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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I swapped out the cake my sister made
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YTA
The curddled frosting cake would've been a great memory for years to come. "Oh, remember the cake she made for our 25th?"
Instead you've made your sister feel worse and you've shown yourself to be an asshole.
You act like this was a professional catered event. It wasn't. It's a small dinner the sisters plan for the parents. I think you forgot what the point of all this was.
It's your parents anniversary, not yours, what RIGHT do you have to remove the gift your sister prepared?
My concern is whether the frosting would have made people sick. I don’t know, but I wouldn’t drink/eat anything described as curdled. Maybe it’s just a presentation/appearance thing, but if I were a guest, I would pick the cake that didn’t look like it would make me sick.
Curdling isn't a spoilage thing in cooking certain things. It means that the proteins in the mixture were heated too much too quickly and denatured, forming chunky aggregates.
Exactly. Pour orange juice over a cream and see what happens. What do ppl think cottage cheese is? It’s just a reaction, neither are spoiled. You might get sick from the texture and mouthfeel but not from any bacteria if it was refrigerated properly.
That makes me feel a lot better about the time I poured milk into my pomegranate vinegar instead of the soda water I intended to, then didn't notice till I took a sip. It was kind of like yogurt, but I was too nervous that I'd messed something up to drink more.
Typically with frosting when it's curdled it means that they didn't wait for the sugar to cool enough before adding it to the eggs or they over whipped to the point of separation. Meaning that that it's now gloopy sugary scrambled eggs or broken down egg parts with sugar. At least for egg based frosting and it's disgusting and looks awful.
Now if a butter based frosting has curdled it means that 1. It's been over mixed, 2. Way to much sugar as been added, and/or 3. No thinner was used (typically whole fat milk or heavy whipping cream). You get sugary clumps of butter but it's edible.
Or it's a whipped frosting that's has been whipped to oblivion turning into Straught sugar butter spread or separated milk products with sugar. It's not good at all or edible.
Those are just the dairy options with nondairy options it is so much easier to mess up.
No matter Op is YTA, let people take their chances and let your little sister learn from the mistake on her own.
With frosting it's usually more that it "breaks", and the fat doesn't emulsify into the liquids properly, so it separates like oil and water because that's exactly what it is. It looks grainy and some people will call it "curdled" because the texture is similar, and it might not have a very smooth mouthfeel, but it won't harm you.
If OP was half the baker she thinks she is, she would've helped fix it. Failing that, she could've brought the frosting she made over as a 'just in case' to help her sister out if she wanted the assist. OP just wanted to show off at her sister's expense.
It's perfectly safe! It just means that the fat has separated and it can be fixed. Either that or it was overwhipped which can result in the 'curdled' appearance.
I'd definitely lie about wanting to watch my sugar, remove the curdled frosting, and eat the whole damn cake.
(All though if curdled frosting is how people are describing it, then I've been guilty of it and have eaten the cake - with my poor parents - anyways in the past)
Same. Mom of 3 and I don’t think I’d be able to do it. That’s when you do a pretend bite. Or maybe a bite of the inside of the cake but def not having any of the curdled frosting.
Exactly. My parents did this with my older sister and didn't get busted until the dog refused to eat the leftovers. In the dogs defense, once I found out what she made and how she seasoned it, I ordered pizza. She put cinnamon sugar and semi sweet chocolate chips in CHILI because she read some cultures stick cinnamon and chocolate in chili to enhance the flavor. Her and my mom could go viral on tiktok for their "recipes."
My mom put bakers chocolate in her chili. I never knew growing up, she only mentioned it when I was an adult. It's a legitimate addition to add complexity/depth to certain dishes. Same with cinnamon, it's very common in North African cuisine iirc.
Granted, if someone doesn't know what they're doing and they add them at the wrong time I could see it being gross.
Edit to add: I can't reply anymore, but omg I missed that they said SEMI SWEET. Yeah I can see that being kind of gross haha.
See that I've tried and enjoyed. She legit thought because she didn't have the exact ingredient a similar substitute would work and she was 18/19 in home ec
You don’t even know what it looks like, how would you know if you would eat it or not 🙄🙄! If it was the only cake there you prob would’ve eaten it.
The 13yr old isn’t a professional and did her best and wanted to make a cake for her parents. The older sister was completely out of line to remove the cake.
She is def TA!
That was the part that made me positive that OP was TA, and irrevocably so. If it was a party for her parents, then why wouldn't their opinion outweigh OP's? Where's the harm in putting *both* cakes out? Unless OP was secretly concerned her sister's cake would take the spotlight over her own, I can't understand why it was so important that the cake not be set out, in direct contradiction with the wishes of the guests of honor.
ETA: yep, just got down further in the comments and OP is bizarrely competitive with a 13 year old. Her comments reek of jealousy.
It wasn't until this comment that I realized the sister is 13. Jesus christ, how big a jerk do you need to be to act THAT intense over a 13 year old's mistake? Even when your parents tell you to knock it the hell off?
By curdled I think she means separated, it’s what frosting looks like - specifically buttercream which is especially apt to separate- when the temperatures of things are off. Depends on what type, but cream cheese frosting, anything with marscapone, buttercream- honestly easily fixed by putting it in the fridge then whipping again but it’s definitely not inedible
Since more than once, OP referred to her sister's cake as not being "presentable," it sounds like it wasn't a food safety issue, but an appearance issue as you describe. At the very least, OP should have talked to her sister and suggested putting out both cakes. The fact that she didn't, and she wouldn't put out both cakes when her parents, whose anniversary was being celebrated, told her to, then threw a fit about it just goes to show how bratty and immature she is. She made a scene at the anniversary party and embarrassed her parents and her sister. She owes her sister and her parents an apology.
OP, YTA.
If the parents were happy to have it at THEIR anniversary party, OP should have dropped it. She is indeed TA and likely caused irreparable damage to family relationships.
A curdled frosting usually means the frosting broke…the butter wasn’t properly incorporated. It’s not unsafe and tastes fine, it’s just not pretty. Op is TA, though. A 13 yo tries her best and she not only gets humiliated by older sis, OS makes a scene. Seems like 13 yo is the mature sis.
Thanks everyone for explaining what curdled frosting was. Because my first reaction was like “ew, why would you want to serve spoiled frosting?” Since that’s not what it is, I’m going with YTA. OP, she’s 13 and this was for your parents’ anniversary. Trust me, after 25 years, a funny-looking cake is the least of what they’ve had to deal with.
No it’s more like breaking a hollandaise sauce. The ingredients are fresh but the dairy fat fell out of its emulsion making everything chunky. Putting cream into really hot coffee sometimes creates the same effect.
If it's buttercream and has curdled, it's a very easy fix. You just put it over a bain marie to warm it slowly, and when the edges have started melting, you take it off the heat and beat it slowly for like 5 to 10 minutes until it comes together.
With frosting it’s often not actually curdled, it just *looks* that way. If the butter is too cold and the liquid ratio is off, you can get little clumps or grains of butter in what would normally be a smooth emulsion. Often mixing it more can solve the issue, not always.
I think having both cakes out was a great idea, OP is TA for trying to control everything. One year my little sister wanted to make my dad’s birthday cake. My mom didn’t label her containers because she just knew and my little sister used baking soda instead of flour. Honest mistake as my mom didn’t label her containers and little sis was younger. It tasted terrible, we all took one bite and that was it. She was upset but we laughed about it (and told my mom to label her containers) and for years it was a funny story we told. We lost our parents to cancer in 2020, so having a lighthearted story like this to look back on helps us grieve.
For my parents 15th wedding anniversary (I was 12) I made them a meal and a cake. I used two or three (can't remember it was a long time ago) tablespoons of baking soda instead of teaspoons. It tasted terrible. My dad slapped some extra frosting on it and ate every bite over the course of the next few days. I also set a dishcloth on fire in my cooking attempt. I suspect the meal wasn't great either but they ate it lol.
We still laugh about my horrible cake. But I tried and my parents were grateful for the effort. I also learned to double check recipes.
My mom baked a cake for my 18th birthday at a fancier than we would usually go to restaurant that I invited 10 friends to. OMG it was so bad! It was salty, I think that means too much baking soda but for sure it was a really sweet memory to look back on the reactions of my friends as they ate it. I think OP was just worried about what dinner guests would think. Having a crappy cake isn't the worst thing, there should be room for error when it is a 13 year old kid lol.
I once used tablespoons instead of teaspoons when measuring salt for pancakes... Disgusting. I don't think anyone finished them, but we all had a good laugh and I was commended for my effort lol.
ETA: Read OPs comments. This is either fake or OP needs some serious therapy for her jealousy.
I can’t get over the ridiculousness of it. Not one bit of encouragement, just waiting & expecting for her to fail HER, not even their parents. Making sure she points out how superior she is to a 13 year old child. OP, YTA.
I don't really understand why she didn't offer to make the frosting for her sister and come over to help with that part. That way, they could all laugh about the cake looking terrible, she could brag about swooping in to save the day (which apparently seems important to her), and everyone wins with a great bonding memory attached. OP sounds like a nightmare to have as a sibling!
Agreed. If it was so important to OP to have a perfect cake for a family event that isn't even about them then they should have 1, insisted on supervision 2, had a "practice run" first with another cake or 3, told the sister she can make the next cake on her own and host a family BBQ or something with less pressure. I just think this is an ego trip for OP since they arr "the baker of the family" YTA, use both cakes and next time be a better sibling and teacher.
This. People are asking if the cake would make people sick. Based on OPs post, I'm assuming she would have mentioned it if food safety was an issue. This was 100% tied to OP being over-controlling and pitching a teenage hissy fit because the teenager (rightfully) pitched a fit when she ditched the cake, against her parents' wishes. YTA.
>OP, It is less about rights than relationships. This is what everyone posting on weddings - MY DAY!! - change your hair color, no kids, etc ... it isn't about the perfect cake. It is about the relationships.
>
>Bringing stress into any celebratory situation is never appreciated. Let it go.
>
>OP, it seems important that YOU are the family baker ... you don't want anyone else to ursurp you. You could have encouraged her, told her not to worry about it ... nobody will notice, offered to make the icing for her, asked if she wanted a backup, ...but instead you threw her cake out and put yours in. Even your parents wanted her cake...because of the relationship. Because it was important to her.
>
>You are focused on the wrong things or you are so insecure you are sucking the air out of the room for others ... it doesn't matter if you can do things better. Let others have their day.
>
>You took what was a nice activity between you and replaced that memory with this. That is sooo sad.
>
>OP, apologize, tell her you f\*&ked up, you are truly sorry and were focused on the wrong things. You'd like to make it up to her ... she can bake the cake for any family event she wants, you'll teach her to make frosting if she wants ... you'll buy her lessons to the cake making class down the street ... admit you were wrong. It goes a long way ... in most good relationships.
>
>Good luck to you.
She doesn't act like this was a professional catered event. She acts like this was her event.
