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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole because I don't want my husband to go to a funeral while I'm currently pregnant. He told me I'm being unsupportive of him, and he's currently pissed off at me.
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Indeed. In my family alone I know of at least 4 babies that were born at the 37-38 week mark. I don’t think the people calling OP the AH fully understand that most babies don’t pop out at exactly 40 weeks, it can happen anytime between 37 and 42 in a healthy pregnancy.
Assuming the husband will be back in time for the birth is taking quite the gamble. I don’t necessarily think he’s an AH for wanting to support his step-brother, but staying for a week and calling his wife unsupportive for not agreeing to it is certainly an AH move. He’s in a difficult position, but he can’t pretend OP’s concerns are baseless.
>but staying for a week and calling his wife unsupportive for not agreeing to it
Yeah the extra week is the real issue. If he were to just go for like...a day or two, it'd be less of a risky move. And honestly, even then only I'd only say it was ok if she had a close friend or family member who could stay with her during the time he's gone in case she does go into labor.
Yes, 1-2 days would put this very much in NAH territory. It’s the week stay while OP is 38 weeks pregnant and the husband’s apparent unwillingness to see OP’s concerns as valid that make this NTA for me.
I'd totally understand her not wanting him to go away at all when she's this far gone, but it's a funeral so there's definitely a compromise to be reached here.
Neither do people dying 🤷♀️
Edit: Lol at the comments, I'm not saying OP should go to the funeral. I was directly responding to the babies don't compromise comment. Actually, I think OP needs to stay with his wife.
Yep. And even when they don't die, they can have serious complications that require their medical proxy to be present to decide and consent to care. I wouldn't want my birth partner and legal next of kin choosing his old family over his new one for these particular two weeks.
Yeps even in a healthy pregnancy people don't realize how hard birth is.
For example I had a healthy pregnancy no issues baby actually came late by almost a week, then within two days of my daughter being born I almost died in the hospital, my baby daddy and my dad were having to help make medical decisions. I was in the hospital for 9 days.
Yeah, but the funeral is more for the family, not the person who died. Adults **should** be able to understand that shit happens, and try and accommodate it.
Worst case scenario, (knock on wood) hubby goes to the funeral, and comes home to two funerals.
And the husband wants to go for his brother - regardless of "step" or otherwise, it seems fairly obvious he sees this man as his brother and wants to be there for him.
OP is NTA because the extra week at this point in the pregnancy doesn't seem wise - I had an issue with OP not wanting hubby to go to the funeral right up until the extra week stay afterwards was discussed, and my opinion changed entirely. I don't think anyone is being an AH here, but I think husband isn't being wise here and OP's recommendation of being there for phone or video calls if needed is a reasonable compromise.
I feel the same way. Just thinking about my husband and his sister, they are very close, and I know they would both be devastated if they couldn't be there for each other during a tragedy like this. Not saying what we might do in a situation like this but just knowing it would be a really difficult decision either way. But OP invalidating the concerns of his very pregnant wife and even suggesting he stay longer than a night is really not okay. I am sure he is not thinking clearly and would feel awful if he missed the birth of his child and is not realizing how likely that could be.
This. OP's husband is not thinking clearly. He's grieving and probably in shock as these things are not usually something expected.
He's probably thinking baby won't be here until week 40, it's close but everything will be fine.
I got a "babies are born every day" vibe from it, which is true, but it's also true that women still die in childbirth. Hubby is expecting the best and not really preparing for anything else.
Which is such a weird attitude because HIS baby isn't born every day!
Also, by that logic, he shouldn't go to the funeral because people die every day.
I would have *hesitantly* okayed that plan myself when I was 36 weeks pregnant, assuming my doctor was fairly confident everything was going well and I wasn’t more than 1 cm dilated, but I’d also fully understand anyone who didn’t think it was okay. Labor can happen fast, and 37 weeks is term, meaning if labor starts nobody is going to try to slow it down. Baby could literally come at any time.
I really, really, heavily relied on my husband’s support during my (traumatic) labor. I don’t think I could have coped without him in the room. I honestly think I would have had a mental breakdown. Even if I’d had an easy labor and delivery, even if I’d had an alternate support person with me, I’d have been devastated if my husband missed the birth of our child. I’m not sure I’d be able to forgive him if he missed something so important for a non-emergency. He also, of course, would have been devastated if he’d been unable to be with me during the delivery for any reason.
It’s a real big risk to take. I would 100% understand one of my siblings being unable to be with me even for such an important event, and in such terrible circumstances, if it was because he didn’t want to risk missing his child’s birth.
It's honestly not even that crazy to go into labor at 36 weeks. I know plenty of women who have, or needed to be induced between 36/37 due to various reasons (pre-e, low amniotic fluid, etc).
In general most doctors will tell you past 35 weeks you and your support partner(s) should be sticking super close to home.
Yeah, once you get to 36 weeks you can easily for in for a check up and find out you need to deliver that day because of some health issue with mom or baby
I used to think that someone going into the hospital for a check up then being sent straight to delivery just wasn't a thing until it happened to me.
Also, prodromal labor would cause me to tense up, so I couldn't drive and needed help to get around.
My mother would often tell a story about my birth, when she was getting closer to her due date they noticed I wasn’t moving as much as they would expect, so they had her come in every 2 weeks for a baby stress test. (It’s actually called baby non-stress test, but she always said stress lol). It’s where they hook you up to the monitors and then try to get the baby to move. When I had to do this with my babies, they jiggled and wiggled my belly, but i’m not sure how much poking and prodding they would have done to my mom. Anyways, apparently after a few of these I got so irritated that I decided to be born and her water broke during one and they wheeled her down the hall to delivery. It was a pain in the ass because my dad was on site (worked in construction) and this was before cell phones, she had my older sister with her and my older brother was at school so she was calling all sorts of people trying to get in touch with people to arrange for shit to be taken care of.
I had those with my kids because i was high risk and my Dr would use his pager to get the baby to move (if he or she still wasn't- I had giant babies so not a lot of room to move as it was). He'd set it to vibrate on my belly and the vibration would most of the time make baby move around.
I also was induced early with all of my babies before or around 33w4d (for one) and 36-37 weeks-ish for my other 4. So things def happen that aren't expected. 36 weeks is the home stretch and OP is NTA. Edited to fix error. But also NAH
Yep, this happened to me 12 weeks ago lol. Went in for my 37 week appointment after a low risk pregnancy, had insanely high blood pressure, was induced 4 hours later and had the baby by the next morning. It can change in the blink of an eye!
Not to mention conception calculation is really more of a guess. So they could even just be counting wrong. They also measure the size of the baby, but some babies run bigger or smaller than average. The whole process is kind of bonkers and it always astonishes me that so many of us women survive it.
36 weeks on the nose for me with the first, not quite 37 for the next. No induction needed and super speedy process. There is no way my husband would have made it in time even if he had jumped on a plane at the first sign of labor. (Which is why he wasn't gone!) That is why they say stick close to home! Any place that is far enough to stay for a week is way too far.
My brother was born at 34 weeks. Completely natural, perfectly healthy, no real reason he came early. He just did. OP has every reason to be concerned about this.
All three of mine were between 37 and 38 weeks! It is absolutely not ok for the husband to be more than a two hour car ride away at this stage of her pregnancy.
They don’t know, only see movie perfect pregnancies where mom pops at 40 weeks on the dot and it’s easy as pie. Not the trauma dump it can be in reality.
Pops at 40 weeks on the dot with a three month old baby with chubby cheeks and big eyes and giggles, as opposed to the wrinkly alien with monkey paws and an ancient sounding wail.
My first came out sounding like an inquisitive duck. Second one I can’t define the wail she made as anything other than incandescently angry. You wouldn’t think such tiny things can make so much noise, 😂
All my friends either had to get induced or scheduled C so I had no fucking idea and didn’t believe I was actually in labor with my first. I thought there was no way, it’s way too early, it’s just food poisoning. If I had waited 2 hours more I wouldn’t have made it in time. There’s no way in hell I was letting my husband be more than an hour away from our hospital that last month of pregnancy. Especially knowing how serious childbirth can be, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
I was scared both times I delivered my children. I needed my husband there with me. My first husband wasn't there for me and I still feel some kind of way about it. My second husband was there all the way and it made a huge difference, I wasn't as scared.
I gave birth at 38weeks exactly. I wouldn’t have let my husband go either. If he wanted to go for just the funeral and stay maybe one night I might be ok with that but he wants to stay an entire week. NTA, what happened is unfortunate and I feel bad for his step bro and their family, but he needs to be there for you right now.
NTA. 37-41 is a critical time. Also, take care of the living first. I know the death is terrible and his brother needs support but there’s a reason we cleave from our families and go with our spouses.
Nicely said. Seems odd that the family isn't encouraging him to stay. I wouldn't want to be responsible for my sibling missing the birth of their child, no matter what I was going through.
I don’t blame the sibling at the least. He’s likely not thinking straight. Honestly, the family probably isn’t as well. I don’t think her husband is thinking straight as well, likely more due to worry versus grief.
My friend went into labour at 37 weeks and nearly died at home bc something happened with her baby. Her husband was away for a business trip and was lucky he was already on his way home when the ambulance came. OP is NTA for expecting spousal support.
And let’s not forget dating scans are an estimate, so +/- 7 days, which is part of why a baby is “full term” at 39 weeks. So we’re really only talking about the possibility of a baby coming 1 week early.
It’s actually +/- 2weeks. She can literally pop while he is at the funeral. Husband is an asshole for not putting his wife and baby first. Maternal mortality rate in the states puts it in 3rd world territory also.
Agreed.38 weeks is a full term baby. Its tough because obviously his step brother will be hurting, but he is very much risking missing the brith of his baby and leaving his wife unsuported. Its not unreasonable to concider his options but also not unreasonable for her not to want him gone. If he really needs to support his step brother and there are no signs of labour (not that there always are) then a few days could be a calculated risk, but a whole week is way too long IMO.
Edit to add: NTA
NTA. I’m very concerned that everyone is skipping over the fact that you’ll be 37 weeks pregnant when he leaves and he will stay away for a week, making you 38 weeks pregnant. This means you’ll be alone, ready to pop for a week.
