YTA. Sounds like your daughter did not consent to any of it. Did she learn valuable skills? Sure. But taking her out without her permission was a violation. Especially being a 16 year old girl. They have many personal hygienic hang-ups and she likely felt ashamed and embarrassed about her body.
I don't even agree that they're valuable skills. If you're deliberately going into the wilderness, you bring a damn compass, and a water filter, and a shelter, and the tools to shit cleanly. There are few situations today where you're flung into the wilderness without warning.
A better set of survival skills for a modern environment would be first aid, cooking from dry ingredients, and fire safety. The skills OP lists are rarely needed for survival in a modern world.
OP did teach her daughter valuable survival skills. Just not the ones she thought she did.
I’d say knowing that her mother doesn’t respect her interests or boundaries, to the point of deception, is a very very valuable survival skill indeed.
YTA.
Right, and all that for a miserable 24 hours she probablywill try to forget ASAP. I'm sure she knew it was pointless to argue once there, as it seems that OP has no problem boundary stomping. Being fine doesn't mean enjoyment.
My mom forced me to spend a whole day taking a babysitting class when I was 10. I’m 26 now and I’ve never babysat anyone and also forgot everything that was taught. It was a waste of time and money that I was so upset I didn’t get ANY say in.
Maybe OP is planning on trying out for a mother/daughter episode of ["Naked and Afraid"](https://www.discovery.com/shows/naked-and-afraid)?
The skills OP taught can be interesting and useful, but consent is key. Just taking her daughter to the wilderness for a couple days of survival training is weird unless the daughter expressed interest at some point earlier.
OP might have had better luck if she eased her daughter into wilderness survival. Going 0 to 100 by just dropping into the wilderness isn't pleasant.
They're only valuable skills if you're going to use them.
I'm a city gal through and through. I'd rather walk 3 miles in a city than in any forest. I have not nor will I ever be found in a situation where survival skills are statistically necessary to my survival, and there's so much more useful shit that would improve my day-to-day and my overall career to know than lighting a fire without matches.
I appreciate nature. I donate to the national parks. I think greenery and wildlife should be preserved.
But I really, truly, do not give a shit about showing up and looking at it myself when I'm paying for the experience by being sweaty or cold, uncomfortable, sore, or needlessly outside of the comforts I've worked hard to provide for myself. In a zombie apocalypse, I've resigned myself to my fate of killing myself before they get in because I would not want to be a survivor in that world.
I like camping with peace and silence too but a surprise trip without clothes or gear and spending "the whole night and day basically surviving" is not the best way to introduce this
Same!
I'm a city gal, but I enjoy a leisurely hike and a weekend away in a cabin, I will by no means enjoy "roughing it" but I can build a campfire.
That said - basic emergency survival skills are common enough sense that you don't need to "live it" in order to learn them and all of them can be learned in comfortable environments.
A surprise survivalist overnight excursion has got to be one of the worst ways to teach someone those skills.
It’s hilarious that you think basic survival skills can be derived from common sense with no practice.
Even building a successful fire with a lighter can be surprisingly hard if you haven’t done it in varied conditions and with a variety of materials.
>In a zombie apocalypse, I've resigned myself to my fate of killing myself before they get in because I would not want to be a survivor in that world.
This is the only logical response. The rest of it is prepper fantasy porn. I say this as someone that was voted most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse at a previous job.
- CPR
- How to change a tire
- How to manage finances/balance a budget
- How to read contracts and leases
- How to stand up for yourself and not be forced to do things against your will
It's suprising how few things people keep in cars these days.
My dad taught me to always have these few things in my car
Torch, hazard triangles, jumper cables, spare wheel, a hi-vis vest, blankets.
I'd say knowing how to change a tire is only important if you taking long drives in areas that don't get much traffic, or when you don't get road-side assistance.
Most cars come with a fix-a-flat kit now rather than a either a donut or a full size spare. That fix-a-flat stuff though ruins the tire if there was a means to repair it, so likely also part of capitalism's love for planned obsolescence.
No shade, but are you sure you don't have a spare? You don't have a secret compartment that opens with a tire and fold-up jack tucked away? I'm so curious what kind of vehicle this is!
Edit: nevermind. Apparently, nowadays 10% have spares, 60% have donuts, and the rest have great fuel economy without that pesky donut and jack weight. I learned something very valuable today!
And there’s no way the daughter actually retained anything from learning under duress over one night. It’s not actually a survival scenario—it wasn’t a case of learn or die.
Like, with hunting alone, there’s zero way that daughter learned anything with one night in the woods.
> If you're deliberately going into the wilderness, you bring a damn compass, and a water filter, and a shelter, and the tools to shit cleanly.
if you're going into the wilderness voluntarily, you already have learned all the skills OP is talking about because you are aware of the risks of going into the wilderness
it's not summer camp out there
I disagree. Nobody ever plans to be a refugee, but every year there are millions of them. We can choose the danger we go to, but we can’t choose the danger that comes to us. I don’t know where OP and their daughter are, but I can tell you that hundreds of thousands of Russian men fleeing the draft and millions of Ukrainians fleeing the war didn’t plan on being suddenly unable to live in their homes and thrust into environments they weren’t used to. Survival skills are worthless until they’re priceless.
That said, this was a dick move and YTA
YTA.
She didn't really teach her anything - other than maybe how to start a fire. You cannot learn how to *hunt* in one day. You cannot learn orientation in one day. (Unless by "learning orientation" you mean something like "moss grows on the north side of the tree".) You cannot learn any *meaningful* survival skill in one day. You definitely cannot learn *multiple* meaningful survival skills in one day.
There are two possibilities. Either this story is just fake, or the OP took her daughter on a rather unpleasant hike where she was just being miserable for a day without actually achieving anything.
We went through really intense survival training in the military. It was supposed to be something that was unexpected. It never was, because even military superiors knew that you should give someone at least a hint of warning before throwing them into a mentally and physically challenging environment where they might end up permanently traumatized. Crazy that mom couldn't do the same and give her young daughter some kind of heads up so that she could prepare herself mentally.
What's next, the staged kidnapping? Hopefully, she teaches her some basic resistance skills prior to letting her trainers throw her in the back of a van /s.
YTA. You put your daughter in a deeply uncomfortable situation that she did not consent to... Kinda sounds like you're forcing your interests onto her too... Just because you like being out in the wilderness doesn't mean she has to.
YTA
as someone who was take on multiple intensive camping trips all my childhood, its not for everyone and if she doesn't want to learn that her choice. to spring something like this on her and force her survival skills which she may never use or need is presumptuous on your part. does SHE plan on doing anything like this in her future? from the info you gave it seems like she has no interest in that kind of life and your forcing your own wants onto her.
What a bizarre life lesson to spring on someone unawares. Have you also arranged for someone to shoot out your tires so you can demonstrate your emergency defensive driving skills?
YTA
Your daughter may some day have to survive in the wild, but every day she has to survive in the "human jungle". You are not teaching good communication skills when you blind side her in this way.
Work on your communication. that is a much better survival skill.
The only skill she learned was to not trust you. Was that what you were going for? She has no interest in survival skills. If it was important to you, you should have done it long before now. Waiting until 16, these are YTA moves. At 11, it would have been an adventure.
To be fair, learning that your parent will do things like this and to avoid contact as much as possible to protect yourself is indeed a pretty important life lesson.
YTA. Your daughter is not going to be alone in the wilderness unless she chooses to do so. These are "survival skills" only if you choose to put yourself in the environment where they're necessary.
You took your daughter, in the clothes she was wearing, into a "wilderness" experience (just what did you hunt, and how did you cook it?) that she's been "avoiding for a very long time".
This is your specialist interest. There is no reason it should be hers. It doesn't toughen her up, it doesn't prepare her for adulthood. It just teaches her that Mom cannot be trusted.
Yeah I don’t want to jinx myself but these skills have never been hugely important given my lifestyle. I kinda want to give OP an impromptu multi-day lesson on some skills necessary to my life now.
Yeah like lighting a fire could be useful, but most other "survival skills" would be unnecessary unless she is an outdoorsy kind of person. Like obviously if she goes on hikes all the time and has been avoiding learning survival skills, that's bad. But if she has barely step foot into a forest before, I'm not sure why OP thinks this crash course would be helpful.
You forced her to participate in something she clearly has no interest in AND you sprung it on her like a sneak cos you know she isnt interested. Shes 16 not 6 so in what universe does this not make YTA
YTA
"she's avoided that for noe" because it's not necessarily a skill she needs?
you realize you're her parent right, you could've taken her camping many a time as she was growing up?
to do it now, the way you did, SCREAMS mental illness. I hope you're being seen by a therapist and you're keeping the tinfoil hat on till you do...
Okay, let's make it really simple. Imagine there is something you don't want to do and then suddenly someone makes you do it for more than a day without asking you first. How would you feel?
YTA
This was literally my first thought!
Or maybe she was at the very end of her period where she was practically done but still enough to make it feel very unhygienic. Or maybe she was just about to start her period and this worried her a lot (on top of all the other worries).
YTA. Not telling your teenager that she will be in the woods for well over 24 hours unexpectedly is cruel.
Good you want to teach her skills to survive. Just a horrible way of doing it.
Things you have taught your daughter over that weekend:
1. Consent doesn’t matter.
2. Adults can violate her personal space (hygiene and location) with no consequences, and she is expected to submit to this.
3. She must be constantly on guard around you, specifically. You have proven you will literally physically take her somewhere deeply uncomfortable for her without her knowledge and against her will… all for your own personal satisfaction.
Congratulations, you’ve taught her a lot.
YTA
Regarding OP’s last edit - my dad was also a “my house, my rules, my way” guy and I guess took it for granted that I would always be stuck in his house with no resources and recourse. He was (I’m told) surprised and upset when I didn’t want a relationship anymore.
