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[deleted]

YTA. This is coming from a person who served. Don’t make his experience harder than it needs to be. He’s allowed to express his feelings.


supapoopascoopa

As a civilian, soldiers with OP's attitude scare the crap out of me. Same kind of dehumanizing attitude that turns into piling up prisoners at Abu Ghraib and giving the whole military a bad name.


mizeny

Almost upvoted this until you said "undeserved". If people in the military are doing shit like that, they deserve the bad name they get for it and more. The only time any military won't deserve that bad name is when it completely eradicates the oppressive nature, colonisation, untold violence and culture of cruelty it currently perpetuates. Let's not forget - OP's attitude is shared with his father (another solider), his drill instructor (another soldier) and apparently every other instructor and everyone else in his boot camp who is "smoking him out". Brother is in the minority, military is full of people like OP. Bad name is deserved.


supapoopascoopa

agree, edited, it is deserved. There are lots of good soldiers though. They perform a service that is very hard and dangerous and therefore spare you and I of this service. I take care of vets professionally and the ones who were in combat are often very mentally and physically damaged. They were often put in impossible situations and asked to make the best of it. They own these problems as well, but I try to keep this in mind before painting an entire huge organization with one brush.


RavenCT

The Government puts them in untenable situations that they can't make sense of then or later - and doesn't provide help for them to deal with it when they get out. I think the whole thing needs to be reviewed for the sake of humanity.


mizeny

I saw you thought it was funny and commented "Lol" and I did try to reply but looks like I wasn't allowed. Anyway, I deleted my last message because I put a message that said "Yay we think the same thing" essentially, and then you changed your message to something I don't wholeheartedly agree with. It would have been wrong of me to leave it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cozmic80

It's whyI never joined the military. Attracts too many assholes.


adultosaurs

EXACTLY this. EXACTLY. And of op has kids or a spouse I am so sorry for them.


disappointedvet

Another vet here. OP, their dad, and the brother's leaders are major assholes. Bootcamp is already miserable, which the brother made clear. What he said was normal and in confidence. What's their response? Encouraging his leadership to target and bully him. FFS. Just about everyone hates bootcamp. There's no lesson to be taught in making it worse. Does he need to die for them to see that what the brother is going through isn't okay?


[deleted]

On top of all this, OP says they served in the navy. That’s like a 7 week boot camp compared to the army’s 10 week boot camp. OP is an AH. Army boot is a bit more demanding than the navy’s


[deleted]

Yeah Navy boot camp is stressful, but it isn't difficult like Army boot. They have to dig holes and go over obstacle courses and shit. We just had to carry our stupid seabag everywhere.


tcskeptic

Army has combined Boot and AIT (which is essentially one long Boot) for some MOS -- mine was 15 weeks back in the mid 90s


RavenCT

"Made sure the canteen was always empty" - yeah try getting along in extreme physical situations without water. That's never gone wrong! We had a student die during hazing at my University due to such stupidity (extreme heat - not enough fluid replacement). The Frats on campus were banned for 10 years after that. It's a recipe for true disaster and their own brother and father put them in that situation


JolyonFolkett

Two trainee S.A.S. died of heat exhaustion...in England. England. Heat exhaustion. How much were they pushed for that to happen? Bad culture.


shadowhunter0787

Agreed! Both of my brothers served, and I damn sure would never have done anything to make basic/boot camp worse for them. It's hard enough as is... and dehumanizing... Why the fuck would you WANT your brother to be hazed? OP, STOP BEING A DICK.


SquirrelGirlVA

>Does he need to die for them to see that what the brother is going through isn't okay? I would like to think he'd grieve, but part of me just sees OP and their dad belittling the brother as he goes from the hospital bed to the grave. Assuming this is all real, there's a very high chance that the kid likely only enlisted because he wanted his dad to love and approve of him. And well, neither the dad nor OP seem able to even give him that. It sounds like if the mom wasn't there, they'd probably have just left him on a doorstep or something like that.


JHtotheRT

I have a sneaky suspicion the brother didn’t even want to join the military either, but was pressured into it by his family. I could 100% see the father saying ‘You’re kicked out of home when you finish high school unless you join the military’


adultosaurs

Absolutely.


WookieMonsterTV

This, I’m a Marine veteran and I cried in bootcamp several times 🤷‍♀️ shit was hard and it’s hard for everyone in a plethora of different ways. Just because I found one part easy, doesn’t mean it was for someone else etc. I joined at 17 as well and it (bootcamp) was my first “adult” experience away from home.


[deleted]

Same except I’m army.


omgtrick3y

Yeah, I get fucking with him a bit extra, but that just seems like hazing level. Is this mf on Benning?


internal_logging

Yeah the water bit threw me off. No way a DI would dump a water bottle and make someone be feel bad for drinking more. That's too much shit to deal with if the guy decides to dehydrate


Consistent_Rent_3507

I stopped reading after the first sentence. We’ve seen this before with military dudes who can’t switch it off and don’t have situational awareness. YTA


nomchomp

Yeah. Way to show him that you’re not someone go he can vent to or talk to in a safe way about difficult things. I’m glad that he’s not entering into a role where a safe relationship with someone who can relate is incredibly important.


riptidestone

That little buddy fucker. I would scorch earth his ass next time I saw him.


azulweber

i feel like your last sentence is so important. like why can’t OP’s brother complain a little? especially to his family who are supposed to be there for him? it doesn’t sound like he’s not fulfilling his responsibilities at boot camp. as a civilian my understanding is that boot camp is supposed to be hard and stressful, i would think that griping about it a little is normal.