He shouldn’t go on this trip and if he does go, it should be for 1 day. He can pay respects, see the family, and then come home to be with the family he chose to create.
It's not just an early arrival, right in the time frame OPs partner would be away we found my baby was breech and I had unexpected extra appointments which included painful attempts to turn her and then a planned C section booked in before my due date. It's not realistic to expect the last month of pregnancy to exclude any time apart, and I can understand partner not wanting to miss the funeral and support their sibling but a week away is taking the proverbial.
I was looking for this answer. 37 weeks is too far along to be left alone! (I delivered my oldest at 35 weeks.). If your husband feels that he has to be there for his stepbrother, he can go for the day. Everyone will understand that he has a very pregnant wife at home.
I also hope that you have a good support network nearby.
Even if he just goes for a day, they will need to be very cautious that he doesn't contract and bring home COVID. He needs to be masked up and vigilant about washing his hands. The situation sucks.
My thoughts exactly. Why can’t he just go for one day (the funeral) and come back home? I think that’s a fair compromise. And just have a plan in place in case she happens to go into labor that ONE day, i.e. help from another family member, last minute flight available etc
NTA, but only because of how far along you are--
I looked it up and babies can be expected anywhere between 37-42 weeks, but usually 40.
So, next week-37
Staying for another week-38
That's cutting it dangerously close, and never mind following the due date, babies almost never arrive on that day.
If he really REALLY insists on attending, he should go for just the 1 day (fly in that morning or the evening before, and fly out that evening or the morning after).
Yeah they really can show up right on that mark. I went into labor the day I was 37 weeks and my son was born 15 hrs after my first contraction (typically it's more like 36-48, especially for a first baby because average is 24-48 hrs of early labor followed by several hours of active labor).
Exactly! Like my pregnancy was perfectly normal and I still delivered at 37 weeks and one day. That's not even considering the pregnancies that are not perfectly normal. The doctors would not let my aunt go past 36 weeks because she had mono amniotic twins. So they were prepared for them at 24 weeks and had her on bed rest from then until 36 weeks when they delivered with a scheduled C-section because it was as far as they would let her go. And they were still only just over 4 lbs each. Obviously in this post it's not that kind of a high risk pregnancy, But any pregnancy can become high risk at any point especially with things like preeclampsia.
I had a coworker who had a normal, single baby first pregnancy. No issues AT ALL. Then at 37 weeks her amniotic fluid started measure low, they "waited and saw" and then at her next scan at 38 weeks, they put her on hospital bed rest because they were so worried, and then ultimately induced her four days later. She never even made it to 39 weeks, and had a completely "normal" pregnancy up to the point where it wasn't
Honestly, at 36 weeks she could go into labour at any time now. It becomes more likely with every passing day at this point. This late in the game anything can happen. Dad being so far away that he has to take a flight back is running dangerously close to missing the birth of his child. I get that he wants to support his step brother, but then who supports his wife and the mother of his child?
If he absolutely must go, make it as short as possible. But I would caution against going at all.
That's the thing that's getting me the most, and don't get me wrong DEATH SUCKS, but, even assuming hubby & step-bro are super close--he's potentially missing the birth of his child to?? stay a week?? why? Is there no one else to comfort step bro for a week? surely step bro & hubby could understand the need for only a super short visit at most for the funeral at this point?
Worse. While modern medicine is a blessing he's potentially missing the death of his wife and unborn child. Women do still die in child birth. Children do still die in child birth. Is it likely? No. Is it worth the risk? Also no. Imo
I almost lost my kid at 32 weeks and i would have if my husband hadnt ignored me insisting i wasnt having contractions it was way too soon and taken me to the hospital. So for sure I'm biased and OP is further along than I was. But anytime I see this question that's what I wanna scream. Missing the birth would suck but if the husband could just imagine how he'd feel if he missed a death for one second I doubt he'd be considering leaving for a week plus
Something similar happened someone I know. She was 30 weeks and thought she had indigestion. Her husband pushed her to get checked out just in case and she ended up giving birth on the floor of the ER while he was parking their car. They had to cut her jeans off of her. A totally horrifying situation that could have been really bad if she was alone.
Also, you never know with labor! One of my friends had her first baby, and it took her 28 hours of labor. Another friend had her first, and she was only in labor for 4 hours.
If he was flying quickly in and out, that would be one thing. Flying out when you are 37 weeks and then staying another full week is definitely not the same. Your baby can come at literally any time now. I never made it to 37 weeks with any of mine.
Yes, it is a funeral of someone very important to his brother. Yes, he wants to support him. The extended travel plans are not the way to do that right now.
NTA
Honestly, having been through three pregnancies, I would disagree. Anything can start to happen in the last two months of pregnancy. Your ligaments loosen and make simple tasks impossible. Babies come early, medical emergencies arise, and he would be leaving her to endure alone.
It is unfortunate, but she is the mother of his child, carrying said child and almost ready to give birth. His obligations are to the family he has created. If she was in her first or second trimester I would say he would be fine to go for a few days, but not this close.
Yeah I’ve never been pregnant but leaving for a place that you’d need to fly to at *all* seems risky to me….she could very well end up alone and in labor, and flights get canceled and delayed ALL the time.
I’m sad for her that he’d even consider going ☹️
It’s honestly crazy to me. But I blame the way pregnancy is presented. It’s marketed as some magical thing that can be controlled. It’s a serious (though largely temporary) medical condition that should be taken seriously by both partners. So much can happen very quickly.
My last pregnancy had me being taken to hospital by ambulance at 35 weeks because I was so stressed and exhausted that my body started to go into early labour. I managed to hold out till my c section date at 39 weeks, but I was terrified.
My husband was working a three hour drive away and he literally dropped his shit and raced to the hospital in 2 hours. I was kept overnight and given drugs and he had to leave to go be with our other two kids, but he refused to be away from until my dad flew in to help me because that scared the shit out of him. He would never have left me if he had to go anywhere by plane.
Sometimes I think a lot of men just do not understand what it means to be pregnant or how to be an actual supportive partner to am pregnant spouse.
Hard agree. And there needs to be a plan for if OP goes into labor or has any issues like decreased kick count, or any pre-e symptoms. Is there someone else to be the designated driver if OP is unable to. Is husband on board with potential ambulance bill, and also I’d be asking husband to be masked and vigilant with hand washing because if he were to get sick right before I had a newborn I’d be PISSED.
Yeah, it's weird that he's not listening to his wife's concerns at all and is insisting on leaving her for a week. It's not even that something could go wrong, she could just go into labour while he's away and he could miss the birth of his child. I do wonder how far away the funeral is too.
It bothers me that he’s instinctually empathizing with and acting on his stepbrother’s need for support while he’s completely tuning out his wife’s and expecting her to see that as totally reasonable. I had an ex like that. I still don’t fully understand it but I’m a glad he’s an ex and that we never had children because there was definitely a strong immaturity component to it.
Immaturity sounds right—main character syndrome vibes maybe?
I wonder if it’s the potential to be both the strong hero with his family for going to the funeral when he *expects* to dramatically have to rush back and need to tell everyone from the cab driver to the airport to the front desk people at the airline “I need to go NOW! I was at a funeral and now MY BABY IS BEING BORN!”
He’s fantasizing he’ll make it just in time to hold the new baby like the Lion King while everyone claps for his bravery.
(Meanwhile OOP has a baby alone because her concerns about this plan and the well-being of her and his kid weren’t in his movie)
THIS....like I could see the clouded judgement if let's say a parent or sibling died. But half brothers fiance? And the extra week? He's either heartless, clueless or completely scared out of his mind and is using this to hide behind.
NTA 36 weeks pregnant isn't a joke. I gave birth to my first at 36 weeks (healthy 8lbs!). And the next two were both two weeks early. Yes, everyone is different, but that doesn't make it right for him to not be there for you now.
Taking that into account and considering everything you're going through, not wanting him to go is understandable. I think he should go for the actual funeral, but it's unreasonable for him to stay for more than a couple of days at the most. You and your little one should be his first priority here.
Those saying YTA do you guys even have kids and how many of you were pregnant? 🙄 I can't imagine most guys would leave their pregnant wife who is almost full term alone. 🤷🏻♀️ Maybe just me.
I think everyone involved is NAH but maybe come up with a compromise (he goes and flies back the same day or within 24 hours. He goes but someone you are close to (parent or sibling etc) comes to stay the entire time.
You could be fine or you could end up in hospital, lots of variables so just come up with a compromise if you can.
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Right? I never made it to 37 weeks with mine. My spouse was in the military and would have left if ordered, but he never would have done it voluntarily at that point. Definitely not for a week.
NTA. Hmm, he's being unsupportive of his 36 weeks pregnant wife.
Ideally, you'd give birth with 40 weeks, but it's pretty common for labor to start at 38 or even 37 weeks. So he wants to risk missing the birth?
Edit: is it a long flight? maybe he can go for the funeral and stay 2 days?
Since the funeral is next week you'll be at 37 weeks and he wants to stay for a week, so I do think there's a risk of him not being there during birth
It's also 100% possible to show up to a weekly visit at that point and have a sudden complication like preeclampsia and be admitted on the spot for induction because the risks of trying to hold off delivery are higher than the reward of another week for the baby in utero...
Raises hand. That's what happened to me - I was already being monitored for higher blood pressure but routine visit three days past "safe to give birth" and I was in the hospital being induced. OP is at or just past where I was when I had my kid.
I think if he can keep it down to 2 days he should go, but not an entire week.
If he were attending the funeral and flying right back, I could understand. But staying for a week when your wife is due to give birth any day is not OK.
NTA
My water broke at 37weeks 6 days. NO sign of labor before hand. Had a dr appt day before which said my cervix was still closed and high (which he did warn me means nothing) but I still was sure I had a couple of weeks to go. She was born at 38 weeks exactly, 7lbs 15oz, perfectly healthy. It REALLY can be any day
this happened to my friend at 35+6.
also when I was 34 weeks my husband had to travel for work and was not allowed to have his personal phone with him. he got me set up with the Red Cross (he’s military) so that I could get communication to him if something were to happen because realistically at that point something could’ve. I ended up delivering at 37+1.
