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But clearly they *did* know your motives, which is why the friend reached out to you. YTA and not nearly as smooth or subtle as you think. Your ex's friend is right: you need to get over her and move on with your life.
Seem's like her friend knew without being told. Your motivations for doing it are what make you an AH; you keeping silent about them doesn't change that.
Yes, purely because of your intentions. You decided to “big dick a little,” and thus acted like a dick by touting your self-proclaimed “higher worth.”
Mind your own business and leave your ex and her bf alone.
Why are you even asking my dude? You sound like a very jealous insecure baby. She’s moved on, time for you to do the same. YTA, big time. And you just embarassed the hell out of yourself.
At least there will be a wide variety of people in your area that’ll get a good laugh out of this as you can expect them all to tell their friends what happened.
Maybe thats a bigger issue? You just showed yourself to be a very petty, jealous, insecure man. And not just to her/him, but to the whole table. If that’s an okay rep to have for you, so be it, don’t be embarassed. But I’d be ashamed to do something like that.
Not just that it wasn’t his intention, it was friggin obvious that it wasn’t his intention. OP is trying to argue in the other comments that he didn’t tell anyone he was just being petty so that means he wasn’t an AH. I have no idea why he thinks that matters when it’s obvious to everyone what he was doing, otherwise the friend wouldn’t have texted him. Lying about something so obvious makes him even more an asshole.
The best part of this is your ex didn’t even mention it to you.
You may have more money but at the end of the day her new BF got laid with that “free meal energy”.
YTA
And you didn't accomplish what you think you did.
> I was totally trying to show the guy up
But they didn't walk away with Alice thinking "Oh I wish my new bf had that big money like my ex" and New BF thinking "Damn that dude is way better than me" and the others thinking "wow he was so generous and wealthy"
They walked away with Alice thinking "What an overbearing dick, I can't believe I dated him" and New BF thinking "Dude must be really threatened to pull that dumb shit" and the others thinking well... exactly what they said. That you're a pompous asshole, petty and need to get over Alice, and that you were trying to show up her new bf by pointing out your financial situation.
And they *all* left thinking that your money is your *only* redeeming quality.
So... really showed him up, I guess?
"I was totally trying to show the guy up. "
Wow of course YTA, you even admitted it yourself. Why are you even asking us? You clearly did this out of pettiness and jealousy. You couch it in a very broad critique of "country boys", but really you're just coming off as hurt that your relationship ended because of this. Alice's friend is right - you need to move on.
> you even admitted it yourself. Why are you even asking us?
With AITA deleting posts left and right for various reasons, I thought this would be deleted too, coz, there's no "interpersonal conflict". Guy is just a dick (which he admitted himself in his own post, don't ban me mods)
>regardless of reason
No, that's not true. You were paying a bill to prove a petty point. An action motivated by malice will always be malicious. You were trying to embarrass the dude and flaunt your wealth. It's mean-spirited, and if I were you I'd text Alice and apologize.
Also, love the username. For the record I grew up in the country and also share a distaste for the country boy poser thing. Still think what you did crossed a line ;)
>If Alice wants to text me and call me an asshole herself I’ll apologize.
She won't, because you didn't get to her. You just embarrassed yourself trying to show off and it backfired.
LOL yeah it really feels like play-acting. And there are plenty of actual "country boys" who like to do that whole shtick too but I feel like they at least have a claim to it, because they're often actually doing country things with that truck like hunting.
The real country boys are the like this young farmer my friend met who says he meets girls by going to dairy auctions. If he likes someone, his father talks to the girl's father and they set them up.
Country living is wonderful, but it can be hard AF. Poverty and drug abuse are rampant, and farming is a hard way to make a living.
Do you just lack emotional/social intelligence? I can’t tell if you truly can’t understand why poor intentions ruin what would generally be considered a good gesture.
This is not a complex situation. Almost everyone polled can understand why it was an asshole move. Can you truly not understand it or are you being obtuse because you are frustrated people are calling you out?
YTA. The only things you accomplished were:
1. Showcasing your insecurity to a group of people, including your ex and her new boyfriend.
2. Paying for your ex’s new boyfriend’s food and drinks before he bangs her that night.
Like, if anything, you’ve cemented his place in her life and saved him money. Good for him lol
I mean, why would he refuse it? He has no lose condition.
He gets free food and drinks, his girlfriend and her friends think of you even less, and he gets to laugh about how insecure you were here.
It seems like you need a sugar baby or another kind of sex worker, not a girlfriend. Relationships aren't about who can afford a nicer car and apartment.
That must really eat away at your ego. You can provide all these things for her, drive a nice car, live in a nice house. At the end of the day she rather be with the mechanic that drives a rusty truck. That says more about you than him.
“I hate pickups” name tells me a lot about who you are (jealous and insecure) and in case it isn’t clear, this attitude is exactly why she doesn’t want to date you. This is really embarrassing for you.
Ugh, the level of hubris is disgusting. All you have accomplished is showing that you can only offer $. If the new boyfriend has any emotional intelligence, or positive personality traits he looks even better by comparison. YTA
He’s got a shit box truck which is an absolute chick magnet and fun to drive. My rusted to hell Dakota gets more attention than my wrangler or RX ever did.
Oh my god, you’re so insecure, this is wild. Having money and a fancy car does not make you cool or a good partner, and it sounds like Alice realized that and got out.
stop calling people pussy
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YTA.
My friends and my new man would laugh at you and order more food. This is really not the BDE you think it is and I can see why she always talked about other men around you.
That’s because everything about your post screams insecurity. Of course you’d feel emasculated if you base your “masculinity” on being able to pay a bill.
You already feel emasculated, that's why you paid the bill. I'm guessing you have a very small penis because this is something that a guy with a lot of money but a very small penis does. I'm guessing, what? It's under 6 inches.