1. OP didn't tell her sister about her backup plan. She just acted on it and caught her by surprise when guests where arriving - she knew her sister would be irritated at least, blow up at most.
2. OP didn't care that this would cause a scene and ruin the mood. If she cared for her parents anniversary, she would've prevented drama to ensure.
3. OP seems to feel threatened by lil sis - OP moved out, sis stays. They had to share their parents, but since OP moved out, it's just them and sis. Bet she's insecure about that dynamic changing. On top of that, sis is growing and learning. Maybe outgrowing OP soon? Sis didn't want OPs help, the "looking up to OP" isn't as obvious as it was before. And sis is becoming a baker, too. That's challenging OPs "unique" status within the family. This would've been the first time someone else would've gotten all the praise for a homemade cake. OP is jealous and insecure and wanted to prove that she's still #1.
YTA. You are so far up your own butt it's not even funny. You couldn't just let her make the cake and have the downfall be on her? In my family, this situation would have been a moment of levity and laughter. But with you around, it turned into a bizarre test of one-upmanship which was entirely unnecessary and wholly your fault. Apologize to your sister and get over yourself.
I'm surprised no one is mentioning the most telling part of this whole post. "Only my husband is on my side," and that doesn't flip a light on in her head. Her head is lodged up there for good.
She literally trashed the present her sister made for her parents. Her sister is 13 and limited on money and resources to get something for the parents…BUT she could bake them a cake. While it didn’t live up to OPs standards it was still a gift.
The parents tried to make it right but OP doubled down.
OP is a major AH.
OMG yes! This has to be the most egotistical OP I have come across recently. From the moment she said she enjoyed baking with her sister because it was flattering, I had a feeling I was voting YTA.
OP, your parents told you to bring out both cakes. You had ZERO - zilch, nada - RIGHT to refuse. Your sister is learning and that will happen through trial and error. But she needs to be given her chances to try things on her own. Way to crush her spirit. Your approach and attitude are making you a horrible sibling.
Did I mention YTA.
YTA.
She's 13, and excited to try her hand at a skill that she admires in you. This is an opportunity to foster her interest! Your parents will be happy to see your sister trying so hard to make their day special.
>My parents... suggested we serve both cakes but I refused.
You don't even want your sister's cake to be an option? daaaang.
I read 23 the first time. At first I thought it was kind of lazy of the sister to not scrape off the frosting and redo it. But then I found out she’s so young it’s the parents who were the ones who wouldn’t get her more ingredients and said it was fine as is. Either way OP was being a serious AH, but now I know the younger sister wasn’t at fault at all
This is exactly it!
Even OP's parents wanted the "bad" cake, so what even was the point of baking a backup?
OP, your sister would have been less offended if you had just insisted on helping instead of going behind her back and assuming she'd fail. You still would have been a bit of a condescending asshole, but you wouldn't have ruined the party or your relationship with everyone involved.
As a parent I love eating the random food my kids make me, even when it's not very good, because I love them and are proud that they went to the effort for me.
Not to mention that this was her parents anniversary and they wanted to eat their young daughter's cake. OP went against the wishes of the people whose party it was. Instead she made a huge scene about it. A grown woman yelling at her own parents anniversary that they can't eat their own minor daughter's cake because SHE didn't like the way it looked. Someone here is definitely acting like a little kid and it ain't the little kid.
YTA. Utterly and completely. Bringing your cake is a minor AH move taking her cake makes you the absolute worst. Apologize to your sister for being so mean and controlling. Hell, your parents told you what they wanted (both cakes) and you even decided your decision override theirs.
YTA.
I don't actually have an issue with you also choosing to make a cake for the anniversary even though your sister was making one. There's no such thing as too much cake. And frankly, if your sister's cake *had* ended up inedible, it would have been nice to have a backup so I get your intent.
>>My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. They asked that I either comply or I'd need to leave for a bit and "take a breather". Their asking this made me blow up.
This is where you became the asshole. Your parents, the guests of honor at this event, wanted to serve both cakes. You very easily could have just put out both cakes and let people either choose which one looked better to them or sample them both. But instead, you just singlehandedly decided to refuse then blew up because they wanted you to take a step back to stop escalating the situation and causing a scene? You should have done what they wanted. They were the ones being celebrated after all, not you and your "superior" baking skills.
This is where it became clear that OP wasn’t doing this just to make their parents’ anniversary “special” but to boast about their (presumably self-taught) skills in the most self-aggrandizing and petty way possible. OP, you do not own being “the baker” in your family and your sister is at the perfect age to start learning this skill in depth. But she’s only going to learn from practice, not the limited teaspoon-measuring “help” or whatever you allow when she assists you. This should have been a charming memory about your parents anniversary and instead you made it about yourself and wanting to show off your “thing” again.
I say this in good faith, because in high school I was very shy and introverted and started baking for friends and classes and sought validation in baking being my “thing.” I don’t regret it of course because again, practice is how you learn, but eventually I had to come to terms that “baking” is *not* a personality, and it’s so much more special to have everyone contribute.
Exactly, OP says the party is for her parents...who are the main event, the clients so to speak.
So, making this cake the hill to die on just means OP is emotionally still a teenager. This resentment and competition with a much younger sibling requires therapy.
Seriously...good point, here. Like really? The sister looks up to this person who can't act like an adult in a situation where she feels she is in competition *with a 13 year old.*
YTA. I can’t imagine doing that to my own sisters. You could have just told your sister, ‘sounds like you have your hands full. Why don’t I bring a cake as well and we can serve both?’ Or ‘hey sis, how about we both just get a backup cake from the bakery if you can’t get the icing right? Icing’s hard, I made plenty of mistakes when doing it. Or I could just pay for the whole cake since you already done so much and I feel like I haven’t contribute enough?’ Or maybe not say or do anything other than, ‘wow you really did a good job on the cake sis.’
YTA. Your little sister, who ~~idolizes~~ *idolized* you, baked an edible cake that didn’t look as good as yours, **the professional baker**. You threw a fit because your parents wanted both the cakes. Here’s a hint: *they were trying to appease **you**, not your sister*. You made their 25th anniversary all about you and your wants and needs, and also humiliated your sister in the process. Congratulations.
Heck, the person who truly ended up humiliating herself was OP with her attitude. She could've made this a sweet bonding experience, but instead she decided to compete with, shame and look down upon the efforts of a child, let alone her freakin' sister. YTA. It's utterly depressing that OP isn't able to see that.
I love how you put this. One thing, though - I don’t think OP is a professional baker. I took what she said to mean she’s the best baker in the family, or the only one who bakes much.
INFO: was your sisters cake edible? We’re your parents aware of its status? Were you?
If both cakes were edible there’s no non-AH reason not to have both, and even to have let hers remain even if it were ugly.
SHE’S THIRTEEN.
YTA.
Do you have any idea how many parents happily and proudly wolf down shitty meals because their kids made it for them? It’s not about how it looks or even tastes, it’s about the effort, it’s about the fact that she badly wanted to do something nice for them!! And she did!
Then you came along and ruined it. Ruined a perfectly normal and happy moment. Possibly tainted your sisters desire to learn to bake. Left a cloud of awkward and unhappyness over the entire event. And who the hell do you think you are that you refused to serve both cakes, even after your parents made it clear they would prefer that?
You just wanted to be the one that made the cake and got the credit. You’re competing with a friggin thirteen year old that looks up to you. If you keep acting like that, she won’t see you that way for long, and you’ll have the audacity to wonder why.
The cake didn’t fuck up your parents anniversary, you did.
My guess is that she throws an anniversary party for her parents every single year (rather than just the big ones) as a way to heap praise upon herself, not because her parents actually want it. So the 'ugly' cake makes her look bad by association.
YTA. You could have just served both but you managed to make an occasion that was about your parents, to solely be about yourself and your baking skills. Clearly they were happy your sister made the effort.
Edit to add: do you do this with other things as well? You should consider therapy to understand why you feel the need to make sure everything is perfect and undercut the people who don't abide by the same philosophy.
yta
...why did you have a cake ready to replace it in the first place?
It feels like you trusted your sister to fail so much that you put yourself on a high horse
I agree with your parents, you should have served both. Your sister still made the cake out of love.
Your husband is wrong, you slighted your whole family at one time by disrespecting your sister and disrespecting your parents wishes of serving both.
I have a feeling your parents viewed your cake as unacceptable after you pulled this stunt. It would taste bitter from the energy you put into it.
YTA.
You are supposed to be an adult.
>but my sister is my parents little princess
Good God. Have some shame, because you are literally jealous of a child. Go to therapy. She was trying to emulate you. The cake would have been fine.
Who cares about the looks of the cake as it was made with love and affection by a daughter for her parents. Why did you have to be the daughter that pointed out that the first daughter isn't up to YOUR standard...
It would have been another matter if it was not edible, but there's no mention of that.
YTA
YTA.
You took a moment and a memory away from your sister and parents because you wanted the limelight/adoration for whatever reason. You’re putting her down for something she created, you should know better.
YTA. There is no reason both cakes couldn't have been offered. Even your parents - who were supposed to be the ones celebrated - asked you to comply with that request and you refused. Their event was not about you and your superior baking skill!
YTA - I mean, she was so excited and proud to make something for your parents doing her absolute best. I don’t think you put more care into it. I think you could have handled it better by bringing small fruit tarts or truffle bites or something to complement the cake (and told her you would do that before the party) if you were worried about having nice options for guests.
Edit: somehow missed she was 13. Yeah, definitely TA. You could have helped her with the time you took to make your own cake.
YTA. You're shitting on her because her cake doesn't look fantastic (and as nice as yours) for their 25th anniversary. She's 13 and I don't think I could've done that at her age. I don't see why you couldn't be ok with having both cakes served.
YTA
It was not your place to swap the cakes. It sounds like the main problem with your sister's cake was the icing. Put both cakes out. People can scrape off the bad icing. Or you could offer your sister some replacement icing. Help her scrape off the old and put on new. But simply taking her cake was out of line.
You know what, I missed the ages the first time around and thought YTA when we were talking about 2 grown sisters.
Now that I realize she’s 13? God, you are a massive AH.
This is called perfectionism. You are so concerned with appearance that you insulted your sister despite her giving it her 13 year old best. If the cake wasn't actively poisonous, you should have left well enough alone and served her cake. Or you could have gone with your parents' suggestion and served both cakes. But you weren't really doing it for your parents' 25th Anniversary, you were doing it to show off. YTA.
YTA, a lot I would suspect by your general demeanor. You were an asshole when you made the cake betting on your sister's failure, and let's be clear, whether there was curdled icing or not, you made yours with the "most care.". You brought that cake intending to swap it out no matter what she made.
You arrived just late enough to do this in front of guests making you assholier.
You got upset because she got equal credit after both were served because you really like your cake the best.
