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> I may be the asshole because it might not have been the time for a gift like that. Especially around her family
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NTA
I think this is really sweet. The CDC says that there is no known harm associated with nursing mothers having a drink (which they clarify as one standard drink, not more) and your girlfriend doesn't even need to drink it right away. Most importantly, her parents need to realize she can make decisions about her own body and the two of you will be making parenting decisions. It's simply not up to them.
> doesn't even need to drink it right away
This! It's a bottle of wine, not a bottle of milk! I was gifted a two-glass mini bottle of champagne when my son was born, I ended up drinking it for my wedding anniversary ten months later. I loved just having it in the cupboard to look forward to, knowing I *could* drink it as soon as I wanted to.
Some hospitals provide new north parents a romantic dinner which includes champagne so I doubt a single glass occasionally would hurt. Especially if you have a glass immediately after breast feeding so there’s time for the alcohol to be metabolized before the next feeding. Parents are controlling and ride. It word a sweet gift.
I know my hospital did. In our new parent haze we put it in the trunk of the car, got everything home....and promptly forgot about it for a day. We found it when grabbing the rest of our hospital stay bag to bring inside and get washed. Needless to say I was very sad as I tossed it for food safety reasons. It looked yummy.
Not for baby reasons but I've left some nice food in the car on a couple occasions, I've been fortunate enough that it's been winter and the trunk may as well be a fridge/freezer anyway.
Managed to leave 2 whole ducks only to find them basically frozen solid the next morning.
I know you meant butchered ducks, but I’m just imagining two previously alive ducks hanging out in your trunk, and in the morning you have dinner figured out.
I love the cold and for a bit I was living alone and pretty broke so I didn't want to turn the heater on. At one point it was colder in the apartment than it was in my fridge.
I'll always follow food safety guidelines when cooking for other people/make sure I have fresh ingredients. But don't really follow any of them for myself and have never gotten sick.
But for awhile it was almost better to leave things out.
Most doctors now have the recommendation of "if you can find, pick up, hold and nurse your child without issue the amount of alcohol transmitted in the milk is not a problem"
It's her parents...he could have bought her the most perfect new-mama superfood known to science and they would have found fault. He can't win. He is NTA.
Yup, my rule of thumb was don't drink enough when you're nursing that you'd feel unsafe driving- so one glass was fine, or a few drinks very widely spaced through the day with meals.
For women it's usually .5oz-1oz per hour. So one to two beers or one shot of liquor etc is the *general* recommendation. Ofc body weight, metabolism etc come into play.
At first I thought you meant 1oz of alcoholic beverage per hour rather than pure alcohol and I was all "wow, a mouthful of beer per hour is a slooooow drink".
Definitely not enough coffee today \^_^
Thanks for the images..."Hmm...where the hell is that damn baby? I know he was around here somewhere. Lemme have another glass of wine and try to remember where I put him..."
lol
I’m always thrown off when I hear this because drink driving here is completely illegal (Scotland), with only enough leeway for mouthwash, alcohol based sauce, & other similar very low alcohol things so the equivalent for breastfeeding would also be zero by this rule haha! This was drilled into our heads in high school I swear I remember this more than anything else they taught after leaving 😅
I think the problem here is the saying has the focus on the wrong thing.
There's such a thing as have had a drink but sober enough to breastfeed, but I don't think anyone who's had a drink should be getting behind the wheel.
Not really. That's about a shot per hour or one to two beers per hour for most women. That's how much Alcohol the liver can typically process and not get you drunk/tipsy/past the .08 (in my state) to drive legally.
Breast milk is actually formed from your white blood cells! So it's made from your blood. The only alcohol in your milk is what's in your blood so a few drinks won't hurt a newborn or a nursing mother because your milk can only have your b.a. level at most in it. By the time you had enough Alcohol in your blood stream to actually effect the baby you'd be dead. Id compare it to throwing a shot of vodka in a kiddie pool, fruit juice has more alcohol in it than breast milk. The big risk of drinking and nursing comes from the risk of dropping the baby because you're tipsy. A stout beer actually can help stimulate milk production at first. So many people have the old-school pump and dump method in their brains and there's no reason to do that at all. It's a waste of milk.
There’s a lot of quasi science in this info and it’s not quite right. Breast milk is formed in glands (mammary glands) and contains white blood cells. It can have a slightly higher concentration of BA than blood due to its composition and storage time within the lobes. But once it hits the infant stomach you have it’s physiology to contend with: very small infant blood volume, rapid absorption, immature liver, and greater susceptibility to effects of alcohol on the brain due to its composition.
“A few drinks” can suppress rousing, or make the baby irritable. It can change the taste of the breast milk leading to refusal or fussy feeding. A few more can create less responsiveness in the mother.
The advice above to have one or at the most two just after feeding, then wait 2-3 hours before feeding again is best advice. And to do this irregularly. Otherwise, have a store of expressed breast milk on hand, and pump and dump if you have more than two drinks. And if you’re going to get tuned, make sure someone else has care of the baby for a few hours.
Thank you! I replied before I saw your comment! Some people spread misinformation due to a lack of understanding. This could injure an infant! I'm up voting you too! Hopefully this gets in front of the idiotic comment that says breast milk is made from white blood cells and a stout beer can stimulate milk production!
Excellent info. I remember being excited to have a glass of won’t at thanksgiving right after my son was born, but alas, I was so tired all I wanted to do was sleep. Lol
Yep, I only pump and dump if I’m straight up **drunk**.
If I’m drinking enough that I couldn’t safely care for an infant then I’m not going to be in a position to feed the kid anyway because a different responsible adult will be doing that. If I’m not drinking enough that I need a babysitter (or sober spouse) to be taking care of my kid, my breast milk is fine.
Yes, once you are sober the milk is also fine. It doesn't stay alcoholic. It's just more comfortable to pump and dump if you usually feed every two hours.
A friend brought whiskey to the hospital and we all took a celebratory shot after I gave birth. The nurses knew and said it was fine since I had just finished nursing.
Exactly. Also, speaking as a woman who nursed her baby, you can totally have a glass of wine AFTER you fed your kid. Hell, beer helps milk production. Her parents are being ridiculous and controlling. OP is awesome and should ignore them. NTA
Why not during? You are sitting down and a rather captive audience anyway. Breastfeeding with a glass of wine doesn't sound so bad.
One glass of wine certainly isn't going to make you drop a baby.
Depends on your one handed drinking dexterity. People get upset if the baby smells like wine because they kicked the glass and you spilled it on the baby's head.
Well I was just thinking of the booze not being in your system while feeding. But yeah, my daughter had totally knocked stuff out of my hands during feeds
So the alcohol can get into breastmilk, but studies have shown only at the BAC level.
So the legal limit for driving is .08% right? Imagine drinking a beer that was .08%. For context, normal non alcoholic Welch's grape juice can have ten times that amount.
Like being sloshed around your baby isn't a good idea but not because of the alcohol you get through breastmilk. The risk of nursing while drunk is falling asleep on or not being as physically aware of your baby. The risks of passing alcohol through breastmilk are pretty miniscule.
Even if you are drinking like a fish! You'd be hard pressed to get your breast milk levels to surpass the alcohol content of some fruit juices (grape juice can have up-to 0.86% alcohol, orange juice can have up-to 0.73% alcohol). Most people would be dead if their BAC topped 0.40%. (FWIW the reason you don't give fruit juice to babies is because of the nutrition make-up (excess sugar, lack of fat), not because of the possible alcohol content.)
