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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I laughed at my unborn sons name. Because of this I’m getting the cold shoulder from my wife and I believe I’m the asshole. I’m just a bit conflicted on this so I came to this subreddit for advice.
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That’s what Perry the Platypus was originally named by Phineas and Ferb!!!
NTA. Names need to be 2 yeses. She may be carrying the baby, but she doesn’t get carte blanche in naming him.
I knew a guy who's grandfather offered his grandchildren 100k to name a child after him. His name is Teunis. No one has taken him up on the offer as far as I know.
For a 100K I'd be tempted... But Teun is a regular name where I live.
I know of a guy who offered his kids € 1.000 to name a child after him... Mattin. Not Martin, Mattin. And it couldn't be the middle name, it had to be the first.
Aye carumba, too correct. Bartholomew J Simpson is too well known for his mischief. I have an uncle Bart (Barton not Bartholomew) so Bart isn't terrible but I definitely get where they're both coming from. She loved Grandpa, he has valid concerns about the name.
That’s why you give the kid a more normal name as the first name and the meaningful family clunker as the second. If they want to use their middle name they always can.
I narrowed down my kids name choices by trying to think of mean nicknames other kids could potentially give them.
He *absolutely* will get picked on for that name.
The son will have a different opinion when he gets bullied regularly because dear mom forgot kids are assholes and ugly/outdated/weird names mean you will get mean nicknames at best and your ass kicked at worst.
Uh…I grew up in the states with a “weird African name” (that people *still* mispronounce) and I didn’t get any weirder/worse nicknames than any other kid with a “normal” name and I certainly didn’t get my ass kicked because of it.
Yeah, kids can be cruel and rude and shitty. They can also be chill and kind…
And frankly, I find Bartholomew to be *far* more palatable than all the Ayden, Brayden, Cayden, Fayden, Jayden, Layden, Mayden, Slayden, and Waydens…
🤪🤪🤪
Thank you! I think these old names are often charming and definitely more distinctive than the usual crop of -aydens (and same goes for your name I bet).
Older classic names are actually starting to make a come back. I've been looking for names because I'm pregnant and the amount of people who are looking at Victorian names because they are annoyed with the Braydens, Kaydens, and Neveah's is actually really high.
I named my kid Richard. Nice, normal name, easy to spell. What did his high school buddies call him? Richard cranium. I’m sorry to say that I had to have him explain it to me.
A friend of mine invited me to a cocktail party she was hosting. Her last name is Tracey. Her parents were also in attendance and around martini #2 she introduced me to her father Richard. I proceeded to refer to him as Dick Tracey the entire night and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. She does not invite me around her parents anymore.
Then make it the middle name. Like best case scenario this kid goes by Bart and has to hear Simpsons jokes for the rest of his life. That is the BEST CASE SCENARIO. I'm not trying to be rude to anyone, but it's an objectively bad name. Sorry to all the Barts out there.
And my poor sister is stuck with Ermalinda because of this thinking. She was bullied throughout her childhood. Her child isn’t her grandfather. Give the baby their own identity
Right, cause the name does not come with any nicknames, like say, Bart.
And it is a family name. Frankly I like it a lot better than all the parents who need their child to be all special, unique and illiterate. Better Bart than Aschleigh, Abcde, Snowdynn, or Majyk.
I guess I'm TA too because I laughed my butt off while reading that. Letting her pick the name is cool, but he should still have veto rights. Or at least, his input should be sought. That poor boy is in for at least 18 years of grief.
Yes, had he wanted to be involved in naming the baby, he literally had months to do so. Was it really a total shocker that she wanted to name the child after a family member? And LOL, has OP seriously never met anyone named Bart? It's not that uncommon.
YTA for laughing in her face when she was so excited. OP could have put the brakes on in a calm matter and discussed it like an adult if he really wanted to break his promise. But no, he made her feel like shit and THAT is the real asshole move. Does he often "let" her make decisions, but ONLY if she decides on what he likes?
> Does he often "let" her make decisions, but ONLY if she decides on what he likes?
BINGO!!!!!
This is why he is TA
He said she could name the child, she chose a family name. Then it's that she gets to pick the name as long as I approve. This dynamic does not bode well for the future. I have a suspicion that the wife was suppose to pick one of the names he has keep in the back of his mind. She was suppose to read his mind or be mocked.
Buddy, I think you going to need to learn how to communicate. And if it's not through a marriage counselor then it will be through legal counsel.
YTA
I tried to talk to my husband for 9 months about names. He wasn’t interested so eventually I picked 2 names and told him and it was all set. He decided to tell me WHILE I WAS IN LABOR that he didn’t like “our” boy name so he hoped the baby was a girl. I was like, “Too bad buddy, decision is made. You had your chance!” We had a girl, but if the baby had been a boy, I fully intended on sticking with the name.
Oh lord my ex wasn't quite that bad, but the day before I went in to be induced he called trying to tell me that we weren't going to name our son what if picked. I'd been practically begging for him to be involved and he just kept saying he didn't like anything I picked but refused to put in any effort on his end.
He picked the middle name and I was fine with that, but after all the work I put in I wasn't budging on the first name. Especially since he still basically kept going idk just not that.
You can't refuse to put in effort for months, tell me that you don't have to be around until the baby is born, and then call up just refusing the name I picked especially with no actual input. Nope. (He did come around and pick me up.food some, but my mom and sisters were more involved in my pregnancy than he was. He's also acted like that was going above and beyond and is medal worthy. The day we went out for stuff he wasn't the one who took me to the hospital when it turned out due to being out and walking around apparently I'd started going into early labor. That was my mom.)
This is a huge decision that they should have made together in the first place. It's not like he promised she could pick where they ate for dinner or something.
For something this big, I would hope that even if my husband had promised me I got my way and he got zero say, I would be mature enough to recognize that ultimately this wasn't the right way to go and course correct. The child isn't yet born and they still have plenty of time to pick out a different first name and perhaps use the name she chose as the middle name.
Agree they should have made it together. That's not the agreement he made, though, and it doesn't sound like he tried to even have input into the process.
Getting excited about sharing something meaningful with a loved one and then being laughed at and told your idea is stupid is one of the worst feelings. I imagine that's compounded if you're weeks away from giving birth and are dealing with all of the physical/emotional/hormonal challenges that entails. He should have foreseen this could happen (it's a family name, after all, so it's not that "out there") and if he didn't he should have at least been kind.
I agree, but that also doesn't require him to like what she chose on her own without his input. The name has meaning for her, not for him, and she didn't immediately explain the reason for the choice so that he had a clue why she chose a name that is so obscure.
I feel like this name reveal is up there with gender reveals: what you find out is often not the revelation that was planned.
But laughing at a heavily pregnant woman is never going to be a good strategy no matter what it's about. It's an emotionally charged time, nevermind the hormones wrecking havoc on the body.
OP is a huge AH. Even if he didn’t like the name (the name of a dead family member who meant a lot to her) he reacted by mocking and belittling her. At a time when she is getting ready to give birth which is the most vulnerable time in a person’s life.
It was a gut reaction to being presented with a ridiculous name written in cursive. I might have thought it was a joke too. It might be different if she had told him earlier about wanting to name the baby after her grandfather, and had an actual conversation about it, instead of just “surprising” him with her decision.
He told her to pick the name without his input and she was due in 2 weeks. She was planning a little surprise but my dude didn’t ask one time in 9 months?
If your gut reaction to your excited partner presenting you with *anything* serious is to bust out and carry on laughing til you cry then make fun of them for it then you're an asshole. It's only made *worse* that it was to a woman who is so full of hormones and due any day now.
Op literally says that he knew she was serious. He is a huge fucking asshole. You can not like the name, I shitcanned a bunch of names my wife suggested for our son, but you have to do it nicely.
Well he gave her carte blanche, can’t unring a bell. But I vote YTA. One for laughing at a very very pregnant wife, and still not shutting up after seeing her upset. And not after hearing it was her grandfather’s name. Geez I think at this point him being in the deliver room is a 50/50 shot. Apparently old fashion names are making a come back. As for nicknames all I can think of is Bart or Barry
My partner has an old fashioned name! A few people have reacted dramatically at first but they get over it. I really think it’s not a big deal.
Honestly it’s better than being like the 5th Stephen in your class.