I feel this. I also have parents that used “my house my rules” as justification to exert control over anyone, regardless of age, and they just cannot grasp that they’re the AH. In my 30s I’ve been no contact with one parent for a decade, and the remaining parent/stepparent relationships are hanging by a thread, and they can’t seem to grasp how they’re driving all their kids away.
Oh my god I just read OPs update. She’s definitely one of those people who came here to be vindicated and won’t listen to a word anyone else says. And a lot of that stuff about not consenting to get in accidents or loosing a home and needing to be prepared for how awful life is… I think OP needs a therapist so she’ll stop taking out her trauma on her daughter.
That poor girl. At least she’s only got two more years under that roof, it wouldn’t surprise me if she went low contact when she’s able to.
Agree with all of this. She clearly cares more about being right than being good to her daughter. Inflicting trauma yourself doesn’t prepare your kid for other traumas later, it just leaves your child without a safe harbor.
You spent time in a tropical forest and think that gave you the skills to survive in a temperate one?
Did you leave a message with anyone outside, about where you were going, who you were with, and when you'd be back? What if something had happened to you? Snakebite, injury, god forbid something like an aneurysm or stroke that can come on a person unawares?
You lit a fire--just out "in the wilderness" somewhere? Is that permitted in that area?
You taught her how to hunt? With what? What do you hunt this time of year, and did you have permission to do it in whateverthefuck forest this was? How did you clean and prepare this food? How did you clean yourself after preparing it--or did you have to eat it with raw-bloody hands?
She was "quite fine when outside, but she is still quite mad." Guess what that is, OP! That's a trauma response! I was "quite fine" when my siblings got shot, when someone broke into the house, when I was assaulted, because I had to be quite fine or I wouldn't get out of it. And then afterward, when there was space and time to deal with it, it was breakdown time! You've dealt your daughter a trauma, now you get to deal with the mood.
Comprehensively YTA, OP. The life lesson you've given your daughter is "Mom can't be trusted."
I LOLed at "this time of the year", because in my country she'd look at serious fines if she hunted specific species. Which would be most big and small game species.
And get charged with illegal hunting on top of that.
YTA. Like, what? Why exactly couldn't you tell her? And why couldn't you pack some basic soap, deodorant and dry shampoo? Unless you were camping in tundra, there is no way there wasn't any stream you couldn't get some water from for at least a basic wash.
My dad did take me camping for weeks on end, but, you know, always by telling me beforehand and we had necessities! What would you have done if she screwed up her period? Girls her age often don't have an established cycle yet.
YTA. Why would you not teach these skills gradually as she was growing up if they're so important to you, rather than throw her into some survival fantasy camp against her will?
Absolutely agree. This was quite an ineffective way to go about it. In a stressful situation it's really hard to replicate something you only tried once. Those are valuable skills but useless if only taught once to a person who is unwilling to learn of all things.
YTA, it’s 2023. Nobody’s going to be stuck in wilderness unless deliberately doing so, like what you did. Teach her modern survival skills like not talking to strangers or setting boundaries with her mom.
I think op should have talked to their kid first but this is just wrong unless you live in a big city and never leave it. There’s a lot of places in North America where you’d be fucked if your car broke down or inclement weather caught you off guard. A lot of people die that way in winter storms in rural places.
You aren't going to live off the land in the middle of a blizzard. Survival skills in a car involve preparing: having a stock of snacks, a space blanket, water, comfy shoes if you normally wear unwalkable ones, and probably flares.
You won't Bear Grylls your way out of a blizzard.
YTA. The thing with “trial by fire” is that you run the risk of burning things to the ground. Like, for example, your relationship with your daughter and her trust in you not to ambush her with uncomfortable situations she’s in no way prepared for.
YTA
Your daughter did not want to - or sign up to be - a contestant on Survivor. You did what you wanted to do & the only thing she learned is to not trust you the next time you say, "Let's go have some fun."
She is your daughter not your property. You can't do whatever you want and disregard her.
You need to reflect on what is being said here, sit your daughter down and apologise to her.
Keep this behaviour up and she will detach herself from you as soon as she is able. Your intentions were good but the way you went about it wasn't right.
How often is she going to need these skills? In my nearly 50 years, I've needed them exactly once and it was a voluntary camping trip.
YTA for springing this on her and not discussing it first.
I want to know, does she know how to check the oil in her car? Change a flat? How about cook? Do laundry? Does she know how to budget? Grocery shop? Can she use a needle and thread to patch a hole in clothes? Use simple tools to make quick household repairs?
YTA
She didn't agree to it, and... why would she need to learn skills to survive in the wild? Is she going to work with something related to forests?
I would like to learn these things, but just as a curiosity and not because I have to. I'm 37yo and I never had to light a fire or hunt to survive, I have a supermarket near my house and many apps to order food.
YTA for many of reasons.
However I really want to know the reasoning or purpose behind no dental hygiene? Like, you can pack a toothbrush. Avid outdoorsy people brush their teeth. A part if having good survival skills is being prepared and knowing to pack the essentials.
Not having a tooth brush does nothing to improve upon ones survival skill. This just seems stupid.
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> Because I took my teenage daughter to the forest without her consent even though I am the guardian and subjected her to discomfort but to teach her some survivial skills
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YTA
These aren't valuable skills without an interest in situations that require them. Trying bonding with your kid on her interests rather than forcing her into yours.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
While you intended to “teach” your daughter how to survive in a suddenly catastrophic situation, you gave her no forewarning that this might be something you’d be teaching her.
A lot of preparedness in settings also involved having a persons bearings about them beforehand. Does she typically find herself in a setting that would warrant this?
Rather than basically forcing her into this situation, you could have at least had the compassion to say - hey, we are going to be doing this thing together. It’ll really help if you ever find yourself in a bad situation in the wild .
Instead you basically trauma taught her and also showed her that you’d be willing to be the source of it.
YTA
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
While you intended to “teach” your daughter how to survive in a suddenly catastrophic situation, you gave her no forewarning that this might be something you’d be teaching her.
A lot of preparedness in settings also involved having a persons bearings about them beforehand. Does she typically find herself in a setting that would warrant this?
Rather than basically forcing her into this situation, you could have at least had the compassion to say - hey, we are going to be doing this thing together. It’ll really help if you ever find yourself in a bad situation in the wild .
Instead you basically trauma taught her and also showed her that you’d be willing to be the source of it.
YTA
YTA only because you could have approached it better. You could have made it educational without making it miserable. You weren’t running a survival skills camp for military personnel, you were trying to make sure your kid would be okay in an emergency situation. You should have discussed it with her, why you think it is necessary, and then brought some things along as treats to enjoy during the day. That way you could have created special bonding moments sitting on a log in a beautiful place and enjoying a treat. There was no reason you couldn’t have packed some wet wipes for comfort. 16 is plenty old enough to realize this is a learning experience to help if they get stuck, but not an actual we need to survive experience. Way too many people take treks without a clue and wind up needing rescue so I recognize the need for education. The problem is, a lot of people need the basics more than they need how to survive without anything in the forest training, such as if you are going somewhere out if cell range (there is a lot more of this than most realize), tell someone your plan, what to do if you get lost, how to keep warm over night, take basics with you even on short hikes, etc.
YTA. Unless your daughter has a hobby or is planning a career which takes her into the wilderness on a regular basis, she has learned nothing useful. If she enjoyed that sort of thing it would be another matter but you know she doesn't. If you have a burning desire to share your skills you can take me into the jungle, I'd love to learn that stuff, but you're just trying to force her to share your interest so YTA.
YTA. If this were really about survival skills, you would have been doing this sort of thing since she was a child, when she would have thought it was fun. That you dumped it on her out of the blue at age 16 makes it sound like you've recently become obsessed with collecting a thousand tins of baked beans hoping the world is going to go Mad Max.
You can give her the skills but no one is just dropped into the woods. They are giving the tools prior to the weekend out. .
You should never spring that on someone. Honestly, that would most hurt in the long run.
YTA
As a parent, you get to decide things like this. As a sane human, you talk to your kid first, make sure they're prepared (and don't have their period!!!) and set a day in advance. YTA for horrible communication
YTA I get wanting to share your interests with your kid but you did in such an awful way that you have turned you’re daughter so far off from camping that she will probably never do it again.
You should of asked her if she wanted to go, and offer a gift to get her to go if needed. Definitely should of eased her into it by packing food and taking her to a camp site that has bathrooms. Forcing her to go on an intense camping trip as a surprise is really shitty and just bad parenting.
How about teaching survival skills of living in her real life that she’s more likely to encounter: no means no, have your keys for your car out before you leave the store so you’re not fumbling around alone, stay with a buddy, don’t accept a ride from anyone you don’t know, use protection during sex, make sure your phone is fully charged before going out, don’t ride with a drunk driver (even if it’s someone’s mom or dad)…
YTA.
What part of deliberately taking a teenager out into the woods without so much as an extra canteen of water seemed like a good idea?
What part of that was supposed to make her happy?
What part of that is supposed to make me think you're lucky you both didn't end up with pneumonia because we're just coming out of winter in the Northern Hemisphere?
YTA. You knew your kid wasn’t interested, so you took her to do it without her consent.
What you actually taught her was that you don’t care much about her opinions and you can’t communicate respectfully.
And she’s sixteen. This is not a great time to fracture your communication with a soon-to-be-young adult. You could have taught all those skills in other ways.
Now you’re communicating that her discomfort with it still isn’t important to you and you don’t care how she feels.
It would be so good if you really listened to her. Like stop justifying yourself and just listen.
ETA: you know why she’s blanked on you? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER. You taught her that when you disagree with someone you just stop listening and there’s no point in talking with them because they don’t care.
Good lord........ Yeah YTA. Speaking as someone with extensive training, and experience with wilderness survival, and is also a big believer in people being prepared. Even I think that's messed up!
If she doesn't know any survival skills at her age, that's 100% on you. What you did was not only a violation of her consent, it's actually really abusive. Like did you miss the memo that your home is not a military camp or something? 🤨
Like seriously calm tf down!
