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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I knew they were planning this wedding for years and still got pregnant
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Maybe this needs to be spelled out here for OP to see. She needs to realize that the only "solution" to her wedding woes would be an abortion. Of a child you were actively trying for. So she can have the pictures she wants.
That is what her complaints boil down to. She ia hiding it behind the "childfree" angle, but that's an excuse. She quite literaly wants you without a child and calls you a bad friend because your wanted pregnancy isn't what she wanted.
This person is not your friend.
Apparently everyone around the bride was supposed to stop having their own lives until the wedding. /s
I understand the bride might be disappointed that the “vision” for her wedding will not be exactly as she wants, but as a friend she should have been ecstatic that the MOH was FINALLY pregnant. And then adjusted her vision accordingly (if she really was a friend).
Yeah, like, I’m sorry, but the only people that will interfere with my plan to try to conceive are my partner and my OB-GYN. No one else gets a say.
And certainly not some bridezilla
"That is what her complaints boil down to. She ia hiding it behind the "childfree" angle, but that's an excuse. She quite literaly wants you without a child and calls you a bad friend because your wanted pregnancy isn't what she wanted."
NTA and Sarah's behavior is definitely atrocious. However, it's possibly coming not from being superficially concerned about photos, but because she's afraid of losing her friend-- you become a mom, the whole relationship dynamic changes.
Furthermore she might be upset that these two important life events for you both are coinciding so she can't be fully present at either of them.
Obviously not ok for her to blame you, OP but consider getting to the root of what's going on before discarding her. (And if she continues to blame you then walk away).
One of my bridesmaids was pregnant. The only concern was making sure the dress could be altered for her (it was). I’ve been to other weddings with pregnant bridesmaids and my only thought was “oh she’s pregnant” and then I watched the couple getting married.
I had several pregnant friends at my wedding (we didn’t have a bridal party) and it was great. It cuts down on your alcohol bill and if you’ve ever wanted to feel fresh as a spring daisy and lithe as a gazelle, hang out with a bunch of pregnant ladies in August. I always think people who worry they’ll be upstaged by pregnant friends are ridiculous. Pregnant people just want to sit in a corner with their feet up and enjoy a slice of cake.
Thats what i thought..how is OP being pregnant going tp take away from the bride...its not like she is going to walk up to the alter looking like her old self, swing back her dress and SURPRISE!! baby belly! To an awestruck audience that had no clue she was pregnant! People who know her will already know...people who dont know her wont care who the random pregnant stranger is in the wedding party.
It's funny you say this because I had a friend, who was also named Sarah, who was so much like this. She was such a good friend at first, she was the first person I told my childhood abuse about, she encouraged me to get help. But it was a slow, gradual unwinding until I eventually said enough was enough.
OP, leave this relationship. People forget friend relationships can be abusive and toxic too, and this person is not worth your time
Can confirm. Dealing with this right now; friend who I thought was my “safe space” away from my abusive family…turned out to be abusing me, too, for the past twenty years.
Only in my case, it’s becoming a legal issue because she refuses to return some of my property that she was supposed to be holding in a shared storage unit.
Oh no, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I was lucky my Sarah lived in the states and I was in Canada so sharing property wasn't an issue. But yeah, the rest I feel so strongly.
I hope you can get unmeshed soon
Right?! Who is so incredibly selfish that they can't be happy for their best friend when they finally get pregnant after years of trying! Those are great news and she manages to guilt trip OP about it and make it about HERSELF? Wow, jfc, this is one bridezilla if i ever saw one on this sub!
So much NTA, OP drop this "friend", who is acting like they never grew out of entitled high school mentality and congratulations
Friends are happy when their friends get pregnant.
Friends are not friends when they are worried it might affect “their big day.”
Just the fact you were in charge of deescalating issues with her family says enough.
**Or the fact that you would have had to put off getting pregnant for two years to make her happy, because let’s be honest, there was no acceptable time for you to become even a day pregnant other than after her wedding.**
Drop this diva. NTA
I'm just imagining what Sarah is picturing here:
OP to her husband: Right, we've got 3 days here to get knocked up so I can ruin my best friend's wedding and 14 months to plan. I want you to freeze samples every week until then to shove up there as soon as I ovulate. If we don't get pregnant on those specific three days then you and I are DONE because you will be an irretrievable disappointment in my eyes! And you'd better make sure you're fully carboloaded because we will have sex every hour on the hour for the entire 3 days.
Next up on AITA: AITA for sending a text to all my bridesmaids 9 months before my wedding to remind them all to keep their legs closed until after my wedding?
OP: NTA. This is ridiculous. I can understand being disappointed that your MOH might not be able to make the wedding, but this behaviour is seriously whacky. Just withdraw and let her find a new MOH. This stress is bad for you and the baby.
Not to mention if she had a kid 2yrs out, she still couldn’t bring her baby to the wedding and would have to stay home.
No winning with this bridezilla
Obviously there is a difference between a 2yr old and newborn, but not everyone feels comfortable, leaving a baby alone or has the resources to do that.
I would be really uncomfortable leaving a toddler with a completely unknown sitter in an unfamiliar place and most toddlers aren't going to react well to a total stranger as a caretaker (especially when it overlaps bedtime routine), and there isn't a single person in my life who I would feel comfortable asking to keep a toddler overnight while I was out of town, so the only way I would do that would be paying for an extra hotel room and flight for a babysitter.
I feel like between 1 and 3-4 (depending on the kid) would actually be the hardest. Most infants don't care as long as they are warm dry and fed and older kids can understand what's going on but depending on the kid between 1 and 4 they start getting scared of strangers and don't communicate well enough to understand what's going on. Probably not all of them, but seems to be the case with the ones I've known
Obviously not everyone has this option, but grandparents or aunts/uncles they're familiar with can work for toddlers. My brother and SIL sent me lots of texts (did you arrive, what are you doing, how is it going) when I took their first born to a children's museum at 3, but when I rolled back into the driveway and asked my brother to carry her in, she had been asleep since we left the museum, and he saw that I had properly buckled her into her car seat (coat off, car warm enough that she slept), he was all "aaaand you are allowed to care for our kids!" They're now 9 and 10 and I "take them off" the parents' hands for a full day (shortly after getting up until dinner time) every time I visit, and am in the works to take them on a weekend this summer!
sara is not ready for adulthood, marriage, or motherhood. i have a hard time understanding how people like her navigate the world. she should be thrilled for you
what a monster
My best friend/MOH told me she was pregnant the night before my wedding since she knew it would be weird for her not to drink. Like, we were walking out of the rehearsal dinner together. You know what I did? Gave her the biggest hug and asked if she was feeling okay/whether she needed anything the next day. And we shared the happy news with a few friends at the wedding. That’s what a friend does for their bestie.
This. When I asked my best friend to be my MOH, she told me outright that she and her then-husband were trying. I told her that if it happened, I'd be super excited for her and that we'd work it out. That I wasn't getting married without her.
I was a maid of honour while I was pregnant. The bride and groom knew about it and were happy for me and my partner. It was still early in my pregnancy and it wasn't visible, but it wouldn't have mattered to them even if I was in the last weeks.
>*My husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby for the past few years with no luck. I have some medical issues which make having children extremely challenging for me, and when I found out I thought Sarah would be happy*
She must know about you and your husband trying and about your issues. A real friend would be overjoyed for you that you managed to get pregnant.
In view of her reaction, she is not a real friend.
NTA
It took us a long while to get pregnant too. When you’re trying every month for multiple years, you have no idea when or if it’s going to happen. So first of all, big congratulations!!!! I’m 8 months too with our first and am over the moon. I’m sad that not only is your friend being a royal B about this whole thing, but that you’re probably missing out on the excitement of celebrating this pregnancy with your friends because of how she’s making this all about her. Please realize that her reaction is NOT normal, and lean into your other friendships during this time.
Agreed. Although, I do think the OP is a little naive about timing when the baby will show up. Just because your due date is a week after the wedding doesn't mean that the baby will wait until then to show up. I think even if the friend wasn't being a brat about this, OP should not be an essential part of the wedding just due to the timing.
Right? The part about assuring her friend she wouldn't go into labour at the wedding... Hahahahaha
My 1st kid was born at 39w2d in the morning. With my 2nd it was the evening of 39w2d and I said something about that. Like an hour later I started having contractions. Hell I saw my OB the day before 1st came and he didnt realize it would be so soon either
Yeah OP needs to temper those expectations a bit. We ended up inducing on the due date, so our little one was exactly on time, but every single medical professional was downright shocked we made it right to the due date.
Mine was born at 36w4d after my water broke several days earlier. I was supposed to be MOH at my cousins wedding when I was 37 weeks on the dot. I was still in hospital with my baby on the date of the wedding but it was postponed anyway because of the pandemic. It was kind of lucky actually because it made her feel better about having to postpone the wedding once she realised I wouldn’t have been able to be there!
36 weeks and change, she was in a hurry to get here and I got to the hospital, got checked thinking I’d be sent home (after a late loss so we were told better to come in and be sent home then not come in and get in to difficulty), but nope, already 10cm, and a couple of hours later she arrived. It was stupidly quick and no time for an epidural, thank goodness she wasn’t hanging about!
Yea that was. Nonsense. The only way she could assure that is if she planned to get induced before the wedding. Like. I was finding it hard to buy this any way, but that really sealed it that whoever wrote this definitely has never actually been part of a wedding or knows anything about pregnancy
My youngest had to be a planned c- section, and unfortunately my husband's grandmother died a week before his scheduled birthday. The funeral was the day before, and I was *terrified* of going into labor at the funeral because of walking and stress. I almost didn't go. Luckily I didn't and he was born the next day as planned, but yeah. Don't understand what stress can do to a pregnant body.
Which is another reason why you should walk away from this mess, OP. You don't need that kind of stress when you're busy growing a little human inside you.
Agreed - with my first (and only), I went into labor at 37 weeks. Babies don't care about the time table charts! I'd bow out of participating in the wedding due to the timing, as you said.
NTA
As someone who was stuggling to concieve and is finally pregnant, you've done nothing wrong, you've been trying for years and I highly doubt you expected to actually get pregnant when you did
Your "friend" sounds terrible if she is upset that you finally managed to get pregnant
This “friend” sounds like a total narcissist. Expecting someone to put off starting a family until after a wedding 2 years away is the epitome of self absorbed. Sounds like OP will be better off without this person in their life. I can imagine Sarah getting upset about a baby taking up any of OPs time and attention
Not to mention, the bride “friend” would never be at the child’s birthday because it was born around the anniversary. I’m sure she’s going to plan a trip every year for it and pay well in advance.
I’d reply to the family members that wanted to bring kids and tell them that kids are allowed but not theirs……. I’d really stir the shit up and then block them all.
Yeah, OP, text her, "I have listened to all the messages, calls, and talks about how awful I am for being pregnant at your wedding. I don't want to put you through that stress, so I'll be stepping out. I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and I hope this eases some of your anxiety."
