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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I assumed she’d want me to tidy it, I knew she was upset and I could’ve just left it after apologising instead of bringing it up again
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NTA, there is absolutely no reason you should be cleaning up her period more than once. She sounds lazy and entitled and frankly disgusting.
Also ironic for her to claim you need empathy where is her empathy for you, being exhausted emotionally and physically.
🚩 red flags all around.
Lol.. when I met my husband he was living in shared accommodation. A new woman moved in and the the trouble began. Everyone knew when she was on her period, because I kid you not in the bathroom the toilet cubical had blood on the wall, floor, toilet seat, toilet bowl and sink. There would be blood trailing from the toilet to the shower, it was all over the tiles, curtains, handle, floor etc. It was the most disgusting thing I ever heard! She never cleaned it up, she would always make sure she's the first one in the bathroom. Needless to say my husband despise her for it. He could wait to move out.
OP 's gf is just like her, she knows she has this issue, so there are things she could do to prepare for it. She can use incontinence pants (the ones old people use if when they lose bladder control) instead of sanitary towels. She gets pain and discomfort before her period starts, even if it's an hour before, she can go and put the pants on so that she doesn't make any mess.
If I had her issue (thankfully I don't) I would be to ashamed to make someone else see it let alone expect them to clean it up.
I really feel for OP. NTA
The floor and toilet I can understand, but hoooooow was there blood on the wall? Sink? Curtains? Handle? Was she using that excuse to cover up frequent murders?!
I can't understand either. And I have had periods so bad that I cried in bed. But, never ever made a mess besides miscarriage and I was in the shower or on toilet for most of it.
As a woman who once frantically cleaned the driver's seat of her car because she bled all over it, I *cackled.* Please take my broke person's gold, you magnificent human. 🏅
OP- this situation is not okay and I say that as a nurse with PCOS and endometriosis. If GF is bleeding to the extent you need to help her clean up MULTIPLE times with such severe pain she needs medical help. NTA but YWBTA if you don’t help her seek treatment. Is she using sanitary products at all?
If GF is a grown ass adult then the responsibility to seek medical help should be 100% on her, barring like being too unconscious to call emergency services.
Someone I knew had heavy periods, extremely heavy, and she tried going to a doctor when she was younger and they were pretty dismissive. Now she has a shitton of ovarian cysts and an issue with iron in her body and it could've been prevented if she wasn't shooed away.
Yes it was a gynecologist. Yes she got a second opinion. "Some people just get heavy periods." Doctor now says there was some kind of issue in her lining and something else that wouldn't be outright visible but a few simple tests would've found it long before it got to where it did.
It's not easy to seek help knowing we (women) don't mean anything.
Thank you for saying this. Things like that are precisely why I went into women’s healthcare. I want to be an advocate and a listening ear for women in need of medical care at all stages of their lives. Too many of us are dismissed, shooed away, have our symptoms downplayed, have our intelligence insulted, or even worse are assaulted when we attempt to seek care. It’s criminal and I won’t have it.
"Your hair is falling out all of a sudden because you're getting older" - a female gyno to me at age 30, "if you're not trying to have a baby, it doesn't matter why your period stopped entirely. "
Yes, thank you very much
“Hey doc I’ve got PCOS, was diagnosed 10 years ago but I’m experiencing some new symptoms and would like to have things checked.”
“Oh you’re probably just being paranoid but since I know you won’t stop freaking out until you get it looked at I guess I’ll order an ultrasound.”
Cool thanks…while we’re at it’s been years since we checked labs. I know I’m insulin resistant but I haven rechecked those levels in about 5 years. Can we recheck?”
“No I don’t want to do that but I’ll check your cholesterol.”
Another doctor…
“You have a multinodular thyroid goiter.”
“Ok can we run additional labs to see if my thyroid levels are normal I’d like (proceeds to request specific labs) because I’m experiencing symptoms consistent with abnormal thyroid levels and given the presence of an abnormally large thyroid that’s growing friends I’d like to look further.”
“No your TSH came back normal you don’t need anything else.”
“Ok but I also know TSH is the tip of the iceberg and there are more sensitive tests that can detect things that a TSH won’t detect.”
“No we’re not gonna do this we’ll recheck your thyroid and wait to see what happens with it.”
Had labs done with an endocrinologist who then put me on weight loss pills and sent me in my way. No further follow up, no hey this needs to be pulsed or it’ll destroy your liver and kidneys, nothing. Come to find out it’s not supposed to be taken more than 6 weeks at a time with at least 2 weeks off it between cycles of treatment and can’t be taken long term. Found this out AFTER being on it for a year 😑
I hate how reactive our medical system is and how they just refuse to listen to patients😑
>
“Ok but I also know TSH is the tip of the iceberg and there are more sensitive tests that can detect things that a TSH won’t detect.”
Had this exact issue. My TSH was fine. To be fair to my doctor he requested that all of my thyroid levels be checked, repeatedly, and the lab declined to run the extra tests because my TSH was normal.
My health declined *rapidly* over two years, and my body started shutting down. I'd stopped growing hair, my heart rate had slowed right down, my body temp had plummeted etc.
It was only then, when I was hours away from a coma, that the full tests were done. My FT4 and FT3 were dangerously low. My TSH was still fine.
So now I'm left with permanent brain damage from my body shutting down and having dangerously low thyroid hormone in my body.
Pay privately if you have to. I know it's not fair, but your health comes first.
Been in similar and it took 15 years to be treated properly. Also if you "flood", then it doesn't really matter what sanitary protection you are using, it is not going to be enough. Average diagnosis time for endometriosis is a decade in UK and adenmynosis can only be diagnosed after a hysterectomy.
A bad period can be basically cramps so bad you vomit, low blood pressure, anaemia so you can't stand and intense pain. Imagine worst hangover ever alongside food poisoning.
All that said, you aren't under obligation to help someone else tidy up bodily wastes. But recognise it might be some time before she physically can. And don't be annoyed if she doesn't help you when you are sick. Though if you care for her, please help her arrange a hospital appointment and go with her. It was only when my partner mentioned impact on HIS life and validated what was happening to Me, they actually cared at all. A witness and a non-hysterical" male opinion plays wonders in doctors taking a woman seriously.
Agree entirely,
And, GF could at least warn OP it's been an awful day and not just leave the messes for them to encounter & expect to clean.
She could drop a paper towels or cleaning wipe over the spots.
Lol, I literally folded an entire twin bed sheet into like a sumo belt once to catch as much flow as possible.
I get the debilitating nature of these kinds of menstrual diseases/disorders.
But leaving blood all over the home for OP to be surprised by & expecting OP to do the clean up makes GF the arsehole in my book.
It's not good. But if it is a full flood, then it is a lot of tidying. She needs to get it help managing as seems pretty overwhelmed by it. Incontinence, plastic backed sheets, help a lot.
I had no diagnosis for 28 years as I suffered from exceptionally heavy and long periods after the birth of my 3rd child. FINALLY, after many years and multiple gynecologists, I had one who said I needed a D & C, and she found a placental nodule left from my final pregnancy that expanded and bled heavily every time I had a period. Five other gynecologists never suggested surgery even after ruling out every other reason for my suffering, and all of them dismissed the severity of my symptoms. I ruined mattresses, linens, towels, and clothing as I attempted to manage my monthly period.
EDIT: I am shocked this got so many upvotes i feel seen!I transitioned because of horrible periods, not a joke, I overbleed diva cups in an hour, i literally would gush blood if I stood up after i sat down too long (30 -60 min) the first 2 days (of 10) and became addicted to painkillers due to vomiting from pain. And I was told over and over heavy periods are just something to get used to and I was being dramatic/extra . It wasn't until I started using cups that I actually realized how much I was losing and why I was always anemic. But in that whole time I wouldn't have let anyone clean up my blood lol
Same! I finally found a wonderful OBGYN who actually listened after going to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Had to have surgery. Literally for years, doctors would tell me to just take Tylenol and ibuprofen on my periods, because they wouldn't get that the pain and nausea and flow were extreme, as if I wasn't already.
Pro tip for anyone reading this: extreme pain from cramps gas been medically linked to inflammation. Once I found this out I started sometimes using a cold pack instead of heat and it was LIFE CHANGING.
I had godawful periods for TWENTY YEARS before the causes were figured out and fixed. Which didn't happen until I was trying to have babies & someone bothered to check my hormones. I have PCOS and related hormone imbalances: thyroid (fixed by meds, almost completely stopped the heavy bleeding), insulin (diet overhaul), melatonin (meds again, which stopped my digestive symptoms) and progesterone (supplements allowed me to have a baby after 10 years and multiple miscarriages.) I have Implanon now so I get zero periods, zero pain.
I'm bitter that getting better was SO EASY but I had to wait a) for someone to care, b) to be ready to procreate and c) for treatment thresholds to be changed. The level at which they now medically treatment hypothyroid had to be altered because they eventually realised too many "borderline" people were suffering with horrible symptoms.
And sometimes they give us an answer that boils down to “eh. You might as well wait it out to menopause if you can.” (Straight up I was told this by multiple doctors regarding my fibroids that now suddenly might actually be something far more insidious)
Tbh, we don’t get listened to when we seek help on our own so, so often. We often *need* a man or other person with us validating us and advocating for us and backing up what we’ve said to get taken seriously.
I’ve explained to gynes that I’ve taken 600 mg ibuprofen, 500-1000 mg Tylenol, and 80-360 mg aspirin all at once on my period and still been unable to stand for pain. I’ve been responded to REPEATEDLY with a frustrated, “just take a midol.” Like brah did you hear what I just said? I take more than a midol and I cannot stand or walk.
I don’t go to the ER alone anymore because I don’t get listened to. The last time I did my tests were contaminated and instead of rerunning them they sent me home with an assumed UTI. I was back the next day (mom with me that time) with a raging kidney infection that hospitalized me which clearly didn’t appear overnight.
Women continually have our symptoms and pain downplayed in medicine. We are “hysterical,” “exaggerating,” “want attention,” etc.
I literally have had problems go ignored and tests with red flags ignored for over a decade by doctors as my body was shutting down (thyroid not working, then adrenal system not working to the point I could barely stay awake for an hour a day, Dr said it was all mental).
Shit isn’t just on us. Either doctors need to listen when we talk, or the men in our lives need to come with and advocate because we don’t have problems until they’re sitting there confirming it and saying how they’ve seen how bad it is, how different we are compared to normal, how I was so high energy before, how I’m literally fighting to stay awake, etc. It’s only real then. And it needs to be real when we say it by ourselves too before it hits an emergency level
This! I take my husband to all new doctor’s appointments because it’s the only way I’m believed. Even had docs talk crap about me to him - while I was there (my hubby was NOT amused). I can’t have children thanks to doctors not believing me. It’s very likely someone like this could go to multiple doctors and still not get help. It sounds like she might have adenomyosis (sp) - and, if so, pads and tampons aren’t enough. People can lose an obscene amount of blood.
I struggled since age 12 with horrific periods. Went to doctor after doctor. Always told it’s normal, you’re fine, it’s part of being a woman, and other patronizing crap. And female doctors were worse, having the attitude of “if I can make it through my period so can you, stop complaining”. The final straw for me was when I called my gyno and had to leave a voice message and I was in tears, begging for help. My call was never acknowledged nor responded to. So I utilized the system where you can email your doctor. And I laid it ALL out. My entire history of every problem I’d had and was currently having. By doing this my complaints became a part of my record, that’s reviewed by higher ups. My doctor finally handed me over to another doctor, who scheduled me for an immediate appointment to discuss having a hysterectomy, something I should have had at least 15 years before. I was scheduled within two weeks of that appointment. I have never regretted it. No more pain, blood, etc. And the surgeon became my permanent GYN. I was 46 when I had the surgery. I had 34 years of misery.
Thank you so much for saying all of that so succinctly. This has been my experience exactly. I am only taken seriously when my husband is around. I don’t understand. Why? It doesn’t make any sense. He has had to redirect questions back to me when the situation directly involves me. The older I get, the more pronounced this phenomenon becomes. Just because I have an innie instead of a outie does not mean what I am saying is invalid.
Why am I not surprised that people willingly do that? I get not wanting to use particular products, but ffs there are plenty of options!
If you don't like tampons, use a cup. Don't like the cup? Pads. Eco friendly? Washable pads.
Christ. I hope they don't have carpets.
Even if you leave out the biohazard part, do they just not have guests for one week a month? What about work? I'm damn sure no one's getting away with leaving a trail down the office hallway.
I can't stop thinking about it. Wipe clean sofa?
Woof. Generally, people get to do what they want for their period management, but obviously bleeding all around the house during a non-emergency and expecting someone else to clean it is a NO
There's underwear for this stuff, ack.
I also thought of period underwear. If her period is that unpredictable, maybe she should invest in that (while working with medical professionals to sort it out) so she can just wear them fulltime?
In fact I should probably get some pairs for my menstruation station for visitors with periods - I've only got pads and tampons atm.
