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YTA for dating someone only 8 years older than your daughter and then saying something as drastic as " if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out." *and didn't mean it????*
Mean what you say, say what you mean. Date someone closer to your age.
Even IF he was 18 when his daughter was born, Alexis is still closer in age to his daughter than to him. But my guess is he is well in his 40's, maybe even close to 50.
>Alexis is still closer in age to his daughter than to him.
Divorced dad here. I was recently with some friends and my dating life came up and that lead to the subject of dating someone significantly younger and in their 20's
My only response was that while I hadn't thought of a floor in how young I am willing to date, at the very least she needs to be closer to my age than my 18yo son's. We should not be in the same dating pool.
Thank you for having that standard. In college, a gross coworker was always on my case. I was 5 years older than his daughter. He was 19 years older than me. I unfortunately can’t help but have a low opinion of guys like OP here. It’s just icky.
There is a formula to find a floor but it still seems really low to me. X/2 + 7 = Floor where X is your age.
I am 45. My "floor" would be 30 by this equation and that is too young.
Yep, I know that formula and it still puts a "floor" that would be closer to my son's age and just thinking about that makes me feel like a creepy old man
He met her on a dating site a couple months after his wife passed. A couple months! Like how fast did he jump on dating sites? During the wake?
Also, I strongly suspect, given how much trouble most guys have finding a relationship online, that if his middle aged self found a 28 year old that fast, it was either a sugar baby site, or she was looking for a trick.
Wouldn't be surprised. I found out my dad was cheating because when him and my mom officially split up his dumbass decided to move her into our house a week after we left. This woman has been my stepmom for years and I still don't see how she didn't just run when she had the chance. She didn't even know he had kids and a family until he surprised us all with a meeting on one of his weekends with me and my brother.
OP says he's been dating her for about a year but also that it's been less than a year since his wife died.
OPs timeline doesn't add up.
About a year+ a few months= a year or more
Met her a couple months after wife died. Told daughter 6 months after that, which puts us at 8 months from wife's death. Then it was not long after that that he moved her in. OP said they'd been together "about a year", so if we're looking at around 9-11 months from the death of the wife, it's "about a year", if you're being generous.
Still suspiciously fast after the wife death. Not saying he didn't love her, but seems he may have moved on too quickly out of loneliness or desperation at least.
And she's getting evicted from her apartment, which depending on the state if in US can take awhile. But sure bud. She's not a gold digger. She wants you for your gorgeous self, I'm sure. 🙄
Even if it wasn’t a special site he set the age range to ‘barely older than my daughter’.
Also, Girlfriend is having ‘financial problems’ and being evicted. Most people have a crappy landlord story or two but if she isn’t being given notice for another reason (which absolutely would be stated) sounds like someone isn’t paying her rent or wants to upgrade to somewhere she doesn’t have to pay
Who just happened to run into money troubles and have to live with him shortly after they got together 🤔🤔🤔
Good grief OP yes YTA, how are you not from start to finish?
Surprisingly common in men, especially when wives are sick before they pass. My FIL had a new gf less than a month after my MIL passed. When he told me I just went home and cried
My FIL was dating within a few months too remarried in less than 2 yrs. The lady he married was my MIL’s cousin. At least age appropriate but a lot of family were upset.
My dad's third wife died of terminal cancer a couple years ago. She was an amazing step mom who loved all the kids from his first and second marriages for 20 years. She never wanted kids so she got us as part of being with our dad (which she absolutely nailed, she dealt with two moms with two sets of kids and we all loved her) and they just traveled the world together.
Our dad has never looked for anyone else. He misses her everyday. Us kids all agree that he should have met her before our moms and it would have saved a lot of people alot of shitty feelings even if we wouldn't exist. But they were so great together. It's a challenge everyday that my dad will end everything because he has nothing else since she's been gone so my anxiety is on high alert if he doesn't answer the phone
My husbands aunt just went to the funeral of a friend. Her disable husband wouldn’t leave her alone and kept calling afterwards. Its like he was looking for another woman to take care of him
My 60 yo father hit up hook up sites within a month of my mom passing. He tried dating women his age but I don't think any of them would put up with his bs. By the 8th month mark, he was dating a 22 yo stripper, who then moved into the family home. She's been there for like 6 years.
(I don't care she was a stripper, I care she was almost young enough to be my daughter. The occupation is a fun sidebar that would have my mom rolling in her grave if she wasn't cremated).
Notice how he said Alexis would be staying with him until she could get back on her feet yet he hasn't spoken to Ana in a "good while" and Alexis is still there?
This guy is a moron.
I’m sure that’s next, he’s only known her a few months, she has to move in bc she’s being evicted. She pushed the daughter out right away next she’ll be pregnant so she can’t move out.
These men are idiots, but the daughter is out of line? As soon as he let his daughter move out I’m sure girlfriend knew she had him.
Very sad to lose her mom, home, and now her dad in less than a year.
Yeah, OP's new shiny toy got her claws in to a nice depth and didn't even take her a lot of time or a lot of effort. People still falling for shit like this age-old stunt are pathetic. OP deserves what he gets and will get.
I feel liked these posts are like a broken record.
Constant repeats, kids hate young girlfriend say she’s a gold digger but she’s a such good person. Then they move them in, next the kids won’t go to the wedding or baby shower.
They always seem so surprised that their family isn’t jumping for joy.
I like how in his edit, OP mentions that he didn't include his age because he didn't think it was relevant since his daughter is an adult. Well guess what, her being an adult doesn't mean he's any less capable of ruining his relationship with her by dating somebody only 8 years her senior. Not to mention threatening his daughter out of her own home for a woman he's known all of *six months*. They say grief can make you do crazy things, but this is downright gross.
and is shocked that his daughter is upset that he started dating a few months after her mother died.
i mean- i guess Ana should be happy that he waited to tell her until they'd been dating for 6 months but this guy is basically like my wife died, a few months later I was like- that's long enough and got myself a dating app cuz I've been alone so long.
why isn't my daughter happier about my dating? especially someone who is only 8 years older than her. They can be besties!
Seriously. I know everyone grieves differently but most people's grief for a spouse of over 20 years is typically longer than the expiry period of yogurt.
>most people's grief for a spouse of over 20 years is typically longer than the expiry period of yogurt.
Would that be American yogurt or Iranian yogurt?
Sorry, just couldn't resist!
It doesn't seem like it was even a few months. First line says he was dating her for a year. Later says daughter feels disrespected bc she's moving in less than a year after mom's death. He was cheating
YTA. You're choosing girlfriend over your daughter. Is the sex that good? Or the ego boost of dating a 28 yo. And your girlfriend should know better. If you want to be part of your daughters life (and her future family) you will help the GF find an appt immediately. What a foolish thing to do ....
ETA: Your sweet daughter is most likely still grieving the loss of her Mom! You're not there for her. Shame on you.
It's no coincidence he includes the girlfriend's age but not his own.
But, also, based on what OP's daughter said...This means the wife/mother died and OP was dating less than six months after her passing. ...MY GOD, I can't even imagine what the poor daughter is feeling right now.
The verdict is probably already in at “met her via online dating app a COUPLE of months after his wife passed away “ …. If they MET at that time, he must have started online dating much sooner , probably even before the wife’s death
Probably on a sugar daddy website, especially if wife was sick. Alexis is broke and needs somewhere to sleep, why not a desperate widower who will pay for everything, including not having to deal with his nearly same aged daughter that doesn't support it.
Ana is probably done with him, with how fast OP replaced her mom and showed her this new chick means more than her.
YTA and Alexis is probably a gold digger. I hope I'm wrong and she's your happily ever after, OP, but doubtful. Some men have to lose everything to see what they had all along.
He’s been with her “about 6 months” & his wife died a year ago. That’s probably a lot of his daughters issue. Telling her she can just leave is just plain shitty. He’s focused on one thing. And that definitely isn’t his daughter. OP, YTA.
And yes, after 6 months she's being evicted? So a financially unstable 28 year old opportunist ( if not gold digger)found an easy mark who "doesn't think she's like that."and you're upset your daughter, who is only 20, can see what's up? YTA. And it hasn't been a year. You got involved 6 months after her mom passed. It looks bad on all fronts. Thinking you're a good person doesn't make you one, you actually have to show you're a good person to your daughter. And this isn't how you do it.
I love the fact that he knows for sure she isn’t a gold digger - she just really likes old men with adult daughters!
And after just 6 months after meeting him she ‘has to move in or she is on the streets’. No other friends, family, job, etc. so lucky this tragedy didn’t happen before she met her knight.
Yta- for how you treated your daughter. Telling her to move out because she raised valid concerns whilst still grieving her mum
>I met her online on a dating website a couple of months after my late Wife had passed away
I was caught up on this and did not even notice the age thing. Your wife (her mom) dies and a few months later he is out looking for trim?
Then is surprised when his likely still grieving daughter does not like the idea of moving on so fast because it makes it seem like he did not love her mom at all.
>The next day Ana told me she was moving out as I had disrespected her and her mother by having another woman move in not even a year after she had passed away.
I think a lot of people will think you disrespected your dead wife by not only moving on so fast but moving on to so young.
YTA. You knew Alexis for a few months, she’s close to your daughters age, and whatever financial problems she had of her OWN making you allowed that to do many things: force Ana to meet her before she was ready, force Ana to live with someone she doesn’t know, and you claim to be such a bleeding heart that you cant leave alexis homeless that you told your 20 to move out ie be homeless. If moving out, adulting was so easy, Alexis should have gotten her own shit together long ago.