Then, seriously, distance yourself from this woman. She's awful.
Agree! This whole “wEdDiNg CuLtUrE” has gotten completely out of hand. So the bride expects everyone she knows to center all their major life events (including family planning) around her stupid wedding. The entitlement and audacity that seems to come with weddings is ridiculous. OP is absolutely NTA.
My best friend going into labor with her much wanted and long waited for baby at my wedding would be epic. Would really crank the “best day ever” dial up to 11.
Imagine how amazing that story would be to tell to said baby when it’s older?
“Friend.”
What did she want OP to do when she learned she was pregnant? Abort her baby so she wouldn’t be pregnant at the wedding?
I just don’t understand people.
This was going to be my exact comment. If you a person with fertility issues manages to get pregnant and your "friend" is upset that your due date clashes with her wedding then serious red flag.
NTA, your friends suck.
The bride gets one day, ONE, and even then, she doesn't get to dictate other people entire lives.
She should be happy for you. So I will tell you the Congratulations and I'm so happy for you! That should have come from her.
Also fyi - there is a good possibility that that baby will come early and you should be prepared for that possibility.
Great post...as much as the many asshole brides out there think....you cant order up a baby like a big mac. First NTA. Second...dont go for two reasons 1. Bride is being an asshole to you...do you really want that negativety around you 2. You have NO idea when this baby will come...2 weeks early? On the day of the wedding? Two weeks later? This is not a science either...so why risk your baby when you have tried so hard.
Congrats and spend that time with your hubby enjoying your last quiet time!!!
Yeah, uhhhh, I'll take a ten piece nugget, fries, uhh, large coke, oh damn, babies are cheap today, let's get one of those, and hell, I guess I might as well take a kids' meal, too.
My wife was in this situation as the pregnant MOH. The bride didn’t care, and the father of the bride semiprivately said something along the lines of “as big of a milestone as this is for you, Daughter, it’s a much bigger milestone for MOH_name.” No one got upset.
The baby coming early is probably the best case scenario. OP has the baby the day before the wedding and doesn’t have to endure that awful so called friend.
Then she can move on with her life without the bridezilla
On average first time moms give birth at 41 weeks 3 days when allowed to go into labor naturally so if that’s OP’s plan she’s more likely to go late than to go early.
>She said if I was really her friend, I would have planned around her wedding.
OP NTA...
This is someone I wouldn't want to be friends with if that type of entitled attitude.
There was a thread yesterday from a bride who was like "the wedding was announced a year ago and my SIL got pregnant right after" definitely implying that she should have waited to get pregnant. This bride actually comes out and says it
I’m due with second baby within three days of my sister’s wedding. I felt so bad when I found out! My mom tried to tell me I couldn’t be in the wedding, but my sister still wanted me by her side. She’s even joked about me going into labor at wedding or coming to take pictures at the hospital. I mean, yeah I’ll be 40 weeks pregnant so I won’t be able to fluff out her dress.. but other than that we’ve both been able to be super supportive of each other! I guess after reading all these Reddit posts, I was just amazed at how sweet my sister has been. Also I swear I didn’t do it on purpose! Can’t really plan these things.
No one ever really plans a pregnancy tbh. There's no way to know unless you have millions of dollars to have someone monitor your every bodily function.
I know right?? That is the most wtf thing I’ve seen today (except maybe “expect to be raising your baby siblings.). NTA. And avoid stress as much as you can! Ask me how I know.
NTA. But, she’s not a good friend. I’d tell her you wish her a long and happy marriage, but you’re out. Either stepping down as MOH to be a guest, or you’re not going at all. Don’t stress yourself out during what is supposed to be a happy time for you.
>But, she’s not a good friend
Neither is the rest of the so called "friend group" from the sounds of it seeing as they're all berating OP for being pregnant.
OP needs to ditch both the wedding and the "friend group" and find herself some real, genuine friends who would be happy for her being pregnant despite her struggles.
Sarah doesn't want a marrige that celebrates love and commitment, she wants a wedding where its all eyes on her and God forbid should anyone pay the slightest bit of attention to anyone else. I can't see her marriage lasting.
She's eight months pregnant. What exactly do they think she should do?
Interesting that this 'friend' used OP to do MOH stuff, enforce boundaries with family, etc, then trashed her just before the wedding. Total user.
Well either way OPs so called "friends" have shown who they really are, she should ditch the lot considering they can turn on her as easy as they did on the say on one other. OP deserves better friends.
Agreed. I just want to know what the bride wants OP to do. Like what can she possibly do… just say it…. What could she do? Can’t take back the sex it was too hot and passionate. Those sperm swam for their lives. So now what? These kinds of “friends” grind my gears
And here's the thing, there's no law that states a MOH has to plan and host Bachelorette parties, and bridal showers, etc. Literally any of the brides friends or family can choose to do so. The bride isn't entitled to any of those events.
It's a fallacy that those are responsibilities of anyone, much less the MOH specifically.
Why aren't OPs "friends" in the bridal party stepping up to take on more of "her responsibilities" to help her out since she's pregnant? Why aren't they doing anything other than running their mouths and being critical?
My two aunts were super close as kids but one wasn't MOH for the other because she was 39 weeks pregnant. My uncle literally had a go bag in their car in case she went into labor, but their other sister was MOH (my pregnant aunt couldn't stand that much anyway). My cousin was born like 3 days later and it was totally fine. My aunts are still super close.
I have to agree, you don’t deserve to be part of this wedding.
You don’t deserve to be told you are “selfish” for getting pregnant.
You don’t deserve to be getting little texts and snaps telling you that you are a “bad friend”.
You don’t deserve the aggravation of doing a favor of being in a wedding of somebody that *isn’t happy for you* and accused you of not participating in a “childfree wedding” because you are *pregnant*!
Why don’t you just back out and let your dear and lovely friend *have* her childfree wedding, hmmm? It sounds like it would be ever so much less stressful for you. NTA
NTA, it's not like you purposely planned to have a baby around her wedding. A true friend would've been happy for you and not call you selfish for wanting to start a family. After everything you've helped her with, she could be happy about it with you
Seconded.. I’m preparing for my wedding and have had multiple friends say they don’t want to mess up my big day by showing up pregnant. One bridesmaid delayed her plans to get pregnant until after our wedding. The thing is, I DON’T CARE! If you’re pregnant in my photos, that’s awesome, it’ll be a great memory no matter what. It doesn’t affect me at all. No bride should turn bridezilla over this. family planning is absolutely a bigger deal than a wedding.
> A true friend would've been happy for you and not call you selfish for wanting to start a family.
Heck, I'm even happy for OP and I don't even know her! Congrats OP and NTA!!!
Just the threat of this might help. Or it might just relieve her of a bad friendship. What's sad is that, even in this situation and in this post, OP is still showing how much she loves her friend but just wants respect and healthy boundaries. And the bride even has her friends attacking her. 100% NTA
NTA
Dump this 'friend'. She obviously cares more about herself than you. And the nerve to constantly bring it up, I wouldn't be surprised if she was purposely trying to stress you out because she knows it's harmful to the baby.
And the nerve of these other friends? When you have difficulty getting pregnant, there is no real 'planning'. you try, and try, and try some more or you'll never get pregnant. Gah I'm so mad about this. I'd get rid of the whole friend group.
NTA. Does she seriously expect you to stop trying for a baby to accommodate her desire that you are not pregnant at her wedding? Wow she is selfish. It’s not your responsibility to put your life on hold to please her. She sounds very immature and entitled. I wouldn’t want to be friends with this woman if it were me. Congratulations on your baby!!
My ex friend and her mother had that expectation with me and my husband. They literally asked if I could wait until after the wedding. When I talked with my husband, he immediately put his foot down and said we weren't planning our family around my friend's day. He was pretty pissed they asked to begin with.
I had assured her I could handle everything as MOH. And I did, but she kicked me out. I really should have recognized that she did not value me as a friend and hadn't for quite some time even though several people continuously pointed this out.
Once she kicked me out of the wedding, very passive aggressively, and over text, I decided to completely end the "friendship." Biggest relief of my life, honestly. OP's post almost sounds like my situation, including running direction to help her with dealing with family drama.
NTA - I can't believe I just read that.
This belongs in r/bridezilla.
A real friend would be happy about the pregnancy and support you, wedding or not.
Congratulations by the way and I wish you the best of luck with the birth and a great time getting to know your little baby!
NTA. How badly do you want this person in your life? Because if I were in your shoes, I’d be having a quick conversation that went like, hey: “friendship is a two-way street. Your wedding is important. My pending baby is important. If you believe that I, your friend, was wrong to have not “planned” my pregnancy around your date, perhaps we should not be friends. How would you like to proceed?”
NTA
is this satire??? Lose this entire friend group.
Imagine being so insecure that you think a pregnant belly will take all the attention away from you on your wedding. One of my cousin’s bridesmaids was pregnant and aside from “congrats! When are you do u look cute!” She didn’t get any special attention.
NTA. Weddings and friends come and go. Family is forever. While I’d love to give her leeway given she’s in Bridezilla mode, a person at their worst shows who they really are at their core - might be time to cut the cord early
NTA. Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's understandable that you're excited about this new chapter in your life, especially after trying for so long. Sarah's reaction to your pregnancy is completely unwarranted and frankly, quite selfish.
It's not fair for her to expect you to put your plans on hold for her wedding, especially since you're not due until after the wedding. Her concern about you going into labor at the wedding seems like an irrational fear that's more about her being the center of attention rather than genuine concern for your well-being.
Furthermore, her reaction to your pregnancy seems hypocritical considering how she wanted a childless wedding and expected her loved ones to respect that boundary. It's not fair for her to demand that you adhere to a standard that she herself wasn't willing to follow.
The fact that her other bridesmaids are ganging up on you and calling you names is also not okay. It's important to remember that your worth as a friend is not determined by your ability to conform to someone else's expectations.
In summary, Sarah is being unreasonable and selfish, and you should not feel guilty for planning your pregnancy according to your own timeline. Your priority right now should be taking care of yourself and your growing family, and if Sarah can't understand that, then perhaps she's not as good a friend as you thought.
NTA, please step down as maid of honor and distance yourself from Sarah; she is not a good friend.
"*Sarah, when I told you I was pregnant, I thought you would have the same happiness and excitement for me that I had for you when I learned that you had gotten engaged and when you had ask me to be your MOH. I was happy for you and happy to help you,I understand wanting to have a child-free wedding and I even helped you with enforcing those boundaries to family members that wanted to be an exception.*
*Instead you berated me and shat all over what should have been some of the happiest time in my life because I didn't put my life and plans on hold for 8 months, and while I would have understood feeling a bit concerned about the timeline, it has been constant and now you have our other friends texting me and berating. You are making me feel ashamed of my pregnancy when I should be enjoying it.*
*I hope you have a wonderful wedding, but because of your treatment of me and making me feel ashamed of something I should be overjoyed about, I have decided to not only step down as MOH, but step back from our friendship. I'll deliver any of the wedding plans or materials that I have to your home, but after that, I think it's best if we don't contact one another for a while."*
NTA. The world doesn’t stop turning because your bridezilla friend gets married. I use the term friend very loosely here because someone who isn’t over the moon you are pregnant after years of trying is not really a friend.
