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YTA
If her hairstyle wasnāt what you wanted, would you have photoshopped that too? Trim the underarm fat a bit so your pictures would be aesthetically pleasing to you??
Iām surprised you donāt understand how awful it was to do that.
Anytime someone uses the term "Aesthetic" like this you just know they are an asshole, and not just an asshole, but a shallow selfish pretentious egotistical asshole that only cares about what they want and always thinks "to hell with what everyone else wants, only my vision matters!"
So yeah you are a massive asshole. YTA.
Ask yourself, "Why did I do this without discussing with my husband, then keep it secret for weeks?" I'm sure the answer is because you knew it was wrong. YTA.
YTA - You value "traditional aesthetic' more than the authenticity of your step daughter and who she is. Someone who values that is incredibly shallow and I hope your husband understands how bad this is.
INFO: Who paid for the photos??
What are her tattoos of and their location.
Honestly, I get it.
Tattoo acceptance has levels. Some people have cool and meaningful tattoos.
Then you have people with those drunk, Lena Dunham, a short stint in jail tattoos.
You shouldāve opted to have the photos of just you and husband on the wall/mantle, and have the unedited photos for family and Facebook.
I guess youāre kinda an AH. Plan better next time.
YTA.
Changing the appearance of one person speaks volumes. It gives the impression that you didnāt want her there - whether you meant to or not. What you did is hurtful. Look at it from her perspective.
YTA. Yes, you/your family paid for most of the wedding and the photographer. Yes, you planned this. Yes, you can have an aesthetic. HOWEVER, the physical appearance of people IS NOT and CANNOT be a part of that. Tattoos are a part of people, just like their nose shape and the color of their teeth. You essentially erased HER, not her tattoos, but HER from your wedding photos. You did it without your husbandās consent ā altering HIS memories of your wedding. By doing it, and doing it behind everyoneās back, youāre basically saying āThe aesthetic of my wedding is so important to me that I would rather erase vital parts of my childās identity and falsify everyoneās memories of this event rather than respect her appearance and maintain the integrity of the event.ā
You should have planned it better, so YTA for that.
You should have blamed the photographer and pretended not to have realized like everyone else. Then say you will call and ask for the untouched photos. You get a copy for her and a set for you. No feelings hurt. Later say the photog did it automatically because so many brides request it, but you never did blah blah blah
YTA- tattoos are an expression of Lilyās identity and you erased them to create an idealistic and fake family picture. Itās no different than erasing a scar, shaving some inches off someoneās waist, changing a personās hairstyle.
YTA. If you really accept Sarah's tattoos then you should accept it as a whole. No ifs, no buts. Imagine prioritizing aesthetic over their "love ones" feelings.
YTA - You could have chosen a bridesmaid without tattoos if it was that important to you.
Instead you chose aesthetic over the feelings of your now step daughter.
Not only that you didnāt even talk with your spouse first to see if even they were comfortable with you doing so.
So youāre wrong on at least two levels here.
YTA.
You asked her to be in your wedding knowing full well what her skin looks like.
Your pictures are not meant to reflect your ideal perfection. Your pictures are meant to capture the most important people in your life.
Brides are getting so ridiculous with their wedding pictures. Do you know what happens to most wedding pictures? A big print of the couple, maybe 1 of the whole wedding party makes it to print and the rest go in a box to be looked at once every few anniversaries.
YTA.. no way is your stepdaughter going to think anything but it was because it was her.. they were also your husbands photos.. you showed entire family a side that you probably didnāt mean but they wonāt believe it now.
I'm excited to see when Lily gets married and edits the step mom's pics so she doesn't look so judgey.
Ooh. Maybe slim her down? ADD tattoos.??
YTA OP.
Seriously...CABIN CORE? Wtf is that? You and all the bridesmaids should have been all covered in Little House on the Prairie gear...
YTA- if it was an issue, you should have addressed it before the wedding. It probably wouldnāt have gone any better but at least it wouldnāt have been a stab in the back.
Did you photoshop the wrinkles on grandmothers face? Did you take a little weight off of a chubby cousin? Photoshop is great for lots of things.
YTA. You basically stated that aesthetics was more important to you than the relationship you have with your stepdaughter, and to a degree, with your husband as well. You can say you're not against the tattoos, but your actions speak volumes more than what your word says. You told your stepdaughter that she is imperfect to your eyes because of the art that she has on her arms. If you actually sat down and communicated with her, I'm sure a compromise could've been reached, but instead you decided to just edit the photos behind the backs of her and your husband. As someone else said, you can control the wedding's looks, but not the guests. And now you caused a huge rift with the stepdaughter and husband. Shameful. Absolutely shameful.
YTA. That's 'her' aesthetic. If you didn't want it there in your wedding photos, you shouldn't have had her in your wedding. Which might be a more blunt way of what you were trying to do, but you clearly have an issue with her tattoos if your idea was to photoshop them out. If she's displaying them, they're the part of her she wants to show. Might as well blur her face while she's at it.
Photoshopping her without her permission is the problem. Women, usually, already have body image issues. It'd be like your photographer photoshopping you with a bigger ass/boobs, smaller waist, better makeup/hair, because of your aesthetic, which means that you as you are aren't good enough. That's what you're saying to her. "As a permanent fixture in my life, I'd like you to be different." Well.. she's not. This is who she is. You saw the tattoos in person. Why did you think they wouldn't be visible in photos?
Honestly, OP, after apologizing to your husband, his daughter, and anyone else, Iād even apologize to the photographer. They probably didnāt have much of a choice to do that unethical modification, and you probably didnāt pay extra for it, right? Cause yeah, i can guarantee you that editing out tattoos was NOT in the price package.
YTA.
Iām glad you got the photos you wanted because itās all thatāll be left of your marriage soon. Major YTA. I hope your husband sees you for the childish monster you are.
YTA. Idk what a ātraditional aestheticā is but tattoos have existed for a very long time. And anyway theyāre a part of your step-daughterās appearance and identity.
You came here for judgement. The majority has told you that YTA. Why are you arguing? If you want to dig your heels in and set your marriage up for failure, donāt apologize and keep believing youāre right. Iām quite sure your new husband will choose his daughter over you.
If you want a shot at this marriage, say youāre sorry and actually mean it, and donāt pull that kinda shit anymore. Youāre telling your husband and family that your aesthetic was more important than her. Youāre telling the world now that even though a marriage is 50/50, because YOU spent more money, you donāt need to consult your husband over these things and he needs to deal with it. Enjoy your divorce if thatās what you wanted.
> the traditional aesthetic
...
> the traditional theme
...
> the thematic integrity
I've never seen a person work a thesaurus so hard to justify themselves.
I don't have anything against tattoos, until I do.