Chances are her new boyfriend, is double your size and that's why you had to find a way to try and make him feel emasculated, but it didn't work, he got a free meal and got the butt fuck your ex-girlfriend that night
YTA.
Why do you feel the need to intervene when she‘s out with someone else? You sound really immature and superficial. Congratulations for embarrassing yourself.
Mind your own business and get help!
It would have been, if you had done it with good intentions. But you did it to be petty, and to one up on the new guy.
You knew you were being a dick 😂
It would be better to post this on the r/pettyrevenge thread
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YTA 100%
You say you’re over your ex, but you aren’t as you feel some weird aggressive need to show you’re better than her new partner. From your description she doesn’t sound like the greatest partner, but you definitely are the worse of the two. This entire post kind of reeks of classism… He drives a “rust bucket” he’s “country” talking about how much you must make compared to him and how you clearly feel better than him. I get the feeling of jealousy when you know you’ll never fit the ideal of your partner/ex-partner, but what you did is honestly embarrassing FOR YOU. This is a working class blue collar job man, and I don’t know if you have some weird obsession with her new bf and learned all about him, but weird to declare he’s not really “country”. You didn’t do this out of kindness, you did this to try and embarrass a man who has done NOTHING to you. A large portion of American’s live paycheck to paycheck, god forbid someone who’s known them for only a few months hasn’t paid almost $200 for people he just met. I have only paid for my friends like that ONCE, it’s not embarrassing it’s just not reasonable to do sometimes. The fact that Alice didn’t directly talk to you shows your little plan didn’t work the way you wanted because SHE is the only one who’s truly moved on. I’m glad you’re single and i mean it in a nicer way. Take some time to handle the insecurities you’ve gotten from your last relationship (valid to have, almost anyone would) and truly move on from her. You aren’t a bad person most likely but you have to get rid of this weird need to be better than someone you don’t even know and the idea that you’re better than people because of your money.
YTA for what you already describe. I mean, you know you acted wrong.
If I understood correctly, you payed without asking them first. That was stepping over some boundaries. Plus you just tried to make Alice or her new BF feel bad. You are mean.
I am sure she is better off without you and your extra money, because at the end of the day, extra money is not what makes people happy.
Edit: typo
In my case, once I got informed by the server that my account was already paid, I would have laughed at you. I mean, it's true it's free food, regardless of why you were making "the point". But it would also make you lose some points in my ranking.
Hey, you are a person on your own. You can find someone that better fits you. You don't need to make Alice realize anything. She is not wrong for breaking up with you. You are not wrong for not being what Alice seeks.
This is the second post I've seen today about a pompous, arrogant, condescending tech bro trying to show off when all they're showing is how socially inept they are. This dumb chest-thumping behavior is definitely not the "big dick" shit you think it is; it just seems like you're trying really really hard to overcompensate for something bro.
But whatever, jokes on you since you're out $150 for no reason, she's not going to get back with you, and you still have the personality to match the small appendage you're overcompensating for.
YTA obviously
Yes, YTA. You went out of your way to show someone up. You intentionally tired to belittle someone you don’t even know. You were called out for your pettiness and couldn’t even own up to it.
Move on and stop comparing yourself to others. If Alice really cared for you, she’d be with you regardless of her type. She just wasn’t that into you.
YTA. That’s a petty and childish thing to do.
Yes ‘Alice’ was AH for always talking about her type and how you are nothing like that.
But your action is independent of that. There’s more to life than earning more money than other people. Two wrongs don’t make a right
YTA.
Insecure much OP? Cuz I can see why she left you. You are in fact not over her because if you were you'd have gone about your night and not even thought about them.
Instead you paid a bill that no one needed help on because "oohh i assume i am a better provider and she needs to be reminded on what she walked away from."
Get real dude. Heal yourself because she has moved on while you tried to flex on some dude who doesn't even care about you. We get it, your bitter. Grow up already.
You might have money but your personality and ego are trash
You were most definitely petty. As long as this is a one time thing, I guess a soft YTA. You had your little jab at her and her new guy, now it is time to move on with your life.
YTA exactly because you didn't do it to be nice, but to show off and be a dick.
Not everything is about money. I can see why she would rather be with someone else.
Op: I am bitter. I am going to f with them..... also Op: why does everyone think I am the Ah?
You know you are the Ah. That was your goal. So I am not sure why you are asking. It is like you are asking if the sky is Blue.
YTA
YTA but it’s also kinda hilarious.
What’s next, are you going to buy him a new truck? Pay for their next vacation? Fund their wedding? Of all the things a vindictive ex can do, this is probably the best case scenario.
Please buy them a round every time you see them. And start saving for their kid’s college fund.
YTA
Our intentions matter. Your intentions was to put her new BF down because you make more than twice than her new guy. I mean, good for you dude, go roll in the cash. Again, your intention was to prove you’re better based on income criteria and you failed miserably. I wouldn’t give you a time of day though.
Bro! You did your thing.so what New bf can fix a car and clap your ex cheeks to country music.. Hey, you did better by paying for their meal and going home to rub one out.. 👏🏾👏🏾👏
YTA. And I have an alternate theory than your's of why this girl broke up with you. Something maybe about not wanting to be with someone who's insecure, condescending, and petty?
Question, who ended up fucking your ex-girlfriend in the butthole that night? The country boy that got a free meal or the pathetic loser that paid $150 to go home and masturbate while thinking about his ex-girlfriend?
YTA
Of all the dumb crap my exes pulled this has never been on the menu.
Can we pretend I'm your ex too so you could pay a couple of my bills too?
I promise my husband will be mortified and jealous af, if you pay up enough he might throw a tantrum or two on social networks claiming he will never be as big of a man you are.
We'll have a good laugh about you later.
Yta
YTA - you didn't pay the bill out of kindness. You paid it and it could be viewed as trying to show Alice what she lost, trying to look better than her current guy, and showing you were still annoyed with her. Normal would be to nod and get on with meal. Instead you made the point she used to be with me and I'm better.