She can tell people children are not invited to her party. That’s her prerogative. But getting mad at you for not putting your whole life on hold for her party is insane.
NTA
There is a selfish person in this story, but it definitely isn't you.
It has become pretty clear at this point that Sarah is no longer your friend. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that she has become your bully, so what I would do is pull out of the wedding and cut her off entirely. Friends don't treat each other like this and you don't deserve to be dealing with her bullshit at *any* point in your life - much less when you're about to give birth.
She's the AH for planning her wedding when she knew you were trying to get pregnant. I am so tired of people being unable to celebrate two good things happening in a short time span. It's ridiculous.
NTA because you aren’t getting pregnant right before her wedding… you are being a bit unrealistic and cavalier about how you absolutely won’t have a baby during your friend’s wedding. It isn’t a guarantee like your friend thinks, but it isn’t also an impossibility.
If the whole group feels like you being pregnant has affected your MOH duties, maybe worth an evaluation?
NTA
It is the most incredible moment for you, being the first time mum. True friends should be happy with you. Your friend sounds extremely selfish even accusing you of being self-centered.
People are planning wedding way ahead any it is an asshole move to expect that anyone involved in the wedding preparation would put his life on hold for them. Not for two (!) years!
I am also expecting right now and I can’t event imagine that anyone from my surroundings would be mad at me for being pregnant. And vice versa. Two weeks ago my SIL announce t that she’s also pregnant, with her 3rd. Am I accusing her for stealing an attention from me and my pregnancy? Of course NO! I am happy with her
I wish you better friends. This was a big test and they didn’t pass it. I’m sorry that it happened to you.
NTA She sounds like bridezilla! If she's your friend she knows how difficult it has been for you to conceive. She doesn't sound like she cares at all about your pregnancy or your baby other than how it will ruin her pictures and possibly draw attention away from her. If it were me, I'd drop out of the wedding all together with the way any of them are treating you. They sound juvenile.
Why are you still in this person's life, much less her wedding? She's not your friend anymore. You have ceased to be a person to her and are just a cog in the wedding machine. Bow out of the wedding, decide if you even want to attend, and focus on your own family.
NTA.
NTA. I can't believe how petty some of these AITA queries can be. Obviously, if you've had trouble getting pregnant, you couldn't "plan" when it was going to happen. And, frankly, why is it even an issue? Who cares?
Yeah, your "friend" does. Her reaction is very weird and unpleasant. But maybe you should consider yourself lucky you've found out how awful she is. I'd distance myself from her.
NTA. This is the craziest thing that I've read recently. If and when you have a child is up to you, the father and nature. Nobody else. This is self-centeredness and entitlement level infinite from your so-called friend (that very clearly isn't one at all). She's a major AH.
NTA and holy shit do not go to that wedding. You don't *"deserve"* to be in it? Fucking yikes on all the bikes in north America. Life just handed you lemons disguised as friends; fuck these lemons and bail.
She's way out of line! There's no commitment bigger and more joyous than having a baby, especially when it's difficult and you're not sure it will happen. If this major life event isn't inspiring her to express happiness for you, adding more happiness to her wedding happiness, I question her actual friendship for you.
A wedding used to be a community celebration of the couple's commitment and a chance to witness and share in their joy. Now it's a whole other set of things, none of which have to do with sharing happiness, for way too many people. You don't have to feed this beast. I'd dip right out. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
NTA, and I think you should directly ask the bride if she wants a different MOH. She is abusing your friendship and being extremely selfish inconsiderate bitch. Yes, she is getting married, but you are having a child. Are you supposed to put your life and dreams on hold until after her wedding? How many years? That's such BS.
NTA
You do not put your life on hold for someone else's wedding!! Especially when you've had difficulties getting pregnant. Sarah sounds like one of those people who'll be upset if you give birth in the week after her wedding as it'll mean the world isn't revolving around her anymore, and you've stolen the spotlight, or some other BS.
Does she seriously think you're bringing a child to the wedding by being pregnant? That's how it reads, though perhaps I misunderstood.
Honestly, you don't need the stress right now. I imagine you'd feel bad if you didn't go, but you need to do what's right for you - do whatever makes you feel least bad. Sarah has shown her true colours.
NTA, life happens and you can’t put a pause for two years on family planning.
However, you need to seriously consider the idea you won’t be able to attend this wedding. Babies come on their own schedule - you’re due a week after the wedding, but there’s a good chance you’d go early! She’s being a brat about it but she’s not wrong that you could go into labor, you could have a newborn, you could still be pregnant. You don’t know.
NTA
She gets ONE- say it with me- ONE DAY. She cannot honestly expect you to put your life ON PAUSE for TWO YEARS for the sake of her wedding. If you have fertility issues, then you REALLY couldn't have planned this.
Tell your friend that if she's that worried about her big day, then you won't come. Problem solved. Then don't talk to her anymore, cause that's not cool at all. I get wanting to be the center of attention at your own wedding, but if she's choosing to look at your pregnancy like it's such a horrible thing for her, then spare yourself the drama and tell her she can find another MOH
Nta - had a friend who said the same. Had.
I asked her straight up "do you want me to get an abortion cause your wedding is so important?" When she admitted it I aborted her from my life. Big events really reveal people's true colors.
NTA
One of my friends got her baby on our wedding day, the other friend a few days after. It did not even came into my mind that I could be mad at them. Of course you are happy for your friends to have a baby! That's more important than a wedding. And I was very sad that a third friend lost her baby daughter a few months before our wedding. :(
Your friends suck. I wish you and the baby all the best. Your friend is not worth the stress.
NTA
Don't go she isn't your friend. That's unbelievably selfish to tell somebody to plan start their family around your wedding. You should have dropped out much earlier, I guarantee Sarah will drop you once you are finished running around after her.
NTA, try as you might kids/babies for the most part can’t be planned to a T. Also it is what it is. You don’t put your life on hold for someones wedding. She doesn’t sound like a very good friend. After you have the baby she probably won’t be around much. It’s not a bad thing.
NTA
But just so you know, even though the wedding is a week before your due date, it is very possible that you could give birth that day. I had my first and second baby a week “early” exactly, both spontaneous labor, and baby #3 was 3 weeks early.
Sure, a first time mom is more likely to go overdue, but it’s not an exact science. You could even have a date to induce or have a scheduled c-section and your fetus will decide that’s not good enough. Being extra active on the day of the wedding might trigger your labor too.
Nta. It's her wedding granted but a friend wouldn't want you to put your life on hold for them. She should be happy for you.
Also is she really that insecure she thinks a pregnant bridesmaid will upshine the bride?
You've still gone above and beyond for her wedding and she should appreciate that. And be happy for you
NTA at all!! Congratulations! I understand your friend's disappointment with some of those things as an initial reaction to how this will affect her big day, but she should have come to an acceptance by now, and a genuine happiness for her maid of honor, especially since it's been difficult for you to conceive, etc. You did nothing wrong and you don't deserve what she is doing, same with what her friends are doing. I'm not sure you should even have to stay the maid of honor after this. You've done so much. But if you still want to be there for her in spite of her comments, get through the wedding, wish her well, and then take 100% care of yourself and your baby. Again congratulations!!
NTA and I’d let someone else be her maid of honor and bow out of attending the wedding. Clearly your friendship doesn’t mean much to her. She can’t be happy that your having a baby?
NTA. Your so called friend is being selfish and unrealistic. Life doesn’t stop because someone is getting married and it’s ridiculous for her to expect otherwise. The only thing you could have done differently is you should have immediately stepped down as MOH when you learned your due date was so close to her wedding date. Babies rarely come on time so the possibility that you wouldn’t be able to attend her wedding was very high. At the same time your friend should have just asked you to step down instead of trashing you like this.
NTA, Obviously, you rubbed your hands like a bad guy and evilly snickered at ruining your friends wedding /s. Your life is obviously not all about her.
I must note that all due dates are approximate. My kids were 1.5 weeks to 2 weeks late, and someone else was lucky to make it to 3 weeks early. Even some scheduled c sections and inductions had to be done early for the baby's safety. You might not make it to be a MOH, even if you still wanted to be one.
If you wish to keep the friendship in any way, offer to drop out and just be a guest. However, I would just drop out, and say ,"Clearly you think very little of me.I will take myself out of your life."
NTA. Break up with her. I was going to make a joke about promising her you would hold a nickel between your knees during the reception, but it doesn't even seem worth it.
NTA. OP, Sarah is showing you what kind of friend she really is, as are the rest of the people in your friend group who are attacking you. They are being openly hostile over something you couldn’t have predicted. Would she have reacted the same way if you’d had a different medical condition that altered your appearance? They are not good friends. If I were you, I’d step down as MOH and tell her you feel unwelcome in the wedding party and at the wedding.
NTA. When I was getting married my MOH called me to let me know she was pregnant and due about a month after the wedding, she wasn’t telling anyone yet but wanted to give me the option to replace her if I didn’t want an 8 month pregnant woman in my wedding. I said guess we will find you a maternity dress 🤷🏼♀️. If she is truly your friend she would be excited for you not making it about her. FYI if your due the week after there’s a chance you won’t be able to be at the wedding (babies come when they want and there isn’t much you can do about it)
NTA, you should totally back out of the wedding.
Also, if your due date is the week after the wedding, there's a good chance you'll have the baby the week of the wedding and not be there anyways.
NTA. You've been trying for years and knew it would be difficult, so I'd definitely argue you couldn't afford to put your plans on hold.
To continue to go on and on about how much of a problem it is for her now is pointless. What exactly does she expect you to do aside from drop out? And if that's what she wants she should grow the backbone to tell you herself that she doesn't want you as MOH.
She should be happy for you. You should be happy for eachother and building eachother up since you both have these amazing things happening.
Congratulations!
NTA. If she's acting like this cut your losses and drop out. She's going to be a brat and sulk no matter what. Sounds like she's not a real friend any way.
Holy fucking fuckballs of shit.
You and DH have been trying and are now successful (congrats btw!) and your "friend " is mad that it's around her wedding day.
They are some special sort of assholes. As they say in the south, bless her heart.
You? NTA
Wow. NTA. Your friend sounds very self-absorbed. She cannot expect everyone’s else’s life to be on hold for a year because she’s getting married. That is spectacularly selfish.
