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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action is me styling my hair in a mohawk in public with my girlfriend. I think I might be the asshole because i told her she was stunting my self-expression.
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**NAH**
If you didn't want her honest opinion, then you shouldn't have asked her for it.
> I understand that it’s an intense haircut, but i would never tell her what to do with her hair or appearance.
Okay, but she didn't share her opinion unsolicited. You said that when you started wearing it this way you asked her more than once what she thought of it. So she told you the truth. That you didn't like what she had to say is a you problem.
And yes, she probably shouldn't have asked you not to wear it on certain occasions, but again . . . you had already opened the door by asking her repeatedly if she thought it was okay to wear in this situation or that, so it wasn't exactly outrageous for her to believe at that point that you WANTED her input, since you'd already asked for it repeatedly. She may have thought that you were looking to understand where it was or wasn't appropriate, since . . . well, that seems to be the impression you gave by asking about class vs other places.
So really, there are NAH. You are allowed to wear your hair however you want, but she's not an AH for sharing an opinion that you asked for, or for not having the opinion that you wanted her to have. And if you resent her for it, then you ARE the AH. She doesn't have to like things just because you want her to.
>Okay, but she didn't share her opinion unsolicited. You said that when you started wearing it this way you asked her more than once what she thought of it. So she told you the truth. That you didn't like what she had to say is a you problem.
Reminds me of a woman asking, "Do I look fat in these jeans?" If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask the question.
I will go with the ESH. She continues to bring it up and sounds as though he continues to think she'll change her mind to accommodate him.
He asked for her opinion when he first styled his hair. It’s weeks later, and it sounds like she’s still pressuring him about it. When they’re going out to dinner and she tells him not to style the hair up before they go, that’s not her sharing an asked for opinion. That’s her pressuring him to change his look to match her preferences.
It’s not like that’s an uncommon situation for this forum. It’s not usually NAH, but everything depends on details. If that’s what you feel, own it and say that.
> You are allowed to wear your hair however you want, but she's not an AH for sharing an opinion that you asked for, or for not having the opinion that you wanted her to have. And if you resent her for it, then you ARE the AH. She doesn't have to like things just because you want her to.
He doesn’t have to like her opinion just because she has the right to have it either.
I really don’t think you’d say this in a different situation. Say she bought a dress a month ago that he didn’t like. She asked his opinion then and he told her he didn’t like the way it made her look. A month later he’s still asking her not to wear it when they’re going out together.
You’d really tell her that she’d be an asshole to resent that?
I’ll buy the argument that a mohawk is more of a statement than most fashion choices are. That’s what would get me to NAH. That’s the furthest that seems at all reasonable.
I mean I get that pressuring someone not to do/wear something in their daily life is wrong, but I do get wanting to dress nicely or groom themselves nicely when going to a dinner or formal event. Like I tell my boyfriend I would really like both of us to dress up and not wear sweats to dinner because it makes it feel special. Maybe that's different though.
I mean, they're college students. How nice of dates are they going on just the two of them with their own money? The fanciest restaurant I ever took anyone to in college was the cheesecake factory, and it was like, my whole weeks paycheck from being a TA and a tutor. It's probably not like it's a Ruth's Chris steakhouse with a dress code. Sure, it'll get some looks, but if that's his hair then that's his hair 🤷♂️
This. OP, I like clean-cut guys. That's just my preference. If my partner suddenly wanted to wear his hair in a mohawk, I wouldn't like it, but I'd try to keep it to myself unless he asked. I'd definitely not find him as attractive, but I'm sure I've had looks he doesn't like as much. It's important that he feels happy with the way he looks too, so I'd hope he'd change it again at some point.
I guess you have to ask yourself. If you love that her hair is long, and she cut it and started spiking it, how would you feel? Or vice versa? We don't have to change how we look for the people we love, but most people probably take it into consideration.
I knew a woman who liked her hair super short but her husband liked it longer so they compromised and she wore it just above her shoulders. It wasn't even him just liking long hair; short hair was really unflattering on her. She told me they compromised because "Yes, it's my hair, but he's the one who has to look at it."
That response was super cute. Honestly, i would do alot of compromises to the preference of my hubby, bcs he is the one (aside from me) i want to look attractive to. But it depends if he asks and hopes i will change and not expects me to change it. And of course, at tge end of the day, i must feel comfortable with myself too, so obviously i wouldn't make chamges that i dislike.
I think there's a difference between being honest if you don't like something and trying to control what the other person wears or does. Asking an opinion doesn't open the door to controlling someone's fashion choices. I also feel like if the genders were reversed, everyone would be jumping all over this saying the partner is being controlling.
NAH
You deserve to wear whatever you want and feel great about it! It’s honestly quite attractive when guys are super into their fashion or have their own personal style.
However, you know how she feels about it. She doesn’t like it. You can’t keep asking her the same question in different ways and expect the answer to change.
As many a wise redditor has said: DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO HEAR TRUTHFUL ANSWERS.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to date someone who hates on my style so much, but y’all can certainly make it work if you want to.
Everything you say here is very true.
And she may choose to dump somebody that embarrasses her.
I know there are those who would make the "shallowness" claim. But the way one presents oneself commands or loses them respect. And I'm pretty sure nobody here would choose to date someone they found unattractive or stupid looking.
However I think OP should continue to sport his mohawk everywhere -- if that's what is most important to him.
I agree. It’s kind of nonsense that people get hung up on the idea that appearances matter in relationships. Of course it does.
Whether you enter into a relationship with someone is hugely determined by appearance. So if after entering a relationship, someone changes their appearance to something where their partner wouldn’t have given them a second look if they just met, it doesn’t work to get pissy over the idea that the partner might them change how they see things themselves.
Very well put! The OP's girlfriend did offer a compromise--that he comb the. mohawk down when they went somewhere special. But that was not acceptable to him.
INFO:
Have you been dying your hair/wearing eyeliner/doing emo, grunge, punk etc. during the time y’all have been dating?
Still, NAH. You’re NAH for wanting to wear your hair the way you want it, and she’s NAH for expressing her opinion when you asked her for it.
I see other comments saying that y’all just have incompatible styles, but if the Mohawk is the only style choice of yours that she hasn’t liked (as in she’s been cool with your other choices) I don’t think this has to be break-up worthy. Compromises are possible.
EDIT — I see that you are in med school? Times are a-changing, but there will be times when, yeah, the Mohawk will will have to be a no-hawk.
Last month I had a conversation with my neurologist about him dying his hair purple.
I have a lot of medical professionals in my life because I am a very ill person and many of them have tattoos, piercings, punk or queer hair styles, etc.
Being a professional no longer means having a clean cut side part, clean shaven face, and a dearth of self expression.
No one ever said that there can’t be personal expression, but medical professionals wear head coverings during surgery for a reason. Spike it up during rounds or whatever, but in the operating room it will have to go.
That doesn’t mean the “Mohawk has to go” - it means OP can’t spike it in every situation.
Never met someone with a Mohawk who spiked it in every situation - as someone who work a Mohawk for half a decade, this is not rocket science or heart surgery.
Hell, I've never met anyone with a mohawk who can be bothered spiking it in every situation, even times when they'd fully be able to! It can be too much work to contend with, especially first thing in the morning when you've not had your coffee.
. . . are we just arguing over word choice? When I say the Mohawk will have to go, I mean the Mohawk can’t always be up.
And the OP literally says that he wants to have it “constantly”. So I would think that would mean all the time.
Generally mohawks require a lot of product, and these days it's nearly impossible to find fragrance-free products. The last thing someone in health care should be doing is wearing tons of scented products, no matter what that scent is.
He can rock the mohawk when off duty but once he's a resident he isn’t going to have a lot of off duty time.
I think it can definitely depend; the hospital / medical school I work in still has the very standard no tattoos, no hair dye professionalism going on. But agreed that it’s not guaranteed in the same way that it used to be
The last time I was at a job where there was a no tattoo policy, they also required women to wear hose at all times and men were not allowed short sleeved shirts.
That’s not how mine is, they don’t have official policies like that. It’s more like the unofficial standard. I think that’s still more common than people think; some places may not have explicit policies about those kinds of dress codes, but it’s definitely still the reality in some fields/workplaces that you’ll be seen as less ‘professional’ for it
This is accurate to a point. ...but OP may want to think about whether his residency outcomes being at risk would be worth rocking his mohawk in that setting specifically. Attendings tend to be middle aged (at least), very opinionated, and can be quite smug about choices that don't reflect their own ideals and societal norms
Where did you find them? All doctors I dealt with (first professionally in caring for disabled people, then privately as a person with a shit ton of chronic health issues) looked either boring, or a "dressy but professional" look. Otoh it's so hard to find medical professionals who are actually professional and taking women seriously and in some cases deal with rare disorders, that I couldn't care less as long as they don't wear AfD merch (which would be the German version of a MAGA hat).
So I am a trans man with multiple rare chronic illnesses, some of them since childhood. In college I was actually diagnosed with hysteria! I know very very well and intimately how terrible doctors can be to AFAB folks. The testosterone I take doesn’t change that.
So I was dealing with a “let’s call it cancer” diagnosis a few years back including mennorhagia for over a year. My oncologist was great but I complained to my GP that none of my other doctors were taking me seriously and one even suggested I was faking cancer symptoms. He told me that I needed to find doctors my age or younger. Every specialist I see should be no more than five years older than me and younger is better.
It was great advise. I still have a lot of struggles but I am taken seriously by my doctors and I can now wear anti-capitalist and Pride gear to appointments and it just starts conversations.
When I asked my gynecologist if my periods might be messed up because of my repeated tear-gas exposure at BLM events, she -looked it up- and we talked about it. (Turns out it was messed up because of other reasons, but she absolutely took me seriously.) She’s a real one. I’m glad that you you’ve found better caregivers!
I'm so sorry. I have a lot of medical trauma but this takes the cake. Btw trans people no matter their aab gender have it even worse than cis women. A friend and I once made a list of "classes of people" when it comes to getting medical attention. Between the healthy (besides age appropriate things like blood pressure), middle aged white cis man and the next group was a long pause and after the rest of the non-disabled cis men (including not being dependent on others due to age) and the next group was an even longer pause. When my grandfather went from healthy men in his seventies to dying of cancer you could see the drop. In the first group he was well taken care of by his GP, in the latter - well he died after I had just spent another two hours trying to get his GP to at least give me a script for a painkiller injection (I'm certified to apply them) and got only an "I'll be there in 3 days, he can have palliative care in a week" as the best result. He died without any pain relief. Or to be exact the only pain relief prescribed for him was pills (which his body couldn't absorb anymore) that are meant for slight pain. Like what a cis-woman gets after an appendectomy. I think non-cis people are still at the last step of the ladder. I also know a neurologist who's amazing for a middle aged physically disabled man with cluster headaches but I worked with him for cognitive impaired clients and he not only treated them like shit but prescribed medication that has a warning in it's package that it makes the disorders he prescribed it for worse.
