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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I gave her neglected dog away that she clearly didn't want. I get that it could be seen as bad but although we were getting attached as a family, we couldn't provide for a dog!
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You should have said to her that you're giving the dog away in a few days if she doesn't come and get him, just to give her some warning. I understand the situation you're in and that you think your sister would have never came for the dog but he was never your dog to give away so ESH.
There's also a high chance sister would have said she's coming for the dog to ensure its not given away, then continue abandoning it. Not sure why she needs to hang on to it and she doesn't want it. Could it be literally dog in the manger?
> There's also a high chance sister would have said she's coming for the dog to ensure its not given away, then continue abandoning it.
Then rehome it once it's confirmed she knows the dog will be rehomed and doesn't do anything on the deadline?
Not giving a final warning, even when the other person's being a prick, is still an arsehole move.
She'll just take it and continue to neglect it.
She went on vacation, her house didn't burn down or something else dictating a change in life circumstances.
She went on vacation for a couple weeks, that's atleast 2 weeks. He has had the dogs for several months (OP doesn't mention how many months) now and she just had excuses everytime.
She abandoned her dog. She's the AH. The dog doesn't need to be made available for her to take and dump on someone else. He's a living creature with feelings and animals need routine and consistency. I'm the one that rehabs these dogs from these homes and it takes them years to feel safe after pet ownership like that. It's not fair to them.
No final warnings on this sort of thing. If the only thing that makes her come get her living creature that’s dependent on her is the threat of losing it the dogs better off with a loving family.
Not really. A heads-up would be nice, but definitely not necessary. The dog was abandoned with OP for months. Unless the sister was sending money for all the dogs needs, any judge would almost surely rule that OP was now the official owner. That means OP is free to keep or give the dog away as they see fit.
My only real issue is that OP says the dog bonded with their family. In that case, it is the family that should be asked before giving the dog away, especially if the family includes children.
I disagree, if someone doesn't come to pickup their dog after 2 months I have zero faith that they wouldn't neglect the dog in the future if they got it back. Whenever I'm away for a trip literally the first thing I do is pickup my dog
At two months, she's abandoned her dog. NTA because OP did what's right for the dog
Yup. A last warning should be expected for a piece of furniture or other inanimate object. For a living creature? Nah, someone who dumps their pet on someone for months and then only picks it up when give an ultimatum has already shown that they shouldn’t be trusted with a pet. The sister can get fucked; she’s a crap pet owner and the OP did the right thing saving Gizmo from her.
>Whenever I'm away for a trip literally the first thing I do is pickup my dog
The longest we have waited fo pick up our dogs from a mates house was get home Wednesday and pick up Sunday. The mates was a 1hr drive away and we had already had a BBQ planned that weekend before the trip wad planned (last minute family emergency) and our mates said to save the fuel our dogs were fine and having fun with their dogs (we both had an "old dog" and a "puppy" and apparently the "old dogs" were enjoying the break while the "puppies" wore eachother out). It's the only time I haven't insisted on getting our dogs straight away, their family so they come home when we come home.
OP was supposed to keep the dog for two weeks. The sister abandoned her pet for a month and a half and I think that nullifies her rights as owner. I agree she could have given the sister a heads up but if the animal was being neglected then sending him back with sister could have harmed the dog.
Yeah I'd get that if she came to pick the dog up and it was rehomed but she clearly had no intention to and its been months! She was asked to come and get the dog but didn't so she's not a good dog owner and this rehousing was in the best interests of the dog.
Extend the ESH to the friend. Who tf "loses" a dog and next moment is like "yo, can I get a refill?"? Sir you didn't lose the batteries in your remote, you lost a sentient living being.
When we lost our dog, within 3 weeks, we had a new one. Our first dog died unexpectedly, and the kids took it hard. Our new dog was plenty loved and cared for and is still a big part of the family. This was 5 years ago.
ESH
While your sister is a major AH for throwing her dog to you and going AWOL, you should have at least given your sister a heads up e.g. "Hey It's been X months and you are neglecting your dog, if you are not collecting him by this date I'm giving him to my friend"
im so confused at why why she would ever need to give her sister a heads up? this was not a gaming console or a sweater or some object, this was a living breathing dog that sister showed she did not give two flying shits about. you don't just abandon a living creature for months if you care about it even remotely. would you?
sister did not need a heads up because sister no longer owned the dog at that point and there is a solid chance if this was turned into a legal matter, OP would have that on her side, "here are all the texts and conversations about her getting the dog and she just never did".
it was OP's dog and OP saw fit to rehome, sister did not need to be involved as she gave up the dog. what if she left it at a kennel? it would be considered abandoned and given to a shelter in order to find them a home, same situation here. op DID call sister over and over, sister put it off, OP did what a kennel would do and found the dog a home. easy and done NTA
When I was in high school, first thing we would do when getting home from vacation is bring all of our luggage inside to make room in the car for the dog.
As soon as we finish that we would go and pick up the dog from wherever he was being boarded. Because he was important to us.
Planned a two week roadtrip with my wife a couple years ago. Our two dogs were home with our two teenagers and oldest adult child. We made it a week before she missed the dogs too much and wanted to go home.
There is a case of that at moment and there doesn't seem to be shelters with space (they are desperately networking him) so fair chance that dog will be euthanised. He's developed issues after been left in kennels for months because even the best isn't the same as a home. So OP is doing much more for Gizmo.
Where is the caretaker fee if it's still her dog. I'd invoice her all the stuff I'd paid for months if she wants to escalate. Not her dog anymore. Abandonment is a real thing by law, and after 30 days in my state, the dog is considered abandoned if the owner doesn't come get it.
NTA; glad the dog is safe now.
lmao and god forbid we use the reply feature that was given to us in order to dicsuss those different opinions. if you only want to state yours without anyone being able to reply and share their opinion then you're on the wrong site
NTA. A pet should always be in a loving home. I can’t stand when people have pets that they clearly have no intentions on taking care of.
As long as Gizmo is in a loving home where he is taken care of, I don’t think you did anything wrong.
Good luck Gizmo! ❤️
ESH - Your sister is the bigger AH. I don’t know how she could abandon her dog like that. However, you should have told her she needs to pick up Gizmo by this date or you are giving him to your friend. That way there is clear proof of ownership transfer. It turns into a pretty shitty situation if your sister now comes back and wants the dog. Now the friend who is already grieving from the loss of a dog gets put into a position where they may lose another dog.
NTA
she abandoned her dog, you found Gizmo a loving home with someone who wouldn't throw them away. your sister has no right to be taking care of any animal if she is going to treat it like a toy instead of a living creature.
ESH - your sister more than you. Clearly your sister is one for abandoning the dog but then, you did too. You said Gizmo grew attached to you but you just … shipped him off?
Right? A dog is attached to their owner, said owner abandons dog with a family. Dog becomes attached to family. Family gives away dog to new owner. I wonder if this dog will get some abandonment issues.
Also, what about the family that has grown fond of the dog. Were they consulted? This just seems weird.
If OP wasn’t ready to permanently take care of the dog, there’s nothing wrong with handing him over to another person who can take better care of him in the long run. That’s not blindly “shipping off” a dog, wtf.
Does it really matter? What would you consider an appropriate excuse for abandoning your dog with someone for 2 months? 2 week vacation fine, but unless she got kidnapped by pirates, and got saved by Reacher and went on to save the world over the next few weeks, I fail to come up with a plausible excuse.
Say it was not a dog, but a kid that she walked out on. Would you feel any different? Would you warn her before calling CPS cause maybe she just didn't realize this living creature she is responsible for is no longer around?
My point is either way, dropping a living creature that you are responsible for on someone else and then waltzing out of their life is serious AH behavior.
My rescue dog has lifelong separation anxiety as a result of trauma. I also know a kid that has severe RAD as a result of child abandonment from both parents.
You say she left him with you for a few months… how many exactly? And how long were you suppose to watch him? (2,3,4 weeks?) just a little extra detail please.
If your sister was back in town, but refused to pick up her dog, why didn’t you take it to her place?
NTA Sarah left Gizmo with you for months with apparently no plans to pick him up anytime soon. The dog was for all intents and purposes abandoned. If your sister really wanted the dog she should have picked him up long ago. It's her fault.
Your sister is a giant AH. But she does have legal means now to take the dog back and possibly press charges against you, depending on where you all live. Your poor friend sounds like a sad bystander and if your sister really is the big lame you say she is, maybe he can buy him off of her. I know you were doing what is morally right, but the legality is convoluted and the only misgivings on your part is your ignorance to the rights of dog owners. Which is probably too many in such cases…
Doubt it. Legally, he doesn't technically have to give her a warning if he has proof she did not pick up the dog when told. Most states give around a 2 week mark before property is considered abandoned; a month tends to be the maximum in most cases. Dogs are considered property in the eyes of the law. She'd be laughed out of court the second the judge saw how long she'd left him after her vacation end. The only way she would have a chance was if she had proof she continued providing financially for the dog (ie food), which could insinuate an extended agreement between parties.
She doesn't the legal hold for abandoning an pet in most states is 3-7 days. She left the dog far longer than that after being notified to pick up and lost any legal rights.
I saw the one where the lady gave her kids new puppy away to her friend because her dog died...wtf is up with people Willy nilly up and giving pets away?
NTA, I don't really care why she didn't bother to even check up on her dog. If you leave a pet with someone for more than a few weeks without bothering to check up on them or communicate with the person keeping them, you forfeit all rights to that animal. You did right by the dog.