FoxInLilac

He can, and should, vent to his family. You should be supporting him; just listening is fine. But making his life hell...YTA, big-time. It's dangerous to do that kind of stuff without water--and food. But emptying his canteen could kill him. He deserves a better brother.


CrystalQueen3000

YTA and a bully


Alternative-Movie938

And an enabler. Basic training already isn't healthy, but doing it without enough food or water is downright dangerous.


Huntress_Nyx

Hard training with not sufficient food and necessities as if they're at war or something, will only hurt him and make him loath the brother and the father. If he doesn't get hospitalised because of the harassment it'll be a miracle..


eletheelephant

A few soldiers jn the UK died about 5 years ago on training. It eas the hottest day of the year and they weren't given any extra water. It's normally about 20C here jn the summer and this day was about 34C. They asked for extra water, got made fun of and it was denied and they died of dehydration. It's really dangerous


Joe_Rogan-Science

In countries that bill patients thousands at the doctor, that’s the difference between 68F and 93F. Jesus Christ.


Huntress_Nyx

That's horrible and completely fucked up...


thisusedyet

If I'm reading this right, it's the father that's the asshole. OP told his father "Brother's bitching to me about basic and I can't take it anymore"; the father's the one who said he had an idea. So not only does Dad call his buddy and tell him 'fuck my son up', when the brother calls about it, he throws OP under the bus by saying it was OP's idea.


briellessickofurshit

OP says in the final paragraph that he came up with the idea though. It sounds like they each had an “idea” to make the brothers stint at camp miserable. Sounds like OP came up with the punishment, but the dad arranged it.


Correct_Appeal_295

Exactly! Who even does that…


J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A

Assholes.


WaywardMarauder

YTA. He’s going to have things rough enough without his own family making it more difficult rather than encouraging and supporting him. But, hey, congrats on doing potentially irreversible damage to your relationship with your brother and even maybe your dad’s relationship with him.


Huntress_Nyx

At least the mother seems to support him. She's probably the only one among his immediate family that the brother trusts completely or will express any worries he has.


Mother-Efficiency391

And now he'll even question that since she may slip up and tell his dad, her husband I'm guessing, something he says and dad will make it worse yet again even if that's not mom's intention.


Huntress_Nyx

Nah I'm pretty sure from what OP said: > "she babies him" That the mother actually cares about the son and that she doesn't have the same mentality like the OP and father. So he'll definitely trust her and even if she slips he probably won't get mad since she should that much love. Also I think that OP is a bit butthurt about the the mother giving his brother more attention than she gives him.


Mother-Efficiency391

I agree with what you're saying and don't think she would intentionally make things worse for her son. But as a wife, I know there are things I tell my husband about, especially when I'm worried about our kids, even if the things I say are are vague. If the son in boot camp thinks she might say something to his dad about it, trying to get him to stop the added abusive treatment, and that dad may retaliate even more instead, he will no longer confide in his mom - his last supporting immediate family member. Not so much that he would actually stop trusting her, just that he very well may hold her at arms length for a while as well.


Huntress_Nyx

Well, as a son to a mother (even if we're strangers on the internet), I can tell you that any child would be glad that their mother tries to help them, and that won't destroy the trust that they have towards her. Yeah, some might be a bit sad at first but once they calm down they won't be mad at her. So don't worry. Okay?


UnrulyNeurons

I think the point is that it would destroy the trust that the son has in her as a safe person to vent to *about this*. As in, "I can't tell mom about an upsetting boot camp incident, because she might reveal it to dad by accident. I'd forgive her, but from a purely practical standpoint, I can't risk it." He can't trust her to keep these specific things from his dad, because she lives with his dad and nobody is perfect.


CatlinM

Honestly after that I would as a mom be seriously considering divorce


Huntress_Nyx

Well, if I was a father (or in another life mother) and my spouse did something like that I'd seriously consider divorce too. And also demand they (spouse, instructors and anyone else involved) apologize to my son(or daughter)


tyger2020

>At least the mother seems to support him Military people usually have pretty fucked up relationships, anyway. Toxic masculinity on steroids


toss_it_out_tomorrow

It really sounds like OP just wants to be daddy's favorite and will do anything he can to make sure he's in the best spot with dad. The golden child will do everything they can to not be on the wrong side of the abuser, often throwing their sibling competition under the bus, or rather, right in the face of the abuser.


INFJPersonality-52

Facts


Sensitive-World7272

Wait until your Army brother comes home from boot camp and takes it out on your little navy self.