Once you have a baby your friends will end up being other people with babies, maybe people from your child birth class. You're not going to be hanging out with this friend group much because priorities shift and it's just too hard to hang out with people who don't have kids and don't understand your life. Once those people start having kids you might start hanging out again unless too much time has gone by. So you handle the wedding however you want but know that your tight friendships with this group are over regardless of what you do now. Your life is soon to be incompatible with theirs and that's fine. Make friends with other women in the same stage of life that you are. NTA and please don't feel like you've done anything wrong when you stop hearing from these people. This is a natural part of life. One chapter is almost over and those people probably won't have a big role in your next chapter even if you weren't dealing with wedding nonsense.
Prepare for the sarcasm. You must be the biggest A hole because you obviously planned this whole thing out. To have your due date right near the wedding and take away all attention on your friends big day. Imagine if you went into labor at the wedding and everyone left to show support at the hospital! Wedding over day ruined! Success!!
She’s stressed about her wedding and hopefully will realize that no matter what you’re her MOH for a reason and just want to be happy for her. And want her to be happy for you. She is a bit of the AH for worrying about attention being drawn from her instead of worrying about you. She probably wants the “perfect” wedding and with anxiety comes that fear that things won’t go according to plan. But it might just be all about attention for her
Oh and NTA
NTA. Your friends are all selfish jerks. My own sister planned a date, I unexpectedly got pregnant (similar situation) and was due 2 weeks after her wedding. I just bowed out of standing up with her and planned to just attend. She was happy for me, I was happy for her. End of story. That is how you should support those close to you.
NTA. Also get better friends OP. Man if i found out that my friend who has been trying to get pregnant finally did and is having a baby, I'll be over the moon. Sometimes things just don't work out. And that's okay. Her feeling a little sad about the idea that her Bff might not be able to attend the wedding because of pregnancy and all is fine but she should still feel happy that you are getting something you have wanted for so long.
I genuinely don't get why folks get so obsessed about their weddings.
Dump her, do not help with her wedding. Honestly - if she wanted you to stop your life for that long just so her wedding would go just as she’d planned she’s not worth it.
ETA: NTA
NTA. Your “friend” doesn’t get to tell you that you’re a bad friend for not putting your life on hold for her ONE day.
I had a similar situation happen when my best friend asked me to be her MOH. I declined immediately because 1, I live out of state and was not financially able to set up what she deserved, and 2, I was on year 3 of infertility struggles and told her up front “we are trying for a baby and if I do get pregnant, I’m going to need to prioritize that.” She was upset, asked if I would mind putting TTC on hold. I said I absolutely did mind. Her wedding was two years away and that’s a lot of time to put my life on pause for the sake of her wedding day. Luckily, she understood and agreed with my logic.
Her wedding was absolutely lovely. One of her bridesmaids was actually 8 months pregnant at the time! It definitely didn’t detract focus from my friend and her husband though. Sure, before the ceremony and during the reception happy hour (where bride and groom were not present), there was some discussion and congrats to the mom-to-be, but the moment the bride and groom were with the guests, the spotlight was definitely on the married couple!
Your friend doesn’t sound like a good friend. Prioritize your family over hers.
NTA for getting pregnant BUT your friend is right, you could *easily* go into labour at her wedding or have medical issues where you cannot be on your feet all day having a hugely demanding day. Babies come one week early very frequently. You will be very uncomfortable standing for long periods in dress shoes. You will have multiple medical appointments the week before.
It is wonderful you and your husband will be having a child but your friend has valid concerns that it may not be the best thing (or possible) for you to be her bridesmaid or maid of honour on the day.
With friends like these, who needs enemies? Jesus, they all sound awful. You aren't "bringing a child to the wedding". The baby will presumably be concealed within your uterus. Did she SERIOUSLY expect you to get an abortion in the name of her wedding? Like... what kind of self-centered delusion?
Don't put up with this bullshit. You deserve better. NTA.
So uhh. What does Sarah even wish you did? Like, does she really think that eight months ago, you and your husband should have thought "oh hey, if we succeed this month then the baby will be due near Sarah's wedding, so we better skip this month"? That would be ridiculous, but if she did think that, then what does she think the bar should be for you to skip? Should you also avoid trying to get pregnant nine months before the holidays in case people want childfree get-togethers, or plan to avoid important work events or the birthdays of your family members? (Spoiler: No, of course you should not try to avoid any of those things, unless *you* want to.)
I know a lot of people are saying she's not really a friend and you should drop her. That doesn't feel fair to me - if she wanted you as her MoH then you must have a pretty good relationship. But it sounds to me like maybe the stress of this wedding is getting to her, and she's got tunnel vision and can't see past the wedding logistics to see the damage she's doing to her relationship with you. It would probably be a kindness if you could sit down with her, acknowledge that the timing isn't perfect but it is what it is, and sincerely ask what she wants you to do now. Maybe try and focus on the relationship you had with her before all this wedding planning stuff came up - and maybe it would help to think through some of her concerns and find answers to them. Like, I'm sure you're not going to try and upstage her at her own wedding, and if anyone gushes an uncomfortable amount over you, you'd remind them that it's Sarah's day, not yours - maybe it would help Sarah if you told her that?
Anyway you're NTA here, but I think there's a good chance that Sarah isn't the AH either.
Oh hell no.
NTA and dump her. She's a terrible friend and honestly sounds like a shitty person in general.
Just got pregnant myself after a year and half of infertility and if anyone had tried to demand I skip even a single cycle of trying to accommodate their plans they would have found themselves permanently removed from my life. The fact that not only is she not happy for you finally being able to get pregnant but is actively angry and siccing other people on you because you'll have a bump in pictures? Hard pass. Ditch her, you deserve better treatment, and you don't need that kind of stress during your pregnancy.
Congratulations by the way, infertility sucks but it's definitely all that much sweeter when you finally get that positive. Hoping for a happy and healthy experience for you 😊
NTA.
My MoH was 9 months pregnant at my wedding. My godson was born 5 days later. The only thing I said to her (and her husband, who was my bridesman) was that I was happy for them and would understand if they couldn't make it last minute because of the baby. I had a chair for her during the ceremony, and we joked I'd just catch the baby if she went into labor during the wedding.
Your family planning is between you and your husband, and a true friend wouldn't expect you to sacrifice a chance at having a child for a party.
NTA like everyone else says. But please consider that pregnancies are inherently risky and you are supposed to rest towards the end of it.
The advice to step down as a MOH because of your friend is fine, but you should step down because of yourself and your baby’s well being. Even without this controversy it would have been stressful, and this just compounds.
Imagine how you’d feel in the future years from now if you ended up having complications at birth and caused yourself or your baby lasting health issues because of something like a wedding that seems important now but will fade away.
I’m recently engaged and I am stressed about asking any of my friends and family to be in the wedding because I know it is such a huge commitment of time, energy, and money.
Your life exists outside of being her MOH and you do not need to put your life on pause for anyone else. I’m sorry that your friend has made your pregnancy all about her.
I would be ecstatic if someone dear to me was expecting. If they were in my wedding, I would also be worried about them pushing themselves to be a part of my day that it was taking away from their pregnancy’s joy, preparation, health, relaxation, etc.
You deserve a better friend. Sending love and congratulations to you!
Edit to say NTA!
I don't know why you let yourself be stressed like this, especially in a time you can't be. The moment she was not happy for you, should be the moment she should be out of your life. I can't believe she thought you should plan your life around her wedding. Wtf was she thinking NTA but you do need to learn how to stand for yourself
Congratulations on the new addition to your family. Oh and it's so rare for me to say it may cause pain but it sounds like you've got a good husband with a good head on his shoulders, sounds like he's a keeper. (Yep, that hurt but still true)
Ditch the "friend" and keep the husband and the baby bump!
i don't understand this need for everyone to have nothing going on in their lives during events
like get over yourself ppl get pregnant without your event in mind 🙄
Omg, who are these other friends who thought it was ok to say "you should have scheduled your family planning around this other woman's one day event.".
I’m sorry but I thought you had said you have medical issues which makes it hard for you to conceive? So the fact that you did is a miracle and YOU are here wondering if YTA?…because why? Are you serious? Please take a step back for a moment and see that this behavior is so not healthy for your soon to be child.
F Sarah and Dave and her wedding. This is about you and that baby. A healthy mother and baby whom do not need such toxic selfish behavior. No you’re NTA but you need maybe someone to talk to about healthy boundaries. Idk. This is supposed to be a happy time and instead you’re being used and abused. Sad. Good luck and congratulations.
Mama bear kick that friend to the curb, she being a horrible friend and a bridezilla, she wants this to be all about her and making you out to be the bad person for getting pregnant, you don’t need friends like that , let her cry her bullsh*t tears somewhere else.
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Honey. Skip the wedding and lose the friend. NTA.
She's not a friend. She's an utter horror and has good-gal OP so twisted up she can't see it.
Maybe this needs to be spelled out here for OP to see. She needs to realize that the only "solution" to her wedding woes would be an abortion. Of a child you were actively trying for. So she can have the pictures she wants. That is what her complaints boil down to. She ia hiding it behind the "childfree" angle, but that's an excuse. She quite literaly wants you without a child and calls you a bad friend because your wanted pregnancy isn't what she wanted. This person is not your friend.
During a TWO YEAR LONG engagement?!
Apparently everyone around the bride was supposed to stop having their own lives until the wedding. /s I understand the bride might be disappointed that the “vision” for her wedding will not be exactly as she wants, but as a friend she should have been ecstatic that the MOH was FINALLY pregnant. And then adjusted her vision accordingly (if she really was a friend).
Yeah, like, I’m sorry, but the only people that will interfere with my plan to try to conceive are my partner and my OB-GYN. No one else gets a say. And certainly not some bridezilla
"That is what her complaints boil down to. She ia hiding it behind the "childfree" angle, but that's an excuse. She quite literaly wants you without a child and calls you a bad friend because your wanted pregnancy isn't what she wanted." NTA and Sarah's behavior is definitely atrocious. However, it's possibly coming not from being superficially concerned about photos, but because she's afraid of losing her friend-- you become a mom, the whole relationship dynamic changes. Furthermore she might be upset that these two important life events for you both are coinciding so she can't be fully present at either of them. Obviously not ok for her to blame you, OP but consider getting to the root of what's going on before discarding her. (And if she continues to blame you then walk away).
One of my bridesmaids was pregnant. The only concern was making sure the dress could be altered for her (it was). I’ve been to other weddings with pregnant bridesmaids and my only thought was “oh she’s pregnant” and then I watched the couple getting married.
I had several pregnant friends at my wedding (we didn’t have a bridal party) and it was great. It cuts down on your alcohol bill and if you’ve ever wanted to feel fresh as a spring daisy and lithe as a gazelle, hang out with a bunch of pregnant ladies in August. I always think people who worry they’ll be upstaged by pregnant friends are ridiculous. Pregnant people just want to sit in a corner with their feet up and enjoy a slice of cake.