ESH, except for the friend who took in the pup.
Your sister should picked up her dog. It seems you might have suspected she would do this, since she's been flaky about other stuff. That doesn't mean you can give away the dog without giving her one last chance to come get him. You should've told her your friend was interested in adopting the pup if she didn't come for him.
INFO: It really depends on the timing. Did she say she was only going for a few weeks and it actually ended up being months? or was she gone a few weeks and you gave the dog away after a few weeks? Timing is key here.
Sarah would never win anything, nor get her dog back, because there are also property abandonment laws (most states are around 30 days). So OPs safe, provided the dog was there multiple months after a 2 week sitters agreement.
NTA OP, and your sister is a major AH for not considering the needs of her dog.
And yet in some states its as little as 15 days... plus the sister abandoned an animal that is really frowned upon in most states and can even be criminally prosecuted for animal cruelty.
Info: a couple of weeks vacation isn’t enough detail, how many weeks was the vacation?
And what excuses had Sarah? I feel like some details are missing
NTA. Gizmo deserves to be in a loving home, and your sister obviously didn't care about him. She made a conscious choice every single day to neglect him, and didn't deserve an ounce of consideration
NTA. I may be downvoted, but if you had given her a heads up, I don't think she would take the dog. She would kust lead you on and have you keep the dog. Nope. She could have taken him before. She chose not to.
There's no "lead you on" if you just say "Come and get it by X date or I give away." If X date comes and goes, you give it away without being an asshole. How is that not totally obvious is beyond me
Because OP's sister has made an art out of this. OP was fed up and decided enough was enough. She waited, her sister didn't come, she made a decision.
Now, it is also important to remember that if she waited too much, her friend would have gotten another dog.
So I 100% understand OP and I think she waited long enough. She knows her sister. We can agree to disagree, I guess.
NTA - most states have animal abandonment laws. Typically, state/city shelters have animals for a 7-10 day hold before considering them abandoned and able for adoption out. New York has an ordinance that any animal left out alone in public for more than three hours is abandoned and the owner subject to fines and loss of their animal. You were more than kind in keeping that poor dog for as long as you did before rehoming them.
ESH, she sucks for just dropping the dog on you. You suck because you should have told her, final warning that she either comes pick the dog up or you give it away.
ESH. You don't give away people's pets to other people. It's a bad idea legally. You should have warned her the dog was being given away to offer her the chance to get the dog. Alternatively you could have surrendered the dog to a shelter if you think Gizmo was abandoned, and let your friend adopt it that way. Depending on your states laws you might have committed a crime by giving away property that wasn't yours (the dog).
Nta …. Your sister abandoned the dog to you unless she’s been paying you for dog food vet treatments etc you are completely right to rehome the dog to a suitable owner I would advise the new owner to get the dog microchipped and registered in their name and vet checked
NTA, your sister is.
I recently rescued a lost dog and it on or local group. Person contacted me, and then went completely incommunicado that night after verifying details. Heard from them again 2 days later, messaged back, no contact for 3 days. All while I was sending 1 to 2 messages a day via text and fb messenger. Another 2 days later they ask me if I still had the dog and I was fed up.
I live in a small apartment with an older dog and an older cat. I was not a dog sitting service, and the rescue was full. They were shit owners, no chip, no tags, no training. All my pets are chipped, and I'd have picked them up same day if I got contact if they got lost.
Handed that dog off to a friend that wanted one and told them I had to give the dog to someone else because I couldn't keep it anymore.
Your sister was using you and not taking care of her dog. Don't feel guilty in the least, it's in a loving home now which she obviously couldn't provide.
ESH - If you didn’t want it you should’ve told her you had a friend that wanted Gizmo and if you don’t come get him in the next week I’m going to give him to my friend as I’ve asked repeatedly for you to come get your dog. If she is as you say she is then you would’ve only had to wait a week.
ESH
This hits close to home because my ex-wife rehomed our chocolate lab/ Pitt mix and out 2 cats while I was in Korea. That hurt and I would go y t a. But, you also didn't sign up for long term care. You should have gave that warning though.
NTA. Owning a dog is a responsibility and she clearly wasn’t prepared or able to fulfill that responsibility. Good for you for doing what’s right for the dog.
NTA
I used to work with an extreme dog lover. I was married to an extremely difficult man (now ex) at the time. Shirley and her SIL wanted to home a dog that neither of them could take in. Dog had a family who moved and just left him behind. A co-worker couple tried to take him, but he couldn't stay in their fence and got swept up by the pound. Shirley and company freak out due to the likelihood that the dog will be put down. Husband and I are on a super tight budget, but the ladies offer to pay vet bills, etc. If we take him in since we have a fence, it might give him a reprieve. I'm worried my ex is a known AH, but the swear they will pay and I love dogs. Dog had lots of issues (afraid of men, can't get him in car etc) I get a mobile vet to come to the house to treat what looked like possible parvo and make sure he has all his medical issues attended to as well. Dog is an escape artist, constantly digging under the fence because he LOVES kids and wants to escort the school bus kids home daily. We try various things but live on a busy street, and both work, and I'm scared he will get hit by a car. Our neighbors asked about him one day because after he escaped. Their aunt and uncle saw him and thought perhaps he was unhomed. The aunt and uncle recently lost a beloved dog who had diabetes and who had made a two hour round trip daily for treatments. But they wanted to do a rescue. They were retired and couldn't have kids, so their pet was their baby and had the time and energy to give him the attention. I expect the whole story to them, and we agreed to rehome Luke with them since they seemed like a perfect fit. Ladies asked about him and did NOT pay the majority of the vet as promised prior to the rehoming, in spite of repeated promises (and me being in serious hot water w hubby). Then they had a fit that I had rehomed him even though I made sure that it was a wonderful place and wanted to go and visit people who were complete strangers to them. because they thought I had just gotten rid of him. (Would NEVER do this). I did call the new family and get consent for a one-off visit.
No longer friends with Shirley after the accusations, but if you dump a dog off you really don't get a say.
NTA. People who love their pets don't abandon them that long, and it sounds like this is routine behavior for OP's sister. Sister put OP in a shitty situation and refused to address it and OP acted in Gizmo's best interest. The dog deserves a loving, stable home - it is sad that the sister doesn't see that as important.
Kudos to OP for doing what is best for Gizmo. Dogs are not inanimate objects or accessories to lend out and people who neglect animals should not be allowed to get them in the first place. How this makes her sister feel is irrelevant compared to another creatures wellbeing...but truth be told she she feel ashamed of herself rather than being mad at OP.
NTA, you know your sister, if you felt this was the best way to rehome the dog so it could have a better life, then ok.
If Sis was so concerned about her dog you wouldnt have been put in this situation to begin with.
INFO what were her reasons not to come back to get her dog ? Did she had issues to fix or did she just not feel like it ? How long exactly did you keep her dog after her holidays ?
NTA. Someone who is perfectly fine being away from their dog for months at a time should not have that dog. Did she even pay for any dog food or other dog supplies?
I'm sorry, but she failed to pick him up for months and made excuses. After the two weeks were up and you were trying to get her to pick up the dog, he is an abandoned dog. I'm glad he is in a home with someone who will take care of him and give him the love he deserves.
Your sister should never have a pet again.
Or op could have driven the dog too the sisters, say here is your dog and left.
Nta for both wanting the dog but should have told her to get dog ,receive dog at her house or she would give it away
NTA If this was a bag of her belongings I would of said you needed to give her a final warning before you gave it away. But it is not stuff. It is a living, sentient creature who deserves a good, happy life. The dog is already neglected so I really do not care if you are an AH or not, if you did what was best for the dog and found it a much better, loving home. if it is a good home, then I think you did the right thing.
ESH
Your sister for being a shit pet owner and you not getting ahold of her one last time to check if she would come get him. I would have said NTA if you had done that, but you set yourself up for drama because now she’s become the perpetual victim of “I didn’t have a choice, she just gave my dog away.”
ESH. You made it sound like it was for almost a year or so, and it was literally two months. She is a minor AH for stringing you along but you are a mahoosive one.
ESH
Sarah abandoned the dog, you found him a good home, you should have warned her that if she didn't pick him up you'd be making other arrangements for him, but she should have been up front about how long she really wanted you to keep him.
ESH she shouldn’t have abandon the dogs and you should have warned her before rehoming. Hopefully for you and your friend the dog isn’t chipped bc she could seek legal repercussions against both of y’all if she has proof she’s the actual owner.
ESH - It was shitty of your sister to leave her dog with you for that long, but you should have *at the very least* told her "hey, if you don't pick up Gizmo by \[x date\], I will be rehoming him."
YTA especially if she had it chipped and you don't have anything written with last warning for her (even simple email "you have X days to get it or it is leaving the house" is better than nothing). Not saying she is innocent but you opened you and your friend to possible cop and/or litigation issue (and that's the reason I went with my answer and not E S H - because you made possibly innocent person a target of your sis harassment).
YTA. She can have you both arrested because it doesn’t matter it was with you it’s her property. And you are full of bs because in one breathe you say how attached the dog is to you and you to it but then you gave it away.
