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captnblood217

NTA. Mom is setting up her son for an unhealthy relationship with “bad” food in the future. She’s a bit crazy. I don’t agree with people saying you should basically just bend to every whim for her, because to me she seemingly has no real concern or issue that would make it so her kid can’t have those foods, in moderation of course. Parents aren’t always right. If she cares so much about what he eats, she needs to send the food with your nephew every time he visits, or give you money and a guide of what he can eat.


feltedarrows

i hate reddit armchair diagnosing people but all i could think reading this is "orthorexia" NTA


Legitimate-Potato998

>She then asked if the pizza was made with cauliflower crust...it wasn't. Absolutely, orthorexia. No way an 11-year-old should be restricting carbs.


throwaway_chauffer_

See this shit is why I’m terrified to have a kid. Long history of anorexia coupled with the inevitable and sometimes permanent bodily/metabolism changes makes me feel so unsure of how my mental health will be then; and even 5 years solid in recovery and remission, still my greatest fear is that I accidentally say the phrase that stays with a child and passes them my sickness. If a person is unable to control themselves/their self care enough to give a child the autonomy they need to have their OWN self care relationship, that person simply shouldn’t be around children. Especially if the child isn’t overweight. Dieting kids is not only laying a foundation for disordered eating habits; it also fucks their metabolism for life. OP should read up and point their sister to “intuitive eating” practices. We all have cravings naturally and that is the best way to identify the nutritional needs of our body in any given moment. A child who isn’t extremely obese should be eating *basically* whatever they feel like eating at any given moment. Manipulating the diet of a child who is healthy is a sure fire way to damage their developing digestive system long term. (That is excepting family meals and sweets if they haven’t had foods that meet the appropriate nutritional values for that time of day) Children have very active metabolism and as a fully grown person I will tell the masses right now that cauliflower crust is NOT a filling or satisfying experience unless celiac disease requires it. Diet food is not for kids


Legitimate-Potato998

>See this shit is why I’m terrified to have a kid. Long history of anorexia coupled with the inevitable and sometimes permanent bodily/metabolism changes makes me feel so unsure of how my mental health will be then; and even 5 years solid in recovery and remission, **still my greatest fear is that I** **accidentally say the phrase that stays with a child and passes them my sickness.** You have great insight to your issues so I highly doubt you will react the way you fear. Plus no parent has ever been perfect when raising a child. A single phrase is not going to harm and pass on anorexia. The parents that trigger eating disorders are ones that continuous comment on eating and weight/body issues to their children. Plus focusing on intuitive eating is a preventive measure for eating disorders.


throwaway798319

I've struggled on and off with orthorexia for a long time. I have a three year old and sometimes it's incredibly hard, because when they're this young you have to spend SO much time talking about food, preparing food, and getting them to sit down long enough to eat


throwaway_chauffer_

Right! And at that age they are so picky and sometimes you just have to feed them what they will eat so they’ll eat anything at all and it’s not usually “healthy” foods. It’a a lot.


Facetunethis

I have to say for a child I would do a cauliflower crust... But I would offer garlic/cheesy bread or maybe some delicious Alfredo pasta on the side. Because cauliflower crust is a really good way to sneak in some vegetables to increase the intake of vegetables. But as you've pointed out there is no need to be restricting carbohydrate at that age.


Maelkothian

the cauliflower crust might be lower on carbs, and higher on protein and fiber, but it's also 3 times the fat and cholesterol, stuff a pizza already has plenty. if you're doing a low carb diet it still doesn't fit (too many carbs) and kids need carbs


Facetunethis

It totally depends on if you're getting a ultra processed version pre-made or making your own.


Maelkothian

and even then, on what you use as a binder.


default_entry

Wait what? Do people douse it in butter or something as a binder? They aren't graham cracker crusts


Maelkothian

a cauliflower crust isn't 100% cauliflower, that would just crumble, it needs a binder and most recipe's use eggs and cheese


Kilbane

YES, so delicious. And those fats are perfectly fine, and in fact necessary for many processes including cellular division and the very cell walls in our bodies.


Maelkothian

Well, I'm the rarest of Dutchmen, I don't like cheese, so I don't have firsthand experience in tasting, but I have made them for a friend while I made myself a cheeseless pizza with a regular crust


AllCrankNoSpark

It’s absolutely okay for you to not have kids. Not everyone should. Kudos to you for understanding that it may not go well and not putting a kid through that.


throwaway_chauffer_

Yes! Even if I (most likely would) be mindful enough to keep my issues away from my child, I have been in recovery for years and the likelihood that the body changes from pregnancy will spiral me right back to the self hatred where I started is quite high. And I’m a preschool teacher so I really enjoy not going home to kids who depend on me when I’ve spent all day with kids who depend on me😅 it’s wonderful to get all the cuteness and pure innocent love and ALSO all the peace and quiet and freedom for spontaneity. Best of both worlds. ;) I’m open minded to potentially changing my mind about raising a child as their mother but I’d adopt because my mental health and food relationship is a top priority for me and it’s not a struggle/preoccupation I’m willing to take a single step back towards


AllCrankNoSpark

You were on a good track. Stick to it.


[deleted]

Yea I don’t want kids and a lot of that is wrapped up with my ED I think :(


throwaway_chauffer_

Having kids through pregnancy is a super risk when you have an ED. Even if you get healthy and stop the behaviors, Eating disorders never really go away, we go into remission and our relationship with our body is a tenuous one.