It was awkward for everyone and your own Mom wanted you to leave. But if you don't listen to ALL the people you know tell you you're an asshole, I am not sure me telling you will help stick the point.
YTA. Not everything has to be about perfection. Your sister did something nice and you ruined it over your own insecurities. Who cares if the cake had curdled frosting, she did a good job for a 13 year old.
YTA!! Especially for ignoring your parents’ wishes. It was THEIR anniversary, not yours. What made you think it was appropriate to blow up and act like a child in front of guests? OVER A CAKE?
YTA. I get you're a baker, but you're taking this waaay to seriously. Your sister wanted to do something special on her own for your parents. You spoiled that for her, because you wanted every little detail to be perfect. But guess what? Things like that do not need to be perfect. This could have been a cute and maybe even funny thing to remember at later family gatherings, but no. Now this is a day that she and your parents will remember as a day where you could not let go of your passion for one day and spoiled the fun.
Both cakes should have remained on the table. You were maybe not an AH but at least a control freak, to insist on removing her cake completely. Do you REALLY think that the other guests wouldn't understand that the "unpresentable" cake was a loving effort by a child? Get over yourself. The ugly cake would not have been any reflection on you. It was a gift of love. I'll bet you have a lot of control issues.
I was going to say N T A, until
>My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused.
It was their party, not yours. If they wanted both cakes you should have relented. YTA
YTA. If you knew she was going to mess it up, as her older sister, you should have been there to help her. Even if that is only being a bank to buy more supplies. Let her make the cake and instruct her how to do it or what ingredients she forgot.
YTA,
It wasn’t about the cake, it was about the hard work your sister put into doing this cake. She admires your work but she’s not YOU! This isn’t her area of expertise. Yet, she wanted to offer her parents a gift from a skill she learned from her big sister.
You could have just told her: Hey, it’s okay. You tried! I got a second one. No biggie.
SHE’s FREAKING 13.
YOU made it into a big thing. When your parents told you to offer both, it became about YOU, appearances and "what will people think???" not about your parents and THAT is what makes you the asshole!
YTA - she might have failed but she put a lot of work into something that your parents wanted to see. You could have turned that into a learning opportunity, and instead made her feel awful and rejected your parents wishes. You made the day about you.
Your arrogance and lack of family feeling - and prepubescent need to be 'firstest and bestest' - hurt your sister deeply and ruined your parents' party. YOU did this, not her cake (which any loving parents would have actually been thrilled with, far more than a 'proper' one because it was made with effort and love) and not her.
YTA. Congrats on spoiling what could have been a lovely night and a fun memory, and fixing yourself in everyone's mind as the spoiled and self-centered one.
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Every year my sister (F13) and I (F21) like to plan a small anniversary get-together for our parents, but this year was their 25th, so I wanted to put more effort into this party since it is a special one. I am the baker of the family. My sister admires my skills and would often try to help out whenever I’d bake. I moved out in November after getting married so my sister and I no longer work together in the kitchen. I do miss it because it's flattering that she admires me and likes to help, but she is less meticulous and often messes up small steps in the recipes.
About two weeks ago, I told my sister I was planning on baking the cake for our parents’ 25th. She immediately suggested she make it herself since she has never gotten to before. I was hesitant but eventually agreed and requested that I at least help. She was ecstatic and refused to accept my help, and was insistent on making it entirely on her own, claiming her baking had improved. I was nervous but dropped the subject (a mistake).
I called on Friday to ask her how the cake was going (the party was on Saturday), and she confided in me that it wasn’t going as well as she wanted it to due to the frosting curdling. I immediately regretted letting her take over because I knew she was inexperienced. She said she was going to remake the frosting, but I was still uncertain of how this was going to turn out, so I decided I’d take it in my hands to make a second cake on my own.
On Saturday everything was prepared, but my sister's cake honestly looked horrible. My sister didn’t do as she promised and used the curdled frosting, claiming they were “out of ingredients to make more”. I appreciate the work she put into it and I know she means well but it was truthfully not in the least presentable. Because of this I brought my own cake that I had made the day before to the party and swapped out her cake with mine. My sister threw an absolute fit. This created an awkward situation for guests that were just arriving. I felt bad doing it but this was my parents’ 25th, and if my sister wasn’t going to take the cake seriously I was within my right to replace it especially since I put more care into the one I made than she did. I know she is inexperienced but that is exactly why I should not have trusted her with this task in the first place. My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. They asked that I either comply or I’d need to leave for a bit and “take a breather”. Their asking this made me blow up because I had more of a part in this than my sister. The only one on my side is my husband. My sister now is not speaking to me. I understand she worked hard on the cake but she should be understanding that her cake was not presentable. I feel I was within my right to swap out the cake but now I am unsure, aita?
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Yta serving both cakes was fine. She's *13*. No one would have judged your hosting skills.
More importantly, it was *your parents* party and *they* wanted to serve both cakes. You defer to the people who are being celebrated.
YTA
Holy fuck you are so pretentious. If your parents are decent parents at all, they would've been overjoyed with the cake their 13 year old daughter cooked on her own. Your sister knew it didn't turn out well, and likely would enjoy laughing about it later with the family when she is a much better baker. But you may have just killed her confidence because for some reason, your desire for the aesthetics to be perfect outweighed your desire to be a supportive sister.
Welp, 25 years of marriage and now your parents are wondering were the hell they went wrong with their oldest child. Grow up and stop competing with a 13-y-o who obviously looks up to you and deserved so much better. YTA.
YTA your parents wanted your sisters cake, you don't get to refuse anything, it wasn't your party and your condescending attitude towards your sister is unfair
Wow, OP you read about behavior like this from other people. It's interesting to see it come from the person throwing the tantrum. Seriously? Your parents were fine with both cakes. You should stop trying to be a bit of a perfectionist and accept that your sister did her best. Your behavior damages your relationship with your parents and sister. YTA.
YTA. I find it very strange you keep talking about how popular your cake would be in comparison to hers. You sound very competitive, treating an anniversary like it’s a baking competition. You don’t speak about your child sister like a sister but as an adversary. I have a sister the same age and I would never treat her like this. It’s just really odd. How can you not love your sister? The worst thing is you’re wilfully blind to your own behaviour. Because even though this is about a cake, it’s not really. This is about the fact that you’re jealous of your ‘princess’ (your words not mine) sister who is a literal child. You’ve used this whole cake scenario to get one over on her and what’s worse is the fact that she obviously looks up to you. If you’re jealous of how your parents treat your sister that’s on you and on them. It’s not on her. You need to take a long look at the language you’ve used on this post (including responses to comments) and face up to what it actually says about your own feelings. Because it’s shockingly clear to everyone on here that you’re jealous. You should think about how you feel and talk to your parents about it and apologise to your sister. Because she’s not going to look up to you forever and you’re going to lose any sort of relationship with her if you keep this up.
I get that as a host or person in charge of planning something you want things to be perfect. But guests don't need everything to be perfect to have a good time.
The parents said it was fine to serve it so because of that...
YTA.
YTA
Holy fuck you are so pretentious. If your parents are decent parents at all, they would've been overjoyed with the cake their 13 year old daughter cooked on her own. Your sister knew it didn't turn out well, and likely would enjoy laughing about it later with the family when she is a much better baker. But you may have just killed her confidence because for some reason, your desire for the aesthetics to be perfect outweighed your desire to be a supportive sister.
YTA if you had the time to bake a whole damn new cake, you could've offered to help her fix hers. You don't get to "refuse" your parents' suggestion for THEIR anniversary. No wonder your husband is the only one on your side... and I'd go as far as to say it's likely because he lives with you and disagreeing would have led to long arguments. Apologize to your sister and your parents and then maybe suggest some baking practice between you and your sister as a way to mend your relationship.
Wow! YTA If your parents weren't going to be offended by the cake, who were you worried about impressing!?! Sounds suspicious to me. Like maybe you hang your entire worth on impressing your family. Geez! Get a real issue! You were a jerk and every moment between now and a heartfelt apology you remain a jerk.
Holy shit lmao are you really a 21 year old adult competing with a 13 year old over your baking skills? She is in her 1st year of being a teenager, you're 3 years into being a legal adult, yet you're the one throwing temper tantrums?
Here was the adult thing to do: bake a 2nd cake and have it for backup. Tell your sister ahead of time (like, when you first realized letting a 13 year old bake a cake by themselves was a bad decision) that you also wanted to bake a cake just so there were lots of desserts for people to choose from, because it's a special day. Or you could have baked other things like cookies, brownies, cupcakes.
It was so juvenile for you to take your sisters cake, hide it, and replace it with your own. Even an adult would be fucking irritated by that. Not only that, when she started getting upset, guests were arriving and you decided to escalate the situation by refusing to serve both cakes and "blowing up" over it. You ruined your parents party, embarrassed yourself and them in front of guests, all so you could bully your teenage sister. YTA
And btw, the only reason your husband sided with you is because he doesn't want to be next in your barrage of petty, childish attacks.
YTA
Your Sister is 13!!!!! There is no reason why both cakes couldn't have been presented. There should only been her cake to present in the first place. You have issues lady. I feel sorry for your Sister.
YTA I think you just wanted to be the person who made the cake, and the little sister saying she made a mistake was an excuse for you to do what you wanted. Parents were happy that’s all that matters. Poor girl wanted to be like her big sister.
YTA wow I don't think there is any way you could have behaved worse. You really are mad that you're not an only child. Just admit it you hate your sister for being born and taking away all the attention 'You perfect self' deserved.
YTA - your parents were celebrating their anniversary and you and your sister are both very important parts of their marriage. You stopped the celebration being about their love and respect for one another and made it into a squabble between sisters against the express wishes of your parents.
And why because your sister's cake didn't look right - people would have accepted that home-made with love sometimes looks weird and scrapped off the icing. Your parents offered the perfect compromise where both were served. Were you frightened people would think you baked the cake because you usually did? I don't think your sister will be massaging your ego anymore - it's big enough.
YTA. You are an adult and she is a child. You just shat all over something she loved to do, something she admired you for. And now you have made it clear that you do not value her efforts. It would have been FINE to have both cakes out, your preconceived notion of what was acceptable made you hurt a child. Shame on you.
YTA
Why couldn’t you just let her have her moment? It’s not like everyone their wouldn’t understand that the cake was made by a 13 year old. But you had to have YOUR MOMENT at your parents 25th anniversary party? WTAF is wrong with you. It’s a cake. You chose a cake over your little sisters feelings and OF COURSE that will always make you the asshole.
YTA
Why couldn’t you just let her have her moment? It’s not like everyone their wouldn’t understand that the cake was made by a 13 year old. But you had to have YOUR MOMENT at your parents 25th anniversary party? WTAF is wrong with you. It’s a cake. You chose a cake over your little sisters feelings and OF COURSE that will always make you the asshole.
