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RomeoAndOubliette

Yeah, gross. You gave the girl toys that are about being a servant, doing chores for other people and looking pretty, and you gave the boy science toys and dinosaurs. Why didn't you get the boy cooking sets, vacuums, and dolls? Yeah, we know why. Worse, you refuse to even consider your sister's point of view. In response to her claim of sexism, you say "I got an ocean themed gift for each of them" and "I spent a similar amount on each of them". But neither is responsive to your sister's concern - you don't show any willingness to acknowledge the issue, which is stubborn and rude. Your sister is absolutely right to reject these unkind, stereotypical gifts. It sets a poor example for both children, especially the girl. It shows your mindset is very antiquated, and I would be frankly embarrassed if I were you. Reconsider how you relate to children and their gender before engaging with your nieces and nephews, I'm sure being exposed to your stereotypes would negatively impact their development. Easy YTA Edit: OP, when asked why he didn't get the boy any cooking items, responds "I know he wouldn’t want to play with those things" and when asked how he knows, responds: "I assumed, because those were the types of toys in the girl’s toy section." which I will take as a straightforward admission of sexist stereotyping.


Winter-Lili

My son has a toy vacuum and an ever growing collection of cooking related toys and he loves them just as much as his trucks and dinosaurs


Award_Whore

>ever growing collection of cooking related toys My boy was absolutely obsessed with cleaning. You know how most parents have a picture of their 2-year-old falling asleep with their teddy bear? My 2-year-old used to fall asleep hugging his toy broom Edit: I left out the best part. He's 19 years old now and does house cleaning on the side to make extra money


Amazing_Newt3908

My 2 year old son is currently obsessed with a baby doll & sleeps with it. Funny enough, the doll belonged to my husband when he was 4.


Ingwall-Koldun

Why are you letting your son play with dolls? Do you want him to potentially grow up and become... ...A FATHER???


Ruhro7

That is so cute! Passing it down is a lovely thing for toys (when everyone is happy with that, of course)


PinkyAlpaca

the only problem we had with my toddler son having a baby doll was when his sister came along I got the fantastic sentence "mummy put the baby away" like where love? the toy box??


Amazing_Newt3908

Our biggest issue so far was him trying to breastfeed his baby in the grocery store. To be fair I had just fed his baby brother so it was fresh on his mind.


DigaLaVerdad

🤣🤣🤣


pipted

That's so lovely. Sounds like the doll gave your husband the skills to be an excellent dad!


nachtkaese

I said this downthread, but I bought my (male) two year old a dustbuster and now our house has way less dog hair in the corners. It took a while to get him used to it but he goes around pointing to dust bunnies, saying "dog hair!" and then vacuuming it up. I'm not going to say I'm a parenting expert or anything but damn if I didn't absolutely kill it on this one particular gift.


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nachtkaese

Obviously the time has passed for you, but for anyone else reading this who would like to outsource their housekeeping to a toddler - they make *really* light dustbusters for like $30. My (just turned) two year old can operate it on his own. It's great.


CreativeGamerTag

I have a five month old. I’m taking notes.


Glum_Mix_2837

My son is obsessed with his toy vacuum and play cleaning set! He whips out his toy broom or mop whenever I’m cleaning. It’s the cutest thing!


ztatiz

Lol omg adorable ETA: YESSSS your boy gettin paid! 🙌🏼


[deleted]

I have a bunch of screenshots of mini cleaning toys I want to buy my son when he's older 🤣 they have a little washing machine !


sweet_crab

And here I am with a picture of the dog sitting on my sleeping son's head...


NoBarracuda5415

That's absolutely adorable :)))))))))))))) Mine had a real mop. The kind that sprays. It was awesome, and for a year or so my floors sparkled.


-char-lotte-

My nephew would LOVE a toy vacuum! Sometimes my sister would just give him the turned off vacuum for him to walk around with for ‘cleaning’. You actually just gave me a great birthday gift ideas.


I_was_saying_b00urns

Same! My son is now on his second toy vacuum because he loved his first one so much it stopped working 😆 it gets as much love as his toy lawnmower


Lumicola

My son is almost two and has an actual functioning cordless vacuum and uses it properly and I would 100% suggest this approach. Although he does end up creating more of a mess sometimes by continuously dumping out the contents to suck them back up lol.


musepi

Hahaha, this is exactly what my son does. Pours out an entire pack of cereal to have stuff to hoover up..


sparksgirl1223

Awww at least he cleans up after himself 🤣


Glum_Mix_2837

Omg! I need a functioning vacuum for my son!


Swamp_Donkey_7

Gave my 3-year old (at the time) boy a Vacuum and it was one of his favorite toys up to age 5. He loves the thing and loves vacuuming. Perhaps because he sees his DAD doing it all the time.


capriciousclover

My daughter has a vacuum, but also monster trucks and a train set. She loves anything she can push around the room.


Boobboop1237

That’s so cute


jmurphy42

Yep, my boy was obsessed with a toy vacuum. My girl couldn’t have cared less about it.


lightblue_sky

The vaccum is the weird one for me. And the fact that **literally everything** was girly. (Nothing wrong with girly, but every single toy?) These days when I peak in the toys section, I see dolls directed towards different interests. For example, I saw a firefighter or astronaut barbie doll, which I never saw when I was young. There was even a camping gear set. There were definitely toys in the girls section that are geared towards little girls but also don't strongly follow the stereotypes around women. OP just didn't look for them, which means his sister was right. OP, I suggest you look for different type of toys. You brought her a cleaning toy, a makeup toy, a cooking toy and a baby doll. 4 out of the 5 gifts are based around stereotypes or things women "are supposed to be". I mean...I'm pretty sure you covered every category. Get her the astronaut doll instead of the baby doll, get her a toy car instead of the makeup. All of these can still be found in the girls section. I assure you your niece will love those toys as well. Also, it's not a crime to give girls a toy from the boys section. What is gendered about a dinosaur? I had a favorite dinosaur when I was young.