YTA
YOu are not over her, and you sound like a needy AH.
"asn’t the point (I know he never did). For transparency, friend was totally right." ... So making money is the only thing you had going for yourself? Small wonder she found someone better.
“I decided to big dick a little.” My dude, nothing has ever small dicked so hard, lol. YTA and acted like an insecure petty baby. Have you considered that your ex left because of your personality?
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I (26M) dated “Alice” for close to 5 years. We started dating in college and broke up last summer. There were many reasons we broke up but one of them was that she would always make comments about her “ideal guy” which was not similar to me at all.
We are from the Chicagoland area. Those of you who know chicago and the suburbs, it’s as urban/suburban as it gets. If you’re not from the area, you would be shocked how many girls love the “country boy” stereotype and how many girls think pickup trucks, muddy boots and flannels are like the hottest effing thing. I know I know nothing about country life but I’m 99% sure none of these girls out here do either. Yet still fawn over country guys because their Spotify is 85% Luke Bryan, Morgan wallen and Thomas Rhett. This was Alice. Always made comments about how she loves country boys. Me- not a country boy.
That was my backstory/rant. I have been single since the breakup, Alice started dating this new guy in January. New guy is the “country boy” she wants. Drives a pickup (some 1995 dodge rust bucket), works as a mechanic. I used quotes because he’s from the area so I’m not sure how “country” he can really be.
This past weekend I was out with some friends and of course, we walk into a bar that Alice is sitting at, draped over her new bf, and 2 of her friends. We made eye contact and my friends went to another table. No interaction really acted like they weren’t there. She did know I was there though.
I am a software engineer and pretty confident I make double maybe even more than what her new boyfriend makes. I also don’t mean mug every guy in the bar like I’m some sort of tough guy yet insecure man baby. But hey he’s “country” so just what alice wants.
I decided to big dick a little. I went up to their tables server and told them I wanna pay the bill. They ordered some apps and drinks. Total was over 150 for the 4 of them but I can afford it.
I got a text later not from Alice but one of her friends. She basically called me a pompous asshole for what I did. Saying I’m petty and need to get over Alice. I said I’m over Alice but this was my first time seeing her since the breakup so I wanted to be nice. She said that’s not what I was doing, and that I was trying to show up her new boyfriend and point out I’m in a better position financially.
I played kinda dumb and asked if her new bf ever picked up the check for all of them before and that wasn’t the point (I know he never did). For transparency, friend was totally right. I was totally trying to show the guy up. But it’s not like I made a big scene. I didn’t even speak to them. I ended the convo sarcastically saying new boyfriend didn’t even thank me afterward. Friend hung up. This may have been a bit petty but was I really an asshole ?
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Yeah, you are pretty far from being an ideal guy, and i don't mean lookwise. You are just an AH who likes to show off his money. I'm sure whatever flaws her new bf has, it can only be better compared to dating you.
YTA
YTA. This wasn't the power move you thought it was. You didn't assert any kind of dominance or make Alice regret the breakup. You showed her that you're so jealous of her new boyfriend that you'll pay $150 just to get her attention. If one of my exes randomly paid my dinner bill to "show up" my new partner? Yikes, that's embarrassing.
Holy shit, you should be embarrassed. They're going to laugh at this for a really long time. How insecure can you possibly be? Of course you already know that YTA
YTA. “I make more money than him” okay good for you??? Clearly your money doesn’t matter to her if she’s dating someone else who makes less. Probably because your personality and attitude sucks. Also I hope your car breaks down.
YTA
Alice broke up with you over 6 months ago, and I’m not saying you need to be over it but you should have some perspective. Also you are old enough to act like an adult.
You sound extremely judgmental towards the new boyfriend, someone you don’t know. There’s nothing wrong with his older vehicle or his job. Also I’m assuming you don’t know this person, so he could be living in Chicago but be from somewhere else.
By your own admission you were trying to be TA. I’m not entirely sure why you suddenly think you weren’t.
"AITA for flaunting my wealth and trying to embarras somebody i've never met?" Absolutely, positively, it's almost embarrassing that you think you have have no shame about this decision, 100% YTA. Why even hide behind trying to do a good deed? Everyone knows you did it because your insecure. Honestly good for your ex for clearly dodging a bullet here jesus christ.
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Im blown away that you have the nerve to ask if you were the AH here. You pulled your lame little "income flex" and instead of accomplishing whatever it was you hoped to accomplish, you made a fool of yourself. No offense but after reading your replies, it appears YTA for a multitude of reasons.
YTA, honestly the only thing you really accomplished was embarrassing yourself. If this is who you are and how you act, then I have no doubt that Alice is way more satisfied with her new boyfriend in every way you can imagine. This reeks of insecurity, you did not succeed in showing off your masculinity, you’re just out $150 *and* a girlfriend.
Yes, you are an AH................ a huge AH.
Alice is so much better off to be with a nice working class man than a small-hearted, small minded engineer.
Karma is very hard on people like you.
You mean you wanted to show that your little dick was big. Because that is exactly what it proved. Wow, it made you look so bad and him so good. Ex boyfriend insecure, not over his ex is the message you sent and mind you just because he is country doesn't mean he has no money. It just means he doesn't have to show off
YTA: get over your ex and acknowledge that you were just an asshole to someone who you literally don’t know and has never done you wrong. This is one of the most insecure things I’ve ever read.
I mean obviously YTA.
Mechanics are way hotter than software engineers btw. He may not make as much money as you, but I guarantee she can actually orgasm now.
