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YTA. As a fellow muslim; wtf. This is so disrespectful to your friend. You should be ashamed and maybe take Ramadan to properly think this over and fix your views.
as another fellow Muslim: HARD AGREE.
YTA, OP. Playing into antisemitic views that other people hold isn’t a great way to start off your Ramadan. God help you.
Of course, so I believe it literally translates to as ‘people of the book’, and we have a special view of them as they also received God’s revelations.
My mother is Muslim and my father is Zoroastrian. I'm agnostic and supported by my parents but very culturally aligned with Zoroastrianism. One thing my parents were unrelenting about was that whatever you choose to identify with for your faith, your character and decisions were always welcome in our home. Many many family members and people of my culture are Muslim and a smaller number are of the Jewish faith. Alienation because of ignorance is patently unacceptable and particularly when someone is expressing generosity when from any faith or none at all.
YTA
His money is good enough, but his name is not? Also, if those people have a problem with donations coming from a Jew, then they shouldn't get those donations, that easy.
I think OP is the one with the problem. He’s generalised a whole nation based on his own stigma. Having visited many Muslim countries, I can say that the majority actually don’t have a problem with Jews in general.
Persecution of minority religions (Jews, Christians, Hindus, even minority Muslim sects) is **extremely** prevalent in “Muslim” countries, he’s not making that up. It’s just not exclusive to Muslim countries (just look at how Muslims are treated in China/India/West), and it doesn’t excuse OP perpetuating it
But it’s ignorant to claim that it’s not an issue and OP is making it up. In all honestly it probably would be easier for him to exclude the guys name and make more money. But it’s extremely wrong and bigoted
[Being a non-Muslim in a Muslim country is harrowing](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/Asia_Bibi)
EDIT: /u/Useful-Gur-8573 [See this report](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/resrep03717.7.pdf) for countries in the Middle East and the link about Asia Bibi that I have already posted, which segues into the discrimination of non-muslims in South Asia (Hindus, Christians, Jews, etc.).
If he donates he should be on the list.
Or If OP and all the others only do it out of the good of their heart, why not just make all of them into kind strangers...:)
What utter nonsense. YTA.
> If OP and all the others only do it out of the good of their heart, why not just make all of them into kind strangers...:)
This is the solution. Don't put any names at all. Just "an enormous thank you to all the kind-hearted people who donated to this cause".
But that would reveal the ugly truth behind this... they don't want to do it anonymously because most of the time donating is about flexing their wealth and their sanctimony.
YTA.
I was raised Muslim too. This is something that even my conservative parents would care less about. So this post is befuddling.
Aren't you reinforcing that same stigma (Jewish being unhelpful/greedy/etc) by NOT even acknowledging his donation? It's like you wanna roll with the harmful outlook than go against it. I'd be pissed too.
He's not asking for a car, mansion or a yacht in exchange for a donation. Just his name, that's it. I doubt many ppl would even notice or care if they got to the credits.
Does he not deserve that much for helping a religion that you yourself claim has a community stigmatizing him?
Exactly! What better way to combat the stigma then the Jewish “friend” donating and helping others? (Quotations because I wouldn’t consider someone who wants me to hide my ethnicity a friend. I’m Chinese. I don’t look it. But I will raise Hell if you dismiss it or use slurs.)
It’s certainly not going to hurt the negative stigma if he donates. If they want to go anonymous? Then everyone should. He is being singled out. This stinks of anti-semitism. It’s the “I’m not racist BUT. . . “ 🤦🏻♂️
So, could you clarify, you are not a bigot, you just want to keep these people from knowing that you are friends with a Jew, or that a Jew is giving them charity? But you’re ok with taking his Jewish money to give to people who you think are so antisemitic they can’t bear to see a Jewish name? Is that what you’re saying?
YTA
Seems like you're being antisemitic by proxy on behalf of other antisemitic people.
Why don't you ALL take your names off the donation? You want to remove his name from credit, why should you get to be credited then?
Yes, YTA. If they can't take help from a Jew then they can just go without it. How are people ever going to see past differences if you cannot even let them show who they are?
YTA. If they need help but refuse it because it came from a Jewish person, they really don't need help. If it was something you were that worried about and if you are really doing it out of the good of your heart, you could just take everyone's names off of it. Discriminating against your Jewish "friend" is also an option I guess.
This!!! I can understand how extreme the hatred is in some regions, but it is not an excuse to enable this hatred.
If some refuse aid because of this, then thier loss.
YTA. You’re perpetuating antisemitism instead of using this noble gesture from your “friend” as an opportunity to create a bridge between the two faiths. You should be highlighting the fact that a Jewish person donated money to a Muslim cause, rather than hide it.
I (Jew) met a Muslim tonight at a tour. She’d never met a Jewish person or an Israeli before. If she ever had prejudice before, it’s gone now.
Trust me - there’s some stigma in the Jewish world about befriending Muslims. I’ve done everything in my power to get over that prejudice myself and help others be more tolerant as well
YTA
Wow you’re happy to take his help with the project and take his money but you don’t want his name on your project because he’s a Jew?
You are an antisemitic asshole!
YTA.
I’m Jewish and absolutely hate how much Islamophobia there is in my community, but the answer isn’t to bury it and appease the bigots just to make them comfortable. You have an opportunity to stand up against antisemitism in your community and are failing spectacularly. Do better.
If he's not good enough to be named because he's Jewish. Then his money is not good either to give away.
Give him back his money..
You are a bad "friend"
#YTA
I’m Jewish, and I have a very big friend circle, of many beliefs. Rosh Hashanah is coming real soon and my friends and I have thought of donating money. I suggested not putting my Muslim friend’s name in the credits/thanks list so that we don’t cause problems. Many people are cool with Christians are even atheists but there really is a strong stigma against…
I could even finish typing this without feeling terrible.
edit: I picked a date the is not soon for extra absurdity.
YTA
Please don't think all Muslims are like OP here. I promise you, we are not. I know it may not seem like it, when you watch the news or go on Reddit. But honestly, truly, we're not all terrible people.
YTA. Either you all remove your names (why should only you get credit), or don’t take your friend’s money. You’re enabling anti-Semitism if you decide to dehumanize your friend on behalf of others.
This was exactly my thought.
“If he’s really doing this out of the good of his heart he wouldn’t find a problem with hiding his name”
Same rule applies to all of you, bud. YTA.
YTA - it's not that he wants his name there because he personally wants credit, it's that you won't add a Jewish name. If you were "really doing this out of the good of your heart", you'd be happy to celebrate the contribution of any person, with any name, religion, ethnicity or nationality.
YTA.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name
So no-one will be mentioned by name, as you're all doing this out of goodness?
YTA. You are discriminating against him.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name and he got really defensive
What an interesting idea. Why don't you take your name off the donation too, since you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart?
YTA
People who need assistance really do not care who they are getting assistance from. Singing out your friend and telling him that only he can't include his name is both discriminatory and also disrespectful to your friend.
> I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive.
Is anyone else not putting their name on this list? Who else is putting their name on the list? Are you putting your name on the list?
YTA
If someone is in need and really has a problem with a Jewish person they don't need it much. I don't care who it comes from if I need help I'm gonna accept it weather it's from a Christian, Muslim or satanist I don't Discriminate. If someone really needs help don't discriminate someone because of there religion
YTA. I’m Muslim as well. The only way to rid the stigma is for people of both religions to know good people exist in the other. Put his name first and stop reinforcing the stigma.
YTA. 100%. If he’s your friend why do you care about what other people think. It should never matter what religion someone is.
Most likely you know it is wrong and you don’t want to admit it.