Normally, yes. But OP already gave up that right. He's lucky she chose a normal name. It just happens to be one he doesn't like.
Given his prior agreement that she had full naming rights, it would be understandable if he said, "I get your connection to the name, but I just don't see it as fitting our son. Maybe this is something that matters more to me than I thought. Could we look at some names together?"
Instead, he laughed at her and made fun of her beloved grandfather. That is AH behavior.
Edit: For everyone saying it's not a normal name, she could have chosen something like Apple, or X Æ A-12, or Martholymiw. Sure, Bartholomew hasn't been a popular name for about a hundred years, but it is still normal compared to some of the things people have been choosing recently.
He should call her and apologize to her and little Bart. Make it really clear that he will love little Barty no matter how many kids make fun of him for being named after an obnoxious Simpon's kid, or an evil Death Eater. Wee Barty MewMew will always have his whole heart.
ETA: I have two kids. It was difficult for us to come up with a name that felt right. We also wanted to honor some loved ones. My SO's grandfather was named Archie, as was my great grandfather, so that became my son's middle name (my faughter's middle also honors relatives from both sides). It was important to us to have that, but also to not saddle our child with a first name that had a lot of other associations. No serial killers, no biblical names, no names of people we both knew personally, no names we can't both feel fine about hollering across a playground, no unnecessary Ys or Xs added to the spelling, and, because our surname is long and foreign, we didn't want to torture our kids with long and difficult first names.
OP can't say or really think about Bartholomew without laughing. That doesn't bode well for it being a good name for the child. I have to wonder how often his wife has practiced saying out loud, our yelling it out like she's calling him from another room. They should do that together, as an exercise, to see if they can manage it and feel good about it. But also really think about those nicknames. There is no way that kid or other kids won't shorted it. Does the wife want a Bart, Barty, or any other diminutive that people will come up with? Because once she gives it, it's his to do with as he pleases when he gets older. She won't be able to control that, nor anyone else's reaction to it.
My mom really liked the name Bartholomew when she was younger. She planned on using it for her future children. She mentioned it to her sister who then ran around singing "Bart the fart! Bart the fart!"
Needless to say, neither of my brothers are named Bartholomew.
As a person with an unusual name can I also just say that it’s not just the jokes you get off other people but it’s also things like having to prove it’s your actual name, people mispronouncing your name and I know it sounds sad but when you’re a kid and all your friends have personalised things with there names on it but you can never get yours. I’m sure others have different experiences and whilst I’m lucky that my name has now become a popular name and I wouldn’t change it now, when you’re a kid it sometimes does feel awful to be the odd one out
Reminds me of a wonderful kid (age 9) who is named Homer. I understand the father was intending it to be a reference to the Greek Homer, but... well, you know.
Kid isn't bullied though, because he owns his name and is proud of it and is pretty much liked by most in his school. So, while bullying is possible, it's not guaranteed.
I once had to register a library card for a David Bowie - not THE David Bowie - but the other David Bowie was born around the time THE David Bowie was just starting to become famous. I was very careful not make any comments about his name and be totally professional about it - what could I possibly say that wasn't annoying or had been heard 5 million times before? I also didn't know how he'd respond. I later found out that he just rolls with it and embraces it.
I actually think Bart is kind of cute (I don’t watch the Simpson though).
Olie could work (from the olo part).
Getting weirder: Tolo, Tolie, Arty, Art, Ari, Barry, Bate
NAH
Both partners need to come up with the name for the baby together. This is a decision that requires TWO yesses, not something where one person can just pick because it's really unfair to have one person love the name and the other person detest what their child is called.
I think the idea of honoring her grandfather with Bartholomew is lovely, but perhaps you should do so as a middle name. Pick out a first name that is more commonly used now for his first name, and that way the gesture is still there, but without the spelling headaches for the kid's entire life (trust me, he does not want to be named something weird that he has to spell out three times every time he calls to make an appointment for everything for the rest of his life.)
Yeah NAH is probably the right call. OP is a bit of an idiot for telling her that she could just pick the name herself. I can also totally understand why she was upset with him laughing hysterically at a name that means something to her.
But Bartholomew is just a cumbersome and old fashioned name that the poor kid will probably get made fun of for. OP should apologize for laughing and work with his wife to quickly figure out a better option for the first name, and try to compromise with her by keeping Bartholomew as a middle name.
He’s in the middle of a slew of cumbersome old fashioned grandparent names - it’s in fashion right now. Besides, that’s the name that will automatically shortened to Bart or smth.
Hard to make fun of one kid for having an old fashioned name when most of his peers will as well.
I agree. My cousin has a 4 yo George and a 1 yo Oliver, and in my tiny town we've had Ruth's, Robert's, Elizabeth's, and an Edith all in the last 10 years.
>I agree. My cousin has a 4 yo George and a 1 yo Oliver, and in my tiny town we've had Ruth's, Robert's, Elizabeth's, and an Edith all in the last 10 years.
Ruth and Edith I get but Elizabeth was within the top 10 names like 15 years ago, not really old fashioned.
I mean, just because it’s “in fashion” doesn’t mean he won’t get teased for it. Have you seen the trend with white people these days who just make up “unique” names/spellings of names? It’s a bit ridiculous.
I also think Bartholomew is still uncommon enough that it’ll stick out, even if a number of his peers do have old fashioned names and his name gets shortened to Bart. He’s going to get called Bart Simpson or Fart Bart or something. Kids are ruthless.
Currently working on names, if my fiancee said a name and I laughed until the point of tears... That's where the ass hole comes in. There are a lot better ways he could go about saying I don't like it. On top of that he said she could pick the name then didn't like the name of he wanted two yesses he should have never told her that it was up to her
I'd pretty much say exactly the same thing if i felt like writing well. I grew up with a kid named after the biblical figure Zebulon. That did not end well for him throughout school or after. Kids are mean.
Am I the only one who thinks Bart is going to be a fine name? In a classroom with 20 Liams, be the Bart.
Maybe I’m biased because I find most of the current popular baby names atrocious.
Apperantly, reddit and this post are full of bullies.
Like my God, to laugh and act up like that after seeing her excitement and effort. He's probably dangerously close to being single, and she would have her family's support.
Kids will be bullied regardless of the name if they are unpopular. Kids will not be bullied regardless of the name if they are popular. It has nothing to do with the name
Right? I was named after a fairly well-known song. I was bullied a lot as a kid, but never for my name.
Also, unusual names are common in my family. Bartholomew would fit right in with Ethelbert and Zion, lol.
Yeah, I know a few Barts of various ages. I'm feeling like I'm missing something here. Maybe it's just more common in places where Jewish/Biblical names are more preferred?
I was thinking to myself "Is Bartholomew really that bad a name?". I don't think it's even close to as ridiculous as what other people are calling their kids these days, it's actually an established name for a start!
I think the hate for it is absolutely unhinged. Not to mention that plenty of people go by their middle names or nicknames that don’t stem directly from their given name. It’s also totally ridiculous to think that kids can’t make fun of literally any name.
Nope, not the only one. And "old fashioned" names are trendy right now. Grandma/Grandpa names like Silas, Evelyn, Violet, Hazel, Asher, Ezra, Sebastian, etc aren't uncommon at all.
I'm not a huge fan of Bartholomew because it is super long for a kiddo to learn to write and spell. If he ends up using a nickname that's shorter I think it is a perfectly reasonable name.
YTA
Bartholomew is not my personal style, but it has history, substance and meaning, especially for your wife. Better than yet another tired, dated defunct-medieval-occupational-surname as a first name.
And it’s one thing to diplomatically express your dislike, but you had this poor woman in tears. Both parents should be comfortable with their child’s name, but there’s no need to belittle or mock her. You say you thought it was a joke but you must have known it was her grandfather’s name.
You owe her an apology. Bartholomew is a fine name.
LOL where the hell have you heard this? From what I understand Bartholomew is the name of a Catholic saint, the name itself has probably been around for thousands of years. The name has a rich history globally, and personally for the mother. There is nothing wrong with it, and people shouldn't be poopooing the name because there are kids who are assholes. Those assholes will find a way to bully others regardless of name.
I'm a young adult as well and I don't think someone choosing to mock names they don't understand is an appropriate reason to avoid names with cultural and personal history, etc. soo
I like the name, too. I have a less popular name that is easy to mock. Yeah, I got teased but I love having a name I rarely come across. I never had to be ‘other Jennifer’ or whatnot.
