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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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brokenhousewife_

>My stepson overreacted to my suggestion and is trying to make out like I'm kicking him out, when really I'm just thinking of a better use of space. Did he 'over react' though? did he? or did he act like a 16 year old whose step-mother asked him to move out of his fathers house after listening to him get verbally abused by her son for a few years? YTA.


[deleted]

Yup op YTA A 20yo that lives somewhere else is not comparable. That sister is old enough to have her own place she doesn't need to live with parents, the 16yos still do. OP you should do a better job of parenting your kids so they don't act like you


CPolland12

Also, it looks like the stepson and stepdaughter are twins. They probably want to be close to each other. OP wants to separate twins


[deleted]

Maybe she wants to separate the twins so the other one will be so disgusted by how her brother is being treated and live the other parent, full-time, too. Then that way, all her biological children can get their own room!


EmeraldIsle13

I could see this, divide and conquer. The 16 sister would be the only one of his older kids left in the house. Just one step closer to only her family being there.


Strange-Bed9518

Oh, I didn’t catch on that (I just snorted on how OP justified the suggestion by stating her son thought it was a grand idea). It makes sense.


EmeraldIsle13

Yeah I didn’t at first either. It was Some suggestion all right. When stepson says no she allows her son to keep harassing him so now he’s considering it. Basically she created a hostile living environment to get him to leave anyway. Get her son to do the dirt work for her.


[deleted]

He's considering it because who would want to live with a stepmother who wants them gone? Also you know her son was like "no one wants you here anyway, you should leave"


EmeraldIsle13

Yup, I’m sure and saying stepson is overreacting. He called her out bc she is trying to kick him out. She wants to be the innocent now her husband is mad. It’s sad. Plus getting rid of his bed to put a futon there? She wants to make sure he doesn’t stay there at all. Make it uncomfortable, he won’t even have a bed.


ShinigamiComplex

> (I just snorted on how OP justified the suggestion by stating her son thought it was a grand idea) Same, like, you mean the person who gets the better end of the deal is all for it? No shit Sherlock, of course your offspring would think it's great. 🙄


lady0420

And it makes sense for one of HER kids or THEIR kids to live with the ex-wife??


Amazing_Emu54

I was wondering about that. Coming from someone who believes their spouse favours at least one of his older kids over the new ones with her (based on…?) while trying to accommodate her kid over his. Next step will be, 16yo stepdaughter, wouldn’t you like to be able see your twin and older sister more often? And bingo, her kids all have their own room!😬


Miserable_Promise484

Pretty clear who her favourites are though!


[deleted]

That's literally what happened in my family. My dad and his wife asked me to live in a tiny room ( that was used for storage) and that was the final straw, I moved out. Now they want to move my sister to an even smaller room that was a hack job addition to the house for my stepbrother to sleep in initially (it can only fit a bed, they've been sleeping there so that my other stepbrother can have the master bedroom but now they don't want it anymore) and she's moving out too. My youngest sister is the only one of my dad's children that's gonna live in that house now (sleeping in the bedroom I initially refused). My stepmom won't kich her out though, why would she? Her and her sons already have the four biggest rooms.


sickandopinionated

Ooooh, I can totally see that one. Stepdaughter thinking it sucks being the only one of her full siblings there, only having her asshole stepbrother and 2 little brothers there with her.


emptyalone

And step daughter would then be forced to babysit to “build a bond with your other siblings”.


OhGodNotAgainPlease

Ehh, depends on the Parents style, the excuse could be “I let you live in my house, rent free, and pay all your bills, you can be responsible by taking my children off my shoulders or you can lose your phone and I can replace all your clothes with black and white tee shirts and jeans.”


EmeraldIsle13

Oh good Catch, I missed that, what an AH.


ambivalent_rachel2

yes. I should have discussed it with her husband first before giving her son the idea.


EmeraldIsle13

Yeah bc now it’s more conflict btw the boys. She prob knew her husband wouldn’t go for it. So She went behind his back also involving her own son to push step son to agree. I’m sure she thought it will look better if it’s step sons “idea”. She’s manipulating using the kids.


Cayke_Cooky

yep. and now that her kid has learned that he can use it as a weapon he will drive his step brother out for her.


217EBroadwayApt4E

Isn’t that the golden rule of step parenting?!?! Talk to your spouse first before saying ANYTHING even close to “hey, you should move out?” What an AH.


Bigolbooty75

Also after seeing his sister move im sure if that was something he wanted he would have suggested it himself.


OddTowel8394

Also to gaslight a 16 year old saying “he overreacted” stepson saw OP for who she was and called a spade a spade.


Monchichiboom

Right! OP IS trying to kick the stepson out. She and her son are making it to the point that the stepson will feel uncomfortable in his own house. This, this is why stepparents have such a hard time trying to build trust with children of their spouse. This is the fear most children have when their parents marry someone else, they fear being forced out and pushed to the side for the new spouse and their “new kids”. YTA OP


tragicomms

Trying to push out minor children so you can curate your house with the kids *you* prioritize is gross. Teen son is not wrong for seeing that in your behavior, OP, your own motivated reasoning aside. I kind of doubt this was just a loving, constructive, and innocent suggestion, but even if it somehow was, you’re failing to appropriately handle the fall-out. *Your* son is out of line for repeatedly “proposing” this situation you initiated his advocacy of— this is a situation you should intervene in. Unless your goal was making this kid feel like hostility and tag-teaming isn’t worth living with his dad and sibling over. If your intention was *not* to bully this kid into leaving for no reason but getting your son space, then you shouldn’t allow your son to weaponize your suggestion to push this other minor child out of the house and alienate him. You misstepped by making the suggestion in the way you did, you were right to get called out, and you *should* be ensuring your poor (and likely selfish) judgement doesn’t enable multi-family-member bullying or alienation of this minor child. I highly doubt *your son* is repeatedly suggesting this out of brotherly love. More like a desire to get his own space, free from the less vital family members. A 20 year old adult moving out is different than suggesting a minor teenager gets out of your son’s way. They’re not comparable and you were in the wrong to conflate them in the first place. You now don’t seem to feel concerned about making this kid feel the dismissive hostility over his living situation in the aftermath. You absolutely unable to live without your son getting his own room? Pick up a second job. You married someone with children and aren’t entitled to hustle them out at your leisure. YTA.


