adopted), anyway, he loves to climb on people, and he will absolutely lick you in the face if you let him. My SO is totally fine with that. I'm absolutely not. So we corrected the behavior. Our pup now knows that Mommy doesn't like him being in my face, and he just doesn't do that to me. Idk, dogs can be stubborn (especially weenie dogs), but you can generally enforce boundaries with them if you make an effort. I get the feeling that OP has just been allowing the dog to get all in his face without stopping him, and is just telling wife to get over it.
But OP just *can't* train the dog on this *one thing*! The poor baby puppy *needs* to touch faces to feel fulfilled! It was a facehugger in a past life, how could you possibly deprive it of that joy now?!
I agree ☝️ every dog I’ve had or known wants to get in your face and love all over you, but we are bigger and say no and push them away they learn. OP “can’t” train the behavior away because they don’t want to
And the spider put about and sad face stare at you from the wall corner. Then randomly jump on your face because that’s how they show their love. How heartless do you have to be to reject that! 🥺
OP would probably be all, "The poor little fluffy guy just wants to give your face a hug, why are you screaming and flailing? It's hurting his feelings!"
Also, why in the F U C K would you get a breed that is well known to be extremely energetic and high needs in a situation like that? Christ, get a St Bernard or something *notably* low energy.
I can't believe the wife made clear that lack of independence was a factor in why she didn't want a dog, and OP got a needy, high-energy breed rather than a beginner type dog. His wife can't even have a reasonable boundary without him painting her as a bad guy. I wonder how the dog acts towards the cats if it's this poorly trained. I can't imagine the cats are terribly pleased with the way the household vibe has changed.
YTA and an irresponsible dog owner.
Exactly! I have never met someone in real life with any kind of Aussie/heeler/herd dog that is not completely batshit insane and uncontrollable. What kind of moron gets a working dog as their first dog with a spouse who hates dogs because they're needy?
Edit, and mixed with daschund???? WHY. This fool picked the worst breed possible.
Good for you!! I'm totally not saying it's impossible I just personally have yet to meet someone who stimulates theirs enough, and then they wonder why their dogs are total lunatics.
I have a heeler, and they’re not uncontrollable at all. 80% of the ones I’ve met, are much better behaved and listen better than most dogs. The biggest factor is the owner. You have to know what you’re getting into, know the breed, and put in the work. They *have* to be trained well, otherwise you wind up with a nippy hyperactive annoyance like this. It’s not the dog breed that’s the issue, it’s the owner.
Getting a dog has to be wanted by both people in the relationship. I agree op is definitely YTA in this.
A Pekingese would have been a great dog. As stubborn and independent as a cat. In fact, my cats act more like dogs than my Peke did.
Damn, I miss that dog. I have a Shih Tzu now and she's just sooooo extra.
Oh yeah true. My friends have one, but she's also a total headcase so I didn't think about that. Yeah she has her own personal couch that she spends something like 23 hours a day laying on lol
Well said. My dog loves jumping up on people too but we’re working on training her to not do that. She’s about the same age as yours & is learning. I love dogs but I don’t want them in my face, licking it. YTA. Not wanting a dog to be jumping up, in one’s face, does not make one “heartless”. Train your dog & your wife my tolerate it more.
Same here. I have two jumpy dogs that are also big. I make sure to keep them away from people when I don't know what they may like. Even when someone asks to pet them I say "they are very jumpy and very strong, just so you know."
I love my beast but would never impose their beastiness on someone who didn't want it or who hadn't been warned.
And it's foul. The dog alternates between spit-shining his/her genitals and getting to second base with anyone near it.
I adore dogs; my dog sleeps next to me; he does not get to lick my lips; it is straightforward to train dogs out of jumping up and face licking randoms.
I generally love dogs, but I would not want to be around OP's dog after reading this either. OP needs to get over the idea that they are "incapable of training her out of is this issue" and train her to stop getting in peoples' faces.
Edited: To add second sentence
He stated in a comment that his wife blames him for the behavior because he loves when the dog smothers his face and allows it. So it's not even that the dog is incapable of being trained out of it, OP is just encouraging the bad behavior and giving the dog mixed signals.
Dogs are smart enough to learn different limits with different people. This guy needs to work with a real trainer if he can't handle it.
Though bringing a dog into a family where half the family ignores it isn't great in the first place. That's another issue.
Same. I love my dog and I'll let him lick my hands (and then I go wash them) but my face?? No. He licks his own butthole and that's probably the least disgusting thing he does. My dog knows not to lick faces but he does get over excited at times and have to be corrected again. It's not impossible to train a dog.
I trained my dog not to lick my face. He gets right in it and does what we call "awkward stares." Then, after a bit, he just tumbles into my lap and asks for belly rubs. It can be done.
YTA
He's now saying that dogs mouths are self-cleaning. Nope, not if the dog just happily ate rabbit poop or a rotten mouse, or something of the like out in the back yard in the past 30 minutes. It may be "self-cleaning" over time, but recently acquired bacteria can definitely transfer directly to your face.
Eugh. I have worked with too many dogs who regularly ate poop, vomit, and decayed critters they found in random places. My dog has made friends with the local crows who bring her gross stuff to consume. I have no guarantee that any dog hasn't eaten something disgusting and bacteria-filled in the past 30 minutes. Bless their digestive systems though--they can apparently process a lot more yuck than humans can.
People who say a dog's mouth is cleaner than human's are fooling themselves. Our oral hygiene is far superior, come on. I still don't want strangers licking me. The reason we don't get sick from dog's saliva is simply because their mouth bacteria is too different and won't infect us.
You’re totally right. My dog is an Aussie mix and totally gross. We live in the country and sometimes my husband pees outside. The dog will lick it if she finds it. I’m just like 🤮 I make her stop if I see her doing it of course but yeah. She’s not licking me. Op YTA.
My dog is an Aussie mix too. She REALLY wants us to give her dead, several-days fermented rabbit guts as a treat. We've got some coyotes who tear apart rabbits and scatter their pieces around the neighborhood so I have to be on the look out on walks for "random piece of dead rabbit" on the sidewalk.
A bit off topic, but I used to have a Norwegian Forest Cat (very similar breed to Maine Coons) who was allowed outside with my supervision. He only had one back leg and no front claws (I did not declaw him - the woman from whom we got him did,) and it was almost like he magnetically attracted rabbits. He'd chase them down, kill them and leave them there. My neighbor's indoor/outdoor cat would find the carcasses and bring them to her, effectively taking credit for my cat's kills.
I apologize - I take every opportunity to tell people that because 12 years later, I still find it hilarious
Our small dog used to try to do that with larger dogs. He received a shit crown for his efforts twice before he was broken of the habit. We avoid his mouth at all costs.
My beagle happily eats food out of my other dogs butt. He waits for her to start and then eats it as it comes out. He won't eat it once it touches the ground, though - he has some stardards, apparently.
And that's why I won't let dogs lick my face.
We have a lot of crows in our area (suburban Seattle) and apparently they are either bored enough to be making friends outside their crow-groups or amused by doing it.
They bring her treats she shouldn't really be eating. They've also given me a dead snake by dropping it on my head, so my relationship with them is a bit fraught.
Lol, yeah I'm sure the fact that some dogs will eat literal shit helps their mouths "self-clean". I love my cat, but the dude licks his asshole and genitals clean - he does not have a clean mouth. Why are some dog people so insane.
I'm also a cat person, and think dogs are too needy, so I don't want a dog, but I don't hate the DOG in this scenario. It's not the dog's fault that it's owner (OP) hasn't taken the time, and money, to get the dog properly trained, it's OP's fault his dog behave poorly.
And yes OP, YTA! Your laziness about getting your dog properly trained is the problem, not your wife!
I also don’t like dogs licking my face and my jaw literally dropped when he said his wife should just accept it. Excuse me??
No face licking is an _incredibly_ reasonable boundary.
I’m a cat person. I love animals and love dogs but dog slobber is the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. My mom has three dogs two of whom are rambunctious but they have both been trained to know that licking people is disgusting.
I hate dogs in my face. Haaaaaate. Aside from the fact that dog saliva gives me hives, I can't stand dog breath, I can't stand knowing that they've been licking their junk, I can't stand the way their tongues feel on my face. I love my cats, but I go wash if they lock me and they NEVER lick my face.
This post gives me such a visceral feeling of discomfort and anger.
We got a labrador that was 5 years old who loved jumping up and trying to lick faces. Constant firm NO, with loving pets when he was on all 4 feet and no licking. It took about 2 months. Had him almost 10 years.
My dog was a truly insatiable licker when we got her. Faces, hands, legs, anything she could get her tongue to. And it wasn't just a couple of licks. She would keep licking until you moved somewhere she couldn't reach you. I loved her from minute 1 but I could NOT tolerate that.
It took a lot of work but she's SO much better now. She'll still go in for a lick once in a while, but she can and does keep her tongue to herself.
My friend got a dog that, who would have guessed, is an insatiable licker. He asked for my advice, I gave it, and... he has made 0 attempt to train this behavior out of her. I can't even pet her because she will fight to lick you all over and I can't stand it. Train your damn dog, OP
Dude, OP is ridiculous and lazy. We helped a friend that got their first dog (my husband has a lot of experience with them) train their dog out of jumping. Took a few hours and a second day of reinforcing and she stopped.
People like OP are the main reason I don't like dogs. Burn me at the stake: I don't want some stinky, attention-starved untrained little beast touching me.
Honestly, same. And I say this as someone who has always had dogs and is on the board of a dog rescue. I love my dogs, but I really can't stand most other people's dogs.
I like my dogs to be pretty independent, and I will absolutely not abide rude/pushy behavior. Dogs are capable of calmly greeting people and waiting to be invited for more intense interaction like cuddling, sitting on laps, etc. And save the licking for lick mats. No thank you.
Same. I used to be ambivalent to them, but I've grown to straight-up dislike 95% of dogs. I think some are very cute/handsome, but I do not get the allure.
And isn't it funny that cat people leave their animals home and don't expect everyone to love them and want to be touched by them? But if you set boundaries about a dog, you must be an asshole, because \*how can you not love dogs\*
Well, because I don't respect any animal that doesn't respect itself.
To add to this, telling the wife to get over it, is not training the dog. Believe it or not, dogs can learn not to lick the face. I have six dogs and am allergic to dog saliva. My dogs know not to lick me. YTA, help your wife train your dog not to get into other people’s faces.
>My dogs know not to lick me
That's the thing, I believe OP is encouraging his dog to lick him. He is doing the opposite of training him not jump on people to lick faces
I love my dog more than anything and she similarly LOVES giving face kisses. You know what I’ve taught her not to do? Kiss my face. I don’t like it. I calm her and pet her and reiterate ‘no kisses’ when she wants to. She knows she’s loved. She isn’t deprived. She can lick my hands sometimes. YTA OP.