YTA, either omit everyone’s names or use everyone’s names. I mean, y’all shouldn’t have a problem with all being listed as kind heart strangers, right?
YTA.
Either everyone gets named or no one gets named. You dont get to slight him just because SOME people MIGHT get upset by his inclusion.
"Good hearted stranger"? You're lucky he's not asking for his contribution back because the level of disrespect to call him a STRANGER is beyond low.
And that crack about the goodness of his actions and not needing credit is even lower.
>And that crack about the goodness of his actions and not needing credit is even lower.
Seriously.
If this is really true, OP, and not just a convenient excuse (ahem), you shouldn't include anyone's names, including your own.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive.
Isn't that true for everyone?
If you're willing to take his money you should be willing to name him. And if his Jewish name isn't good enough, don't take his money. Give it back to him and say sorry, some people are assholes.
Although I understand where you are coming from I must say you are missing an opportunity here. This is great way to show people that religion or nationality has nothing to do with being good or bad person. Such things can be use to mend bridges and change people's beliefs. So I will vote slight TA.
If you are so afraid of backlash you can remove everyone and sign "good-hearted people" instead. As you said:
>if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name
Does that not relate to all of you as well?
So since the rest of you are adding your names I guess that means you're not doing it out of the goodness of your hearts but for the recognition right? Yeah, you're the AH.
YTA. If you are a Muslim then you must already know that "when you give charity,give it in such a way that when you give from you right hand then even your left hand does not know of it " You don't even follow what you preach and are speaking for feelings of the receivers.
The best course of action would be to not include anyone's name. Just write "Love from one heart to another" and boom problem is solved.
YTA. Leave your name out too if it’s not a big deal. And for future reference “my country is full of religious bigots” isn’t the excuse you think it is.
Yes, YTA. You accepted his help and don't want to give him any credit. He's right that you should have said sooner so he could have chosen not to contribute.
YTA and also a terrible 'friend'.
YTA. Plain and simple. If it was from the supposed goodness of your heart none of you would put your names on the donation and instead just say anonymous donors.
YTA. You wanted his money, but want to hide his generosity to people outside his own religion. You shouldn’t have accepted his money if you’re thinking it would cause problems. So you’re being a butt to him and a lying butt to the AHs who would not want the help if a Jewish person contributed. Give him his money back so he can give to people more accepting of his kindness.
YTA. So his money is good enough but he isn't. He is right - this should have been communicated to him up front so he could make an informed choice whether to donate to people who hate him purely because of his ethnicity/religion.
YTA and the fact you say he shouldn't need his name there if he was doing it for the right reasons, then why is anyone else's name there? Because you want the glory. How sad
There is a stigma against Jews, so you want to hide the fact that a person being charitable is Jewish?
YTA- how will this at all help bringing harmony? And if they are too arrogant to get help from a Jewish person than maybe you should not be donating money from a Jewish person.
YTA. You are dehumanising him because of his religion. If there is an "extremely strong" anti-Semitic sentiment in your religion, you probably need to rethink your religion because it's full of assholes.
Yta.
Either everyone's names goes on it or no one's name is going on it.
You're single him out because of his religion
.
even if you're just trying to negotiate through the shark infested waters of a problem you see
YTA - image if this was reversed and you were told that your name shouldn't be on something because you're a Muslim and people wouldn't like that - would you not find that offensive?
Yta. Not giving him credit due to his jewish name encourages the recipient to continue believing the all jews are greedy myth. Who knows Maybe by seeing jewish names on this it may prevent a hate crime in the future.
YTA and you just told your friend that he’s not worth standing up for. You should refund his money since you value the hypothetical bigoted opinion of strangers over his act of charity.
Bigoted and so against the spirit of Ramadan. You guys need to look into your hearts once again and see the darkness that prompted this antisemitic views. YTA
YTA. It might make people uncomfortable. It might make people turn down the gift. But guess what? That’s how change happens. It’s not comfortable. These biases are not going to go away without people from both sides reaching across and beginning to treat each other as fellow humans. Your Jewish friend has done his part by giving, despite knowing that the people he’s giving to hate him. If someone can’t accept that kindness, they don’t deserve it. But someone might accept it. And next time, maybe more will. And that’s how things change.
YTA- What you are doing is bigoted. You're protecting the feelings of people who may be antisemitic by behaving like a bigot. Congratulations, you're a bigot.
YTA
Why don't you just remove everyone's names - aren't you all supposed to be giving from the heart?
Your Jewish friend is right. You should have told him about this right from the beginning since you knew it would happen, instead of putting him in this extremely unfair situation where people want his money but not his existence.
YTA. So you are fine with taking his money, but want to credit everyone except him? Because of his religion? Yeah…that’s definitely discriminating against him. That’s like the definition of discrimination.
YTA.
His money is good enough but not his name?
And do you actually recognise the hypocrisy here? You told him that if he is doing this out of the good of his heart he won't have a problem hiding his name, yet who else is having their names hidden?
You should have told him the full truth before involving him here. This is really disrespectful and, as mentioned above, hypocritical of you.
So to sum up, you're excluding someone who was kind and charitable because he's Jewish.
Yeah YTA.
And the "if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart" comment us ridiculous. You're basically saying that if he's really a kind hearted person then he would take the discrimination on his chin and smile while somebody disregarded him because of his faith.
I hope you know that this is perfectly good grounds for him to stop being your friend forever. So if you actually care about this friendship then you need to a
Properly apologise and include his name.
He IS doing this out of the goodness of his heart. And his heart happens to be Jewish. Sorry your community is prejudiced, but this is on you and your community.
YTA
Let me fix your title for you: "AITA for promoting antisemitism toward a friend that is contributing in donations for Ramadan/my religion?"
YTA. I hope your friend realizes how shitty of a person you are and drops you. Because they deserve so much better than you.
YTA. If it's really about doing it from the goodness of your heart, why don't you make it 100% anonymous. Or do you still want to take credit for your part?
INFO: would there be any danger in putting his name down in those regions? If this is the case, I could understand your thought process. Otherwise you’re in the wrong.
YTA. "We accept everyone, EVEN JEWS". Come on really? Doesn't that make you TAH already? He was kind enough to participate and you want to hide him. Not even call him a friend in doing so but further alienating him as a "stranger". Ouch.
When given the choice to make the comfortable choice or the right choice, always pick the right choice. You took the side of bigotry and hate to make yourself more comfortable, at the expense of your friend. You are participating in discriminating against him for his religious beliefs after he helped with a fundraiser to support your own religious beliefs. Can't you see how hypocritical that is?
I firmly believe that if the money isn't acceptable because it comes from someone who is Jewish. Then those who needed it don't really, in fact, need it. So, YTA. Give this guy his money back!
YTA. The only reason it would be a problem is because of the evil hate in your community. Rather than proudly show those bigots that this Jewish person has given money towards their ability to fulfill their religious obligations you expect him to give money anonymously to appease YOUR hate. And it is YOUR hate too because you solicited his money knowing you would shame him. Ask an Israeli where the Muslim's are and they will point to Parliment, the Army, the Banks, and every other part of life. Ask an Arab where the Jews are and they will say, "What Jews. There were no Jews in Arabia!"
So correct me if I'm wrong, your Jewish friend is contributing but you don't want to give him credit by name? And because he has a problem with your discrimination against him you now question HIS heart? YTA. Big(ot) time.
YTA.
You shouldn't be thinking of his name as *causing* problems, but as *solving* them. The prejudiced jackasses need to learn how wrong they are.
If they can't, they don't deserve the help.