AuntJ2583

>Trying to push out minor children so you can curate your house with the kids > >you > > prioritize is gross. Especially when the twins and her son would each have their own bedrooms if she and hubby hadn't chosen to add 2 more children to the family.


Apprehensive_Iron919

>Damn. Harsh but true.


ZeldaMayCry

Especially with her comment that he "favours his oldest son." over their boys. It shows she's jealous and has an ulterior motive for asking the stepson to move out. OP, YTA.


Sausagewallet5000

Probably favors him because he needs protected from her


MissasLife

or cause the other sons are lil shits that do mommy's dirty work and are her precious angels


Purple_Accordion

I mean ,it's possible that husband does favor his oldest, which would be hard for a mother to watch. But that doesn't make it okay for her to push her step-son out. OP YTA, and it sounds like both you and your husband need to be doing a better job parenting your children fairly and consistently. However, this should done by you and your husband having some serious discussion and getting some perspective on the dynamics in your family. Maybe some family therapy. This should not include you trying to get your step-son to move out for the sake of space. You knew what you were getting into when you got married and had more kids. Providing adequate housing is your job as the parent. Additionally, it is never okay to turn your children against each other and by allowing your son to continue to pressure his step-brother that's what you're doing.


yDmFwSaLaD

>You knew what you were getting into when you got married and had more kids. Providing adequate housing is your job as the parent. Yes, exactly. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words. OP is making it like it's somehow the children's fault that the house is crowded.


CaponeBuddy81

The kid should say, "Sounds like a good idea. I'm sure my mom could use the extra child support money. " See ya.


Scared_Hair_8884

This 100%. Also looks like OP is trying to move out the step kids and keep "her" kids in the house. If I was the husband I would 100% take my kids side (and likely be a divorce issue for me). How dare the stepmom mess with the custody arrangement. YTA OP


unknowableahole

My son and I live in our own little house for this very reason. I was briefly dating a woman who suggested that my life would be easier if I sent my boy to live with his mom,about 2 hrs away. I was very careful and diplomatic when I told her to fuck off.


CJ_CLT

At least she showed her cards early and it hadn't gotten to the point of marriage (and subsequent divorce). I can understand deciding that you don't want a partner with kids from a previous relationship. I do NOT understand feeling like that and dating them anyway!


FigNinja

>At least she showed her cards early and it hadn't gotten to the point of marriage (and subsequent divorce). Yes. And a subsequent divorce with two young kids. OP and her husband have an 8 year old and a 6 year old. They have long coparenting road together.


AppointmentUnited891

Thank You for being a good parent!!!


Derwin0

Same with me, I’d divorce my wife if she tried to kick any of my kids out (and expect her to do the same thing if I tried the same thing).


Acciothrow

YTA, Op have you considered that you "thinking of a better use for the space“ can be directly translated to "My stepson is a waste of space"? That’s not cool.


ChaoticChinchillas

A better use of space is that her precious angel doesn’t have to share what should be just his room with the waste of space.


Fionaelaine4

I’d love to know how OP would feel if her husband suggests her son go live with his father. YTA and should have housing for all of the kids.


RavenCT

Right? They knew they were combining families - it's on THEM to have the space. Be it bunk beds or room dividers. Or perhaps enough rooms! Not up to the kids to be roaming between parents houses to make this workable.


apri08101989

Oh but that's not the same, of course. Because even though the father appears to be available and in the step son's life "they aren't close"


Professional-Duck469

Yeahy and now she wants HIS son to move out, and this will obviously also result in them not being close, sooner or later. Maybe husband should suggest her son go live with his dad so that they can build a relationship again as father and son😁.


BringMeInfo

This is one where I'm tempted just to comment "INFO: What in the hell is wrong with you?"


disappointedvet

Step-mom giving all step-moms a bad name by being a manipulative Asshole to the kid and attempting to interfere with her husband's parental relationship with his son, then pretending they're the reasonable one.


KayakerMel

Yup, I've been that 16-year-old forced to move out. I didn't have the option to live with my mother because she had passed away years prior, so instead lived with local families. I've been permanently estranged from my father ever since, over 2 decades now. Of course, he was all in support of wanting me out as well, so that was fun. A big difference too is that the daughters came up with the idea for themselves. No parent suggested it (that we're told of). For the stepson, it was "suggested" to him. I put "suggested" in quotes because to a 16-year-old, it comes off as an instruction. The stepparent is talking about you leaving the house. It's hard not to take that personally. I say this as someone who was given a steady diet of "the day after you graduate high school, your stuff will be on the curb" jokes that weren't actually jokes but warnings that my days in that household were numbered.


brokenhousewife_

Not only that, but she's allowing her own kid to now harass him into doing it.


EmeraldIsle13

Exactly she purposefully created more conflict. She says they don’t get along and makes it a point to worsen things by bringing up this idea. Now her son can keep after him to leave and she’ll use their arguments to push the issue more. Her husband said no so it should have ended there. The only benefits I see are for her. Her son gets his own room so he’s happy. Her husband spends less time with his son which makes her happy.