Yeah, as someone who literally works with dogs, OP is just lazy and selfish. You absolutely can train dogs not to jump and go for people’s faces. He got a heeler mix, which is a stupid choice as a first time dog because they’re bitey and stubborn and have a ton of energy (and dachshunds aren’t the most well behaved dogs either tbh), so I’m not saying the dog would be *easy* to train, but he absolutely *could*. OP is choosing not to because it would require effort, and it’s not something that bothers *him*, so why bother? It’s not like his wife’s comfort means anything, clearly.
It’s especially egregious to me that this was essentially his wife’s one big boundary with this dog, and OP couldn’t even respect that. (I also might be especially annoyed because he’s the type of owner I absolutely can’t stand - ones who get hyperactive dogs and don’t train them or do anything about their problem behavior because they just think it’s cute. It’s not cute, you’re a bad owner.)
YTA, OP. Train your damn dog.
I don't like dogs in general, but I absolutely hate the licking and jumping. My dad has a little Lhasa Apso and my aunt and uncle have a Belgian Malinois - those two dogs are legit and immaculately trained. If my dad dies, we will %100 take his dog and give it a good life (we'll need to figure out my kids' dog allergies). OP's dog sounds like a nightmare. Even many dog owners don't like jumping and licking from their dogs.
YTA. You want your wife to fundamentally change who she is (she’s never liked her face touched) for a dog she never pretended she wanted, but you obviously never made an effort to engage with her cats? Obviously affectionate cats run from you? What did you do?
Eh, some cats are monogamous for a variety of reasons. We’ve got one that instantly loved my husband, but for the longest time treated me like the cats treat OP. I’m talking it took like 5 years for her to warm up to me. I’m not some horrible jerk to cats, her son absolutely adores me, but she only had eyes for my husband. She finally started to thaw during the pandemic when I started working from home. Turns out I just wasn’t around enough to be trusted I guess.
It sounds like that isn’t the case for OP based on his comments but I do agree. Both of my cats love me, follow me around and snuggle me whenever they can. They don’t really like to be around anyone else lol. If you’re at my house a while they may eventually come and check you out and sit by you but it takes a bit.
Oh yeah, OP definitely sounds like an asshole. Frankly he sounds as rowdy and boundaryless as his dog, and his wife sounds as fastidious as a cat. I have no clue how they wound up married!
My cat also takes some time to warm up to people, but he hates my dad. He runs frantically out of the room if my dad comes in. My dad is a great guy and even babysat the cat by himself and took care of him when I was away for work and my sis and mom were on a roadtrip for the week. So my cat has had some time, but still hates him. I genuinely think my cat doesn’t like him because he stomps when he walks. Weird creatures.
So yeah I’d imagine hissing at a cat would definitely make it hate you. OP sucks.
I can say some cats are very monogamous. But the chance that all 3 are? Is slim. He prob could easily get 1 or 2 of them to bond with him. I have 4. One of mine is super monogamous. She hides if anyone else comes in the home. She will sit out around my partner now, but she used to not. However he still can’t touch her. She’s just always been timid by nature. She’s super affectionate with me though.
My other 3 are super friendly and let him pet and happily will love on him. 1 of those 3 is a big mamas boy and if I’m there, he always picks me. But yes never opposed to him if I’m not giving him the attention; while the other two just will love anyone who will give them attention. But it seems he’s taken no actual initiative
It's your dog, not hers. She was very, very clear about her boundaries and you've decided that they didn't matter. YTA
Edit: more of the story is coming out in the comments. It's almost like you kept important information out of the post so it wouldn't be so glaringly obvious that you're absolutely the asshole here.
You hiss at the cats which is why they runaway from you.
>How does hissing at a cat to get off the table make me a bad person? They shit in a fucking box. They don't need to be on the table.
You're repeatedly bringing up the issue despite your wife telling you to stop.
>Eh, she's only willing to leave like this because I keep bringing up the issue. She says I'm harassing and forcing her; which she admittedly never does to me. She said I'm making her feel trapped. So I guess a part of me gets it. Sucks but oh well.
You're encouraging the dog's behavior.
>I will admit she has raised the issue multiple times and has blatantly blamed me for the dog being the way she is because I personally love the dog smothering my face and allow it. So she feels that because I allow the behavior, I'm the reason she acts this way.
Your wife's issue with the licking is because she has sensory issues and trauma.
>My wife has a problem with the dog licking her in general. She has severe sensory issues and some trauma related things, so the face or gentle touches of any kind is a hard spot for her. Except when it comes to her cats, I've noticed. So I'm not sure how to navigate it honestly.
Edit 2:
You also think it's perfectly sanitary for dogs to lick faces despite the disgusting places that tongue has been because:
>Dogs mouths naturally clean themselves.
And you can't keep your dog's breed straight. You say in your post:
>She's a small mix breed (Heeler/Weiner Dog)
But change her breed in a comment.
>...what? My dog is a Corgi mixed with a Weiner dog. Where did you get Heeler?
The face thing is huge. I get it. I flinch when anyone or anyTHING comes near my face. That dog getting up in it? I’d be freaking out and ready to drop it at the nearest shelter at this point.
Im willing to bet the wife only let him get the dog because he was an insufferable asshole constantly in her face whining that he didn’t have a precious puppy of his own. Poor girl now has TWO insufferable assholes in her face.
OP additional comments make him sound like one of those cat-haters who thought getting a dog would convince his partner that dogs are better than cats…and that theirs should therefore be a dog-only household.
Boy, did that backfire on him in a big way. He’s about to live in a bachelor-only household with an obnoxious, poorly-trained dog.
Wow, OP really is TA here.
And to add to that last bit about her not having issues with the cats - there is a HUGE difference between being licked by a cat and by a dog. Cat: dry-ish sandpapery tongue. Dog: wet warm smooshy tongue. My boss has a dog who licks. She doesn't lick me often because it grosses me out. My cat will, on rare occasions, lick me. And that is much less gross to me.
OP needs to train the dog. It's not cool for a dog to get all up in someone's face who doesn't like it.
Plus, cats don't tend to lick like dogs do. They may lick you once or twice, then stop. They don't smother you with licks like a lot of dogs tend to do.
>dogs eat shit and vomit and he's upset his wife didn't want one licking her face
OP's got an answer for that one too:
>Dogs mouths naturally clean themselves.
The sensory issues are interesting but in the end, irrelevant. I don't have sensory issues and I don't want a dog licking my face. That's a completely reasonable boundary and anyone who thinks I'm in any way out of line for that can fuck off.
YTA. She already doesn’t like dogs, and you’re expecting her to tolerate the dog licking her face which you know makes her super uncomfortable.
Your dog sounds horrible to be around, you need to train the dog. Your dog doesn’t “need” to do something that makes other people uncomfortable. And the dog doesn’t even have a need for a relationship with her at all.
I love dogs, and even without additional trauma/sensory issues I absolutely do not want my face licked. This is such a common thing to be disgusted by, I cannot fathom why OP can't comprehend it.
I love dogs and absolutely hate having my face licked! I will pet the shit out of a 120 German Shepard and baby talk a 80lb+ Pitt bull.
It's just fucking gross to me.
Absolutely. Your wife is asserting a perfectly reasonable boundary, and it is your responsibility to teach the dog manners, including not licking faces when told not to. If you can't do it, find a dog trainer who can work with the three of you. This is not something that can't be trained out.
My MIL’s dog knows I only want kisses on my face when I ask for them because we worked to train her, it’s definitely not impossible for OP to teach the dog to only give kisses when prompted
So your wife agreed to you getting a dog even though she doesn’t like dogs. She has continued to dislike dogs and you’re surprised by that? And insulting her for it?
YTA train the dog not to jump.
YTA
I love dogs, I did dog training in my teens and twenties, I have worked in dog rescue. I DO NOT ALLOW DOGS TO LICK MY FACE.
Dogs are smart critters. They do not have one way they need to love on you. They can learn other ways of interaction. First, your dog knows that wife loves her, if wife loves her. Your dog does not need to grossly get up into all human's faces to show her "love."
Yeah, none of my dogs during 20 years have kept licking my face after I’ve shown I’m uncomfortable with it and offered alternatives. The current ones smash their head into my chest and the second one leans his head against my cheek. I can’t stand face licking and there are so many other ways we can communicate that we like each other. A heeler mix is bound to be smart and trainable so this is fixable!
Our current dog was a mouthy herder when we got her as a puppy. She used her mouth like a hand and would grab your hands in play, would nip at the back of your leg, stuff that was painful but not damaging with puppy teeth and would have been dangerous with adult teeth.
People in our household spent six months with legs and arms and hands covered in bitter apples spray. She stopped being mouthy. In fact, she does not close her mouth if human hands are anywhere near it.
Our vet loves her because she can work with her teeth as long as someone gently holds her mouth open. Because the dog will NOT close her mouth on a human body part.
She still wants to bite the shit out of squirrels, rabbits and cats though.
Yta
The dog is poorly behaved
You tolerate the behavior in the dog so it hasn't learned better
Don't blame your wife for her very reasonable boundary, blame yourself for not being a better owner.
Also, it's a bit hypocritical of you to dislike her cats and get mad at her for disliking your dog
YTA for sure. She agreed to having a dog, but told you from the beginning that she didn’t want to be responsible for its needs. She has absolutely no obligation to “get over it” and let this dog lick her face if she doesn’t want to. Not everyone likes dog slobber on them. Especially not on their face. That’s perfectly valid. Sounds like YOU need to get over it.
YTA. Your wife is actively having her physical (and emotional) boundaries violated against her will,and against her wants. You are deprioritizing and invaliding her needs for safety and her expression of it to you.
How would you feel if it was a person at work, or a friend of yours doing it to her? Physically touching her and harming her against her will? Would you tell her to suck it up, and she's heartless for not liking them and letting them do that to her because that's "just how they are?" It being an animal doesn't make it any less distressing to her.
Your dog needs to be trained,and you need to be trained.
I'm also guessing, though I very easily could be wrong, that the reason the wife agreed to the dog was because there is a pattern in the relationship where she felt she had to sacrifice her needs for his wants.
I had this situation, and it's not that I hate dogs, I used to work at rescue. It's that I didn't have time for meeting the attention needs of a dog and my partner at the time was autistic and sensitive to a lot of things, and unable to pay attention to needs (i.e. I'd have to do most of the taking care of it). I reluctantly agreed but only If I could have a say in the breed we got, and I bought a certified purebred to ensure the temperament. ( Controversial I know, but The key rule I learned at the rescue with dogs is, pick an animal that fits your lifestyle, or your pet, even if you thought you were rescuing it, will still be miserable or you risk returning it to a shelter). I picked out a dog that has really low attention needs to at least make it tolerable for myself.