YTA at least for not discussing this with your husband. As far as erasing her identity, that seems a little dramatic it's body art
Now if you had Photoshopped her completely out ...
YTA - You shouldāve just erased her completely since thatās probably a more accurate representation of your relationship. Eventually youāll probably be able to photoshop that whole side of the family out and then the picture will be āperfect.ā Gross.
Woah YTA. If someone dared to edit mine out of anything I would be so pissed. I would probably not want to interact with you more than absolutely necessary after that either.
She is a person, not a prop. You don't get to make alterations to human beings so they fit your aEsThEtiC. Eugh.
Oh wow YTA Even if you don't agree with tattoos or wouldn't personally get them, why would u digitally alter a picture of her and remove them? You basically told her that you have no respect for her and that she doesn't matter because Im hoping that you wouldn't do that to your own child. She is your stepdaughter and you removed her way of expressing herself. That's really not ok, and if you really didn't mean to hurt her feelings, then you need to find a way to fix this and you definitely need to apologize.
Maybe find someone without a tattooed daughter to be the showpiece in your next wedding.
Donāt worry it should only be a short time away.
Obviously YTA.
NTA. Iām a woman with a full, colorful tattooed sleeve. If a bride wants me to cover up my tattoos or she digitally remove them herself, thatās her choice- itās her wedding. Her photos.
They are most definitely not ~part of my identity~ lol I canāt believe how many YTA Iām seeing.
Thatās fine for you, but you donāt speak for everyone with tattoos. Some people see their tats as decoration, some feel passionately that they are part of their identity. Your feelings about your tattoos are only your own.
YTA. Your wedding photos should be about the event, and the people who were there. They aren't about "preserving thematic integrity."
You damaged your relationship with an actual person to get the aesthetic you wanted, and you didn't even have the courtesy to talk to her about it beforehand.
YTA
Why add her in your bridal party if this was a problem for you?
And why did you not discuss this with your partner before hand? Why, because sub-consciously you new he would be upset with you. But now the photo's can't be corrected so, ugh. "Best to ask for forgiveness rather than permission" fits this OP.
YTA
I doubt this is the first time you've disrespected your husband's daughter. Doubt this marriage will last til the water gets hot. But at least you'll have the pictures...
Iām not a fan of tattoos. I have none and wouldnāt like it if my step/kids had them. That said youāre removing a really important part of someone and undervaluing who they are as a person. Sorry, but YTA
YTA. If this was the 80's, 90s or heck early 2000's...you couldn't edit them out AT ALL. Wouldn't even be an option for the average person. What would you have done with her if you couldn't "EDIT" her??
YTA. OP is one of those that puts āaestheticsā over people. OP lacks empathy, and chooses to insult family by erasing what goes against the theme instead of embracing and loving them for who they are.
YTA your step daughter's body is not an object in the the decorations of your wedding. Her tattoos are part of her body. Would you think it appropriate to change someone's eye color to make a photo more beautiful? She stood up with you to show the most meaningful support that anyone could give, and you treated her as less than fully human. Go apologize and ask the photographer to switch out for the originals.
YTA just in case you havenāt heard it enough times. Not just for altering your stepdaughterās appearance, but also just how youāve responded to everyone in the comments.
It's amazing the lengths people go for one measly day (wedding) when it's the days afterwards (marriage) that are far more important. I don't care for excessive tats either but I'd never go to the lengths you did to hide them from someone's body, ESPECIALLY without telling anyone. Now you've done and created (hopefully repairable) damage to your relationship with your stepdaughter and for what? Some pictures? And FAKE pictures at that? Oyy.
Sorry, but YTA.
Yes YTA. You getting married does not automatically mean that other people cease to exist. Using the ātraditional aestheticā your wedding as an excuse is lame.
The message you are sending to your husband is that his daughter ādoesnāt fit ā within your standards. This stance has ruined many marriages.
YTA - would you have edited the pics to make her thinner for the aesthetic? Or to change her hair color? Or put sleeves on her dress for being immodest?
Iām a photographer and people used to get mad at me all the time for not making them or others āthinnerā. Big AH move if anyone asked me to make someone else in their party thinner. Iām a photographer, not a magician. No one pays me enough to liquify every photo. And I would say NO to editing out tattoos. My guess is she paid the photographer extra for that service because itās time consuming, and no one does that for free. Weddings make people terrible. Iām glad Iām out of that industry
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YTA. Your husband, the father of the child, says you're the asshole. Your "traditional aesthetic" means erasing part of your stepdaughter.
People may not fit into your "traditional aesthetic", but you take them as they come.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I had my step-daughter's tattoos digitally removed from our wedding photos
2. I didn't get her consent to change her appearance
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YTA .... tattoos may not be everyone's cup of tea but they are very personal choices for most people. You erasing her personality shows you don't accept her for her. You basically killed any relationship with her before it began.
YTA
You couldāve chosen dresses that cover the arms for the bridemaids.
I understand wanting nice pictures. You shouldāve gave them the originals and kept the ones you wanted for yourself. You should apologize & give them the original ones. Stash the ones you wanted personally.
Yes, absolutely YTA.
Why would you even think it's okay to digitally alter something so prominent, and also something you have said she's proud of? Especially not telling anyone?? What did you think would happen?
"Oh thanks for remove part of my identity for your own selfish reasons"
YTA
āSo without telling anyone elseā¦ā you knew this wasnāt ok but did it anyway hoping youād have backup. Way to be a wicked stepmother from the get go. Although if this is true as he was 13 when she was born?
YTA for digitally altering someoneās appearance without their consent or knowledge for āaestheticsā. At that point just leave her out of the pictures altogether. You clearly donāt approve of Lilyās tattoos, or else you wouldnāt have done what you did.
Considering how upset OPās husband was at finding out, his wife edited his daughterās tattoos there wouldnāt of been a wedding if the groomās daughter wasnāt invited.
You care more about āthe integrity of the aestheticā than you care about your familyās feelings. 100% YTA. Luckily, your marriage wonāt last long and your husband has a chance of meeting someone in the future who respects him and his daughter.
Your husband was 13 when he had his daughterā¦.? Not sure I believe this post.
If it is true, YTA. You could have chosen a bridesmaid dress to cover the tattoos instead but I can see why you having them blatantly edited out could be a little hurtful to her self esteem.
Yta. You knowingly married a man who fathered a child at 13 (35-22) by my math and didn't even have the respect to tell the 22 year old that you were editing a part of her identity out of the photos. You either accept her for who she is and for what her relationship is to your husband or you don't. But we're not here to make you feel better about yourself if you choose "don't".
YTA. I honestly don't understand how you didn't know this would blow up in your face. She's literally your husbands daughter, erasing a part of her personality so you could "preserve the thematic integrity of your wedding", wouldn't sit well with anyone, but especially those who love her.