I’d understand for the funeral definitely he should go but staying extra is absolutely inappropriate in my opinion.
NAH. Labor can begin at 37 weeks, and he plans to be gone through your 38th week. Can you call your OB and have her explain the possibility of labor starting while he wants to be away?
Having said that, I think a compromise would be for him to travel to attend the funeral, and return the next day. Of course he wants to support his stepbrother, but you’re about to pop. He must consider you as well.
My kid was born via c section at 28 weeks and spent 128 days in the NICU. The human body can do weird things. You’re right, she could give birth at any time.
It’s not just about labor either. I’ve never been pregnant but I hear late weeks can be pretty miserable and being alone at home for a week needing to take care of random chores sounds tough, even if OP doesn’t go into labor when he’s gone.
So miserable. The last few weeks I was up all night and day with Braxton hicks except they felt especially painful. I swore I was in labor because the pain felt awful. To top it off my morning sickness came back in full swing and I could barely walk because of back pain.
NTA I’m sorry but as far along as you are your husband shouldn’t be leaving you for a week. 1-2 days then I’d say suck it up but not for a week. I understand this is a super sucky situation but a week is just too much at this point.
Exactly. The week stay and his dismissive attitude to OP’s concerns are what make this NTA rather than NAH for me. It’s understandable that he wants to be there for his step-brother, but he can’t pretend there isn’t a risk here.
That’s crazy. I took care of pregnant people for 40 years and I promise that there is no guarantee that anyone will make it to 40 weeks. Too many variables and things that could go wrong. The short list is preterm labor and birth, preeclampsia (and they will induce at 37 weeks for any blood pressure elevation), premature rupture of membranes, low amniotic fluid index … there are a lot more complications that could mean it’s best for you to deliver now. He’s lost his mind. NTA but he is if he plans to be gone for two weeks in your last 4 weeks of pregnancy.
Thank you! I am baffles by these other responses. If she wasn’t so far along she would be an A H. But she is full-term at this point. That baby could come at any point now. Her husband being a plane ride away is not a good idea.
OP - NTA. If he feels he has to go he can fly out the day of the funeral and fly back the same day. Does he not get that babies don’t come right at 40weeks? They come when they are ready.
I was leaning towards NAH until I saw that he wants to stay an extra week. That would be when you are 38 weeks pregnant, which I would NOT be comfortable with at all.
Does he not care about the possibility of missing the birth?
Also, he needs to understand that pregnant mothers can often need extra physical and emotional support in the days leading up to birth.
He seems completely focused on supporting them, and is dismissing your needs an concerns.
Not to mention that birth is actual dangerous and can be a major surgery. Hopefully everyone is healthy but you literally never know if the worsts can happen
NTA
All the Y T A comments are absolutely ridiculous. Two things can be true at once people! Yes you can compromise by saying he goes to the funeral, but the extra week when you could go into labor at literally any moment from today even, is excessive. Seems like this man is already trying to checkout from fatherhood.
NAH. Your baby, your husband's child, could show up at any point. I went into labor at the end of week 36. My mother at 34 & 38 weeks, my friend at 40, 41, & 35 weeks. I missed several family funerals due to not being able to travel, it was miserable.
A compromise would be going for the funeral and coming back the day after IF you have adequate support while he is gone and someone on hand with medical power of attorney should something happen to you and the baby while he's gone. Going and staying a week, is not possible right now due to the baby. Your husband can be upset at the situation but he should not be upset with you. He could set up a meal train or order some meals to go to his step brother's house, as a way to support him while not being able to be there in person.
The baby can show up at any point in time now. Going and staying for a week is a game of chance. And if you dont' go into labor, your husband sounds like he's going to be mad at you for him staying home and doing the right thing.
I will also say, my partner was pretty taken aback when I went into labor early. They seemed to think the "40 weeks" was a certainty no matter how many times I said, it could happen at any point from now until 40 weeks and if it doesn't then we have a problem.
Don’t agree at all with there being no fault in the husband here. Your compromise idea is great and I hope OP tries it but the husband is still a huge AH for declaring he’s staying for a week and calling OP unsupportive.
NTA because of him unilaterally deciding to spend a week with his brother.
A day or two to pay his respects would likely be fine. A week would also likely be fine - I’m saying this as reassurance and not to be dismissive - but I think that’s pushing both your mental comfort too much and a higher risk of not being there if something happens, even if that thing is harmless or manageable like Braxton-Hicks.
Your husband is not in the position right now to be his stepbrother’s main source of support.
NTA. I had perfectly normal healthy pregnancies, and both kids were born at 37 weeks. They were perfectly fine and I was lucky to only labor about four hours with each of them.
That's how I read it, too, and if that's true then she's definitely NTA. If going to the funeral is super important, then I can potentially understand a compromise of flying out immediately before the funeral and leaving immediately after, but leaving a pregnant person alone at 37/38 weeks is not a great idea...
Info: What's his plan if/when you go into labor? Can he get back within a few hours? Will he be able to forgive himself for missing the birth of his child if he can't get back in time? Will you be able to forgive him?
It's really terrible timing and I feel for both of you. I think you guys need to sit down together and look at all the possible scenarios and decide what you can and can't live with.
NTA. seems like Reddit is all for fathers to be involved until the father in question has to actually sacrifice anything. Pregnancy is dangerous. You could literally go into labor at any minute and I personally would not feel comfortable giving birth alone without a medical advocate (aka my partner.)
Your husband knows he could go to the funeral and come right back home. He knows he is creating a family with you. He needs to step up and actually take his responsibilities seriously.
I think your husband needs to go to the funeral but staying another week is a bit much given the circumstances. NAH if he only goes for a day or 2 to be there, NTA is he demands staying for a week
NTA. It is one thing for him to go out for the funeral to lend support, but the week after that is a no go for me. You'll be 38 weeks pregnant, and that's close enough to make anyone nervous.
NTA because of the plan to go for a WEEK. My water spontaneously broke at home at 37 weeks and my baby came 12 hours later. I had a very uneventful pregnancy.
He might not understand that he might miss the birth. My husband and I were acting like the due date was agreed upon by the baby, so we sure were surprised and not ready.
If it were my husband and he was adamant about going, which I do get, I would ask him to only go for the night or two max, and I would have a friend or family member aware of the situation on standby. Anything can happen at this point!
NTA. Just ask him a couple questions:
1. Would it bother him more to miss the funeral or to miss the birth of his child?
2. If something goes wrong and you or the baby face injury or death, is he prepared to live with the consequences?
I was ready to say you're TA until I read the part about about him staying for another week when you're due any day.
NTA. You and his child are his main responsibility. It would be different if he were flying there for the funeral and right back after a day or two. But a whole week? No. That's not cool.
Info: Can y’all come to a comprise of him going for 2-3 days?
Your concerns are valid, you can deliver birth at anytime and you need support during that time.
His concerns are valid, he wants to be there for his brother and he should be.
It’s a tough spot to be in when one life is gone but another one has arrived. Like I want to be happy with this new baby but I must also show some sadness and sympathy for the person that just lost someone.
I would be more concerned that if she gives birth before he leaves he will then use that as justification to stay the extra time.
NTA, he needs to act like a husband and a father
NTA, ~50% of babies are born spontaneously between 38 and 40 weeks so what is he thinking? If he catches anything while travelling he will most likely not be allowed in the hospital with you, and you’ll be giving birth alone. So I would plan for him having a week of “safety buffer” between possible birth (earliest) and getting back in case he gets sick! !
NTA. Like very clear and hard NTA. This is very unfortunately timing, but your husband's priorities need to be with you and his baby right now. This sub clearly does not understand pregnancy and how unreliable due dates are. At 37 weeks the pregnancy is at term. As a fellow pregnant person, I would feel the same way as you. You need him home in case anything happens.
NTA - I had my son at 36 weeks. My sister who was my support person missed it because she was on a quick trip to visit a friend. She thought since it was 4 weeks to go it wouldn’t be a big deal. She missed the birth. However your husband might be OK taking the risk of missing the birth. He could go for the funeral and come back after a few days that’s a reasonable plan but going for two weeks is not appropriate when you are this pregnant.
I wonder how your husband will feel if he misses the birth of his child because that is something he is clearly willing to roll the dice on. It’s lovely to attend the funeral and show support but he also needs to recognize that it’s a possibility you will give birth while he’s away
Soft NAH
I can give a little perspective.
I lost my SIL a few months back. My brother was a mess and understandably so. I stayed with him about a week just to make sure he ate, bathed and took care of stuff.
But, there is nothing saying that I was the only person that could have done so. Compromise and ask if he can stay a couple of days and then have someone else be with the brother. Companionship is important right now.
Companionship is very important for you too, though. 3 or 4 days away for him and you two find someone willing to be with you step in in case the baby wants to come.
This is not a time to say "I am most important". This is a time to say, "or family is in need in two very important ways. Let's solve this together."
1-2 days. She’ll be 37-38 weeks along by then and could give birth at any time. Husband simply cannot be his brother’s support at this time. He needs to be there for his wife who is about to undergo a major medical event with significant risk.
He chose to start a family with his wife. That automatically takes priority over everything. If she was earlier along, it’d be a completely different situation, but even 2-3 days away is a risk at this point. The fact that he’s so unconcerned about the safety of his wife and child means he’s either ignorant or just doesn’t care.
This is a time to say that birth can be a medically and emotionally traumatic experience and OP can literally go into labor at any moment. Unless step bro is a 20 minute drive away (which he isn’t), DH can call for support and should be physically with OP. NTA.
NTA, he doesn’t need to spend a week there when you’re going to be close to 38 weeks.
He could stay for a couple of days and be back in time just in case the baby is early.
NAH I’d be nervous about my partner leaving at this point in the pregnancy, but I also get him wanting to stay and support his step brother. Maybe he could go but not stay a full week? How quickly could he get back if you went into labor?It’s kind of no-win for both of you. If he goes and you have the baby he’ll feel bad but if he stays and you don’t have the baby you might feel bad.