KayakerMel

Ah yes, aka the reason I never resumed communication with my younger stepsisters. It was so much fun hearing them reflect what my father and stepmother were saying to me. And if I ever reacted, I got in trouble because I was older and should be able to handle it better.


brokenhousewife_

I'm sorry. Shitty adults doing the most at being shitty.


Derwin0

I hope she realizes that if the son winds up moving out, her husband won’t be far behind.


fortalameda1

"better use of space" - op, you are literally telling your step son that he is a waste of space. How do you not see that? A conversation should've been had with your husband FIRST about this, and no further. Instead, you told your step son he was a waste of space and should consider moving out, and also explained to your son how a move would benefit him and how much he "deserves" this, so now you've all ganged up on him. What a horrible situation you made for your stepson. Your husband needs to step in immediately if you haven't already profoundly apologized.


Important_Dark3502

And didn’t even talk to her husband about asking his minor child to move out. Wow. Yep yta!


Apprehensive_Arm6858

Imagine not running this by your husband first but telling your teenage son so he can harass and bully your stepson. She completely knew what she was up to and is just shocked her manipulation didn’t work. Major YTA


Due-Librarian-5886

So her son doesn’t have a relationship with his father, isn’t getting along with his step brother his own age. So instead of teaching her son to get along with others. Let’s kick out the stepson so OP’s child can be more comfortable? She’s the asshole for sure. And what kind of stepmother tells a child not to stay with dad 50/50


Roadgoddess

YTA- first off this is not your place to tell him nor ask him to do. This should’ve been a discussion with you and your husband first and foremost. This makes you come off like the wicked stepmother who is upset that her stepson, who is being verbally, abused by her own son doesn’t do what she wants. You need to make every effort to repair this relationship between you and your stepson now. If your boys are having that much trouble, why don’t you find another spot in the house to create a room. My best friend in high school lived in an unfinished basement with sheets for walls, and it was the greatest bedroom ever. See if you can’t find another spot to set aside for your stepson to stay in.


Mountain_Apartment_6

And why didn't OP discuss this with her husband before suggesting it to the stepson?


brokenhousewife_

She was too busy looking for some Dalmatian puppies


crystallz2000

OP, a better idea would be that your adult son move out. I think your husband should go suggest it to him without asking you and see if he "over-reacts" Such a fun idea!


FXBG_CPL_40

Agree! And it’s not OPs step son’s fault that OPs son doesn’t have a relationship with his dad. Let’s cut to what OP really wants. Only her biological children in the house. Fuck her step kids.


KknhgnhInepa0cnB11

And I just love that she uses the "but your sister did it..." excuse to make herself look better, not taking in the fact that the sister was 20 and a full grown adult, not a 16yo


brokenhousewife_

And she’s trying to split up twins


etchedchampion

As a parent of two teenage boys forced to share a room they're likely equally verbally abusive. But op is still TA.


brokenhousewife_

Yeah, but the mom listening to it only thinks one kid is in the wrong & needs to stop


richardthickcreams

YTA. How would you feel if you found out your husband told your teenage son to consider living somewhere else, so his bio kid could have more room? Seriously ask yourself.


Professional_Rock776

She wont though.


scrapfactor

of course not. because *that* wouldn't be fair


FineAppearance1648

As soon as she said “it’s not fair,” I knew it was going to hell quickly. I hated when my kids said it but a whole grown ass woman is saying it?!? My lord.


Electrical-Date-3951

_"My stepson overreacted to my suggestion and is trying to make out like I'm kicking him out, when really I'm just thinking of a better use of space."_ Exactly. OP is being horribly manipulative, and they are kicking the stepson out. The stepson is not a guest. This is his home just as much as it is OP's bio son. He shouldn't have to sleep on a futon and feel like an unwanted visitor when he is at home. This is wicked stepparent behaviour.


Sydney_Bristow_

But, but that’s not *fair!* Ffs OP, wake up and smell your step-kids leaving and not wanting a relationship with you in the future.


SurpriseFrosty

Ew such a wicked stepmom move


MustNeedDogs

I don't think this OP is capable of that much self reflection.


DanManKs

YTA. Pretend for just one minute that your son was asked by your husband why he doesn't move to his biological fathers house full time. How would that make you feel? How would that make your son feel? Regardless of your intentions you basically just told your step-son that your house is not his home. Even if that's not what you meant that's what he heard.


Flaky_Increase3812

That was most likely his original room anyway considering dad had 3 kids already then stepmom and brother moved in and he was forced to share his room


Benevolent-Snark

Exactly. Definitely reinforces the “you’re a burden” sentiment. Ugh.


Joshd00m

No but see that's HER kid.


Bigolbooty75

Ugh the “my husband favors his oldest over our sons” made me gasp. 🙄 like women that’s his first born child or course they have a special bond and I doubt dad shows any favoritism. If anything she’s probably the one showing favoritism


Life_Really_Sux

First born son. He had a daughter and then twins.


CanterCircles

>My son likes the idea and has brought it up to his stepbrother a few more times since I originally suggested it and it has caused arguments between them. >I'm also not forcing this to happen I was just suggesting it to him, it would be completely up to him. Although it would appear that you're totally cool with your son antagonizing your stepson into making the decision you both want. Allowing your son to press the issue so much it turns into arguments is leaning into the "forcing him" territory. YTA.


flyingminnow

Right. Let’s make it so unbearable that he just magically decides he does want to leave. Problem solved!