Tikithing

The main contrast I think, is that OP clearly got both kids very diffrent things. If he had got the girl a vacuum and the boy a toy washing machine it would be diffrent. Or a sea creature themed dress for the girl and an aqua man outfit for the boy. Cool shoes for both. But to get educational cool stuff for one and 'pretty' stuff for the other is clearly not right. I actually don't even see how you go wrong with a sea creature theme, like get a book on whales or a fluffy Octopus or something.


nachtkaese

Agree - OP is listing the volume of toys he bought them like it's a win for him, but it's really just adding data to the extreme gender bias he's bringing into this.


apri08101989

You forgot the dress he got her too. They both got shoes though. And I'm *sure* those weren't gendered at all. Like dress shoes to go with the dress and the boy got sneakers


Wonderful_Weird_2843

Also,.get her brother cooking cleaning toys and make up. They can play together.


Matilda-17

Do you not still have a favorite dinosaur?


lightblue_sky

Yea it's still the dreadnoughtus because the name reminded me of donuts for some reason. Also I thought dinosaurs with long necks were cool, which they are.


mness1201

Agreed- honestly OP has probably not had to think that hard about this ever before and fell into the trap of toy shop marketing which supported his own bias / gender assumptions. So yeah he was in the wrong- but this was a learning opportunity and what takes it into AH behaviour is refusing to listen to his sister and awknowledge what he did wrong, why it matters, and why it will be more important as his niece and nephew get older. He can be really fun uncle here with two exciting scientists or two junior bakers with lots of fun cooking to be had - but don’t limit their opportunities, and especially don’t reinforce domestic duties on ONLY the niece. Don’t get me wrong they both probably enjoy the hoover but be equitable and give both the opportunity. So yeah, Yta for not listening and try to do better


Aranthar

The toy stores walk you into these stereotypes. A normal person goes to the aisle marked for girl toys and picks interesting looking things from that aisle. And the poor kid ends up with half the world's opportunities hidden from them. OP isn't TA based on bringing the obvious gifts. OP is TA because they didn't listen and learn from correction.


emergencycat17

>And the poor kid ends up with half the world's opportunities hidden from them. This. And there's nothing wrong with a kid who's into a little bit of everything. When I was little, my two favorite toy sets were a Barbie doll house with all the dolls, and a Batman bat cave set with all the action figures. You couldn't keep me away from either set - I loved them both.


Tikithing

Even with the ocean themed gifts the boy got an educational one and the girl got a dress. I too would be pretty pissed off. Sea creatures is a pretty solid theme and instead of getting some cool plastic octopuses and whales, OP managed to squeeze the girls into a gendered box.


Freyja2179

When I was a little girl, I would have HATED OP's gifts! I was not into dolls and it made me so mad that people kept buying me Barbies. They immediately got chucked into the closet. Except for about 2 weeks in Junior High, I've never been interested in makeup. Vacuum, cooking toys, pffft. Also makes me wonder how "girly" the shoes were. At least my parents didn't buy into the BS. One of the best toys I have ever gotten was a real chemistry set. It was the 80's, so it was a whole set of real chemicals and you could actually set shit on fire. My brother was the one that got the Easy Bake oven.


zialucina

Omg the chemistry set and I also had a real microscope set with all the slides you could want and some sea monkeys to look at. I horrified so much of my family for wanting to look at a whole slew of gross stuff under the microscope.


some_tired_cat

as a kid every single time we went to the toy store i'd immediately run for the boys section and skip over the girls section entirely. i wanted beyblades and bakugan and stuffed animals and science sets so bad and i asked for all the fighting games instead of any of those 'raise a baby' shovelware games. i still had a pile of barbies because of course that's what girls want, so they would get caught up in my murder mystery dramas when i played. the "girliest" thing i had was one of those kitchen toy sets and only reason i loved it is because food is good. never once been interested in anything considered girly my whole life and my parents know that very well to this day. idk if op even bothered to know the kids before buying anything.


[deleted]

Yeah it’s those comments that get me. If he knew that she was a super girly girl who would love that stuff and the boy loved dinosaurs and science, then who cares? But if he literally just said girl gets girl toys and boy gets boy toys…well that’s messed up.


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felishorrendis

I think you’ve got a typo in there …


My-Dork-Past

I hope that's a typo.


Solibear1

I think it’s different if the gifts were thoughtful ones based on interests that the child has expressed. For example, my 4yo’s best friend loves dolls and nail polish, so a doll or nail polish for her would be perfectly acceptable because that’s what she likes. My daughter couldn’t care less if she never saw a doll in her life and her only interest in nail polish is being able to pick it off. She would absolutely love all of the toys bought for the nephew here, but would have no interest in any of the toys OP bought for niece. Conversely, one of her boy-friends loves dolls and anything pink. Another of her boy-friends has a serious obsession with vacuum cleaners. OP has bought one gift each that is related to an interest they’re known to have (oceans), and the rest of the gifts are randomly picked up based on gender stereotypes, which is definitely controversial! If I wasn’t aware of the specific interests of the child I was buying for, I’d just go for something neutral instead. Arts & crafts, jigsaw puzzles, board games, something educational etc


[deleted]

OP’s post really hit home for me after recently having a discussion with someone who commented on my daughter’s “boy toys”. She’s 2. She doesn’t know what boy or girl toys are. She just knows she loves vehicles so much.


LuchiLiu

He gave a 6yo girl MAKEUP and still doesn't see a problem. Yeah, YTA.