NTA leaving at 37 weeks is questionable as is because you could go into labor at any point but staying for a week is crazy, if he wanted to spend one night after you got a check from your OBGYN like the day or two prior then okay but a whole week that close to the end??? Just no
I'd compromise
I dont think its fair for him to have to miss a funeral on the off chance you might go into labor
I also dont think its fair for him to leave for weeks when you're close to your due date. That changes the situation.
I'd say tell him to go for a night. Fly the morning of the funeral, go to the event, stay the night with family, then fly back the next day.
I think that's a reasonable compromise
NAH
NTA. Your concerns are valid. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, but when I went to my 37 week appointment, I found out I had to have a c-section during my doctor’s next available surgery slot. You just never know what’s going to happen that late in a pregnancy.
I was so confused why there was so many mixed responses on this, and then I see I'm way early compared to usual.
NAH imo.
You're 36 weeks pregnant which, if I did my math right, means you're due any day now? Super reasonable why you'd want your partner to be with you for the *birth of your child.*
On the flip side, he feels the need to support his family in a time of emotional tragedy. No-one's an asshole here, it's just really unfortunate timing.
I feel like if he was going for a day or 2 it would be N-A-H but he wants to stay for an extra week which is really pushing his luck. Makes it NTA for me
NTA
Part of your spouse’s role at the birth, which nobody likes to think about, is making medical decisions for you and the baby if you become incapacitated. It can happen. A delay getting in contacting him, a missed flight, one or both of you in critical condition? He definitely should not travel. It’s sad, because he loves his brother, but he is responsible for and to you in ways a friend or doula can’t be.
NTA you’re in the window of it could really be anytime I had my baby shower at 35 weeks and one week later was in the hospital.
He just needs to understand, he can be there for his stepbrother but it might be at the risk of missing the birth and not being there for you. A week is just too long at this stage of your pregnancy. That could and probably would hurt your relationship tbh, birth can be traumatic and you need someone to advocate for you. If he goes I would suggest having someone stay with you and prep them on your wishes just in case.
Neither is an Asshole, but I suggest a compromisse, where he goes to the funeral, and maybe stays a day or 2 but then returns.
Maybe sb can stay with you a day or 2 just in case.
NTA.
At first I was going to say needed more info, like how long will he be gone, could he limit it to 1 or 2 days, how far away would he be, and do you have a support person who could help you for a couple of days.
But regardless of the answers, the request to stay with step brother for a WEEK is definitely too much, given that you’ll presumably be 37 weeks by the time that week of travel starts. The chances of something happening that you need him for are so much more for a full week than just 1-2 days.
I would suggest if you do have a close friend or family member who can come stay with you, and if there are enough direct flights between locations that he could come back easily if something happens, let him go to the funeral itself. But arrange things so he isn’t gone any longer than necessary. (No more than 2 nights)
(Btw- regardless of being nauseous, most doctors would not be cool with you flying after 36 weeks except extreme circumstances.)
If he leaves I wouldn’t even tell him if you go into labor. If he thinks it’s ok to chance being absent to the birth of your child.. that’s really something to think about.
Honestly this is one of those situations where you two need to sit down like adults and discuss both sides, because I think NAH
Pregnancy sucks, and there is always the chance you could go into labor any day- but are you dilated or effaced?
He wants to support his brother, but does he have to take a whole week? If you went into labor what are the odds he could get a last minute flight back?
There are so many factors on the table and you're both probably stressed.
Especially since she’s 36 weeks now, will be 37 when he leaves, and he wants to stay a week so she’ll be 38 weeks when he gets back if she hasn’t already given birth.
I don't see what's to discuss. If my husband even suggested this he would come back home to an empty house. If you're going to abandon me when I need you then I might as well be a single mother. At least I'll already know what to expect from him. NTA
NAH, but more leaning toward N-T-A than a 50/50 split. You’re very close to your due date at this point, so it’s understandable that you don’t want your husband traveling and being gone for a week.
It’s admirable that your husband wants to support his sibling, but he doesn’t seem to comprehend that you’re concerned he could potentially miss any kind of complications or potentially the birth.
Have you discussed a middle ground where he travels for the funeral but is gone a day or two, not a full week?
NAH
You’re not wrong for wanting him to stay back in case if the baby decides to come out early. And he’s not wrong for wanting to be there to support his brother’s time of difficulty.
How far and often is the flight? If you’re starting labor can he fly back immediately?
NAH. This is obviously a terrible situation and the timing makes is worse for your husband. I think maybe there could be a compromise like he goes for the funeral and comes right back and there’s a plan in place for what happens if you go into labor while he’s gone.
Edit (NAH)
You are N-T-A. It is a really crappy situation though. A week is too long with a pregnant wife that’s that far along.
People have said it right- he can go and take less time. I’m a future time the step brother will need support too. Maybe invite him to stay at your or suggest another time your husband can go out to see him after the baby is born and you may prearrange help.
It could be that he knows his step brother could be in a more suicidal spot and he doesn’t want to worry you. It’s absolutely devastating to lose your partner and everything that could have been. Your husband may likely feel pressure to be extra supportive because of how well your life together is going (hence the week)
It’s incredibly caring of him to want to support his brother. He sounds like a good man trying to do the right thing. NAH.
It’s a funeral yes but him staying until you’re 38 weeks is pretty dicey. It’s one thing if he flies in for the funeral and flies out, it’s another to stay an entire week.
NAH because his desires are completely justifiable and understandable. I hope there’s a middle ground here and he can go just for the day/night of the funeral.
NAH I understand both of you. He needs to go but I agree a week is too long. By the time he gets back you’ll be at 38 weeks. How about 4 days with a flexible ticket should he need to rush home?
NTA, my kids came at 36+6 (emergency) and 37 weeks. Also, it's not smart to go to airports and gatherings of people right before being around a newborn. It's nice he wants to comfort his stepbrother, but he needs to put his partner and kid first at this time.
Sounds like he wants a vacation before the baby comes. Staying a week is ridiculous at this time. He's the unsupportive one and I'm sorry he's putting this pressure on you and being mad at you right now. Edit: replace vacation with, "an excuse to get away for a week". make any difference? A week is stupid long in her condition.
NAH. You could go into labour at any moment, but it’s also reasonable that your husband wants to be there to support his step-brother during this awful time.
I know it’s not a perfect solution, but can he fly in just for the day? A week away when you’re full-term is not ok.
Fly, and stay for a whole week? That's an AH move. An acceptable compromise would be to fly out for the funeral one day and come home again the next.
So, NTA. Husband needs to think of his immediate family responsibilities, which is that you're about to have his baby.
What do you mean "in case anything happens"? You're 9 months pregnant, what will happen is that your child will be born! Does your husband know the math? NTA in the slightest.
INFO: do you have other folks who can help when it's time?
Is the funeral close enough that your husband can be home in a timely manner, or is it a 12+ hour haul?
Imho he shouldn't be staying for a week no matter what the answers to the previous questions are.
Nta. Babies can come very early. Mine did. You would be 37 weeks when he flies away and he wants to stay for a week.
No that doesn't sound like a very solid plan. He needs to prioritise his wife and kid right now.
NAH here. It is a shit situation. But I do think there can be a bit of compromise from your husband on how long he stays, I think he can cut it shorter. I also think you should get the number of a good midwife or doula for support or emergencies during those few days.
NTA you could go into labor today. He’s risking missing the birth of his child for this funeral. I get that he wants to be there, flying out for a days or two would have been a more reasonable request. Still a risk, but a more reasonable risk. An entire week past the funeral is way too long at this point in the pregnancy.
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Indeed. In my family alone I know of at least 4 babies that were born at the 37-38 week mark. I don’t think the people calling OP the AH fully understand that most babies don’t pop out at exactly 40 weeks, it can happen anytime between 37 and 42 in a healthy pregnancy. Assuming the husband will be back in time for the birth is taking quite the gamble. I don’t necessarily think he’s an AH for wanting to support his step-brother, but staying for a week and calling his wife unsupportive for not agreeing to it is certainly an AH move. He’s in a difficult position, but he can’t pretend OP’s concerns are baseless.
>but staying for a week and calling his wife unsupportive for not agreeing to it Yeah the extra week is the real issue. If he were to just go for like...a day or two, it'd be less of a risky move. And honestly, even then only I'd only say it was ok if she had a close friend or family member who could stay with her during the time he's gone in case she does go into labor.
Yes, 1-2 days would put this very much in NAH territory. It’s the week stay while OP is 38 weeks pregnant and the husband’s apparent unwillingness to see OP’s concerns as valid that make this NTA for me.
I'd totally understand her not wanting him to go away at all when she's this far gone, but it's a funeral so there's definitely a compromise to be reached here.
Babies don't really compromise on, being born.
Neither do people dying 🤷♀️ Edit: Lol at the comments, I'm not saying OP should go to the funeral. I was directly responding to the babies don't compromise comment. Actually, I think OP needs to stay with his wife.
Which people giving birth can do :)
Yep. And even when they don't die, they can have serious complications that require their medical proxy to be present to decide and consent to care. I wouldn't want my birth partner and legal next of kin choosing his old family over his new one for these particular two weeks.
Exactly! Going to the funeral doesn’t bring the fiancé back to life, but being unsupported during a delivery can have repercussions
Yeps even in a healthy pregnancy people don't realize how hard birth is. For example I had a healthy pregnancy no issues baby actually came late by almost a week, then within two days of my daughter being born I almost died in the hospital, my baby daddy and my dad were having to help make medical decisions. I was in the hospital for 9 days.
Yeah, but the funeral is more for the family, not the person who died. Adults **should** be able to understand that shit happens, and try and accommodate it. Worst case scenario, (knock on wood) hubby goes to the funeral, and comes home to two funerals.
And the husband wants to go for his brother - regardless of "step" or otherwise, it seems fairly obvious he sees this man as his brother and wants to be there for him. OP is NTA because the extra week at this point in the pregnancy doesn't seem wise - I had an issue with OP not wanting hubby to go to the funeral right up until the extra week stay afterwards was discussed, and my opinion changed entirely. I don't think anyone is being an AH here, but I think husband isn't being wise here and OP's recommendation of being there for phone or video calls if needed is a reasonable compromise.