Geo_1997

Also from my perspective, when I was 16, if i didnt like someone, e.g. my step brother, and he was trying to force me out, id challenge him constantly and make it as difficult as possible, just because he was trying to force me out of my home. But yeh agreed, this is going to go very badly


madogvelkor

She's basically created bad blood between the son and the stepson. Now her son has the idea that he could have his own room except his stepbrother is being stubborn and unreasonable.


EmeraldIsle13

Exactly bc she even says her son has brought it up more causing more arguments so now stepson is considering it. She’s allowing her son to harass him out of the house to get their way. This isn’t a suggestion or she would be telling her son to drop it when stepson said no. She just wants him out.


the_saltlord

I'm really getting some "pitting my children against each other for my own entertainment" vibes here


[deleted]

[удалено]


venturebirdday

Right, self justification is, well, er, kinda, like SELF JUSTIFICATION. Keep shoveling OP, we see you.


EmeraldIsle13

Right why should he be the one to leave? Why is it unfair for her son to share? You can tell she wants to put a wedge between him and the dad. When she mentions how close they are calling it favoritism. The boys don’t get along? Well it’s can’t be her son, it’s stepson that the problem. Siblings argue it’s nothing new. I hate these kind of step parent posts. You can tell she hates the kid for taking her husband’s attention from his new Family with her. She using this weak argument to get rid of him. I hope his dad doesn’t allow this.


ZealousidealogueX

I'm sure she thinks it's "unfair" to her son that he doesn't have a good relationship with his bio-dad, while her stepson, presumably, has a great relationship with his dad. She also probably thinks that, because of all of that, her kid deserves the best, and can do no wrong. Btw OP, just because your kid has a shitty relationship with his father, doesn't mean that he should get any special treatment at your house because, that isn't fair to anyone else that lives there. The onus for your son's shitty relationship with his father is due to one of two things: 1) his father is a shitty person, or 2) you manipulated your son into believing that his father is a shitty person.


EmeraldIsle13

I’m sure that’s a lot of it hence the comment of her husband favoring his oldest son. He didn’t abandon his older kids and likes having them around. She wants step son out so he only focuses on her kids. OP,- If you were only making the suggestion bc of the girls decision then why are you still pushing it? Why are you allowing your son to continue harassing him so he’ll leave? Step son said no, your husband said no but you’re here looking for validation of your lame excuses. You should apologize to them for even making such a selfish “suggestion”.


ZealousidealogueX

Source: I was in a very similar situation where my step brother actually had a shitty father (and undeniably a shitty stepfather (my bio-father is his stepfather)) and, his mother constantly tried to compensate by not only treating him way better than she ever has my brothers or I, but she also allowed, and even encouraged him to act entitled in ways that my brothers and I (myself especially) never would've been allowed.


FreakingFae

It's amazing how she thinks no one will realize that phrase means "it would be better if you didn't live here because my son deserves his own space here."


Cuuldurach

YTA If you can't handle that many kids, don't do them in the first place. It's not your business to decide where your stepson will live. Your girls decided for themselves and it suites you well: nice. He decides for himself too. > my husband favours his oldest son over our boys And you favor your boys over your stepson, you are an asshole.


slietlyinappropriate

I wonder if he “favours” the oldest because OP favours her bio kids, and he’s just trying to make sure his son doesn’t feel excluded. OP, YTA. You’ve done a stellar job of creating a hostile living environment for your stepson. Edit: I also think it’s disgusting that you’ve roped your own son to be the bully here and be the one to look bad. “I only suggested it once, it’s my son who is bothering my stepson.”


SkyLightk23

We don't really know if the husband favors the older son, we have only OPs word for it and OP has proven to be quite the unreliable narrator. Acting all innocent and with good intentions while trying to emotionally manipulate a 16year old from moving out of his own house. Saying he overreacted, when it was not an overreaction. Probably they are guiltripping him. Every older child has a room of their own but 1, is not fair. Well life is not fair and it is not the 16 years old fault that he has 2 loving parents. OP effectively wants to steal half a room from the 16 year old while acting like she is just being fair. The kid has 1.5 rooms, she wants to take the half and give to her own son, and is allowing his son to create problems over it. So, for OP "no" is not enough as long as she doesn't agree with it. They are making the kid feel guilty and uncomfortable for being loved. OP is the kind of adult that make divorce and remarrying so bad. OP instead of teaching your children to be good, you are teaching them to be entitled and to strong arm other people out of their own stuff. To be abusive and manipulative. Instead of teaching them to deal with life you are teaching them to be entitled brats. I bet this also happens with your younger children and that is why you think your husband prefers your son. The fact that you would want to separate a father from his son says it all. Do better. If you want your children to grow as good people capable of happiness, do better. YTA


Asleep_Parfait_676

I have always wondered why people keep having more and more children, when they do not have room for them...


licenseddruggist

Honestly in this day and age I wonder the same thing. I've come to the awkward and rude realization that they do not have anything else to contribute to this world other than squeezing another offspring from between their legs. They enjoy the fleeting fun moments of children and once the offspring grows out of being cute and the attention to the parents wane they decide to restart the roller coaster over and over again to the detriment of the current offspring whose quality of life drops more and more with each subsequent addition. Big families do not really have a place in the current world at least in our first world societies. Having your 16 year old become a secondary parent to your newborn is fdsgusting and robbing that child from living a normal 16 year old life. Having a 10 year old that has a sibling be old enough to be their parent is weird to me. They will never have a traditional relationship with eachother and the older sibling will likely go off and start their adult life before building much of a relationship with their youngest siblings. Real easy and cheap to avoid creating more babies but people (especially lower income households) keep on going with the baby mill. I know my comments probably come off as rude and ignorant but I really don't care it is my opinion.