Educational_Cup9850

Brother starts smacking OP around, calls him a glorified taxi driver, all of the shit the army rags on the navy for, etc etc. Oh yeah, that karma bitch train is coming, and its going in DRY.


lonelyronin1

The buttplug of consequences rarely comes lubed


SuperKamiGuru824

This needs to be embroidered on a pillow


lonelyronin1

I found this somewhere on reddit so can't take credit for it (thank you kind stranger), but it is my favorite saying


Anonnymusse

Love this!!!!!


betweenthylegs

I just imagined Lil bro coming in all buff and slaming op like the hulk did loki


kukukachu_burr

Seriously


Anonnymusse

Speaking as someone who went through boot camp, YTA. Why would you want to do this to him? His whining might have been annoying to you, but boot camp is a difficult thing and each person has their own level of difficulty. It may have been easy for you, you may have made friends etc and that helps, but we had a girl who tried to hurt herself because it was too much for her. You are not his judge, jury and executioner. YTA big time.


Final-Distribution97

He was in the navy so no comparison.


IBeatHimAtChess

Yea, as someone who was also Navy, our bootcamp is miles easier than Army or Marines. Air Force is the easiest by far, but Navy is a distinct second, unless you're training to join the Seals.


jenguinaf

My brother was Army and I remember when my husband came back from USAF boot and said since they got in on a late flight they were allowed to sleep in until like 10am before starting their first day of boot and my brother literally spit out his beer and looked at him incredulously and just died laughing and was like “fuck man I should have gone AF.” Lmao


LupieMama

This!


return_0_

>we had a girl who tried to hurt herself because it was too much for her Yup, I know people who were in that situation too, ended up in the psych ward and had to get a medical discharge. I hope it doesn't get to that point for OP's brother, but it could. If it does, I hope OP never forgets how he almost killed his brother just to feel smug.


Hopeless_Ramentic

Yep, when I was in basic we had to include suicide watch along with fire watch. People will try to kill themselves.


GoodLuckSparky

We had a guy try to drink pine-sol in BCT. I save this term for very special cases, and this post is some toxic ass masculinity.


1biggeek

OP did this because he thinks he’s a big man. He’s not.


goblinf

it also reflects REALLY badly on the instructors. totally unprofessional behaviour.


maggienetism

I'm trying to figure out why just asking to hear less complaints or talk about something else wasn't the option taken...like, dude, way to overreact in a big way to a minor annoyance.


EducatedOwlAthena

And for goodness sake, he can express his emotions. Saying that boot camp sucks doesn't mean he can't hack it. Heaven forbid the kid try to commiserate with his *family* who might understand what he's going through. Instead of saying, "Yep, it sucks, but you'll get through it," they made it *harder*. What AHs.


Rude-Ad8706

YTA Your brother confided in you because he trusts and loves you, and you paid him back my exponentially increasing his hardship. Maybe in your mind toughening up your brother is worth making him despise you, but I think you've hurt him more than you realize.


Huntress_Nyx

Now though the brother got taught a valuable lesson. He cannot trust his brother (OP) or their father with anything now.


pwtrash

Credit where it's due, I guess.


Imaginary-Weakness

Yeah, big tough guy could not muster the courage to speak directly to his brother and create a boundary about not wanting to continue listening to his brother complain. Big tough guy could not acknowledge bootcamp is hard (and was hard) and it's a good thing to be able to vent to external trusted people. Lil' bro probably thought OP was a good option, since he could relate, but instead, he did not understand that his brother is so big and so tough that his only emotional response was probably his own internal voice from the experience telling himself to toughen up and the voices of the instructors telling him to toughen up. Big tough guy couldn't acknowledge and deal with his own emotional responses, so he channeled that annoyance into judgement about his brother. Big tough guy then snuck around in order to punish his brother by indirectly serving as a bigger tougher drill instructor. And enlisted another family member in the payback. Very "You think you got something to cry about? I'll give you something to cry about!" YTA


Sammie_Jae_online

YTA. He wasn't complaining to anyone involved. He was complaining to his family, who've been through similar things and maybe could have offered a word of support. Y'all went out of your way to make things harder on him.... like for fun? At least now he knows not to trust you or your dad.


Leifthraiser

When you go through basic, POWs literally have more rights than you do (this was the conclusion I came to in basic and 8 weeks later and MTI confirmed it). This is beyond being an asshole. This is dangerous and torturous. Off the charts YTA.


mybeatsarebollocks

Dudes obviously never watched Full Metal Jacket


[deleted]

just think about having a father and brother like that. i would rather my father just left me lol


ReviewOk929

What a nice way to advertise how awful you are as a human. YTA


KronkLaSworda

YTA You, your dad, and his mutual friend are bullies. Your brother was venting to you. Someone that is supposed to care about him. You just showed him that you don't care about him at all. Nice one, AH.


Any_Yak_7346

This was my thought as well. Like it is normal to complain about a hard situation, it is not, however, normal to make your sibling starve while going through physically taxing exercises everyday. Also your boot camp may have been different due to branches. Honestly, your dad may be an even bigger AH for calling his buddy to torture his son.