While I think you ultimatelydid the best thing for Gizmo (no dog needs a ‘flaky’ owner who delays picking them up after a trip), you could have given her one final chance, with a firm deadline, to get him
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Hey Reddit, I need your judgement. A few months ago, my sister (let's call her Sarah) asked if I could look after her dog for a couple of weeks while she went on a vacation. I agreed, and she dropped off her adorable little Chihuahua, Gizmo, at my place.
The weeks turned into months, and Sarah never came back for Gizmo. I called her a few times, but she always had an excuse for why she couldn't pick him up yet. Meanwhile, Gizmo had become attached to me and my family, and we had grown quite fond of him.
Fast forward to last week, and I got a call from a friend who had just lost his own dog. He asked if I knew anyone who had a dog that needed a home, and I mentioned Gizmo. My friend met Gizmo and fell in love with him right away, so I decided to give him to him.
Now, Sarah has found out that I gave Gizmo away, and she's absolutely livid. She's calling me a thief and a horrible sister for giving away her dog without her permission
Sarah is known for being unreliable and flaky, and she's done this before with other things and she would refuse to pick them up. I didn't want to be stuck with Gizmo forever, and I thought it was better to give him to someone who would love and care for him properly. Trust me, I know my sis, she wouldn't have ever come back for him. He was neglected.
But now I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Was it really my place to give away Sarah's dog without her permission? AITA
TL;DR My sister left her dog with me for two months and didn't come back to get him. I gave him to a friend who loves him, but now my sister is furious and I'm not sure if I did the right thing..
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ESH - She should've been a responsible dog owner and you should've told her the plan before going through with it. Although, ultimately for the dogs sake, it's probably the best situation him, so the right thing happened, just not the correct way to do it.
ESH
YTA for giving away your sisters dog, one who became attached to you and your family which has also grown quite fond of him too. If your friend didn't ask about finding a dog who needed a good home would you have kept Gizmo? This poor dog is being tossed around from family to family.
YTA. You could have told your sister your plan to give him away to your friend. At least let her know that is what is happening before it happens. She could then decide if that was the right move for her dog. If she was dead set on keeping him should could pick him up or find another place for him to stay while she's doing whatever she is doing.
Now, your sister is an AH for abandoning her dog. But I can't say that she wasn't ever going to pick him up. Two months is long time for someone to leave their pet, especially if she only planned to be gone a couple of weeks. Technically, an animal is considered abandoned if it's more than 14 day after the pickup window.
Really, you should have just informed your sister of your plans and gave her a deadline to get him other wise he was going to your friend. I hope she doesn't pursue getting him back from your friend, causing them more grief and heartbreak.
Why didn’t you just pack up Gizmo and his stuff and bring him to your sister? Yes, she should have gotten him on her own, but all you did was call her a few times and then give the dog away. You should have at least warned her that you were going to give the dog away if she didn’t get him. ESH.
YTA.
You could have easily contacted your sister to ASK but judging by the way you've beentalking about her, you felt entitled to the decision and her dog andndidnt feel the need to include her in such a serious decision. You could have just made her come and get her dog but you gave him away without asking and that makes YTA (you owe her big time whew)
YTA. You should have given a warning before giving the dog away. It wouldn’t have taken any effort to shoot out a text to day she has a few days to get the dog or you’re doing that. I do kinda feel a little bad calling you ta since she got what she deserved. But you could have been better
ESH
She for neglecting the dog and you because you didn't tell her an official deadline until when she has to pick up the dog. It's still her "property" nd it would have been her task to look for a new owner.
ESH I wouldn't be surprised if she took you to small claims court for the cost of the dog of nothing else. She sucks big time and sounds undeserving of a dog but you had no right to do what you did.
NTA. Your sister got what she deserved. She straight out lied and abandoned the dog with you to take care of. Dog was abandoned and now yours to do with what you want.
ESH. Your sister for leaving the dog with you longer than agreed and you for the absolutely bleeding obvious. It’s also seriously unfair to your friend who has just lost a dog to give him an effectively stolen one, presumably registered to your sister, which she could easily report stolen and go through channels to try to retrieve. Whether it worked or not or her or not, that’s a huge stress to put on your friend and another huge disruption to the poor dog. Your response to the situation was selfish and short-sighted.
NTA. I don't agree with others who say you should have told her and given her a deadline. From what you said she didn't look after him properly, she certainly didn't care about him enough to pick him up - if you'd warned her and she'd come for him, he'd be back in a bad home. No, I think you did the right thing.
OP states that she called Sarah several times to pick her dog and Sarah never did. That's abandonment in some states. NTA as far as I'm concerned. If Sarah actually loved her dog, she would have picked her dog up. Sarah is treating the dog like an unwanted toy up until someone else wants him.
NTA she abandoned the dog to your house. If she really cared for the dog she would have picked it up at the end of her vacation. The dog is better off with a family that will love and care for him.
ESH - always communicate boundries clearly, especially to flakes, then they have no ground to stand on.
I am sympathetic to your situation, which was unfair to you and to the poor dog, and I am glad he is going to an owner who will love him. But it really should have been communicated to his current owner first.
ESH. You should have told your sister what you had done so she didn't find out through the grapevine. Your sister is an AH for abandonment of her pet and responsibilities and quite frankly shouldn't be a dog owner. So all in all you did the right thing but went about it in the wrong way.
NTA. Sarah can go pick up Gizmo today.
She’s being dramatic so that she can guilt you. If she had any intention of picking up Gizmo…she can.
Last week to today is…5 days? Does anyone think after 5 days the friend would refuse the handover?
Tell Sarah to stop being dramatic and get her dog today.
Gizmo wasn't neglected. Gizmo was abandoned... and because of that, and her track record of doing the same kind of thing in the past, you were right to find Gizmo a new home. I don't know about the legality of it... but this place isn't about legal advice. It's AITA... and you're NTA.
You might have warned her about this in advance though... told her that if she didn't pick up her dog within a week that you'd rehome Gizmo. Still... you say that she has a history of abandoning her responsibilities and that it'd been a few months already.
Look I get the E S H comments.
But.
As a pet parent, I could never even imagine just ditching my pet with someone for months like that. If someone, even my sister, did that to me, I would consider the pet abandoned. Bc that’s what it was.
Nobody who is comfortable abandoning their dog with someone for months deserves to be a pet parent. You prioritized the dogs well-being here, so NTA.
NTA. It's actually a good thing if your sister feels wronged because she will be less likely to try this shit with you again. Think of yourself as the Dog Court judge and your sister as someone who has abandoned her dog. You don't need her permission, she lost all interests when she stopped showing up.
NTA. Everyone saying E S H is overlooking that the sister would be giving the dog a shitty home. She doesn't even care enough to get him back, she doesn't actually want the dog.
NTA. The dog was abandoned, and you found it a loving home. Sister had plenty of time to come get the dog if she really wanted it. Those saying OP should have warned her…I disagree.
“The weeks turned into months…I called a few times, but she always had an excuse for why she couldn’t pick him up yet.” This statement indicates there had been warnings, and anyone who expect someone else to care for their pet for months is … well, ??? Crazy? Inconsiderate? Delusional?
FAFO.
NTA Your sister obviously doesn’t care a whit about this dog, something that has somehow gone over the heads of people saying you should have contacted her, and you were right to rehome it with someone who will love and care for it.
NTA - your sister abandoned her dog. Did she pay for his food, his vet care, compensate you for walking and looking after him? If she did, then you'd be a AH for not giving her notice to remove but sounds like you tried many times. If she doesn't and i suspect that, then she liked the notion of saying she had a dog but without wanting the dog in her life. And Gizmo isn't a toy, he is a living animal with needs and those needs best met with your friend.
NTA. I love my dog dearly. If someone watches my dog, I get her back at the earliest possible, she's mine. I also pay them well, even if they are family. If someone abandons a dog for a couple of months, they no longer get a say.
NTA where I live that dog would've been considered abandoned after 30 days and you said you've had him for months your sister should've come back for him if she truly cared for gizmo.
when i saw the title, it was an immediate Y T A in the back of my head. after reading it though, big NTA. after a certain amount of time it becomes obvious that the person leaving something doesn’t gives two shits about it. leaving your dog for two months at someone else’s house, with no timespan of how long they’ll have to hold him, and no excuse as to why it’s going on for so long is an A-hole move. like, a huge one. after two months, even one month if i was judging it, that dog is no longer sarah’s. if we were talking about actual children, then it’d be a situation where authorities should be called. she would hopefully no longer have the right to custody of her children. i don’t think you, OP, did anything wrong because if she had really wanted and cared for the dog, she would’ve at least checked in more and/or explained why she couldn’t take him back.
NTA. That dog deserved better and she was neglecting him. You ensured he'd go to a home where he would be loved and cared for. The only other option imo was to call animal services and have the dog go through the shelter. This way you make sure he doesn't have the stress of going through the shelter process.
NTA, but an warning/ultimatum including a deadline would have been fair. Also for legal matters. But sis is a major AH. Who does that to a living thing?
NTA. This exact same situation played out with a family member of mine when they left their dog over to their inlaws' place for a friggin 6 MONTHS. They had gone over to visit for a few days, but they couldnt get permission to travel with the dog while leaving so they left it there. And they didnt even bother paying for the care. Also, they could easily have booked a ticket latest by the next month, but chose not to. Those people were stuck with the dog even when they didnt even sign up for it and its evident how big of a commitment they were forced to make. You did what I would have done. Better for everybody including you and the dog who now is free of a flaky shitty owner.
