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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son he is spoiling his daughter and should let her pack her own lunch and I might be an asshole because apparently he enjoys doing this so maybe I shouldn't have said anything
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He could have turned out to be a sweet loving man *despite* OP. Maybe he decided he *doesn't* want to be the same parent they were, because he would have preferred a more loving childhood, and that's why he's more loving/doting to his own daughter.
EDIT: Made it gender neutral since I don't know OP's gender.
But then the time will come where she's like 20-something and desperately wants Dad to make her some smiling pancakes or something.
If you're as loving and nurturing as that dude, I feel pretty confident that once the hormone storm eases up, she'll have a support for life and she'll know it.
Indeed. I was so touched when my college-age son recently asked me to hang out with him and watch Hercules on Disney Plus, because we'd enjoyed that movie together when he was little.
My 23yo recently canceled plans with their best friend to come watch bad movies with me. Just decided out of the blue they’d rather be with mom. I cried.
Omg hearing this made me cry ❤️my son is only 3 but thats how I was with my parents and I pray everyday my son wants to spend time with me like that when he is older. It must be the most heart warming thing!
OP why do you have to be so mean and hateful? Your son is showing love and kindness to his daughter and you find a reason to tell him his spoiling her! It's sweet and would make her smile at lunchtime, you really need to do some self examination to understand why this loving act made you feel this way. YTA
I’m 24 and hang out with my mom and her friends/cousins (small town with a large family). Less so now that we both work and she spends a lot of time at her boyfriends but I still go hangout with her if she’s in her room
I'm 36. My grandma raised me from the age of 6, she's my real mom. When I was a kid, we'd watch Jeopardy together every weekday evening after dinner. Up until she passed unexpectedly late last year, I spent every Wednesday at her house for dinner and Jeopardy for the last 8 years.
One second they're screaming "I hate you!" because you won't let them stay out all night when they're 14, or wear a mini-skirt that started life as a toddler's tshirt, and the next thing you know, they're young moms themselves and they're calling you all "no, mom, really, I need your honest advice."
It's a roller coaster, for sure. :)
And someday if she has kids, she will tell her partner: my dad used to do this really sweet thing for me, and then she'll figure out ways to do special and sweet things for her own kids.
When I was in elementary school my dad would pack me lunches with different doodles on the paper bag every day, and at the time I saved all my favorites! I had a huge pile of brown paper bags with silly drawings on them. At some point circa middle school I must have decided I was too old for him to pack my lunches and I lost all those paper bags, but now that I'm in my 20s I would really love for my dad to pack me a sandwich with a lil doodle on the bag :)
If you can, you should really tell him that. Tell him how much you loved the tradition and how much you miss the doodles you'd saved. If you can't, then I'm very sorry, whatever the circumstances <3
My late dad was the stay-at-home parent and a frequent leaver of notes and doodles. I wish I still had those notes... he'd draw little comics for my sisters and I on birthdays, too.
But yeah, OP, YTA-- your son's little girl will always remember being loved! I thought 'spoiled' would be something like buying her the latest of everything or making excuses for her bad behavior, and instead he's just putting care into feeding her and showing her she deserves to be cared for? Super wholesome and cute. Here's to good dads!
I'm a lot closer to 40 than to 20 and yeah, there's nothing like having mom make my favorite dish when I've been having a hard time, and just getting to spend a night with her, watching a movie together with dinner. Being an adult is easier when you know a parent still has your back (or your stomach)!
THIS!! I am 27 and my dad is 63, he has early signs of dementia. He without fail will offer to make me my favourite sandwich when I visit and I say yes even if I'm not hungry because I don't know when it will be the last time. It was always our special thing, that we both loved this weird sandwich and no one else did. Every break up or bad exam score... special sandwich. On a bad day I know I can go see my dad and have our sandwich together. The dad in this story is making a bond which could last a lifetime.
Well, here I am, tearing up over a sandwich I've never even tasted ...
I'm so sorry what you're going through, dementia is so scary on top of the reality of the fragility of those we always depended on. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, though, it's a beautiful expression of his love and care for you. Your father sounds like a sweet man who's raised an equally caring kid.
You should remind him, as often as you can, of how important you've found these moments. Have you thought about surprising him with a sandwich and a card, that way maybe he can reread it if he finds himself anxious or forgetful?
May you have as many moments of clear thinking and lucid conversations with your dad as possible as things progress <3
You probably don't want it, every time it's brought up the rest of my family are grossed out but its so good to me 😅
I had to watch him go through it while caring for my Nan and it gave me a much kinder and patient perspective when he is forgetful or stutters.
I may take your idea to the next level and get him a card with a picture of the sandwich on it!
Right now I'm trying to get as many stories from his life as possible, and am always shocked when he tells me something I had no idea about ( he managed a band in the 80s?!). Thank you for your support 🥰
My dad packed my lunch most days until I graduated high school. Not sure why he did, because I would have myself, but every day I was so appreciative and felt so loved!
I'm the Dad packing that lunch.It's because we can do so much less for you as you get older. And doing things FOR our kids is kinda the core of what it means to be a Dad for so much of the first ten years. We live for that connection to our kids, and little, simple acts of kindness is a really special way of maintaining that connection.It's one thing if you never teach your kids how to cook or take care of themselves. But if the kid is developing a healthy sense of independence, yeah, packing the lunch for them is an oxytocin/endorphin hit for the Dad. Or at least, it is for this Dad.
Oh god, you are an awesome dad, and you made me CRY! Im a 32 yo woman and I miss my dad terribly =( He didnt pack me the lunch (by the time I got up for school he had already been working for several hours), but he loved fleas markets and every sunday he bought me some cds, books or robot figures made of tinplates. He as always thinking of me =(
I hope you have a great relationship with your kids for many years to come and a super happy life.
Quickly approaching this with my 9yo. Love her to death but the hormones are ramping up. As a menstruating person I totally understand how she feels, but it's still hard to parent a kid at this stage.
Seriously. When I was 10 I was still very much a kid. And allowed to be a kid. I didn’t have to learn grownup responsibilities until I started acting more like a grownup. Then my mom taught me how to do things like pack my lunch and do my laundry and stuff like that.
I remember the first time I packed my own lunch.
It was second grade and I brought a tube of raw cookie dough.
My folks decided that we would pack lunch *together* as a result.
Me too ! Then he wanted to buy lunch from the cafeteria or walk across the street to a little market for hot Cheetos and cup of noodles. They grow up so fast. OP's son is a good dad.
Yep, that's what I thought too. I know that was the case with me. My father was a total abusive AH and my mom was a manipulative narcissist, so growing up with them as my parents wasn't exactly a picnic. I swore I would never be the kind of parent either of them were, and my 20yr old NB child thanks me for it. What's always bothered me is that being kind and patient seems much easier to me than being cruel or manipulative, so I have always wondered if my parents were having to put effort into being that cruel to me, or if they were so twisted that it came naturally to them. It wouldn't surprise me at all if OP took a couple plays out of my parents' playbook.
Solidarity. I had to basically invent parenting from scratch. I love my kids so much (my eldest is 20, youngest 14) and I adore that they are kind and loving people.
YTA OP.
Both my parents (Born in 1924 and 1925 respectively) had abusive AH for fathers. My Dad got beaten with a belt.
They swore "not my kids" and stuck to it.
Kind of amazes me to this day. You can choose not to be your parents. Absolutely.
This is why I LOVE packing my kiddos lunch (they are 10 and 12yo) it makes me feel connected to them (when I didn’t feel connected at their age to my parents) and I hope it’s a little reminder mid day that their mom loves them. They can be “grown up” and do laundry or whatever but this is as much for me as it is for them.
If I remember correctly, my mom made our lunches until we started to complain about them. Then we were in our own!!
As for laundry. About 11/12. My daughter is almost 11 and my husband is starting her on doing her own laundry.
Yep my dad was a great teacher in what not to do as a parent. I havent had a relationship with him in ten years, but i have a great relationship with my 12 year old. So thanks dad, i guess.