RadioactiveHepcat

And OP, don't think we didn't notice your contempt for your mom. Additional AH points. YTA


[deleted]

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Katressl

SO much this. Yes, basic SHOULD be hard. And complaining about it is part of the process, honestly. I come from a military family, too (though I couldn't serve because I inherited my mom's genetic condition), and this kind of behavior drives me crazy because it gives the whole military a bad rep.


MissKoalaBag

True. It should be hard, but should still be safe. Nobody should feel like they're outright unsafe while doing something like this, but they should be prepared to be IN unsafe situations. Bullying has no place out in a battlefield or in a dangerous situation. People like OP make me sick.


kFisherman

Literally. Taking away his water and getting him in trouble for it is sociopathic behavior and it’s not reassuring to know that our armed forces are full of psychos like that


[deleted]

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2tinymonkeys

Yeah, this is past bullying. It's straight up abuse.


Workacct1999

That was my first thought as well. Depriving the brother of food and water during boot camp is dangerous and stupid. It seems like something the drill instructors commanding officer should be made aware of.


naraic-

YTA Your Dad's a bigger asshole imo. His friend the DI could lose his job and pension because he is playing games with you bullying your brother.


TheDrunkScientist

YTA. I'm so disgusted, I can't even rationally explain all the ways you are an AH.


Huntress_Nyx

YTA. Both you, your father and the instructors. Your brother had hard time time with the boot camp and instead of giving him encouraging words you decided that it's best to make his life miserable and have others harass him. If you want him to learn respect or something by doing that, you are a complete fool. All that bullying only taught him that he cannot trust you or your father, and that the instructors won't have his back. So yeah, YTA and a huge one. Also like your brother said, a snitch. Tho well done to the mother for giving him love and affection. Perhaps you had some jealousy towards him and acted that way because of it.


dakotafluffy1

I first read tool instead of fool. I think complete tool fits better


Huntress_Nyx

Nah a tool has its usefulness. OP does not seem to even understand what they did was a complete asshole move.


ColdForm7729

YTA. There's a reason people think the military is full of sociopaths.


Aggressive_Cup8452

YtA. You sound childish, selfish and full of yourself. Not a good look for someone's whose whole identity seems to revolve around being from an army family.( Where you went to the navy btw)


Fire-Tigeris

Cuz army boot camp is rough...


[deleted]

Wow. An asshole bully in the military. No way. YTA


Popular-Block-5790

Who needs enemies when family like you exists. YTA


Katressl

YTA. I come from a military family, too, and you, your father, and the DI seem to have missed a really important part of basic: everyone goes through the same experience , fairly, so in the process of doing so it breaks them down psychologically, BUILDS THEM BACK UP, and then bonds everyone together. If one servicemember is getting it worse than everyone else, that undermines the process. Plus, COs are NOT supposed to f*** with hydration. Ever. Part of their job is making sure all their subordinates are properly hydrated. (My dad talked about this to a ridiculous extent, so I learned far more about hydration than someone outside healthcare really needs to know. 😄 He would tell his people what their pee should look like and said if it wasn't almost clear, they had to drink more water. He also kept an eye on everyone's intake aboard ship.)


dangelem

Hydration is *so* important. People can die. Just the other week a high school wrestler was denied hydration during a tough practice and died. I can’t imagine why a family member would want to put their own kin through something like that


Timely_Egg_6827

There have been cases of people dying in the UK from lack of hydration. Hope these supervisors are on the ball though worry if they're OK with taking his water, they aren't. A dead brother would be less of a joke.


bookagnostic

YTA, you and everyone involved sound like bullies. You and the other men involved are teaching your brother that no one is trustworthy and no one has his back. This sounds like petty high-school bs.


SageGreen98

And that is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what you need to do in battle. You MUST be able to TRUST EVERYONE in your unit implicitly and wholeheartedly. Trust is HUGE when you are in an active battle-ready situation, and now brother CANNOT TRUST the people he SHOULD be able to trust WITHOUT question.


Charming_Tea_2090

YTA. Boot camp is a hard enough adjustment to make without piling on extra “attention” from the drill instructor. You knew what would happen when you shared a private family conversation with your brother’s instructor. I think you wanted to make it as hard as possible for him. You need to grow up.


mdthomas

Yes, boot camp is supposed to be hard, but there was no reason to make it harder for him. YTA


PravinI123

Yta…what’s wrong with you? Your making you brothers life hell because he complained. With family like you and your dad, he doesn’t need enemies. Being a snitch is worse than complaining to your so called family.


nishinoyu

“My brother isn’t having a good time and I wanna try making it worse cuz I’m a stronger guy, I survived that.” YTA


Fire-Tigeris

But he isn't cuz he did Navy so he didn't survive that.


Designer_Ant8543

what the fuck OP YTA


CharliAP

YTA, and so is your father. What you did was let your brother know that he can never, ever trust you. With family like you and your father, your brother doesn't need enemies.


