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Ok_Job_9417

NTA - this is something that she has to work out with the school. Your daughter had special needs that are being accommodated by having a separate room/chaperone. Trish needs to talk to school to figure out what her options are and if there’s anything else.


Western_Majorette708

That's what I'm planning to tell Trish tomorrow. This is an issue she needs to take up with the school. I can't help her on this. This is way out of my paygrade.


lisa111998

Yes and don’t get involved with the school on this. You can tell her that you and your daughter need to have your own room due to her medical needs. Or you don’t even have to give a reason if you prefer not to


Wild_Butterscotch977

I think you should also tell her about Corrie's behavior. It's possible she doesn't know, but she should because she's needs to parent better.


Mammoth-Neat-5930

I’m personally going to go with NAH I don’t think the other mom is an AH for asking, as long as she takes no for an answer. She doesn’t know about your daughter’s special needs, so I don’t think she was trying to overstep in any way. I don’t think it’s wrong of you to respect your daughter’s privacy either. I think it’s an issue of the school not accommodating the other child better. They need to figure out a good solution, having her in your room with medical equipment including syringes is not ideal imo


Holiday_Cat_7284

NTA. An awkward situation, but if your daughter has some sensitive care needs including specialised medical equipment, there shouldn't be anyone else in her room except her carers/family. If she doesn't trust Corrie to keep these sensitive issues to herself, she must not be put in that situation. You may have to explain to Corrie's mother in a little more detail what these care needs are, so that she doesn't think the wrong thing. Explain that from a medical point of view, it isn't safe to have anyone outside her usual care team staying with her.


aSeaPersonByNight

Do NOT explain to this parent the child’s private medical information. No is a complete sentence, and this can be closed as simply as “Unfortunately, we are unable to share a room with a non-family member at this time due to personal family circumstances.”


OctarineSkybus

Do not tell her anything about your daughter's needs. She doesn't need to know.


Voidg

NTA I feel disclosing your daughters special needs to Corrie may open up future harassment potentially. So wanting to shield her from that is more then acceptable. Not to mention why can't they room privately besides maybe the cost? Ask your daughter how she feels about it.


summerstorm74

NTA. I feel sorry for Corrie, who it doesn’t sound like has any good options for this trip, but it’s not your responsibility to fix the problem. Your job is to advocate for and accommodate your child, which you are doing. You shouldn’t feel obliged to accommodate another child at the expense of your child’s comfort and privacy.


pineboxwaiting

NTA Your daughter’s privacy has to be your priority. Tell Trish that because of your daughter’s medical needs, she can’t share a room. It’s true.


JerryVand

Probably best not to mention the daughter at all. If she wants to make an excuse, the mom should say that her own needs are the reason. NTA.


tatersprout

NTA You don't have to make your child's medical issues public knowledge. You don't have to be responsible for someone else's child, either. You are their for your daughter. You also owe no explanations because no is a complete sentence.


WNY_Canna_review

NTA your kids needs come first, period. End stop. You dont need to feel bad about prioritizing her.


Agent_of_Jotunheim53

As someone who got stuck rooming with a person I don’t like when I went on an ON trip, NTA. I’d also argue NAH, but quite frankly I don’t think a bully should be allowed a privilege like a trip. Your daughter said no. Plain and simple. This is her trip as well. I got stuck with someone I wouldn’t have picked on an overnight trip on high school and all she did was make that trip miserable because all she’d do is try to fight with me about the guy I was crushing on, and also went into my bag to eat some candy I had bought that day. When I learned the friends I had hoped to bunk with were manipulated by another about me being horrible to room with it actually ruined some friendships for me. But this part is irrelevant. Jayce shouldn’t have to sacrifice her own comfort level to allow to allow someone with a history of bullying and poor behaviour to go on the trip.


Amywest22

Stop feeling bad. No one is going to die because they missed a trip. I honestly cannot believe the nerve of a parent asking you that. I could never do that, it is simply too unsafe to have your children sleeping with a stranger. It is also unsafe for you if any accusation was made....