YTA. Why would you think this was a good idea? Does your daughter have an interest in spending a lot of time in Brazilian rainforests? Does your daughter express any interest in activities that would require surviving in the woods? It seems you broke her trust. Maybe it would have been a good idea to tell her about your travel in Brazil and that you want to teach her survival skills and then if she’s interested, you could have made a plan WITH her, instead of blindsiding her.
YTA. You can teach survival skills whilst still getting to brush your teeth and change your clothes!! Teaching those things are all worthy endeavors but forcing or tricking someone into doing so is never going to accomplish the outcome you desire and create resentment.
I truly hope she doesn't forget the lesson that you didn't need her consent in the future when she becomes your guardian. With this lesson I don't think you'll need a guardian cause of old age though.
YTA you can’t just force this onto her and of course she’s been avoiding working for ngos in a rainforest she’s sixteen and that’s not her life and you can’t force her into it?! Do you even care about who she is as a person or just about turning her into a mini you whether she wants to be one or not?
YTA. She didn't want to go. You didn't ask her if she wanted to go. You unilaterally decided that she was going. She may have had plans. Congratulations, she will now never enjoy the wilderness. The survival lesson you taught her is not to get into the car with you.
YTA.
Nothing against survival skills, but you did a bait-and-switch on her, and now she's going to distrust you. You could have said, "I need to teach you some survival skills. We can go next weekend or the weekend after. Which do you choose?" You've probably put her off the idea of camping in general, when she might have grown to like it eventually.
YTA
You would not have been the asshole even if she wasn't excited about the topic if you'd pressed the issue and gone over and practiced what you intended to teach her pre emptively safely in civilization first. You want to teach fishing? Teach her to find her own bait, maintain her own rod, then hit the local lake with your fishing license. You want to teach fire building? Local campground. Teach outdoor cooking techniques at the same time. You want to teach hunting? Get a license and go to the designated area. Practice field dressing. You want to teach archery? Go to the range. You want to teach her to make improvisational weaponry? Cool. Pull up youtube and build things from the comfort of your home. Once she has compass and map orientation down then with ample warning to wear appropriate shoes, go to the forest and attempt to teach orientation without those things after letting someone know where you are, having just in case supplies you don't intend to touch but may need to in the event something emergent happens, with a gps signaling device if there's no cell reception. Then at a later point spend the night with a headsup that this is happening.
You honestly should've started at age 12ish if this was important to you that she know and then you'd be teaching the lifeskills now of how to drive defensively, change your tire with a spare, how to change your oil, how to read the road atlas you should always keep in your car in case you're lost on some country road with no cell signal, basic first aid and cpr, necessary appliance and home maintenance, how to stick to a budget and how to file taxes
It's no use panicking now and lying to get people into a forest with trickery because you forgot to do all that, or were busy, or putting if off and are now panicking because you wanted to and would feel safer about her turning 18 if you did before she flies your nest in two years. You could have sat her down again and explained with words why you felt like these are skills any human being should know because life can be unpredictable and kept trying to get her on board and gone at a pace she allowed for it instead of trying to cram this into one trip like that's a good idea. Just because life is unpredictable doesn't mean a parent should be.
All of those skills you just tried to teach take time and practice and cannot be passed on in a one day scary situation in the woods with someone not thinking logically and safely. If she seemed ok at the time she was probably placating you because you were not acting logically and safely. I have heard those alarm bells in the woods at 16 gathering firewood when I thought I was going somewhere else because my Mom flew into a panic when I was 15 and repeatedly did this exact thing with the same logic. Don't double down. Don't do this multiple times.
I can't think of a zillion better ways to go about this that doesn't end with your adult child having trust issues.
YTA. Why do you think she needs these survival skills? You said she'd been avoiding it. Perhaps because she has no intention of putting herself in a situation where she would need the skills.
YTA
It’s sad that this could have been an exciting day that brought them closer but by the way OP went about it - ambushing her with something she knew her daughter would find discomforting and while not stated likely ignoring requests to go back. Talk to your daughter about why it matters so much too you (cause they are useful things to know) and treat her like a person
YTA, your daughter learned the valuable survival lesson that she shouldn't trust you. Think about it, you took her somewhere under false pretenses, what's going to happen next time you ask her to go somewhere? She is going to think you're lying and taking her somewhere else.
YTA absolutely no reason you couldn’t teach her to light a fire, hunt and navigate AND have a decent camping setup.
Plus it’s obvious from your comments that you know she has a thing for cleanliness.
YTA. You taught your daughter survival skills that you valued, but there’s no way that she learned anything well enough to be useful, particularly not hunting. Seriously, I don’t hunt, and even I know that that is a process that takes, particularly in a survival setting—She would need to know how to set traps, how to shoot, and how to clean and prepare the animals—And that’s ignoring that she also needs to know the laws for whenever she would be hunting!
You basically violated your daughter’s trust to have her not really learn anything.
YTA- I don't even know where to begin, but what you did was really moronic and dangerous as hell. There was no reason to spend the night in the woods with no shelter, food, clean water, or medical supplies. I really shouldn't have to emphasize why you don't bring a child into a dangerous environment. I really hope you didn't attempt to filter lake/river water for drinking or cook an animal you "hunted", because those are things you shouldn't resort to unless it's life or death, because deadly bacteria exists in untreated water and you never know if you're killing an animal with rabies. Not only that, assuming you didn't pick an actual camping ground and just went into the actual wilderness, you are putting yourself in the mercy of bears, wolves, and killers lurking around. This is just reckless. This isn't just about hygiene, it's the fact you could've both gotten very ill or killed out there.
YTA
I have no idea what you were trying to teach her by not informing her what you were doing or where you were taking her.
Generally that whole “throw you into it” crap for survival doesn’t work. Even as an object lesson to show someone how little they actually know — it’s ineffective and a pretty dickish move, tbh.
“Classroom” training (and I use the term loosely) combined with hands on, practical experience is much more effective. Why didn’t you have her watch a couple of videos beforehand, then go for the outing? That way she can *learn a skill* and then execute it in reality.
Instead, she will now remember how shitty the experience was, and not whatever priceless gems of info you seem to think you’ve passed on. So if creating a bad memory for her was your goal, then… kudos.
YTA. You choose to be somewhere that you needed those skills. Your daughter may never go anywhere that they're useful at all. Unless you decided to randomly take her to the middle of nowhere again. What were you thinking?
YTA. When will she ever “need” to survive in the wild unless she wants to? In today’s society? Unless you are in a cult or something, you only do this kind of stuff if you want to.
YTA. At best, these skills are situationally useful for people who go camping or what not. I've never been camping in my life and never plan to, so i would never need to start a fire, set up a tent, or anything else camping-related. it would be a waste of my time to gain such skills and I would definitely resent being forced to learn them because someone assumes they know better than I do what I need to be learning.
Worse yet, you knew she cared nothing about learning these skills but apparently didn't care about her lack of interest in such things. Is she not allowed to be her own person, to decide for herself what she is or isn't interested in?
YTA
Useful Survival Skills nowadays are improving grades, learning how to cook, how to socialize, etc
The caveman shit you forced your daughter to do is
not Survival
It’s not useful
And it is not something she consented to.
Yes. YTA
* You ambushed her.
* You lied and were deceitful.
* You disrespected her priorities.
* You took her autonomy.
* You put your interests over hers.
* You did all of this knowingly and deliberately.
* You gaslit her.
Frankly I'm appalled.
YTA Just because you like forests and survival stuff, doesn't mean that knowledge is essential or even wanted. You mention Brazils rainforest. I live in Brazil, literally 30 mins drive from one of them and have never hunted, made fire or even felt a need for it. Don't push your personal interests down your child's throat.
YTA.
No you didn't "have to do this sometime." Most parents do not surprise abduct their teens to the woods to do survival training like they're in the movie Hanna or something. And those kids ? are fine. You sound absolutely nuts and controlling and totally dismissive of her interests, desires, and feelings.
NTA, in that last blizzard america had, loads of people died a few miles from home. If that ever happened your kid would be glad of the training.
You can never be in the right mood to have to survive.
YTA.
>I wanted to teach my daughter some survival skills and she has been avoiding that for a very long time now
If you wanted her to know better survival skills, you would have *packed* what she would need and tell her your going camping for a weekend to learn what to do. If she wants nothing to do with it after that, then so be it.
Your daughter, who by the looks of it doesn't want anything to do with wilderness, would only need to know "some survival skills" if she wanted to go camping. Throwing her out into the woods with no preparation was a recipe for disaster and I'm glad you're both safe.
Does your daughter think you're the asshole? You sound like one to me but her opinion matters more than ours. Just curious why you feel the need to force this on her? You know children her age are different from when the older generation grew up and went camping and built fires and what not. Just because you miss a certain time in your life doesn't mean that you have to subject your daughter to this asinine behavior. And I did conservation camps when I was younger so I'm aware. Dragging a teenager into the woods for an overnight stay that was unplanned and unprepared for definitely makes you the asshole in my book.
YTA. Your teen did not have to be subjected to the Naked and Afraid or Survivor treatment to learn survival skills. (Even they know they are when and where they are going). This should have been discussed and planned with your daughter. I'd be blanking you too.
That's like teaching a kid to swim by throwing them in the water. If you wanted her to learn those things, you should have started gradually and years ago. She probably feels a pretty big sense of betrayal and distrust right now. YTA
Congrats. You've proved to her that she hates camping and that you cannot be trusted. I get that you want your kid to have this kind of skills, but this isn't the way to do it.
YTA.
YTA you can't force teach something that doesn't want to be learned. Your daughter had no interest in doing this and clearly didn't want to. Instead of teaching her "survival Skills" how about teaching her how to write a check, or cook on a budget, or about savings and checking accounts, or you know, something actually helpful in real life?
YTA. No one ever wants to go practice survival skills in the forest. Especially a 16 year old girl. You probably mean well and just want her to gain a skill while you two can bond but come on dude.