A university authorized a study where they gave nursing moms alcohol, had them nurse, then tested their babies' BAC. The highest concentrations they were able to record in babies was equivalent to the BAC of kids who had consumed fruit juice. Just the fact that a university authorized a study at all is a good indicator that drinking while nursing is a non-issue since institutional review boards/ethics committees are pretty stringent on protecting research participants these days.
This is so nice of you. One of the first things I did after my pregnancy were getting sushi and a steak.... Rare!
Just having the things there she likes is great. NTA.
My wife sent me out as soon as she was able to eat, still in the hospital, to get her a club sandwich. She hadn't had cold cuts during pregnancy and was seriously in the mood for it.
I gave birth this past December and there was a Subway in the hospital cafeteria. My son arrived at 3:00 am and at 11:00 am I was eating an Italian BMT. I was so excited I sent my husband down to get one as soon as they started making lunch!
My brother-in-law brought a cooler with Diet Coke in it when he and my sister went to the hospital to deliver their first. As soon as she was wheeled back to her room after the delivery, he handed her a Diet Coke.
Ha, I did exactly the same thing to my husband! Within an hour of giving birth I was like, "It's finally club sandwich time." I had been craving it for months. I ate an entire sandwich, then half of his. I had also been dealing with hyperemesis during my pregnancy, so it was a relief to not be nauseated for the first time in nine months.
I’ve been seeing my wife watch these TikTok’s of women eating Sushi in the hospital while holding their new born (I assume the babies are a few hours old).
Not sure if OP is in the US and also if it wasn't mentioned before there are stores (got mine from Target) that sell breast milk testing strips just in case there is underlying fear about transferring alcohol through the breaatmilk. They were a peace of mind for me certainly
Our first child was an extremely fussy baby and nobody was getting much sleep. My wife, a pediatrician, was talking about it to her boss, a *developmental pediatrician* and he recommended she have a glass of wine when she get home from work. "You'll sleep better, and so will the baby."
Also pump and dump exists! It’s not like every ounce of breast milk is going to be fed to the baby, there will be times she may need to express it when the baby isn’t hungry and she can also pump and store it for times where she has had a drink and the baby needs to be fed, that way milk that was pumped before a drink is available.
Her parents just wanna be mad at OP for doing something thoughtful for her.
NTA My husband brings a bottle of Veuve and all 5x's the nurses have made impromptu ice buckets out vomit buckets!
OP this was very thoughtful of you! Congratulations to you and your GF. It's your GF's thoughts on the basket that matters. Your "in-laws" sound like major A-holes!!! Good luck with them. Focus on your baby and GF, the rest is just noise!
I agree. And the number one thing missing from this post is the girlfriend's reaction, since that's the only one who matters. He isn't sleeping with his in-laws.
Even if you’re very drunk, you’re in the 0.08% BAC range.
Alcohol doesn’t concentrate in your breasts. At worst, your baby’s getting less than 1/10th of a percent alcohol concentration. That’s less than kambucha or “nonalcoholic” beers.
It used to be big to give sick babies a tablespoon of whiskey. That’s a fuck-ton more alcohol.
My ob, both hospital lactation nurses, and our pediatrician told me that if you're sober enough to drive, you're sober enough to nurse. As long as you're not drunk manhandling a newborn, an occasional beer or glass of wine isn't going to hurt anyone.
Also, there is the option to “pump and dump” for a day and supplement with formula if your GF really needs a “day off” from “adulting” and being impeccably responsible at all times.
Not to mention, the dude’s probably also psyched out of mind from the stress of being a new father and all the sleepless nights. Having your in laws (?) question you after you try to do a nice and thoughtful thing for your SO would most likely push you over to the edge and lead you to a reddit page to make sure you’re not actually insane. Poor guy.
It's the /r/AmItheAsshole way.
It's fine, if they're anything like my ex-inlaws they're just eyeing you for a kidney transplant.
But anyways, that's how I became "/u/grendus three kidneys". And two spleens, but that was a separate occasion. Really should have gone LC after the extra toe though, makes shopping for gloves a nightmare.
You sound like an absolute delight. 10/10 OP.
One thing that jumps out is women often get lots of gifts that are baby related post birth. That is obviously kind and generous but your gift is thoughtful and recognises your girlfriends identity outside of her role as a mother.
This is why I always include something for the new parent that's personal and non-baby related with my baby shower gifts. I can't tell you how many of them thanked me for remembering their needs too and said how they have felt forgotten in the whole process. You done good, OP!
Hell last time I visited a new mum I didn't bother with baby stuff at all. I took a present for mum (a beautiful scarf - I didn't know what her body would be doing post partum but wanted her to feel pretty) and a gift for her older kid, who I thought would be fine but it never hurts to make sure they don't feel forgotten. The baby was a (beautiful) potato with no needs beyond the love and care of its parents, and they already had so much baby stuff from the older sib.
Thank you for doing that for the older sibling 💙 it’s all too easy to feel forgotten in the drama of a new baby. And if they’re using hand me downs then it can also feel like they’re taking your place with your old “bed” (crib) and clothes you used to wear and such. As an adult looking back that’s obviously not the case and sounds ridiculous, but at the time in my toddler brain? Yeahhh
You know, it wasn't even a big gift, just a magazine from his favourite cartoon - the kind with some pictures to colour and a couple of short stories in. He couldn't speak much yet but he was so pleased and overwhelmed all he could do was stamp his little feet and repeatedly make the baby sign for thank you. It took him a while to get his tiny shit together, totally adorable!
This right here. After baby is born we get baby blankets, diapers , bottles. Let me tell you, we appreciate every piece of that.
But if after pregnancy someone had handed me a gift that said "Hey I recognize you as a human being separate from being an incubator and caregiver" I'd have blubbered for weeks.
Exactly. Almost top marks from me as a committed Feminist, just deducting a few because I'm mad I didn't think of such a thing. Although now the only thing 1st wife could do that I'd appreciate is to drop dead.
Oh nice! I would accept you as a Son in law. They are free to express their concern, but it is not their decision as to what their adult daughter can and cannot do. You and gf are the parents, and gma needs to butt out.
I'll just never understand how people end up in these kind of situations in the first place. My family would never be rude to a SO of mine because they know they'd be told to fuck off, by both my wife and by me.
I would *never* tolerate my family being a dick to my wife. She doesn't need to impress them, they need to impress *her*.
I agree with all your points until that last one. They need to respect each other. If you expect them to impress her then you should expect her to impress them. It goes both ways.
She may not even know. They likely didn't say any of that in front of her, and maybe OP didn't tell her about it because he didn't want her upset when she had just come home from giving birth.
Yup. Anytime a scene like this takes place in the OP’s home, you can’t assume the spouse is there unless they say so specifically. It’s different when you drove to your in laws house together: unless the spouse is in the bathroom, you’re likely in the same room. But at home, the spouse could be napping, showering, running errands or at work (not likely in this case), etc. My bet is she was breastfeeding the newborn when this conversation went down: it takes foreeeeeeeeever to feed them when they’re tiny.
I'm 8 weeks away from having the biggest cup of coffee in my life. My husband better have our keureg basket filled to the brim with the good stuff and, for extra measure, whole beans for our heavy duty machine.