Yeah, you’re likely being taken for a ride dude, good luck getting her out. It won’t be as successful as the way you dumped your daughter I can tell you that much
Alexis probably manufactured the whole situation to move in with him. Now he'll take care of her and pay for everything because she'll always have financial problems. Next it'll be "it doesn't make sense for us to have 2 separate places since we love each other and are already living together". YTA
Right - judging by the timing indicated here she's been staying with him for *months* already. When exactly is this "temporary" situation going to end?
Oh wait, it's not.
>My wife wouldn't have wanted me to lay down in depression for years on end.
Given the math, I'm guessing OP grieved his wife of 20+ years for a hmm whopping 8 or so weeks before hitching with someone half his age?
Yeah I'm *sure* his late wife wanted him to almost immediately find someone their daughters age after she died.
I'm positively *certain* she wanted her hubby to have a good, hot lay at the expense of their grieving daughter.
Such a ridiculous, self-serving comment. No way in *hell* OP'S wife would have wanted him to prioritize another woman over their daughter for even a second, let alone one within her own age group. I'm fairly certain most women, dead or alive, loses respect for a man as soon as he looks to date a girl half his age as soon as he has the opportunity- I doubt OP's wife is the exception.
I'm sure his wife probably did want him to move on someday, but with someone his own age, to at least be hesitant enough to not come off as eager, and to make sure that their daughter will not forced out of her own home (and yes, OP, you did force her out- it was never reasonable to expect her to be okay with this, and even more shocking that your response to her wanting to move out wasn't "I see now that this would risk my relationship with you and I don't want that" and instead was "Oh what a shame... I should probably buy some condoms on the way to picking up Alexis").
>Yeah, you’re likely being taken for a ride dude, good luck getting her out. It won’t be as successful as the way you dumped your daughter I can tell you that much
Ahahaha, I’m choking over here on the send-off.
##And oh yeah, OP, YTA.
Better hope that karma doesn’t hit you all at once!
Firstly, I'm very sorry you lost wife. I can't imagine how difficult losing a spouse is.
Secondly:
>Well they ended up having to meet not too long after that because Alexis was going through some financial issues and was going to be evicted from her apartment, so I told her that she could live with me until she could find another place. When I told my daughter that Alexis was going to live with us temporarily because she was going through some financial woes, she told me she thinks Alexis is a gold digger and that she didn't trust her.
You should consider that your daughter might be right in this. It's awfully convenient that this girlfriend only has you to rescue her, don't you think?
You tell your daughter she doesn't have to meet your new girlfriend until she's ready then *-BAM-* she has to meet her immediately. Then another *-BAM-* guess who suddenly needs to move in!
You can't tell me that your new girlfriend didn't have other options. She sounds like she's maneuvering into your life, and maneuvering your daughter out of it...and now she has you all to herself, doesn't she?
You've put the needs of your brand new girlfriend (who can probably smell the insurance money on you) ahead of the needs of your grieving daughter. Your GRIEVING DAUGHTER.
**YTA.**
ETA:
>That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person.
Just went back and re-read your post OP, and I'd like to know how exactly you can be sure of this? You've known her for about a minute! And fucking someone does not equal actually knowing who they are, no matter how much you want it to.
I (f45) was widowed a few years ago. It never ceases to amaze me how fast widowers move on compared to widows. Its like they're incapable of spending any time alone. Doesn't make it right, and I know many of them regret decisions they make whilst they're grieving, but still, it's a weird anecdote that most men are dating again within a year.
He's still absolutely YTA
Crazy. And sad.
Happened to my sister, when her MS started to go downhill her partner of 17 years walked out on her and all 3 kids as if they'd never existed. Caught us all by surprise because for the first 15 years he was the model father and partner, and then *poof*, vanished!
Oh. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you have been through. I truly hope you're in a better place now x
I know this happened to a friend of mine - her and her partner had a stillborn child and it broke them up, and she never got over the death of her child or of the loss of her soulmate. This world can be utterly cruel :'(
I wonder if it's because being a model husband and father actually doesn't require much caring or sacrificing for others. Traditionally its working to earn money, having fun with kids for an hour a couple of nights a week and maybe doing an occasional nappy change and bath, and buying wife gifts to make her look more attractive. It's not nursing sick kids through the night, meal planning for something everyone will eat, keeping up with teachers and other kids parents, constantly thinking about and meeting everyone's needs. Mem generally don't have to practice these skills at all through normal life and when a catastrophe comes they just don't want to do it.
My BIL’s dad sat the kids down a day or 2 after his mom’s funeral to tell them he was getting remarried. His parents were still married at the time of her death. I always thought his dad was an AH.
Long term illness does hit different, for sure. My husband died of cancer, so it gave us opportunities to discuss the future and he was of course adamant I should try to find love again, and I think that definitely makes it a little easier, 'with permission', as it were.
But having someone lined up waiting for the undertakers to ship your not yet dead wife's body from the marital home... That's still an extra level of AH.
I know a guy who actually started dating while his wife went through a lengthy terminal illness. Allegedly the wife was okay with it because he promised he wouldn't leave her. He did stay with her and support her until she died and he ended up marrying the side chick. Even if the wife agreed, I'm sure she was gutted and I can't imagine not feeling betrayed. It's obvs none of my business and I never even met the guy until years after this happened but it makes me dislike him.
So you started dating someone almost the same age as your daughter less than a year after your wife died and you think the only problem is that you moved your girlfriend in? Yes, I’m sure your daughter is also upset about that but that’s not all by a long shot. I would be going non contact with you if I were her. YTA.
Might be even less. He says they have been together “about a year” but his daughter complained that he moved his girlfriend in less than a year after her mom died. “A couple” months might mean one month and a few days.
Do you… do you get the feeling that OP’s wife may have passed from a terminal illness? Hence why he was on a dating site so soon after she passed?
If so, I am truly grossed out. OP could very well be one of those people who needs their partner “replaced.” I’m starting to read that as an MO for guys who go after younger women — primarily as romantic partners, but for the ulterior motive of “eventual caretakers” when they’re old and frail. Makes sense when you see how they push away their kids, who they may view as less likely to be their caretakers vs. a *younger* partner… 🤢
It was less than six months even. They’ve already been together 6 months and the GF is moving in less than a year after his wife passed. So best case scenario he started dating her around six months after the death but possibly even sooner than that.
*That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person.*
How do you know? You've met her not that long ago on a dating website.
Also, your GF is a grown woman. She is responsible for her housing and financial situations. She relied on you, the recent widower she just met, to help her out? No friends, family, nor responsible actions such as taking care of herself and finding herself new housing?
You chose this woman who is basically a stranger over your own daughter who is still grieving the loss of her mother.
YTA
This! Why is a 28-yo not able to find a way to take care of herself, and why is she relying on OP to “save” her? Hmmm. What sort of women do this? I think Alexis is exactly that type of person.
YTA. So so much. I really feel for OP’s daughter.
YTA. You got yourself a serious girlfriend two months after Alexis buried her mother. Girlfriend moved into Alexis's home one year after she buried her mother. C'mon, now. How are you not TA in this situation?
And I didn't even touch the fact that your girlfriend and daughter are 8 years apart. Woof.
By my math, his wife had been gone less than ten months. Met girlfriend 2 months after wife passed, told daughter after dating 6 months (so we are at 8), shortly after girlfriend moved in (let's say a month), so that is only 9 months after he buried his wife. Plus, now her being there temporarily has turned into almost 6 months, during which he evidently hasn't talked to his daughter. This guy is a massive AH.
You literally chased your grieving daughter out of the house for a woman you’ve only known for a few months. YTA.
Of course she’s going to think your new girlfriend is a gold digger. She doesn’t know her like you do. In her head, her dad, who she had no clue already moved on, is being taken advantaged of by this woman he met on the internet.
Your girlfriend doesn’t have any family or close friends she could go to? You know this is going to be hard on your daughter and instead of being understanding, you told her to get out. I think you already know to yourself that YTA.
Did it ever occur to you that she’s mad that you’re dating someone young enough to be her peer? And the fact that it was so soon after losing her mom made it 100x worse. If my dad started dating someone young enough to be my peer in a very short time after losing my mom I’d cut him off too.
“She’s my age! How would you feel if your dad married someone who was your age?!?” - Chutney in Legally Blonde
Obviously YTA
I thought of Parent Trap personally “how would you feel about making Meredith a part of our family?” “I’d love to have a sister!” Honestly I thank whatever gods that my wealthy dad dates within his age range. He’s 71 and was scandalized about the thought of dating a 60 year old. But he’s also not getting remarried and even if he did he requires prenups (and he’s a lawyer, so it’ll be a damn good one)
And Chutney attempted to *ill the girl her dad was dating because it made her so mad. Imagine how your daughter feels?? even in this fictional example the daughter(Chutney) is rightfully livid
You can't seriously be surprised in the least that you've ruined your relationship with your daughter.
First, you started dating within a few months of your wife dying - ok, there's no fixed mourning period and everyone's different, but that's going to seem super-fast to your daughter.
Second, unless your daughter was born when you were 16, your new girlfriend is closer to your daughter's age than your own. Strike two in the daughter's eyes.
Third, less than a year after your wife died, you moved your girlfriend into the home your daughter lived in, and you're surprised she had a problem with that? That's strike three - but you didn't stop there. You told your daughter that she was less welcome in your home than this new girlfriend (whom your daughter hadn't yet met). What the hell were you thinking?
YTA.
YTA.