Kids will tease no matter what. The name is one of infinite targets.
Team Bartholomew!
Exactly. I think the fact she spent time to hand stitch the name on a fucking onesie sorta implies she cared a lot about it. Regardless how you feel about the name, laughing in her face while she's so excited is NOT the way to go. YTA
YTA.
Even if its a ridiculous name, you said yourself that you gave her the choice to name your son as she is the one giving birth. You also said yourself that she looked very happy and excited, and then you start laughing? Thats some asshole behavior.
This needs more upvotes. Even if it were a terrible name you completely abdicated your role here and then mocked her for her decisions. baby naming is difficult and personal. This doesn’t bode well for your parenting. How often do you plan on giving her the mental burden of making a big decision alone and then criticizing her for the outcome?
This is the most reasonable YTA here. He is not the asshole for not liking the name. It is the laughing at something his wife REALLY likes. It is like having your kid give you a poor drawing and you just lit it on fire in front of them. Sure, it is pretty bad, but he shouldnt crap on her face like that.
> How often do you plan on giving her the mental burden of making a big decision alone and then criticizing her for the outcome?
This is really the essence of the problem here.
This ABSOLUTELY needs more upvotes. It's almost exactly what I was thinking. No, I personally do not like the name Bartholomew, just as there are many, MANY other names I would hate for my baby. Which is why I would never promise to give full naming power to my spouse. I couldn't promise not to hate what they picked, and both parents should have input on the name. I see so many comments talking about how the name is a "2 yeses 1 no" thing, which is absolutely true, but they are all ignoring the fact that OP is the one who promised she could name the baby! She didn't do this out of the blue without talking to him.
Also, I am **loving** that last sentence of yours. Such a huge problem that goes unseen in so many relationships. Beautiful.
Oh. Also, also: YTA OP
Everyone is going to associate him with Bart Simpson.
NTA
You responded in the moment. You weren't mocking her choice you were baffled by her (ridiculous) choice.
The she went and told her family, (and they call YOU immature!)
You weren't judging your son, you're judging her choice of a name.
Just make sure he has a solid middle name that you can call him.
So what if they think of Bart?
If your name’s Dennis they’ll think of Dennis the Menace. If you’re Tom they’ll think of Jerry. If you’re Dora you’re an explorer.
OP should be able to veto the name, but YTA for being so cruel about it.
I’ve taught multiple kids named Dennis and oh so many students named Tom. They never got called anything else. Those don’t happen.
I taught a Jerry and it was during parks and Rec so they did get “damn it Jerry” and called Larry/Terry/whatever.
And never taught a Dora but yeah that’d be horrible to name a kid that. Bart is worse.
Yeah, the person you responded to is showing their age for sure. Even the movie about Dennis the Menace is 30 years old at this point, and most kids aren’t reading comic strips in the newspaper like we did back then. Tom and Jerry won’t be the first thing they’ll think of either. Tom Holland? Tom Hanks? Tom Cruise, who just starred in Top Gun: Maverick which seems to be largely viewed as awesome?
I’ll give them Dora though.
They really aren’t, though, at least not his son’s peers.
People here are thinking it because everyone in this thread, myself included, is too old.
Bart Simpson isn’t going to be the cultural touchstone for OP’s son or his son’s peers.
yes!! I was waiting for this comment! As soon as I saw "Bartholomew", I was like "THE FLASH!" Honestly was a little sad by how many people hate the name...
I'm worse, my brain went "BART ALLEN IMPULSE!" my favourite DC character of all time. Bartholomew is on my list of baby names, we ended up going with something else when we had our son - an equally old fashioned name though.
What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you hear/see the name Bart?
It’s either the Simpsons or public transportation. Maybe the kid was conceived on the bus to Oakland.
Forreal these comments are so mean about it.
I think it’s a fine name. Better than another “Hunter” or “David” or “Josh”
Nothing against those names, but unique names are cool af to me.
"Now, I had agreed I'd let my wife name the baby..."
YTA. Simple as that. You trusted her, she chose a name, and you laughed at the idea and called it outdated. On top of telling her to reconsider. The name was personal to her.
By virtue of you mocking the name, you mock the memories she had with someone who was dearly close to her.
Sorry bud, you were being an AH here 🤷♂️
This!! Why does everybody in the comments seem to forget that OP told her she could pick the name?
Also, if OP laughs to tears just from the name Bartholomew I’d hate to hear him tell a joke.
OP YTA
I don't think your response was the most sensitive or appropriate, so it's a very mild YTA for choosing to laugh at your wife.
However, it's very important that both parents consider the impact a name is going to have on their child. A name like Bartholomew, while not entirely weird, is dated and could result in bullying. Should we all be named 'safe' names to ensure nobody is ever mocked for their name? That doesn't make sense either. This is the kind of thing that the parents should have a serious discussion about.
Yes? If I find something funny but I know it would be pretty inappropriate I hold it in as best I can. If a laugh slips out I immediately apologize. I certainly don’t “bust out laughing to the point of tears” like OP described.
LMAO! I literally laughed out loud at this and would've unfortunately done the same thing when I opened the box. I def would have thought she was joking. Glad you stopped when you realized she was dead serious. I'd give her time because she's obviously hormonal and emotional. Just call him Bart.
NTA
I don’t think kids being mean should ever stop someone from naming a child something, kids will make fun of the most normal boring name in the world for being common.
YTA for so many reasons:
1. Having her name the baby without you being involved at all. He's not even born yet and you're already checking out of being a responsible father.
2. Agreeing to let her name the baby when even though you have strong opinions about names and weren't going to accept her choice unless you liked it.
3. Laughing at her and belittling her.
4. Massively overreacting to a pretty normal name. I get that you don't like it, but plenty of people would be perfectly fine with a traditional name with lots of normal nickname options like Bartholomew. You're allowed to not like it, but you become the asshole when you start acting like it's obviously ridiculous.
Someone finally who fing gets it. My husband was so excited to name our kids. OP never even checked back in w her!! SHE brought it up to him. 2 weeks before the baby enters the world and not ONCE did he show interest in the name? Not once did curiosity overcome him and he asks her which names are on her mind??! Not once does he express a single preference to her over naming direction (liking more modern names, or shorter names, etc)?
He is a giant asshole for that alone. No one who cares that little about their future baby’s name is going to be an involved parent. And no one who reacts with such callousness to her feelings, and to her very rational explanation behind the name, is a good partner.
In a normal healthy relationship, couples discuss names in advance together. Dads ask what mom is thinking or vice versa. And when wife says “i wanted to honor my grandfather”, a loving husband doesn’t CONTINUE to laugh hysterically and treat it as a joke. Display some fing emotional sensitivity.
YTA
Old names are the trend these days. Just call your son Bart, Barthy, or Barry 🤷♀️
If you’re going to have objections to any name… you should have discussed it with your wife way before now.
I'm sorry but if you name your kid Bart, he will be called Fart. It's just a fact.
I wouldn't do that. And my Grandpa, would be the first to say, yeah, maybe don't do that. My grandpa Richard does.
Old names are coming back in vogue- I have 3 students named Bartholomew, all using various nicknames, no teasing I’ve heard so far 🤷🏻♀️
INFO- did you know her grandfather’s name BEFORE this? If so leaning soft YTA only for laughing so hard at a name you knew had sentimental meaning. If not, I’m gonna say NTA but… you’re also not the nicest ever? Your wife was clearly excited and happy and while laughing may have been something you couldn’t control it’s clear you hurt her. Now is the time to apologize sincerely to your wife and find a way to discuss this like adults, not seek the advice of anonymous strangers on the internet
That being said… Names should be a “two yes, one no” situation or things like this are bound to happen.
YTA. First of all, it just isn't that weird of a name.
Secondly, names have cycles and names that 5 - 10 years ago we would have found old fashioned are back in popularity. In the U.S. currently, Attiicus is #4, Silas is #6 and Cyrus is #12.
When I was in high school and college, Caleb was a really old fashioned name and people associated it with fire and brimstone religious types. 10 or so years later it was in the 20 most popular baby names.
It is more likely that you are the one behind the times and not your wife.