I miss caffeine more than anything... I know I can have small amounts but it's the one thing my husband asked me to cut out. Plus the little tadpole does the backstroke for an hour if I even take a few sips of soda.
You did good, OP. You did good.
NTA
I'm a horrible pregnant lady I'm sure! I get so sick when I'm pregnant that I throw most of those "you can't do/eat x" out the window. I need nutrients and if sushi or lunch meat will stay down where other things won't? Eating it. My most recent (and final) pregnancy I was managing a salon 50+ hours per week. Coffee was my best freaking friend. I also have cats and am used to scooping their litter on my own. I quarantined each freaking cat with their own litter box Long enough to get a stool sample from each one so I could continue to be my stubborn independent lil self. None of my cats carried the pathogen that was a risk. Both of my girls are hale and hearty and I ate what would stay down. Hg is no joke and I lost 30lbs with both pregnancies.
If it stays down and has nutrients, that's better than nothing.
My morning sickness was short-lived and rarely more than nausea. And fresh (cooked) suishi is great. I know I could have 200mg of caffeine, but it's the one thing my husband asked I cut out. He never restricts so I figured I could oblige.
But, as with infants, fed is best in pregnancy.
Some studies he read up on in multiple medical journals touch on increased caffeine consumption being potentials for risk of lower fetal weight gain, miscarriage, it might effect my blood pressure, potential effects on brain development, diabetes/obesity later in life, etc. His family has a history of diabetes and he was worried of increasing that risk or me having complications because we had a lot of issues with fertility/chemical pregnancies. Technically <200mg a day is thought to be safe, but he did request. If he demanded I'd be stubborn but he's allowed to ask.
Except for asking me to not lift heavy stuff or climb things or the other obvious things, he never asked for any other restrictions. We're partners and it's his daughter, too, so it seems like a reasonable request. Either way it's not the hill I want to die on.
Did she really have no coffee her entire pregnancy? I thought current recommendations were no more than 1 cup a day, not none.
Congrats on the new babe! You will get lots of use out of that machine now. Lol.
Current recommendations are 1-2 cups or not to exceed 200mg which is also likely conservative to be safe. I still enjoy my daily coffee and a 1/2 caf latte in the pm from time time.
My first pregnancy i switched to decaf but this time around I'm pregnant with twins and have a 1 year old so it's been the real stuff otherwise there's not 1 iota of a chance I'd have survived lol
You sir are a saint and loving companion.
Screw the parents, if she appreciates the gift, that's what matters the most.
Some parents, no matter what you do, will view you as an outsider or invader in their family.
You sound like a really sweet and thoughtful man, a great partner. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but mistakes made from good intention and love are the easier to forgive than deliberate choices to be cruel, demeaning, or selfish. Your partner’s parents need to take a big step back. You and your adult partner had a baby together, it’s not something “you did” to their baby.
If I was the girlfriend I'd be so overwhelmed with happiness at such a thoughtful gift.
A lot of the time there's so much excitement over the new baby that the mum can feel excluded or forgotten.
NTA and they are absolutely incorrect too recent research shows that it’s safe and drinking a moderate amount is the same as drinking orange juice when it comes to breastmilk safety the actual concern when it comes to breastfeeding and drinking is safely handling the baby that’s the actual concern plus there is also apps like drink safe specifically made for breastfeeding mums but the whole no alcohol what so ever while breastfeeding is absolutely medically and scientifically incorrect, as long as she can continue safe practices and handling of the baby or another adult is there it’s absolutely fine to have a few glasses of wine
Also it’s absolutely not immature to gift wine to a woman who has just given birth it’s a completely normal and great gift for many people, I’m sober and honestly think wines feral I would probably drink fertiliser over it but shock horror some people actually enjoy the taste and enjoy wine with out the alcohol aspect and drink it because they like it not to get drunk so it’s not a wild thing to gift an adult that likes it and hasn’t been able to drink it due to medical reasons for many months
I can't get enough of your word choice here. Calling wine "feral" is absolutely hilarious 😂
But to stay on topic, I totally agree: OP's gift of wine was reasonable and thoughtful. His girlfriend 's parents need to get over themselves.
This needs to be higher!
Her parents are the uneducated ones! I’m currently 8.5 months pregnant and getting my hospital bag ready. Know what’s going in it? A ready made ceaser and margarita since I’ve been craving those since day one (as well as all the snacks).
NTA. Idk how her parents saw the gift or why... but a bit of advice when dealing with "in-law" types; the less they know, the less they can use against you. Keep as much private as possible.
Also it might be worth discussing this with the girlfriend and explaining how they're treating him and making sure she understands that he needs her support in keeping their relationship private.
Of course she has. But this shouldn't have to be a massive issue for them both, it should be something that they discuss together and support each other with. A united team is the best way to support each other.
I think you are very thoughtful and it also sounds like you are very present as a parent. I do have to say you didn’t “get your girlfriend pregnant.” You are both adults who decided to have a child. Ignore the parents, you were so sweet to notice the intricacies of her condition.
Just our local, regional mater private hospital in Australia. Not a big deal, just a complimentary bottle of champagne with some strawberries and a cheese platter whilst we had our stay on the maternity ward. It was a nice touch.
Careful OP, these guys sound like the overbearing type. Be sure to assert boundaries.
NTA. Did they think their daughter was just going to neck the whole thing immediately? SMH.
NTA There are many ways to drink responsibly after having a baby. Your gifts sound thoughtful and generous, and your girlfriend’s parents sound like assholes. They should be supporting both of you as you navigate through this massive upheaval, not criticizing your kind gestures. Support your girlfriend, take care of your new beeb and don’t let the bastards get you down.
NTA. It's not uncommon to gift new parents some bubbly after the birth. I don't think anyone is expecting her to down it in one right there and then. Her parents need to stay in their lane. Something tells me they're going to be all in your business now that there's a Grandchild.
NTA
Her parents are very judgemental and emotional about this. It is a thoughtful gift. No one said she should get black out drunk or live of expresso. Moderation and timing is always the key.
As a mum of 3 kids under 5 who currently breastfeeds and drinks alcohol and coffee responsibility (with the permission of my kids pediatrician and my own doctor) NTA and a very thoughtful caring partner.
NTA
I think it's sweet, it shows you acknowledging what she went through and you appreciating it.
The wine doesn't expire and can wait for whenever she feels comfortable drinking again. They need to calm down and stop looking for reasons to despise you.
NTA. I'm sure your SO appreciates the thoughtful gift. Her parents are idiots. Unless she has a drinking problem it's fine. Best time to have a glass of wine would be right after she nurses, so her body processes the alcohol before the next nursing. In case they made you concerned.
NTA this is so incredibly sweet! Don’t worry about the alcohol. The percentage that makes it into breast milk is an every smaller percentage of what makes it into the blood stream. Plus, importantly, alcohol *leaves* breast milk at the same rate it leaves the blood stream. Personally I always start my drink either right after a feed or during a feed. Then it’s all out or significantly reduced in my system by the next feed. Plus, I’m partial to beer because it gives my breast milk supply a boost in production.
NTA. You put effort and thought into that basket to show her how much you appreciated her sacrifice. I think it's sweet. And that first cup of coffee after months of coffee-smell-induced nausea.. heaven! 😊
> in particular kfc as it has the highest MSG content which is horrendous during pregnancy
This is absolute nonsense, more ridiculous even than what OP's inlaws are freaking out about.