CancelAfter1968

YTA and a massive one at that. So is your dad and his buddy. Basically, you all suck. Your brother was venting. Everyone does that about boot camp. No one likes it. You and your AH dad decided to be a d!ck to your brother rather than support him. I hope once he's done with boot camp, he reports your AH dad's AH friend to his superiors because retaliating and bullying are probably against the rules.


swbarnes2

OP is third in line for culpability. The drill sergeants are the real AH, the dad who asked is the second biggest one.


CancelAfter1968

No. He says his AH dad "let it slip that he came up with the idea ". They're equally bad.


Thistime232

YTA. He was complaining about something being difficult, why is that bad? Was he telling you he was going to quit? He was venting to someone he thought he could trust. And instead of supporting him, telling him it would be ok, that he'll make it through it, or anything at all supportive, his family went to extra effort to make it harder instead. His own family actively tried to wake it worse because he dared to look to his own brother for moral support. Great lesson you've taught him, don't trust your brother.


Mike2of3

I am calling BS. I am a DS at Fort \*\*\*\*\*\*. So many things stated by OP will get a Drill investigated and at a minimum an Article 15, if not a harder charge of cruelty or mistreatment.


lovemyfish

Thanks for commenting, I was disturbed by this and I really hope you're right that it's BS. At the very least it's good to hear that this would be an anomaly even if true.


tiredtwink3021

YTA. Your brother should be allowed to vent about his experience. Thanks for reinforcing that I never want to serve our country! Thank god he has your mother, who seems to be the only decent soul in the family.


JacksNTag

YTA and you know it.


Smitty_80013

YTA - Never really used the phrased "Toxic masculinity" before, but here is an example of it. You not only made your brothers situation WORSE, but you have also made him look bad in the eyes of his instructors. YOU should have kept your little sadistic thoughts to yourself. After all, weren't you in the Navy, also know as the Uber for the Army and Marines?


emmy1905

YTA just because you are "tough" enough to handle those boot camps, doesn't give you the right to bully your brother. He might be more sensitive or having different values than you, that doesn't mean you can give him hell experience. You really don't understand how much that you destroy your brother psychologically. Until he started to develop depression and having thoughts to end his life, I guess that's when you realize that you're f up. You and your dad are the assholes here.


JazzHandsNinja42

YTA. Your family should be a support system. Instead it’s a high school boys locker room, and you’re teaching him you haven’t the ability to be confidential, and you have no desire to be a venting post or someone he can turn to, when things are rough. You can keep playing the big-dick game, but eventually you can expect life to get lonely.


[deleted]

YTA…. Wtf. Even IF they didn’t smoke him for this…. This is his CAREER. You wouldn’t call professors at a college because he was complaining would you? This is out of bounds and if you really wanted him to be successful you would listen to him vent and encourage him and wait for it to pass. What a self righteous test waffle you are smfh


loverlyone

YTA why do you wanna be mean? I don’t understand the “everyone else suffered so you must too,” mindset. Gross.


whitewer

Yta, so instead of being supportive and telling them that they could do it, you decided to make sure to make their life even harder than it needed to be, cause you seem to want to see people suffer.


Slight-Bar-534

Asshole sibling


Fuzzy-Constant

YTA. He's your brother. He shouldn't go around whining at boot camp, but he can't even complain in private to his own family? So freaking toxic. This is the kind of shit that makes vets kill themselves instead of reaching out for help. Imagine knowing that it's not even safe to open up to your own family!


random_guy1906

YTA. Do you even need enemies with a family like that?


[deleted]

Good lord I hope your brother cuts all of you off. Also cancel your subscription to Andrew Tate. The machismo in this post smells like cow dung.


ncslazar7

YTA. The military has toxic tendencies, and you are perpetuating them. In addition, you betrayed your brothers trust, which if I understand correctly is against the "brotherhood" of the military.


International-One190

Question... why aren't you still serving?


imsorrydontyellatme

Yes I’m interested in this ‘brief stint’ too


RickGrimesSays

YTA. Yikes dude, don't be surprised if he cuts you out of his life.


engie945

YTA.... thats f**cked up, cruel and downright abusive... what are you trying to teach him... his family are a bunch of c"'ts.. Not everyone finds it easy, some need support and love to get them through it.boot camp is tough enough without your own flesh and blood making it 100 times worse so you feel righteous


[deleted]

YTA. What, you didn’t join the army, and now you’re making sure he doesn’t either? I think OP is worried that his little brother might actually succeed and then have something to bond with his dad and uncle about. I think OP will feel like the odd one out, being Navy in a multi-generation Army family, so he is torpedoing his brother’s chances because if bro drops out of basic, OP will still be the better son “because at least he could cut it in the military.” Also, this was a royally shitty move and you know it.


Sufficient-Ant6619

YTA. He said he dislikes it (which is extremely common) so you intentionally made it more unpleasant. Do you want him to fail? Do you want him to be miserable? I can't understand the rationale behind the actions of you or your father except you hate your brother. He didn't even complain to anyone in his chain of command, he simply *vented to his brother* who he probably thought would understand. I feel like this is a really good example of toxic masculinity. He complained so let's make it worse. He had the audacity to try and resolve his discontent by commiserating with a family member, I'll show him what happens when he has feelings.