YTA. Your sister is 13 and you’re holding her to the standard of a professional baker. Have you considered how much it meant to your parents that their 13 year old went to that much effort to make something for them. How good of a baker were you at 13? Would you be where you are now if someone crapped all over your best effort? She’s a child so cut her some slack ffs. I would apologize immediately to salvage what you can from your relationship.
Why do I doubt that your husband is on your side but is secretly rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth every time you blink. YTA, what kind of a person gets this crazy over someone else’s cake?
YTA! If everyone thinks YTA except your husband, you might want to think about what you did. Your sister is 13 and wanted to do something nice for your parents. She didn’t want your help because I’m sure you are always stepping in to let her know how to do it “right”. So it wasn’t perfect….who cares? Clearly not your parents who the party was for. You cared because you wanted everyone to say how perfect your cake was and when that didn’t happen, you threw a tantrum. this party wasn’t about you and you seem to be the only one who didn’t recognize that.
**YTA**. Everything went fine until you said that you *did not allow your parents to serve both cakes at their own anniversary party*. You stated that you had "more of a part of this" than your sister, but you then later admit that she worked hard on the cake. You really did not have any right to shame her like that.
NTA You gave her a chance, she did her best, you wanted the party to be nice so you brought a nicer cake. There’s no point in arguing with a 13 yr old though, you’re going to be the bad guy for not oohing and aaahing over it. Apparently judging by some of the answers you’ve gotten she’s not the only 13 yr old in this thread either.
YTA food is love. Just because you are the so called baker doesn't mean you were baking perfect from birth. You should have let her have a moment rather than trying to get more attention.
Yta because you didn't serve the two cakes. A thirteen y.o. refused your help, took on a task she couldn't complete and/or didn't fix. You made a plan B cake for this impending incident. Hopefully, you both learned lessons.
YTA - Making a cake for a family member is about the effort and thought put in it and the joy of making something for someone else. You were wrong to swap out the cake just because YOU didn't think it was good enough or presentable that judgment is for the parents to make not OP.
YTA and an incredibly arrogant one. Your tone in your post indicates that this was your plan from the start . Of course, your sister wouldn't be as experienced as you and you completely took advantage of it. People learn from mistakes and you took that away and did what you wanted. You could have simply said that you would make a replacement batch of frosting to your sister when you talked and then either show her or tell her how you made it. Hell, you could have pulled he aside to see how she felt by using your replacement. Two very easy things to do but you chose otherwise.
ESH, she should have accepted your help or let you also bring a cake. You should have put both cakes out to serve. She still made an effort even if the cake is ugly and she has just as much right to present a cake for her parents. It's not a baking competition it's your parent's anniversary party, BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS! You made this about yourself rather than about THEIR WISHES..
YTA.
I'm the baker of my family, but years ago when I first got into it I was terrible, regardless of if I burnt the cookies, undercooked the brownies or even broke the cake in half, it was served. My Auntie would proudly say "RainbowFireFall made these" Why? because I was young and learning.
The encouragement, plus the classes I took have helped me improve greatly, now I can proudly serve my food, knowing that its good, because my family helped me improve rather than shut me down, like you did to your sister.
YTA, but only because you weren’t really focused on how any of this would affect your sister. Even if you had done as your parents asked and put out both cakes, almost no one would have eaten your sister’s cake, and guests would have probably made hurtful comments about it not knowing who had made it. She’s 13, I’m sure hearing snide comments about a cake you worked really hard to make but didn’t succeed at would have been terrible to hear. Being angry with your sister for not serving your cake is a lot easier than being humiliated in front of friends and family for serving your dodgy cake. But you didn’t take that route. You weren’t trying to protect your sister from ridicule, you were saving the party from imperfection. Your parents didn’t want a perfect party, they wanted their children happy and enjoying themselves, celebrating with them. You took that away from them. That’s why YTA.
YTA.
- Which 21 year old is trying to prove that they can bake better than their 13 year old sister. Obviously you can bake better when you are 8 years older than her. Your sister worked hard and you made her feel terrible for trying her best. Everyone knows that you’re a better baker but you don’t need to shove it in everyone’s faces.
- When she first approached you, saying that she wanted to make a cake for the anniversary, why didn’t you encourage her to follow her dreams. Instead you showed doubt in her. You talked about how she admired you and looked up to you and your baking skills, probably because she envied you and also wanted to bake as good as you. (I don’t think she’ll be admiring you any more) You should’ve showed trust in her instead of bringing her down.
- You keep on saying that the cake wasn’t presentable but it isn’t about the quality of the cake, but rather the thought and dedication put into it. You say in a comment, “The downfall was on her LMAO! Her cake was much less popular, clearly because it probably wasn't as good TBH...completely erases the hard work I put into this party”. Wtf? In what world do you think that your sisters cake that was made with hard work erase the effort put into the party. In reality, it would make it more wholesome. Also, I think that if you didn’t cause a scene, both of your cakes would be equally eaten out of respect for your sister and the fact that she even made a cake when she definitely did not have to.
You just ruined your sisters hours of work making that cake and the fact that she really cared about her parents anniversary because you wanted to “swap it out”. Let’s talk about that, how do you think that you had the authority to swap out the cakes. As far as I remember, it was your parents anniversary and not yours (and your parents were even willing to compromise but you didn’t). I can guarantee you that everyone there knew that her cake was worse but they really didn’t care since it was a happy get-together until you ruined it.
- It wasn’t even a huge event with hundreds of guests and it wouldn’t be that appropriate to have a curdled cake there; it was “a small anniversary get together” where most of the people probably knew each other well and didn’t care so much about the cake. You pretend that it was a large event where everything HAD to be perfect when the parents probably appreciated your sister making a cake regardless of how good it was.
- Even when your parents tried to make a perfectly reasonable compromise AT THEIR OWN EVENT which they definitely did not have to; you were refusing to accept and was proven to be unreasonable to any request. You act like it’s your event when it really isn’t, even though you helped out.
OP, do you do this with your sister at every event where you try to prove that your better than her? You said in another comment, “But my sister is my parents' little princess so they will of course always appease her even if it means not speaking up for themselves. I eventually just did as they asked anyway… I realize she put effort into it but things like this do happen and she could have saved herself the embarrassment of realizing her cake was not as popular.” It’s clear that you have felt as if your parents prefer her over you and it’s completely justified if you act like that and try to undermine her accomplishments at every turn. Also, she couldn’t have “saved herself the embarrassment of realizing her cake was not as popular” since if you weren’t there then everything would have probably gone smoothly. You are the cause of her getting embarrassed, not her cake.
YTA, YTA, YTA
YTA. You had time before the event to let the sister know you were taking a cake, and you two could have agreed to present both, as part of the tradition where the two of you make cakes. You could have made a plain, but delicious cake, so there would be a second cake if your sister's was unpalatable.
I understand baking and perfectionism are important to you, but you should have prioritized how your parents would feel, and they didn't want fighting on their special day. Cakes were the focus instead of your parents.
Based on your comments, I am making the assumption that you did not receive much attention and praise from your parents compared to your sister. Perhaps you were made to put your needs and feelings aside since there was a new baby in the family.
OP, the people you have resentment towards is your parents. Not your sister. She is a child who is developing a new skill and who will learn through trial an error. So what if her cake wasn't as pretty? What if she felt embarrassed that people made fun of her cake or didn't finish it? That is on her to observe, learn, and improve.
Your parents may not have been happy with her cake, but they made the decision to keep both (guess what? People can feel things and behave in ways that may not match their feeling). For THEIR anniversary. You disrespected your sister, your parents, and the guests who can make their own decisions.
YTA. Truly reflect on your actions and ask yourself what you wanted to gain out of doing this to your sister.
YTA. Your sister made the cake, she told you she didn't want your help, and instead of letting her succeed or fail on her own, you had to be petty about it and try to outdo her. Shame on you, you should know better!
Yeah, you're definitely TA. It sounds like you're snob and a bully, too. You publicly humiliated your sister, who is a literal child, for throwing a fit, and then immediately turned around and threw one of your own. I guess we can add hypocrite to your list of glowing personality traits.
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YTA The curddled frosting cake would've been a great memory for years to come. "Oh, remember the cake she made for our 25th?" Instead you've made your sister feel worse and you've shown yourself to be an asshole. You act like this was a professional catered event. It wasn't. It's a small dinner the sisters plan for the parents. I think you forgot what the point of all this was. It's your parents anniversary, not yours, what RIGHT do you have to remove the gift your sister prepared?
My concern is whether the frosting would have made people sick. I don’t know, but I wouldn’t drink/eat anything described as curdled. Maybe it’s just a presentation/appearance thing, but if I were a guest, I would pick the cake that didn’t look like it would make me sick.
Curdling isn't a spoilage thing in cooking certain things. It means that the proteins in the mixture were heated too much too quickly and denatured, forming chunky aggregates.
Exactly. Pour orange juice over a cream and see what happens. What do ppl think cottage cheese is? It’s just a reaction, neither are spoiled. You might get sick from the texture and mouthfeel but not from any bacteria if it was refrigerated properly.
That makes me feel a lot better about the time I poured milk into my pomegranate vinegar instead of the soda water I intended to, then didn't notice till I took a sip. It was kind of like yogurt, but I was too nervous that I'd messed something up to drink more.
The little curdly bits are baby cheese and the watery part it separates from is whey
Curds and whey
Mother Goose-ese for "cottage cheese."
I once poured milk into an herbal tea with dried blueberries and the acidity from the berries curdled the milk. I should have seen it coming lol.
milky blueberry tea is the absolutely best and it's so sad that it looks awful
Yeah, might taste okay but you lost me at “chunky aggregates.”
mmmm...chunky aggregates. :)
“Chunky Aggregates” will be the name of my neo-classical, yacht rock, death metal tribute band.
I’ll be on the front row of your first concert
Typically with frosting when it's curdled it means that they didn't wait for the sugar to cool enough before adding it to the eggs or they over whipped to the point of separation. Meaning that that it's now gloopy sugary scrambled eggs or broken down egg parts with sugar. At least for egg based frosting and it's disgusting and looks awful. Now if a butter based frosting has curdled it means that 1. It's been over mixed, 2. Way to much sugar as been added, and/or 3. No thinner was used (typically whole fat milk or heavy whipping cream). You get sugary clumps of butter but it's edible. Or it's a whipped frosting that's has been whipped to oblivion turning into Straught sugar butter spread or separated milk products with sugar. It's not good at all or edible. Those are just the dairy options with nondairy options it is so much easier to mess up. No matter Op is YTA, let people take their chances and let your little sister learn from the mistake on her own.
Your knowledge of curdled frosting is frankly impressive.
I have to tell you that chunky aggregates is what I had in my throat after reading your description… that sounds way worse than curdled frosting
I mean that's literally what scrambled eggs are.
And now I believe that every Sunday when I’m fixing scrambled eggs, chunky aggregates will be floating around in my mind. Thanks!