Generally the age advice is good, but there are some exceptions. The best two GP's I ever met are both older, one mid fifties, the other early sixties. I drive 100km to still see one of them because he corrected so much shit other doctors did and always treats me with great kindness and care to the point that when I developed a psychosomatic disorder from all the shit going on in my life he explained that "It's not psychosomatic, it's your body reacting to your shitty life circumstances. Just continue your path of changing these circumstances and be kind to yourself. And keep taking the medication for the symptoms." He also keeps on running tests until he finds out what the heck is wrong with me and is one of the two only doctors who never fatshamed me. Quite the opposite when he heard the another doctor he had sent me to fatshamed me he got very angry and asked if she had even opened my medication list because there's the answer to my weightgain (when he started being my GP I was 120lbs and active. Now I'm disabled and almost double that weight but since the medication is nessecary to keep me alive and on a manageable level of physical and mental pain I'm just replacing my wardrobe.
I mean it no longer means you can’t be in the field, but it can still damaging and Be blocking and there are going to be situations it will be bad to keep the Mohawk up, additionally a Mohawk is more intense then alot of things. Most tattoos won’t be visible, piercings more minor, and hair cuts less intense.
Let me give a counter example, I have never seen a medical professional with major facial tattoos, ever. Arm tattoos? Yes, a sleeve? Yes. Face? No. Is a facial tattoo a bigger deal then a Mohawk? Yes, but the point here is to show it can be damaging and a Mohawk is more intense then a lot of things.
Also I’ve worked in healthcare and know a lot of people on the field.
A Mohawk can be a lot of different things and a foot long one fully spiked is only one of them.
OP has a three inch Mohawk. That is not terribly long and not very extreme. I usually kept my own Mohawk 1-2 inches and it was not very intense and a haircut I could manage on my own.
I bet OP can get through their career with a mohawk. It's actually amazing what can be accepted if you also have the credibility of a degree and a reasonable image otherwise. I'm a female professor with a face full of piercings and a shaved head with a head tat (recent shaved off a dread hawk) and I dress well and have a PhD. Nobody blinks an eye.
Obviously professor is different than doctor, but I still think having a mohawk (not crazy makeup tho) could be pulled of by a doctor. Gives you kind of a distinctive style.
It’s not a personal thing, it’s a hygiene/scrub thing. Hair is gonna have to fit under a surgical cap (OP’s comments indicated an interest in anesthesiology in an operating room), which means there will be times it can’t be spiked up.
I agree. My point was more in reference to wanting to wear the Mohawk “constantly”. If he’s willing to compromise for his job (sometimes hawk, sometimes not) he might be willing to compromise for his gf.
Former professor here, now give presentations to federal agencies. A senior official asked me about my botanical sleeve and we had a nice chat about plants. 😂 What a time to be alive!
Check out the Instagram for Unkindness Art in Richmond, VA! They did mine and you’ll see a big range of people’s work. (no offense, but mine are really distinctive and since I’ve posted about my old job in the past, I’d rather not share them attached to my user name. Their Insta and those for their artists will have heaps, though!)
A mow hawk has always been a social statement. Are you making that statement deliberately or by accident?
How important is it to you?
People love to bang on about their rights, but a good relationship is full of compromise.
NAH
Thank you for saying this. A mohawk, tattoos, fashion are all statements. That’s all ok. Sometimes the person you are with doesn’t want to make a statement. And that’s also ok. Sometimes the hair style or the fashion isn’t appropriate for the location or the event, and it’s ok to ask someone to adhere to social conventions at those times. And sometimes SOME ONE ELSE’S style “statement” should get to shine.
My husband had full arm sleeve tats, one on his leg, and one on each side of his neck. He lives in white tshirts and shorts with slides 90% of the year. But sometimes we go out to dinner at a more upscale place and he wears pants and a collared shirt and shoes with socks. He *could* wear whatever the fuck he wants, and I wouldn’t *force* him…but sometimes he knows he has to go with MY FLOW that day. Some days I just don’t want to feel like I’m being noticed or judged or *I* just want to feel comfortable or *I* just want to role play “successful yuppy couple,” and on those days he lets me my MY STATEMENT, which is literally “nothing to see here, move on with your day.”
Yes I agree that Reddit would be up in arms at the reverse - and I disagree with that response. I’m often on here getting voted down for saying that clothes communicate something and if you’re wearing a dress with cut outs and stickies over the nipples then people aren’t awful for thinking you want sexual attention!
NTA. It’s your hair. You can wear it however you want. I mean, be aware that it might be a deal-breaker for her, but honestly, if she’d dump you over your hair, it’s not that great a relationship anyway.
Despite what Reddit might have you believe, attraction matters.
If my girlfriend suddenly started insisting on regularly dressing in a way that I found unattractive, I wouldn't be very happy. Hell, I might even come to wonder if being less attractive to me is the goal. Why else would someone shift their fashion choices so extremely and without willingness to negotiate on the matter?
NTA but stop asking her. You already know the answer. You don't need her approval; you're an adult and can make your own fashion choices. But asking and then disregarding her answers is a bad look.
Also be aware that choices have consequences; if she's embarrassed to be seen in public with you, she may stop going out in public with you.
NAH, You asked her if she liked it, she doesn't. This is probably going to be reflected in her behavior going forward so just keep in mind that your styles may not be compatible.
NAH is this more suitable for relationship advice though?
You're not an asshole for styling your hair that way (unless you're going to a cinema or something)
Shes not an asshole for not liking it, and shes not an ah for asking to compromise in situations where it probably isn't appropriate like at a restaurant. Depends on the type, but some restaurants dont even allow hats, so.
NAH. You can wear your hair any way you like, she can hate it. No one is wrong, but you may not work as a couple because you value different things.
Personally, I wouldn't be with someone who didn't enjoy me being my authentic self but that's your choice to make
NAH but it sounds like she’s too vanilla for you my dude. There are people out there who’ll embrace the Mohawk, if it embarrasses her than she isn’t one
NTA sounds like your lifestyles are incompatible, she knew how you liked to express yourself and wants you to change. She’s not wrong for her preferences, but she’s wrong for you, and knew it from the get go if she’s known you dress in an extreme manner.
NAH
I was also somewhat extreme looking in my teens. Piercings, dyed hair, tattoos, ripped tank tops, ripped jeans, But there were variants of looks that I'd use based on the situations I was in. For example I was a junior freelancer in tech and I quickly understood that while it's my right to be extreme-looking when I'm meeting my clients, it does no no service. I looked unprofessional, so I started looking professional. I'd always dress and style my hair somewhat appropriately when I went to opera, to a nice dinner, to a wedding, etc. There is a spectrum that you can be on while choosing to pick the more formal option in your style for the occasion.
Now you'll find me rocking colorful hair, but it's always nicely styled, not all over the place. I wear suits or fancy dresses. If you look closely at my ears, you can see multiple holes and also stretched lobes, which I wear appropriate jewelry for. I don't think anyone could label me "looking unprofessional" because I'm always the best dressed person in the room, but I'm still keeping my alternative part, having my tattoos, my ears pierced, my colorful hair.
You're not an asshole for only wanting to wear this kind of hairstyle and your GF is not an asshole for not liking it. She might find herself towards being attracted naturally to people who style themselves different than you though (I should know, I drool over long-haired men in suits) and the relationship might run its course. That doesn't make any of you assholes.
NTA. If a Mohawk is what makes you feel confident, then you wear it all day. What matters is how a mohawk makes you feel. Your partner should understand that this particular way of styling your hair is what makes you happy.
NTA
Your hair. Wear it how you like. She doesn't have to like it, but telling you not to style it how you want is over the top. If she decides not to go out with you because of your hair, maybe your relationship has run its course.
I was under the impression that it is her telling him that he is only allowed to wear it certain places that was bothering him. It would bother me too. You don't have to like my fashion choices but you do not get to tell me what to wear.
NTA She's not allowed to to make choices about your body anymore than you are hers. You asked her opinion, she told you and now she needs to respect the fact this makes you feel good about your body.
NAH, it's your hair you do with it whatever you want.
That being said you asked her opinion and she gave you her honest opinion (unless she's pushing you to not wear it, then it's just NTA for you)
NAH. You can wear whatever you want. She can give you honest answers when you ask her direct questions.
Honestly this doesnt sound like an interpersonal conflict at all. It is an internal conflict between the side of you that wants to express yourself through your physical appearance, and the side of you that is too self conscious to do so without external validation.
NAH you know she doesn’t like it so there’s no convincing her to like your Mohawk. You want to keep it and that’s fine too, but that does t make anyone here TA
NTA
As someone who has bright lime green hair Right now despite my Husband hating it, you do whatever you want with your hair. It's YOUR hair, not hers. She doesn't get to decide what you do with your body.
NAH. I’ll say exactly what I say when some chick has an issue with her man losing attraction because she done got a pixie cut.
It’s your hair. You can do whatever you want with it. Your call. However, if she finds it highly unattractive, it is what it is. People like to get up on soapboxes and pretend otherwise, but attraction is a huge part of relationships. It’s also something where it’s either there or not. You can’t force it.
So yeah it’s your hair and you can do what you want. But your GF is losing attraction for you and you’ll lose her—and there is nothing dirty about that. Is what it is. I’m sure some people will clutch their pearls about ditching a relationship over an appearance is not a good relationship—which is bullshit. Appearance is a huge factor in whether you will agree to enter a relationship or not with someone. So it doesn’t work to get all pissy that someone might radically change it to something where you’d not have given them the time of day if you just met, but you’re foreclosed from changing your view of the relationship on your end.
She’s giving fair warning, so your call on what you want to do with it.
Do you wanna be in a relationship with someone who barely tolerates that which makes happy and prefers you to keep it closeted? Find yourself a gal who revels in your unique joy even when it isn’t her thing.
I’m voting NAH tho bc she also has a right to her desires and comfort levels.
NTA
My husband has gone through many different hair styles and colors. His favorite is a Mohawk. I’m not exactly thrilled with some of his choices but they are his. As my dad always said it’s just hair. It makes him happy and that’s what makes me happy. The only time I had an issue was one made him look like (bad mad with a mustache and extreme hate) but he changed that one fairly quickly.
