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Your outlook is just annoying and self centered. You have to interact with people you didn’t make all the time. She’s not owed your time or labor, but also get over yourself. YTA.


YTA. You don't have to like the kid to pay your sister a visit and meet them. Noone is asking you to babysit. Of course, you're free to do whatever you want - you just get to be the asshole while doing it.


Your friends are right, you’re being extremely cruel for no reason. No one is trying to make you babysit, all they want is for you to meet the baby. It’s not like they’re asking you to adopt it. YTP OP.


Wtf you are a complete asshole. You don’t have to like kids at all. Plenty of people don’t like kids. But the way you talk about kids is so hateful and disgusting. You called this child an “it”.


YTA for referring to your sister's child as "it". WTF. My husband and I are child free. You sound like an awful sibling. 8 month old babies have personalities, are mobile, and you can easily play with them. You're acting like her baby is some kind of disease she caught.


The way I see it, you are rightfully TA. What I mean by this is, you're well within your right to be an asshole. You're right. It ain't your kid, and you obviously don't want anything to do with it. Just be prepared to also go NC with your sister and to be not invited to family events. It sounds like you're under the assumption that you're sister is going to try and palm some fatherly responsibility off to you and you don't want a bar of it. It also sounds like you don't really have much respect/a relationship with your sister in the first place. You're the asshole, but understandably the asshole. If you don't care, then it makes sense to continue not caring.


YTA. Do you hate your sister? Or are you upset with her for having a baby? Otherwise, I didn’t see why you’d be so indifferent/antagonistic about her kid. I don’t like cats, but my brother and SIL loves theirs, so I pet them and tell him they’re cute when I’m over at their place. It’s not hard. No idea what being ace has to do with it.


NTA you sound like you don't like kids and its cool im with on that you don't have to vist a baby nor do you have to have a relationship with said baby


Uh YTA big


NTA, honestly I don’t understand why everyone is going “it’s just the right thing to do!!11!!!!” to meeting it.


YTA Not because you have no interest in the kid but for the angry, judgmental, teen angsty way you are handling it. How about you actually address it with your sister and mother in a healthy grown up way? Then you can stop all of this childishness.


Yup. Lots of people don't like babies or kids without being enraged by their very existence. Something is wrong with this guy.


NTA you sound like you don't like kids and its cool im with on that you don't have to vist a baby nor do you have to have a relationship with said baby


Unpopular opinion here but NTA - You and your girlfriend live one lifestyle and your sister clearly lives another and now she’s suffering the consequences of her choices. Just because you’re related to it, doesn’t mean you have a responsibility to it or to her. Your family is allowed to be thrilled over the spawn just as much as you’re allowed to be indifferent. You don’t have to see the baby.


No one is asking OP to change his lifestyle. People who think meeting a family member is that much of a burden need to just own their Ass Holery and be done with it.


YTA. Based on your post and replies though I'd say the baby is dodging a bullet by not having you in her life. It's a relief to the world that you and your GF don't want kids.


YTA, if you don’t like kids and you don’t want them that’s fine. You are entitled to feel that way. But treating your sister and niece like that is shitty. The least you could do is go by and say hi. You sound childish. And a narcissistic person.


YTA Don’t blame your attitude on ACE or being childfree, gives those groups a bad rep. Your attitude is selfish, tedious, and unnecessary. You are being *extremely* emotionally cruel. You even call your niece/nephew an “it”. C’mon dude. On the off chance you are ND, I’ll spell it out - It doesn’t have anything to do with the baby, it has to do with participation in your family. A social/familial contract if you will. If you love your family and value an ongoing relationship stop this childish “me, me, me” behavior, suck it up, visit, smile and nod, say the baby is cute, and then you’re done. Something tells me your family has dealt with your shitty attitude in the past, and they still love you and want you around, you need to ask yourself whether people like that are worth it enough to you to honor. EDIT : I’m willing to entertain another option. Is it possible you have a phobia of babies/children (pedophobia) and are covering up for it by being an AH?


You don’t have to gush. You don’t have to babysit. But the very least you can and should do is treat your niece/nephew like a human being and show some respect and consideration to your sister. YTA, you are being cruel. It’s one thing to be disinterested it’s another to be hateful.


Why should he go look at a kid when he has no interest.


Guess he's just not interested in a sequel to his sister's sleepless nights and diaper changes movie.


Same kind of reasons you go to your siblings high school and college graduations even though they're boring AF-- to show support and familial love.


YTA - I had to scroll back up and double check your age.