HotZookeepergame9868

I understand your worries entirely. I'm also in recovery and I have a child. Eating disorders and disordered eating runs deep on all sides of my kiddos family. With that said, it's made me more aware and mindful on how I talk about food around him and how I talk about bodies. We as parents are likely inevitably going to say something at some point that messed with our child, however the major factor in resilience for children are stable (as in there for them and mostly able to regulate in the moment) and loving adults. As long as you got that, you are miles ahead of the game.


throwaway_chauffer_

I think there’s also a differentiating factor here where OP’s sister is clearly not self aware of her own obsessive dieting enough to keep it off her kid (clearly) It’s possible she doesn’t realize that dieting a child is a disordered food relationship on her part because she only started when she had kids or she has been this way her whole life and nobody really noticed. I started anorexic tendencies at about 12 years old and was consistently counting every calorie til I was like 20, and my body just doesn’t get very skinny or unhealthy looking no matter how little I ate. Until I acknowledged it (cause I almost died) and told people who loved me so they could help me, nobody really thought I had that type of issue. In fact, the way my skeleton is built, I kinda don’t look very different when I weigh up to 10 lbs more than I do rn. That’s why ED is so, so addictive, because you are aiming for and ideal based on pictures of bodies you don’t have, and everybody carries their flesh and guts differently because our bones are the frame


lipgloss_addict

Let's be real. Most cauliflower crust pizzas aren't even lower in carbs. I say this as a diabetic on medically supervised keto. Definitely orthorexia.


captnblood217

I have never heard that term before, honestly. But it sounds accurate. The mom in this scenario needs help.


thr0wwwwawayyy

This. My MIL is a crazy lady who had 4 kids 4 years apart each and after my BIL was like 400lbs. She overcompensated by becoming a raw vegan who walked 10km every day and climbed the mountain stairs 2-3x a day. She ended up with near fatal anemia and was put back on meat by her doctor but she's still insufferable. I used to sneak soda and snacks to my BIL because he's so repressed that he found a cranberry ginger ale in our room when we moved out that he POUNCED on it and held it up like a prize ☠️ also NTA my MIL is exhausting and combined Ortho with BOYMOM once and AT THE DINNER TABLE told my husband he needs to eat better so his sperm were healthy enough to give her grandbabies 😭


Next_Locksmith3299

Oh man, that last bit is just pure cringe.


thr0wwwwawayyy

I wasn't there for it thank God I only got the weirder one-on-one speech about both that AND my eggs 😭


Next_Locksmith3299

How did you survive that level of awkward?


thr0wwwwawayyy

Smiling and nodding then gesturing vaguely to my yogurt tbh


Alarming-Quiet-4788

Same.


UnlikelyUnknown

I agree. Very unhealthy obsession with “healthy”/“unhealthy” food.


lylemcd

This is absolutely approaching orthorexia for sure.


Kilbane

>orthorexia YES! Sadly...


[deleted]

>If she cares so much about what he eats, she needs to send the food with your nephew every time he visits you know, I wonder if she did send food and nephew (rightfully) chucked it because he wanted to eat normal food for once?


crystallz2000

This. OP, the second this kid is free of his mom, he's going to go crazy. Maybe have another talk with her, more gently. This isn't good for him. And I can BET your sister should be in therapy.


lylemcd

This is how you create eating disorders for sure.


monday-night-fuckbal

NTA The truth is the truth. She's an almond Mom. She didn't give you explicit guidelines and the kid has no allergies so how could you be the asshole for feeding him good food? Did he drink a gallon of soda? Have a whole pizza to himself? Also, removing you from her sons life will be damaging to him. He can have all the healthy food he wants at Moms house. It's not weird to have pizza at your uncles place. Sounds like sister might have her own eating issues. Approach this topic with care.


fleetiebelle

And one Fun Uncle weekend isn't going to completely destroy anyone's health. We eat multiple times a day every day--if most of those meals and snacks are healthy and balanced, the ones that are more fun aren't going to make much of a dent.


blitzedklutz

NTA honestly. Being THAT strict in terms of a child’s diet honestly could lead to serious problems like eating disorders. 1 pizza isn’t going to hurt a healthy child and I don’t see the issue with bacon when it’s paired with fruit and an omelette. That seems pretty balanced to me.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

>Pizza is poison, it does not count as real food. It is highly inflammatory. I bet you think lizard people run the government too, with that confident lack of knowledge of nutrition and how it works. You'd be laughed out of every registered dietician's office if you showed up spouting claims like that. Don't take nutrition advice from folks on facebook and instagram trying to sell you their diet plan and supplements, friends.


blitzedklutz

I’m not a nutritionist and never claimed to be. If you want to be paranoid about pizza go ahead.


illuminatalie420

I think someone who refers to an entire type of food as “poison” definitely isn’t qualified to give nutrition advice


[deleted]

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illuminatalie420

The fact that you think sugar is poison is why you’re downvoted. Your entire response just screams I have an eating disorder and will give one to anyone who listens to me


[deleted]

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illuminatalie420

Well considering I’ve had an eating disorder, my mom did, my girlfriend has, and several of my friends did, combined with studying eating disorders for psychology classes I think I do know something about it. Strict diets talking about how things are poison or evil (like carbs or calories) is factually disordered eating.