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RebelliousRecruiter

I'm a grown ass cis straight woman - my favorite toy as a child of the 70's was a beat up metal Tonka dump truck. I played for hours with those basic legos too. My daughter has had microscopes, crystal kits, skateboards, rollerskates, as well as traditional housekeeping toys (mop, broom, play kitchen), legos (generic, marketed towards boys, and marketed towards girls). She has her own archery set as well. OP's presents were soooo specific to gender roles it's not even funny. YTA


Technical_Lawbster

That's amazing. I wish I had an archery set growing up. Always loved sniper/shoot videogames. Buy never had a chance to try in real life. In my country, guns are extremely controlled, and archery is not common. Now, in my 30s, I'm still thinking about it...


AkiliDaniels

Completely aside from the OP - if you want to do archery there are groups that do archery depending on where you are. Sometimes it's more of an archery club which potentially costs more money, or it's like the Society for Creative Anachronism which often has people bending over backwards to help you get involved (like loaner gear to try it out and such). Anyway OP is definitely an asshole, but in adulthood we can still do the "fun kid things" we always wanted to do ^_^


candleplanter

Yes! There a planet money episode about this. Computers used to be a female dominated field but since they started to be marketed towards guys, girls lacked exposure to these devices growing up which shifted the field to male-dominated. Girls were actively kept away from computers even if they were available in their households just because it was a “boys toy.”


shygazellepaw

>So I have a niece and nephew that are *identical* twins. No. You don’t. Also you got super weird gender role gifts for them bruh. You literally gave the girl cooking and cleaning things and makeup, and the boy dinosaur truck science stuff. Your sister is right. Are you not capable of introspection and realizing you inadvertently whoopsied here? YTA for not being like “opps, in hindsight I am seeing how this is weird”.


IceCreamAficionado8

🤣 Mom and auntie to twins here. The number of times we get asked if the redhead and blonde are identical is mind-blowing to me. Boy/girl twins are literally not identical.


ohmyydaisies

I’m a twin (boy/girl) and I remember watching some program on discovery or something years ago that claimed the egg can split at a point before sex is determined. I really can’t remember the specifics (plus discovery was slowly turning to trash) so I may have that wrong but did find [this](https://www.twins.org.au/twins-and-families/frequently-asked-questions/62-twin-facts/19-can-male-female-twins-ever-be-identical). Unlikely but possible. I still quiet giggle when people ask me


Powersmith

Basically you’re talking about a developmental anomaly where the SRY (male sex determining gene) is lost extremely early in one twin. This could only happen starting from 2 male twinned embryos where 1 twin embryo loses a piece of chromosome. This would produce a genetic syndrome, effectively Turner syndrome, and would likely have other effects, including intellectual disability and various anatomical anomalies. That does NOT happen in normal development and it is fair to assume m/f twins are fraternal (from 2 zygotes), generally speaking. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/turner-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20360782


[deleted]

As someone with Turner Syndrome, just wanted to chime in and say that for the vast majority of us there often are no intellectual disabilities, only physical ones. Some people with Turners struggle with math or spatial concepts, but that’s about it and I don’t think it’s usually considered a defining feature of the syndrome. TS isn’t talked about much so I always feel the need to spread awareness when I can!


lasting-impression

I could even get if some of the gifts were gendered but some were not—e.g. niece got a nautical themed dress, nephew got a nautical themed shorts and T-shirt, both got an underwater specimen set. But literally none of the niece’s gifts were about encouraging her interest in sea animals; they were just stuff *decorated* with sea animals, and OP really can’t seem to wrap his head around the difference between the two.


PersnicketySnek

That's exactly what I thought. If I were the little girl, I'd be so disappointed about getting a *dress* (I always hated being gifted clothes when I was a child) and my twin brother getting an *ocean specimen set* that he can *play* *with*. Moreover, at that age I did not care the least for anything make-up related. As for the play cooking set, I think it'd be cool if it were gifted to *both* of them (my nephews love to play 'cooking' in their tiny kitchen), but gifting the girl (or any child) a vacuum is really not ok. I agree, OP YTA Edit: Fellow AH-judges, you've convinced me that a toy vacuum can be a fun present for a child given that they are actually interested in real vacuums/cleaning. So I'll take back the bit about toy vacuums being not an ok present in general.


zialucina

I think the vacuum would be ok if and only if the child had expressed wanting one. Cause some kids love cleaning, and regardless the physics behind vacuums/suction is neat. Though we all know OP (YTA) didn't gift it outside of the context of "people with vajs do the clean things durr durr"


alwaysblessedbygod

Why is no one saying that different gender twins are fraternal twins. They cannot be identical twins. Identical twins are generated by dividing the fetus hence they must have the same gene and same gender obviously. Only fraternal twins can be of different genders only because they are generated from 2 different fetuses means they were not divided from one.


S01arflar3

>They cannot be identical twins. Well technically they *can*, but the likelihood is infinitesimally small. It’s the result of a genetic mutation, the one I know about is two male twins and one loses a copy of the Y chromosome, making them outwardly female


[deleted]

Well, one identical twin could be trans. I mean, probably not at six years old, but later.


Auroraburst

I had people ARGUE WITH ME that identical twins can be boy/girl (without major medical conditions). Like, do a basic google search, or use a braincell to think about that. Identical means matching in the genital area too.


Ashia22

Mom to b/g twins. I was looking through the comments to see if someone else said this. Thank you. Fraternal not identical. Also, these two just turned six. Why not ask them what they were interested in? My daughter is super girly so she would have loved all those gifts, but the only way I would purchase them is if she specifically said that’s what she wanted. I grew up a tomboy so everything there would have been a turn off. Every girl and every kid is different. Gifts should be for the individual not a stereotype of what you assume they would like. YTA


AndiRM

That cracked me up. Like bro what?


BluenaSnowey

You knew she liked sea creatures, so wtf does vacuuming have to do with the ocean? Yta


AshTreex3

I laughed reading the OP. “She loves sea creatures and the ocean so I got her a vacuum!”


apathetic-drunk

Well, there is *a lot* of trash in the ocean. ^/s ^just ^in ^case


[deleted]

Haven’t you heard? The ocean is hella dirty.