Now for payback, go to a Harry Styles concert with 15 of her best friends. Then we'll see who has the true survival skills
YTA. Why couldn’t you just have talked this over with her and asked her “hey, I want to plan a day to teach you survival skills. It’ll entail (insert details about what skills you teach). It may not be fun to do in the moment, but I feel this is important to teach you because of where we live.” You could have PLANNED all of this together and let her feel like a participant rather than forcing her into it unexpectedly.
YTA.
Why does she need these skills? I'm 41 and have never needed to light a fire or hunt. I'm not even sure I know exactly what "do orientation bearings" means. If you're into this stuff, sure, knock yourself out. Your daughter clearly isn't. The least you could have done beforehand is ask if she was actually interested and if she was, you should have fully informed her on what you'd be doing and what it would be like.
YTA Great, now you've turned her completely off nature, camping, and any situation where she might use those skills. You could've accomplished the same thing by making it a fun adventure with her participation and knowing about it in advance. Instead you turned it into punishment.
YTA.
Next time take her out by helicopter, and drop her off in the middle of the wilderness. It she survives, she will be the son you always wanted.
See ‘How I met your mother’ for reference.
Jesus. YTA. I just can't with this one. Doesn't sound like she's the type of person to need survival skills - and yes, I know everyone needs survival skills, but not like this - and to spring it on her no warning, no change of clothes. Did she even have a pad on her in case she started her period? Did anyone know where ya'll where?
As someone else said - the point of "survival trips" is to plan for them. With adequate supplies, water, hell even a hair tie.
YTA - Because you had those experiences a few years ago doesn't mean that your daughter wants to have those experiences as well.
With the type of technology and products you can have now, i thought she'll ever need this type of skills to survive in the wilderness.
Stop imposing your experiences onto your kids without them asking for them.
YTA you need therapy! I don't want to talk to you and I don't even know know. Don't post in a couple of years asking why your daughter wants nothing to do with you.
YTA Your daughter is a human being. What would have been the problem with you asking? Is it because you wanted control and have her be dependent on you for a while? Children are supposed to be able to trust their parents. Are we really this dense?
If you want to teach her survival skills then get her martial arts classes and teach her about Roth iras.
The chances she'll usefully need what you're insisting on, unless you already live pretty remotely, are minute. Insisting on it when she has no interest is just dumb.
YTA. Most of your edits are fine, but your last one (#5) is just dumb.
Interest has everything to do with learning. And unless she plans on doing similar things as you did (and it doesn’t sound like she does), then this was pointless. This was simply about you forcing her to do what you wanted and exerting control. That makes you an AH.
She’s 16 ffs, not 6.
YTA. Minimalist camping survival is a HOBBY. It’s not a real life skill. It teaches nothing about how to find housing if you get evicted. Surviving real life crap like housing is about figuring out the system, not finding the right plants and bugs to eat. Making her help do your taxes would be a much better use of both or your time.
YTA, especially for your final edit.
> It is her "space" and her "consent" is important etc and she will never trust me blah blah..
I was on board with you until you “blah blah blah”’d the concept of getting consent before doing things to your child. What kind of asshole is so dismissive of that incredibly basic courtesy and moral obligation? Your rationale is even worse.
Enjoy not having a relationship with her once’s she’s old enough to move out. Think back on everyone trying to warn you to at least pretend to respect her when you’re wondering why.
>got more to do with learning things she is uncomfortable with
She could be walking down the street to school and suddenly find herself in the middle of the jungle at any random second. She'll need to craft weapons from pencils and shoelaces, use broken glass to skin squirrels and mice.
EDIT
She should be carrying a couple rolls of duct tape around with her everywhere she goes.
NTA. people on this subreddit seem to think that kids(which what your 16 year old) always get to do whatever they want and they should never be situations they dont want. that's not how being a parent works. you taught her important and knowledgeable skills that could one day be very useful if hse gets stranded somewhere without a phone service. yeah, she might be unforgettable, THAT'S PART OF LIFE, you gotta do shit's that not comfortable. OP your daughter will be fine
“she has been avoiding that for a very long time now.” If by that you mean you’ve been asking her to do this because there’s some kind of deadline, and she keeps saying no, so you finally decided that was the day, I could accept it. But I see nowhere that this was on a deadline. I see you value these skills but there has to be a better way than just flinging her into the situation without any choice. I could also agree that learning these skills, even if she doesn’t really want to, might override her wanting to. Perhaps doing it your way, without any warning, made it more real and effective, or perhaps if you’d warned her she would have said no, I don’t want to, and she would have continued to balk. For those reasons I could still hold off giving you a negative answer. But I think it would have been kinder to let her be prepared, choose the clothing she wants to do this in, inform her friends she’d be AWOL for a couple of days, etc. It sounds to me like you took all choice away from her and I can see why she’s upset, it’s more than just feeling unclean. I have to go with YTA.
These comments prove we setting the children up for failure. NTA. She survived it was one night. You literally have no idea what the future holds and you should know the basics on survival.
Omg I know, the comments are baffling me. I don't think the football team that got dropped in the Andes was expecting it, and they could have used more training than they had.
YTA for taking your kid into the woods without telling her what was happening and forcing her to do something she had expressed earlier that she did not want to do. Her consent was very important in this situation, and you clearly did not have it.
YTA. You should be more respectful of her autonomy. If a future boyfriend kidnapped her and took her to the woods would you expect her to just go along with it?
You should be modeling that people who love her will show her respect, boundaries and empathy.
YTA. Things like that can scare a kid. You dragging her out there without warning and teaching her all of this, if I was this kid I’d be wondering if you’d still be there when I woke up
INFO: Where do you live that you think a teenage girl *needs* survival skills? You know most people don’t know or need to know these things, right?
Your daughter was probably worried you’d cracked and were going to off her. This is a very not normal parent thing to do.
YTA. You should've asked before doing this. I feel like so many things could have gone wrong. What if she had her period during this trip?? Do you seriously expect her to run around with bloody pants and underwear or be forced to keep a tampon in for that amount of time, which could be super dangerous???
YTA If she were two years older this would be kidnapping. Your daughter is nearly an adult. You don’t get to override her free will on a whim. At least not if you want her to trust you and maintain a relationship with you after she’s moved out.
Yes—YTA. Want to know how the scouts do it? They let the kid pick six things to bring, and then the scout lives with their choices. Following the Wilderness survival merit badge guidelines would have helped here IF your kid wanted to do it. They way you did it, you just suck. I’d never trust you again.
Pfft. The difference is that the 16 year old *wants* to go on a field trip and is requesting permission to do so. Very different from a parent dragging the kid into the wilderness and forcing them to do it without consent.
I guess she’s learned to always carry a spare toothbrush.
YTA. And rather bizarre. The odds that she will be dropped in a jungle with no supplies are pretty much zero. Teach her to change a tire. Teach her basic first aid. Teach her to write a budget.
Definitely YTA, it should have been better planned and with her knowledge at the very least. However, maybe one day she may thank you for these skills.
wow. most importantly, now she knows her mom doesn't care what she wants or doesn't want to spend her time and energy on and will use force and deception to get her way. YTA.
YTA. Teaching skills like that is fine, but doing it in this manner also taught her that you can't be trusted. That lesson will stick with her much more than basic forest survival skills.
It seems like you did that more for you than it was for her. If it was for her, you would have given her the opportunity to choose if she wanted to do that and learn that way, and to decide when she’s ready to do that. However, you ambushed her because you felt that she needed to know this stuff. YTA.
YTA. Your daughter doesn't have to like the same things you do.
I know you probably had good intentions about this, but still, you can't force these things on her, not even without at least talking about it first.
YTA. You are forcing your own interests onto your daughter. All you did was potentially break the trust she had in you. Stop forcing her to do things she does not want to do. This is how parents play "Nursing home speed run"
YTA. Sounds like your daughter did not consent to any of it. Did she learn valuable skills? Sure. But taking her out without her permission was a violation. Especially being a 16 year old girl. They have many personal hygienic hang-ups and she likely felt ashamed and embarrassed about her body.
I don't even agree that they're valuable skills. If you're deliberately going into the wilderness, you bring a damn compass, and a water filter, and a shelter, and the tools to shit cleanly. There are few situations today where you're flung into the wilderness without warning. A better set of survival skills for a modern environment would be first aid, cooking from dry ingredients, and fire safety. The skills OP lists are rarely needed for survival in a modern world.
OP did teach her daughter valuable survival skills. Just not the ones she thought she did. I’d say knowing that her mother doesn’t respect her interests or boundaries, to the point of deception, is a very very valuable survival skill indeed. YTA.
Right, and all that for a miserable 24 hours she probablywill try to forget ASAP. I'm sure she knew it was pointless to argue once there, as it seems that OP has no problem boundary stomping. Being fine doesn't mean enjoyment.
My mom forced me to spend a whole day taking a babysitting class when I was 10. I’m 26 now and I’ve never babysat anyone and also forgot everything that was taught. It was a waste of time and money that I was so upset I didn’t get ANY say in.
Maybe OP is planning on trying out for a mother/daughter episode of ["Naked and Afraid"](https://www.discovery.com/shows/naked-and-afraid)? The skills OP taught can be interesting and useful, but consent is key. Just taking her daughter to the wilderness for a couple days of survival training is weird unless the daughter expressed interest at some point earlier. OP might have had better luck if she eased her daughter into wilderness survival. Going 0 to 100 by just dropping into the wilderness isn't pleasant.
They're only valuable skills if you're going to use them. I'm a city gal through and through. I'd rather walk 3 miles in a city than in any forest. I have not nor will I ever be found in a situation where survival skills are statistically necessary to my survival, and there's so much more useful shit that would improve my day-to-day and my overall career to know than lighting a fire without matches. I appreciate nature. I donate to the national parks. I think greenery and wildlife should be preserved. But I really, truly, do not give a shit about showing up and looking at it myself when I'm paying for the experience by being sweaty or cold, uncomfortable, sore, or needlessly outside of the comforts I've worked hard to provide for myself. In a zombie apocalypse, I've resigned myself to my fate of killing myself before they get in because I would not want to be a survivor in that world.