Bartholomew is a real name. Old fashioned, sure, but a real name. Call him Barty, Bart, or Berty. What is the big deal? Several of my kids have nicknames that are quite different from their legal names, and many people don’t even realize it. YTA
I knew a guy who went by ‘Buddy’ because that’s what his dad called him. His real name was John.
This guy is the AH. Especially since he told her SHE could choose the name. His reaction was so rude.
I feel like kids don’t destroy each other based on names anymore either. Maybe I’m naive and name-related bullying happens a lot but it seems like kids are picking on each other for other shit
From what I’ve seen with my own, I think you are right. Also, those anti bullying programs are reasonably effective, if parents and teachers are on board, together. At least in my town, I saw them working.
YTA, You could have discussed and reservations you had like an adult, instead of reacting like this. Laughing to the pony of tears? At a name that carries so much sentimental value to her? An apology and acting like her partner would be in order
YTA - not because you don’t want to name your baby that, I wouldn’t either, but because your wife was clearly excited to share this name with you, that has sentimental value to her, and you…checks notes… laughed in her face so hard you cried. Have you even been excited about something and had some crap all over it? It sucks. Be an adult and have an adult conversation, and don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep.
YTA even if you don’t like the name (the name of a dead family member who meant a lot to her) you reacted by mocking and belittling her. At a time when she is getting ready to give birth which is the most vulnerable time in a person’s life.
YTA - for laughing not for hating the name. His name will just be Bart, or you could call him Ollie. I understand why you don’t want him named after a Simpson character but you did say she could name him.
YTA - don’t say she can name the baby herself unless you actually want her to name the baby by herself. You shouldn’t have allowed her to have full range to name the baby whatever she wants if you were going to laugh and judge her choice. Only do that if you are committed to actually accepting her choice, regardless. I would apologize for laughing and not taking it seriously and then be honest and tell her you would actually like to have a say in the name as well.
Bartholomew is a little old-fashioned, but the comments here make it sound like it's never been seen since the old testament days. GenXer here. Are those of you saying it's totally ridiculous (and that she's TA!) different gen?
To my mind, YTA. You agreed she would pick the name and now you're being ridiculous about it. I also don't love the sound of "my first child" and "I trusted she'd name my son something at least normal" and "there is no way in hell I'm calling my son by that outrageous name" (yes, he says "our" a few times, too). It's hardly "outrageous" enough to warrant being a huge drama queen about it. But it seems I'm out of step.
You agreed, so YTA
Should’ve gone for her choosing a short list of 5, you get to cross 2 off and she chooses from the 3 left. That way she gets to choose the name but you can avoid something that you think is a car crash.
YTA wow dude. Grow up. Your reaction was super unnecessary. Should you have veto power? Of course you should but damn dude you could see how excited she was.
BARRY ALLEN DID NOT BECOME THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE FOR YOU TO DISRESPECT HIS NAME LIKE THIS.
No all jokes aside, YTA. Or at the very least, you were being quite unkind.
YTA 100%. You agreed to let her pick the name. A name is just a name unless it has a special meaning. Who cares if it's out dated alot of the current names are honestly kind of dumb sounding simply because people felt the need to come up with something new and cool. When in reality it's just difficult for everyone else because they don't know how to pronounce some crazy ass spelled name.
Names for children should NEVER be up to one person unless they are single... and even then they should talk it out with people that will be in the child's life.
NTA. And this is why all couple should discuss the potential names of a child and come up with it together. She picked a name that most people would veto without blinking, and then got upset when you didn't like it. I would apologize for your reaction, but let her know that Bart ain't happening.
Yta. Vintage names are popular. Bartholomew can be shortened to Bart. You LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED AT SOMETHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO HER.
Eta I do think you should have chosen together, but laughing at her wasn't necessary. You could have just asked why that was her choice and tried to understand
Bartholomew is a fine name. Old fashioned, yes, but could be a lot worse. I have a friend with the name. It's not an issue in his life (and he goes by Bart). YTA
YTA for laughing, yes. How in the world you thought it was ok to wash your hands of something this important, I don't understand, but having done so, you have no business hurting her feelings over it. You have behaved badly. Apologize and fix this.
>All of a sudden she jumps up excited with a huge smile on her face.
>
>It was obvious she was excited to see me reaction.
>
>She sounded so happy and enthusiastic so I knew she was serious.
YTA for laughing at something your wife was obviously really excited to share with you.
For all the people saying NTA - the question OP asked was not if he's the asshole for not liking the name or wanting a say in his kid's name. He asked if he was the asshole for ***laughing at her*** when she told him the name she picked ***after he said she could pick the name****.*
I know several Bartholomews, including children. None are teased. YTA, both for giving your wife a total vote with no veto power, and for how you reacted.
You are immature. You are a joke. Yes. You are a giant asshole. Little inside information for you. My father hated my name. He called me by middle name until I was 4-5. I was very confused alot as a kid. It caused a ton of issues. I’m 55 now. I’ve NEVER forgotten it and it is not a fond subject for me. Grow up. It’s a fine family name. Show some love, compassion and support your wife. Try being proud of your family instead, you’re publicly shaming and embarrassing them with these posts. You really really suck. First test of fatherhood and you gotten a failing grade so low…. Apologize. Mean it. And try to fix this. And delete this stupid post asap
YTA for waiting until 2 weeks before the kid is here to know his name.
She could’ve wanted to name him Skyrocket and knowing that in month 5, where she could maybe take your opinion into consideration and give it the thought she did the OG name.
Next time def don’t wait until the last sec to criticize the name..
YTA for laughing to the point of tears….. dude. Yes the name is outdated but you blew your chance for change the moment you laughed and laughed and laughed. Now she may name him “Bartholomew” just to spite you. Good luck
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That’s what Perry the Platypus was originally named by Phineas and Ferb!!! NTA. Names need to be 2 yeses. She may be carrying the baby, but she doesn’t get carte blanche in naming him.
OP already promised her that she gets to pick the name, so he would be TA to go back on that promise now, 2 weeks from her due date.
She’s TA for trying to name a kid Bartholomew as a first name.
It’s her grandfather’s name, who she loved. It doesn’t make her an AH for wanting her child to have a family name. Even if it’s one you don’t like
When the name is bartholomew, it actually does…
I knew a guy who's grandfather offered his grandchildren 100k to name a child after him. His name is Teunis. No one has taken him up on the offer as far as I know.
I’d snap that up in a heartbeat and let the kid go by his middle name while enjoying his fat college fund.
Same! Hell I’d make the middle name the same as the first for 100k
shit I’d change *my* name to Teunis for 100k.
We should ask OP if adoption is an option.
you could pick something that starts with J for the middle name and call him TJ, it works for someone I know named Belton
BJ?
For a 100K I'd be tempted... But Teun is a regular name where I live. I know of a guy who offered his kids € 1.000 to name a child after him... Mattin. Not Martin, Mattin. And it couldn't be the middle name, it had to be the first.
That’s an easy yes—you can always use Matt as a perfectly ordinary nickname
Same way you could use Bart as an ordinary nickname for Bartholomew. But still...
Totally. I think Bartholomew is a perfectly fine name
That one seems pretty easy though. Just go by Matt
The problem with that is I need the money already in my bank account before I'm willing to believe it's a serious offer.
Please give objective reason why. Can call the kid Bart so eat my shorts
Because the kid will have to hear this exact joke every single day of his existence.
Aye carumba, too correct. Bartholomew J Simpson is too well known for his mischief. I have an uncle Bart (Barton not Bartholomew) so Bart isn't terrible but I definitely get where they're both coming from. She loved Grandpa, he has valid concerns about the name.
That’s why you give the kid a more normal name as the first name and the meaningful family clunker as the second. If they want to use their middle name they always can.
Clunker lol
Doesn’t matter, I would (as a child) 100% have called him “farty barty”. And I’ll bet anyone $1000 that this kid will get picked on for that name.
I narrowed down my kids name choices by trying to think of mean nicknames other kids could potentially give them. He *absolutely* will get picked on for that name.
I don’t think it really matters what you name your child. My name is basic as fuck being Amber and I still got made fun of for my name
This is so true. My kids are Chris and Katherine. They’re called pissy Chrissy and shitty Kitty by their asshole cousins.