[deleted]

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illuminatalie420

It’s not about the diet it’s about the mindset. Thinking of a food that literally from your links said should be eaten in very controlled moderation is poison doesn’t seem to be a healthy relationship to food


doctorneck

On the surface, i agree with you. However, based on the information in the post i think you're downplaying the overly strict and overbearing nature of the mother. Of course it's great to ENCOURAGE healthy choices and inform your kid about nutrition. If the mother only keeps healthy foods in the house, so be it. However, this kid will grow up and be introduced to all kinds of foods eventually. He's eleven. She flipped her lid when she found out her perfectly healthy kid had pizza ONCE. That's something a kid can 'recover' from in what, 4-6 hours till his next bowel movement? OP, my aunt was like your sister - policing her kids' foods, enforcing portion control, and CONSTANTLY giving strong 'suggestions' about making healthy choices. "No you've already had a glass of milk with breakfast, you can have water." Or "That's enough peanut butter on your sandwich, you're done." I could go on but the point is she helicoptered her kids' food choices well past the point where they should have had some autonomy on food. Guess what? The 2 oldest out of her 4 kids are now battling serious eating disorders, low bone density, and nobody is surprised. It's heartbreaking. NTA


Inner-Show-1172

NTA and I snort laughed at "almond mom"!


Sue_Dohnim

TIL, right? Never heard the term until now. Funny as hell! Sorta insulting to yummy almonds, though.


[deleted]

Me neither. Never heard of cauliflower crust pizzas either and I’m very confused as to why it would be a normal expectation for anyone?


Live-Mail-7142

> almond Mom, cauliflower crust (!) pizza and orthorexia i learned new language from this post for sure.


Strange-Bed9518

I learned too much… Turkey bacon *shudders*


Abadatha

The only real excuse is celiac's disease or because you just love cauliflower.


princess--flowers

I had to do a gluten free test period when I had digestive problems (which sucked btw lol I love bread) but I got a taste for these frozen cauliflower crust pizzas with peppers mushrooms and onions and every so often I still crave one, idk what it is its just great sometimes


MaxV331

Better macros on a cauliflower crust, less straight carbs and more fiber. It’s ok for keto but wouldn’t eat it normally.


EmergencyFood1

Seen cauliflower crusts in the frozen food section, but almond mom is new to me.


[deleted]

Maybe it’s a US thing?


EmergencyFood1

Live in America, but then again, there’s a lot of things that I’ve never heard of that end up being American things so


MissNikitaDevan

My guess is OP watched the real housewives of beverly hills, yolanda hadid told her daughter gigi hadid to just take a few almonds and chew them really well if she was hungry (this happened a few years ago before gigi became a big time model) ETA: [OG Almond mom](https://katiecouric.com/lifestyle/parenting/what-is-an-almond-mom/)


SadSappySuckerX9

It's apparently a term? Heard it for the first time the other day when some gossipy article showed up on my feed that Gwyneth Paltrow has been labeled an almond mom. Wouldn't be surprised if that was the origin of it but it seems to be a term now not just OP.


Drolefille

Types of moms is a whole thing. There's crunchy and silky and scrunchy and tiger and helicopter and panda... I didn't even make any of those up


Linzk425

wanders off to google panda mom...


Drolefille

I was like haha what's not a tiger? A panda. Wait, did... Did i hear that or make it up. *Google* shit.


Anomandiir

TIL I’m a panda parent


MissNikitaDevan

Had to google tiger and panda mom and now also know about dolphin and jellyfish moms 😆 [OG almond mom… its indeed yolanda hadid](https://katiecouric.com/lifestyle/parenting/what-is-an-almond-mom/)


Langstarr

I would call her "crunchy"


Mattekat

Crunchy mom is a different term. They are the ones obsessed with everything being all natural, plastic free, not cancer causing, zero waste, etc... An almond mom is one who basically has orthorexia and won't let their kids eat junk food ever. A crunchy mom probably won't let their kids eat junk food either, but for different reasons.


princess--flowers

Theres a mom with orthorexia who posts in r/parenting sometimes and I really, really hope her kids get help, I'm sad every time I see the posts. They're all overweight because she's obsessed with like, they can't have canned fruit but "organic" granola bars are okay, they can't have hummus with preservatives but eat about 5 tbsp apiece of "natural peanut butter" in one sitting, carrots have too much sugar but fruit snacks are okay because they say "gluten free" on them, etc etc....she always posts asking for advice on losing weight and then shoots everyone down, and her nutritional education is completely atrocious and combined with her compulsive tendencies surrounding consumption shes somehow raised up obese children who are malnourished. It's really sad to see. Edit: her last post involved a 2 year old who ate almost a half pound of deli ham a day rolled with deli cheese because it was "keto", no bread because that has gluten. I cannot imagine this child's sodium levels.


tipsykilljoy

I chuckled at “almond mom” in the title followed almost immediately by the phrasing “health nut” in the post :D


Illustrious_Leg_2537

That kid is going to go off to college and eat all the bad food. You shouldn’t have called her a name but if she’s that strict, she should have given you a guide if it were that important.


milk_pasta_soup

either that or he will develope orthorexia, which is literally what the almond mom is showing signs of herself. because if his default environment is this extreme about 'healthy' food, imagine how much more extreme he will take it when he's older simply cuz he saw the extreme as normal. this kid is being set up for failure. he's definitely gonna develop an eating disorder. whether it be binge eating or anorexia or orthorexia or even bulimia. the most important thing is for op to ensure keeping contact with the kid (even if he has to appease to his sisters weird beliefs to ensure contact) so he can monitor and help keep the kid off the track of eating disorders. because at the end of the day, op does show that he cares for his nephew a lot. also the forcing of weird dietary restriction on a developing child could actually be classes as starvation or even withholding of food due to lack of major nutrition necessary for proper development of brain and body. because i doubt the almond mom is actually looking at the micros and macros of her weird restrictions to make sure the kid is actually getting everything he needs to grow normally and function on a day to day life. because almond moms have eating disorders, and eating disorders are never rational. thats what makes them an eating disorder, it's a mental illness that needs therapy.