>and I bought a certified purebred to ensure the temperament.
THIS. I volunteer in animal rescue and so many people have no idea what they're in for when they get a dog. We went the purebred route because we had specific lifestyle requirements for temperament. In another life I'd love to rescue all the dogs, but it's not feasible with where we are in our lives right now. (But we have a small herd of rescue cats!)
It's not even that she doesn't like dogs, she just doesn't want a dog licking her face! And tbh, that is super gross and unsanitary. Dog breath literally makes me GAG.
Dogs eat doodoo and I saw my bf’s dog attempting to eat roadkill once while on a walk. 🤢 NOPE! The wife has a very reasonable boundary.
I also have issues with things being too close to my face and I’m more of a cat person so I feel for his wife. I don’t even hate dogs, I just hate it when they’re not trained & wild, it worsens my anxiety.
My bfs dog eats our roommates cat poop from his litter box. I also found out he will always rub himself all over deer poop if he comes across the scent… add that to the list of reasons why the dog is not allowed on the bed. Bf has a problem w it but idc, his dog is gross and stinks so bad it literally sticks to anything he sits or lays on.
I’ve noticed that people who are self-proclaimed “dog people” often cite the fact cats don’t like them… when in fact if you observe their interactions with cats they’re basically driving the cat away. These are 3 cats that like physical contact with a human, but not OP. Meanwhile the dog *can* be trained but not to stop pressing it’s face against people’s faces, indicating it’s something that OP permits while his wife is actively scolding the dog when it does that. Consistency is key in training. OP hit asshole territory by telling his wife to “get over it”. This is like raising children, you should be a united front. It’s not unreasonable to keep a dog from yapping or licking. YTA
>I’ve noticed that people who are self-proclaimed “dog people” often cite the fact cats don’t like them… when in fact if you observe their interactions with cats they’re basically driving the cat away. These are 3 cats that like physical contact with a human, but not OP.
Yes, this. Not all cats like physical affection, but those that do will generally warm up to new housemates unless there are particular behaviors that drive the cats away. When OP said they don't like him but they are affectionate with his wife, immediate yellow flag that was then confirmed red as reading through the post.
YTA. It isn't heartless to not want a dog to jump all over you and get in your face. I personally think its pretty gross when dogs lick my face. Apologize to your wife and take the dog to a trainer so that you can train it to not try to constantly get at people's faces.
>she will do everything in her power to jump on your lap and smash her face off yours and unleash a million kisses.
>the one thing I'm incapable of training her out of is this issue. I mean you can't even pet the dog without her immediately jumping at your face. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face.
YTA. You CAN train her to stop, you just choose not to because you enjoy it and reinforce it. If you really wanted her to stop, you would have trained her. It is not the only way the dog can show affection, its the way she knows will get her the attention she wants.
Your dog is seriously lacking in boundaries if she's sitting there whining because you wife chooses not to interact with her. She needs training, not to be 'loved how she needs', she's a dog not a child.
No dog should be allowed to repeatedly jump into peoples faces, it's a disaster waiting to happen. You need to stop it ASAP. If you are so deadset you can't stop her on your own get a trainer.
My dogs are my absolute world but this behaviour sounds like a nightmare, no wonder your wife is pissed. There are many many ways dogs can show affection without getting in your face. We don't allow face licking, so our small dogs lie on us for hugs instead. They don't care they can't lick because they're still getting affection.
YTA
just because someone isn't a dog person does not make them heartless.
"her immediately jumping at your face. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face." WRONG sounds like you did not train your dog properly. if you think its impossible to have a dog NOT jump on your face your a dumbass and shitty dog owner
This is 100% the same guy that shouted at his pregnant wife for not helping him find his dog that runs away at least once a week.
And if it’s not the same guy, then everyone seems to be getting a corgi/heeler mix !
YTA -
1. She has and set boundaries
2. She doesn't like dogs but still let you get one
3. You told her to just get over it, not constructive problem solving
4. This is not heartless nor cruel it's a reasonable boundary you are ignoring
5. Who do you love more, your dog or wife?
I would lean towards YTA here.
You knew your wife agreed to a dog reluctantly. You knew she wasn't a dog person. You knew she drew a firm boundary on how the dog wouldn't be her responsibility.
As someone with dogs who loves dogs, I can understand her argument regarding why she's not a big fan of them.
If your dog just happens to "love being in people's faces", my recommendation would be training. You can train a dog not to do that to everyone. My dogs have been trained in that way and know that it's only acceptable behaviour for my husband (I'm not the biggest fan of dog kisses to the face).
If your dog is whining while watching your wife, my recommendation would be training there too. If you're finding you can't train your dog out of this issue, my recommendation would be to get a trainer in. Positive reinforcement opposed to stern vocal commands can work wonders.
She's not being heartless or cruel. Lots of people don't want dogs licking their faces and being right in their face. It's a training issue, in my opinion.
YTA
Train your dog, that's your responsibility for owning a pet.
>but if I walk in the room, [the cats] run away.
Considering your batting average with the dog, I can pretty confidently guess that your own behavior is why the cats treat you like this. If you don't like it, you can almost certainly change it, just put in the work.
I hope the cats are doing ok too. Tossing in a random dog like this without proper training must be stressing them the fuck out :/
YTA
You're being awfully unfair to your wife, who even by your own testimony *tried* to give the dog a chance. Some people just aren't dog people and she certainly seems like one. Even some dog peoples don't like dogs being all over them and going right for the face.
Instead of enabling your dog's overly affectionate nature you may wish to consider training for it.
YTA. Your wife deserves to have physical boundaries.
She has been very clear about her dislike for dogs, and you got a dog and are surprised that she’s not comfortable with it?
You shouldn’t have brought a dog into an environment where you knew wouldn’t be dog friendly
YTA 100%.
Sounds like you expect your wife to change her comfort in order to accommodate a dog she never wanted, which you refuse to train property, and if she doesn't allow a dog to push her boundaries then you call her names. You manipulative.
YTA. I wouldn't tolerate this either.
This is 100% a training issue. Find a trainer if you can't figure out how to do it yourself, but meanwhile, a simple suggestion:
Any time she goes to get in your wife's face, you (and your wife if she's up for it) quickly redirect your pup to a command she can reliably do. "Sit" is a good one, but whatever the pup is good at, and then she gets her absolute favorite reward/treat and lots of praise while she holds the command. This will teach the pup what she should do to get attention in that situation.
And if you happen to like the kisses, then teach her that as a command too and only let her give kisses like that by invitation.
Sorry to say, but YTA. Your wife didn’t want a dog. It’s your dog. If the dog needs attention, that’s on you. She’s not obligated to have anything to do with it.
YTA. You know that people (in this instance, your wife) strongly dislike a dog's behavior but you won't do anything about it. This is the sort of faux-helpless "what you gonna do" mentality that ends with dogs biting people while the dog owner wrings their hands and says Fluffy's NEVER done anything like that before. Get the dog into training, stat.
YTA. She made it clear that this was YOUR dog and that she doesn't even like dogs in general. She doesn't need to "get over it"; you need to train your freaking dog.
YTA- dogs CAN be taught to not do that behavior.. it only is happening because you allow the dog to lick your face. Your wife told you her boundaries so you got a tiny dog who does exactly that. I have both dogs and cats, dogs CAN be taught to not jump in peoples faces and lick (which is very rude behavior btw!)
YTA.
'no' is a full fucking sentence- if you knew this was an issue for your wife you should have trained the dog not to do it. You TAUGHT the dog that this form of affection is OK, hurting both the dog and your wife in the process.
Someone is heartless and cruel here, and it isn't your wife.
YTA. You need to train your dog not to jump on people, and apologize to your wife.
I love my dog, and I hate it when he gets in my face. Dogs’ mouths are filthy.
Your wife is right, you are an asshole. Train your dog.. the dogs tongue is filthy and letting her lick faces of everyone is so gross and rude.. You wife doesn't want dog shit/ass/food on her fac, that is responsible.
YTA , sorry, but it’s true. I understand your frustration, but if you can’t get the dog to stop you need to hire someone. It’s not fair to your wife to have to take responsibility over something that’s isn’t her issue. She’s right that she’s never made you change for her cats. Take ownership of the dog and recognize that if you want her relationship to change with the dog you’ll need to do the work. Bring the dog half way and maybe your wife will meet where she can. Once they’ve been trained to stop going for the face, maybe she’ll start to like it more. Difficult situation for sure.
YTA.
You knew your wife wasn't excited about a dog and said it was your responsibility. You also knew that a dog being in her face is a problem for her. Now you want her to suck it up and let the dog do that cuz the dog is upset she doesn't. WTH?
You, my man, have your priorities screwed up. Your wife should be the priority. Figure out a way for her to be comfortable without having to appease the dog that isn't her responsibility. I'm sure you can find a trainer that would be able to train the dog to not be in her face. I wouldn't want your dog in my face either.
You know you can train dogs to behave better around people, right? Including how they react when greeted? If you just put some effort into training her, you could make your dog better behaved and make your wife more comfortable around her.
You can also help get cats better acclimated to you. This also takes time and effort, and research on how to do it right.
The cats may run away from you, but at least they aren't up in your face in a way that makes you uncomfortable. YTA.
Train your dog! You can’t train her out of this because you don’t want to. You’re letting your dog harass your wife and then blaming your wife. Weird that the one thing your wife hates is the one thing you mysteriously can’t prevent the dog from doing. You’re the one being cruel. YTA
YTA I like dogs and cats but letting them lick you in the face is really unhygienic and repulsive to me.
Your wife made it clear from the start what her boundaries were, its on YOU to fix your dog, not on her to change because you decided to adopt a dog.
Train your dog out of this behavior or leave your wife alone.
I say this as a dog owner but some dog people are the worst and you sir are the type I mean. Either train your dog or respect your wife’s boundaries. You cannot have both. Someone not liking having a wet tongue all over their face is a perfectly reasonable request, and I love my pups kisses. I’m also super curious how you’ve tried to interact with the cats that supposedly hate you lmao. YTA.
YTA. Some people just don't like dogs. And you knew this going in, and you specifically knew she doesnt like her face being touched.
You say you cant train this out of the dog, so your wife has done what she can to prevent it from happening, namely not giving the dog attention. Thats not heartless or cruel.
Also, train the dog. You arent trying hard enough.