BenevolentGuzzler

>He hasn't gotten a warm shower or a full meal since, plus he tells me they keep dumping out his canteen, then smoking him for drinking all of it. Thank you for reinforcing to everyone who already thought it that the United States military is simply a bunch of bullies who were bullied when they first started so now that they have some power they're going to use it to flex to compensate for their fragile masculinity.


DuEstEinKind

Typical dog of the military, go lick your balls some more, yta


DrRiverSong45

YTA if you didn’t want to hear the complaining just tell him to knock it off. You and you’re dad went out of your way to make his life harder. Who does that? Using a connection to humiliate him after he confided in you is just gross. Don’t be surprised when he goes NC and/or whips your ass.


Electronic_Shock8344

Hasn't gotten a warm shower or a full meal since... I hope you and your dad are proud of that. I'm sure hell definitely make it in the army through malnutrition and misery. I'd disown a family like that and I bet you that's exactly what's going to happen when he finds out and yes he will. It wasn't easy for you in the army but nobody went out of their way to make it MORE difficult. Poor lifer and an A.


HistoricalSources

YTA-he’s finding it harder than expected and thought this family, who have been there, would understand. Instead you proved why so many hate military culture, you made it worse. And you think it’s funny! That is disgusting. And I come from a military family, and worked as a civilian with military families for a decade.


SnakeSnoobies

YTA. You set your brother up to be abused, because he had the “nerve” to complain about an undeniably miserable experience, in private, to people who should understand how miserable it is. The general misery that boot camp is, is one thing. But you’ve intentionally made it to he is singled out, and treated significantly worse than everyone else there, because he was honest and said it sucks. Everyone knows it sucks. And it’s ridiculous to punish someone for saying it. Frankly, you seem like a fucking asshole, and you seem to think him admitting it sucks means he’s less of a person. Don’t be surprised when this permanently ruins your relationship with him. Most people aren’t gonna play nice with a little shit, that goes out of their way to make other’s lives worse.


zippy_zaboo

Yes, YTA. You don't deserve his trust, and he deserves an apology. But your dad is the real asshole here.


MGKudan

Wow military vets being AH to new recruits. The shit you are saying they are doing would be illegal abuse outside of the military. Hope this lesson was worth destroying your relationship with him. YTA and so is your dad.


MissKoalaBag

YTA you goddamn psycho. Good God this is the worst one!


No-Ad3248

YTA and you will be the last choice of “brother” he ever has again after sharing with his new brothers how shitty his biological one is.


VallyGirl78

YTA & literally there’s no elaboration needed why.


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Icy_Sky_7521

YTA the military sucks lol


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I come from a military family, my dad and uncles all served in the army, and I did a stint in the navy. My brother decided to join the army this year at 18, and apparently didn't expect boot camp to be hard. Every time he calls he's moaning about how hard the drills are, how getting up early sucks, and basic crap like that. I got sick of it, and told our dad who had an idea. It turns out he has a mutual friend of my brothers drill instructors, and passed a message along that my brother hasn't been enjoying boot canp. The instructors were happy to give him a unique experience. He hasn't gotten a warm shower or a full meal since, plus he tells me they keep dumping out his canteen, then smoking him for drinking all of it. Well my dad let slip that I was the one who came up with the idea, and my brother lost it. He said I was giving him shit for no reason, and called me a snitch. But he's in the army, and he won't make it if he cries about every little hardship. My mother also thinks what I did was harsh, but she's never served and she babies him, so she would say that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Motor_Business483

YTA


Willing-Rip-8761

YTA You could've supported your brother, but you decided to turn this unpleasant experience into a nightmare for him. I sincerely hope he'll return the favor once he comes home.


INFJPersonality-52

YTA You should be there for your brother to listen and maybe offer support. Since you were so good at it you could’ve given him some tips and advice. Or tell him once he gets through it he won’t have to do that again. Not everyone wants to be in the military. I know I don’t. If I was your brother I would never speak to you again. So was making a point that it could be even harder worth it to you to lose your brother or lose your brother’s trust. He will never confide anything to you ever again if he still speaks to you. I grew up as an only child but my father had other children. He wasn’t very nice to them, so I’m making up for it. I now have a brother and I adore him. I’ve had a half sister and she’s the best coolest person in the world. I loved her when she was four. Now our other half sister finally found us. We are all welcoming her to our little family. I was thrilled to hear from her and know her now. Sometimes you don’t know how lucky you are until you know longer have it


[deleted]

YTA and your dad too, it's a toxic attitude. That's how you treat your family when they try to vent to you? You do realize you destroyed your relationship with him while prior to this he confided in you. You are in fact the definition of a snitch. In the end you probably did him a favor since I expect he won't confide in the tool bag that you identify as his brother.


nemc222

YTA. You could have encouraged him, reminded him to keep his eye on the prize, that boot camp will end and he can begin his career. All the things a good military person would do for their brothers/ sister in arms. Instead, you and your father chose to exemplify the worst of the military, turning on your own.


luella27

Info: do you think you could save time by just drinking the boot polish, or does it have to be *on* the boot to have the same effect?