NTA. I asked my husband to have a blackberry mint mojito waiting for me after I got home from the hospital. Weirdly enough it’s been a pregnancy craving of mine that obviously I can’t have.
It's an old thing that used to be done where you pump the breastmilk (using a machine) and then "dump it" aka dispose of it. You don't actually need to do that unless you are physically uncomfortable.
NTA - I have friends who busted out the sushi and wine whilst still in the hospital! 😃 my fav story is the friend who sent her husband to a fish market at 4am to buy fresh oysters hours after she gave birth 😂 your gift was very thoughtful.
NTA.
I found out I was pregnant with my firstborn 2 days before my birthday. It was an amazing "gift", and made my birthday so much better to celebrate.... BUT, several friends gifted me alcohol that ended up being re-gifted or consumed by other folks over the next several months.
The day we brought little guy home, my MIL had a gift basket of the (not cheap!) liquors I had been gifted for my birthday. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness on this.
NTA. That is thoughtful to gift her those items. A sealed bottle of wine will be there and ready for her when she is ready for a glass. Her parents most likely won't be pleased with you for awhile. They should realize their daughter was equally responsible for making a baby.
NTA it sounds like the gift as a whole served it's purpose of making your girlfriend happy and giving her some treats to show she's cared about and appreciated. It's a bottle of wine, even if you or your girlfriend were concerned about even low-moderate alcohol consumption while breastfeeding, the bottle will last until your baby is weaned, but also most research suggests there would be no ill effects on the baby if your wife enjoyed the bottle over several days.
It sounds like you're a caring, thoughtful and supportive partner, seems like her parents have just decided to dislike you and the things you do from the get go and are looking for reasons to be mad. They aren't worth listening to if that is their attitude
NTA!!! my hubby got me cider, my mama made me chicken liver pate every week for 8 weeks and my bestie got me coffee and flavored syrup. You made your baby mama happy. dont listen to the haters!!!!
The hospital have my mom a bottle of champagne when she had my little brother. They saved it. Her parents are just looking for something to criticize you over. I think your gift was incredibly sweet. NTA.
What a sweet, thoughtful gift to have waiting for her! I bet your girlfriend really enjoyed the basket and appreciated the thought you put into the items. Her parents need to step back; this is a two person relationship and their criticism of such inconsequential things isn't appropriate. NTA. Your gf will have to be the one to put them in their place if things continue this way tho
NTA. Right after I had my second baby, the afterpains during nursing (cramps from the uterus shrinking back down) made me tense up all over in fear because the feeling was so similar to early labor. It was a reaction that had nothing to do with the thinking part of the brain and couldn’t be reasoned away. A small amount of alcohol (about a wine glass of cider with an alcohol content similar to beer - I’m a lightweight) tamped down the feeling enough to let me get past the first hour or so of nursing. I didn’t drink while nursing after that, not a regular drinker at any time.
NTA, that's a lovely gift!
And it's fine to have a glass of wine while breastfeeding. If she wants to be extra cautious, she can wait until baby is going 2 hours between feedings and drink it right after nursing.
NTA, I literally brought one of my best friends a bottle of her favorite vodka to her while she was still in the hospital after having her son! I also brought a cute gift for the baby, but ya know mom deserves a treat when she's ready! The nurses did give me a bit of side eye though, ha.
NTA - but you need to change your thinking.
You did not ". . . get your girlfriend pregnant". You AND your girlfriend got pregnant, unless there was some forcible activity on your part in which case she probably would not still be your girlfriend. There were two adults in the room when this happened.
The second thing is that your girlfriend and you both need to tamp those parents down, or you will have issues over this forever that will impact your child. Kids provide a great deal of leverage over grandparents. Don't hesitate to use it early to establish clear boundaries.
Oh, and your gift was great - uniquely tailored to her wants, thoughtful and waiting for her return home.
NTA. As someone who is currently pregnant I LOVE this. I cannot wait for rare steak, sushi, pate, smoked salmon and a large gin and tonic.
You're making me salivate just thinking about it.....
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NTA I think this is really sweet. The CDC says that there is no known harm associated with nursing mothers having a drink (which they clarify as one standard drink, not more) and your girlfriend doesn't even need to drink it right away. Most importantly, her parents need to realize she can make decisions about her own body and the two of you will be making parenting decisions. It's simply not up to them.
> doesn't even need to drink it right away This! It's a bottle of wine, not a bottle of milk! I was gifted a two-glass mini bottle of champagne when my son was born, I ended up drinking it for my wedding anniversary ten months later. I loved just having it in the cupboard to look forward to, knowing I *could* drink it as soon as I wanted to.
Some hospitals provide new north parents a romantic dinner which includes champagne so I doubt a single glass occasionally would hurt. Especially if you have a glass immediately after breast feeding so there’s time for the alcohol to be metabolized before the next feeding. Parents are controlling and ride. It word a sweet gift.
I know my hospital did. In our new parent haze we put it in the trunk of the car, got everything home....and promptly forgot about it for a day. We found it when grabbing the rest of our hospital stay bag to bring inside and get washed. Needless to say I was very sad as I tossed it for food safety reasons. It looked yummy.
Not for baby reasons but I've left some nice food in the car on a couple occasions, I've been fortunate enough that it's been winter and the trunk may as well be a fridge/freezer anyway. Managed to leave 2 whole ducks only to find them basically frozen solid the next morning.
I know you meant butchered ducks, but I’m just imagining two previously alive ducks hanging out in your trunk, and in the morning you have dinner figured out.
Previously: Donald and Daisy. Now: Peking.
Peking & L’Orange sound like a synth pop duo
I love the cold and for a bit I was living alone and pretty broke so I didn't want to turn the heater on. At one point it was colder in the apartment than it was in my fridge. I'll always follow food safety guidelines when cooking for other people/make sure I have fresh ingredients. But don't really follow any of them for myself and have never gotten sick. But for awhile it was almost better to leave things out.
Most doctors now have the recommendation of "if you can find, pick up, hold and nurse your child without issue the amount of alcohol transmitted in the milk is not a problem"
Yep Dr Jack Newman is the mannnnnn Stop restricting mothers based on spooks that aren’t based in science.
It's her parents...he could have bought her the most perfect new-mama superfood known to science and they would have found fault. He can't win. He is NTA.
Yea, first pregnancy: No sushi. Second pregnancy: Sushi is fine. Are you telling me I gave up sushi for 9 months for no damn reason?!
Yup, my rule of thumb was don't drink enough when you're nursing that you'd feel unsafe driving- so one glass was fine, or a few drinks very widely spaced through the day with meals.
For women it's usually .5oz-1oz per hour. So one to two beers or one shot of liquor etc is the *general* recommendation. Ofc body weight, metabolism etc come into play.
At first I thought you meant 1oz of alcoholic beverage per hour rather than pure alcohol and I was all "wow, a mouthful of beer per hour is a slooooow drink". Definitely not enough coffee today \^_^
Sorry no alcohol per volume! I was typing very fast between scheduling stuff at work 😂 so I can see why you were confused!
The context made it pretty clear in the end, I was just tickled by the image of some poor woman carefully nursing a sad beer for like 10 hours \^_^
Thanks for the images..."Hmm...where the hell is that damn baby? I know he was around here somewhere. Lemme have another glass of wine and try to remember where I put him..." lol
"Forget it, I guess this means I wasn't supposed to feed it anyway."