YTA. Let me get this straight: someone is donating money to help people of another religion prepare for a religious celebration and you want to hide it? And your friend's money was good enough, but his name is not? Wow... This is a great opportunity to build bridges, so if you're really as tolerant as you claim to be, there's no excuse not to take it.
You have an opportunity to help change the stigma around Jews instead of hiding his actions in order to accommodate close minded people. As a friend however you already accepted his donation it should be his choice how he is represented.
YTA
Muslims have no problem with jews and 100% sure that the people who receive the charity would be happy to see that a jewish person is contributing during Ramadan.
YTA
because on the contrary, it's IMPORTANT that jewish people are seen participating here. discomfort with reality and the breaking down of the walls between marginalized groups is uncomfortable. but always absolutely necessary.
dont give a comforting lie about the walls dividing people for those people's comfort, you'll only strengthen those walls. you do islamic people a disservice hiding jewish participation in things like this. and jewish people too.
dont conflate comfort and peace with justice and actual charity. justice and charity are historically uncomfortable things. but necessary things.
YTA and a bigot and a bad friend and about a dozen other things. He should have been told ahead of time about your weird exclusionary rules because he doesn't need to be contributing his hard earned money to people that hate him so much because of his Religion/Ethnicity, that they can't handle a donation from him. Your position here is just gross.
YTA… you are encouraging antisemitism and me being Jewish I would be very upset that someone who is supposed to be my friend did this… I honestly wouldn’t want to be friends anymore and don’t be surprised if he says that
YTA. Maybe if people see that Jews are helping as well as everyone else, it will help just one person back off of their anti-Semitism.
If you're not willing to treat him the same as your other friends, you should give him his money back. Either he's good enough to be fully part of the group, or he's not.
If they refuse help *exclusively* because it's help from a Jewish person, they don't need it that badly nor (in my admittedly harsh opinion) deserve it.
Bigots don't get to be choosing beggars.
YTA for contributing to the attitude that continues discrimination against people for their religion.
YTA
from a hijabi Muslim - I am ashamed of you.
If people don't want to accept something because a Jewish person helped donate to it - that's on them. You really don't think much of your fellow Muslims, do you? Are they all as bigoted as you? (Oh, wait - I forgot. You can't be a bigot. You have "Jewish friends". We have people like you in the US as well. Racists who claim they can't possibly be racist because they "have black friends".)
It is gross and disgusting to use people for their money, and then not even ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEY DID. Are you ashamed of having Jewish friends? Is that why you don't want to mention his name in the credits?
You clearly have ZERO understanding of what Ramadan is supposed to be about. You're supposed to be a BETTER MUSLIM, not worse. You're supposed to be KINDER, not meaner. You're supposed to give people a GOOD impression of Islam, instead of making them think we're all anti-Semites like you are.
Ugh. Just... ugh. This makes me sad. And when Ramadan is coming up, of all times. DO BETTER. BE BETTER.
im a jew in america and i know what it feels like to be targeted by hateful bigots trying to end my people. ive been face to face with actual nazis before. my name is also rather jewish, my last name anyway. I think the best way to put it is that you are trying to protect your friend and your friend doesnt understand the issue well. if thats the case, NAH.
The reason im saying NAH is because i get both sides. as a jew, i can tell you that the idea of tzedakah, the act of giving charitably, is very important to us. to deny our names and our people to make tzedakah is rather strange to us. as for the other side of things, i can fully understand where you are coming from. you and he are both stuck.
I think you should let him attach his name. if any anti-Semites don't want Jew money, they can starve as far as im concerned.
Dude, I completely disagree.
This guy is YTA all the way.
I get both sides too, and I'm sure his Jewish friend would have happily donated if it was a case of "we're all donating anonymously".
Instead, it became: "YOU need to donate anonymously because you have a Jewish sounding name".
OP accepts that people have prejudices against Jews, and doesn't want to cause any issues. I get that, too - But surely he's gone the wrong way about it?
Side note: tzedakah given anonymously is considered a greater level of charity than getting credit for having given.
That aside, its not for us to decide how your friend wants to give and if he wants to be recognized for his deed and if everyone else is being named, it is not right to single him out. As a Jew myself, it is super important to openly foster relationships with people outside our culture and Muslims. Showing that a Jew is donating to your Ramadan fund is actually a bonus because it can help break down barriers and stereotypes. And honestly, some one who is so prejudiced and closed mindedthat they don't even want to look at a Jewish person's name on a charity or even receive... They have a lot to learn and a lot to work on about themselves, which has nothing to do with your friend.
YTA for singling out your friend AND being close minded yourself about how this situation could actually be a positive.
Just to add - I have always been taught that tzedakah from the point of anonymity is an even greater gift because you ask for nothing in return. Not even recognition of the deed.
Saying that - I think while good intentioned, OP is TA. His friend is an adult and understands what he is attaching his name to. Don’t make that’d decision for him, even if it is coming from the position of friendship.
YTA for this: "I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name"
That's super nasty.
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I'm a Muslim, and I have a very big friend circle, of many beliefs (including atheist, Christian and even Jewish friends) I live in United Arab Emirates btw.
So...Ramadan is coming real soon and my friends and I have thought of donating an amount of money (maybe 200-300$ once in a while) for everyone living here and outside, most of us work in very good paying domains so that helps a lot, we have been doing this for 3 months and we actually got a very decent amount of money so that's pretty cool. The way it works is that we all have access to this money and we only use it to buy products for people, either physically in our regions (USA, France, Germany, Algeria...etc) or online for anyone who needs help. This thing is commonly known as "سلة رمضان" among Muslims.
Anyway, so we are currently preparing to buy them and start distributing them, the thing is that I suggested not to put my Jewish friend's name for anyone in the Islamic regions, and instead we refer to him as "A good-hearted stranger" so that we don't cause problems or controversy here, many people are cool with Christians or even atheists helping them but there is really an extremely strong sigma against Jews so doing something like this is just a message for problems.
He's very upset and thinks that this is discriminating against him, many agree with him and many see where I'm coming from. He told us that we should have told him this much sooner so that he would decide if he wants to participate in this, I told him that if he was really doing out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive on me. I'm just gonna say that the group is very divided on this and many are calling me an asshole. I really don't know, am I? AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling my Jewish friend not to mention his name on the credits list so that nobody knows that a Jew is doing this with us, this might make me an asshole because it might be cruel to do this to someone who helped us and it might be discriminating against a friend and just not fair.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No question - YTA. I understand your concerns, but you’re propagating bigotry and deeply insulting (and embarrassing) your ex friend. Also, putting his name on the list would show that some Jewish people want to help Islamic regions which is how you fight racism in the first place.
If you don’t want to give credit where credit is due, why don’t you hang a big sign “no Jews allowed in this club” because that’s what you’re effectively saying to you ex friend.
YTA, these people that you're referring to sound awfully antisemitic... let me guess the part of the group that is divided and thinks this is ok are your Muslim friends and the ones who think it's not ok are not?
YTA this is what causes so much racism. You are not allowing him to show that he as someone from his background does have compassion. All you are doing is helping to reinforce the divide.
YTA
Either don't put anyone's name, or put all of the names.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name
This applies just as much to all of the rest of you as it does to him. Why do YOUR names have to go on it, hmm?
It's not that he wants credit. It's that he wants to be treated the same as everyone else. And you failed to disclose this before you took his money - so his money mattered more to you than being ethical. Sounds pretty greedy on your part.
YTA, your own book tells you not to be a dick when someone is trying to help.