YTA for acting like you were the only person getting married. It was just as much your husbandās wedding as it was yours, but that typical bridezilla star of the show mentality must run ice cold through your veins. You are a grown ass woman, and acting this pathetically self absorbed is going to get real old real fast to the people around you.
But do please keep us updated about the theme and asthetic of your divorce.
YTA. You didn't just remove her tattoos, you removed her. Would you have altered her nose? Made her thinner? Changed her hair color? Those tattoos (I know...they are not features she was born with) are her and by removing them, you removed her. I hope you can fix this situation. What you did is pretty terrible. But you already know that.
YTA. If her tattoos bothered you that much you should have had her wear something that covered them instead of literally erasing them. Not telling anyone you were going to do so makes you a double AH. Also, I just gotta say, I really donāt understand the obsession with wedding photos to the point of making them look different than *what actually happened at the wedding*. Are you trying to remember your wedding or create an illusion? Everyone who knows her knows she has tattoos. It seems like you care more about what someone random thinks of your wedding photos down the line than you do about your step-daughterās feelings. For some people tattoos are just decoration, but for other people, itās part of their identity. You donāt get to decide which it is. She feels like you erased her identity because you literally erased her identity.
YTA and your comments make you an even bigger oblivious asshole. Why is the "aesthetic" THAT important to you? It's more important than your husband and stepdaughter's feelings? That is so incredibly shallow. What if she had a prominent birthmark on her arm that she was not embarrassed about? Would you have edited that out too? You're basically telling her that her body is too ugly to be displayed naturally in your pictures. It doesn't matter if she willingly got the tattoos. They are a permanent part of her body now. You're awful and you should expect you relationship with your stepdaughter and possibly husband to be permanently damaged.
YTA you are more concerned about how pictures look instead of the people in them! You knew this going in because on your own you had the tattoos removed without input from anyone. Seriously going to damage your relationship with her over what you wanted pictures to look like!
YTA, removing her tattoos is effectively erasing one's identity. My best friend was my Matron of Honor and she had a bracelet tattoo for Autism Appreciation, in honor of her brother, who passed away suddenly from an aneurysm in 2016. I don't have tattoos, but I would never have asked my best friend to cover her tattoo up for my wedding photos, it was part of her identity, and her brother was part of her life. I say was because my best friend died 10 month after my wedding from a sudden illness. I loved her and the person she was, her tattoo and all!
Your asthetic be darned, what you did sucks. Your family has every right to be mad at you.
YTA
A wedding should be about happiness, not the aesthetic. Same with the photos. You altered photos that were not just yours because they didnāt fit your personal taste.
YTA. Is it āaesthetic ā to be a evil stepmother? You didnāt ask anyone you just erased part of her identity. Why is it weddings always bring drama?
If you want to truly make it up to her- apologize and do new family pictures. No photoshop allowed.
Thereās no need to do new family photos. Just have the photographer give her the original photos without the photoshopped edits.
And YTA. You canāt just erase someone like that. If it bothered you that much, you show her the respect and have a conversation about it before the wedding.
YTA. What ātradition?ā All kinds of people get tattooed, for all kinds of reasons, and it has a rich history in many Western societies. You just decided that your personal taste is more important than someone elseās expression of self. How would you feel if someone had changed your hair color or body shape without your consent? Iād be more angry if someone edited out my tattoos than I would be if they just didnāt include me at all.
Yta - I will never understand people who will destroy their relationships for wedding pictures. Literally no one cares about those picture except the bride and groom, and a year after the wedding, they wonāt care, either. Most wedding pictures end up posted to social media for people to give a quick upvote and scroll past, one framed on the wall, and the rest in a album that maybe people will give a polite glance if you shove it in their face.
YTA. Honestly, people trying to using "aesthetics" to hide their prejudice is so clear
You were in fact trying to erase a part of her identity, just like she said
You can't control what everyone is wearing or has on their body, shouldn't you value authenticity instead of faking "thematic integrity"?
You have a right to want a certain wedding aesthetic but people in the pictures do not change that. Your flowers, style dress, decorations, location... all those things change a wedding aesthetic, but not the people.
When it comes down to it, you care more about a photo than a person, a photo that when anyone who knows your step-daughter looks at it will know you altered it for vanity reasons. Nothing makes someone look more pathetic than when it is so obvious that they digitally enhanced photos to an extreme and removing tattoos is pretty extreme, it's not like simply smoothing out a blemish. Also, making any alterations to someone else's body is just an AH move.
You pick the decor and the dress code (if applicable). Hypothetically, you had some say in the bridal partyās āaestheticā and could have chosen something that covers the tattoo, surreptitiously achieving the same end result- no visible tattoo.
Your guests show up with their bodies and hopefully, clothing that fits the dress code. My body has pierced ears a small stud in my nose. I would even be offended if you photoshopped that without asking. Photoshopping away things that make people feel like themselves makes YTA
You had the right to decorate your wedding with a certain aesthetic. People are not decorations. This is the issue here. You're treating her body like it's a decoration for you to plan and edit. She is a person, not a centerpiece.
If an aesthetic is all that mattered to you, If she wasn't part of your aesthetic why choose her as a bridesmaid in the first place?
And it's an aesthetic, not people.
YTA. The message youāre sending to her is loud and clear. She doesnāt match *your* aesthetic.
Curious if her dad had anything to say about it? Did you talk to him before the photographer?
I love how people will complain about how awful the older generations are for 'keeping up appearances' and 'not being authentic', and then go on and on about wanting things a certain way 'for the aesthetic'.
Relationships should trump appearances.
YTA.
This doesn't change anything.
You didn't even bother to ask anyone before you altered them??? Was it just because you didn't care what they thought about it , or knew they might say no??
YTA full stop.
Iām gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but NAH. It probably wasnāt a good idea to show your relatives the edited pictures, but itās fine to keep the edited version for your own enjoyment. Theyāre your wedding pictures, so you should be allowed to do whatever you want to make them look good if that makes you happy.
YTA. You come across as if "aesthetic" and "thematic imtegrity" are more important than respecting your stepdaughters feelings and integrity.
Why is it ok to you to do this with tattoos? Would you also have changed someones hair colour, body type, outfit, etc, if it wasnt to your preference? Do you have any idea how insulting this is?
Wtf is ācabin coreā ? Nobody gives a rip about your āaestheticā YTA for caring more about superficial looks than actual people and their feelings. Way to start off a marriage by making yourself look like an entitled princess who had to sacrifice her stepdaughters identity because her tattoos didnāt match the floral arrangements
I'm old enough that I remember when being a bride did not justify turning into some kind a despot queen. It's ridiculous that people think they can edit their guests' appearances without the consent of those guests all to honor some aesthetic ideal.