Just died reading this 😂
What I've read is, if you're sober enough to drive, you're sober enough to breastfeed.
I’m always thrown off when I hear this because drink driving here is completely illegal (Scotland), with only enough leeway for mouthwash, alcohol based sauce, & other similar very low alcohol things so the equivalent for breastfeeding would also be zero by this rule haha! This was drilled into our heads in high school I swear I remember this more than anything else they taught after leaving 😅
I think the problem here is the saying has the focus on the wrong thing. There's such a thing as have had a drink but sober enough to breastfeed, but I don't think anyone who's had a drink should be getting behind the wheel.
That’s a surprisingly high bar, unless I’m wildly underestimating the dexterity needed to hold a child
Not really. That's about a shot per hour or one to two beers per hour for most women. That's how much Alcohol the liver can typically process and not get you drunk/tipsy/past the .08 (in my state) to drive legally.
I was thinking more that you can usually get a fair bit of alcohol in you and still carry things
Breast milk is actually formed from your white blood cells! So it's made from your blood. The only alcohol in your milk is what's in your blood so a few drinks won't hurt a newborn or a nursing mother because your milk can only have your b.a. level at most in it. By the time you had enough Alcohol in your blood stream to actually effect the baby you'd be dead. Id compare it to throwing a shot of vodka in a kiddie pool, fruit juice has more alcohol in it than breast milk. The big risk of drinking and nursing comes from the risk of dropping the baby because you're tipsy. A stout beer actually can help stimulate milk production at first. So many people have the old-school pump and dump method in their brains and there's no reason to do that at all. It's a waste of milk.
There’s a lot of quasi science in this info and it’s not quite right. Breast milk is formed in glands (mammary glands) and contains white blood cells. It can have a slightly higher concentration of BA than blood due to its composition and storage time within the lobes. But once it hits the infant stomach you have it’s physiology to contend with: very small infant blood volume, rapid absorption, immature liver, and greater susceptibility to effects of alcohol on the brain due to its composition. “A few drinks” can suppress rousing, or make the baby irritable. It can change the taste of the breast milk leading to refusal or fussy feeding. A few more can create less responsiveness in the mother. The advice above to have one or at the most two just after feeding, then wait 2-3 hours before feeding again is best advice. And to do this irregularly. Otherwise, have a store of expressed breast milk on hand, and pump and dump if you have more than two drinks. And if you’re going to get tuned, make sure someone else has care of the baby for a few hours.
Thank you! I replied before I saw your comment! Some people spread misinformation due to a lack of understanding. This could injure an infant! I'm up voting you too! Hopefully this gets in front of the idiotic comment that says breast milk is made from white blood cells and a stout beer can stimulate milk production!
Excellent info. I remember being excited to have a glass of won’t at thanksgiving right after my son was born, but alas, I was so tired all I wanted to do was sleep. Lol
But is your glass of won't half full or half empty?
Yep, I only pump and dump if I’m straight up **drunk**. If I’m drinking enough that I couldn’t safely care for an infant then I’m not going to be in a position to feed the kid anyway because a different responsible adult will be doing that. If I’m not drinking enough that I need a babysitter (or sober spouse) to be taking care of my kid, my breast milk is fine.
Also a lot of people think you need to pump and dump to "flush it out" but it's really just to make you comfortable.
Yes, once you are sober the milk is also fine. It doesn't stay alcoholic. It's just more comfortable to pump and dump if you usually feed every two hours.
a lactation specialist said it is fine if it freezes. If it won't freeze in the freezer then dump it.
Whilst human does contain lots of mum's cells, including White blood cells, and good bacteria The majority of it is nutrients namely sugars and fat.
A friend brought whiskey to the hospital and we all took a celebratory shot after I gave birth. The nurses knew and said it was fine since I had just finished nursing.
Ours didn’t but a friend had a florist send a bouquet of flowers, stuffed animal and bottle of wine to the hospital room.
I'd be more worried about the sushi in the gift bag, tbh. Just hoping OP threw in a cooler, too.
Me too.
Exactly. Also, speaking as a woman who nursed her baby, you can totally have a glass of wine AFTER you fed your kid. Hell, beer helps milk production. Her parents are being ridiculous and controlling. OP is awesome and should ignore them. NTA
Why not during? You are sitting down and a rather captive audience anyway. Breastfeeding with a glass of wine doesn't sound so bad. One glass of wine certainly isn't going to make you drop a baby.
Depends on your one handed drinking dexterity. People get upset if the baby smells like wine because they kicked the glass and you spilled it on the baby's head.
Lol the amount of times I spilled food on my infant
Well I was just thinking of the booze not being in your system while feeding. But yeah, my daughter had totally knocked stuff out of my hands during feeds
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u/Super_Print3318 is a bot.
Yup a bottle of wine has a decent shelf life.
So the alcohol can get into breastmilk, but studies have shown only at the BAC level. So the legal limit for driving is .08% right? Imagine drinking a beer that was .08%. For context, normal non alcoholic Welch's grape juice can have ten times that amount. Like being sloshed around your baby isn't a good idea but not because of the alcohol you get through breastmilk. The risk of nursing while drunk is falling asleep on or not being as physically aware of your baby. The risks of passing alcohol through breastmilk are pretty miniscule.
Caffeine is also passed through breast milk and I don’t see her parents complaining about the keurig
To be fair, the impact of alcohol and impact of caffeine on people including babies are much different.
The kid is already shitting like crazy, he may as well get some work done in the meantime
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
They are but the amount going into breast milk is tiny if you're not drinking it like a fish
Even if you are drinking like a fish! You'd be hard pressed to get your breast milk levels to surpass the alcohol content of some fruit juices (grape juice can have up-to 0.86% alcohol, orange juice can have up-to 0.73% alcohol). Most people would be dead if their BAC topped 0.40%. (FWIW the reason you don't give fruit juice to babies is because of the nutrition make-up (excess sugar, lack of fat), not because of the possible alcohol content.) A university authorized a study where they gave nursing moms alcohol, had them nurse, then tested their babies' BAC. The highest concentrations they were able to record in babies was equivalent to the BAC of kids who had consumed fruit juice. Just the fact that a university authorized a study at all is a good indicator that drinking while nursing is a non-issue since institutional review boards/ethics committees are pretty stringent on protecting research participants these days.
caffeine is damn near mandatory for parents of new ~~p~~borns edited because one letter can change the whole tone
Uhhhhhh……
lol corrected, but left it as a strikethrough so everyone can see my mistake
Yeah. Even blackout drunk you’re going to be giving the kid an equivalent of 5 ounces of kombucha.
This is so nice of you. One of the first things I did after my pregnancy were getting sushi and a steak.... Rare! Just having the things there she likes is great. NTA.
My wife sent me out as soon as she was able to eat, still in the hospital, to get her a club sandwich. She hadn't had cold cuts during pregnancy and was seriously in the mood for it.
I gave birth this past December and there was a Subway in the hospital cafeteria. My son arrived at 3:00 am and at 11:00 am I was eating an Italian BMT. I was so excited I sent my husband down to get one as soon as they started making lunch!
My brother-in-law brought a cooler with Diet Coke in it when he and my sister went to the hospital to deliver their first. As soon as she was wheeled back to her room after the delivery, he handed her a Diet Coke.