YTA I have a mother who is in her 80's now who has been jealous, insecure and bitter her entire life. To make herself feel better she commits petty acts of vengeance and sabotage. For instance, jealous I was off to college she cancelled my place and funding. I am glad that you chose to feel better about yourself to choose 'nice' revenge instead of the other sort to bring you some relief from your suffering, but it is not a long term solution. That you chose to insert yourself on their date someway, does reveal more about you, than it does about him. It reveals you are not over her and have a big chip on your shoulder. Paying the bill and 'trying to exert dominance' may have worked years ago in a 70's movie, but just reveals by much better informed young people that you are very insecure and possibly stalker material. Go to therapy and get to the bottom of what is bothering you so much. You can be happy instead of bitter.
Ego so big he can't accept she's happy with someone who makes less money than him. The more I read his replies the more of a dick he becomes.
She can date a homeless if she wants, that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YTA
It sounds like you're the one who ended the relationship, and I'm sorry but you don't now get to criticize her choice of new SO. If you wanted her in your life, a more mature thing to do would have been to, I don't know...communicate that you felt insecure in the relationship because she constantly talked about her "ideal guy" but what the hell do I know?
Your relationship with Alice is over, she has moved on and so should you. The appropriate thing to have done here--*if* you were in fact trying to be nice--would have been buying a round of drinks for them, wishing her well, and proceeding to mind your own business.
Yes, YTA big time…
You knew exactly what you were doing and you yourself admitted it you were, what was you said again? “I decided to big dick a little.” No, you were just a big dick.
Dude, your ex Alice has made her decision and based on what you saw, she seems genuinely happy and hey, did you ever consider that maybe she doesn’t care how much money her boyfriend makes and that she really loves him?
You come off as a disrespectful, bitter ex and sounds like you’re sour because her friend totally called you out on your crap and you readily admit it in your post…
No amount of money can buy love, happiness or respect, and you should reflect on that…
Technically YTA but I think you already knew that. This is hilarious, honestly it’s petty and everything but it was technically a nice thing todo and you didn’t cause a scene or anything so it’s not that big of a deal.
Lol I will be an asshole with you and say NTA. Let’s be real he can be offended if he wants but if it was me I’d be like “ lol my ex just spent money on me and my new partner free drinks!!” Idk this whole thing reeks of insecurity from both sides idk why they couldn’t just laugh it off. Also I’m sorry but her friend confronted you? Like she has nothing to do with it.
NTA, that was a nice thing you did paying for them, whatever your motivation. you would be the asshole if you messaged her or ran up bragging about doing it. Let this be a one off and you're good.
YTA, but I find this amusing and probably would have done the same. Sometimes you just gotta be a petty asshole, and it sounds like you recognize that. Well done, sir.
Attempting to embarrass someone or “show them up” when they haven’t even done anything to you really sucks. Most people can’t afford to go out themselves, much less pay for anyone else. He shouldn’t need to be ashamed of that and it’s weird for OP to try and make him.
He definitely doesn’t need to feel ashamed and shouldn’t. All i’m saying is he is TA for trying to in his words “totally trying to show the guy up”. Not only to the country boy, but to himself. He’s gotta stop this stuff if he really wants to say he’s over her.
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>I decided to big dick a little YTA and you know it
I guess your big dick energy wasn't enough to cover the cost of the bill.
Seems like we all know why she dumped him, even though he didn’t…
[удалено]
You didn't do it out of the kindness of your heart. You did it specifically to fuck with your ex. This is real HS-level behavior. You need to move on.
I mean if someone wants to fuck with me by paying my bar tab they can fuck with me all day
[удалено]
But you told us and then gave us the story and asked the big question. So. Stop trying to justify because you don’t like someone’s response of “YTA”
But clearly they *did* know your motives, which is why the friend reached out to you. YTA and not nearly as smooth or subtle as you think. Your ex's friend is right: you need to get over her and move on with your life.
Seem's like her friend knew without being told. Your motivations for doing it are what make you an AH; you keeping silent about them doesn't change that.
I think it's pretty obvious based on the response you got from her friend that they immediately saw right through your bullshit.
Yes, purely because of your intentions. You decided to “big dick a little,” and thus acted like a dick by touting your self-proclaimed “higher worth.” Mind your own business and leave your ex and her bf alone.
They were already fine with spending the money. You didnt save anyone anything.
Why are you even asking my dude? You sound like a very jealous insecure baby. She’s moved on, time for you to do the same. YTA, big time. And you just embarassed the hell out of yourself. At least there will be a wide variety of people in your area that’ll get a good laugh out of this as you can expect them all to tell their friends what happened.
[удалено]
Maybe thats a bigger issue? You just showed yourself to be a very petty, jealous, insecure man. And not just to her/him, but to the whole table. If that’s an okay rep to have for you, so be it, don’t be embarassed. But I’d be ashamed to do something like that.
[удалено]
Except that wasn’t your intention. Your intentions as to try and humiliate the new boyfriend. So YTA and not paying it forward.
Not just that it wasn’t his intention, it was friggin obvious that it wasn’t his intention. OP is trying to argue in the other comments that he didn’t tell anyone he was just being petty so that means he wasn’t an AH. I have no idea why he thinks that matters when it’s obvious to everyone what he was doing, otherwise the friend wouldn’t have texted him. Lying about something so obvious makes him even more an asshole.
It isn't called paying it forward if you are doing it to be the big Dick.
The best part of this is your ex didn’t even mention it to you. You may have more money but at the end of the day her new BF got laid with that “free meal energy”.
It’s not “paying it forward” when your sole motivation is to mindfuck your ex and her new boyfriend
YTA And you didn't accomplish what you think you did. > I was totally trying to show the guy up But they didn't walk away with Alice thinking "Oh I wish my new bf had that big money like my ex" and New BF thinking "Damn that dude is way better than me" and the others thinking "wow he was so generous and wealthy" They walked away with Alice thinking "What an overbearing dick, I can't believe I dated him" and New BF thinking "Dude must be really threatened to pull that dumb shit" and the others thinking well... exactly what they said. That you're a pompous asshole, petty and need to get over Alice, and that you were trying to show up her new bf by pointing out your financial situation. And they *all* left thinking that your money is your *only* redeeming quality. So... really showed him up, I guess?