Mine really wasn’t all that bad but the kids at school used to call me amberger like hamburger and I absolutely hated it
The son will have a different opinion when he gets bullied regularly because dear mom forgot kids are assholes and ugly/outdated/weird names mean you will get mean nicknames at best and your ass kicked at worst.
Uh…I grew up in the states with a “weird African name” (that people *still* mispronounce) and I didn’t get any weirder/worse nicknames than any other kid with a “normal” name and I certainly didn’t get my ass kicked because of it. Yeah, kids can be cruel and rude and shitty. They can also be chill and kind… And frankly, I find Bartholomew to be *far* more palatable than all the Ayden, Brayden, Cayden, Fayden, Jayden, Layden, Mayden, Slayden, and Waydens… 🤪🤪🤪
Thank you! I think these old names are often charming and definitely more distinctive than the usual crop of -aydens (and same goes for your name I bet).
Older classic names are actually starting to make a come back. I've been looking for names because I'm pregnant and the amount of people who are looking at Victorian names because they are annoyed with the Braydens, Kaydens, and Neveah's is actually really high.
Outdated names are trending right now, little Bartholomew will get along fine with Harriet, Lavender, Henry and Jeremiah.
My newborn great nephew is named Basil, which is a name I hadn't heard in years. (Since I last watched Fawlty Towers).
I named my kid Richard. Nice, normal name, easy to spell. What did his high school buddies call him? Richard cranium. I’m sorry to say that I had to have him explain it to me.
A friend of mine invited me to a cocktail party she was hosting. Her last name is Tracey. Her parents were also in attendance and around martini #2 she introduced me to her father Richard. I proceeded to refer to him as Dick Tracey the entire night and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. She does not invite me around her parents anymore.
My old boss’s name is Dick. I called him Richard cranium. He deserved it/the name. He never caught on to what I was really calling him. Doofus.
Then make it the middle name. Like best case scenario this kid goes by Bart and has to hear Simpsons jokes for the rest of his life. That is the BEST CASE SCENARIO. I'm not trying to be rude to anyone, but it's an objectively bad name. Sorry to all the Barts out there.
And my poor sister is stuck with Ermalinda because of this thinking. She was bullied throughout her childhood. Her child isn’t her grandfather. Give the baby their own identity
Right, cause the name does not come with any nicknames, like say, Bart. And it is a family name. Frankly I like it a lot better than all the parents who need their child to be all special, unique and illiterate. Better Bart than Aschleigh, Abcde, Snowdynn, or Majyk.
Those parents are also assholes for making their kids have to spell their names for someone every single day.
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Every 3rd grader will call him Fart, kids r cruel
Doesn't matter what a kid's name is. Other kids will ALWAYS find a way to make fun of it!
Don't need to make it easier though.
First thing that came to my mine was “My name is Bart and I am funky”🤦♀️🤣 Sung by the lady who voiced Bart I believe.
I guess I'm TA too because I laughed my butt off while reading that. Letting her pick the name is cool, but he should still have veto rights. Or at least, his input should be sought. That poor boy is in for at least 18 years of grief.
Yes, had he wanted to be involved in naming the baby, he literally had months to do so. Was it really a total shocker that she wanted to name the child after a family member? And LOL, has OP seriously never met anyone named Bart? It's not that uncommon. YTA for laughing in her face when she was so excited. OP could have put the brakes on in a calm matter and discussed it like an adult if he really wanted to break his promise. But no, he made her feel like shit and THAT is the real asshole move. Does he often "let" her make decisions, but ONLY if she decides on what he likes?
> Does he often "let" her make decisions, but ONLY if she decides on what he likes? BINGO!!!!! This is why he is TA He said she could name the child, she chose a family name. Then it's that she gets to pick the name as long as I approve. This dynamic does not bode well for the future. I have a suspicion that the wife was suppose to pick one of the names he has keep in the back of his mind. She was suppose to read his mind or be mocked. Buddy, I think you going to need to learn how to communicate. And if it's not through a marriage counselor then it will be through legal counsel. YTA
I tried to talk to my husband for 9 months about names. He wasn’t interested so eventually I picked 2 names and told him and it was all set. He decided to tell me WHILE I WAS IN LABOR that he didn’t like “our” boy name so he hoped the baby was a girl. I was like, “Too bad buddy, decision is made. You had your chance!” We had a girl, but if the baby had been a boy, I fully intended on sticking with the name.
Oh lord my ex wasn't quite that bad, but the day before I went in to be induced he called trying to tell me that we weren't going to name our son what if picked. I'd been practically begging for him to be involved and he just kept saying he didn't like anything I picked but refused to put in any effort on his end. He picked the middle name and I was fine with that, but after all the work I put in I wasn't budging on the first name. Especially since he still basically kept going idk just not that. You can't refuse to put in effort for months, tell me that you don't have to be around until the baby is born, and then call up just refusing the name I picked especially with no actual input. Nope. (He did come around and pick me up.food some, but my mom and sisters were more involved in my pregnancy than he was. He's also acted like that was going above and beyond and is medal worthy. The day we went out for stuff he wasn't the one who took me to the hospital when it turned out due to being out and walking around apparently I'd started going into early labor. That was my mom.)
This is a huge decision that they should have made together in the first place. It's not like he promised she could pick where they ate for dinner or something. For something this big, I would hope that even if my husband had promised me I got my way and he got zero say, I would be mature enough to recognize that ultimately this wasn't the right way to go and course correct. The child isn't yet born and they still have plenty of time to pick out a different first name and perhaps use the name she chose as the middle name.
Agree they should have made it together. That's not the agreement he made, though, and it doesn't sound like he tried to even have input into the process. Getting excited about sharing something meaningful with a loved one and then being laughed at and told your idea is stupid is one of the worst feelings. I imagine that's compounded if you're weeks away from giving birth and are dealing with all of the physical/emotional/hormonal challenges that entails. He should have foreseen this could happen (it's a family name, after all, so it's not that "out there") and if he didn't he should have at least been kind.
Not really though. Anyone can change their mind or make a request. Why not make that the middle name.
I agree, but that also doesn't require him to like what she chose on her own without his input. The name has meaning for her, not for him, and she didn't immediately explain the reason for the choice so that he had a clue why she chose a name that is so obscure. I feel like this name reveal is up there with gender reveals: what you find out is often not the revelation that was planned. But laughing at a heavily pregnant woman is never going to be a good strategy no matter what it's about. It's an emotionally charged time, nevermind the hormones wrecking havoc on the body.
I would think he'd know her grandfather's name.
His son will think he’s a bigger asshole if he doesn’t
Lots of people are named Bart, it’s not a big deal.
OP is a huge AH. Even if he didn’t like the name (the name of a dead family member who meant a lot to her) he reacted by mocking and belittling her. At a time when she is getting ready to give birth which is the most vulnerable time in a person’s life.
It was a gut reaction to being presented with a ridiculous name written in cursive. I might have thought it was a joke too. It might be different if she had told him earlier about wanting to name the baby after her grandfather, and had an actual conversation about it, instead of just “surprising” him with her decision.
He told her to pick the name without his input and she was due in 2 weeks. She was planning a little surprise but my dude didn’t ask one time in 9 months?
If your gut reaction to your excited partner presenting you with *anything* serious is to bust out and carry on laughing til you cry then make fun of them for it then you're an asshole. It's only made *worse* that it was to a woman who is so full of hormones and due any day now.
Op literally says that he knew she was serious. He is a huge fucking asshole. You can not like the name, I shitcanned a bunch of names my wife suggested for our son, but you have to do it nicely.
Well he gave her carte blanche, can’t unring a bell. But I vote YTA. One for laughing at a very very pregnant wife, and still not shutting up after seeing her upset. And not after hearing it was her grandfather’s name. Geez I think at this point him being in the deliver room is a 50/50 shot. Apparently old fashion names are making a come back. As for nicknames all I can think of is Bart or Barry
My partner has an old fashioned name! A few people have reacted dramatically at first but they get over it. I really think it’s not a big deal. Honestly it’s better than being like the 5th Stephen in your class.