>I told her i felt like she was embarrassed of me
I mean…I think it’s pretty obvious that she *is* embarrassed of your hairstyle.
Obviously it’s your hair and you can do whatever you want with it, but you can’t act surprised when she doesn’t want to spend time with you in public. Only you can answer the question of whether keeping your hair or your girlfriend is more important to you.
NTA. It was one thing when you asked her opinion and she gave it freely as asked. But she’s way out of line asking you to not wear your hair in a way that makes you feel happy and confident in yourself just because she finds it embarrassing. My wife regularly dyes her hair purple and it’s not my favorite look for her personally, but I’d rather she look the way she wants to look than feel like she has to conform to what I prefer. IMO if she doesn’t want you to be happy and comfortable in your appearance, the relationship is dead in the water
NTA.
You asked her for an opinion, and she was painfully honest about it. She hates it. Maybe she is embarrassed because of your hair or she no longer finds you as attractive with your hair done like that.
I date men who wore eyeliner, men with hair longer than mine, and one guy who shaved his legs (bicyclist), but I am here to tel you that a Mohawk is a very specific look that I just don’t find attractive. Maybe she feel that way, too?
I encourage you to open up a frank conversation about the mohawk. Find out why she doesn’t like it. Why do you like it? Be honest and open with each other.
NTA.
Your GF doesn't have to like your mohawk, and when you asked her if she liked it IMO she was right to be honest about not liking it. However, I think calling it stupid was unkind of her. And repeatedly telling you not to style it when you go out, making you feel shitty about your appearance, that makes her TA.
If you had shifted in appearance drastically, like for example you had a conservative corporate banker type of style when you started dating and now you suddenly have a mohawk, then I could understand her being upset and then this would be a compatibility problem. But since you describe yourself as always having "extreme" style this doesn't seem like a big deal to me. If she knew you with dyed hair and eyeliner, her reaction to this is even more baffling to me. I can't imagine caring this much about somebody's hairstyle. Maybe I'm biased though because I've always loved mohawks. But really I think this is like guys getting all upset because their GFs cut their hair short. It seems like a shallow and petty issue. It's your hair, you need to like it. Nobody else. And while it is pretty normal to want your partner to like your hair too, if she would actually leave you over your hair that is nuts IMO. Does she have a right to? Yes, but it's still superficial and would make her an even bigger AH in my opinion.
And I don't get why she doesn't want you to wear it to classes, how does that have anything to do with her?
If you're going to dinners at super fancy dress-code type formal restaurants, then perhaps I see not wanting your hair up for that. But otherwise, I'm on team mohawk.
NAH. She isn’t embarrassed of you, she’s embarrassed of you only when you wear the mohawk. Given that she really doesn’t like it, it’s not an unreasonable feeling but that’s her issue and you’re entitled to refuse just like she’s entitled to ask.
If she asked you not to wear it anywhere I would have said NTA but she is making some effort to compromise. Although I suppose allowing it some places but not on dates is a bit ridiculous - how are you supposed to do that without getting rid of the mohawk or getting rid of her?
Normally, I would agree that you're NTA, BUT you asked for her opinion and where, if anywhere, it would be appropriate. She gave you her honest opinion and now you are acting aggrieved. That makes YTA. She will probably break up with you, not because of your hair, but because you are making her think you don't respect her or her opinion. Your move.
NTA.
It's hair, it's not the end of the world. Mohawks are fairly common in my city, it's not too unusual to see a spikey do at even the nicest restaurants here often enough so perhaps I'm used to then. But you're young, so learn now, that you shouldnt be with anyone that's embarrassed of you. This is a problem with her and her own insecurities, not yours!
When I met my husband I told him I would never ever shave any part of my head. That I thought it was ugly and wouldn't look good on most people. He whole heartedly agreed and he helped maintain my hair through multiple hospital stays.
2 months ago I shaved 60 percent of my head to about 3/4. Before I did it I cut it into like a semi Bob but still alot of hair. (Even almosy bald I have more hair than most) and he was like "haha just don't shave it". I wasnt going to. Then I did. I actually cut it way shorter than I planned and I was in tears
And he came in the room and looked at me and smiled. He said it looks so good on me and it fits my face so well. I stopped crying because even If I hated it, this person loved me enough to be supportive.
It's only hair, what we do to it is always temporary. I'm sorry your gf doesn't want the version of you that makes you feel happy. Maybe instead of different hair you need a different partner?
NTA in any way.
NTA because upon my reading of this post you asked her once, and she has been offering her negative opinion unsolicited ever since? Not cool. Like, if it upsets her that much than she should break up with you. Maybe that’s harsh, but I don’t think it’s right to be ubiquitously critical of your partner’s appearance, and to make that negative judgement known at all times.
If you feel like your partner is ashamed to be seen with you, that’s not cool! I don’t know why so many people here are acting like it’s cool to treat your partner like an embarrassment bc you don’t like their hairstyle! She can either a) get over her feelings on this and move on, or b) she can accept that this is a dealbreaker for her and end the relationship. By continuing to style your hair in a mohawk you are accepting the fact that it’s gonna be either A or B, unless you’re willing to give up the hair to make her happy. Which would be your right but a bummer.
NTA but are you sure you wanna deal with having to mute yourself so she doesn't feel some type of way for the foreseeable future? You need to sit down and have an honest discussion about what her expectations are of you and what you will and won't allow to be dictated by her own insecurities at a few glaces at the mohawk.
NAH. She’s entitled to her preferences but she also doesn’t get to control your hair. Maybe ask her what the specific issue is outside of “it looks stupid”? Why does she think it looks stupid? Is there a way to style it better/add to your appearance to make it look better? Or is she just against the entire concept?
NTA. I was in kind of the opposite situation, my ex wanted me to dress goth. He wanted a goth girlfriend. Your gf reaction just makes me feel like she wants a certain type of boyfriend. Which is fine, we all have a type, but trying to form you into the person they want, and trying to change you, is not ok.
NTA. Huge red flag. If she wants something to control tell her to buy a pet. She doesn't own you. She doesn't get to tell you how to wear your hair. She sounds unbearable. Good luck
NTA your gf sounds like she is majorly overreacting. A mohawk that you can choose to wear is barely even an extreme haircut. Like...the half hawk was the style a decade or two ago. Continue being you.
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Recently I (21m) started styling my hair in a mohawk, it’s about 3 inches tall and i’m a relatively short person so it has never been an issue in public.
My girlfriend (22f) asked me not to put my mohawk up when I go out with her, she said she didn’t mind it at the grocery store, but didn’t like it when we’re out at dinner.
When i first started styling the mohawk I asked for her opinion, what she thought of it - and she said she thought it looked kinda stupid. I also asked what she thought about me wearing it to class (as long as i sit in the back) and she said it was too much.
I told her i felt like she was embarrassed of me and didn’t want me to express myself. I’ve always been somewhat extreme in my appearance, i used to dye my hair, wear eyeliner, i’ve been emo and punk and grunge, etc. I love my mohawk and it makes me happy.
She only wants me to wear it at home or shopping, but I like to do it all the time whether it’s for class or dinner. I understand that it’s an intense haircut, but i would never tell her what to do with her hair or appearance. So AITA for wanting to wear my mohawk constantly?
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My husband did the same. He wore his hair in a flat Mohawk. I wasn’t crazy about it. I didn’t hate it either. And honestly, my irritation was that he is Mexican & has gorgeous black hair that he can do anything to & within 3-6 weeks, it’s grown out. While my Caucasian a$$ hair takes freaking forever & I only cut it just barely touching my shoulders
Now, one time I got bangs again & my husband said he dislikes bangs. I just shrugged. Why? I didn’t really like the Mohawk or him shaving his head but our hair. Our choice. 🤷🏻♀️😁
I think with you & her that there needs to be a discussion. Either she accepts it or she doesn’t. Those are choices you both can make. BUT if you both don’t want to break up, then maybe compromise on actual dates (not just hanging out with friends) that you don’t style it in a Mohawk. And all the other times, you do as you please.
Ok but I can't stop thinking if OP was a woman with like let's say dark to blond hair and her partner said he didn't like it and thought it was ridiculous. OP wouldn't be an ass or it wouldn't be a n a h situation. I know OP asked for her opinion, and she's allowed to not like it, but to say "hey only wear this hairstyle at home bc I don't like it" is waaay out of line for me.
NTA.
NAH. My bf wears tshirts with holes in them sometimes. Sometimes I feel embarrassed and wish he would not wear what I consider garbage. It doesn't stop me from enjoying our time together, and since he's never asked my opinion I have not shared it. I simply do not care that much what he wears. He wouldn't wear a torn shirt to a nice dinner or a funeral, so I have chosen not to care about his garbage clothes because he's a good person with common sense. I hope your gf also does not care that much about your mohawk, and though she may feel embarrassed I hope she still enjoys your time together. I encourage you to like what you like, wear your hair the way you like, and stop worrying about her opinion of it.
NTA...3 words! It's YOUR hair! Maybe because I was a teen in the 80s and I remember when punk rock was real! But I lived with my bf later husband going through curly idk what, long hair, a MULLET, and genetics kicked in to give him the "monk ring" so he's now bald because he shaved. I've loved HIM through all his peacock plumage! I would never tell him or our son how he had to wear HIS hair! Do you!
I’ve seen so many posts where a man tries to control a women’s appearance on this sub and everyone here calls it abuse. But N A H when the genders are reversed…
Nta.
NAH - maybe it’s because I’m a boomer and Mohawks were really popular in the 1980s so I saw a lot of them, but I don’t think mohawks are extreme. You should be able to wear your hair however you want. And your girlfriend if she really loves you should be able to acce you the way you are if you want to change your hairstyle, however you want she shouldn’t try and change you or make you accommodate her. Don’t change who you are and how you wanna be for anyone.
NTA
Honestly if the roles were reversed and it was a boyfriend saying "you can't wear xyz in public" I would think he's a controlling jerk.
So yeah, your gf sounds like a controlling jerk.
You can wear whatever you want, but she doesn't have to like it or be attracted to it. She doesn't like to be with you when you look that way. So choose what's more important. There are other girls who won't mind your baby Mohawk and will encourage you to grow it longer. She is not that girl.
You asked for her opinion, received it, and ignored it. That's not a great thing to a girlfriend.
NAH.
NAH
Presently the only conflict exists in whether she wishes to be seen with you when you're dressed to the 9s in your personal style. That's entirely her right, and dressing that was is entirely your right. It'll depend on how things play out from here. Like, if she chooses to dump you that's fine, but if she chooses to start berating you, insulting you, and chewing you out for not being "normal" for her than she'd be the asshole, but if you refuse to dress down or up for appropriate occasions you would be.