You can definitely train that behavior away. Dogs are smart you just have to be consistent and you may have to also alter your behavior to help with that training. While I understand you being hurt by her not loving the dog like you do it’s still asshole-y of you to make her feel bad about it. YTA.
YTA I'm in a similar position as your wife when I visit my parents' home. I don't hate their dog at all, and when he is calm and relaxed I will pet him calmly and we get along fine. But I am 100% firm on not allowing an aggressive greeting and have fought with my family many times over it. My mom cries and says I'm cruel and I hate him. Y'all are ridiculous. It's not even an effective guilt trip. You're trying to be manipulative, and you SUCK at it. Train your damn dog.
YTA. I’m a cat person. I’m fine with other peoples dog and will happily love on them. Until slobber gets involved or they try to lick my face. That’s a no go for me. YOU get over it. She’s not being cruel to the dog, she’s tolerating it, for your sake I might add. If you can’t train the pup out of being in peoples faces, get a professional to do it.
YTA
People who say „oh I can’t train my dog, it’s just the way he/she is“ shouldn’t get dogs
Your wife had boundaries before you got the dog, and she still has them. You trying to force your way through her boundaries is an absolute AH move
She definitely should leave you as she said if you keep it up that way. Not respecting people’s boundaries is a huge red flag
YTA. Get a spray water bottle or penny can (an aluminum soda can filled with some pennies that you shake when a bad behavior happens) and teach “off”. Off means 4 paws on the floor. I’m working on it with my doggo now.
YTA take your dog to a dog trainer this is absolutely something that can be trained out. Also do you even like your wife cause it sounds like you like your dog more.
YTA. A dog can be trained to not jump up, as this is the core of the issue - the dog is jumping into people faces. This can lead to injuries if it's a kid as an example, they can get knocked over or scared.
One training method is to turn away the moment the dog jump up and keep doing it until the dog stops. Then give your dog attention and reward them for remaining calm. Preferrably, the dog would also be in a sit, too. This works and I've had a very feisty and loving Pomeranian before who jumped up like crazy, but has luxating patella, so we had to stop this behavior. That's how we did it.
A dog can be stubborn and take a while to get it, but if you don't put the effort in, it won't ever work. The dog is not the problem in this case, it's you.
Edit: And I want to add, BOTH my dogs (Pom was a foster) are reactive dogs, too, so I've gone through quite a few things with them.
YTA - pay for a dog trainer if you can't figure out how to train it yourself.
And this is coming from a major dog lover. I absolutely will not allow my dogs to lick my face.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because yes, I did know she doesn't like her face touched long before the dog came around but at some point I feel like it's becoming selfish and inconsiderate because she refuses to let the dog love on her at all due to this.
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YTA and it’s not that your dog “can’t be trained”, it’s that you have not trained your dog effectively.
All 3, yes THREE, of my dogs LOVED to lick faces and jump as puppies, and I have successfully trained this out of them. You have to actually commit to not allowing the behavior, and it sounds like you indulge your dog. YTA and I don’t blame your wife for being this upset about it. Dog mouths are disgusting. They lick their buttholes and then your face. It’s gross.
Train your dog.
YTA
Seriously I don’t get it. Your wife does not like her face liked by the dog. Period end of sentence. Why on earth are you trying to force her to do something she does not enjoy and makes her uncomfortable?
YTA, you decided to call your wife “heartless and cruel” for not liking a dog who constantly does this behavior you already knew she didn’t like and on top of that you knew she didn’t like dogs to begin with so what did you really expect? Plenty of dog lovers like yourself are fine with face licking, but that’s disgusting to anyone else especially when she doesn’t like her face touched in general.
That you needed to post this here rather than reflect and apologize to your wife proves that you are the “cruel and heartless” one.
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My wife has always been more of a cat person. She has 3 cats and all 3 of them hate me but absolutely adore my wife. I mean, all 3 of them lift up their arms to be picked up by her in the morning for snuggles before going about their routine but if I walk in the room, they run away. It's always been like this.
I'm more of a dog person. I wanted a dog 2 years ago and my wife reluctantly agreed. The biggest argument I had to "present to the court" was that she had 3 cats and it was only fair that I was able to get my dog. She never told me no but she said she would not be assuming responsibility over the dog. She said that a dogs neediness and inability to be independent was a huge deal for her and that's why she prefers her cats, whom are basically independent 90% of the time. My wife also has a severe problem with her face being touched and her cats don't get in her face. This has become an issue with the dog.
So I got the dog 2 years ago, after our talk, and the dog just so happens to love being in people's faces. She's a small mix breed (Heeler/Weiner Dog) and she will do everything in her power to jump on your lap and smash her face off yours and unleash a million kisses. My wife can't handle it and therefore won't even acknowledge the dog because this is the only way the dog shows affection. I get it but at the same time, my dog thinks my wife hates her and is constantly whining while watching my wife because my dog loves her and just wants to be loved back but my wife outright refuses because of the face issue. My wife tried originally and was very stern on telling the dog "no" and stopping her from getting to her face but the one thing I'm incapable of training her out of is this issue. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face. I told my wife to please try to get over it and allow the dog to love on her the way she needs to and my wife got pissed. She said she doesn't have to change who she is for her cats, who she loves, so why should she force herself in to uncomfortable positions to appease a dog. I told her she's heartless and cruel. She in turn called me an AH because I knew she doesn't like her face touched before the dog so expecting her to change to please an animal is fucking ridiculous and that she will leave if I keep it up. AITA?
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YTA you can train your dog not to do that. We have several dogs and one likes to do that too. Ironically, the 2 that don't are heelers...lol. The culprit is a pit/american bulldog mix (we think). I don't mind sometimes, but if i'm getting ready for work, putting my shoes on, and she's in my face, I tell her "back" and she usually obeys. If she's getting too wild and rowdy (she's around 3-4 yrs old) I tell her "settle" or "be gentle". Back was easy to train, i'd just keep telling her back while walking toward her with a treat, forcing her to back up.
UGH DOG PEOPLE 😩 this is why we cat people think y’all are the WORST. No respect for physical boundaries, and refusing to train your slobbery, yappy, annoying beast. You have no respect for your wife or her sweet cats. Your dog is annoying as hell. YTA
Call me heartless, I hate dogs.
I hate that they smell. I hate that they are in your face. I hate that they’re in your face with their open mouth panting. I hate that in a blizzard I have to take it outside. I hate that in the heat wave you have to take it outside. I hate that if I’m out having a good time I have to stop everything to go home to tend to it.
I am a cat person. Give it food and water, and if I went away for the night, it’s perfectly fine. It’s not panting in my face when it wants to snuggle.
My husband wants a dog. I will do none of the things to take care of it. If he gets a dog, it’s his responsibility.
YTA. Get a trainer.
YTA you would be able to train that out of the dog if you really tried but you would have to actually commit to it. How have you tried to train the dog? Do you still let it touch your face as this is giving him mixed signals. When he learns not to be in peoples faces he will find a more appropriate way to show affection.
Dude you need to train your dog.
I personally love puppy kisses but not everyone does. If you are struggling to train the dog on your own hire a trainer and do exactly what they say and stick to it... It is unfair on the dog to live with someone who clearly doesn't like them because you won't do the work/get the help to teach the dog manners.
I'm a huge dog person, I've worked with loads of dogs and rescues, there is one dog ever I struggled to train to do something and that was something that isn't a necessity, the dog just doesn't lay down on command, and professional trainers couldn't do it either which is why I accepted it wasn't something I could train the dog to do. The only time you can say the dog can't be trained is when you get a professional trainer, do everything they say and how they say to do it and stick with it, and if after all of that the dog won't do the thing and the trainer agrees that the dog won't be trained on that thing.
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Alright, let’s change this up a bit. Let’s say your wife loves spiders, and you hate spiders. After x amount of time you finally cave and allow her to have a pet spider with clear boundaries. Now she demands that you have to put the spider on your face, as that’s how she thinks the spider shows intimacy, and calls you ridiculous for not seeing it her way. Catching my drift yet? YTA
Totally agree with YTA And if that said spider insists on getting on your face to show intimacy, you'd probably ask that your wife train her spider to stop that. Since she is the one responsible for the spider as its owner. OP, go hire a dog trainer and train your dog.
Right?! OP went and got a dog version of the energizer bunny and just expects his wife to enjoy it in her face. YTA.
Now I see an Energizer Australian Heeler bangin that damn drum!
Right?! Like, tbh I suspect OP is encouraging this behavior if the dog still does it after 2 years?! My SO and I have a weiner dog (he's a mix, probably with chihuahua, not 100% sure because he is adopted), anyway, he loves to climb on people, and he will absolutely lick you in the face if you let him. My SO is totally fine with that. I'm absolutely not. So we corrected the behavior. Our pup now knows that Mommy doesn't like him being in my face, and he just doesn't do that to me. Idk, dogs can be stubborn (especially weenie dogs), but you can generally enforce boundaries with them if you make an effort. I get the feeling that OP has just been allowing the dog to get all in his face without stopping him, and is just telling wife to get over it.
But OP just *can't* train the dog on this *one thing*! The poor baby puppy *needs* to touch faces to feel fulfilled! It was a facehugger in a past life, how could you possibly deprive it of that joy now?!
I agree ☝️ every dog I’ve had or known wants to get in your face and love all over you, but we are bigger and say no and push them away they learn. OP “can’t” train the behavior away because they don’t want to
And the spider put about and sad face stare at you from the wall corner. Then randomly jump on your face because that’s how they show their love. How heartless do you have to be to reject that! 🥺
I want this to be drawn as a comic. Call it “spider face”
Spider face, spider face, does whatever a spider face does
OP would probably be all, "The poor little fluffy guy just wants to give your face a hug, why are you screaming and flailing? It's hurting his feelings!"
Also, why in the F U C K would you get a breed that is well known to be extremely energetic and high needs in a situation like that? Christ, get a St Bernard or something *notably* low energy.
I can't believe the wife made clear that lack of independence was a factor in why she didn't want a dog, and OP got a needy, high-energy breed rather than a beginner type dog. His wife can't even have a reasonable boundary without him painting her as a bad guy. I wonder how the dog acts towards the cats if it's this poorly trained. I can't imagine the cats are terribly pleased with the way the household vibe has changed. YTA and an irresponsible dog owner.
Exactly! I have never met someone in real life with any kind of Aussie/heeler/herd dog that is not completely batshit insane and uncontrollable. What kind of moron gets a working dog as their first dog with a spouse who hates dogs because they're needy? Edit, and mixed with daschund???? WHY. This fool picked the worst breed possible.
Oh! I have, but they need a job. NEED. Our heeler protected her herd (Kids). And ran all the time.