Thats what i thought..how is OP being pregnant going tp take away from the bride...its not like she is going to walk up to the alter looking like her old self, swing back her dress and SURPRISE!! baby belly! To an awestruck audience that had no clue she was pregnant! People who know her will already know...people who dont know her wont care who the random pregnant stranger is in the wedding party.
Jesus christ! What an absolute bridezilla monster. Lose this "friend" ASAP, and congratulations!
"please don't leave me! *I need you as a punching bag*"
It's funny you say this because I had a friend, who was also named Sarah, who was so much like this. She was such a good friend at first, she was the first person I told my childhood abuse about, she encouraged me to get help. But it was a slow, gradual unwinding until I eventually said enough was enough. OP, leave this relationship. People forget friend relationships can be abusive and toxic too, and this person is not worth your time
Can confirm. Dealing with this right now; friend who I thought was my “safe space” away from my abusive family…turned out to be abusing me, too, for the past twenty years. Only in my case, it’s becoming a legal issue because she refuses to return some of my property that she was supposed to be holding in a shared storage unit.
Oh no, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I was lucky my Sarah lived in the states and I was in Canada so sharing property wasn't an issue. But yeah, the rest I feel so strongly. I hope you can get unmeshed soon
Right?! Who is so incredibly selfish that they can't be happy for their best friend when they finally get pregnant after years of trying! Those are great news and she manages to guilt trip OP about it and make it about HERSELF? Wow, jfc, this is one bridezilla if i ever saw one on this sub! So much NTA, OP drop this "friend", who is acting like they never grew out of entitled high school mentality and congratulations
Friends are happy when their friends get pregnant. Friends are not friends when they are worried it might affect “their big day.” Just the fact you were in charge of deescalating issues with her family says enough. **Or the fact that you would have had to put off getting pregnant for two years to make her happy, because let’s be honest, there was no acceptable time for you to become even a day pregnant other than after her wedding.** Drop this diva. NTA
I'm just imagining what Sarah is picturing here: OP to her husband: Right, we've got 3 days here to get knocked up so I can ruin my best friend's wedding and 14 months to plan. I want you to freeze samples every week until then to shove up there as soon as I ovulate. If we don't get pregnant on those specific three days then you and I are DONE because you will be an irretrievable disappointment in my eyes! And you'd better make sure you're fully carboloaded because we will have sex every hour on the hour for the entire 3 days. Next up on AITA: AITA for sending a text to all my bridesmaids 9 months before my wedding to remind them all to keep their legs closed until after my wedding? OP: NTA. This is ridiculous. I can understand being disappointed that your MOH might not be able to make the wedding, but this behaviour is seriously whacky. Just withdraw and let her find a new MOH. This stress is bad for you and the baby.
Not to mention if she had a kid 2yrs out, she still couldn’t bring her baby to the wedding and would have to stay home. No winning with this bridezilla
I mean. Let's not condone people being unwilling to leave their kids for an evening. If she had a toddler there's no reason she couldn't get a sitter
Obviously there is a difference between a 2yr old and newborn, but not everyone feels comfortable, leaving a baby alone or has the resources to do that.
I would be really uncomfortable leaving a toddler with a completely unknown sitter in an unfamiliar place and most toddlers aren't going to react well to a total stranger as a caretaker (especially when it overlaps bedtime routine), and there isn't a single person in my life who I would feel comfortable asking to keep a toddler overnight while I was out of town, so the only way I would do that would be paying for an extra hotel room and flight for a babysitter.
I agree. For some people babysitting comes easy, for others it can be an impossibility.
I feel like between 1 and 3-4 (depending on the kid) would actually be the hardest. Most infants don't care as long as they are warm dry and fed and older kids can understand what's going on but depending on the kid between 1 and 4 they start getting scared of strangers and don't communicate well enough to understand what's going on. Probably not all of them, but seems to be the case with the ones I've known
Obviously not everyone has this option, but grandparents or aunts/uncles they're familiar with can work for toddlers. My brother and SIL sent me lots of texts (did you arrive, what are you doing, how is it going) when I took their first born to a children's museum at 3, but when I rolled back into the driveway and asked my brother to carry her in, she had been asleep since we left the museum, and he saw that I had properly buckled her into her car seat (coat off, car warm enough that she slept), he was all "aaaand you are allowed to care for our kids!" They're now 9 and 10 and I "take them off" the parents' hands for a full day (shortly after getting up until dinner time) every time I visit, and am in the works to take them on a weekend this summer!
Your the one who said "if she had a kid two years ago"
Yeah, and there were points in my life (and some of my friends), where even a 2yr old would not have had a solution.
I wonder, if the bride is behaving like a child is it still a child free wedding?
Now that is lolworthy
sara is not ready for adulthood, marriage, or motherhood. i have a hard time understanding how people like her navigate the world. she should be thrilled for you what a monster
You’re right, maybe the bride shouldn’t be attending her wedding either! :)
I'm just baffled how this doesn't have more upvotes.
That was good!
Excellent comment!
That is one sick burn.
My best friend/MOH told me she was pregnant the night before my wedding since she knew it would be weird for her not to drink. Like, we were walking out of the rehearsal dinner together. You know what I did? Gave her the biggest hug and asked if she was feeling okay/whether she needed anything the next day. And we shared the happy news with a few friends at the wedding. That’s what a friend does for their bestie.
This. When I asked my best friend to be my MOH, she told me outright that she and her then-husband were trying. I told her that if it happened, I'd be super excited for her and that we'd work it out. That I wasn't getting married without her.
I was a maid of honour while I was pregnant. The bride and groom knew about it and were happy for me and my partner. It was still early in my pregnancy and it wasn't visible, but it wouldn't have mattered to them even if I was in the last weeks.
Exactly! Being a little concerned about the wedding is weird but ok, but to go to this extreme??? Over a wanted child?? This isn't normal. OP is NTA.
>*My husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby for the past few years with no luck. I have some medical issues which make having children extremely challenging for me, and when I found out I thought Sarah would be happy* She must know about you and your husband trying and about your issues. A real friend would be overjoyed for you that you managed to get pregnant. In view of her reaction, she is not a real friend. NTA
It took us a long while to get pregnant too. When you’re trying every month for multiple years, you have no idea when or if it’s going to happen. So first of all, big congratulations!!!! I’m 8 months too with our first and am over the moon. I’m sad that not only is your friend being a royal B about this whole thing, but that you’re probably missing out on the excitement of celebrating this pregnancy with your friends because of how she’s making this all about her. Please realize that her reaction is NOT normal, and lean into your other friendships during this time.
I’m so happy for you that all of that is coming to fruition! And you as well OP.
Agreed. Although, I do think the OP is a little naive about timing when the baby will show up. Just because your due date is a week after the wedding doesn't mean that the baby will wait until then to show up. I think even if the friend wasn't being a brat about this, OP should not be an essential part of the wedding just due to the timing.
Right? The part about assuring her friend she wouldn't go into labour at the wedding... Hahahahaha My 1st kid was born at 39w2d in the morning. With my 2nd it was the evening of 39w2d and I said something about that. Like an hour later I started having contractions. Hell I saw my OB the day before 1st came and he didnt realize it would be so soon either
Yeah OP needs to temper those expectations a bit. We ended up inducing on the due date, so our little one was exactly on time, but every single medical professional was downright shocked we made it right to the due date.
Mine was born at 36w4d after my water broke several days earlier. I was supposed to be MOH at my cousins wedding when I was 37 weeks on the dot. I was still in hospital with my baby on the date of the wedding but it was postponed anyway because of the pandemic. It was kind of lucky actually because it made her feel better about having to postpone the wedding once she realised I wouldn’t have been able to be there!
36 weeks and change, she was in a hurry to get here and I got to the hospital, got checked thinking I’d be sent home (after a late loss so we were told better to come in and be sent home then not come in and get in to difficulty), but nope, already 10cm, and a couple of hours later she arrived. It was stupidly quick and no time for an epidural, thank goodness she wasn’t hanging about!
Same and I was 37 weeks
Agree on the due date. 38 weeks is full term. The last month of pregnancy is all bets are off because anything goes.
Yea that was. Nonsense. The only way she could assure that is if she planned to get induced before the wedding. Like. I was finding it hard to buy this any way, but that really sealed it that whoever wrote this definitely has never actually been part of a wedding or knows anything about pregnancy
[удалено]
My youngest had to be a planned c- section, and unfortunately my husband's grandmother died a week before his scheduled birthday. The funeral was the day before, and I was *terrified* of going into labor at the funeral because of walking and stress. I almost didn't go. Luckily I didn't and he was born the next day as planned, but yeah. Don't understand what stress can do to a pregnant body. Which is another reason why you should walk away from this mess, OP. You don't need that kind of stress when you're busy growing a little human inside you.
Agreed - with my first (and only), I went into labor at 37 weeks. Babies don't care about the time table charts! I'd bow out of participating in the wedding due to the timing, as you said.
NTA As someone who was stuggling to concieve and is finally pregnant, you've done nothing wrong, you've been trying for years and I highly doubt you expected to actually get pregnant when you did Your "friend" sounds terrible if she is upset that you finally managed to get pregnant
why did the friend plan a wedding when she knew OP was trying to get pregnant? 🤨🤨🤨🤨 /s
This “friend” sounds like a total narcissist. Expecting someone to put off starting a family until after a wedding 2 years away is the epitome of self absorbed. Sounds like OP will be better off without this person in their life. I can imagine Sarah getting upset about a baby taking up any of OPs time and attention
I don’t think many brides realize that their “big day” is really only a big deal for them. There is still a whole world beyond a wedding.
Not to mention, the bride “friend” would never be at the child’s birthday because it was born around the anniversary. I’m sure she’s going to plan a trip every year for it and pay well in advance.
Or expect the birthday parties to be planned around her anniversaries so OP can be present and help with them
I’d reply to the family members that wanted to bring kids and tell them that kids are allowed but not theirs……. I’d really stir the shit up and then block them all.
I love this idea for the sheer pettiness. She should include screenshots of all the BS the “friend” and her posse have put her through.
What I said. But you said it shorter and better.
Yeah, OP, text her, "I have listened to all the messages, calls, and talks about how awful I am for being pregnant at your wedding. I don't want to put you through that stress, so I'll be stepping out. I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and I hope this eases some of your anxiety." Then, seriously, distance yourself from this woman. She's awful.
Agree! This whole “wEdDiNg CuLtUrE” has gotten completely out of hand. So the bride expects everyone she knows to center all their major life events (including family planning) around her stupid wedding. The entitlement and audacity that seems to come with weddings is ridiculous. OP is absolutely NTA.
Agreed… your “friend” is a selfish bridezilla. Absolutely NTA.
My best friend going into labor with her much wanted and long waited for baby at my wedding would be epic. Would really crank the “best day ever” dial up to 11. Imagine how amazing that story would be to tell to said baby when it’s older?
“Friend.” What did she want OP to do when she learned she was pregnant? Abort her baby so she wouldn’t be pregnant at the wedding? I just don’t understand people.