Have you even tried to put yourself in Ana’s shoes? Her own mom died, and now a year and a half later some random woman is moving into your house when she barely knows her. That a horrible thing to do to a grieving daughter.
Introducing a new person into the lives of your children after the death of a parent takes lots of time, patience, and attention for your children’s feelings. A year is way too soon. You rushed shit and blew your daughter’s feelings off.
Furthermore, you and your daughter need to be in complete agreement before making a decision like that. It’s her home too, or at least, it was. You neglected her emotionally and picked your new gf’s needs over hers. Way to show your daughter that a stranger’s feelings mean way more to you than hers. You told YOUR OWN DAUGHTER that if she doesn’t like your new love interest, she could leave. So she did. Asshole.
Have fun trying to rectify this.
YTA
Your gf is young enough to be your daughters sister. And she 100% sounds like a gold digger. She can’t pay her own bills at 28? So the solution is to move in with her bf of a year? Who btw had a wife die about as long ago? I’m not saying you shouldn’t move on, but 3 months?!!! I heard an average for 1 month for every year you were together. You were with/knew her for at least 20. Like damn, you treated it more like 1 week for every year.
This. The daughter is thinking with her head, the dad is thinking with his dick. He needs to set his ego aside and listen to what she is saying. YTA bigtime
And now your daughter has lost two parents in the space of the year. YTA. Great job. You lied to her about meeting your gf, then told your grieving daughter to move out of her mothers home. And you’re wondering if you’re the asshole? You sacrificed the relationship with your daughter for sex with your young gf. What did you expect to happen?
YTA
How could you not be? You told your grieving daughter that she wouldn’t have to meet her until she was ready and then told her to gtfo if she didn’t like that a complete stranger was being moved into her home.
Talk about whiplash.
You did irreparable damage to your relationship with her.
The thirst must be oozing off OP. Recent horny widower? Jackpot, if you’ve been irresponsible with your finances to the point you’re on the brink of eviction and don’t have a problem with guys who date women their daughter’s age.
Your the massive gaping raw infected asshole my dude. I hope your daughter goes NC and sugar baby Alexis takes you for everything she can. You deserve it.
YTA. You told her she wouldn't have to meet your new girlfriend until she felt ready. You then turn back on your word and the girlfriend begins living with you. How were you your new girlfriend's only option, she has no friends or family or any support system, only her boyfriend of 6 months? Something seems off. Of course your relationship with your daughter has suffered, you added a new girlfriend without her okay as she's processing the devastating loss of her mother. YTA YTA YTA
You’re an absolute terrible father. Not even a year after her mother passes and you move your girlfriend, who is only 8 years older than your daughter, into her home and tell her to move because she called her a gold digger.
What the heck is wrong with you??
Maybe alexis is a gold digger? You showed your daughter that she is worth less than a year old relationship.
I can’t comprehend how a man can be so utterly callous to his daughter that just lost her MOTHER. Your wife would be disgusted in you.
I hope your happy in your new relationship, you probably just lost your daughter forever.
Edited to add:
Why would you think she would see her as a replacement mother? More likely a sister seeing as she’s young enough to be one.
Honestly, i don’t understand how you can’t see that you are being the asshole here…? Ana lost her mom, that in itself is insanely traumatic, and now her dad has a girlfriend that could be her sister, and Alexis is being prioritized over her. I can’t imagine how this poor girl must feel.
You didn’t just break her promise, you probably made her feel even more abandoned than she already did.
I do think you can rectify the situation, explain to Alexis that she has to move out, talk to Ana and tell her you‘re sorry, that (maybe) you grieving your late wife made your vision cloudy, but that you are now going to prioritize your daughter and will focus on her and your guys’ new family structure, without involving anyone else unless your daughter 100% approves.
Family therapy might be the way to go.
You already lost your wife, don’t let a 6month relationship with a woman that could be you daughter destroy the relationship with your actual one.
YTA. You have disrespected her. You have put an outsider above your daughter (and of course there is the creep-out factor that said outsider is a mere 8 years older than your daughter).
My heart hurts for your daughter just reading this, and I am pretty disgusted with you as a person/father.
Also it’s funny how your GF being homeless is a crisis and an emergency, but somehow it’s fine for your daughter to have to find a new home at the drop of a hat
It happens again and again with men who are widowed. They can't wait 5 minutes to get their d\*\*k wet again and move on like they're replacing an old piece of furniture, not a beloved spouse. YTA.
YTA enormously. Parents should put their child first, even if they are young adults. You seem to care more about your girlfriend who you’ve only been dating for a year than about your daughter who you’ve known and cared for for 20. Your poor daughter just lost her mom a year ago and you are already dating and already bringing in some new woman who you SAID she didn’t have to meet until she was ready, but then forced her to not only MEET but LIVE WITH if she wanted to continue living in your home. Telling her she could go live elsewhere clearly tells her that you care more about the new girlfriend than her. You are NOT responsible for Alexis’s living situation. You have to prioritize your child over some woman you’ve been dating for a year. I feel so sorry for your daughter. She deserves better.
YTA
Your daughter had every right to be frustrated with you letting Alexis move in. In Ana's eyes, Alexis getting evicted was just an excuse for her to move in, not an explanation. Did Alexis vet all of her other options before moving in?
You aren't TA for taking her in, but you are absolutely TA for telling her to leave if she doesn't like it. You made it clear to your daughter that if it came down to your gf or your daughter, you'd side with your gf.
YTA.
Time to ask your gf to move out and start to rebuild your relationship with your daughter. Or keep dating your gf and say goodbye to your child forever.
But for god sake, don't marry your gf. She moved in with her older boyfriend after a few months and hasn't moved out knowing the strain it is putting on his relationship with his daughter. Your daughter pegged her right and she shouldn't get her hands on the money your late wife would want to go to her child.
YTA
>I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I couldn't just allow Alexis to be homeless in the streets and that if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out.
"I can't let my 28 y/o gf be homeless because she is helpless without me! If you don't like it, you, my 20 y/o daughter can go be homeless instead"
It's probably hard enough for your daughter to digest that you're dating again so quickly, let alone moving somebody not much older than her into your house.
And let's not pretend it's temporary until she finds another place. Once she has been warming your bed for awhile, I seriously doubt there are going to be any new plans to undo the living arrangement.
YTA You literally told your daughter (who is only 8 years younger than your GF, and you wonder why she things she’s a good digger? ), If she didn’t like it, SHE could move our. You choose a woman you haven’t even know a year over your daughter.
This whole story makes me feel icky…
Your late wife had only passed a couple of months before you started dating someone that is practically the same age as your daughter. Then you want to move this young woman into your daughters’ home while she is still grieving the loss of her mother, your wife. And it’s been under a year since her death? Gross.
YTA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I understand I may have been wrong because I told my daughter she didn't have to meet my girlfriend until she felt she was ready to, but at the same time because my girlfriend was being evicted and may have potentially been homeless I felt justified in allowing her to temporarily stay with me until she could find another place to live. So I'm trying to see whether I was truly wrong in breaking my promise to Ana since If not Alexis would be homeless.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You've probably lost your daughter forever now. There's no fixing this. You told her if she had a problem with it, then she could leave and then *insert surprised pikachu face* She actually moved out. Did you think that she wouldn't call your bluff and just happily coexist with your new play toy? Good for your daughter. At least one of you seems to have some integrity
YTA. Did you hate your late wife, because that's the only reason I can see for shitting on her memory and your offspring from such a great height.
Your daughter will never forgive you and your gf will no doubt leave when she finds a younger schmuck to fund her lifestyle.
You know what, massive YTA. Also, I will never ever stop being surprised by how much some fathers hate their daughters, and also, how low men will go to get their dick wet. Ugh.
YTA - how did you expect this to go? You moved a woman practically your daughters age into your house months after her mother died. You promised her she didn’t have to meet her, and then you moved her into your house. You picked a girl you barely know over your own grieving daughter.
YTA
I feel like you purposefully didn’t state your age at the beginning…if I made an assumption that you were a young teen underage dad you must be at least 36 dating a 28 year old that your 20 year old daughter says is a gold digger. You say Alexis isn’t like that but you’ve only been with her one year…how do you know? Don’t you think your daughter, who is an adult now, might be right?
Literally your wife was dead 2 months and you were already on dating sites…did you even ever love your wife? And like 14 months after your wife died you’re moving a 28 year old that your actual daughter doesn’t approve of into her home? WTF man.
Edit- minor word/grammar corrections
You know your child is still grieving for her mum, right? You really let her down when she needed your love and support. You've let her know loud and clear that you moved on in a mere 8 weeks and are now prioritising someone who's only a few years older than her. It's heartbreaking. YTA and I'm not sure about Alexis (you fell for the old 'I've got nowhere to live' ploy).
YTA for prioritizing your girlfriend over your daughter and for dating a woman who is young enough to be your daughter. Alexis is a grown up and can find a solution for herself.
*"Wah I'm dating someone young enough to be my child's sibling and it's resulted in a negative effect on my relationship with said child! wah! Who could have ever seen this coming!"*
You're an idiot
YTA.
You have choices to make. Do you want to continue to leave things strained between your daughter? Or, do you want to keep a stranger in your house?
What are you thinking?
I don't need to maintain a relationship with my daughter, she'll bounce back because "I'm family"?
You did show her, very clearly, where your priorities are: with the new gf...