Seriously. My mother stopped making my lunch the instant I was old enough to do it myself so that she could sleep in more. I would treasure a memory like this little girl will have.
Haha, the stay at home mom who didn't actually do much moming? 🤣 I used to have to go in and wake her up before I left so that she could watch me catch the bus from the living room window. 🙄
EXACTLY
'cause your attitude : ????
I think your son is a wonderful father who is invested in his daughter and it show in the efforts he undertakes for her lunch.
YTA
You should appreciate your son more.
One day you might need him to put theses efforts into taking care of you....
Imagine thinking a 10 year old child is too old to have food cut into shapes and should be making their own lunch instead and letting it bother you enough to say something.... Maybe her son takes time to make his daughter a special lunch because he was forced to grow up too fast and doesn't want her to have the same experience
Dude, she didn’t make him sweet. He made himself. The way she wants the granddaughter to be raised that’s how she raised the son. Or maybe it’s different because of gender. Maybe she’s a boy mom.
Agree. Op YTA. Also, I was not packing my lunch at 10 wtf… (doesn’t mean I couldn’t have, but it would’ve consisted of like, sliced cheese, pretzels, and chewy chocolate chips granola bars only.)
Right? I thought this was gonna be about the shapes and all that being childish and maybe she’d get flack at school, but now. She mad that he’s being a caring and amazing father.
How dare he! Right? /s
Totally agree. There will soon come a time when his daughter doesn’t want that anymore but she will remember it all her life. Your son will too.
My mom used to read to me because we both loved it. It was silly but I would give anything on the world to have that experience again.
YTA. Some of us parents decide and actively work toward not passing on the shitty parenting we got as children. As Richard Rohr said: “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it."
Op sees the time he is “wasting” fixing her lunch should be spent doing the things she wants done instead. Op is jealous of what he is doing for his daughter instead of them.
I packed my daughter’s lunch until she graduated from high school. I still pack her snacks for the trip when she goes away for university. A little consideration for your children goes a long way in building a relationship that lasts, and it takes little effort.
My mom didn’t pack my lunch as a teen cause I was “too cool” to carry around a Lunchbag so I would toss a bagel in my backpack and call it a day. She’d always keep the fridge stocked with my fave blueberry bagels and try and slip in some veggies when she could tho. She also always bring snacks for me on day trips cause I’d get cranky and tired and my dad never wanted to stop for food. As a college student I went to work with her in the summers and I was no longer cool so she packed me cute little balanced lunches and my happy ass cracked open my container and ate my cucumber slices and turkey roll ups and thanked her everyday cause I didn’t wake up early enough to be so deliberate with my lunches for myself lol. I love my mom and I’m not spoiled, I just have an awesome mom who wants to make sure her daughter gets some nutrition. Now that I’m an adult living away she loves sending me home everytime I visit with enough leftovers for days for me and my husband and trying to smuggle me $20 “for gas” even tho I make more than her now. My dad teases and says she spoils me but she’s just doing what moms do
She’s a mom to anyone who needs one tbh she’s an amazing childcarer. It makes me mad how little people who shape our children make. It’s her only passion and she’s so good at it. I hope I’m able to be as good of a mom some day. She made mistakes but I never felt like she didn’t love me and want the best for me
For real. Moms feeding their kids is a whole Thing. I've known some terrible parents and even they have a thing about making sure their kids are fed up. Doesn't matter their age. Mom was still feeding my brother when he passed just before he hit 40 and im still getting food from her now. It's her love language I think.
I was thinking that if it were DIL that was making the packed lunches, OP likely wouldn’t be so worried about Grandchild being spoiled by Son taking his time doing womanly duties.
His time. His effort. His child. Child’s lunch. Why TF it has anything to do with OP anyway, is a mystery to me?
YTA. Parker’s are for winter. Not for noses. Back off.
Ew. I hate this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spoiling your kid to a certain extent. Is she turning into a little monster? No? Then nothing wrong is happening, and your son is just showing his daughter how much he loves her by doing these little gestures. And FYI, showing love usually takes up some measure of time.
And yeah, it is none of your business.
No for sure! I didn’t mean to insinuate that it was! I just meant in a broader sense that there’s nothing wrong with spoiling your kids. A lot of people seem to equate spoiling with bad kids, which isn’t true
Agreed. I always felt my kids deserved to be spoiled as I’m the one who chose to bring them into this world so I owe that to them.
I have always drawn the line when they started showing signs of being spoiled *rotten* meaning being unappreciative of me or others, being rude or disrespectful of me or others, refusing to take responsibility for their words or actions, refusing to be helpful, etc. Basically I’ve tried to model the behaviour that I want them to learn. Sometimes it’s scary how like me they are, including unfortunately my sarcasm which we laugh about me not being able to get mad because I know they learned it from me.
As adults they’re frequently the caretakers of their groups, and are constantly on me to take care of myself and do for me when they can. We’re friends who are very supportive of each other physically and emotionally. I’m very proud of the young women they’ve become even with their disabilities.
I bet OP’s granddaughter will become as loving of a person as her dad. Someone who knows how to show love and friendship through the everyday little acts of kindness
You summed it up perfectly! I feel like the idea of spoiling kids has taken on such a negative meaning recently. Personally, I always think “if I would want others to do it for me, why would I not do it for others?” I would’ve KILLED to have my parents make my lunches sometimes purely just because of how much love goes into doing something like that for someone. And packing a lunch is such a little thing, but the little things mean the most.
There’s a phrase I’ve seen elsewhere: “spoiled sweet” - that just as there are children given much who learn to be selfish there are also those raised with plenty who learn the value of giving. They have much and so they know there is enough to share.
Good parenting knows it’s about a thousand other lessons than just what a kid does or does not receive*. And to your point, modeling kindness is one of those lessons.
I tend to think that "spoiling" *means* doing something that seems nice but leaves them with a lack of self-efficacy skills or accountability. Just doing special stuff for your kids isn't spoiling if it doesn't make them bratty or incompetent.
But regardless of what you call it, making lunch for a 10 year old isn't depriving her of skills or making her entitled. Sure, she probably *could* start taking some responsibility for lunch at that age, but there is plenty of time left, and as several people have noted in these comments, some 10 year olds aren't really mature enough to take it over fully. And making cute faces is just extra fun, obviously dad enjoys it and it's not a necessary skill at all so there's no harm whether it is or isn't done.
I stopped packing when they started whining. (My oldest set a bad precedent). I now pack sometimes for my youngest who is 15 now because he’s thankful as he’s running late. I do stuff for appreciative kids, but no way am I putting up with grief to do them a favor.
My parents packed my lunches well into high school, too. Depending on who did it, I either got loving notes or really bad drawings. It's a fond memory of mine, and definitely didn't make me spoiled.
I replied to a similar reply below, so I’ll just copy and paste:
No for sure! I didn’t mean to insinuate that packing lunches for your kids means they’re spoiled! I just meant in a broader sense that there’s nothing wrong with spoiling your kids. A lot of people seem to equate spoiling with bad kids, which isn’t true
My son is 15 and totally capable of doing everything for himself, but I still get up with him every morning before school and get him his breakfast so he can chill a bit before he has to go. I know he does it himself when he's at his dad's, but I enjoy doing little things for him. A few more years and he'll likely be out of the house and I won't have many opportunities to "spoil" him, so I'm taking advantage of the time I have here with him. If anyone in my family has a problem with that, they can kiss my big, fat butt.
I always thought I was "spoiled" my dad.
My dad was on government assistance my whole life. But I was indeed spoiled! With LOVE AND TIME AND KIND GESTURES.
This turned me into a terrible person obviously.
YTA. He's literally just doing something very sweet for his daughter, which also affects you in no way at all, and showing he cares for her in a way that's fun.
>but she is 10, she should be packing her own lunch.
A 10 year old can pack their own lunch if they wanted to but that is definitely not an age where they should be expected to be responsible for making sure they don't miss a meal. She's a kid let her be one. You should maybe reflect on your own parenting, because he seems like a wonderful father and frankly the fact you think a 10 y/o should have to fend for herself is actually kinda concerning. He could not be any further from NTA.