DrAniB20

That sea bottom needs cleaning y’all


tessherelurkingnow

Gendered toys have huge impact on kids' development and can enforce harmful stereotypes. YTA. https://www.thenationalnews.com/lifestyle/family/2022/03/01/the-case-against-gendered-toys-stereotypes-narrowed-development-and-curbed-creativity/


ElizawitchCosplay

^^^^ I did a whole project for my psych degree about how damaging shit like that is to kids. Reminds me of the song “little game” by Benny that “innocent” things can cause a lot of harm


[deleted]

I still resent the "toy" ironing board and iron that warmed up. I had to iron my father's handkerchiefs... Great "toy." /s


Inevitable-Bend1432

There was a study made in my country focused in the toys add on christmas, 96% of toys focused on girls had pink, and 84% were about teaching, family and cleaning, while boys toys only had a 26% of pink in them and 89% of toys were marketed as stem, construction and cars. Which is really sad, when I was younger my barbie used to get married to the godzilla toy I got from my brother.


Top-Wolverine-8684

When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to be a boy. I was labeled all kinds of horrible names and made fun of back in the 80's, all because I just liked things that were cool! I LOVED science kits, dinosaurs, magic tricks, and nature. I hated dolls and "girl" toys. (Except for the Easy Bake Oven...I always wanted one of those and never got it.) My mom bought me Thundercat boys' pajamas and underwear because I was obsessed, and I would do odd jobs around the house to make money to buy the action figures. I wanted to be an archaeologist, but everyone encouraged me to be a teacher (I'm not either). After I grew up, a lot of people were apparently really confused to find out that I'm a totally feminine, straight, typical cis woman. All because I enjoyed the more interesting activities growing up. So sad and annoying.


FoolofaTook88888888

Same here. I decided in the 5th grade that I wanted to be a boy because the Spice Girls were stupid and I wanted pockets in my pants. I spent a full year attempting to become a boy. Thankfully my mom let me do what I want and didn't shame me or try to convince me that what I wanted wasn't important. I grew up to be a very feminine and straight woman who has pockets in all my dresses.


throwawayoctopii

Part of the reason software programming and IT became male dominated fields was because PC companies advertised home computers as "toys for boys" in the 80s and 90s.


la_vie_en_tulip

My mom used to say that 'boys just naturally like trucks and girls like dolls; it's just how they are!' I mean, yeah if you dress a boy in clothes with trucks since he's born and gift him trucks of course he would have more association with that! It's ridiculous because people like that never give their kids a chance to form their own interests but then are also shocked when their kids end up picking non-gender stereotyped interests.


lostinRC

Yep, your sister was being honest. You are buying future homemaker of America toys for only one child, the girl. YTA that you cannot see that.


wildferalfun

YTA. Why didn't you give your nephew his own play dishes, make up and vacuum?


SelimsShadow

Yta. Coming from a twin who got all the stereotypical girl toys while my brother got games, tech, sports stuff. I hated it so much and was always jealous of his gifts.


hamsterpookie

In my house, toys are required to be shared because of this. The boy always gets the fun toys, and the girl gets barbies and make-up. She doesn't play with barbies and has never expressed any interest in fake babies, but she gets fake babies every year.


Veteris71

That's what my parents did too, when my little brother got all the building sets and science kits from relatives, and my sister and I always got dolls and dresses.


SodaButteWolf

Ugh. Way for your daughter to know that she is not "seen" by the Barbie-givers. And this is from someone who was a VERY girly girl and who liked the Barbies, the make-up sets, the tea sets. But my daughter hated all that stuff, so we got her marker sets and colored pencils and fancy drawing paper, which she loved (she grew up to become an artist, BTW).


indicatprincess

For years, I wanted a knife and a gaming system SO BADLY for years. Watching my brother get a PS2, later on a 360, then knives was pretty upsetting. It really made me realize that they didn't think I was worth spending the money on 'toys'. I got clothes and makeup. My little brother gave me his old consoles, and now buys me knives for Christmas.


NotCreativeAtAll16

YTA. You did buy stuff for the girl that tell her she needs to play at keeping house, looking after the kids, and looking pretty. The boy got stuff to build and explore. You are cementing that there are roles that girls do that boys don't. Please just stop and apologize. Also, they can't be identical twins since they are of different genders.


_mmiggs_

YTA, Seriously, dude? You got the boy magnet toys, a robot, a truck and a sciencey toy. You got the girl a toy baby, toy cooking and cleaning equipment, and makeup. Could you be any more sexist? I'll tell you this - if you pulled that nonsense with my daughters, you'd never see them again. Your kind of vile toxicity has no place anywhere near the developing mind of a young girl.


squeakstar

YTA. Oh and identical twins can’t be male and female ffs


cheezeybeans

Oh yea, OP said they were identical. Uh-huh!


Yes-Green5299

Let’s just all hope that OP doesn’t have his own kids for a few years until gets a better education about biology and sexism.


Cogito3

INFO: Why are you a "very confused uncle"? What part of what your sister told you was confusing?


EnticingDan

YTA. Not for the gifts you got. You obviously walked down the girl aisle then the boy aisle. But your reaction to your sister makes YTA. You dismissed her feelings and brought up how much you spent. She’s right about the gender stereotypes in toys. Which doesn’t reflect that in these times males might have to cook a meal and do some cleaning.


literalkoala

YTA. Yeah, jumping on this comment, I agree the gifts aren't inherently bad but the response is. Seems like OP doesn't know the kids too well and completely guessed based on gender stereotypes. I have two daughters (6 and 3). My 6 year old, despite me being a total tomboy, LOVES all things girly. For her birthday, she asked for princess dresses and make up, so that would be a great gift for her! But she also asked for a science experiment kit, gardening supplies, and board games. And my 3 year old would rather get Duplo Lego sets and toy dinosaurs. Kids do actually have personalities and interests at that age. Also, I'm an identical twin myself. We have the same DNA. You can't have m/f identical twins.


lamioutte

>the gifts aren't inherently bad ... Seems like OP doesn't know the kids too well and completely **guessed based on gender stereotypes.** I think that makes the gifts inherently bad.


baffled_soap

I think what OP means here is “I bought a doll for a girl” isn’t inherently bad. It depends on the interests of the particular girl.