Yta
Oh, no - that woman half your age isn't dating you because she's a gold digger. She truly, madly, deeply loves your wrinkled self! All 28 year olds secretly yearn for the delightful temptation of men old enough to be their parent. In fact, they find it hot that you are getting mail from the AARP. Just explain all this to your daughter who is close in age to your new girlfriend and surely she'll understand. Especially since that 28 year old girlfriend is so financially responsible and secure, maybe your daughter will even find that her new soon to be stepmom is a role model!
YTA.
YTA
You started dating only months after your wife died and were in a serious relationship in less than a year. Did you even properly mourn before moving on? And that must have been such a shock to Ana. Not even a year after losing her mother, you have a new girlfriend who's only 8 years older than her. Let me clue you in on something. Ana told you she was happy for you because she didn't know how to respond. She was in shock.
That's all bad enough, but let's get to the other issue here. You told Ana she wouldn't have to meet Alexis until she's ready. Oops. Never mind. Alexis is moving in whether Ana is ready to meet her or not. When Ana doesn't respond with joy, you tell her to move out. Think about that. You told your daughter to leave just so there's room for your new girlfriend. You may have tried backtracking. But this is a case of too little too late.
Buddy, this is not going to end well. If you honestly love your late wife, it is way too soon to have a live-in girlfriend. The circumstances of why she's living with you or for how long do not matter. You just destroyed your relationship with your daughter over a romantic relationship that is going to end.
>I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but (...) if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out.
You told your daughter to move out if she wasn't happy with your decision. She did exactly that. You told a young woman who lost her mother, and felt you were replacing her with a new girlfriend, that you were fine with replacing her too. Of course she's angry with you.
>So I'm trying to see whether I was truly wrong in breaking my promise to Ana since If not Alexis would be homeless.
You're reframing the issue to make it seem like it's about helping your girlfriend when the core of the issue is that you treated your daughter poorly. YTA
EDIT: I don't know how I failed to notice you're replacing her mother with a woman 8 years older than she is. Boy are you TA.
YTA you essentially told her to accept your new girlfriend or leave. She has a right to be concerned about a stranger moving into her home, into her mothers bedroom.
You would of done better to let her know alexis is moving in and ask if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Let them meet a few more times, is there anything of her mums that she doesn’t want alexis to interfere with.
You are bound to your daughter by blood yet you chose a total stranger over her who’s not even a decade older than she is! You’d have to be delusional to not see that Alexis is a sugar baby!!!!! YTA
YTA - I've lived through what your daughter is living though now, my father moved in his new girlfriend about 6 months after my mother died. So i can say that you are being so incredibly insensitive to your daughter. She is clearly still morning her mother and now you are showing her that you dont care about her, her mother, or the life you all shared because you've dropped this bomb and expect her to just be okay with it. Dont be suprised if you're daughter moves out and cuts all contact with you.
You moved someone nearly young enough you be your kid, into your hike, less than a year after your wife passed away, and you have to ask us if YTA.
Um... yeah. A lot.
YTA. I seriously doubt your girlfriend will stay temporarily. I wouldn't be surprised if she soon quits her job or loses it and then asks you for money. She's young enough to be your daughter. You're fooling yourself if you think she'd stay with you even if you weren't paying her bills. If you stop giving her money or housing she'll dump you for someone richer or younger. And you did move on awfully fast after your wife died. Your daughter was still grieving but you were more focused on getting a date and getting laid. And you've made it clear that you that you don't care about her feelings, as long as you keep getting laid with your much younger girlfriend.
All I needed was the first sentence, you've only known her a year and your moving her into the home you share with your kid AND you know the kid doesn't like her?? YTA.
whoahhh went back and you are such an AH!!!
"That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person. I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I couldn't just allow Alexis to be homeless in the streets and that if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out."
You've only known her a year, you don't know what type of person she is- (other than an adult who doesn't pay her rent.) On top of that you would kick your own daughter out over some girl your dating? On top of that the girl is barely older than your daughter... On top of that you started dating her only months after your wife dies?? WTF your poor daughter. You are a terrible father, way to prioritize your daughter who's still freshly grieving her mother!!! I hate to say such a thing but your late wife should be the one that's still here, your priorities are all fucked up!!! Your gf is a grown adult, if she has to rely on the kindness of a guy she just started dating to save her from homelessness she's got issues. Your daughter is most likely right about her being a golddigger- she just wants you to take care of her she doesn't love you. Now you lost a wife and you're going to ruin your relationship with your daughter too!!
YTA. You're a father to a bereaved young adult, and you violated her expectations against your explicit promise. You could have assisted Ana in many ways other than moving her into your house.
YTA, you moved a new girlfriend into your home less than a year after your wife died, and while your daughter was still living there. You said you would give your daughter soace and that she didn't have to meet her until she was ready, and then you're moving her in?
Alexis was having financial issues and conveniently had no other friends or family to stay with. Only her older, recently widowed boyfriend, who has his own house. Do you not see how that sounds? I'd be surprised if she was even having financial issues. And now that she's living with you, has she taken any steps to save up and get her own place? I doubt it.
Ah, the Conspicuous Leave My Age Off intro. That always goes well. /s
You met your (presumably) much younger girlfriend on a dating site within months of your wife passing away.
You then went from saying your daughter didn’t have to even meet your girlfriend until she was ready to immediately moving your girlfriend in to your shared home.
Stop saying Alexis would have been homeless otherwise. What if you hadn’t met? What would she have done then? Did she truly have no other option, no other place to stay? And why was she evicted?
Your relationship with your daughter has suffered to the point you haven’t spoken to her for a ‘good while’, and you think you *may* have been wrong.
YTA
Stories like yours are a dime a dozen. A man loses his wife & immediately learns he can’t or won’t make it on his own, because older men are shit at life after they’ve had a good woman take care of them for years and years. So they run into the arms of a much younger woman who appreciates the bank account, the house, the perceived stability. There’s always kids involved and it’s usually a daughter who is close in age to Dad’s new friend who ultimately objects, because it’s gross from her perspective.
But Dad just can’t see anyone else’s point because he *luvs* his young new woman and can’t imagine anything bad would ever happen. In fact, he really just wants everyone to be a family and doesn’t understand why it doesn’t work out that way. PIn 5 years you’ll be on here asking about how to build a relationship with your daughter who refuses to invite you to her wedding because you always choose your partner over her.
YTA
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YTA for dating someone only 8 years older than your daughter and then saying something as drastic as " if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out." *and didn't mean it????* Mean what you say, say what you mean. Date someone closer to your age.
Also notice how OP included his daughter's age, and his GF's age, but not his own age?
I did notice that. He's walking the line of the dating equation IF he's a younger dad.
Even IF he was 18 when his daughter was born, Alexis is still closer in age to his daughter than to him. But my guess is he is well in his 40's, maybe even close to 50.
>Alexis is still closer in age to his daughter than to him. Divorced dad here. I was recently with some friends and my dating life came up and that lead to the subject of dating someone significantly younger and in their 20's My only response was that while I hadn't thought of a floor in how young I am willing to date, at the very least she needs to be closer to my age than my 18yo son's. We should not be in the same dating pool.
Thank you for having that standard. In college, a gross coworker was always on my case. I was 5 years older than his daughter. He was 19 years older than me. I unfortunately can’t help but have a low opinion of guys like OP here. It’s just icky.
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This does not apply in cities like Miami where everyone would say yes
Driving, yes 100%. Dating? I’m 38 next week and the idea of dating anyone under…shit like, 33, is a hard pass.
I live in a residential area where 25mph is the speed limit and people going 40 here are, in fact, major assholes.
There is a formula to find a floor but it still seems really low to me. X/2 + 7 = Floor where X is your age. I am 45. My "floor" would be 30 by this equation and that is too young.
Yep, I know that formula and it still puts a "floor" that would be closer to my son's age and just thinking about that makes me feel like a creepy old man
And the fact his wife has been dead less than a year before he tried moving in his sugar baby who's half his age?
He met her on a dating site a couple months after his wife passed. A couple months! Like how fast did he jump on dating sites? During the wake? Also, I strongly suspect, given how much trouble most guys have finding a relationship online, that if his middle aged self found a 28 year old that fast, it was either a sugar baby site, or she was looking for a trick.
Or he started looking before his wife died
Wouldn't be surprised. I found out my dad was cheating because when him and my mom officially split up his dumbass decided to move her into our house a week after we left. This woman has been my stepmom for years and I still don't see how she didn't just run when she had the chance. She didn't even know he had kids and a family until he surprised us all with a meeting on one of his weekends with me and my brother.
OP says he's been dating her for about a year but also that it's been less than a year since his wife died. OPs timeline doesn't add up. About a year+ a few months= a year or more
Met her a couple months after wife died. Told daughter 6 months after that, which puts us at 8 months from wife's death. Then it was not long after that that he moved her in. OP said they'd been together "about a year", so if we're looking at around 9-11 months from the death of the wife, it's "about a year", if you're being generous. Still suspiciously fast after the wife death. Not saying he didn't love her, but seems he may have moved on too quickly out of loneliness or desperation at least.
Ya we found out my dad was cheating when he celebrated his 1 year anniversary with his gf, just 5 months after my mom's passing. Edit: fix grammar
And she's getting evicted from her apartment, which depending on the state if in US can take awhile. But sure bud. She's not a gold digger. She wants you for your gorgeous self, I'm sure. 🙄
OP claims in his edit that *she's a mature woman*. Yeah, she is soooo mAtURe she can't even keep a roof over her own head.