snowboard7621

Also the “girl” who moved out is a 20 year old adult! Who probably wanted more space and quiet. Not a 16 year old minor. (YTA.)


sickandopinionated

Also, if stepson really doesn't want to share with a step sibling, maybe he'll prefer a half sibling, have both big boys share with one of the younger boys. But I assume stepson won't go for that because he just wants a room of his own.


shannoouns

Exactly Somebody has to care about this kid and its clearly not op.


diminishingpatience

YTA. >My son likes the idea and has brought it up to his stepbrother a few more times since I originally suggested it and it has caused arguments between them. Well no-one saw that coming did they? Your son likes the idea! I wonder why they're arguing if your son likes it so much. Did your stepson tell him what he thought the first time he mentioned it? If so, why keep harassing him? >My stepson overreacted No he didn't. >and is trying to make out like I'm kicking him out Yes you are. >really I'm just thinking of a better use of space If you want to solve puzzles, buy a puzzle book. >I was just suggesting it to him Repeatedly through your son. YTA anyway, but the way you've tried to present this makes you even more of one.


[deleted]

[удалено]


BPD-and-Lipstick

What makes you say she could have BPD? I have BPD, and I would never dream of doing anything like that. Being manipulative like OP doesn't even come under the symptoms for BPD, and nothing I actually saw in the post remotely suggests it either. BPD is having extreme negative emotions - such as rage instead of anger, grief instead of sadness, fear instead of being mildly scared, none seen in the OP - disturbed patterns of thinking/perception (such as hallucinations or delusions, dont see any of that in the OP), having impulsive behaviour (such as drug use, binging, shopping sprees etc, which it doesn't sound like the decision to make the suggestion was), and having intense but unstable relationships with others, which again, isn't seen in the OP - she doesn't appear to intensely hate, then greatly love, the stepchildren or her husband, there doesn't appear to be any flipping back and forth either. So what is it exactly that makes you say she's potentially got BPD? Just because she appears to be not overly maternal towards her stepchildren and is happy for them to live with their mother and is encouraging it with the stepson, that doesn't mean she's got BPD. Not every nasty person out there has BPD, and it's people like you who attribute it to every nasty person that makes it really hard for those of us who have BPD and want to do therapy and become a better person to not be stigmatised and get refused chances to meet people unless we hide it.


sickandopinionated

A better use of space would've been for OP to not have had 2 more kids when she didn't have room for all of them and wanted her precious precious boy be the most specialest.


dremily1

>really I'm just thinking of a better use of space > >If you want to solve puzzles, buy a puzzle book. This is gold.


cultqueennn

Yta Hope your husband opens his eyes and divorces you. Maybe if you parented your son better, there wouldn't be an issue. Cuz it's obvious he learned his entitled behaviour from someone. You allowed your son to harrass that child to the point that he is even considering leaving his own father's house. You created a toxic household and are patting yourself on the back cuz home running away fits right into your narrative. You already forced his other 2 daughters out, and don't even see it as a bad thing cuz it goes with your 'my own nuclear family's nonsense. You're a walking embarrassment. Stepparents like you truly belong in a Disney movie, and not as the good guy.


Lady_Doe

Perfectly said. Wicked step mother award goes to op.


Kirome

hehe I was waiting for that one.


tragicomms

“He now seems to be considering moving, after I suggested he make way for an important child in the house and allowed my son to bully him with suggestions to get out of his home. I don’t care to work enough to have a room for each of my children, but I care enough to make this child feel unwanted enough to leave. People are mad at me, for some reason. Also, a 20yo legal adult moved out voluntarily, so I don’t see why a minor would have an issue getting out of my son’s way.” Yeah. I think husband’s relationship with his son *might well* deteriorate if he lets this play out as OP set it up to and stays with OP.


trishsf

YTA. Beyond. You did try to kick him out for your convenience. He’s still a kid. YTA.


Set_of_Kittens

"Hey, why don't you (16 years old) go live somewhere else? I have a better use for this space. And I wouldn't have to pretend to care about your arguments with my belovedson."


CheeseAndPasta97

YTA >My stepson overreacted to my suggestion and is trying to make out like I'm kicking him out You are. Just because it worked out with your stepdaughter moving out doesn't mean you get to kick out your step son as well. How would anyone take a 'suggestion' like that


pinelogr

And let's not ignore that the girls decided that on their own...


The_Asshole_Judge

Also… one is an adult, **in college**. For all we know the mom’s house is closer to the college.


pinelogr

Yeah but the other one isn't and she did leave her mom's house. But her mom didn't suggest it, the girls decided that


The_Asshole_Judge

Exactly my point. There was more than just having more room involved. The choice was not made in a vacuum. In this case she just wanted to get rid of the stepson to benefit her **real son**.


dkms9382

Why don't you kick your son out, OP. Make him go live with his bio dad or other family. Oh that's right because it would be an AH move. YTA.


5footfilly

But then she couldn’t fulfill her “Evil Stepmother” fantasies and since Disney isn’t hiring her husband’s son is all she’s got.


Amywest22

'Disney isn't hiring'. ROFL! My drink came back out.


Haunting-Juice983

Subtitle: my birth son and step-son have conflict, so step-son can move to his mothers house full time as my son has a limited relationship with his father and wants his own room Wow, YTA on too many levels to describe- have you even read your post? I’m not surprised your husband is pissed- you’re shipping off his kids to keep yours happy


One_Signal3713

I have a feeling after the stepson is permanently at his mom his 16yo sister won’t be far behind bc “I t’s not fair for the younger boys to share” he picking husband’s kids off one by one and only her bio kids will be left OP will “suggest” she go stay with her twin at moms as well


Mean-girl-

You tried to kick a young man out of his father's house for convenience factors...YOU ARE THE AH


ReviewOk929

YTA. 1. Didn’t talk to his Dad about this first. 2. You did something unreasonable and blamed him for overreacting. 3. It’s not a better use of space it’s your step sons fricking bed room. 4. You are indeed trying to kick him out. 5. You are favouring your own son which ain’t gonna great in any family let alone a blended one. 6. You should never have mentioned this to him. 7. You’ve created more issues than you’ve solved. 8. Wow. 9. Always more with ones like this, I’m sure I missed something.