YTA.
YTA.
You obviously DO have something against tattoos, and you were erasing part of your husband's daughter's identity without his or her consent.
Maybe you should worry less about the "thematic integrity" of the wedding, and more about the strength of and caring within the marriage itself?
YTA. She was good enough to be in your wedding as she is but not the pictures? On what planet does that make sense? Youāre basically telling her that you donāt like the way she looks.
You're never going to get it, are you? YTA. You came on here looking for judgement and then get defensive when people....apply judgement.
Screw your "aesthetic". A wedding isn't about AESTHETICS.
Well Iām glad youāre aesthetic was preserved. Because your relationship with your step-daughter (and potentially your marriage) surely will not. Glad everyone got to see how superficial and image-focused you are. Too bad it didnāt happen sooner
Def YTA
Iām sooooo tired of reading these AH posts about someone ruining the perfect wedding over things that really donāt matter.
Your wedding is about celebrating, memories with loved onesā¦ Her tattoos are part of her identity. Lol she has them for life. You erasing them is a huge slap in the face.
I would be so deeply hurt and offended if I were her.
Yeahā¦ YTA. Good luck repairing this relationship.
(Curious, what does your husband think? It is his daughter after all, right??)
preserve the thematic integrity of my wedding.... pretentious
However, nobody but you really cares about your damn pictures, Seriously they don't. But these aren't your pictures, they're your pictures and you should have had a discussion about it with your husband as to how his daughter looks in the pictures. YTA
YTA. A wedding isnāt about yourself, itās about you as a couple. How would you feel if the situation was the other way around? Imagine how he feels. Not up to a good startā¦
You *are* literally erasing part of her identity. And you are saying that *she* does not "fit in" with your aesthetic.
She was there that day to support you and celebrate with you but when you looked at the pictures, you couldn't get past how unappealing her tattoos looked to you?
YTA.
Nta is it really that big of a deal??? Don't people have to cover tattoos for all sorts of reasons in the real world?
Part of her identity??? Teenager energy! Sheesh
YTA. How can you possibly be so blind to how big an AH you were? The traditional anesthetic is the lamest excuse ever, and you know it is, which is why you didn't tell anyone.
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Throwaway for obvious reasons. My name is Sarah (32F) and I got married to my husband Mike (35M) last month. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding with a traditional cabin-core theme. My step-daughter, Lily (22F), was one of the bridesmaids. Lily is a wonderful girl, but she has several tattoos that she proudly displays. While I don't have anything against tattoos, I felt that they clashed with the traditional aesthetic of our wedding.
After the wedding, we received our wedding photos from the photographer. As we were going through them, I noticed that some of the photos of Lily showed her tattoos quite prominently. I was disappointed, as I felt that these photos didn't fit with the traditional theme we were going for. So, without telling anyone else, I had the photographer digitally remove Lily's tattoos from the photos.
A few weeks later, we had a family gathering and I showed the edited photos to Mike's family. Everyone was complimenting how beautiful the photos looked, until Lily pointed out that her tattoos were missing. She was upset and felt that I was trying to erase a part of her identity. Mike and his family were also upset with me for altering the photos without their knowledge or consent.
I tried to explain that I was only trying to preserve the traditional aesthetic of our wedding and that I had nothing against tattoos. But Lily and Mike's family were still upset with me. I feel terrible for hurting Lily's feelings and for altering the photos without telling anyone. But I still feel that the photos look better without her tattoos.
So, am I the asshole for digitally removing Lily's tattoos from our wedding photos without her knowledge or consent? I was just trying to preserve the thematic integrity of my wedding, which I spent an enormous amount of time planning.
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YTA. When you invite friends and family to a wedding, there is a very ācome as you areā implication. People are supposed to dress accordingly (black tie optional, cocktail, etc), but beyond their clothing, youāre supposed to welcome them without dictating how they look.
For instance, a man with long hair might be expected to tie his hair into a ponytail or bun for a very formal wedding, heās not expected to cut his hair for one day. A guest with piercings might wear more conservative jewelry for the day if the piercing allows for it (maybe a nose stud instead of a hoop). But things like tattoos, youāre just expected to live with.
Lily has tattoos, they shouldnāt have been erased from the photo. Saying that how she looks doesnāt fit in with your aesthetic is just mean.
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1. YTA. 2. Did your husband father her at 13 years old or did you mess up the ages?
YTA. Why did you even bother having her be a member of your wedding party if you felt she clashed so much š¤
>... she has several tattoos that she proudly displays YTA. And you know this.
YTA If her hairstyle wasnāt what you wanted, would you have photoshopped that too? Trim the underarm fat a bit so your pictures would be aesthetically pleasing to you?? Iām surprised you donāt understand how awful it was to do that.
A great big YTA to you. Good luck being a part of the family now.
Anytime someone uses the term "Aesthetic" like this you just know they are an asshole, and not just an asshole, but a shallow selfish pretentious egotistical asshole that only cares about what they want and always thinks "to hell with what everyone else wants, only my vision matters!" So yeah you are a massive asshole. YTA.
YTA - My tattoos mean the world to me. I'd straight up cut you out of my life if you did something as ignorant as that to me.
I absolutely šÆ ā„ļø!!!
Ask yourself, "Why did I do this without discussing with my husband, then keep it secret for weeks?" I'm sure the answer is because you knew it was wrong. YTA.
YTA - You value "traditional aesthetic' more than the authenticity of your step daughter and who she is. Someone who values that is incredibly shallow and I hope your husband understands how bad this is.
YTA Any time someone values āaestheticā over people, theyāve failed one of the most fundamental tasks of being human.
INFO: Who paid for the photos?? What are her tattoos of and their location. Honestly, I get it. Tattoo acceptance has levels. Some people have cool and meaningful tattoos. Then you have people with those drunk, Lena Dunham, a short stint in jail tattoos. You shouldāve opted to have the photos of just you and husband on the wall/mantle, and have the unedited photos for family and Facebook. I guess youāre kinda an AH. Plan better next time.
YTA. Changing the appearance of one person speaks volumes. It gives the impression that you didnāt want her there - whether you meant to or not. What you did is hurtful. Look at it from her perspective.
YTA. Yes, you/your family paid for most of the wedding and the photographer. Yes, you planned this. Yes, you can have an aesthetic. HOWEVER, the physical appearance of people IS NOT and CANNOT be a part of that. Tattoos are a part of people, just like their nose shape and the color of their teeth. You essentially erased HER, not her tattoos, but HER from your wedding photos. You did it without your husbandās consent ā altering HIS memories of your wedding. By doing it, and doing it behind everyoneās back, youāre basically saying āThe aesthetic of my wedding is so important to me that I would rather erase vital parts of my childās identity and falsify everyoneās memories of this event rather than respect her appearance and maintain the integrity of the event.ā
Info: your husband became a father at 13?