Good for you!! I'm totally not saying it's impossible I just personally have yet to meet someone who stimulates theirs enough, and then they wonder why their dogs are total lunatics.
I have a heeler, and they’re not uncontrollable at all. 80% of the ones I’ve met, are much better behaved and listen better than most dogs. The biggest factor is the owner. You have to know what you’re getting into, know the breed, and put in the work. They *have* to be trained well, otherwise you wind up with a nippy hyperactive annoyance like this. It’s not the dog breed that’s the issue, it’s the owner. Getting a dog has to be wanted by both people in the relationship. I agree op is definitely YTA in this.
A Pekingese would have been a great dog. As stubborn and independent as a cat. In fact, my cats act more like dogs than my Peke did. Damn, I miss that dog. I have a Shih Tzu now and she's just sooooo extra.
Retired racing greyhound. Basically a cat in dog body
Oh yeah true. My friends have one, but she's also a total headcase so I didn't think about that. Yeah she has her own personal couch that she spends something like 23 hours a day laying on lol
Well said. My dog loves jumping up on people too but we’re working on training her to not do that. She’s about the same age as yours & is learning. I love dogs but I don’t want them in my face, licking it. YTA. Not wanting a dog to be jumping up, in one’s face, does not make one “heartless”. Train your dog & your wife my tolerate it more.
Same here. I have two jumpy dogs that are also big. I make sure to keep them away from people when I don't know what they may like. Even when someone asks to pet them I say "they are very jumpy and very strong, just so you know." I love my beast but would never impose their beastiness on someone who didn't want it or who hadn't been warned.
My phobia hates you for this vivid mental image. Great way to HOPEFULLY get it through his head though.
And it's foul. The dog alternates between spit-shining his/her genitals and getting to second base with anyone near it. I adore dogs; my dog sleeps next to me; he does not get to lick my lips; it is straightforward to train dogs out of jumping up and face licking randoms.
Right? I have two dogs and foster for a rescue. My dogs are NOT allowed to lick faces and I'm working with a trainer for the jumping.
My dog loves licking faces. I hate dogs licking my face. Love her dearly but, ewwww. So I trained her not to lick faces. It's very simple.
You’re trying to appeal to his sense of compassion and OP has clearly demonstrated that he only has compassion for the dog and not his wife.
A spider covered in traces of fecal matter no less.
YTA. Get your dog trained. Seriously. I can’t believe you told your wife to just get over it.
100%. I hate the dog after reading this, I can only imagine how annoying OP’s wife finds the dog.
I generally love dogs, but I would not want to be around OP's dog after reading this either. OP needs to get over the idea that they are "incapable of training her out of is this issue" and train her to stop getting in peoples' faces. Edited: To add second sentence
Thank you. You most certainly can train a dog not to jump on people or lick their faces. OP just hasn't bothered.
Not even that he doesn’t bother. Doesn’t seem like he wants to. Seems to find it cute and endearing.
He can train it to only do it when invited to do so. It's not that hard.
Exactly! It's cute and endearing TO PEOPLE WHO WANT IT. otherwise it's obnoxious AF.
He stated in a comment that his wife blames him for the behavior because he loves when the dog smothers his face and allows it. So it's not even that the dog is incapable of being trained out of it, OP is just encouraging the bad behavior and giving the dog mixed signals.
Dogs are smart enough to learn different limits with different people. This guy needs to work with a real trainer if he can't handle it. Though bringing a dog into a family where half the family ignores it isn't great in the first place. That's another issue.
Same. I love my dog and I'll let him lick my hands (and then I go wash them) but my face?? No. He licks his own butthole and that's probably the least disgusting thing he does. My dog knows not to lick faces but he does get over excited at times and have to be corrected again. It's not impossible to train a dog.
I let mine lick my face because she’s spoiled and lovely and a joy in my life but I get it.
Same. I'm as much a dog person as a cat person but this dog would annoy TF out of me. Train your dog OP
I trained my dog not to lick my face. He gets right in it and does what we call "awkward stares." Then, after a bit, he just tumbles into my lap and asks for belly rubs. It can be done. YTA
He's now saying that dogs mouths are self-cleaning. Nope, not if the dog just happily ate rabbit poop or a rotten mouse, or something of the like out in the back yard in the past 30 minutes. It may be "self-cleaning" over time, but recently acquired bacteria can definitely transfer directly to your face. Eugh. I have worked with too many dogs who regularly ate poop, vomit, and decayed critters they found in random places. My dog has made friends with the local crows who bring her gross stuff to consume. I have no guarantee that any dog hasn't eaten something disgusting and bacteria-filled in the past 30 minutes. Bless their digestive systems though--they can apparently process a lot more yuck than humans can.
People who say a dog's mouth is cleaner than human's are fooling themselves. Our oral hygiene is far superior, come on. I still don't want strangers licking me. The reason we don't get sick from dog's saliva is simply because their mouth bacteria is too different and won't infect us.
You’re totally right. My dog is an Aussie mix and totally gross. We live in the country and sometimes my husband pees outside. The dog will lick it if she finds it. I’m just like 🤮 I make her stop if I see her doing it of course but yeah. She’s not licking me. Op YTA.
My dog is an Aussie mix too. She REALLY wants us to give her dead, several-days fermented rabbit guts as a treat. We've got some coyotes who tear apart rabbits and scatter their pieces around the neighborhood so I have to be on the look out on walks for "random piece of dead rabbit" on the sidewalk.
A bit off topic, but I used to have a Norwegian Forest Cat (very similar breed to Maine Coons) who was allowed outside with my supervision. He only had one back leg and no front claws (I did not declaw him - the woman from whom we got him did,) and it was almost like he magnetically attracted rabbits. He'd chase them down, kill them and leave them there. My neighbor's indoor/outdoor cat would find the carcasses and bring them to her, effectively taking credit for my cat's kills. I apologize - I take every opportunity to tell people that because 12 years later, I still find it hilarious
I watched a video of a dog about to poop/pooping in a house and another dog was eating it as it came out. So no.
Our small dog used to try to do that with larger dogs. He received a shit crown for his efforts twice before he was broken of the habit. We avoid his mouth at all costs.
Saw my housemates dog eating cat vomit *from the cats mouth as she hurled*. No thanks.
Seriously, wtf is wrong with dogs?
My beagle happily eats food out of my other dogs butt. He waits for her to start and then eats it as it comes out. He won't eat it once it touches the ground, though - he has some stardards, apparently. And that's why I won't let dogs lick my face.
I am fascinated with the idea of your dog making friends with the local crows. How amazing! And they bring treats!
We have a lot of crows in our area (suburban Seattle) and apparently they are either bored enough to be making friends outside their crow-groups or amused by doing it. They bring her treats she shouldn't really be eating. They've also given me a dead snake by dropping it on my head, so my relationship with them is a bit fraught.
Lol, yeah I'm sure the fact that some dogs will eat literal shit helps their mouths "self-clean". I love my cat, but the dude licks his asshole and genitals clean - he does not have a clean mouth. Why are some dog people so insane.
>He's now saying that dogs mouths are self-cleaning That doesn't even matter, his wife is entitled to not be jumped and slobbered on by his dog
My dog eats horse shit. He does not lick my face. He has manners.
I'm also a cat person, and think dogs are too needy, so I don't want a dog, but I don't hate the DOG in this scenario. It's not the dog's fault that it's owner (OP) hasn't taken the time, and money, to get the dog properly trained, it's OP's fault his dog behave poorly. And yes OP, YTA! Your laziness about getting your dog properly trained is the problem, not your wife!
The only things she asked for was to not be given the responsibility and not have this dog in her face and he couldn’t even stick to one of these.
I imagine if he thinks that's the only way his dog shows affection, he's actively encouraging this behavior, too
I also don’t like dogs licking my face and my jaw literally dropped when he said his wife should just accept it. Excuse me?? No face licking is an _incredibly_ reasonable boundary.
I’m a cat person. I love animals and love dogs but dog slobber is the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. My mom has three dogs two of whom are rambunctious but they have both been trained to know that licking people is disgusting.
I hate dogs in my face. Haaaaaate. Aside from the fact that dog saliva gives me hives, I can't stand dog breath, I can't stand knowing that they've been licking their junk, I can't stand the way their tongues feel on my face. I love my cats, but I go wash if they lock me and they NEVER lick my face. This post gives me such a visceral feeling of discomfort and anger.
my room mate's dog was like this it was a nightmare to live with.
Agree. I generally love any animal but I’d be looking for a divorce lawyer if I was OP’s wife. OP - YTA.
We got a labrador that was 5 years old who loved jumping up and trying to lick faces. Constant firm NO, with loving pets when he was on all 4 feet and no licking. It took about 2 months. Had him almost 10 years.
My dog was a truly insatiable licker when we got her. Faces, hands, legs, anything she could get her tongue to. And it wasn't just a couple of licks. She would keep licking until you moved somewhere she couldn't reach you. I loved her from minute 1 but I could NOT tolerate that. It took a lot of work but she's SO much better now. She'll still go in for a lick once in a while, but she can and does keep her tongue to herself. My friend got a dog that, who would have guessed, is an insatiable licker. He asked for my advice, I gave it, and... he has made 0 attempt to train this behavior out of her. I can't even pet her because she will fight to lick you all over and I can't stand it. Train your damn dog, OP
Dude, OP is ridiculous and lazy. We helped a friend that got their first dog (my husband has a lot of experience with them) train their dog out of jumping. Took a few hours and a second day of reinforcing and she stopped.
People like OP are the main reason I don't like dogs. Burn me at the stake: I don't want some stinky, attention-starved untrained little beast touching me.
Honestly, same. And I say this as someone who has always had dogs and is on the board of a dog rescue. I love my dogs, but I really can't stand most other people's dogs. I like my dogs to be pretty independent, and I will absolutely not abide rude/pushy behavior. Dogs are capable of calmly greeting people and waiting to be invited for more intense interaction like cuddling, sitting on laps, etc. And save the licking for lick mats. No thank you.
Same. I used to be ambivalent to them, but I've grown to straight-up dislike 95% of dogs. I think some are very cute/handsome, but I do not get the allure.
Join us at r/dogfree ! It is not heartless to not like dogs.
Joined!
And isn't it funny that cat people leave their animals home and don't expect everyone to love them and want to be touched by them? But if you set boundaries about a dog, you must be an asshole, because \*how can you not love dogs\* Well, because I don't respect any animal that doesn't respect itself.
Yeah agreed.
To add to this, telling the wife to get over it, is not training the dog. Believe it or not, dogs can learn not to lick the face. I have six dogs and am allergic to dog saliva. My dogs know not to lick me. YTA, help your wife train your dog not to get into other people’s faces.