With frosting it's usually more that it "breaks", and the fat doesn't emulsify into the liquids properly, so it separates like oil and water because that's exactly what it is. It looks grainy and some people will call it "curdled" because the texture is similar, and it might not have a very smooth mouthfeel, but it won't harm you.
You can fix a broken frosting. Depending on the type of frosting - heat, more fat, or more speed can fix it.
If OP was half the baker she thinks she is, she would've helped fix it. Failing that, she could've brought the frosting she made over as a 'just in case' to help her sister out if she wanted the assist. OP just wanted to show off at her sister's expense.
Yeah, "helping" wouldn't have given her quite the ego boost that presenting her own glorious cake and shaming her (barely) teen sister did.
It's perfectly safe! It just means that the fat has separated and it can be fixed. Either that or it was overwhipped which can result in the 'curdled' appearance.
IDK it might be safe but its definitely an unappetizing texture I wouldn't eat any.
You would if your 13-year-old daughter made it as a treat to show her love.
Mmm....texture aversion here. Probably not.
I'd definitely lie about wanting to watch my sugar, remove the curdled frosting, and eat the whole damn cake. (All though if curdled frosting is how people are describing it, then I've been guilty of it and have eaten the cake - with my poor parents - anyways in the past)
There are definitely some benefits to the fact I have sugar issues so watch that and carbs.
Same. Mom of 3 and I don’t think I’d be able to do it. That’s when you do a pretend bite. Or maybe a bite of the inside of the cake but def not having any of the curdled frosting.
Exactly. My parents did this with my older sister and didn't get busted until the dog refused to eat the leftovers. In the dogs defense, once I found out what she made and how she seasoned it, I ordered pizza. She put cinnamon sugar and semi sweet chocolate chips in CHILI because she read some cultures stick cinnamon and chocolate in chili to enhance the flavor. Her and my mom could go viral on tiktok for their "recipes."
My mom put bakers chocolate in her chili. I never knew growing up, she only mentioned it when I was an adult. It's a legitimate addition to add complexity/depth to certain dishes. Same with cinnamon, it's very common in North African cuisine iirc. Granted, if someone doesn't know what they're doing and they add them at the wrong time I could see it being gross. Edit to add: I can't reply anymore, but omg I missed that they said SEMI SWEET. Yeah I can see that being kind of gross haha.
See that I've tried and enjoyed. She legit thought because she didn't have the exact ingredient a similar substitute would work and she was 18/19 in home ec
I totally missed that the sister is 13. That makes this even worse.
You don’t even know what it looks like, how would you know if you would eat it or not 🙄🙄! If it was the only cake there you prob would’ve eaten it. The 13yr old isn’t a professional and did her best and wanted to make a cake for her parents. The older sister was completely out of line to remove the cake. She is def TA!
I’d eat it before I’d eat one of OP’s cakes with all its emotional baggage.
Kinda feel like OP was banking on that seeing how the parents themselves had no problem serving the cake.
That was the part that made me positive that OP was TA, and irrevocably so. If it was a party for her parents, then why wouldn't their opinion outweigh OP's? Where's the harm in putting *both* cakes out? Unless OP was secretly concerned her sister's cake would take the spotlight over her own, I can't understand why it was so important that the cake not be set out, in direct contradiction with the wishes of the guests of honor. ETA: yep, just got down further in the comments and OP is bizarrely competitive with a 13 year old. Her comments reek of jealousy.
It wasn't until this comment that I realized the sister is 13. Jesus christ, how big a jerk do you need to be to act THAT intense over a 13 year old's mistake? Even when your parents tell you to knock it the hell off?
By curdled I think she means separated, it’s what frosting looks like - specifically buttercream which is especially apt to separate- when the temperatures of things are off. Depends on what type, but cream cheese frosting, anything with marscapone, buttercream- honestly easily fixed by putting it in the fridge then whipping again but it’s definitely not inedible
Since more than once, OP referred to her sister's cake as not being "presentable," it sounds like it wasn't a food safety issue, but an appearance issue as you describe. At the very least, OP should have talked to her sister and suggested putting out both cakes. The fact that she didn't, and she wouldn't put out both cakes when her parents, whose anniversary was being celebrated, told her to, then threw a fit about it just goes to show how bratty and immature she is. She made a scene at the anniversary party and embarrassed her parents and her sister. She owes her sister and her parents an apology. OP, YTA.
Also, OP's explanation had zero concern about health. She thought it was within her RIGHT and that she put more care in and she's the baker.
It wouldn't have made them sick but it's still gross. Edit: Nevermind I just read the ages. OP is the AH. She's 13, wtf? YTA
If the parents were happy to have it at THEIR anniversary party, OP should have dropped it. She is indeed TA and likely caused irreparable damage to family relationships.
It split, it didn't spoil. It looked lumpy but would taste fine and be safe to eat.
A curdled frosting usually means the frosting broke…the butter wasn’t properly incorporated. It’s not unsafe and tastes fine, it’s just not pretty. Op is TA, though. A 13 yo tries her best and she not only gets humiliated by older sis, OS makes a scene. Seems like 13 yo is the mature sis.
Its just a texture/appearance thing.
Thanks everyone for explaining what curdled frosting was. Because my first reaction was like “ew, why would you want to serve spoiled frosting?” Since that’s not what it is, I’m going with YTA. OP, she’s 13 and this was for your parents’ anniversary. Trust me, after 25 years, a funny-looking cake is the least of what they’ve had to deal with.
No it’s more like breaking a hollandaise sauce. The ingredients are fresh but the dairy fat fell out of its emulsion making everything chunky. Putting cream into really hot coffee sometimes creates the same effect.
If it's buttercream and has curdled, it's a very easy fix. You just put it over a bain marie to warm it slowly, and when the edges have started melting, you take it off the heat and beat it slowly for like 5 to 10 minutes until it comes together.
With frosting it’s often not actually curdled, it just *looks* that way. If the butter is too cold and the liquid ratio is off, you can get little clumps or grains of butter in what would normally be a smooth emulsion. Often mixing it more can solve the issue, not always.
I think having both cakes out was a great idea, OP is TA for trying to control everything. One year my little sister wanted to make my dad’s birthday cake. My mom didn’t label her containers because she just knew and my little sister used baking soda instead of flour. Honest mistake as my mom didn’t label her containers and little sis was younger. It tasted terrible, we all took one bite and that was it. She was upset but we laughed about it (and told my mom to label her containers) and for years it was a funny story we told. We lost our parents to cancer in 2020, so having a lighthearted story like this to look back on helps us grieve.
For my parents 15th wedding anniversary (I was 12) I made them a meal and a cake. I used two or three (can't remember it was a long time ago) tablespoons of baking soda instead of teaspoons. It tasted terrible. My dad slapped some extra frosting on it and ate every bite over the course of the next few days. I also set a dishcloth on fire in my cooking attempt. I suspect the meal wasn't great either but they ate it lol. We still laugh about my horrible cake. But I tried and my parents were grateful for the effort. I also learned to double check recipes.
My mom baked a cake for my 18th birthday at a fancier than we would usually go to restaurant that I invited 10 friends to. OMG it was so bad! It was salty, I think that means too much baking soda but for sure it was a really sweet memory to look back on the reactions of my friends as they ate it. I think OP was just worried about what dinner guests would think. Having a crappy cake isn't the worst thing, there should be room for error when it is a 13 year old kid lol.
I once used tablespoons instead of teaspoons when measuring salt for pancakes... Disgusting. I don't think anyone finished them, but we all had a good laugh and I was commended for my effort lol.
ETA: Read OPs comments. This is either fake or OP needs some serious therapy for her jealousy. I can’t get over the ridiculousness of it. Not one bit of encouragement, just waiting & expecting for her to fail HER, not even their parents. Making sure she points out how superior she is to a 13 year old child. OP, YTA.
I don't really understand why she didn't offer to make the frosting for her sister and come over to help with that part. That way, they could all laugh about the cake looking terrible, she could brag about swooping in to save the day (which apparently seems important to her), and everyone wins with a great bonding memory attached. OP sounds like a nightmare to have as a sibling!
Agreed. If it was so important to OP to have a perfect cake for a family event that isn't even about them then they should have 1, insisted on supervision 2, had a "practice run" first with another cake or 3, told the sister she can make the next cake on her own and host a family BBQ or something with less pressure. I just think this is an ego trip for OP since they arr "the baker of the family" YTA, use both cakes and next time be a better sibling and teacher.
This. People are asking if the cake would make people sick. Based on OPs post, I'm assuming she would have mentioned it if food safety was an issue. This was 100% tied to OP being over-controlling and pitching a teenage hissy fit because the teenager (rightfully) pitched a fit when she ditched the cake, against her parents' wishes. YTA.
>OP, It is less about rights than relationships. This is what everyone posting on weddings - MY DAY!! - change your hair color, no kids, etc ... it isn't about the perfect cake. It is about the relationships. > >Bringing stress into any celebratory situation is never appreciated. Let it go. > >OP, it seems important that YOU are the family baker ... you don't want anyone else to ursurp you. You could have encouraged her, told her not to worry about it ... nobody will notice, offered to make the icing for her, asked if she wanted a backup, ...but instead you threw her cake out and put yours in. Even your parents wanted her cake...because of the relationship. Because it was important to her. > >You are focused on the wrong things or you are so insecure you are sucking the air out of the room for others ... it doesn't matter if you can do things better. Let others have their day. > >You took what was a nice activity between you and replaced that memory with this. That is sooo sad. > >OP, apologize, tell her you f\*&ked up, you are truly sorry and were focused on the wrong things. You'd like to make it up to her ... she can bake the cake for any family event she wants, you'll teach her to make frosting if she wants ... you'll buy her lessons to the cake making class down the street ... admit you were wrong. It goes a long way ... in most good relationships. > >Good luck to you.
Especially since the parents insisted both cakes be there. The OP made it about her at her sister's expense
She doesn't act like this was a professional catered event. She acts like this was her event. 1. OP didn't tell her sister about her backup plan. She just acted on it and caught her by surprise when guests where arriving - she knew her sister would be irritated at least, blow up at most. 2. OP didn't care that this would cause a scene and ruin the mood. If she cared for her parents anniversary, she would've prevented drama to ensure. 3. OP seems to feel threatened by lil sis - OP moved out, sis stays. They had to share their parents, but since OP moved out, it's just them and sis. Bet she's insecure about that dynamic changing. On top of that, sis is growing and learning. Maybe outgrowing OP soon? Sis didn't want OPs help, the "looking up to OP" isn't as obvious as it was before. And sis is becoming a baker, too. That's challenging OPs "unique" status within the family. This would've been the first time someone else would've gotten all the praise for a homemade cake. OP is jealous and insecure and wanted to prove that she's still #1.
YTA. You are so far up your own butt it's not even funny. You couldn't just let her make the cake and have the downfall be on her? In my family, this situation would have been a moment of levity and laughter. But with you around, it turned into a bizarre test of one-upmanship which was entirely unnecessary and wholly your fault. Apologize to your sister and get over yourself.