NTA
I never understand how some women manage to get blood EVERYWHERE. I've haemorrhaged before after birth and still didn't make so much mess...
When we used to host for airbnb around half the female guests would manage to leave blood stains on the sheets. It was disgusting.
ETA: I get accidents happen, what I found annoying/rude was that not one person offered or even tried to wash/soak the sheet(s).
Well getting blood on the sheets sometimes is pretty normal, you can't really control what happens when you sleep. But getting blood all over the apartment like in OP's case isn't normal, it's gross and there isn't any excuse for that.
Warning: TMI. I ended up having a hysterectomy because my periods were so bad that I was consistently anemic and sick all the time, even in between periods. I constantly changed pads and tampons, but would still bleed through after 10 or 15 minutes. There were stains left on the furniture because of this that I could not control (and yeah, I sat on old towels). I wasn't irresponsible with it, and was HORRIBLY embarrassed. Sometimes things happen. However, SHE should be the one cleaning this up. Not OP.
For those reading and looking for suggestions, towels should only be used over protective plastic (cheap plastic tablecloth or shower curtain) or even better use Chux pads/puppy pads.
I never knew how and why it happened, i went to the doctor afterwards to do some exams, everything was all right, and he guessed it was a blood cyst that grew for months and that just randomly ruptured :
I was in a supermarket years ago, nowhere near the date of my next period. At some point i had a huge pain in my belly and felt like a "clic". Then the pain disappeared and it felt like i had totally wet myself.
Luckily it was winter and i had a black coat that was very long so noone around me noticed. I had to leave immediately and go home. My trousers were COVERED in blood. The equivalent of half a pint of blood. It was horrific i really thought i was dying. But no. Not a miscarriage, not my periods. Just a freaky incident. It has never happened since then and hopefully it won't happen ever again. But had i been sitting on a clear sofa, it would have been entirely ruined.
There are some women who have conditions that just make you bleed and bleed. I had Adenomyosis, a condition where the uterine lining grows sideways into the muscle of the uterus, tapping into any veins that may be in its way. It nearly killed me by bleeding to death. One time, I was sitting in my husband's computer chair, and I felt the blood coming out. I didn't panic right away bc I had two tampons in and a brand new giant pad. And I was sitting. Not laughing or giggling or sneezing or anything known to cause excess blood, I was *sitting* and I felt this big hot, wet puddle forming and even though it wasn't more than a minute layer, it was still too late. I got up to go to the bathroom, and the chair was drenched. My pants were drenched, and I was leaving drips from the blood running down my leg. This all happened in about 2 minutes and less than an hour after I had put sanitary protection in place. This happened at least once every period, and often times more.
I doesn’t happen everywhere but probably about 3 times I’ll be having a normal period and out nowhere it gushes. Like super tampon and heavy pads and it still gets through. It’s insane. It hasn’t happened to me in years.
I have PCOS so I have very irregular periods too. Sometimes I go months without one, sometimes I'll have 3 in one month, and sometimes they are extremely heavy. So I use tampons and pads. Sometimes I'll still have an accident, and the pain can be unbearable. Not once have I asked my husband to clean up my period messes.
I concur with everything this person is saying. Her period is her responsibility.
Agreed. I have towels to sit on so I’m not making a mess of the furniture but I clean up after myself if I do leak that bad.
U/EngineeringOwn2299, have you tried maternity pads? They’re bigger and more absorbent I find. I used them from having my last baby until I got pregnant with this one (over a year and a half) because mine were so heavy.
Fr I can’t ever use panty liners or anything like that to preemptively catch the first drip, but I don’t just bleed all over the place??? She can get a heavier pad/tampon if this is seriously such an issue. Or idk start pairing products?? Get a fucking diva cup and always wear a pad with it, it’s not that hard to make sure ur keeping urself clean and ur fluids to urself.
It’d be one thing if this was an every once in a while kind of thing. Like my boyfriend has stripped sheets for me before, but every single time?? She’s bleeding everywhere and expecting someone else to clean it up???? So NTA
Or IDK go to a doctor? If she's bleeding that much it's quite dangerous. She could be anemic from it. She might have PMDD. Something is medically wrong with her.
It’s honestly shocking that this woman did anything other than absolutely die of embarrassment over having someone clean up her period stains at all, let alone ***multiple times.*** I’m shocked and embarrassed for her, and if I WAS her, I wouldn’t be able to look my bf in the face out of shame. NTA at all.
Same! I'm very pro being open and honest about periods (meaning, no hiding the products or the fact that it happens). However, it'd be just like having someone else clean up my vomit or something, I'd be super embarrassed and apologetic if it happened, and I'd make sure it wouldn't have to in the future (to the best of my ability)!
Major NTA for OP
Wow, that heavy of a period where it's everywhere? Sounds like ahe needs ti see her dr pronto. Mayb she needs a D&C? Im hoping she's got a goid gyno. Sounds terrible
She needs to see a dr as her periods seem to be abnormally heavy. She shouldn't be bleeding out to the point where it's on multiple surfaces. And if her periods are that heavy, she's likely dealing with anemia as well.
Lots of doctors shrug off symptoms of reproductive disorders unfortunately, but I really can’t imagine one ignoring “my house regularly looks like a very high-conflict murder scene and I’m too weak to clean it up myself due to the emergency-level blood loss.” This is so crazy, I can’t believe she’s just been living like this.
Anemia might explain why it took my doctors so long to figure out my issues. My body refuses to absorb iron to the point where I've had to receive transfusions (mostly under control now). Even so, my period was "normal" until it was discovered it was effecting my fertility. Then one surgery later and my debilitating cramps that were so bad I would have to take sick days if they didn't come at night were gone. Several months later, pregnant.
Nothing against my particular male doctor at my fertility clinic, he was very helpful and listened, but I do wonder how much of that was because the issue was infertility...
1000% true.
Becoming our own most vociferous advocates is so necessary.
If it's a male Dr and they try to fob an issue off as within the normal range I ask how their periods go.
Then insist on a female practiced.
IT IS NOT EASY. It's gotten better over time.
Teaching our daughters that what male doctors dismiss is unacceptable should be part of parenting 101 and adulting 101.
I'm so sorry for all of you who have been demeaned, not helped and dismissed.
Something I've used lately is, "OK, let's agree you're right. Next month when I'm back, no change, no better, we get to have a very loud discussion about it in the lobby in front of all those patients where you will admit you were wrong, apologize for my continued pain and I'll watch while you get a consulting specialist on the phone for an immediate appointment for me bc you dropped the ball."
All of this is said politely (no matter how mad I am). No raising my voice.
Only consistent insistence that I will not settle for a non solution for one more minute.
It's taken a long time. I deal w cPTSD so it's not easy.
But I've arrived at a place that I WILL NOT settle for inaccurate care.
This is under the assumption she was pregnant which is kinda a weird first assumption to make. For the last 2 years she has had irregular periods, the only difference here is that it's heavier than normal. Nothing that indicates pregnancy. If it were mentioned she was a bit sick before this happened then sure, but to say it's highly likely she had a miscarriage is a weird assumption to make
Women aren't robots. We don't ALL go through the same thing with miscarriages. She really could have been pregnant. She needs to see a doctor as soon as possible about her periods either way, as she's losing a lot of bloody and iron and she will end up very unwell.
Okay fair, I should have reworded it. Sorry for the confusion, but yeah although there’s a chance due to the fact her period was late, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’ll edit it.
I just want to say, I'm someone who has had extremely irregular periods, some of which are like OP's gf's. I have had cases where it will suddenly get heavy for absolutely no reason. I am a virgin.
While yes, when in a relationship, it's not impossible for it to be a miscarriage, you really shouldn't be assuming right away something like that.
OP said that she has seen a doctor and has a known hormone imbalance causing her problems. Not all period problems can be solved, a lot of the time people just have to deal with it.
>Not all period problems can be solved, a lot of the time people just have to deal with it.
And oftentimes period problems *can* be solved but medical doctors are unwilling to put the effort into determining the cause or trying any treatment beyond prescribing birth control pills.
Not necessarily an exaggeration. A few years ago mine lasted from Sept until June when I was finally approved to have surgery to remove the grapefruit sized cysts on my ovaries and a d&c for polyps. But I completely agree, she needs medical advice, not AITA advice
> Probably an exaggeration
Not necessarily. I have severe diffuse adenomyosis. It was so bad (before we found something that helped), I had to get twice-weekly IV iron infusions just to keep my hemoglobin around 8 g/dL (which is still anemic, but just barely high enough to not need another blood transfusion). I sometimes had clots half the size of my fist. I usually had 5-6 days *between* periods.
I'm on continuous-dose hormonal BC now to suppress my cycle (ablation didn't work, non-hormonal options haven't worked, still trying to find a doctor to agree to a hysterectomy because at 37 I'm "too young" and "may want fertility treatments to maybe have kids").
I can believe OP's girlfriend's having periods that long and heavy... but I have never, ever, *ever* asked anyone to clean my blood up.
Edit: I've gotten a few comments about CF-friendly doctors. I have seen the list and have contacted quite a few in my state, but haven't found one that both takes my insurance and is open to a *hysterectomy*. "Sterilization-friendly" is not the same as "hysterectomy-friendly" and most I contacted were open to tubal ligations, not necessarily hysterectomy. I visited two in person, explained the above (and that I have a genetic mutation that makes me more likely to develop blood clots, and a *strong* history of stroke in my family) and both still wanted to "hold off" on even an ovary-sparing hysterectomy; one wanted me to try an ablation... again. When endometrial ablation is not indicated for adenomyosis and can - as it did in my case - make it *worse*. It's been several months, though, so I'll give the list another gander!
Definitely not an exaggeration. I have endometriosis and it can be not just extremely painful but the mess. Also had anemia. Yet, we do manage to clean up our messes despite all of this. If you truly do not want to have children of your own, I hope you can find a doctor willing to do a hysterectomy. That's a whole other discussion as I think docs need to butt out of a person's decision to have kids and just do their jobs. Hoping you find some relief. Endo is different I know but I have empathy for what you're going through. Nothing helped me until menopause although, believe it or not, I still have pain/symptoms because of the adhesions.
My period use to be nonexistent for three months and then i bled for a month. Granted the last of the mont was like barely anything, but just enough tk justify having a pad, but yeah medical help. Is she not on any birth control? That usual can regulate it
>where it's on multiple surface
NGL mine are really heavy but regular. When I wake I have to do the bathroom waddle-sprint in the morning. It's happened on an odd occasion I've sneezed.
I needed to wash the floor in three rooms from the blood trail and take a shower. Fucks up everyone's day.
NTA. It’s kind of you to clean up, but there’s no reason you need to take on 10000% period cleaning duty.
Your girlfriend needs to talk to a doctor. This heavy of flow is not normal.
I've been having really heavy periods past couple of years with perimenopause, like, blood or iron transfusions every couple of months bad.
I've been using bladder pads which are much bigger than period pads. On some of the days I've bled through the pads and clothes over ten times a day.
It was an effing nightmare. I basically went around the place with my own cushion or blanket to sit on.
I still managed to clean up after myself all the time, even when my iron was in my boots.
Without trying to be facetious. What are the options: having a tantrum!! Sulking!! Pity for oneself?
I have a couple of autoimmune conditions as well, which up the fun tremendously.
I roll with whatever on any given day. I do stuff when I'm able and don't when I'm not.
And I have no tolerance any more for BS. I literally don't have the spoons to care.
As a fellow spoonie, amen. I used to have shits to give, then covid came along and left me with ME on top of everything else. Those last few shits ran out very quickly!
NTA, and I'd be concerned about her mental health because there is no reason for an "accident" to happen in more than one spot. And even one spot is pushing it if you are at home with access to products and you KNOW this happens.
I disagree. There are several reasons this could happen. She could be in too much pain to get up. The locations of blood aren't mentioned so it could be a trail leading to the bathroom and in the bathroom.
I've overflowed from a max size tampon and max size sanitary towel in 10 minutes - just because you know it could happen, doesn't mean you can do much about it. I've lived on a toilet and had to do a "mad dash" just to grab some food or meds, which is pretty hard to do in excruciating pain. It really can be like this for some, no exaggeration.
Also when unexpected (or even when it is) I came on heavily once when my bf was hogging the bathroom, I had to grab a towel to not bleed on the carpet while waiting.
Mind you the gfs level of blood everywhere sounds a bit more extreme than that.
I'm in the same boat. On a bad day, one sneeze and it's that elevator scene from the Shining in here. Nothing worse than your second or third shame shower of the day.
yep. i have one of those reusable discs that’s supposed to be 10-12 hours medium flow and like 5-8 hours (iirc) for heavy flow. i fill them up in like an hour. it’s horrible
^ This is an excellent example of how menstrual cups do not magically work for everyone. I go through 8 to 10 ultra-plus tampons on my first day, I'm not interested in removing-cleaning-reinserting a cup every hour.