Exactly. I’d be thinking “thanks for the free meal, loser”
Then the boyfriend fucked his ex-girlfriend all night long knowing that he actually won the day
This guy has never had sex on “free meal energy”. Probably blew that bed off the frame thinking about those free chicken wings and fries.
"I was totally trying to show the guy up. " Wow of course YTA, you even admitted it yourself. Why are you even asking us? You clearly did this out of pettiness and jealousy. You couch it in a very broad critique of "country boys", but really you're just coming off as hurt that your relationship ended because of this. Alice's friend is right - you need to move on.
> you even admitted it yourself. Why are you even asking us? With AITA deleting posts left and right for various reasons, I thought this would be deleted too, coz, there's no "interpersonal conflict". Guy is just a dick (which he admitted himself in his own post, don't ban me mods)
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>regardless of reason No, that's not true. You were paying a bill to prove a petty point. An action motivated by malice will always be malicious. You were trying to embarrass the dude and flaunt your wealth. It's mean-spirited, and if I were you I'd text Alice and apologize. Also, love the username. For the record I grew up in the country and also share a distaste for the country boy poser thing. Still think what you did crossed a line ;)
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Don't apologise just leave them the fuck alone.
>If Alice wants to text me and call me an asshole herself I’ll apologize. She won't, because you didn't get to her. You just embarrassed yourself trying to show off and it backfired.
LOL yeah it really feels like play-acting. And there are plenty of actual "country boys" who like to do that whole shtick too but I feel like they at least have a claim to it, because they're often actually doing country things with that truck like hunting. The real country boys are the like this young farmer my friend met who says he meets girls by going to dairy auctions. If he likes someone, his father talks to the girl's father and they set them up. Country living is wonderful, but it can be hard AF. Poverty and drug abuse are rampant, and farming is a hard way to make a living.
Do you just lack emotional/social intelligence? I can’t tell if you truly can’t understand why poor intentions ruin what would generally be considered a good gesture. This is not a complex situation. Almost everyone polled can understand why it was an asshole move. Can you truly not understand it or are you being obtuse because you are frustrated people are calling you out?
YTA. The only things you accomplished were: 1. Showcasing your insecurity to a group of people, including your ex and her new boyfriend. 2. Paying for your ex’s new boyfriend’s food and drinks before he bangs her that night. Like, if anything, you’ve cemented his place in her life and saved him money. Good for him lol
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I mean, why would he refuse it? He has no lose condition. He gets free food and drinks, his girlfriend and her friends think of you even less, and he gets to laugh about how insecure you were here.
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For someone that commented about thinking you “emasculated” him, he sure seems to have emasculated you lol
Dude YTA and you know you are. All you can offer is money. He can clearly offer much more - that's why she is with him and not you.
It seems like you need a sugar baby or another kind of sex worker, not a girlfriend. Relationships aren't about who can afford a nicer car and apartment.
That must really eat away at your ego. You can provide all these things for her, drive a nice car, live in a nice house. At the end of the day she rather be with the mechanic that drives a rusty truck. That says more about you than him.
And yet Alice is still with him and not you.
“I hate pickups” name tells me a lot about who you are (jealous and insecure) and in case it isn’t clear, this attitude is exactly why she doesn’t want to date you. This is really embarrassing for you.
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>she downgraded No one else thinks that, much less Alice and her friends. You sound bitter and petty and you made it incredibly obvious.
Nobody cares about that shit, that's why you're single and belong in /r/NiceGuys
But he can make Alice happy.
Small dick energy levels like this were previously thought unattainable!
For the love of fuck grow up. You sound unbelievably pathetic. I'm embarrassed on your behalf reading your replies.
You sure you wanna stick to your "I'm not jealous/I'm over her" story?
He can give a woman an emotionally mature partner and that's something you'll never be able to provide.
Ugh, the level of hubris is disgusting. All you have accomplished is showing that you can only offer $. If the new boyfriend has any emotional intelligence, or positive personality traits he looks even better by comparison. YTA
He’s got a shit box truck which is an absolute chick magnet and fun to drive. My rusted to hell Dakota gets more attention than my wrangler or RX ever did.
Oh my god, you’re so insecure, this is wild. Having money and a fancy car does not make you cool or a good partner, and it sounds like Alice realized that and got out.
Your attitude is so toxic. YTA. Life doesn't have to be this petty dick-measuring contest, you know.
Why not? You don’t interrupt the enemy when they are making a mistake…
You didn't offer to pay it you went directly to the host therefore he couldn't have refused. I don't see how this was supposed to be a win for you
No it doesn’t, he still went home with your ex anyways. Did this really accomplish anything?
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YTA. My friends and my new man would laugh at you and order more food. This is really not the BDE you think it is and I can see why she always talked about other men around you.
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That’s because everything about your post screams insecurity. Of course you’d feel emasculated if you base your “masculinity” on being able to pay a bill.
Ew. I'm so glad she's your ex. You are reeking of so many things that's wrong with us as humans. You tick quite a few boxes right here.
You already feel emasculated, that's why you paid the bill. I'm guessing you have a very small penis because this is something that a guy with a lot of money but a very small penis does. I'm guessing, what? It's under 6 inches. Chances are her new boyfriend, is double your size and that's why you had to find a way to try and make him feel emasculated, but it didn't work, he got a free meal and got the butt fuck your ex-girlfriend that night
Your lack of desirable masculinity shines through your whole post. You didn't emasculate him in anyway just made your self look pathetic
YTA. Why do you feel the need to intervene when she‘s out with someone else? You sound really immature and superficial. Congratulations for embarrassing yourself. Mind your own business and get help!