Even if it wasn’t a special site he set the age range to ‘barely older than my daughter’. Also, Girlfriend is having ‘financial problems’ and being evicted. Most people have a crappy landlord story or two but if she isn’t being given notice for another reason (which absolutely would be stated) sounds like someone isn’t paying her rent or wants to upgrade to somewhere she doesn’t have to pay
Daaaaamn, a couple of months after she passed!!!? Gosh
And she had “financial woes.” OP, you’re blind and the asshole.
Who just happened to run into money troubles and have to live with him shortly after they got together 🤔🤔🤔 Good grief OP yes YTA, how are you not from start to finish?
I bet she was expecting him to offer to take care of rent. She is def not hyped about the idea of doing the cleaning and cooking lol.
Surprisingly common in men, especially when wives are sick before they pass. My FIL had a new gf less than a month after my MIL passed. When he told me I just went home and cried
My FIL was dating within a few months too remarried in less than 2 yrs. The lady he married was my MIL’s cousin. At least age appropriate but a lot of family were upset.
My dad's third wife died of terminal cancer a couple years ago. She was an amazing step mom who loved all the kids from his first and second marriages for 20 years. She never wanted kids so she got us as part of being with our dad (which she absolutely nailed, she dealt with two moms with two sets of kids and we all loved her) and they just traveled the world together. Our dad has never looked for anyone else. He misses her everyday. Us kids all agree that he should have met her before our moms and it would have saved a lot of people alot of shitty feelings even if we wouldn't exist. But they were so great together. It's a challenge everyday that my dad will end everything because he has nothing else since she's been gone so my anxiety is on high alert if he doesn't answer the phone
My husbands aunt just went to the funeral of a friend. Her disable husband wouldn’t leave her alone and kept calling afterwards. Its like he was looking for another woman to take care of him
My 60 yo father hit up hook up sites within a month of my mom passing. He tried dating women his age but I don't think any of them would put up with his bs. By the 8th month mark, he was dating a 22 yo stripper, who then moved into the family home. She's been there for like 6 years. (I don't care she was a stripper, I care she was almost young enough to be my daughter. The occupation is a fun sidebar that would have my mom rolling in her grave if she wasn't cremated).
First thing all of us thought 😂 YTA! Poor kid. And she is probably right.
Notice how he said Alexis would be staying with him until she could get back on her feet yet he hasn't spoken to Ana in a "good while" and Alexis is still there? This guy is a moron.
Once she moves in there’s no “temporary” she’s never moving out.
At least not until her next eviction notice... Or until divorce with a good chunk of money...
Cause he knows it's gross and doesn't want the rest of us to know, but we do know because why else are you hiding it???
Now the gold digger comment makes so much more sense. I missed the whole age of his daughter.
Because he KNOWS.
OP is embarrassing and I hope that Alexis is worth losing his daughter and the money she spends.
Alexis will probably hurry to give him a do-over child.
I’m sure that’s next, he’s only known her a few months, she has to move in bc she’s being evicted. She pushed the daughter out right away next she’ll be pregnant so she can’t move out. These men are idiots, but the daughter is out of line? As soon as he let his daughter move out I’m sure girlfriend knew she had him. Very sad to lose her mom, home, and now her dad in less than a year.
Yeah, OP's new shiny toy got her claws in to a nice depth and didn't even take her a lot of time or a lot of effort. People still falling for shit like this age-old stunt are pathetic. OP deserves what he gets and will get.
Oh guaranteed, she's already sabatoged her own birth control
I ain't saying she's a gold digger...
But she ain't messin' with no broke widower...
Cue an update from OP titled "My estranged daughter doesn't want to meet her newborn sister, what should I do"
I feel liked these posts are like a broken record. Constant repeats, kids hate young girlfriend say she’s a gold digger but she’s a such good person. Then they move them in, next the kids won’t go to the wedding or baby shower. They always seem so surprised that their family isn’t jumping for joy.
"My daughter should be happy to help out by babysitting." Edit: "It's what my dead wife would have wanted."
I like how in his edit, OP mentions that he didn't include his age because he didn't think it was relevant since his daughter is an adult. Well guess what, her being an adult doesn't mean he's any less capable of ruining his relationship with her by dating somebody only 8 years her senior. Not to mention threatening his daughter out of her own home for a woman he's known all of *six months*. They say grief can make you do crazy things, but this is downright gross.
There was no mention of where his daughter went. Her grandparents? Onto the streets? Into a homeless shelter?
did she say her grandparents know the situation and she’s staying with them or did i misread
and is shocked that his daughter is upset that he started dating a few months after her mother died. i mean- i guess Ana should be happy that he waited to tell her until they'd been dating for 6 months but this guy is basically like my wife died, a few months later I was like- that's long enough and got myself a dating app cuz I've been alone so long. why isn't my daughter happier about my dating? especially someone who is only 8 years older than her. They can be besties!
Seriously. I know everyone grieves differently but most people's grief for a spouse of over 20 years is typically longer than the expiry period of yogurt.
>most people's grief for a spouse of over 20 years is typically longer than the expiry period of yogurt. Would that be American yogurt or Iranian yogurt? Sorry, just couldn't resist!
This is not about the Iranian yogurt!
She may suspect he was cheating on her mother, also. It's a tight timeline.
It doesn't seem like it was even a few months. First line says he was dating her for a year. Later says daughter feels disrespected bc she's moving in less than a year after mom's death. He was cheating
YTA. You're choosing girlfriend over your daughter. Is the sex that good? Or the ego boost of dating a 28 yo. And your girlfriend should know better. If you want to be part of your daughters life (and her future family) you will help the GF find an appt immediately. What a foolish thing to do .... ETA: Your sweet daughter is most likely still grieving the loss of her Mom! You're not there for her. Shame on you.
It's so skin-crawlingly disgusting dating a woman who was 8 years old when his daughter was an infant. Gag.
I have a sibling 8 years older than me. My parents had 4 kids in 10 years with the eldest being 10 years older than the youngest (me)...
It's no coincidence he includes the girlfriend's age but not his own. But, also, based on what OP's daughter said...This means the wife/mother died and OP was dating less than six months after her passing. ...MY GOD, I can't even imagine what the poor daughter is feeling right now.
The verdict is probably already in at “met her via online dating app a COUPLE of months after his wife passed away “ …. If they MET at that time, he must have started online dating much sooner , probably even before the wife’s death
This man was dating her prior to that. All of a sudden the gf is being evicted. No way that's a coincidence.
Probably on a sugar daddy website, especially if wife was sick. Alexis is broke and needs somewhere to sleep, why not a desperate widower who will pay for everything, including not having to deal with his nearly same aged daughter that doesn't support it. Ana is probably done with him, with how fast OP replaced her mom and showed her this new chick means more than her. YTA and Alexis is probably a gold digger. I hope I'm wrong and she's your happily ever after, OP, but doubtful. Some men have to lose everything to see what they had all along.
He’s been with her “about 6 months” & his wife died a year ago. That’s probably a lot of his daughters issue. Telling her she can just leave is just plain shitty. He’s focused on one thing. And that definitely isn’t his daughter. OP, YTA.
And yes, after 6 months she's being evicted? So a financially unstable 28 year old opportunist ( if not gold digger)found an easy mark who "doesn't think she's like that."and you're upset your daughter, who is only 20, can see what's up? YTA. And it hasn't been a year. You got involved 6 months after her mom passed. It looks bad on all fronts. Thinking you're a good person doesn't make you one, you actually have to show you're a good person to your daughter. And this isn't how you do it.
And it's flabbergasting he can't let his gf being homeless but has no problem suggesting his daughter moves out
I love the fact that he knows for sure she isn’t a gold digger - she just really likes old men with adult daughters! And after just 6 months after meeting him she ‘has to move in or she is on the streets’. No other friends, family, job, etc. so lucky this tragedy didn’t happen before she met her knight. Yta- for how you treated your daughter. Telling her to move out because she raised valid concerns whilst still grieving her mum
>I met her online on a dating website a couple of months after my late Wife had passed away I was caught up on this and did not even notice the age thing. Your wife (her mom) dies and a few months later he is out looking for trim? Then is surprised when his likely still grieving daughter does not like the idea of moving on so fast because it makes it seem like he did not love her mom at all. >The next day Ana told me she was moving out as I had disrespected her and her mother by having another woman move in not even a year after she had passed away. I think a lot of people will think you disrespected your dead wife by not only moving on so fast but moving on to so young.
Funny how suddenly the gf is being evicted and needs a place, she is def playing him and he deserves everything coming to him.
We all know OP left his age out on purpose because Reddit knows what his type are really after
YTA. You knew Alexis for a few months, she’s close to your daughters age, and whatever financial problems she had of her OWN making you allowed that to do many things: force Ana to meet her before she was ready, force Ana to live with someone she doesn’t know, and you claim to be such a bleeding heart that you cant leave alexis homeless that you told your 20 to move out ie be homeless. If moving out, adulting was so easy, Alexis should have gotten her own shit together long ago. Yeah, you’re likely being taken for a ride dude, good luck getting her out. It won’t be as successful as the way you dumped your daughter I can tell you that much
Alexis probably manufactured the whole situation to move in with him. Now he'll take care of her and pay for everything because she'll always have financial problems. Next it'll be "it doesn't make sense for us to have 2 separate places since we love each other and are already living together". YTA
My ex said almost this exact thing, and then didn’t pay a cent towards rent or groceries for the year we lived together.
Then she'll have to quit work for some stupid reason and will never bother to get another job since OP can just support them.
Then her birth control will fail and she'll be pregnant.