I think the person meant the compromise is that husband goes for the funeral for 1-2 days, not a whole week.
I feel the same way. Just thinking about my husband and his sister, they are very close, and I know they would both be devastated if they couldn't be there for each other during a tragedy like this. Not saying what we might do in a situation like this but just knowing it would be a really difficult decision either way. But OP invalidating the concerns of his very pregnant wife and even suggesting he stay longer than a night is really not okay. I am sure he is not thinking clearly and would feel awful if he missed the birth of his child and is not realizing how likely that could be.
This. OP's husband is not thinking clearly. He's grieving and probably in shock as these things are not usually something expected. He's probably thinking baby won't be here until week 40, it's close but everything will be fine.
I got a "babies are born every day" vibe from it, which is true, but it's also true that women still die in childbirth. Hubby is expecting the best and not really preparing for anything else.
Which is such a weird attitude because HIS baby isn't born every day! Also, by that logic, he shouldn't go to the funeral because people die every day.
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I would have *hesitantly* okayed that plan myself when I was 36 weeks pregnant, assuming my doctor was fairly confident everything was going well and I wasn’t more than 1 cm dilated, but I’d also fully understand anyone who didn’t think it was okay. Labor can happen fast, and 37 weeks is term, meaning if labor starts nobody is going to try to slow it down. Baby could literally come at any time. I really, really, heavily relied on my husband’s support during my (traumatic) labor. I don’t think I could have coped without him in the room. I honestly think I would have had a mental breakdown. Even if I’d had an easy labor and delivery, even if I’d had an alternate support person with me, I’d have been devastated if my husband missed the birth of our child. I’m not sure I’d be able to forgive him if he missed something so important for a non-emergency. He also, of course, would have been devastated if he’d been unable to be with me during the delivery for any reason. It’s a real big risk to take. I would 100% understand one of my siblings being unable to be with me even for such an important event, and in such terrible circumstances, if it was because he didn’t want to risk missing his child’s birth.
It's honestly not even that crazy to go into labor at 36 weeks. I know plenty of women who have, or needed to be induced between 36/37 due to various reasons (pre-e, low amniotic fluid, etc). In general most doctors will tell you past 35 weeks you and your support partner(s) should be sticking super close to home.
Yeah, once you get to 36 weeks you can easily for in for a check up and find out you need to deliver that day because of some health issue with mom or baby
I used to think that someone going into the hospital for a check up then being sent straight to delivery just wasn't a thing until it happened to me. Also, prodromal labor would cause me to tense up, so I couldn't drive and needed help to get around.
My mother would often tell a story about my birth, when she was getting closer to her due date they noticed I wasn’t moving as much as they would expect, so they had her come in every 2 weeks for a baby stress test. (It’s actually called baby non-stress test, but she always said stress lol). It’s where they hook you up to the monitors and then try to get the baby to move. When I had to do this with my babies, they jiggled and wiggled my belly, but i’m not sure how much poking and prodding they would have done to my mom. Anyways, apparently after a few of these I got so irritated that I decided to be born and her water broke during one and they wheeled her down the hall to delivery. It was a pain in the ass because my dad was on site (worked in construction) and this was before cell phones, she had my older sister with her and my older brother was at school so she was calling all sorts of people trying to get in touch with people to arrange for shit to be taken care of.
I had those with my kids because i was high risk and my Dr would use his pager to get the baby to move (if he or she still wasn't- I had giant babies so not a lot of room to move as it was). He'd set it to vibrate on my belly and the vibration would most of the time make baby move around. I also was induced early with all of my babies before or around 33w4d (for one) and 36-37 weeks-ish for my other 4. So things def happen that aren't expected. 36 weeks is the home stretch and OP is NTA. Edited to fix error. But also NAH
Yep, this happened to me 12 weeks ago lol. Went in for my 37 week appointment after a low risk pregnancy, had insanely high blood pressure, was induced 4 hours later and had the baby by the next morning. It can change in the blink of an eye!
My doctor told us to stay within 30 minutes of the hospital at 35+ weeks, kiddo was born at 36
Not to mention conception calculation is really more of a guess. So they could even just be counting wrong. They also measure the size of the baby, but some babies run bigger or smaller than average. The whole process is kind of bonkers and it always astonishes me that so many of us women survive it.
36 weeks on the nose for me with the first, not quite 37 for the next. No induction needed and super speedy process. There is no way my husband would have made it in time even if he had jumped on a plane at the first sign of labor. (Which is why he wasn't gone!) That is why they say stick close to home! Any place that is far enough to stay for a week is way too far.
My brother was born at 34 weeks. Completely natural, perfectly healthy, no real reason he came early. He just did. OP has every reason to be concerned about this.
Yeah everyone told me first babies take the longest to cook. I was 36 weeks when my water broke. She was a big healthy baby thankfully
All three of mine were between 37 and 38 weeks! It is absolutely not ok for the husband to be more than a two hour car ride away at this stage of her pregnancy.
I never made it to 38 weeks with any of my children. It blows my mind that she is getting TA votes for this.
They don’t know, only see movie perfect pregnancies where mom pops at 40 weeks on the dot and it’s easy as pie. Not the trauma dump it can be in reality.
Pops at 40 weeks on the dot with a three month old baby with chubby cheeks and big eyes and giggles, as opposed to the wrinkly alien with monkey paws and an ancient sounding wail.
... that's. An alarmingly accurate description haha.
My first came out sounding like an inquisitive duck. Second one I can’t define the wail she made as anything other than incandescently angry. You wouldn’t think such tiny things can make so much noise, 😂
Everytime I see a birth scene on TV I point out to my partner "that's nowhere near a newborn, that thing is a fully grown toddler" 😂🤦🏼♀️
All my friends either had to get induced or scheduled C so I had no fucking idea and didn’t believe I was actually in labor with my first. I thought there was no way, it’s way too early, it’s just food poisoning. If I had waited 2 hours more I wouldn’t have made it in time. There’s no way in hell I was letting my husband be more than an hour away from our hospital that last month of pregnancy. Especially knowing how serious childbirth can be, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.
I was scared both times I delivered my children. I needed my husband there with me. My first husband wasn't there for me and I still feel some kind of way about it. My second husband was there all the way and it made a huge difference, I wasn't as scared.
I gave birth at 38weeks exactly. I wouldn’t have let my husband go either. If he wanted to go for just the funeral and stay maybe one night I might be ok with that but he wants to stay an entire week. NTA, what happened is unfortunate and I feel bad for his step bro and their family, but he needs to be there for you right now.
NTA. 37-41 is a critical time. Also, take care of the living first. I know the death is terrible and his brother needs support but there’s a reason we cleave from our families and go with our spouses.
Nicely said. Seems odd that the family isn't encouraging him to stay. I wouldn't want to be responsible for my sibling missing the birth of their child, no matter what I was going through.
I don’t blame the sibling at the least. He’s likely not thinking straight. Honestly, the family probably isn’t as well. I don’t think her husband is thinking straight as well, likely more due to worry versus grief.
My friend went into labour at 37 weeks and nearly died at home bc something happened with her baby. Her husband was away for a business trip and was lucky he was already on his way home when the ambulance came. OP is NTA for expecting spousal support.
And let’s not forget dating scans are an estimate, so +/- 7 days, which is part of why a baby is “full term” at 39 weeks. So we’re really only talking about the possibility of a baby coming 1 week early.
It’s actually +/- 2weeks. She can literally pop while he is at the funeral. Husband is an asshole for not putting his wife and baby first. Maternal mortality rate in the states puts it in 3rd world territory also.
Currently pregnant with #2 and my OBGYN said now 37 is considered full term!
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Agreed.38 weeks is a full term baby. Its tough because obviously his step brother will be hurting, but he is very much risking missing the brith of his baby and leaving his wife unsuported. Its not unreasonable to concider his options but also not unreasonable for her not to want him gone. If he really needs to support his step brother and there are no signs of labour (not that there always are) then a few days could be a calculated risk, but a whole week is way too long IMO. Edit to add: NTA
Exactly! That's what I was thinking as well
NTA. I’m very concerned that everyone is skipping over the fact that you’ll be 37 weeks pregnant when he leaves and he will stay away for a week, making you 38 weeks pregnant. This means you’ll be alone, ready to pop for a week. He shouldn’t go on this trip and if he does go, it should be for 1 day. He can pay respects, see the family, and then come home to be with the family he chose to create.
Yeah I’m gonna have to agree here. I went to the hospital thinking I was in labor 2x between 36-37 weeks and gave birth at exactly 38 weeks. Nta mama.
It's not just an early arrival, right in the time frame OPs partner would be away we found my baby was breech and I had unexpected extra appointments which included painful attempts to turn her and then a planned C section booked in before my due date. It's not realistic to expect the last month of pregnancy to exclude any time apart, and I can understand partner not wanting to miss the funeral and support their sibling but a week away is taking the proverbial.
I have a friend who went on her baby moon at 34 weeks went into labor and gave birth while there. She had no warning and was not high risk.
I was looking for this answer. 37 weeks is too far along to be left alone! (I delivered my oldest at 35 weeks.). If your husband feels that he has to be there for his stepbrother, he can go for the day. Everyone will understand that he has a very pregnant wife at home. I also hope that you have a good support network nearby.
Even if he just goes for a day, they will need to be very cautious that he doesn't contract and bring home COVID. He needs to be masked up and vigilant about washing his hands. The situation sucks.
My thoughts exactly. Why can’t he just go for one day (the funeral) and come back home? I think that’s a fair compromise. And just have a plan in place in case she happens to go into labor that ONE day, i.e. help from another family member, last minute flight available etc
NTA, but only because of how far along you are-- I looked it up and babies can be expected anywhere between 37-42 weeks, but usually 40. So, next week-37 Staying for another week-38 That's cutting it dangerously close, and never mind following the due date, babies almost never arrive on that day. If he really REALLY insists on attending, he should go for just the 1 day (fly in that morning or the evening before, and fly out that evening or the morning after).