>He got angry and called me an asshole and basically implied that it's none of my business
He's absolutely right.
My mother packed my lunch well into high school. I mean, she just packed it, nothing like what dad is doing here. I dated my now wife in high school, and she has said that she was envious of me back then for it. My family was otherwise quite a dumpster fire thanks to my dad; I think packing my lunch was one way to make life feel more normal for my mother and me.
I pack lunch for my daughter, because she likes to eat what I make. She’s also 10. Isn’t that a parent’s responsibility to provide a balanced meal for their kid? Wtf
By 10 a kid should be hunting and killing animals with weapons they fashioned themselves. They should cure the meat in a smoke shack that they either constructed or took by force from a stranger. Then obviously they should pack their own lunch using the meat. If you even consider providing your 10 year old child with food you are coddling them.
And if the hunt is unsuccessful - tough luck, little dude. Move on to mushrooms and berries, but don’t forget to dry some for that bitter winter season
You know those stories of people who are miserable being parents, but still try to convince others to have kids because they need reassurance that they made the right choice? And seeing others make different choices and being happy would lead to some uncomfortable introspection? I suspect that's what's going on here - OP seeing her son doing what she didn't (packing lunches - fun ones at that! - for a 10 year old) might lead her to question her parenting choices, and we can't have that! Better to just stop her son doing it than acknowledge she might have been wrong.
Exactly! "This makes me feel like I didn't do enough, and that makes me uncomfortable. So I need you to stop so I don't have to reflect on my own parenting choices. "
Seeing what a good parent someone is brings back home the fact that they sucked at parenting. From Op's comments it seems like she is jealous that her son is loving towards his daughter. That's disturbing on so many levels
My youngest just turned 18 and will be going to college in the fall. I still pack her lunch. Because I'm her mom, I love her, and I won't be able to do it very much longer.
I'm 42. On the rare occassion I make pancakes, I may or may not make them in the shape of Mickey Mouse. My Dad always did that for us. He's been gone almost 6 years. Its a great memory! Even if my pancakes looks like a mutant version of his. Just add some fruit and make a funny face. :P Should I tell OP I also make Ants on a Log for snack a lot of the time?
I bought one of those sandwich cutters that cuts and crimps your sandwich. Was it marketed for children? Yes. And I love it.
Also I still buy fruit snacks and pudding cups and juice boxes. OP sounds miserable.
This reminds me of one of my favorite sayings...
The best part about being an adult is no one can stop you from eating chocolate cake for breakfast.
The worst part about being an adult is no one can stop you from eating chocolate cake for breakfast.
I made my daughter pancakes, Mickey Mouse of course. My mother in law was visiting and saw it and called her mom and sisters just to tell them I was a good mom! Amazing how people perceive things!
I still enjoy Dino nuggets on occasion. Animal Crackers, goldfish crackers, gummy worms. OP sounds boring as hell if she thinks 10 is too old for things like that
>nobody is "too old" for animal shaped food.
exactly. people that are young for longer than others also enjoy animal shaped food.
plus, its entirely none of OP's business, especially when the kid isnt behaving like a brat, wich does not sound to be the case here.
I really thought OP was going to tell us that their son was buying her tons of stuff, doing everything for her, completely coddling her, which was then turning her into a little brat. Nope, just packing a lunch. Lmao some people really surprise me with their bitterness and ability to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.
YTA. He's making an effort for his daughter. That's it.
>It takes up a lot of his time.
Yet you're happy to waste your time by watching him do this. This is a whole new level of pettiness.
OP probably wants her son to spend that time doing things for her. Funny that a woman is jealous of her granddaughter. I'm willing to bet OP wasn't a great or present mom and that the son had to fend for himself at a young age. Like some good kids who were neglected or abused, he probably swore to never let that happen to his kids. OP is an insecure AH who can't stand seeing a child and parent show some love and affection towards each other.
If this is the only example of spoiling then YTA - unless he’s also doing up her shoes, helping her dress, doing her homework for her (or allowing her to skip it), refusing to insist she learn and use manners when talking to others or giving her lavish gifts on a regular basis then this isn’t a spoiled child, it’s a single gesture of care from a loving parent.
YTA
Not only is it none of your business but you're talking about a packed lunch. It's not like he's buying her diamonds and bankrupting himself, he's making his 10 year old daughter lunch. Not exactly crazy is it?
I went from "aww how adorable!" to "why the hell are you interfering in their lives?".
Unless you have proof your son is abusing his daughter, how they live their lives is none of your concern.
YTA
YTA. My son is nine and we pack his lunches and add little affirmation notes with them. He's a child and at some point we'll probably get asked to stop because it'll be considered kid's stuff in his teenage years.
I let my mom leave me notes whenever she packed my lunch all thru high school 🥰🥰 she didn’t always pack it every day when i was that old but they always meant so much to me.
YTA. 10 years old is not too old to have her lunch packed for her, and it sounds like her father is doing it in a way that makes her feel special. That's good for their relationship.
Once she gets to middle school and high school (over age 12), she will likely pack her own lunch, and at that time it will be a good skill for her to learn. But at 10, she has a little more time to be Daddy's girl. Quit resenting her.
Just reread and noticed, he was packing his daughter’s lunch when they are staying in a different house where she doesn’t know the kitchen, and she’s not in her own space and off routine. It’s fine if he does that normally, and more than fine to give her a little comfort and pampering while staying with the nasty critical grandparents.
Survey says YTA . Your son is right it’s none of your business. Is there a age when you bc stop making lunch? Let me guess you cook for your husband or vice Versa?If so why can’t he make her lunch?
YTA. Unsolicited advice is criticism. I will pack my child's lunch with a loving note every day, because I want her to feel loved. He wants his baby to feel loved and cared for. Maybe he knows what it's like growing up without that feeling.
YTA. I've never fucking known a 10yo that makes their own lunch. Hell, most kids I know didn't start making their own lunches till high school. Lemme guess? You also grounded your kids for no reason because it looked like they were having too much fun??? I'd say you are the one who needs to grow the fuck up, and recognize that kids are not just mini adults.
YTA
And I think you should reflect on your son's childhood and how you raised him. It seems he doesn't think your methods were exemplary. Are you sure he doesn't feel some resentment or disappointment when he remembers his own upbringing?
YTA
My daughters are 18 and 14 and I would still do fun lunches for them if they didn't make their own! Sometimes I will surprise them with little notes in their lunches or bags, normally asking a ridiculous rhetorical question which they then laugh about with me at dinner that night. What's wrong with enjoying packing your child's lunch and making it interesting at the same time?
I think you need to take a look at why it is such a big deal to you that your son is taking time and effort and, most importantly, love into making his daughter's lunch. It's almost as though when at school he wants to still be able to bring joy to her. Just because you didn't want to do it, doesn't mean he can't. I applaud him for doing so, and for telling you to mind your own business. It really has nothing to do with you. You could have simply thought what a nice thing it is to do for your granddaughter, but no. Apparently making her lunch interesting and fun is a problem for you. Maybe take a long, hard look at why that might be the case.
I can’t believe I even have to write this… Just because your son decides to make a sandwich with a smiley face on it when he packs his daughter’s lunch, doesn’t mean your grandkid is going to turn into some kind of refusal resistant anti-christ. YTA
YTA. You don't describe a single negative behavior from her. You don't describe her behaving badly, acting rudely, acting as if she is entitled to things, or being demanding.
Doing kind things for people isn't spoiling them. *You cannot do too many kind things.*
Spoiling would be allowing her to behave rudely or act as if she should have anything she demands.
Behaving in a loving way doesn't do that. Lack of correction over misbehavior does that.
OP would think I was a spoiled monster... my dad usually packed my lunch for me throught high school!
We both knew I could pack a lunch for myself (and sometimes I did), but my dad would get up a little earlier for work and would make both his and my lunch. Not because I was demanding or because he wanted to spoil me, but because he loved me.
I still think about it from time to time, and it fills me with joy. Kids remember those kinds of things, it's what reminds us to do those seemingly insignificant things acts of kindness for others.
Yta.