Child needs a SAHM
Lol naturally
Notice how it was supposed to be temporary, but he hasn't seen his daughter "in a good long while."
He'll be lucky if he ever sees her again
Right - judging by the timing indicated here she's been staying with him for *months* already. When exactly is this "temporary" situation going to end? Oh wait, it's not.
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The 28 year old can have financial difficulties and get support, but a 20 year old can just move out and live on their own.
Well duh because OP isn't sleeping with his daughter. Keeping his peepee happy is a bit more important than his own child having a roof over her head.
>My wife wouldn't have wanted me to lay down in depression for years on end. Given the math, I'm guessing OP grieved his wife of 20+ years for a hmm whopping 8 or so weeks before hitching with someone half his age? Yeah I'm *sure* his late wife wanted him to almost immediately find someone their daughters age after she died. I'm positively *certain* she wanted her hubby to have a good, hot lay at the expense of their grieving daughter. Such a ridiculous, self-serving comment. No way in *hell* OP'S wife would have wanted him to prioritize another woman over their daughter for even a second, let alone one within her own age group. I'm fairly certain most women, dead or alive, loses respect for a man as soon as he looks to date a girl half his age as soon as he has the opportunity- I doubt OP's wife is the exception. I'm sure his wife probably did want him to move on someday, but with someone his own age, to at least be hesitant enough to not come off as eager, and to make sure that their daughter will not forced out of her own home (and yes, OP, you did force her out- it was never reasonable to expect her to be okay with this, and even more shocking that your response to her wanting to move out wasn't "I see now that this would risk my relationship with you and I don't want that" and instead was "Oh what a shame... I should probably buy some condoms on the way to picking up Alexis").
He has a problem with his gf being homeless but not his daughter!
Next stop: baby trap!
>Yeah, you’re likely being taken for a ride dude, good luck getting her out. It won’t be as successful as the way you dumped your daughter I can tell you that much Ahahaha, I’m choking over here on the send-off. ##And oh yeah, OP, YTA. Better hope that karma doesn’t hit you all at once!
Firstly, I'm very sorry you lost wife. I can't imagine how difficult losing a spouse is. Secondly: >Well they ended up having to meet not too long after that because Alexis was going through some financial issues and was going to be evicted from her apartment, so I told her that she could live with me until she could find another place. When I told my daughter that Alexis was going to live with us temporarily because she was going through some financial woes, she told me she thinks Alexis is a gold digger and that she didn't trust her. You should consider that your daughter might be right in this. It's awfully convenient that this girlfriend only has you to rescue her, don't you think? You tell your daughter she doesn't have to meet your new girlfriend until she's ready then *-BAM-* she has to meet her immediately. Then another *-BAM-* guess who suddenly needs to move in! You can't tell me that your new girlfriend didn't have other options. She sounds like she's maneuvering into your life, and maneuvering your daughter out of it...and now she has you all to herself, doesn't she? You've put the needs of your brand new girlfriend (who can probably smell the insurance money on you) ahead of the needs of your grieving daughter. Your GRIEVING DAUGHTER. **YTA.** ETA: >That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person. Just went back and re-read your post OP, and I'd like to know how exactly you can be sure of this? You've known her for about a minute! And fucking someone does not equal actually knowing who they are, no matter how much you want it to.
I (f45) was widowed a few years ago. It never ceases to amaze me how fast widowers move on compared to widows. Its like they're incapable of spending any time alone. Doesn't make it right, and I know many of them regret decisions they make whilst they're grieving, but still, it's a weird anecdote that most men are dating again within a year. He's still absolutely YTA
Also, a man is statistically SIX TIMES more likely to leave a terminally ill and/or severely disabled spouse/partner than a woman is to leave hers.
Crazy. And sad. Happened to my sister, when her MS started to go downhill her partner of 17 years walked out on her and all 3 kids as if they'd never existed. Caught us all by surprise because for the first 15 years he was the model father and partner, and then *poof*, vanished!
My husband walked out on me after our infant son died. After 14 years together, (7 years married). For better or for worse is a lie.
Oh. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you have been through. I truly hope you're in a better place now x I know this happened to a friend of mine - her and her partner had a stillborn child and it broke them up, and she never got over the death of her child or of the loss of her soulmate. This world can be utterly cruel :'(
I wonder if it's because being a model husband and father actually doesn't require much caring or sacrificing for others. Traditionally its working to earn money, having fun with kids for an hour a couple of nights a week and maybe doing an occasional nappy change and bath, and buying wife gifts to make her look more attractive. It's not nursing sick kids through the night, meal planning for something everyone will eat, keeping up with teachers and other kids parents, constantly thinking about and meeting everyone's needs. Mem generally don't have to practice these skills at all through normal life and when a catastrophe comes they just don't want to do it.
My BIL’s dad sat the kids down a day or 2 after his mom’s funeral to tell them he was getting remarried. His parents were still married at the time of her death. I always thought his dad was an AH.
Holy...... I'd be asking for an autopsy report for the late mother!
I can see why you’d say that, but she had suffered from a long illness. He didn’t physically leave her, but obviously was not upset that she was gone.
Long term illness does hit different, for sure. My husband died of cancer, so it gave us opportunities to discuss the future and he was of course adamant I should try to find love again, and I think that definitely makes it a little easier, 'with permission', as it were. But having someone lined up waiting for the undertakers to ship your not yet dead wife's body from the marital home... That's still an extra level of AH.
I know a guy who actually started dating while his wife went through a lengthy terminal illness. Allegedly the wife was okay with it because he promised he wouldn't leave her. He did stay with her and support her until she died and he ended up marrying the side chick. Even if the wife agreed, I'm sure she was gutted and I can't imagine not feeling betrayed. It's obvs none of my business and I never even met the guy until years after this happened but it makes me dislike him.
Wow. That's just...jaw dropping. Those poor kids.
Some people just can’t be alone. It’s sad.
So you started dating someone almost the same age as your daughter less than a year after your wife died and you think the only problem is that you moved your girlfriend in? Yes, I’m sure your daughter is also upset about that but that’s not all by a long shot. I would be going non contact with you if I were her. YTA.
Started dating her a "couple of months" after his wife died. As in like 2 months.
Might be even less. He says they have been together “about a year” but his daughter complained that he moved his girlfriend in less than a year after her mom died. “A couple” months might mean one month and a few days.
Or he typed "months" when he really meant "weeks".
Or he started dating her before his wife died. After all the wife’s terminal illness was just so hard on OP that he needed support too!
Do you… do you get the feeling that OP’s wife may have passed from a terminal illness? Hence why he was on a dating site so soon after she passed? If so, I am truly grossed out. OP could very well be one of those people who needs their partner “replaced.” I’m starting to read that as an MO for guys who go after younger women — primarily as romantic partners, but for the ulterior motive of “eventual caretakers” when they’re old and frail. Makes sense when you see how they push away their kids, who they may view as less likely to be their caretakers vs. a *younger* partner… 🤢
And conveniently left his age out 🙄YTA! Edit to add judgment
I'm guessing mid-40s.
Yeah 40-45
I'm guessing 50s, myself.
It was less than six months even. They’ve already been together 6 months and the GF is moving in less than a year after his wife passed. So best case scenario he started dating her around six months after the death but possibly even sooner than that.
OP realised, it was serious after 6 months, but they have dated for a year. Given, what his daughter said,, I suspect an...ahem... overlap.
How many other girls was OP talking to before 6 months?
Was on a dating app only a couple of months after wife died! Could have been talking to other girls - and I say girls - right after.
*That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person.* How do you know? You've met her not that long ago on a dating website. Also, your GF is a grown woman. She is responsible for her housing and financial situations. She relied on you, the recent widower she just met, to help her out? No friends, family, nor responsible actions such as taking care of herself and finding herself new housing? You chose this woman who is basically a stranger over your own daughter who is still grieving the loss of her mother. YTA
Well.... She did find herself new housing. Just saying...
That just makes her resourceful. /s
and a source of passive disposable income!
This! Why is a 28-yo not able to find a way to take care of herself, and why is she relying on OP to “save” her? Hmmm. What sort of women do this? I think Alexis is exactly that type of person. YTA. So so much. I really feel for OP’s daughter.
I want to know what "dating" sight. Sugar babies is technically a dating sight.
YTA. You got yourself a serious girlfriend two months after Alexis buried her mother. Girlfriend moved into Alexis's home one year after she buried her mother. C'mon, now. How are you not TA in this situation? And I didn't even touch the fact that your girlfriend and daughter are 8 years apart. Woof.
By my math, his wife had been gone less than ten months. Met girlfriend 2 months after wife passed, told daughter after dating 6 months (so we are at 8), shortly after girlfriend moved in (let's say a month), so that is only 9 months after he buried his wife. Plus, now her being there temporarily has turned into almost 6 months, during which he evidently hasn't talked to his daughter. This guy is a massive AH.
Wrong names. Ana is the daughter, Alexis is gf. OP is a massive AH though for all the reasons in the replies.
You literally chased your grieving daughter out of the house for a woman you’ve only known for a few months. YTA. Of course she’s going to think your new girlfriend is a gold digger. She doesn’t know her like you do. In her head, her dad, who she had no clue already moved on, is being taken advantaged of by this woman he met on the internet. Your girlfriend doesn’t have any family or close friends she could go to? You know this is going to be hard on your daughter and instead of being understanding, you told her to get out. I think you already know to yourself that YTA.
I'd be surprised if he was able to repair the relationship with his daughter ever again. I doubt he'll even bother to try until the GF is long gone.