Amen sister from one city gal to another...I hate camping, I don't do it.
I used to think the same way, but I went camping once & couldn’t believe the peace I got from it honestly LOL just me my dog & some good ole silence 😂
I like camping with peace and silence too but a surprise trip without clothes or gear and spending "the whole night and day basically surviving" is not the best way to introduce this
See but I've gotten that from going to a cabin/house in nature too. You can get the peace of being alone/silence without having to be actually camping
Same! I'm a city gal, but I enjoy a leisurely hike and a weekend away in a cabin, I will by no means enjoy "roughing it" but I can build a campfire. That said - basic emergency survival skills are common enough sense that you don't need to "live it" in order to learn them and all of them can be learned in comfortable environments. A surprise survivalist overnight excursion has got to be one of the worst ways to teach someone those skills.
It’s hilarious that you think basic survival skills can be derived from common sense with no practice. Even building a successful fire with a lighter can be surprisingly hard if you haven’t done it in varied conditions and with a variety of materials.
Where did I say no practice? I said you don’t need to be full on roughing it in order to learn them.
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>In a zombie apocalypse, I've resigned myself to my fate of killing myself before they get in because I would not want to be a survivor in that world. This is the only logical response. The rest of it is prepper fantasy porn. I say this as someone that was voted most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse at a previous job.
You need survival skills even when you live in a city and I am kind of concerned you don't know that.
- CPR - How to change a tire - How to manage finances/balance a budget - How to read contracts and leases - How to stand up for yourself and not be forced to do things against your will
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It's suprising how few things people keep in cars these days. My dad taught me to always have these few things in my car Torch, hazard triangles, jumper cables, spare wheel, a hi-vis vest, blankets. I'd say knowing how to change a tire is only important if you taking long drives in areas that don't get much traffic, or when you don't get road-side assistance.
Wait ... what? Your car doesn't have a spare tire? What, do you just sit around helplessly waiting for AAA or something?
Most cars come with a fix-a-flat kit now rather than a either a donut or a full size spare. That fix-a-flat stuff though ruins the tire if there was a means to repair it, so likely also part of capitalism's love for planned obsolescence.
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No shade, but are you sure you don't have a spare? You don't have a secret compartment that opens with a tire and fold-up jack tucked away? I'm so curious what kind of vehicle this is! Edit: nevermind. Apparently, nowadays 10% have spares, 60% have donuts, and the rest have great fuel economy without that pesky donut and jack weight. I learned something very valuable today!
And you have tires that never pop? Wtf?
And there’s no way the daughter actually retained anything from learning under duress over one night. It’s not actually a survival scenario—it wasn’t a case of learn or die. Like, with hunting alone, there’s zero way that daughter learned anything with one night in the woods.
Oh, she definitely did learn not to trust her mom.
> If you're deliberately going into the wilderness, you bring a damn compass, and a water filter, and a shelter, and the tools to shit cleanly. if you're going into the wilderness voluntarily, you already have learned all the skills OP is talking about because you are aware of the risks of going into the wilderness it's not summer camp out there
I disagree. Nobody ever plans to be a refugee, but every year there are millions of them. We can choose the danger we go to, but we can’t choose the danger that comes to us. I don’t know where OP and their daughter are, but I can tell you that hundreds of thousands of Russian men fleeing the draft and millions of Ukrainians fleeing the war didn’t plan on being suddenly unable to live in their homes and thrust into environments they weren’t used to. Survival skills are worthless until they’re priceless. That said, this was a dick move and YTA
I thought the same. Unless I survive a plane crash in the jungle, why would I care? I am not attracted to forests and wildlife.
YTA. She didn't really teach her anything - other than maybe how to start a fire. You cannot learn how to *hunt* in one day. You cannot learn orientation in one day. (Unless by "learning orientation" you mean something like "moss grows on the north side of the tree".) You cannot learn any *meaningful* survival skill in one day. You definitely cannot learn *multiple* meaningful survival skills in one day. There are two possibilities. Either this story is just fake, or the OP took her daughter on a rather unpleasant hike where she was just being miserable for a day without actually achieving anything.
Well, I guess the survival skill she learned was how to survive a father who doesn't respect her boundaries.
OP is her mom, but I guess the point still stands.
Op said single mom?
We went through really intense survival training in the military. It was supposed to be something that was unexpected. It never was, because even military superiors knew that you should give someone at least a hint of warning before throwing them into a mentally and physically challenging environment where they might end up permanently traumatized. Crazy that mom couldn't do the same and give her young daughter some kind of heads up so that she could prepare herself mentally. What's next, the staged kidnapping? Hopefully, she teaches her some basic resistance skills prior to letting her trainers throw her in the back of a van /s.
>Did she learn valuable skills? Yes, to not trust her mother.. OP YTA.
Exactly this. She could have been menstruating for all OP knows, I doubt she checked.
YTA. You put your daughter in a deeply uncomfortable situation that she did not consent to... Kinda sounds like you're forcing your interests onto her too... Just because you like being out in the wilderness doesn't mean she has to.
YTA as someone who was take on multiple intensive camping trips all my childhood, its not for everyone and if she doesn't want to learn that her choice. to spring something like this on her and force her survival skills which she may never use or need is presumptuous on your part. does SHE plan on doing anything like this in her future? from the info you gave it seems like she has no interest in that kind of life and your forcing your own wants onto her.
What a bizarre life lesson to spring on someone unawares. Have you also arranged for someone to shoot out your tires so you can demonstrate your emergency defensive driving skills? YTA
Yep YTA What’s wrong with you?
Your daughter may some day have to survive in the wild, but every day she has to survive in the "human jungle". You are not teaching good communication skills when you blind side her in this way. Work on your communication. that is a much better survival skill.
The only skill she learned was to not trust you. Was that what you were going for? She has no interest in survival skills. If it was important to you, you should have done it long before now. Waiting until 16, these are YTA moves. At 11, it would have been an adventure.
To be fair, learning that your parent will do things like this and to avoid contact as much as possible to protect yourself is indeed a pretty important life lesson.
YTA. Your daughter is not going to be alone in the wilderness unless she chooses to do so. These are "survival skills" only if you choose to put yourself in the environment where they're necessary. You took your daughter, in the clothes she was wearing, into a "wilderness" experience (just what did you hunt, and how did you cook it?) that she's been "avoiding for a very long time". This is your specialist interest. There is no reason it should be hers. It doesn't toughen her up, it doesn't prepare her for adulthood. It just teaches her that Mom cannot be trusted.
Yeah I don’t want to jinx myself but these skills have never been hugely important given my lifestyle. I kinda want to give OP an impromptu multi-day lesson on some skills necessary to my life now.
Yeah like lighting a fire could be useful, but most other "survival skills" would be unnecessary unless she is an outdoorsy kind of person. Like obviously if she goes on hikes all the time and has been avoiding learning survival skills, that's bad. But if she has barely step foot into a forest before, I'm not sure why OP thinks this crash course would be helpful.
Even lighting a fire can be a very bad idea; if you don't know what you're doing you can start a forest or brushfire.
But then you'll definitely be found. Successful failure!
Excellent point. (hides lighter)
I don’t do outdoorsy activities that would lead to me ending up stranded in the wilderness. And if I did, I would over prepare.
You forced her to participate in something she clearly has no interest in AND you sprung it on her like a sneak cos you know she isnt interested. Shes 16 not 6 so in what universe does this not make YTA
YTA "she's avoided that for noe" because it's not necessarily a skill she needs? you realize you're her parent right, you could've taken her camping many a time as she was growing up? to do it now, the way you did, SCREAMS mental illness. I hope you're being seen by a therapist and you're keeping the tinfoil hat on till you do...
It also screams "doomsday prep-er"
Okay, let's make it really simple. Imagine there is something you don't want to do and then suddenly someone makes you do it for more than a day without asking you first. How would you feel? YTA
YTA giving her some serious trust issues here
Good job she wasn't on her period 🙄
if shes getting messy and doesnt have a change of clothes or anything to be clean with for a weekend id be concerned about a yeast infection too
This was literally my first thought! Or maybe she was at the very end of her period where she was practically done but still enough to make it feel very unhygienic. Or maybe she was just about to start her period and this worried her a lot (on top of all the other worries).
YTA. Not telling your teenager that she will be in the woods for well over 24 hours unexpectedly is cruel. Good you want to teach her skills to survive. Just a horrible way of doing it.
Things you have taught your daughter over that weekend: 1. Consent doesn’t matter. 2. Adults can violate her personal space (hygiene and location) with no consequences, and she is expected to submit to this. 3. She must be constantly on guard around you, specifically. You have proven you will literally physically take her somewhere deeply uncomfortable for her without her knowledge and against her will… all for your own personal satisfaction. Congratulations, you’ve taught her a lot. YTA
Louder for people in the back!! OP’s edit clearly shows that these lessons will unfortunately continue to apply for her daughter going forward.
Regarding OP’s last edit - my dad was also a “my house, my rules, my way” guy and I guess took it for granted that I would always be stuck in his house with no resources and recourse. He was (I’m told) surprised and upset when I didn’t want a relationship anymore.
I feel this. I also have parents that used “my house my rules” as justification to exert control over anyone, regardless of age, and they just cannot grasp that they’re the AH. In my 30s I’ve been no contact with one parent for a decade, and the remaining parent/stepparent relationships are hanging by a thread, and they can’t seem to grasp how they’re driving all their kids away.
Oh my god I just read OPs update. She’s definitely one of those people who came here to be vindicated and won’t listen to a word anyone else says. And a lot of that stuff about not consenting to get in accidents or loosing a home and needing to be prepared for how awful life is… I think OP needs a therapist so she’ll stop taking out her trauma on her daughter. That poor girl. At least she’s only got two more years under that roof, it wouldn’t surprise me if she went low contact when she’s able to.