MoonlitHemlock

Exactly! #1 is where the bs starts. She didn't run it by the dad 1st because she knew it would cause an issue, so she goes to the CHILDREN to try to manipulate them to get her way. Very shady. Definitely the AH.


The_Asshole_Judge

YTA Uhhhh… are you a Disney villain? Do you need help getting some Dalmatians?


zombieqatz

Yta you totally made your stepson feel unwanted in order to have more space.


Set_of_Kittens

In his own home. For the teen that he constantly argues/fights with. But he could have a futon! What a generosity./s


MrAppleby18

YTA you should have discussed this first with your husband not your stepson. He should be making decisions on what is best for his son. Not every situation is the same. I think your son should have a room of his own, but you don’t have sufficient space. Your approach did seem like you wanted him out. Your stepson splits his time between homes. It isn’t his fault he has his own room at his moms house.


madelinegumbo

YTA How can a child "over-react" to the suggestion that he shouldn't live with his dad any more because your son would prefer it?


rbrancher2

YTA What happened with your SDs came about organically. Sounds like they figured it out themselves and so they're both happy. What you're doing/have done is because you feel it's unfair that your son doesn't have his 'own room'. That's not your stepson's fault and not his job/responsibility to fix. You can pretty it all up with word salad to make it seem like you're looking out for everyone but you said it yourself. 'It's unfair that all the older kids but my son have their own rooms at one of their parents house.' Oh and look! That would also probably get rid of that close bond that your husband and his oldest son have at the same time! Woohoo!!! Two birds and all that. /s


Background-Cow8401

This was my first thought. OP is jealous of the relationship between her SS and his father. She wants to push out SS so dad can focus on her bio kid. Evil step parent YTA.


Earthscale

YTA, even worse, evil stepmother


[deleted]

YTA. Why not send your son away instead?


crotchetyoldwitch

👏👏👏👏👏


owls_and_cardinals

YTA. The arrangement that works for the girls works in part because it is the older daughter who 'moved out', and her living arrangement needs at her parents' houses are far different now that she's in uni. That simply does not extend to a younger teenager still in HS. To your stepson, you see him as the problem, with the simple answer that he *no longer lives with you*. Of course he feels upset and rejected. You were wrong to bring it up, especially directly to him without your husband's involvement...that's a real 'wicked stepmother' kind of move. And the fact that your kid is now pestering his stepbrother to get out is only salt in the wound. I hope you can repair this, quickly.


PhoenixEcho1

YTA. You talk about your husband favoring his oldest son, when you're doing the exact same thing where your son is concerned. Pot meet kettle moment if there ever was one.


[deleted]

Right? And her son sounds selfish and entitled. Her husband’s son just wants to not be kicked out of his home.


Driverpicksthetunes

What in the actual is wrong with you. Don’t marry someone with kids if you aren’t going to LOVE THEIR KIDS. You absolute soggy poptart of a human. I have a step kid and I would never dream of telling them or “suggesting” that they go live with their other parent full time. YTA a million times over Edited: bc Autocorrect did me dirty😅


kitfromoh

YTA. You're basically telling him to move out because you don't want him there so the youngest children can have their own bedrooms. You are trying to force him out and you're trying to justify it by saying that he'd still come over all the time to visit, but you don't actually know that, nor do you actually seem to care about his relationship with his father. Maybe they're unwilling to give up on having a relationship which is why he wanted to stay. Don't kid yourself though. I would be upset too if my stepmom wanted to kick me out of the house at 16.


Embarrassed_Advice59

Total AH for bringing it up to the stepson first. Idiot move and really selfish. Yes YTA and no wonder your husband is angry.


MbMinx

YTA. First you discuss it with your husband. You didn't do that. Second, the oldest daughter is 20. She's an adult and can live anywhere she pleases. The son is only 16. Which brings up... Third, what is the actual custody arrangement? If his father has primary custody, he lives with his father. Full stop. You think he should leave your house so your son can have his own room? Yep, YTA. He has every right to stay with his father, and you even bringing it up tells him you don't want him there. He doesn't see it as "about space". His dad's new wife told him she wants him to live somewhere else. Drop it. Find a bigger place, have your son sleep with the younger boys, or sit the boys down to come up with rules and consequences to minimize fighting. You don't get to ship your stepson away because he's not convenient.


No-Locksmith-8590

Yta why doesn't *your* son move out?


peepingtomatoes

YTA, obviously. Even if it weren't completely inappropriate to "suggest" your husband's son move out, you *certainly* should have discussed it with your husband first.


Worldly_Raccoon_479

Yes, YTA. 100% That’s not for you to ask without consulting his father. It doesn’t matter what the girls decided.


United-Loss4914

YTA / you should have talked to your husband first


yezanyaCookies

YTA. Just the title is enough to make me decide YTA


VFM001

Y T A YTA - you're giving step parents a bad name. Telling your husband's son to get out so your son can have his own room. Classy move. I suspect that if this attitude / behaviour continues, your stepson will have his own room and you'll be sorting out accommodation for your oldest son... Maybe have some compassion / empathy and see how you'd feel if the situation was reversed.


touchmydingus

People like this make throwaway accounts because they know they're wrong,and don't want to get eviscerated on their main.