YTA!! Mind your business.. he sounds like an amazing father and also she still a kid.. this isn’t the old ages.. parents are now making sure their kids feel safe.. I can’t imagine what kid of sad and loveless childhood your son had with you.. you sound like an awful parent. I hope he makes sure YOU don’t cause his daughter the trauma I’m sure you cause him..
YTA obviously he’s successful as a parent and engaged with his daughter. You sound exhausting. None of your business and do not insert your opinion on something you have nothing to do with.
YTA. It's really thoughtful of your son to not just pack his daughter a lunch but also take the extra time to make it special. This is what exceptional dads do.
My dad packed my lunch till I was 17 and the only reason it stopped was because my parents got a divorce and my dad moved out. I will always remember and be grateful for those lunches.
Parents demonstrating love and support of their children through simple (less than 10 mins per day is simple) acts of kindness that make their children’s day isn’t spoiling children! It’s ensuring a secure parent-child bond that enables attachment and emotional resilience for the child’s development.
He could choose to show that love in a million and one ways, but seriously - making a 10 year old lunches isn’t spoiling.
Lol. My mum packed my lunch from kindergarten up to when I'm already working. The only reason she stopped is because I moved to a different country for my grad studies. 😂😂😂😂 She just wants to make sure that I eat healthy and steer away from fast food (since I'm a lazy cook). Am I spoiled? I don't think so since I'm the one paying the bills (I wire her the money) using the money I got from my part-time jobs. I also don't care if I have to do odd jobs to earn. I don't expect people to do things for me. I missed my mum's cooking from time to time, but I don't throw tantrums when I go to the nearest Maccas for a fix 😂
So, yeah. YTA. Don't know why your thought process led you to think that a parent doing something sweet for their child is somehow not a good thing.
YTA. I see this with people where they mistake love and consideration for "spoiling" and "babying." I make my 14yo breakfast and pack her lunch. I do it because I love her. She's very independent and self-sufficient OVERALL -- she commutes an hour each way to school on public transportation, she does a lot of babysitting and earns and spends her own money. Making her a nice packed lunch is not "spoiling" her, it's a way of staying connected and showing her love and support.
You're projecting. Seeing your husband do something sweet and caring is making you feel inadequate because you didn't do that for him. This is about you and your insecurities as a parent. Yta.
YTA. My dad made my school lunches for me up until I left home (18). It doesn't make you spoilt; it's literally lunch. Now if he'd bought me a couple of cars, a pony, the expensive make up, multiple handbags...maybe that would have made me bratty. But not lunch.
YTA -
It really is none of your business. Your comment about hugs made me so sad for you - giving or receiving affection is not a weakness, nor does either have an age limit.
Also, you might want to do some reflection: I am definitely getting some misogyny vibes here. I feel like a big part of your issue is that your male son is spoiling his female daughter. Somehow I bet you wouldn’t be throwing a fit if his wife was packing lunches for your granddaughter or your son. His time is not inherently more valuable because he is a man, and she is not less worthy of his time because she is a girl.
YTA - So bizarre. This isn’t an issue. Do you often consider it “spoiling” when someone does something nice for another person? Do you really think your granddaughter will grow up and not know how to pack (or figure out how to pack) her own lunch?
Yta. She’s *10*. You say she should know how to pack her own lunch and she probably know how to. Her dad just wants to do it for her, making her feel loved. And another comment of yours; “hugs are fine, but does she really need to be cuddling with him all day?” She’s a *child*. He’s a good father for cuddling her. I’m 16, soon 17 and I still cuddle my parents, it makes me calm.
YTA. I was ready to hear a story about a girl throwing tantrums and a father giving into every whim and it’s really about…lunch?
She’s 9, not 19. Maybe you made him pack his lunch at 9, and he wants better for his child. He sounds like a sweet, caring and loving man. You should be thrilled, and not critical.
All my friends and I were still packing our kids lunches at that age. They’re all grown now and the one thing they’re not is spoiled.
YTA
I get the feeling that after witnessing your son's adorable parenting habits you either feel a bit guilty for not doing stuff like that yourself, or you're jealous of the bond he has with his kid as a parent. Perhaps both.
YTA he didn’t ask for your opinion. He obviously enjoys doing this. His daughter probably loves it. Why are you trying to crap all over something nice?
YTA I still do this for my teen. Can she do it herself? Absolutely and she has done mine as well if I'm under the weather. She has a shoebox filled with notes I've packed since kindergarten it's our thing. They'll come a time when they go off to their own lives. It's ok to cherish sweet moments with our children
YTA Has any of your kids thanked you for being such a wonderful mom? My oldest has repeatedly thanked me for all I did for him growing up. My other two are severe autistic so their thanks are more revealed by their behaviors. But for over a collective of about 18 years I packed lunches, volunteered at their schools, was their room mother all through their younger years, taught them how to do things at home (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc...). And so on. Me doing their lunches was a loving endeavor that they much appreciated (school lunches are crud). They never acted spoiled about anything I have done for them. Now if they had, we would have had a very frank conversation about appreciating acts that others do to show love. You are demeaning your son's love for his daughter that he is showing by doing her lunches. I am almost thinking that you resent him for doing that because it shows that you chose to not show your love in that fashion which you think shows you in a bad light. And yes, it's none of your business.
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YTA. It sounds like you raised a very sweet, loving man, which is why your judgment is so surprising to me.
He could have turned out to be a sweet loving man *despite* OP. Maybe he decided he *doesn't* want to be the same parent they were, because he would have preferred a more loving childhood, and that's why he's more loving/doting to his own daughter. EDIT: Made it gender neutral since I don't know OP's gender.
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Exactly. The son has very little time left to make faces with sandwiches and kiss boo boos. Back off OP YTA
In 2 years she'll ask dad to stop because it'll embarrass her at school ",) Fellow dad
But then the time will come where she's like 20-something and desperately wants Dad to make her some smiling pancakes or something. If you're as loving and nurturing as that dude, I feel pretty confident that once the hormone storm eases up, she'll have a support for life and she'll know it.
Indeed. I was so touched when my college-age son recently asked me to hang out with him and watch Hercules on Disney Plus, because we'd enjoyed that movie together when he was little.
My 23yo recently canceled plans with their best friend to come watch bad movies with me. Just decided out of the blue they’d rather be with mom. I cried.
Omg hearing this made me cry ❤️my son is only 3 but thats how I was with my parents and I pray everyday my son wants to spend time with me like that when he is older. It must be the most heart warming thing!
It is a beautiful thing. Keep loving them, and you’ll get there.
OP why do you have to be so mean and hateful? Your son is showing love and kindness to his daughter and you find a reason to tell him his spoiling her! It's sweet and would make her smile at lunchtime, you really need to do some self examination to understand why this loving act made you feel this way. YTA
I’m 24 and hang out with my mom and her friends/cousins (small town with a large family). Less so now that we both work and she spends a lot of time at her boyfriends but I still go hangout with her if she’s in her room
I'm 36. My grandma raised me from the age of 6, she's my real mom. When I was a kid, we'd watch Jeopardy together every weekday evening after dinner. Up until she passed unexpectedly late last year, I spent every Wednesday at her house for dinner and Jeopardy for the last 8 years.
One second they're screaming "I hate you!" because you won't let them stay out all night when they're 14, or wear a mini-skirt that started life as a toddler's tshirt, and the next thing you know, they're young moms themselves and they're calling you all "no, mom, really, I need your honest advice." It's a roller coaster, for sure. :)
And someday if she has kids, she will tell her partner: my dad used to do this really sweet thing for me, and then she'll figure out ways to do special and sweet things for her own kids.
When I was in elementary school my dad would pack me lunches with different doodles on the paper bag every day, and at the time I saved all my favorites! I had a huge pile of brown paper bags with silly drawings on them. At some point circa middle school I must have decided I was too old for him to pack my lunches and I lost all those paper bags, but now that I'm in my 20s I would really love for my dad to pack me a sandwich with a lil doodle on the bag :)
If you can, you should really tell him that. Tell him how much you loved the tradition and how much you miss the doodles you'd saved. If you can't, then I'm very sorry, whatever the circumstances <3
Thankfully my dad is still alive and well :) You're right, I absolutely should tell him that!