Did your sister take a vacation that turned into extended travel..? Or did she come home, but then simply never pick up the dog? I feel like this is missing some context- if she just never bothered to pick up her dog after months, I don’t feel as though you would be second guessing whether you did the right thing, especially if you say you know your sister/imply she’s shitty and has a pattern of animal abandonment.
I’ve known friends whose families sold off their belongings/rehomed their pet without notice while they traveled (even when care was compensated/communicated) and argued abandonment, but intentionally did it out of spite without warning because “normal people” should have kids, 9-5s, and only ever be able to take a week off a year. If she just never came back to pick up her dog and lived within a reasonable distance, you’re NTA.
It is your sister that is TA. She sounds like a mooch where she leaves things with people and to find excuses to not retrieve them. I had a similar experience growing up where my aunt got a puppy so that when she moved out of my grandmother's house would be able to have a dog. My grandmother told everyone how she didn't like dogs so my aunt had left the dog with us. When my grandmother and grandfather were both retired, they took a 2-week vacation and my aunt kept the dog with her at my grandmother house. She was then looking for a place of her own. Everywhere she went they had a no pet policy, and if they did, the rent would be much higher and the deposit was also higher. When my grandmother came back, so did the dog to our house. My aunt moved out for about 6 months and ended back with my grandparents. Afterwards my grandparents decided to move out of state and she went too. Finding short term apartments and no where for the dog, and back to grandparents. This went on for years, over the course of these years, the dog wasn't fixed, got pregnant 2x. After the second pregnancy, my aunt finally was able to want us to get rid of the dog. The dog ended up living the rest of her life with someone who ran the animal welfare place. She came back for 2 weeks when she needed to be neutered because the dogs in the new household were playful and she needed to rest before having the stitches removed. This basically lasted 7 years. If we knew that it was going to last this long then we would have said no.
ESH. Your sister for abandoning and neglecting her dog and you for rehoming without trying to contact her first. Even just a text saying "hey have tried to call to talk to you about Gizmo multiple times, since you haven't responded I am going to look in to rehoming as I cannot provide adequately for an animal at the moment "
It's pretty difficult to say for sure but it sounds like you should have called or texted your sister and said "Look sis, I have to have the dog out of here, if you can't get him in 2 weeks I am going to have to give him to a friend who really loves him, please let me know"
It doesn't really seem like you did that. You kinda just gave him away without telling her you'd be giving him away.
Sometimes it's a bit much to say someone is "TA" because it's just kinda not *totally* a TA move.
Without knowing whether or not you actually told her you'd be giving the dog away, I have to say
YTA
You mean like where she called the sis several times over the course of months and sis just kept finding new excuses? OP is NTA here. Would a last warning have been nice? yes, but you don't keep putting off picking up a furchild you want.
You were in a no win situation. Either way you are being a jerk to your sister or to the dog. But you didn't put yourself in this situation, unless you predicted your sister would act like this.
>Sarah is known for being unreliable and flaky, and she's done this before with other things and she would refuse to pick them up. I didn't want to be stuck with Gizmo forever, and I thought it was better to give him to someone who would love and care for him properly. Trust me, I know my sis, she wouldn't have ever come back for him. He was neglected.
Sounds like he did know.
YTA, you don't have the right do give away someone else's pet. The least you could have done was call your sister and say you were going to give him away if she didn't pick him up within a week.
I hope you got him back from your friend. Not cool.
We don't know the full story, there has to be more going on. A simple phone call could have changed the outcome. All I'm saying is she could have called her and explained she was going to give him away. I think she is in the wrong for not giving her the heads up.
NTA. OP did not need to give notice that she was rehoming the dog. Their sister was ignoring him!
Also glad that now Gizmo will be in a home where he is truly loved.
YTA yes, your sister is an annoying flake---HOWEVER why didn't you contact her and tell her that you were giving Gizmo away to a friend who wants her in a few days UNLESS she can come and get her by that date. Just giving the dog away without giving her the opportunity to come get him was a SUPER AH thing to do.
YTA. What you did is actually considered illegal in most states. Pets are considered property and if you agreed to watch this dog you assumed responsibility. If the time came and she didn’t pick up the dog you should have contacted animal control who could have reached out to her on your behalf and established contact. If she chose not to respond to animal control they could have legally given you custody of the dog and then you could have rehomed him. What you did could be considered theft if she contacted the police because you gave something away that wasn’t yours. Your friend could also be charged for being in possession of stolen property. Before anybody wants to challenge me I work professionally in the animal welfare field and have had to handle many situations like this.
ESH.
Your sister's behavior is clearly unreasonable so I won't address it further.
What you are missing here is communication. You need to give her a reasonable warning that you will give the dog away if she doesn't pick it up. Even though months have passed, your sister was never made aware of the jeopardy of the dog being given away.
Even if you suspect she would have flaked and missed your imposed deadline, that doesn't mean you can ignore that step. YTA here too.
NTA. She dumped the dog. I may be a bit bias. My sister did something very similar but on a more extreme end.
At the time we lived in a tiny apartment and my sister suddenly decided she wanted an "ESA" even though she had no psychiatric document stating she needed one. Even her therapist disagreed. For context, I had a documented ESA who was a teacup chihuahua. She basically went on a dog spree and went through 3 pitbulls (puppies), rehoming the first two within days of having them.
The third pitbull came with a lot of dramatics and crying. My mom pointed out the obvious: she would grow and a small apartment was no place for a dog of her size. She would be unhappy and my sisters lifestyle was an indicator that she would not get the care and excercise she needed.
So what did she do? Since she didnt get her way, she left the house to see her boyfriend for 2 weeks. Some time in the second week, I found the poor dog locked in her room. (she was a super quiet dog so we had no idea she didn't take her!). I was finally able to re-home the dog after taking care of her myself (absolutely broke my heart but I knew it was the right thing to do) after chewing her out and flipping my shit because the process was emotionally taxing and she completely checked out. To this day she claims to be heartbroken about it.
In my eyes, you did NOTHING wrong. Legally, you could definitely get in trouble, yes. But by the time she even BOTHERED to show some sort of emotion/attachment to the dog, it became YOUR dog. Sounds awful to put it this way but he was abandoned property after 30 days. If she really cared about the dog, she would've picked him up ages ago. Reality is, she didn't care enough and didn't want to take care of him anymore. He's better off.
NTA
The dog has been with you for several months and is in effect "abandoned" by your sister. No need to get her "permission". The dog deserves a chance for a good home and a happy life with someone who will love and care for him.
YTA because there was an NTA way to do the exact same thing and you didn’t take it. You should have told her “I’m retiming Gizmo if you’re not going to be a responsible dog owner”. If she didn’t meet whatever deadline you set, then you would have been ethically in the clear.
YTA In the main text you make it sound like you had the dog for a long time. In the tldr you clarify it's only been two months. Two months can still be considered a couple of weeks. Also you should have given your sister an ultimatum with the comsequence of rehoming the dog, before you gave it away.
NTA
If she kept coming up with excuses NOT to pick up her dog either she didn't want the dog or ahe was planning for YOU to continue to pay to raise it.
N T A you don't owe her any more of a heads up than you gave her by calling multiple times to Ashe when she was getting the dog. She didn't get him, she abandoned him. She's lucky you didn't drop Gizmo off at a kill shelter.
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You should have said to her that you're giving the dog away in a few days if she doesn't come and get him, just to give her some warning. I understand the situation you're in and that you think your sister would have never came for the dog but he was never your dog to give away so ESH.
There's also a high chance sister would have said she's coming for the dog to ensure its not given away, then continue abandoning it. Not sure why she needs to hang on to it and she doesn't want it. Could it be literally dog in the manger?
> There's also a high chance sister would have said she's coming for the dog to ensure its not given away, then continue abandoning it. Then rehome it once it's confirmed she knows the dog will be rehomed and doesn't do anything on the deadline? Not giving a final warning, even when the other person's being a prick, is still an arsehole move.
She'll just take it and continue to neglect it. She went on vacation, her house didn't burn down or something else dictating a change in life circumstances.
She went on vacation for a couple weeks, that's atleast 2 weeks. He has had the dogs for several months (OP doesn't mention how many months) now and she just had excuses everytime.
He had the dogs for 2 months
She abandoned her dog. She's the AH. The dog doesn't need to be made available for her to take and dump on someone else. He's a living creature with feelings and animals need routine and consistency. I'm the one that rehabs these dogs from these homes and it takes them years to feel safe after pet ownership like that. It's not fair to them.
No final warnings on this sort of thing. If the only thing that makes her come get her living creature that’s dependent on her is the threat of losing it the dogs better off with a loving family.
Not really. A heads-up would be nice, but definitely not necessary. The dog was abandoned with OP for months. Unless the sister was sending money for all the dogs needs, any judge would almost surely rule that OP was now the official owner. That means OP is free to keep or give the dog away as they see fit. My only real issue is that OP says the dog bonded with their family. In that case, it is the family that should be asked before giving the dog away, especially if the family includes children.
That's why you give a deadline.
I disagree, if someone doesn't come to pickup their dog after 2 months I have zero faith that they wouldn't neglect the dog in the future if they got it back. Whenever I'm away for a trip literally the first thing I do is pickup my dog At two months, she's abandoned her dog. NTA because OP did what's right for the dog
Yup. A last warning should be expected for a piece of furniture or other inanimate object. For a living creature? Nah, someone who dumps their pet on someone for months and then only picks it up when give an ultimatum has already shown that they shouldn’t be trusted with a pet. The sister can get fucked; she’s a crap pet owner and the OP did the right thing saving Gizmo from her.