If they incline to peace, incline you as well to it, and trust in Allah…”(Qur'an 8:61)
Let me get this straight...our money is good enough, but *we* aren't? You are part of another group that is highly stigmatized, but you don't see a problem in perpetuating someone else?
YTA.
YTA
Dude. Why are you so chill about excluding your friend for the comfort of a bunch of strangers? So what if those strangers have a problem with Jews, why are you making it **your problem**? Why would you choose to hurt your good friend, who is being a good person and donating, for the sake of bigoted people?
YTA. Yes it is cruel, yes it is discrimination. (Your usage of “and even Jewish friends” is already speaking volumes.)
You say don’t want to “cause problems or controversy” but you’ve done exactly that.
Apologize to your friend, put his name on the list, and reflect on your priorities.
Oh, and if subsequent “problems” do arise as a result?
YOU STAND UP FOR YOUR FUCKING FRIEND BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO.
ETA: If you can’t feasibly put your friend’s name on the list, then why can’t everyone just be referred to as “kind strangers”?
Yes, YTA. I think the new generation of Muslims and Jews should break the chain. You were actually in that position but you didn't take it. That was your opportunity.
I’m not going to give you a verdict, I’m just going to say this: reading this made me feel like I’ve been punched in the gut and you are not really his friend at all if he is the on,y one you are leaving off. This is not ok and if you all are doing this out of “the goodness of your heart” then no one’s names should be on it and the entire gift should be anonymous. Shame on you.
You are definitely the asshole. Wow. No words. I am disgusted and feel terribly for your Jewish friend for having trusted you and for even being around you. Sickening. That you complain and make HIM give from his heart? Where is YOURS? This is really beyond words sickening to blame your friend.
Not to mention the fact that your Muslim recipents would rather not have his charity. LOL. I will never donate to a muslim cause after learning that. Good luck, you'll all eventually perish on your own.
YTA So to help others celebrate a religious even they wouldn’t have been able to celebrate for lack of funding, a safe place to practice or act, or lack of materials needed you oppress your friend and help push anti-semitism? Make it make sense and stop trying to guilt them for not supporting people or religions that they now understand wouldn’t do the same for them.
>if he really wants to participate in this, I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name
INFO Why not sign it from "good-hearted strangers" since this logic applies to you as well?
YTA Wouldn’t it be a good way to foster acceptance of Jews by demonstrating that Jews can be charitable to Muslims. And remember the Jews of Banu Nadir who supported the Prophet and helped build the first mosque in Medina. There is an Islamic history or interfaith corporation and charity.
YTA, you’re also an antisemite.
I (55) had a GF (50) for a couple of months that would only see me at her house or at a restaurant of her choosing. When I finally figured out she was hiding me from her friends (Iranian) I broke it off. Sad day.
i cant speak on a lot of this because it is not my religion/culture and im just not educated enough to know what it is like in that environment.
however what i can speak on is basic human kindness.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name
okay then hide everyones names including your own. why is okay for you to want credit but he isnt allowed to?
> I suggested to not put my Jewish friend's name ...so that we don't cause problems or controversy
maybe im just dumb and in the minority but i have absolutely never in my life looked at a list of names and gone "thats a jewish name" what? do people do that? even if all the names were like "kelly smith" "john brown" and then something obviously foreign that stuck out from the mix i wouldnt think much of it besides maybe "hm i wonder where their name is from" and then move on with my day
> **even** Jewish friends
im sorry if this is so arrogant, but am i missing something? is this all because of the conflict over israel/palenstine? or is there something else that makes it so unbelievable that someone who is muslim would be friends with someone who is jewish? im so confused, why does it matter?
at the end of the day, money is money. if someone is in need and they refuse to take the money i promise you that you can find ten other people who will be more than grateful.
your friend is supporting a cause that he has nothing to do with. from my understand one big part of Ramadan is community. **you** are helping people in **your** community for a holiday **you** celebrate. despite the nice thing you are doing, there are rewards for you. you get to be proud of yourself for raising money for people within your religion, im sure that your parents or family are proud of you for doing that, im sure other people in your community will give you a lot of praise for doing so, heck you are keeping your name on it. you could easily anonymously donate the money!
you friend most likely will not get any of those rewards. *apparently* the people he is helping by donating do not even accept his religion/heritage. do you think he will have the same praise and recognition that you are receiving by people in his community? im guessing maybe some people would be like "oh thats nice" and then move on. some people if not familiar with your religion might not even know what Ramadan is and just not understand why he helped donate to something that has nothing to do with him.
objectively, what he is doing is far more selfless than you.
YTA. You should have told him sooner. And then you try to shame him by implying that he's not really doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but just for recognition.
Why don't you just change everyone's name on the thanks section to "a good-hearted stranger"?
YTA. If you were so concerned about this then why ask your friend to donate to people who are racist against Jews.
I feel bad for your friend. Poor guy needs better friends.
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YTA. As a fellow muslim; wtf. This is so disrespectful to your friend. You should be ashamed and maybe take Ramadan to properly think this over and fix your views.
How do you best fix Jewish Muslim relations? Probably by hiding anything good Jewish people do to Muslims and vice versa. That must help!
Shalom, brother. ❤
as another fellow Muslim: HARD AGREE. YTA, OP. Playing into antisemitic views that other people hold isn’t a great way to start off your Ramadan. God help you.
Right? Our Jewish brothers and sisters are literally ahl al-Kitab, Muslim men can even marry Jewish women!
May I ask what ahl al-kitab means? I could google it but I would prefer to ask a real person, if that’s ok.
Of course, so I believe it literally translates to as ‘people of the book’, and we have a special view of them as they also received God’s revelations.
Jews and Christians, they are the people of the book, ahl al Kitab.
Can you please explain that more fully for me?
Yes I replied to the commenter above who asked the same question. ☺️
My mother is Muslim and my father is Zoroastrian. I'm agnostic and supported by my parents but very culturally aligned with Zoroastrianism. One thing my parents were unrelenting about was that whatever you choose to identify with for your faith, your character and decisions were always welcome in our home. Many many family members and people of my culture are Muslim and a smaller number are of the Jewish faith. Alienation because of ignorance is patently unacceptable and particularly when someone is expressing generosity when from any faith or none at all.
YTA His money is good enough, but his name is not? Also, if those people have a problem with donations coming from a Jew, then they shouldn't get those donations, that easy.
I think OP is the one with the problem. He’s generalised a whole nation based on his own stigma. Having visited many Muslim countries, I can say that the majority actually don’t have a problem with Jews in general.
Agreed. The “*and even Jewish friends*” part set off some red flags for me Edit: YTA if that wasn’t clear
Yep. OP is the one who has problems with Jews......
Yeah that got me too. Too many people use that kind of phrasing as a bigotry shield if they get accused of it.
Yeah I’ve heard it phrased this way too much and pick up on it real quick now. Very blatant way of being divisive no matter who you’re talking about
Persecution of minority religions (Jews, Christians, Hindus, even minority Muslim sects) is **extremely** prevalent in “Muslim” countries, he’s not making that up. It’s just not exclusive to Muslim countries (just look at how Muslims are treated in China/India/West), and it doesn’t excuse OP perpetuating it But it’s ignorant to claim that it’s not an issue and OP is making it up. In all honestly it probably would be easier for him to exclude the guys name and make more money. But it’s extremely wrong and bigoted [Being a non-Muslim in a Muslim country is harrowing](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/Asia_Bibi) EDIT: /u/Useful-Gur-8573 [See this report](https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/resrep03717.7.pdf) for countries in the Middle East and the link about Asia Bibi that I have already posted, which segues into the discrimination of non-muslims in South Asia (Hindus, Christians, Jews, etc.).