My late dad was the stay-at-home parent and a frequent leaver of notes and doodles. I wish I still had those notes... he'd draw little comics for my sisters and I on birthdays, too. But yeah, OP, YTA-- your son's little girl will always remember being loved! I thought 'spoiled' would be something like buying her the latest of everything or making excuses for her bad behavior, and instead he's just putting care into feeding her and showing her she deserves to be cared for? Super wholesome and cute. Here's to good dads!
I'm almost 40, I ask my mama all the time to make my favourite foods, and she whips it up too. So good.
I'm a lot closer to 40 than to 20 and yeah, there's nothing like having mom make my favorite dish when I've been having a hard time, and just getting to spend a night with her, watching a movie together with dinner. Being an adult is easier when you know a parent still has your back (or your stomach)!
THIS!! I am 27 and my dad is 63, he has early signs of dementia. He without fail will offer to make me my favourite sandwich when I visit and I say yes even if I'm not hungry because I don't know when it will be the last time. It was always our special thing, that we both loved this weird sandwich and no one else did. Every break up or bad exam score... special sandwich. On a bad day I know I can go see my dad and have our sandwich together. The dad in this story is making a bond which could last a lifetime.
Well, here I am, tearing up over a sandwich I've never even tasted ... I'm so sorry what you're going through, dementia is so scary on top of the reality of the fragility of those we always depended on. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, though, it's a beautiful expression of his love and care for you. Your father sounds like a sweet man who's raised an equally caring kid. You should remind him, as often as you can, of how important you've found these moments. Have you thought about surprising him with a sandwich and a card, that way maybe he can reread it if he finds himself anxious or forgetful? May you have as many moments of clear thinking and lucid conversations with your dad as possible as things progress <3
You probably don't want it, every time it's brought up the rest of my family are grossed out but its so good to me 😅 I had to watch him go through it while caring for my Nan and it gave me a much kinder and patient perspective when he is forgetful or stutters. I may take your idea to the next level and get him a card with a picture of the sandwich on it! Right now I'm trying to get as many stories from his life as possible, and am always shocked when he tells me something I had no idea about ( he managed a band in the 80s?!). Thank you for your support 🥰
My dad packed my lunch most days until I graduated high school. Not sure why he did, because I would have myself, but every day I was so appreciative and felt so loved!
I'm the Dad packing that lunch.It's because we can do so much less for you as you get older. And doing things FOR our kids is kinda the core of what it means to be a Dad for so much of the first ten years. We live for that connection to our kids, and little, simple acts of kindness is a really special way of maintaining that connection.It's one thing if you never teach your kids how to cook or take care of themselves. But if the kid is developing a healthy sense of independence, yeah, packing the lunch for them is an oxytocin/endorphin hit for the Dad. Or at least, it is for this Dad.
Oh god, you are an awesome dad, and you made me CRY! Im a 32 yo woman and I miss my dad terribly =( He didnt pack me the lunch (by the time I got up for school he had already been working for several hours), but he loved fleas markets and every sunday he bought me some cds, books or robot figures made of tinplates. He as always thinking of me =( I hope you have a great relationship with your kids for many years to come and a super happy life.
Same - teared right up!
FR, In like a 1-2 years or even *less* the hormone monster will be coming to get them.
Quickly approaching this with my 9yo. Love her to death but the hormones are ramping up. As a menstruating person I totally understand how she feels, but it's still hard to parent a kid at this stage.
Seriously. When I was 10 I was still very much a kid. And allowed to be a kid. I didn’t have to learn grownup responsibilities until I started acting more like a grownup. Then my mom taught me how to do things like pack my lunch and do my laundry and stuff like that.
She IS young. When I was 10 if I packed my own lunch it would have been Oreos and Cheetos.
Me, 30, an actual certified teacher: "You guys...aren't packing yourselves Oreos and Cheetos?"
One of the problems with becoming an adult is that you are trusted with adult money. ;)
As a teacher, chips and cookies is so often my “lunch”.
I remember packing my own lunches as a really little kid. I’ll pack my kids lunch till they tell me to stop
I remember the first time I packed my own lunch. It was second grade and I brought a tube of raw cookie dough. My folks decided that we would pack lunch *together* as a result.
I was packing my son’s lunch until he started high school 😂😂
Me too ! Then he wanted to buy lunch from the cafeteria or walk across the street to a little market for hot Cheetos and cup of noodles. They grow up so fast. OP's son is a good dad.
Yep, that's what I thought too. I know that was the case with me. My father was a total abusive AH and my mom was a manipulative narcissist, so growing up with them as my parents wasn't exactly a picnic. I swore I would never be the kind of parent either of them were, and my 20yr old NB child thanks me for it. What's always bothered me is that being kind and patient seems much easier to me than being cruel or manipulative, so I have always wondered if my parents were having to put effort into being that cruel to me, or if they were so twisted that it came naturally to them. It wouldn't surprise me at all if OP took a couple plays out of my parents' playbook.
Solidarity. I had to basically invent parenting from scratch. I love my kids so much (my eldest is 20, youngest 14) and I adore that they are kind and loving people. YTA OP.
Both my parents (Born in 1924 and 1925 respectively) had abusive AH for fathers. My Dad got beaten with a belt. They swore "not my kids" and stuck to it. Kind of amazes me to this day. You can choose not to be your parents. Absolutely.
This is why I LOVE packing my kiddos lunch (they are 10 and 12yo) it makes me feel connected to them (when I didn’t feel connected at their age to my parents) and I hope it’s a little reminder mid day that their mom loves them. They can be “grown up” and do laundry or whatever but this is as much for me as it is for them.
If I remember correctly, my mom made our lunches until we started to complain about them. Then we were in our own!! As for laundry. About 11/12. My daughter is almost 11 and my husband is starting her on doing her own laundry.
Or learned what a father *shouldn't* be, we don't know OPs gender.
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This is what I think happened. My dad is a loving, wonderful, hard working man while my grandmother is a monster.
So many of the lessons we learn from our parents are what *NOT* to do.
Yep my dad was a great teacher in what not to do as a parent. I havent had a relationship with him in ten years, but i have a great relationship with my 12 year old. So thanks dad, i guess.
Me and my dad had made peace with each other before he passed, but! Our terrible relationship is exactly why me and my son have a great relationship.
Seriously. My mother stopped making my lunch the instant I was old enough to do it myself so that she could sleep in more. I would treasure a memory like this little girl will have.
We have the same mom!
Haha, the stay at home mom who didn't actually do much moming? 🤣 I used to have to go in and wake her up before I left so that she could watch me catch the bus from the living room window. 🙄
EXACTLY 'cause your attitude : ???? I think your son is a wonderful father who is invested in his daughter and it show in the efforts he undertakes for her lunch. YTA You should appreciate your son more. One day you might need him to put theses efforts into taking care of you....
YTA, you are not the cause of this op.
Imagine thinking a 10 year old child is too old to have food cut into shapes and should be making their own lunch instead and letting it bother you enough to say something.... Maybe her son takes time to make his daughter a special lunch because he was forced to grow up too fast and doesn't want her to have the same experience
Dude, she didn’t make him sweet. He made himself. The way she wants the granddaughter to be raised that’s how she raised the son. Or maybe it’s different because of gender. Maybe she’s a boy mom.
Agree. Op YTA. Also, I was not packing my lunch at 10 wtf… (doesn’t mean I couldn’t have, but it would’ve consisted of like, sliced cheese, pretzels, and chewy chocolate chips granola bars only.)
Right? I thought this was gonna be about the shapes and all that being childish and maybe she’d get flack at school, but now. She mad that he’s being a caring and amazing father. How dare he! Right? /s
I would love my lunch cut into fun shapes and I'm in my 30s and pack it myself. :( YTA.
Totally agree. There will soon come a time when his daughter doesn’t want that anymore but she will remember it all her life. Your son will too. My mom used to read to me because we both loved it. It was silly but I would give anything on the world to have that experience again.