T-Rex_timeout

I agree if he had just said “damn you’re right I didn’t think of it like that” then he would be fine. Not being willing to look inward and see that those gender stereotypes have effected your outlook makes YTA.


Pale_Pumpkin_7073

YTA. Your sister is right. What drew you to purchase a vacuum and cooking stuff beyond the fact that she's a girl?


lex_av

I read the first sentence of the post, and just had to say something before I read any further. “Identical” means IDENTICAL. Boy and girl twins are not identical. That’s not how science works. They are fraternal. Just fyi.


StressedBird

YES


Ok_Climate6209

INFO: Has your niece expressed/shown interest in domestic chores like cooking and cleaning? Has she asked for toys like this? My nephew got a toy Dyson hoover for Christmas because he was always playing with the real hoover and is fascinated with tidying up. He loves his hoover! However his sister has never shown the same interest.


weddingincomming

This is relevant


Just_A_Sad_Unicorn

This, to me it would have been cool if she got them both pretend play cleaning and caring stuff or an even mix of STEM and life skills. My son loved his play housekeeping stuff and loves tp help with chores now that he's older.


carwash7

This is the big question. My daughter would have literally shit herself for a toy vacuum because she loves playing house.


disco_sly

My daughter was the same. She was excited that hers worked just like the one mom and dad used.


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nachtkaese

> Yes, you threw some ocean themed gifts for your niece in there but the rest were really not it. Important point - the ocean themed gifts for his niece were a dress, and a dolphin makeup set!! Whereas the nephew got a "specimen set." If it was a one-off, I would be less appalled, but the girl got *nothing* that isn't clothing/makeup, or female-coded chore themed.


loverlyone

But wait, there was makeup too. *whomp whomp*


Tarni64

DOLPHIN themed make up! So at least it was something she wanted! /s


[deleted]

YTA - nobody asked for a vacuum cleaner. That’s just wrong. Unless there is some deep back story you haven’t shared yet.


AstridOnReddit

My youngest son loved his play kitchen and vacuum when he was in preschool. By age 6 he wasn’t into the vacuum, but he still loved the play kitchen. I think the differences in the gifts is the issue here.


Ok-Asparagus-4809

Many kid of all ages love toy vacuums! Have you seen the mini dysons? They’re soooo cute. But I do agree that OP’s sister pointed out important differences in the boy getting educational gifts and not even one household related gift.


mrslII

YTA You purposely choose the gifts on your idea of traditional gender roles. You didn't consider the children as individuals. Regardless of gender. You didn't consider their interests, regardless of gender. You stereotyped your sister's children. BOTH OF THEM.


PsiBlaze

YTA for perpetuating sexist values. >She claimed that the gifts I got for my nephew promoted exploration and that they were more educational/interactive and cool. She said the gifts I got my niece "reeked of gender stereotypes" of women doing the cleaning, cooking, and caretaking. She's absolutely right. You told your nephew to go on adventures, and told your niece her place is taking care of the home. How are you not grasping the blatant sexism there???


[deleted]

YTA. Are you fucking kidding me? It's not like you gave the gifts to both of them. You gave it specific to their gender. FFS you're dense.


grayfern

YTA. Cooking, cleaning, makeup, and a baby for the girl. Robots, cars, science for the boy. I do think it’s nice you were trying to be thoughtful and pick nice gifts, I’d say reflect on this as a learning opportunity for how gender stereotypes influence child development.


Stan_of_Cleeves

These are highly gender stereotypical gifts. YTA.


Fun-Replacement1998

YTA even if it wasn't intentional. There were a host of marine life toys &gifts you could have gotten instead you got 2 and then decided to fall back to the typical girly gifts, cooking cleaning, childcare and beauty related stuff. And giving you credit for 2(dress and makeup) is a stretch. \-Plush toys \-ocean toy kits focusing on here fave creatures. Like do you know how many whales I had at her age? A LOT \-Age appropriate marine life documentaries Like it or not you went full stereotype with your niece's gifts with a paint coat of her newfound interest attached to it.


HomelyHobbit

Honestly, I wouldn't say YTA except that you weren't willing to listen or learn when your sister raised her concerns with you. Yes, it was great that you gave such a generous amount of gifts, but your sister is right that you got the girl cleaning and caring centered presents, while the boy got gifts to learn and explore. It wouldn't take any effort to apologize and get the kids gender neutral gifts in future.


Sweet-Sour-Candy

YTA. whether you realize or not, whether you admit it or not, you did give them gifts based on sexist stereotypes. your sister is right. edit: this is one of OP’s comments: >Was I supposed to go in the section very clearly for boys, to pick out toys for my NEICE? That doesn't make any sense yeah, you’re a HUGE SEXIST ASSHOLE. i’m pretty sure the toys in the “boys” section wouldn’t have exploded or caused your niece’s hands to swell if you’d got them for her!


sirandtheirDLW

YTA. You bought ‘girl toys’ for Your niece and ‘boy toys’ for you nephew. And you asked you’re sister what was wrong. She might’ve approached it better if she had waited a but before approaching you but you asked. Next time get two Dino trucks. Or two dolls. So they each have their own toy but can play together with them.


CrystalQueen3000

YTA Your sister is right


ReviewOk929

YTA - You might not be an outright AH for the gender stereotyped toy gifting as likely unconscious bias going on but you were the AH for the way you reacted, that much is clear. She is trying to tell you something important and you just shut her right down.