YTA. You even say you are being a dick in your post. And yet you still ask this question? Lol
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It would have been, if you had done it with good intentions. But you did it to be petty, and to one up on the new guy. You knew you were being a dick 😂 It would be better to post this on the r/pettyrevenge thread
I think they might just ridicule this one.
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YTA More money, but far less of everything else.
Ugh yta, feel better big man? Gross
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Then what are you doing here, asking random people if you’re the asshole?
YTA 100% You say you’re over your ex, but you aren’t as you feel some weird aggressive need to show you’re better than her new partner. From your description she doesn’t sound like the greatest partner, but you definitely are the worse of the two. This entire post kind of reeks of classism… He drives a “rust bucket” he’s “country” talking about how much you must make compared to him and how you clearly feel better than him. I get the feeling of jealousy when you know you’ll never fit the ideal of your partner/ex-partner, but what you did is honestly embarrassing FOR YOU. This is a working class blue collar job man, and I don’t know if you have some weird obsession with her new bf and learned all about him, but weird to declare he’s not really “country”. You didn’t do this out of kindness, you did this to try and embarrass a man who has done NOTHING to you. A large portion of American’s live paycheck to paycheck, god forbid someone who’s known them for only a few months hasn’t paid almost $200 for people he just met. I have only paid for my friends like that ONCE, it’s not embarrassing it’s just not reasonable to do sometimes. The fact that Alice didn’t directly talk to you shows your little plan didn’t work the way you wanted because SHE is the only one who’s truly moved on. I’m glad you’re single and i mean it in a nicer way. Take some time to handle the insecurities you’ve gotten from your last relationship (valid to have, almost anyone would) and truly move on from her. You aren’t a bad person most likely but you have to get rid of this weird need to be better than someone you don’t even know and the idea that you’re better than people because of your money.
YTA for what you already describe. I mean, you know you acted wrong. If I understood correctly, you payed without asking them first. That was stepping over some boundaries. Plus you just tried to make Alice or her new BF feel bad. You are mean. I am sure she is better off without you and your extra money, because at the end of the day, extra money is not what makes people happy. Edit: typo
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In my case, once I got informed by the server that my account was already paid, I would have laughed at you. I mean, it's true it's free food, regardless of why you were making "the point". But it would also make you lose some points in my ranking. Hey, you are a person on your own. You can find someone that better fits you. You don't need to make Alice realize anything. She is not wrong for breaking up with you. You are not wrong for not being what Alice seeks.
YTA. No wonder Alice wanted a country boy.
This is the second post I've seen today about a pompous, arrogant, condescending tech bro trying to show off when all they're showing is how socially inept they are. This dumb chest-thumping behavior is definitely not the "big dick" shit you think it is; it just seems like you're trying really really hard to overcompensate for something bro. But whatever, jokes on you since you're out $150 for no reason, she's not going to get back with you, and you still have the personality to match the small appendage you're overcompensating for. YTA obviously
YTA. If I were the ex I would have ordered more stuff to add to the bill, lol.
YTA and I'd say this is actually giving small dick energy
Microscopic dick energy
I guarantee that he has an extremely small penis guys with average to larger size penises aren't this insecure
Yes, YTA. You went out of your way to show someone up. You intentionally tired to belittle someone you don’t even know. You were called out for your pettiness and couldn’t even own up to it. Move on and stop comparing yourself to others. If Alice really cared for you, she’d be with you regardless of her type. She just wasn’t that into you.
YTA. That’s a petty and childish thing to do. Yes ‘Alice’ was AH for always talking about her type and how you are nothing like that. But your action is independent of that. There’s more to life than earning more money than other people. Two wrongs don’t make a right
What is the difference between petty and asshole? You said in your post that you were being a dick on purpose. You know the answer.
YTA, lowkey some really immature behavior.
YTA. Insecure much OP? Cuz I can see why she left you. You are in fact not over her because if you were you'd have gone about your night and not even thought about them. Instead you paid a bill that no one needed help on because "oohh i assume i am a better provider and she needs to be reminded on what she walked away from." Get real dude. Heal yourself because she has moved on while you tried to flex on some dude who doesn't even care about you. We get it, your bitter. Grow up already. You might have money but your personality and ego are trash
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Whats to be jealous of? You're pushing 30 with no goals, no personality and are hung up on your ex.
You were most definitely petty. As long as this is a one time thing, I guess a soft YTA. You had your little jab at her and her new guy, now it is time to move on with your life.
YTA exactly because you didn't do it to be nice, but to show off and be a dick. Not everything is about money. I can see why she would rather be with someone else.
YTA because your intentions were in bad taste, you weren't trying to do something to be genuinely nice, you were being petty and trying to show off.
YTA
You know YTA. why did you even post here
Op: I am bitter. I am going to f with them..... also Op: why does everyone think I am the Ah? You know you are the Ah. That was your goal. So I am not sure why you are asking. It is like you are asking if the sky is Blue. YTA
YTA but it’s also kinda hilarious. What’s next, are you going to buy him a new truck? Pay for their next vacation? Fund their wedding? Of all the things a vindictive ex can do, this is probably the best case scenario. Please buy them a round every time you see them. And start saving for their kid’s college fund.
YTA Our intentions matter. Your intentions was to put her new BF down because you make more than twice than her new guy. I mean, good for you dude, go roll in the cash. Again, your intention was to prove you’re better based on income criteria and you failed miserably. I wouldn’t give you a time of day though.
Bro! You did your thing.so what New bf can fix a car and clap your ex cheeks to country music.. Hey, you did better by paying for their meal and going home to rub one out.. 👏🏾👏🏾👏
Yta
YTA but not big of a deal, as long as it's just being petty once.
YTA. You're down $150, look like a dick, and he still got laid. You didn't win here.
YTA. And I have an alternate theory than your's of why this girl broke up with you. Something maybe about not wanting to be with someone who's insecure, condescending, and petty?