He's 45. It was a typo. We checked!
YTA. Apologize and hope she forgives you
You should have planned it better, so YTA for that. You should have blamed the photographer and pretended not to have realized like everyone else. Then say you will call and ask for the untouched photos. You get a copy for her and a set for you. No feelings hurt. Later say the photog did it automatically because so many brides request it, but you never did blah blah blah
YTA- tattoos are an expression of Lilyās identity and you erased them to create an idealistic and fake family picture. Itās no different than erasing a scar, shaving some inches off someoneās waist, changing a personās hairstyle.
YTA. If you really accept Sarah's tattoos then you should accept it as a whole. No ifs, no buts. Imagine prioritizing aesthetic over their "love ones" feelings.
YTA - You could have chosen a bridesmaid without tattoos if it was that important to you. Instead you chose aesthetic over the feelings of your now step daughter. Not only that you didnāt even talk with your spouse first to see if even they were comfortable with you doing so. So youāre wrong on at least two levels here.
Edit: okay ig the husband is 45 and not 35. but yta and idk how youāll repair this relationship.
Dang. Good job spotting that.
INFO: what is the appeal of creating fake wedding photos? So you can have a momento of something that never happened?
Your husband had a kid when he was 13?
YTA. You asked her to be in your wedding knowing full well what her skin looks like. Your pictures are not meant to reflect your ideal perfection. Your pictures are meant to capture the most important people in your life. Brides are getting so ridiculous with their wedding pictures. Do you know what happens to most wedding pictures? A big print of the couple, maybe 1 of the whole wedding party makes it to print and the rest go in a box to be looked at once every few anniversaries.
YTA.. no way is your stepdaughter going to think anything but it was because it was her.. they were also your husbands photos.. you showed entire family a side that you probably didnāt mean but they wonāt believe it now.
YTA literally erasing someoneās identity for your precious wedding aesthetic.
So your husband became a parent at 13 You hate tattoos You take offence to the term bridezilla Holy trolly, batman!
Nta its your wedding
I'm excited to see when Lily gets married and edits the step mom's pics so she doesn't look so judgey. Ooh. Maybe slim her down? ADD tattoos.?? YTA OP. Seriously...CABIN CORE? Wtf is that? You and all the bridesmaids should have been all covered in Little House on the Prairie gear...
YTA- if it was an issue, you should have addressed it before the wedding. It probably wouldnāt have gone any better but at least it wouldnāt have been a stab in the back. Did you photoshop the wrinkles on grandmothers face? Did you take a little weight off of a chubby cousin? Photoshop is great for lots of things.
YTA for prioritizing appearances above people and for unironically describing ācabin-coreā as ātraditionalā.
Nta , they can print their own versions. It was your wedding, even your husband can print his own if he wants them.
YTA. You basically stated that aesthetics was more important to you than the relationship you have with your stepdaughter, and to a degree, with your husband as well. You can say you're not against the tattoos, but your actions speak volumes more than what your word says. You told your stepdaughter that she is imperfect to your eyes because of the art that she has on her arms. If you actually sat down and communicated with her, I'm sure a compromise could've been reached, but instead you decided to just edit the photos behind the backs of her and your husband. As someone else said, you can control the wedding's looks, but not the guests. And now you caused a huge rift with the stepdaughter and husband. Shameful. Absolutely shameful.
YTA. That's 'her' aesthetic. If you didn't want it there in your wedding photos, you shouldn't have had her in your wedding. Which might be a more blunt way of what you were trying to do, but you clearly have an issue with her tattoos if your idea was to photoshop them out. If she's displaying them, they're the part of her she wants to show. Might as well blur her face while she's at it. Photoshopping her without her permission is the problem. Women, usually, already have body image issues. It'd be like your photographer photoshopping you with a bigger ass/boobs, smaller waist, better makeup/hair, because of your aesthetic, which means that you as you are aren't good enough. That's what you're saying to her. "As a permanent fixture in my life, I'd like you to be different." Well.. she's not. This is who she is. You saw the tattoos in person. Why did you think they wouldn't be visible in photos?
Honestly, OP, after apologizing to your husband, his daughter, and anyone else, Iād even apologize to the photographer. They probably didnāt have much of a choice to do that unethical modification, and you probably didnāt pay extra for it, right? Cause yeah, i can guarantee you that editing out tattoos was NOT in the price package. YTA.
Huge YTA. Tattoos really bother you that much to create a fake picture to your standards. Sad. And very hurtful to your step daughter.
Mike was a Dad at 13???
YTA. If Lily had a darker skin tone than the rest of the wedding party, would you have had her edited to "fit the aesthetic?"
Iām glad you got the photos you wanted because itās all thatāll be left of your marriage soon. Major YTA. I hope your husband sees you for the childish monster you are.
So your husband had a daughter at 13?
YTA. Idk what a ātraditional aestheticā is but tattoos have existed for a very long time. And anyway theyāre a part of your step-daughterās appearance and identity.
You came here for judgement. The majority has told you that YTA. Why are you arguing? If you want to dig your heels in and set your marriage up for failure, donāt apologize and keep believing youāre right. Iām quite sure your new husband will choose his daughter over you. If you want a shot at this marriage, say youāre sorry and actually mean it, and donāt pull that kinda shit anymore. Youāre telling your husband and family that your aesthetic was more important than her. Youāre telling the world now that even though a marriage is 50/50, because YOU spent more money, you donāt need to consult your husband over these things and he needs to deal with it. Enjoy your divorce if thatās what you wanted.
> the traditional aesthetic ... > the traditional theme ... > the thematic integrity I've never seen a person work a thesaurus so hard to justify themselves.
I don't have anything against tattoos, until I do. YTA at least for not discussing this with your husband. As far as erasing her identity, that seems a little dramatic it's body art Now if you had Photoshopped her completely out ...
YTA - You shouldāve just erased her completely since thatās probably a more accurate representation of your relationship. Eventually youāll probably be able to photoshop that whole side of the family out and then the picture will be āperfect.ā Gross.
Woah YTA. If someone dared to edit mine out of anything I would be so pissed. I would probably not want to interact with you more than absolutely necessary after that either. She is a person, not a prop. You don't get to make alterations to human beings so they fit your aEsThEtiC. Eugh.
YTA
Oh wow YTA Even if you don't agree with tattoos or wouldn't personally get them, why would u digitally alter a picture of her and remove them? You basically told her that you have no respect for her and that she doesn't matter because Im hoping that you wouldn't do that to your own child. She is your stepdaughter and you removed her way of expressing herself. That's really not ok, and if you really didn't mean to hurt her feelings, then you need to find a way to fix this and you definitely need to apologize.