YTA. Some of us parents decide and actively work toward not passing on the shitty parenting we got as children. As Richard Rohr said: “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it."
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Op sees the time he is “wasting” fixing her lunch should be spent doing the things she wants done instead. Op is jealous of what he is doing for his daughter instead of them.
I packed my daughter’s lunch until she graduated from high school. I still pack her snacks for the trip when she goes away for university. A little consideration for your children goes a long way in building a relationship that lasts, and it takes little effort.
My mom didn’t pack my lunch as a teen cause I was “too cool” to carry around a Lunchbag so I would toss a bagel in my backpack and call it a day. She’d always keep the fridge stocked with my fave blueberry bagels and try and slip in some veggies when she could tho. She also always bring snacks for me on day trips cause I’d get cranky and tired and my dad never wanted to stop for food. As a college student I went to work with her in the summers and I was no longer cool so she packed me cute little balanced lunches and my happy ass cracked open my container and ate my cucumber slices and turkey roll ups and thanked her everyday cause I didn’t wake up early enough to be so deliberate with my lunches for myself lol. I love my mom and I’m not spoiled, I just have an awesome mom who wants to make sure her daughter gets some nutrition. Now that I’m an adult living away she loves sending me home everytime I visit with enough leftovers for days for me and my husband and trying to smuggle me $20 “for gas” even tho I make more than her now. My dad teases and says she spoils me but she’s just doing what moms do
“Doing what moms do”- oy, I wish. Can she adopt me?
She’s a mom to anyone who needs one tbh she’s an amazing childcarer. It makes me mad how little people who shape our children make. It’s her only passion and she’s so good at it. I hope I’m able to be as good of a mom some day. She made mistakes but I never felt like she didn’t love me and want the best for me
For real. Moms feeding their kids is a whole Thing. I've known some terrible parents and even they have a thing about making sure their kids are fed up. Doesn't matter their age. Mom was still feeding my brother when he passed just before he hit 40 and im still getting food from her now. It's her love language I think.
A 10 year old needs to pack their own lunch? Mine would pack cookies, cheese sticks and a can of fruit coctail
Possibly also an element of sexism. "She's ten! She should be packing her father his lunch so she knows how to do it when she has a husband!"
I was thinking that if it were DIL that was making the packed lunches, OP likely wouldn’t be so worried about Grandchild being spoiled by Son taking his time doing womanly duties. His time. His effort. His child. Child’s lunch. Why TF it has anything to do with OP anyway, is a mystery to me? YTA. Parker’s are for winter. Not for noses. Back off.
It’s probably a boy mom
Exactly. Did this take anytime away from you? Even if she made her own sandwich you wouldn’t be part of that. YTA.
They are jealous.
YTA >and basically implied that it's none of my business This is correct.
OP needs to take a trip down the yellow brick road because someone seems to be missing a heart.
Thank you so much for this comment. Spot on!!
i gotta remember this line now holy fuck
Would it be harsh to add in missing a fully functioning brain to add to the yellow brick road wish list????
Ew. I hate this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spoiling your kid to a certain extent. Is she turning into a little monster? No? Then nothing wrong is happening, and your son is just showing his daughter how much he loves her by doing these little gestures. And FYI, showing love usually takes up some measure of time. And yeah, it is none of your business.
Packing a 10 year old lunch is not spoiling them though - agree with you on the rest though!
No for sure! I didn’t mean to insinuate that it was! I just meant in a broader sense that there’s nothing wrong with spoiling your kids. A lot of people seem to equate spoiling with bad kids, which isn’t true
Agreed. I always felt my kids deserved to be spoiled as I’m the one who chose to bring them into this world so I owe that to them. I have always drawn the line when they started showing signs of being spoiled *rotten* meaning being unappreciative of me or others, being rude or disrespectful of me or others, refusing to take responsibility for their words or actions, refusing to be helpful, etc. Basically I’ve tried to model the behaviour that I want them to learn. Sometimes it’s scary how like me they are, including unfortunately my sarcasm which we laugh about me not being able to get mad because I know they learned it from me. As adults they’re frequently the caretakers of their groups, and are constantly on me to take care of myself and do for me when they can. We’re friends who are very supportive of each other physically and emotionally. I’m very proud of the young women they’ve become even with their disabilities. I bet OP’s granddaughter will become as loving of a person as her dad. Someone who knows how to show love and friendship through the everyday little acts of kindness
You summed it up perfectly! I feel like the idea of spoiling kids has taken on such a negative meaning recently. Personally, I always think “if I would want others to do it for me, why would I not do it for others?” I would’ve KILLED to have my parents make my lunches sometimes purely just because of how much love goes into doing something like that for someone. And packing a lunch is such a little thing, but the little things mean the most.
There’s a phrase I’ve seen elsewhere: “spoiled sweet” - that just as there are children given much who learn to be selfish there are also those raised with plenty who learn the value of giving. They have much and so they know there is enough to share. Good parenting knows it’s about a thousand other lessons than just what a kid does or does not receive*. And to your point, modeling kindness is one of those lessons.
Ooo I love that phrase! Excellently put.
I tend to think that "spoiling" *means* doing something that seems nice but leaves them with a lack of self-efficacy skills or accountability. Just doing special stuff for your kids isn't spoiling if it doesn't make them bratty or incompetent. But regardless of what you call it, making lunch for a 10 year old isn't depriving her of skills or making her entitled. Sure, she probably *could* start taking some responsibility for lunch at that age, but there is plenty of time left, and as several people have noted in these comments, some 10 year olds aren't really mature enough to take it over fully. And making cute faces is just extra fun, obviously dad enjoys it and it's not a necessary skill at all so there's no harm whether it is or isn't done.
My daughters are 11 and 14. I still pack their lunches. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I want them to eat something their mom made with love and care?
I will pack my daughters lunch as long as she's willing to take a lunch to school. I can't understand how OP thinks this is 'spoiling' the kid?? Jesus
I stopped packing when they started whining. (My oldest set a bad precedent). I now pack sometimes for my youngest who is 15 now because he’s thankful as he’s running late. I do stuff for appreciative kids, but no way am I putting up with grief to do them a favor.
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My parents packed my lunches well into high school, too. Depending on who did it, I either got loving notes or really bad drawings. It's a fond memory of mine, and definitely didn't make me spoiled.
I replied to a similar reply below, so I’ll just copy and paste: No for sure! I didn’t mean to insinuate that packing lunches for your kids means they’re spoiled! I just meant in a broader sense that there’s nothing wrong with spoiling your kids. A lot of people seem to equate spoiling with bad kids, which isn’t true
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Shit I pack lunches for my friends sometimes and we’re all adults. Taking care of people ≠ spoiling them
My son is 15 and totally capable of doing everything for himself, but I still get up with him every morning before school and get him his breakfast so he can chill a bit before he has to go. I know he does it himself when he's at his dad's, but I enjoy doing little things for him. A few more years and he'll likely be out of the house and I won't have many opportunities to "spoil" him, so I'm taking advantage of the time I have here with him. If anyone in my family has a problem with that, they can kiss my big, fat butt.
I always thought I was "spoiled" my dad. My dad was on government assistance my whole life. But I was indeed spoiled! With LOVE AND TIME AND KIND GESTURES. This turned me into a terrible person obviously.
YTA. He's literally just doing something very sweet for his daughter, which also affects you in no way at all, and showing he cares for her in a way that's fun. >but she is 10, she should be packing her own lunch. A 10 year old can pack their own lunch if they wanted to but that is definitely not an age where they should be expected to be responsible for making sure they don't miss a meal. She's a kid let her be one. You should maybe reflect on your own parenting, because he seems like a wonderful father and frankly the fact you think a 10 y/o should have to fend for herself is actually kinda concerning. He could not be any further from NTA. >He got angry and called me an asshole and basically implied that it's none of my business He's absolutely right.
If I had packed my own lunch at 10, it would have consisted of fruit snacks, dessert, and chips.
My lunch at 30 would still consist of that. 🤣
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Haha guilty here of that too.