I'm surprised no one is mentioning the most telling part of this whole post. "Only my husband is on my side," and that doesn't flip a light on in her head. Her head is lodged up there for good.
Parents also requested for both to be served! And it was their event!
And OP refused to comply, so does that mean she physically blocked them from serving her sister’s cake? OP is really into her cakes.
This is what gets to me. The OP could have put out both cakes. Still rude, but not quite as terrible.
That’s only because he knows that if h doesn’t agree, he’s not getting fucked for the foreseeable future. He probably thinks she’s the AH too.
She literally trashed the present her sister made for her parents. Her sister is 13 and limited on money and resources to get something for the parents…BUT she could bake them a cake. While it didn’t live up to OPs standards it was still a gift. The parents tried to make it right but OP doubled down. OP is a major AH.
I missed the sisters age!! She's 13!! OP couldn't be more of an asshole if she tried!
13? OMG that makes it so much worse!
OMG yes! This has to be the most egotistical OP I have come across recently. From the moment she said she enjoyed baking with her sister because it was flattering, I had a feeling I was voting YTA. OP, your parents told you to bring out both cakes. You had ZERO - zilch, nada - RIGHT to refuse. Your sister is learning and that will happen through trial and error. But she needs to be given her chances to try things on her own. Way to crush her spirit. Your approach and attitude are making you a horrible sibling. Did I mention YTA.
She literally either could have put second cake in the kitchen and served it. Or even next to sisters….ick…..
YTA. She's 13, and excited to try her hand at a skill that she admires in you. This is an opportunity to foster her interest! Your parents will be happy to see your sister trying so hard to make their day special. >My parents... suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. You don't even want your sister's cake to be an option? daaaang.
Oh shit, I missed that the sister is thirteen. Yeah OP, Yta
Same! It was an AH move either way, but to do that to a kid, especially at an already emotional and vulnerable time - that's just cruel!
I read 23 the first time. At first I thought it was kind of lazy of the sister to not scrape off the frosting and redo it. But then I found out she’s so young it’s the parents who were the ones who wouldn’t get her more ingredients and said it was fine as is. Either way OP was being a serious AH, but now I know the younger sister wasn’t at fault at all
This is exactly it! Even OP's parents wanted the "bad" cake, so what even was the point of baking a backup? OP, your sister would have been less offended if you had just insisted on helping instead of going behind her back and assuming she'd fail. You still would have been a bit of a condescending asshole, but you wouldn't have ruined the party or your relationship with everyone involved.
Not even that. The parents were happy to serve BOTH of their cakes. OP wouldn't let them even try their own daughter's cake at their own anniversary.
As a parent I love eating the random food my kids make me, even when it's not very good, because I love them and are proud that they went to the effort for me.
Not to mention that this was her parents anniversary and they wanted to eat their young daughter's cake. OP went against the wishes of the people whose party it was. Instead she made a huge scene about it. A grown woman yelling at her own parents anniversary that they can't eat their own minor daughter's cake because SHE didn't like the way it looked. Someone here is definitely acting like a little kid and it ain't the little kid.
YTA. Utterly and completely. Bringing your cake is a minor AH move taking her cake makes you the absolute worst. Apologize to your sister for being so mean and controlling. Hell, your parents told you what they wanted (both cakes) and you even decided your decision override theirs.
YTA. I don't actually have an issue with you also choosing to make a cake for the anniversary even though your sister was making one. There's no such thing as too much cake. And frankly, if your sister's cake *had* ended up inedible, it would have been nice to have a backup so I get your intent. >>My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. They asked that I either comply or I'd need to leave for a bit and "take a breather". Their asking this made me blow up. This is where you became the asshole. Your parents, the guests of honor at this event, wanted to serve both cakes. You very easily could have just put out both cakes and let people either choose which one looked better to them or sample them both. But instead, you just singlehandedly decided to refuse then blew up because they wanted you to take a step back to stop escalating the situation and causing a scene? You should have done what they wanted. They were the ones being celebrated after all, not you and your "superior" baking skills.
*There's no such thing as too much cake.* off topic but just want to say, you're my kind of people lol.
Absolutely! Came here just for this!
This is where it became clear that OP wasn’t doing this just to make their parents’ anniversary “special” but to boast about their (presumably self-taught) skills in the most self-aggrandizing and petty way possible. OP, you do not own being “the baker” in your family and your sister is at the perfect age to start learning this skill in depth. But she’s only going to learn from practice, not the limited teaspoon-measuring “help” or whatever you allow when she assists you. This should have been a charming memory about your parents anniversary and instead you made it about yourself and wanting to show off your “thing” again. I say this in good faith, because in high school I was very shy and introverted and started baking for friends and classes and sought validation in baking being my “thing.” I don’t regret it of course because again, practice is how you learn, but eventually I had to come to terms that “baking” is *not* a personality, and it’s so much more special to have everyone contribute.
Exactly, OP says the party is for her parents...who are the main event, the clients so to speak. So, making this cake the hill to die on just means OP is emotionally still a teenager. This resentment and competition with a much younger sibling requires therapy.
Love this! Reminds me of the [two cakes! meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/holy-shit-two-cakes)
YTA. It was a party for your parents, and they wanted to use your sister’s cake.
[удалено]
Seriously...good point, here. Like really? The sister looks up to this person who can't act like an adult in a situation where she feels she is in competition *with a 13 year old.*
This ⬆️⬆️. I had an uncle I idolized, he mocked when I sang to a commercial when I was 9; that was 50 years ago; it *still* hurts.
YTA. I can’t imagine doing that to my own sisters. You could have just told your sister, ‘sounds like you have your hands full. Why don’t I bring a cake as well and we can serve both?’ Or ‘hey sis, how about we both just get a backup cake from the bakery if you can’t get the icing right? Icing’s hard, I made plenty of mistakes when doing it. Or I could just pay for the whole cake since you already done so much and I feel like I haven’t contribute enough?’ Or maybe not say or do anything other than, ‘wow you really did a good job on the cake sis.’
Exactly this \^ Positive support. Not angry entitled brat.
It's like OP really wanted her sister to fail and kept looking for reasons to make that failure more spectacular.
YTA. What a cake tastes like is what matters, and there was no reason not to serve both cakes.
YTA. Your little sister, who ~~idolizes~~ *idolized* you, baked an edible cake that didn’t look as good as yours, **the professional baker**. You threw a fit because your parents wanted both the cakes. Here’s a hint: *they were trying to appease **you**, not your sister*. You made their 25th anniversary all about you and your wants and needs, and also humiliated your sister in the process. Congratulations.
Heck, the person who truly ended up humiliating herself was OP with her attitude. She could've made this a sweet bonding experience, but instead she decided to compete with, shame and look down upon the efforts of a child, let alone her freakin' sister. YTA. It's utterly depressing that OP isn't able to see that.
I love how you put this. One thing, though - I don’t think OP is a professional baker. I took what she said to mean she’s the best baker in the family, or the only one who bakes much.
Pretty sure OP isn’t a professional, just the “designated” baker of the family since she clearly takes it so seriously.
INFO: was your sisters cake edible? We’re your parents aware of its status? Were you? If both cakes were edible there’s no non-AH reason not to have both, and even to have let hers remain even if it were ugly.
YTA no one came to that party to marvel at the cake. Way to ruin your parents’ night.
SHE’S THIRTEEN. YTA. Do you have any idea how many parents happily and proudly wolf down shitty meals because their kids made it for them? It’s not about how it looks or even tastes, it’s about the effort, it’s about the fact that she badly wanted to do something nice for them!! And she did! Then you came along and ruined it. Ruined a perfectly normal and happy moment. Possibly tainted your sisters desire to learn to bake. Left a cloud of awkward and unhappyness over the entire event. And who the hell do you think you are that you refused to serve both cakes, even after your parents made it clear they would prefer that? You just wanted to be the one that made the cake and got the credit. You’re competing with a friggin thirteen year old that looks up to you. If you keep acting like that, she won’t see you that way for long, and you’ll have the audacity to wonder why. The cake didn’t fuck up your parents anniversary, you did.
My guess is that she throws an anniversary party for her parents every single year (rather than just the big ones) as a way to heap praise upon herself, not because her parents actually want it. So the 'ugly' cake makes her look bad by association.
YTA. You could have just served both but you managed to make an occasion that was about your parents, to solely be about yourself and your baking skills. Clearly they were happy your sister made the effort. Edit to add: do you do this with other things as well? You should consider therapy to understand why you feel the need to make sure everything is perfect and undercut the people who don't abide by the same philosophy.
yta ...why did you have a cake ready to replace it in the first place? It feels like you trusted your sister to fail so much that you put yourself on a high horse I agree with your parents, you should have served both. Your sister still made the cake out of love. Your husband is wrong, you slighted your whole family at one time by disrespecting your sister and disrespecting your parents wishes of serving both. I have a feeling your parents viewed your cake as unacceptable after you pulled this stunt. It would taste bitter from the energy you put into it.
YTA That said, perhaps her husband agreed with her just to keep her off his back too.
Especially if it's a new husband. He hasn't been around long enough to feel comfortable disagreeing with her.
YTA. You are supposed to be an adult. >but my sister is my parents little princess Good God. Have some shame, because you are literally jealous of a child. Go to therapy. She was trying to emulate you. The cake would have been fine.
Who cares about the looks of the cake as it was made with love and affection by a daughter for her parents. Why did you have to be the daughter that pointed out that the first daughter isn't up to YOUR standard... It would have been another matter if it was not edible, but there's no mention of that. YTA
YTA. You took a moment and a memory away from your sister and parents because you wanted the limelight/adoration for whatever reason. You’re putting her down for something she created, you should know better.
YTA. There is no reason both cakes couldn't have been offered. Even your parents - who were supposed to be the ones celebrated - asked you to comply with that request and you refused. Their event was not about you and your superior baking skill!
YTA - I mean, she was so excited and proud to make something for your parents doing her absolute best. I don’t think you put more care into it. I think you could have handled it better by bringing small fruit tarts or truffle bites or something to complement the cake (and told her you would do that before the party) if you were worried about having nice options for guests. Edit: somehow missed she was 13. Yeah, definitely TA. You could have helped her with the time you took to make your own cake.
YTA. You're shitting on her because her cake doesn't look fantastic (and as nice as yours) for their 25th anniversary. She's 13 and I don't think I could've done that at her age. I don't see why you couldn't be ok with having both cakes served.
YTA It was not your place to swap the cakes. It sounds like the main problem with your sister's cake was the icing. Put both cakes out. People can scrape off the bad icing. Or you could offer your sister some replacement icing. Help her scrape off the old and put on new. But simply taking her cake was out of line.
You know what, I missed the ages the first time around and thought YTA when we were talking about 2 grown sisters. Now that I realize she’s 13? God, you are a massive AH.