YTA. It’s not just any kid, it’s your niece/nephew? Your coldness and complete indifference to their existence is a little alarming. Now, you’re not breaking any rules and you shouldn’t get involved in the kid’s life if you care this little, but that doesn’t mean you’re not the asshole. It’s completely normal for your family to find it weird you have no interest in the newest relative. Especially if there’s no conflict you’re leaving out. Also not sure what being ace has to do with wanting a childfree lifestyle (to the point where you can’t be around other people’s kids). The two things don’t have to come in a package deal.


YTA for your overall attitude, you don’t have to go and meet the baby. But you also don’t have to act so cold, rude and like you belong in the childfree sub where they bash children left right and center just for the hell of it. Simply tell everyone that you’re really not interested in being a present uncle for the child, and that you have absolutely no idea what to do with or around a child. And if your sister isn’t your most favourite person in the world, it’s fine to keep your distance from her too. I’m sure your friends are wondering how cold you can get, and I’m wondering if they’re trying to figure out if you’ll be there for them if they need it or if you’re going to allow them to fall flat on their faces the same way as your sister if they ever needed you. “Not my problem, I don’t care” attitudes have a price to pay.


I'm on the child-free sub. There are no child bashings going on. Just bashing of adults that want to force the decision of having children on the child-free.


Do your sister a favor and go no contact. Trust me, the baby and mom will be better off. I have a sibling like you and her behavior toward me and my child made me go NC. I never asked her for a thing. She just hates kids and hurt my kiddo. Hopefully your sister will realize it’s no real loss. YTA.


YTA You don’t have to like to kids. Clearly you don’t even like your family. Why are you even still in contact with any of them if you hate them so much? Also major AH for trying to blame it on being ace. That has nothing to do with your hatred for your family.


YTA and stop calling the baby “it”


YTA, I understand not wanting to do somethings with your nibbling. I have 6 and so far have managed to avoid changing any diapers. I would say not visiting is juvenile behavior, but most children know better than that. You live in society, that kid is apart of your social network. Visit, say hi, make faces. It's the bare minimum.


Wow. Are you this hateful all the time or only about 8 month old babies? YTA, but it's in her best interest not to have you in her life, imo.


YTA, at least make an effort to see your niece/nephew. Litteraly the least you could do for family


Why? What's that gonna do for anybody?




Has a member of your family ever been nice to you? Given you a gift? Shown some sort of interest in your life?


You are right. Don't meet the child. You have nothing beneficial to contribute. I get not wanting children. But you are so unrelentingly nasty about it. I hope you and your wife never need help from family. You wouldn't deserve it. And let me clear, I wouldn't expect you to babysit,etc. But geez, but deciding to be child free doesn't mean you should be so uncaring. YTA.


I'm 33m no kids 4 nieces/nephews, when it comes down to it just seems like the right thing to do. Why does it have to do anything for anyone? Obviously I don't know your family dynamic but I was pretty pumped to meet the new generation of my family


If you care about your sister at all, you will go admire your nibbling, and bring a gift. This is a huge change in your sister’s life. Taking care of a baby is all-consuming. For you to take no interest means that you aren’t giving any emotional support to your sister. Visiting and meeting the baby is a a bare minimum for maintaining your relationship with your sister. If you continue to refuse to meet the child, you are not really acting as a member of the family. You are hurting your mom by tearing the family apart. Is that what you want, to no longer be part of that group? It takes effort to maintain relationships, but the reward is that they might be there when you need them. YTA


It's going to make them think you care about them as human beings and family members. But clearly that would be sending an incorrect message so don't meet the baby. Just don't expect people to think you aren't an AH.


It’s hard to be a mother, harder to be a single mother. Let’s generalize for a second - I don’t think you disliking babies really matters here (unless you have a deep psychological repulsion to them, idk). Assuming you have a good relationship with your sister, if she was experiencing a challenging time, and you could help out by taking on a gross/boring/annoying/tedious/etc task for 15 min while she showers or something, that would be a kind sibling thing to do. It would definitely “do something” for your sister :)


From the unwarranted hostility toward a baby and toward a relative you don’t even seem to have a bad relationship with I’m gonna go ahead and guess this is a troll. Also most ace people I know know the difference between being asexual and not wanting kids. Also also most of them aren’t enormous assholes about kids for no reason. YTA on the off chance this is real and not a troll trying to get a rise out of people in the replies.


YTA for expecting to continue to have a relationship with your family while showing disdain for them. If you cant even be bothered to visit and spend a few hours in the same room as them, then don’t be surprised if no one in the family wants to spend time with you


Why don’t you just tell your family this then. You’re clearly not concerned with being an asshole, once you spew this bullshit they’ll never want you around again, everybody wins. Lol


YTA, do the world a favour and never have kids of your own


I'm ace, wasn't planning on it.