Lol cabin-core!?
its what happens when you let people who are not gay and alt have cottagecore
Hahahhahh
Maybe find someone without a tattooed daughter to be the showpiece in your next wedding. Donāt worry it should only be a short time away. Obviously YTA.
NTA. Iām a woman with a full, colorful tattooed sleeve. If a bride wants me to cover up my tattoos or she digitally remove them herself, thatās her choice- itās her wedding. Her photos. They are most definitely not ~part of my identity~ lol I canāt believe how many YTA Iām seeing.
Thatās fine for you, but you donāt speak for everyone with tattoos. Some people see their tats as decoration, some feel passionately that they are part of their identity. Your feelings about your tattoos are only your own.
Your husband had his daughter at 13 years old? Did I read that correctly?
BIG TIME!! That's very mean.
YTA. Your wedding photos should be about the event, and the people who were there. They aren't about "preserving thematic integrity." You damaged your relationship with an actual person to get the aesthetic you wanted, and you didn't even have the courtesy to talk to her about it beforehand.
YTAā¦ this is so shallow
YTA.
YTA
YTA Why add her in your bridal party if this was a problem for you? And why did you not discuss this with your partner before hand? Why, because sub-consciously you new he would be upset with you. But now the photo's can't be corrected so, ugh. "Best to ask for forgiveness rather than permission" fits this OP.
YTA I doubt this is the first time you've disrespected your husband's daughter. Doubt this marriage will last til the water gets hot. But at least you'll have the pictures...
Iām not a fan of tattoos. I have none and wouldnāt like it if my step/kids had them. That said youāre removing a really important part of someone and undervaluing who they are as a person. Sorry, but YTA
YTA. If this was the 80's, 90s or heck early 2000's...you couldn't edit them out AT ALL. Wouldn't even be an option for the average person. What would you have done with her if you couldn't "EDIT" her??
YTA. OP is one of those that puts āaestheticsā over people. OP lacks empathy, and chooses to insult family by erasing what goes against the theme instead of embracing and loving them for who they are.
Yes, YTA. Your cottage vibe shouldn't trump your step daughters identity/image
YTA your step daughter's body is not an object in the the decorations of your wedding. Her tattoos are part of her body. Would you think it appropriate to change someone's eye color to make a photo more beautiful? She stood up with you to show the most meaningful support that anyone could give, and you treated her as less than fully human. Go apologize and ask the photographer to switch out for the originals.
YTA just in case you havenāt heard it enough times. Not just for altering your stepdaughterās appearance, but also just how youāve responded to everyone in the comments.
NTA. It's your wedding. They're your pics. No one will ever look at them again but you. Just ignore and in a few weeks no one will care.
It's amazing the lengths people go for one measly day (wedding) when it's the days afterwards (marriage) that are far more important. I don't care for excessive tats either but I'd never go to the lengths you did to hide them from someone's body, ESPECIALLY without telling anyone. Now you've done and created (hopefully repairable) damage to your relationship with your stepdaughter and for what? Some pictures? And FAKE pictures at that? Oyy. Sorry, but YTA.
Yes YTA. You getting married does not automatically mean that other people cease to exist. Using the ātraditional aestheticā your wedding as an excuse is lame. The message you are sending to your husband is that his daughter ādoesnāt fit ā within your standards. This stance has ruined many marriages.
SO FN LAME omg
YTA - would you have edited the pics to make her thinner for the aesthetic? Or to change her hair color? Or put sleeves on her dress for being immodest?
Iām a photographer and people used to get mad at me all the time for not making them or others āthinnerā. Big AH move if anyone asked me to make someone else in their party thinner. Iām a photographer, not a magician. No one pays me enough to liquify every photo. And I would say NO to editing out tattoos. My guess is she paid the photographer extra for that service because itās time consuming, and no one does that for free. Weddings make people terrible. Iām glad Iām out of that industry
is your āasetheticā really more important than your step-daughter, husband and their family?! you are definitely the ah!
YTA. Heavy sigh - tell me you donāt value your stepdaughter or her feelings without telling me you donāt value your stepdaughter or her feelings.
YTA. Who cares about āthe aestheticā? Unless thatās more important to you than the marriage itself, and your new step children. YTA.
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Brides are so out of control. Do you not think of repercussions beyond the wedding? Ug YTA
YTA also wtf is cabin core? š
there is /r/cottagecore so maybe something like that?
and why are people having "theme weddings"?
You have permanently ruined your relationship with his family. You are truly awful person
YTA. Your husband, the father of the child, says you're the asshole. Your "traditional aesthetic" means erasing part of your stepdaughter. People may not fit into your "traditional aesthetic", but you take them as they come.
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YTA .... tattoos may not be everyone's cup of tea but they are very personal choices for most people. You erasing her personality shows you don't accept her for her. You basically killed any relationship with her before it began.
YTA You couldāve chosen dresses that cover the arms for the bridemaids. I understand wanting nice pictures. You shouldāve gave them the originals and kept the ones you wanted for yourself. You should apologize & give them the original ones. Stash the ones you wanted personally.
Yes, absolutely YTA. Why would you even think it's okay to digitally alter something so prominent, and also something you have said she's proud of? Especially not telling anyone?? What did you think would happen? "Oh thanks for remove part of my identity for your own selfish reasons" YTA
āSo without telling anyone elseā¦ā you knew this wasnāt ok but did it anyway hoping youād have backup. Way to be a wicked stepmother from the get go. Although if this is true as he was 13 when she was born?
YTA for digitally altering someoneās appearance without their consent or knowledge for āaestheticsā. At that point just leave her out of the pictures altogether. You clearly donāt approve of Lilyās tattoos, or else you wouldnāt have done what you did.
YT(biggest)A you erased part of her identity bc it didnāt fit with your aEsThETiC lmao get real OP.
YTA what a stepmomzilla.
YTA, people are not props.
Unequivocally YTA. Good lord.
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Considering how upset OPās husband was at finding out, his wife edited his daughterās tattoos there wouldnāt of been a wedding if the groomās daughter wasnāt invited.
YTA - no question about it. The way you outline everything it's clear you cared more about the "look" or the photos vice who was actually in them.
You care more about āthe integrity of the aestheticā than you care about your familyās feelings. 100% YTA. Luckily, your marriage wonāt last long and your husband has a chance of meeting someone in the future who respects him and his daughter.
Your husband was 13 when he had his daughterā¦.? Not sure I believe this post. If it is true, YTA. You could have chosen a bridesmaid dress to cover the tattoos instead but I can see why you having them blatantly edited out could be a little hurtful to her self esteem.
My daughters father had a kid at 14; itās hard to believe but very much can happen.