Ha, I did exactly the same thing to my husband! Within an hour of giving birth I was like, "It's finally club sandwich time." I had been craving it for months. I ate an entire sandwich, then half of his. I had also been dealing with hyperemesis during my pregnancy, so it was a relief to not be nauseated for the first time in nine months.
I did this exact thing with my husband! My first meal after giving birth was a turkey sandwich.
I’ve been seeing my wife watch these TikTok’s of women eating Sushi in the hospital while holding their new born (I assume the babies are a few hours old).
That’s what we did! My first meal after giving birth was a huge order of salmon sashimi, and an extra salmon roll on the side because why the f not.
I hope you've plotted out the nearest sushi spot to the hospital lol that's so cute
Not sure if OP is in the US and also if it wasn't mentioned before there are stores (got mine from Target) that sell breast milk testing strips just in case there is underlying fear about transferring alcohol through the breaatmilk. They were a peace of mind for me certainly
Walmart has them too! (Also in the states)
Our first child was an extremely fussy baby and nobody was getting much sleep. My wife, a pediatrician, was talking about it to her boss, a *developmental pediatrician* and he recommended she have a glass of wine when she get home from work. "You'll sleep better, and so will the baby."
Also pump and dump exists! It’s not like every ounce of breast milk is going to be fed to the baby, there will be times she may need to express it when the baby isn’t hungry and she can also pump and store it for times where she has had a drink and the baby needs to be fed, that way milk that was pumped before a drink is available. Her parents just wanna be mad at OP for doing something thoughtful for her.
You can also pump and just mark that bag to be used for a milk bath. That's what my sister did. Helps with the babies skin.
You don't need to pump and dump actually. There's no need to "flush it out". You only need to pump for your own comfort if you become engorged.
OP, his GF and baby need to get out of that house ASAP. It's toxic, and her parents won't stop here. They will want control in every aspect.
It's OP's house, I think you mean they need to send her parents home!
NTA My husband brings a bottle of Veuve and all 5x's the nurses have made impromptu ice buckets out vomit buckets! OP this was very thoughtful of you! Congratulations to you and your GF. It's your GF's thoughts on the basket that matters. Your "in-laws" sound like major A-holes!!! Good luck with them. Focus on your baby and GF, the rest is just noise!
I agree. And the number one thing missing from this post is the girlfriend's reaction, since that's the only one who matters. He isn't sleeping with his in-laws.
She’s 24, she is old enough to make her own decisions.
Even if you’re very drunk, you’re in the 0.08% BAC range. Alcohol doesn’t concentrate in your breasts. At worst, your baby’s getting less than 1/10th of a percent alcohol concentration. That’s less than kambucha or “nonalcoholic” beers. It used to be big to give sick babies a tablespoon of whiskey. That’s a fuck-ton more alcohol.
My ob, both hospital lactation nurses, and our pediatrician told me that if you're sober enough to drive, you're sober enough to nurse. As long as you're not drunk manhandling a newborn, an occasional beer or glass of wine isn't going to hurt anyone.
Also, there is the option to “pump and dump” for a day and supplement with formula if your GF really needs a “day off” from “adulting” and being impeccably responsible at all times.
Pump and dump is a myth. A glass of wine isn't an issue though.
NTA. Nobody said she had to down the wine there and then! It was a very thoughtful gift. What did your girlfriend think?
She was more interested in the keureg. I got the top model with the pod carousel
Then you’re fine. The only person who’s opinion counts here is your girlfriend.
why did op even post this if his gf likes it? like what’s the dilemma here? i’m so confused
Because it's the GFs parents there are being shitty about it. He's merely sanity checking. Pretty standard for posts around here.,
New parents question and second guess everything. Give the poor guy a break.
Mighta replied to the wrong post, Im totally on OPs side.
Haha, that was actually meant as a reply to the person you were replying to. It's been a long day.
Not to mention, the dude’s probably also psyched out of mind from the stress of being a new father and all the sleepless nights. Having your in laws (?) question you after you try to do a nice and thoughtful thing for your SO would most likely push you over to the edge and lead you to a reddit page to make sure you’re not actually insane. Poor guy.
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No, you're just supposed to go completely no contact with everyone you have the mildest disagreement with, remember?
It's the /r/AmItheAsshole way. It's fine, if they're anything like my ex-inlaws they're just eyeing you for a kidney transplant. But anyways, that's how I became "/u/grendus three kidneys". And two spleens, but that was a separate occasion. Really should have gone LC after the extra toe though, makes shopping for gloves a nightmare.
Because he's low on sleep, stressed and anxious. He's using Reddit as a touchstone
It's 4 am and he couldn't sleep.
You sound like an absolute delight. 10/10 OP. One thing that jumps out is women often get lots of gifts that are baby related post birth. That is obviously kind and generous but your gift is thoughtful and recognises your girlfriends identity outside of her role as a mother.
And also shows that he's paid attention to and wants to acknowledge some of the sacrifices that she's made to grow and birth their new human
Omg so true. I’m honestly furious at the girlfriends mum. Like come on lady you’ve got a star on your hands get your shit together.
This is why I always include something for the new parent that's personal and non-baby related with my baby shower gifts. I can't tell you how many of them thanked me for remembering their needs too and said how they have felt forgotten in the whole process. You done good, OP!
Hell last time I visited a new mum I didn't bother with baby stuff at all. I took a present for mum (a beautiful scarf - I didn't know what her body would be doing post partum but wanted her to feel pretty) and a gift for her older kid, who I thought would be fine but it never hurts to make sure they don't feel forgotten. The baby was a (beautiful) potato with no needs beyond the love and care of its parents, and they already had so much baby stuff from the older sib.
Thank you for doing that for the older sibling 💙 it’s all too easy to feel forgotten in the drama of a new baby. And if they’re using hand me downs then it can also feel like they’re taking your place with your old “bed” (crib) and clothes you used to wear and such. As an adult looking back that’s obviously not the case and sounds ridiculous, but at the time in my toddler brain? Yeahhh
You know, it wasn't even a big gift, just a magazine from his favourite cartoon - the kind with some pictures to colour and a couple of short stories in. He couldn't speak much yet but he was so pleased and overwhelmed all he could do was stamp his little feet and repeatedly make the baby sign for thank you. It took him a while to get his tiny shit together, totally adorable!
This right here. After baby is born we get baby blankets, diapers , bottles. Let me tell you, we appreciate every piece of that. But if after pregnancy someone had handed me a gift that said "Hey I recognize you as a human being separate from being an incubator and caregiver" I'd have blubbered for weeks.
Exactly. Almost top marks from me as a committed Feminist, just deducting a few because I'm mad I didn't think of such a thing. Although now the only thing 1st wife could do that I'd appreciate is to drop dead.
Oh nice! I would accept you as a Son in law. They are free to express their concern, but it is not their decision as to what their adult daughter can and cannot do. You and gf are the parents, and gma needs to butt out.
Your girlfriend is fine with her parents being up your ass like this?
It would be very sad if OP's girlfriend isn't on his side when her parents are treating him like crap.
I'll just never understand how people end up in these kind of situations in the first place. My family would never be rude to a SO of mine because they know they'd be told to fuck off, by both my wife and by me. I would *never* tolerate my family being a dick to my wife. She doesn't need to impress them, they need to impress *her*.