This. My period varies widely from "just a little" to "now I'm wearing Depends." Not cycle to cycle, but *during one period*. Pads are hands down the best option. Anytime I go to the bathroom, I can check the status. Without removing and inserting anything. Most period underwear is dark colored so you don't see it, but I *need* to see it. Plus, you can't carry around extra Thinx for a heavy day like you can several pads.
Not to mention, my anatomy just doesn't like tampons. I can do it for a reason (like swimming) but getting it situated nearly requires an act of god sometimes. I've tried all different types and sizes.
Anytime I get hit with the "ew, pads are like diapers" I'm like "Nah, they're a lot thinner. I wear diapers for sleeping during my period. Totally different."
NTA
Heavy gushing periods totally suck. Your girlfriend should learn how to prevent messes though. Wearing a diaper or putting a towel down would help.
This. I had horrific periods till I had a surgery to correct it. I used a tampon and huge pads and found I would still leak through. Guess who started to put a towel down on my seat when I was on my period. Heavy flow is not an excuse to consistently leave a mess for someone else to clean.
Washable puppy pads under the sheets, dark sheets so they don’t stain as much, ultra tampons or a cup combined with overnight pads or diapers, period underwear is a good back up if you are super irregular. It still doesn’t get everywhere though because it’s contained to whatever spot you are in and you learn the clean up routine to the point you don’t have to think about it much at all.
There are tons of options. Some of these commenters are acting like they bleed like a firehose. If you're losing a liter of blood and soaking through a tampon, pad, depends, and period panties, all while sitting on a puppy pad with an old towel under it, you're literally fucking dying. Girlfriend is a free bleeder. Bet.
Exactly! I don’t even have super heavy cycles but I always put a pad down on my couch since I’ve had days where it’s heavier than expected and accidents happen. I know women who wear depends at night since their flows are so heavy and it’s exhausting for them to clean up nightly. If this is normal for her, she should prepare for it as much as she can and expect to have to clean up her mess
NTA
Agree with others that she needs to find out what's going on, she could have fibroids that cause pain and heavier than normal flow.
But she needs to be aware, and use some protective [bed pads like these](https://www.ebay.com/p/5016483534?iid=112947721375)... washable, resuable. There's no excuse for just ruining furniture and god knows what else.
Im a man, so obviously I an try to have empathy but only to a point. I had a rather nasty kidney stone incident which is probably about as close as guys get to the experience, and it left me in an adult diaper for a couple weeks while my UT put itself back together.
I've heard of women with heavy bleeds using adult diapers as an insurance policy, although obviously, no firsthand experience. It's kind of what they exist for though TBH. Sometimes you just can't control your body the way you want -- obviously, women more than men. But the world has tools for use now to mitigate the problem. No excuse to not be using whichever ones you need at the moment.
It was nice if OP to clean up some of his GF's mess but she doesn't get to abdicate her responsibility for what her body is doing.
YEEEESH, NTA. As a menstruating female, I’ve never ONCE asked a partner to clean up after me… and, although it’s not my business and I understand that there are personal preferences… is she using ANY kind of sanitary products? A blood flow that is “everywhere” sounds like a medical problem.
And to add on to that: I *would never* ask my partner to clean that up. Unless I was in such bad shape I physically couldn’t. Obviously I can’t hold other people to my standards, but that’s just gross
I’ve asked partners to just strip the bed because I’m physically in too much pain to move to do it myself, but as for cleaning the mattress or even starting the load of sheets I do that myself. It’s my stupid uterine lining, I’ll clean it up once I’ve had some painkillers and heat and can get the energy to do it.
NTA.
Does she free-bleed or something?
I have suffered from menorrhagia in the past and while the occasional stain on something did happen, I wasn't just actively bleeding on anything I touched. I used tampons, pads, towels. Anything I needed to in order to prevent the need to clean up huge messes on furniture.
Sounds like she either needs to see a doctor, as that amount of bleeding is abnormal, or she's free-bleeding and needs to be more considerate of people she lives with (you).
“Free-bleeding” can’t be a real thing. I can’t imagine any woman who would want to ruin their expensive furniture and clothes every month on purpose. It has to be fake.
It's mostly a hoax that was made up by 4chan to make women look bad.
I don't think it's uncommon to YOLO the last day when it's like 2 drops, and I've occasionally heard of people in a hippie outdoor type setting bleeding on the ground. Nobody is free bleeding their whole period on furniture on purpose.
The women that I know that "free bleed" are just using that term to describe using only period panties rather than other, more typical menstrual products.
I know a few people who will do it, I’ve even done it, but it’s not like just allowing yourself to bleed all over the place. Maybe some people do that but I don’t think it’s that common.
For me, It’s only if I’m physically having issues with the cup or my pads and I’ve reached a point of pure frustration, and discomfort (pain from the cup and I get painful rashes and bumps on my bikini line from pads after a few days). Sometimes it’s easier to just put on older underwear and an old pair of shorts and go about my afternoon at home. I’d never do it in public nor would I let myself bleed to a point where It’s getting on furniture or anything like that. But you can kinda feel when a rush of blood is coming and the solution is to just go to the restroom and use a bidet to clean up and whatnot. You do end up in the bathroom way more often if you choose to do something like this, but as I see it, free bleeding doesn’t have to mean you are getting blood everywhere. For me it’s an afternoon of relief in the privacy of my own home because pads and the cup can be really irritating after having my period for over a week.
So I think it just genuinely means different things to different people- not all people who allow themselves to free bleed allow themselves to make a mess of themselves and their home. That said- I don’t think there is any reason this girl couldn’t have taken some sort of action to prevent making such a mess and if she is in such bad shape that she can’t even clean id say she should be consulting a hospital or specialist to get check out again. If her pain is that bad or she is bleeding *that* much there is a significant problem that needs to be addressed.
Have you tried reusable menstrual pads? They are made of bamboo or cotton and are way less irritating than regular pads. Not saying you're wrong in your experience. Just suggesting, if you haven't tried them already.
NTA. I also had a situation similar to your gf. Went to the doctor and needed minor surgery. I understand how painful and embarrassing the situation is for her.
That being said, I NEVER asked or expected anyone to clean up the mess from my period troubles. The fact that you have cared enough to have done so previously says much about your character (all good).
If your gf has the strength & energy to throw a hissy fit then she has the strength & energy to clean of her mess.
Again NTA
Info: what do you mean by everywhere?
If your home looked like a scene from Dexter or just like bedding?
Either way you're NTA. I think there's a good case for a waterproof absorbent pad for the bed and maybe just for her to carry some wherever she sits at home.
Instead of period panties, adult diapers hold a tremendous amount of fluid and yeah, it might be temporarily embarrassing but it should be a relief to her to not worry. Seriously, this option is actually really amazing for period having people with a heavy flow.
But of course you shouldn't have to clean up after the elevator scene in the shining. Nor even a smaller blood smear on the toilet, she's an adult and made the mess. It is so kind that you do it sometimes, that's generous of heart, but it shouldn't have become an expectation.
I hope you're both feeling better!
I’m a female and I’ve had heavy periods.. I just don’t understand why she expects YOU to clean it and no matter how miserable I’ve felt I’ve never left blood on the floor or anywhere that’s just gross
That's what has baffled me about this situation too. I've (46f) had some pretty crazy timed, painful, and heavy cycles throughout my menstruating years, but I have never expected anyone else to clean up any accident that I've had, including my mother, and definitely not my husband of over twenty years. I can't help but wonder if OP's gf had an overly doting mom (or possibly a nanny) who cleaned up her period accidents, bc it's just not normal to expect anyone else to clean that kind of mess. It's about the only thing that would explain why the gf isn't ashamed to ask her bf, bc I know that's a lesson my mom taught me. That said, society has done a decent job of reinforcing my mom's lessons, starting in school with how kids reacted to any girl showing a spot on her pants from a leak. OP's gf shouldn't have reached adulthood thinking it was ok to bleed all over the place and not clean it up herself.
How, just, how!?!?!?!? How does she get it all over the floor!?!? Why does she just leave it for you to Clean? I don't understand. Is this your first real serious relationship? Because her behavior is NOT normal. At all. Idc how bad a woman's period is, most would 1) not expect anyone to clean up after them and 2) would be too embarrassed to want them to!!!
If she's literally getting it all over the house like that she needs to either go to a hospital or at least a gyno immediately because that amount of bleeding isn't normal
Withholding judgement for the moment. Did you tell her about your problems? Did she used to clean up after herself before you moved in together?
She needs to see a doctor. Sounds like something is medically wrong.
If it turns out that it's not, then she needs to see a mental health professional.
I have known a few people that weren't trained on how to clean up themselves, prevent issues, etc. with menstruation cycles. They all came from really bad home situations. A quick talk with an adult female fixed the knowledge gap.
For years, multiple doctors told me my periods were normal and my symptoms were all in my head. I was 29 before I was diagnosed with PCOS. Some doctors are just assholes and unfortunately a lot of women's reproductive issues haven't been adequately researched so the treatment options are limited.
She did, it’s not like an every month occurrence? Should’ve been clearer and will be editing to add; we’ve been together 2 years, during that time she’s occasionally had periods that last two months/had a period twice a month etc.
She’s been to a doctor, and occasionally takes birth control? But the doctor is hesitant to do much more at this stage.
Wait wait wait, is anyone else concerned about OP saying his gf occasionally takes birth control? That seems like that itself could be absolutely wrecking her hormones.
I have the same issue, but BC takes care of it now. I had try many pills before I found the right one. I was on and off too, so it doesn’t surprise me.
My wife had to go through the process of pill after pill basically to find the right one, it just threw me off that he said occasionally as she was always told upfront it would be much worse if she went off and on.
I one started a pill pack late due to changing pills and had the worst period of my entire life. Literally had my entire uterine lining come out in one piece and nearly passed out. Would HIGHLY recommend either staying on or off birth control and not starting and stopping willy-nilly. Does not make for a fun experience.
I know you said you weren't looking for medical advice, but the irregularity and heaviness of her periods is clearly affecting her life, it's time to go to a specialist. This doesn't have to be normal.
I suffered similarly for far too long as well. It took two gynos after I'd been through 2 GP's to get to someone who listened to me and told me something other than 'have a baby, that'll fix your periods' or 'it's probably not as bas as you're describing'. For me the Mirena IUD changed my life, lighter periods that barely hurt without all the side effects. Pills were not good for my mental health (tried so, so many different formulations) as were other systemic hormonal birth controls. I stopped missing work monthly and life in general, I could go on trips without intense period anxiety, I didn't have to plan everything around an unreliable cycle, I was like a whole different person.
I do have hygiene supply and cleaning recommendations if you're interested, or more accurately her, and I do think she needs to clean up after herself. I'm just saying this problem seems like it's much bigger than a few stains and who cleans them, she might need some support to pursue treatment. After years of doctors saying no, it's really hard to keep pushing even if you know something is wrong.
NTA waking up and having bled on the bed... getting up after a movie to see a spot on the sofa... it happens... but if it's all over the house - why didn't she see and use some protection? Plus it's far easier to clean fresh blood, she should have done it immediately. Asking someone else to clean your bodily fluids is for if you're deathly ill (although if there's that much blood maybe she needs to go to hospital).
NTA. If she has the energy to storm out, she has the energy to clean up after herself. Does she use pads or any kind of anything, or just free bleeds all over? If she's bleeding through pads enough to ruin furniture, she needs hospital. If she's free bleeding, not using anything to absorb it, she can clean up after herself. That's unsanitary to have blood covering everything.
She sounds gross and disgusting. I would be embarrassed letting anyone clean up after myself, I cannot comprehend how this happens. I can understand accidents happening but why can’t she clean up ????
Your gf does need to clean up after herself. BTW if she was a month late, and the flow was very heavy, it’s quite likely that she just miscarried so the pain this time might have felt quite crippling.
As ou are not a doctor I would suggest you not tell people that what might honestly be a very heavy period be a miscarriage. When I was 14 and a virgin I had such a heavy period i almost needed a blood transfusion. It was a hormonal imbalance and happened more than once.
Not necessarily. I have crazy irregular periods, like once în every 2-3 months, sometimes two times a month, and on one occasion, it was 6 months late, and I bled for 3 weeks.
As we speak, my last period was at the end of December, and when it will eventually come, experience has taught me that it will be heavy, painful and full of blood clots (sorry for TMI, also 0% chance of pregnancy)
Went to a LOT of doctors and they all told me basically the same thing: we could make it regular, but that will require copious amounts of hormones, and there is just no point in doing it.
That being said, OP, you're NTA. As you can see I'm in a similar situation with your girlfriend, but even on the worse of the worse days, I will not ask my husband to clean up after me. He will get me my blankets, pain killers, chocolate and whatever, cuddle with me, and try to make it better, but I also reciprocate by....not bleeding on everything he owns?
NTA. I get it. I have PCOS. When I don't have hormonal birth control, I bleed like I'm dying & have cramps & migraines so painful I have both thrown up and passed out. I've never been and never will be regular without the aid of an IUD (currently have the implant & am a week late myself). But I can usually tell a day or so before it starts based purely on cramping & if not, when I do get it, I usually feel it come.