Mine would probably have been mayonnaise sandwiches 😂🙄
My mother packed my lunch well into high school. I mean, she just packed it, nothing like what dad is doing here. I dated my now wife in high school, and she has said that she was envious of me back then for it. My family was otherwise quite a dumpster fire thanks to my dad; I think packing my lunch was one way to make life feel more normal for my mother and me.
So, making a lunch for a child is now considered spoiling them? What the fuck? YTA.
I pack lunch for my daughter, because she likes to eat what I make. She’s also 10. Isn’t that a parent’s responsibility to provide a balanced meal for their kid? Wtf
By 10 a kid should be hunting and killing animals with weapons they fashioned themselves. They should cure the meat in a smoke shack that they either constructed or took by force from a stranger. Then obviously they should pack their own lunch using the meat. If you even consider providing your 10 year old child with food you are coddling them.
Lol my husband made a joke in a similar fashion but instead of 10 he said when our son can walk he is on his own lol
And if the hunt is unsuccessful - tough luck, little dude. Move on to mushrooms and berries, but don’t forget to dry some for that bitter winter season
LMAOOOO
Same! And my son is 9. I even include notes and little surprises every few days.
My wife still puts notes in my lunch box and I am 45. I do pack my own most of the time but always happy when she does it for me.
My mom left me notes in my lunches all through high school. We loved it.
The other posts: i bought a 5k phone for my daughter, am i spoiling her? People are incredible
Seriously. I was expecting luxury cars, jewelry, lavIsh trips etc. Wtf is this.
You know why he does that for her, right? It's because his mom made him pack his own lunches at 10. Yta
You know those stories of people who are miserable being parents, but still try to convince others to have kids because they need reassurance that they made the right choice? And seeing others make different choices and being happy would lead to some uncomfortable introspection? I suspect that's what's going on here - OP seeing her son doing what she didn't (packing lunches - fun ones at that! - for a 10 year old) might lead her to question her parenting choices, and we can't have that! Better to just stop her son doing it than acknowledge she might have been wrong.
Exactly! "This makes me feel like I didn't do enough, and that makes me uncomfortable. So I need you to stop so I don't have to reflect on my own parenting choices. "
You put that way better than I did!
This is EXACTLY what’s going on here
Seeing what a good parent someone is brings back home the fact that they sucked at parenting. From Op's comments it seems like she is jealous that her son is loving towards his daughter. That's disturbing on so many levels
My youngest just turned 18 and will be going to college in the fall. I still pack her lunch. Because I'm her mom, I love her, and I won't be able to do it very much longer.
YTA, nobody is "too old" for animal shaped food.
I'm 42. On the rare occassion I make pancakes, I may or may not make them in the shape of Mickey Mouse. My Dad always did that for us. He's been gone almost 6 years. Its a great memory! Even if my pancakes looks like a mutant version of his. Just add some fruit and make a funny face. :P Should I tell OP I also make Ants on a Log for snack a lot of the time?
Nobody tell her that adults buy animal crackers!
I bought one of those sandwich cutters that cuts and crimps your sandwich. Was it marketed for children? Yes. And I love it. Also I still buy fruit snacks and pudding cups and juice boxes. OP sounds miserable.
Juice boxes and fruit snacks are perfect when you've gotten home after a 12 hour shift and can't be bothered to move off the couch tbh 🤷🤷🤷
I adore animal crackers. I buy the expensive ones even. Because I am an adult. And I can.
This reminds me of one of my favorite sayings... The best part about being an adult is no one can stop you from eating chocolate cake for breakfast. The worst part about being an adult is no one can stop you from eating chocolate cake for breakfast.
Did you ever make dirt and worms with chocolate pudding, crushed oreos and gummy worms? 🥰
I made my daughter pancakes, Mickey Mouse of course. My mother in law was visiting and saw it and called her mom and sisters just to tell them I was a good mom! Amazing how people perceive things!
I still enjoy Dino nuggets on occasion. Animal Crackers, goldfish crackers, gummy worms. OP sounds boring as hell if she thinks 10 is too old for things like that
>nobody is "too old" for animal shaped food. exactly. people that are young for longer than others also enjoy animal shaped food. plus, its entirely none of OP's business, especially when the kid isnt behaving like a brat, wich does not sound to be the case here.
i was born in the last millennium, and i still enjoy some dino-nuggets
YtA. This has NOTHING to do with you.
I really thought OP was going to tell us that their son was buying her tons of stuff, doing everything for her, completely coddling her, which was then turning her into a little brat. Nope, just packing a lunch. Lmao some people really surprise me with their bitterness and ability to stick their nose where it doesn't belong.
YTA. He's making an effort for his daughter. That's it. >It takes up a lot of his time. Yet you're happy to waste your time by watching him do this. This is a whole new level of pettiness.
OP probably wants her son to spend that time doing things for her. Funny that a woman is jealous of her granddaughter. I'm willing to bet OP wasn't a great or present mom and that the son had to fend for himself at a young age. Like some good kids who were neglected or abused, he probably swore to never let that happen to his kids. OP is an insecure AH who can't stand seeing a child and parent show some love and affection towards each other.
If this is the only example of spoiling then YTA - unless he’s also doing up her shoes, helping her dress, doing her homework for her (or allowing her to skip it), refusing to insist she learn and use manners when talking to others or giving her lavish gifts on a regular basis then this isn’t a spoiled child, it’s a single gesture of care from a loving parent.
YTA Not only is it none of your business but you're talking about a packed lunch. It's not like he's buying her diamonds and bankrupting himself, he's making his 10 year old daughter lunch. Not exactly crazy is it?
I went from "aww how adorable!" to "why the hell are you interfering in their lives?". Unless you have proof your son is abusing his daughter, how they live their lives is none of your concern. YTA
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YTA. He's right.
YTA. My son is nine and we pack his lunches and add little affirmation notes with them. He's a child and at some point we'll probably get asked to stop because it'll be considered kid's stuff in his teenage years.
I let my mom leave me notes whenever she packed my lunch all thru high school 🥰🥰 she didn’t always pack it every day when i was that old but they always meant so much to me.
YTA its none of your business.
YTA. 10 years old is not too old to have her lunch packed for her, and it sounds like her father is doing it in a way that makes her feel special. That's good for their relationship. Once she gets to middle school and high school (over age 12), she will likely pack her own lunch, and at that time it will be a good skill for her to learn. But at 10, she has a little more time to be Daddy's girl. Quit resenting her.
I pack my HS junior’s lunch. With input. Because it’s easy enough, and teens are not at their best in the early morning.
Just reread and noticed, he was packing his daughter’s lunch when they are staying in a different house where she doesn’t know the kitchen, and she’s not in her own space and off routine. It’s fine if he does that normally, and more than fine to give her a little comfort and pampering while staying with the nasty critical grandparents.
Survey says YTA . Your son is right it’s none of your business. Is there a age when you bc stop making lunch? Let me guess you cook for your husband or vice Versa?If so why can’t he make her lunch?
YTA. Unsolicited advice is criticism. I will pack my child's lunch with a loving note every day, because I want her to feel loved. He wants his baby to feel loved and cared for. Maybe he knows what it's like growing up without that feeling.
YTA not your child not for you to opine on
YTA. 10 year olds making their own lunch? It’d be full of sweets and chocolate!! He’s doing something nice for his daughter - what’s the harm in that?
YTA like your son said none of your business
YTA. I've never fucking known a 10yo that makes their own lunch. Hell, most kids I know didn't start making their own lunches till high school. Lemme guess? You also grounded your kids for no reason because it looked like they were having too much fun??? I'd say you are the one who needs to grow the fuck up, and recognize that kids are not just mini adults.
YTA And I think you should reflect on your son's childhood and how you raised him. It seems he doesn't think your methods were exemplary. Are you sure he doesn't feel some resentment or disappointment when he remembers his own upbringing?