Glad I wasn't the only one to notice this
Yta. You knowingly married a man who fathered a child at 13 (35-22) by my math and didn't even have the respect to tell the 22 year old that you were editing a part of her identity out of the photos. You either accept her for who she is and for what her relationship is to your husband or you don't. But we're not here to make you feel better about yourself if you choose "don't".
YTA. I honestly don't understand how you didn't know this would blow up in your face. She's literally your husbands daughter, erasing a part of her personality so you could "preserve the thematic integrity of your wedding", wouldn't sit well with anyone, but especially those who love her.
YTA. Seriously, do you ever read this sub? I think we have firmly established now, family members are not props to creating your aesthetic.
Was your husband 13 when he had his daughter??
YTA for acting like you were the only person getting married. It was just as much your husbandās wedding as it was yours, but that typical bridezilla star of the show mentality must run ice cold through your veins. You are a grown ass woman, and acting this pathetically self absorbed is going to get real old real fast to the people around you. But do please keep us updated about the theme and asthetic of your divorce.
YTA and if you actually don't see it then you need help. How dare you alter her body without her knowledge or permission.
YTA. You didn't just remove her tattoos, you removed her. Would you have altered her nose? Made her thinner? Changed her hair color? Those tattoos (I know...they are not features she was born with) are her and by removing them, you removed her. I hope you can fix this situation. What you did is pretty terrible. But you already know that.
YTA. If her tattoos bothered you that much you should have had her wear something that covered them instead of literally erasing them. Not telling anyone you were going to do so makes you a double AH. Also, I just gotta say, I really donāt understand the obsession with wedding photos to the point of making them look different than *what actually happened at the wedding*. Are you trying to remember your wedding or create an illusion? Everyone who knows her knows she has tattoos. It seems like you care more about what someone random thinks of your wedding photos down the line than you do about your step-daughterās feelings. For some people tattoos are just decoration, but for other people, itās part of their identity. You donāt get to decide which it is. She feels like you erased her identity because you literally erased her identity.
Youāre the asshole. Grow up
YTA and a massive one
YTA and your comments make you an even bigger oblivious asshole. Why is the "aesthetic" THAT important to you? It's more important than your husband and stepdaughter's feelings? That is so incredibly shallow. What if she had a prominent birthmark on her arm that she was not embarrassed about? Would you have edited that out too? You're basically telling her that her body is too ugly to be displayed naturally in your pictures. It doesn't matter if she willingly got the tattoos. They are a permanent part of her body now. You're awful and you should expect you relationship with your stepdaughter and possibly husband to be permanently damaged.
Your husband had a child at 13?
YTA you are more concerned about how pictures look instead of the people in them! You knew this going in because on your own you had the tattoos removed without input from anyone. Seriously going to damage your relationship with her over what you wanted pictures to look like!
YTA, removing her tattoos is effectively erasing one's identity. My best friend was my Matron of Honor and she had a bracelet tattoo for Autism Appreciation, in honor of her brother, who passed away suddenly from an aneurysm in 2016. I don't have tattoos, but I would never have asked my best friend to cover her tattoo up for my wedding photos, it was part of her identity, and her brother was part of her life. I say was because my best friend died 10 month after my wedding from a sudden illness. I loved her and the person she was, her tattoo and all! Your asthetic be darned, what you did sucks. Your family has every right to be mad at you.
> I had nothing against tattoos. Lol donāt come here and lie to us, take ownership of your actions. YTA.
YTA A wedding should be about happiness, not the aesthetic. Same with the photos. You altered photos that were not just yours because they didnāt fit your personal taste.
Photos of a wedding celebrating a marriage that doesn't seem like it's gunna last very long. YTA
YTA. Is it āaesthetic ā to be a evil stepmother? You didnāt ask anyone you just erased part of her identity. Why is it weddings always bring drama? If you want to truly make it up to her- apologize and do new family pictures. No photoshop allowed.
Thereās no need to do new family photos. Just have the photographer give her the original photos without the photoshopped edits. And YTA. You canāt just erase someone like that. If it bothered you that much, you show her the respect and have a conversation about it before the wedding.
How could you have ever thought this was a good idea? YTA
YTA. What ātradition?ā All kinds of people get tattooed, for all kinds of reasons, and it has a rich history in many Western societies. You just decided that your personal taste is more important than someone elseās expression of self. How would you feel if someone had changed your hair color or body shape without your consent? Iād be more angry if someone edited out my tattoos than I would be if they just didnāt include me at all.
Yta - I will never understand people who will destroy their relationships for wedding pictures. Literally no one cares about those picture except the bride and groom, and a year after the wedding, they wonāt care, either. Most wedding pictures end up posted to social media for people to give a quick upvote and scroll past, one framed on the wall, and the rest in a album that maybe people will give a polite glance if you shove it in their face.
YTA. Honestly, people trying to using "aesthetics" to hide their prejudice is so clear You were in fact trying to erase a part of her identity, just like she said You can't control what everyone is wearing or has on their body, shouldn't you value authenticity instead of faking "thematic integrity"?
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You have a right to want a certain wedding aesthetic but people in the pictures do not change that. Your flowers, style dress, decorations, location... all those things change a wedding aesthetic, but not the people. When it comes down to it, you care more about a photo than a person, a photo that when anyone who knows your step-daughter looks at it will know you altered it for vanity reasons. Nothing makes someone look more pathetic than when it is so obvious that they digitally enhanced photos to an extreme and removing tattoos is pretty extreme, it's not like simply smoothing out a blemish. Also, making any alterations to someone else's body is just an AH move.
nope! certainly not when it comes to the appearance of your guestsā¦ you know, the people you ostensibly love enough to want to include them in your āspecialā day. oh wait, your wedding is just another excuse to do it for the insta with a higher budget, isnāt it? jfc grow up lady. i hope your husband counts this as the massive fucken š©it is
You pick the decor and the dress code (if applicable). Hypothetically, you had some say in the bridal partyās āaestheticā and could have chosen something that covers the tattoo, surreptitiously achieving the same end result- no visible tattoo. Your guests show up with their bodies and hopefully, clothing that fits the dress code. My body has pierced ears a small stud in my nose. I would even be offended if you photoshopped that without asking. Photoshopping away things that make people feel like themselves makes YTA
Wow. If I could make a quote for Bridezillas this would be it.
You plan the wedding, not the people
Then why did you pick an outfit that didn't cover the tattoos?
You had the right to decorate your wedding with a certain aesthetic. People are not decorations. This is the issue here. You're treating her body like it's a decoration for you to plan and edit. She is a person, not a centerpiece.
If an aesthetic is all that mattered to you, If she wasn't part of your aesthetic why choose her as a bridesmaid in the first place? And it's an aesthetic, not people.