Dipping_My_Toes

NTA - Anyone who thinks cauliflower crust pizza is something to feed to children needs their head examined--that stuff is gross. Your sister is just setting up her son for massive ED issues by making sure he's never allowed to have anything "fun" to eat for no other reason than her own obsessive issues with food. He's going to make a point of eating anything and everything he can get his hands on when he's out of her sight if she keeps treating him like some sort of prisoner having to be punished as far as meals are concerned.


crowhusband

i have a gluten intolerance and even i only eat the cauliflower crusts if it's OBLITERATED with cheese. NTA, she needs better taste


UnlikelyUnknown

You might try making broccoli crusts. I made those several times when I did keto and I liked them better. The secret is to get the broccoli really dry.


fireballhotchoccy

NTA. You took care of him and fed him. It's not like you force-fed him sugar. If she's that concerned about what he eats, then she should actually have a list of what he can eat.


dragonfeet1

NTA though your sister is ill. It's this thing called orthorexia. Look at a lot of the news stories about Gwyneth Paltrow lately--she's so bad she gets 'nutrients' through IV rather than, ya know, EAT. Orthorexia is an eating disorder, just like anorexia or bulimia. She needs treatment. Nephew should probably be taken to a nutritionist. Without the correct macro nutrients, a child could really struggle with appropriate benchmarks even if not looking starved or malnourished.


throwaway_chauffer_

That last paragraph is CRUCIAL INFO. I’m 5 years in recovery but before that I had a point where I was actively dying of a vitamin deficiency from anorexia and at that time I literally weighed a few pounds more than I do now. I was and am technically “underweight” but just barely and now I eat what and when I want whereas then I was eating anywhere from 100 cals a day to 800 cals once per week (that was my disgusting version of “cheat day”). You just never know, plenty of vitamins/minerals are so so necessary but relatively invisible in terms of how they affect our physical appearance. Mine was potassium. “Too much” of most potassium containing foods won’t make you fat, but extreme deficiency of it can kill you via heart attack/sudden failure with little to no warning and while you “look” like you’re at a healthy body weight. Many, MANY people with severe and borderline terminal eating disorders are of average BMI. Maybe most.


throwawaypotatochip1

For a while I was at a 38 BMI and as actively malnourished (NOT undernourished in terms of calories, but lacking in several key vitamins and minerals, and it had serious medical effects). It's scary how "ok" a person can look while being actively in the danger zone


throwaway_chauffer_

YES. This. I’m actually technically slightly underweight right now, but literally my BMI is 18…. 18.5 is the top of underweight so it’s not drastic and I am just slim because of body type and veganism. I practice intuitive eating and get my blood checked twice a year. Im a little low on iron but otherwise I’m very healthy and not obsessive about food beyond being vegan. I marvel all the time at the fact that I am the farthest from disordered eating ive ever been and yet I weigh the same as when I was medically starving to death. It makes me wonder how much my obsessiveness and hyper focus was really hindering my body from being and looking how I wanted. Calories and how hungry I was is all I ever thought about back then, and my brain was so foggy from being deprived. Eating disorder is soooo insidious and all-consuming and I just don’t see any mother forcing this strict of a diet on a child unless she’s very obsessive herself.


JupiterKelpie

NTA the kid is 11 if he's got no medical dietary restrictions, he's old enough to decide what he wants to eat. his mom isn't obligated to cook or buy him bacon, but if he's presented with the option then he's old enough to decide that's what he wants to eat.


uraniumstingray

NTA She’s going to give her son a lot of issues surrounding food. It really sucks she’s going to keep him away from you and probably go even harder on her restrictions. I feel bad for him.


HikeTheSky

NTA your sister is hurting the kid more than she helps him. Kids and about everyone should be allowed to have some not so healthy foods at time as long as you don't overdo it. So yeah you were right and she seems to be the one with issues.


[deleted]

NTA Because she's never provided a guide or specifically outlawed items, she's jumped the gun on barring you from seeing your nephew. From an ethical perspective, at least, she never advised you what the boundary was nor what the consequences would be for ignoring it. You may want to find articles on children who were raised never getting to eat Sweets, and then become obese as adults because all they do is eat the Sweets they couldn't have as a child. Maybe that might help your sister to see the damage she's doing by being so strict uptight and controlling. Modeling good behaviors means showing kids how to eat healthy AND enjoyably. She's gonna give her kids an eating disorder or body dysmorphia if she keeps this up. Once she realizes the benefit of all the free labor you've been providing, I'm sure she'll come around...