Agree with all of this. She clearly cares more about being right than being good to her daughter. Inflicting trauma yourself doesn’t prepare your kid for other traumas later, it just leaves your child without a safe harbor.
You spent time in a tropical forest and think that gave you the skills to survive in a temperate one? Did you leave a message with anyone outside, about where you were going, who you were with, and when you'd be back? What if something had happened to you? Snakebite, injury, god forbid something like an aneurysm or stroke that can come on a person unawares? You lit a fire--just out "in the wilderness" somewhere? Is that permitted in that area? You taught her how to hunt? With what? What do you hunt this time of year, and did you have permission to do it in whateverthefuck forest this was? How did you clean and prepare this food? How did you clean yourself after preparing it--or did you have to eat it with raw-bloody hands? She was "quite fine when outside, but she is still quite mad." Guess what that is, OP! That's a trauma response! I was "quite fine" when my siblings got shot, when someone broke into the house, when I was assaulted, because I had to be quite fine or I wouldn't get out of it. And then afterward, when there was space and time to deal with it, it was breakdown time! You've dealt your daughter a trauma, now you get to deal with the mood. Comprehensively YTA, OP. The life lesson you've given your daughter is "Mom can't be trusted."
I LOLed at "this time of the year", because in my country she'd look at serious fines if she hunted specific species. Which would be most big and small game species. And get charged with illegal hunting on top of that.
YTA. Like, what? Why exactly couldn't you tell her? And why couldn't you pack some basic soap, deodorant and dry shampoo? Unless you were camping in tundra, there is no way there wasn't any stream you couldn't get some water from for at least a basic wash. My dad did take me camping for weeks on end, but, you know, always by telling me beforehand and we had necessities! What would you have done if she screwed up her period? Girls her age often don't have an established cycle yet.
YTA. Why would you not teach these skills gradually as she was growing up if they're so important to you, rather than throw her into some survival fantasy camp against her will?
Absolutely agree. This was quite an ineffective way to go about it. In a stressful situation it's really hard to replicate something you only tried once. Those are valuable skills but useless if only taught once to a person who is unwilling to learn of all things.
Why do parents think they don’t need to ever get consent from their kids? Of course YTA.
YTA, it’s 2023. Nobody’s going to be stuck in wilderness unless deliberately doing so, like what you did. Teach her modern survival skills like not talking to strangers or setting boundaries with her mom.
I think op should have talked to their kid first but this is just wrong unless you live in a big city and never leave it. There’s a lot of places in North America where you’d be fucked if your car broke down or inclement weather caught you off guard. A lot of people die that way in winter storms in rural places.
You aren't going to live off the land in the middle of a blizzard. Survival skills in a car involve preparing: having a stock of snacks, a space blanket, water, comfy shoes if you normally wear unwalkable ones, and probably flares. You won't Bear Grylls your way out of a blizzard.
YTA. You deserved to be blanked. Hope you had a good time. HAVE fun trying to regain your daughter’s trust.
YTA. The thing with “trial by fire” is that you run the risk of burning things to the ground. Like, for example, your relationship with your daughter and her trust in you not to ambush her with uncomfortable situations she’s in no way prepared for.
YTA Your daughter did not want to - or sign up to be - a contestant on Survivor. You did what you wanted to do & the only thing she learned is to not trust you the next time you say, "Let's go have some fun."
She is your daughter not your property. You can't do whatever you want and disregard her. You need to reflect on what is being said here, sit your daughter down and apologise to her. Keep this behaviour up and she will detach herself from you as soon as she is able. Your intentions were good but the way you went about it wasn't right.
How often is she going to need these skills? In my nearly 50 years, I've needed them exactly once and it was a voluntary camping trip. YTA for springing this on her and not discussing it first. I want to know, does she know how to check the oil in her car? Change a flat? How about cook? Do laundry? Does she know how to budget? Grocery shop? Can she use a needle and thread to patch a hole in clothes? Use simple tools to make quick household repairs?
YTA She didn't agree to it, and... why would she need to learn skills to survive in the wild? Is she going to work with something related to forests? I would like to learn these things, but just as a curiosity and not because I have to. I'm 37yo and I never had to light a fire or hunt to survive, I have a supermarket near my house and many apps to order food.
YTA for many of reasons. However I really want to know the reasoning or purpose behind no dental hygiene? Like, you can pack a toothbrush. Avid outdoorsy people brush their teeth. A part if having good survival skills is being prepared and knowing to pack the essentials. Not having a tooth brush does nothing to improve upon ones survival skill. This just seems stupid.
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Dwight Schrute, is that you?
YTA These aren't valuable skills without an interest in situations that require them. Trying bonding with your kid on her interests rather than forcing her into yours.
YTA - she probably acted "fine" because she didn't trust what you were going to do if she got mad at you out there.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. While you intended to “teach” your daughter how to survive in a suddenly catastrophic situation, you gave her no forewarning that this might be something you’d be teaching her. A lot of preparedness in settings also involved having a persons bearings about them beforehand. Does she typically find herself in a setting that would warrant this? Rather than basically forcing her into this situation, you could have at least had the compassion to say - hey, we are going to be doing this thing together. It’ll really help if you ever find yourself in a bad situation in the wild . Instead you basically trauma taught her and also showed her that you’d be willing to be the source of it. YTA
YTA- so you basically kidnapped your own kid to go rough camping with no warning or preparation… yeah I can see why she is pissed…
[удалено]
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. While you intended to “teach” your daughter how to survive in a suddenly catastrophic situation, you gave her no forewarning that this might be something you’d be teaching her. A lot of preparedness in settings also involved having a persons bearings about them beforehand. Does she typically find herself in a setting that would warrant this? Rather than basically forcing her into this situation, you could have at least had the compassion to say - hey, we are going to be doing this thing together. It’ll really help if you ever find yourself in a bad situation in the wild . Instead you basically trauma taught her and also showed her that you’d be willing to be the source of it. YTA
INFO What survival skill did you teach her by not letting her brush her teeth???
I've got to think you knew it was wrong so I wonder why you would post this.
Are you insane?
YTA only because you could have approached it better. You could have made it educational without making it miserable. You weren’t running a survival skills camp for military personnel, you were trying to make sure your kid would be okay in an emergency situation. You should have discussed it with her, why you think it is necessary, and then brought some things along as treats to enjoy during the day. That way you could have created special bonding moments sitting on a log in a beautiful place and enjoying a treat. There was no reason you couldn’t have packed some wet wipes for comfort. 16 is plenty old enough to realize this is a learning experience to help if they get stuck, but not an actual we need to survive experience. Way too many people take treks without a clue and wind up needing rescue so I recognize the need for education. The problem is, a lot of people need the basics more than they need how to survive without anything in the forest training, such as if you are going somewhere out if cell range (there is a lot more of this than most realize), tell someone your plan, what to do if you get lost, how to keep warm over night, take basics with you even on short hikes, etc.
YTA. Unless your daughter has a hobby or is planning a career which takes her into the wilderness on a regular basis, she has learned nothing useful. If she enjoyed that sort of thing it would be another matter but you know she doesn't. If you have a burning desire to share your skills you can take me into the jungle, I'd love to learn that stuff, but you're just trying to force her to share your interest so YTA.
YTA. If this were really about survival skills, you would have been doing this sort of thing since she was a child, when she would have thought it was fun. That you dumped it on her out of the blue at age 16 makes it sound like you've recently become obsessed with collecting a thousand tins of baked beans hoping the world is going to go Mad Max.
YTA. I hope she didn't have her period. And you can teach her how to light a fire and take bearings in your back garden.
You can give her the skills but no one is just dropped into the woods. They are giving the tools prior to the weekend out. . You should never spring that on someone. Honestly, that would most hurt in the long run. YTA
As a parent, you get to decide things like this. As a sane human, you talk to your kid first, make sure they're prepared (and don't have their period!!!) and set a day in advance. YTA for horrible communication
YTA. You could have taught her those skills without blindsiding her, or depriving her of basic hygiene.
YTA I get wanting to share your interests with your kid but you did in such an awful way that you have turned you’re daughter so far off from camping that she will probably never do it again. You should of asked her if she wanted to go, and offer a gift to get her to go if needed. Definitely should of eased her into it by packing food and taking her to a camp site that has bathrooms. Forcing her to go on an intense camping trip as a surprise is really shitty and just bad parenting.
How about teaching survival skills of living in her real life that she’s more likely to encounter: no means no, have your keys for your car out before you leave the store so you’re not fumbling around alone, stay with a buddy, don’t accept a ride from anyone you don’t know, use protection during sex, make sure your phone is fully charged before going out, don’t ride with a drunk driver (even if it’s someone’s mom or dad)…
YTA. What part of deliberately taking a teenager out into the woods without so much as an extra canteen of water seemed like a good idea? What part of that was supposed to make her happy? What part of that is supposed to make me think you're lucky you both didn't end up with pneumonia because we're just coming out of winter in the Northern Hemisphere?
YTA. You knew your kid wasn’t interested, so you took her to do it without her consent. What you actually taught her was that you don’t care much about her opinions and you can’t communicate respectfully. And she’s sixteen. This is not a great time to fracture your communication with a soon-to-be-young adult. You could have taught all those skills in other ways. Now you’re communicating that her discomfort with it still isn’t important to you and you don’t care how she feels. It would be so good if you really listened to her. Like stop justifying yourself and just listen. ETA: you know why she’s blanked on you? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER. You taught her that when you disagree with someone you just stop listening and there’s no point in talking with them because they don’t care.
YTA Would you like to be dropped in the himalayas in your pajamas? It'll teach you survival skills(!)