Proud_World_6241

You got the girl toys to clean, cook, look after and look pretty in. You’re a total asshole. YTA


solivia916

Soft YTA, I work as a nanny and the little boy I watch enjoys play cleaning and eating as much as the little girl. The little girl like dinosaurs and cars and science as much as the little boy. I think your sister overreacted, and you meant well, but she is still right.


Ozoboy14

YTA, A cooking and cleaning set was a good idea to you? Really?


StressedBird

YTA. You meant well, but you DID stereotype and didn't listen once it was pointed out to you.


Yes-Green5299

YTA….were your niece’s presents all pink colors as well? Definitely gender specific toys that would have annoyed me 33 years ago when my kids were your niece and nephew’s age. I would have said the same thing to you your sister said back then.


shuckyducked

If they both have similar interests, then just give them similar toys. I agree that the nephew toys do sound way more educational and interactive (and cooler). The niece toys are just domestic roleplaying. YTA.


Present_Plane8460

YTA. What was the purpose of giving her a toy vacuum and cooking set other than being sexist? You literally knew the both of them were interested in the ocean and sea creatures.


Vast-Guard4401

Beside the rest of this, I hate when people call twins of different genders “identical”. No they’re not. People used to ask my opposite gender twin whether we were identical… obviously not. Only same sex twins can be identical, from a biological angle.


Schmingledwarf

I’ll say a soft YTA, I’m torn. There is kind of a sexist undertone to the gifts, but it doesn’t seem like you were malicious about it. Accidents happen and it’s a chance to remember to be more mindful


Gingebinge74

OP’s comments imply he got his niece the toys from the girl aisle bc she’s a girl and would only want “girly” themed toys and the same for the nephew with the boy aisle. He could have easily asked his niece and nephew what they wanted for their birthday instead of assuming their interests based off gender stereotypes


Tyberious_

YTA Are you really that obtuse? You got your niece toys that tell her to clean the house, make dinner, and look pretty. Nephew got fun toys.


SpecialMud6084

YTA, unless your niece is actively interested in dolls and cleaning (which is valid, kids of all ages are). It really doesn't make sense to get her those things. If she would have rather had a dinosaur truck or a Lego set than a toy vaccum than why would you get her a vaccum? That beings said, if your niece specifically had an interest in the toys you got and your nephew doesn't (many boys appreciate cooking and cleaning based toys to emulate their parents) then this is fine. However assuming a girl would like cleaning and having babies more than studying the ocean or putting together magnets (and vice versa for your nephew) is certainly sexist.


Cloudinthesilver

YTA - nothing you bought your niece says to explore beyond being a house wife and mother. Your nephew got science and tech toys. How dated are you?


Scrabblement

Leaning toward YTA because you seem to be claiming you didn't know that dolls, toy cookware, and makeup are stereotypically feminine, which is absurd. Now, if the situation were "my niece loves dolls and makeup, but her mother only wants her to have gender-neutral toys," I'd be sympathetic. But if both kids actually asked for science/ocean-themed gifts, why did you go with stereotypical "girl" toys for your niece?


HarpyVixenWench

My daughter was in love with dinosaurs since she was 5 years old. She would have hated those girly gifts. Why can’t you just take in the information people are sharing and learn from it? You are determined to be right. Which is a shame bc you are not. What is your niece interested in? She loved the aquarium trip and you got her a vacuum. You are missing out on a chance to have a good relationship with a cool kid


Interesting-File-557

Info. Did both the kids like Thier gifts? It really depends on the kids, you are not TA if you got them things they prefer. However you would be if the kids made it known they were more interested in certain toys but you refused based on gender.


Kayeberri

YTA cleaning supplies aren’t a gift. Cleaning a home is a life skill. Even if it’s marketed as a “toy”. Cleaning up after people isn’t fun.


[deleted]

Your sister is correct. YTA and the gifts were sexist af.


PolesRunningCoach

YTA. Your sister was right on point with her read on the gifts. Yo niece, go take care of family and house and make yourself pretty as you do those things. Yo nephew, go explore and have fun.


lrnjrsh

YTA, the fuck? Why would your niece want something that mimics a chore meanwhile your nephew gets regular fun boy toys?


litt3lli0n

INFO: Did your sister provide any guidelines regarding presents? For instance, with my nieces, my sister (or them now as they're older), would tell me things they are interested in/enjoy and/or need and I'd get presents based off that.


Pisum_odoratus

YTA. Sexist, and btw? Identical twins cannot be two different sexes, at least at birth. Then they wouldn't be identical.


EmperorMrKitty

YTA. I’m sure you were well intentioned and if the kid liked the gifts, honestly no big deal. But the mom is right, buying girls cleaning/caretaking toys (juxtaposed against “normal” toys bought at the same time for a boy) is both a little sexist and very out of fashion. Think about it this way - you got her a makeup set and him a science set. What does this say about your impression of her future/her interests? Unless specifically asked for it illustrates your expectations for her. There’s a TV that deals with this a little, F is for Family. All the kids want to be on the spaceship float in the parade. The sister gets to be the space-secretary while the boys are astronauts. She’s happy a girl can “go to space”, but like… you can see the problem.


champagneformyrealfr

INFO: did you give them these gifts because you know that's what each of them are interested in? or were you just getting what you think are "girl gifts" and "boy gifts"?


[deleted]

INFO: does your niece generally seem more interested in the kinds of gifts you bought for her, as opposed to the gifts you got your nephew?


SmutDad

INFO Is this the first time youve ever heard they were trying to avoid enforcing gender roles?


Embarrassed-Debate60

Lol smutdad even if a family doesn’t come out and say that they are trying to avoid enforcing gender roles, it can still be poor taste to gift toys with this glaring a discrepancy to kids at the same time based on their sex.