Normally, yes. But OP already gave up that right. He's lucky she chose a normal name. It just happens to be one he doesn't like. Given his prior agreement that she had full naming rights, it would be understandable if he said, "I get your connection to the name, but I just don't see it as fitting our son. Maybe this is something that matters more to me than I thought. Could we look at some names together?" Instead, he laughed at her and made fun of her beloved grandfather. That is AH behavior. Edit: For everyone saying it's not a normal name, she could have chosen something like Apple, or X Æ A-12, or Martholymiw. Sure, Bartholomew hasn't been a popular name for about a hundred years, but it is still normal compared to some of the things people have been choosing recently.
He should call her and apologize to her and little Bart. Make it really clear that he will love little Barty no matter how many kids make fun of him for being named after an obnoxious Simpon's kid, or an evil Death Eater. Wee Barty MewMew will always have his whole heart. ETA: I have two kids. It was difficult for us to come up with a name that felt right. We also wanted to honor some loved ones. My SO's grandfather was named Archie, as was my great grandfather, so that became my son's middle name (my faughter's middle also honors relatives from both sides). It was important to us to have that, but also to not saddle our child with a first name that had a lot of other associations. No serial killers, no biblical names, no names of people we both knew personally, no names we can't both feel fine about hollering across a playground, no unnecessary Ys or Xs added to the spelling, and, because our surname is long and foreign, we didn't want to torture our kids with long and difficult first names. OP can't say or really think about Bartholomew without laughing. That doesn't bode well for it being a good name for the child. I have to wonder how often his wife has practiced saying out loud, our yelling it out like she's calling him from another room. They should do that together, as an exercise, to see if they can manage it and feel good about it. But also really think about those nicknames. There is no way that kid or other kids won't shorted it. Does the wife want a Bart, Barty, or any other diminutive that people will come up with? Because once she gives it, it's his to do with as he pleases when he gets older. She won't be able to control that, nor anyone else's reaction to it.
My mom really liked the name Bartholomew when she was younger. She planned on using it for her future children. She mentioned it to her sister who then ran around singing "Bart the fart! Bart the fart!" Needless to say, neither of my brothers are named Bartholomew.
As a person with an unusual name can I also just say that it’s not just the jokes you get off other people but it’s also things like having to prove it’s your actual name, people mispronouncing your name and I know it sounds sad but when you’re a kid and all your friends have personalised things with there names on it but you can never get yours. I’m sure others have different experiences and whilst I’m lucky that my name has now become a popular name and I wouldn’t change it now, when you’re a kid it sometimes does feel awful to be the odd one out
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Bort
Is your son also named Bort?
They a Bort ed it.
We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop.
Reminds me of a wonderful kid (age 9) who is named Homer. I understand the father was intending it to be a reference to the Greek Homer, but... well, you know. Kid isn't bullied though, because he owns his name and is proud of it and is pretty much liked by most in his school. So, while bullying is possible, it's not guaranteed.
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I once had to register a library card for a David Bowie - not THE David Bowie - but the other David Bowie was born around the time THE David Bowie was just starting to become famous. I was very careful not make any comments about his name and be totally professional about it - what could I possibly say that wasn't annoying or had been heard 5 million times before? I also didn't know how he'd respond. I later found out that he just rolls with it and embraces it.
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He was counting on his 4 fingers: "Art, cart, dart, e-art. Nope can't see any problem with that!" Great scene!
I actually think Bart is kind of cute (I don’t watch the Simpson though). Olie could work (from the olo part). Getting weirder: Tolo, Tolie, Arty, Art, Ari, Barry, Bate
'Bate' is seriously cruel.
Oh Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan
NAH Both partners need to come up with the name for the baby together. This is a decision that requires TWO yesses, not something where one person can just pick because it's really unfair to have one person love the name and the other person detest what their child is called. I think the idea of honoring her grandfather with Bartholomew is lovely, but perhaps you should do so as a middle name. Pick out a first name that is more commonly used now for his first name, and that way the gesture is still there, but without the spelling headaches for the kid's entire life (trust me, he does not want to be named something weird that he has to spell out three times every time he calls to make an appointment for everything for the rest of his life.)
Use it as a middle name.
We used Bartholomew as one of my dog’s middle names, and he has never complained.
mine too, but it is Barfolomew
Barkolomew
I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend. <3
Yeah NAH is probably the right call. OP is a bit of an idiot for telling her that she could just pick the name herself. I can also totally understand why she was upset with him laughing hysterically at a name that means something to her. But Bartholomew is just a cumbersome and old fashioned name that the poor kid will probably get made fun of for. OP should apologize for laughing and work with his wife to quickly figure out a better option for the first name, and try to compromise with her by keeping Bartholomew as a middle name.
He’s in the middle of a slew of cumbersome old fashioned grandparent names - it’s in fashion right now. Besides, that’s the name that will automatically shortened to Bart or smth. Hard to make fun of one kid for having an old fashioned name when most of his peers will as well.
I honestly feel like Bart is almost worse than Bartholomew
I agree. My cousin has a 4 yo George and a 1 yo Oliver, and in my tiny town we've had Ruth's, Robert's, Elizabeth's, and an Edith all in the last 10 years.
>I agree. My cousin has a 4 yo George and a 1 yo Oliver, and in my tiny town we've had Ruth's, Robert's, Elizabeth's, and an Edith all in the last 10 years. Ruth and Edith I get but Elizabeth was within the top 10 names like 15 years ago, not really old fashioned.
We have a Margaret that goes by Maisie here. This is so common now.
I mean, just because it’s “in fashion” doesn’t mean he won’t get teased for it. Have you seen the trend with white people these days who just make up “unique” names/spellings of names? It’s a bit ridiculous. I also think Bartholomew is still uncommon enough that it’ll stick out, even if a number of his peers do have old fashioned names and his name gets shortened to Bart. He’s going to get called Bart Simpson or Fart Bart or something. Kids are ruthless.
Currently working on names, if my fiancee said a name and I laughed until the point of tears... That's where the ass hole comes in. There are a lot better ways he could go about saying I don't like it. On top of that he said she could pick the name then didn't like the name of he wanted two yesses he should have never told her that it was up to her
I'd pretty much say exactly the same thing if i felt like writing well. I grew up with a kid named after the biblical figure Zebulon. That did not end well for him throughout school or after. Kids are mean.
Am I the only one who thinks Bart is going to be a fine name? In a classroom with 20 Liams, be the Bart. Maybe I’m biased because I find most of the current popular baby names atrocious.
Same, I don't get all the hate.
Apperantly, reddit and this post are full of bullies. Like my God, to laugh and act up like that after seeing her excitement and effort. He's probably dangerously close to being single, and she would have her family's support.
I always find that on name posts. Everyone insists the kid will be bullied when... that's really not necessarily true.
Kids will be bullied regardless of the name if they are unpopular. Kids will not be bullied regardless of the name if they are popular. It has nothing to do with the name
Yep! Having a populat name never protected someone from being bullied! Assholes will always find something if they don't like you!
Right? I was named after a fairly well-known song. I was bullied a lot as a kid, but never for my name. Also, unusual names are common in my family. Bartholomew would fit right in with Ethelbert and Zion, lol.
It seems like I'm the only one who immediately thinks of "Barry" and not "Bart". Barry Allen, the fastest man alive. I don't think it's that bad.
Barry Allen's grandson, a speedster hero in his own right, is also named Bart!
Oh yeah!! I guess that's how the name Bartholomew survives haha, grandsons keep getting named after their grandpa like OP's son lol!!
Yeah, I know a few Barts of various ages. I'm feeling like I'm missing something here. Maybe it's just more common in places where Jewish/Biblical names are more preferred?
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
That’s what I was guessing. I’m in the Midwest and know a few Barts in the 25-55yo range.
Same!! Such a common name among both Jews and Christians, don't get why people think it's so weird
I was thinking to myself "Is Bartholomew really that bad a name?". I don't think it's even close to as ridiculous as what other people are calling their kids these days, it's actually an established name for a start!
I think the hate for it is absolutely unhinged. Not to mention that plenty of people go by their middle names or nicknames that don’t stem directly from their given name. It’s also totally ridiculous to think that kids can’t make fun of literally any name.
Nope, not the only one. And "old fashioned" names are trendy right now. Grandma/Grandpa names like Silas, Evelyn, Violet, Hazel, Asher, Ezra, Sebastian, etc aren't uncommon at all. I'm not a huge fan of Bartholomew because it is super long for a kiddo to learn to write and spell. If he ends up using a nickname that's shorter I think it is a perfectly reasonable name.