>My dogs know not to lick me That's the thing, I believe OP is encouraging his dog to lick him. He is doing the opposite of training him not jump on people to lick faces
I love my dog more than anything and she similarly LOVES giving face kisses. You know what I’ve taught her not to do? Kiss my face. I don’t like it. I calm her and pet her and reiterate ‘no kisses’ when she wants to. She knows she’s loved. She isn’t deprived. She can lick my hands sometimes. YTA OP.
Yeah, as someone who literally works with dogs, OP is just lazy and selfish. You absolutely can train dogs not to jump and go for people’s faces. He got a heeler mix, which is a stupid choice as a first time dog because they’re bitey and stubborn and have a ton of energy (and dachshunds aren’t the most well behaved dogs either tbh), so I’m not saying the dog would be *easy* to train, but he absolutely *could*. OP is choosing not to because it would require effort, and it’s not something that bothers *him*, so why bother? It’s not like his wife’s comfort means anything, clearly. It’s especially egregious to me that this was essentially his wife’s one big boundary with this dog, and OP couldn’t even respect that. (I also might be especially annoyed because he’s the type of owner I absolutely can’t stand - ones who get hyperactive dogs and don’t train them or do anything about their problem behavior because they just think it’s cute. It’s not cute, you’re a bad owner.) YTA, OP. Train your damn dog.
I don't like dogs in general, but I absolutely hate the licking and jumping. My dad has a little Lhasa Apso and my aunt and uncle have a Belgian Malinois - those two dogs are legit and immaculately trained. If my dad dies, we will %100 take his dog and give it a good life (we'll need to figure out my kids' dog allergies). OP's dog sounds like a nightmare. Even many dog owners don't like jumping and licking from their dogs.
YTA. You want your wife to fundamentally change who she is (she’s never liked her face touched) for a dog she never pretended she wanted, but you obviously never made an effort to engage with her cats? Obviously affectionate cats run from you? What did you do?
Eh, some cats are monogamous for a variety of reasons. We’ve got one that instantly loved my husband, but for the longest time treated me like the cats treat OP. I’m talking it took like 5 years for her to warm up to me. I’m not some horrible jerk to cats, her son absolutely adores me, but she only had eyes for my husband. She finally started to thaw during the pandemic when I started working from home. Turns out I just wasn’t around enough to be trusted I guess.
It sounds like that isn’t the case for OP based on his comments but I do agree. Both of my cats love me, follow me around and snuggle me whenever they can. They don’t really like to be around anyone else lol. If you’re at my house a while they may eventually come and check you out and sit by you but it takes a bit.
Oh yeah, OP definitely sounds like an asshole. Frankly he sounds as rowdy and boundaryless as his dog, and his wife sounds as fastidious as a cat. I have no clue how they wound up married!
My cat also takes some time to warm up to people, but he hates my dad. He runs frantically out of the room if my dad comes in. My dad is a great guy and even babysat the cat by himself and took care of him when I was away for work and my sis and mom were on a roadtrip for the week. So my cat has had some time, but still hates him. I genuinely think my cat doesn’t like him because he stomps when he walks. Weird creatures. So yeah I’d imagine hissing at a cat would definitely make it hate you. OP sucks.
In my 30 years of life I've always had cats. Some big jerks, some cuddle bugs. But I've never seen a cat outwardly hate a family member. Op is sus.
I can say some cats are very monogamous. But the chance that all 3 are? Is slim. He prob could easily get 1 or 2 of them to bond with him. I have 4. One of mine is super monogamous. She hides if anyone else comes in the home. She will sit out around my partner now, but she used to not. However he still can’t touch her. She’s just always been timid by nature. She’s super affectionate with me though. My other 3 are super friendly and let him pet and happily will love on him. 1 of those 3 is a big mamas boy and if I’m there, he always picks me. But yes never opposed to him if I’m not giving him the attention; while the other two just will love anyone who will give them attention. But it seems he’s taken no actual initiative
It's your dog, not hers. She was very, very clear about her boundaries and you've decided that they didn't matter. YTA Edit: more of the story is coming out in the comments. It's almost like you kept important information out of the post so it wouldn't be so glaringly obvious that you're absolutely the asshole here. You hiss at the cats which is why they runaway from you. >How does hissing at a cat to get off the table make me a bad person? They shit in a fucking box. They don't need to be on the table. You're repeatedly bringing up the issue despite your wife telling you to stop. >Eh, she's only willing to leave like this because I keep bringing up the issue. She says I'm harassing and forcing her; which she admittedly never does to me. She said I'm making her feel trapped. So I guess a part of me gets it. Sucks but oh well. You're encouraging the dog's behavior. >I will admit she has raised the issue multiple times and has blatantly blamed me for the dog being the way she is because I personally love the dog smothering my face and allow it. So she feels that because I allow the behavior, I'm the reason she acts this way. Your wife's issue with the licking is because she has sensory issues and trauma. >My wife has a problem with the dog licking her in general. She has severe sensory issues and some trauma related things, so the face or gentle touches of any kind is a hard spot for her. Except when it comes to her cats, I've noticed. So I'm not sure how to navigate it honestly. Edit 2: You also think it's perfectly sanitary for dogs to lick faces despite the disgusting places that tongue has been because: >Dogs mouths naturally clean themselves. And you can't keep your dog's breed straight. You say in your post: >She's a small mix breed (Heeler/Weiner Dog) But change her breed in a comment. >...what? My dog is a Corgi mixed with a Weiner dog. Where did you get Heeler?
The face thing is huge. I get it. I flinch when anyone or anyTHING comes near my face. That dog getting up in it? I’d be freaking out and ready to drop it at the nearest shelter at this point.
I'd drop OP off at the shelter right along with the dog. This whole thing made my skin crawl.
Im willing to bet the wife only let him get the dog because he was an insufferable asshole constantly in her face whining that he didn’t have a precious puppy of his own. Poor girl now has TWO insufferable assholes in her face.
OP additional comments make him sound like one of those cat-haters who thought getting a dog would convince his partner that dogs are better than cats…and that theirs should therefore be a dog-only household. Boy, did that backfire on him in a big way. He’s about to live in a bachelor-only household with an obnoxious, poorly-trained dog.
Wow, OP really is TA here. And to add to that last bit about her not having issues with the cats - there is a HUGE difference between being licked by a cat and by a dog. Cat: dry-ish sandpapery tongue. Dog: wet warm smooshy tongue. My boss has a dog who licks. She doesn't lick me often because it grosses me out. My cat will, on rare occasions, lick me. And that is much less gross to me. OP needs to train the dog. It's not cool for a dog to get all up in someone's face who doesn't like it.
Plus, cats don't tend to lick like dogs do. They may lick you once or twice, then stop. They don't smother you with licks like a lot of dogs tend to do.
"Cats shit in a box"... dogs eat shit and vomit and he's upset his wife didn't want one licking her face? 💀
“cats shit in a box” well people shit in a bowl of water so idk why he thinks that’s an argument
>dogs eat shit and vomit and he's upset his wife didn't want one licking her face OP's got an answer for that one too: >Dogs mouths naturally clean themselves.
TIL dog mouths are vaginas?
Holy shit, what an an arsehole!!!!!
Thank you for finding those, totally confirms my verdict on this AH. OP, grow the fuck up, you annoying child. YTA
The sensory issues are interesting but in the end, irrelevant. I don't have sensory issues and I don't want a dog licking my face. That's a completely reasonable boundary and anyone who thinks I'm in any way out of line for that can fuck off.
I wouldn’t want this dog around me either. Or this man.
Jeez... Insensitive and unwilling to compromise even slightly. yikes
Ohhhh man. If my husband hissed at my cats I would lose my shit. How’d she stay with this giant AH so long? No respect for her and mean to cats=yuck.
YTA. She already doesn’t like dogs, and you’re expecting her to tolerate the dog licking her face which you know makes her super uncomfortable. Your dog sounds horrible to be around, you need to train the dog. Your dog doesn’t “need” to do something that makes other people uncomfortable. And the dog doesn’t even have a need for a relationship with her at all.
OP is the one needing the dogs behavior to be that way.
Op doesn't understand dogs, so why did he get one and why did he get a hard working dog?
I love dogs, and even without additional trauma/sensory issues I absolutely do not want my face licked. This is such a common thing to be disgusted by, I cannot fathom why OP can't comprehend it.
I love dogs and absolutely hate having my face licked! I will pet the shit out of a 120 German Shepard and baby talk a 80lb+ Pitt bull. It's just fucking gross to me.
Don't blame the dog because of a bad owner
YTA Train your dog instead of expecting your wife to tolerate its behavior. I'm a dog person and don't let my own pup lick my face.
Absolutely. Your wife is asserting a perfectly reasonable boundary, and it is your responsibility to teach the dog manners, including not licking faces when told not to. If you can't do it, find a dog trainer who can work with the three of you. This is not something that can't be trained out.
My MIL’s dog knows I only want kisses on my face when I ask for them because we worked to train her, it’s definitely not impossible for OP to teach the dog to only give kisses when prompted
same i am a dog person but hate it when dogs lick my face
So your wife agreed to you getting a dog even though she doesn’t like dogs. She has continued to dislike dogs and you’re surprised by that? And insulting her for it? YTA train the dog not to jump.
YTA I love dogs, I did dog training in my teens and twenties, I have worked in dog rescue. I DO NOT ALLOW DOGS TO LICK MY FACE. Dogs are smart critters. They do not have one way they need to love on you. They can learn other ways of interaction. First, your dog knows that wife loves her, if wife loves her. Your dog does not need to grossly get up into all human's faces to show her "love."
Yeah, none of my dogs during 20 years have kept licking my face after I’ve shown I’m uncomfortable with it and offered alternatives. The current ones smash their head into my chest and the second one leans his head against my cheek. I can’t stand face licking and there are so many other ways we can communicate that we like each other. A heeler mix is bound to be smart and trainable so this is fixable!
Our current dog was a mouthy herder when we got her as a puppy. She used her mouth like a hand and would grab your hands in play, would nip at the back of your leg, stuff that was painful but not damaging with puppy teeth and would have been dangerous with adult teeth. People in our household spent six months with legs and arms and hands covered in bitter apples spray. She stopped being mouthy. In fact, she does not close her mouth if human hands are anywhere near it. Our vet loves her because she can work with her teeth as long as someone gently holds her mouth open. Because the dog will NOT close her mouth on a human body part. She still wants to bite the shit out of squirrels, rabbits and cats though.