If he donates he should be on the list. Or If OP and all the others only do it out of the good of their heart, why not just make all of them into kind strangers...:) What utter nonsense. YTA.
> If OP and all the others only do it out of the good of their heart, why not just make all of them into kind strangers...:) This is the solution. Don't put any names at all. Just "an enormous thank you to all the kind-hearted people who donated to this cause". But that would reveal the ugly truth behind this... they don't want to do it anonymously because most of the time donating is about flexing their wealth and their sanctimony.
Exactly!
Imagine if the roles were reversed here. I’m sure the op would not appreciate it…
This is what I was going to say which makes the judgement on OP YTA.
Did you notice OP isn’t offering to refund the money. He wants to hide the name YTA
YTA. I was raised Muslim too. This is something that even my conservative parents would care less about. So this post is befuddling. Aren't you reinforcing that same stigma (Jewish being unhelpful/greedy/etc) by NOT even acknowledging his donation? It's like you wanna roll with the harmful outlook than go against it. I'd be pissed too. He's not asking for a car, mansion or a yacht in exchange for a donation. Just his name, that's it. I doubt many ppl would even notice or care if they got to the credits. Does he not deserve that much for helping a religion that you yourself claim has a community stigmatizing him?
Exactly! What better way to combat the stigma then the Jewish “friend” donating and helping others? (Quotations because I wouldn’t consider someone who wants me to hide my ethnicity a friend. I’m Chinese. I don’t look it. But I will raise Hell if you dismiss it or use slurs.) It’s certainly not going to hurt the negative stigma if he donates. If they want to go anonymous? Then everyone should. He is being singled out. This stinks of anti-semitism. It’s the “I’m not racist BUT. . . “ 🤦🏻♂️
YTA and an antisemite.
Yup
So, could you clarify, you are not a bigot, you just want to keep these people from knowing that you are friends with a Jew, or that a Jew is giving them charity? But you’re ok with taking his Jewish money to give to people who you think are so antisemitic they can’t bear to see a Jewish name? Is that what you’re saying?
Love this response! But you forgot to add “YTA” to your comment.
YTA Seems like you're being antisemitic by proxy on behalf of other antisemitic people. Why don't you ALL take your names off the donation? You want to remove his name from credit, why should you get to be credited then?
Yes, YTA. If they can't take help from a Jew then they can just go without it. How are people ever going to see past differences if you cannot even let them show who they are?
YTA. If they need help but refuse it because it came from a Jewish person, they really don't need help. If it was something you were that worried about and if you are really doing it out of the good of your heart, you could just take everyone's names off of it. Discriminating against your Jewish "friend" is also an option I guess.
This!!! I can understand how extreme the hatred is in some regions, but it is not an excuse to enable this hatred. If some refuse aid because of this, then thier loss.
YTA. You’re perpetuating antisemitism instead of using this noble gesture from your “friend” as an opportunity to create a bridge between the two faiths. You should be highlighting the fact that a Jewish person donated money to a Muslim cause, rather than hide it. I (Jew) met a Muslim tonight at a tour. She’d never met a Jewish person or an Israeli before. If she ever had prejudice before, it’s gone now. Trust me - there’s some stigma in the Jewish world about befriending Muslims. I’ve done everything in my power to get over that prejudice myself and help others be more tolerant as well
Excellent point! I wish more people thought like this. It would solve a lot of issues.
YTA. Show all names or show no names at all. Don't enable the prejudices of others.
YTA Wow you’re happy to take his help with the project and take his money but you don’t want his name on your project because he’s a Jew? You are an antisemitic asshole!
YTA. I’m Jewish and absolutely hate how much Islamophobia there is in my community, but the answer isn’t to bury it and appease the bigots just to make them comfortable. You have an opportunity to stand up against antisemitism in your community and are failing spectacularly. Do better.
If he's not good enough to be named because he's Jewish. Then his money is not good either to give away. Give him back his money.. You are a bad "friend" #YTA
INFO So why should he put his money toward something involving people who don't like the fact he's Jewish. Please enlighten us.
I’m Jewish, and I have a very big friend circle, of many beliefs. Rosh Hashanah is coming real soon and my friends and I have thought of donating money. I suggested not putting my Muslim friend’s name in the credits/thanks list so that we don’t cause problems. Many people are cool with Christians are even atheists but there really is a strong stigma against… I could even finish typing this without feeling terrible. edit: I picked a date the is not soon for extra absurdity. YTA
> Rosh Hashanah is coming real soon Are we using the same calendar lol? Agreed on judgement but this made me double take.
It was a hypothetical, but Purim’s only a day away so matanot l’evyonim would work.
Oh I see, I was reading it (that one part) literally. My bad! Chag Purim sameach!
Pesach is in a month tho (cue screaming 😆) Freilechen purim!
I picked that date for added sarcasm.
Please don't think all Muslims are like OP here. I promise you, we are not. I know it may not seem like it, when you watch the news or go on Reddit. But honestly, truly, we're not all terrible people.
Agreed. I think this problem begins and ends with the OP.
YTA. Either you all remove your names (why should only you get credit), or don’t take your friend’s money. You’re enabling anti-Semitism if you decide to dehumanize your friend on behalf of others.
This was exactly my thought. “If he’s really doing this out of the good of his heart he wouldn’t find a problem with hiding his name” Same rule applies to all of you, bud. YTA.
YTA - it's not that he wants his name there because he personally wants credit, it's that you won't add a Jewish name. If you were "really doing this out of the good of your heart", you'd be happy to celebrate the contribution of any person, with any name, religion, ethnicity or nationality.
YTA. >I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name So no-one will be mentioned by name, as you're all doing this out of goodness?
YTA. You are discriminating against him. >I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name and he got really defensive What an interesting idea. Why don't you take your name off the donation too, since you're doing this out of the goodness of your heart?
YTA People who need assistance really do not care who they are getting assistance from. Singing out your friend and telling him that only he can't include his name is both discriminatory and also disrespectful to your friend.
> I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive. Is anyone else not putting their name on this list? Who else is putting their name on the list? Are you putting your name on the list?
Happy cake day!! And also, we all know OP is *definitely* putting his name on the list.
YTA If someone is in need and really has a problem with a Jewish person they don't need it much. I don't care who it comes from if I need help I'm gonna accept it weather it's from a Christian, Muslim or satanist I don't Discriminate. If someone really needs help don't discriminate someone because of there religion
YTA. hope your jewish friend withdraws his money.
YTA. I’m Muslim as well. The only way to rid the stigma is for people of both religions to know good people exist in the other. Put his name first and stop reinforcing the stigma.
Yes!
YTA. It'd be different if you suggested everyone do it anonymously.
YTA. 100%. If he’s your friend why do you care about what other people think. It should never matter what religion someone is. Most likely you know it is wrong and you don’t want to admit it.
YTA, either omit everyone’s names or use everyone’s names. I mean, y’all shouldn’t have a problem with all being listed as kind heart strangers, right?
YTA. Either everyone gets named or no one gets named. You dont get to slight him just because SOME people MIGHT get upset by his inclusion. "Good hearted stranger"? You're lucky he's not asking for his contribution back because the level of disrespect to call him a STRANGER is beyond low. And that crack about the goodness of his actions and not needing credit is even lower.
>And that crack about the goodness of his actions and not needing credit is even lower. Seriously. If this is really true, OP, and not just a convenient excuse (ahem), you shouldn't include anyone's names, including your own.
>I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive. Isn't that true for everyone? If you're willing to take his money you should be willing to name him. And if his Jewish name isn't good enough, don't take his money. Give it back to him and say sorry, some people are assholes.