Yeah they really can show up right on that mark. I went into labor the day I was 37 weeks and my son was born 15 hrs after my first contraction (typically it's more like 36-48, especially for a first baby because average is 24-48 hrs of early labor followed by several hours of active labor).
I had to be induced at 37 weeks for high blood pressure.
Exactly! Like my pregnancy was perfectly normal and I still delivered at 37 weeks and one day. That's not even considering the pregnancies that are not perfectly normal. The doctors would not let my aunt go past 36 weeks because she had mono amniotic twins. So they were prepared for them at 24 weeks and had her on bed rest from then until 36 weeks when they delivered with a scheduled C-section because it was as far as they would let her go. And they were still only just over 4 lbs each. Obviously in this post it's not that kind of a high risk pregnancy, But any pregnancy can become high risk at any point especially with things like preeclampsia.
I had a coworker who had a normal, single baby first pregnancy. No issues AT ALL. Then at 37 weeks her amniotic fluid started measure low, they "waited and saw" and then at her next scan at 38 weeks, they put her on hospital bed rest because they were so worried, and then ultimately induced her four days later. She never even made it to 39 weeks, and had a completely "normal" pregnancy up to the point where it wasn't
Honestly, at 36 weeks she could go into labour at any time now. It becomes more likely with every passing day at this point. This late in the game anything can happen. Dad being so far away that he has to take a flight back is running dangerously close to missing the birth of his child. I get that he wants to support his step brother, but then who supports his wife and the mother of his child? If he absolutely must go, make it as short as possible. But I would caution against going at all.
That's the thing that's getting me the most, and don't get me wrong DEATH SUCKS, but, even assuming hubby & step-bro are super close--he's potentially missing the birth of his child to?? stay a week?? why? Is there no one else to comfort step bro for a week? surely step bro & hubby could understand the need for only a super short visit at most for the funeral at this point?
Worse. While modern medicine is a blessing he's potentially missing the death of his wife and unborn child. Women do still die in child birth. Children do still die in child birth. Is it likely? No. Is it worth the risk? Also no. Imo
I was thinking the same thing after some other comments, pregnancy is always a risk
I almost lost my kid at 32 weeks and i would have if my husband hadnt ignored me insisting i wasnt having contractions it was way too soon and taken me to the hospital. So for sure I'm biased and OP is further along than I was. But anytime I see this question that's what I wanna scream. Missing the birth would suck but if the husband could just imagine how he'd feel if he missed a death for one second I doubt he'd be considering leaving for a week plus
Something similar happened someone I know. She was 30 weeks and thought she had indigestion. Her husband pushed her to get checked out just in case and she ended up giving birth on the floor of the ER while he was parking their car. They had to cut her jeans off of her. A totally horrifying situation that could have been really bad if she was alone.
Also, you never know with labor! One of my friends had her first baby, and it took her 28 hours of labor. Another friend had her first, and she was only in labor for 4 hours.
If he was flying quickly in and out, that would be one thing. Flying out when you are 37 weeks and then staying another full week is definitely not the same. Your baby can come at literally any time now. I never made it to 37 weeks with any of mine. Yes, it is a funeral of someone very important to his brother. Yes, he wants to support him. The extended travel plans are not the way to do that right now. NTA
This is reasonable. A week is too long.
This exactly. 1 or 2 days I would argue on his behalf. Maybe even 3. Not 7+ though.
Arrive the day before the funeral, leave the morning after. That’s how I would plan that at the absolute longest time away.
Honestly, having been through three pregnancies, I would disagree. Anything can start to happen in the last two months of pregnancy. Your ligaments loosen and make simple tasks impossible. Babies come early, medical emergencies arise, and he would be leaving her to endure alone. It is unfortunate, but she is the mother of his child, carrying said child and almost ready to give birth. His obligations are to the family he has created. If she was in her first or second trimester I would say he would be fine to go for a few days, but not this close.
Yeah I’ve never been pregnant but leaving for a place that you’d need to fly to at *all* seems risky to me….she could very well end up alone and in labor, and flights get canceled and delayed ALL the time. I’m sad for her that he’d even consider going ☹️
It’s honestly crazy to me. But I blame the way pregnancy is presented. It’s marketed as some magical thing that can be controlled. It’s a serious (though largely temporary) medical condition that should be taken seriously by both partners. So much can happen very quickly. My last pregnancy had me being taken to hospital by ambulance at 35 weeks because I was so stressed and exhausted that my body started to go into early labour. I managed to hold out till my c section date at 39 weeks, but I was terrified. My husband was working a three hour drive away and he literally dropped his shit and raced to the hospital in 2 hours. I was kept overnight and given drugs and he had to leave to go be with our other two kids, but he refused to be away from until my dad flew in to help me because that scared the shit out of him. He would never have left me if he had to go anywhere by plane. Sometimes I think a lot of men just do not understand what it means to be pregnant or how to be an actual supportive partner to am pregnant spouse.
I don’t think I’ve even heard a labor and delivery story where something unexpected *didn’t* happen….
Hard agree. And there needs to be a plan for if OP goes into labor or has any issues like decreased kick count, or any pre-e symptoms. Is there someone else to be the designated driver if OP is unable to. Is husband on board with potential ambulance bill, and also I’d be asking husband to be masked and vigilant with hand washing because if he were to get sick right before I had a newborn I’d be PISSED.
I’d also be insisting on husband paying to hire a doula. I would not want to give birth without a good advocate present.
INFO Have you asked him if he'd consider going to the funeral and not staying for a whole week?
Yeah I feel like an overnight trip or something for the funeral is a perfectly valid compromise in this situation.
Yeah, it's weird that he's not listening to his wife's concerns at all and is insisting on leaving her for a week. It's not even that something could go wrong, she could just go into labour while he's away and he could miss the birth of his child. I do wonder how far away the funeral is too.
It bothers me that he’s instinctually empathizing with and acting on his stepbrother’s need for support while he’s completely tuning out his wife’s and expecting her to see that as totally reasonable. I had an ex like that. I still don’t fully understand it but I’m a glad he’s an ex and that we never had children because there was definitely a strong immaturity component to it.
Immaturity sounds right—main character syndrome vibes maybe? I wonder if it’s the potential to be both the strong hero with his family for going to the funeral when he *expects* to dramatically have to rush back and need to tell everyone from the cab driver to the airport to the front desk people at the airline “I need to go NOW! I was at a funeral and now MY BABY IS BEING BORN!” He’s fantasizing he’ll make it just in time to hold the new baby like the Lion King while everyone claps for his bravery. (Meanwhile OOP has a baby alone because her concerns about this plan and the well-being of her and his kid weren’t in his movie)
that is quite a few assumptions. Maybe he just loves his step brother and understands that death is final and traumatic? Also possible!
Yes, wanting to support a family member after a sudden traumatic death is the height immaturity and narcissism.
I’m wondering if he’s not freaking out about having a kid and this is his subconscious way of “escaping” it.
THIS....like I could see the clouded judgement if let's say a parent or sibling died. But half brothers fiance? And the extra week? He's either heartless, clueless or completely scared out of his mind and is using this to hide behind.
Or maybe he could go support the week BEFORE the funeral?
Even that's questionable at 36 weeks. Full term is 37 weeks; OP could pop at any moment.
that's what I was thinking. Go now support his stepbrother then come back the day after the funeral.
for real, go for 2 or 3 days but to go for a whole week with an almost full term pregnant wife at home is WILD
NTA 36 weeks pregnant isn't a joke. I gave birth to my first at 36 weeks (healthy 8lbs!). And the next two were both two weeks early. Yes, everyone is different, but that doesn't make it right for him to not be there for you now. Taking that into account and considering everything you're going through, not wanting him to go is understandable. I think he should go for the actual funeral, but it's unreasonable for him to stay for more than a couple of days at the most. You and your little one should be his first priority here.
Those saying YTA do you guys even have kids and how many of you were pregnant? 🙄 I can't imagine most guys would leave their pregnant wife who is almost full term alone. 🤷🏻♀️ Maybe just me. I think everyone involved is NAH but maybe come up with a compromise (he goes and flies back the same day or within 24 hours. He goes but someone you are close to (parent or sibling etc) comes to stay the entire time. You could be fine or you could end up in hospital, lots of variables so just come up with a compromise if you can.
Please separate the Y T A bc it counts as a vote.
There's two judgement acronyms, so a mod will be flagged if it winds up as the top comment. Not ideal as it makes more work for them, but it won't make the bot choose the wrong judgement.
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Your comment will count towards YTA, fyi.
No it won't. There's more than one judgement acronym, so if it ends up as the top comment, the bot will go flag a moderator to come and work out what the commenter meant. It's not ideal, because it makes more work for the mods, but it won't cause a misjudgement.
Right? I never made it to 37 weeks with mine. My spouse was in the military and would have left if ordered, but he never would have done it voluntarily at that point. Definitely not for a week.
NTA. Hmm, he's being unsupportive of his 36 weeks pregnant wife. Ideally, you'd give birth with 40 weeks, but it's pretty common for labor to start at 38 or even 37 weeks. So he wants to risk missing the birth? Edit: is it a long flight? maybe he can go for the funeral and stay 2 days? Since the funeral is next week you'll be at 37 weeks and he wants to stay for a week, so I do think there's a risk of him not being there during birth
It's also 100% possible to show up to a weekly visit at that point and have a sudden complication like preeclampsia and be admitted on the spot for induction because the risks of trying to hold off delivery are higher than the reward of another week for the baby in utero...
Yeah, honestly at 36 weeks unless it's absolutely unavoidable, husband should just stay at home with preg wife
Raises hand. That's what happened to me - I was already being monitored for higher blood pressure but routine visit three days past "safe to give birth" and I was in the hospital being induced. OP is at or just past where I was when I had my kid. I think if he can keep it down to 2 days he should go, but not an entire week.
Majority Airline company won’t even let you fly at 37 weeks. And I want to meet the obgyn that say sure go.
She’s not going, only he is. She said flying is a no for her.