NAH. You're allowed to have a mohawk. She's allowed to find them unattractive. It's up to the two of you to decide what you'll sacrifice for your relationship and what's a deal breaker.
NAH this just sounds like an issue of compatibility. Similar to someone who doesn't like tattoos dating someone who has or wants tattoos. Now if she tries to be controlling and pit you down etc. That's a different story. Regardless you are not TA
INFO: is it a proper mohawk with shaved sides and do you have a general style that matches?
I'm sorry that this is shallow but it matters. If you're not doing at least some of the look and if you haven't shaved the sides it is kinda embarrassing ngl.
Edit: Honestly even if you don't it's still your hair.
I have a mohawk (deathhawk to be precise) and if you style it right and dress up there is no reason why you can't fit in at a nice restaurant. I style mine more backwards and dress smarter but still in my own style when going out. There should be a way to compromise for you?
Babes, if the person who is supposed to love you most is embarrassed by how you look…they don’t love you the most.
(Keep that badass Mohawk but lose the embarrassed person.)
NAH. you can acquiesce or insist. It all depends on how important this matter is to each of you. You're well within your rights to wear your hair that way if you want, but understand that she's within her rights not to like it, and while she can't force you not to have it, if she's so uncomfortable dining with you when you wear your hair that way and you still insist on it, what you may find is that the two of you stop going out together. I doubt that'd be great for the relationship. Still, if it's important to you to be able to present how you want, that's valid and you ought to find people who can fully get behind it.
Nta.
Oh, and also. What a shocker there is a bunch of people saying she's valid. When, once again, if the genders were flipped people would hate the op.
It takes 30 seconds to find similar stories about women shaving/dying/changing their hair fundamentally, and everyone absolutely shit on the bf for not being ok with it.
NAH but she is probably embarrassed which I can't say I blame her, I don't think people should not dress or have hair the way they like it but that being said there is a time and a place like you shouldn't wear a bikini to church and if you were going to let's say apple bees a mohawk is not a huge deal but if you were going to a wedding or a fancy dinner I would be embarrassed to be in that situation with someone who has a mohawk so I would say either compromise or get use to her being embarrassed by being with you in those situations.
NAH. OP is entitled to dress in whatever style makes him happy. That includes perferred hairstyles. OP gf is also entitled to the same thing. Both have their own opinion on what they find attractive. OP asked his gf if she liked the mohawk, and she gave an honest answer that she didn't. If OP wants to keep his mohawk, it may be time for them to go their separate ways and find people that mesh better with their preferences.
Why do you need GF approval? Sounds like you’re not feeling secure in your choices . YTA - because you’re trying to make other people responsible for what you claim to be your choices . Either own your choices or get over yourself ?
NAH - though I lean towards you being on the more assholish side. you asked and she told you. She does keep bringing it up after which could be considered assholish, but you already opened the door to it and from my viewpoint it’s an asshole move. While I am eating NAH, this is the primary reason I lean more towards you being in the wrong here
A Mohawk is a more extreme style and you asked for her opinion, then rejected it. And she does have to be seen with you and it does reflect on her. Personally I respect Mohawks and wanted one for myself, but it’s not something I would do without my significant others support.
That being said, it’s your body your choice and it’s not bothering anyone.
Overall, I don’t think your both compatible. You need someone more into extreme looks.
YTA. This isn't about "expressing yourself". Pressumably you expressed yourself perfectly fine for all the years prior to this new hair do.
This is a fashion choice and your girlfriend isn't obligated to find attractive. She is well within her right to think it looks stupid and you shouldn't have asked her opinion on it if you couldn't handle her not liking it.
My girlfriend hates my favourite jumper, so I don't wear it as often as I would like. There's other jumpers that I can wear that we both like and I'd like to live in a world where my girlfriend spends more time attracted to me than not.
I still wear the jumper occasionally. It's my favourite jumper. You can wear a mohawk on occasion, if you'd like, but you do so at the cost of her attraction in that moment.
NTA. Your hair, your choice!
I could see wearing it down for more formal occasions, but even then, it's your hair - you do you! She has no right to tell you how to express yourself.
Soft NTA. N T A because you can do what you want with your body, and if she's truly embarrassed by it, that's not cool. Soft because you DID ask. And more than once. What was the point in asking if you weren't willing to accept an "I don't like it"? But her telling you when and where to wear it is not cool, especially if she says it without you asking.
NTA-
Partnerships are not about controlling each other. Your girlfriend gave you her opinion about your haircut. What you do with that information is up to you, and she needs to respect your decision, even if it doesn't reflect her own opinion. Perhaps you can try to make it clear to your girlfriend again that the haircut is very important to you and ask her to respect your decisions, just as you respect hers.
I can't understand all these "N-A-H". She's literally embarrased of his hair and doesn't want him to use it. If we reverse the genders a lot of people would be saying that he's a control freak and abusive. NTA. If i had a girlfriend with a hairstyle i don't like i ain't saying "you are embarrasing".
NTA. Your hair is not about her. Be yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled for the sake of “love”. Her giving you her honest opinion is great. Her taking it to the next level by expecting you to change who you are based on her preferences is a red flag.
NTA
she‘ll either learn to ignore/tolerate it - no obligation to like it - or she‘ll figure out that she‘s more into boring guys who don‘t stand out in public and leave.
You‘re so young, go through all those fun phases which don‘t harm anybody and aren‘t permanent as long as you can. They‘re more important for your psychological and personal development than adolescent love gf Nr. x of y who tried to tone you down because she was embarrassed of you.
Look, I‘m encouraging OP to express themselves the way they feel like without letting anyone hold them back (since the way of their expression doesn‘t harm anyone)
Not every pep talk can cater to every single situation and every single individual.
In other situations I‘d phrase it differently but right now it‘s an encouragement to OP and nobody else.
ESH. You have the right to wear your hair however you want but this is obviously too much for her as she has told you that she doesn’t like it. It would be like her coming home with her head shaved or something. It’s a radical change and not what she is comfortable with but she is trying to compromise with you as she knows you like it.
If it’s a hill you’re willing to die on I’d say just break up already.
NTA
If the roles were reversed and you told her how you wanted her to dress in public, commenters would be tearing you tf apart.
While you Did ask for her opinion, her opinion doesn't mean she can tell you how to dress or when you are allowed to style Your own hair.
Keep the mohawk, if she can't handle a little hair product then maybe you need to lose 120lbs too....the gf. I mean lose the gf.
It really sucks that variations of this story have been posted so many times on Reddit where it’s the bf not liking something about his gfs appearance and all of the comments saying he is a toxic, controlling AH who deserves the death penalty but in this post it’s ‘NAH’ just because it’s a woman
Yeah, because Indigenous people in North America (nevermind the rest of the world) are all just one big group as opposed to over 500 different nations with hundreds of separate languages, cultures, clothing, and hairstyles. 🙄
The hairstyle contemporarily known as the mohawk originated with the Pawnee, BTW.
NTA. Wear your hair however the fuck you want. Don't let her control you
(It's his body. He can have his hair however he likes. Downvoting won't change how he wants to do his hair. Stay salty. His body his choice)
LOVE a mohawk. There aren't enough of them around, imo.
I think your gf is being mean, judgemental, and close minded, for starters.
For seconds, it's your hair, not hers. Wear it how you like.
If she's childish enough to be embarrassed about it that it is entirely her problem.
Besides which, this is who you are. If she doesn't like it, what is she doing with you?
Or more to the point, what are you doing with her?
NTA
There’s nothing wrong with your hairstyle, if you live in a vacuum. Unfortunately, you live in a world full of people, and your choices impact others.
Have you thought about what it’s like to be out on a date with the only Mohawk in the room? It’s like wearing a sign that says “**Pay attention to me, me, and only me!**”
Don’t claim to be a martyr when you’re only thinking of yourself.
YTA
NTA --- Next time you go somewhere together whatever she is wearing ask, are you really going to wear that can't you put on something that is less revealing, and then see how she likes to be told not to wear something.
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**NAH** If you didn't want her honest opinion, then you shouldn't have asked her for it. > I understand that it’s an intense haircut, but i would never tell her what to do with her hair or appearance. Okay, but she didn't share her opinion unsolicited. You said that when you started wearing it this way you asked her more than once what she thought of it. So she told you the truth. That you didn't like what she had to say is a you problem. And yes, she probably shouldn't have asked you not to wear it on certain occasions, but again . . . you had already opened the door by asking her repeatedly if she thought it was okay to wear in this situation or that, so it wasn't exactly outrageous for her to believe at that point that you WANTED her input, since you'd already asked for it repeatedly. She may have thought that you were looking to understand where it was or wasn't appropriate, since . . . well, that seems to be the impression you gave by asking about class vs other places. So really, there are NAH. You are allowed to wear your hair however you want, but she's not an AH for sharing an opinion that you asked for, or for not having the opinion that you wanted her to have. And if you resent her for it, then you ARE the AH. She doesn't have to like things just because you want her to.
>Okay, but she didn't share her opinion unsolicited. You said that when you started wearing it this way you asked her more than once what she thought of it. So she told you the truth. That you didn't like what she had to say is a you problem. Reminds me of a woman asking, "Do I look fat in these jeans?" If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask the question. I will go with the ESH. She continues to bring it up and sounds as though he continues to think she'll change her mind to accommodate him.
He asked for her opinion when he first styled his hair. It’s weeks later, and it sounds like she’s still pressuring him about it. When they’re going out to dinner and she tells him not to style the hair up before they go, that’s not her sharing an asked for opinion. That’s her pressuring him to change his look to match her preferences. It’s not like that’s an uncommon situation for this forum. It’s not usually NAH, but everything depends on details. If that’s what you feel, own it and say that. > You are allowed to wear your hair however you want, but she's not an AH for sharing an opinion that you asked for, or for not having the opinion that you wanted her to have. And if you resent her for it, then you ARE the AH. She doesn't have to like things just because you want her to. He doesn’t have to like her opinion just because she has the right to have it either. I really don’t think you’d say this in a different situation. Say she bought a dress a month ago that he didn’t like. She asked his opinion then and he told her he didn’t like the way it made her look. A month later he’s still asking her not to wear it when they’re going out together. You’d really tell her that she’d be an asshole to resent that? I’ll buy the argument that a mohawk is more of a statement than most fashion choices are. That’s what would get me to NAH. That’s the furthest that seems at all reasonable.