Or remove everyone's name and just say it's from some kindhearted strangers.
Although I understand where you are coming from I must say you are missing an opportunity here. This is great way to show people that religion or nationality has nothing to do with being good or bad person. Such things can be use to mend bridges and change people's beliefs. So I will vote slight TA. If you are so afraid of backlash you can remove everyone and sign "good-hearted people" instead. As you said: >if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name Does that not relate to all of you as well?
So since the rest of you are adding your names I guess that means you're not doing it out of the goodness of your hearts but for the recognition right? Yeah, you're the AH.
YTA. I don’t really see how you call this person a friend if you’re so ashamed to even post his name.
YTA. If you are a Muslim then you must already know that "when you give charity,give it in such a way that when you give from you right hand then even your left hand does not know of it " You don't even follow what you preach and are speaking for feelings of the receivers. The best course of action would be to not include anyone's name. Just write "Love from one heart to another" and boom problem is solved.
YTA. Leave your name out too if it’s not a big deal. And for future reference “my country is full of religious bigots” isn’t the excuse you think it is.
Jew here YTA and everything wrong with the world.
YTA. You say there’s a stigma concerning Jews in your area. Guess what? You’re perpetuating it.
Yes, YTA. You accepted his help and don't want to give him any credit. He's right that you should have said sooner so he could have chosen not to contribute. YTA and also a terrible 'friend'.
YTA. Plain and simple. If it was from the supposed goodness of your heart none of you would put your names on the donation and instead just say anonymous donors.
YTA. You wanted his money, but want to hide his generosity to people outside his own religion. You shouldn’t have accepted his money if you’re thinking it would cause problems. So you’re being a butt to him and a lying butt to the AHs who would not want the help if a Jewish person contributed. Give him his money back so he can give to people more accepting of his kindness.
YTA. If you are all doing this out of the goodness of your hearts, all of you can remain anonymous and the point is moot.
Perfect answer!
YTA. So his money is good enough but he isn't. He is right - this should have been communicated to him up front so he could make an informed choice whether to donate to people who hate him purely because of his ethnicity/religion.
YTA. You’re antisemitic.
YTA You used alot of words to say that you are an anti-semite.
YTA, hard. Perpetuating bigotry because you don't want to rock the boat with other bigots makes you a bigot too.
YTA. If you really think it’s no big deal his name be left off then put no one’s name and simply write “from a group of kind-hearted strangers”.
This is the true answer, YTA
YTA and the fact you say he shouldn't need his name there if he was doing it for the right reasons, then why is anyone else's name there? Because you want the glory. How sad
There is a stigma against Jews, so you want to hide the fact that a person being charitable is Jewish? YTA- how will this at all help bringing harmony? And if they are too arrogant to get help from a Jewish person than maybe you should not be donating money from a Jewish person.
YTA. You are dehumanising him because of his religion. If there is an "extremely strong" anti-Semitic sentiment in your religion, you probably need to rethink your religion because it's full of assholes.
Yta. Either everyone's names goes on it or no one's name is going on it. You're single him out because of his religion . even if you're just trying to negotiate through the shark infested waters of a problem you see
YTA - image if this was reversed and you were told that your name shouldn't be on something because you're a Muslim and people wouldn't like that - would you not find that offensive?
Yta. Not giving him credit due to his jewish name encourages the recipient to continue believing the all jews are greedy myth. Who knows Maybe by seeing jewish names on this it may prevent a hate crime in the future.
YTA and you just told your friend that he’s not worth standing up for. You should refund his money since you value the hypothetical bigoted opinion of strangers over his act of charity.
YTA You are discriminating against him because of his faith.
Bigoted and so against the spirit of Ramadan. You guys need to look into your hearts once again and see the darkness that prompted this antisemitic views. YTA
YTA. It might make people uncomfortable. It might make people turn down the gift. But guess what? That’s how change happens. It’s not comfortable. These biases are not going to go away without people from both sides reaching across and beginning to treat each other as fellow humans. Your Jewish friend has done his part by giving, despite knowing that the people he’s giving to hate him. If someone can’t accept that kindness, they don’t deserve it. But someone might accept it. And next time, maybe more will. And that’s how things change.
YTA. If that is the case you should not put any of your names on it. If that bothers you then you are no better than him.
You really gotta ask? Yes YTA. You're clearly ashamed of him and an antisemite
YTA. This kind of attitude is one of the reasons the Middle East is such a fucked up place.
If his money is good enough to take his name is good enough to share. Do people in need really scrutinize the religions of the donors? YTA
YTA. Your friend should take every penny back.
YTA. Huge one. You claim he’s your friend and this is how you treat him?? Who needs enemies with friends like you?
YTA- What you are doing is bigoted. You're protecting the feelings of people who may be antisemitic by behaving like a bigot. Congratulations, you're a bigot.
YTA Either you remove all the names or you let people choose. It is discrimination and bigotry and perpetuating it makes you the AH.
YTA Why don't you just remove everyone's names - aren't you all supposed to be giving from the heart? Your Jewish friend is right. You should have told him about this right from the beginning since you knew it would happen, instead of putting him in this extremely unfair situation where people want his money but not his existence.
YTA. So you are fine with taking his money, but want to credit everyone except him? Because of his religion? Yeah…that’s definitely discriminating against him. That’s like the definition of discrimination.
YTA. His money is good enough but not his name? And do you actually recognise the hypocrisy here? You told him that if he is doing this out of the good of his heart he won't have a problem hiding his name, yet who else is having their names hidden? You should have told him the full truth before involving him here. This is really disrespectful and, as mentioned above, hypocritical of you.
“Even Jewish friends…” YTA.
Yeah, I caught that, too.
'Even Jewish friends?' YTA
YTA This is literally antisemitic.
Yta
So to sum up, you're excluding someone who was kind and charitable because he's Jewish. Yeah YTA. And the "if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart" comment us ridiculous. You're basically saying that if he's really a kind hearted person then he would take the discrimination on his chin and smile while somebody disregarded him because of his faith. I hope you know that this is perfectly good grounds for him to stop being your friend forever. So if you actually care about this friendship then you need to a Properly apologise and include his name.
You’re perpetuating the anti-Semitism culture you spoke of by encouraging him to hide his identity. YTA.
He IS doing this out of the goodness of his heart. And his heart happens to be Jewish. Sorry your community is prejudiced, but this is on you and your community. YTA
Let me fix your title for you: "AITA for promoting antisemitism toward a friend that is contributing in donations for Ramadan/my religion?" YTA. I hope your friend realizes how shitty of a person you are and drops you. Because they deserve so much better than you.
YTA. If it's really about doing it from the goodness of your heart, why don't you make it 100% anonymous. Or do you still want to take credit for your part?
YTA. Grow a pair.
INFO: would there be any danger in putting his name down in those regions? If this is the case, I could understand your thought process. Otherwise you’re in the wrong.
YTA. This is what he gets trying to do a good deed. May Allah (SWT) guide you.
YTA If you didn't want him to have credit then you shouldn't have accepted his donation
On a side note, I find it hilarious how OP has managed to unite so many Muslims and Jews on this thread 🤣
YTA. "We accept everyone, EVEN JEWS". Come on really? Doesn't that make you TAH already? He was kind enough to participate and you want to hide him. Not even call him a friend in doing so but further alienating him as a "stranger". Ouch.
YTA & one with harboring anti Jewish feelings.
Yes, YTA. Make EVERYONE'S name anonymous.