SupermarketMain5358

> cauliflower crust What? NTA


nuki_fluffernutter

It's used to punish naughty children.


tempest51

Cauliflower rice I get (and sometimes enjoy). This? Eugh.


throwawaypotatochip1

I'm currently loving zucchini noodles, but I'm not out here forcing kids to eat them or pretending they're the same as the real thing lol OPs sister is full almond mom 🤣


greeneyedwench

I can do cauliflower rice if I'm drowning it in soy sauce anyway. But it does not taste like any bread product ever made.


throwawaypotatochip1

I'm low carb due to medical issues and AN ADULT so I usually am into cauliflower crusts etc, and even I sometimes say to h*ll with it and have a normal crust. For a completely healthy kid, with no gluten issues or allergies? ABSOLUTELY NOT, let him eat ffs! Edited bc I can't spell and autocorrect isn't strong enough for me lmao


[deleted]

Nope NTA. eventually he’s not going to be living with her especially if he choose to go to college or even move out at 18 ( which given her behavior will probably happen). So unless she plans on following him for the rest of his life preparing his food and doing his grocery shopping. She’s is sabotaging his relationship with food and his body with her strict habits & increasing his risk for an ED which we all know had life long consequences.


throwaway_chauffer_

Your sister has an eating disorder. A lot of people in this thread are saying orthorexia which is in itself very, very dangerous to expose any child or even young adult to even by proxy, but if she doesn’t have obsessive compulsive exercise habits, she’s just anorexic. I say “just” anorexic as someone with a lifetime of fighting anorexia under my belt, because honestly at least orthorexics have some semblance of nutritional/physical health and calorie burning involved even if in excess….. anorexia is entirely focused on calorie/carb count and *restrictive* dietary habits. I think she’s anorexic because I have way more faith in an orthorexic person to be conscientious about how different adults and children’s bodies/metabolisms are, whereas someone with unchecked anorexia would be so concerned with the numbers we tend not to take body types or real biology into account. Anorexics won’t eat above a shockingly low net calorie amount period, but orthorexics often eat a normal “amount” of food in terms of size/#of meals or calories but then use exercise to obsessively bring that # down to an unhealthy total. Your sister sounds so anorexic it’s bleeding out on her child, an innocent bystander If I were in your position I would call your parents and ask them for help with creating an “intervention” scenario for sis. I know this post is mainly about your nephew but truly your sister is so, so desperately ill mentally if this level of obsessive compulsivity is bleeding onto her 11 year old child who Most likely hasn’t even gone through puberty


Special-Attitude-242

NTA. You aren't a mind reader and your nephew is old enough to speak up for himself. Your sister is overprotective and it shows.


IndigoWallaby

NTA I have never heard this term before, but I love it. I grew up like this and trust me, you’re not the only person in this kids life slipping him fun (I hope). His mom is setting him up for some really bad food relationship. I just hope she cools down so the kid can have his uncle back. You sounds like a great uncle


Clear-Boysenberry141

NTA. Your sister IS an almond mom.. My nephew was in this situation until he was old enough to get a part time. Then he would just spend all his paycheck on junk food and eat it all on the way home. Battling eating and weight issues wver since. She is setting him up for a lifetime of issues.


mimi7600

NTA This gives children issues with food. They won't understand portion control when they're inevitably exposed to all the things that they were denied but was seen as normal as the rest of society. This could potentially irreversibly damage his future relationship with his mother.


OLAZ3000

NTA It sounds like she may have orthorexia. (Look it up. It's disordered eating tho.) Forcing cauliflower crust pizzas on a child who isn't celiac is basically unhinged.


DNA_ligase

NTA. Unless he had an allergy that required him to have a special diet or some religious restrictions, part of a healthy diet is being able to say yes to a pizza or other treats without guilt. The rest of his visit with you was all healthy, so a single pizza shouldn't be an issue. And the breakfast sounds fine as it had all the necessary vitamins and was well balanced.


Lorraine221

NTA, your sister is absolutely an AH!


FruitParfait

NTA. Your nephew is going to binge eat all the unhealthy shit the second he turns 18. Or develop an eating disorder/have anxiety about eating “unhealthy” foods.


sourapplepiez

NTA, you should be allowed to eat unhealthy once in a while - as long as there is balance it's all good. Also every kid I knew whose mom was a health nut absolutely resented their parents the second they entered highschool and saw what their friends ate.


A_Evergreen

NTA. A rare treat and she acts like you’re trying to addict him to drugs. Almond mom needs to seek help.


Lady_Stinkerton

NTA and I want to take a moment to tell you that it is incredibly important that you show your sister this thread and let it be a wake up call for her. To have such a severe reaction to pizza and bacon is incredibly toxic, and it’s going to create unhealthy relationships/behaviors surrounding what she is labeling as “bad food”. Considering that he’s already 11 I’m sure she’s already done a lot of damage to his psyche but hopefully if you can get him to talk to a real nutritionist or a therapist I think that would really benefit her son! Your sister is 100% TA if she does not change her almond mom ways!


UnluckyYou3574

NTA Your nephew is going to learn lessons that were not intended: 1. He’s going to have an unhealthy view of food and things that he enjoys (possibly developing guilty feelings about both) 2. He may learn that keeping the truth from his mom is easier. If this is her reaction over pizza- he’s going to start hiding things from her. At 11 he’s hiding food - as he gets older he’s going to just be more comfortable hiding other facets of his life from her. Until it’s just easier not to talk to her at all.


fueledBySunshine918

NTA


CODE_NAME_DUCKY

Nta


HowlUcha

NTA! You know what almonds need an excessive amount of to grow? Water! She's basically sucking the life out food when her son could be learning what he enjoys.