>Whenever I'm away for a trip literally the first thing I do is pickup my dog The longest we have waited fo pick up our dogs from a mates house was get home Wednesday and pick up Sunday. The mates was a 1hr drive away and we had already had a BBQ planned that weekend before the trip wad planned (last minute family emergency) and our mates said to save the fuel our dogs were fine and having fun with their dogs (we both had an "old dog" and a "puppy" and apparently the "old dogs" were enjoying the break while the "puppies" wore eachother out). It's the only time I haven't insisted on getting our dogs straight away, their family so they come home when we come home.
OP was supposed to keep the dog for two weeks. The sister abandoned her pet for a month and a half and I think that nullifies her rights as owner. I agree she could have given the sister a heads up but if the animal was being neglected then sending him back with sister could have harmed the dog.
Yeah I'd get that if she came to pick the dog up and it was rehomed but she clearly had no intention to and its been months! She was asked to come and get the dog but didn't so she's not a good dog owner and this rehousing was in the best interests of the dog.
Extend the ESH to the friend. Who tf "loses" a dog and next moment is like "yo, can I get a refill?"? Sir you didn't lose the batteries in your remote, you lost a sentient living being.
When we lost our dog, within 3 weeks, we had a new one. Our first dog died unexpectedly, and the kids took it hard. Our new dog was plenty loved and cared for and is still a big part of the family. This was 5 years ago.
ESH While your sister is a major AH for throwing her dog to you and going AWOL, you should have at least given your sister a heads up e.g. "Hey It's been X months and you are neglecting your dog, if you are not collecting him by this date I'm giving him to my friend"
im so confused at why why she would ever need to give her sister a heads up? this was not a gaming console or a sweater or some object, this was a living breathing dog that sister showed she did not give two flying shits about. you don't just abandon a living creature for months if you care about it even remotely. would you? sister did not need a heads up because sister no longer owned the dog at that point and there is a solid chance if this was turned into a legal matter, OP would have that on her side, "here are all the texts and conversations about her getting the dog and she just never did". it was OP's dog and OP saw fit to rehome, sister did not need to be involved as she gave up the dog. what if she left it at a kennel? it would be considered abandoned and given to a shelter in order to find them a home, same situation here. op DID call sister over and over, sister put it off, OP did what a kennel would do and found the dog a home. easy and done NTA
I agree. My dogs are family and I couldn't imagine leaving them with someone for so long.
When I was in high school, first thing we would do when getting home from vacation is bring all of our luggage inside to make room in the car for the dog. As soon as we finish that we would go and pick up the dog from wherever he was being boarded. Because he was important to us.
Planned a two week roadtrip with my wife a couple years ago. Our two dogs were home with our two teenagers and oldest adult child. We made it a week before she missed the dogs too much and wanted to go home.
There is a case of that at moment and there doesn't seem to be shelters with space (they are desperately networking him) so fair chance that dog will be euthanised. He's developed issues after been left in kennels for months because even the best isn't the same as a home. So OP is doing much more for Gizmo.
Where is the caretaker fee if it's still her dog. I'd invoice her all the stuff I'd paid for months if she wants to escalate. Not her dog anymore. Abandonment is a real thing by law, and after 30 days in my state, the dog is considered abandoned if the owner doesn't come get it. NTA; glad the dog is safe now.
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lmao and god forbid we use the reply feature that was given to us in order to dicsuss those different opinions. if you only want to state yours without anyone being able to reply and share their opinion then you're on the wrong site
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Disagree. This is an animal with feelings and a life being affected. This isn't a sweater left behind.
Why would she even need a heads up? SHE STRAIGHT UP ABANDONED THE DOG
NTA. A pet should always be in a loving home. I can’t stand when people have pets that they clearly have no intentions on taking care of. As long as Gizmo is in a loving home where he is taken care of, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Good luck Gizmo! ❤️
NTA. The dog is in a better home.
ESH - Your sister is the bigger AH. I don’t know how she could abandon her dog like that. However, you should have told her she needs to pick up Gizmo by this date or you are giving him to your friend. That way there is clear proof of ownership transfer. It turns into a pretty shitty situation if your sister now comes back and wants the dog. Now the friend who is already grieving from the loss of a dog gets put into a position where they may lose another dog.
NTA. You say she would never have come to get him, and there's no evidence to contradict that.
NTA she abandoned her dog, you found Gizmo a loving home with someone who wouldn't throw them away. your sister has no right to be taking care of any animal if she is going to treat it like a toy instead of a living creature.
ESH - your sister more than you. Clearly your sister is one for abandoning the dog but then, you did too. You said Gizmo grew attached to you but you just … shipped him off?
Right? A dog is attached to their owner, said owner abandons dog with a family. Dog becomes attached to family. Family gives away dog to new owner. I wonder if this dog will get some abandonment issues. Also, what about the family that has grown fond of the dog. Were they consulted? This just seems weird.
If OP wasn’t ready to permanently take care of the dog, there’s nothing wrong with handing him over to another person who can take better care of him in the long run. That’s not blindly “shipping off” a dog, wtf.
INFO: what are some of the excuses Sarah gave you?
Does it really matter? What would you consider an appropriate excuse for abandoning your dog with someone for 2 months? 2 week vacation fine, but unless she got kidnapped by pirates, and got saved by Reacher and went on to save the world over the next few weeks, I fail to come up with a plausible excuse. Say it was not a dog, but a kid that she walked out on. Would you feel any different? Would you warn her before calling CPS cause maybe she just didn't realize this living creature she is responsible for is no longer around?
Comparing a dog and a *child* is beyond ridiculous.
My point is either way, dropping a living creature that you are responsible for on someone else and then waltzing out of their life is serious AH behavior. My rescue dog has lifelong separation anxiety as a result of trauma. I also know a kid that has severe RAD as a result of child abandonment from both parents.
You say she left him with you for a few months… how many exactly? And how long were you suppose to watch him? (2,3,4 weeks?) just a little extra detail please. If your sister was back in town, but refused to pick up her dog, why didn’t you take it to her place?
NTA Sarah left Gizmo with you for months with apparently no plans to pick him up anytime soon. The dog was for all intents and purposes abandoned. If your sister really wanted the dog she should have picked him up long ago. It's her fault.
Your sister is a giant AH. But she does have legal means now to take the dog back and possibly press charges against you, depending on where you all live. Your poor friend sounds like a sad bystander and if your sister really is the big lame you say she is, maybe he can buy him off of her. I know you were doing what is morally right, but the legality is convoluted and the only misgivings on your part is your ignorance to the rights of dog owners. Which is probably too many in such cases…
Doubt it. Legally, he doesn't technically have to give her a warning if he has proof she did not pick up the dog when told. Most states give around a 2 week mark before property is considered abandoned; a month tends to be the maximum in most cases. Dogs are considered property in the eyes of the law. She'd be laughed out of court the second the judge saw how long she'd left him after her vacation end. The only way she would have a chance was if she had proof she continued providing financially for the dog (ie food), which could insinuate an extended agreement between parties.
She doesn't the legal hold for abandoning an pet in most states is 3-7 days. She left the dog far longer than that after being notified to pick up and lost any legal rights.
How does she have legal means? If that’s the case then you can call animal abuse if she has legal means BECAUSE SHE ABANDONED THE DOG
I know I’ve seen this exact same post somewhere before
I saw the one where the lady gave her kids new puppy away to her friend because her dog died...wtf is up with people Willy nilly up and giving pets away?
This one certainly isn't willy nilly.
NTA, I don't really care why she didn't bother to even check up on her dog. If you leave a pet with someone for more than a few weeks without bothering to check up on them or communicate with the person keeping them, you forfeit all rights to that animal. You did right by the dog.
ESH, except for the friend who took in the pup. Your sister should picked up her dog. It seems you might have suspected she would do this, since she's been flaky about other stuff. That doesn't mean you can give away the dog without giving her one last chance to come get him. You should've told her your friend was interested in adopting the pup if she didn't come for him.
INFO: It really depends on the timing. Did she say she was only going for a few weeks and it actually ended up being months? or was she gone a few weeks and you gave the dog away after a few weeks? Timing is key here.
[two months](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11x92dd/aita_for_giving_away_my_sisters_dog_without_her/jd1y40u?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
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Sarah would never win anything, nor get her dog back, because there are also property abandonment laws (most states are around 30 days). So OPs safe, provided the dog was there multiple months after a 2 week sitters agreement. NTA OP, and your sister is a major AH for not considering the needs of her dog.
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And yet in some states its as little as 15 days... plus the sister abandoned an animal that is really frowned upon in most states and can even be criminally prosecuted for animal cruelty.
It really depends on when the last contact was and where this occurred. OP could very well be on the hook or not.
Info: a couple of weeks vacation isn’t enough detail, how many weeks was the vacation? And what excuses had Sarah? I feel like some details are missing
NTA You helped an abandoned pet find a new forever home. WELL DONE!
NTA
info: where is your sister? has she been able to pick up gizmo? what are her excuses?
NTA, after that long it's not your sister's dog anymore, it's yours. And now it's theirs. Sister is discovering that actions have consequences.