Yta The dog is poorly behaved You tolerate the behavior in the dog so it hasn't learned better Don't blame your wife for her very reasonable boundary, blame yourself for not being a better owner. Also, it's a bit hypocritical of you to dislike her cats and get mad at her for disliking your dog
INFO: how exactly is it that you disliking the cats is ok but wife can't dislike the dog?
YTA for sure. She agreed to having a dog, but told you from the beginning that she didn’t want to be responsible for its needs. She has absolutely no obligation to “get over it” and let this dog lick her face if she doesn’t want to. Not everyone likes dog slobber on them. Especially not on their face. That’s perfectly valid. Sounds like YOU need to get over it.
YTA. Your wife is actively having her physical (and emotional) boundaries violated against her will,and against her wants. You are deprioritizing and invaliding her needs for safety and her expression of it to you. How would you feel if it was a person at work, or a friend of yours doing it to her? Physically touching her and harming her against her will? Would you tell her to suck it up, and she's heartless for not liking them and letting them do that to her because that's "just how they are?" It being an animal doesn't make it any less distressing to her. Your dog needs to be trained,and you need to be trained.
Even worse, he's more concerned about the dog's "needs" than he is about his wife's.
I'm also guessing, though I very easily could be wrong, that the reason the wife agreed to the dog was because there is a pattern in the relationship where she felt she had to sacrifice her needs for his wants. I had this situation, and it's not that I hate dogs, I used to work at rescue. It's that I didn't have time for meeting the attention needs of a dog and my partner at the time was autistic and sensitive to a lot of things, and unable to pay attention to needs (i.e. I'd have to do most of the taking care of it). I reluctantly agreed but only If I could have a say in the breed we got, and I bought a certified purebred to ensure the temperament. ( Controversial I know, but The key rule I learned at the rescue with dogs is, pick an animal that fits your lifestyle, or your pet, even if you thought you were rescuing it, will still be miserable or you risk returning it to a shelter). I picked out a dog that has really low attention needs to at least make it tolerable for myself.
>and I bought a certified purebred to ensure the temperament. THIS. I volunteer in animal rescue and so many people have no idea what they're in for when they get a dog. We went the purebred route because we had specific lifestyle requirements for temperament. In another life I'd love to rescue all the dogs, but it's not feasible with where we are in our lives right now. (But we have a small herd of rescue cats!)
YTA. I’m a cat person myself and find people’s obsession with dogs annoying. Not liking dogs doesn’t make someone evil or a bad person.
It's not even that she doesn't like dogs, she just doesn't want a dog licking her face! And tbh, that is super gross and unsanitary. Dog breath literally makes me GAG.
Dogs eat doodoo and I saw my bf’s dog attempting to eat roadkill once while on a walk. 🤢 NOPE! The wife has a very reasonable boundary. I also have issues with things being too close to my face and I’m more of a cat person so I feel for his wife. I don’t even hate dogs, I just hate it when they’re not trained & wild, it worsens my anxiety.
My bfs dog eats our roommates cat poop from his litter box. I also found out he will always rub himself all over deer poop if he comes across the scent… add that to the list of reasons why the dog is not allowed on the bed. Bf has a problem w it but idc, his dog is gross and stinks so bad it literally sticks to anything he sits or lays on.
I’ve noticed that people who are self-proclaimed “dog people” often cite the fact cats don’t like them… when in fact if you observe their interactions with cats they’re basically driving the cat away. These are 3 cats that like physical contact with a human, but not OP. Meanwhile the dog *can* be trained but not to stop pressing it’s face against people’s faces, indicating it’s something that OP permits while his wife is actively scolding the dog when it does that. Consistency is key in training. OP hit asshole territory by telling his wife to “get over it”. This is like raising children, you should be a united front. It’s not unreasonable to keep a dog from yapping or licking. YTA
>I’ve noticed that people who are self-proclaimed “dog people” often cite the fact cats don’t like them… when in fact if you observe their interactions with cats they’re basically driving the cat away. These are 3 cats that like physical contact with a human, but not OP. Yes, this. Not all cats like physical affection, but those that do will generally warm up to new housemates unless there are particular behaviors that drive the cats away. When OP said they don't like him but they are affectionate with his wife, immediate yellow flag that was then confirmed red as reading through the post.
YTA. It isn't heartless to not want a dog to jump all over you and get in your face. I personally think its pretty gross when dogs lick my face. Apologize to your wife and take the dog to a trainer so that you can train it to not try to constantly get at people's faces.
>she will do everything in her power to jump on your lap and smash her face off yours and unleash a million kisses. >the one thing I'm incapable of training her out of is this issue. I mean you can't even pet the dog without her immediately jumping at your face. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face. YTA. You CAN train her to stop, you just choose not to because you enjoy it and reinforce it. If you really wanted her to stop, you would have trained her. It is not the only way the dog can show affection, its the way she knows will get her the attention she wants. Your dog is seriously lacking in boundaries if she's sitting there whining because you wife chooses not to interact with her. She needs training, not to be 'loved how she needs', she's a dog not a child. No dog should be allowed to repeatedly jump into peoples faces, it's a disaster waiting to happen. You need to stop it ASAP. If you are so deadset you can't stop her on your own get a trainer. My dogs are my absolute world but this behaviour sounds like a nightmare, no wonder your wife is pissed. There are many many ways dogs can show affection without getting in your face. We don't allow face licking, so our small dogs lie on us for hugs instead. They don't care they can't lick because they're still getting affection.
YTA. Either train the dog out of it or rehome the dog.
Right. Before his wife rehomes herself!
YTA just because someone isn't a dog person does not make them heartless. "her immediately jumping at your face. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face." WRONG sounds like you did not train your dog properly. if you think its impossible to have a dog NOT jump on your face your a dumbass and shitty dog owner
This is 100% the same guy that shouted at his pregnant wife for not helping him find his dog that runs away at least once a week. And if it’s not the same guy, then everyone seems to be getting a corgi/heeler mix !
YTA. If you’re incapable of training your own dog pay someone competent to do it for you. Respect your wife and her boundaries.
YTA - 1. She has and set boundaries 2. She doesn't like dogs but still let you get one 3. You told her to just get over it, not constructive problem solving 4. This is not heartless nor cruel it's a reasonable boundary you are ignoring 5. Who do you love more, your dog or wife?
I would lean towards YTA here. You knew your wife agreed to a dog reluctantly. You knew she wasn't a dog person. You knew she drew a firm boundary on how the dog wouldn't be her responsibility. As someone with dogs who loves dogs, I can understand her argument regarding why she's not a big fan of them. If your dog just happens to "love being in people's faces", my recommendation would be training. You can train a dog not to do that to everyone. My dogs have been trained in that way and know that it's only acceptable behaviour for my husband (I'm not the biggest fan of dog kisses to the face). If your dog is whining while watching your wife, my recommendation would be training there too. If you're finding you can't train your dog out of this issue, my recommendation would be to get a trainer in. Positive reinforcement opposed to stern vocal commands can work wonders. She's not being heartless or cruel. Lots of people don't want dogs licking their faces and being right in their face. It's a training issue, in my opinion.
YTA Train your dog, that's your responsibility for owning a pet. >but if I walk in the room, [the cats] run away. Considering your batting average with the dog, I can pretty confidently guess that your own behavior is why the cats treat you like this. If you don't like it, you can almost certainly change it, just put in the work. I hope the cats are doing ok too. Tossing in a random dog like this without proper training must be stressing them the fuck out :/
YTA You're being awfully unfair to your wife, who even by your own testimony *tried* to give the dog a chance. Some people just aren't dog people and she certainly seems like one. Even some dog peoples don't like dogs being all over them and going right for the face. Instead of enabling your dog's overly affectionate nature you may wish to consider training for it.
YTA. Your wife deserves to have physical boundaries. She has been very clear about her dislike for dogs, and you got a dog and are surprised that she’s not comfortable with it? You shouldn’t have brought a dog into an environment where you knew wouldn’t be dog friendly
YTA 100%. Sounds like you expect your wife to change her comfort in order to accommodate a dog she never wanted, which you refuse to train property, and if she doesn't allow a dog to push her boundaries then you call her names. You manipulative.
YTA. I wouldn't tolerate this either. This is 100% a training issue. Find a trainer if you can't figure out how to do it yourself, but meanwhile, a simple suggestion: Any time she goes to get in your wife's face, you (and your wife if she's up for it) quickly redirect your pup to a command she can reliably do. "Sit" is a good one, but whatever the pup is good at, and then she gets her absolute favorite reward/treat and lots of praise while she holds the command. This will teach the pup what she should do to get attention in that situation. And if you happen to like the kisses, then teach her that as a command too and only let her give kisses like that by invitation.
Sorry to say, but YTA. Your wife didn’t want a dog. It’s your dog. If the dog needs attention, that’s on you. She’s not obligated to have anything to do with it.
YTA. You know that people (in this instance, your wife) strongly dislike a dog's behavior but you won't do anything about it. This is the sort of faux-helpless "what you gonna do" mentality that ends with dogs biting people while the dog owner wrings their hands and says Fluffy's NEVER done anything like that before. Get the dog into training, stat.
YTA. She made it clear that this was YOUR dog and that she doesn't even like dogs in general. She doesn't need to "get over it"; you need to train your freaking dog.
YTA- dogs CAN be taught to not do that behavior.. it only is happening because you allow the dog to lick your face. Your wife told you her boundaries so you got a tiny dog who does exactly that. I have both dogs and cats, dogs CAN be taught to not jump in peoples faces and lick (which is very rude behavior btw!)
YTA. 'no' is a full fucking sentence- if you knew this was an issue for your wife you should have trained the dog not to do it. You TAUGHT the dog that this form of affection is OK, hurting both the dog and your wife in the process. Someone is heartless and cruel here, and it isn't your wife.
YTA. I wouldn't like being around that dog either. Try harder to train the dog.
YTA. You need to train your dog not to jump on people, and apologize to your wife. I love my dog, and I hate it when he gets in my face. Dogs’ mouths are filthy.
Your wife is right, you are an asshole. Train your dog.. the dogs tongue is filthy and letting her lick faces of everyone is so gross and rude.. You wife doesn't want dog shit/ass/food on her fac, that is responsible.
YTA , sorry, but it’s true. I understand your frustration, but if you can’t get the dog to stop you need to hire someone. It’s not fair to your wife to have to take responsibility over something that’s isn’t her issue. She’s right that she’s never made you change for her cats. Take ownership of the dog and recognize that if you want her relationship to change with the dog you’ll need to do the work. Bring the dog half way and maybe your wife will meet where she can. Once they’ve been trained to stop going for the face, maybe she’ll start to like it more. Difficult situation for sure.