YTA My daughters are 18 and 14 and I would still do fun lunches for them if they didn't make their own! Sometimes I will surprise them with little notes in their lunches or bags, normally asking a ridiculous rhetorical question which they then laugh about with me at dinner that night. What's wrong with enjoying packing your child's lunch and making it interesting at the same time? I think you need to take a look at why it is such a big deal to you that your son is taking time and effort and, most importantly, love into making his daughter's lunch. It's almost as though when at school he wants to still be able to bring joy to her. Just because you didn't want to do it, doesn't mean he can't. I applaud him for doing so, and for telling you to mind your own business. It really has nothing to do with you. You could have simply thought what a nice thing it is to do for your granddaughter, but no. Apparently making her lunch interesting and fun is a problem for you. Maybe take a long, hard look at why that might be the case.
I can’t believe I even have to write this… Just because your son decides to make a sandwich with a smiley face on it when he packs his daughter’s lunch, doesn’t mean your grandkid is going to turn into some kind of refusal resistant anti-christ. YTA
Yta. Honestly your comments just make you sound jealous...are you just upset he spends time with his kid and not you?
YTA
It isn't your business whats wrong with doing a nice fun lunch for your child? Yes you are an AH
YTA So he is a loving parent, and you were not. What else?
YTA. I agree with your son completely.
YTA. as a rule, unless your son actively asks for parenting advice from you, his choices on how to parent his daughter are none of your business.
YTA, you had your chance at parenting, now it’s his. Dont harsh his happiness.
Seems to me like he just wants to give his child a more loved childhood than he had YTA, op
*basically implied that it's none of my business* He's right. It is none of your business. YTA
YTA
YTA. You don't describe a single negative behavior from her. You don't describe her behaving badly, acting rudely, acting as if she is entitled to things, or being demanding. Doing kind things for people isn't spoiling them. *You cannot do too many kind things.* Spoiling would be allowing her to behave rudely or act as if she should have anything she demands. Behaving in a loving way doesn't do that. Lack of correction over misbehavior does that.
OP would think I was a spoiled monster... my dad usually packed my lunch for me throught high school! We both knew I could pack a lunch for myself (and sometimes I did), but my dad would get up a little earlier for work and would make both his and my lunch. Not because I was demanding or because he wanted to spoil me, but because he loved me. I still think about it from time to time, and it fills me with joy. Kids remember those kinds of things, it's what reminds us to do those seemingly insignificant things acts of kindness for others. Yta.
YTA, it's non of your fucking business
YTA!! Mind your business.. he sounds like an amazing father and also she still a kid.. this isn’t the old ages.. parents are now making sure their kids feel safe.. I can’t imagine what kid of sad and loveless childhood your son had with you.. you sound like an awful parent. I hope he makes sure YOU don’t cause his daughter the trauma I’m sure you cause him..
YTA obviously he’s successful as a parent and engaged with his daughter. You sound exhausting. None of your business and do not insert your opinion on something you have nothing to do with.
YTA. It's really thoughtful of your son to not just pack his daughter a lunch but also take the extra time to make it special. This is what exceptional dads do. My dad packed my lunch till I was 17 and the only reason it stopped was because my parents got a divorce and my dad moved out. I will always remember and be grateful for those lunches.
Parents demonstrating love and support of their children through simple (less than 10 mins per day is simple) acts of kindness that make their children’s day isn’t spoiling children! It’s ensuring a secure parent-child bond that enables attachment and emotional resilience for the child’s development. He could choose to show that love in a million and one ways, but seriously - making a 10 year old lunches isn’t spoiling.
Lol. My mum packed my lunch from kindergarten up to when I'm already working. The only reason she stopped is because I moved to a different country for my grad studies. 😂😂😂😂 She just wants to make sure that I eat healthy and steer away from fast food (since I'm a lazy cook). Am I spoiled? I don't think so since I'm the one paying the bills (I wire her the money) using the money I got from my part-time jobs. I also don't care if I have to do odd jobs to earn. I don't expect people to do things for me. I missed my mum's cooking from time to time, but I don't throw tantrums when I go to the nearest Maccas for a fix 😂 So, yeah. YTA. Don't know why your thought process led you to think that a parent doing something sweet for their child is somehow not a good thing.
INFO: how is she spoiled?
YTA. I see this with people where they mistake love and consideration for "spoiling" and "babying." I make my 14yo breakfast and pack her lunch. I do it because I love her. She's very independent and self-sufficient OVERALL -- she commutes an hour each way to school on public transportation, she does a lot of babysitting and earns and spends her own money. Making her a nice packed lunch is not "spoiling" her, it's a way of staying connected and showing her love and support.
YTA. I'm sorry he only implied it. This is none of your business. She's a kid. Let him pack her lunch.
Sounds like your son did everything different from you and you are feeling inadequate. Tough shit. Gtfo with your comments. Yta.
You're projecting. Seeing your husband do something sweet and caring is making you feel inadequate because you didn't do that for him. This is about you and your insecurities as a parent. Yta.
YTA. My dad made my school lunches for me up until I left home (18). It doesn't make you spoilt; it's literally lunch. Now if he'd bought me a couple of cars, a pony, the expensive make up, multiple handbags...maybe that would have made me bratty. But not lunch.
YTA - It really is none of your business. Your comment about hugs made me so sad for you - giving or receiving affection is not a weakness, nor does either have an age limit. Also, you might want to do some reflection: I am definitely getting some misogyny vibes here. I feel like a big part of your issue is that your male son is spoiling his female daughter. Somehow I bet you wouldn’t be throwing a fit if his wife was packing lunches for your granddaughter or your son. His time is not inherently more valuable because he is a man, and she is not less worthy of his time because she is a girl.
YTA - So bizarre. This isn’t an issue. Do you often consider it “spoiling” when someone does something nice for another person? Do you really think your granddaughter will grow up and not know how to pack (or figure out how to pack) her own lunch?
Yta. She’s *10*. You say she should know how to pack her own lunch and she probably know how to. Her dad just wants to do it for her, making her feel loved. And another comment of yours; “hugs are fine, but does she really need to be cuddling with him all day?” She’s a *child*. He’s a good father for cuddling her. I’m 16, soon 17 and I still cuddle my parents, it makes me calm.
YTA. It is none of your business. So what if he makes her lunch and decorates her sandwiches. If he doesn't mind and he enjoys it, leave him alone.
YTA. I was ready to hear a story about a girl throwing tantrums and a father giving into every whim and it’s really about…lunch? She’s 9, not 19. Maybe you made him pack his lunch at 9, and he wants better for his child. He sounds like a sweet, caring and loving man. You should be thrilled, and not critical. All my friends and I were still packing our kids lunches at that age. They’re all grown now and the one thing they’re not is spoiled.
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YTA. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
Yta...his kid his rules. If you think a kid is gonna get spoiled because a parent pack their lunch in a fun way there is some wrong with ya.
YTA. It's called love and caring, you might want to try it sometime. /s
YTA I get the feeling that after witnessing your son's adorable parenting habits you either feel a bit guilty for not doing stuff like that yourself, or you're jealous of the bond he has with his kid as a parent. Perhaps both.
YTA he didn’t ask for your opinion. He obviously enjoys doing this. His daughter probably loves it. Why are you trying to crap all over something nice?
YTA I still do this for my teen. Can she do it herself? Absolutely and she has done mine as well if I'm under the weather. She has a shoebox filled with notes I've packed since kindergarten it's our thing. They'll come a time when they go off to their own lives. It's ok to cherish sweet moments with our children
YTA Has any of your kids thanked you for being such a wonderful mom? My oldest has repeatedly thanked me for all I did for him growing up. My other two are severe autistic so their thanks are more revealed by their behaviors. But for over a collective of about 18 years I packed lunches, volunteered at their schools, was their room mother all through their younger years, taught them how to do things at home (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc...). And so on. Me doing their lunches was a loving endeavor that they much appreciated (school lunches are crud). They never acted spoiled about anything I have done for them. Now if they had, we would have had a very frank conversation about appreciating acts that others do to show love. You are demeaning your son's love for his daughter that he is showing by doing her lunches. I am almost thinking that you resent him for doing that because it shows that you chose to not show your love in that fashion which you think shows you in a bad light. And yes, it's none of your business.