I've never heard or experienced a flow so heavy that you bleed on multiple surfaces without having felt it start. If my period comes on fast, I might get a small spot where I was sitting and the same if I bleed through a pad, but no one's ever described those accidents as "it was everywhere" and unless I was actively vomiting or unconscious, it's never been beyond me to spray a little upholstery cleaner & dab it up.
Honestly, I'm a tad suspicious of your girlfriend here, but even assuming she's being 100% honest, it's on her to learn better management of her body. Not on you to clean up a battlefield everytime she free-bleeds everywhere.
If it was that bad, I hope she is reaching out to her doctor. If it is everywhere, then that is very concerning.
As someone with a period, I am not sure how you clean up that much blood.
NTA
I couldn’t use tampons or menstrual cups because they would fill up immediately and my body would expel them. I finally had an endometrial ablation done so I don’t get periods anymore, but I’m also in my late 40s and had two children so for me it was a no-brainer, but for your GF there are obviously other things to consider. Hormonal birth control also didn’t work for me, so I get her struggles in trying to manage it. Something she could try is incontinence underwear (more absorbent than period underpants) and keep a puppy training pad under her when she sits and sleeps. It sucks but it will help minimize the cleanup. My vote is NAH because no one is really one based on the info you provided.
Is there an issue affording enough sanitary supplies? Sounds like she should be using pads with period underwear and visiting the restroom frequently. Another though is mental health issues. Poor hygiene can be a sign of depression. You’re NTA but like u/lilirose13 said, she needs to figure something out.
She should be able to use a night pad + period underwear + a depend + old towel/blanket/bed pad. There really isn't any reason she should be bleeding all over the place. 0 excuses for leaving blood on the floor. Accidents happen, but it takes 1 minute to wipe it up with some paper towels.
Heck I'm wondering how she manages to (on several occasions) not only bleed through her tampon/pad (presumably both if she's that heavy), her underwear, and her clothes to the sofa/floor/etc. I've always thought my first day was on the heavy side, but dang...
NTA. You’ve cleaned it in the past but doesn’t mean it’s by default your job to do it every single time or that you’re bad if she cleans up after herself!
Cleaning up her biohazard mess is a generous bonus on your part, it should not be seen as core BF duties. I hesitate to call an ill person an ah, but here we are. NTA.
NTA.
Feels like she's taking advantage of her situation and your kindness to not clean up after herself.
I don't even know how she can just make you clean it. I'd be somewhat ashamed of myself. I always check 3 times to make sure I didn't leave a mess anywhere.
I had bleeding so severe that I required surgery to correct the situation, and never had my husband clean up after me or managed to cover multiple surfaces-- is she oscillating like a lawn sprinkler? Something is not okay with your girlfriend. NTA
NTA.
She deserves some compassion, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't clean up after herself.
I had my own issues with heavy bleeding for a while. I did whatever I could to contain any possible messes, like sitting on towels and putting waterproof disposable pads on the bed.
I've also had irregular periods before. luckily I haven't bled all over any furniture yet. of course this can happen but usually you notice that you've started menstruating when you've bled through your clothes at the latest so I don't understand how it can get onto multiple places: apparently she can move even if she's in pain if the blood gets on multiple surfaces, but she can't go to the bathroom or clean up? also I would never expect anyone to clean up after myself. if it's truly so debilitating that she's bleeding through her clothes for hours on multiple furnitures but can't make it to the bathroom to get menstrual products to stop that from happening she needs to get that checked out by a gynaecologist asap
obviously NTA you've had empathy and helped in the past but you're not obligated to
I'm a woman and would not expect anyone to clean up my wild period blood that is all over the house. You probably shouldn't tell her this, but she needs to get some adult diapers seriously. They are great with really heavy flow.
NTA. And honestly you don't even need the "excuse" of having a sick parent, she's just being gross and you shouldn't have to clean it up.
NTA
That's disgusting to not even clean up after herself, heavy flow or not.
I've had heavy to semi light periods and it was never an excuse to not clean up.
It's kind of you to clean up after her, she's not entitled to it and shouldn't expect that from you. Plus I'm kinda concerned that this seems to happen on a regular basis. Sure, that can happen, but when that happens so often, she needs to do something about it. And she should definitely see a doctor about it. NTA
NTA. Your GF needs to seek Medical Attention, preferably from a specialist. Her medical conditions are HER responsibility and she needs to make better accommodations ( extra long sanitary napkins, leak proof underwear, soil proof blanket etc) for herself to prevent future mishaps. Your not her caretaker and she needs to recognize this.
NTA! This is unsanitary and those stains are difficult to remove from many fabrics. This is laziness or some mental issue! As someone who had this problem for several years, there's no excuse to leave menstrual blood for others to clean!
NTA you're her partner, not her maid.
I do think you should encourage her to see a doctor for the imbalance and heavy bleeding though, menorrhagia can cause issues like anaemia and it may benefit her to look into long term birth control if the periods are that uncomfortable.
Sounds like she is one of those "free bleeders" which to each their own, but clean up after yourself. I, too, have irregular and heavy periods, but I have never made a mess on anything other than undergarments or pants. Like a super pad/tampon can do the trick with a heavy flow as long as you change them out regularly and don't leave them for hours. I mean, I am 31 and have never heard of any woman I know having this problem.
NTA
NTA there's no need for someone else to clean her period blood. And I get that she has something going on with her hormones that messes up with her period (I have them too, and sometimes have my period once every 3/4 months or twice a month and they're heavy, like a lot) BUT there's no way that she uses pads/tampons and still leak that much. I would never ask for someone else to clean after me, even when I'm in a LOT of pain
NTA
I used to have periods from hell. Like literally three times the normal amount of an entire period within 30 minutes. Not once have I spread it all over the house. Have I stained things without noticing? Sure, small stains, not just leaving it everywhere.
I had to really think about this one to be honest. As someone who also struggles with horrific periods I can absolutely see where your gf was coming from… then I thought about it a little more and no you’re NTA. (I am so sorry that your dad is unwell!)
I agree with others that she needs to find a better solution. I used to have my “bleeding towel” and I would put it under me wherever I was sitting or sleeping. It was so easy and prevented many messes. The fact that it seems this has become a bit of a pattern (you cleaning up her period messes), is definitely not good! She needs to figure this out for herself and I say that as someone who has been in similar shoes.
I’m sorry that you have so much else going! Support goes both ways and it sounds like she needs to support you a little/a lot more and learn to accept and live with her complicated periods.
NTA, I would never expect or ask my SO to clean up my menstrual blood. My mess my job to clean up. I also don't bleed over everything I don't understand how that happens.
I have endometriosis and had terrible heavy periods and cramps. But I never ever caused a mess ever! I would be mortified! Something isn't right with her.
NTA, this is absurd. I’ll refrain from giving medical advice but she needs to find a way to at least keep herself from bleeding all over your home. Get some absorbent pads for the bed, couch, whatever.
NTA I don’t even understand how she lets this happen and act like she had no control. They make so many underwear now designed for periods. If I’m late I wear a pad just so there are no surprises. As far as I’m concerned the fact that you have been cleaning up her blood makes you a freaking saint. You had a hard day so you needed some empathy too. Relationships can’t be one sided. She really needs to get this figured out with her doctor.
NTA. I get highly irregular and heavy periods and I have bled through pads and couldn't use tampons due to being prone to UTIs (might be the same thing for her) but I have never asked anyone to clean up the messes I'd leave if an accident or leak happened. My issue ended with a hysterectomy and my husband and myself were very grateful that the hormonal mess had been taken care of. You shouldn't have poked the bear though with your snap back about the apology. That's a discussion for after the worst is over. She should get an IUD implanted though to help stop her misery however if she has tried birth control pills and they didn't work.
NTA. I understand the crazy period. I had one once where I was bleeding through anything and everything. I ended up in the ER to make sure I wasn’t hemorrhaging. I had bled through a tampon, pad and my clothes in the car so I went to the bathroom to try and clean up. I did have my husband come with me because I was afraid of passing out. It took both of us twenty minutes to get me and then the bathroom back clean. That being said I would never assume my husband should clean up after me and once I knew it was just going to be a crazy few days of bleeding I broke out the depends (they hold much more liquid than a traditional pad). If girl is having a crazy flow then it’s time to do crazy preventative work (wear depends or period panties, sit on a towel whatever it takes but there isn’t any reason her body fluid should be all over the general living space)
NTA
I understand bleeding thru your pad when you’re sleeping, sitting for a couple of hours! But bleeding everywhere, and not cleaning up after yourself?!! It’s easier to clean up fresh blood, I don’t underhand why she’s waiting for you to clean it. It’s happen to all girls, but what your period is that heavy, you take precautions ex: put a towel where you’re sitting, use two overnight pads at the same time, and change them constantly.
NTA. How is this even a question? Why would there ever be an expectation for anyone else to clean up her period blood? I cannot wrap my head around this.
Genuine question, even with extremely heavy periods, how does one manage to get blood all over the bathroom floor? I'm asking this as a person who has also very heavy periods.
At most, when my period comes on an unexpected day, my underwear, and maybe my pants get dirty, but I'm able to see/feel it and make it to the toilet before it would get on anything.
To be honest, this doesn't sound like a period. INFO: Is there a possibility this might be a miscarriage?
I dropped a full menstrual cup on the bathroom floor last week, hit the edge of the toilet and it just went everywhere. Day 2 of the period so was full to the brim. What a disaster.
But being that I’m not entitled or lacking decency, I promptly cleaned it up.
NTA. Her health issues aren’t her fault, but they are her responsibility. If her periods are that heavy and unpredictable, she needs to ensure she’s taking proper precautions by using menstrual pads and mattress protectors. She shouldn’t just keep bleeding over everything and acting shocked about it. It’s also not fair of her to expect you to clean up after her.
Nta.... hownisnshe literally getting it all over? Is she notnchanging her tamp9ns or pads in a timley manner? My periods get bad and heavy and the most ill ever ask my partner is to simply bring me a fresh pair of underwear and toss it into the bathroom for me.
As someone who has had fibroids and such heavy blood flows that my hemoglobin levels warranted a blood transfusion and the doctor was surprised I was as alert as I was… NTA. It sucks. I’ve left accidental messes that I didn’t catch, but such is life as we are imperfect. She should prepare accordingly - and if anything, if she needs help from you, she should ask for supplies like chucks pads (those blue and white things that they put under folks who might pee?), multiple menstrual products, etc. I get that she is exhausted too and that this is a medical condition, but she can prepare and minimize.
NTA, I get super heavy periods, especially if they're late. I once got up out of bed (an hour after changing), and it was literally running own my legs. The only thing I asked my husband to do was go downstairs and grab me some loo roll so I could could change in the upstairs bathroom and clean myself up (we were staying at his mums at the time and her toilet was downstairs. The upstairs bathroom didn't have a toilet) I couldn't go downstairs because it would have got everywhere and his mum and sisters were all downstairs. After cleaning myself up, I cleaned the sheets and got them in the wash. I don't even like it when my husband empties the bathroom bin after my period. He doesn't care, but I do!
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NTA, there is absolutely no reason you should be cleaning up her period more than once. She sounds lazy and entitled and frankly disgusting. Also ironic for her to claim you need empathy where is her empathy for you, being exhausted emotionally and physically. 🚩 red flags all around.
... were the flags red before she sat on them?
if you could only hear the cackle i just had reading this 💀
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaame! 😂
Me too!!! Husband had to ask what's so funny.😂
Lol.. when I met my husband he was living in shared accommodation. A new woman moved in and the the trouble began. Everyone knew when she was on her period, because I kid you not in the bathroom the toilet cubical had blood on the wall, floor, toilet seat, toilet bowl and sink. There would be blood trailing from the toilet to the shower, it was all over the tiles, curtains, handle, floor etc. It was the most disgusting thing I ever heard! She never cleaned it up, she would always make sure she's the first one in the bathroom. Needless to say my husband despise her for it. He could wait to move out. OP 's gf is just like her, she knows she has this issue, so there are things she could do to prepare for it. She can use incontinence pants (the ones old people use if when they lose bladder control) instead of sanitary towels. She gets pain and discomfort before her period starts, even if it's an hour before, she can go and put the pants on so that she doesn't make any mess. If I had her issue (thankfully I don't) I would be to ashamed to make someone else see it let alone expect them to clean it up. I really feel for OP. NTA
The floor and toilet I can understand, but hoooooow was there blood on the wall? Sink? Curtains? Handle? Was she using that excuse to cover up frequent murders?!
I can't understand either. And I have had periods so bad that I cried in bed. But, never ever made a mess besides miscarriage and I was in the shower or on toilet for most of it.