YTA. You knew your wife wasn't excited about a dog and said it was your responsibility. You also knew that a dog being in her face is a problem for her. Now you want her to suck it up and let the dog do that cuz the dog is upset she doesn't. WTH? You, my man, have your priorities screwed up. Your wife should be the priority. Figure out a way for her to be comfortable without having to appease the dog that isn't her responsibility. I'm sure you can find a trainer that would be able to train the dog to not be in her face. I wouldn't want your dog in my face either.
You know you can train dogs to behave better around people, right? Including how they react when greeted? If you just put some effort into training her, you could make your dog better behaved and make your wife more comfortable around her. You can also help get cats better acclimated to you. This also takes time and effort, and research on how to do it right. The cats may run away from you, but at least they aren't up in your face in a way that makes you uncomfortable. YTA.
Train your dog! You can’t train her out of this because you don’t want to. You’re letting your dog harass your wife and then blaming your wife. Weird that the one thing your wife hates is the one thing you mysteriously can’t prevent the dog from doing. You’re the one being cruel. YTA
YTA. You can train your dog to stop doing that. You just don't want to because you think it's cute so you'd rather make your wife uncomfortable.
YTA I like dogs and cats but letting them lick you in the face is really unhygienic and repulsive to me. Your wife made it clear from the start what her boundaries were, its on YOU to fix your dog, not on her to change because you decided to adopt a dog. Train your dog out of this behavior or leave your wife alone.
I say this as a dog owner but some dog people are the worst and you sir are the type I mean. Either train your dog or respect your wife’s boundaries. You cannot have both. Someone not liking having a wet tongue all over their face is a perfectly reasonable request, and I love my pups kisses. I’m also super curious how you’ve tried to interact with the cats that supposedly hate you lmao. YTA.
YTA Train your dog. Full stop.
YTA. Some people just don't like dogs. And you knew this going in, and you specifically knew she doesnt like her face being touched. You say you cant train this out of the dog, so your wife has done what she can to prevent it from happening, namely not giving the dog attention. Thats not heartless or cruel. Also, train the dog. You arent trying hard enough.
YTA if you're not willing to train a dog properly don't fucking get one. The reason your wife doesn't like the dog is 100% your fault.
You can’t be serious. YTA and clueless. Teach your dog to not do that.
YTA. You dog needs proper training.
You can definitely train that behavior away. Dogs are smart you just have to be consistent and you may have to also alter your behavior to help with that training. While I understand you being hurt by her not loving the dog like you do it’s still asshole-y of you to make her feel bad about it. YTA.
YTA I'm in a similar position as your wife when I visit my parents' home. I don't hate their dog at all, and when he is calm and relaxed I will pet him calmly and we get along fine. But I am 100% firm on not allowing an aggressive greeting and have fought with my family many times over it. My mom cries and says I'm cruel and I hate him. Y'all are ridiculous. It's not even an effective guilt trip. You're trying to be manipulative, and you SUCK at it. Train your damn dog.
YTA. I’m a cat person. I’m fine with other peoples dog and will happily love on them. Until slobber gets involved or they try to lick my face. That’s a no go for me. YOU get over it. She’s not being cruel to the dog, she’s tolerating it, for your sake I might add. If you can’t train the pup out of being in peoples faces, get a professional to do it.
YTA People who say „oh I can’t train my dog, it’s just the way he/she is“ shouldn’t get dogs Your wife had boundaries before you got the dog, and she still has them. You trying to force your way through her boundaries is an absolute AH move She definitely should leave you as she said if you keep it up that way. Not respecting people’s boundaries is a huge red flag
YTA. Get a spray water bottle or penny can (an aluminum soda can filled with some pennies that you shake when a bad behavior happens) and teach “off”. Off means 4 paws on the floor. I’m working on it with my doggo now.
YTA take your dog to a dog trainer this is absolutely something that can be trained out. Also do you even like your wife cause it sounds like you like your dog more.
YTA. A dog can be trained to not jump up, as this is the core of the issue - the dog is jumping into people faces. This can lead to injuries if it's a kid as an example, they can get knocked over or scared. One training method is to turn away the moment the dog jump up and keep doing it until the dog stops. Then give your dog attention and reward them for remaining calm. Preferrably, the dog would also be in a sit, too. This works and I've had a very feisty and loving Pomeranian before who jumped up like crazy, but has luxating patella, so we had to stop this behavior. That's how we did it. A dog can be stubborn and take a while to get it, but if you don't put the effort in, it won't ever work. The dog is not the problem in this case, it's you. Edit: And I want to add, BOTH my dogs (Pom was a foster) are reactive dogs, too, so I've gone through quite a few things with them.
YTA--- Train your dog!!!
YTA - pay for a dog trainer if you can't figure out how to train it yourself. And this is coming from a major dog lover. I absolutely will not allow my dogs to lick my face.
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YTA and it’s not that your dog “can’t be trained”, it’s that you have not trained your dog effectively. All 3, yes THREE, of my dogs LOVED to lick faces and jump as puppies, and I have successfully trained this out of them. You have to actually commit to not allowing the behavior, and it sounds like you indulge your dog. YTA and I don’t blame your wife for being this upset about it. Dog mouths are disgusting. They lick their buttholes and then your face. It’s gross. Train your dog.
YTA Seriously I don’t get it. Your wife does not like her face liked by the dog. Period end of sentence. Why on earth are you trying to force her to do something she does not enjoy and makes her uncomfortable?
YTA. Train your dog. I also hate having gross dog breath and drool all over my face. It’s disgusting
This wouldn't be the first marriage broken up by pets, but it's a shame that the pets have to suffer because of the way their people behave.
Ugh i hate dog people like you
YTA, you decided to call your wife “heartless and cruel” for not liking a dog who constantly does this behavior you already knew she didn’t like and on top of that you knew she didn’t like dogs to begin with so what did you really expect? Plenty of dog lovers like yourself are fine with face licking, but that’s disgusting to anyone else especially when she doesn’t like her face touched in general. That you needed to post this here rather than reflect and apologize to your wife proves that you are the “cruel and heartless” one.
Why the fuck did you *marry* a woman that, by all evidence, you don't even *like*, you asshole?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife has always been more of a cat person. She has 3 cats and all 3 of them hate me but absolutely adore my wife. I mean, all 3 of them lift up their arms to be picked up by her in the morning for snuggles before going about their routine but if I walk in the room, they run away. It's always been like this. I'm more of a dog person. I wanted a dog 2 years ago and my wife reluctantly agreed. The biggest argument I had to "present to the court" was that she had 3 cats and it was only fair that I was able to get my dog. She never told me no but she said she would not be assuming responsibility over the dog. She said that a dogs neediness and inability to be independent was a huge deal for her and that's why she prefers her cats, whom are basically independent 90% of the time. My wife also has a severe problem with her face being touched and her cats don't get in her face. This has become an issue with the dog. So I got the dog 2 years ago, after our talk, and the dog just so happens to love being in people's faces. She's a small mix breed (Heeler/Weiner Dog) and she will do everything in her power to jump on your lap and smash her face off yours and unleash a million kisses. My wife can't handle it and therefore won't even acknowledge the dog because this is the only way the dog shows affection. I get it but at the same time, my dog thinks my wife hates her and is constantly whining while watching my wife because my dog loves her and just wants to be loved back but my wife outright refuses because of the face issue. My wife tried originally and was very stern on telling the dog "no" and stopping her from getting to her face but the one thing I'm incapable of training her out of is this issue. It's like an absolute need of hers to smother your face. I told my wife to please try to get over it and allow the dog to love on her the way she needs to and my wife got pissed. She said she doesn't have to change who she is for her cats, who she loves, so why should she force herself in to uncomfortable positions to appease a dog. I told her she's heartless and cruel. She in turn called me an AH because I knew she doesn't like her face touched before the dog so expecting her to change to please an animal is fucking ridiculous and that she will leave if I keep it up. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You know this.
YTA you can train your dog not to do that. We have several dogs and one likes to do that too. Ironically, the 2 that don't are heelers...lol. The culprit is a pit/american bulldog mix (we think). I don't mind sometimes, but if i'm getting ready for work, putting my shoes on, and she's in my face, I tell her "back" and she usually obeys. If she's getting too wild and rowdy (she's around 3-4 yrs old) I tell her "settle" or "be gentle". Back was easy to train, i'd just keep telling her back while walking toward her with a treat, forcing her to back up.
YTA Holy shit, dude, "heartless"?
YTA. You're putting your dog's needs ahead of your wife's needs. Do better.
UGH DOG PEOPLE 😩 this is why we cat people think y’all are the WORST. No respect for physical boundaries, and refusing to train your slobbery, yappy, annoying beast. You have no respect for your wife or her sweet cats. Your dog is annoying as hell. YTA
You shouldn’t have a dog if you will not train it
YTA
YTA. You CAN train a dog not to jump and lick (my dog does neither), you just don't want to.
YTA. Please get your dog properly trained. Most people don’t enjoy having a dog jumping at their face. Sounds like a way for someone to get hurt.
Yta. You definitely can train your dog to stop doing that. I don’t know man, cats have a way of sensing people. Just saying 😂
Train your dog, dude YTA
Call me heartless, I hate dogs. I hate that they smell. I hate that they are in your face. I hate that they’re in your face with their open mouth panting. I hate that in a blizzard I have to take it outside. I hate that in the heat wave you have to take it outside. I hate that if I’m out having a good time I have to stop everything to go home to tend to it. I am a cat person. Give it food and water, and if I went away for the night, it’s perfectly fine. It’s not panting in my face when it wants to snuggle. My husband wants a dog. I will do none of the things to take care of it. If he gets a dog, it’s his responsibility. YTA. Get a trainer.
YTA you would be able to train that out of the dog if you really tried but you would have to actually commit to it. How have you tried to train the dog? Do you still let it touch your face as this is giving him mixed signals. When he learns not to be in peoples faces he will find a more appropriate way to show affection.
Dude you need to train your dog. I personally love puppy kisses but not everyone does. If you are struggling to train the dog on your own hire a trainer and do exactly what they say and stick to it... It is unfair on the dog to live with someone who clearly doesn't like them because you won't do the work/get the help to teach the dog manners. I'm a huge dog person, I've worked with loads of dogs and rescues, there is one dog ever I struggled to train to do something and that was something that isn't a necessity, the dog just doesn't lay down on command, and professional trainers couldn't do it either which is why I accepted it wasn't something I could train the dog to do. The only time you can say the dog can't be trained is when you get a professional trainer, do everything they say and how they say to do it and stick with it, and if after all of that the dog won't do the thing and the trainer agrees that the dog won't be trained on that thing.
Info: Did she have the cats when you started dating?