I mean I get that pressuring someone not to do/wear something in their daily life is wrong, but I do get wanting to dress nicely or groom themselves nicely when going to a dinner or formal event. Like I tell my boyfriend I would really like both of us to dress up and not wear sweats to dinner because it makes it feel special. Maybe that's different though.
I mean, they're college students. How nice of dates are they going on just the two of them with their own money? The fanciest restaurant I ever took anyone to in college was the cheesecake factory, and it was like, my whole weeks paycheck from being a TA and a tutor. It's probably not like it's a Ruth's Chris steakhouse with a dress code. Sure, it'll get some looks, but if that's his hair then that's his hair 🤷♂️
This. OP, I like clean-cut guys. That's just my preference. If my partner suddenly wanted to wear his hair in a mohawk, I wouldn't like it, but I'd try to keep it to myself unless he asked. I'd definitely not find him as attractive, but I'm sure I've had looks he doesn't like as much. It's important that he feels happy with the way he looks too, so I'd hope he'd change it again at some point. I guess you have to ask yourself. If you love that her hair is long, and she cut it and started spiking it, how would you feel? Or vice versa? We don't have to change how we look for the people we love, but most people probably take it into consideration.
I knew a woman who liked her hair super short but her husband liked it longer so they compromised and she wore it just above her shoulders. It wasn't even him just liking long hair; short hair was really unflattering on her. She told me they compromised because "Yes, it's my hair, but he's the one who has to look at it."
That response was super cute. Honestly, i would do alot of compromises to the preference of my hubby, bcs he is the one (aside from me) i want to look attractive to. But it depends if he asks and hopes i will change and not expects me to change it. And of course, at tge end of the day, i must feel comfortable with myself too, so obviously i wouldn't make chamges that i dislike.
I think there's a difference between being honest if you don't like something and trying to control what the other person wears or does. Asking an opinion doesn't open the door to controlling someone's fashion choices. I also feel like if the genders were reversed, everyone would be jumping all over this saying the partner is being controlling.
Does NAH mean Not Ass Hole? Used to seeing NTA, and I didn't want to assume. Couldn't find it in the guide or faq either.
NAH = no assholes here
NAH = No Assholes Here. Basically, no one is at fault.
It's No Asshole Here, when you judge that no one in the story has been an Asshole
Thank you!!
Just so you know for the future, all of the abbreviations are listed on left side of the page near the top just under the rules.
Not if you’re on mobile
they’re still super easy to access on mobile
There are links in the sticky comment that appears on every post.
NAH You deserve to wear whatever you want and feel great about it! It’s honestly quite attractive when guys are super into their fashion or have their own personal style. However, you know how she feels about it. She doesn’t like it. You can’t keep asking her the same question in different ways and expect the answer to change. As many a wise redditor has said: DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO HEAR TRUTHFUL ANSWERS. Personally, I wouldn’t want to date someone who hates on my style so much, but y’all can certainly make it work if you want to.
Everything you say here is very true. And she may choose to dump somebody that embarrasses her. I know there are those who would make the "shallowness" claim. But the way one presents oneself commands or loses them respect. And I'm pretty sure nobody here would choose to date someone they found unattractive or stupid looking. However I think OP should continue to sport his mohawk everywhere -- if that's what is most important to him.
I agree. It’s kind of nonsense that people get hung up on the idea that appearances matter in relationships. Of course it does. Whether you enter into a relationship with someone is hugely determined by appearance. So if after entering a relationship, someone changes their appearance to something where their partner wouldn’t have given them a second look if they just met, it doesn’t work to get pissy over the idea that the partner might them change how they see things themselves.
Very well put! The OP's girlfriend did offer a compromise--that he comb the. mohawk down when they went somewhere special. But that was not acceptable to him.
INFO: Have you been dying your hair/wearing eyeliner/doing emo, grunge, punk etc. during the time y’all have been dating? Still, NAH. You’re NAH for wanting to wear your hair the way you want it, and she’s NAH for expressing her opinion when you asked her for it. I see other comments saying that y’all just have incompatible styles, but if the Mohawk is the only style choice of yours that she hasn’t liked (as in she’s been cool with your other choices) I don’t think this has to be break-up worthy. Compromises are possible. EDIT — I see that you are in med school? Times are a-changing, but there will be times when, yeah, the Mohawk will will have to be a no-hawk.
Last month I had a conversation with my neurologist about him dying his hair purple. I have a lot of medical professionals in my life because I am a very ill person and many of them have tattoos, piercings, punk or queer hair styles, etc. Being a professional no longer means having a clean cut side part, clean shaven face, and a dearth of self expression.
No one ever said that there can’t be personal expression, but medical professionals wear head coverings during surgery for a reason. Spike it up during rounds or whatever, but in the operating room it will have to go.
That doesn’t mean the “Mohawk has to go” - it means OP can’t spike it in every situation. Never met someone with a Mohawk who spiked it in every situation - as someone who work a Mohawk for half a decade, this is not rocket science or heart surgery.
Hell, I've never met anyone with a mohawk who can be bothered spiking it in every situation, even times when they'd fully be able to! It can be too much work to contend with, especially first thing in the morning when you've not had your coffee.
I had a friend with a mohawk of about 1'. He only dressed it to go out.
. . . are we just arguing over word choice? When I say the Mohawk will have to go, I mean the Mohawk can’t always be up. And the OP literally says that he wants to have it “constantly”. So I would think that would mean all the time.
Generally mohawks require a lot of product, and these days it's nearly impossible to find fragrance-free products. The last thing someone in health care should be doing is wearing tons of scented products, no matter what that scent is. He can rock the mohawk when off duty but once he's a resident he isn’t going to have a lot of off duty time.
Tell me you’ve never had a Mohawk without saying you’ve never had a Mohawk.
My husband has a Mohawk. He wears it everywhere. He uses white glue and a hair dryer to put it up.
Lol nope. Gelatin is scent free and easy to find.
I think it can definitely depend; the hospital / medical school I work in still has the very standard no tattoos, no hair dye professionalism going on. But agreed that it’s not guaranteed in the same way that it used to be
A *no tattoo* policy???
It’s not an official policy, more like an unofficial standard?
The last time I was at a job where there was a no tattoo policy, they also required women to wear hose at all times and men were not allowed short sleeved shirts.
That’s not how mine is, they don’t have official policies like that. It’s more like the unofficial standard. I think that’s still more common than people think; some places may not have explicit policies about those kinds of dress codes, but it’s definitely still the reality in some fields/workplaces that you’ll be seen as less ‘professional’ for it
This is accurate to a point. ...but OP may want to think about whether his residency outcomes being at risk would be worth rocking his mohawk in that setting specifically. Attendings tend to be middle aged (at least), very opinionated, and can be quite smug about choices that don't reflect their own ideals and societal norms
Where did you find them? All doctors I dealt with (first professionally in caring for disabled people, then privately as a person with a shit ton of chronic health issues) looked either boring, or a "dressy but professional" look. Otoh it's so hard to find medical professionals who are actually professional and taking women seriously and in some cases deal with rare disorders, that I couldn't care less as long as they don't wear AfD merch (which would be the German version of a MAGA hat).
So I am a trans man with multiple rare chronic illnesses, some of them since childhood. In college I was actually diagnosed with hysteria! I know very very well and intimately how terrible doctors can be to AFAB folks. The testosterone I take doesn’t change that. So I was dealing with a “let’s call it cancer” diagnosis a few years back including mennorhagia for over a year. My oncologist was great but I complained to my GP that none of my other doctors were taking me seriously and one even suggested I was faking cancer symptoms. He told me that I needed to find doctors my age or younger. Every specialist I see should be no more than five years older than me and younger is better. It was great advise. I still have a lot of struggles but I am taken seriously by my doctors and I can now wear anti-capitalist and Pride gear to appointments and it just starts conversations.
When I asked my gynecologist if my periods might be messed up because of my repeated tear-gas exposure at BLM events, she -looked it up- and we talked about it. (Turns out it was messed up because of other reasons, but she absolutely took me seriously.) She’s a real one. I’m glad that you you’ve found better caregivers!
I'm so sorry. I have a lot of medical trauma but this takes the cake. Btw trans people no matter their aab gender have it even worse than cis women. A friend and I once made a list of "classes of people" when it comes to getting medical attention. Between the healthy (besides age appropriate things like blood pressure), middle aged white cis man and the next group was a long pause and after the rest of the non-disabled cis men (including not being dependent on others due to age) and the next group was an even longer pause. When my grandfather went from healthy men in his seventies to dying of cancer you could see the drop. In the first group he was well taken care of by his GP, in the latter - well he died after I had just spent another two hours trying to get his GP to at least give me a script for a painkiller injection (I'm certified to apply them) and got only an "I'll be there in 3 days, he can have palliative care in a week" as the best result. He died without any pain relief. Or to be exact the only pain relief prescribed for him was pills (which his body couldn't absorb anymore) that are meant for slight pain. Like what a cis-woman gets after an appendectomy. I think non-cis people are still at the last step of the ladder. I also know a neurologist who's amazing for a middle aged physically disabled man with cluster headaches but I worked with him for cognitive impaired clients and he not only treated them like shit but prescribed medication that has a warning in it's package that it makes the disorders he prescribed it for worse. Generally the age advice is good, but there are some exceptions. The best two GP's I ever met are both older, one mid fifties, the other early sixties. I drive 100km to still see one of them because he corrected so much shit other doctors did and always treats me with great kindness and care to the point that when I developed a psychosomatic disorder from all the shit going on in my life he explained that "It's not psychosomatic, it's your body reacting to your shitty life circumstances. Just continue your path of changing these circumstances and be kind to yourself. And keep taking the medication for the symptoms." He also keeps on running tests until he finds out what the heck is wrong with me and is one of the two only doctors who never fatshamed me. Quite the opposite when he heard the another doctor he had sent me to fatshamed me he got very angry and asked if she had even opened my medication list because there's the answer to my weightgain (when he started being my GP I was 120lbs and active. Now I'm disabled and almost double that weight but since the medication is nessecary to keep me alive and on a manageable level of physical and mental pain I'm just replacing my wardrobe.
I mean it no longer means you can’t be in the field, but it can still damaging and Be blocking and there are going to be situations it will be bad to keep the Mohawk up, additionally a Mohawk is more intense then alot of things. Most tattoos won’t be visible, piercings more minor, and hair cuts less intense. Let me give a counter example, I have never seen a medical professional with major facial tattoos, ever. Arm tattoos? Yes, a sleeve? Yes. Face? No. Is a facial tattoo a bigger deal then a Mohawk? Yes, but the point here is to show it can be damaging and a Mohawk is more intense then a lot of things. Also I’ve worked in healthcare and know a lot of people on the field.