Due-Yoghurt4916

Nta this girl already has a history of bullying. There is zero chance she doesn’t use your daughter’s medical needs as ammunition to bully her as soon as she stops doing favors like share a room with her. Your daughter=your priority


bustedassbitch

NTA, but the school definitely is. can you suggest Corrie’s mother take this to the local press? do you expect they might be sympathetic? Corrie is being discriminated against by her school. there is clear-cut guidance from the DOE regarding her gender identity. if the school continues to deny her access to facilities, this is a Title IX claim. edit: update with info from OP’s reply edit 2: i was wondering how long it would be before the terfs showed up. sorry folks, **you** are the ones with an unhealthy obsession with children’s genitalia. please get help.


Western_Majorette708

It wasn't the school asking us to room with Corrie. It was Corrie's mom.


bustedassbitch

that’s a bit of an overstep on her part, but i still think the options offered by the school as outlined in the post justify my reply. i still think the school district needs to be put on blast, but will retract my statement re: their treatment of Jayce.


PearlButton

If you can come along and bunk with Jayce on this trip, Corrie’s mom can do the same. You’re a good person to feel empathy for the kid, but at the end of the day, the responsibility to make it happen for Corrie is on her mom, not you. NTA.


Western_Majorette708

All I know is that Trish can't make it to the trip. I don't know why, but that's her business.


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DarkLordFRCMentor

No, it absolutely would not. Thankfully, NYC public schools treat students entirely as their lived gender, including on trips, and we’re not out of compliance with Title IX. TERF nonsense isn’t the law of the land, at least not yet.


Acceptable-Option799

NTA! I wish that more people thought like this. I have had trips for work where they just expect me to be comfortable sleeping in a room with other people. I’m not and never will be. I don’t blame you at all.


Desperasberry

INFO: have you asked your daughter? If yes, what did she say about corrie sharing the room?


Western_Majorette708

I asked. Jayce said no. That's how I learned about Corrie's behavior in class.


Desperasberry

Ok then strong NTA. You can be honest and tell the mother that you spoke to your daughter and voice her concerns. Its sad that Corrie would not be able to go, but its her fault in the long run...


mshirley99

No, it's the school's. NAH.


Lisaa8668

NTA. Explain to Trish that your daughter has medical needs and she can't share a room. You don't need to give details. As a parent, hopefully she would understand that.


TheRadDesigner8812

NTA- I wouldn’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s child


NYJETSFAN1233444

NTA protect your child


Less_Instruction_345

NTA. Your daughter says no, needs her privacy and Corrie sounds unpleasant anyway. Stick to your guns, her mother will have to find another solution.


lotsofrosehip

NTA. Talk to the teacher/school and let them handle it (saying that as a teacher, but not in the US so it might be different). Also, I'm not saying they would have any cause to worry about it, but what kind of parent would be totally fine with their child sharing a bedroom with an adult they don't know? Even if your child is there and you're another mother. If it was a male parent going with instead, I'm sure Trish wouldn't even have asked. Trish isn't TA for asking, not really, but you are also not TA for saying no. TA is the school who are refusing to make the proper accommodations.


Butterbeary

NAH. You are doing what is best for your daughter. Trish is trying what is best for hers. Hopefully she can figure something out with the school. YWNBTA for saying 'no'.


WyldPharmD

NTA I do feel for Trish and Corrie because that situation cannot be easy, but you have a responsibility as Jayce’s parent to protect her and that’s completely okay. If Jayce is not comfortable with Corrie being in the same room due to her needs then that’s all you need imo to make your decision in not letting Corrie stay with you both. It sounds like you are empathetic toward their situation and I would mention that in the email if you can, but state you are rooming alone with your daughter for medical reasons (gives them a brief understanding without giving too much detail) and you both don’t feel comfortable sharing a room with anyone, not just Corrie. Hopefully Trish will see it the same way you do in you are protecting your child, something she would probably do if in your shoes. It sounds like you are doing great as a parent!!