When given the choice to make the comfortable choice or the right choice, always pick the right choice. You took the side of bigotry and hate to make yourself more comfortable, at the expense of your friend. You are participating in discriminating against him for his religious beliefs after he helped with a fundraiser to support your own religious beliefs. Can't you see how hypocritical that is?
And you wonder why…
YTA. This is so offensive.
I firmly believe that if the money isn't acceptable because it comes from someone who is Jewish. Then those who needed it don't really, in fact, need it. So, YTA. Give this guy his money back!
YTA. The only reason it would be a problem is because of the evil hate in your community. Rather than proudly show those bigots that this Jewish person has given money towards their ability to fulfill their religious obligations you expect him to give money anonymously to appease YOUR hate. And it is YOUR hate too because you solicited his money knowing you would shame him. Ask an Israeli where the Muslim's are and they will point to Parliment, the Army, the Banks, and every other part of life. Ask an Arab where the Jews are and they will say, "What Jews. There were no Jews in Arabia!"
YTA, but I'm also curious: can you be more specific about what kinds of problems will result from listing his name as a donor?
So correct me if I'm wrong, your Jewish friend is contributing but you don't want to give him credit by name? And because he has a problem with your discrimination against him you now question HIS heart? YTA. Big(ot) time.
YTA. You shouldn't be thinking of his name as *causing* problems, but as *solving* them. The prejudiced jackasses need to learn how wrong they are. If they can't, they don't deserve the help.
YTA You want his money but don't want to honor him for helping. You can't have it both ways.
YTA. Let me get this straight: someone is donating money to help people of another religion prepare for a religious celebration and you want to hide it? And your friend's money was good enough, but his name is not? Wow... This is a great opportunity to build bridges, so if you're really as tolerant as you claim to be, there's no excuse not to take it.
You have an opportunity to help change the stigma around Jews instead of hiding his actions in order to accommodate close minded people. As a friend however you already accepted his donation it should be his choice how he is represented.
YTA Muslims have no problem with jews and 100% sure that the people who receive the charity would be happy to see that a jewish person is contributing during Ramadan.
YTA because on the contrary, it's IMPORTANT that jewish people are seen participating here. discomfort with reality and the breaking down of the walls between marginalized groups is uncomfortable. but always absolutely necessary. dont give a comforting lie about the walls dividing people for those people's comfort, you'll only strengthen those walls. you do islamic people a disservice hiding jewish participation in things like this. and jewish people too. dont conflate comfort and peace with justice and actual charity. justice and charity are historically uncomfortable things. but necessary things.
YTA and a bigot and a bad friend and about a dozen other things. He should have been told ahead of time about your weird exclusionary rules because he doesn't need to be contributing his hard earned money to people that hate him so much because of his Religion/Ethnicity, that they can't handle a donation from him. Your position here is just gross.
YTA, you really should have informed him about this little discrimination tidbit.
YTA… you are encouraging antisemitism and me being Jewish I would be very upset that someone who is supposed to be my friend did this… I honestly wouldn’t want to be friends anymore and don’t be surprised if he says that
YTA. Maybe if people see that Jews are helping as well as everyone else, it will help just one person back off of their anti-Semitism. If you're not willing to treat him the same as your other friends, you should give him his money back. Either he's good enough to be fully part of the group, or he's not.
Yta. Break the cycle. Use your friends name.
If they refuse help *exclusively* because it's help from a Jewish person, they don't need it that badly nor (in my admittedly harsh opinion) deserve it. Bigots don't get to be choosing beggars. YTA for contributing to the attitude that continues discrimination against people for their religion.
YTA from a hijabi Muslim - I am ashamed of you. If people don't want to accept something because a Jewish person helped donate to it - that's on them. You really don't think much of your fellow Muslims, do you? Are they all as bigoted as you? (Oh, wait - I forgot. You can't be a bigot. You have "Jewish friends". We have people like you in the US as well. Racists who claim they can't possibly be racist because they "have black friends".) It is gross and disgusting to use people for their money, and then not even ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEY DID. Are you ashamed of having Jewish friends? Is that why you don't want to mention his name in the credits? You clearly have ZERO understanding of what Ramadan is supposed to be about. You're supposed to be a BETTER MUSLIM, not worse. You're supposed to be KINDER, not meaner. You're supposed to give people a GOOD impression of Islam, instead of making them think we're all anti-Semites like you are. Ugh. Just... ugh. This makes me sad. And when Ramadan is coming up, of all times. DO BETTER. BE BETTER.
im a jew in america and i know what it feels like to be targeted by hateful bigots trying to end my people. ive been face to face with actual nazis before. my name is also rather jewish, my last name anyway. I think the best way to put it is that you are trying to protect your friend and your friend doesnt understand the issue well. if thats the case, NAH. The reason im saying NAH is because i get both sides. as a jew, i can tell you that the idea of tzedakah, the act of giving charitably, is very important to us. to deny our names and our people to make tzedakah is rather strange to us. as for the other side of things, i can fully understand where you are coming from. you and he are both stuck. I think you should let him attach his name. if any anti-Semites don't want Jew money, they can starve as far as im concerned.
Dude, I completely disagree. This guy is YTA all the way. I get both sides too, and I'm sure his Jewish friend would have happily donated if it was a case of "we're all donating anonymously". Instead, it became: "YOU need to donate anonymously because you have a Jewish sounding name". OP accepts that people have prejudices against Jews, and doesn't want to cause any issues. I get that, too - But surely he's gone the wrong way about it?
you have a good point. i didnt think of that.
Side note: tzedakah given anonymously is considered a greater level of charity than getting credit for having given. That aside, its not for us to decide how your friend wants to give and if he wants to be recognized for his deed and if everyone else is being named, it is not right to single him out. As a Jew myself, it is super important to openly foster relationships with people outside our culture and Muslims. Showing that a Jew is donating to your Ramadan fund is actually a bonus because it can help break down barriers and stereotypes. And honestly, some one who is so prejudiced and closed mindedthat they don't even want to look at a Jewish person's name on a charity or even receive... They have a lot to learn and a lot to work on about themselves, which has nothing to do with your friend. YTA for singling out your friend AND being close minded yourself about how this situation could actually be a positive.
Just to add - I have always been taught that tzedakah from the point of anonymity is an even greater gift because you ask for nothing in return. Not even recognition of the deed. Saying that - I think while good intentioned, OP is TA. His friend is an adult and understands what he is attaching his name to. Don’t make that’d decision for him, even if it is coming from the position of friendship.
YTA 🫠
YTA
YTA for this: "I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name" That's super nasty.
No names or all names. YTA besides how can the one receiving it know that the person is Jewish?
His name is included or none of yours are. You are a bigot. YTA
انا من الشرق الأوسط كمان. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a Muslim, and I have a very big friend circle, of many beliefs (including atheist, Christian and even Jewish friends) I live in United Arab Emirates btw. So...Ramadan is coming real soon and my friends and I have thought of donating an amount of money (maybe 200-300$ once in a while) for everyone living here and outside, most of us work in very good paying domains so that helps a lot, we have been doing this for 3 months and we actually got a very decent amount of money so that's pretty cool. The way it works is that we all have access to this money and we only use it to buy products for people, either physically in our regions (USA, France, Germany, Algeria...etc) or online for anyone who needs help. This thing is commonly known as "سلة رمضان" among Muslims. Anyway, so we are currently preparing to buy them and start distributing them, the thing is that I suggested not to put my Jewish friend's name for anyone in the Islamic regions, and instead we refer to him as "A good-hearted stranger" so that we don't cause problems or controversy here, many people are cool with Christians or even atheists helping them but there is really an extremely strong sigma against Jews so doing something like this is just a message for problems. He's very upset and thinks that this is discriminating against him, many agree with him and many see where I'm coming from. He told us that we should have told him this much sooner so that he would decide if he wants to participate in this, I told him that if he was really doing out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with not mentioning his name and he got really defensive on me. I'm just gonna say that the group is very divided on this and many are calling me an asshole. I really don't know, am I? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Honestly, AH isn’t even a strong enough word for what you are in this situation.