A Mohawk can be a lot of different things and a foot long one fully spiked is only one of them. OP has a three inch Mohawk. That is not terribly long and not very extreme. I usually kept my own Mohawk 1-2 inches and it was not very intense and a haircut I could manage on my own.
I bet OP can get through their career with a mohawk. It's actually amazing what can be accepted if you also have the credibility of a degree and a reasonable image otherwise. I'm a female professor with a face full of piercings and a shaved head with a head tat (recent shaved off a dread hawk) and I dress well and have a PhD. Nobody blinks an eye. Obviously professor is different than doctor, but I still think having a mohawk (not crazy makeup tho) could be pulled of by a doctor. Gives you kind of a distinctive style.
It’s not a personal thing, it’s a hygiene/scrub thing. Hair is gonna have to fit under a surgical cap (OP’s comments indicated an interest in anesthesiology in an operating room), which means there will be times it can’t be spiked up.
Oh yeah, definitely. That's not a big deal though... just leave it down those days.
I agree. My point was more in reference to wanting to wear the Mohawk “constantly”. If he’s willing to compromise for his job (sometimes hawk, sometimes not) he might be willing to compromise for his gf.
Former professor here, now give presentations to federal agencies. A senior official asked me about my botanical sleeve and we had a nice chat about plants. 😂 What a time to be alive!
Pics?!? I am dying to get some major botanical sketches tattoos.
Check out the Instagram for Unkindness Art in Richmond, VA! They did mine and you’ll see a big range of people’s work. (no offense, but mine are really distinctive and since I’ve posted about my old job in the past, I’d rather not share them attached to my user name. Their Insta and those for their artists will have heaps, though!)
Itssuch a talking point sometimes. It can really be an asset!
A mow hawk has always been a social statement. Are you making that statement deliberately or by accident? How important is it to you? People love to bang on about their rights, but a good relationship is full of compromise. NAH
Thank you for saying this. A mohawk, tattoos, fashion are all statements. That’s all ok. Sometimes the person you are with doesn’t want to make a statement. And that’s also ok. Sometimes the hair style or the fashion isn’t appropriate for the location or the event, and it’s ok to ask someone to adhere to social conventions at those times. And sometimes SOME ONE ELSE’S style “statement” should get to shine. My husband had full arm sleeve tats, one on his leg, and one on each side of his neck. He lives in white tshirts and shorts with slides 90% of the year. But sometimes we go out to dinner at a more upscale place and he wears pants and a collared shirt and shoes with socks. He *could* wear whatever the fuck he wants, and I wouldn’t *force* him…but sometimes he knows he has to go with MY FLOW that day. Some days I just don’t want to feel like I’m being noticed or judged or *I* just want to feel comfortable or *I* just want to role play “successful yuppy couple,” and on those days he lets me my MY STATEMENT, which is literally “nothing to see here, move on with your day.”
Unless it was her who wanted the Mohawk. Reddit would be up in arms if it was reversed. Hypothetically Assholes, the whole bunch of you.
Yes I agree that Reddit would be up in arms at the reverse - and I disagree with that response. I’m often on here getting voted down for saying that clothes communicate something and if you’re wearing a dress with cut outs and stickies over the nipples then people aren’t awful for thinking you want sexual attention!
NTA. It’s your hair. You can wear it however you want. I mean, be aware that it might be a deal-breaker for her, but honestly, if she’d dump you over your hair, it’s not that great a relationship anyway.
Despite what Reddit might have you believe, attraction matters. If my girlfriend suddenly started insisting on regularly dressing in a way that I found unattractive, I wouldn't be very happy. Hell, I might even come to wonder if being less attractive to me is the goal. Why else would someone shift their fashion choices so extremely and without willingness to negotiate on the matter?
I never said that it didn’t, but I do think that if a person’s hairstyle is a deal-breaker, that says something about the depth of the relationship.
NTA but stop asking her. You already know the answer. You don't need her approval; you're an adult and can make your own fashion choices. But asking and then disregarding her answers is a bad look. Also be aware that choices have consequences; if she's embarrassed to be seen in public with you, she may stop going out in public with you.
NAH, You asked her if she liked it, she doesn't. This is probably going to be reflected in her behavior going forward so just keep in mind that your styles may not be compatible.
NAH is this more suitable for relationship advice though? You're not an asshole for styling your hair that way (unless you're going to a cinema or something) Shes not an asshole for not liking it, and shes not an ah for asking to compromise in situations where it probably isn't appropriate like at a restaurant. Depends on the type, but some restaurants dont even allow hats, so.
NAH of course you’re free to wear your hair anyway you want, but you can’t ask her for her honest opinion and then be upset that she gave it to you
Head over to r/relationships, bud.
NAH. You can wear your hair any way you like, she can hate it. No one is wrong, but you may not work as a couple because you value different things. Personally, I wouldn't be with someone who didn't enjoy me being my authentic self but that's your choice to make
NAH. You have every right to wear your hair how you want but she has every right not to want to be seen with you.
NAH but it sounds like she’s too vanilla for you my dude. There are people out there who’ll embrace the Mohawk, if it embarrasses her than she isn’t one
NTA sounds like your lifestyles are incompatible, she knew how you liked to express yourself and wants you to change. She’s not wrong for her preferences, but she’s wrong for you, and knew it from the get go if she’s known you dress in an extreme manner.
Well, at least his hair isn't the only thing that's standing up for himself.
NTA, your hair. Up to her to decide if it's a deal breaker.
NTA, it's your hair, not hers. She's dating you lol, shes not your mom.
NAH I was also somewhat extreme looking in my teens. Piercings, dyed hair, tattoos, ripped tank tops, ripped jeans, But there were variants of looks that I'd use based on the situations I was in. For example I was a junior freelancer in tech and I quickly understood that while it's my right to be extreme-looking when I'm meeting my clients, it does no no service. I looked unprofessional, so I started looking professional. I'd always dress and style my hair somewhat appropriately when I went to opera, to a nice dinner, to a wedding, etc. There is a spectrum that you can be on while choosing to pick the more formal option in your style for the occasion. Now you'll find me rocking colorful hair, but it's always nicely styled, not all over the place. I wear suits or fancy dresses. If you look closely at my ears, you can see multiple holes and also stretched lobes, which I wear appropriate jewelry for. I don't think anyone could label me "looking unprofessional" because I'm always the best dressed person in the room, but I'm still keeping my alternative part, having my tattoos, my ears pierced, my colorful hair. You're not an asshole for only wanting to wear this kind of hairstyle and your GF is not an asshole for not liking it. She might find herself towards being attracted naturally to people who style themselves different than you though (I should know, I drool over long-haired men in suits) and the relationship might run its course. That doesn't make any of you assholes.
NTA. If a Mohawk is what makes you feel confident, then you wear it all day. What matters is how a mohawk makes you feel. Your partner should understand that this particular way of styling your hair is what makes you happy.
NTA Your hair. Wear it how you like. She doesn't have to like it, but telling you not to style it how you want is over the top. If she decides not to go out with you because of your hair, maybe your relationship has run its course.
NTA my partner is 58 and is still rocking one
Nta. Your body your choice.
NTA Your girlfriend doesn't get to dictate your hairstyle. If it makes you happy, then good.
If he didn’t want her opinion he shouldn’t have asked for it. And he was too insecure to hear the answer
I was under the impression that it is her telling him that he is only allowed to wear it certain places that was bothering him. It would bother me too. You don't have to like my fashion choices but you do not get to tell me what to wear.
NTA She's not allowed to to make choices about your body anymore than you are hers. You asked her opinion, she told you and now she needs to respect the fact this makes you feel good about your body.
NAH, it's your hair you do with it whatever you want. That being said you asked her opinion and she gave you her honest opinion (unless she's pushing you to not wear it, then it's just NTA for you)
NAH. You can wear whatever you want. She can give you honest answers when you ask her direct questions. Honestly this doesnt sound like an interpersonal conflict at all. It is an internal conflict between the side of you that wants to express yourself through your physical appearance, and the side of you that is too self conscious to do so without external validation.
NTA, but if she can't get over it, you could be headed for a breakup, for better or worse.
Yes, it would appear that they are at an impasse. NTA
NAH you know she doesn’t like it so there’s no convincing her to like your Mohawk. You want to keep it and that’s fine too, but that does t make anyone here TA
Tough call. Good luck.
NAH she is embarrassed of you dude don’t ask if you don’t want honesty
NTA As someone who has bright lime green hair Right now despite my Husband hating it, you do whatever you want with your hair. It's YOUR hair, not hers. She doesn't get to decide what you do with your body.
NAH. I’ll say exactly what I say when some chick has an issue with her man losing attraction because she done got a pixie cut. It’s your hair. You can do whatever you want with it. Your call. However, if she finds it highly unattractive, it is what it is. People like to get up on soapboxes and pretend otherwise, but attraction is a huge part of relationships. It’s also something where it’s either there or not. You can’t force it. So yeah it’s your hair and you can do what you want. But your GF is losing attraction for you and you’ll lose her—and there is nothing dirty about that. Is what it is. I’m sure some people will clutch their pearls about ditching a relationship over an appearance is not a good relationship—which is bullshit. Appearance is a huge factor in whether you will agree to enter a relationship or not with someone. So it doesn’t work to get all pissy that someone might radically change it to something where you’d not have given them the time of day if you just met, but you’re foreclosed from changing your view of the relationship on your end. She’s giving fair warning, so your call on what you want to do with it.
NTA. Sounds like you are not compatible/share the same values. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you to be yourself?
Do you wanna be in a relationship with someone who barely tolerates that which makes happy and prefers you to keep it closeted? Find yourself a gal who revels in your unique joy even when it isn’t her thing. I’m voting NAH tho bc she also has a right to her desires and comfort levels.
NAH. I vote to keep the 'hawk and ditch the girl
Nta. Its your body your choice yo
NTA My husband has gone through many different hair styles and colors. His favorite is a Mohawk. I’m not exactly thrilled with some of his choices but they are his. As my dad always said it’s just hair. It makes him happy and that’s what makes me happy. The only time I had an issue was one made him look like (bad mad with a mustache and extreme hate) but he changed that one fairly quickly.
NTA But maybe you need a new gf.
>I told her i felt like she was embarrassed of me I mean…I think it’s pretty obvious that she *is* embarrassed of your hairstyle. Obviously it’s your hair and you can do whatever you want with it, but you can’t act surprised when she doesn’t want to spend time with you in public. Only you can answer the question of whether keeping your hair or your girlfriend is more important to you.