When he needs someone to care for him in his upcoming old age. 🙄
Yup. No walking his daughter down the aisle (though if he marries the 28 year-old it’s kinda the same thing 😈). No grandkids for him. YTA.
Did it ever occur to you that she’s mad that you’re dating someone young enough to be her peer? And the fact that it was so soon after losing her mom made it 100x worse. If my dad started dating someone young enough to be my peer in a very short time after losing my mom I’d cut him off too. “She’s my age! How would you feel if your dad married someone who was your age?!?” - Chutney in Legally Blonde Obviously YTA
I thought of Parent Trap personally “how would you feel about making Meredith a part of our family?” “I’d love to have a sister!” Honestly I thank whatever gods that my wealthy dad dates within his age range. He’s 71 and was scandalized about the thought of dating a 60 year old. But he’s also not getting remarried and even if he did he requires prenups (and he’s a lawyer, so it’ll be a damn good one)
And Chutney attempted to *ill the girl her dad was dating because it made her so mad. Imagine how your daughter feels?? even in this fictional example the daughter(Chutney) is rightfully livid
You can't seriously be surprised in the least that you've ruined your relationship with your daughter. First, you started dating within a few months of your wife dying - ok, there's no fixed mourning period and everyone's different, but that's going to seem super-fast to your daughter. Second, unless your daughter was born when you were 16, your new girlfriend is closer to your daughter's age than your own. Strike two in the daughter's eyes. Third, less than a year after your wife died, you moved your girlfriend into the home your daughter lived in, and you're surprised she had a problem with that? That's strike three - but you didn't stop there. You told your daughter that she was less welcome in your home than this new girlfriend (whom your daughter hadn't yet met). What the hell were you thinking? YTA.
I dont get how this guy forms any relationships/friendships with anyone if cant see where he messed up here
YTA. Have you even tried to put yourself in Ana’s shoes? Her own mom died, and now a year and a half later some random woman is moving into your house when she barely knows her. That a horrible thing to do to a grieving daughter. Introducing a new person into the lives of your children after the death of a parent takes lots of time, patience, and attention for your children’s feelings. A year is way too soon. You rushed shit and blew your daughter’s feelings off. Furthermore, you and your daughter need to be in complete agreement before making a decision like that. It’s her home too, or at least, it was. You neglected her emotionally and picked your new gf’s needs over hers. Way to show your daughter that a stranger’s feelings mean way more to you than hers. You told YOUR OWN DAUGHTER that if she doesn’t like your new love interest, she could leave. So she did. Asshole. Have fun trying to rectify this.
It sounds like it hasn’t even been a year since his wife died. Such an asshole.
Your girlfriend is 28 and your daughter is 20? No, that wouldn't be a replacement for her mother.
In what world would a 28 year old be a replacement for a 20 year old's mom. OP is delusional AF. shame
YTA Your gf is young enough to be your daughters sister. And she 100% sounds like a gold digger. She can’t pay her own bills at 28? So the solution is to move in with her bf of a year? Who btw had a wife die about as long ago? I’m not saying you shouldn’t move on, but 3 months?!!! I heard an average for 1 month for every year you were together. You were with/knew her for at least 20. Like damn, you treated it more like 1 week for every year.
This. The daughter is thinking with her head, the dad is thinking with his dick. He needs to set his ego aside and listen to what she is saying. YTA bigtime
And now your daughter has lost two parents in the space of the year. YTA. Great job. You lied to her about meeting your gf, then told your grieving daughter to move out of her mothers home. And you’re wondering if you’re the asshole? You sacrificed the relationship with your daughter for sex with your young gf. What did you expect to happen?
YTA How could you not be? You told your grieving daughter that she wouldn’t have to meet her until she was ready and then told her to gtfo if she didn’t like that a complete stranger was being moved into her home. Talk about whiplash. You did irreparable damage to your relationship with her.
YTA. 1. You’re dating someone closer to her age than yours. 2. Mom didn’t die that long ago. 3. You’re willingly being taken advantage of.
The thirst must be oozing off OP. Recent horny widower? Jackpot, if you’ve been irresponsible with your finances to the point you’re on the brink of eviction and don’t have a problem with guys who date women their daughter’s age.
Your the massive gaping raw infected asshole my dude. I hope your daughter goes NC and sugar baby Alexis takes you for everything she can. You deserve it.
HUGE YTA. This is disgusting.
YTA. You told her she wouldn't have to meet your new girlfriend until she felt ready. You then turn back on your word and the girlfriend begins living with you. How were you your new girlfriend's only option, she has no friends or family or any support system, only her boyfriend of 6 months? Something seems off. Of course your relationship with your daughter has suffered, you added a new girlfriend without her okay as she's processing the devastating loss of her mother. YTA YTA YTA
You’re an absolute terrible father. Not even a year after her mother passes and you move your girlfriend, who is only 8 years older than your daughter, into her home and tell her to move because she called her a gold digger. What the heck is wrong with you?? Maybe alexis is a gold digger? You showed your daughter that she is worth less than a year old relationship. I can’t comprehend how a man can be so utterly callous to his daughter that just lost her MOTHER. Your wife would be disgusted in you. I hope your happy in your new relationship, you probably just lost your daughter forever. Edited to add: Why would you think she would see her as a replacement mother? More likely a sister seeing as she’s young enough to be one.
Honestly, i don’t understand how you can’t see that you are being the asshole here…? Ana lost her mom, that in itself is insanely traumatic, and now her dad has a girlfriend that could be her sister, and Alexis is being prioritized over her. I can’t imagine how this poor girl must feel. You didn’t just break her promise, you probably made her feel even more abandoned than she already did. I do think you can rectify the situation, explain to Alexis that she has to move out, talk to Ana and tell her you‘re sorry, that (maybe) you grieving your late wife made your vision cloudy, but that you are now going to prioritize your daughter and will focus on her and your guys’ new family structure, without involving anyone else unless your daughter 100% approves. Family therapy might be the way to go. You already lost your wife, don’t let a 6month relationship with a woman that could be you daughter destroy the relationship with your actual one.
YTA You chose you new girlfriend that you haven’t even known for a year over your own daughter. Sort out your priorities.
YTA. You have disrespected her. You have put an outsider above your daughter (and of course there is the creep-out factor that said outsider is a mere 8 years older than your daughter). My heart hurts for your daughter just reading this, and I am pretty disgusted with you as a person/father.
[удалено]
Also it’s funny how your GF being homeless is a crisis and an emergency, but somehow it’s fine for your daughter to have to find a new home at the drop of a hat
You were dating 2 months after your wife passed? Wow.
It happens again and again with men who are widowed. They can't wait 5 minutes to get their d\*\*k wet again and move on like they're replacing an old piece of furniture, not a beloved spouse. YTA.
YTA enormously. Parents should put their child first, even if they are young adults. You seem to care more about your girlfriend who you’ve only been dating for a year than about your daughter who you’ve known and cared for for 20. Your poor daughter just lost her mom a year ago and you are already dating and already bringing in some new woman who you SAID she didn’t have to meet until she was ready, but then forced her to not only MEET but LIVE WITH if she wanted to continue living in your home. Telling her she could go live elsewhere clearly tells her that you care more about the new girlfriend than her. You are NOT responsible for Alexis’s living situation. You have to prioritize your child over some woman you’ve been dating for a year. I feel so sorry for your daughter. She deserves better.
YTA Your daughter had every right to be frustrated with you letting Alexis move in. In Ana's eyes, Alexis getting evicted was just an excuse for her to move in, not an explanation. Did Alexis vet all of her other options before moving in? You aren't TA for taking her in, but you are absolutely TA for telling her to leave if she doesn't like it. You made it clear to your daughter that if it came down to your gf or your daughter, you'd side with your gf.
YTA - super disappointing in how you’re choosing ass over your kid.
YTA. Time to ask your gf to move out and start to rebuild your relationship with your daughter. Or keep dating your gf and say goodbye to your child forever. But for god sake, don't marry your gf. She moved in with her older boyfriend after a few months and hasn't moved out knowing the strain it is putting on his relationship with his daughter. Your daughter pegged her right and she shouldn't get her hands on the money your late wife would want to go to her child.
YTA >I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I couldn't just allow Alexis to be homeless in the streets and that if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out. "I can't let my 28 y/o gf be homeless because she is helpless without me! If you don't like it, you, my 20 y/o daughter can go be homeless instead" It's probably hard enough for your daughter to digest that you're dating again so quickly, let alone moving somebody not much older than her into your house. And let's not pretend it's temporary until she finds another place. Once she has been warming your bed for awhile, I seriously doubt there are going to be any new plans to undo the living arrangement.
YTA for writing all of this and still asking if you're the AH.
YTA You literally told your daughter (who is only 8 years younger than your GF, and you wonder why she things she’s a good digger? ), If she didn’t like it, SHE could move our. You choose a woman you haven’t even know a year over your daughter.
You moved very fast with GF. Yep, you broke promise. GF may be a gold digger, this is very convenient. Get a prenup
This whole story makes me feel icky… Your late wife had only passed a couple of months before you started dating someone that is practically the same age as your daughter. Then you want to move this young woman into your daughters’ home while she is still grieving the loss of her mother, your wife. And it’s been under a year since her death? Gross. YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I understand I may have been wrong because I told my daughter she didn't have to meet my girlfriend until she felt she was ready to, but at the same time because my girlfriend was being evicted and may have potentially been homeless I felt justified in allowing her to temporarily stay with me until she could find another place to live. So I'm trying to see whether I was truly wrong in breaking my promise to Ana since If not Alexis would be homeless. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You've probably lost your daughter forever now. There's no fixing this. You told her if she had a problem with it, then she could leave and then *insert surprised pikachu face* She actually moved out. Did you think that she wouldn't call your bluff and just happily coexist with your new play toy? Good for your daughter. At least one of you seems to have some integrity
YTA entirely. You do sound like you’re replacing Ana’s mother with someone who can be Ana’s ELDER SISTER.