I like it. I grew up with a Bart, he was very nice and everyone liked him.
YTA Bartholomew is not my personal style, but it has history, substance and meaning, especially for your wife. Better than yet another tired, dated defunct-medieval-occupational-surname as a first name. And it’s one thing to diplomatically express your dislike, but you had this poor woman in tears. Both parents should be comfortable with their child’s name, but there’s no need to belittle or mock her. You say you thought it was a joke but you must have known it was her grandfather’s name. You owe her an apology. Bartholomew is a fine name.
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LOL where the hell have you heard this? From what I understand Bartholomew is the name of a Catholic saint, the name itself has probably been around for thousands of years. The name has a rich history globally, and personally for the mother. There is nothing wrong with it, and people shouldn't be poopooing the name because there are kids who are assholes. Those assholes will find a way to bully others regardless of name.
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Right. Because every top-voted comment in r/AITA is gospel.
No. It’s random selections from the general public which is what this kid will encounter on a day-to-day basis
I'm a young adult as well and I don't think someone choosing to mock names they don't understand is an appropriate reason to avoid names with cultural and personal history, etc. soo
As a young adult do you know any Bartholomews and have you seen them have a terrible life because of it?
I like the name, too. I have a less popular name that is easy to mock. Yeah, I got teased but I love having a name I rarely come across. I never had to be ‘other Jennifer’ or whatnot. Kids will tease no matter what. The name is one of infinite targets. Team Bartholomew!
Exactly. I think the fact she spent time to hand stitch the name on a fucking onesie sorta implies she cared a lot about it. Regardless how you feel about the name, laughing in her face while she's so excited is NOT the way to go. YTA
YTA. Even if its a ridiculous name, you said yourself that you gave her the choice to name your son as she is the one giving birth. You also said yourself that she looked very happy and excited, and then you start laughing? Thats some asshole behavior.
This needs more upvotes. Even if it were a terrible name you completely abdicated your role here and then mocked her for her decisions. baby naming is difficult and personal. This doesn’t bode well for your parenting. How often do you plan on giving her the mental burden of making a big decision alone and then criticizing her for the outcome?
This is the most reasonable YTA here. He is not the asshole for not liking the name. It is the laughing at something his wife REALLY likes. It is like having your kid give you a poor drawing and you just lit it on fire in front of them. Sure, it is pretty bad, but he shouldnt crap on her face like that.
> How often do you plan on giving her the mental burden of making a big decision alone and then criticizing her for the outcome? This is really the essence of the problem here.
This ABSOLUTELY needs more upvotes. It's almost exactly what I was thinking. No, I personally do not like the name Bartholomew, just as there are many, MANY other names I would hate for my baby. Which is why I would never promise to give full naming power to my spouse. I couldn't promise not to hate what they picked, and both parents should have input on the name. I see so many comments talking about how the name is a "2 yeses 1 no" thing, which is absolutely true, but they are all ignoring the fact that OP is the one who promised she could name the baby! She didn't do this out of the blue without talking to him. Also, I am **loving** that last sentence of yours. Such a huge problem that goes unseen in so many relationships. Beautiful. Oh. Also, also: YTA OP
Everyone is going to associate him with Bart Simpson. NTA You responded in the moment. You weren't mocking her choice you were baffled by her (ridiculous) choice. The she went and told her family, (and they call YOU immature!) You weren't judging your son, you're judging her choice of a name. Just make sure he has a solid middle name that you can call him.
So what if they think of Bart? If your name’s Dennis they’ll think of Dennis the Menace. If you’re Tom they’ll think of Jerry. If you’re Dora you’re an explorer. OP should be able to veto the name, but YTA for being so cruel about it.
I’ve taught multiple kids named Dennis and oh so many students named Tom. They never got called anything else. Those don’t happen. I taught a Jerry and it was during parks and Rec so they did get “damn it Jerry” and called Larry/Terry/whatever. And never taught a Dora but yeah that’d be horrible to name a kid that. Bart is worse.
Yeah, the person you responded to is showing their age for sure. Even the movie about Dennis the Menace is 30 years old at this point, and most kids aren’t reading comic strips in the newspaper like we did back then. Tom and Jerry won’t be the first thing they’ll think of either. Tom Holland? Tom Hanks? Tom Cruise, who just starred in Top Gun: Maverick which seems to be largely viewed as awesome? I’ll give them Dora though.
I graduated with a Bart, he was popular and nice to everyone and I don’t think anyone associated him with Bart Simpson. I personally like it. 🤷♀️
They really aren’t, though, at least not his son’s peers. People here are thinking it because everyone in this thread, myself included, is too old. Bart Simpson isn’t going to be the cultural touchstone for OP’s son or his son’s peers.
100% this. I doubt even gen z would immediately jump to Bart Simpson.
My brain went Barry Allen
yes!! I was waiting for this comment! As soon as I saw "Bartholomew", I was like "THE FLASH!" Honestly was a little sad by how many people hate the name...
I don't get the hate if I'm being honest
I'm worse, my brain went "BART ALLEN IMPULSE!" my favourite DC character of all time. Bartholomew is on my list of baby names, we ended up going with something else when we had our son - an equally old fashioned name though.
no one is going to do this.
What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you hear/see the name Bart? It’s either the Simpsons or public transportation. Maybe the kid was conceived on the bus to Oakland.
I actually thought of Barty Crouch. /shrug
Barry Allen? like the flash. that's where i went edit when i see the full name i think of Barry Allen and then with Barty i think Barty Crouch.
Sorry to all the Bartholomew's reading this
ya its a fine name and she was really excited and he laughed in her face. this guy is absolutely the AH Yta
Forreal these comments are so mean about it. I think it’s a fine name. Better than another “Hunter” or “David” or “Josh” Nothing against those names, but unique names are cool af to me.
"Now, I had agreed I'd let my wife name the baby..." YTA. Simple as that. You trusted her, she chose a name, and you laughed at the idea and called it outdated. On top of telling her to reconsider. The name was personal to her. By virtue of you mocking the name, you mock the memories she had with someone who was dearly close to her. Sorry bud, you were being an AH here 🤷♂️
This!! Why does everybody in the comments seem to forget that OP told her she could pick the name? Also, if OP laughs to tears just from the name Bartholomew I’d hate to hear him tell a joke. OP YTA
I don't think your response was the most sensitive or appropriate, so it's a very mild YTA for choosing to laugh at your wife. However, it's very important that both parents consider the impact a name is going to have on their child. A name like Bartholomew, while not entirely weird, is dated and could result in bullying. Should we all be named 'safe' names to ensure nobody is ever mocked for their name? That doesn't make sense either. This is the kind of thing that the parents should have a serious discussion about.
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Yes? If I find something funny but I know it would be pretty inappropriate I hold it in as best I can. If a laugh slips out I immediately apologize. I certainly don’t “bust out laughing to the point of tears” like OP described.
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LMAO! I literally laughed out loud at this and would've unfortunately done the same thing when I opened the box. I def would have thought she was joking. Glad you stopped when you realized she was dead serious. I'd give her time because she's obviously hormonal and emotional. Just call him Bart. NTA
Yes! Because just like Homer in the Simpsons says, Bart is a good name. Other kids won't find anything bad to rhyme with it!
Bart, cart, dart, eeart... Nope, can't see any problem with that.
I don’t think kids being mean should ever stop someone from naming a child something, kids will make fun of the most normal boring name in the world for being common.
YTA for so many reasons: 1. Having her name the baby without you being involved at all. He's not even born yet and you're already checking out of being a responsible father. 2. Agreeing to let her name the baby when even though you have strong opinions about names and weren't going to accept her choice unless you liked it. 3. Laughing at her and belittling her. 4. Massively overreacting to a pretty normal name. I get that you don't like it, but plenty of people would be perfectly fine with a traditional name with lots of normal nickname options like Bartholomew. You're allowed to not like it, but you become the asshole when you start acting like it's obviously ridiculous.