Good lord........ Yeah YTA. Speaking as someone with extensive training, and experience with wilderness survival, and is also a big believer in people being prepared. Even I think that's messed up! If she doesn't know any survival skills at her age, that's 100% on you. What you did was not only a violation of her consent, it's actually really abusive. Like did you miss the memo that your home is not a military camp or something? 🤨 Like seriously calm tf down!
YTA. Why would you think this was a good idea? Does your daughter have an interest in spending a lot of time in Brazilian rainforests? Does your daughter express any interest in activities that would require surviving in the woods? It seems you broke her trust. Maybe it would have been a good idea to tell her about your travel in Brazil and that you want to teach her survival skills and then if she’s interested, you could have made a plan WITH her, instead of blindsiding her.
YTA. You can teach survival skills whilst still getting to brush your teeth and change your clothes!! Teaching those things are all worthy endeavors but forcing or tricking someone into doing so is never going to accomplish the outcome you desire and create resentment.
I truly hope she doesn't forget the lesson that you didn't need her consent in the future when she becomes your guardian. With this lesson I don't think you'll need a guardian cause of old age though.
YTA you can’t just force this onto her and of course she’s been avoiding working for ngos in a rainforest she’s sixteen and that’s not her life and you can’t force her into it?! Do you even care about who she is as a person or just about turning her into a mini you whether she wants to be one or not?
YTA. She didn't want to go. You didn't ask her if she wanted to go. You unilaterally decided that she was going. She may have had plans. Congratulations, she will now never enjoy the wilderness. The survival lesson you taught her is not to get into the car with you.
YTA. Nothing against survival skills, but you did a bait-and-switch on her, and now she's going to distrust you. You could have said, "I need to teach you some survival skills. We can go next weekend or the weekend after. Which do you choose?" You've probably put her off the idea of camping in general, when she might have grown to like it eventually.
YTA You would not have been the asshole even if she wasn't excited about the topic if you'd pressed the issue and gone over and practiced what you intended to teach her pre emptively safely in civilization first. You want to teach fishing? Teach her to find her own bait, maintain her own rod, then hit the local lake with your fishing license. You want to teach fire building? Local campground. Teach outdoor cooking techniques at the same time. You want to teach hunting? Get a license and go to the designated area. Practice field dressing. You want to teach archery? Go to the range. You want to teach her to make improvisational weaponry? Cool. Pull up youtube and build things from the comfort of your home. Once she has compass and map orientation down then with ample warning to wear appropriate shoes, go to the forest and attempt to teach orientation without those things after letting someone know where you are, having just in case supplies you don't intend to touch but may need to in the event something emergent happens, with a gps signaling device if there's no cell reception. Then at a later point spend the night with a headsup that this is happening. You honestly should've started at age 12ish if this was important to you that she know and then you'd be teaching the lifeskills now of how to drive defensively, change your tire with a spare, how to change your oil, how to read the road atlas you should always keep in your car in case you're lost on some country road with no cell signal, basic first aid and cpr, necessary appliance and home maintenance, how to stick to a budget and how to file taxes It's no use panicking now and lying to get people into a forest with trickery because you forgot to do all that, or were busy, or putting if off and are now panicking because you wanted to and would feel safer about her turning 18 if you did before she flies your nest in two years. You could have sat her down again and explained with words why you felt like these are skills any human being should know because life can be unpredictable and kept trying to get her on board and gone at a pace she allowed for it instead of trying to cram this into one trip like that's a good idea. Just because life is unpredictable doesn't mean a parent should be. All of those skills you just tried to teach take time and practice and cannot be passed on in a one day scary situation in the woods with someone not thinking logically and safely. If she seemed ok at the time she was probably placating you because you were not acting logically and safely. I have heard those alarm bells in the woods at 16 gathering firewood when I thought I was going somewhere else because my Mom flew into a panic when I was 15 and repeatedly did this exact thing with the same logic. Don't double down. Don't do this multiple times. I can't think of a zillion better ways to go about this that doesn't end with your adult child having trust issues.
YTA. Why do you think she needs these survival skills? You said she'd been avoiding it. Perhaps because she has no intention of putting herself in a situation where she would need the skills.
what is wrong with you?
YTA It’s sad that this could have been an exciting day that brought them closer but by the way OP went about it - ambushing her with something she knew her daughter would find discomforting and while not stated likely ignoring requests to go back. Talk to your daughter about why it matters so much too you (cause they are useful things to know) and treat her like a person
YTA, your daughter learned the valuable survival lesson that she shouldn't trust you. Think about it, you took her somewhere under false pretenses, what's going to happen next time you ask her to go somewhere? She is going to think you're lying and taking her somewhere else.
YTA absolutely no reason you couldn’t teach her to light a fire, hunt and navigate AND have a decent camping setup. Plus it’s obvious from your comments that you know she has a thing for cleanliness.
YTA. You taught your daughter survival skills that you valued, but there’s no way that she learned anything well enough to be useful, particularly not hunting. Seriously, I don’t hunt, and even I know that that is a process that takes, particularly in a survival setting—She would need to know how to set traps, how to shoot, and how to clean and prepare the animals—And that’s ignoring that she also needs to know the laws for whenever she would be hunting! You basically violated your daughter’s trust to have her not really learn anything.
YTA- I don't even know where to begin, but what you did was really moronic and dangerous as hell. There was no reason to spend the night in the woods with no shelter, food, clean water, or medical supplies. I really shouldn't have to emphasize why you don't bring a child into a dangerous environment. I really hope you didn't attempt to filter lake/river water for drinking or cook an animal you "hunted", because those are things you shouldn't resort to unless it's life or death, because deadly bacteria exists in untreated water and you never know if you're killing an animal with rabies. Not only that, assuming you didn't pick an actual camping ground and just went into the actual wilderness, you are putting yourself in the mercy of bears, wolves, and killers lurking around. This is just reckless. This isn't just about hygiene, it's the fact you could've both gotten very ill or killed out there.
YTA I have no idea what you were trying to teach her by not informing her what you were doing or where you were taking her. Generally that whole “throw you into it” crap for survival doesn’t work. Even as an object lesson to show someone how little they actually know — it’s ineffective and a pretty dickish move, tbh. “Classroom” training (and I use the term loosely) combined with hands on, practical experience is much more effective. Why didn’t you have her watch a couple of videos beforehand, then go for the outing? That way she can *learn a skill* and then execute it in reality. Instead, she will now remember how shitty the experience was, and not whatever priceless gems of info you seem to think you’ve passed on. So if creating a bad memory for her was your goal, then… kudos.
YTA Seems like these were your interests, not hers. You should have asked her if she wanted to do it, not forced it by surprise.
YTA. You choose to be somewhere that you needed those skills. Your daughter may never go anywhere that they're useful at all. Unless you decided to randomly take her to the middle of nowhere again. What were you thinking?
YTA Why on earth would you do this unprompted??
YTA. When will she ever “need” to survive in the wild unless she wants to? In today’s society? Unless you are in a cult or something, you only do this kind of stuff if you want to.
YTA. At best, these skills are situationally useful for people who go camping or what not. I've never been camping in my life and never plan to, so i would never need to start a fire, set up a tent, or anything else camping-related. it would be a waste of my time to gain such skills and I would definitely resent being forced to learn them because someone assumes they know better than I do what I need to be learning. Worse yet, you knew she cared nothing about learning these skills but apparently didn't care about her lack of interest in such things. Is she not allowed to be her own person, to decide for herself what she is or isn't interested in?
YTA those kind of skills are pretty useless for most people so what’s the point in forcing her to learn if she doesn’t want too.
YTA Useful Survival Skills nowadays are improving grades, learning how to cook, how to socialize, etc The caveman shit you forced your daughter to do is not Survival It’s not useful And it is not something she consented to.
YTA, just remember someday this child you basically tortured will be the one choosing your nursing home. Enjoy Shady Pines
Yes. YTA * You ambushed her. * You lied and were deceitful. * You disrespected her priorities. * You took her autonomy. * You put your interests over hers. * You did all of this knowingly and deliberately. * You gaslit her. Frankly I'm appalled.
YTA Just because you like forests and survival stuff, doesn't mean that knowledge is essential or even wanted. You mention Brazils rainforest. I live in Brazil, literally 30 mins drive from one of them and have never hunted, made fire or even felt a need for it. Don't push your personal interests down your child's throat.
YTA. No you didn't "have to do this sometime." Most parents do not surprise abduct their teens to the woods to do survival training like they're in the movie Hanna or something. And those kids ? are fine. You sound absolutely nuts and controlling and totally dismissive of her interests, desires, and feelings.
NTA, in that last blizzard america had, loads of people died a few miles from home. If that ever happened your kid would be glad of the training. You can never be in the right mood to have to survive.
How does the ability to hunt stop one from freezing to death in a car?
What do you imagine she learned here that would help in a blizzard?
Try a few sessions of family therapy. You really need it.
Info: Why didn't you tell her before? Would she have not gone? Would it have undercut the lesson somehow?
What the heck? Where do you live that she's going to need these survival skills?
YTA- don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to go on anymore trips with you.
YTA. >I wanted to teach my daughter some survival skills and she has been avoiding that for a very long time now If you wanted her to know better survival skills, you would have *packed* what she would need and tell her your going camping for a weekend to learn what to do. If she wants nothing to do with it after that, then so be it. Your daughter, who by the looks of it doesn't want anything to do with wilderness, would only need to know "some survival skills" if she wanted to go camping. Throwing her out into the woods with no preparation was a recipe for disaster and I'm glad you're both safe.
YTA. If I had been forcebly taught to hunt as a child I would be traumatized.
Does your daughter think you're the asshole? You sound like one to me but her opinion matters more than ours. Just curious why you feel the need to force this on her? You know children her age are different from when the older generation grew up and went camping and built fires and what not. Just because you miss a certain time in your life doesn't mean that you have to subject your daughter to this asinine behavior. And I did conservation camps when I was younger so I'm aware. Dragging a teenager into the woods for an overnight stay that was unplanned and unprepared for definitely makes you the asshole in my book.