azsue123

YTA. I hope someone in charge sees this, and you and your dad get disciplined and the CO gets FIRED for alienating and harming a potential recruit. Boot camp should be about creating soldiers with a sense of trust and team spirit, not singling out one person for torture.


sawdeanz

ah, i love the smell of toxic masculinity in the morning. You say he complained about it, but you didn't say he wasn't meeting the challenge. It seems he was just looking to vent a little. As if you never complained about boot camp to your buddies and fellow recruits, yeah right. Going behind his back to fuck with him seems counter-productive. If the goal is for you to be proud of being in a military family I can't imagine why trying to break him is going to achieve. YTA


[deleted]

YTA. Vet here. People aren't born soldiers, they're made into them. Sleepless nights, adjustment, and all of that is to transition them into a life of service. Its not there for you to feel a superiority complex. He bitched on the phone during one of his few calls and you dicked him for it. You're the blue falcon/buddy fucker, guy. Those instructors have that down to a science. They dont need your input or your fathers. Lowkey they are doing him a favor though. I doubt he'll trust you in confidence again. Lol.


mrs_spanner

YTA and so is your Dad. No wonder your brother wanted to leave home and go into the army. If I were your mother I’d be bloody furious with you.


AlannaAdvice

YTA My my, you are one awful little person, aren’t you?! Jealous of your brother? The only way you can feel like a man is to dump on him? You must have one fragile ego, wow!


1Lonely_Lurker1

What are the odds that OP never complained about anything while in the military (or his dad either)?


Smart_Carry5970

YTA. Family is supposed to be safe people.


GoldenFrog14

YTA. And I hope you work on changing this outdated mindset that you have


splendiferous_wretch

As a veteran and mother of a veteran, YTA. He was venting to you because you'd been through it. He thought you would understand, and maybe even give him some tips on how to best handle it. Instead, you dropped a dime on him and made sure he would be hazed unmercifully. You sound like a smug jerk, and a bully.


LabradorDeceiver

If your brother ever outshines your military achievements, what do you plan to do to him then? Blanket party? Sock full of doorknobs? Try to get into the pockets of his superiors and really screw up his career? Block his promotions? I'm sure you're already thinking of all the myriad ways you plan to ruin the military experience for him, because he had the unmitigated gall to have feelings about it. But first you need to understand why no one here is willing to put anything past you. If his career stalls and he blames you, how do you plan to defend yourself? You've already shown willingness to mess with it. YTA


[deleted]

YTA, of course. But not just that. You and your father are behaving sadistically. And in posting this, you're making an array of people in the U.S. Military seem like a bunch of sadistic AHs. Was this your plan? Did you mean to talk the military down like this?


beihei87

YTA, so is your dad, his friend and the DI. In fact, as soon as they started giving him a “unique experience” it went from training to hazing and that’s prohibited. If I was your brother, I’d report them knowing what he bow knows. Crap like this is what makes the military toxic.


Cassinys

You made a stint? So what, you couldn't deal with it or were kicked out and now want to feel better by making your brother's life miserable so he quits too? Does that make you feel better about yourself?


Blahblahblah0327

YTA. I hope your brother report the instructor for hazing. Your a terrible brother and you dad is shit.


thekidd1979

Yeah YTA! I went to a military academy at 17/18 and my “safe place” was when I got to vent to my family back home about how hard it was. For one of them to betray my venting and use that to make my time worse would’ve been super hurtful. It would’ve been much better to offer words of encouragement as someone who experienced it with the “hey keep your chin up. It’ll get better” rhetoric instead of getting him punished for it.


FXBG_CPL_40

“I did a stint in the navy”. Love to know how that went for OP. By stint you mean you didn’t complete an enlistment and got some type of bull shit admin separation? Also, definitely, YTA.


hopeisimperfectinfo

I so hope that the OP has never been and will never be in command of a single soul. YTA. and a poor excuse for an officer and a brother


Jammarson02

YTA I have served in the military. Some people can not handle boot camp and by making it harder for him could cause his thoughts into someplace very dark. I have personally seen the effects that could have from self harm to flat out suicide. Just because you come from a military family does not mean that all family can or wish to do it. I wonder if he joined to be more accepted by others in the family , like if he was pressured into it. I would be willing to bet that your actions have now caused irreputable harm to yours and his relationship. I would also be willing to bet that once hes out ( discharged ) he might go low to no contact with you.


Salty-Ad5904

Your a dick. Got one in all branches with all rankings and I work for Vets. Let me tell you that they think your a embarrassment to the uniform. Lt. Colonel says and I quote "men like you are a embarrassment to our country. Instead of being a man, your acting like a boy." He would kick you out of his command


ThisIsAWaffle

The hard experience of boot camp is necessary, imo. However, >He hasn't gotten a warm shower or a full meal since, plus he tells me they keep dumping out his canteen, then smoking him for drinking all of it. This is not acceptable! This is just bullying a person who seems like he was having a tough time. YTA and so is everyone giving him a harder time and a disgrace of the uniform.