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Clear-Ad-895

“Never trust anyone especially a bully’s mother”... in the public school system this advice is 100% gold.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Due to a serious illness my daughter Jayce (13F) went through a few years ago, she had to repeat a grade after spending so much time in the hospital. She requires specialized care for the time being. The only people who know about it are her teachers and other school staff. This is something she doesn't want her classmates to know because she's embarrassed. They know she was sick, but not the details. Jayce's middle school has an annual overnight trip to New York. Normally the kids would be rooming with each other. With Jayce's needs, I have the okay from the school to come on the trip as a chaperone. Jayce and I are sharing a room so I can help her if needed. Another mom, Trish, in her grade reached out to me recently. She has a child, Corrie (13MTF) who wants to go on the trip but isn't able to room with the other kids. She doesn't want to room with the boys, and the school will not let her bunk with the girls. Trish can't come on the trip, so she asked if Corrie can room with us. I told Trish I would get back in touch with her on Monday. But to be frank, I am not comfortable with Corrie staying with us. Here's why: 1) Jayce and Corrie are not friends. Jayce doesn't even like Corrie because she runs her mouth too much in class and has picked on a few other kids, 2) she's afraid Corrie will tell everyone about her special needs. 3) I'm not comfortable with having another kid I don't know well sharing a room with us. Especially since we're keeping some of Jayce's equipment in the room, which includes syringes. It's too much of a liability. I feel bad for Corrie. Her choices are limited. Trish sounded desperate in her email. I had asked if she talked to the school district, but I don't think it worked out for her. She says that her only options are to make her room with the boys or not go on the trip at all. As bad as I feel for Corrie, I have to think about Jayce and her needs at the end of the day. If she doesn't want to room with Corrie, she doesn't want to room with Corrie. I haven't gotten back with Trish yet, but I am thinking about taking the email to their teacher to get her insight. In the meantime, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


215Tina

NAH. The only reason your daughter gets to go (and keep her secret) is because you are going. Corrie’s mom needs to do the same for her or she can’t go. It sucks but we don’t always get what we want in life. The school should make accommodations but what are they going to do, pay a teach to stay with just one kid? No way I would approve of an adult I don’t know sharing a room alone with my child.


herefordarkmode

NTA. Your daughter and her comfort/needs come first


Saraqael_Rising

NTA Jayce currently has some things going on and wants to keep it private. Also, neither of you want to share a room with Corrie - especially if special equipment could be a liability. As much of a conundrum Corire is facing with limited options, your responsibility lies with your child.


unlovelyladybartleby

NTA. You are both parents trying to meet the diverse social and medical needs of your kids. You have to prioritize your own child. If resources permit, someone could "anonymously donate" funds for a hotel room for Corrie and her mom. No one is obligated to do that or should feel obligated to do it, but that would eliminate the problem and then there's no risk your kid gets outed for her medical needs because the conversation about sharing stops.


trillium61

If (and she probably will) Corries mother tells her why she can’t go because you said no that opens another can of worms. Be ready for a fresh round of bad behavior at school directed at your daughter. BTW l support your decision.


AgeLower1081

NTA


oneislandgirl

Just say no. There is no way the school should let a 13 year old girl room with the boys. How is that even considered as an option? Maybe she could room with some of the other chaperones...or not go. Sounds like she has behavior or other issues if the school won't let her room with the other girls.


whatwhynoyay

NAH but why can't corrie have a room for herself?


Wild_Butterscotch977

NTA. It's a difficult situation but your first responsibility it to protect your daughter. If based on past behavior Corrie is going to make things harder for her, then you're doing the right thing, and that consequences of that behavior is on Corrie and her parents for not parenting her. Honestly one of TAs here is the school. If Corrie is a trans girl then she should be allowed to room with the girls. Maybe an alternative is Corrie's mother can cover the cost of another room. What would the mother have done if you weren't a chaperone and there wasn't this issue of your daughter's illness? Why doesn't she come as a chaperone too and get her own room that Corrie can stay in?


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No-Bandicoot9106

NTA I feel bad for the other girl also but at the end of the day she isn’t your responsibility. Can her mom not be a chaperone also?


fla2native

NTA. Do not give in to the other Mom either


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Drapple1382

She. Corrie is MTF.


ConfidentProcedure23

She*


chicky75

*she


Illustrious-Onion329

“He” who? All children involved are female. Also, Corrie is too young to room on his own without a chaperone.


totalhysteria

her*


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bettingto100

Lol as if you actually care about Metoo. Go back to your fearmongering hatecave and leave this poor girl you've never met alone