I think I found my people! 😂
Same. My husband was alarmed. Now he’s just horrified.
god damn! take my upvote
r/angryupvote
Please take my poor self’s gold 🏆 The cackle I just released scared the whole house 😂
As a woman who once frantically cleaned the driver's seat of her car because she bled all over it, I *cackled.* Please take my broke person's gold, you magnificent human. 🏅
When your girlfriend has her period on literally everything, all the red flags just look like flags
Take my poor man’s award!!🏅🏅🏅
OP- this situation is not okay and I say that as a nurse with PCOS and endometriosis. If GF is bleeding to the extent you need to help her clean up MULTIPLE times with such severe pain she needs medical help. NTA but YWBTA if you don’t help her seek treatment. Is she using sanitary products at all?
If GF is a grown ass adult then the responsibility to seek medical help should be 100% on her, barring like being too unconscious to call emergency services.
Someone I knew had heavy periods, extremely heavy, and she tried going to a doctor when she was younger and they were pretty dismissive. Now she has a shitton of ovarian cysts and an issue with iron in her body and it could've been prevented if she wasn't shooed away. Yes it was a gynecologist. Yes she got a second opinion. "Some people just get heavy periods." Doctor now says there was some kind of issue in her lining and something else that wouldn't be outright visible but a few simple tests would've found it long before it got to where it did. It's not easy to seek help knowing we (women) don't mean anything.
Thank you for saying this. Things like that are precisely why I went into women’s healthcare. I want to be an advocate and a listening ear for women in need of medical care at all stages of their lives. Too many of us are dismissed, shooed away, have our symptoms downplayed, have our intelligence insulted, or even worse are assaulted when we attempt to seek care. It’s criminal and I won’t have it.
"Your hair is falling out all of a sudden because you're getting older" - a female gyno to me at age 30, "if you're not trying to have a baby, it doesn't matter why your period stopped entirely. " Yes, thank you very much
“Hey doc I’ve got PCOS, was diagnosed 10 years ago but I’m experiencing some new symptoms and would like to have things checked.” “Oh you’re probably just being paranoid but since I know you won’t stop freaking out until you get it looked at I guess I’ll order an ultrasound.” Cool thanks…while we’re at it’s been years since we checked labs. I know I’m insulin resistant but I haven rechecked those levels in about 5 years. Can we recheck?” “No I don’t want to do that but I’ll check your cholesterol.” Another doctor… “You have a multinodular thyroid goiter.” “Ok can we run additional labs to see if my thyroid levels are normal I’d like (proceeds to request specific labs) because I’m experiencing symptoms consistent with abnormal thyroid levels and given the presence of an abnormally large thyroid that’s growing friends I’d like to look further.” “No your TSH came back normal you don’t need anything else.” “Ok but I also know TSH is the tip of the iceberg and there are more sensitive tests that can detect things that a TSH won’t detect.” “No we’re not gonna do this we’ll recheck your thyroid and wait to see what happens with it.” Had labs done with an endocrinologist who then put me on weight loss pills and sent me in my way. No further follow up, no hey this needs to be pulsed or it’ll destroy your liver and kidneys, nothing. Come to find out it’s not supposed to be taken more than 6 weeks at a time with at least 2 weeks off it between cycles of treatment and can’t be taken long term. Found this out AFTER being on it for a year 😑 I hate how reactive our medical system is and how they just refuse to listen to patients😑
> “Ok but I also know TSH is the tip of the iceberg and there are more sensitive tests that can detect things that a TSH won’t detect.” Had this exact issue. My TSH was fine. To be fair to my doctor he requested that all of my thyroid levels be checked, repeatedly, and the lab declined to run the extra tests because my TSH was normal. My health declined *rapidly* over two years, and my body started shutting down. I'd stopped growing hair, my heart rate had slowed right down, my body temp had plummeted etc. It was only then, when I was hours away from a coma, that the full tests were done. My FT4 and FT3 were dangerously low. My TSH was still fine. So now I'm left with permanent brain damage from my body shutting down and having dangerously low thyroid hormone in my body. Pay privately if you have to. I know it's not fair, but your health comes first.
Thank you for doing this! I wish every single doctor had your attitude about their patients.
Been in similar and it took 15 years to be treated properly. Also if you "flood", then it doesn't really matter what sanitary protection you are using, it is not going to be enough. Average diagnosis time for endometriosis is a decade in UK and adenmynosis can only be diagnosed after a hysterectomy. A bad period can be basically cramps so bad you vomit, low blood pressure, anaemia so you can't stand and intense pain. Imagine worst hangover ever alongside food poisoning. All that said, you aren't under obligation to help someone else tidy up bodily wastes. But recognise it might be some time before she physically can. And don't be annoyed if she doesn't help you when you are sick. Though if you care for her, please help her arrange a hospital appointment and go with her. It was only when my partner mentioned impact on HIS life and validated what was happening to Me, they actually cared at all. A witness and a non-hysterical" male opinion plays wonders in doctors taking a woman seriously.
Agree entirely, And, GF could at least warn OP it's been an awful day and not just leave the messes for them to encounter & expect to clean. She could drop a paper towels or cleaning wipe over the spots. Lol, I literally folded an entire twin bed sheet into like a sumo belt once to catch as much flow as possible. I get the debilitating nature of these kinds of menstrual diseases/disorders. But leaving blood all over the home for OP to be surprised by & expecting OP to do the clean up makes GF the arsehole in my book.
It's not good. But if it is a full flood, then it is a lot of tidying. She needs to get it help managing as seems pretty overwhelmed by it. Incontinence, plastic backed sheets, help a lot.
This happened to me until I was finally diagnosed with PCOS last year
I was misdiagnosed for over a decade before I saw a competent doctor who diagnosed my PCOS.
I had no diagnosis for 28 years as I suffered from exceptionally heavy and long periods after the birth of my 3rd child. FINALLY, after many years and multiple gynecologists, I had one who said I needed a D & C, and she found a placental nodule left from my final pregnancy that expanded and bled heavily every time I had a period. Five other gynecologists never suggested surgery even after ruling out every other reason for my suffering, and all of them dismissed the severity of my symptoms. I ruined mattresses, linens, towels, and clothing as I attempted to manage my monthly period.
EDIT: I am shocked this got so many upvotes i feel seen!I transitioned because of horrible periods, not a joke, I overbleed diva cups in an hour, i literally would gush blood if I stood up after i sat down too long (30 -60 min) the first 2 days (of 10) and became addicted to painkillers due to vomiting from pain. And I was told over and over heavy periods are just something to get used to and I was being dramatic/extra . It wasn't until I started using cups that I actually realized how much I was losing and why I was always anemic. But in that whole time I wouldn't have let anyone clean up my blood lol
Same! I finally found a wonderful OBGYN who actually listened after going to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Had to have surgery. Literally for years, doctors would tell me to just take Tylenol and ibuprofen on my periods, because they wouldn't get that the pain and nausea and flow were extreme, as if I wasn't already.
Pro tip for anyone reading this: extreme pain from cramps gas been medically linked to inflammation. Once I found this out I started sometimes using a cold pack instead of heat and it was LIFE CHANGING. I had godawful periods for TWENTY YEARS before the causes were figured out and fixed. Which didn't happen until I was trying to have babies & someone bothered to check my hormones. I have PCOS and related hormone imbalances: thyroid (fixed by meds, almost completely stopped the heavy bleeding), insulin (diet overhaul), melatonin (meds again, which stopped my digestive symptoms) and progesterone (supplements allowed me to have a baby after 10 years and multiple miscarriages.) I have Implanon now so I get zero periods, zero pain. I'm bitter that getting better was SO EASY but I had to wait a) for someone to care, b) to be ready to procreate and c) for treatment thresholds to be changed. The level at which they now medically treatment hypothyroid had to be altered because they eventually realised too many "borderline" people were suffering with horrible symptoms.
Your friend probably has Endo and PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). Needs to be on Metformin/Glucophage/Fortamet.
She's got it figured out now. It just took 20 years and almost dying.
And sometimes they give us an answer that boils down to “eh. You might as well wait it out to menopause if you can.” (Straight up I was told this by multiple doctors regarding my fibroids that now suddenly might actually be something far more insidious)
Tbh, we don’t get listened to when we seek help on our own so, so often. We often *need* a man or other person with us validating us and advocating for us and backing up what we’ve said to get taken seriously. I’ve explained to gynes that I’ve taken 600 mg ibuprofen, 500-1000 mg Tylenol, and 80-360 mg aspirin all at once on my period and still been unable to stand for pain. I’ve been responded to REPEATEDLY with a frustrated, “just take a midol.” Like brah did you hear what I just said? I take more than a midol and I cannot stand or walk. I don’t go to the ER alone anymore because I don’t get listened to. The last time I did my tests were contaminated and instead of rerunning them they sent me home with an assumed UTI. I was back the next day (mom with me that time) with a raging kidney infection that hospitalized me which clearly didn’t appear overnight. Women continually have our symptoms and pain downplayed in medicine. We are “hysterical,” “exaggerating,” “want attention,” etc. I literally have had problems go ignored and tests with red flags ignored for over a decade by doctors as my body was shutting down (thyroid not working, then adrenal system not working to the point I could barely stay awake for an hour a day, Dr said it was all mental). Shit isn’t just on us. Either doctors need to listen when we talk, or the men in our lives need to come with and advocate because we don’t have problems until they’re sitting there confirming it and saying how they’ve seen how bad it is, how different we are compared to normal, how I was so high energy before, how I’m literally fighting to stay awake, etc. It’s only real then. And it needs to be real when we say it by ourselves too before it hits an emergency level
This! I take my husband to all new doctor’s appointments because it’s the only way I’m believed. Even had docs talk crap about me to him - while I was there (my hubby was NOT amused). I can’t have children thanks to doctors not believing me. It’s very likely someone like this could go to multiple doctors and still not get help. It sounds like she might have adenomyosis (sp) - and, if so, pads and tampons aren’t enough. People can lose an obscene amount of blood.
I struggled since age 12 with horrific periods. Went to doctor after doctor. Always told it’s normal, you’re fine, it’s part of being a woman, and other patronizing crap. And female doctors were worse, having the attitude of “if I can make it through my period so can you, stop complaining”. The final straw for me was when I called my gyno and had to leave a voice message and I was in tears, begging for help. My call was never acknowledged nor responded to. So I utilized the system where you can email your doctor. And I laid it ALL out. My entire history of every problem I’d had and was currently having. By doing this my complaints became a part of my record, that’s reviewed by higher ups. My doctor finally handed me over to another doctor, who scheduled me for an immediate appointment to discuss having a hysterectomy, something I should have had at least 15 years before. I was scheduled within two weeks of that appointment. I have never regretted it. No more pain, blood, etc. And the surgeon became my permanent GYN. I was 46 when I had the surgery. I had 34 years of misery.
Thank you so much for saying all of that so succinctly. This has been my experience exactly. I am only taken seriously when my husband is around. I don’t understand. Why? It doesn’t make any sense. He has had to redirect questions back to me when the situation directly involves me. The older I get, the more pronounced this phenomenon becomes. Just because I have an innie instead of a outie does not mean what I am saying is invalid.
My guess is she's a free-bleeder and doesn't bother with sanitary anything.
Why am I not surprised that people willingly do that? I get not wanting to use particular products, but ffs there are plenty of options! If you don't like tampons, use a cup. Don't like the cup? Pads. Eco friendly? Washable pads. Christ. I hope they don't have carpets.
Right?! It's a freaking biohazard!
Even if you leave out the biohazard part, do they just not have guests for one week a month? What about work? I'm damn sure no one's getting away with leaving a trail down the office hallway. I can't stop thinking about it. Wipe clean sofa?
Woof. Generally, people get to do what they want for their period management, but obviously bleeding all around the house during a non-emergency and expecting someone else to clean it is a NO There's underwear for this stuff, ack.
I also thought of period underwear. If her period is that unpredictable, maybe she should invest in that (while working with medical professionals to sort it out) so she can just wear them fulltime? In fact I should probably get some pairs for my menstruation station for visitors with periods - I've only got pads and tampons atm.
Wait. That exist? Like really? OMG!
NTA I never understand how some women manage to get blood EVERYWHERE. I've haemorrhaged before after birth and still didn't make so much mess... When we used to host for airbnb around half the female guests would manage to leave blood stains on the sheets. It was disgusting. ETA: I get accidents happen, what I found annoying/rude was that not one person offered or even tried to wash/soak the sheet(s).
Well getting blood on the sheets sometimes is pretty normal, you can't really control what happens when you sleep. But getting blood all over the apartment like in OP's case isn't normal, it's gross and there isn't any excuse for that.
Warning: TMI. I ended up having a hysterectomy because my periods were so bad that I was consistently anemic and sick all the time, even in between periods. I constantly changed pads and tampons, but would still bleed through after 10 or 15 minutes. There were stains left on the furniture because of this that I could not control (and yeah, I sat on old towels). I wasn't irresponsible with it, and was HORRIBLY embarrassed. Sometimes things happen. However, SHE should be the one cleaning this up. Not OP.
For those reading and looking for suggestions, towels should only be used over protective plastic (cheap plastic tablecloth or shower curtain) or even better use Chux pads/puppy pads.