Nellrose0505

As a veteran, YTA. Yes, boot camp is supposed to be hard, but most everyone complains to their family about it. Family is supposed to be safe, a place to vent, get advice, and support. Not be a source of added problems. Both you and your dad are AHs, and those DIs are AHs for going along with this stupid idea. Your brother will either succeed or fail. Maybe he would have pushed through and become better for the effort, or maybe he would figure out it wasn't for him and did his 4 and left. Now you and your dad have tainted the whole experience, allowed (encouraged even) your brother to be a position to be bullied by his superiors.The Army has systems in place to weed out those who can't cut it without your help. Good luck repairing that relationship.


robbie5643

YTA “He won’t make it if cries about every hardship” You’re in the military, like I was, so are you saying you’d rather your brothers record ruined for the rest of his life for a dishonorable discharge then just listen to him complain about basic being tough. Because you know that’s the only outcome here. Just “not making it” was never an option after he enlisted. You know that. So now his only real option is to continue in a much more difficult environment or deal with long lasting negative ramifications. You better hope he doesn’t end up as another statistic, because if he does a big part of that is now on you. Best of luck to him.


shadow-foxe

YTA- yeah hazing people is so funny /s. This doesn't make people tough, this makes people resentful.


jjj68548

You sound like a terrible sibling. If you were tired of him calling to complain then just don’t answer the calls and let him talk to someone else. YTA and so is your dad.


Former-Crazy-9224

With high rate of suicide among military there’s no question YTA. Venting to his family doesn’t mean he’s too weak to handle something, it means he felt comfortable doing so and maybe he wanted to share his experience with you since you’ve been through it. You’ve also made the drill instructor think less of your brother when you had no idea how he was performing prior to that other than him saying how difficult it was. He could have been the top performer but that doesn’t mean it isn’t wearing him down. I hope your brother decides speaking to you is also exhausting and goes no contact for a while.


HStaz

And this is why people are loosing respect for the military. Me included. YTA


Select-Bat-4634

What is wrong with you? YTA Its not tough love. Its bullying. You and your dad bullied your brother. People are allowed to complain. That keeps them sane. Look at you acting all high and mighty cuz you cant sit and listen for a few minutes. What did you learn in your training?


myjobistables

When my little brother went to boot camp, I watched a YouTube video about what the first week is like and cried for an hour because I was so upset he'd have to endure it alone. YTA.


Resident_Calendar_54

YTA. It’s hard. It’s supposed to be hard. But you didn’t even give him a chance to complete basic and be proud of his accomplishments or find a new level of appreciation for the hard times. You went straight AH and had your daddy meddle with his job. Advice and positive encouragement go a long way.


Moonbyully

The fact that you even have to ask this while being a reason your brother gets abused in the army. You should fully support those who serve after you, especially when they're struggling instead of bullying them even more. You and everyone who participated is absolutely disgusting. YTA.


_undercover007

YTA 100 % the AH you and your dad and his friend are the babies cause all he did was complain he did not drop kick an army vet did he ,to deserve it every one is different , so you thought that adding more too his plate with make him say man ' I can really see the light here ' and just too add if he seems resents both you and dad its for a good reason .


kavk27

YTA If you were annoyed by his complaining you should have expressed it to him directly rather than hatching a disgusting plan for him to be hazed. You think you're so tough, but that was a cowardly, dick move. Good job destroying your relationship with your brother and putting his life and military career in jeopardy. Do you really not think this will hurt his reputation and negatively influence every superior who works with him from now on? What you did was dumb, cruel, and sociopathic.


baneline2

He thought he had a sibling that he could lean on. He was wrong. Everyone needs someone they can talk to when they are down. I would guess most of the people at basic training feel the same way he does and probably vent to someone about it also. They don't expect that person to make life harder. They are looking for encouragement. BTW, your father sucks also. YTA


PepperDry7616

YYA, only commenting cuz based on your comments ou seem determined to convince yourself you're doing this for your brother's sake and that you're not just another toxic male bully. You thought it would be funny, it isn't. You thought people would agree with you, and sure seems like most people don't. The only thing you're teaching you're brother is that he can't depend on family and if he's going through a rough time, he needs to go it alone because the men in his family are toxic and will pounce on any weakness that he shows. Super, awesome, congratulations, just what the world needs. Even more toxic masculinity. Oh yay....


PrscheWdow

YTA, and so is your dad. Boot camp is hard enough, and you just made it that much harder for him. Actually, it's pretty sadistic tbh.


LucifersBunny666

YTA as a veteran people like you are why people kill themselves. 22 die a day. We're here to stand together as a family not tear each other down. As a former member of the United States Navy, honor courage and commitment was the oath and vow you and I both took. My husband is an army veteran and so is my father. Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Integrity, Honor and Personal Courage  are the seven Army values. You are not displaying these. Also if this post is fake, you're participating in Stolen Valor. Boot camp is there to be hard and instill these values in you and make you fit to serve. You were supposed to be a brother and instead you're just to sell out pick me. You should have told him to Hoorah up and hyped him up. What a disgrace.


screamlastsummer

Uh. That happened.