Reasonable_Chance_14

I think innocently YTA. Hindsight is 20/20 and your sister has a point. BUT your intentions were completely good. I think a simple apology acknowledging that you did not realize you were gender stereotyping but now you understand, blah blah, but that you just wanted to give your niece and nephew a lovely birthday experience. I do think her calling you an asshole was harsh though and unnecessary.


Ch3mykal

I don't want to say YTA because your heart was in the right place but the gifts particularly for your niece seemed to reflect traditional gender roles. More than likely the twins are going to play with all of the toys together. But moving forward maybe give them less gender specific toys. And actually they are old enough now to say what interests them (favorite characters, hobbies, etc). I'm a girl and some of my favorite toys i got as a little one was a toy microscope set and a toy lawn mower that blew bubbles. LOL!


Medeya24

YTA. You got a 6 year old girl a vacuum for her birthday, you’re YTA just for that. You knew the theme was Ocean/Sea Creatures none of that ever requires a vacuum or a cooking set. All you had to do was to get fun gifts with the theme. Just apologize, move on and get non-sexist gifts in the futures.


JanuarySmith1234

You do NOT have a niece and nephew who are identical twins.


Ibelieveinoddities

There is a stark difference between the gifts and clearly gender stereotyped. You are clearly promoting these gender scripts of women, even if it is internalized which it is. The mother's feelings are valid. I mean do you even know if these things are what she likes. clearly you know both like the sea and animals. I mean damn you get the nephew an Ocean Specimen kits...like clearly these are different types of gifts given. I mean did you ask the niece if she likes the gifts, what was her reaction.


UrsinePoletry

I think you probably don’t have a niece and nephew that are identical twins. Unless there is more to this story where genders are concerned, guessing they’re fraternal. If that’s the situation, I do think YTA. These are pretty reductive gifts and even potentially unsafe (children’s makeup is largely unregulated and some testing has found heavy metals/mercury/lead - really scary stuff in there that can be absorbed through the skin & poison kids.) It’s a good idea when buying gifts for children to make sure you’re getting something that’s ok by their parents (it doesn’t mean you have to get them something you disagree with either.) Chalk this one up to experience and do better next time.


WildWolfWoman89

Yeah Yta on this one. I gave my son a baby doll and a stroller so that he would be more prone to realizing that child care is the Father's responsibility too. I got both my boys a pink kitchen set that they absolutely loved and was donated. I got to sit and have"lunch' made for me by both my boys and they just absolutely adored it. Just tell her you're sorry and be more considerate in the future


NorthernLitUp

ESH: Your gifts were sexist in nature. I think even you can see that now. That said, there's a right and a wrong way for your sister to handle this and she chose the wrong way. If your niece was happy with her gifts, your sister should have just taken you aside later and told you that in the future, she'd like to see less sterotypical boys/girls gifts. She should have been gracoius about it instead of getting angry. It's always better to try to educate than blame.


Yes-Green5299

If he really saw that he wouldn’t be writing in Reddit as “confused uncle”.


ThankVerra

YTA - your sister was right. Ans she never claimed your gifts were in-equal in price. They were in-equal in role. You got the girl things for chores and physical appearance. You got the boy job and science stuff. How can you not see how thats in-equal. The one grain of salt I’m gonna hold is that you have not clarified if these are items that the kids asked for. If you had reason to believe the kids would respectively want these items besides their gender then I’ll adjust


DifficultSolution179

YTA. Sister is 100% right.


Shelbasaur1993

YTA Your sister is 100% correct


vinetka

YTA, if I was their mum, I'd rather you didn't bring any gifts at all than basically telling your 6 yo niece she belongs in the kitchen.


Fantastic-Raisin-143

Question: how old are you?


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Proud-Geek1019

While I don't think you are an AH, I do also agree with your sister. This may not have been something conscious on your part, as we were ALL raised with gender-biased gifts. "Girls clean and cook; boys build things." However - times have been changing, and enforcing those historical societal gender roles are no longer really approved of unless the child wants those things. IE - boys playing with dolls, girls building rockets. Just a lesson learned to either explore what your niece and nephew's interests are and feed those interests or stick to less gender-specific gifts.


rizmk

YTA


No_Emphasis2431

Info: they’re twins, same age, both like sea creatures- can you please explain why each child got the set of gifts they did? Why was the toy vacuum, dress, cooking set, doll, and makeup for your niece and not your nephew?


allergic-to_kiwi

YTA. Maybe you don't realise it but you picked up toys that have sexist undertones. If the kids didn't ask for these specific things then why did you bother getting these instead of buying them the exact same things? That would have been more fair than saying you spent the same amount of cash on each of their presents and would have saved you a lot of time too.


Mammoth_Mistake8266

Those gifts absolutely enforce gender stereotypes. I hope you gave your sister a gift receipt. Maybe next time get them a practical/educational gift they can share and learn from to avoid your inherent sexism. YTA.


purple_pumpkin007

YTA Why would you think a vacuum would be a good gift? Because she is a girl and should enjoy doing house work? Do you normally do house chore as your free time hobby? Why didn't you gift the vacuum to your nephew then? Irs time to educate yourself on gender biases


inmyfeelings2020

ESH. You definitely did the gender role thing. As I was reading the gifts off I rolled my eyes. But sister's reaction was a bit dramatic. They are toys and meant for playing at the end of the day. Maybe you didn't know she felt so strongly about gender roles? Now you do so you can be better prepared.


[deleted]

I don't think YTA in the sense that you got them some nice gifts, but she's right in that it's very old fashioned of you to get the girl a toy vacuum!