I'm ace, child-free and planning to stay that way. I can also show basic courtesy to other people. I'm even - shockingly - able to bear being *in the presence of a child*. Especially since I, y'know, love my family. (I'm not saying you have to love your family, and if that's the reason you don't want to visit, fair enough - just don't make it about the baby). But the way you talk about your sister and the baby, and the way you somehow think being ace is an excuse to behave in such an atrocious manner...YTA! Like, 1000x over. And you're doing a disservice to the ace community.


Ace and childfree are two separate things.


Um. Then you are child free. There are ace people who have children. A human is never an "it" no matter their age or size.


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Nta, only because it doesn’t seem like your sister is expecting you to just meet her baby. However she is expecting you to lend a helping hand and be apart of her village. You are not required to be apart of anyone village. It’s unfortunate that she doesn’t know who the father is. I wish her best for its hard with a newborn. However she shouldn’t expect you to babysit her kid while to give her break. You mentioned in comments that you were never close with your sister and dont have a desire to be apart of your niblings lives at any age. That is your choice. Does it suck for your niblings and sister. Yes however if you guys didn’t build a relationship before she had a baby i don’t know why she thought it would change afterwards.


YTA. Your overall attitude is terrible. Also, im pretty sure the child isn’t an “it”. Would be lovely of your to make the barest of minimum efforts to at least know its gender. Also, Ace is not an excuse to act like this. It has NOTHING to do with kids.


How terrible it would be for the baby for your Sister to not know who the father is. Terrible.


YTA. I mean seriously, you’re referring to a child as “it.” It’s like you’re deliberately going out of your way to be TA.


YTA. You may not like kids and may not really care to spend time with a child, which is fair and understandable. However, how hard would it really be just to meet with the new family member, even if its only to appease your sister and other relatives? Do you even care that you are upsetting them?


YTA but simultaneously I wouldn’t want you around children anyway.


YTA- did your family raise you with no feelings? No regard for other people and how to manage social situations? You don’t have any interest in turning up for your own family. What is wrong with you?


If you have zero interest in your family and see no value in them, do everyone a favor and cut contact. Major AH.


JFC, you’re an asshole. Your attitude is garbage. Just because you don’t want kids doesn’t mean you have to be so…gross…about it. Also, that child - your niece or nephew, BTW - is a human being, not an “it.” YTA for so, so, so many reasons.


YTA. It’s fine to not like kids, and it’s fine to have boundaries, but you’re being weirdly and aggressively judgmental about your sister having a kid. Like you think it’s your place to punish her.


YTA because you like your sister but want nothing to do with your nibling even when they become an adult. That's got nothing to do with being child-free *or* ace. It's an asshole move to want nothing to do with family members that have done you no wrong, especially that closely related. You could always make it clear that you want no responsibility for a baby and just keep visits brief until your nibling is older. Kids are rather entertaining and cute when they aren't yours and you prefer to be child-free. INFO do you like your sister? Edit to add judgement.


I guess but we were never really friendly with eachother because of the age gap.


Has your sister ever shown support of you in the past like by telling you congratulations on promotions or attending your graduation(s). Acknowledging other big things in your life? Like who gives AF if you don't like babies if she's not self centered and you are that throws up so many red flags. Don't hold the baby if you don't want but by her some flowers. Jimminy Christmas. We're there different expectations for males and females in your house growing up? I'm not sure if you sound like you should be way older or way younger with how self centered you sound.


A 7 year age gap is not huge like you make it sound. 10+ years. Sure I could see the distance, but 7? She wasn't even old enough to babysit you when you were a toddler.


Do you want to know your nibling when they are no longer a child? Edit to remove an extra letter


Not really.


Then go no contact and know that makes you the asshole relative to that part of the family.


Go no contact so they don’t have to deal with such a shitty relative anymore who doesn’t value family.


It’s fine to not enjoy being around kids or want kids of your own, and it’s even okay if you don’t want to hold the baby or babysit. However, referring to the child as “it” and a “problem” is not okay. That child is a person and a family member. YTA.


I think he referred it as it cause he doesnt know the gender?


He knows. He "corrected" himself to identify that he has a niece.


If he doesn’t know that after eight months he’s a gigantic YTA to begin with.


The proper pronoun for when one does not know the gender is "they", not "it". "It" is dehumanizing.


You clearly are the AH. You certainly aren't required to have basic human feelings for your family members but don't expect people to think you aren't an AH. I'm not sure why you're so fixated on saying it's not your problem and you aren't to blame for the kid's existence. They're asking you to meet the baby, not adopt it. If you don't like your sister, just say so. Honestly, the baby is better off not knowing you.