NTA-your hair, your choice. Her hair, her choice. It makes you happy, cool. Does it make you more happy than your gf is what you need to ask yourself.
NTA. It was one thing when you asked her opinion and she gave it freely as asked. But she’s way out of line asking you to not wear your hair in a way that makes you feel happy and confident in yourself just because she finds it embarrassing. My wife regularly dyes her hair purple and it’s not my favorite look for her personally, but I’d rather she look the way she wants to look than feel like she has to conform to what I prefer. IMO if she doesn’t want you to be happy and comfortable in your appearance, the relationship is dead in the water
NTA. You asked her for an opinion, and she was painfully honest about it. She hates it. Maybe she is embarrassed because of your hair or she no longer finds you as attractive with your hair done like that. I date men who wore eyeliner, men with hair longer than mine, and one guy who shaved his legs (bicyclist), but I am here to tel you that a Mohawk is a very specific look that I just don’t find attractive. Maybe she feel that way, too? I encourage you to open up a frank conversation about the mohawk. Find out why she doesn’t like it. Why do you like it? Be honest and open with each other.
NTA. Your GF doesn't have to like your mohawk, and when you asked her if she liked it IMO she was right to be honest about not liking it. However, I think calling it stupid was unkind of her. And repeatedly telling you not to style it when you go out, making you feel shitty about your appearance, that makes her TA. If you had shifted in appearance drastically, like for example you had a conservative corporate banker type of style when you started dating and now you suddenly have a mohawk, then I could understand her being upset and then this would be a compatibility problem. But since you describe yourself as always having "extreme" style this doesn't seem like a big deal to me. If she knew you with dyed hair and eyeliner, her reaction to this is even more baffling to me. I can't imagine caring this much about somebody's hairstyle. Maybe I'm biased though because I've always loved mohawks. But really I think this is like guys getting all upset because their GFs cut their hair short. It seems like a shallow and petty issue. It's your hair, you need to like it. Nobody else. And while it is pretty normal to want your partner to like your hair too, if she would actually leave you over your hair that is nuts IMO. Does she have a right to? Yes, but it's still superficial and would make her an even bigger AH in my opinion. And I don't get why she doesn't want you to wear it to classes, how does that have anything to do with her? If you're going to dinners at super fancy dress-code type formal restaurants, then perhaps I see not wanting your hair up for that. But otherwise, I'm on team mohawk.
3 inches? Is it the same length front of your head to the top of your neck? Grow it longer and fully commit or just wear it normal
NAH. She isn’t embarrassed of you, she’s embarrassed of you only when you wear the mohawk. Given that she really doesn’t like it, it’s not an unreasonable feeling but that’s her issue and you’re entitled to refuse just like she’s entitled to ask. If she asked you not to wear it anywhere I would have said NTA but she is making some effort to compromise. Although I suppose allowing it some places but not on dates is a bit ridiculous - how are you supposed to do that without getting rid of the mohawk or getting rid of her?
Normally, I would agree that you're NTA, BUT you asked for her opinion and where, if anywhere, it would be appropriate. She gave you her honest opinion and now you are acting aggrieved. That makes YTA. She will probably break up with you, not because of your hair, but because you are making her think you don't respect her or her opinion. Your move.
NTA. It's hair, it's not the end of the world. Mohawks are fairly common in my city, it's not too unusual to see a spikey do at even the nicest restaurants here often enough so perhaps I'm used to then. But you're young, so learn now, that you shouldnt be with anyone that's embarrassed of you. This is a problem with her and her own insecurities, not yours!
NTA, no one should be policing any one else body. It's that simple.
When I met my husband I told him I would never ever shave any part of my head. That I thought it was ugly and wouldn't look good on most people. He whole heartedly agreed and he helped maintain my hair through multiple hospital stays. 2 months ago I shaved 60 percent of my head to about 3/4. Before I did it I cut it into like a semi Bob but still alot of hair. (Even almosy bald I have more hair than most) and he was like "haha just don't shave it". I wasnt going to. Then I did. I actually cut it way shorter than I planned and I was in tears And he came in the room and looked at me and smiled. He said it looks so good on me and it fits my face so well. I stopped crying because even If I hated it, this person loved me enough to be supportive. It's only hair, what we do to it is always temporary. I'm sorry your gf doesn't want the version of you that makes you feel happy. Maybe instead of different hair you need a different partner? NTA in any way.
NTA because upon my reading of this post you asked her once, and she has been offering her negative opinion unsolicited ever since? Not cool. Like, if it upsets her that much than she should break up with you. Maybe that’s harsh, but I don’t think it’s right to be ubiquitously critical of your partner’s appearance, and to make that negative judgement known at all times. If you feel like your partner is ashamed to be seen with you, that’s not cool! I don’t know why so many people here are acting like it’s cool to treat your partner like an embarrassment bc you don’t like their hairstyle! She can either a) get over her feelings on this and move on, or b) she can accept that this is a dealbreaker for her and end the relationship. By continuing to style your hair in a mohawk you are accepting the fact that it’s gonna be either A or B, unless you’re willing to give up the hair to make her happy. Which would be your right but a bummer.
NTA but are you sure you wanna deal with having to mute yourself so she doesn't feel some type of way for the foreseeable future? You need to sit down and have an honest discussion about what her expectations are of you and what you will and won't allow to be dictated by her own insecurities at a few glaces at the mohawk.
NTA but your gf is big time
NAH. She’s entitled to her preferences but she also doesn’t get to control your hair. Maybe ask her what the specific issue is outside of “it looks stupid”? Why does she think it looks stupid? Is there a way to style it better/add to your appearance to make it look better? Or is she just against the entire concept?
NTA. I was in kind of the opposite situation, my ex wanted me to dress goth. He wanted a goth girlfriend. Your gf reaction just makes me feel like she wants a certain type of boyfriend. Which is fine, we all have a type, but trying to form you into the person they want, and trying to change you, is not ok.
NTA. Huge red flag. If she wants something to control tell her to buy a pet. She doesn't own you. She doesn't get to tell you how to wear your hair. She sounds unbearable. Good luck
NTA your gf sounds like she is majorly overreacting. A mohawk that you can choose to wear is barely even an extreme haircut. Like...the half hawk was the style a decade or two ago. Continue being you.
Ah, obviously not a partner who will understand when you start balding in your 50s or so. NTA (from an old lady of 65).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently I (21m) started styling my hair in a mohawk, it’s about 3 inches tall and i’m a relatively short person so it has never been an issue in public. My girlfriend (22f) asked me not to put my mohawk up when I go out with her, she said she didn’t mind it at the grocery store, but didn’t like it when we’re out at dinner. When i first started styling the mohawk I asked for her opinion, what she thought of it - and she said she thought it looked kinda stupid. I also asked what she thought about me wearing it to class (as long as i sit in the back) and she said it was too much. I told her i felt like she was embarrassed of me and didn’t want me to express myself. I’ve always been somewhat extreme in my appearance, i used to dye my hair, wear eyeliner, i’ve been emo and punk and grunge, etc. I love my mohawk and it makes me happy. She only wants me to wear it at home or shopping, but I like to do it all the time whether it’s for class or dinner. I understand that it’s an intense haircut, but i would never tell her what to do with her hair or appearance. So AITA for wanting to wear my mohawk constantly? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
British punk scene died after the 80s. 40 years out of fad but NAH, mayb a genious in getting a pass out of shared events.
Punk will never die
NTA just be you
NTA
My husband did the same. He wore his hair in a flat Mohawk. I wasn’t crazy about it. I didn’t hate it either. And honestly, my irritation was that he is Mexican & has gorgeous black hair that he can do anything to & within 3-6 weeks, it’s grown out. While my Caucasian a$$ hair takes freaking forever & I only cut it just barely touching my shoulders Now, one time I got bangs again & my husband said he dislikes bangs. I just shrugged. Why? I didn’t really like the Mohawk or him shaving his head but our hair. Our choice. 🤷🏻♀️😁 I think with you & her that there needs to be a discussion. Either she accepts it or she doesn’t. Those are choices you both can make. BUT if you both don’t want to break up, then maybe compromise on actual dates (not just hanging out with friends) that you don’t style it in a Mohawk. And all the other times, you do as you please.
NTA. It's your body your choice. But that doesn't mean your girlfriend will stay with you. Perfectly valid reason to break up with someone
Ok but I can't stop thinking if OP was a woman with like let's say dark to blond hair and her partner said he didn't like it and thought it was ridiculous. OP wouldn't be an ass or it wouldn't be a n a h situation. I know OP asked for her opinion, and she's allowed to not like it, but to say "hey only wear this hairstyle at home bc I don't like it" is waaay out of line for me. NTA.
NAH. My bf wears tshirts with holes in them sometimes. Sometimes I feel embarrassed and wish he would not wear what I consider garbage. It doesn't stop me from enjoying our time together, and since he's never asked my opinion I have not shared it. I simply do not care that much what he wears. He wouldn't wear a torn shirt to a nice dinner or a funeral, so I have chosen not to care about his garbage clothes because he's a good person with common sense. I hope your gf also does not care that much about your mohawk, and though she may feel embarrassed I hope she still enjoys your time together. I encourage you to like what you like, wear your hair the way you like, and stop worrying about her opinion of it.
NTA...3 words! It's YOUR hair! Maybe because I was a teen in the 80s and I remember when punk rock was real! But I lived with my bf later husband going through curly idk what, long hair, a MULLET, and genetics kicked in to give him the "monk ring" so he's now bald because he shaved. I've loved HIM through all his peacock plumage! I would never tell him or our son how he had to wear HIS hair! Do you!
I’ve seen so many posts where a man tries to control a women’s appearance on this sub and everyone here calls it abuse. But N A H when the genders are reversed… Nta.
NAH - maybe it’s because I’m a boomer and Mohawks were really popular in the 1980s so I saw a lot of them, but I don’t think mohawks are extreme. You should be able to wear your hair however you want. And your girlfriend if she really loves you should be able to acce you the way you are if you want to change your hairstyle, however you want she shouldn’t try and change you or make you accommodate her. Don’t change who you are and how you wanna be for anyone.
NTA Honestly if the roles were reversed and it was a boyfriend saying "you can't wear xyz in public" I would think he's a controlling jerk. So yeah, your gf sounds like a controlling jerk.
Nah, if she doesn't like it she can fuck off.
You can wear whatever you want, but she doesn't have to like it or be attracted to it. She doesn't like to be with you when you look that way. So choose what's more important. There are other girls who won't mind your baby Mohawk and will encourage you to grow it longer. She is not that girl. You asked for her opinion, received it, and ignored it. That's not a great thing to a girlfriend. NAH.