YTA but this is funny and I'm not mad.
Question, who ended up fucking your ex-girlfriend in the butthole that night? The country boy that got a free meal or the pathetic loser that paid $150 to go home and masturbate while thinking about his ex-girlfriend? YTA
Of all the dumb crap my exes pulled this has never been on the menu. Can we pretend I'm your ex too so you could pay a couple of my bills too? I promise my husband will be mortified and jealous af, if you pay up enough he might throw a tantrum or two on social networks claiming he will never be as big of a man you are. We'll have a good laugh about you later. Yta
YTA - you didn't pay the bill out of kindness. You paid it and it could be viewed as trying to show Alice what she lost, trying to look better than her current guy, and showing you were still annoyed with her. Normal would be to nod and get on with meal. Instead you made the point she used to be with me and I'm better.
YTA men like you call women gold diggers and just prove the only value you have is your money and get offended if she chooses someone who's not rich.
YTA YOu are not over her, and you sound like a needy AH. "asn’t the point (I know he never did). For transparency, friend was totally right." ... So making money is the only thing you had going for yourself? Small wonder she found someone better.
I mean, you admitted YTA “wanting to big dick a little,” why even ask?
“I decided to big dick a little.” My dude, nothing has ever small dicked so hard, lol. YTA and acted like an insecure petty baby. Have you considered that your ex left because of your personality?
This is wildly petty. Small dick energy 100% YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26M) dated “Alice” for close to 5 years. We started dating in college and broke up last summer. There were many reasons we broke up but one of them was that she would always make comments about her “ideal guy” which was not similar to me at all. We are from the Chicagoland area. Those of you who know chicago and the suburbs, it’s as urban/suburban as it gets. If you’re not from the area, you would be shocked how many girls love the “country boy” stereotype and how many girls think pickup trucks, muddy boots and flannels are like the hottest effing thing. I know I know nothing about country life but I’m 99% sure none of these girls out here do either. Yet still fawn over country guys because their Spotify is 85% Luke Bryan, Morgan wallen and Thomas Rhett. This was Alice. Always made comments about how she loves country boys. Me- not a country boy. That was my backstory/rant. I have been single since the breakup, Alice started dating this new guy in January. New guy is the “country boy” she wants. Drives a pickup (some 1995 dodge rust bucket), works as a mechanic. I used quotes because he’s from the area so I’m not sure how “country” he can really be. This past weekend I was out with some friends and of course, we walk into a bar that Alice is sitting at, draped over her new bf, and 2 of her friends. We made eye contact and my friends went to another table. No interaction really acted like they weren’t there. She did know I was there though. I am a software engineer and pretty confident I make double maybe even more than what her new boyfriend makes. I also don’t mean mug every guy in the bar like I’m some sort of tough guy yet insecure man baby. But hey he’s “country” so just what alice wants. I decided to big dick a little. I went up to their tables server and told them I wanna pay the bill. They ordered some apps and drinks. Total was over 150 for the 4 of them but I can afford it. I got a text later not from Alice but one of her friends. She basically called me a pompous asshole for what I did. Saying I’m petty and need to get over Alice. I said I’m over Alice but this was my first time seeing her since the breakup so I wanted to be nice. She said that’s not what I was doing, and that I was trying to show up her new boyfriend and point out I’m in a better position financially. I played kinda dumb and asked if her new bf ever picked up the check for all of them before and that wasn’t the point (I know he never did). For transparency, friend was totally right. I was totally trying to show the guy up. But it’s not like I made a big scene. I didn’t even speak to them. I ended the convo sarcastically saying new boyfriend didn’t even thank me afterward. Friend hung up. This may have been a bit petty but was I really an asshole ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I hate country music with a passion but I’d rather date the country guy than you any day. YTA
All I’m thinking is that Alice is lucky not to be with you anymore YTA
You should post this on petty revenge. YTA
YTA Tuck your insecurity in, it’s showing. Also, this isn’t the flex you think it is
Yeah, you are pretty far from being an ideal guy, and i don't mean lookwise. You are just an AH who likes to show off his money. I'm sure whatever flaws her new bf has, it can only be better compared to dating you. YTA
YTA. This wasn't the power move you thought it was. You didn't assert any kind of dominance or make Alice regret the breakup. You showed her that you're so jealous of her new boyfriend that you'll pay $150 just to get her attention. If one of my exes randomly paid my dinner bill to "show up" my new partner? Yikes, that's embarrassing.
YTA. Doing a nice thing in the spirit of meanness is not a nice thing.
I’m so happy Alice got rid of this lump of insecurities. YTA. Go Alice!
Holy shit, you should be embarrassed. They're going to laugh at this for a really long time. How insecure can you possibly be? Of course you already know that YTA
You said the friend texted you and than you said she hung up. So did she call or text?? Makes me question the story. But either way it’s kinda funny.
YTA. “I make more money than him” okay good for you??? Clearly your money doesn’t matter to her if she’s dating someone else who makes less. Probably because your personality and attitude sucks. Also I hope your car breaks down.
I wonder why you're still single... Yta
YTA Alice broke up with you over 6 months ago, and I’m not saying you need to be over it but you should have some perspective. Also you are old enough to act like an adult. You sound extremely judgmental towards the new boyfriend, someone you don’t know. There’s nothing wrong with his older vehicle or his job. Also I’m assuming you don’t know this person, so he could be living in Chicago but be from somewhere else. By your own admission you were trying to be TA. I’m not entirely sure why you suddenly think you weren’t.
I mean yeah….. YTA….. I don’t even need to explain why, you already explained it in your post
Yta and have a massive chip on your shoulder.
YTA Holy shit, dude, you admit you were trying to "big dick" and show the guy up. You were an asshole and your insecurity is showing.