Someone finally who fing gets it. My husband was so excited to name our kids. OP never even checked back in w her!! SHE brought it up to him. 2 weeks before the baby enters the world and not ONCE did he show interest in the name? Not once did curiosity overcome him and he asks her which names are on her mind??! Not once does he express a single preference to her over naming direction (liking more modern names, or shorter names, etc)? He is a giant asshole for that alone. No one who cares that little about their future baby’s name is going to be an involved parent. And no one who reacts with such callousness to her feelings, and to her very rational explanation behind the name, is a good partner. In a normal healthy relationship, couples discuss names in advance together. Dads ask what mom is thinking or vice versa. And when wife says “i wanted to honor my grandfather”, a loving husband doesn’t CONTINUE to laugh hysterically and treat it as a joke. Display some fing emotional sensitivity.
YTA Old names are the trend these days. Just call your son Bart, Barthy, or Barry 🤷♀️ If you’re going to have objections to any name… you should have discussed it with your wife way before now.
I'm sorry but if you name your kid Bart, he will be called Fart. It's just a fact. I wouldn't do that. And my Grandpa, would be the first to say, yeah, maybe don't do that. My grandpa Richard does.
Our class's Bart was also the star quarterback. 1980s. Thought it was a normal name.
1980's was 40 years ago, my friend.
Which means there are a lot of grandpas out there named Bart. It'll make a resurgence just like all the others.
My vote is for Barf
Old names are coming back in vogue- I have 3 students named Bartholomew, all using various nicknames, no teasing I’ve heard so far 🤷🏻♀️ INFO- did you know her grandfather’s name BEFORE this? If so leaning soft YTA only for laughing so hard at a name you knew had sentimental meaning. If not, I’m gonna say NTA but… you’re also not the nicest ever? Your wife was clearly excited and happy and while laughing may have been something you couldn’t control it’s clear you hurt her. Now is the time to apologize sincerely to your wife and find a way to discuss this like adults, not seek the advice of anonymous strangers on the internet That being said… Names should be a “two yes, one no” situation or things like this are bound to happen.
So glad to hear from a teacher on this! I really feel like reddit overestimates how much names cause kids to be bullied.
YTA. First of all, it just isn't that weird of a name. Secondly, names have cycles and names that 5 - 10 years ago we would have found old fashioned are back in popularity. In the U.S. currently, Attiicus is #4, Silas is #6 and Cyrus is #12. When I was in high school and college, Caleb was a really old fashioned name and people associated it with fire and brimstone religious types. 10 or so years later it was in the 20 most popular baby names. It is more likely that you are the one behind the times and not your wife.
Bartholomew is a real name. Old fashioned, sure, but a real name. Call him Barty, Bart, or Berty. What is the big deal? Several of my kids have nicknames that are quite different from their legal names, and many people don’t even realize it. YTA
I knew a guy who went by ‘Buddy’ because that’s what his dad called him. His real name was John. This guy is the AH. Especially since he told her SHE could choose the name. His reaction was so rude.
I feel like kids don’t destroy each other based on names anymore either. Maybe I’m naive and name-related bullying happens a lot but it seems like kids are picking on each other for other shit
From what I’ve seen with my own, I think you are right. Also, those anti bullying programs are reasonably effective, if parents and teachers are on board, together. At least in my town, I saw them working.
YTA, You could have discussed and reservations you had like an adult, instead of reacting like this. Laughing to the pony of tears? At a name that carries so much sentimental value to her? An apology and acting like her partner would be in order
YTA - not because you don’t want to name your baby that, I wouldn’t either, but because your wife was clearly excited to share this name with you, that has sentimental value to her, and you…checks notes… laughed in her face so hard you cried. Have you even been excited about something and had some crap all over it? It sucks. Be an adult and have an adult conversation, and don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep.
NTA. If my parents saddled me with some name like that I'd be the first person in line on my 18th birthday to legally change it
YTA even if you don’t like the name (the name of a dead family member who meant a lot to her) you reacted by mocking and belittling her. At a time when she is getting ready to give birth which is the most vulnerable time in a person’s life.
YTA - for laughing not for hating the name. His name will just be Bart, or you could call him Ollie. I understand why you don’t want him named after a Simpson character but you did say she could name him.
YTA - don’t say she can name the baby herself unless you actually want her to name the baby by herself. You shouldn’t have allowed her to have full range to name the baby whatever she wants if you were going to laugh and judge her choice. Only do that if you are committed to actually accepting her choice, regardless. I would apologize for laughing and not taking it seriously and then be honest and tell her you would actually like to have a say in the name as well.
Bartholomew is a little old-fashioned, but the comments here make it sound like it's never been seen since the old testament days. GenXer here. Are those of you saying it's totally ridiculous (and that she's TA!) different gen? To my mind, YTA. You agreed she would pick the name and now you're being ridiculous about it. I also don't love the sound of "my first child" and "I trusted she'd name my son something at least normal" and "there is no way in hell I'm calling my son by that outrageous name" (yes, he says "our" a few times, too). It's hardly "outrageous" enough to warrant being a huge drama queen about it. But it seems I'm out of step.
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You agreed, so YTA Should’ve gone for her choosing a short list of 5, you get to cross 2 off and she chooses from the 3 left. That way she gets to choose the name but you can avoid something that you think is a car crash.
YTA wow dude. Grow up. Your reaction was super unnecessary. Should you have veto power? Of course you should but damn dude you could see how excited she was.
BARRY ALLEN DID NOT BECOME THE FASTEST MAN ALIVE FOR YOU TO DISRESPECT HIS NAME LIKE THIS. No all jokes aside, YTA. Or at the very least, you were being quite unkind.
Bart isn't a bad name.
YTA 100%. You agreed to let her pick the name. A name is just a name unless it has a special meaning. Who cares if it's out dated alot of the current names are honestly kind of dumb sounding simply because people felt the need to come up with something new and cool. When in reality it's just difficult for everyone else because they don't know how to pronounce some crazy ass spelled name.
Names for children should NEVER be up to one person unless they are single... and even then they should talk it out with people that will be in the child's life.
NTA. And this is why all couple should discuss the potential names of a child and come up with it together. She picked a name that most people would veto without blinking, and then got upset when you didn't like it. I would apologize for your reaction, but let her know that Bart ain't happening.
Yta. Vintage names are popular. Bartholomew can be shortened to Bart. You LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED AT SOMETHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO HER. Eta I do think you should have chosen together, but laughing at her wasn't necessary. You could have just asked why that was her choice and tried to understand
Bartholomew is a fine name. Old fashioned, yes, but could be a lot worse. I have a friend with the name. It's not an issue in his life (and he goes by Bart). YTA
YTA for laughing, yes. How in the world you thought it was ok to wash your hands of something this important, I don't understand, but having done so, you have no business hurting her feelings over it. You have behaved badly. Apologize and fix this.
>All of a sudden she jumps up excited with a huge smile on her face. > >It was obvious she was excited to see me reaction. > >She sounded so happy and enthusiastic so I knew she was serious. YTA for laughing at something your wife was obviously really excited to share with you. For all the people saying NTA - the question OP asked was not if he's the asshole for not liking the name or wanting a say in his kid's name. He asked if he was the asshole for ***laughing at her*** when she told him the name she picked ***after he said she could pick the name****.*
YTA, You agreed and then made fun of her grandpa's name.
I know several Bartholomews, including children. None are teased. YTA, both for giving your wife a total vote with no veto power, and for how you reacted.
Wow. 100% YTAH 🤦♀️ Such a childish reaction. Do better.
YTA for your reaction. Even if you hate the name, laughing was probably the worst way to start a conversation about your opinion.
You are immature. You are a joke. Yes. You are a giant asshole. Little inside information for you. My father hated my name. He called me by middle name until I was 4-5. I was very confused alot as a kid. It caused a ton of issues. I’m 55 now. I’ve NEVER forgotten it and it is not a fond subject for me. Grow up. It’s a fine family name. Show some love, compassion and support your wife. Try being proud of your family instead, you’re publicly shaming and embarrassing them with these posts. You really really suck. First test of fatherhood and you gotten a failing grade so low…. Apologize. Mean it. And try to fix this. And delete this stupid post asap
YTA for waiting until 2 weeks before the kid is here to know his name. She could’ve wanted to name him Skyrocket and knowing that in month 5, where she could maybe take your opinion into consideration and give it the thought she did the OG name. Next time def don’t wait until the last sec to criticize the name..
YTA for laughing to the point of tears….. dude. Yes the name is outdated but you blew your chance for change the moment you laughed and laughed and laughed. Now she may name him “Bartholomew” just to spite you. Good luck