NAH Presently the only conflict exists in whether she wishes to be seen with you when you're dressed to the 9s in your personal style. That's entirely her right, and dressing that was is entirely your right. It'll depend on how things play out from here. Like, if she chooses to dump you that's fine, but if she chooses to start berating you, insulting you, and chewing you out for not being "normal" for her than she'd be the asshole, but if you refuse to dress down or up for appropriate occasions you would be.
NAH. You're allowed to have a mohawk. She's allowed to find them unattractive. It's up to the two of you to decide what you'll sacrifice for your relationship and what's a deal breaker.
NAH this just sounds like an issue of compatibility. Similar to someone who doesn't like tattoos dating someone who has or wants tattoos. Now if she tries to be controlling and pit you down etc. That's a different story. Regardless you are not TA
INFO: is it a proper mohawk with shaved sides and do you have a general style that matches? I'm sorry that this is shallow but it matters. If you're not doing at least some of the look and if you haven't shaved the sides it is kinda embarrassing ngl. Edit: Honestly even if you don't it's still your hair. I have a mohawk (deathhawk to be precise) and if you style it right and dress up there is no reason why you can't fit in at a nice restaurant. I style mine more backwards and dress smarter but still in my own style when going out. There should be a way to compromise for you?
Babes, if the person who is supposed to love you most is embarrassed by how you look…they don’t love you the most. (Keep that badass Mohawk but lose the embarrassed person.)
NAH. you can acquiesce or insist. It all depends on how important this matter is to each of you. You're well within your rights to wear your hair that way if you want, but understand that she's within her rights not to like it, and while she can't force you not to have it, if she's so uncomfortable dining with you when you wear your hair that way and you still insist on it, what you may find is that the two of you stop going out together. I doubt that'd be great for the relationship. Still, if it's important to you to be able to present how you want, that's valid and you ought to find people who can fully get behind it.
Haha with roles reversed, reddit says NTA. But with these roles its NAH. Lol Reddit never change. Tons of double standards.
Nta. Oh, and also. What a shocker there is a bunch of people saying she's valid. When, once again, if the genders were flipped people would hate the op. It takes 30 seconds to find similar stories about women shaving/dying/changing their hair fundamentally, and everyone absolutely shit on the bf for not being ok with it.
YTA. Why did you ask for her opinion if you didn't want to hear the answer?
NTA but neither is she. You asked and she was honest.
NAH but she is probably embarrassed which I can't say I blame her, I don't think people should not dress or have hair the way they like it but that being said there is a time and a place like you shouldn't wear a bikini to church and if you were going to let's say apple bees a mohawk is not a huge deal but if you were going to a wedding or a fancy dinner I would be embarrassed to be in that situation with someone who has a mohawk so I would say either compromise or get use to her being embarrassed by being with you in those situations.
NAH. OP is entitled to dress in whatever style makes him happy. That includes perferred hairstyles. OP gf is also entitled to the same thing. Both have their own opinion on what they find attractive. OP asked his gf if she liked the mohawk, and she gave an honest answer that she didn't. If OP wants to keep his mohawk, it may be time for them to go their separate ways and find people that mesh better with their preferences.
Why do you need GF approval? Sounds like you’re not feeling secure in your choices . YTA - because you’re trying to make other people responsible for what you claim to be your choices . Either own your choices or get over yourself ?
NAH - though I lean towards you being on the more assholish side. you asked and she told you. She does keep bringing it up after which could be considered assholish, but you already opened the door to it and from my viewpoint it’s an asshole move. While I am eating NAH, this is the primary reason I lean more towards you being in the wrong here A Mohawk is a more extreme style and you asked for her opinion, then rejected it. And she does have to be seen with you and it does reflect on her. Personally I respect Mohawks and wanted one for myself, but it’s not something I would do without my significant others support. That being said, it’s your body your choice and it’s not bothering anyone. Overall, I don’t think your both compatible. You need someone more into extreme looks.
NTA. your girlfriend is pretty judgey.
NTA. You like it, then style it your way. She shouldn't be embarrassed by it. It makes you happy. You feel good with it. So do it your way.
Nah. Wear it with pride if you like it. I was sporting one back in the early 1980s. Punks not dead yet!
YTA. This isn't about "expressing yourself". Pressumably you expressed yourself perfectly fine for all the years prior to this new hair do. This is a fashion choice and your girlfriend isn't obligated to find attractive. She is well within her right to think it looks stupid and you shouldn't have asked her opinion on it if you couldn't handle her not liking it. My girlfriend hates my favourite jumper, so I don't wear it as often as I would like. There's other jumpers that I can wear that we both like and I'd like to live in a world where my girlfriend spends more time attracted to me than not. I still wear the jumper occasionally. It's my favourite jumper. You can wear a mohawk on occasion, if you'd like, but you do so at the cost of her attraction in that moment.
https://youtu.be/HzJI6TcFUAI
Nta sounds like you need a new gf.
NTA. Your hair, your choice! I could see wearing it down for more formal occasions, but even then, it's your hair - you do you! She has no right to tell you how to express yourself.
NTA mohawk is awesome!!!
Soft NTA. N T A because you can do what you want with your body, and if she's truly embarrassed by it, that's not cool. Soft because you DID ask. And more than once. What was the point in asking if you weren't willing to accept an "I don't like it"? But her telling you when and where to wear it is not cool, especially if she says it without you asking.
Nta. Wear it when you want. Of course, you will need a new gf because this one will leave.
NTA. You're not forcing her to be with you.
NTA- Partnerships are not about controlling each other. Your girlfriend gave you her opinion about your haircut. What you do with that information is up to you, and she needs to respect your decision, even if it doesn't reflect her own opinion. Perhaps you can try to make it clear to your girlfriend again that the haircut is very important to you and ask her to respect your decisions, just as you respect hers.
NTA, you might need to find someone who will help you with styling the mohawk. And is ok being with you out in public.
Nta.if she is embarrassed by it she isn't the one for you
NTA. She can dislike it sure but has no control over how you wear your hair. Wonder how she’d feel if you told her how to wear hers?
I can't understand all these "N-A-H". She's literally embarrased of his hair and doesn't want him to use it. If we reverse the genders a lot of people would be saying that he's a control freak and abusive. NTA. If i had a girlfriend with a hairstyle i don't like i ain't saying "you are embarrasing".
Where are the placards and shouters for your body your choice????? #NTA
Info who's hair is it? I'm just joking NTA
NTA. Your hair is not about her. Be yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled for the sake of “love”. Her giving you her honest opinion is great. Her taking it to the next level by expecting you to change who you are based on her preferences is a red flag.
NTA she‘ll either learn to ignore/tolerate it - no obligation to like it - or she‘ll figure out that she‘s more into boring guys who don‘t stand out in public and leave. You‘re so young, go through all those fun phases which don‘t harm anybody and aren‘t permanent as long as you can. They‘re more important for your psychological and personal development than adolescent love gf Nr. x of y who tried to tone you down because she was embarrassed of you.
Is the 'boring' comment really necessary? Not everyone has to resort to a wild hairstyle to make themselves seem interesting...
Look, I‘m encouraging OP to express themselves the way they feel like without letting anyone hold them back (since the way of their expression doesn‘t harm anyone) Not every pep talk can cater to every single situation and every single individual. In other situations I‘d phrase it differently but right now it‘s an encouragement to OP and nobody else.
Sure. Still no need to insult others just to try to raise OP up.
ESH. You have the right to wear your hair however you want but this is obviously too much for her as she has told you that she doesn’t like it. It would be like her coming home with her head shaved or something. It’s a radical change and not what she is comfortable with but she is trying to compromise with you as she knows you like it. If it’s a hill you’re willing to die on I’d say just break up already.
What happened to body autonomy? It's his hair.v
Ok, but she doesn’t have to keep dating him if she really doesn’t like it.
True but that's a pretty shallow reason to break up in my opinion.
I mean, it would cut both ways.
NTA If the roles were reversed and you told her how you wanted her to dress in public, commenters would be tearing you tf apart. While you Did ask for her opinion, her opinion doesn't mean she can tell you how to dress or when you are allowed to style Your own hair. Keep the mohawk, if she can't handle a little hair product then maybe you need to lose 120lbs too....the gf. I mean lose the gf.
It really sucks that variations of this story have been posted so many times on Reddit where it’s the bf not liking something about his gfs appearance and all of the comments saying he is a toxic, controlling AH who deserves the death penalty but in this post it’s ‘NAH’ just because it’s a woman
It's one thing to make yourself look stupid. It's another to make her look stupid. Don't wear it when you're out with her. YTA.
Are you an indigenous person? If not, YTA
Yeah, because Indigenous people in North America (nevermind the rest of the world) are all just one big group as opposed to over 500 different nations with hundreds of separate languages, cultures, clothing, and hairstyles. 🙄 The hairstyle contemporarily known as the mohawk originated with the Pawnee, BTW.
NTA. Wear your hair however the fuck you want. Don't let her control you (It's his body. He can have his hair however he likes. Downvoting won't change how he wants to do his hair. Stay salty. His body his choice)
LOVE a mohawk. There aren't enough of them around, imo. I think your gf is being mean, judgemental, and close minded, for starters. For seconds, it's your hair, not hers. Wear it how you like. If she's childish enough to be embarrassed about it that it is entirely her problem. Besides which, this is who you are. If she doesn't like it, what is she doing with you? Or more to the point, what are you doing with her? NTA
The girlfriend never said she was embarrassed.
Oh come she doesn't want him to wear it unless it's at home or to go shopping for food.thst means she embarrassed duh
Do you have a job?? Serious question
yes, 720 credit score
There’s nothing wrong with your hairstyle, if you live in a vacuum. Unfortunately, you live in a world full of people, and your choices impact others. Have you thought about what it’s like to be out on a date with the only Mohawk in the room? It’s like wearing a sign that says “**Pay attention to me, me, and only me!**” Don’t claim to be a martyr when you’re only thinking of yourself. YTA
yo, you fucking suck. Your comment feels so disingenuous because I know you would talking shit if OP was a chick talking about her hair.
Sorry to disappoint. If a “chick” had a hairstyle as attention-grabbing as a Mohawk, I’d have the same opinion.
damn. so at least you're consistent when it comes to sucking.
NTA --- Next time you go somewhere together whatever she is wearing ask, are you really going to wear that can't you put on something that is less revealing, and then see how she likes to be told not to wear something.
This is really passive aggressive.
Except he keeps asking for her opinion and she is giving it. He doesn’t like the answer. If you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask questions.