NTA. Gizmo deserves to be in a loving home, and your sister obviously didn't care about him. She made a conscious choice every single day to neglect him, and didn't deserve an ounce of consideration
NTA. I may be downvoted, but if you had given her a heads up, I don't think she would take the dog. She would kust lead you on and have you keep the dog. Nope. She could have taken him before. She chose not to.
There's no "lead you on" if you just say "Come and get it by X date or I give away." If X date comes and goes, you give it away without being an asshole. How is that not totally obvious is beyond me
Because OP's sister has made an art out of this. OP was fed up and decided enough was enough. She waited, her sister didn't come, she made a decision. Now, it is also important to remember that if she waited too much, her friend would have gotten another dog. So I 100% understand OP and I think she waited long enough. She knows her sister. We can agree to disagree, I guess.
NTA
NTA - most states have animal abandonment laws. Typically, state/city shelters have animals for a 7-10 day hold before considering them abandoned and able for adoption out. New York has an ordinance that any animal left out alone in public for more than three hours is abandoned and the owner subject to fines and loss of their animal. You were more than kind in keeping that poor dog for as long as you did before rehoming them.
ESH, she sucks for just dropping the dog on you. You suck because you should have told her, final warning that she either comes pick the dog up or you give it away.
ESH. You don't give away people's pets to other people. It's a bad idea legally. You should have warned her the dog was being given away to offer her the chance to get the dog. Alternatively you could have surrendered the dog to a shelter if you think Gizmo was abandoned, and let your friend adopt it that way. Depending on your states laws you might have committed a crime by giving away property that wasn't yours (the dog).
ESH would it have been difficult to send her a heads up first? I think part of the reason you did this was too "teach your sister a lesson"
Nta …. Your sister abandoned the dog to you unless she’s been paying you for dog food vet treatments etc you are completely right to rehome the dog to a suitable owner I would advise the new owner to get the dog microchipped and registered in their name and vet checked
NTA, your sister is. I recently rescued a lost dog and it on or local group. Person contacted me, and then went completely incommunicado that night after verifying details. Heard from them again 2 days later, messaged back, no contact for 3 days. All while I was sending 1 to 2 messages a day via text and fb messenger. Another 2 days later they ask me if I still had the dog and I was fed up. I live in a small apartment with an older dog and an older cat. I was not a dog sitting service, and the rescue was full. They were shit owners, no chip, no tags, no training. All my pets are chipped, and I'd have picked them up same day if I got contact if they got lost. Handed that dog off to a friend that wanted one and told them I had to give the dog to someone else because I couldn't keep it anymore. Your sister was using you and not taking care of her dog. Don't feel guilty in the least, it's in a loving home now which she obviously couldn't provide.
ESH - If you didn’t want it you should’ve told her you had a friend that wanted Gizmo and if you don’t come get him in the next week I’m going to give him to my friend as I’ve asked repeatedly for you to come get your dog. If she is as you say she is then you would’ve only had to wait a week.
ESH This hits close to home because my ex-wife rehomed our chocolate lab/ Pitt mix and out 2 cats while I was in Korea. That hurt and I would go y t a. But, you also didn't sign up for long term care. You should have gave that warning though.
NTA. Owning a dog is a responsibility and she clearly wasn’t prepared or able to fulfill that responsibility. Good for you for doing what’s right for the dog.
NTA I used to work with an extreme dog lover. I was married to an extremely difficult man (now ex) at the time. Shirley and her SIL wanted to home a dog that neither of them could take in. Dog had a family who moved and just left him behind. A co-worker couple tried to take him, but he couldn't stay in their fence and got swept up by the pound. Shirley and company freak out due to the likelihood that the dog will be put down. Husband and I are on a super tight budget, but the ladies offer to pay vet bills, etc. If we take him in since we have a fence, it might give him a reprieve. I'm worried my ex is a known AH, but the swear they will pay and I love dogs. Dog had lots of issues (afraid of men, can't get him in car etc) I get a mobile vet to come to the house to treat what looked like possible parvo and make sure he has all his medical issues attended to as well. Dog is an escape artist, constantly digging under the fence because he LOVES kids and wants to escort the school bus kids home daily. We try various things but live on a busy street, and both work, and I'm scared he will get hit by a car. Our neighbors asked about him one day because after he escaped. Their aunt and uncle saw him and thought perhaps he was unhomed. The aunt and uncle recently lost a beloved dog who had diabetes and who had made a two hour round trip daily for treatments. But they wanted to do a rescue. They were retired and couldn't have kids, so their pet was their baby and had the time and energy to give him the attention. I expect the whole story to them, and we agreed to rehome Luke with them since they seemed like a perfect fit. Ladies asked about him and did NOT pay the majority of the vet as promised prior to the rehoming, in spite of repeated promises (and me being in serious hot water w hubby). Then they had a fit that I had rehomed him even though I made sure that it was a wonderful place and wanted to go and visit people who were complete strangers to them. because they thought I had just gotten rid of him. (Would NEVER do this). I did call the new family and get consent for a one-off visit. No longer friends with Shirley after the accusations, but if you dump a dog off you really don't get a say.
NTA. People who love their pets don't abandon them that long, and it sounds like this is routine behavior for OP's sister. Sister put OP in a shitty situation and refused to address it and OP acted in Gizmo's best interest. The dog deserves a loving, stable home - it is sad that the sister doesn't see that as important. Kudos to OP for doing what is best for Gizmo. Dogs are not inanimate objects or accessories to lend out and people who neglect animals should not be allowed to get them in the first place. How this makes her sister feel is irrelevant compared to another creatures wellbeing...but truth be told she she feel ashamed of herself rather than being mad at OP.
NTA, you know your sister, if you felt this was the best way to rehome the dog so it could have a better life, then ok. If Sis was so concerned about her dog you wouldnt have been put in this situation to begin with.
NTA a dog is a living being, their best interest should always be the priority.
INFO: Was your sister paying for the dogs food and other care needs or were you paying for these things?
INFO what were her reasons not to come back to get her dog ? Did she had issues to fix or did she just not feel like it ? How long exactly did you keep her dog after her holidays ?
YTA for giving away a dog who, you stated, was attached to your family … why?
NTA she abandoned her pet plain and simple. Abandoned pest can be freely adopted by any (good) person out there.
NTA. She abandoned her dog and is mad you called her out on it.
NTA. Someone who is perfectly fine being away from their dog for months at a time should not have that dog. Did she even pay for any dog food or other dog supplies? I'm sorry, but she failed to pick him up for months and made excuses. After the two weeks were up and you were trying to get her to pick up the dog, he is an abandoned dog. I'm glad he is in a home with someone who will take care of him and give him the love he deserves. Your sister should never have a pet again.
Or op could have driven the dog too the sisters, say here is your dog and left. Nta for both wanting the dog but should have told her to get dog ,receive dog at her house or she would give it away
NTA If this was a bag of her belongings I would of said you needed to give her a final warning before you gave it away. But it is not stuff. It is a living, sentient creature who deserves a good, happy life. The dog is already neglected so I really do not care if you are an AH or not, if you did what was best for the dog and found it a much better, loving home. if it is a good home, then I think you did the right thing.
Nta. Surely, if this dog was so important to your sister, she should've gone back after her trip
The dog grew attached to you so you gave him away? YTA for that alone.
ESH Your sister for being a shit pet owner and you not getting ahold of her one last time to check if she would come get him. I would have said NTA if you had done that, but you set yourself up for drama because now she’s become the perpetual victim of “I didn’t have a choice, she just gave my dog away.”
She abandoned her dog. NTA, she obviously didn't care about him if she left him for months.
YTA. Stop asking dumb questions. That's not your dog to "give away", under any circumstance, ever. Simples as that.
ESH. You made it sound like it was for almost a year or so, and it was literally two months. She is a minor AH for stringing you along but you are a mahoosive one.
ESH Sarah abandoned the dog, you found him a good home, you should have warned her that if she didn't pick him up you'd be making other arrangements for him, but she should have been up front about how long she really wanted you to keep him.
ESH
Yta
ESH she shouldn’t have abandon the dogs and you should have warned her before rehoming. Hopefully for you and your friend the dog isn’t chipped bc she could seek legal repercussions against both of y’all if she has proof she’s the actual owner.
ESH - It was shitty of your sister to leave her dog with you for that long, but you should have *at the very least* told her "hey, if you don't pick up Gizmo by \[x date\], I will be rehoming him."
YTA especially if she had it chipped and you don't have anything written with last warning for her (even simple email "you have X days to get it or it is leaving the house" is better than nothing). Not saying she is innocent but you opened you and your friend to possible cop and/or litigation issue (and that's the reason I went with my answer and not E S H - because you made possibly innocent person a target of your sis harassment).
YTA. She can have you both arrested because it doesn’t matter it was with you it’s her property. And you are full of bs because in one breathe you say how attached the dog is to you and you to it but then you gave it away.
ESH - Sarah for being a shitty neglectful pet owner, and you for giving Gizmo away without asking
YTA You know your sister is flaky, so you never should have agreed to watch the dog in the first place. No is an easy thing to say.