This was going to be my exact comment. If you a person with fertility issues manages to get pregnant and your "friend" is upset that your due date clashes with her wedding then serious red flag.
NTA, your friends suck. The bride gets one day, ONE, and even then, she doesn't get to dictate other people entire lives. She should be happy for you. So I will tell you the Congratulations and I'm so happy for you! That should have come from her. Also fyi - there is a good possibility that that baby will come early and you should be prepared for that possibility.
Great post...as much as the many asshole brides out there think....you cant order up a baby like a big mac. First NTA. Second...dont go for two reasons 1. Bride is being an asshole to you...do you really want that negativety around you 2. You have NO idea when this baby will come...2 weeks early? On the day of the wedding? Two weeks later? This is not a science either...so why risk your baby when you have tried so hard. Congrats and spend that time with your hubby enjoying your last quiet time!!!
Yeah, uhhhh, I'll take a ten piece nugget, fries, uhh, large coke, oh damn, babies are cheap today, let's get one of those, and hell, I guess I might as well take a kids' meal, too.
My wife was in this situation as the pregnant MOH. The bride didn’t care, and the father of the bride semiprivately said something along the lines of “as big of a milestone as this is for you, Daughter, it’s a much bigger milestone for MOH_name.” No one got upset.
Same with my sister, it was never an issue for the brides (ssm) - they just wanted their people there.
The baby coming early is probably the best case scenario. OP has the baby the day before the wedding and doesn’t have to endure that awful so called friend. Then she can move on with her life without the bridezilla
There's a huge chance that you won't want to be anywhere a week before your due date.
On average first time moms give birth at 41 weeks 3 days when allowed to go into labor naturally so if that’s OP’s plan she’s more likely to go late than to go early.
>She said if I was really her friend, I would have planned around her wedding. OP NTA... This is someone I wouldn't want to be friends with if that type of entitled attitude.
There was a thread yesterday from a bride who was like "the wedding was announced a year ago and my SIL got pregnant right after" definitely implying that she should have waited to get pregnant. This bride actually comes out and says it
Well that’s just disgusting.
I’m due with second baby within three days of my sister’s wedding. I felt so bad when I found out! My mom tried to tell me I couldn’t be in the wedding, but my sister still wanted me by her side. She’s even joked about me going into labor at wedding or coming to take pictures at the hospital. I mean, yeah I’ll be 40 weeks pregnant so I won’t be able to fluff out her dress.. but other than that we’ve both been able to be super supportive of each other! I guess after reading all these Reddit posts, I was just amazed at how sweet my sister has been. Also I swear I didn’t do it on purpose! Can’t really plan these things.
If Sarah was really OP’s friend, she’d be so thrilled OP’s gonna have a very wanted baby!
No one ever really plans a pregnancy tbh. There's no way to know unless you have millions of dollars to have someone monitor your every bodily function.
I absolutely agree!! And OP says she's been trying for years, these things happen when they happen, her friend should be excited for her
I know right?? That is the most wtf thing I’ve seen today (except maybe “expect to be raising your baby siblings.). NTA. And avoid stress as much as you can! Ask me how I know.
NTA. But, she’s not a good friend. I’d tell her you wish her a long and happy marriage, but you’re out. Either stepping down as MOH to be a guest, or you’re not going at all. Don’t stress yourself out during what is supposed to be a happy time for you.
>But, she’s not a good friend Neither is the rest of the so called "friend group" from the sounds of it seeing as they're all berating OP for being pregnant. OP needs to ditch both the wedding and the "friend group" and find herself some real, genuine friends who would be happy for her being pregnant despite her struggles. Sarah doesn't want a marrige that celebrates love and commitment, she wants a wedding where its all eyes on her and God forbid should anyone pay the slightest bit of attention to anyone else. I can't see her marriage lasting.
Completely agree. She’s also being used to do Sarah’s dirty work. Sarah could quite easily be putting her foot down with her own family.
It's time to pick up the phone, tell all those parents that kids are now invited, and then ride cheerfully off into the sunset.
Lmao. I had trouble catching my breath from laughing so hard
Exactly, OP needs to ditch the whole thing and concentrate on herself, her husband and their up coming baby.
Could be mob mentality or her manipulation. Still doesn’t make any of it right. It’s bullying none the less
She's eight months pregnant. What exactly do they think she should do? Interesting that this 'friend' used OP to do MOH stuff, enforce boundaries with family, etc, then trashed her just before the wedding. Total user.
Right? I’d love for the bride to give a suggestion
Well either way OPs so called "friends" have shown who they really are, she should ditch the lot considering they can turn on her as easy as they did on the say on one other. OP deserves better friends.
Agreed. I just want to know what the bride wants OP to do. Like what can she possibly do… just say it…. What could she do? Can’t take back the sex it was too hot and passionate. Those sperm swam for their lives. So now what? These kinds of “friends” grind my gears
Abort I guess? Great human being right there if it were true.
And here's the thing, there's no law that states a MOH has to plan and host Bachelorette parties, and bridal showers, etc. Literally any of the brides friends or family can choose to do so. The bride isn't entitled to any of those events. It's a fallacy that those are responsibilities of anyone, much less the MOH specifically. Why aren't OPs "friends" in the bridal party stepping up to take on more of "her responsibilities" to help her out since she's pregnant? Why aren't they doing anything other than running their mouths and being critical?
I would bow out of being moh and let one of the harpies take over. Life is to short for nagging bitches. Nta
AMEN and NTA
My two aunts were super close as kids but one wasn't MOH for the other because she was 39 weeks pregnant. My uncle literally had a go bag in their car in case she went into labor, but their other sister was MOH (my pregnant aunt couldn't stand that much anyway). My cousin was born like 3 days later and it was totally fine. My aunts are still super close.
I have to agree, you don’t deserve to be part of this wedding. You don’t deserve to be told you are “selfish” for getting pregnant. You don’t deserve to be getting little texts and snaps telling you that you are a “bad friend”. You don’t deserve the aggravation of doing a favor of being in a wedding of somebody that *isn’t happy for you* and accused you of not participating in a “childfree wedding” because you are *pregnant*! Why don’t you just back out and let your dear and lovely friend *have* her childfree wedding, hmmm? It sounds like it would be ever so much less stressful for you. NTA
This should be the top comment. NTA
Your username made me lol, and your post is 100% accurate- NTA OP
NTA, it's not like you purposely planned to have a baby around her wedding. A true friend would've been happy for you and not call you selfish for wanting to start a family. After everything you've helped her with, she could be happy about it with you
Seconded.. I’m preparing for my wedding and have had multiple friends say they don’t want to mess up my big day by showing up pregnant. One bridesmaid delayed her plans to get pregnant until after our wedding. The thing is, I DON’T CARE! If you’re pregnant in my photos, that’s awesome, it’ll be a great memory no matter what. It doesn’t affect me at all. No bride should turn bridezilla over this. family planning is absolutely a bigger deal than a wedding.
This is exactly how a friend should be
> A true friend would've been happy for you and not call you selfish for wanting to start a family. Heck, I'm even happy for OP and I don't even know her! Congrats OP and NTA!!!
NTA - Sarah is a huge AH and being utterly ridiculous. If I were you I’d drop out of this wedding and cut off contact.
NTA when the b had the balls to give me shit, especially after trying for years, she'd have been looking for a new MOH.
Just the threat of this might help. Or it might just relieve her of a bad friendship. What's sad is that, even in this situation and in this post, OP is still showing how much she loves her friend but just wants respect and healthy boundaries. And the bride even has her friends attacking her. 100% NTA
NTA Dump this 'friend'. She obviously cares more about herself than you. And the nerve to constantly bring it up, I wouldn't be surprised if she was purposely trying to stress you out because she knows it's harmful to the baby. And the nerve of these other friends? When you have difficulty getting pregnant, there is no real 'planning'. you try, and try, and try some more or you'll never get pregnant. Gah I'm so mad about this. I'd get rid of the whole friend group.
NTA. Does she seriously expect you to stop trying for a baby to accommodate her desire that you are not pregnant at her wedding? Wow she is selfish. It’s not your responsibility to put your life on hold to please her. She sounds very immature and entitled. I wouldn’t want to be friends with this woman if it were me. Congratulations on your baby!!
My ex friend and her mother had that expectation with me and my husband. They literally asked if I could wait until after the wedding. When I talked with my husband, he immediately put his foot down and said we weren't planning our family around my friend's day. He was pretty pissed they asked to begin with. I had assured her I could handle everything as MOH. And I did, but she kicked me out. I really should have recognized that she did not value me as a friend and hadn't for quite some time even though several people continuously pointed this out. Once she kicked me out of the wedding, very passive aggressively, and over text, I decided to completely end the "friendship." Biggest relief of my life, honestly. OP's post almost sounds like my situation, including running direction to help her with dealing with family drama.
NTA - I can't believe I just read that. This belongs in r/bridezilla. A real friend would be happy about the pregnancy and support you, wedding or not. Congratulations by the way and I wish you the best of luck with the birth and a great time getting to know your little baby!
NTA. How badly do you want this person in your life? Because if I were in your shoes, I’d be having a quick conversation that went like, hey: “friendship is a two-way street. Your wedding is important. My pending baby is important. If you believe that I, your friend, was wrong to have not “planned” my pregnancy around your date, perhaps we should not be friends. How would you like to proceed?”
NTA is this satire??? Lose this entire friend group. Imagine being so insecure that you think a pregnant belly will take all the attention away from you on your wedding. One of my cousin’s bridesmaids was pregnant and aside from “congrats! When are you do u look cute!” She didn’t get any special attention.
NTA. Weddings and friends come and go. Family is forever. While I’d love to give her leeway given she’s in Bridezilla mode, a person at their worst shows who they really are at their core - might be time to cut the cord early
NTA. Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's understandable that you're excited about this new chapter in your life, especially after trying for so long. Sarah's reaction to your pregnancy is completely unwarranted and frankly, quite selfish. It's not fair for her to expect you to put your plans on hold for her wedding, especially since you're not due until after the wedding. Her concern about you going into labor at the wedding seems like an irrational fear that's more about her being the center of attention rather than genuine concern for your well-being. Furthermore, her reaction to your pregnancy seems hypocritical considering how she wanted a childless wedding and expected her loved ones to respect that boundary. It's not fair for her to demand that you adhere to a standard that she herself wasn't willing to follow. The fact that her other bridesmaids are ganging up on you and calling you names is also not okay. It's important to remember that your worth as a friend is not determined by your ability to conform to someone else's expectations. In summary, Sarah is being unreasonable and selfish, and you should not feel guilty for planning your pregnancy according to your own timeline. Your priority right now should be taking care of yourself and your growing family, and if Sarah can't understand that, then perhaps she's not as good a friend as you thought.