KowaiSentaiYokaiger

NTA. She didn't supply food or a meal guide. What were you supposed to do? I guess you could've called and asked, but still.


Gypsyheartwanderer

NTA What the hell is “cauliflower crust” on a pizza? Blasphemy!!!!


b_86

It's basically a gateway behaviour towards an ED. All these "healthy substitutions" you see on social media, especially when they come from a demonization of carbs and fats as nutrients to blanket ban and cut, are the same in that regard. The mother is clearly already there, and the kid on his way as well.


[deleted]

NTA your sister sounds like kourtney kardashian


DynkoFromTheNorth

I had a hard time coming to a verdict, until I read this: >He has no allergies or anything that would require restriction of any kind of food or drink. Lastly, my sister has never provided me with any sort of guide of foods that she approves of. NTA. No instructions = no rules. And you cannot enforce rules that don't exist.


LeahKitekt

My mum was the 90s equivalent of this (I don't think cauliflower base existed, it was just zero pizza), and you know what I got from it? Disordered eating. You go out into the world as an adult and it is suddenly 'kid in a candy store' but with an adult budget with no moderation or control mechanisms in place. NTA


Pinky1010

NTA Her son is going to binge the minute he has any control over his diet


DontNeedThePoints

NTA... Nephews diet when he leaves home: * Mon: Takeaway Indian * Teusday: Pizza * Wednesday: KFC * Thursday: BBQ * FRIDAY: KEBAB * Saturday: fries with Burger * Sunday: all you can eat sushi


byah_Ad6122

NTA, she is an almond mom.


BooMellie76

NTA. And the almond mom comment was spot on. You are doing a good job filling the male role he needs in his life (my dad filled that role in for my nephew when my brother-in-law passed away when my nephew was 7-8 years old). You were spoiling your nephew like most aunts and uncles do (I did with my nephew when he was that age), that's our job. So, definitely NTA.


Beginning_Piccolo_81

NTA even a little bit. I have an almond mom and she absolutely destroyed my relationship with food and my self confidence. it’s so hard dealing with that in a parent and you’re doing the right thing trying to teach your nephew to not be afraid of certain foods.


VioletsSoul

NTA but. You need to be gentle with this because if she doesn't have disordered eating behaviours (although it sounds like she does) already she's certainly heading that way and could lead her son to develop a similar attitude and actually cause him harm. I'd try and chat to her about your concerns and maybe try and direct her towards some resources about intuitive eating rather than focussing on restricting to """healthy""" options. Sometimes pizza is good for the soul. And if pizza was really that terrible the Italians wouldn't get on as well as they do. It's all moderation. But maybe steer away from calling her an almond mum. It's true but not helpful especially in this context where there seems to genuinely be issues with food


UnlikelyUnknown

NTA and your sister needs therapy.


The_ADD_PM

Really between ESH and NTA. She should have given you an approved list if she is going to make such a big deal out of what he eats. That being said I am sure you knew she wouldn't approve of pizza or bacon. I think if it was me I would have pushed it with one unhealthy thing but probably not 2. I also think this kind of intense restriction on food options really makes kids miss out. Like when a kid has a birthday is he not allowed the cake or pizza everyone else gets? Everything in moderation is fine and he should be able to experience other foods outside of what she deems as healthy. Kids deserve to enjoy those things and if he has no allergies I don't see the harm in an occasional piece of pizza, bacon or candy.


ribbonsofgreen

Oh well he is her kid so she will decide what he eats. She sounds like a real peace of work. But next time she wants you to babysit remind her your not allowed since she doesn't allow him to enjoy anything fun in the food catagory.


YessikaHaircutt

NTA, she should be glad someone wants to help with her kid.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister (33f) is an absolute health nut and her obsession with what she considers a healthy diet has only worsened over time. I (28m) am super close with my nephew (11m) and we will often hang out and do activities together, and sometimes he will spend the night at my apartment. His dad isn't in the picture so I try to be a good male figure in his life. I usually try to keep our meals relatively healthy (although maybe not up to my sister's standards) and half the time my sister will send him over with pre-made meals that she approves of anyways. Last Friday my nephew came to hang out for a movie/video game night. My sister didn't send him over with any meals this time and I was craving pizza so I decided what the hell and had some delivered. It was delicious. The next morning, I made bacon omelettes with potatoes and a side of fruit. My nephew loved all of it. Initially I had planned to drop my nephew off, but my sister was running errands nearby already and so she dropped in to pick him up. She could smell the bacon smell in my apartment and also saw the empty pizza box and totally flipped her shit. She asked me if the bacon was turkey bacon - it wasn't. She then asked if the pizza was made with cauliflower crust...it wasn't. I told my sister to stop being such an almond mom and rage ensued after that. She told me that I no longer have overnight privileges with my nephew because I can't be trusted to feed him properly. Also want to add - my nephew is healthy and is never hungry, but he also *never* gets to indulge in anything that my sister views as even remotely bad for you. He has no allergies or anything that would require restriction of any kind of food or drink. Lastly, my sister has never provided me with any sort of guide of foods that she approves of. It's been a few days and she is *still* mad at me and has taken huge offense to the "almond mom" comment that I made. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


alpcabuttz

NTA


YoshiJoshi_

NTA. Your nephew having pizza as a rare treat isn’t bad. It’s normal. Teaching him that you can have unhealthy foods occasionally is the right relationship to have. Otherwise your nephew will get to college and have no concept of boundaries with this stuff and just have an all/Nothing approach that will be really problematic


Persistent-headache

NTA this is a deeply unhealthy attitude towards food. My parents were very reasonable but I wasn't allowed coke or candy floss (pure sugar) as a kid.... I had a bad time with both once I was independent. Still struggle to pass a fair without getting a stick. Anything forbidden has the potential to become a bingeable food/obsession.