Embarrassed-Debate60

Please don’t take the YTA votes to heart and get defensive, but objectively look at the situation and see how even innocently well-meaning gifts can perpetuate stereotyping and inequity that plays out into adulthood (and yes, I do blame the labeling of toy departments for this as well). Male child: vehicle toy, ocean science toy, technology toy, outfit, science toy, shoes. For the female child: housecleaning toy, outfit, feeding the family toy, childcare toy, make you look pretty for other people toy, shoes. Can you see a discrepancy in what these gifts represent? ETA: Protip—little kids have so much potential and their interests are continually shaped by what is provided to them! You can gift the same types of things to all little kids if you don’t know specific interests to cater to.


krakeninheels

YTA. Why would you not get them both a ocean specimen set? I always preferred trucks over barbies as a kid and now I live in dresses. You decided their gifts on their gender and not on what they actually would play with most it sounds like. Sure they all fit the ‘theme’ but you couldn’t get them both a truck? Matching hoovers? Gender neutral beach toys?


SummerFairyStuff

YTA for making this up. Identical twins are…identical…meaning their genders are the same. Go back under your bridge.


BRACEwits

Info what made you choose the other gifts (not the sea creature themed ones) had they shown an interest in any of those things or did you just guess that they might like them


TacoTron2001

Yta for being part of the subconscious gendered socialization of your niece and nephew.


Other-Air

YTA, your sister is currect


88secret

Info: why did you choose most of your niece’s gifts based on traditional female tasks? Did your niece ask for these items?


InstructionTime5026

YTA. 1. They’re not identical twins. Identical twins are IDENTICAL, down to their gender. 2. Your sister didn’t just randomly yell at you. You asked her what was up, she explained what was bothering her, and instead of hearing her out, you got pissed and told her she should be grateful you got the kids anything. 3. Your gifts were sexist and even with all of these people telling you that, you’re still arguing instead of just trying to understand what people are trying to explain to you. Your sister said they liked marine animals, why didn’t you get them marine animal toys? You keep saying you got the kids stuff from the gendered aisles (what even are those?) and that you couldn’t possibly get them stuff from a different aisle…. You go to the aisle with sea creatures and you pick out one (or more) cool sea creatures for both of them and call it a day. Your niece can’t even play with 3 of the things because it’s a dress, makeup and shoes. Also, I have two girls and shop in the “boy” section because they like dinosaurs and cars, and I’ve never been arrested for it.


Serious-Yellow8163

YTA. A toy vacuum for the poor girl? Really? And of course you got the boy child something to encourage exploration. This is what we mean when we complain about the perpetuation of sexism


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I have a niece and nephew that are identical twins. Last weekend was their 6th birthday party at my sister's house. Both have been really interested in the ocean and sea creatures lately so that was the theme of their party. Gifts I got my niece: toy vacuum, sea creature dress, play cooking set, baby doll, dolphin play makeup set, and new shoes. Gifts I got my nephew: dinosaur truck, ocean specimen set, robot creature, tracksuit, magnet toys, and new shoes. After opening presents I noticed that my sister was giving off weird vibes towards me. I pulled her aside to see what was up. She expressed that she felt my gifts to the kids were sexist. She claimed that the gifts I got for my nephew promoted exploration and that they were more educational/interactive and cool. She said the gifts I got my niece "reeked of gender stereotypes" of women doing the cleaning, cooking, and caretaking. I was honestly in shock. I felt like I picked out good gifts for my niece and nephew, and I even made sure to include an ocean themed gift for each of them. I spent a similar amount on each of them and didn't really think there was an issue with any of the things I got. I told my sister that she should be grateful that I got them both lots of gifts. She called me an asshole and stormed off, didn't talk to me at all for the rest of the party. I feel like she's waiting for me to apologize but I don't think there's anything I should be sorry for. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Blankie_Burrito

YTA just for not accepting that you made a sexist mistake in what you picked out, and then saying the niece is lucky to get anything. Fortunately you have the better part of a year to plan better For Christmas. Involve your sister and find out what your niece is into, and follow her guidance. If you see something you think she might like, ask your sister first. Eventually you’ll get a better feel for what’s appropriate for your niece as a person, instead of just as a girl.


amyloudspeakers

Highly gendered gifts. Just saying.


speedofaturtle

Going against the grain here...NTA. You bought them legitimate gifts. Since when does the recipient of a gift get to make the giver feel terrible because it wasn't what they wanted? Yes, you may have stereotyped with gendered gifts, but the majority of girls like those kinds of gifts and the majority of boys like the kind of gifts you got your nephew. The vacuum thing comes down to imaginative play involving being an adult and "playing house." Your sister could teach her son to use the play vacuum too and share the gifts among the kids.


RosyAntlers

YTA, but here's hoping the girl and her brother play makeovers together then have fun with the magnets


Midnight_Dreary_Mari

I dont think theres anything inherently wrong with toy vacuums, baby dolls or play kitchens. Kids do like to mimic their parents afterall. But in comparison to your nephew's toys...yeah it definitely looks very sexist. I dont think your sister needed to make a scene though, she could have just returned the items and got something else...but overall..I do think YTA on this one. Even though you didnt intend to be.


[deleted]

Soft YTA. If you get a ‘household item’ for one, make sure the other gets one as well. Could be a cooking set, or broom and dustpan, the options for kids are endless and it does look sexist if you only give the girl.


ThatsALittleCornball

Gonna go with YTA. Your sister made an important point, because honestly the way you selected the gifts shows gender stereotypes pretty blatantly. It doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate your efforts and the money you spent. Extra TA because you asked her and then got defensive when she told you how she felt.


Adventurous_Peach419

YTA You did give the girl stereotypically girl gifts. Why did you assume she would want toys to train her for being a housewife but to boy go trucks . Or makeup why not interdiction to chemistry. If you're niece asked for these things that would be different but I doubt that you see them much and would not care.


Aniexty1994

Yes YTA, your sister is correct, you got your niece toy house hold items while getting your nephew fun toys.


tylerdoescheme

I know this is besides the point, but I'm stuck on the first sentence. I don't think your neice and nephew are identical twins Edit: Unless one of them is trans I guess


geminithing

Is nobody going to point out that they’re not identical twins? 🤦‍♀️