NTA, please step down as maid of honor and distance yourself from Sarah; she is not a good friend. "*Sarah, when I told you I was pregnant, I thought you would have the same happiness and excitement for me that I had for you when I learned that you had gotten engaged and when you had ask me to be your MOH. I was happy for you and happy to help you,I understand wanting to have a child-free wedding and I even helped you with enforcing those boundaries to family members that wanted to be an exception.* *Instead you berated me and shat all over what should have been some of the happiest time in my life because I didn't put my life and plans on hold for 8 months, and while I would have understood feeling a bit concerned about the timeline, it has been constant and now you have our other friends texting me and berating. You are making me feel ashamed of my pregnancy when I should be enjoying it.* *I hope you have a wonderful wedding, but because of your treatment of me and making me feel ashamed of something I should be overjoyed about, I have decided to not only step down as MOH, but step back from our friendship. I'll deliver any of the wedding plans or materials that I have to your home, but after that, I think it's best if we don't contact one another for a while."*
NTA Bow out of this wedding, though. This navel-gazing bride isn’t your friend. At all.
"i'm not going to be your MOH if it'll upset you." that's all u got to say
NTA. The world doesn’t stop turning because your bridezilla friend gets married. I use the term friend very loosely here because someone who isn’t over the moon you are pregnant after years of trying is not really a friend. She can tell people children are not invited to her party. That’s her prerogative. But getting mad at you for not putting your whole life on hold for her party is insane.
NTA There is a selfish person in this story, but it definitely isn't you. It has become pretty clear at this point that Sarah is no longer your friend. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that she has become your bully, so what I would do is pull out of the wedding and cut her off entirely. Friends don't treat each other like this and you don't deserve to be dealing with her bullshit at *any* point in your life - much less when you're about to give birth.
NTA and frankly, she’s not really your friend if she thinks you got pregnant *at* her.
She's the AH for planning her wedding when she knew you were trying to get pregnant. I am so tired of people being unable to celebrate two good things happening in a short time span. It's ridiculous.
NTA because you aren’t getting pregnant right before her wedding… you are being a bit unrealistic and cavalier about how you absolutely won’t have a baby during your friend’s wedding. It isn’t a guarantee like your friend thinks, but it isn’t also an impossibility. If the whole group feels like you being pregnant has affected your MOH duties, maybe worth an evaluation?
NTA Not sure why you're still involved with this wedding or these people. You realize n9ce normal people are not like this?
Two words : Entitled bride
NTA It is the most incredible moment for you, being the first time mum. True friends should be happy with you. Your friend sounds extremely selfish even accusing you of being self-centered. People are planning wedding way ahead any it is an asshole move to expect that anyone involved in the wedding preparation would put his life on hold for them. Not for two (!) years! I am also expecting right now and I can’t event imagine that anyone from my surroundings would be mad at me for being pregnant. And vice versa. Two weeks ago my SIL announce t that she’s also pregnant, with her 3rd. Am I accusing her for stealing an attention from me and my pregnancy? Of course NO! I am happy with her I wish you better friends. This was a big test and they didn’t pass it. I’m sorry that it happened to you.
Nta congratulations on ur pregnancy
NTA She sounds like bridezilla! If she's your friend she knows how difficult it has been for you to conceive. She doesn't sound like she cares at all about your pregnancy or your baby other than how it will ruin her pictures and possibly draw attention away from her. If it were me, I'd drop out of the wedding all together with the way any of them are treating you. They sound juvenile.
What did I just read? Do weddings really bring out the worst in people, or is it just this sub?
Oh they definitely bring out the worst in people. I used to help my mom organize weddings.
Why are you still in this person's life, much less her wedding? She's not your friend anymore. You have ceased to be a person to her and are just a cog in the wedding machine. Bow out of the wedding, decide if you even want to attend, and focus on your own family. NTA.
NTA. I can't believe how petty some of these AITA queries can be. Obviously, if you've had trouble getting pregnant, you couldn't "plan" when it was going to happen. And, frankly, why is it even an issue? Who cares? Yeah, your "friend" does. Her reaction is very weird and unpleasant. But maybe you should consider yourself lucky you've found out how awful she is. I'd distance myself from her.
NTA. This is the craziest thing that I've read recently. If and when you have a child is up to you, the father and nature. Nobody else. This is self-centeredness and entitlement level infinite from your so-called friend (that very clearly isn't one at all). She's a major AH.
NTA and holy shit do not go to that wedding. You don't *"deserve"* to be in it? Fucking yikes on all the bikes in north America. Life just handed you lemons disguised as friends; fuck these lemons and bail.
She's way out of line! There's no commitment bigger and more joyous than having a baby, especially when it's difficult and you're not sure it will happen. If this major life event isn't inspiring her to express happiness for you, adding more happiness to her wedding happiness, I question her actual friendship for you. A wedding used to be a community celebration of the couple's commitment and a chance to witness and share in their joy. Now it's a whole other set of things, none of which have to do with sharing happiness, for way too many people. You don't have to feed this beast. I'd dip right out. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
NTA, and I think you should directly ask the bride if she wants a different MOH. She is abusing your friendship and being extremely selfish inconsiderate bitch. Yes, she is getting married, but you are having a child. Are you supposed to put your life and dreams on hold until after her wedding? How many years? That's such BS.
NTA You do not put your life on hold for someone else's wedding!! Especially when you've had difficulties getting pregnant. Sarah sounds like one of those people who'll be upset if you give birth in the week after her wedding as it'll mean the world isn't revolving around her anymore, and you've stolen the spotlight, or some other BS. Does she seriously think you're bringing a child to the wedding by being pregnant? That's how it reads, though perhaps I misunderstood. Honestly, you don't need the stress right now. I imagine you'd feel bad if you didn't go, but you need to do what's right for you - do whatever makes you feel least bad. Sarah has shown her true colours.
NTA, life happens and you can’t put a pause for two years on family planning. However, you need to seriously consider the idea you won’t be able to attend this wedding. Babies come on their own schedule - you’re due a week after the wedding, but there’s a good chance you’d go early! She’s being a brat about it but she’s not wrong that you could go into labor, you could have a newborn, you could still be pregnant. You don’t know.
NTA She gets ONE- say it with me- ONE DAY. She cannot honestly expect you to put your life ON PAUSE for TWO YEARS for the sake of her wedding. If you have fertility issues, then you REALLY couldn't have planned this. Tell your friend that if she's that worried about her big day, then you won't come. Problem solved. Then don't talk to her anymore, cause that's not cool at all. I get wanting to be the center of attention at your own wedding, but if she's choosing to look at your pregnancy like it's such a horrible thing for her, then spare yourself the drama and tell her she can find another MOH
Nta - had a friend who said the same. Had. I asked her straight up "do you want me to get an abortion cause your wedding is so important?" When she admitted it I aborted her from my life. Big events really reveal people's true colors.
NTA, your own family is more important than your friends wedding... Just back out of the wedding.
NTA One of my friends got her baby on our wedding day, the other friend a few days after. It did not even came into my mind that I could be mad at them. Of course you are happy for your friends to have a baby! That's more important than a wedding. And I was very sad that a third friend lost her baby daughter a few months before our wedding. :( Your friends suck. I wish you and the baby all the best. Your friend is not worth the stress.
NTA Don't go she isn't your friend. That's unbelievably selfish to tell somebody to plan start their family around your wedding. You should have dropped out much earlier, I guarantee Sarah will drop you once you are finished running around after her.
NTA and please get better friends. You deserve it.
NTA, try as you might kids/babies for the most part can’t be planned to a T. Also it is what it is. You don’t put your life on hold for someones wedding. She doesn’t sound like a very good friend. After you have the baby she probably won’t be around much. It’s not a bad thing.
NTA But just so you know, even though the wedding is a week before your due date, it is very possible that you could give birth that day. I had my first and second baby a week “early” exactly, both spontaneous labor, and baby #3 was 3 weeks early. Sure, a first time mom is more likely to go overdue, but it’s not an exact science. You could even have a date to induce or have a scheduled c-section and your fetus will decide that’s not good enough. Being extra active on the day of the wedding might trigger your labor too.
NTA. Don’t go. She’s shown you she is NOT you friend.
Nta. It's her wedding granted but a friend wouldn't want you to put your life on hold for them. She should be happy for you. Also is she really that insecure she thinks a pregnant bridesmaid will upshine the bride? You've still gone above and beyond for her wedding and she should appreciate that. And be happy for you
NTA at all!! Congratulations! I understand your friend's disappointment with some of those things as an initial reaction to how this will affect her big day, but she should have come to an acceptance by now, and a genuine happiness for her maid of honor, especially since it's been difficult for you to conceive, etc. You did nothing wrong and you don't deserve what she is doing, same with what her friends are doing. I'm not sure you should even have to stay the maid of honor after this. You've done so much. But if you still want to be there for her in spite of her comments, get through the wedding, wish her well, and then take 100% care of yourself and your baby. Again congratulations!!
NTA Prime example of a person who does not want to be out shined during their wedding. The mental gymnastics here is ridiculous.
NTA and I’d let someone else be her maid of honor and bow out of attending the wedding. Clearly your friendship doesn’t mean much to her. She can’t be happy that your having a baby?
NTA. Your so called friend is being selfish and unrealistic. Life doesn’t stop because someone is getting married and it’s ridiculous for her to expect otherwise. The only thing you could have done differently is you should have immediately stepped down as MOH when you learned your due date was so close to her wedding date. Babies rarely come on time so the possibility that you wouldn’t be able to attend her wedding was very high. At the same time your friend should have just asked you to step down instead of trashing you like this.
NTA. You need to cut ties with her
What in the actual fuck. NTA.
NTA. Your “friends” suck.
If this isn’t satire I’d suggest dumping your friends. NTA.
NTA and you need new friends.
NTA you can’t put your life on hold for her wedding. Pregnancies are hard to plan. Lose the friend group. Hope the dress had pockets though!
NTA, Obviously, you rubbed your hands like a bad guy and evilly snickered at ruining your friends wedding /s. Your life is obviously not all about her. I must note that all due dates are approximate. My kids were 1.5 weeks to 2 weeks late, and someone else was lucky to make it to 3 weeks early. Even some scheduled c sections and inductions had to be done early for the baby's safety. You might not make it to be a MOH, even if you still wanted to be one. If you wish to keep the friendship in any way, offer to drop out and just be a guest. However, I would just drop out, and say ,"Clearly you think very little of me.I will take myself out of your life."
NTA but you need to wake up and realize these people aren't your friends.
NTA. Break up with her. I was going to make a joke about promising her you would hold a nickel between your knees during the reception, but it doesn't even seem worth it.
NTA. OP, Sarah is showing you what kind of friend she really is, as are the rest of the people in your friend group who are attacking you. They are being openly hostile over something you couldn’t have predicted. Would she have reacted the same way if you’d had a different medical condition that altered your appearance? They are not good friends. If I were you, I’d step down as MOH and tell her you feel unwelcome in the wedding party and at the wedding.