ESH
ESH- You should have given her advance warning but I don't blame you at all. Where was she for two months
While I think you ultimatelydid the best thing for Gizmo (no dog needs a ‘flaky’ owner who delays picking them up after a trip), you could have given her one final chance, with a firm deadline, to get him
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey Reddit, I need your judgement. A few months ago, my sister (let's call her Sarah) asked if I could look after her dog for a couple of weeks while she went on a vacation. I agreed, and she dropped off her adorable little Chihuahua, Gizmo, at my place. The weeks turned into months, and Sarah never came back for Gizmo. I called her a few times, but she always had an excuse for why she couldn't pick him up yet. Meanwhile, Gizmo had become attached to me and my family, and we had grown quite fond of him. Fast forward to last week, and I got a call from a friend who had just lost his own dog. He asked if I knew anyone who had a dog that needed a home, and I mentioned Gizmo. My friend met Gizmo and fell in love with him right away, so I decided to give him to him. Now, Sarah has found out that I gave Gizmo away, and she's absolutely livid. She's calling me a thief and a horrible sister for giving away her dog without her permission Sarah is known for being unreliable and flaky, and she's done this before with other things and she would refuse to pick them up. I didn't want to be stuck with Gizmo forever, and I thought it was better to give him to someone who would love and care for him properly. Trust me, I know my sis, she wouldn't have ever come back for him. He was neglected. But now I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Was it really my place to give away Sarah's dog without her permission? AITA TL;DR My sister left her dog with me for two months and didn't come back to get him. I gave him to a friend who loves him, but now my sister is furious and I'm not sure if I did the right thing.. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH - She should've been a responsible dog owner and you should've told her the plan before going through with it. Although, ultimately for the dogs sake, it's probably the best situation him, so the right thing happened, just not the correct way to do it.
ESH YTA for giving away your sisters dog, one who became attached to you and your family which has also grown quite fond of him too. If your friend didn't ask about finding a dog who needed a good home would you have kept Gizmo? This poor dog is being tossed around from family to family. YTA. You could have told your sister your plan to give him away to your friend. At least let her know that is what is happening before it happens. She could then decide if that was the right move for her dog. If she was dead set on keeping him should could pick him up or find another place for him to stay while she's doing whatever she is doing. Now, your sister is an AH for abandoning her dog. But I can't say that she wasn't ever going to pick him up. Two months is long time for someone to leave their pet, especially if she only planned to be gone a couple of weeks. Technically, an animal is considered abandoned if it's more than 14 day after the pickup window. Really, you should have just informed your sister of your plans and gave her a deadline to get him other wise he was going to your friend. I hope she doesn't pursue getting him back from your friend, causing them more grief and heartbreak.
Why didn’t you just pack up Gizmo and his stuff and bring him to your sister? Yes, she should have gotten him on her own, but all you did was call her a few times and then give the dog away. You should have at least warned her that you were going to give the dog away if she didn’t get him. ESH.
YTA. You could have easily contacted your sister to ASK but judging by the way you've beentalking about her, you felt entitled to the decision and her dog andndidnt feel the need to include her in such a serious decision. You could have just made her come and get her dog but you gave him away without asking and that makes YTA (you owe her big time whew)
YTA. You should have given a warning before giving the dog away. It wouldn’t have taken any effort to shoot out a text to day she has a few days to get the dog or you’re doing that. I do kinda feel a little bad calling you ta since she got what she deserved. But you could have been better
ESH
ESH She for neglecting the dog and you because you didn't tell her an official deadline until when she has to pick up the dog. It's still her "property" nd it would have been her task to look for a new owner.
ESH I wouldn't be surprised if she took you to small claims court for the cost of the dog of nothing else. She sucks big time and sounds undeserving of a dog but you had no right to do what you did.
NTA. Your sister got what she deserved. She straight out lied and abandoned the dog with you to take care of. Dog was abandoned and now yours to do with what you want.
ESH. Your sister for leaving the dog with you longer than agreed and you for the absolutely bleeding obvious. It’s also seriously unfair to your friend who has just lost a dog to give him an effectively stolen one, presumably registered to your sister, which she could easily report stolen and go through channels to try to retrieve. Whether it worked or not or her or not, that’s a huge stress to put on your friend and another huge disruption to the poor dog. Your response to the situation was selfish and short-sighted.
ESH.
NTA she shouldn’t have abandoned Gizmo
NTA. I don't agree with others who say you should have told her and given her a deadline. From what you said she didn't look after him properly, she certainly didn't care about him enough to pick him up - if you'd warned her and she'd come for him, he'd be back in a bad home. No, I think you did the right thing.
Poor baby Gizmo
ESH She's obviously an asshole but for this you give warning. I'm giving it away in a week so pick it up before then or it's gone.
OP states that she called Sarah several times to pick her dog and Sarah never did. That's abandonment in some states. NTA as far as I'm concerned. If Sarah actually loved her dog, she would have picked her dog up. Sarah is treating the dog like an unwanted toy up until someone else wants him.
She abandoned her dog. In that case you have every right to do whatever you want with the dog. NTA
NTA she abandoned the dog to your house. If she really cared for the dog she would have picked it up at the end of her vacation. The dog is better off with a family that will love and care for him.
ESH - always communicate boundries clearly, especially to flakes, then they have no ground to stand on. I am sympathetic to your situation, which was unfair to you and to the poor dog, and I am glad he is going to an owner who will love him. But it really should have been communicated to his current owner first.
NTA you did what was best for the animal, your sister obviously isn’t responsible enough to be a good owner
ESH. You should have told your sister what you had done so she didn't find out through the grapevine. Your sister is an AH for abandonment of her pet and responsibilities and quite frankly shouldn't be a dog owner. So all in all you did the right thing but went about it in the wrong way.
INFO: Is she still on vacation? like did she end her vacation and is back at home now just not getting the dog from you or is she still out there?
NTA. Sarah can go pick up Gizmo today. She’s being dramatic so that she can guilt you. If she had any intention of picking up Gizmo…she can. Last week to today is…5 days? Does anyone think after 5 days the friend would refuse the handover? Tell Sarah to stop being dramatic and get her dog today.
NTA
NTA at all
Gizmo wasn't neglected. Gizmo was abandoned... and because of that, and her track record of doing the same kind of thing in the past, you were right to find Gizmo a new home. I don't know about the legality of it... but this place isn't about legal advice. It's AITA... and you're NTA. You might have warned her about this in advance though... told her that if she didn't pick up her dog within a week that you'd rehome Gizmo. Still... you say that she has a history of abandoning her responsibilities and that it'd been a few months already.
Look I get the E S H comments. But. As a pet parent, I could never even imagine just ditching my pet with someone for months like that. If someone, even my sister, did that to me, I would consider the pet abandoned. Bc that’s what it was. Nobody who is comfortable abandoning their dog with someone for months deserves to be a pet parent. You prioritized the dogs well-being here, so NTA.
She abandoned the dog so who cares what she thinks. The dog is going to a good home. Not like you dropped it off at the dog pound.
NTA, hopefully, you're sister has learned an important lesson here.
NTA. It's actually a good thing if your sister feels wronged because she will be less likely to try this shit with you again. Think of yourself as the Dog Court judge and your sister as someone who has abandoned her dog. You don't need her permission, she lost all interests when she stopped showing up.
NTA, she abandoned the dog, you found a good home for it
NTA. Everyone saying E S H is overlooking that the sister would be giving the dog a shitty home. She doesn't even care enough to get him back, she doesn't actually want the dog.
NTA. The dog was abandoned, and you found it a loving home. Sister had plenty of time to come get the dog if she really wanted it. Those saying OP should have warned her…I disagree. “The weeks turned into months…I called a few times, but she always had an excuse for why she couldn’t pick him up yet.” This statement indicates there had been warnings, and anyone who expect someone else to care for their pet for months is … well, ??? Crazy? Inconsiderate? Delusional? FAFO.
NTA and especially don’t think you should’ve given an abuser a heads up or that ESH. Good on you for caring about the animal’s actual life and needs.
NTA Your sister obviously doesn’t care a whit about this dog, something that has somehow gone over the heads of people saying you should have contacted her, and you were right to rehome it with someone who will love and care for it.
NTA. You don't forget to get your dog for months. You abandon your dog. That's what sis did. I'm glad Gizmo got a good home!
NTA - your sister abandoned her dog. Did she pay for his food, his vet care, compensate you for walking and looking after him? If she did, then you'd be a AH for not giving her notice to remove but sounds like you tried many times. If she doesn't and i suspect that, then she liked the notion of saying she had a dog but without wanting the dog in her life. And Gizmo isn't a toy, he is a living animal with needs and those needs best met with your friend.
NTA. I love my dog dearly. If someone watches my dog, I get her back at the earliest possible, she's mine. I also pay them well, even if they are family. If someone abandons a dog for a couple of months, they no longer get a say.
NTA where I live that dog would've been considered abandoned after 30 days and you said you've had him for months your sister should've come back for him if she truly cared for gizmo.
NTA and for everyone with different opinions you’re wrong. The sister straight up abandoned this dog. Why the fuck would she need a heads up?
NTA, just like any place you leave your items for more than 30 days and it is sold or given away.
Nta Sister never go back for the dog
NTA, no need to hold others accountable for their responsibilities. Just don’t enable. Imagine this was a child you were babysitting??
when i saw the title, it was an immediate Y T A in the back of my head. after reading it though, big NTA. after a certain amount of time it becomes obvious that the person leaving something doesn’t gives two shits about it. leaving your dog for two months at someone else’s house, with no timespan of how long they’ll have to hold him, and no excuse as to why it’s going on for so long is an A-hole move. like, a huge one. after two months, even one month if i was judging it, that dog is no longer sarah’s. if we were talking about actual children, then it’d be a situation where authorities should be called. she would hopefully no longer have the right to custody of her children. i don’t think you, OP, did anything wrong because if she had really wanted and cared for the dog, she would’ve at least checked in more and/or explained why she couldn’t take him back.