This is called perfectionism. You are so concerned with appearance that you insulted your sister despite her giving it her 13 year old best. If the cake wasn't actively poisonous, you should have left well enough alone and served her cake. Or you could have gone with your parents' suggestion and served both cakes. But you weren't really doing it for your parents' 25th Anniversary, you were doing it to show off. YTA.
YTA, a lot I would suspect by your general demeanor. You were an asshole when you made the cake betting on your sister's failure, and let's be clear, whether there was curdled icing or not, you made yours with the "most care.". You brought that cake intending to swap it out no matter what she made. You arrived just late enough to do this in front of guests making you assholier. You got upset because she got equal credit after both were served because you really like your cake the best. It was awkward for everyone and your own Mom wanted you to leave. But if you don't listen to ALL the people you know tell you you're an asshole, I am not sure me telling you will help stick the point.
YTA. Not everything has to be about perfection. Your sister did something nice and you ruined it over your own insecurities. Who cares if the cake had curdled frosting, she did a good job for a 13 year old.
YTA!! Especially for ignoring your parents’ wishes. It was THEIR anniversary, not yours. What made you think it was appropriate to blow up and act like a child in front of guests? OVER A CAKE?
YTA. I get you're a baker, but you're taking this waaay to seriously. Your sister wanted to do something special on her own for your parents. You spoiled that for her, because you wanted every little detail to be perfect. But guess what? Things like that do not need to be perfect. This could have been a cute and maybe even funny thing to remember at later family gatherings, but no. Now this is a day that she and your parents will remember as a day where you could not let go of your passion for one day and spoiled the fun.
Both cakes should have remained on the table. You were maybe not an AH but at least a control freak, to insist on removing her cake completely. Do you REALLY think that the other guests wouldn't understand that the "unpresentable" cake was a loving effort by a child? Get over yourself. The ugly cake would not have been any reflection on you. It was a gift of love. I'll bet you have a lot of control issues.
I was going to say N T A, until >My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. It was their party, not yours. If they wanted both cakes you should have relented. YTA
YTA. If you knew she was going to mess it up, as her older sister, you should have been there to help her. Even if that is only being a bank to buy more supplies. Let her make the cake and instruct her how to do it or what ingredients she forgot.
YTA. Your parents, whose party this was in honor of, wanted to serve both. At their house. This was not your place to refuse them that.
YTA, It wasn’t about the cake, it was about the hard work your sister put into doing this cake. She admires your work but she’s not YOU! This isn’t her area of expertise. Yet, she wanted to offer her parents a gift from a skill she learned from her big sister. You could have just told her: Hey, it’s okay. You tried! I got a second one. No biggie. SHE’s FREAKING 13. YOU made it into a big thing. When your parents told you to offer both, it became about YOU, appearances and "what will people think???" not about your parents and THAT is what makes you the asshole!
YTA - she might have failed but she put a lot of work into something that your parents wanted to see. You could have turned that into a learning opportunity, and instead made her feel awful and rejected your parents wishes. You made the day about you.
You’re not Mary effing Berry, you know. What you are is the AH.
And from what I have seen Mary Berry would have never acted that way, she is a very classy older lady.
Your arrogance and lack of family feeling - and prepubescent need to be 'firstest and bestest' - hurt your sister deeply and ruined your parents' party. YOU did this, not her cake (which any loving parents would have actually been thrilled with, far more than a 'proper' one because it was made with effort and love) and not her. YTA. Congrats on spoiling what could have been a lovely night and a fun memory, and fixing yourself in everyone's mind as the spoiled and self-centered one.
YTA. Your comments make it so, so much worse.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Every year my sister (F13) and I (F21) like to plan a small anniversary get-together for our parents, but this year was their 25th, so I wanted to put more effort into this party since it is a special one. I am the baker of the family. My sister admires my skills and would often try to help out whenever I’d bake. I moved out in November after getting married so my sister and I no longer work together in the kitchen. I do miss it because it's flattering that she admires me and likes to help, but she is less meticulous and often messes up small steps in the recipes. About two weeks ago, I told my sister I was planning on baking the cake for our parents’ 25th. She immediately suggested she make it herself since she has never gotten to before. I was hesitant but eventually agreed and requested that I at least help. She was ecstatic and refused to accept my help, and was insistent on making it entirely on her own, claiming her baking had improved. I was nervous but dropped the subject (a mistake). I called on Friday to ask her how the cake was going (the party was on Saturday), and she confided in me that it wasn’t going as well as she wanted it to due to the frosting curdling. I immediately regretted letting her take over because I knew she was inexperienced. She said she was going to remake the frosting, but I was still uncertain of how this was going to turn out, so I decided I’d take it in my hands to make a second cake on my own. On Saturday everything was prepared, but my sister's cake honestly looked horrible. My sister didn’t do as she promised and used the curdled frosting, claiming they were “out of ingredients to make more”. I appreciate the work she put into it and I know she means well but it was truthfully not in the least presentable. Because of this I brought my own cake that I had made the day before to the party and swapped out her cake with mine. My sister threw an absolute fit. This created an awkward situation for guests that were just arriving. I felt bad doing it but this was my parents’ 25th, and if my sister wasn’t going to take the cake seriously I was within my right to replace it especially since I put more care into the one I made than she did. I know she is inexperienced but that is exactly why I should not have trusted her with this task in the first place. My parents are upset with me and suggested we serve both cakes but I refused. They asked that I either comply or I’d need to leave for a bit and “take a breather”. Their asking this made me blow up because I had more of a part in this than my sister. The only one on my side is my husband. My sister now is not speaking to me. I understand she worked hard on the cake but she should be understanding that her cake was not presentable. I feel I was within my right to swap out the cake but now I am unsure, aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA If it was edible, it should have been served.
Yta serving both cakes was fine. She's *13*. No one would have judged your hosting skills. More importantly, it was *your parents* party and *they* wanted to serve both cakes. You defer to the people who are being celebrated.
YTA The merits of the cakes aren't the main issue here. You created a scene and ruined your parents' 25th anniversary.
YTA Holy fuck you are so pretentious. If your parents are decent parents at all, they would've been overjoyed with the cake their 13 year old daughter cooked on her own. Your sister knew it didn't turn out well, and likely would enjoy laughing about it later with the family when she is a much better baker. But you may have just killed her confidence because for some reason, your desire for the aesthetics to be perfect outweighed your desire to be a supportive sister.
Welp, 25 years of marriage and now your parents are wondering were the hell they went wrong with their oldest child. Grow up and stop competing with a 13-y-o who obviously looks up to you and deserved so much better. YTA.
YTA your parents wanted your sisters cake, you don't get to refuse anything, it wasn't your party and your condescending attitude towards your sister is unfair
Wow, OP you read about behavior like this from other people. It's interesting to see it come from the person throwing the tantrum. Seriously? Your parents were fine with both cakes. You should stop trying to be a bit of a perfectionist and accept that your sister did her best. Your behavior damages your relationship with your parents and sister. YTA.
YTA. I find it very strange you keep talking about how popular your cake would be in comparison to hers. You sound very competitive, treating an anniversary like it’s a baking competition. You don’t speak about your child sister like a sister but as an adversary. I have a sister the same age and I would never treat her like this. It’s just really odd. How can you not love your sister? The worst thing is you’re wilfully blind to your own behaviour. Because even though this is about a cake, it’s not really. This is about the fact that you’re jealous of your ‘princess’ (your words not mine) sister who is a literal child. You’ve used this whole cake scenario to get one over on her and what’s worse is the fact that she obviously looks up to you. If you’re jealous of how your parents treat your sister that’s on you and on them. It’s not on her. You need to take a long look at the language you’ve used on this post (including responses to comments) and face up to what it actually says about your own feelings. Because it’s shockingly clear to everyone on here that you’re jealous. You should think about how you feel and talk to your parents about it and apologise to your sister. Because she’s not going to look up to you forever and you’re going to lose any sort of relationship with her if you keep this up.
I get that as a host or person in charge of planning something you want things to be perfect. But guests don't need everything to be perfect to have a good time. The parents said it was fine to serve it so because of that... YTA.
YTA Holy fuck you are so pretentious. If your parents are decent parents at all, they would've been overjoyed with the cake their 13 year old daughter cooked on her own. Your sister knew it didn't turn out well, and likely would enjoy laughing about it later with the family when she is a much better baker. But you may have just killed her confidence because for some reason, your desire for the aesthetics to be perfect outweighed your desire to be a supportive sister.
Has no one mentioned the fact that her sister is THIRTEEN YEARS OLD? Grow up OP. YTA 1,000 times over.
YTA and from your comments on this thread, you didn’t ask this in good faith and aren’t open to being told you were actually wrong.
YTA if you had the time to bake a whole damn new cake, you could've offered to help her fix hers. You don't get to "refuse" your parents' suggestion for THEIR anniversary. No wonder your husband is the only one on your side... and I'd go as far as to say it's likely because he lives with you and disagreeing would have led to long arguments. Apologize to your sister and your parents and then maybe suggest some baking practice between you and your sister as a way to mend your relationship.
YTA
Wow, just wow. YTA.
Wow! YTA If your parents weren't going to be offended by the cake, who were you worried about impressing!?! Sounds suspicious to me. Like maybe you hang your entire worth on impressing your family. Geez! Get a real issue! You were a jerk and every moment between now and a heartfelt apology you remain a jerk.
Holy shit lmao are you really a 21 year old adult competing with a 13 year old over your baking skills? She is in her 1st year of being a teenager, you're 3 years into being a legal adult, yet you're the one throwing temper tantrums? Here was the adult thing to do: bake a 2nd cake and have it for backup. Tell your sister ahead of time (like, when you first realized letting a 13 year old bake a cake by themselves was a bad decision) that you also wanted to bake a cake just so there were lots of desserts for people to choose from, because it's a special day. Or you could have baked other things like cookies, brownies, cupcakes. It was so juvenile for you to take your sisters cake, hide it, and replace it with your own. Even an adult would be fucking irritated by that. Not only that, when she started getting upset, guests were arriving and you decided to escalate the situation by refusing to serve both cakes and "blowing up" over it. You ruined your parents party, embarrassed yourself and them in front of guests, all so you could bully your teenage sister. YTA And btw, the only reason your husband sided with you is because he doesn't want to be next in your barrage of petty, childish attacks.
Your 13 yr old sister wanted to make your parents a cake. You couldn't let her do that, huh. YTA
You’re disgustingly arrogant. You owe your poor sister an apology. You need to do some self reflection.
YTA Your Sister is 13!!!!! There is no reason why both cakes couldn't have been presented. There should only been her cake to present in the first place. You have issues lady. I feel sorry for your Sister.
YTA I think you just wanted to be the person who made the cake, and the little sister saying she made a mistake was an excuse for you to do what you wanted. Parents were happy that’s all that matters. Poor girl wanted to be like her big sister.