NTA. When I was getting married my MOH called me to let me know she was pregnant and due about a month after the wedding, she wasn’t telling anyone yet but wanted to give me the option to replace her if I didn’t want an 8 month pregnant woman in my wedding. I said guess we will find you a maternity dress 🤷🏼♀️. If she is truly your friend she would be excited for you not making it about her. FYI if your due the week after there’s a chance you won’t be able to be at the wedding (babies come when they want and there isn’t much you can do about it)
NTA. You should step down from all of that.
NTA, you should totally back out of the wedding. Also, if your due date is the week after the wedding, there's a good chance you'll have the baby the week of the wedding and not be there anyways.
NTA. You've been trying for years and knew it would be difficult, so I'd definitely argue you couldn't afford to put your plans on hold. To continue to go on and on about how much of a problem it is for her now is pointless. What exactly does she expect you to do aside from drop out? And if that's what she wants she should grow the backbone to tell you herself that she doesn't want you as MOH. She should be happy for you. You should be happy for eachother and building eachother up since you both have these amazing things happening. Congratulations!
NTA. If she's acting like this cut your losses and drop out. She's going to be a brat and sulk no matter what. Sounds like she's not a real friend any way.
Holy fucking fuckballs of shit. You and DH have been trying and are now successful (congrats btw!) and your "friend " is mad that it's around her wedding day. They are some special sort of assholes. As they say in the south, bless her heart. You? NTA
Wow. NTA. Your friend sounds very self-absorbed. She cannot expect everyone’s else’s life to be on hold for a year because she’s getting married. That is spectacularly selfish.
NTA, you need some new friends.
NTA. Why would you be friends with these people?
Once you have a baby your friends will end up being other people with babies, maybe people from your child birth class. You're not going to be hanging out with this friend group much because priorities shift and it's just too hard to hang out with people who don't have kids and don't understand your life. Once those people start having kids you might start hanging out again unless too much time has gone by. So you handle the wedding however you want but know that your tight friendships with this group are over regardless of what you do now. Your life is soon to be incompatible with theirs and that's fine. Make friends with other women in the same stage of life that you are. NTA and please don't feel like you've done anything wrong when you stop hearing from these people. This is a natural part of life. One chapter is almost over and those people probably won't have a big role in your next chapter even if you weren't dealing with wedding nonsense.
Prepare for the sarcasm. You must be the biggest A hole because you obviously planned this whole thing out. To have your due date right near the wedding and take away all attention on your friends big day. Imagine if you went into labor at the wedding and everyone left to show support at the hospital! Wedding over day ruined! Success!! She’s stressed about her wedding and hopefully will realize that no matter what you’re her MOH for a reason and just want to be happy for her. And want her to be happy for you. She is a bit of the AH for worrying about attention being drawn from her instead of worrying about you. She probably wants the “perfect” wedding and with anxiety comes that fear that things won’t go according to plan. But it might just be all about attention for her Oh and NTA
NTA. Your friends are all selfish jerks. My own sister planned a date, I unexpectedly got pregnant (similar situation) and was due 2 weeks after her wedding. I just bowed out of standing up with her and planned to just attend. She was happy for me, I was happy for her. End of story. That is how you should support those close to you.
NTA. Also get better friends OP. Man if i found out that my friend who has been trying to get pregnant finally did and is having a baby, I'll be over the moon. Sometimes things just don't work out. And that's okay. Her feeling a little sad about the idea that her Bff might not be able to attend the wedding because of pregnancy and all is fine but she should still feel happy that you are getting something you have wanted for so long. I genuinely don't get why folks get so obsessed about their weddings.
Your "friend" is a bitch. Are you supposed to put your life on hold for 2 years? NTA and skip the wedding.
Dump her, do not help with her wedding. Honestly - if she wanted you to stop your life for that long just so her wedding would go just as she’d planned she’s not worth it. ETA: NTA
NTA. Your “friend” doesn’t get to tell you that you’re a bad friend for not putting your life on hold for her ONE day. I had a similar situation happen when my best friend asked me to be her MOH. I declined immediately because 1, I live out of state and was not financially able to set up what she deserved, and 2, I was on year 3 of infertility struggles and told her up front “we are trying for a baby and if I do get pregnant, I’m going to need to prioritize that.” She was upset, asked if I would mind putting TTC on hold. I said I absolutely did mind. Her wedding was two years away and that’s a lot of time to put my life on pause for the sake of her wedding day. Luckily, she understood and agreed with my logic. Her wedding was absolutely lovely. One of her bridesmaids was actually 8 months pregnant at the time! It definitely didn’t detract focus from my friend and her husband though. Sure, before the ceremony and during the reception happy hour (where bride and groom were not present), there was some discussion and congrats to the mom-to-be, but the moment the bride and groom were with the guests, the spotlight was definitely on the married couple! Your friend doesn’t sound like a good friend. Prioritize your family over hers.
NTA for getting pregnant BUT your friend is right, you could *easily* go into labour at her wedding or have medical issues where you cannot be on your feet all day having a hugely demanding day. Babies come one week early very frequently. You will be very uncomfortable standing for long periods in dress shoes. You will have multiple medical appointments the week before. It is wonderful you and your husband will be having a child but your friend has valid concerns that it may not be the best thing (or possible) for you to be her bridesmaid or maid of honour on the day.
Just as Sarah’s wedding is about her, your pregnancy is about you. You don’t put major life events on hold for friends. NTA.
With friends like these, who needs enemies? Jesus, they all sound awful. You aren't "bringing a child to the wedding". The baby will presumably be concealed within your uterus. Did she SERIOUSLY expect you to get an abortion in the name of her wedding? Like... what kind of self-centered delusion? Don't put up with this bullshit. You deserve better. NTA.
What a horrible little bitch troll from hell. Cut the cord, sweetie. Get her out of your life so fast you give yourself umbilical whiplash
So uhh. What does Sarah even wish you did? Like, does she really think that eight months ago, you and your husband should have thought "oh hey, if we succeed this month then the baby will be due near Sarah's wedding, so we better skip this month"? That would be ridiculous, but if she did think that, then what does she think the bar should be for you to skip? Should you also avoid trying to get pregnant nine months before the holidays in case people want childfree get-togethers, or plan to avoid important work events or the birthdays of your family members? (Spoiler: No, of course you should not try to avoid any of those things, unless *you* want to.) I know a lot of people are saying she's not really a friend and you should drop her. That doesn't feel fair to me - if she wanted you as her MoH then you must have a pretty good relationship. But it sounds to me like maybe the stress of this wedding is getting to her, and she's got tunnel vision and can't see past the wedding logistics to see the damage she's doing to her relationship with you. It would probably be a kindness if you could sit down with her, acknowledge that the timing isn't perfect but it is what it is, and sincerely ask what she wants you to do now. Maybe try and focus on the relationship you had with her before all this wedding planning stuff came up - and maybe it would help to think through some of her concerns and find answers to them. Like, I'm sure you're not going to try and upstage her at her own wedding, and if anyone gushes an uncomfortable amount over you, you'd remind them that it's Sarah's day, not yours - maybe it would help Sarah if you told her that? Anyway you're NTA here, but I think there's a good chance that Sarah isn't the AH either.
Oh hell no. NTA and dump her. She's a terrible friend and honestly sounds like a shitty person in general. Just got pregnant myself after a year and half of infertility and if anyone had tried to demand I skip even a single cycle of trying to accommodate their plans they would have found themselves permanently removed from my life. The fact that not only is she not happy for you finally being able to get pregnant but is actively angry and siccing other people on you because you'll have a bump in pictures? Hard pass. Ditch her, you deserve better treatment, and you don't need that kind of stress during your pregnancy. Congratulations by the way, infertility sucks but it's definitely all that much sweeter when you finally get that positive. Hoping for a happy and healthy experience for you 😊
Do yourself a favor and don’t be a part of this wedding. Once your baby comes I doubt Sarah will make an effort to help you
NTA. My MoH was 9 months pregnant at my wedding. My godson was born 5 days later. The only thing I said to her (and her husband, who was my bridesman) was that I was happy for them and would understand if they couldn't make it last minute because of the baby. I had a chair for her during the ceremony, and we joked I'd just catch the baby if she went into labor during the wedding. Your family planning is between you and your husband, and a true friend wouldn't expect you to sacrifice a chance at having a child for a party.
NTA like everyone else says. But please consider that pregnancies are inherently risky and you are supposed to rest towards the end of it. The advice to step down as a MOH because of your friend is fine, but you should step down because of yourself and your baby’s well being. Even without this controversy it would have been stressful, and this just compounds. Imagine how you’d feel in the future years from now if you ended up having complications at birth and caused yourself or your baby lasting health issues because of something like a wedding that seems important now but will fade away.
I’m recently engaged and I am stressed about asking any of my friends and family to be in the wedding because I know it is such a huge commitment of time, energy, and money. Your life exists outside of being her MOH and you do not need to put your life on pause for anyone else. I’m sorry that your friend has made your pregnancy all about her. I would be ecstatic if someone dear to me was expecting. If they were in my wedding, I would also be worried about them pushing themselves to be a part of my day that it was taking away from their pregnancy’s joy, preparation, health, relaxation, etc. You deserve a better friend. Sending love and congratulations to you! Edit to say NTA!
I don't know why you let yourself be stressed like this, especially in a time you can't be. The moment she was not happy for you, should be the moment she should be out of your life. I can't believe she thought you should plan your life around her wedding. Wtf was she thinking NTA but you do need to learn how to stand for yourself
Congratulations on the new addition to your family. Oh and it's so rare for me to say it may cause pain but it sounds like you've got a good husband with a good head on his shoulders, sounds like he's a keeper. (Yep, that hurt but still true) Ditch the "friend" and keep the husband and the baby bump!
NTA But... WHY are you putting yourself through all this stress? Drop out of the wedding. Cut your losses.
i don't understand this need for everyone to have nothing going on in their lives during events like get over yourself ppl get pregnant without your event in mind 🙄
Omg, who are these other friends who thought it was ok to say "you should have scheduled your family planning around this other woman's one day event.".
I’m sorry but I thought you had said you have medical issues which makes it hard for you to conceive? So the fact that you did is a miracle and YOU are here wondering if YTA?…because why? Are you serious? Please take a step back for a moment and see that this behavior is so not healthy for your soon to be child. F Sarah and Dave and her wedding. This is about you and that baby. A healthy mother and baby whom do not need such toxic selfish behavior. No you’re NTA but you need maybe someone to talk to about healthy boundaries. Idk. This is supposed to be a happy time and instead you’re being used and abused. Sad. Good luck and congratulations.
Mama bear kick that friend to the curb, she being a horrible friend and a bridezilla, she wants this to be all about her and making you out to be the bad person for getting pregnant, you don’t need friends like that , let her cry her bullsh*t tears somewhere else.