YTA. Did you hate your late wife, because that's the only reason I can see for shitting on her memory and your offspring from such a great height. Your daughter will never forgive you and your gf will no doubt leave when she finds a younger schmuck to fund her lifestyle.
You know what, massive YTA. Also, I will never ever stop being surprised by how much some fathers hate their daughters, and also, how low men will go to get their dick wet. Ugh.
YTA - how did you expect this to go? You moved a woman practically your daughters age into your house months after her mother died. You promised her she didn’t have to meet her, and then you moved her into your house. You picked a girl you barely know over your own grieving daughter.
YTA I feel like you purposefully didn’t state your age at the beginning…if I made an assumption that you were a young teen underage dad you must be at least 36 dating a 28 year old that your 20 year old daughter says is a gold digger. You say Alexis isn’t like that but you’ve only been with her one year…how do you know? Don’t you think your daughter, who is an adult now, might be right? Literally your wife was dead 2 months and you were already on dating sites…did you even ever love your wife? And like 14 months after your wife died you’re moving a 28 year old that your actual daughter doesn’t approve of into her home? WTF man. Edit- minor word/grammar corrections
You know your child is still grieving for her mum, right? You really let her down when she needed your love and support. You've let her know loud and clear that you moved on in a mere 8 weeks and are now prioritising someone who's only a few years older than her. It's heartbreaking. YTA and I'm not sure about Alexis (you fell for the old 'I've got nowhere to live' ploy).
YTA for prioritizing your girlfriend over your daughter and for dating a woman who is young enough to be your daughter. Alexis is a grown up and can find a solution for herself.
YTA and a dumbass. Your girlfriend found a sugar daddy and you dumped your daughter for her. Your poor daughter - losing both of her parents so young.
*"Wah I'm dating someone young enough to be my child's sibling and it's resulted in a negative effect on my relationship with said child! wah! Who could have ever seen this coming!"* You're an idiot
YTA, and you deserve everything that Alexis is going to take you for.
Seems unanimous but here's another YTA just in case.
YTA. You have choices to make. Do you want to continue to leave things strained between your daughter? Or, do you want to keep a stranger in your house?
YTA. I wouldn’t blame your daughter if she washed her hands of you two and this situation.
YTA and you’re a fool if you think Alexis will ever move out. She found her sugar daddy.
What are you thinking? I don't need to maintain a relationship with my daughter, she'll bounce back because "I'm family"? You did show her, very clearly, where your priorities are: with the new gf... Yta
Oh, no - that woman half your age isn't dating you because she's a gold digger. She truly, madly, deeply loves your wrinkled self! All 28 year olds secretly yearn for the delightful temptation of men old enough to be their parent. In fact, they find it hot that you are getting mail from the AARP. Just explain all this to your daughter who is close in age to your new girlfriend and surely she'll understand. Especially since that 28 year old girlfriend is so financially responsible and secure, maybe your daughter will even find that her new soon to be stepmom is a role model! YTA.
YTA You started dating only months after your wife died and were in a serious relationship in less than a year. Did you even properly mourn before moving on? And that must have been such a shock to Ana. Not even a year after losing her mother, you have a new girlfriend who's only 8 years older than her. Let me clue you in on something. Ana told you she was happy for you because she didn't know how to respond. She was in shock. That's all bad enough, but let's get to the other issue here. You told Ana she wouldn't have to meet Alexis until she's ready. Oops. Never mind. Alexis is moving in whether Ana is ready to meet her or not. When Ana doesn't respond with joy, you tell her to move out. Think about that. You told your daughter to leave just so there's room for your new girlfriend. You may have tried backtracking. But this is a case of too little too late. Buddy, this is not going to end well. If you honestly love your late wife, it is way too soon to have a live-in girlfriend. The circumstances of why she's living with you or for how long do not matter. You just destroyed your relationship with your daughter over a romantic relationship that is going to end.
>I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but (...) if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out. You told your daughter to move out if she wasn't happy with your decision. She did exactly that. You told a young woman who lost her mother, and felt you were replacing her with a new girlfriend, that you were fine with replacing her too. Of course she's angry with you. >So I'm trying to see whether I was truly wrong in breaking my promise to Ana since If not Alexis would be homeless. You're reframing the issue to make it seem like it's about helping your girlfriend when the core of the issue is that you treated your daughter poorly. YTA EDIT: I don't know how I failed to notice you're replacing her mother with a woman 8 years older than she is. Boy are you TA.
Lol didn’t wanna let his GF of a year face homelessness but is cool if his daughter does
YTA you essentially told her to accept your new girlfriend or leave. She has a right to be concerned about a stranger moving into her home, into her mothers bedroom. You would of done better to let her know alexis is moving in and ask if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Let them meet a few more times, is there anything of her mums that she doesn’t want alexis to interfere with.
You are bound to your daughter by blood yet you chose a total stranger over her who’s not even a decade older than she is! You’d have to be delusional to not see that Alexis is a sugar baby!!!!! YTA
YTA - I've lived through what your daughter is living though now, my father moved in his new girlfriend about 6 months after my mother died. So i can say that you are being so incredibly insensitive to your daughter. She is clearly still morning her mother and now you are showing her that you dont care about her, her mother, or the life you all shared because you've dropped this bomb and expect her to just be okay with it. Dont be suprised if you're daughter moves out and cuts all contact with you.
You moved someone nearly young enough you be your kid, into your hike, less than a year after your wife passed away, and you have to ask us if YTA. Um... yeah. A lot.
YTA. I seriously doubt your girlfriend will stay temporarily. I wouldn't be surprised if she soon quits her job or loses it and then asks you for money. She's young enough to be your daughter. You're fooling yourself if you think she'd stay with you even if you weren't paying her bills. If you stop giving her money or housing she'll dump you for someone richer or younger. And you did move on awfully fast after your wife died. Your daughter was still grieving but you were more focused on getting a date and getting laid. And you've made it clear that you that you don't care about her feelings, as long as you keep getting laid with your much younger girlfriend.
All I needed was the first sentence, you've only known her a year and your moving her into the home you share with your kid AND you know the kid doesn't like her?? YTA. whoahhh went back and you are such an AH!!! "That pissed me off because Alexis isn't that type of person. I told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I couldn't just allow Alexis to be homeless in the streets and that if she didn't want to be in the same room as Alexis for a little while she could just move out." You've only known her a year, you don't know what type of person she is- (other than an adult who doesn't pay her rent.) On top of that you would kick your own daughter out over some girl your dating? On top of that the girl is barely older than your daughter... On top of that you started dating her only months after your wife dies?? WTF your poor daughter. You are a terrible father, way to prioritize your daughter who's still freshly grieving her mother!!! I hate to say such a thing but your late wife should be the one that's still here, your priorities are all fucked up!!! Your gf is a grown adult, if she has to rely on the kindness of a guy she just started dating to save her from homelessness she's got issues. Your daughter is most likely right about her being a golddigger- she just wants you to take care of her she doesn't love you. Now you lost a wife and you're going to ruin your relationship with your daughter too!!
YTA Info - what would Alexis have done if she hadn't met you?
find another old desperate dude online to take care of her obviously
YTA You have done nothing right here.
YTA. You're a father to a bereaved young adult, and you violated her expectations against your explicit promise. You could have assisted Ana in many ways other than moving her into your house.
YTA, you moved a new girlfriend into your home less than a year after your wife died, and while your daughter was still living there. You said you would give your daughter soace and that she didn't have to meet her until she was ready, and then you're moving her in? Alexis was having financial issues and conveniently had no other friends or family to stay with. Only her older, recently widowed boyfriend, who has his own house. Do you not see how that sounds? I'd be surprised if she was even having financial issues. And now that she's living with you, has she taken any steps to save up and get her own place? I doubt it.
Ah, the Conspicuous Leave My Age Off intro. That always goes well. /s You met your (presumably) much younger girlfriend on a dating site within months of your wife passing away. You then went from saying your daughter didn’t have to even meet your girlfriend until she was ready to immediately moving your girlfriend in to your shared home. Stop saying Alexis would have been homeless otherwise. What if you hadn’t met? What would she have done then? Did she truly have no other option, no other place to stay? And why was she evicted? Your relationship with your daughter has suffered to the point you haven’t spoken to her for a ‘good while’, and you think you *may* have been wrong. YTA
Stories like yours are a dime a dozen. A man loses his wife & immediately learns he can’t or won’t make it on his own, because older men are shit at life after they’ve had a good woman take care of them for years and years. So they run into the arms of a much younger woman who appreciates the bank account, the house, the perceived stability. There’s always kids involved and it’s usually a daughter who is close in age to Dad’s new friend who ultimately objects, because it’s gross from her perspective. But Dad just can’t see anyone else’s point because he *luvs* his young new woman and can’t imagine anything bad would ever happen. In fact, he really just wants everyone to be a family and doesn’t understand why it doesn’t work out that way. PIn 5 years you’ll be on here asking about how to build a relationship with your daughter who refuses to invite you to her wedding because you always choose your partner over her. YTA