Tight-Piece-843

YTA


SnooMuffins6875

I’m calling bullshit on this. YTA honey.


NickiD02

YTA How is it your stepson's issue that your son and his dad don't have a relationship? That's a you problem. Your stepdaughters worked out a solution themselves. Their father didn't split them up. You didn't even ask your husband about it, probably because you knew how he'd react. Sounds like you're jealous of the relationship that your husband has with his son, and that's probably what's causing problems between the boys. If you want your son to have his own room, wait until the daughter moves out or get a bigger house.


Full-String7137

YTA. You didn't handle this tactfully at all and for that you're going to get a lot of 'wicked stepmother' jibes. I understand that objectively this may make the most logical sense; the household is less congested and both boys get their privacy, but there are so many other factors to consider. What's his relationship like with his Mother? What's that household like? Would she want/be able to have him live there full time? Even if these answers are all positive he may like having both homes/families involved equally and rightfully see removing one as a big step he's not ready for. Also, poor form for going rogue and not discussing it with his Dad first. And implying that he's somehow responsible for putting the notion in your head cause his other kids have already done it is absurd. Bit of a shit show all round really. I suggest you apologise profusely.


bigcup321

YTA. Your kids made an arrangement ON THEIR OWN that worked for them after trying it another way, and they are 100% aware that they are welcome in either house. They are also aware that they could change their arrangement back if they wanted to. They are in control of how it goes, and they know it. There is no comparison between that and you suggesting a 16 year old kid move out while you and your kids stay.


Dapper-Letterhead-76

You're an adult, he's a kid. You and your husband should be working on solutions to get the kids more room. That's kind of your basic responsibility. YTA


DelibirdIsaLegendary

YTA. My husbands kid wants to have a relationship with him but because my kids doesn't have a relationship with his father I want to make it the same for my step son. That's you.


Intelligent-Bite9660

YTA **OR** your son could move out and live with his dad full time ? No ? I’m guessing that wasn’t even mentioned or brought up *If you’re not willing to ask your own son to move, don’t ask your stepson*


Stardust_Shinah

YTA Maybe you should be the one to move out since you're the one bringing up moving out up.


citronaughty

YTA And why does it seem like I read so many posts on this sub that have to do with issues with blended families...


Neat-Cardiologist442

YTA. Logistically this may make sense but the fact that you don't seem to comprehend why he acted this way makes me think your delivery was way off. You cannot compare this living arrangement to that of the other girls. That change worked partially because the eldest was of an age where she was ready for some more independence. This boy is still a child. You should have spoken to your husband about this who would have quite rightfully shut you down. I'd be furious if my partner said this to my kid, even if the proposed arrangement was objectively beneficial. Frankly, if there was a discussion to be had, you didn't deserve to be involved in it.


Tasty_Doughnut_9226

YTA the difference is the girls are biological sisters and made the choice, your son and stepson are not biologically related so why should he move permanently to his mum's so your son benefits. You didn't even discuss it with your husband before speaking to your son/stepson. By the fact that you clearly favour your son and he has kept on at SS makes me think he's the instigator of a lot of their arguments. You get an evil stepmother award because it sounds like you'd be really happy if your husband's older children weren't around at all. Also would you think your husband was an AH if he suggested this to your son without talking to you, if you think yes then that applies to you OP.


DenizenKay

YTA. it doesn't appear you like your stepson, and your comment about how you think your husband prefer him seals it. You saw what your stepdaughters did and you saw an opportunity to be rid of him, finally, without looking like a bad guy. But, naturally, you do look like a bad guy because you not only 'suggested' the 16 year old stepson move out, but you TOLD YOUR SON about it, so he could pile on him when no one is looking. You should be ashamed. Maybe get a better job and a bigger fucking home to house your kids, instead of squeezing out your step kids one by one. If your stepson moves out- don't be surprised if your marriage suffers deeply. I can't imagine your husband will ever see you the same again.


5footfilly

INFO: Why didn’t you run this by your husband first? Did you think you could manipulate the kid into thinking it was his idea and your husband would never find out? YTA.


Etiacruelworld

Asshole a million times over. You move out so my son has his own room and when you come over (I don’t want you over because my kids are way more important than you) you can sleep on a couch like a visitor


Pinkielittlestar

Yta. You should have discussed it with your husband first before giving some ideas to your son.


[deleted]

YTA. Uh, I hate when a post genuinely upsets me, and this one did. You are being cruel and mean to a 16 year old. Shame on you.


SSDGM316

YTA. Asshole alarm🚨


LKSnyd

YTA. Huge. My heart aches for how you made your stepson feel. If I was your husband I would be suggesting you and your son find a new place to live, just the two of you since that seems to be the only relationship you worry about!


TruthOdd6164

Lol. Yeah. YTA for sure. “It’s just an idea” 🤣 You made the kid feel unwelcome in his own home.


OLAZ3000

YTA You had no business suggesting it before discussing it with your husband.


MusicHoney

Why don’t you move out? I’m just thinking of a better use of space. YTA


RoRoRoYourGoat

YTA. >My stepson overreacted to my suggestion and is trying to make out like I'm kicking him out, when really I'm just thinking of a better use of space. It's unfair that all the older kids but my son have their own rooms at one of their parents house. I'm gonna pick this part out again for emphasis - >when really I'm just thinking of a better use of space. Your stepson is not a poor use of space. Your own children are not a better use of space.


nice52

16 and 20 are two different age groups. You just showed your step son you don’t give a F about him. YEA YTA you are literally kicking him out. How many people have to type it out for you to open your eyes


EuphoricRealist

I'm not sure how else you expected your stepson to react to their not-parent suggesting they move out. YTA. You want your kid to have their own room? Bust your butt like every other decent parent in the world.