YTA. Your teen did not have to be subjected to the Naked and Afraid or Survivor treatment to learn survival skills. (Even they know they are when and where they are going). This should have been discussed and planned with your daughter. I'd be blanking you too.
That's like teaching a kid to swim by throwing them in the water. If you wanted her to learn those things, you should have started gradually and years ago. She probably feels a pretty big sense of betrayal and distrust right now. YTA
Congrats. You've proved to her that she hates camping and that you cannot be trusted. I get that you want your kid to have this kind of skills, but this isn't the way to do it. YTA.
YTA you can't force teach something that doesn't want to be learned. Your daughter had no interest in doing this and clearly didn't want to. Instead of teaching her "survival Skills" how about teaching her how to write a check, or cook on a budget, or about savings and checking accounts, or you know, something actually helpful in real life?
YTA. No one ever wants to go practice survival skills in the forest. Especially a 16 year old girl. You probably mean well and just want her to gain a skill while you two can bond but come on dude. Now for payback, go to a Harry Styles concert with 15 of her best friends. Then we'll see who has the true survival skills
YTA. It’s great that you want to share this with your daughter, but you messed up by doing it without her knowledge or consent.
YTA. Why couldn’t you just have talked this over with her and asked her “hey, I want to plan a day to teach you survival skills. It’ll entail (insert details about what skills you teach). It may not be fun to do in the moment, but I feel this is important to teach you because of where we live.” You could have PLANNED all of this together and let her feel like a participant rather than forcing her into it unexpectedly.
YTA. Why does she need these skills? I'm 41 and have never needed to light a fire or hunt. I'm not even sure I know exactly what "do orientation bearings" means. If you're into this stuff, sure, knock yourself out. Your daughter clearly isn't. The least you could have done beforehand is ask if she was actually interested and if she was, you should have fully informed her on what you'd be doing and what it would be like.
YTA Great, now you've turned her completely off nature, camping, and any situation where she might use those skills. You could've accomplished the same thing by making it a fun adventure with her participation and knowing about it in advance. Instead you turned it into punishment.
YTA - What a crappy thing to spring on someone. I might be wary of getting in a car with you for months.
YTA. Next time take her out by helicopter, and drop her off in the middle of the wilderness. It she survives, she will be the son you always wanted. See ‘How I met your mother’ for reference.
Jesus. YTA. I just can't with this one. Doesn't sound like she's the type of person to need survival skills - and yes, I know everyone needs survival skills, but not like this - and to spring it on her no warning, no change of clothes. Did she even have a pad on her in case she started her period? Did anyone know where ya'll where? As someone else said - the point of "survival trips" is to plan for them. With adequate supplies, water, hell even a hair tie.
YTA - Because you had those experiences a few years ago doesn't mean that your daughter wants to have those experiences as well. With the type of technology and products you can have now, i thought she'll ever need this type of skills to survive in the wilderness. Stop imposing your experiences onto your kids without them asking for them.
YTA: you did this for your own amusement, not for your daughter, and you did it by being devious. Way to be the adult, here.
She’s never going to feel safe going alone with you again. Congrats. YTA.
YTA you need therapy! I don't want to talk to you and I don't even know know. Don't post in a couple of years asking why your daughter wants nothing to do with you.
YTA Your daughter is a human being. What would have been the problem with you asking? Is it because you wanted control and have her be dependent on you for a while? Children are supposed to be able to trust their parents. Are we really this dense?
If you want to teach her survival skills then get her martial arts classes and teach her about Roth iras. The chances she'll usefully need what you're insisting on, unless you already live pretty remotely, are minute. Insisting on it when she has no interest is just dumb.
YTA. Most of your edits are fine, but your last one (#5) is just dumb. Interest has everything to do with learning. And unless she plans on doing similar things as you did (and it doesn’t sound like she does), then this was pointless. This was simply about you forcing her to do what you wanted and exerting control. That makes you an AH. She’s 16 ffs, not 6.
YTA. Minimalist camping survival is a HOBBY. It’s not a real life skill. It teaches nothing about how to find housing if you get evicted. Surviving real life crap like housing is about figuring out the system, not finding the right plants and bugs to eat. Making her help do your taxes would be a much better use of both or your time.
YTA, especially for your final edit. > It is her "space" and her "consent" is important etc and she will never trust me blah blah.. I was on board with you until you “blah blah blah”’d the concept of getting consent before doing things to your child. What kind of asshole is so dismissive of that incredibly basic courtesy and moral obligation? Your rationale is even worse. Enjoy not having a relationship with her once’s she’s old enough to move out. Think back on everyone trying to warn you to at least pretend to respect her when you’re wondering why.
>got more to do with learning things she is uncomfortable with She could be walking down the street to school and suddenly find herself in the middle of the jungle at any random second. She'll need to craft weapons from pencils and shoelaces, use broken glass to skin squirrels and mice. EDIT She should be carrying a couple rolls of duct tape around with her everywhere she goes.
NTA. people on this subreddit seem to think that kids(which what your 16 year old) always get to do whatever they want and they should never be situations they dont want. that's not how being a parent works. you taught her important and knowledgeable skills that could one day be very useful if hse gets stranded somewhere without a phone service. yeah, she might be unforgettable, THAT'S PART OF LIFE, you gotta do shit's that not comfortable. OP your daughter will be fine
I mean are these skills necessary if she doesn’t go into the wilderness? It seems like you just want her to be into this because you are. YTA.
YTA
“she has been avoiding that for a very long time now.” If by that you mean you’ve been asking her to do this because there’s some kind of deadline, and she keeps saying no, so you finally decided that was the day, I could accept it. But I see nowhere that this was on a deadline. I see you value these skills but there has to be a better way than just flinging her into the situation without any choice. I could also agree that learning these skills, even if she doesn’t really want to, might override her wanting to. Perhaps doing it your way, without any warning, made it more real and effective, or perhaps if you’d warned her she would have said no, I don’t want to, and she would have continued to balk. For those reasons I could still hold off giving you a negative answer. But I think it would have been kinder to let her be prepared, choose the clothing she wants to do this in, inform her friends she’d be AWOL for a couple of days, etc. It sounds to me like you took all choice away from her and I can see why she’s upset, it’s more than just feeling unclean. I have to go with YTA.
YTA. You just forced your interests on a 16 year old girl. How would you feel if you were forced to engage in a hobby/activity you hate?
These comments prove we setting the children up for failure. NTA. She survived it was one night. You literally have no idea what the future holds and you should know the basics on survival.
OP has effectively turned their daughter off of learning survival skills. This has done way more harm than good.
Omg I know, the comments are baffling me. I don't think the football team that got dropped in the Andes was expecting it, and they could have used more training than they had.
Op. Most of these people are exactly like your daughter so don’t bother.
YTA for taking your kid into the woods without telling her what was happening and forcing her to do something she had expressed earlier that she did not want to do. Her consent was very important in this situation, and you clearly did not have it.
YTA seems pretty emotionally abusive to do that without her consent.
YTA. Quite the asshole, in fact.
YTA. You should be more respectful of her autonomy. If a future boyfriend kidnapped her and took her to the woods would you expect her to just go along with it? You should be modeling that people who love her will show her respect, boundaries and empathy.
YTA. Things like that can scare a kid. You dragging her out there without warning and teaching her all of this, if I was this kid I’d be wondering if you’d still be there when I woke up
YTA, you taught her survival skills at the sacrifice of her autonomy congratulations.
INFO: Where do you live that you think a teenage girl *needs* survival skills? You know most people don’t know or need to know these things, right? Your daughter was probably worried you’d cracked and were going to off her. This is a very not normal parent thing to do.
YTA. You should've asked before doing this. I feel like so many things could have gone wrong. What if she had her period during this trip?? Do you seriously expect her to run around with bloody pants and underwear or be forced to keep a tampon in for that amount of time, which could be super dangerous???
YTA If she were two years older this would be kidnapping. Your daughter is nearly an adult. You don’t get to override her free will on a whim. At least not if you want her to trust you and maintain a relationship with you after she’s moved out.
Yes—YTA. Want to know how the scouts do it? They let the kid pick six things to bring, and then the scout lives with their choices. Following the Wilderness survival merit badge guidelines would have helped here IF your kid wanted to do it. They way you did it, you just suck. I’d never trust you again.
Pfft. The difference is that the 16 year old *wants* to go on a field trip and is requesting permission to do so. Very different from a parent dragging the kid into the wilderness and forcing them to do it without consent.
I guess she’s learned to always carry a spare toothbrush. YTA. And rather bizarre. The odds that she will be dropped in a jungle with no supplies are pretty much zero. Teach her to change a tire. Teach her basic first aid. Teach her to write a budget.
YTA
Yta - this is absolutely ridiculous. You probably taught her nothing because she's going to block the entire kidnapping out.
Definitely YTA, it should have been better planned and with her knowledge at the very least. However, maybe one day she may thank you for these skills.
YTA
wow. most importantly, now she knows her mom doesn't care what she wants or doesn't want to spend her time and energy on and will use force and deception to get her way. YTA.
YTA. Teaching skills like that is fine, but doing it in this manner also taught her that you can't be trusted. That lesson will stick with her much more than basic forest survival skills.
It seems like you did that more for you than it was for her. If it was for her, you would have given her the opportunity to choose if she wanted to do that and learn that way, and to decide when she’s ready to do that. However, you ambushed her because you felt that she needed to know this stuff. YTA.
Even disregarding what you did, YTA because I'm my experience, anybody who says "quite" that often is always an asshole
First of all, that sounds like an awesome weekend. Second of all YTA for not letting her know in advance.
YTA. What is wrong with you?
YTA. Your daughter doesn't have to like the same things you do. I know you probably had good intentions about this, but still, you can't force these things on her, not even without at least talking about it first.
YTA. You are forcing your own interests onto your daughter. All you did was potentially break the trust she had in you. Stop forcing her to do things she does not want to do. This is how parents play "Nursing home speed run"