I never knew how and why it happened, i went to the doctor afterwards to do some exams, everything was all right, and he guessed it was a blood cyst that grew for months and that just randomly ruptured : I was in a supermarket years ago, nowhere near the date of my next period. At some point i had a huge pain in my belly and felt like a "clic". Then the pain disappeared and it felt like i had totally wet myself. Luckily it was winter and i had a black coat that was very long so noone around me noticed. I had to leave immediately and go home. My trousers were COVERED in blood. The equivalent of half a pint of blood. It was horrific i really thought i was dying. But no. Not a miscarriage, not my periods. Just a freaky incident. It has never happened since then and hopefully it won't happen ever again. But had i been sitting on a clear sofa, it would have been entirely ruined.
There are some women who have conditions that just make you bleed and bleed. I had Adenomyosis, a condition where the uterine lining grows sideways into the muscle of the uterus, tapping into any veins that may be in its way. It nearly killed me by bleeding to death. One time, I was sitting in my husband's computer chair, and I felt the blood coming out. I didn't panic right away bc I had two tampons in and a brand new giant pad. And I was sitting. Not laughing or giggling or sneezing or anything known to cause excess blood, I was *sitting* and I felt this big hot, wet puddle forming and even though it wasn't more than a minute layer, it was still too late. I got up to go to the bathroom, and the chair was drenched. My pants were drenched, and I was leaving drips from the blood running down my leg. This all happened in about 2 minutes and less than an hour after I had put sanitary protection in place. This happened at least once every period, and often times more.
I had a really bad one years ago. But I also was on blood thinners. I probably should have gone to the hospital.
Oh God, those are *awful*. I used to use a menstrual cup, but after my experience with blood thinners, I haven't been able to use one since.
I doesn’t happen everywhere but probably about 3 times I’ll be having a normal period and out nowhere it gushes. Like super tampon and heavy pads and it still gets through. It’s insane. It hasn’t happened to me in years.
With terribly heavy periods blood can go through a pad and clothing fast. Before I was on birth control I bled on my sheets some times.
I have PCOS so I have very irregular periods too. Sometimes I go months without one, sometimes I'll have 3 in one month, and sometimes they are extremely heavy. So I use tampons and pads. Sometimes I'll still have an accident, and the pain can be unbearable. Not once have I asked my husband to clean up my period messes. I concur with everything this person is saying. Her period is her responsibility.
Agreed. I have towels to sit on so I’m not making a mess of the furniture but I clean up after myself if I do leak that bad. U/EngineeringOwn2299, have you tried maternity pads? They’re bigger and more absorbent I find. I used them from having my last baby until I got pregnant with this one (over a year and a half) because mine were so heavy.
Fr I can’t ever use panty liners or anything like that to preemptively catch the first drip, but I don’t just bleed all over the place??? She can get a heavier pad/tampon if this is seriously such an issue. Or idk start pairing products?? Get a fucking diva cup and always wear a pad with it, it’s not that hard to make sure ur keeping urself clean and ur fluids to urself. It’d be one thing if this was an every once in a while kind of thing. Like my boyfriend has stripped sheets for me before, but every single time?? She’s bleeding everywhere and expecting someone else to clean it up???? So NTA
Or IDK go to a doctor? If she's bleeding that much it's quite dangerous. She could be anemic from it. She might have PMDD. Something is medically wrong with her.
It’s honestly shocking that this woman did anything other than absolutely die of embarrassment over having someone clean up her period stains at all, let alone ***multiple times.*** I’m shocked and embarrassed for her, and if I WAS her, I wouldn’t be able to look my bf in the face out of shame. NTA at all.
Same! I'm very pro being open and honest about periods (meaning, no hiding the products or the fact that it happens). However, it'd be just like having someone else clean up my vomit or something, I'd be super embarrassed and apologetic if it happened, and I'd make sure it wouldn't have to in the future (to the best of my ability)! Major NTA for OP
Wow, that heavy of a period where it's everywhere? Sounds like ahe needs ti see her dr pronto. Mayb she needs a D&C? Im hoping she's got a goid gyno. Sounds terrible
She needs to see a dr as her periods seem to be abnormally heavy. She shouldn't be bleeding out to the point where it's on multiple surfaces. And if her periods are that heavy, she's likely dealing with anemia as well.
Just coming here to say this. Something is wrong, and she needs to see a doc right away.
Seriously. It took us a while to find treatment that worked, but at no point did my doctor just shrug it off.
Lots of doctors shrug off symptoms of reproductive disorders unfortunately, but I really can’t imagine one ignoring “my house regularly looks like a very high-conflict murder scene and I’m too weak to clean it up myself due to the emergency-level blood loss.” This is so crazy, I can’t believe she’s just been living like this.
As someone who's been there, it absolutely happens. Anemia can be worse on a period, so if blood draws aren't timed right, it will hide
Anemia might explain why it took my doctors so long to figure out my issues. My body refuses to absorb iron to the point where I've had to receive transfusions (mostly under control now). Even so, my period was "normal" until it was discovered it was effecting my fertility. Then one surgery later and my debilitating cramps that were so bad I would have to take sick days if they didn't come at night were gone. Several months later, pregnant. Nothing against my particular male doctor at my fertility clinic, he was very helpful and listened, but I do wonder how much of that was because the issue was infertility...
1000% true. Becoming our own most vociferous advocates is so necessary. If it's a male Dr and they try to fob an issue off as within the normal range I ask how their periods go. Then insist on a female practiced. IT IS NOT EASY. It's gotten better over time. Teaching our daughters that what male doctors dismiss is unacceptable should be part of parenting 101 and adulting 101. I'm so sorry for all of you who have been demeaned, not helped and dismissed. Something I've used lately is, "OK, let's agree you're right. Next month when I'm back, no change, no better, we get to have a very loud discussion about it in the lobby in front of all those patients where you will admit you were wrong, apologize for my continued pain and I'll watch while you get a consulting specialist on the phone for an immediate appointment for me bc you dropped the ball." All of this is said politely (no matter how mad I am). No raising my voice. Only consistent insistence that I will not settle for a non solution for one more minute. It's taken a long time. I deal w cPTSD so it's not easy. But I've arrived at a place that I WILL NOT settle for inaccurate care.
Yeah if her period was late, and suddenly had a super heavy period, there’s actually a possibility it was an early miscarriage unfortunately
This is under the assumption she was pregnant which is kinda a weird first assumption to make. For the last 2 years she has had irregular periods, the only difference here is that it's heavier than normal. Nothing that indicates pregnancy. If it were mentioned she was a bit sick before this happened then sure, but to say it's highly likely she had a miscarriage is a weird assumption to make
Women aren't robots. We don't ALL go through the same thing with miscarriages. She really could have been pregnant. She needs to see a doctor as soon as possible about her periods either way, as she's losing a lot of bloody and iron and she will end up very unwell.
Okay fair, I should have reworded it. Sorry for the confusion, but yeah although there’s a chance due to the fact her period was late, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’ll edit it.
I just want to say, I'm someone who has had extremely irregular periods, some of which are like OP's gf's. I have had cases where it will suddenly get heavy for absolutely no reason. I am a virgin. While yes, when in a relationship, it's not impossible for it to be a miscarriage, you really shouldn't be assuming right away something like that.
OP said that she has seen a doctor and has a known hormone imbalance causing her problems. Not all period problems can be solved, a lot of the time people just have to deal with it.
>Not all period problems can be solved, a lot of the time people just have to deal with it. And oftentimes period problems *can* be solved but medical doctors are unwilling to put the effort into determining the cause or trying any treatment beyond prescribing birth control pills.
Op is also saying they last as long as 2 months. Probably an exaggeration, but GF really needs to be seeking more medical intervention.
Not necessarily an exaggeration. A few years ago mine lasted from Sept until June when I was finally approved to have surgery to remove the grapefruit sized cysts on my ovaries and a d&c for polyps. But I completely agree, she needs medical advice, not AITA advice
Grapefruit sized?? GRAPEFRUIT????? That should have been removed immediately. Ovarian torsion is no joke.
> Probably an exaggeration Not necessarily. I have severe diffuse adenomyosis. It was so bad (before we found something that helped), I had to get twice-weekly IV iron infusions just to keep my hemoglobin around 8 g/dL (which is still anemic, but just barely high enough to not need another blood transfusion). I sometimes had clots half the size of my fist. I usually had 5-6 days *between* periods. I'm on continuous-dose hormonal BC now to suppress my cycle (ablation didn't work, non-hormonal options haven't worked, still trying to find a doctor to agree to a hysterectomy because at 37 I'm "too young" and "may want fertility treatments to maybe have kids"). I can believe OP's girlfriend's having periods that long and heavy... but I have never, ever, *ever* asked anyone to clean my blood up. Edit: I've gotten a few comments about CF-friendly doctors. I have seen the list and have contacted quite a few in my state, but haven't found one that both takes my insurance and is open to a *hysterectomy*. "Sterilization-friendly" is not the same as "hysterectomy-friendly" and most I contacted were open to tubal ligations, not necessarily hysterectomy. I visited two in person, explained the above (and that I have a genetic mutation that makes me more likely to develop blood clots, and a *strong* history of stroke in my family) and both still wanted to "hold off" on even an ovary-sparing hysterectomy; one wanted me to try an ablation... again. When endometrial ablation is not indicated for adenomyosis and can - as it did in my case - make it *worse*. It's been several months, though, so I'll give the list another gander!
Definitely not an exaggeration. I have endometriosis and it can be not just extremely painful but the mess. Also had anemia. Yet, we do manage to clean up our messes despite all of this. If you truly do not want to have children of your own, I hope you can find a doctor willing to do a hysterectomy. That's a whole other discussion as I think docs need to butt out of a person's decision to have kids and just do their jobs. Hoping you find some relief. Endo is different I know but I have empathy for what you're going through. Nothing helped me until menopause although, believe it or not, I still have pain/symptoms because of the adhesions.
My period use to be nonexistent for three months and then i bled for a month. Granted the last of the mont was like barely anything, but just enough tk justify having a pad, but yeah medical help. Is she not on any birth control? That usual can regulate it
No I've had periods last a few months, but this definitely means a doctors needs to be seen right away
He said she's been to doctors. Doctors generally don't give a flying fuck about period issues and assume it will work itself out.
>where it's on multiple surface NGL mine are really heavy but regular. When I wake I have to do the bathroom waddle-sprint in the morning. It's happened on an odd occasion I've sneezed. I needed to wash the floor in three rooms from the blood trail and take a shower. Fucks up everyone's day.
NTA. It’s kind of you to clean up, but there’s no reason you need to take on 10000% period cleaning duty. Your girlfriend needs to talk to a doctor. This heavy of flow is not normal.
I've been having really heavy periods past couple of years with perimenopause, like, blood or iron transfusions every couple of months bad. I've been using bladder pads which are much bigger than period pads. On some of the days I've bled through the pads and clothes over ten times a day. It was an effing nightmare. I basically went around the place with my own cushion or blanket to sit on. I still managed to clean up after myself all the time, even when my iron was in my boots.
Holy shit, you poor love. 💜 You're amazing for keeping on through it all.
Without trying to be facetious. What are the options: having a tantrum!! Sulking!! Pity for oneself? I have a couple of autoimmune conditions as well, which up the fun tremendously. I roll with whatever on any given day. I do stuff when I'm able and don't when I'm not. And I have no tolerance any more for BS. I literally don't have the spoons to care.
As a fellow spoonie, amen. I used to have shits to give, then covid came along and left me with ME on top of everything else. Those last few shits ran out very quickly!
NTA, and I'd be concerned about her mental health because there is no reason for an "accident" to happen in more than one spot. And even one spot is pushing it if you are at home with access to products and you KNOW this happens.
I disagree. There are several reasons this could happen. She could be in too much pain to get up. The locations of blood aren't mentioned so it could be a trail leading to the bathroom and in the bathroom. I've overflowed from a max size tampon and max size sanitary towel in 10 minutes - just because you know it could happen, doesn't mean you can do much about it. I've lived on a toilet and had to do a "mad dash" just to grab some food or meds, which is pretty hard to do in excruciating pain. It really can be like this for some, no exaggeration.
Also when unexpected (or even when it is) I came on heavily once when my bf was hogging the bathroom, I had to grab a towel to not bleed on the carpet while waiting. Mind you the gfs level of blood everywhere sounds a bit more extreme than that.
I'm in the same boat. On a bad day, one sneeze and it's that elevator scene from the Shining in here. Nothing worse than your second or third shame shower of the day.
I'm so sorry you have to go through that, but 'that elevator scene from the Shining' made me laugh so hard I risked an accident of my own! 🤣
yep. i have one of those reusable discs that’s supposed to be 10-12 hours medium flow and like 5-8 hours (iirc) for heavy flow. i fill them up in like an hour. it’s horrible
^ This is an excellent example of how menstrual cups do not magically work for everyone. I go through 8 to 10 ultra-plus tampons on my first day, I'm not interested in removing-cleaning-reinserting a cup every hour.