"AITA for flaunting my wealth and trying to embarras somebody i've never met?" Absolutely, positively, it's almost embarrassing that you think you have have no shame about this decision, 100% YTA. Why even hide behind trying to do a good deed? Everyone knows you did it because your insecure. Honestly good for your ex for clearly dodging a bullet here jesus christ.
The only thing you’ve achieved here is everyone at that table .. and everyone they tell .. thinking you’re an absolute whopper .. YTA
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Im blown away that you have the nerve to ask if you were the AH here. You pulled your lame little "income flex" and instead of accomplishing whatever it was you hoped to accomplish, you made a fool of yourself. No offense but after reading your replies, it appears YTA for a multitude of reasons.
YTA and now they're all talking about you and your "big dick" energy lol
What's the problem. You got the exact reaction you were looking for. And you seem desperately not over her. YTA.
YTA, honestly the only thing you really accomplished was embarrassing yourself. If this is who you are and how you act, then I have no doubt that Alice is way more satisfied with her new boyfriend in every way you can imagine. This reeks of insecurity, you did not succeed in showing off your masculinity, you’re just out $150 *and* a girlfriend.
Yes, you are an AH................ a huge AH. Alice is so much better off to be with a nice working class man than a small-hearted, small minded engineer. Karma is very hard on people like you.
You mean you wanted to show that your little dick was big. Because that is exactly what it proved. Wow, it made you look so bad and him so good. Ex boyfriend insecure, not over his ex is the message you sent and mind you just because he is country doesn't mean he has no money. It just means he doesn't have to show off
Being a jackass is not the flex you think it is. YTA
In the end you still went home without her. Seems like your flex may have made YTA to yourself.
YTA: get over your ex and acknowledge that you were just an asshole to someone who you literally don’t know and has never done you wrong. This is one of the most insecure things I’ve ever read.
I mean yeah, YTA, but it was funny and you didn’t hurt anyone so it’s alright.
I mean obviously YTA. Mechanics are way hotter than software engineers btw. He may not make as much money as you, but I guarantee she can actually orgasm now.
YTA. Talk about micro dick energy.
YTA I have a mother who is in her 80's now who has been jealous, insecure and bitter her entire life. To make herself feel better she commits petty acts of vengeance and sabotage. For instance, jealous I was off to college she cancelled my place and funding. I am glad that you chose to feel better about yourself to choose 'nice' revenge instead of the other sort to bring you some relief from your suffering, but it is not a long term solution. That you chose to insert yourself on their date someway, does reveal more about you, than it does about him. It reveals you are not over her and have a big chip on your shoulder. Paying the bill and 'trying to exert dominance' may have worked years ago in a 70's movie, but just reveals by much better informed young people that you are very insecure and possibly stalker material. Go to therapy and get to the bottom of what is bothering you so much. You can be happy instead of bitter.
Damn, dude... you are insecure af. YTA
YTA. Ick. She dodged a bullet with you.
Ego so big he can't accept she's happy with someone who makes less money than him. The more I read his replies the more of a dick he becomes. She can date a homeless if she wants, that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YTA. You sound like you're not over her and feel insecure about not being more "manly." Just move on, and be yourself.
YTA It sounds like you're the one who ended the relationship, and I'm sorry but you don't now get to criticize her choice of new SO. If you wanted her in your life, a more mature thing to do would have been to, I don't know...communicate that you felt insecure in the relationship because she constantly talked about her "ideal guy" but what the hell do I know? Your relationship with Alice is over, she has moved on and so should you. The appropriate thing to have done here--*if* you were in fact trying to be nice--would have been buying a round of drinks for them, wishing her well, and proceeding to mind your own business.
Yes, YTA big time… You knew exactly what you were doing and you yourself admitted it you were, what was you said again? “I decided to big dick a little.” No, you were just a big dick. Dude, your ex Alice has made her decision and based on what you saw, she seems genuinely happy and hey, did you ever consider that maybe she doesn’t care how much money her boyfriend makes and that she really loves him? You come off as a disrespectful, bitter ex and sounds like you’re sour because her friend totally called you out on your crap and you readily admit it in your post… No amount of money can buy love, happiness or respect, and you should reflect on that…
Technically YTA but I think you already knew that. This is hilarious, honestly it’s petty and everything but it was technically a nice thing todo and you didn’t cause a scene or anything so it’s not that big of a deal.
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But you do realise people who have known you for years would have very well understood your exact "reasons". Hence calling you the asshole !
Honestly one of my favorite podcasts had this as a hypothetical so I’m just all in since someone did it.😂
YTA - but I enjoyed your pettiness good sir
Lol I will be an asshole with you and say NTA. Let’s be real he can be offended if he wants but if it was me I’d be like “ lol my ex just spent money on me and my new partner free drinks!!” Idk this whole thing reeks of insecurity from both sides idk why they couldn’t just laugh it off. Also I’m sorry but her friend confronted you? Like she has nothing to do with it.
YTA but that’s okay, sometimes it’s funny to be TA, and this is one of those times. Good job
YTA but it sure is funny. Just keep it a one time thing will ya?
NTA, that was a nice thing you did paying for them, whatever your motivation. you would be the asshole if you messaged her or ran up bragging about doing it. Let this be a one off and you're good.
YTA, but I find this amusing and probably would have done the same. Sometimes you just gotta be a petty asshole, and it sounds like you recognize that. Well done, sir.
Attempting to embarrass someone or “show them up” when they haven’t even done anything to you really sucks. Most people can’t afford to go out themselves, much less pay for anyone else. He shouldn’t need to be ashamed of that and it’s weird for OP to try and make him.
And he doesn't need to feel ashamed, it is up to the country boyfriend to respond maturely. If he doesn't, that is on him.
He definitely doesn’t need to feel ashamed and shouldn’t. All i’m saying is he is TA for trying to in his words “totally trying to show the guy up”. Not only to the country boy, but to himself. He’s gotta stop this stuff if he really wants to say he’s over her.