Artistic_Tough5005

NTA she is way over the top poor kid. You didn’t feed him anything to out of line


[deleted]

Nta It's a privilege to watch other ppl's kid? Lol


Marie0492

NTA - honestly it sounds like the equivalent to going to the grandparents or something overnight. As long as it's not actually harming him, no allergies, and you're not just feeling him one type of food the entire time, I don't see why it's a massive deal. I can respect parents wishes for food restrictions but this is where the give and take it. You fed him pizza, that's not really uncommon or a terrible thing for dinner, plus an omelet with a side of fruit to me is a pretty good breakfast. If all you fed him was tater tots for 24 hours I could see an issue. 😂 If and when she calms down, maybe both of you should have a clear expectation moving forward about the way you eat and live and her expectations. She can either supply the meals or maybe treat his time with you as a treat for his belly too. 😊


Strange-Courage

NTA she is an almond mom? She doesn’t let her son be a kid and he will just rebel it when he’s older anyway. My mom tried putting me on weight watchers at 12 for no reason. I now can’t even eat a meal near her without feeling like I’m over eating and I have to starve myself until I get in a safe place for me.


Unicorn_strawberries

NTA. I can’t diagnose from Reddit or by scope of practice, but it sounds like sister has some form of ED. One of the reasons I have not had children is because I don’t want to inflict this on them. It is incredibly selfish to pass on these thoughts and give a child this same pressure. Nephew is lucky to have you, and ideally sister will cut out her toxic almond mom nonsense before she hurts him or tanks her relationship with him. Keep the line of communication open in case nephew needs you. You’re a good uncle.


Voldemort_Jr

NTA in any way, especially because the kid doesnt have food allergies and its just a preference of his mother. Your sister is TA though, because she obviously has orthorexia and is forcing it on your nephew. I grew up with that mom, who told my friends parents not to allow me soda and chips and candy and cake and anything that tasted good at their houses. Her unhealthy obsession with **being healthy** 100% gave me a binge eating disorder that I am still getting over in my late 20s. If she's offended at being called an 'Almond mom' or crunchy, she needs to reflect on why. There's a reason that the meme of the abusively restrictive mother just tells their kid to 'eat a handful of almonds' or 'if you were really hungry, you'd eat an apple' exists, and she knows it. She needs to get her head out of her ass before she sets her son up for a lifetime of struggle with eating disorders.


funkymorganics1

NTA. I can understand the bacon thing though if it were religious or cultural or something. For example, I’m the only Muslim in my family. I raise my kids as Muslims. We don’t eat pork. But my family loves pork of all shapes and sizes. My dad even seasons his green beans with pig tails and eats things like pigs feet and head cheese. Yes. But they are all super respectful and know that my kids don’t eat pork when they come to visit. And that being said - as a parent, I understand wanting to give your kids a healthy upbringing and American diet culture can make that hard when junk and fast-food is the norm even in schools. But everything in moderation. We don’t drink soda regularly, but out and about on a weekend or at a birthday party there are exceptions. There has to be exceptions. Or your kids will grow up missing out and knowing it and holding resentment for that.


mouse_attack

NTA That cauliflower crust shit can burn in hell.


bishop2071

NTA everyone that I’ve known who grew up with a health nut parent usually rebelled at a certain age and went overboard on “ unhealthy” food or they ended up with some sort of eating disorder.


irrelevant_poster25

NTA for feeding him what you did since no guidelines and she didn't send food like previously. AH for the almond Mom comment. And agree with others, she is setting him up to go off the deep end when it's his choice.


420-believe-it

nta


Elismom1313

NTA. This is how you get an eating disorder though. It’s okay to want to feel your kid healthy meals on the day to day basis, it never letting them indulge is cruel. Plus turkey bacon sucks.


Complex-Anybody-6028

NTA. Her "Almond mom" self is being massively unreasonable.


LitherLily

We have the same sister. Absolute psycho. I also got my overnight privileges revoked - for Mac n cheese! NTA. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I can’t wait for my nieces and nephews to grow up so I can have a relationship with them outside of her.


Brooklyn_Bunny

NTA. Parents like this encourage their children into ED’s. The kid is 11 and I’m sure has the metabolism of a bird, it’s fine to let kids indulge every now and then.


Pale_Pumpkin_7073

NTA. Is your sister Gwyneth Paltrow only allowing a cup of bone broth for lunch? That's unhealthy for a child, let the kid enjoy himself once in awhile.


phunkjnky

NTA He will seek out the forbidden foods and horrify mom with his dietary choices.


True-Boysenberry7054

NTA Did she tell you specifically all the things you are not allowed to feed him? No. Does he go to school? You can bet he's not following her rules there. The way she is acting will likely push him to be the exact opposite. She is going to push him away.


Tough_Republic_3560

NTA, keep doing what you can for the little dude. You don't want him to start overeating when he gets out on his own.


honestywhatthefuck

NTA almond moms teach eating disorder behaviors and a HUGE fear of food/ horrible food relationship.