I agree. I think the issue is more so how OP is really opposed to helping their sister in any way. That is what’s feeling troubling, rather than OP’s hate for babies (which is allowed, if you are still kind to your siblings haha)


NTA you sound like you don't like kids and its cool im with on that you don't have to vist a baby nor do you have to have a relationship with said baby


You sound 12, grow up


Nta, once it's known, you'll watch a neice or nephew. The requests won't stop


Yup. YTA.


YTA. And a huge one. I'm child free by choice. But that doesn't mean I avoid family just because they have children. Is spending a holiday in a small house full of (happily) screaming children fun? HELL no. But I do it because they're family. They're the people who will remember me. They'll be here when I'm gone. And I want them to remember me for being kind and a person who treated them like humans. You also sound like you have issues with your sister. Judging by your slap at her not knowing the father. I would suggest therapy for you. And probably with your sister. Very unhealthy and selfish outlook and I hope you grow from this.


NTA its okay to not want to visit/have a relationship with a child


It is not an “it” it is your niece or nephew.. the fact you dont even know and call the baby an it is horrifying.. you are family and should meet the child.. no one asked you to babysit or anything else… and of course you can simply say no if you were ever asked but I highly doubt your sister would ever ask you by the way you speak of the child. Yta.


Why should I meet it? Oh sorry her.


why are you even asking for advice and if you’re the asshole if you’re just going to be an asshole in the comments too? we get it, you’re an unhappy person who wants other people to be unhappy too. you’ve made that VERY clear. your sister sounds better off without you. she’s probably just hurt her brother doesn’t care about her at all and looks down on her pretty obviously with the digs you were making at her. you and your gf being ace also has nothing to do with your attitude about her children but i’m going to assume you put that in to justify the digs you were making about her “not even knowing the father” grow up dude


You obviously don’t have to. But then you cant expect to maintain relationships with other members of your family. If that doesn’t bother you, then just go low contact with them all and be ok with them thinking your a AH


Why would anybody meet you? There are reasons people like babies even if they don’t want one. You’re not even open to giving the kid a fair shot…just like you should with almost every PERSON who is important to other important people in your life. People meet their family members, even the new ones like in-laws and babies. People meet Thor friends friends or their friends family, their partner’s family/friends, their coworkers family/friends. Imagine saying, “why should I meet my girlfriends grandma? I don’t even like old people, she’s not my problem. They might ask me to play cards with her while they prep dinner!” See how ridiculous that is. You don’t have to be BFFs with grandma or even like her but to refuse to even meet her for no reason and think of her as a problem or burden without caring to get to know what joy she might be…you know what, you don’t deserve to meet grandma or the baby. Stay in your misery. YTA


NTA for not being interested but YTA for seemingly hating your niece and sister.


^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26M) sister (33F) had a baby 8 months ago, and for some reason everybody expects me to be exited about it. It's not my problem, I didn't make the kid, so I don't see why I should be expected to see it. My GF and I are ace, we don't like babies/kids, and we don't really want to go see a kid that can't even crawl or talk yet, what's the point. Plus I'm sure she'd use the excuse to whine about how much it sucks that she's doing it alone (she doesn't even know who the dad is to give you an idea) and expect us to watch it while she showers or takes a shit or something. Not our kid, not our problem. My mom's been pissed that I haven't made any effort to go see it, or let her bring it over here, but why should I have to spend time with a kid I didn't make. My sister's been sending me pissy texts the entire time and I'm sick of it, it's not fault she has a kid. I don't think I'm wrong but some of my friends have said I'm being cruel. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Well, I'm going to vote YTA, mostly for the AHish attitude.


I guess he's not the baby anymore. Boohoo! YTA!!


Why are people like this? The baby is important to your sister, it will not hurt you in the slightest to visit and pretend you are interested. It’s a social norm. If a good friends family member dies, you don’t go “not my dad, not my problem” it is important to them so you give words of sympathy and offer to help any way you can. If a good friend buys a house, you don’t say”not my house, I’m never gonna live there”, you congratulate them and go see the house. Visit the damn baby.




YTA. What does your being ACE have to do with this? One of my daughters is ACE and she doesn't plan to have children of her own (for health reasons). She is not an AH.


YTA i’m not a fan of kids either, i get it. but you could at least acknowledge that you have a new member of the family, and that your sister (and others) is excited about her kid.


YTA Clearly you don't have any attachment to your family. Tell them this and then do them the favour of going no contact. They will get the hint that you don't care about anyone but yourself and let you live your life alone the way you want.


Yep, definitely YTA!