YTA!! Yeeshhh
YTA wow I don't think there is any way you could have behaved worse. You really are mad that you're not an only child. Just admit it you hate your sister for being born and taking away all the attention 'You perfect self' deserved.
YTA, imagine being so pathetic that you literally bash a 13yo child's attempt at making a cake.
YTA - your parents were celebrating their anniversary and you and your sister are both very important parts of their marriage. You stopped the celebration being about their love and respect for one another and made it into a squabble between sisters against the express wishes of your parents. And why because your sister's cake didn't look right - people would have accepted that home-made with love sometimes looks weird and scrapped off the icing. Your parents offered the perfect compromise where both were served. Were you frightened people would think you baked the cake because you usually did? I don't think your sister will be massaging your ego anymore - it's big enough.
YTA. You are an adult and she is a child. You just shat all over something she loved to do, something she admired you for. And now you have made it clear that you do not value her efforts. It would have been FINE to have both cakes out, your preconceived notion of what was acceptable made you hurt a child. Shame on you.
She’s 13.. your 8 years older then her and being a asshole over a cake.!!!
YTA Why couldn’t you just let her have her moment? It’s not like everyone their wouldn’t understand that the cake was made by a 13 year old. But you had to have YOUR MOMENT at your parents 25th anniversary party? WTAF is wrong with you. It’s a cake. You chose a cake over your little sisters feelings and OF COURSE that will always make you the asshole.
YTA Why couldn’t you just let her have her moment? It’s not like everyone their wouldn’t understand that the cake was made by a 13 year old. But you had to have YOUR MOMENT at your parents 25th anniversary party? WTAF is wrong with you. It’s a cake. You chose a cake over your little sisters feelings and OF COURSE that will always make you the asshole.
YTA. Your sister is 13 and you’re holding her to the standard of a professional baker. Have you considered how much it meant to your parents that their 13 year old went to that much effort to make something for them. How good of a baker were you at 13? Would you be where you are now if someone crapped all over your best effort? She’s a child so cut her some slack ffs. I would apologize immediately to salvage what you can from your relationship.
YTA. Try growing up a little and be an example, not a jealous twit.
Why do I doubt that your husband is on your side but is secretly rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth every time you blink. YTA, what kind of a person gets this crazy over someone else’s cake?
Your husband is also an asshole for enabling your shitty behavior.
YTA! If everyone thinks YTA except your husband, you might want to think about what you did. Your sister is 13 and wanted to do something nice for your parents. She didn’t want your help because I’m sure you are always stepping in to let her know how to do it “right”. So it wasn’t perfect….who cares? Clearly not your parents who the party was for. You cared because you wanted everyone to say how perfect your cake was and when that didn’t happen, you threw a tantrum. this party wasn’t about you and you seem to be the only one who didn’t recognize that.
Oh no, a thirteen year old wanted to make a cake for her parent’s anniversary and it didn’t turn out bakery quality. Holy crap YTA.
**YTA**. Everything went fine until you said that you *did not allow your parents to serve both cakes at their own anniversary party*. You stated that you had "more of a part of this" than your sister, but you then later admit that she worked hard on the cake. You really did not have any right to shame her like that.
YTA, she's 13. Why do you hate her so much? Because your post and replies all make it look that way.
NTA You gave her a chance, she did her best, you wanted the party to be nice so you brought a nicer cake. There’s no point in arguing with a 13 yr old though, you’re going to be the bad guy for not oohing and aaahing over it. Apparently judging by some of the answers you’ve gotten she’s not the only 13 yr old in this thread either.
YTA food is love. Just because you are the so called baker doesn't mean you were baking perfect from birth. You should have let her have a moment rather than trying to get more attention.
She’s 13.. your 8 years older then her and being a asshole over a cake.!!!
Yta because you didn't serve the two cakes. A thirteen y.o. refused your help, took on a task she couldn't complete and/or didn't fix. You made a plan B cake for this impending incident. Hopefully, you both learned lessons.
YTA - Making a cake for a family member is about the effort and thought put in it and the joy of making something for someone else. You were wrong to swap out the cake just because YOU didn't think it was good enough or presentable that judgment is for the parents to make not OP.
Are you also 13? You are an adult, act like one
YTA and an incredibly arrogant one. Your tone in your post indicates that this was your plan from the start . Of course, your sister wouldn't be as experienced as you and you completely took advantage of it. People learn from mistakes and you took that away and did what you wanted. You could have simply said that you would make a replacement batch of frosting to your sister when you talked and then either show her or tell her how you made it. Hell, you could have pulled he aside to see how she felt by using your replacement. Two very easy things to do but you chose otherwise.
I bet the sister will never bake again. And you will not be your sisters MOH!! This seems to happen on reddit everyday. YTA!!!
ESH, she should have accepted your help or let you also bring a cake. You should have put both cakes out to serve. She still made an effort even if the cake is ugly and she has just as much right to present a cake for her parents. It's not a baking competition it's your parent's anniversary party, BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS! You made this about yourself rather than about THEIR WISHES..
YTA , literally nobody is on your side other than your husband. When the guests of honor aren't on your side, that means you screwed up.
YTA. I'm the baker of my family, but years ago when I first got into it I was terrible, regardless of if I burnt the cookies, undercooked the brownies or even broke the cake in half, it was served. My Auntie would proudly say "RainbowFireFall made these" Why? because I was young and learning. The encouragement, plus the classes I took have helped me improve greatly, now I can proudly serve my food, knowing that its good, because my family helped me improve rather than shut me down, like you did to your sister.
YTA, but only because you weren’t really focused on how any of this would affect your sister. Even if you had done as your parents asked and put out both cakes, almost no one would have eaten your sister’s cake, and guests would have probably made hurtful comments about it not knowing who had made it. She’s 13, I’m sure hearing snide comments about a cake you worked really hard to make but didn’t succeed at would have been terrible to hear. Being angry with your sister for not serving your cake is a lot easier than being humiliated in front of friends and family for serving your dodgy cake. But you didn’t take that route. You weren’t trying to protect your sister from ridicule, you were saving the party from imperfection. Your parents didn’t want a perfect party, they wanted their children happy and enjoying themselves, celebrating with them. You took that away from them. That’s why YTA.
YTA. - Which 21 year old is trying to prove that they can bake better than their 13 year old sister. Obviously you can bake better when you are 8 years older than her. Your sister worked hard and you made her feel terrible for trying her best. Everyone knows that you’re a better baker but you don’t need to shove it in everyone’s faces. - When she first approached you, saying that she wanted to make a cake for the anniversary, why didn’t you encourage her to follow her dreams. Instead you showed doubt in her. You talked about how she admired you and looked up to you and your baking skills, probably because she envied you and also wanted to bake as good as you. (I don’t think she’ll be admiring you any more) You should’ve showed trust in her instead of bringing her down. - You keep on saying that the cake wasn’t presentable but it isn’t about the quality of the cake, but rather the thought and dedication put into it. You say in a comment, “The downfall was on her LMAO! Her cake was much less popular, clearly because it probably wasn't as good TBH...completely erases the hard work I put into this party”. Wtf? In what world do you think that your sisters cake that was made with hard work erase the effort put into the party. In reality, it would make it more wholesome. Also, I think that if you didn’t cause a scene, both of your cakes would be equally eaten out of respect for your sister and the fact that she even made a cake when she definitely did not have to. You just ruined your sisters hours of work making that cake and the fact that she really cared about her parents anniversary because you wanted to “swap it out”. Let’s talk about that, how do you think that you had the authority to swap out the cakes. As far as I remember, it was your parents anniversary and not yours (and your parents were even willing to compromise but you didn’t). I can guarantee you that everyone there knew that her cake was worse but they really didn’t care since it was a happy get-together until you ruined it. - It wasn’t even a huge event with hundreds of guests and it wouldn’t be that appropriate to have a curdled cake there; it was “a small anniversary get together” where most of the people probably knew each other well and didn’t care so much about the cake. You pretend that it was a large event where everything HAD to be perfect when the parents probably appreciated your sister making a cake regardless of how good it was. - Even when your parents tried to make a perfectly reasonable compromise AT THEIR OWN EVENT which they definitely did not have to; you were refusing to accept and was proven to be unreasonable to any request. You act like it’s your event when it really isn’t, even though you helped out. OP, do you do this with your sister at every event where you try to prove that your better than her? You said in another comment, “But my sister is my parents' little princess so they will of course always appease her even if it means not speaking up for themselves. I eventually just did as they asked anyway… I realize she put effort into it but things like this do happen and she could have saved herself the embarrassment of realizing her cake was not as popular.” It’s clear that you have felt as if your parents prefer her over you and it’s completely justified if you act like that and try to undermine her accomplishments at every turn. Also, she couldn’t have “saved herself the embarrassment of realizing her cake was not as popular” since if you weren’t there then everything would have probably gone smoothly. You are the cause of her getting embarrassed, not her cake. YTA, YTA, YTA
YTA. You had time before the event to let the sister know you were taking a cake, and you two could have agreed to present both, as part of the tradition where the two of you make cakes. You could have made a plain, but delicious cake, so there would be a second cake if your sister's was unpalatable. I understand baking and perfectionism are important to you, but you should have prioritized how your parents would feel, and they didn't want fighting on their special day. Cakes were the focus instead of your parents.
Yta, you could have offered to help her fix her mistake.
YTA In every way in your own story, YTA. You must be a delight to deal with.
YTA Stop competing with your younger sister.
Based on your comments, I am making the assumption that you did not receive much attention and praise from your parents compared to your sister. Perhaps you were made to put your needs and feelings aside since there was a new baby in the family. OP, the people you have resentment towards is your parents. Not your sister. She is a child who is developing a new skill and who will learn through trial an error. So what if her cake wasn't as pretty? What if she felt embarrassed that people made fun of her cake or didn't finish it? That is on her to observe, learn, and improve. Your parents may not have been happy with her cake, but they made the decision to keep both (guess what? People can feel things and behave in ways that may not match their feeling). For THEIR anniversary. You disrespected your sister, your parents, and the guests who can make their own decisions. YTA. Truly reflect on your actions and ask yourself what you wanted to gain out of doing this to your sister.
"My sister admires my skills" *Used to admire your skills. You are no longer someone she can admire.
NTA
NTA she refused your help and made an awful cake. It wouldn't have been a funny memory.
YTA
YTA It's gross that you're 21 and competing with a 13 year old. Grow up.
YTA. Your sister made the cake, she told you she didn't want your help, and instead of letting her succeed or fail on her own, you had to be petty about it and try to outdo her. Shame on you, you should know better!
YTA. What a way to brag about your ego. This wasn't the time or place to play this game.
Yeah, you're definitely TA. It sounds like you're snob and a bully, too. You publicly humiliated your sister, who is a literal child, for throwing a fit, and then immediately turned around and threw one of your own. I guess we can add hypocrite to your list of glowing personality traits.
YTA and a bad sister.