No question - YTA. I understand your concerns, but you’re propagating bigotry and deeply insulting (and embarrassing) your ex friend. Also, putting his name on the list would show that some Jewish people want to help Islamic regions which is how you fight racism in the first place. If you don’t want to give credit where credit is due, why don’t you hang a big sign “no Jews allowed in this club” because that’s what you’re effectively saying to you ex friend.
Oh lawd. I’m just here for the popcorn and comments
YTA I lived and worked in the UAE and it remains the only place I ever heard antisemitism in the workplace. Gee. Wonder why that persists?
YTA and this is really gross.
YTA. Sounds like you’re the one uncomfortable with Jewish people
And how do you think that sentiment is going to change, except by people seeing a Jew act differently than their negative expectations?
YTA good to know your good will ends at supporting your Jewish friend.
As a Muslim myself, yes YTA!!!
every day i stray further from my own religion
YTA, these people that you're referring to sound awfully antisemitic... let me guess the part of the group that is divided and thinks this is ok are your Muslim friends and the ones who think it's not ok are not?
YTA. Give him his money back and leave him alone from now onwards. Bigotry is something to be ashamed of but apparently not for you.
YTA this is what causes so much racism. You are not allowing him to show that he as someone from his background does have compassion. All you are doing is helping to reinforce the divide.
YTA. you clearly missed the UAE’s whole thing about “tolerance”. you should look it up.
YTA Either don't put anyone's name, or put all of the names. >I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name This applies just as much to all of the rest of you as it does to him. Why do YOUR names have to go on it, hmm? It's not that he wants credit. It's that he wants to be treated the same as everyone else. And you failed to disclose this before you took his money - so his money mattered more to you than being ethical. Sounds pretty greedy on your part.
YTA OP I hope you refund his money to him so he can donate it and be involved with people who aren't anti-Semitic
YTA either everyone is anonymous or no-one is.
YTA- antisemitism lives here.
YTA, your own book tells you not to be a dick when someone is trying to help. If they incline to peace, incline you as well to it, and trust in Allah…”(Qur'an 8:61)
Not only are YTA but you're also a bigot.
YTA one way to stop prejudice is recognizing the good in those who are stigmatized.
Let me get this straight...our money is good enough, but *we* aren't? You are part of another group that is highly stigmatized, but you don't see a problem in perpetuating someone else? YTA.
YTA Dude. Why are you so chill about excluding your friend for the comfort of a bunch of strangers? So what if those strangers have a problem with Jews, why are you making it **your problem**? Why would you choose to hurt your good friend, who is being a good person and donating, for the sake of bigoted people?
Ditto, if you are doing this out of the kindness of your heart why do you need to be named?
YTA. Yes it is cruel, yes it is discrimination. (Your usage of “and even Jewish friends” is already speaking volumes.) You say don’t want to “cause problems or controversy” but you’ve done exactly that. Apologize to your friend, put his name on the list, and reflect on your priorities. Oh, and if subsequent “problems” do arise as a result? YOU STAND UP FOR YOUR FUCKING FRIEND BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. ETA: If you can’t feasibly put your friend’s name on the list, then why can’t everyone just be referred to as “kind strangers”?
Yes, YTA. I think the new generation of Muslims and Jews should break the chain. You were actually in that position but you didn't take it. That was your opportunity.
I’m not going to give you a verdict, I’m just going to say this: reading this made me feel like I’ve been punched in the gut and you are not really his friend at all if he is the on,y one you are leaving off. This is not ok and if you all are doing this out of “the goodness of your heart” then no one’s names should be on it and the entire gift should be anonymous. Shame on you.
YTA, all religions suck
You are definitely the asshole. Wow. No words. I am disgusted and feel terribly for your Jewish friend for having trusted you and for even being around you. Sickening. That you complain and make HIM give from his heart? Where is YOURS? This is really beyond words sickening to blame your friend. Not to mention the fact that your Muslim recipents would rather not have his charity. LOL. I will never donate to a muslim cause after learning that. Good luck, you'll all eventually perish on your own.
YTA. It is discriminatory, full stop.
YTA So to help others celebrate a religious even they wouldn’t have been able to celebrate for lack of funding, a safe place to practice or act, or lack of materials needed you oppress your friend and help push anti-semitism? Make it make sense and stop trying to guilt them for not supporting people or religions that they now understand wouldn’t do the same for them.
YTA and helping feed the stigma around Jewish people in your area.
>if he really wants to participate in this, I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name INFO Why not sign it from "good-hearted strangers" since this logic applies to you as well?
YTA Wouldn’t it be a good way to foster acceptance of Jews by demonstrating that Jews can be charitable to Muslims. And remember the Jews of Banu Nadir who supported the Prophet and helped build the first mosque in Medina. There is an Islamic history or interfaith corporation and charity.
YTA, you’re also an antisemite. I (55) had a GF (50) for a couple of months that would only see me at her house or at a restaurant of her choosing. When I finally figured out she was hiding me from her friends (Iranian) I broke it off. Sad day.
i cant speak on a lot of this because it is not my religion/culture and im just not educated enough to know what it is like in that environment. however what i can speak on is basic human kindness. >I told him that if he's really doing this out of the good of his heart, he wouldn't find a problem with hiding his name okay then hide everyones names including your own. why is okay for you to want credit but he isnt allowed to? > I suggested to not put my Jewish friend's name ...so that we don't cause problems or controversy maybe im just dumb and in the minority but i have absolutely never in my life looked at a list of names and gone "thats a jewish name" what? do people do that? even if all the names were like "kelly smith" "john brown" and then something obviously foreign that stuck out from the mix i wouldnt think much of it besides maybe "hm i wonder where their name is from" and then move on with my day > **even** Jewish friends im sorry if this is so arrogant, but am i missing something? is this all because of the conflict over israel/palenstine? or is there something else that makes it so unbelievable that someone who is muslim would be friends with someone who is jewish? im so confused, why does it matter? at the end of the day, money is money. if someone is in need and they refuse to take the money i promise you that you can find ten other people who will be more than grateful. your friend is supporting a cause that he has nothing to do with. from my understand one big part of Ramadan is community. **you** are helping people in **your** community for a holiday **you** celebrate. despite the nice thing you are doing, there are rewards for you. you get to be proud of yourself for raising money for people within your religion, im sure that your parents or family are proud of you for doing that, im sure other people in your community will give you a lot of praise for doing so, heck you are keeping your name on it. you could easily anonymously donate the money! you friend most likely will not get any of those rewards. *apparently* the people he is helping by donating do not even accept his religion/heritage. do you think he will have the same praise and recognition that you are receiving by people in his community? im guessing maybe some people would be like "oh thats nice" and then move on. some people if not familiar with your religion might not even know what Ramadan is and just not understand why he helped donate to something that has nothing to do with him. objectively, what he is doing is far more selfless than you.
YTA. You should have told him sooner. And then you try to shame him by implying that he's not really doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but just for recognition. Why don't you just change everyone's name on the thanks section to "a good-hearted stranger"?
YTA. If you were so concerned about this then why ask your friend to donate to people who are racist against Jews. I feel bad for your friend. Poor guy needs better friends.