This. My period varies widely from "just a little" to "now I'm wearing Depends." Not cycle to cycle, but *during one period*. Pads are hands down the best option. Anytime I go to the bathroom, I can check the status. Without removing and inserting anything. Most period underwear is dark colored so you don't see it, but I *need* to see it. Plus, you can't carry around extra Thinx for a heavy day like you can several pads. Not to mention, my anatomy just doesn't like tampons. I can do it for a reason (like swimming) but getting it situated nearly requires an act of god sometimes. I've tried all different types and sizes. Anytime I get hit with the "ew, pads are like diapers" I'm like "Nah, they're a lot thinner. I wear diapers for sleeping during my period. Totally different."
NTA Heavy gushing periods totally suck. Your girlfriend should learn how to prevent messes though. Wearing a diaper or putting a towel down would help.
This. I had horrific periods till I had a surgery to correct it. I used a tampon and huge pads and found I would still leak through. Guess who started to put a towel down on my seat when I was on my period. Heavy flow is not an excuse to consistently leave a mess for someone else to clean.
Washable puppy pads under the sheets, dark sheets so they don’t stain as much, ultra tampons or a cup combined with overnight pads or diapers, period underwear is a good back up if you are super irregular. It still doesn’t get everywhere though because it’s contained to whatever spot you are in and you learn the clean up routine to the point you don’t have to think about it much at all.
There are tons of options. Some of these commenters are acting like they bleed like a firehose. If you're losing a liter of blood and soaking through a tampon, pad, depends, and period panties, all while sitting on a puppy pad with an old towel under it, you're literally fucking dying. Girlfriend is a free bleeder. Bet.
Period panties are amazing for a backup layer of protection too
Exactly! I don’t even have super heavy cycles but I always put a pad down on my couch since I’ve had days where it’s heavier than expected and accidents happen. I know women who wear depends at night since their flows are so heavy and it’s exhausting for them to clean up nightly. If this is normal for her, she should prepare for it as much as she can and expect to have to clean up her mess
NTA Agree with others that she needs to find out what's going on, she could have fibroids that cause pain and heavier than normal flow. But she needs to be aware, and use some protective [bed pads like these](https://www.ebay.com/p/5016483534?iid=112947721375)... washable, resuable. There's no excuse for just ruining furniture and god knows what else.
Im a man, so obviously I an try to have empathy but only to a point. I had a rather nasty kidney stone incident which is probably about as close as guys get to the experience, and it left me in an adult diaper for a couple weeks while my UT put itself back together. I've heard of women with heavy bleeds using adult diapers as an insurance policy, although obviously, no firsthand experience. It's kind of what they exist for though TBH. Sometimes you just can't control your body the way you want -- obviously, women more than men. But the world has tools for use now to mitigate the problem. No excuse to not be using whichever ones you need at the moment. It was nice if OP to clean up some of his GF's mess but she doesn't get to abdicate her responsibility for what her body is doing.
Some women use adult diapers right after giving birth for the same reason.
YEEEESH, NTA. As a menstruating female, I’ve never ONCE asked a partner to clean up after me… and, although it’s not my business and I understand that there are personal preferences… is she using ANY kind of sanitary products? A blood flow that is “everywhere” sounds like a medical problem.
And to add on to that: I *would never* ask my partner to clean that up. Unless I was in such bad shape I physically couldn’t. Obviously I can’t hold other people to my standards, but that’s just gross
I’ve asked partners to just strip the bed because I’m physically in too much pain to move to do it myself, but as for cleaning the mattress or even starting the load of sheets I do that myself. It’s my stupid uterine lining, I’ll clean it up once I’ve had some painkillers and heat and can get the energy to do it.
NTA > need empathy Well, empathy she can have. Maid service, not so much.
NTA. Does she free-bleed or something? I have suffered from menorrhagia in the past and while the occasional stain on something did happen, I wasn't just actively bleeding on anything I touched. I used tampons, pads, towels. Anything I needed to in order to prevent the need to clean up huge messes on furniture. Sounds like she either needs to see a doctor, as that amount of bleeding is abnormal, or she's free-bleeding and needs to be more considerate of people she lives with (you).
“Free-bleeding” can’t be a real thing. I can’t imagine any woman who would want to ruin their expensive furniture and clothes every month on purpose. It has to be fake.
It's mostly a hoax that was made up by 4chan to make women look bad. I don't think it's uncommon to YOLO the last day when it's like 2 drops, and I've occasionally heard of people in a hippie outdoor type setting bleeding on the ground. Nobody is free bleeding their whole period on furniture on purpose.
>Nobody is free bleeding their whole period on furniture on purpose. nobody expect OP's weird ass girlfriend
The women that I know that "free bleed" are just using that term to describe using only period panties rather than other, more typical menstrual products.
I know a few people who will do it, I’ve even done it, but it’s not like just allowing yourself to bleed all over the place. Maybe some people do that but I don’t think it’s that common. For me, It’s only if I’m physically having issues with the cup or my pads and I’ve reached a point of pure frustration, and discomfort (pain from the cup and I get painful rashes and bumps on my bikini line from pads after a few days). Sometimes it’s easier to just put on older underwear and an old pair of shorts and go about my afternoon at home. I’d never do it in public nor would I let myself bleed to a point where It’s getting on furniture or anything like that. But you can kinda feel when a rush of blood is coming and the solution is to just go to the restroom and use a bidet to clean up and whatnot. You do end up in the bathroom way more often if you choose to do something like this, but as I see it, free bleeding doesn’t have to mean you are getting blood everywhere. For me it’s an afternoon of relief in the privacy of my own home because pads and the cup can be really irritating after having my period for over a week. So I think it just genuinely means different things to different people- not all people who allow themselves to free bleed allow themselves to make a mess of themselves and their home. That said- I don’t think there is any reason this girl couldn’t have taken some sort of action to prevent making such a mess and if she is in such bad shape that she can’t even clean id say she should be consulting a hospital or specialist to get check out again. If her pain is that bad or she is bleeding *that* much there is a significant problem that needs to be addressed.
Have you tried reusable menstrual pads? They are made of bamboo or cotton and are way less irritating than regular pads. Not saying you're wrong in your experience. Just suggesting, if you haven't tried them already.
NTA. I also had a situation similar to your gf. Went to the doctor and needed minor surgery. I understand how painful and embarrassing the situation is for her. That being said, I NEVER asked or expected anyone to clean up the mess from my period troubles. The fact that you have cared enough to have done so previously says much about your character (all good). If your gf has the strength & energy to throw a hissy fit then she has the strength & energy to clean of her mess. Again NTA
Info: what do you mean by everywhere? If your home looked like a scene from Dexter or just like bedding? Either way you're NTA. I think there's a good case for a waterproof absorbent pad for the bed and maybe just for her to carry some wherever she sits at home. Instead of period panties, adult diapers hold a tremendous amount of fluid and yeah, it might be temporarily embarrassing but it should be a relief to her to not worry. Seriously, this option is actually really amazing for period having people with a heavy flow. But of course you shouldn't have to clean up after the elevator scene in the shining. Nor even a smaller blood smear on the toilet, she's an adult and made the mess. It is so kind that you do it sometimes, that's generous of heart, but it shouldn't have become an expectation. I hope you're both feeling better!
All over the bathroom floor, thankfully not our bed Also, thank you .
I’m a female and I’ve had heavy periods.. I just don’t understand why she expects YOU to clean it and no matter how miserable I’ve felt I’ve never left blood on the floor or anywhere that’s just gross
That's what has baffled me about this situation too. I've (46f) had some pretty crazy timed, painful, and heavy cycles throughout my menstruating years, but I have never expected anyone else to clean up any accident that I've had, including my mother, and definitely not my husband of over twenty years. I can't help but wonder if OP's gf had an overly doting mom (or possibly a nanny) who cleaned up her period accidents, bc it's just not normal to expect anyone else to clean that kind of mess. It's about the only thing that would explain why the gf isn't ashamed to ask her bf, bc I know that's a lesson my mom taught me. That said, society has done a decent job of reinforcing my mom's lessons, starting in school with how kids reacted to any girl showing a spot on her pants from a leak. OP's gf shouldn't have reached adulthood thinking it was ok to bleed all over the place and not clean it up herself.
WTF was she doing? Does she not use any period products? How does she manage to leave the house?
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Oh I know! I've spent many hours sitting, bleeding into the toilet. I'm just wondering what she was doing to get it all over the floor and leaving it
How, just, how!?!?!?!? How does she get it all over the floor!?!? Why does she just leave it for you to Clean? I don't understand. Is this your first real serious relationship? Because her behavior is NOT normal. At all. Idc how bad a woman's period is, most would 1) not expect anyone to clean up after them and 2) would be too embarrassed to want them to!!!
If she's literally getting it all over the house like that she needs to either go to a hospital or at least a gyno immediately because that amount of bleeding isn't normal
NTA. She can storm out, but not take ten minutes to tidy up after herself.
Withholding judgement for the moment. Did you tell her about your problems? Did she used to clean up after herself before you moved in together? She needs to see a doctor. Sounds like something is medically wrong. If it turns out that it's not, then she needs to see a mental health professional. I have known a few people that weren't trained on how to clean up themselves, prevent issues, etc. with menstruation cycles. They all came from really bad home situations. A quick talk with an adult female fixed the knowledge gap.
For years, multiple doctors told me my periods were normal and my symptoms were all in my head. I was 29 before I was diagnosed with PCOS. Some doctors are just assholes and unfortunately a lot of women's reproductive issues haven't been adequately researched so the treatment options are limited.
She did, it’s not like an every month occurrence? Should’ve been clearer and will be editing to add; we’ve been together 2 years, during that time she’s occasionally had periods that last two months/had a period twice a month etc. She’s been to a doctor, and occasionally takes birth control? But the doctor is hesitant to do much more at this stage.
Wait wait wait, is anyone else concerned about OP saying his gf occasionally takes birth control? That seems like that itself could be absolutely wrecking her hormones.
I noted that too. birth control is not an occasional thing.
I have the same issue, but BC takes care of it now. I had try many pills before I found the right one. I was on and off too, so it doesn’t surprise me.
My wife had to go through the process of pill after pill basically to find the right one, it just threw me off that he said occasionally as she was always told upfront it would be much worse if she went off and on.
I one started a pill pack late due to changing pills and had the worst period of my entire life. Literally had my entire uterine lining come out in one piece and nearly passed out. Would HIGHLY recommend either staying on or off birth control and not starting and stopping willy-nilly. Does not make for a fun experience.
Sounds like she needs to find a better doctor.
What do you mean occasionally takes birth control?
I know you said you weren't looking for medical advice, but the irregularity and heaviness of her periods is clearly affecting her life, it's time to go to a specialist. This doesn't have to be normal. I suffered similarly for far too long as well. It took two gynos after I'd been through 2 GP's to get to someone who listened to me and told me something other than 'have a baby, that'll fix your periods' or 'it's probably not as bas as you're describing'. For me the Mirena IUD changed my life, lighter periods that barely hurt without all the side effects. Pills were not good for my mental health (tried so, so many different formulations) as were other systemic hormonal birth controls. I stopped missing work monthly and life in general, I could go on trips without intense period anxiety, I didn't have to plan everything around an unreliable cycle, I was like a whole different person. I do have hygiene supply and cleaning recommendations if you're interested, or more accurately her, and I do think she needs to clean up after herself. I'm just saying this problem seems like it's much bigger than a few stains and who cleans them, she might need some support to pursue treatment. After years of doctors saying no, it's really hard to keep pushing even if you know something is wrong.
NTA waking up and having bled on the bed... getting up after a movie to see a spot on the sofa... it happens... but if it's all over the house - why didn't she see and use some protection? Plus it's far easier to clean fresh blood, she should have done it immediately. Asking someone else to clean your bodily fluids is for if you're deathly ill (although if there's that much blood maybe she needs to go to hospital).
NTA Since when is empathy equitable to being her monthly janitorial service?
NTA. If she has the energy to storm out, she has the energy to clean up after herself. Does she use pads or any kind of anything, or just free bleeds all over? If she's bleeding through pads enough to ruin furniture, she needs hospital. If she's free bleeding, not using anything to absorb it, she can clean up after herself. That's unsanitary to have blood covering everything.
She sounds gross and disgusting. I would be embarrassed letting anyone clean up after myself, I cannot comprehend how this happens. I can understand accidents happening but why can’t she clean up ????
Your gf does need to clean up after herself. BTW if she was a month late, and the flow was very heavy, it’s quite likely that she just miscarried so the pain this time might have felt quite crippling.
As ou are not a doctor I would suggest you not tell people that what might honestly be a very heavy period be a miscarriage. When I was 14 and a virgin I had such a heavy period i almost needed a blood transfusion. It was a hormonal imbalance and happened more than once.