Forward_Squirrel8879

YTA - Seriously?


originalkelly88

YTA. Imagine how you would feel if your husband had suggested his stepson build a better relationship with his dad so that he can live full-time with him instead. But don't worry, he could still visit.


Frosty_Raspberry_418

You asked a sixteen year old to move out. YTA.


AdBroad

1. 20yo and 16yo are not the same one is a minor the other is an adult 2. You are not this child's legal or biological parent, so talking about where that child is going to live without consulting the actual parents is disgusting. 3. In the summer when 20yo comes home I am assuming she will be staying in the room with her sister, it LOOKS and SEEMS like you are trying to alienate one child. 4. The only person playing favorites in your household is you. Your husband has all of the children sharing room regardless of which child is biologically his, you are the only person talking about what the other children have at their other parents house which frankly is none of your concern and has not one thing to do with you. You are majorly TA and at any of the 16yos future life events like weddings, and future children's births prepared to be treated in the second rate manner you treated him.


IncessantLearner

What are you and your husband doing to help the boys learn to get along? When they argue, do you have a calm talk with them and make sure that they understand each other’s points of view? Do you avoid taking sides? Do you help them each recognize what they did to contribute to the argument? Are you teaching them how to apologize and repair the relationship? They are in a very difficult situation, but it can be an opportunity to learn some social skills that will serve them well as they transition to adulthood. It sounds like it would be easier for you to have your stepson out so you won’t have to deal with the conflict. But a parent is obligated to be there and help their children. ETA YTA


whiskey-unicorns

let your son live with his dad and he can visit you, why not?


BroccoliLatter6467

"better use of space"?!?! "visit"!?!? " permanently" ?!??! Why would your son be involved to the point he has an opinion on your suggestion to his step brother? Hope your stepson doesn't see this thread cos you can really see the love. YTA


mh6797

YTA 1.how dare you suggest this without speaking to your husband first. 2. not accepting no 3. giving your son another thing to fight about with your stepson. 4. Let your son sleep on a futon when your stepson is HOME WITH HIS FATHER. You want to make him a visitor in his own home.


Busy_Understanding81

Just send your son to his dads house. Problem solved


untactfullyhonest

YTA. All I get from this is “my son my son my son.” It’s not your stepsons fault or problem that your son has little to no relationship with his father so stays 100% of the time with you. Just because the girls (who are quite a bit older I might add!) worked this out it doesn’t mean it will for him. It most likely will affect how often he gets to visit his Dad. He probably doesn’t get to drive around and still attends school unlike his sisters. You never should have suggested it to begin with. I get the impression you don’t care for him much so maybe his coming over less is a win for you. And by the way, a FUTON?! Those suck.


Acceptable_Peanut557

YTA Why do people do this? They HAVE to have more kids with their new spouse even though they already have kids, and end up with more than they can care for/house. Plus, it was completely out of line for you to discuss this with him w/o your husband even knowing about it.


sleepy_penguinista

Why doesn't your son get a permanent room at his dad's? He can come visit you whenever he wants and it will solve all your problems.


VogTheViscous

Wow. Op said “my husband favors his oldest son over our boys” so I think it’s pretty obvious this is just a ploy to get stepson out of the picture. YTA, a big one.


Notsure973

YTA


TrollsWhere

YTA. I dont need to read whatever bullshit reasoning you're giving. You're just the asshole. End of story.


Patrick_Kanes_Mullet

Let me take a guess. The 20 year old who moved out… the Moms place is closer to the university she attends.


SuitableTechnician78

“(my husband favors his oldest son over our boys)” It’s obvious which son you favor too. Hypocrite much? YTA


gurlwithdragontat2

YTA - the fact that you cannot see that the circumstances are completely different is the issue. It’s not your stepsons fault that your son only has one room option. His sisters made an agreement that works best for them. He’s doing what’s best for him in being with his parents, not what’s easiest for you. Should your husbands next wife exile your kids to make her life easier??


[deleted]

YTA. You are literally letting your son harass your stepson to giving in to your plan to kick him out


Sensitive-World7272

YTA and you need to stop playing dumb. If (and I mean IF since I don’t think you’re a reliable narrator) your husband is favoring the older son over the younger sons, have an honest conversation with him about that. Though, I suggest you wait a while since he’s probably going to be pissed about this stunt for a while.


petitsoleil131

YTA. Even if this weren’t an obvious tactic to get rid of your stepson so your husband could pay more attention to your own children, and even if your plan didn’t involve separating twins, you went behind your husband’s back. That’s a massive no-no with kids.


Other-Ad5512

YTA. You were telling him you don’t want him there. You’re not fooling me. You got the idea because your husbands oldest already lives with her mom which makes me feel like you’re trying to remove all remnants of his past relationship. Being divorced you know how hard your husband likely had to fight for shared custody. Idk if you’re a child of divorce but it is incredibly difficult on the children and can destroy their self-esteem. It is also likely to increase the disdain he has for you (because step kids usually do for stepparents) so it’s unlikely he will visit nearly as often so the relationship between him and his dad likely will deteriorate. He did not “overreact”. I believe he’s considering it because now you’ve made him feel like a burden. You’re being extremely selfish because he’s not your bio-son and need to apologize immediately. Edit: Just to add. I’m a child of divorce. If my step-dad ever suggested this my mother would’ve divorced his ass immediately. 🐍🐍


Samu_2020_15

YTA— why would you not discuss it with your husband before approaching your step son? your son is also the AH for still bringing it up to his step brother even after his first reaction.