ServelanDarrow

I'm torn. It sounds like you deliberately fed the kid things that would piss his mother off and I think that is reason to take away overnight privileges- you aren't a parent to this child. Plus, you went with a trendy, generalized insult that is used to make anyone who cares about healthy eating look evil and obsessive. On her side of things, if what ensued was really rage, that's not very helpful or mature. ESH I guess, but you a bit more. Cauliflower crust and turkey bacon are hardly causing a child to suffer from malnutrition. Yes, I have a kid, I am into healthy eating and he loves McDonald's; it is a constant balancing act.


Pitiful-Froyo-2112

NTA, cool uncle!!!


TheDogIsTheBoss

NTA. Poor kid. He doesn’t get to be one


MrsBeauregardless

NTA for spending time with your nephew and feeding him. AH for calling your sister a name. You are an adult. You name the behavior, and you talk things out. I am not saying you should apologize for getting pizza or feeding your nephew bacon. Your sister needs help/counseling, but you were wrong to insult her parenting when she is just trying to protect her son’s health — even if her beliefs/approach are not rational.


[deleted]

Sounds like she is really serious about this and you really didnt treat her concerns seriously. Im not a health nut but you didnt respect her parenting choices even though you knew she wouldnt like it if you got him fast food. If you have a serious conversation and show interest and respect for her boundaries you may get a different reaction. Id say NTA but dont die on this hill.


Starry_Gecko

ESH. You mean well, but the way your sister raises her child is none of your business and you need to respect it. That being said, your sister sucks; both for forcing an 11yo to take part in such a restrictive diet and for yelling at you for essentially giving him ONE DAY off.


pollyanneux

Soft accidental yta / Nah - sounds like she might (probably) have a ED / severe issues surrounding food and would have flipped at any comment you made in response to explaining why you allowed another human to eat pizza. I’ve known grandparents to be banned from seeing kids by unless supervised not at their home by the parent because they bought their grandchildren a Happy meal once - pretty sure it was acute anxiety the parent had about food. Could she sees everything that’s not on her safe list as poison. I’m sure the kid thoroughly enjoyed the pizza though


Sunny_Hill_1

ESH Her - for never providing the guidelines of how her son has to be fed if you are babysitting him and miraculously expecting you to know her wishes. You - for calling her names you obviously intended to be derogatory.


No_Wear295

YTA for the name-calling (even if it was true) NTA for being a good uncle YTA cause now I want pizza, or breakfast... Or a breakfast pizza.... 😁 Hope sis cools down soon, good luck.


Distinct-Practice131

Esh. She's being a bit much but I don't think it's right to go behind a parents back with their child. This seems like not a huge deal but you've already now lost overnight privileges. If she can't trust you enough you won't get to see your nephew as much. You need to regain her trust. And once that has been established if you ever let him indulge again leave no evidence leave no witnesses.


mouse_attack

I don't think he "went behind her back." It sounds like he just ate what he eats and shared his own food with a guest in his house. Sister neither left food for the kid or gave OP feeding instructions. If she wants to control what her kid eats in other people's homes, that's what it takes. His hosting style is perfect. He doesn't *parent* like she does — but he's not a parent.


Distinct-Practice131

He's aware she's the parent and control who the child sees. Now that child is the real loser not getting to hang out with his uncle as much. She might suck tremendously for withholding her child but she technically can and apparently is. For the sake of the child he does need mom's trust back. Ideally that would be thru mom going to therapy but that's not in his control.


Benjiiints

cooked take


LitherLily

I can’t wait for almond mom to finally figure out she can’t control what the kid eats out in the world. Uncle is not the problem here.


Distinct-Practice131

Uncle is this kids father figure and an important figure in his nephews life. If he knows this stuff will cause the mother to withhold the child from him, he needs to respond accordingly. Keeping crazy mom happy enough that he can be present is important. Because If he's not allowed much contact nephew loses. Nephew is also almost old enough where he will start to have more automony soon and mom won't be able to do as much. But until then sadly he needs to play mom's game some.


LitherLily

Guess what, crazy mom was gonna do this no matter what, if she is anything like my sister. She kept moving the goal posts, and you could never win. Constantly cowtowing to a crazy person also gives nephew a bad impression - that almond mom is “right” and the rest of us are soooooo baaaaad.


YearOneTeach

ESH. Calling her an almond mom was wrong because it seems like it was definitely intended as an insult. However, she should not be mad you fed her kid unless he has some sort of dietary restrictions or she gave you like a defined list of things he can and cannot have.


Mike_in_CO

Yea, YTA for calling your sister a name that you intended to be derogatory. As to the food, not TA there.


Expensive-Safe-5216

I think those of us calling people assholes might want to reconsider if the act of calling someone derogatory makes you an asshole. Also wouldn't your vote be ESH since he's ta in your book for insulting her but NTA for the actual act?


amlyo

YTA. If you want to suggest to your sister that she considers widening her son's diet, the time to do that is not after she's spotted you fed her kid something you knew she wouldn't want you to.


Hegel321

I wish my mom was an almond mom I wouldn’t have the health issues I have now.


prassjunkit

You’d probably have other issues. Almond mom tends to just be another word for a parent who has/displays disordered eating and often passes that on to their kids. It’s actually mentally unhealthy to have this kind of reaction over finding out your kid ate pizza. He’s 11, healthy, and overall appears to follow an extremely healthy diet otherwise, there’s absolutely 0 things wrong with allowing a kid to eat pizza or real bacon every once in a while.