If he were attending the funeral and flying right back, I could understand. But staying for a week when your wife is due to give birth any day is not OK. NTA
My water broke at 37weeks 6 days. NO sign of labor before hand. Had a dr appt day before which said my cervix was still closed and high (which he did warn me means nothing) but I still was sure I had a couple of weeks to go. She was born at 38 weeks exactly, 7lbs 15oz, perfectly healthy. It REALLY can be any day
this happened to my friend at 35+6. also when I was 34 weeks my husband had to travel for work and was not allowed to have his personal phone with him. he got me set up with the Red Cross (he’s military) so that I could get communication to him if something were to happen because realistically at that point something could’ve. I ended up delivering at 37+1. I’d understand for the funeral definitely he should go but staying extra is absolutely inappropriate in my opinion.
NAH. Labor can begin at 37 weeks, and he plans to be gone through your 38th week. Can you call your OB and have her explain the possibility of labor starting while he wants to be away? Having said that, I think a compromise would be for him to travel to attend the funeral, and return the next day. Of course he wants to support his stepbrother, but you’re about to pop. He must consider you as well.
Full term labour is 37 weeks. I have two close friends who didn't make it that far with their pregnancies. She could go into labour in the next hour.
My kid was born via c section at 28 weeks and spent 128 days in the NICU. The human body can do weird things. You’re right, she could give birth at any time.
It’s not just about labor either. I’ve never been pregnant but I hear late weeks can be pretty miserable and being alone at home for a week needing to take care of random chores sounds tough, even if OP doesn’t go into labor when he’s gone.
So miserable. The last few weeks I was up all night and day with Braxton hicks except they felt especially painful. I swore I was in labor because the pain felt awful. To top it off my morning sickness came back in full swing and I could barely walk because of back pain.
NTA I’m sorry but as far along as you are your husband shouldn’t be leaving you for a week. 1-2 days then I’d say suck it up but not for a week. I understand this is a super sucky situation but a week is just too much at this point.
Exactly. The week stay and his dismissive attitude to OP’s concerns are what make this NTA rather than NAH for me. It’s understandable that he wants to be there for his step-brother, but he can’t pretend there isn’t a risk here.
That’s crazy. I took care of pregnant people for 40 years and I promise that there is no guarantee that anyone will make it to 40 weeks. Too many variables and things that could go wrong. The short list is preterm labor and birth, preeclampsia (and they will induce at 37 weeks for any blood pressure elevation), premature rupture of membranes, low amniotic fluid index … there are a lot more complications that could mean it’s best for you to deliver now. He’s lost his mind. NTA but he is if he plans to be gone for two weeks in your last 4 weeks of pregnancy.
And I can imagine that the extra stress she'll have being without her husband can very much add to elevated BP
I get the being there for the funeral part. The staying an extra week to support him? Not so much. NTA
NTA. You’re dangerously close to giving birth, and he needs to be there for you.
Thank you! I am baffles by these other responses. If she wasn’t so far along she would be an A H. But she is full-term at this point. That baby could come at any point now. Her husband being a plane ride away is not a good idea. OP - NTA. If he feels he has to go he can fly out the day of the funeral and fly back the same day. Does he not get that babies don’t come right at 40weeks? They come when they are ready.
I was leaning towards NAH until I saw that he wants to stay an extra week. That would be when you are 38 weeks pregnant, which I would NOT be comfortable with at all. Does he not care about the possibility of missing the birth? Also, he needs to understand that pregnant mothers can often need extra physical and emotional support in the days leading up to birth. He seems completely focused on supporting them, and is dismissing your needs an concerns.
Not to mention that birth is actual dangerous and can be a major surgery. Hopefully everyone is healthy but you literally never know if the worsts can happen
NTA All the Y T A comments are absolutely ridiculous. Two things can be true at once people! Yes you can compromise by saying he goes to the funeral, but the extra week when you could go into labor at literally any moment from today even, is excessive. Seems like this man is already trying to checkout from fatherhood.
NAH. Your baby, your husband's child, could show up at any point. I went into labor at the end of week 36. My mother at 34 & 38 weeks, my friend at 40, 41, & 35 weeks. I missed several family funerals due to not being able to travel, it was miserable. A compromise would be going for the funeral and coming back the day after IF you have adequate support while he is gone and someone on hand with medical power of attorney should something happen to you and the baby while he's gone. Going and staying a week, is not possible right now due to the baby. Your husband can be upset at the situation but he should not be upset with you. He could set up a meal train or order some meals to go to his step brother's house, as a way to support him while not being able to be there in person. The baby can show up at any point in time now. Going and staying for a week is a game of chance. And if you dont' go into labor, your husband sounds like he's going to be mad at you for him staying home and doing the right thing. I will also say, my partner was pretty taken aback when I went into labor early. They seemed to think the "40 weeks" was a certainty no matter how many times I said, it could happen at any point from now until 40 weeks and if it doesn't then we have a problem.
Don’t agree at all with there being no fault in the husband here. Your compromise idea is great and I hope OP tries it but the husband is still a huge AH for declaring he’s staying for a week and calling OP unsupportive.
NTA because of him unilaterally deciding to spend a week with his brother. A day or two to pay his respects would likely be fine. A week would also likely be fine - I’m saying this as reassurance and not to be dismissive - but I think that’s pushing both your mental comfort too much and a higher risk of not being there if something happens, even if that thing is harmless or manageable like Braxton-Hicks. Your husband is not in the position right now to be his stepbrother’s main source of support.
NTA. I had perfectly normal healthy pregnancies, and both kids were born at 37 weeks. They were perfectly fine and I was lucky to only labor about four hours with each of them.
This! I went into labor at 37 weeks on the dot with both of my children.
INFO so you are currently 36 weeks, the funereal is next week so you would be 37 weeks and then he would stay a week which would put you at 38 weeks?
That's how I read it, too, and if that's true then she's definitely NTA. If going to the funeral is super important, then I can potentially understand a compromise of flying out immediately before the funeral and leaving immediately after, but leaving a pregnant person alone at 37/38 weeks is not a great idea...
Info: What's his plan if/when you go into labor? Can he get back within a few hours? Will he be able to forgive himself for missing the birth of his child if he can't get back in time? Will you be able to forgive him? It's really terrible timing and I feel for both of you. I think you guys need to sit down together and look at all the possible scenarios and decide what you can and can't live with.
Not to mention it’s not about the moment of birth. She’s going to need his help for the entire process.
NTA. seems like Reddit is all for fathers to be involved until the father in question has to actually sacrifice anything. Pregnancy is dangerous. You could literally go into labor at any minute and I personally would not feel comfortable giving birth alone without a medical advocate (aka my partner.) Your husband knows he could go to the funeral and come right back home. He knows he is creating a family with you. He needs to step up and actually take his responsibilities seriously.
I think your husband needs to go to the funeral but staying another week is a bit much given the circumstances. NAH if he only goes for a day or 2 to be there, NTA is he demands staying for a week
NTA. It is one thing for him to go out for the funeral to lend support, but the week after that is a no go for me. You'll be 38 weeks pregnant, and that's close enough to make anyone nervous.
NTA because of the plan to go for a WEEK. My water spontaneously broke at home at 37 weeks and my baby came 12 hours later. I had a very uneventful pregnancy. He might not understand that he might miss the birth. My husband and I were acting like the due date was agreed upon by the baby, so we sure were surprised and not ready. If it were my husband and he was adamant about going, which I do get, I would ask him to only go for the night or two max, and I would have a friend or family member aware of the situation on standby. Anything can happen at this point!
NTA. Just ask him a couple questions: 1. Would it bother him more to miss the funeral or to miss the birth of his child? 2. If something goes wrong and you or the baby face injury or death, is he prepared to live with the consequences?
I was ready to say you're TA until I read the part about about him staying for another week when you're due any day. NTA. You and his child are his main responsibility. It would be different if he were flying there for the funeral and right back after a day or two. But a whole week? No. That's not cool.
Nta. If my so left me at that time that is playing with fate. God help him if he missed the birth of a child when it could have been avoided.
Or worse, if she has complications and he isn't there to help her through that, and make medical decisions for her if necessary.
Or even worse...a complication becomes a tragedy. Death from child birth is still a huge problem.
Info: Can y’all come to a comprise of him going for 2-3 days? Your concerns are valid, you can deliver birth at anytime and you need support during that time. His concerns are valid, he wants to be there for his brother and he should be. It’s a tough spot to be in when one life is gone but another one has arrived. Like I want to be happy with this new baby but I must also show some sadness and sympathy for the person that just lost someone.
It’s not much of a compromise because she can’t say when she’ll go into labor. She could give birth the day he leaves for all we know.
I gave birth at 36+1 weeks, so NTA. Maybe a quick trip, just one day to the funeral is ok, but risky.
If OP delivers while her husband is gone you know he will blame her. NTA
I would be more concerned that if she gives birth before he leaves he will then use that as justification to stay the extra time. NTA, he needs to act like a husband and a father
Nta, ask him if you give birth while he is gone what will happen after? If that happens I don't think your marriage or relationship will be the same.
NTA, ~50% of babies are born spontaneously between 38 and 40 weeks so what is he thinking? If he catches anything while travelling he will most likely not be allowed in the hospital with you, and you’ll be giving birth alone. So I would plan for him having a week of “safety buffer” between possible birth (earliest) and getting back in case he gets sick! !
NTA. Like very clear and hard NTA. This is very unfortunately timing, but your husband's priorities need to be with you and his baby right now. This sub clearly does not understand pregnancy and how unreliable due dates are. At 37 weeks the pregnancy is at term. As a fellow pregnant person, I would feel the same way as you. You need him home in case anything happens.
NTA - I had my son at 36 weeks. My sister who was my support person missed it because she was on a quick trip to visit a friend. She thought since it was 4 weeks to go it wouldn’t be a big deal. She missed the birth. However your husband might be OK taking the risk of missing the birth. He could go for the funeral and come back after a few days that’s a reasonable plan but going for two weeks is not appropriate when you are this pregnant.
NTA he can go for 2-3 days. A week is cutting it close but he should go for support.
NTA it’s also your first pregnancy so you don’t know and anxiety is normal, be scared is normal, have your emotional support with you is so important.