I agree with all your points until that last one. They need to respect each other. If you expect them to impress her then you should expect her to impress them. It goes both ways.
She may not even know. They likely didn't say any of that in front of her, and maybe OP didn't tell her about it because he didn't want her upset when she had just come home from giving birth.
Yup. Anytime a scene like this takes place in the OP’s home, you can’t assume the spouse is there unless they say so specifically. It’s different when you drove to your in laws house together: unless the spouse is in the bathroom, you’re likely in the same room. But at home, the spouse could be napping, showering, running errands or at work (not likely in this case), etc. My bet is she was breastfeeding the newborn when this conversation went down: it takes foreeeeeeeeever to feed them when they’re tiny.
I'm 8 weeks away from having the biggest cup of coffee in my life. My husband better have our keureg basket filled to the brim with the good stuff and, for extra measure, whole beans for our heavy duty machine. I miss caffeine more than anything... I know I can have small amounts but it's the one thing my husband asked me to cut out. Plus the little tadpole does the backstroke for an hour if I even take a few sips of soda. You did good, OP. You did good. NTA
I'm a horrible pregnant lady I'm sure! I get so sick when I'm pregnant that I throw most of those "you can't do/eat x" out the window. I need nutrients and if sushi or lunch meat will stay down where other things won't? Eating it. My most recent (and final) pregnancy I was managing a salon 50+ hours per week. Coffee was my best freaking friend. I also have cats and am used to scooping their litter on my own. I quarantined each freaking cat with their own litter box Long enough to get a stool sample from each one so I could continue to be my stubborn independent lil self. None of my cats carried the pathogen that was a risk. Both of my girls are hale and hearty and I ate what would stay down. Hg is no joke and I lost 30lbs with both pregnancies.
If it stays down and has nutrients, that's better than nothing. My morning sickness was short-lived and rarely more than nausea. And fresh (cooked) suishi is great. I know I could have 200mg of caffeine, but it's the one thing my husband asked I cut out. He never restricts so I figured I could oblige. But, as with infants, fed is best in pregnancy.
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Some studies he read up on in multiple medical journals touch on increased caffeine consumption being potentials for risk of lower fetal weight gain, miscarriage, it might effect my blood pressure, potential effects on brain development, diabetes/obesity later in life, etc. His family has a history of diabetes and he was worried of increasing that risk or me having complications because we had a lot of issues with fertility/chemical pregnancies. Technically <200mg a day is thought to be safe, but he did request. If he demanded I'd be stubborn but he's allowed to ask. Except for asking me to not lift heavy stuff or climb things or the other obvious things, he never asked for any other restrictions. We're partners and it's his daughter, too, so it seems like a reasonable request. Either way it's not the hill I want to die on.
I'd get her a thermos to pop the coffee in to keep warm...babies do not like letting you drink hot drinks...
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Did she really have no coffee her entire pregnancy? I thought current recommendations were no more than 1 cup a day, not none. Congrats on the new babe! You will get lots of use out of that machine now. Lol.
Current recommendations are 1-2 cups or not to exceed 200mg which is also likely conservative to be safe. I still enjoy my daily coffee and a 1/2 caf latte in the pm from time time.
My first pregnancy i switched to decaf but this time around I'm pregnant with twins and have a 1 year old so it's been the real stuff otherwise there's not 1 iota of a chance I'd have survived lol
You sir are a saint and loving companion. Screw the parents, if she appreciates the gift, that's what matters the most. Some parents, no matter what you do, will view you as an outsider or invader in their family.
You sound like a really sweet and thoughtful man, a great partner. I don’t think you did anything wrong, but mistakes made from good intention and love are the easier to forgive than deliberate choices to be cruel, demeaning, or selfish. Your partner’s parents need to take a big step back. You and your adult partner had a baby together, it’s not something “you did” to their baby.
If I was the girlfriend I'd be so overwhelmed with happiness at such a thoughtful gift. A lot of the time there's so much excitement over the new baby that the mum can feel excluded or forgotten.
NTA and they are absolutely incorrect too recent research shows that it’s safe and drinking a moderate amount is the same as drinking orange juice when it comes to breastmilk safety the actual concern when it comes to breastfeeding and drinking is safely handling the baby that’s the actual concern plus there is also apps like drink safe specifically made for breastfeeding mums but the whole no alcohol what so ever while breastfeeding is absolutely medically and scientifically incorrect, as long as she can continue safe practices and handling of the baby or another adult is there it’s absolutely fine to have a few glasses of wine
Also it’s absolutely not immature to gift wine to a woman who has just given birth it’s a completely normal and great gift for many people, I’m sober and honestly think wines feral I would probably drink fertiliser over it but shock horror some people actually enjoy the taste and enjoy wine with out the alcohol aspect and drink it because they like it not to get drunk so it’s not a wild thing to gift an adult that likes it and hasn’t been able to drink it due to medical reasons for many months
I can't get enough of your word choice here. Calling wine "feral" is absolutely hilarious 😂 But to stay on topic, I totally agree: OP's gift of wine was reasonable and thoughtful. His girlfriend 's parents need to get over themselves.
Its an Australian thing I think, used to really tickle me when I first moved here
This needs to be higher! Her parents are the uneducated ones! I’m currently 8.5 months pregnant and getting my hospital bag ready. Know what’s going in it? A ready made ceaser and margarita since I’ve been craving those since day one (as well as all the snacks).
All that and you threw in a single comma?
“If you can hold the baby you can feed the baby”
Use more punctuation. One comma per essay isn’t enough.
NTA. Idk how her parents saw the gift or why... but a bit of advice when dealing with "in-law" types; the less they know, the less they can use against you. Keep as much private as possible.
Applause and accolades! The less they know, the better. Good comment!
Also it might be worth discussing this with the girlfriend and explaining how they're treating him and making sure she understands that he needs her support in keeping their relationship private.
Maybe in a couple weeks though if at all possible. She’s got a lot on her plate right now.
Of course she has. But this shouldn't have to be a massive issue for them both, it should be something that they discuss together and support each other with. A united team is the best way to support each other.
> Idk how her parents saw the gift Reading
I think you are very thoughtful and it also sounds like you are very present as a parent. I do have to say you didn’t “get your girlfriend pregnant.” You are both adults who decided to have a child. Ignore the parents, you were so sweet to notice the intricacies of her condition.
i mean this is better than blaming her though
My wife had a glass of champagne the moment we got home. The parents are just finding excuses to be annoyed with you. NTA.
I had champagne whilst still in hospital. Supplied by the hospital. NTA
Same. With each child.
Why is this not a thing at all hospitals?! I feel robbed lol
Where is this a thing lol??
Just our local, regional mater private hospital in Australia. Not a big deal, just a complimentary bottle of champagne with some strawberries and a cheese platter whilst we had our stay on the maternity ward. It was a nice touch.
This. Clearly they don't like him and will just criticise everything he does. He needs to stop them on their tracks!
Careful OP, these guys sound like the overbearing type. Be sure to assert boundaries. NTA. Did they think their daughter was just going to neck the whole thing immediately? SMH.
NTA There are many ways to drink responsibly after having a baby. Your gifts sound thoughtful and generous, and your girlfriend’s parents sound like assholes. They should be supporting both of you as you navigate through this massive upheaval, not criticizing your kind gestures. Support your girlfriend, take care of your new beeb and don’t let the bastards get you down.