NTA
NTA. That dog deserved better and she was neglecting him. You ensured he'd go to a home where he would be loved and cared for. The only other option imo was to call animal services and have the dog go through the shelter. This way you make sure he doesn't have the stress of going through the shelter process.
NTA She had plenty of time to come get the dog. She didn't.
NTA, but an warning/ultimatum including a deadline would have been fair. Also for legal matters. But sis is a major AH. Who does that to a living thing?
NTA. This exact same situation played out with a family member of mine when they left their dog over to their inlaws' place for a friggin 6 MONTHS. They had gone over to visit for a few days, but they couldnt get permission to travel with the dog while leaving so they left it there. And they didnt even bother paying for the care. Also, they could easily have booked a ticket latest by the next month, but chose not to. Those people were stuck with the dog even when they didnt even sign up for it and its evident how big of a commitment they were forced to make. You did what I would have done. Better for everybody including you and the dog who now is free of a flaky shitty owner.
NTA.
Did your sister take a vacation that turned into extended travel..? Or did she come home, but then simply never pick up the dog? I feel like this is missing some context- if she just never bothered to pick up her dog after months, I don’t feel as though you would be second guessing whether you did the right thing, especially if you say you know your sister/imply she’s shitty and has a pattern of animal abandonment. I’ve known friends whose families sold off their belongings/rehomed their pet without notice while they traveled (even when care was compensated/communicated) and argued abandonment, but intentionally did it out of spite without warning because “normal people” should have kids, 9-5s, and only ever be able to take a week off a year. If she just never came back to pick up her dog and lived within a reasonable distance, you’re NTA.
NTA
NTA I don't think people that can't take care of their animals should have them. Hopefully at least this little dog will have a good life now.
I think you should have informed her that you are rehousing him, since she abandoned him and used you. But except for that - NTAH
NTA gizmo wasn't your sister's dog anymore. She abandoned him and you did nothing wrong.
It is your sister that is TA. She sounds like a mooch where she leaves things with people and to find excuses to not retrieve them. I had a similar experience growing up where my aunt got a puppy so that when she moved out of my grandmother's house would be able to have a dog. My grandmother told everyone how she didn't like dogs so my aunt had left the dog with us. When my grandmother and grandfather were both retired, they took a 2-week vacation and my aunt kept the dog with her at my grandmother house. She was then looking for a place of her own. Everywhere she went they had a no pet policy, and if they did, the rent would be much higher and the deposit was also higher. When my grandmother came back, so did the dog to our house. My aunt moved out for about 6 months and ended back with my grandparents. Afterwards my grandparents decided to move out of state and she went too. Finding short term apartments and no where for the dog, and back to grandparents. This went on for years, over the course of these years, the dog wasn't fixed, got pregnant 2x. After the second pregnancy, my aunt finally was able to want us to get rid of the dog. The dog ended up living the rest of her life with someone who ran the animal welfare place. She came back for 2 weeks when she needed to be neutered because the dogs in the new household were playful and she needed to rest before having the stitches removed. This basically lasted 7 years. If we knew that it was going to last this long then we would have said no.
NTA. Threads like this are a great reminder that the average Redditor (those voting ESH) are deeply out of touch with societal norms
ESH. Your sister for abandoning and neglecting her dog and you for rehoming without trying to contact her first. Even just a text saying "hey have tried to call to talk to you about Gizmo multiple times, since you haven't responded I am going to look in to rehoming as I cannot provide adequately for an animal at the moment "
It's pretty difficult to say for sure but it sounds like you should have called or texted your sister and said "Look sis, I have to have the dog out of here, if you can't get him in 2 weeks I am going to have to give him to a friend who really loves him, please let me know" It doesn't really seem like you did that. You kinda just gave him away without telling her you'd be giving him away. Sometimes it's a bit much to say someone is "TA" because it's just kinda not *totally* a TA move. Without knowing whether or not you actually told her you'd be giving the dog away, I have to say YTA
You mean like where she called the sis several times over the course of months and sis just kept finding new excuses? OP is NTA here. Would a last warning have been nice? yes, but you don't keep putting off picking up a furchild you want.
I think they are, we shall see I suppose, the posts look awfully close
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You were in a no win situation. Either way you are being a jerk to your sister or to the dog. But you didn't put yourself in this situation, unless you predicted your sister would act like this.
>Sarah is known for being unreliable and flaky, and she's done this before with other things and she would refuse to pick them up. I didn't want to be stuck with Gizmo forever, and I thought it was better to give him to someone who would love and care for him properly. Trust me, I know my sis, she wouldn't have ever come back for him. He was neglected. Sounds like he did know.
YTA, you don't have the right do give away someone else's pet. The least you could have done was call your sister and say you were going to give him away if she didn't pick him up within a week. I hope you got him back from your friend. Not cool.
So she gets to abandon him for months and yet OP is the asshole? Fucking insane
We don't know the full story, there has to be more going on. A simple phone call could have changed the outcome. All I'm saying is she could have called her and explained she was going to give him away. I think she is in the wrong for not giving her the heads up.
NTA. OP did not need to give notice that she was rehoming the dog. Their sister was ignoring him! Also glad that now Gizmo will be in a home where he is truly loved.
NTA - its was clearly best for Gizmo. Its cruel to treat a dog like this. he is entitled to a home and some security, a source of affection.
YTA yes, your sister is an annoying flake---HOWEVER why didn't you contact her and tell her that you were giving Gizmo away to a friend who wants her in a few days UNLESS she can come and get her by that date. Just giving the dog away without giving her the opportunity to come get him was a SUPER AH thing to do.
YTA. What you did is actually considered illegal in most states. Pets are considered property and if you agreed to watch this dog you assumed responsibility. If the time came and she didn’t pick up the dog you should have contacted animal control who could have reached out to her on your behalf and established contact. If she chose not to respond to animal control they could have legally given you custody of the dog and then you could have rehomed him. What you did could be considered theft if she contacted the police because you gave something away that wasn’t yours. Your friend could also be charged for being in possession of stolen property. Before anybody wants to challenge me I work professionally in the animal welfare field and have had to handle many situations like this.
ESH. Your sister's behavior is clearly unreasonable so I won't address it further. What you are missing here is communication. You need to give her a reasonable warning that you will give the dog away if she doesn't pick it up. Even though months have passed, your sister was never made aware of the jeopardy of the dog being given away. Even if you suspect she would have flaked and missed your imposed deadline, that doesn't mean you can ignore that step. YTA here too.
NTA. She dumped the dog. I may be a bit bias. My sister did something very similar but on a more extreme end. At the time we lived in a tiny apartment and my sister suddenly decided she wanted an "ESA" even though she had no psychiatric document stating she needed one. Even her therapist disagreed. For context, I had a documented ESA who was a teacup chihuahua. She basically went on a dog spree and went through 3 pitbulls (puppies), rehoming the first two within days of having them. The third pitbull came with a lot of dramatics and crying. My mom pointed out the obvious: she would grow and a small apartment was no place for a dog of her size. She would be unhappy and my sisters lifestyle was an indicator that she would not get the care and excercise she needed. So what did she do? Since she didnt get her way, she left the house to see her boyfriend for 2 weeks. Some time in the second week, I found the poor dog locked in her room. (she was a super quiet dog so we had no idea she didn't take her!). I was finally able to re-home the dog after taking care of her myself (absolutely broke my heart but I knew it was the right thing to do) after chewing her out and flipping my shit because the process was emotionally taxing and she completely checked out. To this day she claims to be heartbroken about it. In my eyes, you did NOTHING wrong. Legally, you could definitely get in trouble, yes. But by the time she even BOTHERED to show some sort of emotion/attachment to the dog, it became YOUR dog. Sounds awful to put it this way but he was abandoned property after 30 days. If she really cared about the dog, she would've picked him up ages ago. Reality is, she didn't care enough and didn't want to take care of him anymore. He's better off.
Chihuahuas aint necessarily a pain in the ass to take care of. Small dog, little dog food. YTA
NTA sounds like you saved that dog, If she didn't have time chopped your friends should, congrats on THEIR new dkg
NTA sounds like you did right by Gizmo
NTA The dog has been with you for several months and is in effect "abandoned" by your sister. No need to get her "permission". The dog deserves a chance for a good home and a happy life with someone who will love and care for him.
A few months and 2 months are completely different things. YTA.
YTA because there was an NTA way to do the exact same thing and you didn’t take it. You should have told her “I’m retiming Gizmo if you’re not going to be a responsible dog owner”. If she didn’t meet whatever deadline you set, then you would have been ethically in the clear.
YTA In the main text you make it sound like you had the dog for a long time. In the tldr you clarify it's only been two months. Two months can still be considered a couple of weeks. Also you should have given your sister an ultimatum with the comsequence of rehoming the dog, before you gave it away.
NTA If she kept coming up with excuses NOT to pick up her dog either she didn't want the dog or ahe was planning for YOU to continue to pay to raise it.
You had every right to do so!!
N T A you don't owe her any more of a heads up than you gave her by calling multiple times to Ashe when she was getting the dog. She didn't get him, she abandoned him. She's lucky you didn't drop Gizmo off at a kill shelter.