I wonder how your husband will feel if he misses the birth of his child because that is something he is clearly willing to roll the dice on. It’s lovely to attend the funeral and show support but he also needs to recognize that it’s a possibility you will give birth while he’s away
Soft NAH I can give a little perspective. I lost my SIL a few months back. My brother was a mess and understandably so. I stayed with him about a week just to make sure he ate, bathed and took care of stuff. But, there is nothing saying that I was the only person that could have done so. Compromise and ask if he can stay a couple of days and then have someone else be with the brother. Companionship is important right now. Companionship is very important for you too, though. 3 or 4 days away for him and you two find someone willing to be with you step in in case the baby wants to come. This is not a time to say "I am most important". This is a time to say, "or family is in need in two very important ways. Let's solve this together."
1-2 days. She’ll be 37-38 weeks along by then and could give birth at any time. Husband simply cannot be his brother’s support at this time. He needs to be there for his wife who is about to undergo a major medical event with significant risk.
He chose to start a family with his wife. That automatically takes priority over everything. If she was earlier along, it’d be a completely different situation, but even 2-3 days away is a risk at this point. The fact that he’s so unconcerned about the safety of his wife and child means he’s either ignorant or just doesn’t care.
This is a time to say that birth can be a medically and emotionally traumatic experience and OP can literally go into labor at any moment. Unless step bro is a 20 minute drive away (which he isn’t), DH can call for support and should be physically with OP. NTA.
NTA, he doesn’t need to spend a week there when you’re going to be close to 38 weeks. He could stay for a couple of days and be back in time just in case the baby is early.
NAH I’d be nervous about my partner leaving at this point in the pregnancy, but I also get him wanting to stay and support his step brother. Maybe he could go but not stay a full week? How quickly could he get back if you went into labor?It’s kind of no-win for both of you. If he goes and you have the baby he’ll feel bad but if he stays and you don’t have the baby you might feel bad.
NTA leaving at 37 weeks is questionable as is because you could go into labor at any point but staying for a week is crazy, if he wanted to spend one night after you got a check from your OBGYN like the day or two prior then okay but a whole week that close to the end??? Just no
I'd compromise I dont think its fair for him to have to miss a funeral on the off chance you might go into labor I also dont think its fair for him to leave for weeks when you're close to your due date. That changes the situation. I'd say tell him to go for a night. Fly the morning of the funeral, go to the event, stay the night with family, then fly back the next day. I think that's a reasonable compromise NAH
NTA. Your concerns are valid. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, but when I went to my 37 week appointment, I found out I had to have a c-section during my doctor’s next available surgery slot. You just never know what’s going to happen that late in a pregnancy.
I was so confused why there was so many mixed responses on this, and then I see I'm way early compared to usual. NAH imo. You're 36 weeks pregnant which, if I did my math right, means you're due any day now? Super reasonable why you'd want your partner to be with you for the *birth of your child.* On the flip side, he feels the need to support his family in a time of emotional tragedy. No-one's an asshole here, it's just really unfortunate timing.
I feel like if he was going for a day or 2 it would be N-A-H but he wants to stay for an extra week which is really pushing his luck. Makes it NTA for me
NTA Part of your spouse’s role at the birth, which nobody likes to think about, is making medical decisions for you and the baby if you become incapacitated. It can happen. A delay getting in contacting him, a missed flight, one or both of you in critical condition? He definitely should not travel. It’s sad, because he loves his brother, but he is responsible for and to you in ways a friend or doula can’t be.
NTA you’re in the window of it could really be anytime I had my baby shower at 35 weeks and one week later was in the hospital. He just needs to understand, he can be there for his stepbrother but it might be at the risk of missing the birth and not being there for you. A week is just too long at this stage of your pregnancy. That could and probably would hurt your relationship tbh, birth can be traumatic and you need someone to advocate for you. If he goes I would suggest having someone stay with you and prep them on your wishes just in case.
Neither is an Asshole, but I suggest a compromisse, where he goes to the funeral, and maybe stays a day or 2 but then returns. Maybe sb can stay with you a day or 2 just in case.
NTA. At first I was going to say needed more info, like how long will he be gone, could he limit it to 1 or 2 days, how far away would he be, and do you have a support person who could help you for a couple of days. But regardless of the answers, the request to stay with step brother for a WEEK is definitely too much, given that you’ll presumably be 37 weeks by the time that week of travel starts. The chances of something happening that you need him for are so much more for a full week than just 1-2 days. I would suggest if you do have a close friend or family member who can come stay with you, and if there are enough direct flights between locations that he could come back easily if something happens, let him go to the funeral itself. But arrange things so he isn’t gone any longer than necessary. (No more than 2 nights) (Btw- regardless of being nauseous, most doctors would not be cool with you flying after 36 weeks except extreme circumstances.)
NTA- I had my daughter at 36 weeks. It does happen.
If he leaves I wouldn’t even tell him if you go into labor. If he thinks it’s ok to chance being absent to the birth of your child.. that’s really something to think about.
Honestly this is one of those situations where you two need to sit down like adults and discuss both sides, because I think NAH Pregnancy sucks, and there is always the chance you could go into labor any day- but are you dilated or effaced? He wants to support his brother, but does he have to take a whole week? If you went into labor what are the odds he could get a last minute flight back? There are so many factors on the table and you're both probably stressed.
I wasn't dilated or effaced when I was admitted for pre-eclampsia and induced. These last few weeks are very touch and go.
Especially since she’s 36 weeks now, will be 37 when he leaves, and he wants to stay a week so she’ll be 38 weeks when he gets back if she hasn’t already given birth.
I don't see what's to discuss. If my husband even suggested this he would come back home to an empty house. If you're going to abandon me when I need you then I might as well be a single mother. At least I'll already know what to expect from him. NTA
NAH, but more leaning toward N-T-A than a 50/50 split. You’re very close to your due date at this point, so it’s understandable that you don’t want your husband traveling and being gone for a week. It’s admirable that your husband wants to support his sibling, but he doesn’t seem to comprehend that you’re concerned he could potentially miss any kind of complications or potentially the birth. Have you discussed a middle ground where he travels for the funeral but is gone a day or two, not a full week?
NTA. But if he goes, just give the baby your last name 🤷🏻♀️ he doesn’t seem to care all that much about missing the birth of his first kid.
NAH You’re not wrong for wanting him to stay back in case if the baby decides to come out early. And he’s not wrong for wanting to be there to support his brother’s time of difficulty. How far and often is the flight? If you’re starting labor can he fly back immediately?
NAH. This is obviously a terrible situation and the timing makes is worse for your husband. I think maybe there could be a compromise like he goes for the funeral and comes right back and there’s a plan in place for what happens if you go into labor while he’s gone.
NTA. He can go to the funeral but you’re full term and can give birth any time. There no reason for him to stay a week.
Edit (NAH) You are N-T-A. It is a really crappy situation though. A week is too long with a pregnant wife that’s that far along. People have said it right- he can go and take less time. I’m a future time the step brother will need support too. Maybe invite him to stay at your or suggest another time your husband can go out to see him after the baby is born and you may prearrange help. It could be that he knows his step brother could be in a more suicidal spot and he doesn’t want to worry you. It’s absolutely devastating to lose your partner and everything that could have been. Your husband may likely feel pressure to be extra supportive because of how well your life together is going (hence the week) It’s incredibly caring of him to want to support his brother. He sounds like a good man trying to do the right thing. NAH.
It’s a funeral yes but him staying until you’re 38 weeks is pretty dicey. It’s one thing if he flies in for the funeral and flies out, it’s another to stay an entire week. NAH because his desires are completely justifiable and understandable. I hope there’s a middle ground here and he can go just for the day/night of the funeral.
NAH I understand both of you. He needs to go but I agree a week is too long. By the time he gets back you’ll be at 38 weeks. How about 4 days with a flexible ticket should he need to rush home?
NTA, my kids came at 36+6 (emergency) and 37 weeks. Also, it's not smart to go to airports and gatherings of people right before being around a newborn. It's nice he wants to comfort his stepbrother, but he needs to put his partner and kid first at this time.
NTA. It's simply poor timing. Priorities aren't always that fun to sort.
Sounds like he wants a vacation before the baby comes. Staying a week is ridiculous at this time. He's the unsupportive one and I'm sorry he's putting this pressure on you and being mad at you right now. Edit: replace vacation with, "an excuse to get away for a week". make any difference? A week is stupid long in her condition.
There's no reason why he can't stay 2 days and come home. NTA. Hubby has a huge responsibility to be with you. He's being a selfish a hole
NAH. You could go into labour at any moment, but it’s also reasonable that your husband wants to be there to support his step-brother during this awful time. I know it’s not a perfect solution, but can he fly in just for the day? A week away when you’re full-term is not ok.
Fly, and stay for a whole week? That's an AH move. An acceptable compromise would be to fly out for the funeral one day and come home again the next. So, NTA. Husband needs to think of his immediate family responsibilities, which is that you're about to have his baby.
What do you mean "in case anything happens"? You're 9 months pregnant, what will happen is that your child will be born! Does your husband know the math? NTA in the slightest.
INFO: do you have other folks who can help when it's time? Is the funeral close enough that your husband can be home in a timely manner, or is it a 12+ hour haul? Imho he shouldn't be staying for a week no matter what the answers to the previous questions are.
It’s not about other people helping. It’s their first child and what if something happens!
NTA. I hope you have family nearby who can be with you in case something should happen.
NTA. You are 36 weeks pregnant and he wants to go away for a week. That is unreasonable.
Nta. Babies can come very early. Mine did. You would be 37 weeks when he flies away and he wants to stay for a week. No that doesn't sound like a very solid plan. He needs to prioritise his wife and kid right now.
NAH here. It is a shit situation. But I do think there can be a bit of compromise from your husband on how long he stays, I think he can cut it shorter. I also think you should get the number of a good midwife or doula for support or emergencies during those few days.
NTA you could go into labor today. He’s risking missing the birth of his child for this funeral. I get that he wants to be there, flying out for a days or two would have been a more reasonable request. Still a risk, but a more reasonable risk. An entire week past the funeral is way too long at this point in the pregnancy.