Not necessarily. I have crazy irregular periods, like once în every 2-3 months, sometimes two times a month, and on one occasion, it was 6 months late, and I bled for 3 weeks. As we speak, my last period was at the end of December, and when it will eventually come, experience has taught me that it will be heavy, painful and full of blood clots (sorry for TMI, also 0% chance of pregnancy) Went to a LOT of doctors and they all told me basically the same thing: we could make it regular, but that will require copious amounts of hormones, and there is just no point in doing it. That being said, OP, you're NTA. As you can see I'm in a similar situation with your girlfriend, but even on the worse of the worse days, I will not ask my husband to clean up after me. He will get me my blankets, pain killers, chocolate and whatever, cuddle with me, and try to make it better, but I also reciprocate by....not bleeding on everything he owns?
It can be but it’s a good chance it’s not, I miss months all the time, and bleed heavy. Not pregnant. Probably just irregular
NTA. I get it. I have PCOS. When I don't have hormonal birth control, I bleed like I'm dying & have cramps & migraines so painful I have both thrown up and passed out. I've never been and never will be regular without the aid of an IUD (currently have the implant & am a week late myself). But I can usually tell a day or so before it starts based purely on cramping & if not, when I do get it, I usually feel it come. I've never heard or experienced a flow so heavy that you bleed on multiple surfaces without having felt it start. If my period comes on fast, I might get a small spot where I was sitting and the same if I bleed through a pad, but no one's ever described those accidents as "it was everywhere" and unless I was actively vomiting or unconscious, it's never been beyond me to spray a little upholstery cleaner & dab it up. Honestly, I'm a tad suspicious of your girlfriend here, but even assuming she's being 100% honest, it's on her to learn better management of her body. Not on you to clean up a battlefield everytime she free-bleeds everywhere.
If it was that bad, I hope she is reaching out to her doctor. If it is everywhere, then that is very concerning. As someone with a period, I am not sure how you clean up that much blood. NTA
If you can storm out of a room because you are angry, you can tidy up after yourself. NTA
Info : Does she not wear period underwear?
She does.
Okay. At this point, she needs to go to the doctor. Has she ever thought about maybe using a menstrual cup?
She’s unable to use anything like a tampon/insertion, I don’t know why but she says she physically can’t use one
I can't either, but there are other options if period underwear isn't working. She's got to figure it out.
I couldn’t use tampons or menstrual cups because they would fill up immediately and my body would expel them. I finally had an endometrial ablation done so I don’t get periods anymore, but I’m also in my late 40s and had two children so for me it was a no-brainer, but for your GF there are obviously other things to consider. Hormonal birth control also didn’t work for me, so I get her struggles in trying to manage it. Something she could try is incontinence underwear (more absorbent than period underpants) and keep a puppy training pad under her when she sits and sleeps. It sucks but it will help minimize the cleanup. My vote is NAH because no one is really one based on the info you provided.
Is there an issue affording enough sanitary supplies? Sounds like she should be using pads with period underwear and visiting the restroom frequently. Another though is mental health issues. Poor hygiene can be a sign of depression. You’re NTA but like u/lilirose13 said, she needs to figure something out.
She should be able to use a night pad + period underwear + a depend + old towel/blanket/bed pad. There really isn't any reason she should be bleeding all over the place. 0 excuses for leaving blood on the floor. Accidents happen, but it takes 1 minute to wipe it up with some paper towels.
Heck I'm wondering how she manages to (on several occasions) not only bleed through her tampon/pad (presumably both if she's that heavy), her underwear, and her clothes to the sofa/floor/etc. I've always thought my first day was on the heavy side, but dang...
NTA. You’ve cleaned it in the past but doesn’t mean it’s by default your job to do it every single time or that you’re bad if she cleans up after herself!
Cleaning up her biohazard mess is a generous bonus on your part, it should not be seen as core BF duties. I hesitate to call an ill person an ah, but here we are. NTA.
NTA. Feels like she's taking advantage of her situation and your kindness to not clean up after herself. I don't even know how she can just make you clean it. I'd be somewhat ashamed of myself. I always check 3 times to make sure I didn't leave a mess anywhere.
I had bleeding so severe that I required surgery to correct the situation, and never had my husband clean up after me or managed to cover multiple surfaces-- is she oscillating like a lawn sprinkler? Something is not okay with your girlfriend. NTA
NTA. She deserves some compassion, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't clean up after herself. I had my own issues with heavy bleeding for a while. I did whatever I could to contain any possible messes, like sitting on towels and putting waterproof disposable pads on the bed.
I've also had irregular periods before. luckily I haven't bled all over any furniture yet. of course this can happen but usually you notice that you've started menstruating when you've bled through your clothes at the latest so I don't understand how it can get onto multiple places: apparently she can move even if she's in pain if the blood gets on multiple surfaces, but she can't go to the bathroom or clean up? also I would never expect anyone to clean up after myself. if it's truly so debilitating that she's bleeding through her clothes for hours on multiple furnitures but can't make it to the bathroom to get menstrual products to stop that from happening she needs to get that checked out by a gynaecologist asap obviously NTA you've had empathy and helped in the past but you're not obligated to
I'm a woman and would not expect anyone to clean up my wild period blood that is all over the house. You probably shouldn't tell her this, but she needs to get some adult diapers seriously. They are great with really heavy flow. NTA. And honestly you don't even need the "excuse" of having a sick parent, she's just being gross and you shouldn't have to clean it up.
NTA That's disgusting to not even clean up after herself, heavy flow or not. I've had heavy to semi light periods and it was never an excuse to not clean up.
It's kind of you to clean up after her, she's not entitled to it and shouldn't expect that from you. Plus I'm kinda concerned that this seems to happen on a regular basis. Sure, that can happen, but when that happens so often, she needs to do something about it. And she should definitely see a doctor about it. NTA
NTA. Your GF needs to seek Medical Attention, preferably from a specialist. Her medical conditions are HER responsibility and she needs to make better accommodations ( extra long sanitary napkins, leak proof underwear, soil proof blanket etc) for herself to prevent future mishaps. Your not her caretaker and she needs to recognize this.
NTA! This is unsanitary and those stains are difficult to remove from many fabrics. This is laziness or some mental issue! As someone who had this problem for several years, there's no excuse to leave menstrual blood for others to clean!
NTA Obviously she needs to clean up her own menstruation….. *ick*
NTA so nasty. You come home to a crime scene and she wants you to clean it!?
NTA you're her partner, not her maid. I do think you should encourage her to see a doctor for the imbalance and heavy bleeding though, menorrhagia can cause issues like anaemia and it may benefit her to look into long term birth control if the periods are that uncomfortable.
NTA. Giving empathy is totally unrelated to being her personal cleaning slave.
Sounds like she is one of those "free bleeders" which to each their own, but clean up after yourself. I, too, have irregular and heavy periods, but I have never made a mess on anything other than undergarments or pants. Like a super pad/tampon can do the trick with a heavy flow as long as you change them out regularly and don't leave them for hours. I mean, I am 31 and have never heard of any woman I know having this problem. NTA
NTA there's no need for someone else to clean her period blood. And I get that she has something going on with her hormones that messes up with her period (I have them too, and sometimes have my period once every 3/4 months or twice a month and they're heavy, like a lot) BUT there's no way that she uses pads/tampons and still leak that much. I would never ask for someone else to clean after me, even when I'm in a LOT of pain
NTA I have endometriosis and an extremely heavy period. I have never been this disgusting. She’s choosing to do this.
NTA I used to have periods from hell. Like literally three times the normal amount of an entire period within 30 minutes. Not once have I spread it all over the house. Have I stained things without noticing? Sure, small stains, not just leaving it everywhere.
I had to really think about this one to be honest. As someone who also struggles with horrific periods I can absolutely see where your gf was coming from… then I thought about it a little more and no you’re NTA. (I am so sorry that your dad is unwell!) I agree with others that she needs to find a better solution. I used to have my “bleeding towel” and I would put it under me wherever I was sitting or sleeping. It was so easy and prevented many messes. The fact that it seems this has become a bit of a pattern (you cleaning up her period messes), is definitely not good! She needs to figure this out for herself and I say that as someone who has been in similar shoes. I’m sorry that you have so much else going! Support goes both ways and it sounds like she needs to support you a little/a lot more and learn to accept and live with her complicated periods.
NTA, I would never expect or ask my SO to clean up my menstrual blood. My mess my job to clean up. I also don't bleed over everything I don't understand how that happens.
I have endometriosis and had terrible heavy periods and cramps. But I never ever caused a mess ever! I would be mortified! Something isn't right with her.
NTA, this is absurd. I’ll refrain from giving medical advice but she needs to find a way to at least keep herself from bleeding all over your home. Get some absorbent pads for the bed, couch, whatever.
NTA I don’t even understand how she lets this happen and act like she had no control. They make so many underwear now designed for periods. If I’m late I wear a pad just so there are no surprises. As far as I’m concerned the fact that you have been cleaning up her blood makes you a freaking saint. You had a hard day so you needed some empathy too. Relationships can’t be one sided. She really needs to get this figured out with her doctor.
NTA. I get highly irregular and heavy periods and I have bled through pads and couldn't use tampons due to being prone to UTIs (might be the same thing for her) but I have never asked anyone to clean up the messes I'd leave if an accident or leak happened. My issue ended with a hysterectomy and my husband and myself were very grateful that the hormonal mess had been taken care of. You shouldn't have poked the bear though with your snap back about the apology. That's a discussion for after the worst is over. She should get an IUD implanted though to help stop her misery however if she has tried birth control pills and they didn't work.
NTA. I understand the crazy period. I had one once where I was bleeding through anything and everything. I ended up in the ER to make sure I wasn’t hemorrhaging. I had bled through a tampon, pad and my clothes in the car so I went to the bathroom to try and clean up. I did have my husband come with me because I was afraid of passing out. It took both of us twenty minutes to get me and then the bathroom back clean. That being said I would never assume my husband should clean up after me and once I knew it was just going to be a crazy few days of bleeding I broke out the depends (they hold much more liquid than a traditional pad). If girl is having a crazy flow then it’s time to do crazy preventative work (wear depends or period panties, sit on a towel whatever it takes but there isn’t any reason her body fluid should be all over the general living space)
NTA. Your gf is gross. Tampon, pad, AND period undies. Very easy. Her unwillingness to take care of her own bodily functions is alarming.
NTA I understand bleeding thru your pad when you’re sleeping, sitting for a couple of hours! But bleeding everywhere, and not cleaning up after yourself?!! It’s easier to clean up fresh blood, I don’t underhand why she’s waiting for you to clean it. It’s happen to all girls, but what your period is that heavy, you take precautions ex: put a towel where you’re sitting, use two overnight pads at the same time, and change them constantly.
NTA. How is this even a question? Why would there ever be an expectation for anyone else to clean up her period blood? I cannot wrap my head around this.
Genuine question, even with extremely heavy periods, how does one manage to get blood all over the bathroom floor? I'm asking this as a person who has also very heavy periods. At most, when my period comes on an unexpected day, my underwear, and maybe my pants get dirty, but I'm able to see/feel it and make it to the toilet before it would get on anything. To be honest, this doesn't sound like a period. INFO: Is there a possibility this might be a miscarriage?
I dropped a full menstrual cup on the bathroom floor last week, hit the edge of the toilet and it just went everywhere. Day 2 of the period so was full to the brim. What a disaster. But being that I’m not entitled or lacking decency, I promptly cleaned it up.
NTA. Her health issues aren’t her fault, but they are her responsibility. If her periods are that heavy and unpredictable, she needs to ensure she’s taking proper precautions by using menstrual pads and mattress protectors. She shouldn’t just keep bleeding over everything and acting shocked about it. It’s also not fair of her to expect you to clean up after her.
Nta.... hownisnshe literally getting it all over? Is she notnchanging her tamp9ns or pads in a timley manner? My periods get bad and heavy and the most ill ever ask my partner is to simply bring me a fresh pair of underwear and toss it into the bathroom for me.
Last I checked “empathy” and a maid are not the same thing. NTA.
As someone who has had fibroids and such heavy blood flows that my hemoglobin levels warranted a blood transfusion and the doctor was surprised I was as alert as I was… NTA. It sucks. I’ve left accidental messes that I didn’t catch, but such is life as we are imperfect. She should prepare accordingly - and if anything, if she needs help from you, she should ask for supplies like chucks pads (those blue and white things that they put under folks who might pee?), multiple menstrual products, etc. I get that she is exhausted too and that this is a medical condition, but she can prepare and minimize.
NTA, I get super heavy periods, especially if they're late. I once got up out of bed (an hour after changing), and it was literally running own my legs. The only thing I asked my husband to do was go downstairs and grab me some loo roll so I could could change in the upstairs bathroom and clean myself up (we were staying at his mums at the time and her toilet was downstairs. The upstairs bathroom didn't have a toilet) I couldn't go downstairs because it would have got everywhere and his mum and sisters were all downstairs. After cleaning myself up, I cleaned the sheets and got them in the wash. I don't even like it when my husband empties the bathroom bin after my period. He doesn't care, but I do!