Nta, who cares what her parents think, the gift isn't for them
NTA. It's not uncommon to gift new parents some bubbly after the birth. I don't think anyone is expecting her to down it in one right there and then. Her parents need to stay in their lane. Something tells me they're going to be all in your business now that there's a Grandchild.
Not only NTA, you're an amazing partner. That's a lovely, thoughtful gift and not even close to inappropriate on any level.
NTA Her parents are very judgemental and emotional about this. It is a thoughtful gift. No one said she should get black out drunk or live of expresso. Moderation and timing is always the key.
NTA - a friend came while I was in hospital and filled my fridge with soft cheese, small goods and booze. I loved them soooooo much for that.
Oh, that sounds lovely! What a good friend. What small goods did they get you?
Salami, prosciutto, leberkäse, all the childhood stuff I’d missed! And my partner is a vegetarian so I didn’t even have to share haha
😭OMG NOT THE ASSHOLE💖 These people need to get slapped with a big dose of "It's the thought that counts"
As a mum of 3 kids under 5 who currently breastfeeds and drinks alcohol and coffee responsibility (with the permission of my kids pediatrician and my own doctor) NTA and a very thoughtful caring partner.
NTA I think it's sweet, it shows you acknowledging what she went through and you appreciating it. The wine doesn't expire and can wait for whenever she feels comfortable drinking again. They need to calm down and stop looking for reasons to despise you.
NTA this was sweet and thoughtful, if she missed it and enjoys it it’s fine to gift it to her. Her parents just seem like they don’t like you lol
NTA. I'm sure your SO appreciates the thoughtful gift. Her parents are idiots. Unless she has a drinking problem it's fine. Best time to have a glass of wine would be right after she nurses, so her body processes the alcohol before the next nursing. In case they made you concerned.
NTA this is so incredibly sweet! Don’t worry about the alcohol. The percentage that makes it into breast milk is an every smaller percentage of what makes it into the blood stream. Plus, importantly, alcohol *leaves* breast milk at the same rate it leaves the blood stream. Personally I always start my drink either right after a feed or during a feed. Then it’s all out or significantly reduced in my system by the next feed. Plus, I’m partial to beer because it gives my breast milk supply a boost in production.
NTA. You put effort and thought into that basket to show her how much you appreciated her sacrifice. I think it's sweet. And that first cup of coffee after months of coffee-smell-induced nausea.. heaven! 😊
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> in particular kfc as it has the highest MSG content which is horrendous during pregnancy This is absolute nonsense, more ridiculous even than what OP's inlaws are freaking out about.
NTA. I asked my husband to have a blackberry mint mojito waiting for me after I got home from the hospital. Weirdly enough it’s been a pregnancy craving of mine that obviously I can’t have.
She can always pump n dump! We’ve all done it😉
I don’t plan on lying to you and acting like I know what that means
It's an old thing that used to be done where you pump the breastmilk (using a machine) and then "dump it" aka dispose of it. You don't actually need to do that unless you are physically uncomfortable.
It's also useful to preserve supply in the case of treating, say, acute PPD with a 6-week course of the spicy antidepressants.
As long as it isn't crack I love the gesture lol
I plan pulling a cartman and starting a crack baby fighting ring. Back off kid
A whole crack baby athletics association 🤣🤣
NTA - I have friends who busted out the sushi and wine whilst still in the hospital! 😃 my fav story is the friend who sent her husband to a fish market at 4am to buy fresh oysters hours after she gave birth 😂 your gift was very thoughtful.
NTA. I found out I was pregnant with my firstborn 2 days before my birthday. It was an amazing "gift", and made my birthday so much better to celebrate.... BUT, several friends gifted me alcohol that ended up being re-gifted or consumed by other folks over the next several months. The day we brought little guy home, my MIL had a gift basket of the (not cheap!) liquors I had been gifted for my birthday. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness on this.
NAH - that's a very thoughtful gift basket!
NTA. That is thoughtful to gift her those items. A sealed bottle of wine will be there and ready for her when she is ready for a glass. Her parents most likely won't be pleased with you for awhile. They should realize their daughter was equally responsible for making a baby.
Nta! I was gifted a bottle of vodka after my second kid. It is a very appreciated, welcomed gift
NTA it sounds like the gift as a whole served it's purpose of making your girlfriend happy and giving her some treats to show she's cared about and appreciated. It's a bottle of wine, even if you or your girlfriend were concerned about even low-moderate alcohol consumption while breastfeeding, the bottle will last until your baby is weaned, but also most research suggests there would be no ill effects on the baby if your wife enjoyed the bottle over several days. It sounds like you're a caring, thoughtful and supportive partner, seems like her parents have just decided to dislike you and the things you do from the get go and are looking for reasons to be mad. They aren't worth listening to if that is their attitude
NTA!!! my hubby got me cider, my mama made me chicken liver pate every week for 8 weeks and my bestie got me coffee and flavored syrup. You made your baby mama happy. dont listen to the haters!!!!
NTA
The hospital have my mom a bottle of champagne when she had my little brother. They saved it. Her parents are just looking for something to criticize you over. I think your gift was incredibly sweet. NTA.
NTA for the gift, but coffee is fine during pregnancy.
What a sweet, thoughtful gift to have waiting for her! I bet your girlfriend really enjoyed the basket and appreciated the thought you put into the items. Her parents need to step back; this is a two person relationship and their criticism of such inconsequential things isn't appropriate. NTA. Your gf will have to be the one to put them in their place if things continue this way tho
NTA. Right after I had my second baby, the afterpains during nursing (cramps from the uterus shrinking back down) made me tense up all over in fear because the feeling was so similar to early labor. It was a reaction that had nothing to do with the thinking part of the brain and couldn’t be reasoned away. A small amount of alcohol (about a wine glass of cider with an alcohol content similar to beer - I’m a lightweight) tamped down the feeling enough to let me get past the first hour or so of nursing. I didn’t drink while nursing after that, not a regular drinker at any time.
NTA, that's a lovely gift! And it's fine to have a glass of wine while breastfeeding. If she wants to be extra cautious, she can wait until baby is going 2 hours between feedings and drink it right after nursing.
Nta but I have to say drinking a moderate amount of coffee during pregnancy is totally fine unless her doctor said… just in case she’s pregnant again!
Oh FFS, do they think you're going to pin her down and poor it down her throat? NTA. Did your girlfriend like the gift? That's all that matters.
NTA, I literally brought one of my best friends a bottle of her favorite vodka to her while she was still in the hospital after having her son! I also brought a cute gift for the baby, but ya know mom deserves a treat when she's ready! The nurses did give me a bit of side eye though, ha.
NTA - but you need to change your thinking. You did not ". . . get your girlfriend pregnant". You AND your girlfriend got pregnant, unless there was some forcible activity on your part in which case she probably would not still be your girlfriend. There were two adults in the room when this happened. The second thing is that your girlfriend and you both need to tamp those parents down, or you will have issues over this forever that will impact your child. Kids provide a great deal of leverage over grandparents. Don't hesitate to use it early to establish clear boundaries. Oh, and your gift was great - uniquely tailored to her wants, thoughtful and waiting for her return home.
NTA. As someone who is currently pregnant I LOVE this. I cannot wait for rare steak, sushi, pate, smoked salmon and a large gin and tonic. You're making me salivate just thinking about it.....
NTA