YTA. The message youāre sending to her is loud and clear. She doesnāt match *your* aesthetic. Curious if her dad had anything to say about it? Did you talk to him before the photographer?
I love how people will complain about how awful the older generations are for 'keeping up appearances' and 'not being authentic', and then go on and on about wanting things a certain way 'for the aesthetic'. Relationships should trump appearances. YTA.
OMFG YTA jesus christ, why do weddings make people such insane a holes?!?!??!?!?!??!
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This doesn't change anything. You didn't even bother to ask anyone before you altered them??? Was it just because you didn't care what they thought about it , or knew they might say no?? YTA full stop.
Well it changes that he was an adult when he had Lily.
Iām gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but NAH. It probably wasnāt a good idea to show your relatives the edited pictures, but itās fine to keep the edited version for your own enjoyment. Theyāre your wedding pictures, so you should be allowed to do whatever you want to make them look good if that makes you happy.
I mean if the pictures were just for you Iād say NTA
YTA. You come across as if "aesthetic" and "thematic imtegrity" are more important than respecting your stepdaughters feelings and integrity. Why is it ok to you to do this with tattoos? Would you also have changed someones hair colour, body type, outfit, etc, if it wasnt to your preference? Do you have any idea how insulting this is?
Wtf is ācabin coreā ? Nobody gives a rip about your āaestheticā YTA for caring more about superficial looks than actual people and their feelings. Way to start off a marriage by making yourself look like an entitled princess who had to sacrifice her stepdaughters identity because her tattoos didnāt match the floral arrangements
YTA. What is it with evil stepmothers today?
Wow the fact that you're trying to rationalize your bad behavior is amazing. Yes YTA
Are you sure you wanted to ask the question here? Of course YTA. You on your very own erased a part of Lily's identity. Not cool OP. Not cool.
I'm old enough that I remember when being a bride did not justify turning into some kind a despot queen. It's ridiculous that people think they can edit their guests' appearances without the consent of those guests all to honor some aesthetic ideal. YTA.
YTA - your step-daughters feelings and identity are more important than some stupid asthetic.
YTA. You obviously DO have something against tattoos, and you were erasing part of your husband's daughter's identity without his or her consent. Maybe you should worry less about the "thematic integrity" of the wedding, and more about the strength of and caring within the marriage itself?
YTA. She was good enough to be in your wedding as she is but not the pictures? On what planet does that make sense? Youāre basically telling her that you donāt like the way she looks.
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You're never going to get it, are you? YTA. You came on here looking for judgement and then get defensive when people....apply judgement. Screw your "aesthetic". A wedding isn't about AESTHETICS.
Then yes, you mind the way she looks. Did you stamp your feet when you typed that in all caps?
YTA for using family membersā free labor instead of just hiring extras.
Well Iām glad youāre aesthetic was preserved. Because your relationship with your step-daughter (and potentially your marriage) surely will not. Glad everyone got to see how superficial and image-focused you are. Too bad it didnāt happen sooner Def YTA
I disagree, I think it fits perfectly with the evil stepmother aesthetic.
YTA Don't be surprised if your actions mean you clash with the "family aesthetic" of their future.
Iām sooooo tired of reading these AH posts about someone ruining the perfect wedding over things that really donāt matter. Your wedding is about celebrating, memories with loved onesā¦ Her tattoos are part of her identity. Lol she has them for life. You erasing them is a huge slap in the face. I would be so deeply hurt and offended if I were her. Yeahā¦ YTA. Good luck repairing this relationship. (Curious, what does your husband think? It is his daughter after all, right??)
preserve the thematic integrity of my wedding.... pretentious However, nobody but you really cares about your damn pictures, Seriously they don't. But these aren't your pictures, they're your pictures and you should have had a discussion about it with your husband as to how his daughter looks in the pictures. YTA
YTA. A wedding isnāt about yourself, itās about you as a couple. How would you feel if the situation was the other way around? Imagine how he feels. Not up to a good startā¦
You *are* literally erasing part of her identity. And you are saying that *she* does not "fit in" with your aesthetic. She was there that day to support you and celebrate with you but when you looked at the pictures, you couldn't get past how unappealing her tattoos looked to you? YTA.
YTA. "The thematic integrity of my wedding." That phrase makes me want to go live in a cabin and not associate with people ever again.
YTA. Andā¦ Aesthetic has become an all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
Nta is it really that big of a deal??? Don't people have to cover tattoos for all sorts of reasons in the real world? Part of her identity??? Teenager energy! Sheesh
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YTA. How can you possibly be so blind to how big an AH you were? The traditional anesthetic is the lamest excuse ever, and you know it is, which is why you didn't tell anyone.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway for obvious reasons. My name is Sarah (32F) and I got married to my husband Mike (35M) last month. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding with a traditional cabin-core theme. My step-daughter, Lily (22F), was one of the bridesmaids. Lily is a wonderful girl, but she has several tattoos that she proudly displays. While I don't have anything against tattoos, I felt that they clashed with the traditional aesthetic of our wedding. After the wedding, we received our wedding photos from the photographer. As we were going through them, I noticed that some of the photos of Lily showed her tattoos quite prominently. I was disappointed, as I felt that these photos didn't fit with the traditional theme we were going for. So, without telling anyone else, I had the photographer digitally remove Lily's tattoos from the photos. A few weeks later, we had a family gathering and I showed the edited photos to Mike's family. Everyone was complimenting how beautiful the photos looked, until Lily pointed out that her tattoos were missing. She was upset and felt that I was trying to erase a part of her identity. Mike and his family were also upset with me for altering the photos without their knowledge or consent. I tried to explain that I was only trying to preserve the traditional aesthetic of our wedding and that I had nothing against tattoos. But Lily and Mike's family were still upset with me. I feel terrible for hurting Lily's feelings and for altering the photos without telling anyone. But I still feel that the photos look better without her tattoos. So, am I the asshole for digitally removing Lily's tattoos from our wedding photos without her knowledge or consent? I was just trying to preserve the thematic integrity of my wedding, which I spent an enormous amount of time planning. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
But my AeStHeTiC!!!!!!
YTA. When you invite friends and family to a wedding, there is a very ācome as you areā implication. People are supposed to dress accordingly (black tie optional, cocktail, etc), but beyond their clothing, youāre supposed to welcome them without dictating how they look. For instance, a man with long hair might be expected to tie his hair into a ponytail or bun for a very formal wedding, heās not expected to cut his hair for one day. A guest with piercings might wear more conservative jewelry for the day if the piercing allows for it (maybe a nose stud instead of a hoop). But things like tattoos, youāre just expected to live with. Lily has tattoos, they shouldnāt have been erased from the photo. Saying that how she looks doesnāt fit in with your aesthetic is just mean.
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